#and i was like damn my counselor is a good fucking actor lol

[fefairys]

i actually originally made this post after a small blip happened in a friend group. it was no big deal and was settled immediately and no one got hurt, but i just remembered i have an extreme example of a bit taken too far from my childhood that i wanna share. it’s a bit of a long story:

so when i was 11 i went to a 10 day summer camp and one day, the camp counselors did a 'murder mystery' routine where they pretended like one of the (beloved) cooks had DIED and they fucking SOLD this so hard.

right before dinner time, all the counselors huddled together next to this cliff that led into ravine, peaking over it anxiously and speaking to each other in hushed tones, acting like they were genuinely upset and concerned about something. i asked one what was going on and they just told me "it's gonna be okay" or something vague like that and told me not to worry and to go hang out with my friends.

at dinner, i was sitting with my assigned counselor and a couple of boys i was friends with, and one of the boys asked her, like "uh.. whats going on. did someone.... die...?" and she just fled the table without saying anything, as if she was leaving to go cry.

so like. i thought someone LITERALLY DIED. mind you, i was already having a shit time at this camp because of my anxiety i was just feeling miserable every single morning, but like. NOW I THOUGHT THAT ONE OF THE COOKS FELL OFF A CLIFF AND *DIED*.

i went to my bed in the cabin and started bawling and another counselor came to comfort me and i was like "im so scared i dont know whats going on and no one will tell me anything" and she STILL DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS A BIT. she just vaguely said "hey, everythings gonna be okay!" NOT "hey no one died, we're just pulling a prank" or something. I WAS 11 YEARS OLD AND THOUGHT SOMEONE I KNEW JUST DIED AND NO ONE WOULD TELL ME OTHERWISE.

i did not know it was a bit until that night when the counselors gathered us all together and were like "so you may have noticed we have been acting strange today.. thats because... there's been a MURDER and we need YOUR GUYS'S HELP TO SOLVE IT HEHE!!" and i was like. theres about to be a real murder. lol

the next year they did a "marriage mystery" instead (follow clues to find out which two counselors are "getting married") and i think they changed it because of my panic attack lowkey lmao

sometimes you need to give up committing to the bit when someone genuinely can’t tell if it’s a bit or not and is getting distressed about it :/ sorry

[7of9ers]

Picard Episode 8 Spoilers:

I tried a reaction thread for the first time but I had a migraine on 420 and made up for it the day after when this came out lol. So fair warning...it's silly as hell.

-Alright lovers, can we like kiss already. Now the fighting is getting tired.

-Damn human Seven is a mean girl lol. Regina George party of 1.

-Seven you're hotter with your implants. Accept it.

-Is this whole season Seven's Tapestry? Omfg I FIGURED IT OUT. ITS SEVEN'S TAPESTRY. Gotta accept all parts about yourself lady or you end up a weak, boring human married to some dude instead of with the most beautiful woman in the world.

-So this guy is a time cop right?

-Guinan is so secksy

-"No wonder I was president." Yeah you're smart and secksy we get it.

-Raffi's reaction to Seven's cockiness before it's interupted by a dead body lol

-AH NECK GASH EW.

-Is Jurati's thing murdering men?

-Aww no my heart don't make Raffis face sad. God damn my heart can't take it and I can't hug her from this side of the TV! I swear to god Seven you better treat her right.

-Uh Picard. You're gonna have to hook up Seven with Counselor Troi because she has traumaaaaahhh.

-Omg they got their asses kicked wtf

-Choke out my great love? No agnes. We're done. I don't care if you quit in time. Shoulda never touched her in the first place.

-What is gonna happen with rios and his new wife.

-Haha then she says we're married lol nice.

-Woah mujer lol

-She kissed him pretty good

-Enough with the nerd from voyager. Lemme see saffi

-We needed a Q scene I was bored

-Woah this shit is nuts

-I love that Q has the personality of an ACTOOOOOR

-So he did save picard and gang? I knew it.

-We really need a seven/raffi show. I need more screen time with them. I feel irrationally angry when a scene pops up with...not them.

-I'm gonna need this b character to be a little farther in the b

- It's actually classic star trek to have old actors play new characters I like it

- Geez brown eyes take it easy. It's like staring at the sun.

-Classic mom guilt trip.

-KISSSSSS GOD DAMNIT KISS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK.

-This is stressing me out on a Spring Thursday morning. Birds chirping...ruined.

-Oh no she's hooking up sith Soong

-NOT GOOD

-Tread lightly, Spiner...she kills her older gentleman callers

-Don't take me back in time god damnit lol

-You just saw vulcans dude calm down

-KISS! OLD MEN KISSSSS

-Omg this show is turning me into a monster

-First contact vibes. Their fave movies were first contact and IV and hey heh me too.

-I made my bff watch IV and he was not impressed. I felt betrayed. Like why we are even friends bro.

-Damn this shit is deep

-Yea we do all live in the past it sucks lol

-I'm not crying about philosophy you are

-Woooah shit is GETTING HOPEFUL AHHHHHHHHHHH

-IN WHAT PUSSY? DID HE JUST SAY IN WHAT PUSSY

-Alison Pills acting real good. *claps*

-Awww besties thru out time

-This shit is wild. Sci fi!

-OHHH NO THIS IS SCARYYYYYY

-THE BORG AHHHHHHH

Yea I'm gonna need some queer joy asap. Less fighting more kissing and grab assing. I am annoyed.

The hets are getting all the kisses and I'm bored.

[ambitionsource]

can we just talk about nigel... walk us through him please

i’m 2 months late to answering this, but yes. yes we can! i’ll try to give the same general portrait of him as i did in the past with like nate and stuff, hopefully it will be somewhat coherent bc i love him and he deserves to be appreciated and understood just as much as our other fave a class kiddos

so as we all know damn well at this point, nigel is an aspiring actor. he’s one of the few students in the a class who has a very core passion that he doesn’t waver from (like in the way maya, farkle, yindra, riley, etc. kind of just do lots of everything -- and eat up the opportunities in their wake LOL -- nigel is like zay in that they both have very clear areas of expertise that they dedicate most of their energy and passion to). and though he’s not as intense or vocal about it, acting is extremely important to nigel. actually, the whole process and experience of being an actor is, from the character work to the play reading and annotating to those moments of actual delivery. he’s an actor in his bones, equally as dedicated as maya or zay just significantly more outwardly laid back about it.

that being said, i feel like all you have to do to really get a sense of how deeply he cares about it is to... ask him about it. like if you get him talking about shakespeare, any of his plays, the kid who always seems so quiet and laid back will be talking a mile a minute and unpacking the nuances and brilliance of shakespeare’s works faster than you can keep up. he’s also like this -- tho not to the same degree as acting -- about classical music / jazz / a capella choirs / orchestra (since he plays the violin), local cafes + coffee, nostalgic story-driven cartoons like digimon that he watched on pbs when he was younger, and editorial cartoons. like he’s the friend that sends yindra and zay his favorite political cartoon from the new york times every sunday to their group chat (and after some time, jade gets these excerpts too). he’s also decently savvy about fashion, at least the lowkey hipster art deco pretentious chic type of fashion. i think he’s similar to asher, riley, and charlie in that he comes off a certain way and everyone assumes they know what he’s like bc he’s great a maintaining this calm persona, but those who really know him know that it’s all a charade and he’s extremely nerdy, excitable, enthusiastic, and impassioned, etc. if he’s comfortable with you, then you get the full nigel chey experience with all those quirks and eccentricities.

part of the reason nigel has the calm, unbothered persona, though, is mainly because of his family. he has a good relationship with his parents and his siblings, but he comes from a family where there’s a lot to juggle and so many things going at once that it behooves him and makes him feel better to be out of the way and not adding to anyone’s plate. as we mentioned on the income scale, nigel is one of the scholarship students at aaa, so much of his parents’ time is dedicated to making ends meet and looking out for all of the chey children. nigel has a few siblings, but the age gap for the most part isn’t that wide. he has an older sister who is one year ahead of him in school (but is not an artist, she’s studying to be a school counselor), a younger sister who is a freshman, a younger brother who is in middle school, and then the baby brother of the family who was unplanned and thus is quite a few years younger than the rest of them. so they’re a crowded, hectic little clan, and nigel feels like the best thing he can do is just stay out of the way as much as possible and be useful when he can. so he’s become very good at internalizing unpleasant emotions, letting things go, and not getting riled up (esp by provocation of younger siblings). in some ways, this has also made him a bit of a doormat, as we see in some scenes with yindra and zay where their personalities are just so much louder than his so he tends to default to them or try to keep the peace.

nigel also puts a lot of pressure on himself because of the money situation in their family as well as the unspoken expectations of his parents. both of them are supportive of him pursuing acting, and they always do their best to make it to at least one of his performances, but they’ve taken pains to make it understood that nigel is going to have to work his ass off simply because they don’t have the means or industry savvy to help give him a leg up (like half of his classmates do). like, they wholeheartedly supported his application to aaa -- especially his dad, who is a bit of a lit nerd himself and loves shakespeare / passed that on to him -- but they made it clear that if he couldn’t get a scholarship, it just wouldn’t be feasible. thankfully, that worked out for the best, but i think nigel lives very aware of that threat nipping at his heels at all times and that’s part of why he throws himself so deeply into the work and was basically oblivious to any other form of Teenagerdom (i.e., jade’s crush or his potential feelings for anyone) for most of his time at aaa.

there’s also a bit of an internal pressure in wanting desperately to make his family proud and feel secure about his future in such an unstable career. like his mom is an analytical mind, she was studying to be an engineer when she was in college but then she dropped out to help take care of nigel’s maternal grandparents and so she never got to realize that for herself and i think she has a lot of anxiety about nigel ending up in a similar situation where he isn’t as secure or happy as she wants him to be. but she doesn’t really like... understand in her head that thats where her hesitation is coming from + the fact that she just isnt an artist and doesnt really get why doing such a risky career would be worthwhile. she supports him, but doesn’t logically Get it. so i think nigel wants to be able to Prove to her he’s got it under control, that he’ll be okay, so that then they can just enjoy his passion as much as he does without worrying about him at the same time. he’s also the first son of the family, and so he has a sort of subconscious pressure as well from masculinity in terms of like coming out successful and able to help support his family, both his and the one he builds in the future with a partner. so big melting pot of anxieties and pressures going on in that beautiful nerdy head of his, but he doesn’t talk about it really even with people he trusts (like yindra and zay) nor do i think he truly understands himself that he’s carrying all that around. it will probably hit him eventually. guess we’ll find out someday!

(fun fact: nigel’s mom also does side work as a seamstress, so that’s part of why he has such a natural appreciation for that type of work. now who else do we know who is a masterful seamstress... hm... its on the tip of my tongue...)

all of that being said, at his core nigel truly is a very laidback guy. its somewhat a persona, but it also is true to his inner self. he’s passionate, but in a tempered and healthy way. i think that sometimes, despite how creative he is in many aspects, he struggles to think outside the box and off the beaten path because of how important measured success and competence is to him. so things like maya doing whatever the fuck she wants and yindra thinking about skipping college and just jumping into the industry don’t compute for him (the same way all of it doesn’t really click for his mom), and as we know, he sometimes becomes frozen in inaction because that feels safer or more logical. and he’s just never going to be the diva that zay or maya or farkle can be, and he’s content with that. if he’s going to make it, in his head, he’s going to achieve it through hard work, dedication, attention to craft, and being a decent person who people enjoy working with. and he also definitely understands the importance of knowing who to trust and having that tight inner circle, i.e., what he has with the true star squad of yindra and zay.

-- Maggie

[miserelysia]

“I Watched the Artemis Fowl Movie and It Made Me Very Upset” Liveblog!

So I decided I had to subject myself to this movie despite being Extremely Aware that it’s a massive pile of firey garbage. It was about as painful as expected, so I liveblogged to keep my sanity. Here’s basically what happened in my head while I was watching:

Josh Diggums: I feel so bad for Josh Gad's voice because it's painfully obvious they just didn't want Olaf showing up so they forced him into some terrible Bale-Batman voice that keeps cracking

why is this movie taking itself so seriously

Book Artemis: eternally unathletic dweeb

Movie Artemis: SURFING MASTER

the fuck, Branagh

THIS VOICE IS SO DAMN BAD, JOSH PLEASE STOP TALKING

okay Artemis is appropriately a little shit for EXACTLY ONE SCENE

FUCK OFF WITH FRIDGING THE MOM, BRANAGH

"ur mom's dead and ur dad's gone so ur a little shit" WHAT A GREAT COUNSELOR

fuck's sake

Book Artemis: immediately falls off whatever this hover thing is

COLIN FARRELL. SEXY MAN.

I ALMOST FORGIVE THEM FOR BRINGING HIM BACK EARLY

AND..... KNOWING ABOUT MAGIC

SDJFKSDF

WHATEVER

I WAS PREPARED FOR THIS

this voice is still terrible, Josh. I'm sorry

this kid is a pretty good actor

"all i really want is to believe in you" that was actually well-delivered

"Arty"

<sobbing>

OKAY IT'S NOT ACCORDING TO THE BOOK BUT FUCK ME THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS WELL DONE

i desperately need Butler to show up soon tho

I SPOKE TOO SOON

"DOMOVOI" ??!!?? YOU FUCKS

why

are his eyes

fucking ELECTRIC BLUE

HIS LITERAL FUKDFSUCING NAME IN THE BOOKS IS 'BUTLER' IT'S PART OF BEING AN INSANELY GOOD SECRET AGENT GUARDIAN HE'S NOT AN ACTUFL FUCKING BUTLER AND LITERALLY NO ONE EVER CALLS HIM "THE BUTLER" BUT HIS NAME IS BUTLER BECAUSE HIS REAL NAME IS SECRET HE'S FUCKING SECURITY FUCKING DID YOU READ THIS FUCKING BOOK SERIES AT ALL BRANAGH OR DID YOU JUSTDSJFKLDSHFSD:LFSEFAGH

i'm sorry

Butler is my absolute favorite character of the entire damn series and they fucking

can't even get OOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEE CHARACTER CORRECT

SCREAMS

did they think calling him "Butler" would be weird because they cast a black guy?????

AGAIN WHY WITH THE FUCKING ELECTRIC BLUE CONTACTS THEY'RE SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE IT LOOKS SO BAD. IF YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO CAST AN AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN JUST FUCKING OWN THAT HE HAS DARK EYES DON'T DO THIS

THE "OWL STAR"???? REALLY???? WHY NOT FOWL STAR

WHY

NOT

IT'S JUST SUCH AN ARBITRARY DUMBASS CHANGE IT MAKES NO SENSE

PLEASE DID I JUST MISUNDERSTAND THE REPORTER MAN

DID THE CAPTIONS JUST MISUNDERSTAND HIM?????

NOPE IT'S LITERALLY THE  O W L  S T A R

fuck off

i'm sorry

stuff like that just bothers me a lot

it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense to change it

Fowl Star made sense bECAUSE IT'S OWNED BY ARTEMIS FOWL

artemis has a lot more emotions than i remember him having

i will not forgive them for destroying the Butler/Artemis relationship in favor of a Dad they fucking fridge in the first half hour of the movie

oh boy nursery rhymes as codes

GROUNDBREAKING

i think the fairies would have something to say about you hiding their own shit from them, MISTER SENIOR

it's still a bad voice, Josh, I'm so sorry

okay Haven is pretty nice

"Haven" not "Haven City"

pretty sure

holly being a 13 year old girl is disconcerting

that was mentioned in a review

they're supposed to be Child-Sized not ACTUAL CHILDREN

also "small person = higher pitched voice" is such a stupid trope please stop

i like the Being diversity around the city

like lots of different types of humanoids

josh desperately wants to do the Olaf voice

i'm so sorry Josh

okay aside from the shit voice Diggums is pretty good

lol Cudgeon's already in jail

i

okay then

i know this is Opal Koboi

meh

i hate her in the books so they can fuck her up all they want

judi dench is batman too i guess

how many cigs you smoke judi root

OH BOY HOLLY HAS MISSING DADDY ISSUES TOO

fucking shit

"you're 84" and you look like a fUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD

such bad choices

every time they say "Domovoi" i--

HISDFHSDHFH

JULIET

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

NIECE?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

SDFJLS:DKF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

FUCK YOU

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK YOU KENNETH BRANAGH

NO

NO

NO

NO

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

SISTER

HIS BABY SISTER HE LOVES AND CARES FOR EVEN MORE THAN ARTEMIS AND THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN UNCLE AND NIECE

HOW COULD YOU LITERALLY DESTROY EVERYTHING ABOUT BUTLER AND STILL SLEEP AT NIGHT

<vomits into the sun>

eoin colfer i hope you made so much money off of this SHITSTACK

(genuinely tho that's literally the only consolation; now he can write more Good Books)

Juliet is cute but i know about all she does is make sandwiches

so fuck this

judi dench is Good

foaly is Okay

why's he wearing clothes tho

the chutes are a lot more... open than expected

BEECHWOOD SHORT THE TRAITOR

FUCK OFF

WHY IS HOLLY’S CHARACTER DEFINED BY HER FUCKING FATHER

THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE AN OUTCOME THAN I EVEN EXPECTED GIVEN THEY EVISCERATED HER CHARACTER'S DRIVE BY MAKING THE L.E.P. ALREADY HAVE FEMALE OFFICERS AND COMMANDERS

"get out cudgeon before i throw you out" okay they got Root completely right at least

aside from making him a her

but that's okay

because it's Judi Dench

awwwww happy flying scene bUT HOLLY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SHIELDED GOt DAMN

“any update?” "yes. i'm freezing" amazing, Butler

i mean dOmOvOi

HOLLY YOU'RE STILL NOT SHIELDED

CGI isn't too bad in this but honestly that's not impressive anymore

awwwww cute wedding scene

troll is about as ugly as possible

LOL JUST FUCKING THROW TIME FREEZE UP LIKE IT'S NOTHING

OKAY

LOL HOLLY GO DEAL WITH THE TROLL DON'T FOCUS ON ONE SMALL CHILD

THAT'S NOT HOW A TIME FREEZE WORKS

I

i mean it's COOL

i love the little Men in Green zipping around

but it doesn't make ANY sense

LOL SO WHY DO THE PEOPLE THINK THE PLACE IS TRASHED

lol gently floating troll

Hollyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Judi Root continues to be amazing

ok tbf Opal Koboi would be after the Aculos if it existed

OP MacGuffin plots are so tired tho like really Branagh

i love the wings on her suit

ARTEMIS WHEN DID YOU GET TO THE TREE

holly ur a bad 84-year-old officer

LOL CUDGEON IS RIGHT ON

AND JUDI ROOT CONTINUES TO BE

"Not Happy!" lol wat

who wrote that bit of dialogue and said "yes this a perfectly good thing to have her say when she wakes up in a cage"

"mesmerism"

boy i love these exposition dump convos between Mr. Sr. and Arty

LOL "most human beings are afraid of gluten, how do you think they'd handle goblins" is a great line

out of touch, but still funny

...why does the time freeze take forever to generate now when you did it in TWO SECONDS BEFORE

calm down holly damn

foaly's very pretty

sO DID THEY FREEZE THE *ENTIRE WORLD*????????

I THOUGHT THE POINT WAS TO FREEZE THINGS INSIDE SO YOU HAVE MOONLIGHT LONGER

AND

AND

whatever

i love this fucking ARMY coming out of literally everywhere

"TOP OF THE MORNIN'" OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS

whole movie is worth it

for that line

i love that they're entirely in green

and no one ever Shields

ever

they mentioned Shields once but NO ONE IS SHIELDED

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS INTO A FIGHT

SCREAMS

"TAKE THE SHOT"

WHY IS THE TIME FREEZE SO EASILY DESTABILIZED

FOALY

ARE YOU TELLING ME NO ONE HAS EVER SHOT YOUR FUCKING ENORMOUS DEVICE

omg no U GAVE OPAL KOBOI LEGITIMATE REASONS FOR DOING WHAT SHE'S DOING

YOU GAVE HER A SAD FRUSTRATING BACKSTORY

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN ARROGANT SELF-SERVING BITCH AND NOTHING ELSE

TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES??????

hOW DID ARTEMIS KNOW ABOUT MULCH DIGGUMS SPECIFICALLY

lol that is 100% a completely inhumane prison what the fuck, fairies

why does Holly have human music

well i'm glad we didn't have to watch mulch almost eat a dude's head

"My father was kidnapped."

"My father is dead."

"Can I trust you?"

"You'll have to."

BUT WHY

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER PROGRESSION

THERE's NO REASON TO TRUST HER

OR TO NEED TO TRUST HER

THIS IS COMPLETELY UNEARNED AND STUPID

glad holly's entire character REVOLVES AROUND A MAN NOW, BRANAGH

LOL THEY JUST DIDN'T GIVE ROOT A FIRST NAME???

JUDI ROOT CONFIRMED

"listen to us, grunting at each other like a pair of hippos with a throat infection" LMAO

i hope that was Josh Gad improv

LOL HE JUST FUCKING DESTROYS EVERYTHING IN HIS WAY WHILE TUNNELING

YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALLY TUNNEL IN, MULCH

HOW DID YOU COME OUT OF A PAINTING

DO THEY HAVE PAINTINGS IN A BASEMENT???

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SHEETROCK OR WHATEVER

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO JUST

UGH

FOLLOW THE BOOK

COME ON

MULCH YOU ARE THE WORST BURGLAR

"what would your parents be" THEY'D BE CENTAURS MULCH

is... is Mulch on the second floor

HE TUNNELED THROUGH THE WALL ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR

artemis... just.. lets holly out

ok cool

LOL HIS NOSE HAIRS GROW AND MOVE LIKE TENTACLES

stupid and... funny? i guess

at least Cudgeon is the piece of shit he is in the book lol

oh boy troll time

BUTER WOULD NEVER LET MULCH DIGGUMS PICKPOCKET HIM

"jam all magic" OMFG THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS FACE DOWN A FUCKING TROLL

LOL THEY JUST FIRE THE TROLL LIKE A BULLET

A TROLL-ET

DOMOVOI YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS WHAT THE FUCK

i wonder if kids even like this movie

omg butler couldn't even jump

i

i don't understand

he literally DOESN'T HELP AT ALL

IT'S HIS WHOLE THING

IS BEING ABLE TO KICK ASS

FUCKING COME ON BRANAGH

yeah fuck you branagh

are... are the fairies just DYING TO THE TIME FREEZE COLLAPSE???

"goodbye my friend. i'm sorry i was FUCKING USELESS"

branagh you're trying to activate my feelings with this Sad Death Scene(TM) but i am IMPERVIOUS because artemis has had NO RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER WITH THIS """DOMOVOI"""

COOL HE'S BACK NOW I’M SO GLAD ACTUAL FULL ON DEATH HAS ZERO CONSEQUENCES NOW THANKS TO OP FAIRY MAGIC

WHAT GREAT WRITING THIS IS

"i didn't cry did i" FUCK OFF

WHY IS IT SO DANGEROUS WHEN THE TIME FREEZE ENDS

WHY IS YOUR TECH SO SHITTY, FOALY

TIME FREEZES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DANGEROUS TO THE OCCUPANTS

THAT GOES AGAINST ALL OF FAIRY RULES

...okay and then it just ends..........?

Domovoi: "you have to try!"

Artemis: "i can't, tho"

Domovoi: "it's too dangerous!"

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHO WROTE THIS ABSOLUTE DRIVEL

"the aculos for my father"

THE L.E.P. DOESN'T EVEN HAVE YOUR FATHER YOU ABSOLUTE DOOF

holly how do u know how to do this

the... the aculos is just the fucking Book?

i feel slapped in the face

she just recites the words and. and.

whatever

whatever

i'm done

GO FIND YOUR DAD WHO'S MAGICALLY BACK

WHY WOULD HE BE IN THE BED ARTEMIS

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS

this girl who plays Holly cannot act

i'm sorry girl

MAGICALLY BACK DAD

HOORAY HOLLY'S CHARACTER CONTINUES TO BE DEFINED BY HER FATHER

FUCK

YOU

WRITERS

AND BRANAGH

BUTLER WOULD NEVER CRY, DOMOVOI

i like the cool earpiece they gave Judi Root to maybe? disguise her hearing aid?

Haven does look pretty cool

too much water above tho it’s not Atlantis guys come on

"i'm a criminal mastermind" LITERALLY WHEN DID YOU SHOW ANY SORT OF MASTERMIND BEHAVIOR OR CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR

BESIDES BRIEFLY KIDNAPPING HOLLY AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LETTING HER OUT

LMAO THAT LAST SHOT OF JULIET JUST LOOKING EXCITEDLY OUT OF THE WINDOW AT THE HELICOPTER WHILE EVERYONE LEAVES HER BEHIND

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT EVEN

THIS POOR GIRL YOU’RE JUST LEAVING HER ALONE

WOW THIS PRISON/INTERROGATION PLACE HAS LIKE

NO SECURITY

HI HOLLY WHY ARE YOU HERE??????

THIS WHOLE ENDING IS JUST THE STUPID CAP ON TOP OF A STUPID SUNDAE

i need to go listen to the books again now

[iamjjmmma]

tldr: I have bpd. (Loong text ahead)

Note: All names have been changed for privacy.

 I never like to open up about mental health. Not only is it messy- it's also degrading. But this is an exception. 

So I'm going to lay it out for you. Right here, right now.

 I have borderline personality disorder.

 I'm telling you because, unlike with so many other things about me, you deserve to know this. And the way I got my diagnosis was long, narrow, and harrowing. So get comfy. 

Of all things, it all started with a death. About a month ago, a family friend who wasn't any older than three or four died. My entire family was devastated, but for seemingly no reason, I seemed to be the one who cried the most, who felt the most heartbroken. Not even my cousins, who were closer to her, cried this much. Of course, my sister noticed and encouraged me to get myself into grief counseling. I love my sister more than anyone else in the whole wide world, so it didn't take long before I was booking my first appointment with a Catholic counselor 45 minutes away who knew me ever since I was little. 

"Hey there, Sk3ltal. Something seem to be a problem?

" I get angry. I'm in your office, I think. How the hell would there NOT be a problem? I think. But over five years of this kind of anger gives you a kind of knack for brushing it off as hormonal and pretending your fine.

 "Well, Manuela...something does seem to be a problem. Somebody...close to me died. And she was young..."

 At this point, I'm bursting into tears. I wonder why. I get the "oh, honey, it's okay" treatment. She gives me a hug, offers me all the tissues I need, even lets me hold her dog if I can get past the fact that he's just about as still as a blast of wind. Thirty seconds later, I'm fine again.

 "Manuela, I want to make sure that I'm fine. That it's not grief and just sadness. I want to know how not to lose it in public. Because I feel crazy."

 Manuela bites her lip. "Grief does make the most ordinary people act like insane asylum patients, no?" 

A week later, I'm back in her office. By now, it's almost the end of September. And something"s eating at me. For the first time in my sixteen years, a movie not only humanized the villian, but made me relate to her. Relate to her enough to do this. BPD. Only heard about it once or twice before. Asked my mom if I had it, then she laughed and said it was just me being a teenager and that yes, crying four times a day and slamming the door EVERY TIME YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO was completely normal.

 So was the scratches on my skin I convinced my parents was "wicked eczema", and so was me pulling out my hair and banging my head against solid objects. And now, people were talking about how a movie character had it, and how many symptoms she exhibited. Suddenly, hunger for knowledge reached out its hands. I wanted to know.

 Could it be I had this? And what was it? 

Manuela was a little concerned, but considering I was getting bored as usual in her office, she let me take the questionnaire. Five minutes pass by, half of which I spent taking the quiz. And I think the moment I saw her face turn pale was the minute things started to fall apart and go back into place, all at the same time. "Honey, I...you're positive." ... 

Of course, I wasn't diagnosed right then and there. I had to make sure I could point it back to a specific event when it started- in this case, what happened when I was ten between my childhood best friend and i; she ghosted me, and i haven’t heard a word from her since- so they couldn't blame it on my "womanly teenage hormones" (yes, I was telling the truth; the event just helped to rule out those hormones). My family and close friends, whatever the hell the last one was, were interviewed. When my dad was interviewed, I could feel his face turn pale this time as he whispered, "Oh, my God. You just described my kid. Something's wrong with my kid." 

Next was a rudimentary physical with my family practitioner. to make sure nothing physical, other than me being a teenager, could be causing the symptoms. When the doctor said "nothing's wrong other than what you keep on seeing me for so far", my heart didn't sink. I didn't feel anything. The diagnosis was made official a short time later, but I didn't feel anything then either. And that's, ironically, a huge part of borderline personality disorder.

 Borderline personality disorder, to flaunt it in a more colorful way, is your mind constantly being fucked by a tornado of emotion while the borderline, which is what the disorder is named after, obtains a corporeal form and joins in the fuckery to create a massive threesome. Four if you count Lonely, my friend in the back. 

Getting my diagnosis may havw been one of the most quietly difficult things I've ever done. 

There's the fact that some mental health professionals are afraid with those with borderline personality disorder, or think it's completely impossible for children or adolescents to have it. If not for the relationship Manuela and I already had, I most likely would have been misdiagnosed again. On to the misdiagnoses, which are staggeringly common in those with borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed...

 -three times with some type of anxiety 

-twice with PTSD 

-once with bulimia 

-accused hundreds of times of being demonically possessed because of my "temper". that priest now knows better.

 But now to the real criteria. There's nine of them, and to be diagnosed, you need to get at least five.

 -Abandonment issues 

This was the biggie. It was almost like I grew up, then regressed. This all started when I was eleven, and my mind would switch from being 4 to being the 11 year old I was. I have too many stories of me being left alone for a ridiculously insignificant amount of time, then me acting like a scared toddler in solitary confinement about it. The time at the high school when I got locked in the bathroom. The time I got left in the car for 5 minutes and almost broke the door trying to get out. There's so many more, but this one, I think, takes the cake.

 I was twelve. They had the house childproofed because of my sister, who was 7 at the time and had autism, so she tended to be grabbier than then average bear. The acting out was at its peak back then, and my parents made the mistake of putting me in time-out by locking me in my bedroom for five minutes. 

What happened next was almost indescribable. Imagine the outright terror the character in the movie feels when he or she is stranded and realizes they're utterly alone. No one will come to save them. No one. The helicopter they came in is empty. The island always has, and always is, empty. Or imagine the terror you felt at school during that one time it WASN'T a drill. Now multiply that feeling by about sixty. I was nothing more than an animal that day. I screamed.

 "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!" "I DON'T WANNA DIE HERE!". Bang, bang, bang, bang, BANG, BANG. 

My parents always tell me that I would've beat that damn door down had they not gotten me out. They open the door. I practically jump on them to hug them. They bump me off, and while I'm not hurt, it's not like that made me feel any better, either. 

"What is your problem, young lady?! Can't we leave you alone for five minutes? How are you going to be able to be an adult and be like this?"

 Tears poured down my face. I didn't know. 

Hell, I still don't know. 

-"Borderline" way of thinking when it comes to relationships...always seeing others as either perfect angels or a bucket of nasty-ass toxic waste. 

-Self-harm. 

No, I don't cut myself. that's the stereotype, although there's people I know who self harm in this way. I didn't know what it was called or what I was going.

 but all I knew was that I was relieving whatever tension I had, even if it meant hurting myself. I quickly learned how to keep it hidden, and that was by realizing the millions of nerves on the surface of my skin and how that would cause pain without much overall damage. so I scratched myself. and scratched. and scratched. and scratched. pulling my hair was also a good option. if I feel really crummy, I start to bang my head into solid objects or bend one of my bones, although not enough to break it.

 at first, it was to transfer emotional pain into physical pain so I wouldn't have to feel it emotionally anymore. 

and it's still that now, to an extent. except it's more about controlling my anger and not letting it show in public, instead keeping it chained to my skin. and I'm sorry if this sounds emo or cringy, but it's true.

 now, it's turned into an impulse.

 -unstable relationships.

 my friends can all tell you that I love them dearly, more than the vast majority of the people they know. and they also know that I'm also more prone to lashing out or doing things in the relationship that don't make sense, like purposefully ignoring texts and phone calls for a day.

 -shifting self-image. 

what I wanted to be when I grew up was sometimes as fickle as the time of day. I wanted to be an actor during one point in my childhood. it consumed my everything, kept me from eating, from sleeping. and at another short point, I know wanted to be a singer.

 in the course of one particular year, I wanted to be a nun, then an author, then an engineer, then a truck driver, then a nurse, then a teacher. it was ridiculous,

 and all happening during a period where the education system expected me to decide what I wanted to be. 

and what about who I was? was I a girl? a boy? young? old? the best Catholic there was? a solid atheist?

 I have my 5. there's more, but I don't want to share it all, at least right now. and most of it is actually because the program I'm using to type this is really shitty when it comes to saving huge chunks of text lol. 

Treatment:

 I've started therapy. So far, both Manuela and I are still researching BPD so none of us are blind to stigma. However, there's a long road ahead of me, and a road I most likely wouldn't even consider taking if it weren't for my love for my sister (which I'm begging is genuine and not just a product of my mental illness). Finding a medication will be tough, seeing as there's no official medicine for BPD but so far, for the first time, I can feel the "BPD me" fading away when I drink tea with ginseng (a mood stabilizer). 

getting "better" from BPD, or at least working to alleviate the symptoms, requires just that: work. lots of patience, persistence, and just lots and lots of hard damn work. 

it'll take us getting rid of societal stigmas and working through the root causes, which unfortunately I can't just be "taken away from" as with those whose BPD diagnoses came while they were still living in broken homes. 

 And the worst part of it all is that I still love my best friend.

[kelvinezra]

Do you use a photo editor? Very rarely and I really only ever use it to crop or resize pics.  Is your dad overweight? My like entire family is overweight. 

Ever been honked at?  Yes

Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Probably the doctor. It’s a ton more affordable. 

Name two things you put whipped cream on? Sometimes on milkshakes.

Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? I’m not a painter. What’s your favorite type of sushi?  I’ve never eaten sushi and honestly don’t intend to. 

Have you ever had an ulcer? Yes. About 2-3 months ago my whole mouth felt like it was covered with canker sores. Do you have an imaginary best friend (i.e., someone you wish was your best friend but currently isn’t)? Kinda.  What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Um, Ryder.  Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? No. I naturally fall asleep pretty fast. How did your parents pick your name? My name was kind of a family affair. My maternal grandma did NOT want my middle name to be Rae because everyone she knew with the name died young. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? Yes. Also fun fact: I can only drink regular Coke from a fountain. Bottled/canned Coke fucks my stomach up really bad. What is your current favorite song? Zero - Imagine Dragons If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No.  Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Not that I can think of.  Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? Actually yes. I made a salad dressing from a Weight Watchers magazine years ago. It was a damn good recipe.  What color is your teddy bear? I don’t have a teddy bear.  Who is a singer that has given you chills? None that I can think of off the top of my head.  Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I watched the first couple seasons.  Do you think you could win America’s Got Talent? I’m not very talented.  What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? I literally have no idea.  Do you eat dessert every day? No. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? Theodore.

What is your state’s bird (if you live in the US)? Mockingbird I believe.  Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? I don’t know.  Do you wish on stars? No/ Do you enjoy editing videos? I’ve never edited a video. What is your birth order in the family? I’m my mom’s second child and my dad’s first.  If you gave birth, do you think you would want it filmed? I don’t want to give birth.  Do you think it’s better to talk to a counselor or talk to a friend? Depends on the topic.  What would your dream job be? Professional dog petter. Lol. 

Who’s the last person you talked to about sex? My boyfriend.  Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? My mom. Are your parents divorced? They never married.  How many people in your life have you kissed? Two. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I dunno. Have any of your friends ever overdosed? No. What’s the exact location of your house/car keys right now? On the coffee table in the living room. Who was the newest addition to your family? Sadie. Do you like Muse? I’ve never really listened to them. Do you have any birth marks? In embarrassing places? No. Do you believe in reincarnation? Meh. Not really Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? Yes. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? The other day. If you married the last person that liked your Facebook status, what would your new last name be? I’d rather not marry my dad. Does the sight of blood make you squeamish? No. What was the very first social media site you signed up for? Myspace. Can you see yourself marrying your current partner? We’ve been talking about eloping

If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My parents.  Do you have commitment issues? No. Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? Yep. I love that the water is so clean and fresh Do you have a drone? No

[wtffundiefamilies]

What Would Jesus Watch?: Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

I wasn’t expecting this to be fundie blog material (I’m not sure why I didn’t see it coming, though) so I don’t have material for a proper review, but I couldn’t just let it pass on by.

Okay, first of all, the reason I saw this?  My mother saw it and immediately said “It’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen; you have to see it.”  Now, we’re talking about the person who watched Birdemic with me.  And she demanded to watch this with me when I finally got around to it, because she needed to see it again. 

My mother isn’t generally a “so bad it’s good” person (unless it’s airing on SyFy), so I figured this movie had to be something.  I HAD NO IDEA.

I don’t know where to start with this.  So I guess the beginning?  There will be spoilers, but, uh, I don’t think being spoiled will ruin it for you.  You’re not gonna be watching for the brilliant plot.

- Tyler Perry is clearly in awe of his brilliance using the “someone telling a story” framing device.  We can tell because the woman hearing the story weepily asks “So how does the story end?” and the one telling it says, attempting to convey great depth, “It’s still being written.”  Mind.  Blown.

- The person telling this story IS A GODDAMN MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.  SHE USES THE ENTIRE SESSION TELLING THIS UNHAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN HER “SISTER’S” LIFE STORY.  That is some fucking unprofessional shit.

- Yeah it’s obvious from the TITLE that her “sister” is actually her.  You ruined your own attempt at Shyamalaning us, Perry. 

- I’ve already forgotten the main character’s name, so let’s just call her Jurnee Smollett because MICHELLE’S SASSY BLACK FRIEND FROM FULL HOUSE IS THE LEAD IN THIS.  Fellow 80s-borns, she still makes certain faces where she looks exactly like she did as a kid and it is WEIRD.  (She’s absolutely gorgeous though.  Most of the movie is spent trying to make her look “frumpy” or “negatively slutty,” but neither is all that convincing.) 

- The long and short of the story:

1) Jurnee Smollett is married to a guy she’s known since they were kids.  He’s nice and reliable but dorky (he tries to seduce her with a guitar and a cowboy hat.  I guess it’s supposed to be funny but I’ve never felt so embarrassed for an actor in my life), dull (sex is to only take place in the bedroom!) and a little insensitive (he forgets her birthday two years in a row!).  And his dream in life is to own a pharmacy, which I can only assume was so the final scene would work.  Because that’s a weird dream for a movie character.

2) Jurnee Smollett’s mom is a preacher, naturally.  She loves Boring Guy, and he loves her.  To the point where it’s getting a little Oedipal.  She drops a bunch of lines about how Jurnee Smollett doesn’t call her to join in on morning prayers any more.  This, of course, will be important later. 

3) Jurnee Smollett ends up working with a super-rich, super-handsome, super-sexy dude and they do the thing.  On his private plane.  It’s kinda rape but kinda not because she’s telling him no but she’s also into it? 

4) They end up having an affair.  Rich Dude shows a million red flags but she ignores them because women are stupid and he buys her a lot of stuff which is all women care about right?

5) BTW Jurnee Smollett’s boss is played by Kim Kardashian.  Let this sink in a little bit: Kim Kardashian gives the best performance in this film. 

6) Things come to a head when Nice Guy confronts a drunk and high Jurnee Smollett at a bar.  She tells him he’s a good man but she needs an extraordinary man (ouch), he begs her to come home, she wants a divorce.  He has a fit of “intense acting” that’s incredibly funny and storms off in his truck.

7) Jurnee Smollett’s mom invades her apartment with a gaggle of church ladies and they all pray for Jurnee Smollett’s soul.  Jurnee Smollett comes home to reclaim her laptop (Rich Dude is going to replace all her other stuff).  Her mother wails and sobs and begs her to reconsider.  Rich Dude shoves her mother down so they can leave, and is then outraged when Jurnee Smollett “takes her side” - to her credit she is fucking furious with him, but for some reason still goes home with him.  She says she’s going out to give him space to cool down; he beats her into hamburger instead.

8) Nice Guy is it his friend/coworker’s apartment (she’s played by Brandy, btw; remember Brandy?) and tries to kiss her; she has the sense to tell him no, they’re not into each other and he’s just sad.  WHY ISN’T SHE THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?  She’s the only person in this movie who has any damn sense.

9) It’s revealed that Brandy is HIV+ positive, but she’s owning “her part in it” because she knew her abusive ex-husband was cheating on her and she slept with him anyway.  Because your husband’s infidelities are somehow your own fault, I guess.

10) Shocking twist #1 time: RICH DUDE IS BRANDY’S EX.  Nice Guy freaks out and runs off to let Jurnee Smollett know what’s up.  When he shows up at Rich Dude’s place, she’s barely conscious but still begs him to take her back.  He’s like “LOL no.” 

That’s about where the story fades out and the woman in the counselor’s office is moved to tears.  She’s going to stay with her own boring “roommate” husband now, because she sees what happens when you don’t Do the Right Thing.  Oh, and Jurnee Smollett totally did get HIV from that guy.

The marriage counselor goes off to a pharmacy and OMFG IT’S NICE GUY!  HE HAS HER HIV MEDS FOR HER!  Because yeah her sister was actually her, in what would be shocking twist #2 if not for the movie’s title.  Nice Guy, because he may have been kind of a crappy husband but at least he didn’t hit her or give her HIV, has a hot wife, an adorable son and his own pharmacy.  Jurnee Smollett, meanwhile, looks half-dead (I don’t think Tyler Perry knows a lot about modern HIV treatments; I guess you could argue that this movie was set in the 80s, but there’s NOTHING to suggest that it isn’t contemporary except we see Jurnee Smollett using a wall phone once, and plenty of people still have landlines, and most people know that cell phones show affair tracks like crazy; plus Brandy is totally fine and healthy throughout the film) and is Forever Alone.  But she’s calling her mom for prayer time and going to church again, so Everything Happens for a Reason! 

So, moral of the story, stay in an unhappy marriage or otherwise you’ll be beaten up and get HIV.  And you’ll deserve it!  If you’re a bad person, HIV will make you much sicker than if you’re a good person who owns their responsibility for their husband giving them HIV while they were still married.  But if HIV brings you back to Jesus, it’s all worth it.  And if you don’t beat or cheat on your wife, you’re automatically a great husband who deserves the world.

I’m like 99% sure that Tyler Perry wrote this to convince himself that it’s okay that he’s kind of a shitty husband who takes his wife for granted because he hasn’t given her HIV.  Like.  The whole tone comes across as really defensive.

There are nonstop shots of DC at night, which would be nice except he uses the same three shots over and over.  It’s some Hanna-Barbera shit.  None of the actors give passable performances except for Kim Kardashian, and I assume it’s because of how they’re directed, because I’ve seen Jurnee Smollett in other things and she was perfectly good . The music is tailored to narrate the story.  Literally.  The lyrics spell out what been happening over the course of the film.  It’s every bad Lifetime movie and romance novel cliche.  Overall, it’s fitting that Tyler Perry’s studio logo is a giant TP, because this movie is barely fit to wipe your ass with.  */*****, one out of five Tater Tots.

But definitely see it, because it’s entertaining as fuck.