#and i wish that was enough in itself to motivate me but lol apparently my brain doesn't think so

[strangelygleeful]

my place is such a mess rn and i'm so tired of living this way but god i'm just exhausted all the time and have no energy to do anything about it. so it just keeps getting worse and then i feel worse and so i have even less energy and on and on.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

withering whenever it's like "can't believe they did this Horror in tv y7 media" type thing When what that means is "made a reference to r rated horror movie" like can't believe an evident approximation of Recognizably Specific character or sequence or whatever is in there. like why not. and why is that in & of itself Impressive like well is the scene actually good / is whatever the Reference is being used for effective even without going "i get that reference." do we expect a kid to get the reference. do we expect it to be that motivating to be like "oh shit here it comes. clapping & cheering for Getting The Reference which is the only reason i showed up" like i fucking guess. that "yes, i too Get The Reference" motivation sure Apparently existing but it's so alien(tm) to me (oh my God this media that's not Teens & Up showed a Xenomorph(tm) (but not (tm) so as to be sued?) how?? &, the vision of this, i guess) like does the thing (oh my god. another generally recognizable horror movie. or movie poster) make sense if you don't go "ah, i know exactly what's being referenced :)", is there any broader Effect even if you do Get It. idgaf about clapping b/c They Said (A) Thing i recognize from other media & can like turn & be like "ah did you recognize this as well? delightful" like help. agonizing even if it Doesn't have any meaning If You Do Not Get It. was horrified myself at some interview doing a billions(tm) style Movie Quotation to expand on what someone said by going "oh it's like that scene in movie where she says quote & does moment that makes a trailer" & i was like yeah i do know that material but why was that Specifically invoked to make a point so generic it's barely relevant to that elaborate interruption....like that obviously i think it can be a lot of fun if someone is like "ah i too know that thing" but only if that leads to relevant in depth shared enjoyment of Some sort of specific element. not like oh hell yeah high five over the most superficial thing, or it being a bummer / Shame if you Don't too know that thing, who give a shit. i've never seen anything ever. but preexisting References / whatever passed around description/invocation of peak recognizable / memorable / relevant element sure reach me such that like oh yeah i Know Of xyz sequence without having ever seen that thing. probably without necessarily realizing b/c it had any function in its source material without knowing "ah, this is a reference. & i know it" & like there's no [wow this is a reference to whatever] that would motivate me in & of itself, i think the peak motivation was this sweet spot of like, i was Barely Online before being fourteen & already liked things as an individual experience so the idea that there were other people Liking & Knowing the same thing seemed a lot more impressive for a time lol. but it would still have to be specific enough, might've been like "ooh a reference to thing??" several times & then been like okay that wasn't that rewarding lol

obviously a matter of Taste like idc it's grating to me but have fun with [a reference??] revelry, i'm not making a specificass blog post to an audience of Four with this drive like "oh how i wish that this was Illegal" just like idgaf about wordplay/pun haters like whee yippee i'm a connoisseur, we're obviously having different experiences, i'm meanwhile also having the experience that i don't give a shit about Getting a reference alone or along with anyone else, regardless of any other effect [that which happens to be a reference] has / is used for. or it's like the Huh, What, of "when i like i song i'll memorize at least part of it probably, i like to sing along, if not Extra liking it & memorizing Most or All of it, perhaps with extra effort" (me) vs other people like huh wha i've never memorized a song in whole, much less on purpose, b/c i liked it. vs even if there's a song i really like (like a source material being referenced that i really like) i'm not gonna respond to Just The Title or effective title like half line from the refrain or anything, unsung. gimme a karaoke moment. idk

[villainessprefect]

For a Idia Shroud x female reader or gender neutral it doesn’t matter to me, Could you do a one shot or scenario kind of story where he realizes that the reader keeps pictures of him (like they got a album that says “all of my boyfriend’s rare smiles I love”) because apparently they say that looking at a specific picture of him makes them happy or makes them motivated enough to start the day? You can take your time I don’t like to seem like a mean person and I also would like to complement your previous works of Idia! I enjoyed a lot of your stories of him :3

thank you for the request!! 🥺 and thank you for reading my works!! ueueue I hope you enjoy this one <3 also happy holidays since im posting on xmas lol I still kept with gender neutral and Prefect (hope thats okay). I went with a more tech-y route since I think it would be hard to snap pictures of him with an actual camera and have a physical photo album?? Recluses dont like getting pictures taken-

~

title: If a picture is worth a thousand words, then what about a photo album?

summary: Idia stumbles upon your not-so-secret album and he's at a loss for words. It means a lot (to you and him).

ship: Idia x gn!reader

word count: 1,788

Read on AO3

"I'll be back in a second. I just want to check on Grim," and make sure he hasn't gotten into the secret stash of tuna, you mentally add. You would have said it aloud, but you're fully aware that Idia would take his side over yours if it meant he could get on the monster's good side. Sometimes you wondered if he adored the cat more than you, jokingly of course. You know the truth.

You slide away from Idia's side and hop off your bed, gracefully landing on your feet. Before you take a step forward you turn back to chuck your phone onto the bed where you had been sitting.

"Can you do my dailies while I'm gone?"

"Do you even need to ask?" His free hand is already reaching for your phone. He unlocks it without even having to look at the keypad, eyes focused on his own phone. "You'll owe me for it though," he says with a grin, flashing his sharp teeth, challenging you. You chuckle and accept.

"If you pull me an SSR I'll do whatever you want," you say with a wink.

You twirl and begin your journey to find your other half, but not before catching a glimpse of Idia's falling confidence. His radiant smile fell only to have his lips in a thin line as his cheeks turned pink. You wish you could have gotten a picture of him then.

Idia shakes his head once you're gone and taps your phone before it locks itself. His heart had picked up and now he had to steady it so he could focus on the mission you gave him. The first half is easy. Dailies don't take long and he even gets you some extra crafting material for your characters. It's the other half that he ponders about.

Sure, he could pull an SSR for you and surprise you. He doesn't mind putting funds into your account. It's just he'd rather have you here with him when he does the pulls. He can show off his magic touch and get you on the first ten! Then you'd really have to do anything for him! Plus, he gets to see you get hyped when he pulls your favorite.

"It'll be worth the wait," he mutters and adds enough funds for an extra ten pull. "But I should get a reward for fulfilling the first half, right? Getting a delayed reward isn't how games work."

Idia grins as he glances at the door. When there's no sign that you're on the other side, he focuses on your phone, his grin widening like a mad scientist.

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind me getting some pics of Grimmy."

He leaves your game and slides into your photo album. He's already chuckling at this sneaky victory prize. Grim only accepts you taking pictures of him and refuses to have them sent to Idia. Of course, you would still send the occasional picture to him against the monster's wishes. Sometimes you would use the excuse that the picture had both of you in it. (And boy were those pictures the ones Idia loved the most). Regardless, he knows your phone is a treasure trove filled with pictures of Grim and he's going to raid it.

But something else stops him completely.

As he goes to the albums the first one set up causes him to freeze. One labeled "Idia's rare smiles 💙". Seeing the title and the previewed pictures cause his cheeks to burn. His hair follows, acting as if it had just been ignited with his tips turning pink.

"Wh-Wh-Wh?!"

Your phone nearly slides out of his hands and part of him considered chucking it at the wall in disbelief. Thankfully, he is far too stunned to follow through on that. Instead, his grip strengthens as he stares at the album.

He can't believe that you keep a separate album that's just pictures of him. Specific pictures of him to be exact. And so many?! Okay, maybe having eighteen isn't that much, but it is a lot to him! Did he really smile that often? And how the hell did you even manage to snap that many of him? Were you improving your stealth stats without him knowing?

A shaky finger accidentally taps on the album, causing it to open up. And...he's surprised.

There are pictures of him genuinely happy. Some of them he can't quite remember and it doesn't help that a good chunk of them were side profiles. Those might have been from game nights when he was really immersed in the challenge. But those that captured his whole face, his cheery smile, toothy or not, content and accomplished, he remembers those. He'd always get embarrassed right after those were taken.

"Do I...really look like that...?" He mutters to himself. He doesn't think he's good-looking despite what you tell him. But even he has to admit that in some of these pictures, his smile is...kinda nice. Still weird for a shut-in to smile so brightly, he thinks. It's very weird. He isn't sure his heart can take this!

"I'm back! Sorry, I took a bit longer than I thought. Grim got stuck- are you okay?" You ask, cutting yourself off as you see the color of your boyfriend's hair. It was an odd mix of blue and pink, with the latter color beginning to overtake his usual hue. Normally the change would only affect the tips, not the rest of his hair, so it's a surprise to see him like this.

Idia fumbles for his words. He jumps as you catch him red-handed and loosens his grip on your phone. It slips out of his grasp, falling from his lap and onto your bed. With his hands free, he now takes this chance to cover his face.

You're left with more questions than answers. Nothing comes to mind as to what would leave Idia like this. It's only when you surprise him with a chaste kiss on the cheek does he ever flare up and you hadn't been here to do that. So, you step forward to see what had caused this.

Your special photo album.

You blink and have to hold back a laugh. This is what made him react like that?

"Why..." Idia breathes, managing to find his voice now. "D-Do you have something like that?" He almost sounds terrified, especially with the fact that he's hiding behind his hands, but you know better. The shock and surprise that someone would care to save these rare and beautiful pictures of him is only something you would do.

The laughter bubbling up inside of you evaporates and you wear a soft smile. Gently, you pick up your phone and slide back to your position beside him. He stays in place, slowly pulling his hands down, though they cover his lips. Those glowing yellow eyes focus on you, not even daring to look at your phone as you absentmindedly scroll up and down the album.

"It's normal to have something like this, right?" You ask, though don't expect an answer. "Besides, it's nice to wake up to you."

You pause and look at him. Your answer only seems to make his cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink. They might as well be red at this point. Despite the silence, you know he's asking you to continue, explaining yourself for your horrendously sweet actions.

Oh, this may be a little embarrassing for you.

You clear your throat and gaze back to the album.

"It...does kinda suck being isekai'd into another world with no skills," you say half-heartedly. "I don't have to tell you how scary this world is. Even if I've been here for so long it's...not easy. I'm an outsider, a weirdo, a...magicless problem." You bite your tongue, refusing to continue on that. "But knowing I have someone who doesn't mind all that, who doesn't care that I'm not from here and loves me despite everything...it makes me happy. I know I'm not alone anymore, yeah, I have my friends, but you? It's different with you. I can wake up, see your smile, and know that it's real. That I can make you smile like that or just see it later. Knowing you’re here, in this world, waiting for me...it helps me get out of bed, you know?"

You didn't mean to go so deep even as you held back. Honestly, you hated having to hint at your loneliness and negativity. Not just because you're certain Idia preferred avoiding this type of thing, but it was just hard to talk about. You'd always be a foreigner, an alien in this world, and you just wanted to have something- someone that you could take comfort in. It was easier to pretend that you weren't from another world sometimes and Idia helped make you feel like you belonged.

A trembling hand comes into your field of vision. It snaps you out of your thoughts. Slowly, you reach out to meet with him. You give it a squeeze and look to meet his gaze. But you weren't expecting to see tears at the corners of his eyes.

"I-Idia?!"

"I'm that important to you?" He asks, quietly.

"You are," you breathe out, relieved. "You make me really happy. More than you know."

"You make me happy too..." He mumbles. He tries to relax, but how can he when his heart is ablaze? His hair sways, erratically, to match his heartbeat. Not that you would know, Sevens, he hopes you can't hear it. "S-Sorry, I can't always be with you, physically...but if you ever w-want reassurance...You're like super important to me. W-We can be weirdos together."

He tries, he really does. Words are already difficult in normie conversations and this just ups the difficulty to nightmare.

Nevertheless, you smile. For a moment, you think your eyes might match his, teary. Sometimes you consider yourself lucky. Not just for meeting Idia, but for being with him too. You found a kindred soul in more than one way. And you're so grateful that he loves you. He's become your safe place in this hell.

You lean your head against his shoulder. Idia flinches but relaxes shortly after. You feel him squeeze your hand.

"You can go back to your game, you know," you say in a quiet whisper. It didn't feel right to speak loudly, not yet.

"I-I'm okay...I don't mind staying like this for a bit..." He breathes, matching your quiet tone. "And I can play with one hand anyway," he adds offhandedly.

You chuckle and don't doubt him. Still, you stay like this, enjoying each other's comfortable silence.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[heyyyharry]

Deep End - Chapter 6: Andersen’s Fairy Tales

…in which Harry teaches Ezi how to read.

Word count: 4k

AU: famous!harry, siren!mc, adult modern retelling of the little mermaid? lol, fake dating, enemies to lovers.

WARNING: MATURE THEMES

All chapters / Synopsis / Moodboard / Playlist

Wattpad link

A/N: please please let me know what you think. I can't write without motivation 😭

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When Harry finally decided to answer his mother’s call, he had prepared himself for some verbal ass-whooping. He was twenty-four years old, a celebrity and a millionaire, yet still getting scolded by his mother on a daily basis. Life was good.

“Is your date okay?” The first thing his mother said to him was this. At first, Harry thought he’d misheard it. But then she repeated the question in a more urgent and concerning tone. “Harry, is Ezili okay?”

His mother had never remembered the name of any girl he’d brought home. His mother always had a lot to say about the way those girls had dressed, talked, and carried themselves. Had Ezi charmed his mother with her siren magic?

Harry shuddered at the thought. “Y-Yeah...why?”

“Dawson told me you and Bax got into a fight at the manor.”

Harry smacked his forehead. Fucking Dawson. “How did Dawson know?”

“He found Bax lying on the floor.”

Although Harry hated to recall that night because he couldn’t imagine how scared Ezi must have been, it was funny to think about how pathetic Bax must have looked when Dawson had found him. The mental image made Harry laugh. “See?” he told his mother. “It wasn’t a fight if it was one-sided. I beat him up.”

His mother exhaled sharply. Harry could imagine her with her eyes closed, shaking her head. “The only reason I will let you get away with fighting your cousin in my house is because I know what he was trying to do with Ezili. So I called to ask if she was okay.”

“She’s okay. Don’t worry. I think she also scared him.”

“She’s a woman. Any strong woman would’ve been terrified in that situation,” said Harry’s mum. “I feel bad for having let that happen. I shouldn’t have invited him.”

“It’s not your fault, Mum. He’s always been scum.”

There was a pause, and Harry knew exactly what his mother was going to say. “Bax’s parents have always hated us. They envy your father. I think they’re trying to sabotage our wine business. Maybe if you’d change your mind--”

“Mum, we’ve talked about this,” Harry sighed. “I love my career. I can’t...I’m not a businessman like Dad. Isn’t Dawson doing a good job managing our family business already?”

“He is. But I know your father would’ve wanted it to be you.” When Harry stayed quiet, his mother knew it was a sign that this topic shouldn’t be continued, so she switched to another. “You should invite Ezili to lunch at the manor.”

“Mum, that wouldn’t be necessary.”

“Nonsense! Her first time in our house and she got absolutely traumatised. I’ll make up for it. I’ll send you an invitation in the afternoon.”

“Mum, there’s no need for an in--”

But his Mum already hung up on him.

Sighing, Harry sunk back into his chair. A staff member knocked on the door and informed him that he would have to return to the set in fifteen minutes. He told them he got it and intended to call his mum again and try to talk her out of the lunch thing with Ezi. That was when he got another call.

“Don’t tell me someone’s injured. It’s only been an hour.”

“Worse!” Niall screamed. “Dawson kidnapped the girl!”

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Ezili didn’t know if the bookstore was small or Harry’s house was just too big, but she liked the cosiness of it in contrast to what she’d always been used to. There were bookshelves climbing all the way up to the ceiling. The walls were covered with hundreds of books of all sizes, and there were dozens of piles on the floor in the corners as well. But seeing that most of the furniture was covered in dust, Ezili guessed they didn’t often have visitors.

She wondered why nobody wanted to come into this fascinating place. She loved books even though she couldn’t read or write. She’d found a few books in her room and some of them had pictures, but she could only guess what the stories were about. So she wanted to read, but it would be something her mother would never approve of. If she learned to read, she’d become a laughing stock for her kind for sure.

Entering the bookstore, Ezili and Dawson were greeted by an old lady with crazy chestnut hair that looked like she was wearing a fluffy dog on her head. Her eyes were huge behind those thick round glasses that gave her a psychotic kind of look that absolutely terrified Ezili.

“Hello, love birds,” she said with an ear-to-ear grin. Ezili could not take her eyes off the shiny wires attached to this lady’s teeth. They sparkled every time she opened her mouth. This woman must be rich if she wore silver on her teeth.

“Oh, we’re not birds,” Ezili said as she pulled Chilli tighter to her chest.

The crazy lady hugged her stomach and burst out laughing. “She’s a funny girl,” she told Dawson, pointing to Ezili, then her face turned serious. “But no cats allowed.”

“She’s with me. Her name is Chilli and she’s very nice--”

“She can stay here while you pick your books.” Before Ezili could protest, the lady took the black cat and put it on the counter. “So what are you looking for?”

“Thank you. We’ll just have a look around,” Dawson said with a tight smile and pulled Ezili with him. They turned into one of the aisles and heard the lady telling them she’d be here if they needed help. What kind of help would you need in a bookstore? It wasn’t like books would attack you.

“The Book of Wisdom,” Dawson said as he took out one colourful book from a higher shelf. Ezili peered over his arm as he scrutinised the front cover. He smelled like coconut and summer, which reminded her of those tropical islands she’d visited with her mother. And the fact that he was a lot taller than her made her want to bury her face into his chest to get soaked in that homely smell. But then she remembered what Harry had taught her about consent. Realising her chest was touching his arm, she stepped back and felt him relax a bit more. She hoped he didn’t think she was sexually hairdressing him. She had no idea why they called it hairdressing, and she kept forgetting to ask Harry.

“Hey, why do they call it hairdre--”

“Lesson 1: Be polite.”

Ezili jumped and hid behind Dawson’s back, her heart pounding violently. “Did the book just..talk?”

“Yeah, it’s a talking book for children,” Dawson chuckled. “I like your sense of humour.”

He flipped to a new page and the book talked again, “Remember, kids, if you accidentally raise your voice with someone, always apologise to them. It’s not nice to yell at other people.”

Ezili couldn’t decide if she was in awe or creeped out by the talking book. Maybe a little bit of both. But then her eyes zeroed in on a picture of a beautiful siren on one of the covers. She passed Dawson to try and was trying to reach for the book when his hand landed on her shoulder, and she looked up to see him grab the book without effort and hand it to her with a smile.

“You like this? It’s the new edition of Andersen’s Fairy Tale.”

“The Little Mermaid!”

“Yes.” Dawson’s eyes squinted behind his glasses. “You’ve never read Andersen’s Fairy Tales?”

“I have,” Ezili lied, hugging the book to her chest. “I want this book.”

“Great. I’ll buy it for you. As a gift.”

Harry had told Ezili that humans couldn’t just take the things they found because they would get arrested, and apparently, they couldn’t fight and kill each other for things either. It didn’t sound fair and was kind of stupid. Why were humans so dependent on these stupid papers they called money? Ezili couldn’t understand how their inferior brains worked sometimes.

“Hey, look,” Dawson said, holding up his phone that was buzzing in his hand. “Harry’s calling.”

Ezili couldn’t care less about Harry now. She let Dawson speak to him while she flipped through the book to look at pictures. But...why was there a picture of the prince and another girl? Didn’t he marry Ariel? She tried to look for the ones that revealed the new ending, which was apparently different from what she’d seen on the telly, but the rest of the chapter was just text and no pictures. She hated this. She wished she could read.

“Yeah, she’s here with me. The bookstore is just a few blocks near your house…” Dawson finished the call with Harry and turned back to Ezili. “He’s coming to pick you up.”

She found it strange that Harry would speak about Dawson with such hatred, like the way Koa would speak about Ezili, while Dawson had always been so nice about Harry. She couldn’t recall him saying anything bad about Harry when in fact, she could go on and on for days about Harry’s bad qualities. And she’d only known him for a week!

“Why doesn’t Harry like you?”

The question seemed to have caught Dawson by surprise, but he was quick to put on a smile.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m helping his mum run the business his father left for him. But he was the one who didn’t want it. He wanted to become a singer.”

“Harry’s mother doesn’t want him to be a singer?”

“No.”

Ezili closed the book and gave an understanding nod. “My mother never lets me do things I like, either. She never thinks I’m good enough because I’m not like her.”

“I’m sure your mother loves you,” Dawson said. Ezili liked the twinkle in his eyes and tenderness in his voice when he reassured her. Maybe he had a special gift that only sirens had. The gift to charm anybody they wanted. “Every mother has their own burdens and loves us in a different way.”

“But...if they love us, should they want us to be happy?”

Ezili didn’t know where that had come from. For the last twenty years of her life, she had never once thought of this. Why now? Why now that she decided that she could have been happier if her mother hadn’t been the way she was? But sirens were all supposed to be the way her mother was. Cold and dangerous like the ocean itself. So did it mean...did it mean her mother and sister were right? That she was too weak and emotional to become Queen?

“Ezi!”

The sound of her name pulled her out of her own head. She snapped her head up to find Harry padding toward her. He looked just like that night when he’d scolded her for biting his cousin. She hated this Harry.

“Let’s go home,” he told her coldly.

Before she could reply, he took her wrist and pulled her with him. The book fell to her feet and she was too appalled to even pick it up. She was about to remind Harry that Dawson was standing right there, but then she realised Harry had intentionally ignored his cousin.

“Ezili, your book!”

Harry and Ezi stopped before they got into the car parked out front. Dawson handed her the book and beamed. “I already paid for it.”

“Thank you.”

“Very nice. Get in, Ezi.”

Dawson seemed slightly annoyed by Harry’s attitude, but he didn’t act on it. Instead, he gave Ezili another gentle smile and told her he’d see her another time. Then, he went back inside the bookstore.

Ezili wished she could have stayed with him.

“Rescue mission accomplished!” said an energetic voice as Ezili got into the back of the car. A stranger she had never seen before peered around the passenger seat and smiled at her before he started speaking in a funny accent, “You’re welcome, by the way. The name’s Niall.”

Chilli was sitting on Niall’s lap, licking her own paw, which showed that she was comfortable around Niall, and Niall wasn’t an enemy. To human Ezili, of course. All humans were enemies to sirens.

“I’m Ezili,” Ezili said, then, she recognised the funny accent. “You’re Niall...Horan?”

“You know me?”

Ezili could feel her grin stretch from ear to ear. “I saw you on TikTok! You’re so funny.”

“Look, H, a fan!” Niall exclaimed as he shook Harry’s shoulder, but Harry didn’t react as he manoeuvred the car back onto the road. “I like her already.” Niall laughed. “I’m Harry’s best friend. Are you following my TikTok?”

“Yeah. I’ve watched every single one.”

“Good, good, good,” Niall said, nodding slowly. He turned to the front and back to Ezili immediately. “Also, I’m sorry about what happened to you. The accident must have been awful.”

“What?”

“Niall,” Harry growled. “Seatbelt.”

Niall flinched. “Sorry.”

Frowning, Ezili hugged her new book and sunk into her seat. She hated this Harry. He reminded her of a whale with a toothache, and even with that image in mind, she still couldn’t laugh. That was how angry she was with him. Yes, she was angry with him being angry with her. And for pulling her out of that beautiful bookstore. For making her drop her book. For holding her hostage like a prisoner. For being rude to Dawson. She hated him. She hated Harry Styles.

So when they’d arrived home and he told her to go inside and hang with Niall, she had to chase after him and let him know how much she hated him.

“Harry Styles!” She called when they reached the white stairs leading to the enormous courtyard where he’d parked his car. “Why are you upset? You have no right to be mad at me after you lied to me.”

Harry stopped halfway down the stairs; it seemed like Ezili’s words had finally hit him. He slowly spun around with a stunned expression as if she’d accused him of manslaughtering. “I didn’t lie to you,” he said, his jaw tight. “I told you to stay in your room. You were grounded.”

“You didn’t tell me that you’d leave me with your assistant and Niall!”

“But I didn’t lie to you.”

“Telling half-truths is telling lies.”

Harry held Ezili’s gaze for a long moment before he started ascending the stairs. She stiffened as he stopped right in front of her, leaned in, and stared.

“Oh, so you’re so honest, aren’t you?” he asked in a mocking tone. “You’ve never lied to me?”

“Never,” she said confidently.

Well, that was also a lie. But since when had Ezili felt bad for lying? She’d eaten men like him. Why did his presence now make her nervous?

She hated that the more she stayed human the more human she became. That thought terrified her even more than the possibility of getting caught and killed in this foreign land.

“I’ve never lied in my entire life,” she added, making Harry's eyes grow wide.

He said nothing, and when he turned to leave, she hurriedly followed him down the stairs. “Speechless by my honesty?” she asked.

“Speechless by the lies that come out of your mouth,” he said. “Is your name even Ezi?”

“No, it’s Ezili.”

Harry let out a scoff but he didn’t stop, so Ezili grabbed him by the arm and spun him around. Hard.

“Shit! How are you so strong?” he cried out, facing her again.

“Apologise.”

“What?”

Ezili folded her arms across her chest and sharpened her gaze. “Apologise right now.”

“For what?”

“For yelling at me.”

“And why should I apologise for yelling at you?”

Ezili bit her lip. The voice inside her head told her to push him down the stairs. She could just say it was an accident, and no one could prove that she’d done it. However, she needed him alive. Sucking in a breath, she said, “Because that’s what decent people do. A talking book told me that.”

“You mean those children's books you found in the bookstore,” Harry taunted, giving her a despiteful smirk.

She scowled at him even harder. “Apologise.”

“Fine,” he breathed. “I apologise for yelling at you. Now you apologise for stealing my cat.”

“I tried to save Chilli. You see, your assistant said something about the Master of the House being dead. I thought you were dead. But she was only talking about a show--”

“Yeah, famous Netflix show. It’s good. But that’s still no excuse for taking my cat.”

“Fine.” Ezili glared at him. “I’m sorry for stealing your cat.”

“And for getting into Dawson’s car.”

“And for getting into Dawson’s car.”

“And for leaving with him and liking him.”

“And for—What is your problem with Dawson?”

Instead of answering the question, Harry pulled out his phone, looked at it, and then told Ezili, “Go inside. We’ll continue this talk when I get back.”

He was just about to run when she pulled him back by his sleeve. He gave her a ‘what do you want?’ kind of look as she stammered, “When...when you get back…”

“Yeah?” He stressed out the word, an eyebrow arched impatiently.

“Can you teach me how to read?”

“What?”

“Teach me to read. Are you deaf?”

“You can’t read?”

When Ezili shook her head, Harry’s frown transformed into a smile. “That explains a lot.”

She smacked him on the arm and he gasped and leapt down two steps.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! Why are you so aggressive?” Harry winced and backed away from her. “We’ll talk about this later. Now go inside and film a TikTok with Niall or something. I’m late for a photoshoot.”

Ezili opened her mouth to ask him what time he’d be home, but Harry had already run back to his car.

.

.

.

Harry got home at around 10 PM. He’d had a rough day. His manager had been furious because he had run out on a magazine photoshoot without saying a word to anyone. In his defence, he’d been in a rush, and couldn’t figure out an excuse to cover up for the fact that he’d almost let a mythical creature get loose. He shouldn’t have been so careless and left her with his assistant and Niall. That was his fault. Also, he could never think straight when he was angry. He thought about the look Ezili had given him when he’d pulled her out of the bookstore. The look Dawson had given him. Fucking Dawson. If it wasn’t for him, Harry wouldn’t have had to be mean to Ezi.

“Hey.”

“Jesus!” Harry shouted when the light switched on and he saw Ezili sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room. “Wha--Why are you on the floor? Get up.”

“This is Chilli’s favourite spot so I thought I might try to see how comfortable it is. Pretty uncomfortable, I must say.”

Harry rolled his eyes and offered Ezi a hand to help her get to her feet. “Why are you still awake?”

She pulled away from him and rushed over to the table to grab the book Dawson had given her. She shoved it at him. “You promised to teach me to read. This is a collection of fairy tales. Andersen’s Fairy Tales. I noticed that one of the details from The Little Mermaid story was different from the film, so I want to know how the story actually ends in the book.”

Harry sighed as he took the book and looked at the cover. When he glanced up, Ezi was giving him these big puppy dog’s eyes with her hands clasped together in front of her chest. “It’s late,” he said tiredly.

She shook her head. “You promised!”

“I can just tell you the ending.”

“No, I want to read!”

“Fine, fine.” He put his hands up, left palm out, the other holding the book. “I guess there’s still time to teach you the alphabet then we’ll call it a day.”

Harry could have sworn he had never seen anyone as excited about learning as Ezi was, which was quite amusing, he must admit. So they sat on the couch as he taught her the alphabet and how to put letters into words. She was a fast learner, so it didn’t take long for her to memorise everything.

“It’s been three hours and I still can’t read,” Ezili whined as she hit him with a pillow.

Shocked, Harry blinked at her. “That’s not how learning works. You need time.”

“You said my brain was more developed!”

“Yeah, but still!”

Scowling, Ezi kicked Harry’s feet. “You’re the worst teacher ever. I’ll never get to know how it ends.”

“Okay, Miss Drama Queen,” Harry scoffed. “How about I read you the story now, and when you can read on your own, you can practice by rereading it?”

Ezi thought for a moment, then the line between her brows eased, and she nodded once. “But you must teach me everyday until I can read.”

“Fine,” Harry breathed as he opened the book. His body stiffened when Ezi suddenly leaned on him like he was a pillow, her cheek against his arm, and he could feel every beat of her heart.

“Go on,” she urged him, giving him a nudge.

He cleared his throat and opened the book, trying to distract his naughty mind with the innocent words of a fairy tale.

Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above. There dwell the Sea King and his subjects. We must not imagine that there is nothing at the bottom of the sea but bare yellow sand. No, indeed; the most singular flowers and plants grow there; the leaves and stems of which are so pliant, that the slightest agitation of the water causes them to stir as if they had life. Fishes, both large and small, glide between the branches, as birds fly among the trees here upon land. In the deepest spot of all, stands the castle of the Sea King. Its walls are built of coral, and the long, gothic windows are of the clearest amber. The roof is formed of shells, that open and close as the water flows over them. Their appearance is very beautiful, for in each lies a glittering pearl, which would be fit for the diadem of a queen...

By the time they’d finished one-third of the story, Ezi had already fallen asleep with her head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry wished he’d read this to her in bed so he wouldn’t have to carry her upstairs now. She was small and slender, but he’d had a bad day, so even the littlest inconvenience could bring down his mood. Cursing under his breath, he picked her up and carried her to the stairs as she curled against his chest like a little cat.

When her eyelids fluttered, he thought she was going to jolt awake, but then her brows knitted, and she murmured, “Mother, please...give me more time. I will bring you the heart…the heart...”

He chuckled and put her down on the bed.

[turnaroundroundround]

Opera References in Musical Yuukoku no Moriarty Op. 2

Some thoughts of mine after re-watching Morimyu Op. 2, regarding Irene's arc A Scandal in British Empire, about all the opera references and some random thoughts that come to mind during this arc. Obviously there's a lot more to Morimyu Op. 2, for instance The Two M's and Mycroft's solo (which I often refer to as "the Mycroft Anthem" lol), the entire Baskerville arc, and the train arc, and so on. And there's a whole lot of other things I'd like to discuss about them as well, but maybe just save it for another time. I don't know if anyone has discussed these references before, and I am not entirely a pro in music either. All I have is some basic knowledge on opera and harmony, so these are just some personal impression that came to mind when I watched this arc, so please keep it in mind.

A SCANDAL IN BRITISH EMPIRE

Okay, so the biggest motivation for this post is, obviously, the music throughout the entire Scandal arc. It is heavily influenced by opera, partly because Irene herself is an opera singer, partly also because the masquerade ball itself is also a perfect stage for an opera to be shown. And the opera was not simply brought in to make the music sound good, but also utilising the plot of the opera itself to create more depth and color to the musical. About Opera during the 19th Century Some side notes. Opera has originated and developed from various different kinds of stage ever since the Greek and Romans. I'm not going into details but anyway, by the 19th Century, it's still somewhat of a luxury that is mostly meant for nobles and people with high status. There are millions of stories about nobles coming to the theatre only to enjoy the music and not the play itself, or not really watching anything but waiting to see their favourite opera singer. Like when the other things in the play are going on, they stay in there box or hang out with other nobles, playing cards and all, and when their favourite singer makes her debut, they come to the front of the box and watch her. Then they return to their games when she exits. All the luxuries. Opera is really something that is meant for nobles and those with nothing but time and money on their hand back then. And another thing is (with an image that I quickly searched on Google just now lol) back them before any stages there is always a pit for the orchestra to be in. They are just below the stage so that the music can still reach the audience as equally, but also low enough that they aren't in the way of the audience's view.

By the way, the role of the conductor and stage director back then was somewhat a blur (if I remember it correctly), as the music writer would very often himself direct the entire stage and become the conductor on the performance day. In case something goes wrong, such as actors need more time to adlib, then he knows how to direct the orchestra to play accordingly. It's quite a small detail, but in Op. 3 Liam also refers to himself (yes this is still about Yuumori lol) as the maestro, somewhat very similar to the role of the conductor himself. This reference, as we can see, shows Liam's role behind the scene conducting all the plots and instructions. It's quite a small detail I think, but also quite interesting

By the way, the leading singer, or Prima Donna (as they call Irene), are always sopranos. And the same goes for Irene Adler, all of her songs were written to highlight her soprano voice, like in 大作戦ーDaisakusen or her song with Ms. Hudson

An example from a song that I was reminded of when listening to Cecile!Irene. Of course there are many other songs we can talk about, this is just one of the examples.

Obviously, Irene's song aren't entirely like classical opera songs. They were all arranged to both highlight the opera feature, but also to suit the form of the musical and all the while showing Irene's elegant and gracious manners of a prima donna, and also showing her playful side especially during her duet with Sherlock.

YAMI NO OPERA - DON GIOVANNI BEHIND THE CURTAIN

To understand Don Giovanni references, it's essential to understand the story behind the original opera by Mozart. That being said, the actual plot of the story is quite long and contains so many details it's almost impossible to fit all of them into one post while also comparing them with the one in Morimyu, so this is a link to a more detailed synopsis of the opera. Or you can also read more on wiki. I'll just give some basic details that are referenced and discussed in this post. Overall impression: This opera revolves around a playboy that flirts with women, but lacking in loyalty and commitment to keep any of his promises to them. By the end of the play, after all the sin he has committed, Don Giovanni is engulfed in hell's fire, and punished for his sin. It is very much similar to the story in Morimyu, nobles relying on their wealth and status and have the freedom to do anything as they want, without having to worry about having to bear the consequence. Because of the difference in power and status, it is almost impossible to punish all of them, therefore having a need of a "demon" to punish them with powers that no human have - the role of Moriarty gang within the play.

In this arc, Liam is "directing" a play that is inspired by Don Giovanni. His audience is Irene Adler (and of course us who is watching the entire thing), and the main character is Lorinson who ends up being punished for his crime. Mozart's Don Giovanni is being performed on stage, but at the same time Liam's "Don Giovanni" happens, in the back stage. What we are watching as the main stage is actually the "back stage" of the real story.

In the original play, Don Giovanni was a playboy that flirts with many women. At the beginning of the play, he flirts with a woman called Donna Anna, and her father tried to defend his daughter. They got involved in a duel and Don Giovanni killed the man. Donna Anna mourns and wish to avenger her father.

In Morimyu, the story of Lord Lorinson (pardon me for not knowing both the translation of his title and his name) is added in spite of the original plot in the manga. As far as my Japanese comprehension goes, the story is that Lord Lorinson is also one that uses his status to abduct other women to his pleasure, and ends up treating them poorly.

At one point, a woman came to the Lord of Crime, saying that her daughter has been murdered by the noble and mourns her. She wishes for revenge, and Liam proceed to do so.

Don Giovanni - Act I Finale

During Moran and Louis' fight with Raymond(?), in the section behind the stage we can see the opera theatre with the Finale song going on. The ensemble is still singing as the fight goes on behind them.

In the Finale of Act 1 here, the section that was insert into Morimyu was rather short, and was meant for a dramatic effect than actually showing what's happening in the original opera anyway. But anyway, we can see that as the fight proceeds, the curtain behind also slowly closes, ending the first Act of the opera.

It's clearer here. We can see that as they are fighting there is an entire opera going on at the back. The fact that the ensemble has their back to the audience emphasises how everything we're seeing are all in the backstage, but at the same time it proceeds alongside with all the events in the "mainstage". It's quite a powerful image.

At one point in the opera, Don Giovanni attends a party where he met one of his previous lovers that he betrayed. Then there's some talking and such and more betrayal, and somehow he then decides that he would also flirt with his ex's maid.

There isn't much that I have to say with this reference in the play, only that it is actually Fred disguising as a maid for the purpose of carrying out the plan and scared the sh*t out of Lorinson lol

I couldn't catch all the details from their conversation, but apparently Fred did some kind of stand-in again as the victim who was murdered by Lorinson, also to provoke him and lead him into Liam's trap?

At the end of the opera, Don Giovanni was cornered by the 'devil', drowning him in the flames of hell. However before that happens, the women that Don Giovanni once flirted with (as well as Donna Anna whose father was murdered by Don Giovanni) gathered, chasing after Leporello - Don Giovanni's servant - who exposed him of his guilts and sins.

The song that the women sung in this scene is "Ah, dov'e il perfido?", and there is a very small section at the end of the song that was kind of re-arranged and added to Morimyu. In Morimyu, this is the scene when Lorinson is exposed of what he is done, after that being "punished" by the devil. There is also a scene in the play when Liam mentions 地獄の炎 - Jigoku no Hono (The Flames of Hell) which is a direct reference from the original Don Giovanni. In fact, what he has been telling Lorinson is the story of Don Giovanni and how he ends up being punished - only that when Lorinson realised that, it's already too late.

(A reference from the song in the original play, the section that is used in Morimyu is actually quite short, only starting from around 5:40 within the song in this video)

In Yami no Opera, the song is arranged with Liam's part of the melody above the entire harmony. So it is indeed a proper opera that "Liam" has based on re-arranged to carry out his plan.

While Don Giovanni is happening on stage, there is also another "Don Giovanni" being punished by the devil - Lorinson. We hear part of the original song from the ensemble in the background, and also Liam's version of the punishment along with Lorinson's struggle. And at the same time the ensemble does seem to be focusing on "Don Giovanni" - all of them looking towards Liam's and Lorinson's position. A really impressive scene.

And after that very short section, the play goes on, returning their focus back to Irene Adler and Albert's conversation. There is no "Flames of Hell" erupting in any ways except for Liam's really strong section of the Yami no Opera song. And there's no need for it, I think, as Lorinson has never been the real protagonist like Don Giovanni. Liam only made him a temporary "protagonist" and not solely for the purpose of exposing him, but only as a mean to show Irene the true identity of the Lord of Crime. So there is no point making it more dramatic than it already is.

So...

That's pretty much all that I have to say about Don Giovanni and opera's reference, I think?

Well another thing, maybe, is how much I love the instrumental arrangement for violin and piano in Morimyu. They don't have the privilege of having an entire orchestra, but instead they did as much as they could for the instruments so that they recreate the original opera vibe as well as they possibly can. And the result is, just, extraordinary.

Anyhow, I've heard many of my friends comparing the songs from Op. 2 and Op. 3, seeing that Op. 3 has more of a "flow" in between the songs as all of them were written with harmony such that they have a certain connection to each other.

Not that Op. 2 doesn't do the same thing. However the second Opus does feel more separated, I think, since the music in the 3 different arcs are much more different. For instance the Baskerville arc has a "hunting" vibe to it, describing Moriarty gang's plan to bring down the nobles' game of hurting children, while the final Scandal arc revolves around an opera singer and mostly happens within a masquerade ball. So there is a big difference between the scenes, and obviously a big difference in the music brought to them as well.

Aaaand, that's pretty much all the details I've picked up (and remembered lol) up to this point.

Anyway, I've been watching and re-watching all 3 Opus of Morimyu many times, each time firguring out something else that I haven't noticed before. So if I end up realising some other details within this arc, maybe I'll come back and add to this post.

Thank you for reading ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

Also, thank you @rikaaki for these beautiful gifs(☆▽☆)

[writing-in-april]

Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde (2/?)

Part two: Caught

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: After reader’s first introduction to Spencer she can’t wait for the next meeting and tries to look for him.

Part One, Part Three

Series Masterlist

A/N: Hey guys!!! This is my final fic for my 1250 follower celebration!!! Plus this is part two to my new series 🥰 I’m like so excited for this guys I’ve got so much planned for this one!! Thanks again to @spencers-dria who came up with the way I started out this story 😘 and @andiebeaword who gave me the prompt that spiraled into a series!!! Let me know how y’all like this series so far 🥰 also I will be mass accepting the rest of the requests for my 30 fics in 30 days tomorrow so be warned for a bunch for posts lol and I’ll be making a Masterlist for this series as well- maybe with a cute moodboard?? Thanks for reading guys!!!

Warnings: 18+, Speculation on how dark Spencer can be, mentions of kidnapping, Dom Spencer, Public sex (of course), Fingering, Use of the nickname Doctor, Slight size kink, Muffling, Spencer gives Reader a nickname at the end (I won’t spoil it 😉)

Main Masterlist Word Count: 3.6k

Ever since the last meeting you had been itching to lay your eyes on Dr. Reid. Even though you could have waited until next month when there’s another book meeting happening, with a new theme, your impatience was not having it.

The library that housed the book club and apparently now any of your interactions with the mystery man had never been frequented as much by you- until now.

Everyday after work now you stopped by to try and find him. You did other stuff there for sure, making your way through a full fantasy series while you kept your eyes peeled for his fluffy hair. Sometimes you did walk through the shelves that were stacked high with every book you thought imaginable just to maybe get a peak at him, or maybe speak to him if you were lucky.

You felt like you were both dancing around each other, never touching or even getting close enough to speak. But, a little look of his curls, a spot of his mesmerizing eyes, or a glimpse of his cardigan assured you that he was there.

You were sure he had to have seen you just as you had seen him at some point. Maybe he only wanted to see you during your book club or maybe he was done with you after that one time in the empty room.

Seeing him without half of his face covered seemed to make the shroud of mystery surrounding him get pulled back further. That however didn’t change the fact that you barely knew the man that danced between the shelves. You had called him by his earned prefix more than his real name and even then it was only his last name with the earned prefix attached that had slipped between your lips.

It was not like you did not know his first name, you had heard his full name with his title attached when he had first introduced himself to you, albeit behind that mask of mystery. And, even with his physical mask removed even with one look it would be obvious to anyone that there was an invisible mask still covering most of him.

There was this strange pull towards him that you could not explain. You felt like Christine being entranced by the phantom, his twisted face or in this case his soul behind the mask not shocking me away. You still hoped I was not dealt with a man that was as demented as Christine’s phantom. You could take a damaged man, not a kidnapper along with whatever other things the phantom of the opera had done to Christine. With one look at his face he hooked you in, perhaps unintentionally. But, if it was intentional and his bad didn’t squash the good in the end you didn’t mind at all.

Your feelings teetered on a precarious edge, you’d willingly take the plunge off if he’d just give you a peak at what was underneath. It all hinged on whether or not he’d let you take a look. He’d given you a taste of his Dr. Jekyll plus a little of his Mr. Hyde, but it left you nowhere in determining who Spencer was underneath.

Spencer- that was the first time you had even thought of his first name by itself without a prefix attached. You wondered how good it would sound if you let it stop dancing on the edge of your lips and let it slip out.

The ghost of his name danced on your lips precariously at the edge just like you were, so close to being whispered out. Only the pages of old books would hear you, there was no harm in saying his name. It was only a name after all.

Even though it was just a name made up of two syllables it was stuck on your tongue like it was one of the hardest words to pronounce. Your lips did finally speak in the softest whisper when you finally managed to stomp out your hesitation, “Spencer-“

“You called?” A gasp left you, way too loud to be appropriate in the library, but then again you had already bucked many of this library’s rules. You whipped around to face the voice that you recognized instantly as you had been closing your eyes tight every night trying to remember his voice and picture what he had done to you.

Seeing him without the mask up close, not through quick glances when you caught his fugue from afar was somehow more intriguing to you than when he wore the mask two weeks ago. When you did not come up with a response for at least a minute, he cut through the somewhat awkward silence, “What book are you looking for?”

“I don’t know.” That was an honest answer from you, you had other motives for hiding between these shelves.

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline clearly spotting your skittish behavior. You thought you were a good liar too, you wondered how it was so easy for him to read you. It made you feel vulnerable considering you couldn’t get a read on anything about him, besides the basics. Maybe you were just a bad liar and he was a master at it. “So you were just browsing? In the nonfiction section- specifically in the ancient and medieval philosophy section?”

His questions flustered you even more. It was like he knew that you had spotted him once in this very spot speeding through a stack of books a mile high while sitting cross legged on the floor. You would admit you stood there in awe for a moment to admire the way his fingers slipped down the page to track what sentence that he was on at an inhuman pace. You had been too shy to approach him that day, even though it was a perfect opportunity to do so, mostly because you were intimidated by how fast he seemed to be reading. Though later you thought maybe he had just been skimming to find what interested him, you wish you were brave enough to ask. That was why you had been loitering in the last spot you had your last chance to speak with him. It was possible he had already spotted you from your staring. Your voice shook a little as denied, having no suitable white lie to say, “No…”

“Not interested in philosophy then, no Plato for you??” He knew you were here before, watching him, his tone made it obvious.You shook your head from side to side slowly with your breath held tightly in his chest. He looked away from you for a moment to glaze over the spines of the books ordered by the Dewey Decimal System, maybe looking for something that sparked his own interest. It was only a small moment that his gaze wasn’t fixated at you, but you still felt like whining at him to get his attention back onto you. Luckily, you did not have to make such a sound as his pupils fixated back onto yours before he spoke again, “I thought so, you seem more like a fiction lover.”

“You’d be correct.” You confirmed, still barely breathing.

Your breathing wavered when he moved a little closer, if you hadn’t been paying such close attention to every minute moment he made, you might have missed it. The warmth of him was closer than it had been since the last time he had touched you, the desire for him was urging you to pull him in to touch him. Last time he had initiated every touch. his hands were closest to you, with nimble fingers that could work you over the edge skillfully and you knew that from experience. His head cocked to the side with eyebrows in question pulling you away from your daydream about pulling him in with your touch. He cleared his throat, then questioned you, his voice dropping down a bit, “So, if you weren’t looking for a specific book and you weren’t just browsing for a new one- what are you doing here in this section?”

“N-nothing…” A stutter still escaped you despite your best efforts.

It seemed like he was circling you like a hawk over head, though you wanted to be caught up in his claws. A little yelp of surprise escaped you when he suddenly grabbed your wrist rather tightly and yanked you forward towards him. You stumbled slightly into his chest, but you were quickly stabilized by him pushing you back into the shelves.

You were getting whiplashed again from his transition from delicate to sharp when he carefully put both wrists into one hand, then pinning them above your head. Your jaw was dropped down in shock and you almost stammered out another reply when he hit the nail on the head as to what your intentions were, “Were you looking for me?” At first you gave no response, but he pulled one out of you by sharply commanding you, “Answer me!”

“Yes!”

His lips were on you in a familiar fashion, harsh, almost enough to where your lips might bruise a little. When he bit your lip rather hard, you thought that there was definitely a chance that the bruise would form or at least it would be swollen. You loved it though, letting him guide the kiss to make it as rough as he wanted. When he separated his lips from you, you went to open your mouth to protest, but was cut off by a harsh shush from him that would make the librarian proud.

Each of the shelves you were pressed into pinched painfully, not that you cared all that much. You were more focused on the man who was now unbuttoning the front of the jeans you wore. On the inside you were cursing yourself for not wearing a skirt so he could’ve had easier access, it’s not like he could have stripped you down out of them- even if you wanted him to.

You’d both have to settle with your pants being pulled down to the tops of your thighs, he did leave the panties pulled up though, for the moment at least.

His other hand still held your wrists firmly while he started to tease by rubbing slow circles to your clit through your panties. When you tried to buck your hips into his hand you were punished by putting one of his thighs between your own and pushing what felt like his full weight onto you. There was no way you could move underneath him, even if you tried squirming he had you pinned to the too firmly shelves like a piece of art hanging on the walls.

All you could do was try to beg for what you wanted, “Please, pull them down.”

“But, I like seeing you in them.” He looked down at you with his eyes that looked like black pools because of the mood lighting in the library. You whimpered again, but cut you off by saying. “If you want me to oblige you, maybe you should ask me nicely and use the name you know you’re supposed to use.”

You knew exactly what title he was referring to, it had been ingrained in your mind after the last time. Part of you wanted to use a similar comeback of last time and call him Mister instead, or maybe even dare speak his first name again. On the other hand, your legs were shaking from being just simply teased a little. You had been looking forward to having him touch you like this again, and if you did not comply there was a chance his punishment for you would be taking away all touch.

“Please- Doctor, please pull them down.” Your volume was undoubtedly much too loud for the normally dead silent library. You were confident that you would not be caught just like last time, this was a scarcely traveled area, plus the librarian was farthest away from here. There had been another motive for picking this area to try to spot the morally gray doctor.

Instead of pulling your panties down, he ripped them off of you. The tearing of the seam echoed off the shelves along with your gasp. Even if you had really liked the pair, it was too hot to really be angry for him ripping them apart. And- when he stuffed them in his pocket a sharp spike of arousal ripples through your core. You could even still see the wet spot you had created on them despite the rip before he had shoved them into his pocket.

When his hand returned to your core you mewled desperately. He returned his nimble fingers to rubbing circles into your clit, this time a little bit faster than before and with a bit more pressure. You had to bite down onto your lip when he started alternating the circles with pinching your clit, knowing that the sharp cries that wanted to escape would be too loud for the librarian to miss, despite being far away from her.

“Do you want my fingers inside you?” He asked gruffly- as if I’d refuse having his long fingers crooked inside me, dragging across my g spot.

You didn’t need him to prompt you to say “Yes, please Doctor!” You were becoming easy for him to bend to his will, just to get another taste of his touch on your body. Maybe next time, if there was one like you hoped, perhaps if you were not so desperate for him to bring you to your peak, you’d smart off to him again. After all, from what little that you had experienced as a punishment from him like last time, you knew you’d enjoy it.

The smirk on his face told you that he was pleased with your eager submission to him. He pushed your head to the side slightly with his own to suck a hickey at the underside of your ear then nibbling slightly up the shell of it, “Good girl.”

Your eyes rolled back farther than you thought possible when he spoke, plus the added sensation of him plunging his fingers into your dripping hole added to that as well. The thrusts of his fingers were slower than you expected, as if he did not care that time may be of the essence, that anybody could walk by soon. Curling them upwards on one swift motion helped him easily find that perfect spot inside you which made your body try to squirm underneath his grip again. As you squirmed you could feel his hard bulge pressing into you making your mouth water and you drip down your thighs even more. Despite wanting to grind into it more he reaffirmed his grip and started to plunge his fingers into you faster. Your eyes shut tight at the onslaught of pleasure.

“No- look at me while I’m doing this to you.” Wrenching your eyes open with effort you followed his command, locking his eyes with yours. His eyes entranced you, you could almost feel the dark hooks pulling you in impossibly closer. Those hooks were pushing you towards the edge of your orgasm as well.

“Can I cum pleassse-“ You gasped almost too late as you were having trouble staving off your release, you didn’t know if you could handle him holding it off at all, “Doctor?!”

“Come on, cum for me- only for me, you’ve been really good for me.” A man being possessive towards you would normally have your orgasm fall away quickly- but when he said it your orgasm snapped through you on command. Your hands fell limp at your sides as he released his steel grip on them to clasp his hand around your mouth to quiet the noise that you tried, and failed, to stifle.

He had you still almost fully pinned down as you rode the waves of your orgasm out. You gripped the shelves with your free hands tightly, trying to hold onto something. You’d touch him, but there was the unspoken rule to not touch him without permission hanging in the air.

He let you come up for air once you had finished by removing his hand from your mouth, along with the one from your pants. He also tried to move you off of his thigh so you could stand, but your shaky legs would not allow you to do so, still weak from the force of your orgasm.

He only pulled away from you when a small thud was heard that judging by the source of the sound, was somewhat close to where you both were. He helped you button your pants back up, it felt kind of weird to wear them without your panties. The reminder of him stuffing them into his pockets still outweighed the discomfort.

Your whole being was probably much more disheveled than he was, there was only a slight cock to the right with his tie, that he quickly fixed. He then leaned, capturing you in a kiss that was much softer than any others he had given you. It did not feel like a goodbye kiss, more like see you soon.

“Until next time, Shelley.” His words that were whispered like a ghost on your lips, it was the quietest thing he had said throughout today’s dalliance. He almost seemed afraid. Butterflies swarmed in your stomach at the nickname, knowing it came from the time that you first had encountered him. It made him seem even closer to you than you had thought, him giving you the nickname made you feel somewhat claimed by him. Hopefully this was not all in your head.

“Until next time- Spencer.” You hesitated a little before saying his given name. You already had a nickname for him, one that seemed less intimate than the one he gave to you. Calling him by his first name seemed like a way that you could express similar thoughts without spilling all your guts to him.

Once the butterflies had faded a little you realized that he had not let you reciprocate any pleasure. You wanted to chase him back down through the library, get down on your knees and take his cock into your mouth until you swallowed his cum. There must have been a reason though, why he did not let you reciprocate. You hoped he was just busy and that at the next meeting in two weeks time, he’d let you take him into your mouth.

You yearned to touch him rather than to have him touch you. The thought of running your hands through his hair slowly enough to appreciate every wave and curl sent butterflies a flight in your stomach. Would he ever let you get that close? Close enough to study every curve of him in earnest instead of being pinned against something in a way where you could only appreciate a part of him. However much you felt desire being stoked whenever he took control over you, pinned you like he did, the butterflies in your stomach at the thought of exploring him with your own hands was too much to ignore. You just wanted to explore every inch of him with no semblance of time, no rush to be somewhere else, just to examine every part good or bad.

You’d have to tiptoe close, dance around him like he did with you until he let you see truly what both sides of him were behind the mask.

You still hardly knew the man before you, the one that was retreating away from you, sadly. Today had felt like your first glimpse into something more, mostly his good side. Dr. Jekyll was the one that you had seen the most of, but you could deny your desire to see every part of him, that thought had not wavered. There was that dark part of him that remainder hidden under the mask, if he showed it to you would you know him? Or would it just deepen the mystery of which is his dominant side- Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? And even though you were undoubtedly curious to see every facet of what made the morally gray doctor you could help but fear whether or not you’d like everything that you’d see.

Part One , Part Three| Series Masterlist

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Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

Dr. Jekyll or Mr.Hyde: @rainsong01

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

Dom!Spencer: @rainsong01

[butwhatifidothis]

I did it! Finally fucking did it! I 100% the support log for 3H….Holy shit, that took longer than I was expecting, lol. 

(Long rant, so heads up.)

I came in thinking “Oh they finally time-locked the supports, so I don’t have to have the damn cursor mocking me every time I open the menu like in Awakening and Fates, hurr hurr”. No no no no no. At least for Awakening and Fates, it was on my dumb ass for pressing the S-support and saving when I knew I shouldn’t. First off, if they wanted us to regain supports for Byleth in NG+, why the heck are supports for characters like Edelgard, Rhea, Dorothea and Lindhart locked? I don’t mean time-locked like the post-TS supports in a regular playthrough, I mean deadass “you can’t buy this, period” locked. “Oh it’s because you haven’t advanced that far in the story yet”. I can buy post-TS supports for the other characters, what makes El and Rhea exceptions?! The only thing that would be lost is that I don’t have to replay their entire route to get their S-support twice. It’s not like there’s enough differences between Bylad and Bylass to warrant the supports being locked, none of the characters specify a specific gender in their dialogue, and as far as different models go, changing models during a cutscene is coded into the game, so that should be no issue.  

After going through the monastery option enough times, the hubworld is in this weird limbo state where it feels like it was made specifically for Byleth’s benefit (faculty training, recruiting party members, etc,) but the rest of the party seems to benefit from it instead (Instructions, Motivation points, etc). The Explore vs Battle options just don’t mix well, which feels like poor design choice. You can focus on auxiliary battles to raise your party’s level, but at the cost of potentially missing out on more party members. You can instead focus on the monastery to recruit party members, but at the cost of Byleth falling behind due to splitting activity points between recruiting and faculty training, and being in the monastery means less time grinding for levels. This isn’t as much of a problem in NG+, but if a game needs NG+ to lessen a design problem, then that’s more of a sign to me that the idea itself needed more ironing out. 

 As far as using the monastery to raise support points goes, the hubworld definitely needs a revamp. The only (good) options available are Meal Time and Choir Practice, with the latter being limited to once per week and the former making me think that the monastery must eat their own weapons to survive due to how fucking scarce food ingredients are. Getting meat and fish isn’t too big of an issue so long as you have enough money, but produce might as well be an urban legend. There were too many times where I had 60+ fish/meat, but produce was at fucking 1. I get that they wanted to be “realistic” in having seeds grow once per week, but if it’s at the cost of a gameplay element being nigh unplayable, then some more thought needs to be put into it. Sothis is a goddess of life and time, maybe her powers allow Byleth to make plants grow faster. Just something to make this section actually playable. 

The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to the monastery is that, for some baffling reason, it is entirely possible to lock yourself out of key events like S-supports or being able to choose CF, simply by skipping to the end of the month. I’m not sure why this is a thing. It’s not like the game was designed with speedruns in mind (I mean, it is possible to beat a route in an hour, but fuck me if I ever succeeded in that), and nothing happens like a prompt popping up that you have to explore the monastery during that month or even limiting your options to just Explore (which the game has done before). This is especially weird for the quest in getting Jeralt’s ring (how to access S-supports), since Byleth is supposed to be sad in this month, so not being able to do seminars or Byleth being undeployable during auxiliary battles would make sense. 

The option to choose CF is even worse though, because at least for Jeralt’s ring it’s a Red Quest that doesn’t allow you to finish exploring unless you complete it. For Edelgard, however? A dime-a-dozen quest prompt you can entirely look over and skip. No prompt by the game, no indication to talk to Edelgard, nothing. FFS, Rhea’s tea time quest was given more thought. At least her quest marker is a unique color. 

(End of rant…sort of) 

…So anyways, that was my experience with the game, lmao. Now you or someone else may be thinking, “nonnie, if you had this many problems completing the game, why did you bother?”, and the answer to that good question is…I’m not completely sure, lol. I know there’s more than one reason why, so bear with me here. I know part of it is due to sunk-cost fallacy (“I’m already this far into the game, I might as well fully complete it”), but I think a bigger reason is because I knew ahead of time that the routes were so similar to each other that there was little point in having a route split to begin with (except for CF, but who gives a fuck about that?). Despite all of my bitching, I do really like 3H even if I admit that it’s my least favorite FE game that I’ve played so far. I guess a part of me just wanted to like the game more despite my issues with it. 

Now that I think about it, maybe the main reason was for fear of future mainline games. People are fear to like whatever part of a game that they wish, but I do think that 3H introduced some fundamental storytelling flaws that I’d rather not see repeated in the future, with me focusing on 3 in particular: 1) The Monastery, 2) Route Splits and 3) Byleth. 

Aside from what I already talked about in regards to the monastery, if we are going to get another hubworld in the new FE title, have it to where it doesn’t conflict with how the rest of the story is presented. Is it better to simply tell us that the Western Church is xenophobic in an easily skippable side quest early on, or is it better to show us? Enemy Western Church NPCs going after foreign party members like Dedue or Petra more aggressively and calling them “animals” or the like, the map having Duscari NPCs locking themselves indoors for fear that the Western Church will persecute them, things of that nature. Is it better to tell us that there has been civil unrest in the Empire and the citizens revolting against Edelgard, or is it better to show us? Enemy Adrestian Civilian NPCs, assassins specifically going after Edelgard in a map, maybe one where a large farmland has been stripped bare. Things like that. 

I’d rather do away with the Persona-calendar/Monastery hubworld, but if they are here to stay then they need enough content in it to keep the player engaged for 20-odd chapters, because there isn’t enough content in Garreg Mach to even hold up 12 chapters. Speaking of more content, if there’s going to be another route split in the next title, then there needs to be enough differences in the routes that actually warrants having a route split. Fates already did this well in having the route split be early in the game, along with the plot and story maps of each route being different, you could even skip to the route split moment on subsequent playthroughs, so 3H’s approach in having to play the same 12 chapters 3-4 times just felt like a massive downgrade. Playing multiple routes should feel rewarding rather than tedious, is what I’m trying to say. 

Finally, and most importantly, I know that no one at IS is reading this but on the off chance that someone is - please, for the love of God, do not make another blank-slate/self insert main character like Byleth. Or at the very least, don’t have them be the focal point of the story, it’s a big reason why AM just works better than the other routes. For a game like FE, “self-insert” and “protagonist” goes as well as oil and water. Now, out of those three flaws listed, the Byleth one is what I’m hard set on. The monastery and route split flaws, my opinion might be flexible within reason, but the Byleth one…not so much, lol. If we really do get another self-insert doll for a main character, that alone is going to make the next game a hard sell for me, because seeing all the praise Byleth got (and has been getting) makes me fear that IS is going to take the wrong lesson from this and think they don’t have to put effort in making their protagonist anything resembling an actual person and their audience will still lap it up. It would be one thing if I just hated the character, but I don’t. I’m disappointed, which is even worse.

…With that said, it’s still better than whatever the heck Cap’n’Crunch is doing. Okay, rant over. For real this time.

—

I agree with a lot said here! But I do have a few disagreements, though they’re mostly my opinion than anything else lol

And this first one is probably like, extremely unpopular given how much shit I’ve seen flung at this aspect of 3H, but like… I actually really like the Monastery? Like yes, absolutely, it should have done more to not shelter the player from how bad the war is and it should change more with the world instead of being in this mostly limbo state where apparently seasons don’t real. I definitely also have those complaints, but to me, the Monastery was fine for the most part. A lot of the issues you brought up, like supports and Faculty Training and supplies for eating, weren’t a problem for me almost at all. My only real gripe is with how hard it is for Byleth to get training in Flying, Mounted and especially Heavy Armor without NG+ unlocking weapons ranks, since they don’t have access to Weekly Chores. I do believe I still managed to recruit everyone while only unlocking C in Faith on my Maddening playthrough of GD, but it certainly wasn’t easy. But I feel a lot of the problem people have with it are on subsequent playthroughs where they’re trying to do things like 100% any aspect of 3H, which yeah is gonna exacerbate the issues tenfold. Cuz like, while those three weapons ranks I mentioned are hard for Byleth to raise, on Normal mode you have unlimited auxiliary battles to help with all the other ones. 

Like, I wanted to get Claude’s Dex to the max amount right? Just cuz I felt like it. And in doing that I found out just how tedious it is to get levels once a unit gets to a certain point, just cuz while Normal Mode gives you the Retreat option that lets you keep exp so you can drop a unit down on a yellow spot and get a decent boost in exp… you can do that like, twice or thrice on a story chapter. Once if it’s auxiliary (and not the freebie one). And that’s if you even have internet. And using the greenhouse to get Ailiell Pomegranates was a pain because they weren’t really guaranteed even if I used nothing but the right seed - doing that is more consistent, but not always, and I usually only got one anyway. It was annoying! But I was also doing a specific thing that’s gonna heighten the flaws in the system that I never would have noticed - didn’t even notice - unless I did that. The flaws are still there, don’t get me wrong! The Monastery definitely still needs improvement, battles still need to be a little more streamlined for future playthrough, but the flaws can seem a bit bigger than they are once you do certain things outside of a casual playthrough, know what I mean?

But, for example, when replaying 3H on hard mode and looking to recruit everyone after my no recruitment run, I didn’t come across any dilemma over “recruitment or Byleth being good, pick one.” That was the run my Byleth was usable, in fact - my first blind run that was no recruitment (save for Shamir) had my Byleth be pretty much completely useless while literally everyone else was fine. Also never came across problems with supplies for cooking (or at least not any big enough to comment on). So like, while these (and the above stuff) can certainly be problems for players trying to do everything everything in 3H, at least from my experience I just haven’t come across them. The monastery itself definitely needed a better story implementation, but yeah. I could’ve just been lucky tho lmao

I don’t mind how they implemented trying to get on CF at all tho lol. If you’ve been playing the game like it suggests you do - supporting characters and exploring the monastery  there’s no reason for players to have missed getting on CF. If players wanted to ignore one of the biggest aspects of the game I don’t really feel that bad for them when they miss out on very achievable things. Plus, CF’s requirements are nothing in terms of FE’s madness when it comes to getting on a route. It may be more specific than any other route, but like I said, playing the game as the game tells you to would naturally land you in it (the only thing that might be a bit unfair is that I think if you talk with Edelgard at all that month you have to decide right then and there, and then the whole month is lost. Kinda ass). 

Binding Blade, for example, requires you to do specific things that few first time players would think to do in multiple, random chapters in order for you to get the best ending. With absolutely no warning as to when these chapters happen and what to do in them. And some of these requirements are not fun lmao, I’d prefer how they did it with CF than with how they’ve handled ~secret~ stuff before personally

Pretty much agree with everything else though! While 3H is actually one of my more favored games in the series, I’ll be the first to admit that its storytelling is in dire need of improvement. Having the story and lore of the game just be spat out in lore dumps and this or that NPC just isn’t that good. Or if they are going to do that, at the very least give some visuals to go along with it! Imagine how much impactful Rhea’s story would have been if it was in a visual format, like CGs and/or a cutscene. It still would be an info dump, but at least we can see for ourselves how horrific the Red Canyon was for her! And I do not want another avatar in whatever next mainline game we get, personality or not. We’ve evolved past the need for self-inserts that all the characters Just Like lmao

But thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And sorry that it took so long for me to get to answering ;w; 

[beevean]

How was Infinite better than Mephiles in your opinion? I think Infinite had a bit of potential but Pontiff ruined what little there was.

Is Forces a Pontaff game? It doesn’t look like one, and I think they just translated/collaborated? No seriously, I remember reading the credits and being confused. Anyway.

Let’s get out of the way the most shallow reason I prefer Infinite: design. Infinite’s design is damn cool, he’s so edgy that it’s obvious he’s meant to be a caricature, with his clawed gloves and boots with his own friggin’ symbol on it, but he’s still appealing to the eyes. Before you finish the game, the mask also adds intrigue: why is he wearing it, and why is he blind in one eye? It motivates you to get to know more about him. It also helps that he’s a canid, a family that is quite rare in the series - I can only think of Tails and Chip - and it makes him unique but not in a special OC way. (this also means he even has some cute features like big ears and a fluffy tail, which add delicious contrast to his “I'm the toughest of terrors I am the darkest of days” design)

On the contrary, Mephiles has two designs: Multiplayer-Mode Shadow...

And Nightmare Shadow.

And sure, the crystallized form is pretty cool to look at, but he still Shadow. I get that he was reborn from Shadow’s shadow (some writer felt very clever that day), but I kinda would have preferred to see him take other forms. Well, it’s not like the devs had the time to add a third model...

(also, both of them have awesome voices so I can’t put one above the other)

As for the rest, here’s a rundown:

- Mephiles, along with Iblis to a lesser extent, overshadows Eggman. He’s yet another villain that takes the stage and reduces the good ol’ doc to a miniboss, more preoccupied with stealing the McGuffin... I mean, Princess Elise, than to do some interesting villaining - this has the ripple effect of making Sonic the Hedgehog, in a game called Sonic the Hedgehog, nearly useless to the main plot until he’s killed. I have little tolerance for villains who want to be more “dangerous” than Eggman at this point, and Mephiles was only one of the last ones that played this overused trope seriously (wish he was the last one, but Dark Gaia is a smear on an otherwise beautiful game... but that’s another story). By contrast, Infinite is always Eggman’s weapon, and the game never implies you’re supposed to think less of the scientist - Infinite may be an arrogant buffoon, but he never leaves Eggman’s side. The two work on a tandem, and basically Infinite is terrifying raw strength combined with Eggman’s superior intellect. Took him long enough, but Eggman has essentially tamed a powerful beast like he’s been planning to do since Chaos.

- Mephiles is meant to be this master manipulator, a 4D chessmaster moving pieces across time and space to get to his goal. I love the idea, really: he’s the raw intellect of a god without any of the strength of a god, so he has to play dirty and play on mortals’ emotions. The problem is that the game isn’t competent enough to pull such a feat, so everyone basically has the IQ of a brick - everyone who has even watched some videos points out at least two things:

1) how can Silver, even if he grew up in a destroyed city, trust some random guy without a mouth and reptilian eyes who suddenly tells him “here’s the cause of your problems, now go back in time and kill him” and Silver is just like “okie dokie” without even asking “excuse me, and whomst the fuck are you”

2) Mephiles can travel in time anywhere he wishes AND he can apparently conjure the Emeralds at his side. There is literally nothing stopping him to go to Silver’s future and rejoin Iblis there, or even prevent the incident that split them. The game set no limitations to his powers, and so we’re free to think about the most obvious solutions, and so his overly complicated plan that hinges on a boy killing another boy 200 years in the past after he bonded with the Iblis seal to make her cry in grief, plus triggering Shadow’s trauma on the side... even more hard to follow, because it’s all useless.

Infinite, to be fair, has a similar problem with his powers: the Phantom Ruby’s potential has never been specificed, but it seems to be a strong reality warper that can even teleport people (Mania) - and yet we only see Infinite conjure clones and spikes with it, which is boring. However, one thing he has over Mephiles is that the guy’s blatantly an idiot. Like, the story doesn’t shy away from showing how his arrogant, sadistic mistakes like “lol i’ll leave you alive because you’re not worth my time” have serious repercussions to Eggman’s plans, to the point that the guy at the end is like “you know what, I’m sick of your shit” and kills him. And you may be like “how does that make him better than Mephiles” - well he’s more believable, and more human (relatively speaking), and Forces’ story was written with feet but no one got their IQ divided by itself so there’s that.

I get the feeling Infinite is meant to be both intimidating and a parody of overly edgy and cool villains like Mephiles himself, and for me it works. Mephiles... he’s kinda like ShTH: he takes himself way too seriously. Except ShTH is funny, at least.

To be kind to Mephiles, his backstory is at least more precise, and definitely more interesting: as I mentioned, I love the idea of a god that was split into powerless intellect and mindless strength. In a better game, Mephiles would have been an interesting villain, completely ineffectual in a physical battle and maybe in constant pain, but omniscent and with a streak of sadism.

Infinite, on the other hand, clearly went through a shift in backstory: the main game hints at the fact that he was made in a lab, but then Episode Shadow comes in and he’s just some guy who was bullied too hard. I... okay.

Anyway, Infinite is more appealing to me and he doesn’t break Forces’ already fragile plot like Mephiles does. also he cute. there :V

[yanderecandystore]

The bullies with an S/O that’s just completely off the board? Like no matter how much they look the bullies can’t find /anything/ on them, all their school papers are forged and their home just isn’t able to be found no matter how hard they look? Maybe due to the S/O changing their identity after doing something bad?

That's hella specific and I love it?? XD

Sure thing boo, let me see what I can do.

Also, I'll change the ocs profiles to be paper drawings with digital coloring because believe me boo, I'm tired of redrawing them (and I believe y'all are tired of always seeing these new drawings).

I noticed that my paper art is a lot better than my digital art, and although I'm kinda proud of them I still feel a little petty because I wish to do cool stuff on the computer ;-;.

Anyway, just a heads-up if you see something off with the oc's bios.

TW/Tags: I have no idea what to tag this lmao // identity theft // illegal/unauthorized inscription // not an accurate representation of university/how universities work lol // abusive household/abusive parents // I may or may not have changed your concept a little, I'm sorry for it 😔

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Suspicion (fuck yeah, I don't know what to title this) [Yandere!Bully OC x Reader - Headcanon]:

→Adrien Coldwell:

For a person that prides themselves as the "know it all" when it comes to people's social media and reputation, he doesn't know anything about you.

This is a first for him, which is both annoying and honestly so intriguing. You didn't strike him as a person who would hide any secrets, and he had a hunch this was about to be good.

He searched for social media first, not finding anything about Avery Remington. Well, at least nothing with your face on it.

However, he did find something very, very interesting while looking at the school's documents, specifically the archives of all the students that have already studied here. He honestly didn't think he would find anything about you in these old papers, he was probably doing all this stupid work for nothing.

However, he was half right and half wrong. He didn't find anything about you, but this whole search wasn't completely lost, as he did find "you", Avery.

"- Student name Avery Remington, average grades and apparently no history of wrong doings or any bad behavior in general. Their registration to the Academy dates to 1980."

Oh. Ooooh, this was rich.

"- Huh." He said closing the documents and letting it where he found it. He was at least kind enough to let the palace a little organize after going through each paper trying to find your name.

Well, "your name". The only things that he kept for himself was photos of both the old documents about Avery Remington, and the earlier documents about Avery Remington. It was clear that you did something probably really, really bad, and you know he'll take advantage of it.

He had built his own theory about this, as in: you somehow found the paperwork of Avery's registration and their previous school's records so you could somehow impersonate them and get a free entrance to this institution.

He knew that you had something to hide, no one can be so perfect. But knowing the action itself wasn't enough for him, he needed to know the motive behind it.

For someone that is lazy and doesn't bother to care about important things, he sure spent a lot of time trying to scoop some dirt on you. When he finds the perfect opportunity, without any witness around, he'll take the chance to use this information against you.

"- Well, hello "Avery"." His tone was already suspicious, his voice not hiding anything from you. He came here to belittle you for his own entertainment.

"- H-Hi Adrien." You said shyly, hoping that your anxious mind was wrong and that this was all just a misunderstanding. You were hoping that the growing feeling of him possibly knowing about your fraud, was wrong.

"- Ya know, I'm kinda jealous of whatever plastic surgery you went through to look so young, maybe you should ask the faculty to correct your age tho." He said while showing the pictures he took of the documents.

"- Wait! I-I can-"

"- Honestly, I didn't think you were over 60 years old! Could have fooled me." His smug face was the selling point. You knew that you wouldn't find any form to convince him that what was on his phone was false.

He had a victorious smile on his face. Ever since you entered this school you always acted a little too paranoid and almost too friendly for his liking, and to confess to himself that he has fallen for you would be the bottom of the pit to him.

Still, he wanted to know why you did it. Why didn't you pay to get in if you wanted the scholarship so badly? What, you were too poor for it?

And what about a talent, or the test? Obviously, the university hasn't gone out of their way to pick a loser like you and insert you inside their classes on a whim, as they thought you were Avery Remington, a student that is already registered in school's documents (yet, of course, their system haven't verified the date of the registration, either by incompetence or by a "small mistake"). So you didn't do the test too, simply pathetic honestly.

Your sad dramatic story explaining how you managed to get into the academy. You did your best to get into the academy by legal means, but they always rejected you. Apparently you thought it would be a good idea to use your grandparent's documents to squeeze yourself into the institution.

"- But why in hell would you do such a thing? Are you that pathetic dearest?"

"- I… I wanted somewhere to go. Somewhere I could grow into a better person, a-away from-" You cut yourself short when the memories of your old home started to come into view.

For some reason, your parents couldn't stand the idea of you getting into a decent university, if anything, they thought you weren't capable of even washing some dishes at the local pizzeria. In their eyes, you were worthless.

When you found out your grandparent used to frequent this institution, and that they managed to disattached themselves from their familial routes and thrive as a musician you got instantly inspired! Determined to follow their steps and prove your family that you're just as worth ass-

"- Urghhhh- Boring! I don't care about all of that. Are you serious? You committed a crime just so you could stick it up to your shitty parents?"

"- …. Yes?"

"- Huh. Geez you're cooler than I thought. Listen, how about we make a deal?"

The deal was simple, he would not tell anyone about your little secret, and he would even help you keep your scholarship and help you reach your ambitions as long as you started spending more time with him. Which, at first you thought it sounded absurd, this man is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give him attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Adrien was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Come on now, after this we can go eat something okay? Where would you like to go this time? Our last date I chose the best restaurant I know, so you better choose something of equal value."

…. Date?

→Alexandra Coldwell:

You were suspicious from the very start. Overly friendly and too- Ugh! Too cute?!

You were always skittish whenever someone called you. What, you had a problem with your name or something?

And the worst part was how no one seemed to know where you lived. Every group project with you was considered annoying by most of your classmates, as you never called people in your house or never let anyone have your address, not even your phone number??

You didn't have any social media, what are you, a weirdo? What the hell??!

She is not even pissed about you being a loser, she is pissed that she has fallen for someone like you! A complete weirdo that was always panicking over nothing.

She started stalking you with the intention of finding at least one thing that she could hate on you so she wouldn't feel so- Lovey dovey towards you!

But what she really found was something worth an entire gold mine.

A private phone call between you and someone who was losing their shit. She couldn't understand too much of the conversation as she didn't have any context, yet she could hear a lot of things that you and the person were discussing.

The person yelled [Y/N] multiple times while in the phone call, saying how you were absolutely the worst mistake of their lives (which by the way, rude much? Who is this asshole?), that you were a selfish brat that needed to learn to appreciate their hard work.

Oh… Oh. She now knows who you're talking with. She decided to record the entire thing the moment she saw you taking your cellphone to have a private call.

She was planning on recording your voice for her own hearing pleasure, but this? This was so… Interesting.

"- [Y/N]?" She called your attention after the conversation ended, and because you haven't been accustomed to people calling you "Avery", you turned around saying "what" instinctively.

And when you noticed Alexandra smirk for a split second, you regretted answering your parents call. Not that you needed anymore reason to regret it, but this was certainly the last nail in the coffin.

You begged for her to understand that you couldn't go back, you simply can't go back to them, ever again! You told her the whole sob story about how your grandparent had decided to run away from home and fulfil their own dreams as a musician, even if people didn't really hear their music all that much, and now that you think about it, that's probably the reason why no one have recognized their name at all.

Your grandparent had a really small fanbase, and you knew that because you were part of them. They weren't popular at all compared to Amaryllis Academy standards, yet they were happy singing their songs to the world.

You kinda wish your family hasn't broken the old recorder that belonged to your grandparent. Their first album was in there, it was cheesy and filled with errors, yet they sounded so happy when doing what they loved, and you wanted something like that for yourself!

You needed to live that hell hole and so you did. You rented a small apartment that was falling apart, the reason why you never gave people your address was because you knew they would bully the hell out of you because of how poor you are.

After finishing your story you noticed Alexandra snoring beside you. You thought she was only exaggerating, but then you saw her drooling and acting really dizzy after you woke her up.

"- Oh my God, so… That was it? You ran away to follow your dreams and stuff?" She asked, still kinda sleepy.

"- What? Of course it was-" You were fuming with anger, how dare she-

"- And I thought you only looked cool because I liked you! You're pretty strong for sticking up for yourself." She interrupted you, looking at you with admiration in her eyes.

She proposed to you a deal. How about you two keep this secret together, and, if anything does happen she'll still help you stay inside the institution. However, you'll need to work your ass out to become the best you can be, and you'll let her guide you through, because you're too much of a dummy to do it all by yourself. You'll have to spend time with her and let her help you out.

At first, you thought it sounded absurd, this woman is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give her attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Alexandra was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Why you never hold my hand? Come on, "Avery", won't you hold the hand of your dearest girlfriend?" She asked playfully while taking your hand anyway.

…. Girlfriend?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[shima-draws]

Okay listen I really really enjoyed The Wonderland/Birthday Wonderland a LOT but there’s definitely like. Huge chunks of stuff that are missing from the plot that I would have loved to see;; SPOILERS AHEAD BEWARE

First of all let me say that this movie definitely would have worked better as a TV series. Why? Because the world itself is MASSIVE. There’s so much worldbuilding shit going on that they only got to touch a little bit of each section, and left so many things open ended. And then there’s the fact of the plot itself that leaves a lot of holes behind and unanswered questions.

Rest is under the cut so ya’ll can avoid spoilers if you so desire:

What the fuck happened with the sweater contest? They make it out to be such an enormous, important part of the plot that literally ends the moment Akane hands the sweater over. We see her protectively guarding it the entire journey to the city, and yet it’s never even touched upon if the sweater wins the contest or not. What happened bruh?? I want to know if it won, a lot of unnecessary screentime went into the development and story of that sweater! Don’t leave me hanging!

“Our world is dying”, Hippocrates says, as the majority of the land is still thriving pretty okay from the looks of it. Aight. There’s lots of gorgeous visuals in this film that are made clear through the gift of water that they’re living--and apparently there isn’t even enough water to go around for humans to drink. At that point literally everything else would be dried up, right? There is literally a giant pond--GIANT! With koi fish right outside the city. They just gotta learn to distribute their water better;; it’s a shitty system tbh lmao I mean there’s plenty to go around. They just don’t bother to try spreading it evenly, which is why some places are flourishing while others are not. They really should have spent more time showing how people are suffering from this rather than showing the remaining gorgeous parts of the land--that would have made the impact of saving that world that much stronger, made the stakes so much higher. If Akane had seen how bad it really got without water, maybe that would have driven her character development earlier on, and made it more significant.

Akane’s change. It felt...really...anti-climatic. Or maybe just rushed. It was a sudden, minor sort of thing that when I realized I was like “Oh, okay, she’s already come to the conclusion that she can be strong on her own, but I wanted to see that?” They didn’t execute it super well. It feels like we’re missing an entire scene where Akane finally breaks through her fear to gain courage and make her own choices. There was definitely a bit of that right before she made her grand speech to Zangu, but there was nothing that prompted it. The whole movie is a coming of age story for her, building up until the moment where she has her great breakthrough and is able to be confident with herself. But...they don’t show that. We don’t get to see that moment. I don’t know why, because it’s the most important thing of the entire film? They really could have handled that better.

I really wish they touched more on Midori’s involvement;; she was so minor I almost didn’t catch the connection between her and the previous Goddess of the Green Wind. I like that Akane feels closer to her because of this, but we never really get anymore information than that. How did Midori end up in Wonderland so many years ago? Was she a reluctant hero type like Akane, or was she determined to save the world? Did she meet Hippocrates way back then, or was it a different alchemist that lead her on an adventure? Was something wrong with the prince at the time which required her presence in order to make sure the drop rain ceremony went well, just like Akane? I don’t know! I want to know!

The ending was SO abrupt and short. Literally right after Akane and Chii get back that’s it bam roll credits movie over! I’m like. Whiplashed by it. I wanted to see how they were affected by the journey (besides Chii immediately going to take a nap which fandjksad MOOD), and how they’ve changed from their adventures. We obviously see a huge change in Akane at the end, but how does this affect her life in her own world? Does she start treating her friends differently? Does she ever make up with the girl she abandoned in order to be in the popular group (which is another huge thing they never came back to). Is she more determined to do things now, to be confident? Is this a change her mother notices? At least show the impact of what they went through;;

Halfway through the movie we’re introduced to a London-type city that’s really...not so fun looking. Dark, gloomy, and depressing, with obvious signs of poverty, where everyone looks angry all the time. It’s a very very clear outlier in the colorful Wonderland. I’d love to have seen more history on this city...why is it so different from the rest of the world, and so dark? Why do all the people seem so unfriendly, when those outside of its walls are generous and kind? How did this city come to be? It’s such an enormous mystery that they never talk about, besides hinting that this was where the prince had ended up once before he became Zangu.

Speaking of the lovely prince. I know we got kicked in the face with his backstory (and that shit hurted, this poor baby who also kinda deserved it but not to THAT degree), but I would have liked to see even more. Maybe I’m biased because he became my favorite character the instant his identity was revealed, idk. (And, to me, he feels way more fleshed out and rounded as a character regarding his development than Akane does, which is another reason why I like him best.) But while we were given his motivations in becoming Zangu, the personality difference between Zangu and his regular princely self is IMMENSE. I really don’t think the prince would have ever committed such acts--he may be a little shit and have a lot of anger issues (which, valid, I mean his parents died and he suddenly has all these huge expectations on his shoulders and he’s. He’s just a kid man, that HAS to be traumatic) but I really don’t think he would ever strike against his own people or openly threaten them. Sure, he’s definitely shown to be prone to angry outbursts, and is fond of pushing everyone who cares about him away, but he’s not purposefully malicious. And as soon as Akane transforms him back, he calms down immediately and becomes immensely selfless and heroic. So: why the enormous change of heart? I think something that could be canon that they never really mentioned is that, when he was transformed into Zangu, he became sort of a puppet. A lifeless doll without any real empathy, and the only emotions he could feel were a burning anger and a desire for revenge to those that wronged him and made him feel pressured to perform the drop rain ceremony. Being trapped inside a body like that probably just made those feelings escalate, resulting in all of the crimes he committed and all of the people he hurt. (And maybe they did touch on this but I just don’t remember since my memory is garbage lol)

Going off of that, I know this is the type of story where we follow the hero characters, and as soon as Chii and Akane made it home that was it, we weren’t allowed another peek into the Wonderland. But...what if we were granted that opportunity? Could we have gotten the chance to see how things changed after they left? Perhaps the prince began a journey traveling to all of the towns and villages he terrorized, and apologizing to the people. Maybe Ron starts to train under Hippocrates just like Pipo. Maybe the rain washed away all of the sorrow in that lonely city, which caused people to start to change it and make it brighter. Change, change, change! I want to see proof of Akane’s help! 

Why the fuck did the other alchemist/sorcerer (I forget his name and there’s no info on him anywhere MDAKMASD I’ll update this when I find out later) do that to the prince?? That was SERIOUSLY fucked up. “Oh yeah, to punish this child for being naughty and angry after his parents died, which is actually perfectly reasonable, let’s turn him into a doll where he can’t MOVE OR SPEAK and let him sit there in absolute torture until I feel like setting him free again, instead of trying to find an alternative way to confront him about his anger issues”. Dude;; No wonder he was so fucking angry and bitter when Ron finally allowed him to speak again. I would be too! Trapping children in naughty doll prison is not the answer!

I’m trying to think of more but I think I covered most of it :’) If ya’ll have anything to add, please do!

Like, overall, the movie was GREAT. It would have been even better if they didn’t shove so much information into it that ended up becoming irrelevant later on. It felt as if they were trying to cram a TV series into a movie, trying to cover all of their bases but failing. There’s just so many things they left open-ended and unanswered;; and you know me, I’m a slut for lore like this so I want to know EVERYTHING. And I only got little bits and pieces of it. I really would kike to know if they just cut out large portions of the movie to fit the time limit and the budget;; because that would make a lot of sense, because it feels as if I was handed a puzzle without all the puzzle pieces.

[gasp-iwrotesomething]

Hi, TK anon here. Just gotta say that I'm at episode 18 of his season 1 and ASFADSFAFSFDASD I am DECEASED by this dude, he's wicked hot and stupid cute and I just want to give him the biggest hug 🤗🤗🤗🤗💞💞💞😂. Best investment I've made (if you can call this an investment 😂😂) While I'm waiting for my ticket, could I get something smutty for TK?? Maybe a quickie following the ep 16 heart scene? Thanks !!

I’m glad that you liked his route, TK anon (I’m assuming you’re referring to the anon who asked about whether or not to read TK’s route lol), and I severely agree with you; TK deserves a big ol’ hug! So yes, I’ll gladly write this for you! Thanks for your request and I hope you sincerely enjoy!

Summary: MC’s offered kiss to TK for helping her cook their dinner evolves for the best in just the swift span of five minutes.

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It wasn’t a heinous task to maintain focus at first, until TK began flirting harder with more daring tactics. Like now, with the way he purposefully breathed against her neck with his arm wrapped tight around her waist, an anchor that kept her grounded but also ascended at the same time--a vertiginous feeling. She blushes at the heat of his breath and the small “it’s looking good so far” that he murmurs into her ear, though she had a sneaking suspicion that the rice cooking on the stove was the last thing he was referencing. MC tried to keep a firm grasp on her composure but then he’d do or say something that made her want to put their objective on the back burner and take him aside and-! She shakes her head as his flirting begins to swallow her from the inside out and become the main thing on her mind. MC wishes that he didn’t have that suffocating effect on her; things would be much easier for her heart if he didn’t. Still, his infuriating reverberation persists no matter how many times she wishes the contrary. 

But to her credit there were moments where she had her vengeance and shared a brief glow of satisfaction, like when TK attempted to pry the kiss out of her early by blocking her path to a spice she needed to add to their dinner. Smirking, MC rose onto her tiptoes and neared his mouth as if she was going to indulge his desires… then sneakily snags the bottle of spice from behind him and returns to her cooking, leaving a flustered and very disappointed TK in her wake. Too soon came the moment to cave and sate him, putting an end to their flirting Olympics. “Alright,” she pardons their dinner to allow it time to cook, her arms coming to wrap around TK’s neck, “I think you’ve earned your reward now.” MC tugs him into a kiss that is sweet and gentle, warming her thundering heart, but that chastity quickly withers away as TK yearns for more. He presses her against his body hard, his teeth catching on her bottom lip as he deepens their kiss. TK and his blissfully questing tongue was all she could comprehend in this moment, the rice cooking beside them a lost thought in the face of their passion. Heat bloomed in them like a fire sparking to life--a minuscule flame resuscitated into a towering blaze. TK growls low and unfairly guttural against her mouth as he backs her into the nearby counter, his lithe body firmly pinning her against the decrepit granite. MC loses herself in that moment and hikes her skirt up, her hand grasping his wrist and redirects him from her  to between her parted thighs--an invitation. 

TK takes the opportunity eagerly, his fingertips feather light as they transcend under the hem of her floral skirt. Hungrily they slip into black lace and move with purpose, devoted enough to make MC clench him closer and gasp against him. His opposite hand busies itself with unbuckling his belt, trying to hastily undo his pants enough to take MC against the counter. MC pants as the fingers that were dancing in her panties withdraw and hook around her waistband, haphazardly yanking them down her legs. One of her hands fist his hair roguely as the air--much colder compared to her malnourished heat--whispers under her skirt pleasantly. TK shuffles closer to join them together and when they do, they both in turn groan as their rhythm starts. The pace is anything but gentle; fast and hard, meant to satisfy their desperation for release more than anything else. The photographer kept his touch soft when he felt the extensis of her body even as his hips moved to the tune of a different motive. MC reciprocates every touch, every kiss… everything TK offered she made an exchange for. His mouth departs from her for the first time since they had meandered to a corner of the kitchen, exploring the gentle curvature of her jaw and the tenderness of her neck with a softness she hadn’t felt from him ever before. The kisses linger and are swollen with benevolence--worshiping in the way he speckles them unstintingly. She tosses her head backwards, giving him more access to more skin, and gasps. It was surreal for the both of them to be this intimate; it was like passing the threshold of a boundary that had longed to be crossed for a while, voluptuating the territory they had already covered.

As the hot tension between them sizzled and bent under the pressure they thrust into it, the two of them became detached from the hands that tasted and sampled one another’s bodies. TK reproaches MC by kissing her hard as she moans loud enough to combat the ambient hiss of their dinner, stewing away. MC clutches him close, seeking his warmth and wanting as much of the coupling between the two of them as possible--she was hungry for more, her appetite stretched beyond what was on the stove. She wanted this to never end. To never know what it felt like to be without his arms around her, his length learning her passionately. But as empyrean as her desires were, MC was still hurtling towards the release she so desperately yearned for. Her heart flutters as much as it storms with the essence of him--of TK--given to her… openly. TK’s hips lose their staccato as he grunts, relenting his pent up pleasure just as MC does. For a moment, there is nothing else but them; entangled and breathless as they float through their simultaneous satisfaction. 

Then it’s all over as their minds slowly descend from their private paradise.

TK withdraws from her wetness--stealing away a fraction of the warmth that enticed her--and looks into her glazed eyes studiously. MC, still furled in the thrill of his intimacy, pulls him into another kiss. She retains a more gentler approach this time and just relishes in the flower of love and affection that blossoms in her chest. He does the same until the sound of an aggressive hiss sounds behind them, which acts as an alarm to wake them up and alert their dinner blackening. Almost simultaneously, MC and TK break away from their stupor and hurriedly adjust themselves to tend to the food cooking--er, burning--on the stove. “The rice!” TK breathlessly exclaims. He snags the wooden spoon from the pot with one hand while the other blindly attempts to latch his belt. “I-is it still edible?!” MC mirrors TK’s frantic-ness as she grapples for her underwear, pulling the lace up back up her legs with haste. She peers into the pot to find that the rice hadn’t experienced anything terminally bad except for a couple spots where a couple had darkened. TK nods as he snuffs out the stove’s heat, his face still dyed rouge. “It barely even burned, it’s definitely still salvageable.” Bashfully, MC curses under her breath. What would the others think if they found out the food burned while TK and MC were cooking it? Surely the first resolution they’d jump to is exactly what me and TK had jumped to just moments before: an episode of excruciating passion put to rest through a quickie? ...now I don’t want to go back into the dining room. TK shrugs the occurrence off as if it was nothing, his expression stoic and not illustrating any of his thoughts. “Hopefully the others will be too hungry to notice anything.” It seemed like the two of them were going to treat this just as they did their first kiss; pretend it never even happened. The revelation makes MC’s heart sink as she helps TK prepare the food to be served.

The two of them file out into the dining room to serve their compadres and dinner flows thoroughly smooth without a single complaint about the food, thankfully. The only out-of-place thing MC could notice recurring throughout their meal is the quick glances TK sneaks at her whenever he thinks she’s unaware. Whenever his gaze lands on her, his eyes are gentle but alight--passion leashed by something fond. MC could almost sense the essay of feelings that was stashed away in his expression. Her heart flipped each and every time she caught his glance.

Apparently forgetting about the ordeal with TK Yoon would be anything but a quickie of its own.

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Thank you again for your request, TK anon! I really loved writing this for you and I hope you don’t mind the wait; my allergies have been persistent in putting me out of commission lol!

If you want to request something, here’s the Prompt List, here are the Guidelines, here’s Who I Write For, and here is where you can Request me.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Sarazanmai Episode 10: “I Want To Connect, But I Can’t”

There’s still one whole episode left and I already want to sue Ikuhara for emotional damages, lmao.

Somehow this episode managed to be even more intense and tragic and shocking than the last couple, and that’s saying a lot.

I was initially worried about whether he’d be able to pull off an 11-episode series, but if the final episode can stick the landing I think this will be cemented as one of this best series.

Thoughts under the cut.

I only just woke up like an hour ago and I already just wanna go back to bed now so I can process all this lmao.

Where to even start with this one. It was such a non-stop rollercoaster of intensity. I actually got surprised when the mid-episode transition card happened because it honestly felt like only a few minutes had passed.

I can’t remember if I ever actually got around to saying so, but I’ve been thinking for a while now that I really wanted to see Reo get his own Sarazanmai no Uta musical sequence, and that’s exactly what I got, and it was just as tragic in it’s implications as I feared.

Even though I technically saw that part coming, I didn’t expect the reveal of them being kappas. I thought that they’d turn out to be otters. But this makes sense in it’s own way. It does raise even more questions about Reo and Mabu’s history, though, especially when you take into account the manga and twitter account. I guess my main source of confusion is that it’s unclear if they’re ‘native’ kappas, or if they’re like the main trio, and they’re just humans who got roped into Keppi’s business and can now transform. The fact that Reo had to have his shirikodama extracted like the main trio makes me lean toward the latter, but the whole thing with them having served Keppi in the past makes me think they might actually be from the Kappa Kingdom.

I’m also still holding out hope that they’ll actually explain how exactly the prequel manga ties into the anime, since they still have yet to explore Sara’s relationship with Reo and Mabu yet. It seems like it’d be kinda bizarre if it doesn’t get brought up at all. It could still just be a prequel and it just hasn’t really come up yet in the anime that Reo and Mabu raised Sara as a baby, but I’m also still clinging onto the idea that the prequel manga might actually be an epilogue [or maybe the result of time being reversed and history changing]. At the very least, the fact that the Tokyo Skytree didn’t exist in the manga might not actually mean it’s necessarily a prequel. Given that it’s the otter’s HQ in the anime, it’s possible that over the course of the finale it gets destroyed, which could allow for an epilogue where it isn’t there.

No I’m not just clinging onto whatever flimsy hope exists that my wonderful gay cop dads might get a happy ending. How could you possibly suggest that? :v

[Fake edit: before I forget, it’s also worth mentioning that even though there’s been hints of Sara being familiar with Reo and Mabu in the anime, which seems to imply that she remembers them raising her, the fact that this episode makes it clear that the two of them were working for Keppi means it’s entirely possible that she only knows them for that reason, and the events of the manga might not have happened yet in the anime]

One way or another, this was the most singularly ReoMabu-centric episode thus far, and oh boy it sure delivered on the emotions, and laid pretty much everything out on the table. There’s still mysteries about their history and what exactly it even means that they’re kappa, but in terms of the more emotionally relevant aspects of their characters and the role they play in the story, this episode ties everything together and brings it to a tragic conclusion.

As I expected, Mabu has always just been Mabu, and Reo’s just been misunderstanding the situation. I mean, Ikuhara’s literally spelled that out in some recent interviews, but still. The show alone makes that perfectly clear, in my opinion. But I wasn’t expecting the whole detail of how Mabu’s mechanical heart was rigged to explode if he ever vocalized his love for Reo. It makes a lot of sense, but I didn’t see it coming. It really goes to show how the otters are just out to mess with people, and that they seem hellbent on destroying people’s bonds.

I initially thought that Mabu just had his emotions impacted by what happened to him, like what can happen to people when they have such near-fatal accidents, and in a lot of ways I think that’s still exactly what his situation is an allegory for, but there’s now a more in-universe explanation for his stunted emotions and how he seems to be holding himself back. Since he apparently literally hasn’t been allowed to express his emotions.

And as if it wasn’t already spelled out enough already, Mabu explicitly declares his love for Reo, before dying. WELP.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, we then got the even more tragic and shocking scene of Reo losing his goddamn mind as he falls into despair while also starting to forget Mabu, which makes him go even more out of control, and then Toi shows up and shoots him to death.

The very fact that they both died is in itself a bit of a can of worms that a lot can be said about, but to put it simply, I’m not genuinely upset about this, since for one thing Enta got revived at the end so that’s at least one gay character who avoided death, and also, the fact that they leaned so heavily into the tragedy and sadness with Reo and Mabu in the second to last episode makes me think that stuff will happen in the finale to give them a more happy/bittersweet ending. At the very least, as I said, the anime still hasn’t concretely explained Sara’s connection to them, and I find it very interesting that they decided to oh so conveniently show off near the end that Sara’s headpiece is a plate. I’ve been wondering for ages if the finale would involve a twist ending of Sara producing a gold plate of hope to make a wish of her own, and I feel like that scene was a huge nod toward that possibility. And similarly to how all of the tragedy with Reo and Mabu happened in the second to last episode rather than the last one, it seems important that Kazuki used the gold plate of hope to revive Enta at the very end of this episode, which makes me think it’s more likely that the actual climax in the finale will involve another wish being made.

Since this episode was so heavily ReoMabu-centric, I kinda ended up glossing over the scenes involving the main trio, lol. They were good and all, but I was way more invested in everything else going on. Thankfully since most of the ReoMabu content was covered in this episode, the finale should be more singularly focused on the main trio, so they’ll still get their time to shine.

The scene with Enta and the Otter felt a little too stilted in how it existed to provide exposition for what the Otters are and what they want, but it worked, and I liked the aesthetic of it all. And at the very least we really needed to get a clearer idea of what the Otters are.

I said above that they seem to want to destroy people’s emotional connections, but it also seems like they want to be the ones to then swoop in and control people by becoming their new objects of desire. So it’s less that they’re against connections, but more that they want to have people for themselves. And so we get stuff like the main otter dude trying to ‘replace’ Reo when he’s with Mabu, while also intentionally trying to drive a wedge into their relationship. And the whole thing with him transforming into Kazuki and trying to seduce Enta. And the whole thing at the end with the otter taking on the image of Chikai to lure Toi ‘outside of the circle’.

I’ve been a little iffy on the otters thus far as characters [or as a character, since we’ve basically only seen the one, lol], but this episode helped clear up the more obscure and confusing parts of their role in things. I never really expected them to be much more than representations of concepts that are important to the story, since the whole Kappa/Otter war thing has always just existed to serve as a narrative backdrop and not to be an actual thing that the show ever planned to dive into.

And having their motivation of wanting to destroy connections and monopolize people’s desire spelled out like this helps set up the emotional stakes of the finale. I imagine it’s gonna involve them trying to launch some wide-scale attack on humanity to destroy everyone’s connections once and for all.

It’s kinda funny that even this late into the anime I still have no idea how it’s going to end. Obviously I have a clearer idea than when the show started, but still. There’s just a lot of ways it can go, depending on what sort of ending he wants to tell.

I’m still leaning toward the idea that the finale will be a lot happier than people expect. Maybe that’s just me being delusional, but it does feel like they intentionally ramped up the tragedy in this episode so that the finale could be happier. I at least remember that Utena had a really tragic penultimate episode, and then a much more hopeful and fulfilling finale.

Plot-wise, as I said, I’m placing my bets on the idea that Sara will intervene and use her own dish of hope to do something like turn back time or revive Reo and Mabu [and maybe then insert herself into their lives]. She’s the biggest wild card in the whole story, so I think she’ll be important one way or another. I’m also still holding out hope for the idea that she and Kazuki might have a more important connection than we’ve seen thus far, but there’s not a whole lot of show left to do anything like that with. I’ve seen some people raise the possibility of Kazuki ‘replacing’ Sara, though, which I think could actually make a lot of sense, especially if the anime ends with Sara making a wish that leads to the events of the prequel manga happening.

Though tbh one of the things I’m genuinely most excited for is seeing what the final episode title will be. They’ve all been really relevant to the events and themes of each episode, so one way or another it’ll probably encapsulate whatever theme the ending is going to have. So it should be a pretty big deal. I have a feeling it’ll be along the lines of episode 6′s title and be a more hopeful title starting with ‘I Want To Connect, So ____’, but we’ll see. It might even entirely break the naming scheme and be something different.

And on the note of episode titles, this one just being ‘I Want To Connect, But I Can’t’ really just sums up the blunt emotional tragedy at the heart of this episode. And it really lays bare how that’s basically what every single episode title, except for episode 6, has been about. It’s always boiled down to ‘I Want To Connect, But I Can’t’.

Whether or not people end up being truly satisfied with the ending that Reo and Mabu get in particular, I think there’s a very good chance that the final episode will stick the landing and be really satisfying as a whole. It’s kinda hard to believe that Ikuhara’s managed to pull off an 11-episode series so well, after the bad things I’ve heard about Yuri Kuma Arashi’s pacing, but he’s done a really good job with the pacing and structure of this series. I’m really curious to see where people who’ve watched all of this stuff end up placing this one on their personal rankings. I’ve only watched Utena thus far, but I have no idea how I’d even try and compare the two. In spite of all their similarities, they’re so different that it’s hard to say I prefer one or the other. I think I’ve had a much stronger emotional reaction to Sarazanmai, but that has a lot to do with how I’ve been watching it as it’s come out.

One way or another, I don’t think it’d be very hard for me to end up enjoying the ending. Everything about the show’s central message makes me think it’ll only be bittersweet at worst. Though it’d really be icing on the cake if we find out that the ReoMabu manga is actually an epilogue, and ends up serving as their ‘canon ending’, lol.

[andkaboodle]

Addison’s Arrival

Today’s blog is all about my labour with Addi. It gets a little gross in parts but it’s (I think) worth the lols. I’ll post a big *HERE* if you want to skip to the hospital part and miss all the build up.

To set the scene for you, picture yourself being 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant. It’s literally the middle of summer in Australia, a 39 degree day. Everyone else is  celebrating your favourite holiday and you’re sober, cranky, sore and sweating up a storm.

J and my mum had been dealing with my ‘so-over-this’ complaints for about two weeks at this stage and they’d both told me that as soon as I took my mind off it, bub would start to ‘descend’... ew. So I’d decided I was going to suck it up and enjoy the Australia Day party the best I could.

We arrived at our friends’ house and that’s when I saw it. The true love of my life. A brand new, 8ft wide, blow up pool. That was where I was spending my day today and no one could tell me otherwise. I was happy.

My short lived happiness was destroyed while I was up going to the toilet (I’m not that gross that I’d pee in the tiny pool) and I came back to find that one of the boys had cut his knee open during the slip’n’slide and ended up in my sanctuary, bleeding his germy germs everywhere. I was devastated.

I spent the next few hours sulking in the air conditioning while a drunk husband provided sausages and bread to his heavily pregnant beast of a wife. “As long as she’s fed, she won’t make me go home.”

To make matters worse, friends of ours rocked up with their 2 week old baby, purely to rub it in my face that they weren’t having to suffer through this heat and discomfort anymore.

Come 1pm and the sausages were not agreeing with me or foetus Addi anymore. I told Jarrod to ease up on his drinking as he may have to drive home after the party so I could nap my tummy ache away. “Ok, baby. But you’ll be fiiine!” were his exact words and he did not ‘ease up’ one bit. I pushed through the last five hours of the Triple J Hottest 100 to hear Flume smash out Never be Like You at number 1 (called it!).

We bailed as quick as we could but had to make a detour on the way home to drop off a phone that was left at the party. While Jarrod ran the phone inside to his mate, his wife and her best friend came out to thank me for a good day. I made a mention of my tummy being sore and they asked to feel my belly... “You know you’re in labour, right?” “Nah, I think I’d know if I was.” “Well when are you due?” “Tomorrow... Jarrod!! Get in the car!”

The girls wished me good luck (which did not ease my sudden panicked state) and we rushed home to call the hospital. My sister in-law was home and, thank my lucky stars, was a studying midwife. She felt my tummy and excitedly confirmed that this was indeed contractions. I went for a shower while J called the hospital and received his husbandly duty instructions.

Then it was all very mellow... apart from the intense stabbing pain near my hoo-ha every 6mins and 20secs. J ended up having something to eat and playing x-box, trying to sober up. I ended up doing my makeup (because I wanted to look nice when my baby saw me for the first time).

It was about 10:30pm when the contractions were closer together and (at the time, I thought) unbearable, we grabbed the hospital bag, said goodbye to Jess and headed off to the hospital with a drunk baby-daddy driver in the pouring rain. We were off to a good start with this responsible parenting thing!

*HERE* - for those who only want the gory bits

Once we got to the North West Private Hospital (I only remember the name because of Kim and Kanye’s daughter), we were shown to our room in which the air con had shit itself. Great. I had sweat off my makeup within 10mins.

A lovely Irish midwife named Bonnie came in with an evil little plan. She asked if she could feel how things were going ‘down there’ and told me it wouldn’t hurt as she needed me relaxed. Then the devil/angel lady pulled something (my cervix? mucus plug? I’m not sure) which hurt so badly I think I nearly broke Jarrod’s arm. Lucky I was holding him back though because his instinct was to push her away from me.

From there, everything is very blurry in my memory. I was given pain relief pills which I immediately vomited, an injection soon after which made me very giddy and then the laughing gas which I told the nurse I was going to leave J for. I said some weird shit on that gas; called my parents and congratulated them prematurely, took some snapchats, laughed at J when he started spewing out all the day’s alcohol and Bonnie thought he was just a weak little bitch. But let me tell you, it didn’t help the pain AT ALL. It just made me forget about it in between the stabs.

Fast forward to 6am and my OBGYN had arrived. She told me it was a good day to have a baby and I remembered that it was her birthday too! She jokingly asked if I was going to name the baby Kate after her, and I (drugged up and not getting the joke) let her down easy and apologised about us already having a name picked out.

She soon decided to break my waters for me which honestly, wasn’t painful at all; but it was such a strange sensation that I passed out straight away. When I woke up, I heard Kate say ‘there she is’ and druggo Kit thought she was talking about my baby. Score! I’d been unconscious for the birth of my baby and didn’t feel any of the painful pushes and tears!

She asked Jarrod to take me to the bathroom to get undressed and cleaned up. I kept telling him how easy that was and that I didn’t know why women were so dramatic about it. He started hosing me down with the shower head and I decided to help out a bit. That is when the most disgusting thing ever, in our entire relationship happened...

As I washed between my legs, I felt some sort of gunk and tugged on it to wash it away. Jarrod gagged and ordered me not to touch it. Drugged up Kit don’t take no orders from no one, so I just yanked it right out in front of me.  “Holy cow! What is this?!” I said laughing, while J dry retched in the corner of the en suite. “It’s like a magician’s handkerchief! It just keeps coming!” as I pulled the never ending string of mucus out of myself.

While Jarrod tells people that it was the most horrendous thing he’s ever witnessed, I found it hilarious. My laughing soon stopped though, when the worst contraction began. I just looked at J, expecting him to explain why this was still happening when Addi was out already. It was then that the drugs must have worn off enough for me to notice my still huge, still rock hard belly and that Kate was talking about me coming around, not my baby coming out. I just started silently crying. I was so scared. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to be in pain anymore.

I hopped back on the bed, naked and miserable. J assumed the hand-holding position and tried to give me a pep talk. I started to feel like Hell itself was erupting out of me and the midwife rushed in. “She’s coming out!” I yelled and the midwife told me that it just feels like that in the beginning. “No! She’s f*cking coming ooooout!” She checked under the blanket and with a quiet “oh” ran to get Dr Kate.

Birthday Girl, Kate, strolled in putting her gloves on and with a surprisingly motivating tone said, “let’s do this thing, ready to push?” Sorry J, but that sentence got me more pumped up than your whole 5min speech about what a strong, amazing woman I was.

I’m going to skip these details, not because they’re too gruesome but because I don’t want to put anyone off having children. Let me just say three things.

1. Screaming helped, so don’t hold back if you feel like you need to let it out.

2. Don’t forget to breathe because apparently my deep breaths were the only thing that stopped me tearing.

3. And don’t look at your partner. The look of absolute heartache I saw in his eyes as he watched me helplessly, made things so much worse.

After what felt like 3 days, but was only 21 minutes of pushing, Addi was pulled up onto my chest. She was quiet as those little black-blue eyes checked out the parents she was now stuck with. J was a mess, holding my neck with one hand and Addi’s with the other. “It’s a girl. Baby, it’s a girl.” “Yeah, we f*cking knew that already.”

Sorry! But I was tirrred and all out of any possible emotion. I unwillingly delivered the afterbirth and I was asleep before J even cut the cord.

I woke up 3 hours later to him holding and talking to our little princess who had been all cleaned up and was warm, comfy and safe in daddy’s arms.

Addison Rae Hindmarsh Weighing  3.165kg or 7lbs born on 27th January 2017 at 8:31am

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Passed out off a morning dose and woke up to the sweet sight of an email from my old uni 🙃

I thought I settled that for a while as I said I didn't have the money for that and the lady said it was fine. Buuuut apparently that had a time limit as well so they now want me to pull $400 out my ass or they're more than likely gonna send that shit off to collections

Part of me doeent even care. It ain't like I'm going to jail over 2k and I have literally nothing of value. No car. No house. Annnd no money. Sooo yeh have fun tryna get yall shit lmao. But I know that's a pretty stupid way've looking at it. Ruining my credit this early on probably ain't s great idea.

Ah. This sucks. My dad really doesn't want to drive me around cause of how much gas is now, the work from home shit he and my stepmom are doing is having me wait a month for some dumb junk with my mic, had to turn down two different jobs due to my dad deciding they're not for me.. bruh. Atp. I'd just walk to work. It'd probably at least be an hour long but. Fuck it at this point. Only thing is I live in one of the most infamous places for human trafficking so I'd definitely have to stay alert and try to go on different routes here and there to not make my routine as obvious

I probably woulda been able to float by for another month or so if my dad and stepmom would've paid me back. They owe me like $500 and half that comes from some shit they borrowed a year ago now. Plus, i accidentally eavesdropped on them grabbing my dad's phone instead of mine. They apparently been borrowing a lot from soneone else as well soo yeah even if they did have the money i dont think they have that to spare rn

The other option woulda been to take out extra on my student loan but my mom already took the excess out so I'd have to apply for a whole new loan. If I were still in school that'd be no problem but my incident in April makes me hesitant to make big commitments like that. I was so close to ending my shit just off owing 7k but a whole new semesters worth of debt just for me to possibly fail again sounds like a tragedy waiting to happen lol

Sigh. Days like this are so hard. I used to stick around because of an age goal I set for myself which sometimes felt like my only motivation. But it's just like nowadays I'm long past every age goal I've set and the plan was stay around until it started being inconvenient/not fun to be. Annd as of now it is looking mighty inconvenient. It makes me question why I'm even trying anymore. I never wanted to be here for this exact reason you know?

I feel like I'm just here atp. What am I working towards anymore? What do I even like to do? Do I honestly even like my hobbies or do I just like the distraction from my head? Even if everything fixed itself in the future and I started living a normal stable life, would it justify ignoring my damn near lifelong wish to not be here?

I'm gonna try to get R's attention and make sure she's not too fucked up then take a gram and head to bed. I am not mentally alright enough to have those questions circulating rn

HA apparently if I don't poof $400 up by Monday they're charging me damn near $600 extra

I am. Done. I just wanna sleep and not wakeup atp. I'm so done. I never wanted to be here in the first place and now I gotta drag myself out of an addiction, get over an unrequited love, find a job that fits my dad's parameters, pay off a mysterious 2k AND my 15k of loans. What the fuck. I never signed up for this and I would've ended my shit before my stupid fucking age goal had I known things would go to shit this quickly. I'm tired of feeling horrible for not wanting to do anything. I'm so tired of fighting myself to do the barest minimums and having it not be enough time and time again. I'm so fucking tired of all this up and down. God like. One day I'm in one of the best schools for engineering with hella open house money and the next I'm a fucking basement dwelling dropout with no money and no real desire to go out and do the shit that'll MAKE ME MONEY. And to top it off I'm fucking addicted to otc allergy medicine that is literally bottom of the barrel to the point that even WITH it being so accessible everyone knows how shit it is and leaves it alone. But not me ofc. My dumbass just had to screw up shit further. What is my problem at this point. This is my fault. I can't keep staying in this stupid limbo of barely doing anything but not having the guts to make that a reality. Atp I'm either gonna have to pick on or yhe other. My money's on the second but we'll see :)

[birger-wuvs-elsa]

Frozen OC Exchange

@wintryspice I got yours, and decided to focus on Hannah with mentions of Charlotte. I was very nervous about this, as I usually am when writing...literally any character at all I didn’t make myself, lol. I cheated a little, called in the good ass himself for backup; but he’s in disguise in a human rendition, so it’s okay. =P

Modern AU, because why not? X3 I hope you like it... (=^w^=)>”

P.S. Birger has a soft spot for literally any OC who’s Elsa’s kid, so I’m not surprised at all he made this easier to write, lol.

“You need to go visit him, Hannah; whether you want to is beside the point.”

Hannah stubbornly refused respond, or to meet her mother’s eyes. Though the reflection of her mother, Elsa, in the mirror before her certainly made that tricky. The young girl, with blonde hair a shade or two darker than her mother’s, decided to focus instead on her hands folded upon her lap. Despite the many words a part of her wanted to say that churned deep inside, Hannah kept them at bay. They would help matters…not with how complicated they’d become.

Not after losing her dad, only to find out she’d had an estranged uncle she never knew the whole time.

A man who’d apparently, despite his supposed “great love” for his younger sister, distanced himself thoroughly due to his personal loathing of her father. Because of this, and how her uncle had purposefully avoided his own family, Hannah wasn’t sure she wanted anything to do with him. He didn’t attend the ceremony of her parents’ marriage, had moved away not long afterwards, and she’d never heard tale of him until just a few days ago.

Her uncle had made it clear he hadn’t been willing to stay close, so shouldn’t he be the one who reached out to her?

Before she’d even noticed Elsa had finished brushing her hair, she felt a hand lay gently on her shoulder. Against her previously stubborn wishes, Hannah couldn’t help but look up and meet her mother’s eyes through the mirror. Though her own eyes were a tad greener than her mother’s, they still held a similar spark as they met through the glass.

“I know that learning of his avoidance of us because of your father hurt you, and you have every right to feel that way. But these are mistakes of the past made long before you were born that you’re judging him for. It’s not as if he absolutely abandoned us, anyway.”

Hannah’s eyebrows shot up, and her eyes widened. “How do you mean, mother?”

Elsa smiled a soft, bittersweet smile. “Dear Hannah, how did you think all of those gifts you and your siblings received without a From filled out came about? Or that college fund that mysteriously showed up when you came of age to use them, with others awaiting your siblings to be old enough?”

Her mother paused to give Hannah a moment to process this revelation, and process she did. Many of her (secretly) favorite gifts had been those mystery gifts with no From name, and the college fund reserved for her had been a great boon for her pursuing a medical degree. These blessings that she simply thought were subtle gifts from her parents, or family or friends that she knew and loved dearly…had come from him?

“In fact, if I’m being honest…the only reason I had the idea to get you Misha, is because Branko suggested it.”

A soft gasped escaped from Hannah, but she was all too in shock to care. Misha? Misha? Her precious husky, who currently laid curled in a fluffy, adorable mass on her dog bed in the corner of the room, snoring away, was also from him? The dear dog whom she shared with little Charlotte…

“B-but…” Hannah started, hesitant, the walls she’d built around her uncle slowly beginning to crack.

Elsa, patient as ever, began to tie her daughter’s hair in a loose French Braid as she gave Hannah time to continue. Not only did her daughter like this style, but it was one that Elsa commonly used herself. As such, the lighter blonde had sly motivations for tying Hannah’s hair this way for today. What better way to visually help her older brother to feel more comfortable around the niece he never meant, than to show how much like her mother she was?

Elsa only hoped it worked that way, and that it didn’t instead remind Branko of what he’d lost…

“But mother, if…if he cared that much about us, about you, then why?” Hannah implored as she stared at the reflection of her mother’s face, and ignored the pinpricks at her eyes that forewarned tears. “If he loved us why would he stay away?”

Elsa took in a deep breath through the nose, and sighed. “It’s both simple and complex, sweetheart. Branko was so terribly conflicted, he was not at all alright with my and Hans’ relationship. For reasons I’ll not disclose right now, suffice it to say those two did not have the most amenable relation. That would be even harder to explain, honestly, but Branko let us be because, in the end…he didn’t want to jeopardize our happiness, even if he didn’t like half of the involved party.”

“As for why he stayed away from you, the twins, and Charlotte? It was pretty much the same reasoning, really, but a tad different. Branko was scared to death of ruining what he had, he didn’t want to risk us having issues that would never have happened had he remained uninvolved. To put matters simply?”

Elsa gripped Hannah’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Your uncle was afraid his very presence would ruin our happiness, and sacrificed getting to see you all grow up to ensure you grew up happy.”

Hannah took a shuddering breath before she turned to meet her mother’s eyes directly. “But, that means…did he also stay away from you?”

The young woman didn’t miss how her mother gulped, and how her eyes grew unfocused as she sighed. “Indeed, he did…it pained him as much as it had me, it seemed, from his letters.”

Hannah sat up in attention, “Letters? When did he send you letters?” She then frowned. “Who even sends letters anymore, these days?”

Elsa actually laughed, a hand coming to cover it before she spoke. “Branko is about as stubborn as you are, plus he loves the feel of paper beneath his hand and under a pencil. As for when, he always sent them along with the gifts. Other times as well, sure, but typically along with a package of some sort.”

Hannah let her eyes drift down as she sighed. This was a lot more revelations about her estranged uncle than she expected, and they certainly changed things more than she thought they would. She was initially more than willing to keep Branko at arm’s length, since he’d seemed content to do the same for decades. But of course, the situation just couldn’t be that clear cut, could it? No, of course not…black and white would make it too easy, of course there’d be grey.

The hands that were still on her shoulders squeezed gently once more, and Hannah looked back up at her mother.

Elsa smiled gently as she brought up one hand to caress her daughter’s temple. “Please, go see him, I know for a fact he’s equal parts eager and scared to meet you.”

With a gulp and a tentative nod, Hannah Marie agreed.

A few hours later…

Hannah nervously entered the high-end bar where her mother had dropped her off to finally meet her uncle. While Elsa herself remained outside in the car, to be there for Hannah for whatever she needed, the younger woman had entered alone. The bar was by no means a shoddy establishment, and certainly had its fair share of wealthy patrons. Whatever it was her uncle did for a living, between the presents he’d sent and the college funds he’d set up—and the bar he chose for them to meet at—Branko clearly did not have much to want for.

Despite knowing what her uncle looked like, Hannah still took her time to search for him. Mostly because she was still terribly nervous to see him, let alone meet him, but partially because of the many strangers in the bar. It wasn’t a busy crowd at all, exactly, and was hardly bustling. But it was a greater number of strangers in one place than Hannah liked, that was for sure.

“Just focus on why you’re there, find your uncle, and stay close to him. He will protect you, I swear it.”

Her mother had told her because Hannah had exited the car, along with a reminder she’d be just out in the car if needed. Knowing that she had two points of safety greatly comforted her, even if one of those points were technically foreign. But if even half of what Elsa had said was true, then Branko had loved his nieces and nephew without even having met them.

On the drive over, Hannah’s mother had shared many tales of her and Anna’s childhood growing up with their elder brother. They’d been lovely and sweet stories indeed, and certainly helped to give Hannah a better impression of who her uncle was. Apparently, upon the respective births of his younger sisters, Branko had sworn to keep them safe—even at what was a young age, having been only four when Elsa had been born. That protective only grew stronger with him, even if the events caused those urges to be shaken and called into question.

But now, as Hannah slowly strode through the bar and searched for shaggy hair the color of her aunt’s but styled like her mother’s, the young girl hoped that same protection still counted for her now.

Especially when Hannah felt an unwelcomed touch on her shoulder from behind.

“What’s a small thing like you doing here, milady?”

The voice was far too high and scratchy to be her uncle’s, and so fear quickly rooted itself in Hannah’s stomach. Elsa had described even Branko’s voice, a comforting baritone that seemed like it could suit a noble dragon. This voice sounded more like it suited a snake, and Hannah was afraid that comparison would become all the truer.

She slowly turned around, and indeed, the man who loomed over her did not seem overly compassionate. His black hair was too thick with product, thin smile too fake, green eyes too lit with a sheen that all but made Hannah sick. The fact he was tall enough that she had to look up to meet his eyes didn’t help; he was probably a whole half-a-foot taller!

Hannah gulped as she struggled to remain calm. “I’m looking for someone, sir. If you’ll excuse me, I don’t wish to be late.”

As she tried to pull away, to Hannah’s mounting horror, the man’s grip only tightened. “Now now, whoever they are can wait a tick. ‘Sides, they can’t be all that great if they left a pretty thing like you all alone.”

Hannah’s eyes narrowed. “They didn’t leave me alone, I am here to meet them. Please, sir, he’ll be worried if I don’t find him.”

She tried to pull away again, but the grip just tightened more. The growing pressure caused Hannah to suppress a wince; either against the pain of the grip itself, her fear, or the pain in her chest…Hannah wasn’t sure anymore.

“Don’t be in such a hurry to leave a nice man, missy! You’re lucky I’m even–“

“Pray tell, why is she lucky, Gerald?!”

Hannah’s eyes widened at the voice that shouted out, and the fear melted as hope warmed her chest. That voice sounded almost exactly how she imagined it would. It had to be him, oh please, please, let it be him!

Both Hannah and the man, Gerald, looked up to where she’d initially been headed to see a beast of a man approach. The eyes of both widened, for different reasons; awe and fear, respectively. Hannah couldn’t help but be amazed that this man was the brother of her mother and aunt. He was so tall! Taller even than Gerald, and with a muscular frame that put every man in the bar to shame.

His auburn hair was loose and wavy, not unlike Elsa’s own blonde hair behaved, but was trimmed where it would’ve fallen into his sharp blue eyes. Those he certainly shared with his big little sister, though he’s all but burned as he glared at the man who now shrank away from Hannah. As he got closer, the young woman noted how the auburn hairs were accented by dusting of blonde, almost like how grey hair was, but…this was less grey and more platinum blonde, startingly similar to Elsa’s hair. They even both had dark eyebrows…

Hannah wasn’t sure if this strange mixture of red and blonde hair was natural, or, given how the colors mixed, if Branko’s hair was naturally blonde and it’d just been awhile since he re-dyed it red. Either way, it harkened to both of his little sisters, and the familiarity eased Hannah’s fragile heart. As Branko all but snarled at the man who was getting farther and farther from her, Hannah noted the blonde goatee and beard combo that encompassed almost all of her uncle’s face.

None of the facial hair had hints of red; perhaps, then, he had once dyed his head red?

That mystery was irrelevant, though, as Branko protectively got in-between Hannah and Gerald, the latter all but relieving himself before the greater man.

“I-I just meant, er, um–nothing! No reason, Branko, I swear! I was just, uh, helping her! Yeah! The little lady was just looking for someone, and I–”

Branko cut him off with a dismissive wave and a growl, the former action further likening him to Elsa in Hannah’s eyes.

“Don’t even bother, Gerald! That was the laziest bloody attempt at fabricating and excuse I’ve ever heard. Now, get your skinny, useless ass out of here, before I show you the meaning of my own personal definition of gobsmacked!”

Without another word, Gerald scurried out of the bar, his metaphorical tail all but one with his legs.

The crowd, strangely enough, had paid no heed to the show beyond a few scattered chuckles. Apparently, this was normal, and ended how everyone expected. With the sorry man taken care of, Branko sighed, only to mysterious stiffen as Hannah watched. His back was still to her, and just now the blonde noticed he was dressed far more causally than most of the bar’s patrons. While most all of them wore suits, Branko was clad in fine black jeans, a dark blue long-sleeved collared shirt—the sleeves of which were rolled up, its collar pressed down—and a deep red ascot.

When Branko made no move to turn around, for reasons Hannah could easily guess, she decided to make the first move. She carefully approached him, and raised a hand to gently touch his strong forearm. The man all but startled at her touch, but didn’t whirl around suddenly. Rather, he slowly, oh so slowly, turned his head to glance at her other a broad shoulder. As their eyes met, his eyes to very blue compared to her greenish blue ones, and Hannah’s heart melted at what she saw in his.

He almost seemed afraid…but she could swear she saw hope somewhere.

Hannah took a deep breath and smiled her gentlest smile. “Hi…I’m Hannah Marie…A-Anderson.”

Branko sucked in a sharp breath, and held it for so long Hannah feared he was going to pass out. But then he slowly let it out, and smiled wide a she did so. Finally her turned to properly face her, and to Hannah’s surprise he bowed, so not terribly deeply.

“Branko Kasun Anderson, always at your service.” As he rose from his bow, his smile wavered. “If you’ll have me, that is…”

Without wasting a moment, Hannah leapt forward to hug the strong, barrel chest of her long-lost uncle.

“Only if you’ll forgive me for trying to hate you…” She whispered softly, fearfully, pleadingly against his shirt.

To her great relief, she felt strong arms gently shelter her as she clung ever tighter.

“Forgive me for letting my pride keep me away, and for daring to wait till now to meet you, and you have a deal, my little princess.”

Thanks to the stories Elsa’d shared in the car, Hannah knew immediately the source of the pet-name. Growing up, the trio of Branko, Anna, and Elsa had played games of royals when they were young. No doubt, Branko now saw Elsa as a queen to the princess she’d been when they were kids. Now, Hannah was his princess…a title she never knew she wanted till now.

An idea came to the blonde, and she excitedly pulled back and looked up at Branko’s face. “Good sir! Your service is needed outside, this instant!”

A big, almost smug grin arose on her uncle’s bearded face. “Lead the way, your highness.”

Hannah watched happily from the passenger seat as she had her own private viewing of a reunion long in the making. The sight of her mother clinging desperately but oh so happily to her dearly missed brother all but made Hannah cry herself. Yes, her mother was crying; but they were tears of relief and joy, shed as well by the brother who held her tight. As she watched the precious reunion, it occurred to Hannah…she was the only one of her siblings who yet knew of their uncle. Rynar, Eira, and Charlotte had yet to be told…she only knew because she’d picked up hints of Branko’s existence, and asked.

But Hannah knew which of her siblings would most love to meet their reclaimed uncle.

I can’t wait to tell Charlotte…