#and i was so unhappy with it bcos??

[luveline]

if you’re ever in the mood to write for kbd again i’d love to ask for an argument fic! i’m a huge hurt/comfort fan and i feel like the arguments you write always feel so realistic and healthy(?) in a way? ily

thank you for your request! im glad u like how i write arguments bcos i find it so difficult, I hope this fills your hurt/comfort needs! kbd | dad!steve x mom!reader

You're tapping your foot on the kitchen floor, annoyed and upset and not sure if you should say anything about it. 

Dove said her first words today. And you found out through Avery, who sits on the kitchen table in front of you with her legs dancing over the edge, clearly unhappy that you're unhappy, her hands stroking your cheeks affectionately. She's only six. You feel terrible that she can tell you're upset. 

"Mom, how can I make you happy?" she asks.

It's something you've said to her a thousand times. She cries, and she's finally at the age where you can ask her what solution she needs. 

You love her, but your patience isn't very strong today. You remove her hands from your face gently and give her a weak smile. 

"I just need to talk to daddy, that's all." 

"I'll go get him!" she says, clambering onto your legs and down onto the ground. 

You don't really like the idea of summoning him for a scolding, and you've been with him long enough to know how to navigate a disagreement without a fuss. But you aren't perfect, and neither is he. When he arrives in the kitchen with a broken baby doll in his hands, he looks so comely, so homespun, and you're still mad. 

"Why didn't you tell me Dove said her first words?" 

His eyes light up, but he swiftly fixes his expression into a more neutral one. "I– sorry, yeah, she said daddy." He grins like he can't help it. He probably can't. "Oh, you should've heard it, she couldn't have sounded less excited to say it, what a doll." 

"But why didn't you tell me?" 

Steve seems to clock where this is heading, then, and puts the doll down on the kitchen counter. "It slipped my mind." 

"Really? Her very first words slipped your mind? Like, that's not extremely important to you?" 

"Of course it's important to me." Steve's eyes narrow, and his eyebrows start to rise. It's not an angry look nor is it cruel, but it rubs you the wrong way. It's sceptical. "But I'm busy all of the time. Which you know."

You're getting more and more irate. It's not his fault, but it feels like his fault in the moment, and you don't like how he's talking to you, and your head hurts. 

"I didn't say you're not busy, but I still think you should've told me when I came in."

"I just– I don't know, I had to give Bethie a bath, and then Dove was fussing. And now her doll's broken. I was busy." 

You sigh. "Sometimes," you say, more depressed than mad, "you act like they're not even mine. You act like they're just your girls. I'm their mom." 

"Do I do that?" he asks, incredulity leaching into his words.

"Steve, you should've told me straight away. She's my baby, I should've found out from you, and not Avery, like an afterthought." 

"I told you, I forgot." 

"I don't care if you forgot– actually, I do, because that's the problem. You shouldn't forget to tell me when my own daughter starts talking–" 

"You're acting like I chose not to tell you. I wasn't not going to tell you, but I have other things on mind! I have a lot to do, in case you forgot!" 

"Like I'm not busy too?" you ask. "Like I don't work all day every day to come home to you. To make sure there's a home to come home to." 

"You're throwing that in my face?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No! No, I'm just saying that I'm busy too, you're not the only one who has to do things, Steve, but the difference is that I would never forget to tell you something like that!" 

"Maybe if you were home, you wouldn't need to shout at me about it. You feel guilty and you're taking it out on me." 

You don't see red or anything so aggressive —no. You just feel like he's slapped you, like he's reached right into the centre of your chest and said the thing that's going to hurt you the most. 

You don't want to cry. You know how it looks, like you're losing, so you're crying, so he'll feel sorry and make you feel better. Steve has known you and loved you for years and he knows the look on your face before tears have even welled up. You twist away from him and cover your face with your hands, your skin hot as a burning hearth. 

And the tears are pathetic. Sniffling, quiet, high-pitched in the back of your throat. It's not fair. It's not fair, you want to stay home too, you want to see their first moments, and you don't get to do it and he's shouting at you and you just want to shrink into nothing right then and there. You're tired, and you're embarrassed at yourself for speaking to him like that. He doesn't deserve it.

"Honey," Steve says, all malice gone. "Honey, don't. It's okay." 

"I'm fine." 

"No, it's okay," he says, putting his hand on your shoulder. 

"Ignore me," you say, "I'm not crying to– I'm just mad." 

"Don't cry," he murmurs, pressing his lips to your crown. "Don't. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." 

Love is so unfortunate, sometimes. He's the only one who you want comfort from, but you're so mad at him. Even if he's right. The anger is as illogical as the love; you want him to go away and you need him to rub your back as you snuffle. 

"It's not fair, Steve. You can't just say that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I know you can't be home. I know I'm the lucky one. I know how much you've given away to let me have what I want," he says, moving so he's face to face with you. 

"Now you'll think I'm crying just to be the one upset," you say with a sob. 

"Only a little bit." He laughs fondly at your frown. "I'm kidding!"

You cry so much he has to wrap his arms around you to keep you together. It's not his fault, but suddenly everything breaks the surface, how guilty you feel for missing out, how annoyed you are at him for knowing that and still giving you a hard time, how annoyed you are at yourself for shouting at him over something he can't control. You cry because you miss the girls, you miss him, and you're tired. There's hundreds of tiny reasons. 

Steve sounds a little emotional himself when he says, "God, I'm sorry." His cheek pressed hard to your ear, his hug tightening. "I'm a dick, making you cry." 

"I'm a dick. I'm sorry," you say, head heavy, tears slowed. 

"It's okay. I know why you're upset. I promise I know. I shouldn't have got so defensive… but I really did forget, honey. I'm sorry, but I did." 

"I know. I'm sorry for being a bitch about it." 

He laughs and pulls back to cup your cheek. "You are not a bitch. You got upset, you're not the antichrist." 

You sniff. Steve pulls the corner of your mouth into an uneven smile and then, slowly, leans in to dot a kiss there. When he moves back, his face is slack. An unhappiness lingers in his lips and his eyes where they're trained on your tacky cheek. 

He moves in for a second kiss. This one is firmer, longer, and you reciprocate with relief. 

"Do you really think that? That I act like they're just my girls?" he asks when he pulls away. 

You duck your head so you don't have to look at him, or face the mean things you'd said. Not just mean, either, but the things you're embarrassed to have thought. 

"Not really. Sometimes I feel like…" You don't want to say it aloud. You rub the skin of his wrist in a fidget. 

"Go on," he says. 

"I worry I'm not choosing the right thing. I would never ask you to give this up… I really wouldn't. But I worry I'll regret not being here."  

Steve wraps his hands in your t-shirt and pulls it toward him. You're becoming more and more intertwined as the conversation progresses, your faces much too close. 

"We've always said," he says slowly, "that you could change your mind. That you could come home, and that I would work. We've always said that. You don't have to be afraid to tell me you've been thinking about it." 

"I haven't." You sniff. "I don't even think I could do it." 

"Are you kidding?" Steve asks. 

A rogue tear races down your cheek. If you speak, you'll sob, so you shake your head and hold onto his wrist for dear life. 

"You're the best mom they ever made," he says, easing closer still, his face imploring, pleading with you, "why would you ever think you can't do it? It’s different to when you’re home, being alone with them, it's fucking hard, and I think you'd struggle to get used to it at first because I still struggle now, but you could do it. I know you could. You could stay at home and look after them if you want to, I want you to do that if it's what you need." 

"This is silly," you say. 

"It's not silly." 

"I've made this all about me. I was angry at you and now you're comforting me." You stroke his cheek with your knuckle. "I'm the one who should be comforting you. You race after the kids all day and then the wife comes home and grabs you by the ear."

"I think I'd kinda like it if you did," he says. 

You both laugh. 

"I'm sorry," you say. 

Steve nods. "Yeah, me too." 

You bite back everything that's hurting. It's only a temporary pain. You'll figure out what you want, and you have your best friend in the world kneeling in front of you, willing to do anything if it'll help. 

"I should be nicer to you," you murmur. 

"You're plenty nice. But if you're still feeling guilty, I'd die for a kiss, sweetheart." 

You wipe your face with your sleeves, wet cheeks, snotty nose, and brush your hair away so you look like someone worth kissing. "Do I look okay?" 

"You look beautiful," Steve says fondly, leaning in for a kiss. His hands bracelet your wrists. "So pretty," he says between kisses. 

"Don't," you chastise lightly, "this is why I keep getting knocked up." 

"In that case," he says against your lips. He deepens the kiss against your charmed laughter, his hand sliding to the back of your neck, holding you still in the face of his ardency. 

You part before things can get heated and he lets you apologise again, though he insists it isn't necessary, your arms over his shoulders, your nose in his hair. He's always been so good like that —Steve doesn't hold a grudge with you (though others may not be so lucky). He stands you up, brushes you down, even wipes your cheeks with a washcloth. It's why you could never send him to work. He's a caretaker down to the bone. 

Bethie, sweet girl as she is, appears as he's wiping your puffy eyes. She's almost three and a half, and she's the cutest girl in existence if Steve is to be believed. He visibly softens at her entrance alone. 

"Hello, Bethie-baby," he says, "we were wondering where you were. Did you finish your crackers?" 

She's a daddy's girl and she always has been, so it surprises you when she pretty much ignores him and holds her hands up to you. You pick her up, let her settle against your chest. 

"Hey, Beth." 

"Missed you," she says. 

"Oh, you did?" you ask, overjoyed. You sniffle the last of your upset away and lock it down tight. 

She's a quiet baby. You worried she had developmental issues at first (which wouldn't have mattered in terms of love, but worried all the same), though these days your theory is that she doesn't want to speak very much. She likes to communicate in other ways, namely affection, and her face brushes yours as she hugs you. 

You pat her back like she knows she likes. Steve smiles at you from over his shoulders. You wear twin expressions —I'm sorry, I love you, isn't she lovely?

[penny-anna]

have standing plans w friends on a friday night (get together and Watch Stuff) but this friday i was invited to a DIFFERENT friend's birthday party and i kinda wanted to do both

fortunately party starts at 6 and i can meet friends as late as 7:30 so both it is!!

finish work. im so so tired but im hoping there will be some ppl at the party i haven't seen in a while so will regret it if i don't go.

get to the party. there's like 2 people there i know and a bunch of people i don't.

sit down & ask one of the people i know what's going on. 'Concepts'. ?? that is the broadest possible answer, literally everything in the universe could be described as a concept

they are playing some kind of incoherent board game

purpose of the board game is to guess a phrase. so far the group has guessed that it's a 3-word phrase that has something to do with money

other clues that have been given out include 'happy' 'unhappy' 'opposite' 'getting bigger' and 'getting smaller'. everyone is assuming that the phrase they are looking for is a well-known expression and are just saying every expression they can think of that is money-related

go & get a drink

some of the ppl i was hoping to see arrive!! they understand the game even less than i do

one of the rules of the game is that if enough time ellapses the pair of people giving out the clues can add more people to their team. team grows from 2 people to 5 bcos no-one can figure out what the fuck they are talking about

eventually manage to establish that what we are looking for is a three-word phrase that means something is free.

some more new people arrive. they are filled on the above. 'so it doesn't cost anything?'

'YES!! YES!!!'

the card fucking says 'doesn't cost anything' which is not an expression. pandemonium. everyone fucking furious.

go & buy another drink which i quickly realise i will have to neck in order to be home by 7:30 (i am hosting so cannot be late)

stay tuned for part 2!!

[hanasnx]

Indy's husky chuckle resonated above you as he drove his hips with intensity, plunging deep into your ass, touchin’ you up so well. "Tell me, sweetheart," he purred, "he never satisfied you like this, did he?" His words sent shivers down your spine, your breath hitching as you could only manage a nod, your senses overwhelmed by the sheer pleasure of his touch.

You buried your face into the plushness of his pillows, inhaling his intoxicating scent that only made you wanna moan out even more. With a grunt, Indy tightened his grip on a fistful of your hair, a delicious mixture of pain and pleasure coursing through you.

"Say it," he demanded, his pretty pink plump lips leaning down to your ear, "or i’ll fuckin’ stop, leave us both unhappy"

His fingers trailed teasingly down your quivering stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Suddenly, two of his digits skillfully entered you, causing a guttural cry of pleasure to escape your lips, your body arching into his touch. Speech became nearly impossible as waves of pleasure crashed over you, leaving you utterly at his mercy, completely lost in the intensity of the moment.

“Such a tight little virgin asshole," Indy taunted, his voice dipping as he grunted, "He never had the balls to take this pretty little hole, did he? What was he, a damn pussy?" His laughter echoed in the room, sending a thrill down your spine.

As you began to lose yourself in the overwhelming pleasure, your legs trembling and your eyes rolling back, Indy's words brought you nearer and nearer your orgasm, talking you through every single thing.

“That's it, baby," he cooed, his voice low and seductive, "tell me my dick's better." With each thrust your cries grew louder, your body arching and trembling in ecstasy.

a couple of things: implication of infidelity, hand in hair, reader smelling me off my pillows, pretty pink lips—bcos i rly do have pink lips, “leave us both unhappy” this. this this. bcos i really do that like it’s not that i’ll cum and leave you i hate that but leaving us both unhappy >>> perfect.

fucking your ass and fingering you at the same time wow there are literally angels singing in my head rn. “tight virgin asshole” amazing showstopping incredible. “voice dipping as he grunted, ‘he never had the balls to take this pretty little hole, did he?” holy fuck. the comparison, the speaking in your ear, pretty little hole, are you fucking kidding me??

talking you thru it?? “that’s it, baby,” “tell me my dick’s better.” ???? im bricked up rn. anon reveal yourself or give yourself an emoji. can i give you an emoji? would you like to be 🌸? it’s my favorite.

[naanima]

Every time rumours/media starts saying a player is "locker room cancer" I will IGNORE it till proven otherwise. Bcos often than not when they say a player is "locker room cancer" it is usually because of the following:

Player think the coach/GM is doing a shit job, they are unhappy with the org.

Player requested for a trade.

Org is trying to push a player out, so they make it a fucking living hell for them till the leave/waive their NMC etc.

Player DON'T fall in line with the org's, often bullshit, views & actions.

Jack Eichel - apparently fighting for your own body autonomy is "locker room cancer".

Honestly speaking, it is often used for players who show independent thinking & ain't afraid to say it.

So yeah, fuck this NHL league & media created "locker room cancer" bullshit with NO fucking evidence of any sort of info.

[imaslothandsowhat]

still unemployed. also, highly anxious and have creeping depression coming back. home situation so stressful with the whole home renovation. we dont have any help and im incapable of doing everything my parents want me to do. i keep having pestering health issues. i dont get enough sleep and i think i have very strong case of insomnia fuelled by horrible anxiety. home renovation is so stressful and shit doesnt work bcos both my parents are old and, well, im not a fucking builder so i dont do it either. they keep having constant bickering to full blown out fights. i cant even clean the house, im so exhausted all the time. i think tis the atmosphere in the house - depressing and hopeless, we all succumbed to it. i dont know how to escape. also, reading horror stories - that may have influenced my mental state in one way or another, who knows, at least it keeps me happy bcos im lost in another book.

i try to write. finished one shot. writing another one, a very long one. i have many ideas for fanfics but then i get discourages bcos 'those are just fanfics'. they are not going to get me employed or recognised in any way. its not a published book draft. i cant force myself write an analytical piece of essay on politics - it bores me, kills me. i want to be educated and i try to read some academic articles but i cant physically force myself to open one. also, i want to and, actually, just have to read and learn the laws (plural, yes, so fucking many) of my country so i can be an educated citizen that knows her rights. its intimidating, its a lot, i want to cry often bcos i feel like a failure.

im so old and i dont have a job even though i graduated bachelors already a year ago. i shouldve found smthgn by now. but i dont want any job, i want smthng nice and worthy of m and my time and my knowledge. but i suppose im also very lazy and passive. i thought about starting a youtube channel, but thats also a lot of effort. a lot of energy.

all my energy goes to surviving day by day in this depressed household whre my father is always angry, tired, unhappy and my mother is always angry, tired, unhappy. see, a pattern? i am, too, always angry, tired, unhappy. when things go well, we cherish and we dont do anything. then, things swiftly go to shit and i feel sm anxiety that i feel my heart bursting and bleeding and i dont have any meds (except simple calming one) to help me. i want to cry, often, more often.

i began my singing online classes. it felt like a lot of fun and i enjoyed it. i want to begin my piano classes too, slowly. but then, i feel like a failure bcos its not a job. i dont work. i dont get money. i dont develop myself career-wise. everythign i do and enjoy slightly - its all a mess, its all unworthy, its all pointless. i dont help around the house, i dont help with renovations, i dont work. im nothing, i worth nothing. i dont have a job and im nothing, i dont have a career and how dare i dream big, how dare i be ambitious.

very depressive state of mind. my mind is haunted, i suppose, its hunted even by these sharks of anxiety and self-hatred ingrained so deep within me that it takes me so many years to unlearn that no, in fact, killing oneself is not a logical decision and hating every inch of your being and your personality is, in fact, not a healthy and cool attitude.

well, doing it all little by little. might read some academic articles, might not. who knows? no one fucking hires me regardless of how many cvs i send. my country is rotting, decaying from blatant nepotism and corruption. how will i move through it? i do not know. but i put too much energy already in my beautiful hobbies, in helping around the house, in keeping myself and my parents sane and not going off the rockers. its a full time job, actually! i try to soothe myself before i sleep bcos i wish only to cry and scream bcos how dare my fate not be what i have imagined all these months ago.

the world is cruel, unhappy, damp place. and i think im falling through it. but im trying to remember that this all is just a temporary feeling and i will feel better soon, maybe even tomorrow. my hobbies make sense, they are worth the time, worth my energy. i must try to enjoy my life even though i feel like its running away and i am worthless and my mom's words about 'doing something, write something, DO SOMETHING' are not helping. i simply want to decompose, cease to move forever. why time flies so fast? its already the third month of the year and i havent accomplished anything. work-wise, i guess. mentally? im down again. why life is like this.

tmrw i believe things will be better even though i cant for the life of me force myself to fall asleep early bcos my thoughts are killing me, eating me from the inside. i cant for the life of me force myself to wake up early bcos the dread of the day filled with depressive state horrifies me. what a cycle i live in. i dont know how to get out. and my depressed and angry parents are not helping. and i do not want to leave my house, pls do not suggest, im so sick of this stupid suggestion.

[btobsmuff-blog]

Yogurt

Pairing: Eunkwang x Reader

Prompt: A close friend hasn't shown up for work in three days. You've repeatedly called them on their cellphone and they haven't responded. After work you go to their house.

a/n: again thank you ana for this prompt i dont want to annoy you by tagging you all the time so hihi ilysm also omg i freaking apologize this is going to be cringy af fluff bcos i’m a soft eunkwang stan hajksdhak

“Y/N, Do you know where Mr. Seo is?” your manager asked you. He didn’t show any anger or frustration about Eunkwang’s absence but he was rather worried.

You only answered your manager with a sad head tilt and a shrug.

It’s very unlikely for Eunkwang to miss work, especially without any notice, he was crowned as Employee of the Month for 8 consecutive months already and you know how passionate he is with this job, so this is pretty much out of character.

You and Eunkwang work at a Frozen Yogurt place and honestly, it’s been a blast working with your best friend. Work can get pretty tiring and stressful but what else could go wrong when you have your sunshine-y bestie around?

He greets every customer with the warmest smiles and you swear, no matter how cold the froyos and the shop is, Eunkwang’s presence alone can melt any customers’ heart. Including yours.

“He’s not picking up my calls too, sir. But I’ll go check up on him after my shift” you gave an assuring smile to your manager.

After clocking out, you went straight to Eunkwang’s apartment. It was just one bus stop away from the FroYo shop.  

You walked to his apartment and knocked a couple of times before playing with the doorknob. To your surprise, it was unlocked. You walk straight right in and find Eunkwang lying on the couch.

You watched as his chest rise up and down so you weren’t worried he did something crazy. He felt your presence and jolted up as he quickly fixed his hair and rubbed his eyes.

“Oh y/n?! What brings you here?” he asked as if he is not asking the obvious.

“Our manager is looking for you. What happened to you, Kwangie?” you asked as you sat beside him in the couch.

He rested his head on his palm and sighed heavily as if suppressing his sobs.

“She…she left me. Like I’m nothing.” He scoffed. “Maybe I am nothing.” He added.

You put your arms around him, pulling him closer as you caressed his head, playing with his hair.

“Shh…don’t say that.”

“I can’t feel anything anymore, y/n.”

“Well considering the amount of painkillers you’ve taken, I wouldn’t be surprised.” You said as you pointed at the glass bottle on the wooden table in front of the couch.

He let out a faint laugh. You just wanted to lighten up the mood but to be honest, this is hurting you more than it should. It hurts to see the best man in the world get hurt like this, if anything, he deserves all the good in the world. All the pretty sprinkles, gummy bears, chocolate chips, and froyo in the world.

“Am I really hard to love, y/n? Am I underserving? You know what, maybe I am. Maybe it’s hard to love a person like me. What is even the surprise here-“ he stopped as soon as you pulled away from him. Shocked at your sudden action, he stared at you.

“Just what the hell are you saying, Seo Eunkwang?!” you raised your voice at him.

“You’re the best person in this world and it gets me so messed up to know that she can’t see that. You are a beautiful person and your bring so much joy to everyone, so don’t think otherwise!”  You blurted.

He dropped his head low and shook it as you hear his sobs grow louder and louder.

“I can’t do this anymore. I feel dead inside, y/n” he said in between sobs.

You cupped his thin cheeks and the warmth of your hands took him by surprise, clueless as to where this is going.

You rubbed his tears away with your thumb before planting the softest kiss on his trembling lips.

“Let me make you feel alive, then.” You said. This time, it was Eunkwang who leaned in for a kiss.

[equalseleventhirds]

i've been trying to read jade city and like...... it's good, it's objectively well-written, the worldbuilding is fascinating, the characters are interesting

but god it's so bleak. every character with an ounce of hope of a better future is just slammed back into the system of violence and fear and all their 'hope' becomes focused on just surviving. the characters who are on their way to thriving are those already happy to do violence and make war.

and maybe it changes eventually? but i got like. a dozen chapters in and i was just feeling so hopeless with everything new that happened. ...and then it was time for it to go back to the library so i'm just moving on to something new.

like, it's not a bad book, but i simply did not feel good reading it? don't get me wrong, i do not require sunshine and rainbows through every moment of a story, but i like feeling like the characters at least have like... dreams or w/e. even if those eventually wind up destroyed or changed or something (altho i do love... not necessarily a happy ending, but a hopeful one), them having Something Good to work towards as motivation........ helps me feel good reading.

[totopopopo]

Why is my defense mechanism to be extra nice to someone

[hellforcertain]

honestly how does anyone with a chronic illness not end up with major disordered eating issues

[dont reblog this]

[amjustagirl]

if you could talk to your 18yr old self, what would you tell her?

there is so much i'd love to tell my 18 year old self.

(i admit i kinda cried writing this, okay nvm pls do not judge me)

dear eighteen year old nikki,

hey there. i know that exams and law sch admission are prob the biggest things on your mind now, and you're feeling kinda small seeing all your classmates win scholarships or places in oxbridge or the ivy league - but just bcos you can't afford to the fees or can't get a govt scholarship to attend those schools doesn't make you any less worthy. you've got your own path to forge, keep your head up high.

and uni is gonna be challenging, make you question who you are, what you want out of life, and it's okay to change your goals. you're not any less of a person when you decide that you don't want to keep making yourself unhappy. ambitions are good but it's okay to take a step back, smell the wildflowers on the roadside instead of dashing to the next meeting, to the next thing on your agenda.

also - there's no shame in being yourself, brash and weird and loud and quiet and forthright and intense and emotional, because there's someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are. you'll learn there's so much out there to life than just books and grades and im so excited for you to see the world in all its shades, in all its hues.

finally, be kind. to yourself, to those around you. it's easy to shut your heart and close yourself off to the world because the world can be cruel, it can be unkind. but there's space to love, there's room to be soft and gentle. but while kindness is a good thing, don't allow anyone to use it as an excuse to abuse you.

you're strong. you got this. and above all, i'm proud of you.

much love,

twenty-eight year old nikki.

[hanasnx]

Read all your asks about the IWMFLY au and i cant stop thinking about what the reader might think if she knew why he married her. Like, she know he loves her, but if its just platonic love, i dont know...what would she think?

Platonic love is by no means less important than romantic, but the reader, if i understood right, loves Logan, platonically AND romantically. I would personally freak out about this, i would lose my mind trying to understand why he married me if he didn't love me like that. To me, marriage is something deep lovers do, and this would bring me to shreds.

The reader loves Logan and Logan loves the reader, theyre just two different kinds of love...but its much more suffering loving romantically someone that doesnt want you like that...and in marriage, its much worse.

As i said in one of my previous ask, i think the reader in this situation is going to burst out into tears every time the touch briefly AND everything he says "i love you" too her.

Sorry for the long message, i just want to share my thoughts on this.

i appreciate that you read all the asks about it! that makes me so happy actually to see someone so interested, i loved that u shared all your thoughts with me i wanna hear everything

reader’s not completely clueless on all this. she may try to hide the truth from herself, stay in some safety of denial but logan’s never touched her even before marriage so there’s a level of suspect to it. she’s got hope it’ll change, but it dwindles with passing time. there’s not a way for them to have a conversation where he outright says that what he feels for her is completely platonic, it would just never be in the cards. logan wouldn’t know how to say it and he also wouldn’t say it. reader wouldn’t pry bcos she’s not, by nature, a pry-er. part of why this drabble works and can afford that air of open ended mystery is bcos the characters as themselves work for that goal

for now, i haven’t devised a direct conversation about it, but i doubt logan would be able to understand the depth of his feelings for her enough to put it into understandable words—if he’s even capable of voicing deep feelings like that at all

reader agreed to this marriage too. agreed to being protected, agreed to staying with logan no matter what. it’s not that she expected to be untouchable, and is now unhappy with that circumstance, but that she had a different set of things to worry about at the time of the proposal. now that those worries are gone, she’s moved on to worrying about being unwanted sexually which is a completely normal doubt to have in ur life. the drabble takes place in the very beginning stages of overcoming it

people can get married for any number of reasons. ppl can get married for tax benefits, for hospital rights, for life insurance claims, for platonic friendships, etc etc you don’t need some deep inherently sexual and/or romantic reason for getting married. there are no rules. only consent

if it helps, i don’t even think logan says i love you. and if he does, it’s very very special occasions. he knows it’s a heavy phrase to say, and he doesn’t like saying it unless he’s ready and the time is right. so at least the reader you described wouldn’t be spontaneously bursting into tears a lot

[dullahandyke]

Count of monte Cristo for the series ask

kissing u so sweetly for this /p thank u bestie

Favourite character: Mercédes :( basically. MILF who did nothing wrong and is so so tragic and should have gotten to murder her husband. Dumas was a coward actually for giving her a bad ending she deserved happiness. yes i know thats counter-productive to the messaging to the book no i dont care :( mercedes bby come back 2 me

Second favourite character: even split between Eugénie and Benedetto... eugénie is here because her entire character is just the word 'DYKE' capital-letters and like its probably meant to be seen as a bad thing but shes having a ball and i am too. and benedetto for me because i can have little a prettyboy who commits murder and pretends to be a prince. as a treat. made a dahlia hawthorne parallel a few days ago and my brain hasn't shut up since. also his role in villefort's revenge kicked ass it was so dramatic. the revenges in this book.... heart emoji

Least favourite character: villefort but in a sad pathetic wet dog way. like hes done some fucking deplorable things but also he is constantly shivering. hes the character i have most active negative emotions towards

Character I relate to most: (hard cut to me rereading the part where eugénie tells her dad 'i'm not unhappy just bcos i dont want to marry a dude. why would i be unhappy? i'm hot and smart and pretty and everyone loves me. me getting married would only tie me down pointlessly' and being like YESSSS!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!)

OTP: in a shocking move, i do NOT go for eugénie and her canon girlfriend, instead opting for edmond and mercédes. like especially the wildhorn musical version... yes it goes against the original book. i dont care. 'he was gone but not forgotten, in each ocean breeze he lived again, can this heart distant and clever, be lost forever'... the tragedy of someone you used to adore and who youve been hanging your hopes on, and then they come back and they are cruel and they are not merciful... ough. also A Nocturnal Interview is the only chapter ever actually

NOTP: edmond x haidée. not even because of 'omggg otp' with him and mercedes. shes like 2 decades younger than u edmond, youve literally called her 'like a daughter' before. 'he knew that he had found a second mercedes' shut the fuck up dumas, haidee and mercedes are their own distinct characters, neither are able to replace each other or be replaced. also, albert x edmond. fuck you they're father and son in my mind. you ship that one because you watched the anime, didn't you

Favourite moment: ough... the climx of the revenge against villefort is SOO fucking good i go haywire every single time. set the scene: villefort cheated on his wife and now has a bastard son. he takes this bastard son and tells the mother that he has died and he heads down to the garden to dig the living child a grave, because the king's prosecutor has no room for a bastard son. the baby gets stolen from him, and fast forward two decades, a scoundrel is on trial; for dastardly behaviour, for pretending to be prince, for matricide and prison break and murder. we know who it is. we have been told. the judge asks the man's name and he declines to give it; he does not know it. he gives the date of his birth. villefort's pen stills. he gives the place of his birth. villefort looks up, pale. he does not give his name because he does not know it. he does, however, know the name of his father. he looks villefort in the eyes. 'gerárd de villefort', the man says. and just like that, villefort's life falls apart.

Rating out of ten: 9/10. legitimately a very good book, if incredibly long (my copy has small text and still has nearly 900 pages.) it does have some... questionable bits (gestures to the casual bigotry and also the entire existence of Ali) but they dont subsume the narrative and its such a winding plot that ties things into a neat little bow... mwah

[saetoru]

Yooo your message to that other anon about blocking peeps was helpful to me too. 🥺 A moot softblocked me recently and I’m pretty sure it was because I made a post wondering whether or not I’m suited for my current job.

They replied to the post saying I should be grateful for what I have bc they want to be in my position and that I shouldn’t take things for granted.

I felt bad both for posting my own concerns about work and then bad for making them feel the way they did.

I mentioned to them that I wasn’t complaining, that I was just genuinely contemplating if this is the right path for me and they told me that I should be happy with what I have because it looks like i have “a perfect life” (I don’t).

Anyway, I’m okey with them softblocking me, bcos everyone’s allowed to create their own safe space. But still felt shitty haha.

— 🦊 🐾 Anon

hi bestie im gonna real here i think u should hardblock that ex moot bc they rly are too detached from reality in my opinion. it’s definitely okay to be unhappy in their situation—and it’s perfectly okay to be unhappy in yours. there is always someone who is off worse than you are so it’s not fair to invalidate peoples unhappiness bc u would “kill” to be in their position. is it not very relatable to you ?? sure. could they maybe as you to tag when u talk about ur job if they rlyyyy don’t wanna see it ??? possibly. but they didn’t need to tell u about how u should feel about your life—ur more than allowed to question urself and if this is for u and just bc someone thinks ur lucky doesn’t mean u have to like it.

anyway block them tbh they suck for that :(

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

[animalinvestigator]

Reading ur post reminded me something, maybe im being super sensitive but i kin chara too and seeing Asriel at the end be like "you were the friend i always wish i had" and stuff to frisk, and liking frisk more than chara basically, idolizing frisk, all that, made me really sad, idk.. i know theyre not real but i just :( do u feel me..

Yea no its real tragic. This is referring back 2 what i keep talking about , smth i realized is much more core 2 asriel+chara’s story than i initially thought- the tragedy of being incapable of understanding eachother. Asriel’s trying to comprehend everything tht’s happened and the way he pieces those things together at the end of the game leads him to the “maybe chara wasn’t that good of a person” conclusion bcos after all this time, he still doesnt understand them, and they still dont understand him.

I also think it has a good degree to do with the way HE behaved as flowey. I think its pretty well accepted that his behavior as flowey is largely adopted from worldviews + behaviors he learned from chara, so i think it’s likely that he says those things in part as an evaluation of the things HE did -- he’s saying “chara” because he learned those things from chara, but he means “himself” when he’s talking about being a bad person...which isnt to say he doesnt truly believe that chara is a bad person, he’s just projecting his behaviors onto them in addition to htat (there’s several other times in text he does this to frisk/the player/ who he percieves as chara which is why i draw this conclusion)

In any event its really tragic + one of the main reasons i hate when people try to write everyone lives post pacifist as like, everyone hugs and gets along right off the bat -- there’s clearly a LOT of unresolved conflict especially considering chara can HEAR him when he says that . their relationship isnt by any means in a good place at the end of the game

Thats yet another reason why i think deltarune might be a continuation of THEIR story = P While i believe the unhappy ending for asriel and chara is extremely poignant and completely what was intended, with the way that toby concluded pretty much everyone elses character arcs and left those two open ended, and a number of other clues...it seems all signs are pointing towards “it will get resolved someday” .

I do believe they still love eachother though. They were both readily willing to sacrifice everything about  themselves and their lives for eachother..even though their relationship is left in a turbulent state at the end of undertale, it would be silly to say that they no longer care about eachother. After all, it’s the memory of chara that stopped asriel from destroying the world, isnt it ? ^-’

[npdroyalty]

I also hate being garbage unloving selfish unfeeling mentally ill instead of sad baby uwu mentally ill like thanks brain for making sure i can never open up to anyone for fear of looking like an asshole