#and i wanted to have minimal smut and mostly angst/a story

[arminsumi]

Honestly it's hard to find a solution regarding smut fics, the amount of smut fics here is almost sickening but the writers are not to blame. People pay more attention to smut fics than to long, multi-chapter ones. It's also very sad to post something you put hours of work into and see that the only comments are from people asking for part 2 or asking if there will be smut later. I remember reading a comment on a fic I adore that said something like "I skipped almost everything, I just wanted to read the part where they fucked lol" and at that moment I understood why most of the writers I followed deactivated their accounts, people are extremely ungrateful whether you write smut or not.

good grief, skipping a whole story just to get to the smut? it guts me honestly. that's so awful, it's like the reader giving the author the biggest fuck you — i feel like so many people don't care about the story, they're just here to get off. and the part 2 comments? i used to tolerate them when they were scarce, but seeing them on a fic i have spent hours and days writing and editing and constructing like a damn architect... it's so terribly disheartening, i can't even express how it upsets me.

it's hard to keep writing when i just start feeling defeated. part 2? okay but what did you think of part 1!? will you just comment part 3 when i publish part 2?? i'm not a factory.

it's not that i don't enjoy writing smut, it's just that the smut is the only thing that people seem to feed on. fluff and angst and sfw fics get forgotten in the void while the smut fics are always thriving and i just want to see equal appreciation for both sfw and nsfw. the imbalance irks me. 🫠

[kingofbodyrolls]

My Heart's Home (m) | pjm | fourteen

🐴Chapter summary: After breaking up with Jimin, you realize how much you love him, and that maybe that love should be enough to carry you through your new life— being a parent, for someone else’s child.

🐴Chapter title: I Wish the Past was Different

🐴Pairings: jimin x reader (main), jungkook x reader (only happens once in the first chapter), jungkook x OC (jessi), namjoon x OC (jessi), yoongi x hoseok, namjoon x oc, seokjin x oc, taehyung x oc

🐴Characters: female reader (isn’t mentioned by name and no “y/n”), Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung and four female original characters.

🐴Genre/AU: ranch!au, slice of life!au, soulmate!au, cowboy!au + smut, humor, fluff, romance, slow burn and angst

🐴Rating: mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact!

🐴Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸

🐴Chapter warnings: angst (is this really a surprise?), mention of pregnancy (not oc!!!), a riding accident, a lot of thinking and overthinking, sadness and angst, jealousy, working through feelings.

🐴Status: completed 🥳

🐴Word count: 10.5k 

🐴Taglist: @kookswifesblog, @kiki-zb, @babejinnie, @ownthesunshine, @allie-is-a-panda, @glllhjh, @bergandysam, @13-manggaetteok, @jeonsbabygirlsworld, @antisocial-mochi267,

*tumblr isn’t letting me tag you! There could be a lot of reasons for that, check out this lovely post about it.

🐴Now playing 💿 “Time Turn Over” by Rebecca Lavelle. [Wanna listen to the serie’s playlist?]

🐴Author’s note: OC is being very Bella Swan in this chapter, I’m sorry again 😭 BUT!!! The angst goes away in this chapter too, because I just wouldn’t do it (I’m tired of the angst, lol). Because of said angst, it was tough for me to write and I actually ended up asking my husband for advice because I was stuck, not meeting my own word length deadline and because I just felt stuck in general 🥲 But alas, he gave me a good idea, and I went with that! There is very minimal angst going forward from this chapter, like it’s so minor compared to all the rest, so I hope you’ll enjoy mostly unicorns and rainbows after this chapter ☀️

You can send in your questions for the characters or me here → Ask away 💜*

*for people on AO3 you can also participate if you want to, just leave a comment (guest/anon or not), and I’ll reply to that and I’ll add your question in the Epilogue 💜

It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there.Wanna see the book cover?

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“And oh, I wish the past was different And oh, I wish it wasn’t so But in the end, because I’m here now In the end, I think you know I can’t say it and you can’t feel it but I can not let it go And oh, I wish the past was different And oh, I wish it wasn’t so” ‘I Wish the Past Was Different’ by Rebecca Lavelle

You’ve thrown yourself into your work with the wild horses, seeking solace in their untamed spirits. Yet, the bittersweet reality of having to work at Jimin’s place constantly tugs at your heartstrings. Each encounter with him reignites the longing to be wrapped in his arms, to find solace in his embrace, and to believe in a future together. But then you catch sight of Deiji, and the floodgates of jealousy and insecurity and self doubt burst open once more, drowning you in feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness for the daunting prospect of motherhood, especially when it's someone else's child at the center of it all.

Why does life have to twist and turn in such cruel ways? The weight of this pain is crushing, dragging you down with each passing moment, threatening to shatter you into irreparable fragments.

You find yourself yearning for an alternate reality where Jimin never crossed paths with Deiji, where their relationship was just a figment of imagination rather than a painful reality. The ache in your chest resonates with the desire to assign blame, to point fingers at anything but your own heart for walking away. It’s easier to lay fault at the feet of Deiji and Jimin than to confront the agonizing truth of your own decision to part ways.

You scuff, a tempest of anger and sorrow swirling within you, each emotion battling for dominance, leaving your stomach tied in knots. Amidst this tumult, focusing on the wild horses becomes a difficult task, prompting Hoseok to step in and assist Yoongi more frequently while you remain perched atop the fence, a silent observer of the scene below.

The love between the two men is palpable, their synergy evident as they collaborate seamlessly. Yet, as you observe them coaxing a once-wild gray horse into submission, a bittersweet symphony plays in your heart. Their laughter, like tinkling bells, fills the air, but with each shared chuckle, a pang of longing grips your soul. You can’t help but notice the gentle caress of Hoseok's hand on Yoongi’s arm, the way their eyes meet with an unspoken understanding, and their voices, light and airy, carrying the melody of their affection.

Their effortless relationship is both heartwarming and gut-wrenching to witness. You adore them both and revel in their happiness, yet a pang of envy lingers as you yearn for a similar bliss with Jimin. The prospect of parenthood looms over you like a daunting storm cloud, and you're lost in a tempest of uncertainty, unsure of how to navigate the tumultuous waters ahead.

Hoseok’s hands caress the sleek coat of the gray horse, his touch a delicate dance of reassurance and patience. The majestic creature stands serene under his guidance, a testament to their bond of trust and understanding.

Yoongi pivots, his keen eyes catching the shadow of sorrow that’s cloaked you for days, casting a solemn hue over your features.

He strides over, his presence a comforting anchor in the midst of your storm. Perching beside you on the fence, he offers a reassuring pat on your shoulder. “It’s going to be alright,” he assures, his voice a soothing balm to your troubled soul.

You highly doubt it. You replay the choices in your mind like a broken record, each decision leading you to this moment of heartache. You could have chosen to stay with Jimin, to endure the pain silently, but the weight of it all felt unbearable. A heavy sigh escapes your lips, a silent acknowledgment of the turmoil within.

You turn your gaze towards Yoongi, the question burning on your lips, a mixture of curiosity and longing swirling in your chest. Despite knowing you shouldn't pry, your heart yearns for a glimpse into Jimin’s world. “How’s Jimin holding up?” you inquire, your voice tinged with a fragile hope, betraying the emotions you've been grappling with.

Yoongi’s eyes meet yours, a silent plea evident in their depths, urging you to reconsider your question. His expression carries a weight of concern, as if he’s shielding you from the painful truth that might follow.

As the silence lingers, you press further, your voice a whisper weighted with apprehension. “Is he... back with Deiji?” The words hang heavy in the air, fraught with a mix of dread and longing for a truth you're not sure you're ready to confront.

Yoongi’s features contort into a mask of sorrow, his gaze drifting downward to the grains of sand within the pen, as if seeking solace in the mundane. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself with questions like this,” he murmurs, his tone heavy with empathy and resignation. “But no, Jimin is still very single.”

The revelation doesn’t exactly lift the weight from your heart, though it's a relief knowing he’s not rushing back into Deiji’s embrace. Still, a melancholic ache persists, knowing that things have unfolded this way.

Yoongi’s words land like a gentle breeze, stirring a mix of emotions within you. “You know,”  he confides, his tone carrying a thread of hope. “Jimin misses you a lot. He talks about you everyday. He wishes that you’ll change your mind and come back home.” As his gaze meets your weary eyes, a glimmer of optimism dances in his own.

Tears have become an unwelcome companion, tracing silent rivers down your cheeks, staining your pillow with the remnants of your sorrow. Night after night, you find solace in the lullaby of tears, until even your sister’s concern casts a shadow upon your weary soul. Your eyes, once bright with laughter, now betray the weight of your heartache, swollen and heavy with the burden of your grief. Yet, in the face of it all, you couldn’t summon the energy to care.

You draw in a shuddering breath, grappling with the tempest of emotions swirling within you. “I miss him too,” you admit, your voice quivering with raw honesty. “But I can’t bear the thought of being in a relationship with him, not with his child on the way with another woman.”

You release a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping under the weight of exhaustion and emotional turmoil. Every task seems monumental, even the simplest ones, and just coaxing yourself out of bed feels like an uphill battle. A tear teeters on the edge of your waterline, a silent testament to the inner turmoil gnawing at your soul. Desperate to divert your thoughts from Jimin's memory, you draw in a deep breath and pivot the conversation. “You and Hoseok seem really happy,” you remark, attempting to steer the dialogue towards a lighter topic.

A gentle chuckle ripples from Yoongi’s lips beside you, a soothing sound amidst the heaviness of your emotions. He senses your need for a reprieve and graciously allows the shift in conversation. “Was that a question or a statement?” he quips, his laughter like a beacon guiding you away from the shadows of sadness, urging your weary spirit back towards the light.

A soft chuckle escapes your lips, a brief respite from the weight of your thoughts. “Definitely a statement,” you reply with a hint of self-awareness, the sound of your laughter mingling with the breeze, carrying a fleeting moment of lightness through the heavy air.

“We are happy,” Yoongi affirms, a genuine smile spreading across his face, revealing the warmth in his eyes. Together, you observe Hoseok’s movements with the gray horse below, the sight of him successfully saddling the animal a testament to his skill and patience.

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you, Yoongi,” you express, mustering a smile, though it lacks the usual sparkle that once defined it.

“Thank you. But I can see it’s tough for you,” he starts, his gaze probing yours, seeking something elusive, something you're not quite sure of.

You brush off his concern with a casual flick of your hand. “I put myself in this situation,” you say, the weight of your words heavier than you intended.

You slump further against the fence, sinking into the sanctuary of your own fragile thoughts.

Hoseok remains focused on the horse, his movements fluid and purposeful, while Yoongi stands steadfast beside you, his arm enveloping you in a comforting embrace, a reassuring anchor amidst the tumult of your thoughts.

“Thank you Yoongi,” You express your gratitude to Yoongi with a heartfelt whisper, leaning into his comforting presence. His embrace is a sanctuary, enveloping you in warmth and the refreshing scent of mint, a soothing balm to your troubled soul.

“What for?” With a soft chuckle, Yoongi queries, his voice laced with genuine curiosity.

“For always being there for me,” You utter, your voice laced with profound gratitude. The weight of your words hangs in the air, a testament to the depth of your appreciation for his unwavering friendship.

The relentless sun beats down upon you as you toil alongside Soo-ah, Ara, and Ha-rin, laboring to scrub clean the water trough for the cattle in a distant paddock. Beads of sweat form rivulets on your brow, and you futilely attempt to brush them away with the hem of your shirt, but the relentless heat refuses to relent.

The scorching heat bears down upon you relentlessly as you vigorously scrub away at the trough, determined to rid it of its slimy residue, accumulated grime, and encrusted grease. Each stroke of the brush is a testament to your commitment, knowing full well the vital importance of this cleaning ritual to ensure the cattle’s access to pristine water during their time in the paddock.

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on?” Ara’s words pierce through the haze of your thoughts, jolting you out of the cocoon of self-pity you’ve wrapped yourself in. 

Beside you, Soo-ah and Ha-rin exchange startled gasps, their synchronized reaction prompting you to arch an eyebrow in curiosity, silently urging Ara to continue.

“That’s so inconsiderate of you to say, Ara!” Soo-ah’s reprimand cuts through the air, her words laced with a protective edge, while Ha-rin’s support echoes her sentiment, amplifying the intensity of the moment.

“What? But she seems so miserable, Jimin too, why don’t you just work it out?” Ara’s voice carries genuine concern, wrapped in a gentle tone, yet it strikes a nerve within you. You sense her good intentions, but the thought of rehashing your struggles yet again feels draining. With a heavy exhale, you opt for silence, allowing your frustration to seep out in a weary sigh.

“Don’t you think she would work it out with him, if she wanted to?” Ha-rin’s words cut through the humid air, laced with a hint of frustration as she vigorously scrubs the steel trough. It’s a valid question, one that resonates with the unspoken doubts lingering in your mind. You ponder her inquiry, the rhythmic sound of metal against metal providing a backdrop to your internal turmoil.

It’s a surreal sensation, like eavesdropping on a conversation about your own life from a distance. Their words hang heavy in the air, echoing the unspoken complexities of your situation. You stand there, a silent observer to your own narrative, grappling with the strange disconnect between your presence and their discussion.

Ara’s voice rises, her words infused with a desperate plea for understanding. But like, last time they didn’t talk for months and it was just a stupid misunderstanding,” she insists, her eyes searching for empathy among her companions.

Soo-ah interjects with a firm tone, “Do you even comprehend the sheer effort it takes to raise a child?” she questions, her gaze piercing. “If she’s not prepared for that responsibility, then she’s simply not ready.”

It feels funny, how they are talking about you and Jimin, you might as well say something.

The scrubbing of the trough halts abruptly as you pivot towards Ara, your expression a mix of vulnerability and resolve. “It’s not that we aren’t talking,” you begin, your voice carrying the weight of your emotions. “We still communicate, but it’s the sight of Deiji that stings the most. Knowing they’re expecting a child together... it’s hard not to feel consumed by jealousy,” you confess, the words heavy with raw honesty.

Ara’s eyes soften with understanding, her nod a silent acknowledgment of the tumult of emotions you're navigating. “It sounds like you want a child of your own, with Jimin,” she ventures, her words carrying a gentle empathy that resonates with your innermost desires and fears.

Ha-rin’s reaction is a blend of admonishment and hushing as she playfully nudges Ara’s arm, silently urging her to tread carefully while also chiding her for broaching a sensitive topic.

“I’m not entirely certain about having children,” you start, your words measured and tinged with uncertainty, “but raising someone else’s child is certainly not what I imagined or wanted to do.”

Soo-ah and Ha-rin exchange understanding nods. “Do you think you might change your mind later?” Ha-rin inquires gently, her voice carrying a tone of empathy as she continues with her task.

You pause, mulling over her question for a moment, before responding thoughtfully, “I’m not entirely sure... perhaps. It’s just... I can’t quite envision how it would all come together, you know?”

“I just... when I envision Jimin embracing fatherhood, cherishing that little girl of his soon entering the world, it’s her child, not mine,” you sigh in frustration, yet oddly finding a glimmer of relief in the honesty of your words.

“So you’re jealous that it’s not going to be your child?” Ara teases beside you, prompting a scolding glare from Soo-ah.

“You just said you didn’t want kids, but now you say you do... make up your mind,” Ara adds, rolling her eyes in a playful yet challenging manner.

“She doesn’t want Deiji’s kid, can’t you get that?” Soo-ah says, coming to your defense once more, her voice firm with conviction.

“Guys! I’m just not sure I want kids, period. Why can’t I be undecided on this?” Your words hang heavy in the air, a plea for understanding, as you return to the task of scrubbing the trough with a vigor that betrays your inner turmoil.

“Yeah. Let’s not badger her, okay?” Ha-rin’s voice cuts through the tension like a soothing balm, her gentle plea for empathy echoing your own sentiments. You catch her soft gaze, a silent acknowledgment of her understanding, offering a momentary respite from the probing questions.

“But can I say something?” Her demeanor shifts with a mix of hesitance and determination, her gaze seeking reassurance before she speaks. You offer a nod, granting her the space to voice her thoughts, curious about what might follow.

“You still love Jimin and he still loves you— don’t you think you could focus on that, and just like, not focus on the kid?” Her words hang in the air, a delicate plea woven with threads of hope and uncertainty. You feel a pang of longing as she speaks, her sincerity piercing through the heaviness of the situation. Despite the weight of her suggestion, you can't help but consider the possibility buried within her question.

As her words sink in, you find yourself grappling with a newfound perspective. The idea of focusing on your enduring love for Jimin rather than fixating on the looming presence of a child is both liberating and daunting. It’s a notion you’ve never entertained before, a ray of light piercing through the clouds of uncertainty that have engulfed you. Could it be that the solution to your turmoil lies in embracing the love that binds you, rather than allowing fear to drive you apart?

Each stroke of the brush across the canvas feels like a dance, a rhythmic movement driven by the whirlwind of thoughts swirling through your mind. Jimin’s presence looms large in your thoughts, refusing to be ignored or pushed aside. Ha-rin’s words echo in your ears, a gentle reminder to reconsider your perspective. As you ponder the notion of shifting your focus away from Jimin’s impending fatherhood, you can’t help but feel a glimmer of hope flicker within you. Could it be that amidst the chaos of uncertainty, there lies a path illuminated by the enduring flame of love?

You remain ensnared in the labyrinth of uncertainty, grappling with the weight of your emotions and the intricacies of your relationship. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow: Jimin’s impending fatherhood would inevitably redefine the contours of your relationship, demanding a portion of his time and attention that you would never begrudge. Yet, amidst the tangle of doubts and fears, a flicker of understanding begins to dawn. Perhaps, in the vast expanse of love, there exists room for compromise, for navigating the labyrinth together, hand in hand.

The question lingers in the depths of your soul, a haunting refrain echoing through the corridors of your mind: are you truly prepared for it all?

Ready to become someone’s mother. Step mother?

Ready to raise a child?

Yet, can you truly provide a nurturing environment for a child if one of the adults harbors resentment towards their presence?

You understand it’s not the child’s fault, but the mere thought of it being Deiji’s offspring churns your stomach. You harbor an intense dislike for her, and a nagging suspicion still lingers, whispering that she’s up to something.

You’ve never laid eyes on any proof of the paternity test, and the unsettling thought lingers: did Jimin even ask to see it? Perhaps it's time to broach that topic with him.

As you reminisce about the warmth and intimacy you once shared with Jimin, a wave of melancholy washes over you, leaving you adrift in a sea of longing. Doubts creep in, questioning the wisdom of your choices. Should you have held onto what you had with him, despite the challenges?

The canvas before you mirrors the tumult within, a chaotic blend of muddy hues—gray, brown, beige, and dark blue—an unexpected abstraction of your inner turmoil. It’s a reflection of your tangled thoughts, much like the surprise abstract painting that has emerged from your brush. Yet, beneath the layers of color, a longing persists. You ache to create something different, something infused with the joy of yesteryears—perhaps the serene landscapes that once graced your canvas. Yet, as you realize nearly a year has passed since your return to the ranch, a flood of memories rushes in, dominated by thoughts of Jimin.

Oh, how you wish things were different.

On an unassuming day, bathed in sunlight, you find yourself quietly eating breakfast in the kitchen, lost in your own solemn musings. Suddenly, the tranquility is shattered as Jungkook steps into the room, jolting you out of your reverie.

You’re acutely aware that since parting ways with Jimin, you’ve been teetering on the brink of depression. It was a painful but necessary decision to safeguard your shattered heart. Yet, despite your efforts to protect yourself, you’re haunted by the gnawing realization that no matter what path you choose, your heart remains irreparably broken.

“Hey,” he greets you with a warm smile, but as you return the gesture, your own smile falls short of matching his infectious happiness. Your gaze lingers on him, curiosity piqued as you notice something clutched in his hand. Why is he carrying a letter?

“How are you doing?” he inquires, and you respond with a bitter chuckle. Can’t he see how you’re doing? You’re well aware of your appearance, having been reminded by your sister that you look like a mess. The truth is, you’re consumed by a constant sadness, and you’ve exhausted all your energy trying to conceal it.

“I feel like shit,” you admit, opting for raw honesty because pretending otherwise seems futile. Jungkook knows you well, understands the depth of your pain stemming from the breakup with his brother.

He offers you a reassuring smile, closing the distance between you as he gently places the white envelope on the table. Your eyes drift down to it, and you immediately recognize your name scrawled across it in familiar handwriting—it’s Jimin’s.

“This is from my brother,” he murmurs, his nerves palpable as he scratches the back of his head, causing you to shift your gaze between him and the letter, your mind racing with anticipation. What could possibly be contained within? Will it offer solace or inflict further pain? The uncertainty grips you tightly, leaving you on edge.

“Can’t he speak for himself?” You question, a hint of frustration seeping into your voice as your fingers hover over the letter, finally grasping it to inspect its contents.

“He’s torn about whether to give you space or not,” Jungkook confides, his voice tinged with uncertainty. “And he has no idea that I snatched the letter.”

Your eyes widen as you fix your gaze on him. “Are you sure I should read this then?” You inquire, a hint of apprehension creeping into your voice. “Maybe Jimin doesn’t want me to read it.”

Jungkook offers you a gentle smile. “It’s fine,” he reassures, his tone laced with determination. “If he gets mad, it’s on me. But you need to read it. I’m tired of seeing you both suffer like this.”

With those words, he leaves you to grapple with your thoughts and the letter, its edges slightly crumpled, a testament to the turmoil it contains. Your heart pounds in your chest, your mind weighed down by a heavy burden, and your eyes dry from the countless tears shed. You resolve to open the letter, sliding it out slowly; its handwritten contents are adorned with dried tears, each smudge a poignant reminder of the emotions woven into every word. Even before you begin to read, a lump forms in your throat, and your vision blurs with the tears welling up in your eyes.

Despite your trembling hands and the overwhelming emotions coursing through you, you summon every ounce of courage within you. With a determined resolve, you steady your gaze and immerse yourself in every heart-wrenching word penned by Jimin in his letter.

My love,

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than words can express, and the ache of missing you is a constant companion. I’m deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. No apology could ever capture the depth of my remorse for hurting you repeatedly. My heart weighs heavy with regret, and I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I wish I could undo the hurt I’ve caused. I understand that you may not be ready for motherhood, and I would never want to pressure you into anything. But I hold onto hope that we can find our way back to each other. I love you endlessly, and the thought of being apart is unbearable. I know I don’t deserve your kindness and forgiveness, but please, consider giving me another chance. You are my everything, and I long for us to be reunited. 

With all my love and remorse,

Jimin

As your tears mingle with Jimin’s on the page, your heart aches with a poignant mix of love and pain. Despite the hurt he’s caused, your love for him remains unwavering, yet it’s accompanied by the uncertainty of whether you’re prepared for motherhood. However, amidst the turmoil, a flicker of hope ignites within you—perhaps, just perhaps, you can find the strength to be ready for that journey with him.

You sense the weight of your thoughts pressing down, suffocating you. There’s an urgency to clear your mind, to escape the labyrinth of your own making. And you know precisely what remedy awaits: a ride. Out onto the sprawling expanse of land surrounding your ranch, where the wind whispers secrets and the horizon stretches endlessly. It’s your sanctuary, your refuge from the turmoil within—a chance to lose yourself in the rhythm of hoofbeats and the vastness of the world beyond.

Typically, when you saddle up, the chaos in your mind settles, and you allow yourself to sink into the serenity of the natural world, letting the rhythm of hoofbeats replace the cacophony of thoughts.

That’s why you find yourself in the barn, carefully saddling Mikrokosmos, feeling the familiar weight of the leather in your hands, the comforting scent of hay and wood surrounding you. With each buckle tightened and each strap secured, a sense of anticipation builds within you. Leading Mikrokosmos out of the barn, you’re eager to immerse yourself in the healing embrace of nature, seeking solace in the rhythmic cadence of hoofbeats and the whispering winds.

With a steady breath, you slide your foot into the stirrup, feeling the familiar weight of your body settling into the saddle. As you swing your leg over, a surge of anticipation courses through you, mingling with the raw energy emanating from Mikrokosmos. With a gentle nudge of your heels, you coax her into motion, feeling the power of her muscles ripple beneath you as she eagerly responds to your command, propelling both of you forward into the boundless expanse of the open land.

With each rhythmic beat of Mikrokosmos’ hooves against the earth, you surrender to the wild abandon of the ride, seeking solace in the untamed beauty of the landscape unfurling before you. Away from the suffocating grip of memories and uncertainties, you allow the wind to carry away the weight of your burdens, embracing the freedom of the open horizon as you ride further into the unknown.

As the wind weaves through your hair, its gentle touch whispers a symphony of freedom, entwining with the rhythmic melody of Mikrokosmos’ hooves tearing through the earth. With each stride, she paints the landscape with her fervent dance, sending plumes of dust swirling into the air. In the harmony of nature’s cadence, your spirit soars, liberated from the weight of doubt and longing. Each thunderous beat of her hooves resonates with the pounding rhythm of your heart.

Surrendering to the rush of wind and the pounding of hooves, you relinquish the burdens that have tethered your soul, allowing them to scatter like leaves in the breeze, if only for a fleeting moment.

As the sky transforms from serene blue to ominous gray, then to the cloak of night pierced by flashes of lightning, you sense the electricity in the air mirrored by Mikrokosmos’ subtle twitch, a silent acknowledgment of nature’s impending fury.

As the thunderclouds gather with ominous intent, you’re acutely aware of the danger of being caught in the open during a storm. Lost in the vast expanse, you realize with a sinking feeling that you’ve ventured too far to return before the tempest strikes. Yet, the urgency to seek shelter pushes you onward, driven by the instinct to find safety amidst the approaching chaos.

Amidst the dense foliage, you urgently guide Mikrokosmos, a steadfast companion in the tumultuous terrain. Suddenly, a deafening rumble ruptures the air, and the heavens ignite with a blinding flash. Your loyal steed startles, veering sharply as a nearby tree becomes a target for the furious lightning. With lightning’s crackle still echoing, Mikrokosmos rears in panic, jolting you from the saddle. You plummet to the earth, pain searing through your body upon impact, a harsh reminder of nature's unforgiving power. Fuck it hurts.

Mikrokosmos, wide-eyed and trembling, lingers by your side, almost like she wants to make sure you’re okay. You extend a trembling hand in reassurance, craving the solace of her presence, but as another deafening thunderclap reverberates through the sky, she recoils in terror. With a swift and panicked motion, she breaks away, vanishing into the wilderness, leaving you alone amidst the storm’s fury.

“Mikrokosmos, come back!” Your voice echoes through the wilderness, a desperate plea swallowed by the roaring tempest. With each strained syllable, you feel the weight of your fear and frustration, your heart racing in sync with her retreating hoofbeats. As you struggle to rise, the sting of pain ignites along your spine, a harsh reminder of your vulnerability amidst nature's fury. Damn it - you should have prepared her for moments like these, should have been more vigilant in her training with sudden loud noises. Now, your failure looms large, a bitter taste of remorse in the storm's relentless assault.

As the rain pours down in relentless sheets and the sky is intermittently illuminated by flashes of lightning, she finds herself lost in worry. Hours have slipped by since her sister embarked on her ride, and with each passing minute, concern gnaws at her like a persistent ache. In the midst of such tumultuous weather, her sister should have returned by now. 

Where could she be? What if something has gone wrong out there in the storm’s fury?

Anxious tendrils grip her as she leans in closer to Jungkook, her voice trembling with concern. “Kook, I’m really worried about my sister. She should have been back by now,” she confides, her words laced with a sense of urgency. Jungkook’s eyes widen in alarm, his grip tightening on the beer bottle as he absorbs her distress.

As she gazes out the window, her heart lurches at the sight of a panicked Mikrokosmos darting around the yard. “Mikrokosmos is running wild out there, but still no sign of my sister. This can’t be good,” she murmurs, urgency coloring her voice as she hastily slips into her boots and jacket. Sensing the gravity of the situation, Jungkook is right by her side, his expression mirroring her concern as they prepare to investigate.

Jessi manages to soothe Mikrokosmos, her fingers gently curling around the reins. “Easy, girl,” she murmurs, her voice a soft reassurance in the midst of the storm.

She strokes Mikrokosmos’ mane, her touch a comforting anchor in the chaos of the storm. “Easy, girl,” she whispers, her voice a soothing melody amidst the thunderous symphony. “Steady, now,” she repeats, her words a gentle plea for calmness.

She whirls around to face Jungkook, urgency etched across her features. “This isn’t good. Where’s my sister?” Her voice quivers with worry, each word punctuated by the pounding rain outside, echoing the frantic beat of her heart.

Jungkook pivots, his eyes widening at the sight of Soo-ah hurtling from her cottage. “What’s Mikrokosmos doing here alone?” His voice is laced with concern, mirroring the panic in Soo-ah’s expression.

Jessi relinquishes the reins to Soo-ah, her voice trembling with worry. “I think something has happened to my sister, otherwise Mikrokosmos wouldn’t be here alone. Can you please take her into the stables, calm her down, and we’ll search for my sister?”

Soo-ah seizes the reins with determination and offers Jessi a firm nod, leading Mikrokosmos over to the stables. Jessi’s expression is etched with concern as she turns to Jungkook, her brow furrowed in deep distress.

“Let’s go look for her, she shouldn’t be out in this weather,” With urgency etched in his voice, he clasps her hand firmly, a silent promise of support. Together, they hustle to his truck, determination fueling their actions as they race back to Bell Ranch, intent on rallying more help to find you.

They dash through the rain-drenched yard, urgency in each step as they burst into the house where Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi lounge in front of the TV, oblivious to the mounting concern etched on Jungkook and Jessi’s faces.

Urgency floods Jungkook’s voice as he interrupts their tranquility. “Guys, Jess’ sister is missing. We need your help to find her,” he implores, his words slicing through the calm of the room like a thunderbolt.

Jimin’s muscles tense, his expression darkening with concern as his heart quickens its pace. Yoongi springs from the couch with such urgency that he should feel lightheaded. In a synchronized rush, the trio leaps into action, snatching up their boots and jackets.

The weather outside is relentless, the midday darkness accentuated by the unyielding rain and gray skies, enveloping everything in a shroud of cold, damp chill.

Jimin’s voice cuts through the tension, his hand already reaching for the keys to his truck. “Should we split into groups of two or three?” he suggests, urgency lacing his words like a silent plea for swift action.

Jessi’s voice holds authority, her words cutting through the air like a command. “I think two are fine,” she concedes, her tone firm and resolute. “But you’re not driving.” Her finger jabs towards Jimin, swiftly snatching the keys from his grasp and passing them to Yoongi with an unyielding resolve.

Jimin’s expression shifts from disbelief to begrudging acceptance as he grapples with Jessi’s unexpected assertion. Despite his initial astonishment, a flicker of understanding ignites within him, and he obediently trails after his brother and Jessi, braving the torrential rain outside.

Yoongi and Hoseok climb into Jimin’s trusty blue truck, equipped with a walkie-talkie in hand, their fingers poised to establish a connection with Jungkook, Jimin, and Jessi in the other vehicle. As they settle in, the anticipation in the air is palpable, their shared determination driving them forward into the unknown.

Yoongi’s voice crackles over the walkie-talkie, edged with concern, as he asks, “Do we have any idea which direction she might have gone?” His words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of uncertainty, echoing the urgency of their search.

Jessi’s voice crackles with determination over the line as she directs the plan, “We’re clueless about her direction. Let’s split up – you take the eastern side, we’ll cover the western.” Meanwhile, Jungkook twists the key in the ignition, setting the window wipers to a frantic rhythm. Jimin, gripped by worry, perches on the edge of his seat in the back, craning forward over the center console to scan the rain-soaked landscape ahead.

They embark on their respective routes, traversing the treacherous terrain of the rugged hills. The landscape is unyielding, but the sturdy trucks with four-wheel drive prove to be invaluable companions. Jungkook guides their vehicle with practiced precision, a stark contrast to the frantic urgency of their previous search when Jessi was missing. This time, he maneuvers cautiously, each movement deliberate, mindful of the perilous conditions and determined to avoid any mishaps.

Jimin’s voice cuts through the tension in the truck's cabin, his impatience palpable. “Can’t you drive faster?” he urges his brother from the back seat, his anxiety mounting with each passing moment.

Jungkook’s tone carries a hint of frustration as he scuffs, “No, this terrain isn’t really made for fast driving. And relax. We’ll find her,” his words a gentle reassurance amidst the mounting worry.

Jimin huffs impatiently in the back seat, realizing there’s nothing much to do but wait until they find you. Each passing moment heightens his concern, hoping against hope that you’re safe amidst the storm and uncertainty.

Jessi turns to Jimin, her voice cutting through the tense atmosphere in the truck. “That ring you bought a while back, is it just collecting dust, or do you plan on giving it to her soon?” Her directness adds another layer of urgency to the situation, hinting at the unresolved emotions lingering between him and you.

Jungkook chuckles beside her, a brief moment of lightness amidst the tension, yet his gaze remains fixed on the rugged path ahead, emphasizing the gravity of the situation they’re in.

Jimin stumbles over his words, his voice strained with uncertainty. “I just don’t think now’s the right time,” he admits, his words tinged with the weight of recent events. “This whole thing with Deiji and then your sister breaking up with me, I don’t think it would be appropriate.” His voice trails off, the unfinished sentence hanging heavy with unspoken emotions.

She scoffs, her tone laced with incredulity. “Appropriate?” Her disbelief echoes through the cabin, challenging Jimin’s hesitation with a raw intensity.

She turns her whole body in her seat to face Jimin, her eyes ablaze with urgency. “I’m sorry, but this whole thing with Deiji is hella suspicious. And you love my sister, right? She loves you too. She’s almost sick, because she broke up with you, did you know that?” Her words hang heavy in the air, charged with a blend of concern and accusation, demanding a response from Jimin.

Jimin’s eyes widen at her words, a mix of surprise and guilt flashing across his face, but he remains silent, his thoughts swirling like a tempestuous sea, grappling with the weight of her accusations.

“She doesn’t eat properly anymore. She’s lost weight, she’s not sleeping— shall I keep going?” She crosses her arms, her voice edged with a mixture of concern and frustration. This whole thing just makes her mad. She hates seeing her favorite people hurt like this, consumed by a storm of emotions that threatens to engulf them both.

“Oh, did you know she cries herself to sleep every night?” she adds, her voice trembling with a mix of hurt and vulnerability, as if she’s revealing a secret that should have remained buried.

Jimin’s breath catches at her revelation, his eyes widening in shock. “I didn’t know,” he admits, his voice tinged with guilt and regret.

“Listen, I don’t know why she can’t talk to you,” Jessi continues, her tone a blend of frustration and concern. “But having Deiji around makes it incredibly tough for her— and I’m not suggesting you abandon her or your future child. However, finding a balance that allows space for my sister without causing her this kind of pain might be worth considering.”

“But she’s made it clear she’s not ready for kids,” Jimin murmurs, his voice barely audible over the increasingly rough terrain.

“It’s not just any kid, Jimin, it’s hers, for heaven’s sake! Can’t you see the weight of that?” she practically scolds him, her voice firm and resounding with frustration.

Jimin is rendered speechless—his mind swirling with conflicting emotions, leaving him utterly at a loss for words.

“You really hurt her when you started dating Deiji, you know. When you shut her out, assuming she was with Yoongi,” she adds, her voice laced with a raw intensity, fighting for you, voicing the unspoken turmoil you’re grappling with. “She loves you deeply, but I’m certain Deiji triggers memories she’d rather bury.” She pivots back, her tone searing with frustration. “And why the fuck would you do that? Why couldn’t you just talk to her?”

Jimin’s gaze locks onto hers, his eyes widening with a mixture of remorse and vulnerability, as if on the brink of tears. “I know I behaved poorly. I—I don’t know, I was just consumed by jealousy. I know I was petty.”

Jessi nods, her expression softening with empathy. “See, you were jealous and didn’t speak to her. Now she’s jealous and doesn’t speak to you. Do you see a pattern here?” Her words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of truth, urging Jimin to confront the echoes of his own actions.

Jimin nods, his heart heavy with a mix of gratitude and remorse, appreciating both the insight and the gentle reprimand from Jessi.

“Now. If you don’t get your shit together and talk to her, I’m going to ask your little brother to beat your ass up,”  she teases, a playful grin lighting up her face. Her hand finds its way to his thigh, a reassuring squeeze emphasizing her point. “But seriously, she’s going to be alright, and you’re going to talk to her.”

Jungkook’s laughter fills the truck cabin, and Jimin nervously bites his lip, but he nods in acknowledgment to your sister’s words. He’s well aware that he needs to have that conversation with you, even though attempts in the past have been met with avoidance on your part. It’s clear that seeing Deiji has been a trigger for you, and the realization hits him hard. He's caused you so much pain, put you through hell, and it's a weight he can't bear. This isn’t how it should be, and he knows he needs to find a way to make things right.

As the rain continues to pour relentlessly, the passage of time becomes a blur, lost in the rhythm of the storm pounding against the truck's windshield.

“Have you had any luck?” Jessi’s voice crackles through the walkie talkie, a lifeline in the storm, as she eagerly seeks any sign of hope or progress.

“Not yet.” Yoongi's voice cuts through the static, tinged with a hint of frustration, indicating the ongoing struggle and the uncertainty of the situation.

Suddenly, Jimin’s voice crackles with urgency, breaking the tension in the truck. “I think I see something—over there, by that bush!” His finger jabs towards a dark figure, barely discernible amidst the downpour, a beacon of hope in the relentless storm.

Jungkook steers the truck towards the figure, the engine growling with determination. As they draw nearer, their headlights cutting through the rain, the silhouette resolves into a familiar form—there you are, huddled against the elements, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, each tremble echoing their worry.

With a surge of relief, Jessi flips on the walkie talkie, her voice slicing through the storm like a beacon of hope. “We’ve found her!” Her words, charged with emotion, resonate through the static, breaking through the tension like a ray of sunlight through dark clouds.

Yoongi’s voice carries a wave of relief, cutting through the tension like a soothing melody. “Thank god,” he exhales, his words echoing the collective sentiment of the group, a chorus of gratitude amid the storm’s fury.

Despite the lingering heat, your body trembles, a stark contrast to the relentless downpour that now subsides, replaced by a calm silence broken only by the soft patter of raindrops.

In the distance, headlights cut through the gloom, bouncing over the rugged landscape, gradually growing larger and clearer. As the familiar black truck draws near, a wave of relief floods your weary and trembling form, soothing your frayed nerves.

The truck grinds to a halt just a stone’s throw away, and in an instant, three figures spill out onto the rain-soaked earth: Jungkook, your steadfast sister, and Jimin, his urgency palpable in every stride.

Jimin sprints to your side with an urgency that echoes his concern, his strides propelled by an undeniable determination. His embrace envelops you, a reassuring anchor amidst the storm. “How are you holding up?” he implores, his voice a blend of worry and relief. You offer a nonchalant shrug, masking the turmoil within. “Could be worse,” you reply, your words betraying the weight of your ordeal.

Your sister’s gaze scans you intently, her eyes mapping every contour, searching for any sign of harm. “What happened?” she inquires, her voice edged with concern. “Mikrokosmos returned without you.” Her words hang in the air, punctuated by the gravity of the situation, each syllable laden with the weight of unanswered questions and looming danger.

“The thunder spooked her and I fell off,” you explain, feeling Jimin’s firm hand pulling you upright. The words spill from your lips, mingling with the pattering rain as you recount the moment of panic and disarray.

“Any injuries?” He inquires, his eyes scanning you with the same meticulous care as your sister had done moments before. Yet, to your relief, there isn’t a single scratch or bruise to be found on your body.

“I-I just feel sore,” you manage, your voice tinged with discomfort, the chill of the rain making your words stutter slightly. Jimin immediately envelops you in his arms once more, leading you gently towards his brother’s truck. Your sister, too, lends her support, her gaze fixed on you with concern. As you glance down, you catch a glimmer from her left hand, and there, amidst the rain, you spot something sparkling.

“What’s that?” You inquire, your voice a mixture of curiosity and exhaustion as they guide you back towards the truck, their arms offering steadying support.

“What?” your sister inquires, her brows furrowing slightly as she holds the door open for you to climb into the backseat.

“That ring on your finger,” you observe, noting the flush creeping up her cheeks. She attempts to conceal her hand, but it’s too late—you’ve already caught sight of it. With gentle insistence, you grasp her hand and bring it closer for inspection. A delicate gold band adorned with a simple white stone gleams in the dim light, its beauty striking you. Glancing at Jungkook, you’re met with a tender expression, silently affirming the significance of the moment.

“You proposed to her?” You inquire, your voice catching on the brink of tears, emotions swirling within you—a mix of overwhelming joy and heartfelt sentiment.

His laughter dances in the air as he admits, “I did,” his grin radiating warmth, all while your sister playfully attempts to wrest her hand from your firm grasp.

“When did this happen?” Inquisitively, you pivot between them, anticipation lacing your voice. Their eyes momentarily break contact, drawn down to the damp earth beneath them, as if searching for the right words amidst the glistening droplets.

“A week ago,” Her admission comes in a hushed tone, tinged with a hint of regret, the weight of secrecy palpable in the air. It's as though the words have been lodged in her throat for days, finally finding release, yet carrying with them the burden of silence she bore for an entire week.

“And you didn’t tell me?” You exhale a mix of disbelief and hurt, your incredulous gaze bouncing between them like a pinball in motion. Reluctantly, you yield to Jimin and your sister's gentle insistence, allowing them to guide you into the shelter of the backseat, away from the relentless downpour. With a comforting presence, Jimin settles beside you, while your sister and Jungkook join you in the truck, cocooning you in a blend of warmth and unspoken apologies.

“We wanted to tell you,” your sister starts, her voice carrying a blend of sincerity and hesitation, mingling with the hum of the engine as Jungkook maneuvers the truck down the hill, steering back towards home.“We just didn’t want to make you sad, so I didn’t wear the ring, until today…” she continues, her eyes betraying a sadness mirrored in your own conflicted emotions. You wrestle with the complexity of her consideration, torn between gratitude for her sensitivity and the ache of your own hidden sorrow. After all, shouldn’t you be thrilled for them? Yet, beneath the surface, your heart echoes with a quieter, more personal ache, one that whispers of your own unspoken battles with sadness and despair.

“Why would you make me sad? It makes me sad that you’ve been hiding it from me,” you lament, a tinge of frustration coloring your words as you grapple with the chill seeping through your sodden attire, clinging uncomfortably to your skin. Each droplet feels like a weight, echoing the heaviness of the withheld truth, leaving you to mire in a mix of emotions, neither warm nor settled.

Sensing your shivers, Jimin swiftly sheds his jacket, enfolding you in its warmth with a tender gesture, a shield against the biting cold that had crept beneath your skin.

“I only wanted to spare you from pain,” your sister’s voice softens, regret lacing each syllable as she meets your gaze, her words heavy with remorse. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”

You nod, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Despite the sadness clouding your heart, you grasp onto the flicker of happiness for your loved ones. It sucks that she didn’t tell you, but you do understand why she did it.

Your gaze shifts to Jimin, a whirlwind of unspoken words swirling within you, a thousand thoughts clamoring for attention. Each thought jostles for prominence, yet amidst the chaos, you find yourself lost in the labyrinth of your own mind, grappling with the weight of unsaid feelings, uncertain where to begin or how to articulate the storm raging within.

“Thank you for the jacket,” Gratitude tumbles from your lips for the jacket, a feeble attempt to bridge the chasm of silence that has grown between you, though its weight feels heavier with unspoken tension. There’s an unfamiliar air, thick with unresolved emotions, a palpable unease that lingers like an unwelcome guest. You’ve been avoiding him, grappling with the aftermath of your decision to end things, haunted by the specter of his past relationship and the fragility of your own heart, torn between the longing for reconciliation and the fear of further heartbreak.

“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry,” Jimin murmurs, his gaze a tender caress as he studies you intently, as if attempting to decipher the intricate layers of your being. You can’t help but wonder if he notices the shadows beneath your eyes, heavier now than before, or if he sees the telltale signs of your daily tears etched upon your swollen, puffy face. Does he perceive the subtle changes in your physique, the way your clothes hang looser, mirroring the weight of your burdened heart? In the depths of his gaze, you question if he glimpses the essence of your soul, the silent yearning for his touch, for the rekindling of his boundless love that once enveloped you in warmth and security.

“What for?” You inquire, a soft sniffle punctuating your words, yet your gaze remains unwavering, locked onto the depths of his captivating brown eyes. In that moment, a wave of longing washes over you, the realization of your own foolishness crashing against the shores of your consciousness. You’ve yearned for him in his absence, now understanding the foolishness of your pride. Love pulses within you, a beacon amidst the stormy seas of doubt, begging the question: shouldn't love be reason enough? Isn't it the only thing that truly matters in the end?

“For treating you so poorly. For every misstep, every hurtful word, every moment of silence that drove a wedge between us, for dating Deiji, for not realizing how much it all has hurt you,” he confesses, his voice a fragile whisper teetering on the edge of remorse. Tears glisten in his eyes, a testament to the depth of his regret. His trembling hand finds solace in the curve of your cheek, tenderly cupping it as if to anchor himself amidst the tempest of his emotions. You yield to his touch, the warmth and softness of his hand a balm to your wounded soul, melting away the barriers that had stood between you, allowing you to surrender to the familiar comfort of his embrace.

“I’ve been unbelievably foolish, and I’m utterly sorry,” his voice catches in his throat, the weight of his remorse evident as a tear breaks free from his lashes, tracing a silent path down his cheek. “I never meant to hurt you like this,” he confesses, each word heavy with regret. “I love you so much,” he whispers, the depth of his affection echoing in the tremor of his voice, a testament to the sincerity of his devotion.

“I know you broke up with me because you’re not ready to have kids, and I completely understand that,” his hand intertwines with yours, a lifeline in the tumult of emotions that swirl between you. His gaze searches yours, seeking understanding, seeking reassurance, perhaps seeking forgiveness. “But I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together— I want you back,” he confesses, his voice a soft plea tinged with hope. “I love you, and I believe in us. I never imagined this path for us, but I truly believe we can navigate it together,” he asserts, his grip on your hand tightening as if to anchor his resolve. “And the child, she’ll have her own home with Deiji,” he adds, a note of reassurance in his voice, as if to alleviate any concerns that lingered in your heart.

“I got your letter,” you murmur, your tone laden with emotion, observing the shock that washes over his face.

“How?” His voice quivers slightly, betraying the turmoil raging within him, and a pang of guilt washes over you as you realize you probably shouldn’t have read the letter, especially since he didn’t give it to you personally.

Your gaze shifts towards Jungkook, and Jimin instinctively follows the direction of your eyes, noting the scuffs, before returning his attention to you. “I meant every word I wrote in it,” he declares, his tone unwavering despite the vulnerability in his eyes.

As you nod, waves of his love wash over you, intertwining with your own affection and flooding your veins with a warmth that knits together the fragments of your once-scattered heart.

Your heart flutters within its cage of ribs, caught in a dance of uncertainty and longing. His words resonate with you, stirring a flicker of hope in the depths of your soul, yet doubt lingers like a shadow at dusk. You’re torn, teetering on the precipice of indecision, but amidst the turmoil, one truth remains steadfast: your love for him burns unwaveringly, an eternal flame that illuminates the darkness of doubt. And in that flicker of certainty, you find solace, trusting that love, in all its complexities, will guide you through the labyrinth of uncertainty.

“Okay.” The word escapes your lips like a fragile whisper, hanging in the air like the delicate balance of a teetering scale. In the ensuing silence that envelops the truck, you observe the shift in Jimin’s expression, his features morphing into a silent query, a question mark etched upon his face, seeking to decipher the weight of your response and the myriad emotions swirling within you.

“What do you mean?” Jimin’s voice breaks the silence, tinged with confusion, his brows furrowing in bewilderment at your curt response. His inquiry hangs in the air, an invitation to unravel the enigma of your brief words, beckoning you to delve deeper into the intricacies of your thoughts and feelings.

“I want us to be together again,” you confess, your gaze locked with his, the shimmer of tears mirroring the depth of his remorse. Yet amidst the regret, his love for you radiates like a beacon, casting aside the shadows of doubt. You can’t deny the intensity of your own affection, a love that courses through your veins, unwavering and undeniable. It’s as if destiny itself has woven your souls together, an unbreakable bond that transcends time and distance, a truth you've known since the moment your eyes first met after all those years apart.

Without hesitation, Jimin closes the distance between you, his lips meeting yours in a fervent embrace. The kiss is hurried, tinged with the salt of his tears, yet you savor every moment, for his touch ignites a fire within you, reigniting the vibrant hues of your world. In the warmth of his embrace, you feel the dull ache of sadness dissipate, replaced by the kaleidoscope of emotions that accompany the return of his affection. It’s as if life’s dull monochrome has been replaced with a symphony of colors, painting your world anew.

Rekindling your relationship with Jimin has been more than just good—it’s been a revival of your soul. With him by your side, you feel whole once more, the missing piece of your heart seamlessly slotting back into place. Despite the challenges that still loom on the horizon, you find solace in the simple truth that you have each other to rely on, to support and uplift in times of need. 

As two full moons have passed, the looming prospect of Deiji’s imminent labor hangs heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the complexities that have woven themselves into your life. Despite the passage of time, your disdain for her remains unyielding, fueled by a nagging sense of distrust that refuses to be quelled. You’ve voiced your suspicions to Jimin, laying bare the unsettling behaviors that gnaw at your conscience—her reluctance to reveal the results of the paternity test, the cryptic details surrounding her medical appointments, the sudden refusal to allow Jimin to accompany her, especially after your request to see the test results. With each revelation, Jimin’s eyes begin to open to the unsettling truth lurking beneath Deiji’s facade.

A creeping suspicion takes root within you, whispering the unsettling possibility that Deiji’s claims may be nothing more than elaborate fabrications. The thought lingers like a shadow in your mind, casting doubt upon the foundation of your reality. While a part of you entertains the notion that perhaps she never carried Jimin’s child at all, the implications of such deceit weigh heavily upon your conscience. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, the idea that unraveling her web of lies could potentially simplify your life, yet the thought of the devastation it would bring to Jimin is a sobering reminder of the delicate balance between truth and consequence.

In the face of adversity, you and Jimin are actively striving to strengthen your communication skills, recognizing the tendency to retreat into your own worlds when challenges arise. Both of you understand the paramount importance of articulating your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly, realizing that true connection and understanding can only flourish in the fertile soil of effective communication.

And so, you find yourself once more within the comforting confines of his home, the tantalizing aroma of dinner wafting through the air, stirring your appetite and igniting a sense of eager anticipation. As hungry as you were during your previous visit, this time the atmosphere is charged with a newfound warmth and intimacy, infusing the meal with an extra layer of significance. With each bite, you’re not only nourishing your body but also savoring the love and care that your boyfriend has poured into the culinary creation before you.

“Jimin, this looks absolutely mouthwatering,” you exclaim, your fork poised eagerly above the food, ready to indulge in the culinary masterpiece before you.

“Thanks, I hope it tastes as good as it looks,” he replies, a radiant smile gracing his features as he joins you in savoring the meal he's prepared with care.

The first bite is an explosion of flavors on your palate, a symphony of tastes that dance and mingle, leaving you craving more. It’s a culinary masterpiece, each ingredient harmonizing perfectly to create a sensation that delights every sense. This incredible man’s cooking never fails to amaze, leaving you in awe of his talent and grateful for the privilege of tasting his creations.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” he interjects between bites, his expression thoughtful as he pauses to address the topic weighing on his thoughts.

Locked in a gaze brimming with boundless affection, you find yourself lost in the depths of his eyes, a silent exchange of love and understanding passing between you. With a gentle nod, you encourage him to continue, your heart swelling with anticipation for the words he’s about to share.

“I’ve been thinking about the arrival of the baby,” he begins, his eyes alight with curiosity, sparking a smile to bloom across your face in response. “Do you think we should prepare a special room for her? And where do you think she should be sleeping?”

“I believe she should start off in our room, close to us, but later she can get her own room” you propose, a smile gracing your lips as you envision the cozy arrangement.

“Hmm. Good idea. Thank you for being so cool about it and wanting to do it with me,” he expresses, his eyes shimmering with affection as he extends his hand across the table, silently inviting you to join him in this journey.

You cover his hand with yours, gently tracing circles on his skin as you speak softly, “I don’t know if I’d call it being cool, but I’m doing my best to navigate this new territory.” Despite the uncertainty looming ahead, you offer him a reassuring smile, knowing that embarking on this co-parenting journey will undoubtedly present challenges. Yet, with Jimin by your side, you feel a sense of strength and reassurance, a reminder that together, you can weather any storm.

“Well, thank you. It means everything to me,” he murmurs, his voice laden with gratitude as he leans across the table, closing the gap between you to plant a tender kiss on your lips.

You draw back slightly, your hands tenderly cradling his face, locking eyes with him as you whisper, “I love you, Jimin,” the words carrying the weight of your devotion and the promise of forever.

A warm smile graces his lips in response to your declaration, a silent acknowledgment of the deep love you share. Returning to your meal, a comfortable silence descends upon you both, enveloping you like a soft embrace, a tranquil refuge from the chaos of the world outside.

Raising your gaze, you wait patiently for his eyes to meet yours, the urgency of your words evident in your expression. “I truly believe you need to have a conversation with Deiji,” you urge, a sense of unease settling in your stomach. “There’s something off about all of this, something I can’t quite decipher,” you add, your voice laced with concern and the unspoken weight of intuition.

Jimin nods solemnly, his brows furrowing in concern. “You’re right. It’s been bothering me too. She’s been unresponsive to my texts lately,” he admits, his voice tinged with apprehension and a growing sense of unease.

“Perhaps it’s time to pay her a visit and have a heart-to-heart conversation,” you propose, a gentle smile gracing your lips.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he responds eagerly, his eyes alight with determination. With a renewed sense of purpose, you both continue to savor the meal, engaging in light-hearted conversation as you contemplate the impending discussion with Deiji.

For an entire week, communication between you and Jimin has been scarce, lost amidst the whirlwind of chores and responsibilities that accompany life on your respective ranches. From dawn till dusk, your days blur together with the relentless tasks of sheep shearing, cattle herding, and countless other duties demanding your attention. Exhaustion seeps into your bones, leaving little energy for anything beyond the essential exchanges of ‘goodbye’ and ‘good morning’ shared over the phone, a stark reminder of the physical and emotional toll of your demanding lifestyles.

Tonight is one of those nights when every muscle in your body aches with weariness, longing for the soothing touch of Jimin’s hands to unravel the knots of tension and stress that cling stubbornly to your frame. The thought of sinking into the warm embrace of his oversized bathtub offers a glimmer of solace amidst the weariness, a sanctuary where the trials of ranch life can be temporarily forgotten. Despite feeling battered and bruised, the exhaustion of the day weighs heavy upon you, dragging you into the welcoming arms of sleep within mere minutes.

You’re unsure of how long you’ve been lost in slumber, but a peculiar scent and an eerie sound stir you from your rest. As consciousness slowly returns, your head feels heavy and your senses are muddled, the faint aroma of something resembling a campfire teasing your nostrils. The source of the scent eludes you, shrouded in the fog of fatigue that clouds your mind, as the haunting creak of wood contracting fills the air, sending a shiver down your spine.

Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I would very much appreciate it if you reblogged the chapter, if you liked it ✨ A small review or a comment would also mean a lot to me, and even a like. But please, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think; your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜 Remember the Q&A that is coming in the Epilogue— if you want to send in some questions for the characters, you can do it now (and later too) → Ask the characters (or me), anything ❣️

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[zephfair]

More Fic Writer asks! #1, 3, 11, 12, 17 annnddd 30 for a story of your choice ^_^ Enjoy!

Thank you so much the ask! I appreciate you!!!

the last sentence you wrote

This is from my Raven Cycle Hallmark Christmas movie fic that will probably never be posted but like I said in a previous ask, it's my holiday emotional support fic.🤣

“Dick,” a low, gravelly voice growled down at him. Gansey hid his wince from the cold voice as well as the chill of lukewarm coffee soaking through his cashmere, and most probably, the black shirt of the brick wall/man he ran into.

“There’s no need to resort to name-calling. I was about to apologize for spilling on you,” Gansey said, pulling himself straighter but it only brought the man’s stubbly Adam’s apple and chin into focus.

“Fuck, no, that’s not...” then a softer voice—a tone that brought back memories of green fields, the smell of hay and cattle, the tug of a boyish hand in his, days filled with laughter—warmed him in an instant when it said, “Gansey? Is that really you?”

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Oops, this is the one I answered here about that holiday fic that I am trying to work every single Hallmark Christmas movie trope into.🤣

11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday

I have one more Bleach fic that's been halfway done for years. I'd like to finish it just for completion's sake. And I have a bunch of Raven Cycle fics that I still open, read, and then close because the magic fic fairy has not visited me and finished them. Unfortunately. 🥲The two that haunt me are the Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU and the Sugar Daddy AU. I want them to just be exported directly from my brain onto the page without me having to actually type, you know?

12. a trope you’re really into right now

My bedtime ritual includes curling up in bed with my iPad and rereading some of my favorite Ronan/Adam fics. I am always in the mood for a good AU that's either romantic comedy or just romantic with always a happy ending. No dark themes or angst for me please.

17. talk about your writing and editing process

I wish I had more of a writing process tbh. I don't have any energy these days. I plan fics and get all this great dialog and plot while I'm driving on Saturdays, but when I get home, I'm too wiped out to even write a word. Sometimes I scribble down an idea or a phrase that will hopefully jog my memory about the witty conversation I'd imagined. (Spoiler: my memory doesn't like to jog anymore than the rest of me so much of my imaginings are lost.😂)

But when I'm actually writing for real, I try to just keep the flow going. If I get bogged down in a scene or want to add something that I'll need to check on, I just put a placeholder. I don't want to interrupt myself when I'm in the zone, so to speak, and I can always come back and look up or fix that section later.

When I first get a fic idea, I do try to write down the outline as it comes to me and those snippets of conversation that I can hear clearly.

I'm guilty of only performing minimal editing. I know my stuff could definitely benefit from a beta reader, but it's been years since I've had one. I'm always on the lookout for basic spelling, grammar and punctuation errors but gah, they still sneak past me. I know I tend to be verbose so I do try to cut when I can. I keep a file with some of the things I cut, if I really like a passage or a phrase, maybe I can use it again someday where it will fit better.

But in the end, writing fanfic is mostly for me. I adore and crave the validation, for sure, and I'm sure with a beta and much care, I could create a better story. But right now, I don't edit as strictly as I should because I might really love that paragraph, and I'm going to leave it there anyway. For me.

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

I answered this before and said my Bleach tentacle smut fic lol, but I'm actually proudest of my earliest Da Vinci's Demons stuff. Nobody outside the minuscule fandom has even seen the show, but I was in a strangely good writing mode those couple years, and I think I wrote my best "writing," with pretty turns of phrase and actual plotting and pacing. And smut, always smut.

Thank you so much for the ask, lovely! 😘💖💖💖💖💖

[spnfanficpond]

September 2022 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Welcome to this month's Angel Fish Awards!

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE (you don’t have to be a member) CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for Tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

The Pact (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

I had lost track of this series a while back, but I recently found it again, and I’M SO HAPPY! For those who steer away from smut, the smut is minimal in this series, but the plot is maxxed out!  There’s everything you could want: mystery, intrigue, magic, enemies to lovers, daddy issues, found family, and true love. (The masterlist doesn’t have the two most recent chapters on it, but they are easily found on Jen’s blog.) Only start reading this if you’ve got some time to spare because you won’t want to take a break!

Proud by @waywardnerd67 

Tumblr was being a pain and decided that I didn’t need to see any of Nerdy’s tags for me for... *checks calendar* ...FIVE YEARS. I missed a couple of YEARS worth of these little drabbles and ficlets! Well, 2017′s loss is 2022′s gain because I’m getting them all in dribs and drabs, now. This is just one of the dozens of these little stories that are like little, yummy snacks of fics. They’re bite-sized morsels of mostly fluff (there are some that are angst or smut, too) that are perfect for when you’re on the go! Be sure to check them all out!

The New Mrs. Winchester (series) by @percywinchester27

I thought I had already nominated this series, which is my only reason for not having nominated it before!! This is a Sam x Reader AU with so many mysteries that I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what happens next. We have heard just enough of what has happened in the reader’s past to know it wasn’t pretty, but Sam’s past, and why Dean is nowhere to be found, is still completely unknown. The back half of your chair won’t get much use while you’re reading this because you’ll be on the edge of your seat!

~*~*~

Nominated by @percywinchester27

Reluctant Renegade (series) by @deangirl93

I really like how the SPN scenario is completely reversed in this one. I've only just started with it, and the story has already gripped me. I'm curious to see how much more of an anti-hero Dean can be and the reader is very interesting! Looking forward to reading more!

~*~*~

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661 

Family Matters by @glygriffe 

I thought it was a really great story and I loved that it was different! I really liked the « what if this happened instead » ! I really enjoyed it!

~*~*~

Nominated by @princessmisery666 

Hunter/Hunted (series) by @talesmaniac89 

I need to catch up but the 15 parts I've read are amazing. So few words in each part but each one gave me just enough to want more and enjoy the ride. Excellent work.

Without A Stitch by @raidens-realm 

I loved the idea of the bunker being a living entity and wanting to take care of the boys. Bonus for Sam being naked most of the time 😂

Butter Knife by @fictional-affairs 

Can't beat a bit of miscommunication and love confessions. 💓

A Little Trip by @mariekoukie6661

I could totally picture the guys walking around in absolute amazement and getting lost like we all do in Ikea.

The Best and Worse Plans by @girl-next-door-writes 

I am a total fangirl for @girl-next-door-writes and I can never resist putting in a request when they open them up. This one was perfect for that gif.

Big Brother by @girl-next-door-writes 

Emma indulged me again and this broke my heart but is soooooo in character 😭Dean will always sacrifice his happiness for his brother.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

These are not actual awards, as in, there is no competition! This system is set up so everyone has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author in the Pond that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[captainsimagines]

To Topple A Giant || Chapter One

Summary: You had made it your mission to destroy even the smallest evils. When the opportunity arises to finally take down your own family after years of gaining their trust, you reach for it. And so does Steve, the man who represents a symbol of everything you hate. 

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader || Avengers x Reader

Part 1 of 10 ~ Mini-Series

Trope: ‘Enemies to Lovers’; mainly angst, mutual pining, fluff, and eventual smut

Warnings: This story contains mature themes and discussions such as extreme canon violence, strong language, emotional angst, mentions of Endgame deaths and recoveries, sexual situations, and emotional/physical abuse. All trigger warnings will be listed before the chapter. This is purely fanfiction. 

Word Count: 4000+

A/N: Ooo, let’s hope this does numbers! I love myself some ‘enemies to lovers’ tropes. It’s been a while since I’ve written Steve fanfics. :)

~

Wakanda, 2018, 4:04 pm.

     The flash of bright white light temporarily blinded you, sending you back to the ground and cupping your face in self-defense. But as quickly as the initial crack, it was over. Eerily silent and loud at the same time. The birds whistled their same tune, some higher-pitched than others. The wind seemed to blow louder, rustling the leaves from the trees and landing all around you and your teammates. 

“Thor?”

You lifted your head at the sound of Steve’s voice and checked if the coast was clear. All that remained of the evil was a new blood-stained hammer - a hammer that Thor was watching intensely, as if the answer lay hidden there. It was the only remnant left and your mind was already wondering how to use it to bring that evil back to finish a fair fight. 

“Where’d he go?”

The birds stopped singing. 

“Steve?”

You whipped your head around at the sound of Bucky’s confused voice, watching as one of your best friends dropped his gun and looked up at Steve as his hands began to disappear. In a matter of seconds, Bucky - or what became of him - fell to the dirt below. No one spoke, and you watched as Steve tried to control his breathing as he took a knee to place his shaking hand over his best friend’s ashes. A life and mind brought out of the darkness to finally amend those knots he had twisted, now ceasing to exist. In the distance you could hear Okoye shout in turmoil and Rocket begin begging. 

“What’s happening?” you finally choked out, turning just in time to see Wanda lift her head to the sky, defeated and out of will, and succumb to the same fate. “No!”

You ran and fell beside Vision’s now gray and decaying body, reaching over and palming through Wanda’s ashes. You rubbed them between your fingers, inspecting them, and brought your hand to your chest. The pit of your stomach churned as you sat there, immobile and numb. 

“Sam!”

So many names were being called but soon everyone who remained fell silent. The trees were still guiding the wind, leaves falling into the ashes of your friends, a sign of a new and unwanted chapter. You felt Steve drop beside you, turning Vision around to see the damage to his body. You winced when you saw the gaping hole in his forehead. 

“What is this? What’s happening?”

Natasha ran to where you were seated, hand over her stomach as if she was ready to vomit. And once she took one look at Vision, that’s exactly what she did. 

You removed your hands from your chest to look at them, the ashes still there and practically mocking you into finally believing this as reality. “Did we just lose?”

Steve was moments away from a full-blown panic attack. He simply looked up at the trees, watching the way the sunlight still burst through with no disruption. “Oh god.”

You caught Steve as he tipped his upper body toward you, wrapping his arms around your waist and holding onto something real. He had to believe you were real. Anyone. And you were the closest person to him. You shut your eyes and held him, running your hands through his hair, wincing when you realized Wanda’s ashes were now on him.

You held him tight, praying to any God you chose to believe in at that moment, that Steve wouldn’t disappear too. 

Unknown Location, 2025, 1:07 pm.

     The air was incredibly musty, as if each person who struggled for breath in this room at one point or another left a piece of their soul floating in search of last minute penance for their sins. And the man in front of you was no different, choking on the purple blood that dripped down his neck and onto his now unbuttoned, white dress shirt. His chest was rising and falling, his breathing becoming less labored with each blink of the eye. His hands were tied behind his back and to the chair he sat on, a flickering light in the corner of the dark, concrete room somehow mocking this man’s last remaining seconds of life. 

“I’m not an evil person,” you started, kicking one of the legs of the chair to startle the poor man. But your guilt was minimal - it’s not like you wanted to do this - but knowing this man did exactly what everyone said he did, hands red and dripping with young blood, you selfishly took pleasure knowing this man would look at you when he died. “It’s just my job as third in command.”

You gave the man a small smile as you bent down to his level, head hanging in shame, slow breaths now pausing in between each intake. You looked to the other party in the room, handing them the gun in your holster, and walked out the room as the sound of two gunshots rang out. 

Left twist. Sting. Breathe. 

You washed away any smell from that godforsaken room, giving extra attention to the roots of your hair and under your fingertips. 

Scrub. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. 

The crack of your neck frightened even you, and you stood under the burning shower for a few more minutes before deciding the sting was enough. You changed into the most comfortable sweats you owned, surprisingly calm for such a gruesome morning you had, and took your time with your skin care routine. 

Circle. Wash. Dry.

Soft music played in the overhead speakers, the classical sounds vibrating from one wall to another and surrounding you with something tranquil - something still. There was nothing to expect from such a sound, only the next repeated chorus, no words or drops - just tranquility. You could barely hear yourself breathe but you were at peace - or mostly - and ready to sooth your growing headache behind the eyeballs with more than just music. You slipped on a pair of comfy, forest green socks and bent them at the ankle to achieve an even fluffier look. You applied your favorite perfume, lotioned up your hands, and donned your tacky friendship bracelet. 

One for you. One for Bucky. One for Peter. And one for Wanda. 

You hummed the whole way to the common room, waving at the morning staff as they fixed lightbulbs, covered holes in the walls, and swept the floors. One muffin and a cup of coffee later, you were resting with your head in Wanda’s lap as she filled your thoughts with your chosen sceneries.

      “I can make you see anything you have already seen, so yes.”

“A miniature golf course, Peter’s high school graduation, a field of all kinds of flowers, and Natasha.”

Wanda stilled her floating hand, smile faltering for a moment before she nodded. “Okay… okay, I can do that.”

     They were images well-drawn out, slow and steady to make the atmosphere similar to when you were actually there. They seemed to float across your vision, comfortable in their positions and radiating the same warmth you had felt the first time around. A moving picture. Wanda really had excellent control of this. 

     “I won!” Sam leapt into the air, pointing at a disgruntled Bucky, who stepped off to the side to not throw Sam over his own head. “I won!”

“How is it possible for you to get a hole-in-one each fucking turn?” Bucky groaned, moping in Wanda’s shoulder as she held him and struggled to keep herself standing from her own intense laughs. 

“I think we got a cheater on the loose,” Steve grinned, pointing at the ring Sam was trying to discreetly tuck back into his pocket. A friendly gift from T’Challa, no doubt. 

“Nuh-uh, give me the fucking proof, Wilson!” Bucky roared, wrapping his arm around Sam’s neck and tugging him forward. “I will not admit defeat if there was foul play involved!”

Sam escaped the hold, climbing onto the rock located to the side of the flag and a sign that read ‘do not climb on rocks’. 

“It just helped me calculate all things geometry, Barnes. We’re good.”

Bucky looked as if he was going to leap on him again, but before he could even finish that thought, Sam slipped on the wet surface and plummeted into the rushing little river. 

Laughter erupted and did not cease until you were escorted out of the fairgrounds by four security guards. 

     A flick of Wanda’s wrist and a new memory began forming, colors blending like an oil painting, dried and covered with a glossy varnish, ready to hang. 

     “Don’t trip on your way up, kid.”

Peter swatted Steve in the side as the super soldier left the room, leaving Peter alone in front of the full-length mirror. He adjusted his tie and tried to lay that pesky dangling strand of hair over the top of his head.

You got up from the couch and made your way over, wrapping your arms around Peter and resting your chin on his shoulder. “You’ll do great. We’re all so proud.”

“It’s just high school…”

You frowned and turned him to face you. “No, you should already be in your second year of college. This is seven years in the making. We are all so proud.”

Peter could feel the slight burn at the corner of his eyes but he swallowed it down, giving you a small smile and a hug. 

“And can you trip? Don’t you stick to all surfaces?”

Peter scoffed and pushed you away, his tiny smile never faltering.

     You could feel Wanda shift her legs underneath you, searching for the most comfortable position as she continued her work. You sighed, already feeling the therapeutic effects. 

     “They’re all so pretty!” you yelled cheerfully, running through the field with your arms extended to the sky. Bucky and Steve followed close behind, leaning down every so often to pluck the flower of their choosing and adding to the bouquet in their hand. 

“Which did Tony prefer?” Steve asked, snapping you from your pollen-filled, ecstatic state. 

“Aesthetic beauty, Rogers! Natasha was a sucker for anything pink and sunflowers.”

Bucky nodded, seeming to take that information into consideration as he plucked the yellow and pink flowers only. Steve chose the most healthy looking flowers, his hand struggling to hold them together as he reached the two dozen mark. 

“I think we’re good. These are good.”

You smiled at both super soldiers and admired their bouquets, leaning over to sniff their masterpieces. “Awesome.”

     Wanda sighed as she neared your last vision, debating on showing you your chosen moment instead of another one. This moment always hurt Wanda as she wasn’t there to witness it, but it was special to you. There were so many others to choose from, but you insisted this was the one you always wanted to see. And Wanda was always hesitant at first - but when she lifted her hand slowly and dropped the memory back into the front of your brain, she couldn’t help but smile. 

     “Are we ready?”

Everyone was practically bouncing on their heels, both excited and terrified. Time travel was new to humanity and you were to be one of the first to experience such a thrill. You were going to get everyone back. 

You squeezed Natasha’s hand once more before you walked back over to Thor and Rocket. You all nodded to each other, saying ‘goodbye’ and ‘good luck’ with your childlike expressions. 

“See you in a minute,” Natasha grinned, her cheeks reddening with a friendly blush as she looked over at Steve. Her hair was pulled back into a braid, a braid you had helped her make, and she was carrying an extra pair of socks in case of a long hike. 

Then a blast of color surrounded your body and the smell of peaches as you landed on Asgard filled your overstimulated senses. 

     You opened your eyes and smiled up at Wanda. You didn’t want to see old memories with your friend, but the most recent. It was like you were grasping onto that last memory of her, not wanting to change anything about her last smile, her last laugh, her last shred of existence. It was oddly calming, and so you hoped Wanda would understand. 

You thanked her again and proceeded to the kitchen. It was bigger than the one before, the soft forest green color of the walls a nice contrast from the blue ones before. You laughed to yourself and your conscience as you silently thanked the explosion that obliterated the horrid blue walls, quickly backtracking at your dumb thoughts. Still, you chose to joke about everything that happened before to avoid falling deeper into yourself. The kettle started howling, smoke circling around the tip. You poured your tea, dropped two cubes of sugar in, and added a little milk. 

It was quite bizarre how quickly you could bounce back from the morning you had. A very bloody, order-filled morning. When one order was given, you had to come up with a plan on how to not disregard the other. You had to listen to Fury and your father, gaining a few feet on each side without toppling the other. Still, it took a physical toll on you. But with Wanda’s help in easing your mind and the very sweet tea you nursed, your emotional baggage was pretty minimal. It sometimes scared you how easy it all was. 

Your morning carried on quietly as you sat on the concrete curb, happily sipping your tea in your sweatpants. You could hear Sam and Scott arguing about something a few feet away from you and Bucky taking his afternoon jog around the track. Quite distracted, the sudden ‘thwip’ and superhero landing of a certain teenager scared you enough to spill a little of your tea. 

“Goddamn, dude!” you whined, looking up at Peter as he tried to control his laughter. 

 “I’m sorry, I thought you saw me!”

“Excuse me for being distracted by the hot super soldier just over there,” you joked, pointing over at Bucky. 

Peter rolled his eyes and sat next to you, immediately reaching over to take the tea from you and take a sip himself. You let him, as you had no other choice, rolling your eyes anyway. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you had classes today?”

Peter handed back your cup, “Nah, I’ve only got classes every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Ugh, that sounds great. I remember I scheduled my classes for every day of the week just to have more units,” you sighed, taking another sip of tea. 

 “Stupid.”

You pushed Peter’s shoulder playfully, both your laughter catching the attention of Sam and Scott. But as quickly as you had distracted them, they ignored you and went back to bickering. 

“I’m just here to see my friends, sue me!”

“Nope, you’re always welcome,” you smiled, holding out your wrist and bumping your bracelet with his. “How was your week otherwise?”

“Eh, nothing major. Just trying to navigate the world now that they know who's behind the mask.”

You gave Peter a look of sympathy, still mad at the sudden manipulation of the kid after such traumatic events. You had promised him you would protect him by any means possible, as did the rest of the team, but he seemed to be navigating the situation just fine. Staying away from reporters, scheduling his classes during the most isolated gaps of the day, and signing dozens of forms that promised to protect him, give him royalties, etc. After you had brought everyone back, it seemed the least the new management/orders could provide for you all. 

“We all have our days,” you muttered, handing your tea back to Peter. You two sat there for a while longer, enjoying the slight breeze and taste of sugar. 

An agent rounded the corner and spotted you, jogging up and handing you a yellow folder that was sealed in plastic. “For you, from Fury, from whoever before that.”

“Um, thank you?” you said as the agent walked away. You inspected the folder, turning it over in your hands and playing with the thin plastic. 

You lifted it up to Peter’s face, “Here, smell it and tell me if there’s poison.”

Peter scoffed, “I can’t do that!”

“Don’t you lie to me.”

Peter muttered to himself as he took the folder from you, sniffing it awkwardly. “Smells like paper, dude.”

“Cool, thanks.” 

You ripped the plastic off and unhooked the folder, dropping the single item onto your lap. Peter just sipped your tea and watched you open it. 

It was another envelope, but this one was white with custom-printed indents that swirled across the front and a big, red blob of wax smushed- with your initials- sealing it. You ripped it open and pulled the invitation from inside. You must have read it a thousand times, eyes rapidly scanning the small page with secret meanings. 

“You got invited to a wedding?” Peter asked, taking it from you and reading it himself. 

“Yeah, but this is so much more than that,” you said, snatching it back and standing up from the curb. You quickly went back into the compound, searching for the one person who needed to read it also.

You seemed to find everyone before you found the super soldier who wasn’t out for a jog, a line of somewhat concerned superheroes following behind you from room to room. Eager minds and yet, inflexible rib cages full of anxiety and worry, all ready (and quite not) to tackle the new evils of this new world. And whether they followed you blindly or with functioning minds, they were prepared. 

With the rest of the team behind you, you burst through the second floor with the invitation held over your head. Steve stopped mid-bite, milk dripping from his bottom lip as he stared at everyone in confusion. “Um…”

“It’s time-” you started, pulling the stool from next to him and sitting down. 

“Time for what?” Steve interrupted, his mouth still full of cereal.

“Time for this,” you motioned to the envelope you were handing him. “-to finally end.”

Steve read the invitation word for word, the wrinkles in his forehead becoming deeper as his mind worked. You couldn’t quite discern the feeling in the pit of your stomach, twisting and spinning into a tight coil, seeming to spread to the others as it grew in pressure within you. 

“All three?”

“All three,” you confirmed. 

Peter pushed through Bruce and Rhodey, “What’s happening? What’s gonna end?”

You looked over at Steve, his bowl of cereal now forgotten and soggy. 

His eyes were distant and rather cold, hands extended on his knees as if he was drying the accumulating sweat, shoulders building tension. 

“Steve, we can finally end this. We have to tell everyone. It won’t be enough if it’s just you and me.”

He wanted to explode, in both anger and anguish, to stumble over his intact persona and leave it behind - someone he hasn’t known for a long time. It ate away at him each day since Fury notified him of your selfish choice, burrowing into his now tarnished soul in the most sadistic way. But the prospect of finishing this chapter - a chapter that was unexpectedly halted when half the world disappeared - was considerably euphoric. A chance to move on. 

“Okay.”

Rhodey already had knowledge of your background, recruitment, and family but Steve’s initial involvement - the start of it - was still a mystery. You sat everyone down in the living room, making room for the others who arrived later, and clapped your hands together. “Story time!”

Steve groaned, face already pressed against a throw pillow. “Just tell them.”

You rolled your eyes at him. 

“You know whose spawn I’m from,” you began, snickers from your amused friends encouraging you. “To better transport their product, they sent me over to the states to attend college like the good little girl they think I am.”

Sam cracked open a beer and lifted his legs up onto the couch, sitting back with a massive smile on his face as he got comfortable for your story. He handed another beer to Scott. 

“Wait, product?” Scott asked, taking a sip from his drink. 

You smirked at him and tapped your nose twice, amused by his ‘O’ reaction. “Anyway, by then I already knew that I wanted out of the game. I didn’t like that life, I didn’t like the violence, I didn’t like my family.”

Steve knew that was an understatement, a cruel and restrained statement from your part, and he wanted to tell everyone just how justified you were in your words, how real you were being, and how much help you would certainly need for this. But like always, he remained silent. 

“But Fury got to me before I could leave. So, we made a deal. I would train as a field agent and he would promote me every other year to lessen suspicion on this whole ordeal. The deal being I would play both teams.”

By now, your whole team was intrigued. 

“I would do what I could for my father and still have my family’s trust, while feeding the information to SHIELD and our lovely star-spangled man over here,” you pointed over at Steve. He gave you a tiny but forced smile. 

“But after the collapse of SHIELD, my father only became more violent, more hard-headed, more suspicious. He- uh-” you stuttered, flashbacks suddenly filling your head. Wanda watched your eyes dart rapidly, sensing the rush of blood to your legs and tips of your fingers.

“He was power hungry,” Wanda said, immediately feeling your heart rate lower. Although you never actually said it, she could tell you were grateful for her intrusion. 

“Yeah, exactly,” you cleared your throat. “But Steve’s involvement all started when Fury asked me who would be the best front - the most reliable front.”

“So, with only Fury and the bad guys knowing - Y/N named me as her partner in crime,” Steve explained, head hanging low as if it was such a disgrace to do what you openly did. You knew his troubles with coming to terms with such an offensive role were multiplying daily, but you were now this close to stopping  every bad force involved. 

 “So, Captain America is the ultimate drug smuggler,” Scott spoke, somehow trying to comprehend the information all at once. You and Steve both nodded in confirmation and avoided the wide and questioning eyes looking back at you. 

“Yeah, he’s essentially the top boss.”

“Y/N-,” Steve interjected, but you beat him to  it. 

“And here we are! Him and I both invited to the wedding.”

Wanda stretched out her words, “The wedding?”

“Yes, the wedding - where three of the most famous and powerful drug lords south of the border will be attending and ready for our taking - including my father.”

Steve stood from his seat, posture straightening as he spoke to the group. “The invitation reads like a threat. No cameras, no plus-ones besides those listed specifically on the card, no speaking to reporters before or after. The trust Y/N has gained would unknowingly make us the contraband of the party.”

After going through more specifics about the whole situation, Bucky finally raised the question eating away at his mind this whole time. “Whose wedding is it, anyway?”

You grinned that stupid little grin Steve always prepared himself for. It was the grin you would display whenever you were going to make a serious matter a joke, or brush something serious off your shoulder as if it didn’t bother you. The sarcastic grin he always wanted to wipe off your face as you defied orders. 

“My lovely little sister’s.”

Rhodey stepped forward to take the invitation for personal inspection, “When is it?”

“A week from tomorrow,” you beamed. “Which means I got to get shopping for a wonderful little, red number!”

“Please, be more excited about this,” Steve groaned, sarcasm dripping off each syllable. 

You flicked your right hand up and in position to flash your charming little middle finger at him, a river of fluffed ego and delight flowing to your cheeks as he huffed and left the room in a stumbled march.

“So…” Scott’s voice ripped through the awkward silence. “We’ve been secret drug smugglers this whole time?”

~

Please let me know what you think! I listened “The Archer” by Taylor Swift and I was like... yes, I see this, lmao. Tell me if you would like to be tagged in later updates! xxMoni

[seoracle]

DRIVERS LICENSE; i

Pairing: Bang Chan x Idol! Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fake Dating! AU, Angst, Lovers to Enemies(?), Occasional Pining, Comedy, S for potential smut(??)

Summary: Y/N has become an overnight sensation with ‘Drivers License’, Breaking records left and right...But what if the press gets wind of the ill-matched lovers and their company decide it’s the perfect attention ploy?

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Swearing (a lot near the end), Drinking mention

A/N: this was meant to be a drabble... now it’s becoming a series...i’m sorry

“...and the winner of Inkigayo today is...Y/N with ‘Drivers License, Congratulations!”

You step towards the center of the stage and take the trophy and bouquet from a rookie idol, who flashes a bright smile at you, but you can see the envy in his eyes. You once had that same hunger and ambition that he seems to reek of, it’s a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Taking the mic, you begin to sing a more sultry and edgier vibe than usual, which seems to gather more screams from fans than usual. You remember what Seulgi taught you and gaze at the camera lens with a subtle pout, trying to capture the angst of the song in your gaze.

It feels ridiculous, feigning emotions you no longer feel, singing a song you begged the company not to put out in a corset fitted shirt that’ll leave your ribs sore and reddened. It’s pathetic and cliche, you quite literally sold your soul (well, heart) for fame. 

“Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…”

Everyone behind you waves at the camera, signalling the show is ending. You leave last, taking several confetti bits for your scrapbook, which is the only thing keeping you from remembering this is all real. 

Backstage, Iris and San are waiting in your dressing room, they greet you with proud grins and slaps on the back. 

“Well, if it isn’t miss twelve...no, thirteen wins in two weeks.” San praises, enveloping you in a hug.

“Could be thirteen by tomorrow~” Hums Iris in a sing-song tone.

A groan leaves your lips, while slumping into an uncomfortable chair. You tune out their excited plans for your makeup and hair tomorrow, San says something about an end of year Award show.

All you want is to go home to your empty dormitory and sleep.

When you finally arrive to the ‘comfort’ of your ‘studio apartment’ (box room), it isn’t long before you strip down to your pyjamas and aggressively rub off the layers of makeup that seem to cling to every pore and fine line of your face. The cold air from the fan soothes the aching of your body from your strict workout routine. You stay awake until 4am, reading comments from netizens and replying to fans on your fancafe, it  was hard not to become obsessed with checking what people thought; whether they loved or loathed you.

[+184 -93] Y/N is talented, but they look devoid of emotion since last week...maybe singing a song so personal isn’t a good idea….what if the person it’s about hears it…..

User FYL**8 was right, it had become draining trying to convey emotions you’d long let go of. Your debut song was fresh and fun, it didn’t garner much attention but at least you hadn’t had to fake emotions and relive your first heartbreak.

Although the memories of the breakup didn’t hurt as much, the happiest ones were the most painful. The feeling of ignorance, thinking he meant forever and believing him completely...it was all so distant yet felt a fingertip away.

That night you slept with a heavy heart, remembering what it felt like when he’d hold you close and right and kiss you on the head to soothe your worries. Why did it have to end? Why like that? You try to drift into a nice sleep after another exhausting day but to no avail, thoughts of him are flooding every thought. Has he heard it? There was no way he hadn’t, he loved to check out every ranking song for inspiration or for another artist to add to his monthly playlist. 

Would he get angry? Sad? Laugh at your pathetic feelings? He was right in the end, when it came down to it you only shared your feelings when it was too late.

Stupid Christopher fucking Bang.

It wasn’t often you’d refer to him as Chan, you had met him when he only saw it as another name for himself that he hardly used. Back when his hair had been fluffed up curls that he couldn’t contain and his light freckles weren’t covered by BB Cream. When he didn’t belong to the world and only loved you.

After months of forcing yourself not to, you hastily search “Stray kids Bang Chan + Y/N”, Then “Stray Kids Y/N” and finally “Skz Y/N”. The results are minimal and far inbetween, mostly tweets from fans wishing for a collab and oddly enough one person making edited photos of you and them, which are so convincing you have to remind yourself you hadn’t met them.

Thoughts drift to his friends, the ones who didn’t know Chris was even seeing someone and had been for over a year. They tried to sugarcoat it, say they forgot, it’s hard to keep track when you’re training and all that. 

The sinking feeling you felt when Minho asked how long you’d been together, guessing a month at most. When you did reply, ears burning with embarrassment he coughed and muttered “Oh.’, That had stung.

Everything had seemed so perfect, until you opened your eyes and saw it for what it was.

You don’t end up sleeping much, two hours at most, Then it’s time to get ready and head to the Broadcast Studio for today’s event. All you know is it’s a show about giving advice, the reviews aren’t great but you aren’t allowed to turn anything down because fame is a double-edged sword that you can barely grasp as is.

Iris and San are already waiting for you when you get there, within minutes makeup is being patted into your skin and your outfit is laid out on the chair next to you.

“Sleep more, Y/N-ah, I had to use a double coverage concealer to hide your dark circles.” Iris said in a fretful tone.

“I try, it’s hard being famous.” You reply jokingly, flipping your hair the best you can. Iris smacks your hand away and frantically finds her hairspray.

Within twenty minutes you’re dressed and not one hair is out of place, San pulls you aside with an uncharacteristically stern face. 

“The company have specific goals for sending you here, they want you to delve into a story of heartbreak to comfort today’s victim, while keeping anonymity and remaining as vague as you can.” 

Of course, even a show about helping others is fictional.

You nod solemnly and prepare to go on air, sitting on a cushion next to a popular comedian who doesn’t bother to even look at you. A well-known Streamer is on your other side and you begin polite small talk, which seems to irritate the host.

“We’re on in 3,2….1!” A sharp click follows the director’s queue and the host bursts right into the introduction.

After you’re introduced it’s easy to tune out, you couldn’t give a shit about that stuck-up comedian and the actress to their right. Instead you think of how the fuck you’re supposed to conjure up an emotional performance with little to no time to prepare.

‘My ex-boyfriend hid me for almost two years’ no, not even worthy of a cheap gossip magazine. ‘I thought my boyfriend loved me, turns out he loved his career more’ Maybe...but you sound too needy. 

“Today’s guest is Lee Chaeun of Suwon! Tell us your story, please.” 

You turn to look at the guest who walks onto the set and sits at the head of the pillow mats. She’s clearly a young girl, her baby face is covered by face-framing layers of shiny black hair and her eyes are already glassy.

“Last year, I began dating my crush after years of admiring him from afar...Everything seemed so perfect until last week….He dumped me by text message saying he needed space and now he’s with someone new..” Chaeun bursts into tears and the host fakes a sympathetic face and passes her a box of tissues.

“Ah, you’re young...you don’t know anything yet. This is a normal phase for teenagers, men realise themselves and break girls down so they become beautiful women. It’s just a case of a little girl not wanting to grow up!” Chimes in the Comedian, who talks about his falsities as if they’re facts.

The audience erupts into laughter and the heartbroken teenager lowers her head in embarrassment. Which only makes you more enraged, Who told that guy he was funny?

“Chaeun has every right to be upset!” You exclaim, cutting through the laugher like a hot knife. “When a relationship ends when everything seems alright for one person, it's cruel. Being blindsided isn’t a joke. It hurts and she deserves closure, and to move on someday to a better person..What happened to her shouldn’t happen to anyone!”  You barely register a gentle hand on top of yours, far too surprised by the fact there are tears dripping down your face. Crying wasn’t an option, so you pull yourself together and apologise to Chaeun and the host you cannot stand.

“Y/N, You seemed personally moved by Chaeun’s story, have you experienced a painful breakup?” The host asks curiously.

“You could say that,” You begin with a wry smile. “I was with someone who lived a double life, they were completely different when they were with other people...Things ended when I was still planning for future dates...it made me realise how fake they were.”

The guests all nod and you squeeze Chaeun’s hand, she smiles at you seeming relieved that she isn’t the only one who has felt this kind of pain. 

Everything goes smoothly after that, other guests chime in and the actress that seemed snobby is openly discussing her ex vomiting all over her Valentinos. You can’t help but wonder if the company really suggested this, or if it was divine intervention (Choi San, your manager). 

You don’t feel so alone anymore, everyone is guaranteed several things, two being love and heartbreak of some kind. 

“Thanks to singer Y/N and actress Sojung, Chaeun was able to feel a little better...Thank you for joining us on ‘Help No Counsellor!’, Join us next week when…’

“Choi San, you sneaky bastard.”

He tries to act surprised but a shit-eating grin soon overtakes his acting, Iris shakes her head and zips her makeup bag closed. It isn’t long until you’re all at The Min’s enjoying red bean bread and warm tea.  “What does inept even mean? I’m assuming it’s a good thing because Wooyoung kissed me after saying it.” San mentions, his lips curving upwards at the fond memory.

“I’d have to agree with Woo, it fits you perfectly.” You reply, circling around his question while Iris tries not to choke on her food.

Fits of laughter die down when you spot a familiar face, Lee Mijoo. 

Her blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls and her soft eyes seem to enchant everyone, admittedly even you for a short time.Behind her is a slightly taller figure dressed in all black and your stomach drops.They don’t seem to notice your presence, so you decide to use this valuable time to hide behind a menu. 

San and Iris try to play along best they can, but it is quite distressing that all of this has happened so suddenly, with no prior warning. But he did bring you here, a lot. So it’s amusing to see his date ideas haven't changed. 

As he’s walking past you he pauses, and you want to shrivel into a hole and die, He’s clearly recognised you but can’t be 100% sure due to The Min’s menu covering your entire face. 

“Y/N?” 

Shit. You cannot hide from this.

Slowly taking the menu away and placing it down on the table you smile at him, maybe a little too forced but it’s the best you can do. His hair is blonde now, his curls are long gone but his smile is as genuine as ever. 

Stupid Christopher Bang and his stupid ‘I-totally-didn’t-break-your-heart’ attitude.

“Chan, nice to see you. Still obsessed with their double shots?” You humoured, he seemed grateful for that.

“Oh, absolutely...and I see you’re still not saving any bean bread for anyone else.” 

You laugh, it’s a bittersweet one at best but nevertheless it’s a laugh.

'Well it’s great to see you again, I’d love to exchange numbers if that’s alright?” 

Without thinking you nod and oblige him, much to your friend’s disappointment which is evident by their glares. Mijoo exchanges smiles with everyone, who could hate her? She was funny, kind hearted and beautiful in every aspect. 

When they finally leave to their outside seats you breathe a sigh of relief and sink into the chair.Iris strokes your hair and San grabs more snacks to go, the walk home isn’t peaceful. It’s awkward and silent, which only makes your head spin more. When you drop off Iris you know a lecture is coming, San hates doing it but you know he tells you what you need to hear, even if it hurts.

���Look, I’m happy you were able to brush off all the hurt today but earlier on you were crying about….this. Don’t give him the power to hurt you twice.”

“You’re right, thanks Sannie.” You reply, taking his arm and smiling at the warmth of his (Wooyoung’s) fuzzy coat. 

Once San leaves and you get inside, it’s a matter of minutes before you hop in the shower and get rid of all the hairspray and mascara that’s been making you itch all day. The warm water soothes away your nerves and the impending frostbite from being outside in the cold for far too long. 

Once you feel clean and somewhat scalded you step out onto warm fluffy towels (cheap warm fluffy towels with holes in them) and get situated for bed.

Just as you exit the bathroom your phone rings and you answer immediately, it’s probably Iris wanting you to play a new Among Us mod with her. 

“Iris?”

“Uh, no, Chris.” 

“Oh.” is your initial reply, why would he call you at midnight?

“Where you asleep? I’m sorry I’ll call back another ti-”

“No!” You interject, much too eagerly. “No...it’s fine. I’m not even in bed yet.”

“Oh” He sounds relieved, much the opposite of you.

“I just wanted to congratulate you...The song, it’s great. What’s it like actually singing one you wrote?”

“Great,” You admit with a smile he can't see, “It feels...genuine. I Couldn't stand the thought of giving the song away.”

“I can see why.” He replies in an unreadable tone.

“Did it make you uncomfortable? Me singing...about-”

“No, why would it?” He cuts in, he sounds slightly agitated.

“Look, Chan, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you, well I did but you changed your number. But it’s my story too, okay? I needed to heal somehow.”

Minutes pass with no answer, as if he’s trying to think of exactly what to say without getting more irritated or to spare your feelings.

“When did I become Chan?” His voice comes out wavering,and it hurts you.

“That’s what everyone calls you now, you’re not just Chris the trainee anymore.” You reply in a gentle way, trying to ease the building tension.

“But to you, when did I stop being Chris?”

“Probably when you broke my heart,” You deadpan, before adding a ‘kidding’ and bullshit reason.

“You weren’t kidding, but you broke mine too. Don’t make me the bad guy.”

This had taken you aback, you had been in a perfectly happy relationship for almost two years and then he changed his mind, said he wasn’t happy and it wasn’t your fault. When the fuck did you break his heart?

“When exactly did that happen?” You query, “Before or after Mijoo?”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

“Well what does it matter? You never told me shit anyways.” You snapped.

“That’s because you wouldn’t fucking listen. Maybe to you it was all sunshine and roses but I was struggling, I changed and outgrew us. I didn’t want to but you were stuck in dreamland where we’d debut at the same time and live happily ever after. I realised it wasn’t going to happen and set you free so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” You bark,”Fucking embarrassed of what exaclty? I left that shithole you call your company by choice and worked my way up. I’m not embarrassed, but you should be. You’re a fucking sellout Christopher Bang.”

Before he can reply you end the call and throw your phone at the wall, it would’ve broken only for the forty dollar case the store assistant convinced you to buy. You burst into tears just like you had that night when it all came crashing down. He must’ve loved seeing you in pain, because he keeps doing it even now.

That night, you wish for everything to go back to a time before him and the heartbreak that followed.

It’s early on a Friday when you’re called into a board meeting with the CEO, Director and San, who looks like someone stepped on his clay masterpiece. You still haven’t been told anything and as the minutes pass by you wonder if they found out about you getting drunk at Club Suran several weeks back. What if someone saw San there too? What if–

Suddenly the doors open and in walks JYP’s CEO, followed by several others and finally Chris. He looks as confused as you, but you quickly look away before he spots you. Last night was still fresh in your mind and you didn’t need anymore reminders or conversations with him.

“Dispatch has sent us several photos of you two together, spanning several years.” Your CEO announces, an Executive pulling the photos up on the screen behind her. “Including one from yesterday.”

“That was a coincidence, we broke up a long time ago.” You admit, she seems satisfied with your answer and nods, which makes you remember that damned dating ban you have.

“Usually, we’d shoot down these rumours immediately...but this could be quite beneficial to both Stray Kids and Y/N.” JYP’s CEO adds, “Stock prices have shown a rise for both of your albums, and real time searches are at an all time high.” 

“I have a girlfriend.” Chan states, arms folded. “So that’s out of the question if you’re implying we fake a relationship.”

“Look Bang Chan,” Begins one of the Advisors, “It’s all for show, we’ll plan every detail and your girlfriend will keep her mouth shut if she knows what's good for her. Frankly, our sales aren't what they used to be and you need this, if you want complete musical and artistic control.”

Chan takes a while to think, you know this is all he’s wanted. Control over everything he and the boys put out there, with no censorship or edits by anyone else. Your CEO assures you you’ll also benefit from the agreement, including your debt fully cleared and money in your bank account as soon as you sign on the dotted line.

“How long does this last?” You ask, pen in hand.

“Twelve months, then you’re free again.” 

Chan looks to you for conformation and you ignore him, signing it and standing up to leave. You only stop to sign more formalities and then you and San head back to your local coffee shop. 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of moving on.”

[softyoongiionly]

Portraits of a Tiger || 02

Legends of a great and equally terrifying warrior nicknamed the Tiger have been emerging from your fellow villagers for quite sometime. Stories of his skill, his stealth and his supposed wickedness have been passed around to the point where he is more prophecy than person. You have lived your life with a strong sense of conviction, rarely letting gossip influence your opinion. However, you would be lying if you said that his legacy didn’t intrigue you. When the Tiger and his infamous army arrive in your village to refuel, you come face to face with the man behind the myth.

And no amount of marketplace gossip would ever be enough to capture the true complexity of his nature.

Pairing: Merchant! Reader x Warrior! Yoongi

Genre: Adventure, Romance, Smut (later), Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: language, depictions of violence both verbal and physical however they are fairly mild, mentions of war and power dynamics, there will be smut in future parts so, (18+ only please).

Current Tag List (let me know if you want to be tagged!): @gldnrecs​ @naajix​ @bluewhale52​ @nikkikenji​ @lustedkisses​ @loveyoongles​ @hear-me-growl​ 

A/N: oh hiiii. I’m a little obsessed with this universe so, I hope you guys are enjoying all the Warrior! Yoongi content. Love you!

Once again, I want to shout out @bulletproofbirdy​ for everything she has done to make this fic possible. I love you so much! 

“I’m just saying, some of the women in this village should at least attempt it. Wedding a solider is an honor, not to mention the fact that it sets you up for life.”  

Jane’s voice sounds beside you and it causes you to smile to yourself; she’s always coming up with plans for other people, attempting to live vicariously through them.  

“Like Y/N- you’re young-” She tilts her head, her frizzy red hair almost twirling above her scalp, “-ish. You would probably be able to convince one of them to take you for a bride.”  

You scoff, “Thank you for having so much faith in me Jane, I’ll keep that in mind.”  

Jane quickly moves on to another girl in the market, throwing the same amount of enthusiasm her way.  

You know she means well, even if she is a little brash at times.  

It’s been two days since the market place was riddled with thieves and soldiers. Things have mostly gone back to normal apart from the same armored men loitering about your village.  

Over the time that’s past, you’ve been able to meet or at least learn more about Yoongi’s fleet.  

Seven men, each of them possessing an incredible amount of skill, made up the group behind the gossip.  

Seokjin was indeed in charge of community outreach (and the cooking) but, he was also an incredible marksmen; his aim was unlike anything you’ve ever witnessed. Whilst you were cleaning up yesterday evening, you saw a few of them practicing and Seokjin through a dagger from nearly 200 feet away only for it to land directly in the center of the target.  

Namjoon, you met in the library whilst you were reading more about a new remedy you were planning to try. He was extremely brawny but very mild mannered. He introduced himself and thanked you for the bread you had delivered and upon speaking to him, you learned of his position in the fleet; psychological warfare. According to Namjoon, he was in charge of depleting the moral of their enemies by various means that he didn’t specify.  His gentle demeanor made it very difficult for you to believe that he was apart of such a dangerous team but you realized that, that was the very reason he was so successful.  

Jungkook, according to Seokjin, was the fleet’s first responder: The first man on the ground during a battle and usually the last one to leave. He had two things on his side: speed and strength. The fleet calls him the Terror Cub which is supposed to be a play on Yoongi’s nickname. You’ve also learned that Jungkook is Yoongi’s younger brother and upon minimal observation, you can tell they have a very close bond.  

Jimin, you met at the tavern during an evening out with Rachel. He was incredibly kind and his beauty was nothing short of offensive. His position in the army made sense; he was known as a Red Herring or in civilian terms: the distraction. Jimin’s beauty and charm was the fleet’s secret weapon and after spending a bit of time with him that night, you could definitely see why. Without a uniform, Jimin looks like a soft and unassuming man. A target would never suspect his true intentions.

Taehyung and you had a lot in common as he too was an Apothecary only- he didn’t specialize in the same type of medicine you did. Taehyung was the fleet’s resident poison expert. You met him at the tavern as well as he was the man Jimin hung off of the entire night. You learned of their romance throughout the evening and, couldn’t help but admire the sheer power between them. The Herring and the Poison Expert, what a duo.

Hoseok was still a bit of a mystery to you as he rarely ventured into the village. According to Seokjin, Yoongi placed him charge of training the new recruits specifically in the art Hoseok was most familiar with: archery. Upon the introduction of his position, you quickly recalled a story regarding the legendary archer.  Hoseok’s expertise had made it into the discourse in your village roughly a year ago when the Royal Army took down invaders in the snowy mountains just west of your home. In accordance with the story, Hoseok defeated their front line from the treetops before they were able to reach the rest of his fleet. You hadn’t had a chance to speak with him much but, he did introduce himself when you brought a second basket of bread to the camp.  

Aside from being their general, their leader and, the most expert swordsman in all of the land, Yoongi was also the fleet’s strategist. He mapped their every move, their every course, their objectives and several precautionary measures should things go sour. He was essentially the brains behind everything but of course, you didn’t learn this from him. The rest of his men had revealed bits and pieces about him throughout your interactions with each of them.  

In addition, you also learned that Yoongi’s army was a defensive force. They were established as a means of protection by the Queens which would mean that the stories of them ruthlessly invading territories around the region were null and void. The seven of them preceded over a much larger fleet; 22,000 men who follow closely behind them but never fight unless Yoongi calls in for backup.

The Tiger’s fleet was the frontline, the brain, heart and soul of the royal army.  

You feel a bit of sadness for them. They have done so much to protect this land and although they are revered and admired, they are also unnecessarily feared.  

The morning passes easily and it’s one of those days where you actually enjoy being out in the plaza.

The weather was nice, temperate and cool just as you like it.  

Clouds encase the otherwise sunny sky which keeps it from growing too warm in the marketplace and, with the slight breeze wafting throughout the atmosphere, you feel content.

A minimal afternoon crowd makes it easy for you to provide accurate and lengthy consultations to your patrons.

“Yes- just apply this three times a day and you should notice a significant reduction in the inflammation.” You smile sweetly, passing a lot the salve to your customer before you notice a familiar color making its way through the crowd.

It’s platinum and the curve of the ponytail its attached to belongs to someone you hadn’t anticipated on seeing.

It causes your heartrate to go a little wonky whilst you attempt to look away.

The salve Yoongi purchased from you days earlier prove to be very popular amongst his crew and now his tin that was supposed to last him three months is nearly gone.  

He may have other reasons for returning to the market as well but, his story was air-tight and would need no further explanation.

He would know, he checked.

“Good morning,” You smile at him and Jane’s train of thought is derailed the moment she sees your next customer. “How can I help you?”

He raises his hand, a large metal tin between his fingers, “Do you have any more of this? I woke up this morning to find that my men have ransacked it. If you have the stock, I’d like to buy 7 more tins so I can have one of my own.”  

You can’t help it but allow your eyes to widen at his request; the profits from 7 more tins would be enough to feed your family for the next month.

But you compose yourself quickly and nod, “I have more than enough- you said 7 right? Did you want the big tins again?”

He lowers his hand and sighs, his eyes flitting back towards his tent, “Please. I don’t trust the younger ones to use it as you instructed so, I want to make sure it lasts as long as it can.”

Snickering, you bend down and grab the requested amount of tins for him and nod in understanding, “Makes total sense. I’m guessing one of the main culprits was Jungkook? I saw him rubbing his hands together for a really long time and, now everything makes sense.”  

Yoongi smirks, his teeth peeking out between his lips, “Aish that kid- he's gonna give me a heart attack one of these days.”

“He’s younger brother right? I can see the resemblance...” You tease, wrapping the tins in paper,  spending a little too much time on each one and, no it’s totally not because you’re trying to prolong your interaction with Yoongi.

“Adopted brother yes- my parents took him in when he was 7. It’s interesting you think we look alike though, you’re not the first person to say that.” Yoongi’s hands have found their way to his uniform, smoothing it out subconsciously.

“Oh really? Yeah I wouldn’t have suspected that, you guys have the same mouth-” His brows raise at your comment and the glint in his eye makes you backtrack, “his lips are a little bigger I guess though so- uh not that I’m looking closely at your mouth or anything but-”

Yoongi starts chuckling then, the shakiness in your tone amusing him “I understand what you mean don’t worry. What’s my total?” He nods to the tins, which you’ve finally finished wrapping.

“Oh! Right, I’m sorry- your total is 24.50...” You slide the tins towards him carefully before Jane’s shrill voice sounds from beside you.

“Give the man a discount Y/N, he’s practically buying out your entire stock!” She urges, gesturing wildly towards your cart.

Your mouth opens as your eyes move quickly between her and Yoongi “O-”

Yoongi raises his hand, “Nonsense. Ms. Y/L/N’s products are some of the finest I’ve come across and are certainly worth the full price-  24.50 you said?” His brows raise again, looking directly into your eyes, not even bothering to turn to Jane’s direction.

The direct way in which he addresses her sends a bit of heat to your cheeks. Jane is someone you have mutual respect for but, her attitude isn’t your favorite nor is her incessant need to put her nose in everyone’s business.  

“Yes, thank you.” You smile sheepishly, bending down once more to grab a paper bag from beneath your counter, “I’ll put in a few bags of rose hip and peppermint tea free of charge; they help with inflammation. I know you all will be training over the next few weeks so, you should get some use out of it.”

He offers a small smile and bows his head, “Thank you. Uh-” Yoongi turns once again back towards his camp, “Seokjin hasn’t stopped talking about your bread, has he arranged for you to bring more?”

Giggling, you accept his payment, tucking it away beneath the counter and nodding, “Yes. I’ll be by this evening with a new batch.”

“Has he offered any payment? We appreciate the hospitality of course but, I do hope he plans on compensating you for your trouble.”

Waving him off, you shake your head and slide the bag his way, “It’s no trouble at all honestly, I’ve been wanting to hone my baking skills for quite some time so, this just gives me an excuse to do so.”  

He grimaces, “Still, you should be-”

“I really don’t mind Yoongi, I promise. This transaction is going to take care of my family and I for quite some time. Not to mention the fact that you all saved my village A LOT of trouble. Take the free bread.” You insist, smirking slightly and if you aren’t mistaken, you notice a light blush come across his cheeks.

Clearing his throat, he steps back away from your cart, moving the smile off of his lips as best as he can.

He likes the sound of his name on your lips a little more than he cares to admit.  

He needs to get out of this plaza before he smiles at you one more time.  

It’s getting a little out of hand.

“Appreciate it.” He mutters before bowing his head once more, “I suppose I’ll see you this evening then?”

Something flutters around in your stomach, “You will. Thank you again for coming by.”

His mouth fixes over a tight smile as he fashions the bag around his wrist, which is quite delicate for a man of his nature.  

When Yoongi is fully out of earshot, you take a deep breath and begin straightening up your cart, trying to distract your mind from his presence

Jane however, has been foaming at the mouth ever since he shot down her suggestion of a discount and quickly rushes over to you, smacking her hand across your arm.

“Ow! Ok- listen we have got to find another way to greet each other because, you’re going to leave some permanent damage on me one of these days.” You admonish, your brow furrowing as you rub your arm.

She ignores you and leans down, her eyes wide with curiosity, “You ARE going to pursue him aren’t you? He’s clearly interested, did you see the way he smiled?! He was quite literally hanging on every word you said!” She whisper yells, her eyes darting around  

This conversation is giving you deja vu and given your flustered state you don’t necessarily have the capacity to argue with her.

“Maybe he’s just kinder than you all gave him credit for.” You answer coolly, giggling as she tugs frantically at your dress.

“He’s kinder to YOU. He barely gave me a second look.” She insists, sound slightly bitter

You quickly move on, waving over another customer, a smile still on your lips, “Aren’t you happily married Jane? I’m sure your husband looks at you plenty...”

She kisses her teeth and rolls her eyes, “Happily is a loaded word dear. Regardless, my point stays the same. You said you were bringing bread over to him didn’t you? Are you planning on using that chance to further this little bond you two have?”

Its your turn to roll your eyes now, “I plan on using that chance to deliver bread.”

With a grumble, Jane reluctantly returns to her cart as she too has a customer heading her way.

The rest of the day passes easily, which you are quite thankful for given that you’re evening plans are a little out of the ordinary.  

It’s hard to get Yoongi out of your mind but, you really do try, he is just a man after all.

Just an interesting, intelligent, handsome-

“Y/N...” Rachel’s voice drags you out of your train of thought and causes you to quickly shift on the stool towards her.

You went to her house after you day had ended because:

She’s the absolute best

and

She has the better oven

“What? Sorry I was-”

She smirks knowingly, sprinkling flour over the dough on the cutting board, “Just thinking about how you plan on charming the Tiger tonight?”

You’d like to deny it but, she isn’t entirely wrong.

Instead, you just go back to wrapping the current loaf of fresh bread in the same paper you use to wrap you wares back at the market.

The cheese in this batch makes the outside of the bread a little greasy so, you always gift it with some wrapping; it also keeps the bugs away.

“You know- you should come with me. It's your one-way ticket to Jungkook, you only have a few weeks to gain his hand in marriage.” You point out, smirking.

Rachel blushes profusely, “I- well- you know?!?! He really is something.” She stutters, swallowing back a bit of her nerves before continuing, “I don’t know if I can do that. You've seen me in social settings...”

You snort and point in her direction, “I have. You’re great in social settings. We panic- in private- together remember? That’s how we bond.” Clenching your fist to your chest dramatically, you continue with the rest of her concern, “Honestly he’s not that intimidating face to face. He was practically hiding behind in his friend when I was there...”

Jungkook had stood out to you for that specific reason; his demeanor at the plaza would have never lead you to suspect his shy and rather docile nature.  

He certainly was perplexing.

Rachel smiles whimsically, staring off at nothing while she half-heartedly kneads the dough. She then lets out a sigh before giggling at the end of your sentence, “I suppose you’re right. He seems gentle underneath that brawny exterior. He’s so handsome too- and such a high rank for being so young. I’m just a village teacher...”

You smirk again, “Gentle is one way of putting it.” Then you scoff, feeling actual offense at her comment regarding herself. To express your distaste, you throw a piece of dough her way, “Stop that. You are literally the most eligible woman in this entire village. You are an artist, an educator and-” You take a bite out of a spare loaf of bread and shove it in your mouth, relishing in it’s doughy, cheesy texture. “- a damn good baker. Don’t sell yourself short.”

She rolls her eyes playfully, “Oh alright...you’re quite eligible yourself you know! How does it feel to have caught the eye of the Tiger himself, hm????”  

“So you’re coming?” You ask excitedly, bouncing on your stool before promptly looking away in denial, “I have done no such thing. He’s just being friendly to me because I cured his dry skin. Soft hands will change a man let me tell you...”  

“Ohhhh I suppose I will.” She sighs with a shrug to her shoulders, “My curiosity will always get the best of me, for better or worse.” She leans closer to her friend, conspiratorially “we can’t have that Tigers paws TOO soft—don’t do your job TOO well, oh esteemed herbalist.”

“In sickness and in health til death do you part...” You finish with raised brows, before giggling “esteemed and eligible? Now you’re just flattering me. I don’t think he’ll need to come back to my cart at least, I gave him enough salve to last the winter.”

Rachel shoves rounds the counter suddenly, heat blooming on her cheeks as she tries to shove you off the stool, “Oh YOUUUUU!!” She rolls her eyes again, looking at you pointedly, “Regardless of salve, you don’t give yourself enough credit. All jokes aside, Y/N, from what you have told me about your run ins with the general, he seems to appreciate your conversation. I don’t imagine people treat him with such frankness.”

Your laughter increases as you hold onto the counter for dear life, “Hey easy!” Biting your lip, you try to think of the right words to say without giving yourself away, “He’s very interesting. I am- you know, very intrigued by him that’s for sure.”

She lets you off the hook, her own laughter dying down as she returns to her place, “He is fascinating...I am a bit surprised at how different he seems to be from the stories...it raises so many questions like- how did he end up where he is?”

“I don’t know honestly. I kind of feel bad that so many people had him wrong- Seokjin said they don’t get a lot of hospitality due to the rumors about Yoongi.”

Rachel pouts before turning to pull one of the last batches of bread out of the oven. As she tugs the tray out of it’s warm resting place her lips tug up into a smirk “Oh it’s Yoongi now? On a first name basis with the nation’s greatest general I see- that was quick.”  

It’s your eyes that roll this time, heat rushing to the tip of your nose, “That IS his name... I can’t keep calling him Tiger now can I? That would be weird...”

She continues smirking but, her eyes hold a bit of sympathy as she addresses the rest of your sentence, “Seriously though, that breaks my heart for them...he handled that raider with more kindness than he deserved. It makes me wonder how many other rumors are unfounded.”

“Yeah it really surprised me- I was expecting there to be bloodshed...I still can’t believe he just let most of them go. I’ve seen soldiers administer worse punishments for lesser offenses.  

“I suppose you are right. Yoongi seems to be shrouded in mystery, but perhaps you will have a chance to learn more about the man behind the myth?” She suggests, brows rising with her inquiry.

“Typical teacher- rooting for me and all my hopes and dreams.” You tease as the two of you load up the bread into the basket, “Perhaps YOU will have a chance to learn more about the man behind the chest plate hm? Are you all ready to go?”

She smiles, “I will ALWAYS root for you!” And as the two of you begin packing everything up she huffs, blushing once again, “You really won’t stop teasing me, will you?”

“Nope.” You smile cheekily, dodging as she tries to wack you, “I can see it now- you, educating the youth and him- protecting the innocent. It’s a match made in heaven.”  

Rachel offers a shy grin as the two of you head out the door, “A girl can daydream...”

The walk to the camp doesn’t take long but within the short period of time you spend walking, your stomach manages to work itself up into a frenzy.

“Ok- the main tent is the one with the flag on the-” You begin, pointing it out to Rachel but your voice is quickly swallowed as you spot him:

The Tiger aka Yoongi, strolls through the courtyard of their camp towards a group of awaiting recruits in the distance.

He’s wearing crème colored linen pants and a matching peasant blouse, his long white tendrils wrapped up into a bun atop his head. He strides through the grass with confidence, his dark eyes observing his surroundings.

“You were saying?” Rachel eyes you curiously before following your line of sight.

Before she can say anything, you rush to return to your explanation, “Seokjin is the one that I made the arrangements with so, we can deliver these in there.” You gesture to the main tent, swallowing back a bit of nerves.

You don’t see many of Yoongi’s men out in the yard with the exception of Namjoon. He’s sitting on a bench, dressed entirely in red, sketching on a piece of parchment.  

As you ring the bell of the tent, Rachel subconsciously shifts behind you.

“Is that my bread?!” Seokjin yells from inside the tent and after a bit of shuffling, he pushes aside the entrance, a bright smile on his face, “Ugh it is. You are a godsent Y/N...” His head cocks as he sees Rachel standing beside you, “Oh hello, you must be Y/N’s friend. Kim Seokjin, did you assist with this delivery?”

He extends a hand to her warmly and Rachel graciously takes it, smiling softly.

“I did. It’s very nice to meet you. You can call me Rachel...”

He returns her smile, bowing his head, “Rachel- that’s a beautiful name. Thank you for doing this, I haven’t seen these men so energized in quite some time.” Seokjin smirks fondly before his teeth tug at his bottom lip, “Would you two mind joining me in here for a moment? I have a question I’d like to ask you.”

You nod despite your confusion, still in disbelief that you’ve made contact with the nation’s most infamous men.

“Of course.”

Rachel nods politely, following behind you as Seokjin holds the entrance open.  

Your hit with the smell of wood as you enter their tent along with a hint of musk. It’s genuinely surprising that the odor isn’t stronger given that multiple men likely share these quarters. There’s several cots on the floor and mini lanterns adorning the ropes holding the tent together. Supplies, personal belongings and various weapons litter the floor and tabletops and, in one of the cots you spot Jungkook, laying down, shirtless.  

In front of his face sits a book that needs no introduction; a famous military strategy guide written by an ancient legend. Befitting, you think, of course they would have their men brushing up on military technique.  

Your brain also hones in on the man holding the book:

Jungkook is truly beautiful. His chocolate locks reach the base of his neck, disheveled but luxurious whilst his tan and soft features are screwed up in concentration. He doesn’t notice your presence at first but, Rachel certainly notices him.

You can hear her swallow beside you, her face turning bright red as her body subconsciously shifts closer to you.  

Her lips part silently and she tries her best to tear her eyes away from his body. The broadness of his chest and the smooth curves of his stomach is enough to capture your attention as well despite the fact that muscle doesn’t normally warrant a reaction from you.

As you the two of you grow closer to him, his eyes finally flit in your direction and, they grow wide like saucers. Hastily, he throws his book to the side before ripping his blanket off the end of his cot and wrapping it around himself.

“Jungkook-ah, make yourself decent. We have guests. I believe you’ve met Y/N already but, this is her friend Rachel...” Seokjin gestures elegantly to both of you, unbothered and unaware of the lingering tension in the air.

“Yes Hyung-” He mutters and grabs his brown linen shirt off the floor and tugs it over his head. He stands, almost robotically and extends his hand towards her, “Nice to meet you.”

Rachel moves in a similar way, her eyes still widened slightly whilst she takes his hand.

“Hi.” She responds, her voice smaller than usual and it causes Seokjin to quirk his brow at the two of them.

Jungkook visibly swallows, his prominent Adams apple bouncing in his throat as his hand sort of lingers against hers.

“I like your- “ His eyes flit to the top of her head, “ribbon. It’s blue.”

Seokjin smirks knowingly at the two of them now and he opens his mouth to break the tension before Rachel speaks up.

“Thanks!” She says a bit too loudly before swallowing the volume a bit, “I like your shirt. It’s very brown- a nice brown.”

Jungkook offers a tiny smile, dropping her hand reluctantly and before their encounter can continue, Seokjin speaks up.

“Uh ok, hooray for first meetings hm?” He nods to the exit of the tent, “Jungkook, I believe Yoongi was looking for you. He needs an assistant for today’s training session.”

Jungkook immediately perks up, nodding in excitement, “Yes hyung.” He pivots towards his cot to collect his armor but turns around once more to glance at Rachel, “Nice meeting you.”

“You too.” She practically squeaks, raising a hand in farewell.

Jungkook’s teeth peek out as he grins before he grabs his armor and practically sprints out of the tent.

Seokjin chuckles warmly and shakes his head before gesturing to the wooden table towards the back of the tent, “You are welcome to have a seat here, this should only take a moment.”

You each take your places at the table, illuminated by the lantern hanging above you.

Seokjin rounds the corner to sit across from you, his prince-like features tightening with a bit seriousness.

“As I said- this will be quick.” He assures you, licking his lips and lowering his voice a bit, “I was speaking with Yoongi earlier today and, he mentioned something that made me quite curious. He relayed a bit of your conversation with him-” He looks at you, “-he said that you told him that raiders were a common occurrence in your region, is that correct?”

You take his lead and lower your voice as well, glancing at Rachel before answering, “Yes. The number of raids has been increasing recently over the last few months actually.”

“I see. Do you have any idea as to why that may be?”

“I mean- our village is known for negotiating with raider clans.” You offer,” Our leaders feel as though it prevents violence.”

His brows quirk, hands clasping on the top of the table, “Has that method been effective so far?”

You look to Rachel for her insight and she tilts her head, considering the question, before she nods in approval which causes you to follow suit.

“I guess so. We have a specific strategy but, we are equipped with defenses as well.”  

Seokjin nods, his brows knitting together in thought. His plush lips part for a moment as he contemplates his next response, uncertainty written all over his face.

“Have either of you noticed any similarities between the clans? Anything at all- clothing, weaponry, language?”  

Your immediate response is to shake your head.

When a raid is occurring, you don’t necessarily have time to observe your intruders; safety is the only thing on your mind.

Rachel however, has noticed a similarity.

“There is one thing I’ve started to notice actually-” She begins, “They all seem to have a similar strategy. When they arrive, they encircle the town first before working their way inwards. It takes them a very long time to reach the center of the village, which is where we wait for them. It’s very strange actually, the center plaza contains most of our valuables- it's almost as if they are trying to take over in a way. However, they always end up leaving after negotiations and, I’ve never seen the same faces twice.”

Now that she mentions it, you recall that similarity as well.  

They do deploy the same tactic but, you just assumed that it’s the most effective way to get the most out of their raid.

Perhaps that isn’t their only intention.

Your stomach shrinks at the thought as you try to push it out of your head.

Seokjin’s features twitch with a bit of unease but, he composes himself quickly and smiles.

“Thank you. I’ll pass that along to Yoongi and see what he thinks of it.” He takes a deep breath, “We really appreciate your cooperation. As I mentioned to you the other day, it’s not very often that we are able to communicate with civilians and it makes our job a lot easier if we have insight from people who actually live in the territories we try to protect.” He eyes you both with a bit of hesitation then, as if he’s contemplating something, “If you wouldn't mind spreading the word that we aren’t a group of vicious demi-gods that would be great. As fun as the legends are, they can be a hinderance to our work...”  

You and Rachel nod in understanding, chuckling lightly at his word usage as the three of you stand.

“I’ll pass along the information. Thank you for having us.” You smile, bowing your head.

Rachel follows suit and, subconsciously her eyes drift to Jungkook’s cot, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Seokjin.

“We appreciate having you very much.” He smirks as his eyes flit to Rachel, “Both of you. I think you should come along with Y/N for future deliveries Rachel, I’m sure Jungkook would enjoy that.”

Comically, Rachel’s eyes widen a bit as she aggressively clears her throat, frantically looking away from Jungkook’s cot.

“What? Why would he? Wh-What do you mean?” She stutters which causes you to giggle fondly at your friend.

Taking her hand, you squeeze it gently and address Seokjin’s request, “Oh she’ll be back, don’t you worry.”

He chuckles and gestures to the door, “I look forward to it. I’ll walk you two out, I hope you have a good rest of your day.”

Rachel mutters something inaudible by your side, towing behind you reluctantly.

After your departure from the tent and a bit of friendly verbal sparring between you and Rachel, you separate to finish the remainder of your day.

That evening, you decide to go against your parent’s judgements and journey to the river once again.

As beautiful as it is in the daylight, the moon provides a rendition unlike any other. She casts her glow on the water like the mother of all spotlights, dancing across the surface with ease.  

The truth is, you often sneak out after your parent’s have fallen asleep to find solace in the atmosphere of there. It’s almost magical and you feel as though you can think clearly here.  

You always bring your wicker basket along as well so you can collect any herbs or ingredients you may need.

It’s a necessity to switch off between plants though and ensure that you aren’t depleting the rivers natural resources too much; a practice you are continuously getting better at.  

The river carries it’s usual orchestra of sounds along with a bit more whistling in the trees.

It’s mating season for the birds here and they are singing to one another in hopes of finding a lover.

You giggle to yourself and think of what the world would be like if humans implied a similar method of finding a partner.

“Should I be concerned that you’re out here alone, laughing to yourself?”

The voice instantly sends energy up your back and you whip your head around to find Yoongi standing a few yards behind you.

He looks a bit worn out, likely from all the work he’s been doing with the new recruits but, his beauty overwhelms you regardless.

The moonlight casts shadows on his face, his mouth pulled up in a smirk, his hair tied back once again into a ponytail.

He’s wearing a set of clean clothes, a white linen top with brown pants, his sword strapped loyally to his hip.

You imagine he never travels without it.

“Should I be concerned that you’re stalking me?” You retort trying to control the smile that crosses over your face.

He smirks, his hand coming up to rub behind his neck, “I’m not stalking you. I’m patrolling the perimeter, common military practice. You just so happen to be along the perimeter.”

“The perimeter is one the other side of the river, there is a path just through those trees over there-” You point to a group of trees to the left of you, “So technically, you’re not walking the ENTIRE perimeter.”

Yoongi smirks broadens enough for his teeth to peak out as he nods, impressed by your knowledge, “Fair enough.” He nods to the river behind you, “I like walking through here, it’s peaceful.”

You can’t help but return a smile of your own as you nod, “It is. I don’t blame you for taking a detour, even if it was to scare the lights out of me again.”

He chuckles, “Are you out here often?”

“Very.” You nod, “This place serves multiple purposes.”

“Oh does it? What purposes are those?”

“Well, I get most of my ingredients from the river or the surrounding forest so, it’s vital to my work and,” You gesture to the space around your head, “It’s the perfect location to contemplate my existence, the meaning of life, the secrets of the universe- you know, stuff like that.”

Yoongi’s expression grows very amused then, his tongue poking out between his lips before he laughs again, “Ah yes- that stuff. Has the river provided you with any answers?”

“Oh yeah- plenty but you know, the answers only lead to more questions. It’s a vicious cycle.” You quip, giggling a bit and feeling very comfortable in his presence.

There is magnetism between the two of you.

It’s something you’ve never felt before.

And deep down within your heart, you hope he feels it too.

He steps towards you subconsciously, glancing towards the moon and then back at you, “I know that cycle very well. Have you found anything worth sharing? My job doesn’t exactly allow me to indulge in philosophy very often, I’d welcome any of your insight.”

It’s perplexing that a famous General would care to know your thoughts regarding the best eateries in your village let alone, for him to care about your philosophy.

It’s incredibly odd.  

You've always been a fan of oddities though so, you don’t think as much of it as you should.

“You’d have to be a little more specific, I don’t think you’d want to sit here whilst I prattle on about the complexities of the universe.” You laugh

He bites his lip in contemplation, his gaze on you softening significantly, “I wouldn’t be so sure...” Yoongi murmurs and the way he looks at you sends your heart on a marathon, “But I see your point; what do you think of the war?”

Taking a deep breath, you attempt to compose yourself and your thoughts in order to accurately address his question.

“I understand it to a certain extent. Historically speaking, humans have consistently risen in opposition of one another for whatever reason. Peace seems impossible at times. With so many selfish people rising to power, it almost incentivizes that kind of behavior. It’s rewarded. Peace is only possible when you restrict the empowerment of those who act within their own self-interest. The cycle always continues though so, war is inevitable.” You speak softly, taking your eyes off of Yoongi for a moment to focus on your choice of words.  

His dark eyes seem to glimmer with fascination as he nods along to your response, the two of you shifting closer to one another.

Unintentionally, of course.

“How should we restrict the empowerment of those individuals?” He licks his lips as his eyes narrow in curiosity, “Do you think there is a way to do that?”

Chewing on your cheek, you consider his question before letting out a sigh, “The power would have to return to the masses. I think the idea that humanity needs finite leadership isn’t completely accurate. Snuffing out corruption is difficult though, especially since it’s already been let loose. I guess there isn’t a linear path but, I’d like to believe it’s possible.”

He smiles, “So would I. My profession wouldn’t really imply that though would it?”

Your hands play with the fabric of your dress to distract from how close the two of you are as you swallow back the instability of your breath.

“I think it does actually. You aren’t tasked with the corrupt objectives; your job is to defend against it.”  

A grimace comes over his face, “I still engage in violence.”

“You do.” You agree, your hands lowering to clasp in front of you, “There is a difference between you and your enemy though isn’t there?”

Yoongi is truly hanging on every word you say, eager to hear the soft twinkle of your voice, eager to understand your mind.

“There is.” He answers tightly, glancing down your hands, “Violence isn’t our objective.”

You notice his gaze on your hands and it causes you to look at his own; they look softer than you remember, which you hope you can take partial credit for.

Amused, you watch as he clasps and unclasps them unknowingly, his nerves starting to creep up inside his head.

“What is your objective?” You ask, smiling softly at him

He bites his bottom lip, nodding as he understands where you’re headed, “Defending the innocent.”

“In times of war, peace also requires an army...” You conclude, hoping to comfort him in some way.

He smiles again but, he doesn’t look up at you, his gaze transfixed upon your fingers, “You should consider becoming an advisor of some sort.”

Your head tilts, your heart rate going crazy in your chest but, your curiosity and it’s need to be sated override your need to be proper.

“Why do you keep looking at my hands?”

He still doesn’t look up but he does blush, nervous laughter emanating from his lips, “Because I want to hold them...”

At his confession, he looks up at you longing, his throat bobbing as he swallows and tries to discern your reaction.

Without thinking you unfurl your fingers and turn your palms so they are facing towards the sky, slightly embarrassed by the way that they shake.

“Then hold them.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen momentarily, shooting down at your upturned palms before he slowly, almost agonizingly places his own shaking hands atop yours.

Simultaneously, the two of you intertwine your fingers, feeling the erratic pulse of one another.

“It’s good to know that my heart isn't the only one that’s pounding.”

Nervously, you giggle and nod rapidly, “Definitely. I thought I was the only one...”

He chuckles in response, stepping towards you a little more so you can feel the heat coming off of his body.

The two of you stand there in silence, enjoying the feeling of one another and the simplicity of the act you’re performing.

Words fall short on your tongue because, you are truly in awe of the way you feel and, part of you worries that you’re actually dreaming.  

A shout nearby, coming from one of your fellow villagers rips the two of you out of your moment as Yoongi suddenly remembers why he came this way in the first place.  

He drops your hands and steps back, feeling slightly regretful that he let go of you so abruptly.

“I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, looking back towards the voice before gesturing to the forest, “I should go- my men will come looking for me if I’m gone too long.”

Quickly, you nod in understanding, stepping a few inches back, “Of course. Thank you for the talk- it was-”

“I’d like to come by the river more often while I’m here- if that’s alright with you.” He interrupts you, his voice a little shaky as he clears his throat again.

Knowingly, you grin, “I don’t own the river Yoongi...”

Your quip breaks the bit of tension between you and he chuckles, his hands adjusting his clothes unnecessarily.

“I’m aware, Ms. Apothecary. I was just implying that-”

You interrupt him now with a smirk rushing to your lips, “You were implying that we should cross paths again.”

Yoongi bites his lip, cheeks the color of summer roses, “Yes.”

“I think we should too.”

This makes him smile and for a moment, he looks like a young man, completely rid of any burdens.

It’s a good look.

“Are you ok to walk back on your own?”  

You want to tell him no but, the light from the main street is yards away and after that, your home is only 5 minutes by foot.

“Yes.” You nod to the forest behind him, “Are you ok to walk on your own?”

He rolls his eyes before chuckling, patting the sword at his hip, “I’ll manage.”

With one last parting smile, the two of you begin to go your separate ways.

Tonight, each of your minds would be filled thoughts of one another and if you were lucky, you’d cross each others path while you sleep.

One could only hope.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight General Min.”

[just-the-hiddles]

Love Is In The Air | Requests are Open | Read Below

So I realize I have been a bit absent on here.  And I am going to be real honest, I haven’t really written anything for almost a month.  I KNOW?!? I have nothing outside of some first chapters of series and half finished one shots sitting around. Collecting dust.  But I am dying to write some short stories.  Ficlets.  So let’s open up the requests.  Details below!!

THEME: LOVE IS IN THE AIR This means I want to write about love. Romance. Crushes. That meaning.  Which means mostly fluff but there may be some smut here or there and the angst will be minimal and temporary.  

Usual Request FAQs apply. 

Send an ask to either here or here. DMs, reblogs, or comments with requests will not be honored. SORRY!

To help out here are the basics but please read the FAQs:

Characters I Will Write For These Requests:

Tom Hiddleston

Chris Evans

Other Tom Characters including: Magnus Martinsson, James Conrad, Jonathan Pine, Adam from OLLA, Sir Thomas Sharpe (if there is another Tom Character you want me to write, just ask!)

Loki

Steve Rogers

Other Marvel Characters if you want to ask (such as Stephen Strange, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, etc. I DON’T write Thor, Yondu, or Star-Lord, sorry!)

If there is another character you are interested in my writing, ask ahead of time and I will let you know.

You can also request a romance story between any of the my established couples (Adam/Charlie, Tom/Molly, Tom/Vivian, Loki/Alexis)

The Big Nopes:

inc*st

ped*philia/underage sex

non-con/rape

sexual abuse

graphic violence

Significant age gaps (including student/teacher relationships)

Smut with unhealthy and/or toxic relationship components

DD/lg (but I do write Dom/sub relationships)

threesomes unless I have specifically opened requests to them.

gun play

I prefer to write reader inserts over OCs.  I do reserve the right to make a story an OC if the need arises.  

If you absolutely do not want smut in your request, TELL ME.  Otherwise I reserve the right to have smut in any request.

Final Tips:

Both overly vague and overly specific requests are not helpful. Examples of overly vague: Tom falls in love with girl from park or Loki has a bad first date. 

I can’t promise when the stories will be written.  I also may not write the story at all.  I am being very upfront that I work full time, I have a family, and my time management lately has been shit.  That’s the breaks.

I will keep them open for a week.  Any requests that don’t fit the theme will be deleted unanswered.  If you think I didn’t get something you can check with me.  I will answer the asks to let you know I read it and have added it to the list.

I am cross-posting this to my writing blog @justthehiddleswrites  There is no need to send the same ask to both.  

Love you all!!  XOXO.

[missaudreyhorney]

(Almost) Every Idea Ever

Although I rarely ever finish writing a fic, that never stops me from getting new ideas for them. Terrible, horrible, dumpster fire ideas. Okay, some of them are wholesome on occasion, but mostly it’s just filth. I've excluded a couple of things because either they were just too awful to mention or I’m currently working on them and I want it to be a surprise.

The first story I started to write this year was original fiction but with the main male character heavily inspired by Jim Hopper. It was about a recently married young woman having an affair with her father-in-law. This really set a precedent for the rest of my ideas and should indicate to you the level of depravity on this list.

Hopper x Reader:

Hurts So Good series - In 1982, Reader is Mayor Kline’s daughter and has a crush on Chief Hopper. She decides to pursue him and things don’t go quite as planned but they still end up having steamy, rough sex. A secret affair begins between the two of them but it eventually leads to heartbreak. Heavy emphasis on Dom/sub and pain kink. - Initial pursuit, fingering in the car, sex (60%) - Phone sex the following day (70%) - Rough sex, bordering on consensual nonconsent (partially written) - Introduction to Daddy kink (notes) - Body worship (notes) - Bruise kink (notes) - Facesitting (50%) - hurt/comfort throatfucking, an argument, angst/fluff (75%) - Orgasm denial/control (70%) - Possible gunplay? (Unwritten) - Disciplinary spanking (notes)

Dress You Up series - In 1985, Hopper meets plus-size!Reader at JCPenney when he comes in to pick out a shirt for his date. After Joyce stands him up, he decides to come back and ask Reader out instead. Probably the cutest idea I’ve ever had for smut. Inspired by flamehairedwritings and flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash. - 1st meeting, 2nd meeting, date, sex (50%) - 2nd date, a continuation of My First Drabble (partially written) - Meeting El and she’s standoffish (notes)

Domestic Smut - Reader and husband!Hopper are at the cabin alone together one weekend. After breakfast, she tries to wash the dishes but the sink is broken, the water squirting everywhere. A water fight turns into a tickle fight which turns into kitchen table sex. (50%)

Hopper blindfolding Reader during sex at the cabin (Notes)

Hopper blindfolding Reader during a blowjob in his office at the police station (Minimal notes)

Hopper rubbing a popsicle on Reader’s body then licking it off (Minimal notes)

Hopper coming over to Reader’s house, unannounced, late at night, in the rain, for a quick rough fuck. Inspired by one of the pictures from the Playboy shoot. (Partially written)

Licking Hopper’s hand and arm veins to get his attention while he reads the Sunday newspaper. (Unwritten)

Sucking Hopper’s cock while he smokes a cigar on the porch and either ignores you or looks at you with disdain. Inspired by a compilation video of David smoking a cigar on Instagram Live. (Unwritten)

Consensual nonconsent fantasy where Hopper touches Reader and tells her to say no to him while he’s making her cum. Rough, forceful sex immediately follows. (Partially written)

Bootlicker - anti-cop Reader has a secret fetish for cops and Hopper is more than happy to oblige them and keep quiet about it. (Notes)

Working out my own personal issues via smut, bigender-questioning AFAB Reader puts on Hopper’s uniform shirt and hat. Much to their delight, he says they look like a boy. He also says “If you’re going to dress like a boy, I’m going to fuck you like one.” Basically just incredible anal sex while Hopper calls Reader a good boy. Extremely niche subject but the fantasy of this is so affirming to me, I can’t not think about it. (Notes)

Hopper x Reader requests

A sequel to Little Magnum where the dog is a few years older. There is maybe also a cat? (Unwritten)

Fire & Ice - Reader is playing in the snow when it’s getting dark outside. Hopper tells them to come in but they don’t listen. Reader falls and hurts their ankle then Hopper gets angry at their disobedience. Not because he’s a jerk, but because he can’t imagine his life without Reader and doesn’t want to lose them. Angsty hurt/comfort. (~70%)

Replacement idea since Fire & Ice was much too angsty - Reader gets stung by a bee and Hopper freaks out. Reader is fine but he babies them nonetheless, because again, his greatest fear is losing them. Very cute and silly. (unwritten)

Freezeframe - Reader bought Hopper a Polaroid camera for his birthday and he hasn’t used it months later. Taking matters into her own hands, she uses the camera for some naughty selfies. Once Hopper finds the pictures, he decides to assume the role of photographer and gets some very intimate shots of Reader. (80-85%)

Morning Wood - Reader lets themself into the cabin early one Summer morning and sees Hopper in bed, fully nude, just a sheet covering the part they want to see most. Hop wakes up, invites Reader into bed with him, and a blowjob ensues. Very detailed description of his body. (Notes)

Hopper gets injured and needs Reader to patch him up. She gets pissed though for him being in yet another dangerous situation where he yet again gets hurt. Reader reprimanding him leads to confessions of feelings which leads to sex. (Unwritten)

Reader has been feeling ignored by Hopper lately and decides to make him jealous to get his attention. She flirts with another man at a bar while Hopper watches and seethes with rage. He punishes her by dragging her into the parking lot then spanking over the tailgate of his Chevy Blazer. Rough sex and more spanking goes down back at the cabin. Based on my jealous!Hopper headcanon post. (Partially written)

Principal Hopper  - One of the worst ideas I’ve ever had, which is saying A LOT. High school principal Hopper catches one of his 18-year-old female students spying on him between classes and confronts her about it. Sexual tension bubbles up until neither of them can control themselves. Based on a fantasy told to me by a friend who I will not name. (Notes)

Hopper x Reader AUs

Messing Around With Jim series - A continuation of The Big Game, Afterschool Special, and Third Time’s A Charm. Modern!Hopper and Reader having all kinds of sex. - Fingering, gentle sex, tender orgasm control (50%) - Period sex, vibrator (Notes) - First blowjob, a continuation of A Sampling (partially written) - Hop eating Reader’s pussy for his birthday (minimal notes) - Fingering in the car, truck bed sex (notes) - Another blowjob, rough sex over the hood of a car (partially written) - Pussy eating at the park (notes) - Hop not understanding FaceTime, fluff, smut (unwritten) - Roleplaying how they met, sex at Reader’s parents house (notes) - July 4th fingering, rough sex, surprises (notes) - Remote control vibrator (partially written) - More pussy eating, this time in Hop’s cutting edge shirt (partially written) - Yet another blowjob, this time in a movie theater (unwritten) - Jealousy resulting in overstimulation/”forced” orgasms (notes) - 4 part miniseries about butt plugs/anal sex (notes) - Confronting her parents, angst (55-60%) - Learning about Sara, ANGST! (notes)

Vacation series - modem!Hopper and Reader go on vacation together. That’s it, that’s the plot. Idea from David’s Croatian vacation pics and conversations with Tayler. All just notes at this point. - Christening the hotel bed - Bratty Reader getting semi-publicly punished - Hopper taking care of drunk!Reader, humor, fluff - Double date

carpenter!Hopper - Reader is recently divorced and hires Hop to make repairs on her house before she sells it. Graphic detail of him doing manly things like sawing and hammering. Porn with plot. Inspired by another friend, she knows who she is. (Notes in the form of a 500-word summary)

Detective Hopper - various bits and pieces of ideas inspired by David being digitally handcuffed to Darren Criss and Michael Stuhlbarg in Vanity Fair, plus a few pictures in 2016. (Unwritten)

Captain Hopper - a collaboration with @pkg4mumtown. She said she was thinking about fire captain!Hopper rescuing her from a burning building and I told her my pre-existing firefighter idea of being saved and then wanting to thank him in a variety of ways. Things snowballed from there and I decided we need to write it. Mostly just notes so far. - Initial meeting, first date, sex - Second date, making dinner together, sex

Hopper x Joyce:

There is a list of my Jopper ideas (Various degrees of notes)

Teenage Joyce and Hopper meeting in high school and their relationship that follows. Maybe a oneshot? Maybe a series? (Notes)

Hopper x Billy: (Over 18-years-old and no longer in high school!)

1940/50’s AU - Hopper meets expat Billy at a cigar club while on vacation in Havana. A familiar face, so to speak, in a foreign land. Hop pays Billy to take him back to his apartment and “keep him company”. Maybe two chapters? Inspired by a photo of Dacre Montgomery in GQ Germany. (Partially written.)

Hopper catches Billy “renting his time” at a truck stop outside of town and threatens to arrest him, but Billy bribes him with sex. (Unwritten.) I’m sorry but there’s just something about the idea of rent boy Billy that I absolutely love.

Hopper + Billy + Reader - completely implausible threeway (Unwritten)

David Harbour RPF:

AU where instead of being an actor, he’s a drama teacher at a high school in New York City and the kids from Stranger Things are his students. Pure fluff. (Please write this for me!)

Giving him a blow job before an important event. TWO different versions. Inspired by numerous photos of David wearing a robe. (Minimal notes)

Riding his thigh and everything that entails. Inspired by a picture of David from GQ Mexico. (Minimal notes)

touch-starved!David hires a sexworker during the pandemic because he’s lonely quarantining by himself. No sex. He literally just wants a hug and someone to be affectionate with him. Unconventional fluff. (Unwritten)

Other DKH-related shenanigans:

Let’s Ride sequel - Reader goes on a second date with Deacon from SoulCycle, they go out for sashimi and end up at his place. He has a cat that he inherited from a neighbor. Reader teaches him how to put her in a chokehold. (Unwritten)

Alexei Shostakov smut - some type of Bond Girl situation where Reader has to seduce him. Just an excuse for me to lovingly describe his large tattooed body in vivid detail. (Unwritten)

The Stranger - Reader has an ongoing affair with a mysterious man whose name is never mentioned. They meet at high society functions and hook up in fancy hotels. One night, he finds out that she’s married and punishes her for her dishonesty. Inspired by a photo of David looking annoyed in a tuxedo. (Notes)

Daddy Dom/little girl roleplay fantasy. Sweet, smutty, and slightly taboo. (Notes)

Daddy’s Little...Helper - Me, as submissive!Reader, watching Daddy jack off right in front of my face after he comes home from work. Based on a conversation with an Instagram friend and a picture of David in the play “Cal In Camo” where he’s holding a beer bottle between his legs. (65%)

Stranger Things x Twin Peaks crossover - Chief Jim Hopper comes to Twin Peaks to help Special Agent Dale Cooper solve some type of paranormal mystery. Perhaps a parallel between The Black Lodge and The Upside Down? I think this would work really really well, but I can’t write it myself. (Please write this for me!)

In conclusion: Yes, I know I need to have my head examined. Yes, I know I spend too much time thinking about Jim Hopper. Let me know if you LIKE these ideas. Please do not let me know if you hate these ideas.

Tagging: @manawhaat @strangest-hour @007swhore @kingphillipblake @david-harbour-arg @misshawkins1993 @oxforddrama 

[pacifv]

HE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik      Age: 26      Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Eden ( in bleach ) -- I have other ocs but that’s another story Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Eden... ? Current Fandom(s): Bleach , so far Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  more fantasy esque ones?  My language(s): spanish , english  Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: fantasy , religious

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  IM since this is pretty much new . just slap me with that and if you have some ideas , better --- if not let just brainstorm with what we have in hand . 

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  some minimal idea of the context and eden’s character . some ideas if possible . more than often I have gotten people straight up jump with no clue of what even is going on in my side character wise . 

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  depends , most likely really stop trying or let it sink . I’m not much of a person who would pressure for ideas when they don’t even come naturally for me in these kind of situations . 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  First of all , ask what they particularly want and if they read the bio . and of course , have their bio as well ( if oc or any relevant hc on vague canons ) . I am honestly a bit shy on the input but if I found a ground to start letting my imagination loose ( like , something in common between characters or something that clicks well with my muse ) I can suggest several things . but in any case , I’m pretty passive and it’s a lot of gives and takes . 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: depends on the thread , the time and the interest . things that go downtown in the excitement scale are :/  and I can’t blame anyone for dropping a thread . not all the time you will have muse for them , tho , if it was a relevant thread I would ask at least . - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  pretty much free to tell me or not . I’m no one to judge.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  losing muse , interest , time ... pretty much the same . feeling like my muse is going too OOC for the sake of the other muse or smth .  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  I am very old school and having some OOC interaction to at least know how things are going , it’s as much as I can ask here .  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  I mean , I should . it can turn me off a bit but it’s just natural ? there’s no way something can be perfect or be of someone’s taste . plus I am not that smart to be fully aware of all the things around the motif and IRL information I use on my muse . I’m no book , buddy. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  development , exploring the muse , seeing what works and doesn’t work . often new blogs for me are basically prototypes , they are and will  most likely have minor or major modifications as my imagination starts working and getting excited . besides , in the basics , you can hardly manage to cover all ( if anything ) of how one’s muse would react to X situation .

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  a lot of quincy lore , come up with more personal connections with other quincies , fully develop a backstory and a post war scenario . cultural exploration  --- relationships of all kinds . 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  pretty much I am fine with anything as long as we don’t cross the gross line . but I’m not afraid of the dark .

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: absurdly basic and with no context given . not even have an idea of what is the deal between muses . I can squeeze my brain but there is as much as i can do with little information .

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  quirky ones , conflictive ones , most likely muses with specific motifs that spark my interest -- deepness . Aesthetically interesting ones . but overall , those who have out of the normal personalities . 

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  personalities that doesn’t work or do not harmonize with the context of their characters . that’s all I can say .

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  I am.... creative ? gdi I did this meme already but it’s hard to reply these two ones. I am easily excitable . if we end up in a ship , expect me to be pampering af . I really enjoy the exploration of relations between people , emotions and psychological stuff tied around it . I do like casual and also very deep things . I’m not afraid of dealing with heavy topics . I like horror ???? also I am very into the secondary character role , as in : my muse is here to help your muse to grow or insight . that stuff . not much of a protagonist role in RPs. 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I’m .... very.... sporadic . My mood is annoying esp when I’m “new” blog around kind of thing . I’m shy , even if I don’t seem so --- I get pretty anxious over details . I am impatient --- with myself . I want to do so many things at the same time I end up overwhelmed . 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  mmmmmmmmm , both. Depends on mood and context tbh . - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  nothing I can think from the top of my head.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  again , I’m big mood for interpersonal relationships ( romantic or not ) , the pros and cos of certain traits , ideology clash , personality clash , anything that comes in a relation that could make it come and go .  - What is your smut tag?: unholy.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: all are hella okay for me . pre- est is my jam bc jesus christ the awkward first encounters make me go blue screen .

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  the fact she is basically a “religious fanatic” , with a quirky personality and a questionable morality , considering she has an inner conflict between the wellness of her race and her loyalty towards yhwach . At least pre war . post war , she has a flipped personality were she is mostly bitter and more angsty but will go from fanatic to straight up hater . 

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:   bland personalities ? not sure myself , Eden is pretty much ready for anything since her personality is pretty laid back . I guess I would say shinigamis in general --- since she basically is stuck inside Silbern . - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  Quincies , ofc . and people who are willing to put up with her crap .

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  the prosperity of the quincy , doing a proper duty , order , tea , annoying the fuck out of people . being eerie ....  - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the ideal world as thought by Yhwach --- later on simply for her kind to survive after losing the war and being left to their luck . - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  mmm , appearance  and reactions to her witty or narcisistic comments .  - What do they value in a person?:    loyalty , uniqueness . - What themes do they like talking about?:  most likely about the order of the army , tea stuff , herself (?) , but she is also a lot for debates and insight . - Which themes bore them?:  rebellious , silly thoughts . justice related topics . anything that critics her loyalty/life style . 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  the first war was enough ? most likely losing comrades --- yhwach sacrificing the quincy for power later on .  - What could possibly trigger them?:  the simple sight of anyone laying a finger of the quincy for being against their views .   - What could set them off, enrage them?:  nothing. she cannot literally , physically get angry or enraged . but if we are talking bitter , that would be completely post war and it’s just the mention of yhwach’s name or those who went to god’s palace with him .  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  invasion of silbern , chaos . 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  chaos , rebels , shinigami , anyone against the quincy . - Is there someone /-thing they love?:   her race , her pride , herself .

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  just .... come to her and say hi . she is literally wandering around silbern all the time ( quincy speaking tho ) . for others , eh ... good luck . and wait post war (?) - Where are they usually to find?:  Silbern ... then Siberia . 

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  She is no saint , clearly . She has a questionable sense of things like loyalty and preservation of her race . she is honestly all over the place

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  honestly stole from @skyvar​  Tagging:  no one in particular.

[woosansang]

for the fanfic asks, M, A, and C? (totally random letters, ofc)

Mackenzie! You’re a babe, thanks for asking. And good choice of letters lmao

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

All of my fic titles are song lyrics. I hate coming up with titles. Even finding a song and a lyric I like that fits the story and makes a good title is difficult and I always have to ask ppl around me or scour the internet to find something that speaks to me.

C: What character do you identify with most?

This is tricky. I take it back, not a good choice of letters after all 😂

Since this is a fanfic ask and I currently write fanfic about IT, I wanna pick one of those characters, but I just don’t identify with any of them? I have no idea. Even extending to all fandoms I’ve ever written for, I come up with nothing. Maybe, I don’t know, Tina Cohen-Chang? She’s smart and ppl expect a lot from her, and she’s a bit of a weird loner with no friends, but also sort of thinks she’s talented and likes attention while simultaneously hating herself? I suppose that sounds like me lmao. But like I don’t see her and go WOW IM SUCH A TINA idk

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Oh there are so many! There are three main Reddie fics I’m actively working on atm (aside from runaways):

1. B&B AU that I briefly mentioned like four months ago that’s probably the next multi chap I wanna post when runaways is done. It’s mostly fluffy with a tad of smut and an even smaller tad of angst.

2. Another modern day college AU that literally no one asked for. It’s a bit different than most I’ve read though, hopefully, again mostly fluffy (haven’t decided on smut yet but definitely minimal angst) with a bit of a twist (for the characters, not the reader, the reader knows everything and will hopefully be screaming at the characters to use their brains for once in their goddamn lives).

3. A one shot! Richie centric angst turned smut bc I wanted to write angst but my smut fics have gotten way more attention than anything else bc apparently everyone is super fucking horny. So it’ll be a nice blend of the two. Ideally, I’d like to post this one in the coming week, but we’ll see how that goes lol

Again, thank you for sending an ask!! I love answering these things so much 💓

Ask me fanfic things!

[happyjonerys]

NON-Smutty Jonerys Fics?

princessdragonfly replied to your post

“hi! could you link down your favorite jonerys fanfics please?”

I just bookmarked a few of these. I'm not usually interested in smut at all. Any good fics out there with little to no smut? Thanks.

Oh my! No smut?? Does such a thing even exist?? lol jk jk - this is actually a GREAT question! I have included a list below, but also open this up to my followers & fellow Jonerys fic readers/writers because I actually *prefer* smut and realize most of my bookmarked/fave Jonerys fics are at least somewhat smutty & I want to make sure you get a proper list - I know those fics are out there! 

Non-Smutty/Not-AS-Smutty Jonerys Fics:

** from my original rec list

A Knife in My Heart Couldn’t Slow Me Down by @ashleyfanfic and @justwandering-neverlost (Canon Divergent/Compliant, One Shot, Complete) - The way Jon & Dany SHOULD have dealt with that whole parentage reveal on the heels of battle - I LOVE THIS *dramatic af sobbing* 

drabble by @kittennharington (Canon Divergent, One Shot, Complete) - just a delightfully angsty drabble about Dany waiting for Jon to wake up after he’s been injured.

** Snowstorm - on Ice by @jalenmara (Modern AU, Multi-Chap, Complete) - I actually forgot this fic doesn’t have any smut until I got this request. Once you read it, you’ll understand why. (And ALSO why any potential sequel would likely be much smuttier, right Jalen??? ;-)

Tormund Giantsbane: Mender, Mediator, and Matchmaker by @ashleyfanfic (Canon Compliant, Multi Chap, Complete) - this is post s8, Dany resurrection, told via Tormund’s POV watching Jon & Dany reconnect, so no smut because obviously he’s not in their bedroom LOLZ. I LOVE THIS FIC ASHLEY!!!!

** Tourniquet by @justwandering-neverlost (Modern AU, Multi-Chap, In Progress) – there IS smut, but not until 16 chapters in soooo it sort of counts?? ;-)

Winter Came (With Fire and Blood) by frombluetored (AO3 name, not sure if they’re on Tumblr) - (Canon Divergent, Multi-Chap, Complete) - I admit I haven’t finished this one yet, I am 4 chaps in but no smut so far, even in scenes where it might otherwise be expected(?) none of the tags mention smut so I don’t think there is any? Either way, its SOOOO GOOD & angsty & fluffy, can’t wait to see where it goes!!!! **But followers who have finished this please weigh in if there IS smut in later chapters & I just haven’t gotten to it yet)

** You Can Never Be Mine by @muttpeeta (Canon Divergent, Multi-Chap, In Progress) - approximately 3/11 chapters contain smut asthis story is honestly mostly angst thus far, but I sense its bout to get smuttier ;-)

Also if any of you lovelies who I tagged above have written any non or minimal-smutty fics or know of any others, PLEASE SHARE ;-)

[kweebtrash]

Crawling (M)

Messy Chapter 9

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, The Angst chapter TM

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, talks about death/suicide, talks about sexual assault (use of the word rape-in case that offends you), emotional manipulation, description of panic attacks, anxiety, emotional codependency, aggression/intimidation, mentions of blood, mental illnesses/self deprivation/emotional self harm/slight feelings of worthlessness, lots of crying, heavy heavy heavy guilt

Features: kinda sad slow sex?, gentle thrusting, caressing, grinding, protectiveness, biting, heavy make out sessions/tongue sucking, riding, unprotected and protected sex, cumshot, choking, rough fucking

Word Count: 23k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. I’ll edit some more tomorrow if needed. I may have missed some warnings so if you see any you feel I should add let me know. This chapter is kind of personal for me as some of the things I wrote about happened to me irl but still let me know what you think of it regardless.

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Jaehyuns POV

I yawned as I flicked through my Instagram feed lazily. I was trying to fall asleep but nothing was working. I rubbed my eyes before setting my arm between my head and the pillow, continuing to scroll and liking a few posts every once in awhile. My phone vibrated signaling that I had a text from Quinn. Just as I was about to click on it I got another notification, this time from Instagram. It was a message request from an account I didn't follow. I was mostly tempted to ignore it until more and more messages filtered through. I sighed and finally opened it, seeing words that made my blood run cold.

Rixtrix666: Hey

Rixtrix666: I really need to talk to you

Rixtrix666:It's about me and Johnny

This damn bitch couldn't leave us alone. First, she made Johnny's life a living hell and now she was trying to get to him through me. I clicked on her profile to block her, briefly catching the dozens of pictures she had of her and Johnny. In each one he looked miserable and void of any feeling whatsoever. I could only imagine what he went through before I told him I would help. At first I had been offended that he hadn't come to me as soon as it started taking a turn for the worse but after he explained what she had done to him I could see his thought process behind it. He didn't want to be ridiculed or chastised. Hell, he didn't even think people would believe him. If I hadn't known him for all these years then maybe I wouldn't have either. But anyone with a brain could see how he wasn't himself anymore. Just seeing her message brought back memories of terror that I shared with him for over a month. Why couldn't she just fucking leave us be? I opened up the message, ready to tear into her but what she sent me stopped me in my tracks completely. I shot up in bed instantly, my hands shaking as my throat felt like it was closing up. I accepted her request and immediately responded.

What the fuck is that?

Rixtrix666: what does it look like?

Rixtrix666: he's blocked me everywhere else

Rixtrix666: I need to tell him. Please. That's why I sent you this msg

You're lying. You're a fucking manipulative bitch

I don't need you fucking up his life again

I mean it

Rixtrix666: please jaehyun

Rixtrix666: I need to talk to him

Rixtrix666: the proof is in the picture! It's a positive test

Whats your fuckin number

I'm calling you

Answer the phone right fucking now!!

Once she sent her number, I dialed it immediately. "Listen here-"

She cut me off. "Jaehyun! I mean it! Please, I'm begging you! I need to talk to him!'

"Fuck!" I yelled. She was starting to make me nervous with the urgency in her voice. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between believing her or blocking her and keeping this a secret. She had already caused so much damage and this was just going to make everything worse. I was on edge and her squaking in my ear wasn't making anything better. I sprinted towards my door, flinging it open and heading straight towards Johnny's room. I didn't even bother knocking and instead shoved his door open. He jumped up, the most confused expression written across his face. I had no idea how to say it or even where to begin explaining so I thrust my phone in his face.

"Talk! Talk now!' I blurted out.

He raised his brow and took my cell tentatively. As soon as he pressed it to his ear and heard those words the coloring drained from his face. His breathing switched immediately and it was like he was drowning, gasping deeply and struggling to fight against the waters. I didn't understand why it was happening and I certainly didn't know how to fix it which caused me to go into a deeper panic. My phone slipped from his hand and I managed to catch it before it crashed to the floor. Rixi was still going on about the pregnancy until I yelled in her ear. "Send me your address right now. We're coming over."

"F-fine! I need to see him anyway. We have to get back together. For the sake of the baby."

I didn't have time to blow up on her, especially with Johnny looking like he was ready to pass out at any minute. I discarded my phone on the bed and grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to shake him out of it. "Dude! Look at me! We're gonna figure this out together ok? She's lying. I know she is. You don't have to worry." His breath was still far from normal. "J-Johnny, man, w-what's wrong? You're freaking me out! P-please stop breathing like that!"

His eyes showed nothing but fear, his body completely tense, like he wasn't able to control it. My heart thundered and in a  last ditch effort, I just hugged him. I squeezed him tight and held on, hoping that somehow that could comfort him enough to calm down. I was scared too. Absolutely terrified. I didn't want him to go back into that abuse and though I didn't believe that she was actually pregnant, if there was even the slightest possibility that she was his life was over. On top of that I knew his feelings for Eri were growing no matter how much he was trying to deny it. She may not want to be around him if he had a kid and that would just devastate him. I pleaded to whatever cosmic being was watching over to give Johnny every ounce of strength it took for him to be happy.

Just then, I slowly felt his hand creep up to settle on my back. He was responding now at least even if it was minimal. "We're gonna get through this together, ok? You're my brother. I won't let her ruin this, I swear it."

He inhaled with a sharp gasp and I shot back in fear that his breathing had gotten worse somehow. It was the opposite thankfully and it looked like he had finally gotten his head above water. "W-what…" He rasped softly. "What am I going to do?"

"We're going to buy some tests and make her take them in front of us. I need to make sure she isn't playing any games. I want living proof. If she's going to try me, then she's messing with the wrong dude."

"What if, Jae? What if…"

"Don't think like that, man. Think about Eri. She needs you when she comes back and you're gonna be there, ok?"

He nodded and I helped him up from the bed. "Let's go, I'll drive. Just get your coat on." I ran to the front door and grabbed my car keys, shoving on my own coat in the process. Johnny was walking much slower. I grabbed his arm to move him along and attempt to snap him out of it. I guided him downstairs and into my car like a child. I knew he was really too shocked to process anything but my adrenaline was kicking in big time and I needed to be his rationality for now. I hopped in and sped to the nearest pharmacy, pulling into the parking lot in a screeching halt. I ran in, my own breath starting to give out from going so fast, and grabbed the biggest pack of pregnancy tests I could find. When I got to the register I fumbled with my wallet and card, angered at myself for shaking so bad. I took a deep breath and ignored the weird stares I was getting from the cashier before my payment went through and I yanked it out the card reader. I grabbed the box and got back into the car hoping that Johnny was still safe. Realistically, I should have taken him into the store with me to keep an eye on him but I knew he would only slow me down.

I checked my phone to make sure Rixi had sent me her address. Thankfully she did and I plugged it into my GPS, zooming back out onto the road. The box of tests sat between us halfway stuck in my cup holder, rattling menacingly as an omen of what was to come. I tried not focusing on it so much through the silence Johnny and I shared. I wanted to give him some form of assurance but i was at a lost to what more I could do or say. Instead, I gripped the steering wheel tighter feeling the leather cover squeak beneath my fingers. The ride was short but felt painfully long. When we finally arrived at the apartment complex it loomed over us and made me feel like I was going into battle. I took a deep breath and nudged at Johnny. “Let’s go.”

I grabbed the tests as I stepped out of the car. Johnny looked like he was ready to pass out at any moment. I set my arm around his shoulders and lead us to her apartment door. I banged on it harshly, impatiently waiting for her to open it. When she did, I could see tears still running down her cheeks and she made an attempt to hold onto Johnny. He stepped back quick and I moved between them. "Don't you dare think about touching him. Take these tests now." I pressed the box to her chest and glared down at her.”

“W-what? What is this? How could you not believe me?!” She squeaked.

"Because we can't trust anything you say. You're a liar, Rixi and I need to know what happened that night." Johnny spat.

“You know what happened.” Rixi growled. “You got high and wanted to fuck. You realize you were on X, right? That’s what happens. You wanted it.”

I didn't want to have her talk to him any further. The uncertainty was already weighing on us and I needed it to disappear as fast as it had arrived. I kept myself between them but shifted Rixi around to face the direction of her bathroom. "Get moving." I commanded.

“You can't tell me what to do! I'm not taking these!"

With my patience wearing thin I shoved her harshly and kept her moving until the three of us crammed into the small space. "Oh, you're gonna take them. I don't have time for your bullshit and you definitely do not want to piss me off." I locked the door, making sure she had no means of escaping. “Do it.”

“I’m not going to pee with you two in here.”

“Just take the damn test, Rixi!” Johnny snapped.

“I don’t have to go right now!”

I grabbed her shoulders and pressed her down onto the toilet. “Start thinking of waterfalls then because you will do it.”

“F-fine! If it will get you to shut up. It’ll just be positive anyway!” I leaned back against the wall, glaring her down the entire time to make sure that she didn’t try anything funny. Her hands were shaking as she tore into the plastic and opened the box. Johnny was trying to pace within the small area and I reached out to grab his shoulder harshly. He stopped and instead switched to shuffling his weight between his feet. The wait was irritating and super awkward but it had to be done. Eventually she was able to take the test and slammed it on the counter. I set a timer on my phone so we knew exactly when it was done processing. It was a mere 5 minutes but each second made us all more anxious. Rixi was darting her eyes around frantically as she tried to keep herself covered. Johnny was mumbling to himself, almost wedged into the corner while his nails dug into the cheap wallpaper. My foot bounced quickly as I tried to funnel my nerves somewhere else. The wait was absolute death and I was starting to feel the sweat creep down the back of my neck. Finally, the timer went off and all three of us jumped up. Rixi made a grab at the test but I caught her hand in mine and Johnny snatched it up. He held it between us and we both stared at the reading. What the fuck did that mean?

“What does it say!?" Johnny panicked, the answer still unbeknownst to us. Rixi squirmed in my grip, making me release her. She yanked it out of Johnny's hand and cradled it to her chest.

“It means i’m pregnant of course!” She said as if it was obvious.

I grabbed at her small hands having to pry it out of her. “I saw it! It was one line."

Johnny grabbed the box and turned it over, skimming over the directions. “You fuckin’ bitch!”

“What?! What?! What does it mean?!” I screamed.

“She’s not fuckin’ pregnant!!” Johnny almost launched himself over me to try and grab at Rixi but I was able to block him.

“It could be wrong! Why would I lie to you?! I love you!” Rixi protested.

"You love me?!" Johnny scoffed. "If you loved me you wouldn't have raped me!"

My head snapped over to my best friend, my brother, my family away from home. He had told me about the way Rixi hit him and tried to keep our friends away but he never told me that.

"That's not what happened! Why do you keep saying that?! I would never!"

I set the test down and told Johnny to leave the bathroom, confusing both he and Rixi. When he didn't comply right away, I yelled at him. It wasn't because I was upset but rather he might have stopped me from what I was about to do. It took a bit of coercion but he eventually left me alone with the shedemon. I stood in front of her, setting my hands on either side of the toilet tank. My face was just centimeters from hers and I could feel the nervousness of her breath against my lips. "You…" I laughed not even sure where to begin. "You hurt one of the only people I care about. I mean incomprehensible damage to his mind, his body, his feelings and you come around again, like an infectious disease. You can say that you didn't hurt him all you want but that's only because you're sick. What I need you to do, and what you're going to do, is take this second test. Once I get that negative result again I will make fucking sure you will never ever be able to go near Johnny ever."

"If you t-touch me I'm calling the police!!"

"Oh, call them. Then you can get arrested for what you've done to him."

"They wouldn't believe that I could hurt him. I mean he's a man, a big one at that. If something was really wrong he could've easily defended himself." She said, a little too smug for my own liking.

She had admitted what Johnny had feared- that no one would believe him and he would be seen as a joke. It made me absolutely furious but I held my composure in the meantime. I smiled at her and grabbed the second test out the box, holding it in front of her. "Take the test."

"No. I'm not doing anything else you ask for. You can't force me."

"Oh, so you don't like being forced to do things but you're okay with forcing yourself onto drugged out men? That's mighty hypocritical of you, Rixi. Now again, I'll tell you one more time, pretty nicely I think, take the test." I shifted my hand to her shoulder, gripping it hard. "And don't worry. I wouldn't hit you. That would be hypocritical as well, right? You can only hit Johnny, right?"

"I was just playing around. I wasn't hitting him like that!"

"The bruises said otherwise."

"He bruises easily."

I squeezed her shoulder harder, watching her try and squirm away from my grasp but ultimately failing. "Take the test, Rixi."

"Get off me!"

"TAKE THE TEST!!" I yelled, my entire body trembling. It took a lot to get me this angry, this absolutely volatile. She was able to bring it out of me in mere minutes and I promised her that she wouldn't like what she saw next if she didn't comply with my orders. Johnny pounded on the door, asking what was wrong. He knew when I yelled that shit was serious. I ignored him and shoved the test towards her again. She snatched it from me as another round of crocodile tears started to flow.

I wasn't so patient this time with her stalling and complaining about not being able to pee. I sure as hell was able to convince her to get a move on when I snapped the first test in half and slapped the box off the counter, my voice growing louder with each vengeful move. Once she managed to get enough on the stick through her whining, we waited again. The same result was concluded and I sighed deeply. I washed my hands and wiped the excess water on my jeans. "So, we've established that you're never coming near him again and that I'm going to make sure there's a restraining order on you. On top of that I'll make sure I find ways to make your life a living hell just like you did to Johnny. Do you understand me?"

"You ruined everything. He was going to be mine!"

"Aren't you just a cute soap opera villain? Things don't work that way in the real world. You don't get what you want when people are like you. You get institutionalized. What the hell did you think was going to happen when you didn't shit out a kid in 9 months? That Johnny would've stayed? He's got more important things to worry about like his girlfriend. The person you will never be."

"You mean that stupid slut that tried to fight me?" She said angrily.

I smiled. "Say that to Johnny's face. He'll tell you how much he's in love with her. They spend so much time together it's almost sickening. You never even had a chance. Don't try and put your hands on him or his life again. If you try me again, I can get you charged with something much worse like you deserve."

I yanked the door open and Johnny met my eyes instantly. “What did you do? What happened? I heard yelling.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s going to be okay.”

“You think really think she’s going to stay away from me? She-She’s insane! She’s never going to leave me alone and-”

“I got this. I’m not going to let anything else happen to you.” I promised. “I’m gonna take you home, we just gotta make a stop first.” I started leading him towards the door, looking back at Rixi who was looking defeated for now. Somehow I felt like she was going to plot something far more dangerous and even though I had won this battle it didn't feel like I had won the war just yet. I was ready for anything she was plotting though. I vowed to make sure she never hurt my brother again.

--

Eri’s POV

In the short time that I was back home on the island my world had crumbled and I had no idea where to even begin trying to piece it back together. I didn’t exactly regret my mom forcing me to go back but I wished I did have more time to plan but how could you plan a death? How do you plan losing someone who helped raise you, who drove you to school every morning, who was married to your grandmother for over 50 years, who you knew and loved since you were born? How did you even begin to prepare for that?

I had spent the entire week being at the brunt end of emotion after emotion. There were fights about everything-the house, mortgage, money, cars, insurance. I had to sift through paperwork of things I didn't even understand and with my family's barely high school level education from the 80s, they didn't understand much either. One of my aunt's tried to guide us through beneficiaries and all that bullshit but it was still a foreign language to us all. It made me restless at night and with the worry of my grandpa's health already on my mind I was basically running on fumes. It didn’t help my depression and it sure as hell didn’t help that I always had to get up early and do things around the house, head to the hospital for visitation hours, make trips to the grocery store, cook food, or buy anything we needed.

As the oldest I had somehow become the scapegoat and my mother’s favorite object to lash out on. Everyday there was some sort of argument and it came to the point that I just wanted to have a day of relaxation. I wanted to go to the beach, my absolute sanctuary and place of peace, but that was denied from me. My mom guilted me into thinking that I didn’t deserve to have that time to myself, that it was inappropriate for me to think of this as a “vacation.” That wasn't how I felt at all and I merely wanted to attempt to recapture my sanity. After having my umpteenth argument with her I took it upon myself to sneak out of my grandma’s house like a teenager and go to a bar. Dani had found out about my little plan and blackmailed me into taking her along. Our cousin Maricella, who I hadn’t seen since I lived on the island ten years ago, was our getaway car.

It was an outdoor bar by the beach so I still got to have a little bit of peace. The mosquitoes were out and chewing up my legs like no other but it was way too hot to wear anything but short shorts and a bralette. Mari got us a round of shots while Dani and I took up residence at a table by a tiki torch, hoping the flame would keep some of the bugs at bay. Every once in awhile a sea breeze would rattle through the boardwalk style patio and bless us with relief and the tangy smell of salt water. I exhaled deeply and took out my almost finished second pack of cigarettes. I was starting to become a chimney because of all the stress and today was no different. It started off with light cigarettes but this pack had somehow turned into menthols. I still hated the taste but it was almost oddly comforting to have that hint of Johnny by my side. I lit one up, watching Dani’s nose wrinkle.

“I thought you hated those.” She commented.

“I do.” I took in a deep drag while scratching at a mosquito bite on my leg. “But it's what they had at the supermarket…” I lied.

“Your boyfriend smokes them.”

I shot her an incredulous look. “What?”

“Johnny. Your boyfriend. The hot six foot tall Korean with emo hair and lips that look like they commit a sin every time he talks. You know, that one.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend. He told me you figured out we were faking it at the party. How did you know he smoked menthols?”

“He asked me where your clutch was while you were off with Josue and I saw him take them out. Had to move some condoms out of the way to get to them though. Magnums? Guess what they say about Asians isn’t always true.”

“DANIELLA, POR FAVOR.” I screamed. “Why are you like this?” She was making me cringe just hearing her talk like that. She was only 15, i didn’t want to think about her knowing about anything related to sex at all.

“Because I’m your sister and you taught me how to be this way. Can I try it?” She nodded towards my cigarette.

“No, I’m supposed to be a good influence on you.”

“Ok, well influence me to drink and smoke and fuck a bunch of guys in college. If they look like Johnny, I’m down.”

I smacked my hand to my forehead and internally groaned. She was right, being a little shit ran in the family and I had definitely groomed her to somehow have the same attitude as I did. I had make the mistake of telling her about my college adventures (usually leaving out the details of my sex life) but apparently it was enough information for her to throw it back in my face. I reluctantly handed her the cigarette just as Maricella came back with a tray of shots. “Mari, my hero. Thank fuck.” I let out a sigh of relief.

“I got half dark, half white liquor so pick your poison. I used to fuck the bartender so I basically got everything for free.” She said before downing a shot of vodka.

“Why is everyone in our family sluts?” Dani coughed as she took a drag, quickly handing it back to me. “That is fuckin’ disgusting. How do you smoke those let alone kiss him when he tastes like that!”

“Wait, wait, wait. Who are you kissing?” Mari asked as she scooted onto the bar stool. “You got a man?”

I tossed back three shots, one after the other, then reached for the tequila so I could definitely forget about ever having this conversation. “No, I do not. There’s no man.”

Dani grabbed a shot herself, sniffing the liquor a bit. “I’m pretty sure your facetimes every night say otherwise. I can hear y'all say ‘I miss you so much, baby.’ from my room!” She took a deep breath before sipping the liquor slowly, managing to get it down in one take but recoiling her body in disgust. She rubbed at her chest trying to take the edge off somehow.

I could feel my face flaring up instantly. “That-that’s not true! We just...We’re just kinda in a weird place right now, ok?!

“Drink more so you can tell me about him! I wanna know!!” Mari giggled. She coaxed another shot towards me which I took instantly. There were a few drags in between her taunting and my stalling but eventually I had to cave in just to get them both to shut up.

I gulped down my fifth shot and sighed as I already started feeling the buzz. “He’s just this guy...we’ve been screwing around for like...four months now. I took him to the quince because you know how everyone is, asking me when I’m gonna get a boyfriend, ignoring that I like girls, belittling what I’m studying in college. So i asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend so they could get off my back."

"Except-" Dani interrupted. "Now they're totally in love with each other but won't admit it!"

"Ay, nena, don't you know to never catch feelings? That makes shit too complicated." Mari nudged my shoulder.

I tapped out my ashes. "He told me that I would never be his girlfriend and that's completely fine by me!" I lied and reached for another glass, letting out a deep sigh.

"Do you want to be his girlfriend?" Mari posed the dangerous question.

I stood quiet for a long time not really knowing how to answer that. He made it clear that he didn't want me to be his girlfriend but got jealous over Taeyong and Josue. He was constantly coming back around to fuck me (and vice versa) and now we had spent almost every night talking on the phone to each other. He had listened to me complain about my family for hours on end. Even when it got too late and I could tell how tired he was, he stayed up with me until sleep got the better of him. I would leave our FaceTime camera screens open, propping my phone against my pillow, and imagining that he was sleeping beside me though we were thousands of miles apart. He would hold his little rilakkuma keychain in his fist, keeping the head pressed to his lips as he slept. My heart would melt into a messy puddle of feelings I wanted to ignore but it was hard when you were screaming how much you were in love in your head.

"Heyyyyy," Mari nudged me out of my stupor. “Spill it girl!”

“The truth is I really don’t know what I want from him. Maybe I do want to be his girlfriend but what am I going to do once I have him? I’ve only ever had two relationships before and they both ended horribly. I’m so incredibly afraid to love anyone and honestly I don’t think he knows how to be a boyfriend either. We’re really messy and broken and always going up and down. It’s hard to figure anything out with him. I’m stressed that I love him. I’m stressed that I hate him. I’m stressed that I want to be with him but don’t want to be with him and I’m stressed that i know for sure he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m a mess, ok?”

“Eri, you should really stop lying to yourself and everyone around you about how you feel about him.” Dani added. I shot her a death glare and hoped to all hell she would shut up.

Mari just patted my shoulder. “You got it bad and you’re way over your head. I’m gonna get more drinks. You look like you need to be drunk.” She left us again and I rubbed my temples, sighing deeply.

“If he’s an asshole I don't want you to be with him but I know he does love you.” Dani added.

“Dani, don’t joke like that. It’s fine. Nothing is going to happen between us.”

“It will. Just give it time. I don’t think you’ll have to stress about him much longer but you should tell him.”

“I’m not going to make a damn fool out of myself and get rejected.”

“You won’t know until you actually try, Eri. Trust me.”

“What would you know about relationships? We’re adults. It’s different than that high school crap.”

“I know enough jerk. Why are you cranky when you’re drunk?”

“I’m not drunk.” I huffed. “I’m going to drink more then get drunk.” Dani crossed her arms and rolled her eyes and I let her sit in her feelings while I tried to avoid mine entirely. Mari came back then as if on queue and set down a giant bowl of piña colada to share between the three of us and a few more shots. We latched onto the straws and sucked deeply, almost in a race to see who could get toasted the fastest. Dani was number one contender as after a few sips she was starting to sway in her seat.

“I still want to hear more about this boy.” Mari said.

I groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Pleassseeeeee! We never got to talk about boys when we were younger. We’re like making up time from being apart. You have to!”

I sniffled and tossed the end of my cigarette towards the sand. "Fine.” I grumbled. “I'm completely and totally in love with him. He's so fucking stupid and infuriating all the time. Like he can never talk about shit outright. I have to pry it out of him but he's had so much happen to him and I think he deserves to be happy. I want to be the person that makes him happy and supports him and-" I swallowed more gulps of piña colada as if was going to stop my meltdown. "He takes really nice pictures because he loves photography and he really cares about his mom and-and like we always talk about music and stuff. He's such a big dumb...DUMMY HEAD."

"Ay dios, what does this dummy head look like?" Mari asked. I set my phone out on the table and opened my secret folder of Johnny's pictures that I had saved.

"There. He looks like the biggest fucking fuckboy that ever lived." I whined.

"Well...I mean he's not my type,” She said as she flicked through the photos. ‘But Santo Dios, Jesus y la Virgencita THAT'S HIS DICK???"

I almost slammed my head onto the table. "YEAH THAT'S LIKE THE WORST PART."

"Waiiiiittttt! Lemme see! Lemme see!!" Dani squealed.

Mari at least had the decency to keep my phone away from my sister and preserve her hopefully still intact innocence. "No, this is not for you!" Mari turned to me and whispered, "You better get this shit straightened out soon. No man is worth heartache no matter how big or how good his dick is."

"Yeah but it's really gooooooodddd." I sniffled and pulled the incredibly long straw to my lips, sucking down more of the mixed drink.

"I don't care. You need to focus on yourself, especially with what's going on now."

"I don't want to focus on myself or what's going on now! That's like the last thing I want to focus on! I want to focus on the way he falls asleep while we FaceTime, or the stuffed bear that he got me that I sleep with every night, or the way his clothes smells, or his arms feel around me, or like...anything else but this shit! Please, Mari...anything else but this."

She sighed deeply and rubbed her hand across my back. "Damn...you really really got it bad."

I nodded and kept my head on the table sealing my lips from any more embarrassment. I was starting to get a little incoherent with all my drinking so I was sure I replied to her but didn't quite remember what I said. I was fading into a half sleep state and wanted to sink into the boardwalk. If I got drunk enough to completely pass out it would be the best sleep I'd have this entire trip. The only thing that could seal the deal was some bug spray and air conditioning. Mari shoved at me and landed panicked slaps to my back. I nudged my head up a little and opened one eye. "Whhaaaaa-?"

"Titi is calling! She must have found out we snuck out!!"

Dani almost burst into tears instantly. "I'm gonna get so grounded!!!"

I shushed her and took the phone instantly. "Fuck that. She's just gonna yell at me and I don't have time for that. I'm sick of her shit. She's only making this worse."

"Yeah but…" Mari cautioned. "If you ignore her she's going to blow up. You better answer."

I let the phone vibrate some more. The call hung up and started again over and over until it irritated me enough to answer. "What?!"

That set off a firework show of yelling and crying, tired explanations of her to stop treating me like a child or using me as a scapegoat, arguments about my duties in the house and guilting me that I didn't care about my grandpa one bit and bringing up the vacation thing. My body was vibrating with anger. It felt like my meds didn't even have an effect on me anymore and I was nothing but flames and sorrow. Mari tried to calm me down and Dani ended up crying and holding onto me begging for us to stop fighting. I had drawn so much attention with my yelling that everyone at the bar stared like I was some strange anomaly. Mari dragged me away then with Dani still clutching onto me and got us into the car. I hung up the phone during my mother's rant and tossed it somewhere I didn't care to find.

There was no point in holding everything in anymore. I screamed, I cried, I stopped breathing, I wanted to die. Everything came crashing down on me at once and that was when I truly felt my world crumble into nothingness. I didn't have a hold of myself. My body was shutting down, my mind becoming numb and unable to process anything. I didn't even realize we had gotten to my grandma's house until we actually pulled up. Everything seemed like a blur. When I stepped out of the car my legs gave way and I crashed hard into the pavement, crying and scarcely able to breathe. Consciousness wasn't my friend and I could only remember flashes of memory; my grandma holding me, my aunt telling me to breathe, my mom screaming in confusion, violently vomiting, and blood trickling down my head. I didn't know how long the panic attack lasted but I fell asleep in my mother's arms, finally being comforted by her love rather than frustrations.

When I did wake up it was the next day. I was forced to get up early in the morning. My head felt like it was going to explode. My hand was also throbbing and I didn’t understand why. I slowly got up from the bed, my body feeling like it weighed tons. Across the bed were the mirrored closet doors of the guest room and I could see bandages across my head and my knuckles. What even happened to my hand? I was confused and still felt groggy. I laid back down and fumbled around for my phone looking at the influx of messages I had received. There were a few from Lucas which entailed of a bunch of crying and kissy emojis saying that he missed me, one from Yuta asking me if I was ok because he hadn’t heard from me in awhile and even more from Johnny.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: hey

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: did you sleep all day? I hope so. you need it

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: wanna call me when you get a chance?

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: I’ll be home at like 11

I wished I could’ve called him at that moment but at least it would be the highlight of my day later on as I was sure today was going to be a shit show. I wanted to go back to sleep and be left alone but my mom wouldn’t let me. We had to go visit my grandpa again which was also the last thing I wanted to do after suffering through that panic attack last night. Seeing him hooked up to monitors and oxygen was the icing on the cake to my guilt ridden feelings. The day went by at the slowest pace and I made movements to shuffle around my family but I was on autopilot. I was able to catch a nap in the late afternoon and woke up a little bit close to midnight. Johnny was the first thing on my mind and I called him hoping that he was still awake. He answered almost immediately, his toothbrush stuck in his mouth. “Hey babe.” He mumbled around it.

“Hey.” I croaked back.

He held a finger up, asking me to hold on while he rinsed out his mouth. I adjusted myself in bed in the meantime, making sure to hide the swollen area of my head and my hand. I didn’t want him to worry more than he already had been over the time I was gone. I watched him head over to his room and plop down on his bed, holding the phone above him.

“You look like shit, girl.”

“Yes, hello to you too, Johnathan.”

“You know what I mean. What's going on?"

I scoffed. "More like what isn't going on. My mom is continuously being an asshole to me but we had a half moment yesterday i guess. I got kinda drunk because I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore and it went downhill from there."

"Babe." He said sternly.

"Don't fuckin give me that commanding voice. I'm trying, ok? I'd rather be numb."

"I don't want you to be numb. I want you to feel. I want you to feel everything including me."

"But why do I have to carry everyone? Why do I have to do everything and stay struggling while taking a beating every day?"

"I know it's not fair. It's really not fucking fair and it pisses me off that you have to go through that. Like really pisses me off. I wish I was there with you, seriously."

I stood quiet for a moment, watching him shift and set his phone across from him. I loved that he was on my side and wanted to be here with me. It would’ve helped tremendously but i didn’t know how to thank him enough for being my support system this time. I swallowed back my feelings and tried to show how much he meant to me in a different way. "I've been smoking menthols because of you." I finally whispered.

"Ooohhhh you're in love with me now. That's a sign."

"W-what?" My eyes went wide instantly and so did his.

"U-uh...joking. Totally joking. Um...but I guess I'm influencing you."

I kept my face hidden as I wanted to scream at all my romantic emotions that were starting to surface. “S-shut up.”

“Um...anyway...what’s going on? Today, i mean.” He said trying to change the subject instantly.

“I don’t know. My head is kinda fuzzy. It feels like i’m just floating in and out. I feel guilty about so many things and I just keep thinking about my grandpa.” I was kicking myself as the tears started flowing again. I was starting to think that I was turning into the sea with how much I had cried. I apologized to him, feeling stupid for taking up our time with my whining and ugly sobs. He kept telling me that he didn’t care and would spend all night watching me cry if he had to. He reminded me of when I told him it was okay to cry and his empathy just made me ache for him even more. “I miss you…” I hiccuped. I just wanted his comfort, his warmth, his everything.

He sniffled and cleared his throat. “I miss you too…you know you have to be there. It’s going to be okay.”

“He’s gonna die Johnny. I know it. I visited him today at the hospital and my mom and my aunts just keep putting this weird bandaid on it. They keep thinking he’s going to bounce back and be able to take care of the house and my grandma and he wont. He literally wont. I don’t know why they won’t just fuckin’ say it.”

“They’re scared, Eri. They’re losing one of their parents. It’s always going to be scary.”

“I know that but I hate being the only fucking rational one here. It’s driving me insane. Just look at him and say he’s going to die! He’s just going to die, Johnny. He’s going to…” There were more tears then and more shoving of my head into the pillow. I felt like I was annoying him but that was just my anxiety and over thinking talking.

“Baby, look at me, ok?” His voice was like warm honey. I peeked up at him and rubbed viciously at my eyes. “When you come back, i’ll be here for you ok? It’s going to be hard but I’ll help you get through this. And so will Quinn and stupid ass Lucas and all your other friends.”

I cracked a small smile, really wishing that I could be back home with them. “I know…I-” Suddenly my mom burst into my room in hysterics. It happened. It finally happened and I almost breathed a sigh of relief. The wait and suffering was over and for  a small window of time it felt ok. I turned back to Johnny, seeing our video get pixelated a bit. “I have to go. I-I’ll talk to you later, ok?!” I ended the call and ran out to the living room. Everyone was frantically trying to get themselves together to head to the hospital. I stood staring at the chaos, unmoving and numb. It hit like a ton of bricks then and I realized that after all this build up I couldn’t do it. I returned to my room, barricading myself in as I was unable to cope with anything else. I had to find a way out of here but I was so broke and I knew my mom wouldn't pay for me to leave. She would force me to stay even longer and I couldn't do that. She was already banging at my door to come out of my room and get into the car.

I just screamed that I didn't want to go to the hospital and curled up in the corner of the room. I immediately dialed Quinn's number and begged them to please buy me a plane ticket. They didn't hesitate one bit but the earliest they could get me something was three days from now. A lot of the flights were booked, some overbooked even. I accepted it as I would take anything I could get at this point. Once the commotion in the house died down I packed my bag and called Mari to pick me up. I convinced her to let me hide out in her house and not say a word to my family. I lied to my mom that I was already back home and ignored the rest of her calls until the day came where I could finally leave this fucking island.

When the plane landed I was hit with the icy winter air that I didn't miss at all. Quinn was waiting for me to arrive with open arms. I squeezed them as tight as I could, needing that familiar feeling of safety that I hadn't been able to experience recently. They took one look at me and I could see sadness written all over their face. I didn't know if I should start talking and I was sure they didn't know if they should ask anymore questions about what happened. Instead, the two of us decided silence was better and got into my car that they had driven up to the airport. I fell asleep almost immediately. I was so exhausted and ready to never wake up again. When we arrived home, Quinn refused to let me stay in my room by myself. I wanted to protest but i had zero energy to do so. Instead I followed them to their room. They probably assumed that with my disheveled appearance and urgent phone call that I might have been on the verge of hurting myself. I didn't blame them, the thought had popped into my mind a few times since the beginning of the week but I was able to settle down since then. We snuggled close, burying ourselves under their heavy comforter and holding each other's hands. I squeezed tight and prayed that this feeling would go away soon. With only the sound of our breathing to comfort me I was starting to fall asleep again but the solitude was interrupted by aggressive banging on our front door. Quinn shot up quickly, asking me to stay behind while they investigated. I was worried to let them go by themselves, wondering what danger could be lurking behind the door within my paranoia. It fizzled once I heard Jaehyun's deep voice fill up the living room with frantic worry. He was talking so fast that I couldn’t make out what he was saying but it seemed to be important. I tiptoed out of the room to meet them both.

“Jae! Jae! You have to calm down! Slow down! We’re going to figure this out together!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down Quinn! I can’t help it!” His eyes caught mine and he barreled over to me, gripping my shoulders tight. “Eri! You need to help me! Johnny is missing!”

--

Jaehyun’s POV

It had been three days but I felt like I had realized it all too late. After I had made Johnny file the restraining order we went back home. He remained distant, which I expected so I let him be. He had gone through so much that night I figured he needed some time alone to clear his mind. I didn't think much of it when he said he was going to stay in his room to try and sleep. Everything seemed ok. The next day I didn’t see him around campus or at the apartment. I assumed it was just maybe because of our schedules. The day after I sent him a text and checked his room periodically- still nothing. His car had disappeared too. That was when I felt a pang of panic; something was definitely wrong. My dozens and dozens of calls and texts had gone unanswered, none of our friends had seen him, his jobs weren’t aware of anything. It was like he ghosted out of existence which made my heart drop into my stomach. I could only pray that he was ok but all the negative thoughts were infiltrating my mind like a raid. I was pacing frantically throughout our apartment trying to figure out some sort of plan but it was no use. I needed help. That was when Quinn popped into my head.

I sped over to her apartment and in no time I was slamming my fists on the door, anxiously waiting. She opened it, confused to see me. “Jae? What’s going-”

“I need your help! I need your help really really really badly. Something happened to Johnny and I don't know what else to do. I’m freaking out here. What if he’s dead? What if like someone killed him? What if-”

“Jae! Jae! You have to calm down! Slow down! We’re going to figure this out together!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down Quinn! I can’t help it!” I heard a door open and looked up to see Eri. She looked like a fucking mess but if Johnny wouldn’t respond to me then maybe he would respond to her. I rushed over and grabbed her by her shoulders. “Eri! You need to help me! Johnny is missing!”

"W-what do you mean he's missing?!" She asked, completely stunned.

"I haven't seen him in three days. He hasn't answered my texts or calls. No one else has seen him. Have you heard from him?"

She shook her head. "I've been out of the states and I just got back. I haven’t been able to talk to him either. I wasn’t really able to pay attention to my phone for awhile. Y-you don't think he'd h-h-hurt himself, do you?"

I swallowed hard. I really didn’t know the answer to that question. "I hope to all hell not."

"Give me your keys to the apartment." Eri said suddenly.

"What? Why? He's not there!"

"Just trust me! I'm going to check something out. You get anyone who wants to help to start searching his normal spots. We need to check everywhere. If anything file a missing persons report."

"E-Eri wait!" Quinn interjected. "You just got back and with everything that's happened I don't know if it's safe for you to be alone."

Eri tightened her hand into a fist at her side and I noticed one was covered in bandages. Was everything going to hell and a handbasket with these two? "Look I can't lose anyone else. I always have to do everything myself and I'm gonna find him. Give me the keys, Jae."

I dug into the pocket of my jeans and tossed them over to her. She seemed determined and seemed to be way more prepared than I was. Quinn held onto my arm tight as Eri grabbed her coat and car keys. "Eri! Please be careful!” Quinn shouted. Eri left then, slamming the door shut behind her. Quinn wrapped her arms around me suddenly, burying her face in my stomach. "Jae, now i'm really worried. What's going on?"

"I have to tell you something important. There's so much and I'm so so scared to lose him, Quinn. He's my best friend. He's the only family I have here." My throat started to feel scratchy and I realized that I was on the verge of tears. I never really cried like this- it was so strange. I mean of course I was worried but I guess with everything hitting me it stirred up feelings about Johnny that I hadn't thought about in awhile. "He's been there for me since I came over from Korea. Like he's helped me with so much. What am I gonna do without him?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to push back tears that were coming through against my will.

She squeezed me tighter. "Jae, it's going to be ok. We're gonna figure this all out. I promise." She stood on her tip toes and I bent down to kiss her gently. "Tell me what happened…"

I sighed and sniffled a little bit, wiping my nose with the back of my hoodie sleeve. "I, uh, Rixi came back. Remember her?

Quinn nodded.

"Well she told Johnny she was pregnant."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't worry, she isn't. I forced her to take tests in front of us so she wouldn't be able to lie but all the manipulation and shit got to Johnny. He kept breathing weird and I didn't know what to do. I just tried my best to protect him, you know? He'd do that for me and then I made him file a restraining order. After that we went home and he said he wanted to be alone. I figured it was just because everything was hitting him at once and he couldn’t really catch a break. I didn’t think much of it but now he’s been gone for so long that I can't help but think of the worst." I returned her hug, squeezing her tiny body desperately to mine. "She raped him, Quinn...that's what Johnny said. I didn't know- I couldn't help…"

"Jaehyun, don't ever say that. You do not blame yourself and put all that guilt on you. You've helped Johnny more than anyone and there's no way he doesn't appreciate it. You're a good friend and a good brother. There's a lot to process when something like that happens...it’s just...it's not easy." She pushed my hair back and kissed my temple. Her words calmed me down a little even though I still felt the guilt. I just wanted to know that my friend was okay.

"Look," she continued. "Eri is going through a lot too. I know how it feels when you think you can't help but some things are just out of our hands. We have to trust that they can find him and we have to work on our end too."

"What if Rixi came back and did something to him?" I suddenly thought. I rushed into more panic and boiling anger.

"Focus Jae. We can’t think of something that terrible right now. We can check her place though since it’s a possibility. I can get Lucas and maybe Yuta to help and they can start there. You call the police and I’ll try and get them to help and check in on Eri, ok?

I nodded, glad that she was able to be my voice of reason. "Quinn….I-I don't really know what I'd do without you…"

She smiled. "Well duh, I'm amazing." She gave me another kiss and I cupped her face, loving the feeling of her soothing warmth against me. It was kind of odd how a few months could change the entirety of your view on something. We were both throwing ourselves at other people almost nightly, losing ourselves in a last ditch effort to forget all the bullshit that surrounded our lives. I could forget that facade I constantly was putting up about being likeable and unafraid in America. I had been here for years already but I still felt out of place. Quinn could forget the devastation that laid in the wake from their parents casting them aside for something greater. Weird how fucking someone's brains out could turn into nights of cuddling and talking about shit that hurt you until you felt so raw inside that the only thing that could comfort you was that other person.

I wanted to stay wrapped up in my safe cocoon with her but we had to get down to business. Johnny's life could be in danger and I would be damned if I gave up too soon.

--

Johnny's POV

My body felt so cramped after spending all that time driving. I didn't really want to be home but I knew I had to continue my life here no matter how much I hated it. I opened the door to the apartment and dropped my duffel bag on to the floor, letting out a sigh of relief. I noticed there was a light on in my room and all kinds of shuffling sounds.

"Jae?" I called out. The noise stopped for a second and I took a tentative step closer to find out what was lurking behind my door. It swung back to reveal the person I had wanted to see most for the past week. They sprinted into my arms, making me stumble back. "Eri! Baby! You're-"

They parted from me for a second to land a few whacks to my chest. "Don't ever EVER scare us like that again!!!"

"Wait, what?"

"Johnny you gave us all heart attacks! Where the fuck were you?! I swear to God I'm going to kill you!!!"

"Eri, baby, what are you talking about?!"

"You didn't answer anyone's calls or texts! You got Jae damn near crying over not being able to find you! I come back tonight to him saying that you’re missing and the first thought I had was that…" They swallowed hard and I could feel the hurt in their voice. "That you were dead.”

Shit. I pulled them back into my arms and squeezed them like my life depended on it.

"Johnny, please I can't lose anyone else. I can't. I'm not strong enough for that."

"I'm here. I'm right here, Eri. I'm not going anywhere."

I felt like an irresponsible idiot. At the time escaping back to Chicago felt like it was the best thing to do. I needed to get away from the bullshit that was haunting me. It felt like this town was just suffocating me dry. I needed a break, something to clear my mind and get me back on track. My first thought, of course, was to go see my mom. The look of pure love in her eyes when she saw me made my fears melt away in an instant. I held onto her as tightly as I was holding onto Eri now. I had spent the last three days with her eating a ton of her home cooked food and watching my baby videos on our ancient VHS player. She wouldn't let me live down running around the house naked during a party when I was a toddler. I've never laughed so much in my life and it felt good to not feel like an empty void.

We had serious talks too. I asked her not to judge and spilled out almost everything I could about my hookups ("Do you use condoms?" Yes Mom, "Do you get tested?" YES MOM), totally avoiding how much weed I smoked, and poured my heart out over Eri. Everything from how I felt when I first saw them at the party, to when I decked Matt in the face for hurting them, to realizing that maybe it wasn't just sex anymore and it was something bigger, to knowing that after all this time I was in love with them but I was still scared. I didn't want to be like my dad, and I was still stuck on trauma (I disguised my assaults under "bad relationships" as I wasn't ready to dive that deep yet), and that there were parts of me that felt like I didn't deserve love.

She cried then, hating that her only child felt so bleak and meaningless as if it was her fault. It wasn't of course and it would never be. If anything she had saved me more than once in my lifetime and I was forever grateful. She told me that I needed to stop being so afraid of Eri and that I needed to just tell them how much I loved them and I honestly wished it was that simple. There was still too much holding me back and things I had to work through before I even considered being with them. I didn't want to be a drugged out mess or a mentally unstable shit for brains who dumped everything on their significant other. I at least knew I wanted to be a better person before I took that final step. It was just so fucking hard and there were times that I felt like I would never be good enough for Eri.

Now that I was back in Eri's arms I felt like I needed to be the strong one for them. They were disappearing before my eyes and I had to be their protector. I had worried them and everyone else after all and it was the least I could do.

"I thought you killed yourself." They sobbed. "We all thought the worst- the absolute fucking worst."

"Nooo, noooo. I wouldn't do that. I went back home. I needed to see my mom and get some time away from it all. Im sorry. I'm so sorry…" I didn't know what else to say. The guilt was setting in and I realized the consequences of my actions now. I didn't regret skipping out but I did regret worrying them. Especially after everything they had been through which by the looks of it had only gotten worse.

They cupped my face weakly. “I just don’t want to think of the bad things anymore, Johnny. It’s scaring me. My heart hurts so bad and everything is a mess in my brain. I don’t feel right.” They admitted.

I kissed them then, like they were the only thing I needed to breathe. I couldn't let them go now. I kept them plastered to me, forcing our breaths to disappear into one another. The moment we parted I looked down at them, pushing their hair back gently and seeing the remnants of stitches by their temple. My heart started beating faster. They never told me about this. I was scared that an argument with their mom turned to worse and they got hurt. I noticed the bandages on their hand too finally and jumped into a panic. "Eri, what hap-"

Suddenly they slumped in my arms, almost collapsing to the floor but I managed to catch them. "Jesus, fuck!" Now I really had no idea what was going on. They were breathing thankfully, almost steady but shallow breaths. I carried them to the couch, propping their head on a pillow before rushing over to my bag to turn on my phone. I called Jae immediately. My phone was slowing down because of all of the text messages and missed calls but it managed to start ringing.

"JOHNNY!! FUCK, HOLY FUCK, YOURE OK!!" He screamed instantly.

"Yeah! Yeah! I’m fine! Look, something happened to Eri. I’m at the apartment, can you bring Quinn asap?!"

"One, I'm going to kill you. Two, I need the both of you to stop being drama vortexes and sucking everyone into messes; like can y'all please chill for one day?? Three, we'll be there in five."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Please just come over!"

"We are. We're leaving right now….Johnny?"

"What?"

"I love you, bro."

I exhaled softly. "I love you too."

We hung up then and I sat on the floor beside the couch trying to see if I could wake Eri up. I tapped their face and shook them, fanned some air with my hand and even kissed them as if some Disney magic was going to take over. I was desperate at this point and had no idea what else I could do. I held onto their hand squeezing it tight and begging them to wake up soon. It wasn’t long before Jae and Quinn came into the apartment. He rushed over to me, practically slamming into me with a hug. He squeezed me tight and I held onto him, wanting him to know it was okay. “It’s cool, Jae. I’m here. I’m not leaving again.”

“Yeah you better fuckin’ not, douchebag.” He rubbed at his eyes and sniffled a bit. “I’m over trying to take care of you, you know?!”

“I know, it’s supposed to be the other way around but I’m pretty sure you like bossing your hyung around though.”

“I only do it because my hyung is a damn idiot!” He hugged me again which made me laugh.

“Stop being a baby. We’ve got bigger things to worry about now.” I smiled at him and ruffled his peachy hair. Suddenly, Quin shoved us both aside to get to Eri. Jae and I stumbled back and let Quinn hover over Eri. She was already starting to cry and fuss over them, about as clueless as I was as to what was going on.

“What the hell did you do, Johnny?!” She barked.

“Me?! I didn’t do anything! We were-uh- we were just talking and suddenly they collapsed!”

“Why didn’t you call an ambulance?!”

“They were breathing and I panicked and called you first! I think they passed out but i’m not sure!”

“You’re a complete fucking idiot! I swear to god. Go get me some water. Jae lift their legs up a bit." She turned to mumbling. "Have to do everything around here."

I sighed and went to the kitchen to comply with Quinn’s demands. Jae lifted Eri's legs, sitting on the arm rest and patiently waiting. "Do you still want me to call an ambulance?" I set the glass of water on the coffee table and stood on the opposite side of the couch.

Quinn sighed. "No, you were right, I think they just fainted. We could call the ambulance but I don't know how they hurt themselves. If it was self inflicted then they're going to put them on suicide watch or institutionalize them. After everything that's happened I doubt it would help. They're not fun."

"Do you think she would hurt herself like that?" Jae asked.

"They have, in the past. It's a possibility but I hope it's not true. They were worried about me committing suicide but now I guess the tables have turned." I said solemnly. I leaned over to kiss them again still hoping I could enact some princely magic.

Quinn stared at me for a moment. "Are you gonna finally tell them that you love them?"

"Uh, do you really think that now's the time to be asking that?"

She pursed her lips tight. "They just need somebody. I mean I'm here and will always be here for them but it's a lot for me to make sure they're okay all the time."

"I am gonna be there for them but it also doesn't mean that I'm suddenly in love with them. Friends help friends all the time. That's what you're doing now isn't it?" I said with a bit of bite. Now seemed like the absolute worst time to say it. I didn't want Eri to associate any feelings I had with sadness or depression. It wasn't really great to have the codependency going on. Just like I wanted to be in the right headspace before I jumped the gun, I wanted it to be the same for them. They needed to heal and recover- physically, mentally, emotionally. I just wanted things to be better.

"Whatever. Just man up and do it already."

"Quinn, don't blame Johnny for anything." Jae stepped in. "Nothing is any of our faults. People came into our lives and fucked things up and it's hard on us all. I know you're upset but we have to focus on taking care of Eri."

"Everyone has been hurting them. Every moment for them has been terrible this past week and I just want them to be ok!" Quinn covered her face, trying to block out a round of tears. "Eri, will you just wake up!"

As if on cue they stirred slightly, taking a few seconds to open their eyes and look around. All of our attention went to them as they tried to sit up. I grabbed onto their shoulders. "Hey, hey, hey, not so fast. Take it easy." I said softly.

"What happened?" They asked.

"We think you passed out. Here, drink some water." Quinn said as she grabbed the glass.

I helped prop Eri up and they reached out for the glass with a shaky hand. The water was gone in seconds and it looked a bit more hopeful to getting them on the mend. I stayed on the other armrest and slipped my arm to rest on the back of the couch. "What the hell happened down there?"

They sighed deeply as if opening the wounds again was going to deal more damage than necessary. "It was hell. We were preparing for his death but my family was also ignoring that he was going to die at the same time. It created this weird vibe in the house. I had to do everything while I was there. Cook, clean, go shopping, take care of my sister, go to the hospital. I didn't sleep. I barely ate. Barely kept up with myself. My mom and I were arguing all the time over any little thing. She told me I was treating this like a vacation when I said I wanted to go to the beach. I was being treated like a child. I'm fucking 21 for Christ's sake. Anyway, I snuck out to a bar with Dani and my cousin Mari and got mostly hammered. My mom found out, we had another argument and when I got home, I don't know. I blanked out and collapsed. I hit my head on the pavement, hence the-" They notioned at the bandage above their temple. "From the sound of it I think I had a giant panic attack that lasted hours. I remember bits and pieces. Mostly vomiting and crying. I guess with my disorientation I ended up hitting my hand on the sink cabinet or something, which is how my knuckles busted. Then the next day we got the call that he died. I didn't want to go to the funeral or be around my family anymore. I called Quinn and they got me a plane ticket and then first thing I hear when I get back is that Johnny's missing."

Quinn shot a glare at me and I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. I was aware of what damaged I added and didn’t need to be reminded. “I’m just so sleepy and hungry and want to drink. Like, regular fluids not alcohol.”

“I can go get you food, I’m sure some fast food place is still open or I can go to the supermarket.” Quinn said.

Eri just nodded and yawned. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” They fell to the side, their head falling into Jae’s lap as he had slipped down onto the couch. Quinn and I stared at Jae and he immediately put his hands up to defend his innocence.

“Uh...I don’t know what to do.” He said.

“Just leave them there. They can sleep for a bit while Johnny and I get stuff. Just watch over them, ok?” Quinn commanded.

“Wait we’re going together?” I asked. I had never actually been alone with Quinn before and at this point I was afraid she was going to murder me.

“Yes, get your ass in gear. We’ve got shit to do.” She headed towards the front door and snapped at me to follow. I sighed and got up taking one last look at Jae and Eri. “Just...make sure nothing drastic happens again.”

He nodded. “Yes, yes, I heard Quinn the first time! I got this. I won’t let anything happen to your girlfriend.”

“She isnt my-”

“JOHNNY!”

“I’M COMING!” I yelled back to Quinn. I was reluctant to leave Eri but it had to be done. I hadn’t even had a chance to take off my coat so I sprinted after Quinn, closing the door shut behind me. “You know, I really didn’t mean to make them worry like that, or any one else for that matter.”

She whipped around and shoved her finger into my chest. “Well good fucking job, you did it anyway. You knew what they were going through and still decided to be a selfish prick!”

“Don’t you think I fucking feel guilty already?! Like sure, I didn't handle it as well as I should’ve and i should’ve at least told Jae but I didn’t want to speak to anyone. My literal abuser came back to make my life a living hell because, I don’t know, it’s her favorite fuckin’ game I guess. I couldn’t deal with it. I had to go home and just...center myself again.”

“I know what it’s like to have an abuser come back into you life. Trust me. But you can’t fucking block people out and then expect shit to be ok!”

“I know it’s not ok! All I do is block everyone out. That’s my thing! I already know it’s bad, what the fuck do you want me to do about it?!”

“UH, I DONT KNOW, HOW ABOUT YOU DONT FUCKING DO IT?”

“UH, I DON’T KNOW, WHY DON’T YOU MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?” I shouted back. “I know you’re pissed off because Eri’s hurt and I didn’t help it but yelling at me isnt going to fuckin’ magically fix everything that’s going on in my head and it’s not going to magically fix Eri wanting to die.”

“Don’t you think I know that?! You’re just- you’re so stupid! Sometimes I wish they never met you because all you do is play games with them and make them cry and you’re just shit all around!”

“I’m shit all around? As if you're so fucking perfect with Jae! There's been plenty of times that he's complained about you and you still do dumb shit to him!"

"We're not even dating! Besides, I always have to clean up your mess and pick up the pieces you leave behind."

"You don't know shit, Quinn. You don't know what we talk about or what we've done together. I care about them, more than anything."

"Then start fucking showing it, Johnny. Get your ass to the car. I'm done with you."

"You're just lashing out on me because you're scared and worried about them and I really don't need your bullshit."

"And I don't need yours. Glad we're on the same damn page." She stepped out of the building and into the parking lot, waiting for me to unlock my car. Both of us got in, slamming the doors and keeping an angered silence between us. This definitely was the last thing I needed. I was halfway tempted to leave her at the supermarket or wherever the fuck we we're going. She was lucky that I cared about Jae's feelings enough to be semi civil. I grabbed my carton of cigarettes from my coat pocket and lit one as I spurred on the engine. It was already becoming one hell of a long night.

--

Eri's POV

I woke up again though I wasn't really sure how long I had slept this time. I shifted and felt scratchy denim against my cheeks and wondered what I was laying on. I looked up and saw Jaehyun leaning back against the couch, messing around on his phone. I realized that I was laying on his lap and sat up quickly, a little too quickly as my head started spinning. “Whoa, you ok?” he asked.

I held onto my head as I tried to steady myself. “Yeah uh…why was I laying on you?”

“Dude, hell if I know. You just kinda passed out on me and I wasn’t allowed to move. That’s been your fave past time since you got back. Johnny and Quinn are getting you food and I’m babysitting.”

“Oh...great wonderful. This isn’t awkward at all.”

“I mean your head was legit on my dick. I’m not sure what you expected.”

“Don’t speak with me. I do not want to think about that.”

“Neither do I but here we are...also I think Quinn and Johnny are going to kill each other.”

“What? Fuck...i dont need them fighting. What happened?” I sighed deeply, knowing how protective and defensive Quinn could be over me.

"I think Quinn is blaming Johnny for making you worry more after everything that's happened to you."

"Jesus, it's fine. I mean I'm just happy that he wasn't hurt or lost. Honestly, it's the best news I've gotten all week. I know they don't exactly like each other but they don't need to blame Johnny for anything."

"That's what I tried to say but she's like a rabid mother bear about you. She wasn't really interested in hearing me out. I'm not saying what Johnny did was right but I can understand where he was coming from. Rixi fucked him up royally."

"Rixi? What happened with Rixi?"

"Oh right...she tried to trick Johnny into thinking she was pregnant to rope him into another relationship. It was a fucking mess and I had to threaten her just to have her leave him alone. He disappeared after that."

"Are you…" I didn't even know where to fucking begin. How could she even think that she would get away with that?! I balled my hands into fists not even giving into the pain in my knuckles. If I hadn't been gone I would've done much worse than whatever it was that Jae did. She wouldn't be alive. "No one is going to hurt him ever again. I fucking swear it."

"We feel the same about that then. I've never been so pissed off in my life. That's literally my family and you dont mess with my family. Trust me, I wanted to kill her too."

"It's just one thing after a fucking nother isn't it?" I scoffed as it was almost comical. "She's lucky I wasnt here."

He gently but awkwardly patted my shoulder. "I know. I'm kinda glad you weren't too...can't really bail someone out of jail for murder." He smiled at me and I realized why Quinn kept running back to him. Holy fuck, that smile was gorgeous. I felt my cheeks starting to warm up and I really didn't know why. Was it because he looked absolutely stunning or because I was embarrassed that I found my best friend's almost boyfriend attractive?

"U-uh...um...yes. Murder. I mean I would've murdered her. Not jail. No."

He looked at me a bit confused and even I had no idea what I was trying to say. "Anyway, uh…" he continued. "I'm sorry about your grandpa and all the other stuff you had to go through."

"Thanks, Jae. It means a lot. Seriously."

"You want like...a hug?"

"Slow your roll, homie. We're not there yet." I cringed away from him.

"Thank God. Ok. They should be back soon though. I'll text Quinn."

I nodded and stood up slowly. "Tell Johnny I'll be in his room. I don't think I can stay up for long periods of time."

Jae stood up along with me. "Can you walk by yourself yet?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry." I waved him off and shuffled to Johnny's room. It was still a mess from when I had been rifling through his drawers to try and find anything that might be a semblance of a suicide note. I ignored the mess completely and laid face down, getting caught up in the scent that lingered on his sheets. I pulled his comforter over me, settling into the warmth perfectly. I dug my phone out of the pocket of my hoodie and texted him.

Come back

I set my phone beside my head and closed my eyes, waiting for him to return. I didn't have to wait long because the next thing I heard was the door snapping shut. I peeked my head up from under the covers and looked at him. His arms were filled with fast food bags and a giant gallon of apple juice to which he dumped beside me. He chuckled off his coat and set himself in bed against the bedroom wall. "Can I kill your fucking best friend?"

I sighed and sat up. "Jae told me you two were fighting…"

"She fucking started it. I already feel like shit for making everyone worry but I had to shut myself off from the world, like it had to be done. I'm sorry it happened at such a shitty time in your life but bullshit happened in mine too. Like fuck! No offensive but my world doesn't revolve around you. I care about you, for real, but I'm trying to make myself a better person!"

I nudged the covers off as I scooted towards him to kiss him gently. "I don't blame you for anything Johnny. Don't you dare feel guilty over me. We're both going through shit. I'm happy you want to try and focus on yourself. Really happy and proud."

He sighed and set his hands on my waist, pulling me between his thighs. "It's fucked up, it's all fucked up." He whispered.

I nodded as I set my forehead against his, kissing him in an act of comfort. My hands trailed up his chest to rest on his shoulders and just as I was going to trace his bottom lip with my tongue he pulled away. "Eri." He said in his usual slightly dominant way. "Not now, you have to eat first. It's more important."

Not that I was making grand decisions in my current state of mind but a kiss or two or eight wouldn't have been so bad at this moment. I pouted as I sat back and set my legs over his thighs. He handed me one of the fast food bags which was filled with whatever he had ordered me. I hoped it wasn't something I hated, though if he went with Quinn I was sure they'd be able to tell him my usual. The scent of greasy fries and fried chicken hit my nostrils and I realized how starving I actually was. Because I had to do so much around my grandma's house I barely got to eat, even during the few days that she cooked. Her carribean food was the absolute best but I didn't have much of an appetite to keep it all down. Now that this junk was presented to me I shoveled it down in big bites. He watched me eat, his lips pressed together with a pensive look on his face. He seemed to have something on his mind and starting at me as I ate wasn't really easing my anxiety. "What?" I asked mid chew.

He opened his mouth, preparing himself to say what was on his mind, then closed it. I nudged at his side with my foot and told him just to get on with it. He took a deep breath before starting. "Quinn said we should take you to a hospital to get you checked out but was afraid that if doctors saw your injuries they might think it would've been self harm. I'm sure we could make up an excuse but she didn't want them to possibly institutionalize you."

I swallowed the food that remained in my mouth hard. "Abso fucking lutely not. I'm not going to any hospital and I'm for damn sure not getting turned in. Been there, done that, came out much worse. I'll stay here and work through whatever it is that's going on. I'll get better."

"Yeah but what if it doesn't get better and you have a serious illness?"

"Johnny, I'm not gonna die from not taking care of myself for a week. I just need rest. Don't be so dramatic."

"I'm not being fucking dramatic. I'm just saying…" He rubbed at his temple, closing his eyes for a moment. "If it does get worse, please promise me you'll go to get checked out? Please?"

"Yeah," I said defeated. "But not now, ok? I can't be in a hospital and I don't want to see IVs or monitors or anything." He seemed understanding of my answer and leaned forward to gently wipe my cheek of tomato juices from the sandwich with the back of his thumb. The look in his eyes held sadness and protectiveness and I was sure that even if I tried to deny him he would still find a way to make me go, even if it was just to urgent care.

He placed a tender kiss on my forehead. "I know, babe. I know." I didn't want to talk about hospitals anymore so I turned back to eating, making him follow suit. He swallowed down a few fries of his own before cracking open the apple juice and taking a swig. He then handed it over to me. "I got you some Gatorade too but I figured this could help with your sugar." I took it graciously and gulped down half of the bottle as my throat still felt like a desert. "I'm thinking about staying home from work for the next couple of days to watch over you.” He continued.

I choked on the liquid mid swallow and almost spat it out. Take care of me? He wanted to stay at home to be with me all day? “Johnny, you don’t have to do that…” I said, still unbelieving to his offer. “I have Quinn and this isn't anything serious enough for you to monitor me 24/7. I’m not dying and i’m not gonna try anything, i swear.”

He took a bite from his burger, stalling his response a bit  “I still want to do it.” He swallowed. “It’s not a big deal. You can stay here.”

“Um...don’t you think that’s a little...personal?” God, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever wanted to do for me. He cared that much to stay home and take care of me, watch over me, and possibly smother me with forehead kisses. In reality, I wanted to accept the offer right away but I was still in defense mode given the constant replay in my head of him screaming that I would never be his girlfriend. Of course, it wouldn't be Johnny without those mixed signals of jealousy and possessiveness when I hung out with Josue at the quinceanera. If I did agree to stay with him it would get too intimate. Not exactly on a sexual level but on an emotional and mental one. That would be absolutely detrimental to my health and a definite hazard to dance around.

“Well, i mean...it would be the same as Quinn taking care of you because we’re friends, ya know?” He dipped his eyes down towards his sandwich as he didn't say more, or rather was holding back from saying anything else. My brain latched onto that word again. Friends. It was starting to become the most hated word in my vocabulary.

“Right.” I had to agree in order to not confess my feelings but my bad decisions were already getting the best of me. Through my already pain filled existence I craved to have my heart broken again. So I agreed to his offer. “I guess that would be fine. I’ll probably be asleep most of the time though so it’ll be pretty boring.”

“It’s alright. I need to get some sleep too. Haven't had much success lately. Night terrors are back again.”

I ached when he said that. With Rixi showing up again I was sure it had resurfaced some sort of PTSD reaction because of the damage she caused. Coupled with the absolute terror of being a potential father, I was sure his anxiety was making him roll down hill at the speed of light. I extended my pinky out to him. “I’m sorry…” I whispered. There wasn't much else to say at that point but I was sure he knew that I was 100% by his side. He linked his pinky within mine, squeezing a bit. I held up the gallon of juice between us. “Here’s to being fucked up.” I said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

He ignored my quip and instead leaned forward, bypassing the gallon completely to crush his lips against mine. I almost got knocked backwards by his intensity that made my heart stop in its place. I secured the gallon inside the gap of my crossed legs and held onto his shoulder to try and steady us both. I hated how much I needed him but there was no way to even deny that fact any longer. He was a remedy I shouldn’t have ever relied on but his empathy and secretive caring nature generated value to the way he made me feel. It didn't matter how happy or sad he made me, my heart would still forever be the casualty. He parted from me then, for just a fraction of a second, his lips still hovering above mine. “Here’s to always being fucked up.”

--

It took a couple of days to feel like a functioning human instead of a hibernating zombie. I rebuilt my body's tolerance to fluids and electrolytes, getting them into my system as fast as possible. Eventually, I was able to regain a bit of energy and not spend so much time sleeping. I continued to devour every meal he brought to me as well. When I felt like I was able to move around without feeling dizzy or collapsing I would leave Johnny's room to join him in the shower or snuggle up on the couch and watch him play video games. Staying with him was even better than I thought it would be. I did get all the forehead kisses I craved but also all sorts of gentle kisses as well. He even liked to rest his head on mine as we cuddled. It was a paradise I didn't want to leave. I wanted to keep these precious moments in a delicate bubble, protecting it from being popped and exposing me to the harsh reality that we weren’t actually together. I shoved the negatives down as far back as my mind would allow and instead focused on the way he currently felt against my back. He was spooning me as we ended up napping in the middle of the day, a decision we shouldn't have given into but did so nonetheless. He was radiating his usual suffocating body heat with his face buried in the back of my neck. As i woke up fully I realized his hand was cupping my boob beneath one of his giant shirts I slept in.

I wacked at his hand trying to get him to release me, the sneaky little perverted shit. All he did was groan and hook his leg over my hips, partially rolling onto me. I grumbled as I was now smushed between him and the mattress, his hand still on my chest. "Johnny. Get up."

He remained still and heavy. I tried wriggling back against him, lifting my hips in an attempt to get his weight off me. He started to stir then but with a reaction I wasn't trying to receive. He started grinding into my ass, slowly but surely working himself up. I gasped in shock and vowed that when I scrambled from beneath him he was gonna get it. "Johnathan if you don't get off me right now I'm going to murder you."

I could feel his smile on my skin and I knew he was awake and just wanting to get a rise out of me. I puffed out a sigh and remained a pancake, ready to surrender. "You're going to smush the life out of me." I complained. As much as I loved how much bigger he was compared to me, breathing was pretty cool too.

He chuckled then, raspy, deep, and laced with hours of sleep. "I like crushing you and pissing you off."

My cheeks warmed at how utterly seductive the change in tone could make him sound. "Y-yeah well...you won't like it when I get back at you."

"What are you gonna do, suffocate me with your tits? Sit on my chest? By all means be my guest." He said slyly.

I wiggled my hips again. "Oooofffff. Please?" I begged

He responded with a grunt as his hand gripped my hip tightly. He steadied them and made sure I wasn't able to move. "Stop that."

"Then stop squishing me, you big werewolf! You're hot and making me sweaty."

He pulled away and rolled onto his back. “Fine, little brat.”

“Hmph, you started it.” I stretched myself out after having been cramped up against him for who knows how many hours. My back and shoulders popped and I sighed in relief before turning over to face him. I placed a kiss on the cheek and set my head on his shoulder. “We really weren’t supposed to fall asleep again.”

“Fuck it. We need it.”

“Do we? We slept like 12 hours the other day. Even though sleeping is my fave hobby we should probably like...breathe fresh air at some point.”

“No way.” He said, digging his fingers into my hair and scratching lightly against my scalp. “It’s warm in here and cold outside. I don't want to leave.”

I set my hand on his stomach rubbing the thin trail of hair there. “Ok, you drive a hard bargain.” I giggled and pulled myself even closer, this time planting a kiss on his lips. He smiled into the kiss while edging himself onto his side. His stomach pressed against mine and he rested his hand on my lower back. The kisses started out innocently enough; gentle pecks and the smallest of nibbles in between cute laughs and caresses. It wasn’t clear how the sweet tenderness turned into rushed clashes of tongues and teeth but neither of us were pulling away just yet. I felt his body digging into me as the hand on my back slipped lower to harshly grope at my ass. I whimpered against his tongue and tried pulling away to get some air between us but it was almost impossible to escape him. I clutched at his bicep, feeling the muscles flexing beneath my fingertips as he exerted his strength to keep me plastered to his frame.

Eventually, I managed to snap my head back, avoiding a bite to my lip. "J-Johnny," I swallowed harshly as I felt a prodding against my stomach. "You're poking me."

"I'm what?" He lurched his head forward, barely listening to what I was even saying. He was more focused on trying to resume our heavy make out session. I wedged my hand between us to keep him at bay.

"You're uh…poking me."

He stood quiet for a moment until it finally clicked in his head. He shoved himself away completely, leaving a drastic space between us. "Fuck…" He covered his face and groaned. "I'm sorry. You're not feeling good. I shouldn't have done that."

I sat up slowly and re-tied my hair into a chaotic semblance of a bun. " It's okay. I mean, I feel better now than I did when I first got back. I actually have energy. It just happened so fast. I was caught a little off guard."

"I'm super sorry, Eri."

I looked back at him."I guess you missed me that much, huh?" It was mostly a joke to lighten the air around us.

He removed his hands from his face. "It was the first time in almost two weeks that I had felt that again."

"What do you mean?"

"Like... I don't want to say just horny but like, more so comfortable in doing something halfway sexual. I haven't wanted to be touched in a minute." He sighed and propped his knees up, setting his arms on top of them. "We don't have to if you don't want to. Don't feel obligated to. I messed up and got carried away."

I shook my head. "I don't think you messed up at all. I know what you mean...it felt nice to feel that again too. Like that heat, that want, that drive towards something that makes you feel good and happy. The void feels a little smaller when I'm with you."

"Yeah," he chuckled lightly. "Something like that."

I nibbled my lip and looked over at him, tentative of my next move. His eyes caught mine and he leaned into me, accepting me into another kiss. It felt like we were virginal teenagers with how cautious we were being with our bodies now. Our rhythm slowed tremendously as his hands dove beneath his shirt I was wearing and worked upwards. I slid my arms out of it and let him toss it off the side of the bed. I pressed my chest to his, deepening the kiss as my fingers drifted towards the waistband of his sweatpants. I cupped him gently, stroking the outline of his cock through the fabric. The pain was still working through my knuckles but I ignored it, instead distracting myself with how he filled my palm. I circled my thumb over the fabric that covered his tip, pulling a damp stain to the surface. A small groan fell against my tongue and I felt him throb beneath my touch.

He exhaled my name making my thighs clench in anticipation. His hands roamed the expanse of my hips and stomach before easing up to my shoulders. He pushed me down gently and switched his attention to covering my neck with heated licks and fevered nibbles. My eyes drifted closed and my hand traveled to his hair, pushing it back gently as he worked over me. Kissing and rubbing every inch of my body seemed to be his newfound favorite activity and he spent a tremendous amount of time on my stomach and thighs. Having my stomach garner so much attention made me a little uneasy but he wasn't phased by it one bit, even when I tried squirming away. It made me shy to have him give notice to the area that provided me with the most confidence issues. I squeezed my eyes tighter as I tried to ignore my discomfort and focus on the way his thumb rubbed against the small dip of my hip bone.

Him knowing to tease that erogenous zone had my back arching against his frame. He shifted to rest his head between my thighs, wrapping his arms around them and working bites over that special spot. I tugged at his hair gently when the bites became too deep. He was almost breaking skin but sucked deeply to soothe the ache. My masochistic side jumped in excitement at the pain and encouraged it. It made the seat of my panties just a little wetter and my heat stir with desire. I pulled his hair harshly making him part from my hip. When I opened my eyes I saw him lick his gorgeous lips and dip his head towards my hand. His fingers were tattooing bruises into my inner thigh from how hard he was clinging to me and I noticed his hips bucking against the mattress. He was attempting to find solace in attentiveness I hadn't begun to give him just yet. He was placing me on a pedestal above him, wanting to bring me right to the edge before he even thought about entering me.

I pulled him down to my chest and licked from his collarbone, up his neck, over his chin, and finally to his lips. His mouth dropped open as he exhaled a soft breath and allowed my tongue to slide across his. I pulled it into my mouth, sucking it slowly and eagerly. He shifted to press himself between my thighs and moaned into my sinful action. He hovered above me with just enough space to have the damp fabrics between us meet. His hips stirred impatiently into me instead of the mattress now as his hands gripped at the bed sheets beneath me. I sucked on his tongue one last time before switching my tactic to tugging at his bottom lip with my teeth. He pushed himself particularly hard into my wetness as I bit down, making me gasp in surprise and call out his name. I splayed my hands across the center of his back, the small amount of nails that I had we're just enough to start splattering scratches into him.

He dipped his head by my ear and moved his left hand towards the beginnings of my panties. "Is this ok?" He whispered. I nodded quickly, the tense teasing between us almost becoming too much to bear. His middle finger nudged the center of my panties aside and made one smooth stroke from entrance to clit. "Why are you so wet?"

"Do I really have to explain that to you?" I huffed.

"No but...it's just...nevermind." His finger hooked around the panties and we shuffled through the awkwardness of getting them off while trying to remain entangled together. He managed to toss off the rest of his clothes as well, leaving us to see each other for the first time since I left. It had only been a week but it felt like months since we were connected. I smiled as I gazed down his toned torso to his hardness that sprouted from between those devilishly thick thighs. He fumbled with his hair, pushing it back then having it fall back into place. He was waiting for something and I wondered if perhaps he was suddenly having bad memories resurface. I sat up quickly, reaching out to him.

"You ok? Do you need a break?" I asked, concerned. He shook his head and took my hand in his, placing a kiss over my bruised knuckles.

"No, sorry I just blanked out for a second. I felt really nervous to be with you."

"Why? This isn't new for us."

"Yeah but...I don't know. Kinda feels different."

"Like…" I'm in love and if you touch me now I'll hate myself forever and my body will burn into nothingness? If you fuck me slowly and make me think about everything I crave about you I'll feel every part of my soul shatter and beg for more? If you even so much as utter my name with that voice thick with lust I won't stop cumming until you tell me too and I'd cry every step of the way? Yeah, it did feel different when you were in a one sided relationship. “What kind of different?”

He shrugged. “Just...different.” He kissed me, keeping me from prying any further. “Give me a sec, ok?”

I leaned back on my elbows and waited as he retreated to his dresser to get a condom. When we reunited he wrapped my legs around his waist and slipped his arm around my lower back, keeping my slightly lifted. Finally, after a long baited breath I felt him work his way through me, not stopping until he filled me completely. I pressed the back of my hand to my lips, trying not to cry out too loud. He uttered a whispered curse, keeping his body frozen in place as he adjusted to me instantly clamping down on him. It was like I was trying to pull him in deeper though there was no where else he could reach. His first thrust was slow and delicate, letting my mind sink into memories of all the times he'd left me unmeasurably satiated. My thighs crushed the sides of his torso as I tried to give him a signal to continue.

He took his time, brows furrowed in concentration and lips parted to release barely audibly moans and dirty whispers. The arm he had around my waist guided my hips upward, forcing them to roll in time with his movements. The slight angle he kept me at was enough to rattle my pleasure center and hit nerves that sent my brain into a jumbled mess. My hand moved from my lips and instead dragged his pillow to me so I could sink my teeth into it. My breath was just beginning to speed up and soon I felt ruthless bites all over my chest and shoulders. It was strange how he always wanted to mark me and let everyone know he had been with me yet he never claimed me. The brandings thrilled me anyway and I accepted them graciously.

One bite to the shoulder was the signal of his body waivering within his thrusts. He trembled through long pushes and pulls and the arm that supported him met the mattress. With him settling his weight onto me, my legs were pushed to the top of his ribcage where the head of his cock hit deep inside me, reminiscent to our heated fuck on the couch. I wanted that soft brutality again. He was rolling his hips now, his head dipping slightly. I could hear the beginnings of his hush grumbles but my heart slammed into the brakes when I processed what he was saying.

"I love-" he panted.

Oh god.

"I love-" a small grunt and a particularly pleasing pressure to a patch of nerves within me.

Oh god. Oh god.

"Fuck I love the way you feel…"

I almost let out a breath of relief. Of course he wouldn't say those three little words. Of course not, but I seriously needed him to shut up before I blurted it out myself and turned into an embarrassing puddle of pathetic emotions. I shoved him off me, our bodies barely separating as I moved to straddle him. "Just stay quiet." I cupped his jaw in my hand and gave him a flurry of soft pecks. "You know it's my favorite."

"Asshole." He scoffed and nudged his hips upward beneath me. I set my hands back to rest on his calves and let him take in the way he disappeared inside me. His controlling side got the better of him as I barely lasted one bounce before his hands grabbed at my ass, thumbs pressed into my hips, and him guiding me towards a more fluid motion. I could feel his almost predatory gaze boring into me; taking in the few droplets of sweat that made my edges damp, the stickiness of my cum spread between us both, and the way my chest jerked lewdly. His nails burrowed into my plush skin, carving marks that made me hiss.

He moved one hand between us to add pressure to my clit and yet it was almost like every bit of pleasure was ripped away from me.

How could you do this?

This soon? He's not even in the ground yet and you're fucking someone?

Have you literally no shame?

Don't you feel guilty?

I stopped my movements completely as the unforgiving voice hammered away at my brain. No, not now. Why would this happen now? Of all times?

Because you're an impatient slut.

All you did was think about him. You barely saw grandpa in the hospital.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the sight of him like that what was I supposed to do?

Then you run into his arms first thing. You're desperate for him. Too desperate and selfish.

"Eri?" My head snapped up and I realized Johnny was face to face with me. He had sat up, holding me in his lap, a look of concern on his face. "Did I hurt you? You're crying."

"I'm wha-?" I felt my cheeks and sure enough there were small streaks running down my face. Great, I fucked this entire thing up because of my overthinking and remaining guilt. Did I really have to feel guilty about having sex? It made my stomach hurt, like a weight settled in it and the acid couldn't dissolve it. "I don't...I'm sorry. I didn't even realize and-"

"What's going on?" He pushed a few stray hairs away from my face.

"I just suddenly...I lost it. I couldn't feel you anymore. It was just all suffocating guilt, like I shouldn't be having sex with you…"

"Why not? Do you not want to hook up anymore?" He said, rather sadly.

"No, I do but...I'm here, with you, and my grandpa's not even buried yet. Does it...make me a bad person?"

"Ah...um...no. I don't particularly think so. What else can you do about it? You don't have control over the universe or when people come and go. It's a natural part of life. And you've already been through so much. He would be happy that you at least took care of your family, even if your mom dogged you. You're not a bad person, Eri. You're literally the best. You make me laugh and scare the shit out of me all at once and we're super awkward together. It's okay to want to do something that makes you feel better. I'm not just saying that because I want to have sex with you. I mean it."

I laid my head on his shoulder and he kissed my forehead as he held me. He rubbed my back gently and let me have my moment in trying to figure out exactly what the fuck was wrong with me and what I wanted. "I'm sorry I ruined sexy time."

"Sexy time has its ups and downs. I don't care. But um...I am gonna say that having a sad conversation with my dick inside you is a bit weird."

"I know. Jesus...it's just comforting, please ignore me. You can like get out. I'm weird. I'm so sorry. It doesn't feel sexual at this moment just intimate and I need to stop talking oh my god. Please stop me."

He chuckled and set me down beside him, pulling out gently. “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.” He adjusted his pillow and laid beside me. He pulled the covers over us again and extended his hand to lay between us. “I’ll be here if you need me, for whatever you wanna do.”

“I have no idea. I’m so tired of crying. Like physically and emotionally.” I reached for his hand and we linked our pinkies.

“Then maybe just chill for a bit. Take another depression nap.” He smiled at me and I knew he was joking.

“Maybe. You don’t have to stay in here with me.”

He shrugged. “I’ve been with you for the past like 3 days.”

“Aren’t you sick of me yet?”

“Oh, absolutely. I mean how dare you be my little spoon and make me feed you and let you sit with me while I play video games. You’re a monster.”

I couldn’t help but crack a smile of my own. "I'm definitely sick of you with your giant legs always landing on me when we sleep, and your werewolf heat, and the way your hair sticks up all cute when you wake up, and your stupid forehead kisses."

"Pfft, I'm perfect and you know it."

"Yeah, sure, definitely perfect." Definitely.

"But in all seriousness, don't let it get to you, ok? Don't guilt yourself or else you won't be able to grieve right."

I sighed, knowing that he was right but still hating myself for it. It was going to take me awhile to even begin to shake that feeling. I didn't want it to affect any of my relationships, not just with Johnny. It would be dangerous for me to become a recluse and wallow in the damage. I had to at least try and get over this hurdle. I squeezed my eyes shut and smushed my face into the pillow, low-key wanting to suffocate myself. I felt Johnny squeeze my pinky a bit before rolling onto his back and setting his free arm over his eyes. Why the hell was he so patient and understanding? You stupid fuck, couldn't you go back to bring an asshole? Well...it wouldn't particularly matter anyway. I still would run back to him.

--

I couldn't really pinpoint how long I slept again. I should stop falling into those naps and tried to be active but depression liked to firmly sink its teeth into my sleep schedule. I was frustrated at myself all over again and tossed the covers off me, sliding out of the bed. I looked back, remembering that Johnny had been beside me, but he wasn't in bed anymore. I pulled on my night shirt and shuffled out to the living room, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I saw him on the couch,viciously button smashing on the right trigger of his controller. I didn't even have a clue what time it was. I padded over to him and stood by the armrest of the couch.

"Hey."

The controller almost flew into the air as he jumped up. "Fuck! You little shit, don't scare me like that!"

I ignored him and crawled into his lap, resting my head back on his shoulder. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, resuming his rapid fire attacks. "Do you feel better or no?" He asked as he was calming down from my apparent jumpscare.

"I feel groggy and cramped up but I didn’t want to be in bed anymore. I'll just end up sleeping again and hating myself for it." I sighed.

"You wanna play after I'm done with this round?"

"Nah," I shook my head. "I don't think I have the mental capacity to."

"Aww but you love killing people and not healing me." He teased.

"Fuck you. I'm not healer. You can just grab the heal packs on your own. I'm tank. I'm always tank."

He laughed and kissed my cheek. "Whatever. I can still beat you."

"When we were on opposite teams I killed you six times...in a row."

"Listen, don't come for me, ok?"

"I’ll always come for you."

"Well," He smirked. "Sometimes you soak the sheets."

"Oh my god! Please stop bringing that up!" I wacked his chest playfully. "It was one time!"

"Two."

My face began to grow warm. "Johnathan, shut up."

"I think you were screaming ‘daddy’ at that point."

"If you don't shut it I'm gonna-"

"What? Beat my ass? Little Chihuahua. You won't do shit."

I pouted and snatched the controller from his hands. "Asshole. I'll show you how a professional does it."

"I thought you didn't have the mental capacity to do it." He mocked me, trying to make a high pitch voice.

"It's gonna shut you up to see how much better I am than you. Also, I don't sound like that."

"Mhm, you're such a whiny brat."

I gave him a death glare before turning my attention back to the game so I could ignore his jabs. I fired and dodged, landing attacks and ultimate shots and almost taking out the opposing team entirely. There were a few moments of standstill as they regrouped and charged towards my team again but I was ready at the front lines. I was leaning my body with each attack, bouncing a bit in excitement and wiggling my hips when I could tell I was close to winning. I always moved with the character as if somehow it would affect my gameplay in any way, shape, or form. "Eri...quit moving like that." Johnny grunted from behind me.

I shushed him. "I'm almost done hold on."

"Get off my lap then."

"Give me a sec!" I saw the word victory flash across my screen and I jumped up, sticking my tongue out at him. "You're lucky I saved you. You were dragging the entire team down and you can thank me for all the x.p you gained" He looked up at me, his hand covering the lower half of his face as if he was thinking about something. He eased a couch pillow over his lap and adjusted how he was sitting. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He cleared his throat. "You gonna play again?"

"Maybe. You were right, I like the shooty shooty death death." I pushed the pillow against his stomach and resumed my seat on his lap.

"Eri, no!" He protested.

"Shh, I'm about to start, the server just found a game. I gotta concentrate."

"Then don't move around so much."

"It helps me win! I swear it!"

He groaned and I settled myself against him, getting whisked to the character selection screen. I went back to concentrating, happy to have my mind clawing at something entertaining and time consuming. His hand laid on the armrest, drumming his fingers obnoxiously loud. I nudged his hand to try and get him to quit it as I landed a barrage of rockets on an enemy. "Stop that."

"Stop moving then."

"Are you really that annoyed with it?" I rolled my eyes. "Big baby."

"Yes, I'm very annoyed."

"It's just how I play, Johnny. It's no big deal."

"It is when you're on my lap."

"What difference does it make?! I-" I looked back at him. "Ooohhhh…."

"Yeah, oh! Off please!" He said, tapping at my thigh.

I stood up quickly. “Way to be a 12 year old boy.”

“Way to be irritating.” He kicked at my thigh playfully. “It’s not like im really turned on or anything just like...bodily reaction. I just didn’t want to upset you.”

“Why would I be upset?”

“Eri, you cried in the middle of us fucking. I don’t want that to happen again.”

“It was just a weird moment...a one time thing.” I sighed and exited the game before sitting beside him. “It won't happen again.”

“How do you know that for sure? There's no way to tell. You don't have to push yourself to do things."

I wrapped my finger around the hem of my sleep shirt. “I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself. I want to do it. I just don’t want to be wrapped up in my feelings."

"Then take some time to clear your head."

"I know you're right about everything. I even thought over what you said about not feeling guilty. I know I don't have to and that I really shouldn't. It was probably just from all the stuff my mom said, like I didn’t care about anything that was going on. But I care so much, maybe too much. About everyone."

"Sounds like you put others before you."

I kept my head low and tightened my finger around the fabric. "Well…"

"You take care of Lucas, you take care of Quinn. You held your entire house down while your family was basically falling apart. You take care of your little sister and hell...you've kinda taken care of me. Stop it, Eri. You know that you deserve to be happy right?"

"That sounds strange coming from you." I scoffed. I want to be happy with you, idiot, but clearly your idea of happiness involves us being nothing more than fuckbuddies. I sighed. No, he wasn't my only source of happiness. I had to remember that. I felt some semblance of the emotion when I was with my friends, when I was onstage, when I worked hard on my journalism. It was difficult to fully grasp the feeling but I knew what parts of it felt like. I needed to remember what it was like to smile and laugh. What made those reactions anyway? It felt like such a foreign concept now but I needed to force myself to remember. I wasn't ready to lay in a pool of my own blood again.

"Look, I can only be there for you as a friend but friends want each other to be happy. I don't really like seeing you miserable. When you were playing just now, I saw a bit of the old you come back. I just want to see you smile again." He set his hand on my thigh and gave it a light squeeze. "Know what I mean?"

"Yeah...what makes you happy then, friend?"

He seemed taken aback by my question. "Oh...hmm…" He set his elbow on the armrest and propped his chin in his palm. "Photography, I guess. Music...having time to myself. Waking up next to someone I love- I mean in the future! That specific part would be in the future! Like when I'm 30 or some shit…"

"Being in love is weird. I hate it." I said flatly.

"Tell me about it."

We both looked at each other momentarily then dodged our eyes so they wouldn't meet. We didn't say anything for awhile and the load screen music of the game was starting to make me feel like I was suffocating. "Johnny…" I swallowed hard. My heart thundered like a war drum. "I have to tell you something."

"O-oh? What's that?"

"Thanks for...looking out for me and taking care of me."

He burst into laughter that sounded like it was laced with unease and nervousness. "Oh, that's all?!" He shoved at my shoulder almost knocking me on my side. "Dumbass, I thought it was something important!"

"It is important to me, jerk." I rubbed my shoulder and grumbled. "I'm trying to be extra gay and tell you how I feel so it's not in my brain and I don't fucking cry anymore."

"Shit...sorry. It's just...not something I'm used to, even with all our talks. I know you thanked me for decking Matt in the face-"

"Defending me and protecting me from them ganging up on us." I reminded him.

"Ah...yeah, that. But um...I don't feel like I need to be thanked for it. It's just what people should do."

I got up and stood in front of him. "Just accept my thank you and shut up." I flicked his forehead hard and watched as he recoiled instantly.

"Ow!! You're so violent I swear!"

"You're just a baby." I kissed the red spot on his forehead and then gave him one on his cheek. I was planning on pulling away but he gripped my hand tightly, keeping me close.

"I am not. You're just a jerk." He smiled and pressed our lips together rather lightly. "A cute jerk."

"Well that's true at least." We both laughed and kept our smiles. "How's that boner treating you?" I teased.

He grabbed the pillow from his lap and hit it against my stomach. "Will you shut up!?"

"That's what you get for calling me splash mountain!" I hit him back with the pillow and he tried to work around my barrage of attacks to get a hold of my waist. He tried to pull me down onto the couch but I caught myself on the back of it, my chest landing against his face. "Good job, idiot! I almost kneed you."

"I'm ok with this though." He said, muffled.

I rolled my eyes and pulled away before I suffocated him. "I don't even know why I hang out with you."

He set his hands on my upper thigh, trailing upwards. "Because you- you're not wearing panties?" He said suddenly.

I looked down at the now pushed up shirt and shrugged. "No. I just rolled out of bed and put this on." I put my legs on the outside of his and sat down on his lap. "Perv. Are you turned on now or is it still just "bodily reaction?"

He reclined back and ruffled his hair away from his face. "You haven't done anything to turn me on. You think you wearing my shirt with no panties and bouncing around is sexy? Please." He said sarcastically and smirked.

"Nooo of course not. Why would that ever be considered sexy?" I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning in closer to him.

"Eri…" He hesitated for a moment and licked his lips, preparing himself for what he was going to say.

I knew he was going to say that he was worried about me but that's not what I wanted to hear at this moment. I'm sure our minds were on two different paths. Mine was focused on justifying our unfinished fuck though he could care less and he was focused on making sure that I was ok, a commendable and cherishable act yet my currently depressive thoughts weren't something I wished to focus on. "I'm fine, I swear." I covered his neck in rushed kisses to entice him into joining me. He grabbed onto the back on my neck and forced me away from him making me pout and simultaneously wiggle my hips against his lap. His stern voice was coming next, I could already tell. "Please?" I begged softly before he could even say anything. "We both know we'd rather do this then focus on our problems."

"Yeah but...we should stop that…"

"You first." I challenged. "If you don't want to do it then fine. I can get going. I've been here long enough anyway "

"Don't be like that. I don't need to pick you over fucking."

"I'm not saying you have to Johnny and I'm not saying it's the only reason I would stay here. I'm happy being in your arms and I have been for the past couple of days. I've loved everything you've done for me but you know this is how we feel good."

He sighed and squeezed me tight. "Why are you so damn irritating, babe?"

"You haven't gotten rid of me in almost four months, it's your own damn fault."

He chuckled as he placed his lips against my neck, sinking a bite in slowly. My fingers curled into his shoulder as I exhaled a whimper. He pulled away when he was satisfied with his mark he kissed it gently before trailing a tantalizing lick up my neck. "We should head back to my room."

"What for?" I turned towards him, capturing him in a flurry of bites and hungry kisses. My hands we already crawling towards his sweatpants, sliding them down his hips bones and waiting for him to break free.

"Didn't we learn our lesson last time? I don't need Jae bursting through the door and seeing you again."

"Hasn't he been staying at my place? We're fine. I don't care anyway. Come here." I finally freed him and lifted my hips, guiding him back to my entrance.

"Slut."

"Jackass." I sunk down onto him slowly making him moan instantly. He tried groping at my hips again but I grabbed his wrists and kept them by his side. "I have to thank you properly. So sit back and don't touch."

"Don't t-touch?" His brows furrowed deeply when I let my hips rise and fall on him, making sure every last inch disappeared inside me.

"Mhm," I groaned and let my eyes slip closed. "Let me do this. I'll let you control me later I promise."

A little growl surfaced which made me wiggle my hips eagerly. He was struggling with keeping up with my request even though he was trying. His arms flexed with tension as I kept him pinned. He could easily overpower me and toss me down to do whatever he pleased but he let me have my fun for now. I was too wrapped up in rolling my hips and letting the slight curve of his cock ride against my walls and send me into a fit of soft pants and moans. His thighs clenched beneath me and he used them to force me forward. I braced my chest against his as he pressed through the tightness and slammed into the deepest part of me. I rushed out a curse and dug my knees into the couch harder, feeling the fabric scratch against my skin.

"Take off my shirt, princess. Let me see you."

I shook my head quickly. "You're not getting away with-ah-ahh!" He shoved me forward again, testing my limits and bringing me closer to cumming way before I even wanted to.

"What was that?" I wanted to smack the smugness out of his voice but I myself was silenced by more bites flourishing against the weakest parts of my neck. My hold on his wrists was starting to falter and I prayed for my mind to lift itself from the lust fueled haze it was under to keep my strength up. But it was no use, his hands switched to grab my wrists and pulled my arms behind my back, using all the leverage he could to slam into me with frenzied thrusts. I pressed my lips together and nudged my forehead against his shoulder, silently begging for him to keep this heavy pace. His deep voice teased at my ear, murmuring my name and singing praises to how good I felt. For once he wasn't being cheesy or vulgar and every one of his sugary sweet words made my body flush.

I burrowed my face into the crook of his neck to keep myself from whining pathetically. Every once in awhile, as I rolled my hips with his thrusts, his girth would manage to brush against my clit and sends waves of gluttonous indulgence throughout my body. I caved in and moaned his name, straining through pleads of him to make me cum. "Maybe I'll make you work a little harder for it since you wanted to try and pin me down."

I shook my head vigorously. "N-no! Just let me-" He released my arms and threw me down onto the couch. The wind was almost knocked out of me and I struggled to paw at his hands that were grabbing at the sleep shirt and yanking it from my body. Once I was completely bare, he shoved his sweats down his thighs, not even really bothering to kick them off all the way. He was much more eager to toss my leg over his shoulder and rush back inside me, swift and deliciously rough. He was dangerous when he was like this, simultaneously punishing me for not giving myself a break or listening to him but also falling into our horrid pattern of fucking each other senseless when we were at our wits end. I was falling in deeper into an abyss that only he could take me to before I was swallowed up and couldn't find where he started and I ended.

He kept my legs firmly in place not allowing me to squirm or escape the overwhelming thrusts that drove me to insanity. I reached above my head to hold onto the armrest as my back bowed towards him. His hand switched from my thigh to grip around my neck. "We were around here last time, weren't we? Before I fucked you from behind and we were interrupted?" He smirked and licked his lips. "You came so hard, didn't you?"

"S-shut it!" I gasped and clutched at his wrist. My little wisecrack only got my windpipe constricted further. My eyes rolled back and I could feel the lightheadedness already starting to settle. My body clenched tight, my chest struggled to expand and my hold on him dissipated. The only thing I could feel was the sudden burst of ecstasy that always came when I was teetering on the verge of lifelessness. My wetness pooled around him, sliding down to meet the couch cushions beneath me. I tapped out then and his fingers unfurled from my neck. I was a trembling mess all over again and wanted to curl up. He let my leg fall from him and I pulled them both towards my chest. I gripped the edge of the couch as I waited to come down from my high but my peacefulness ended quickly.

Johnny spread my cheeks open, allowing him to see every bit of me. His hips snapped against my ass drawing harsh throbs from his cock and wavering mumbles from his lips. I could hardly stand the way he forced himself through every bit of my sensitive and sore body but I craved for him to feel just as good as I did. He leaned over me, delving his tongue into my mouth and sucking on mine greedily. I cupped his face in my hands, our moans overlapping as his thrusts morphed into sloppy chaos. His tough demeanor melted into his soft and sweet nature, blushing hard and keeping his eyes squeezed shut when he asked me where he should cum. I let him have his way with wherever he wanted, feeling the thick heated ropes fall into my lower lips, thighs, and ass. I sighed softly and listened to him catch his breath. He plopped down on the couch and relaxed while I remained still for fear of staining the cushions.

"Hey, shithead," I exhaled. "Gonna clean this up?"

He let out an exaggerated groan. "Do I have to?"

I sat up a bit and shot him a glare. "Johnathan."

He huffed and grabbed his shirt off the floor, wiping me down lazily. I rolled my eyes and smacked his hands away, opting to do it myself. "Big baby. I'm gonna shower, are you coming?"

"Yeah I will." He yawned. We both stood up though my legs were much more shakier than his. He pulled up his sweats from around his thighs and set his arm around my waist, guiding me towards his room. Suddenly, we heard the front door unlock, signaling Jae's return. We made a mad dash for Johnny's room and slammed the door behind us with just fractions of a second to spare. Both of us fell into a fit of laughter as we hoped Jae hadn't seen us. We weren’t in the mood to get griped at for fucking on the couch again.

"Quinn says you have to go home, Eri!" Jae said as he passed by the door.

I rolled my eyes. "Ugh…great."

"What is she your mother now?" Johnny scoffed.

"They're right. I need to get back to class and work tomorrow. I'm having my mom send the papers from the hospital and funeral to me so I can get excused and hopefully won't lose anything." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. "Will you drive me back since Quinn took my car home?"

"Of course. But first, shower."

--

I sighed as I stood in front of my therapist's office. I was grateful that she was able to get me in on such short notice but definitely not ready to spill out everything that had happened to me all over again. I knocked and she beckoned me in, greeting me with a smile when I tiptoed through. She had already gotten my file up and was clacking away at her computer as I sat across from her on the couch. I waited for her to finish, awkwardly staring at my boots and pulling off my heavy coat. I heard my phone ping and ignored it but it happened again and again and again. "Sorry," I said. "I'm just gonna check this real quick."

"Take your time, I'm just updating some stuff..no biggie."

I nodded and pulled up my messages not ready for the sudden round of next level bullshit that was thrown my way. Taeyong had sent me screenshots of some sort of group chat he was in. In between slutty emojis and jokes where pictures of me, naked, getting fucked, tied up, gagged, stuffed, anything, you name it. Yuta and Ten were the main culprits behind it but there were one or two that were posted by Lucas. The worst part was that I didn't remember taking any of these. I never sent any nudes that were longer than a few seconds on Snapchat, trying to keep my record as clean as possible. These seemed to be forced onto me without my consent and the way they were sharing them so carefree had me sick to my stomach. These three were supposed to be my friends, Lucas one of my best mates. Yet here they were thinking it was okay to spread this without my permission. My mouth dried completely and I had no idea how to even begin to respond. He sent me another screen shot of a message that was beneath the photos. It was from Johnny and read "How many more do you have?"

My heart dropped to the ground. He was interested in these? In seeing me like this without my permission? Another text from Taeyong.

Sorry you had to find out this way but I figured you should know. It was fucked up so I asked them to stop but then Johnny said that and well…

I don't know how much more they have. Do you want me to ask? Or do you want to handle it yourself?

I can help though. I don't want this shit getting out more.

I dropped my phone onto the couch and covered my face, ready to absolutely lose it.

"Eri, are you ok? What's going on?"

I pushed my hair back as the tears started. They felt hot, almost burning with every emotion I could manage to feel at once. "I'm ready to just kill myself."

[darkmindsotome]

Risque Rouge pt11

Tagging: @umbralaperture​ @otome-smut-queen @silver-fox-of-azuchi @tsundere-mitsuhide @jennacat84

General warnings for the whole fic: Angst, some fluff, Mental health issues, emotional things, trauma, blood, death and possible triggers. Please read responsibly. 

Darkmindsotome Masterlist

---

Chapter 11

It had taken most of the remainder of the day to reach the marker they were looking for. The sunset painted the abandoned relic of a church making its scorched stone shine once more in the colours of flame. The grating sound of rusted metal travelled in the wind as the broken weather vane attempted to turn in the breeze.

Amos passed through a gap in what was left of the waist-high stone wall and walked almost reverently through the half-obscured and overgrown gravestones. He wrapped his leather coat around him a little tighter as if it would shield him from the shadows of the past.

Trailing ivy and clematis had latched on to the charred thick wood of the door filling in the missing gaps with vibrant green leaves and delicate white flowers. The stone flooring was partly covered with green moss and tufts of grass. Fallen beams and missing sections of the roof told more of the same story, a dilapidated building caught in flames of history. A single gothic rose-shaped window remained mostly intact and allowed the setting sun to fill the space with even more light.

Amos walked around the edge of the once solid structure where the climbing foliage hung like a curtain maintaining its secret and slipped into a gap between one of the stone pillars and the wall. A very narrow staircase followed the uneven flow of the stone until they hit the soft dirt worn smooth with use and the passage of time.

He smiled to himself as he walked with ease down the same path that was once used as a method of escape for those above knowing it had easily been repurposed in exactly the same way as everything else could be. Nothing in this world was as simple as it seemed and everything could be manipulated to suit a purpose. What that purpose was to be had little to do with him.

“Ours is not to reason why.” He mumbled to himself as he walked further along in the darkness. The air here was thick and filled with a stronger smell of decay than the church above. Here the airflow was minimal and the stone clung to the damp chill of the subterranean realm.

After several twists and turns, each supplying false passages and dead ends the path he was walking expanded to reveal a roughly carved archway blocked by the same heavy wood used for the church door.

Amos removed a small dagger from his pocket and used its hilt to knock on the wood. The blade rang in the acoustics of the passageway as if it were a tuning fork.

“Entrar.”

The boards blocking the arch moved to the side with surprising ease. As Amos stepped into the cavernous space beyond the archway, the stale air was replaced with a rich and heady scent of incense.

Rough, cold stone walls had been covered with thick tapestries each one detailing a different method of torture in fine gold thread against an inky black fabric. Candles lit the space. They were both tall and short, standing on their own piles of melted wax that dripped and pooled like a living creature on every surface.

The only objects not to be affected by the melting mess were two chairs that seemed to be made from the remains of a crypt, roughly covered in scraps of aged leather and a large stone desk similar to a table used for satanic rituals. Runes, words, symbols of all faiths known to mankind were etched into its surface including a few archaic ones that had long since been forgotten.

Sitting on one of the chairs behind the desk was a figure dressed in long robes of state. They were trimmed in the same golden thread as the tapestries. The hood covering their head hid most of their features revealing only their chin and mouth. Calloused hands that had been in the process of writing ornate sloping calligraphy stopped to pick up their ink blotter.

“Amos? It is not yet time for your report. I trust you have something of interest?” The voice of the man behind the table was dry as dust and rang clear as a bell in the domed space.

“The reos has taken a female. I thought you would like to know in case there was to be a change in plan.” Amos stood a little taller as he addressed the one who saw fit to hire him. He held the small dagger in his hand, twisting its hilt in his grip before placing it back into the hidden folds of his leather jacket.

“What is their intention?” The figure enquired with a slight distraction as they checked the quality of their writing and removed the stretched vellum from the writing slope.

“I do not know. There is a chance it could mean little.” Amos replied resisting the desire to shrug in the presence of a man who had torn limb from limb for daring to display such signs of idleness.

“But also, a chance it could mean breeding.” With a heavy sigh, the figure behind the table pulled back their hood revealing a shaved head with a ring of wiry hair. They looked towards Amos with a pair of eyes that looked to be tainted by the darkness they had once declared to wish to purge from the world. It was a cold and unforgiving judgement that saw many fall from grace. “We simply cannot allow for that line to continue without securing the artefacts.”

“What would you have me do Grand Master?” Amos waited patiently his mind already running through possible scenarios and ideas that could be put into play as soon as he returned to the city.

“Put an end to this distraction as soon as possible. I leave the details to you Amos.” The Grand Master waved his hand signally the end of the conversation as well as the time he wished to spend thinking of such a trivial matter.

The boards moved back to seal the room shut as the figure of Amos faded into shadow. The Grand Master selected a new piece of vellum, the visible markings of former tattoos telling a tale of where the skin had come from and stretched it over the writing slope. After pinning it securely in place he picked up his quill once more and dipped it into the inkwell. Curling lines of darkened crimson blossomed on the skin as the fluid lettering began to detail the last words of the former soul that once owned both the vellum and blood.

---

Evie had been given more of a tour of her temporary home after enjoying luncheon by Comte with Sebastian in tow. She discovered her first idea that the mansion was a bit like a mini castle was not exactly wrong. The vastness of the property had her head spinning as they moved around.

She already knew where her room and the dining room was, even if she genuinely was getting a little concerned, she could become easily lost. Sebastian added small details to Comte’s guided tour that also helped give her an idea as to where she might find some of the other guests if she wanted too.

The stables and la salle were interesting but as she could not ride and was no swordsman she honestly could not see herself returning to either. The parlour was set up for relaxation and games. Stacks of board games were housed in an alcove with a chessboard that was already set up for a game nestled between two chairs. There was even a billiard table with several cues mounted on the wall behind it.

She became curious when Comte appeared to pocket a deck of cards that had been left on one of the small tables. It looked to be rather decorative with lots of female figures printed on it. When she asked all he said in response was it appeared to be a special deck left by Arthur. Comte made eye contact with Sebastian over her shoulder and she could hear the butler's exasperated sigh.

After a very quick look at the kitchen, they passed the music room where a beautiful piano piece could be heard through the closed door and came to a room that she never imagined existed. Pushing open a set of double doors Comte stepped to one side and her eyes found a massive library that took her breath away.

It was spread out over two whole floors and was filled floor to ceiling with books on everything and anything she could possibly imagine. Comte smiled as he watched her looking shamelessly childish giving a small squeal of joy and running to a random shelf brushing over the leather bindings with her fingertips as if she thought it all to be a dream.

Comte found his eyes following her as she flitted from shelve to shelf like a hummingbird. The natural light was fading by this point and the lamps in the room would soon be lit to counter the darkness but for this brief moment before the day turned to endless night there was a warmth in the room, unlike any fire. The smile on her face was so enchanting he found himself mirroring it naturally.

“You may read anything you like and if there is anything that is not here, I would gladly go with you to find it in town.” Comte declared happily as he came to join her by a section of books, he himself had been rather fond of when he was younger.

“I’m not sure I could read all of these even if I took a whole lifetime to do so.” Evie looked around her clearly still struggling to grasp the quantity of literature in the room.

“You could…” Struck by the sight of her innocent wonder, words simply fell from Comte’s mouth before he could stop them.

“Did you say something?” Evie tilted her head as she looked at him. Her black hair was a little messy and he found his hand moving naturally to smooth it back into place.

“No nothing. We still have a couple more places to see, ma Cherie.” Comte gracefully avoided her question prompting her to move on to the next location. There was still an important discussion that was required and he found himself once more unable to have it. Sebastian was watching him in silence like a rather daunting owl. He knew nothing that was happening was to avoid detection from his wonderful manservant he was only thankful that whatever questions the man had remained silent for now.

The last places to see were the garret and then finally what he called le thermae. If the library had been a room that went beyond her imagination, she certainly never thought that an entire roman bath would be hidden beneath the building. The large room had a massive pool of hot water with a marble sculpture standing proud at its centre. Tall columns reached high up like trees to meet the vaulted ceiling that looked almost like a cathedral.

“Incredible…” Even silently her voice carried in the room becoming much louder. She had heard from several people at the performing house that popular bathhouses had appeared recently called Hammam. From what she could remember they were from Turkey and not like this at all.

“You naturally have access to your own private powder room and shower in your bedroom but this is an experience not to be missed.” Comte spoke proudly looked at the gleaming marble surfaces and the steam rising from the water.

“There are indeed many benefits to enjoying a hot spring. In my country, there are many locations where people travel from all over to visit and enjoy the waters. Each location hosts a variety of different health benefits depending on the minerals present in the water.” Sebastian added a little cultural insight to the idea of bathing in this manner.

“Really? It does sound like it could be very relaxing.” Evie nodded enjoying learning something new. Intrigued by the space around her she couldn’t deny she was certainly curious what it must be like to enjoy a dip reclining in the pool compared to a standard bathtub.

“While you are staying here, I shall arrange a schedule so you can have complete access to le thermae without fear of intrusion.” Comte spoke which prompted Sebastian to take out a pad of paper and his pencil. There was a moment of frantic scribbling followed by a ripping sound as a page was removed and handed to his master. Comte accepted it as if it were nothing and placed it in his jacket pocket.

“Oh! You don’t have to trouble yourself.” Evie tried to avoid any further burden she would cause with her staying here. Comte had already done so much so anything else felt as though she could never hope to repay her debt to him.

“No trouble at all ma Cherie. My only wish is for you to enjoy your time here arranging such things is no trouble at all.” Comte’s charming reply felt like he was purposely ignoring her concerns.

Her conscience continued to trouble her as he continued to effortlessly display his kindness by walking her back to her room and suggesting she take some time to have a quiet dinner alone before bed. Sebastian had appeared with a tray of food which she ate enjoying every bite but found herself wondering at the lack of fullness in her stomach.

She tried to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she felt the sensation of breath on her skin and the tight grip of fingers digging into her body. She remembered the cries and how it felt too coiled herself around the body of the doctor. The look of the lifeless body in frozen rapture in her arms. Her eyes snapped open and she sat upright as if someone had pulled a leash around her neck. Her body was shaking and she was drenched in a cold sweat. She reached out to pick up her glass of water from the bedside table and found it to be empty. Sighing she shakily got up from the bed and wrapped herself in the silk robe Comte had also seen fit to buy for her.

With her glass in hand, she turned the handle on her door and stepped out into the hallway right into a rather solid yet soft obstacle.

“Ah!” She cried out as she started to fall backwards nearly dropping her glass. The strength of a strong arm wrapped around her waist and she couldn’t help remembering Leo doing something similar earlier in the day. Her eyes found one eye that shone in the dim light of the hallway like a starless night the other hidden behind an embroidered patch. “Pardon Monsieur.”

Evie found she didn’t know where to look as the figure in front of her was like a flawless piece of artwork. She could easily imagine any number of angelic creatures being modelled after such a person. As if to hit home the heavenly appearance they were also dressed in a white uniform that looked to be military of some sort but equally would have suited a dashing Prince.

“Are you alright Mademoiselle?” The stranger spoke reminding her that she had been staring rather rudely at them. Evie moved in the man’s grasp which seemed to remind them of their proximity and they immediately removed their arm looking apologetic. “Pardon…”

“No, it was all my fault I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Evie took half a step back and gave him a weak smile. Now she could get a better look it did seem that she was right about the uniform, not only was there a streamlined appearance to their clothing there was also a sword attached to their hip. She wondered if this was one of the other guests she had yet to meet or if he was some sort of guard for the building.

“Egads, if it isn’t the ghost of the mansion and what’s this? They seem to have caught a rather pretty little bird.” A man dressed in a blue blazer with a patterned waistcoat appeared out of nowhere. He also had an open-collared white shirt with a loose tie and a pair of gloved hands which were currently hooked into the pockets of his trousers. His dark hair had a blue hue in the bad lighting but it was nothing to the sapphire blue of his eyes that sparkled with mirth as he looked at them.

“Ghost?” Evie asked wondering if she was still stuck somehow in a dream. Everything happening felt a bit disconnected like her body and mind couldn’t find a balance.

“Jean here is something of a phantom, although I had no idea he was capable of sneaking such a delightful surprise into the mansion. Guess it’s true what they say about still waters isn’t it old chap?” The new man was speaking with an even more defined accent than the others. Evie was willing to guess the ghost who was called Jean was certainly French while the man chatting in a friendly and flirtatious manner was English.

“I will thank you to not spew such slander and keep your lewd ideas between yourself and your scriptures.” Jean was clearly not comfortable with whoever this man was. Compared to the reserved and almost reverent soldier the English man did seem to be rather forward.

“Now now no need to be such a grump. I would be more than happy to overlook anything I have seen if you let me have a little time with her as well…” The man moved forward getting just close enough for Evie to clearly see the playful smirk and way his blue eyes roamed over her from head to toe making her feel as if she were being undressed.

It was one thing for something like that to happen in the performing house where it was to be expected but it was another to have such things happening now. She was not at work. There were no barriers here for protection against such advances and she felt her blood heat up as she gave an icy glare to the new man. She was not an object and certainly not a willing participant in whatever games he had in mind.

“Excuse me? I have no idea who you think I am or what you think you are witnessing Monsieur, but I can only assume from the stench of alcohol you are in no fit state to deduce anything.” Her eyes were unmoving and her face had a stoney expression fixed to it.

She didn’t know if it was from tiredness or that strange sensation she had woken with of the memory of hunger but she was certainly not expecting the blaze way in which the English man so easily shrugged off her criticism.

“Ah! That is where you are wrong my dear.” His smile seemed to grow wider and his face shone with amusement. He was taking very slow steps towards her which sent chills running up her spine but she refused to cower and give him the satisfaction of witnessing her run. “I can deduce a great deal from the fact you have come to this house from outside of the city proper and have been in the habit of balancing on the balls of your feet which says to me you are something of a dancer. You have had a rather trying and harrowing experience recently that has resulted in something of a loss of sleep and you are still suffering the effects of such an event even now.”

“What? How could you?” Evie forgot her mask as her emerald eyes went wide searching the encroaching sapphires for the secrets they held. How did this stranger that stunk like a brewery and cheap perfume gather so much information so quickly?

“Do not concern yourself, Mademoiselle, his little tricks are little more than witchcraft.” Jean spoke positioning himself partway in front of her blocking the other man’s approach as he did so.

“Well, that is rather harsh dear boy I realise I called you a ghost but I would have thought a man of your background would have refrained from using such words.” The Englishman’s target seemed to have momentarily shifted once more.

It reminded her of a cat playing with mice for fun. She couldn’t work out how serious this person was at all. He seemed to be having fun but this whole situation felt like a game set up. He was clearly more than he seemed and it was going to take a much better understanding of him to work out what exactly that was. As much as she enjoyed a good mystery she was not certain that she wanted to get close enough in order to solve this one.

“You know you would be much safer with me little bird? You are already thinking so from the way you are undressing me with your eyes just now I can promise to live up to expectation.” The man in blue now held out a hand reaching for her hair on her shoulder.

Before she could recoil there was a rush of air and the dull sound of something meeting wood. Evie looked at the solid back of Jean that had moved to cover her more and the outstretched arm that held the glistening hilt of his sword that now had its tip embedded in the wooden door frame at the level of the other man’s throat.

“Try it and meet my blade.” There was a challenging note to the way the soldier addressed the other man. Evie could not understand how it had all escalated to this so quickly and surmised there was probably other factors or occasions that had led to this point.

Soldiers had what she was told to be a code of ethics. It gave them reasoning in unreasonable situations and a purpose. She was certainly not a soldier and hated fighting but she could understand wanting to protect something.

She was grateful to Jean for his interjection but she had seen more than enough blood and horror for a lifetime. Evie lifted her hand and placed it on Jean's shoulder. They flinched under her touch and she felt their body relax as their eyes met and he lowered his weapon. There was a swirling mass of unspoken words and emotions in his eye the main one she thought she saw was remorse.

“What do you think you are doing?”

[hellreads]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V & Reader Characters: Kim Taehyung | V, Reader Additional Tags: Smut, Fluff, Light Angst Series: Part 2 of Effervescence

Summary:

Just like the fizz of a cola on a hot summer’s day, your encounter with Taehyung is short but sparkly sweet.

OR

Getting married in three months, you and your girls attend Ultra Miami to cap your single life, a final hurrah of some sort. What you didn’t expect is meeting a beguiling boy with a boxy smile who gives you a festival you’ll forever reminisce.

“Ephemeral love are like flowers in valleys, but everlasting love are like mountains.” ~ Arthy V. 

reading this second part of effervescence made me feel so many things but mostly sadness, despite MC and Taehyung spending a few days together it felt like a lifetime, it was like a meeting of two souls lost in this realm eventually finding each other because they were once intertwined in another life though not in this one, not anymore, because this is proof that we can’t always have the people we want in our lives, even if the feeling is mutual, even if you spend days even years together if it isn’t meant to be, it will never happen.

[SPOILERS AHEAD vv minimal, hopefully]

immersing into this one put me on a rollercoaster ride, the type of ride you wish would never end no matter how it makes you dizzy and intoxicated with every spin it puts you through, starting off with her girlfriends (to have my favorite celebrities as my BFFs here was a treat, each personality reminded me of certain roles they portrayed in dramas which was cute) bidding her goodbye to tend to their duties as they leave her to enjoy the festival on her own before she closes the chapter of her life as a single woman, because in three months she’ll be marrying “the love of her life”.

as soon as Taehyung entered the picture Aphrodite by RINI immediately played on loop in my head (the playlist/music recommendation is lovely tho *chef’s kiss* especially Lover’s Fire by Franco it’s so divine and will give you all the feels) he was a man on a mission, whipped as soon as he saw her having fun with her friends he came up to her with all the courage he mustered, it was now or never, it was an opportunity for them to get to know each other and maybe earn her affection and in return he’ll worship her, a goddess that came to him when he least expects it. I enjoyed every moment they spent together and made me forget she was getting married soon, everything felt like magic making me overlook her current situation, in my eyes and my heart they were meant to meet each other and learn a thing or two about each other and about life.

not wanting to spoil much of the beautiful moments the pair shared let me just share my thoughts about the stuff you can pick up here, first of all, let yourself get lost in the moment, do not overthink things, I know this is hard for people like me in particular because I overthink things making me lose every single second where I could’ve been enjoying stuff I might regret later but it’s better than thinking for the rest of my life of the what-ifs? secondly, age is just a number, it doesn’t matter when you’re in love, let go and let love in, the Noona romance theme here is something I enjoyed, though I think I am very much like her who'd rather fall for or date an Oppa rather than a boy years younger than me because even a year younger scares me, I have this mentality that I should date men at least a year older than me (I think the biggest age gap was seven years tho) because I always associated maturity with age and I had to learn the hard way, also,  I wanna be babied so I date older men but have this need to be on top and take control, anyway age and maturity isn’t really a thing that’s my point, do not let people judge you for the age difference, you’re the one in love and committing not them, their opinions shouldn’t matter. thirdly, life can be very unfair, no, life is truly unfair letting you meet people you never thought you’d change your life drastically in so many ways, even if it means sinning for a bit... in this case do I condemn her for letting go a bit? no, even if it was technically cheating, what if Taehyung was the one for her at least in one of her lives and this was a reunion of sorts before finally moving on??? and lastly “There are some secrets that we think we're keeping, but those secrets are actually keeping us. - Frank Warren” ~ “But some secrets are too delicious not to share. - Suzanne Collins” I think these sayings about secrets explain themselves well and if you read the whole story you’ll understand them much better.

and ofc my favorite bits will be shared, I cannot stop my effervescent heart for Kim Taehyung, sigh what are the odds that she would meet a young and handsome man months before her big day, a young man full of life and energy that will change her life for a few days, I adored the way they got along so easily as if they’ve known each other for a long time, he felt like home, it’s impossible not to be whisked away, because despite MC’s honesty about her relationship and upcoming marriage it wasn’t enough for the kid to back down, he clearly wants her and that made my heart jump way too many times but also hurt because this is just temporary, he’s just temporary, he will only remain a memory of Miami, every scene felt like it was pulled from some cheesy/romantic/heartbreaking drama where the male and female lead will never be together because time said so, because circumstance said so, because fate said so, the attraction, the dancing, the drinking, the piggyback rides, the tickling, the elevator ride, the push and pull with reckless abandon giving in only if for one night, the way Taehyung made her feel affected me so much it’s more than lust, the way he wants to take her, steal her, persuade her into choosing him, I was glad it was more than one night but was it really something to be glad about when you know the end will eventually take away this borrowed precious moment? nevertheless, they made every moment count, it was just them nobody else (the smut is proof that they just let go, 0 fucks given, as much as I wanna detail everything I want you to read it without any ideas on the things he’s done to her, all I can say is he’s a very generous lover, a pleaser who pays attention to every detail *wink*wink*).

then comes the part where they had to go back to reality, back to his idol life, back to the arms of her lover, I cried during their last night where he gave up sleep just to commit to memory every single thing about her, making sure he’ll never forget (tho I wondered if he had the same images on his phone as well?) his last favor, his uncontrollable tears, his genuine question it hit me like a tonne of bricks it was a sad conversation filled with so much emotion if I could change things for them I would, but that was their goodbye, the souvenir she left reminded me so much of her girl Sunny, I also noticed the maturity of both characters and how they handle love and relationships, Taehyung is obviously youthful, full of life, would risk it all, likes people easily but I think him falling in love was genuine, does it feel rushed? maybe? but I do know he did love her even if he only met her, after all, a lot of young people fall hard and fast, MC is obviously wise beyond her years, more cautious, guarded, though it was never clear if she only said those words out of pity or not I do believe she loved or at least cared for him, he’s the boy that gave color to her life, a color she never thought would make life beautiful, a bright color she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life, she may not be wise for engaging in an ephemeral affair with the boy but she did know it was just a passing love affair and that she’ll choose Joongki over and over, the other half that makes her whole.

ahhh thank you for this wonderful piece Fringe, I know some of my thoughts/interpretations may be wild or too much but everything you write just puts me in a trance where so many thoughts surround me and I have to get all of this out, thank you for writing again, for sharing with us your works, ily! | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[marvelmusingsbyhertz]

It’s a Mob World

A/N: I don’t know why all of these are just.. Coming to me right now, but IDC because they are burning my loins. So here’s a new series I’m starting up with Mob!Steve, because I don’t read enough of those and honestly to be honest, I find the idea of sorta dark Steve and a gangsters world with him in it absolutely perfect. I don’t know how long this’ll be and I gotta give a HUGE credit to both @revengingbarnes and her AMAZING series, Petals and Bullets, and to the amazing writer, @winchest09 for her series, Life for Rent, who both inspired me greatly and are true inspirations to every writer out there. If you’re into Bucky or Dean Winchester as a mob-boss, go check those out!

On with the story!

  WARNINGS FOR THE FULL SERIES: Smut, blood, violence, language, a lot of NSFW, fluff, a lil’ angst

MASTERLIST

STEVE ROGERS MASTERLIST

Pairings: Mob!Steve x Reader

Warnings: language, mentions of NSFW

Steve took the last gulp of his whisky, as he waited patiently for Bucky to talk. They’d been at it for a few minutes, him waiting and Bucky squirming – it was the classic “who bends first” they had played since they were kids.

“Alright, so, here’s the thing.” Bucky exhaled the words, almost annoyed at himself for breaking before Steve. Steve smirked and cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, my dear?” Bucky rolled his eyes and rested his elbows on the dark, wooden desk in Steve’s office. “We need some sort of cover and help. We can’t keep moving like this, Tony refuses to bargain at the moment and we’ve lost traction. We need the help, Steve.” Steve leaned back in his chair, looking at Bucky.

“What do you propose, Buck?” he asked, his voice laced with annoyance. He knew Bucky was right, but it fucking annoyed him – the… Company… was headed into a downward spiral, and they needed to get back on top. Even Hydra seemed to be overtaking you, and you desperately needed an alliance with Stark, even if it made your blood boil to work with the pompous asshole.

Bucky sighed.

“So, we know Tony – and pretty much anyone else in the trade – likes their women. I suggest we get one on board.” Steve chuckled darkly. “And how would you do that? If you recall, the last woman we had here, put Sam in prison for a good, few weeks.” Bucky nodded absentmindedly. “I know. But, there’s a solution.” Steve looked coldly at him. What kind of solution could there be – every woman he’d ever brought in, fucked or done anything else with, had tried to run with secrets.

“There’s this… Firm.” Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky. “Are you expecting me to buy myself a good, little slut, who’d be willing to let me fuck her and not run with secrets?” Bucky nodded.

“It’s different. It’s handled by Black Widow. She’s training every single girl to the utmost standard, she’s the best and only offers the best.” Steve leaned forwards. “Color me intrigued.” Bucky smiled.

“I already talked to her. The rates are high, but we only need a girl for a month or two, then we’re done with forming the fucking alliances, and she’s gone. She’s going to be ready for anything and everything, and whoever we chose will keep secrets. All the girls have different faces to put on, a different personality, so if we need a headstrong, smart one, she’s got one.”

Steve sighed.

“You’re sure it’ll work?” Bucky nodded eagerly. “We’re out of options, bud.” He simply said.

Steve sighed deeply and poured himself a glass of whisky.

“Then you better get the best.”

  A few days had gone by, and Steve was currently running through every single option in his head – it seemed like the most idiotic decision to make, but it’d might be worth it in the other end. Either way, the girl, Y/N Y/L/N, was on her way to the Rogers Mansion as he trotted through the many halls.

He didn’t know much, other than she was supposed to be the best of the best. She had information on pretty much everything and everyone, and he was intrigued by her – he didn’t even know what she looked like, but he didn’t really care. As long as she got the job done, he’d be fine.

He heard a car pull up to the front of the house, and sighed – show’s on.

“Welcome to the Mansion.” Bucky’s voice rang through the front hall, as he led a woman in – he was carrying bags and suitcases, while she daintily walked in behind him. “And this monster in the shadows is your employer and your… Well, everything in the next few months, Steve Rogers.” Steve looked at the woman before him.

She was stunning, he had to admit. Her hair was elegant and her makeup minimal – a black dress hugged every curve on her body, and her shoes made him want her wrapped around him, her heels digging into his ass. He smiled politely and stretched out a hand for her to shake. She smiled softly and cocked an eyebrow at him – she was sizing him up.

“Hi, Mr. Rogers.” Her voice was soft and silky, and he almost got goosebumps from the seductively Mr. Rogers. “You can call me Steve.” She smiled gently at him. Bucky cleared his throat. “Should I just carry these to the guestroom?” Steve was about to nod, when Y/N stepped in with a sly smile. “Actually, if it’s not too much of an issue, I’d like it to stay in whatever room, my lovely employer might be staying. It’s vital I get to know pretty much everything, and I’d hate to walk back and forth.” Steve cocked an eyebrow. So, she was playing? He’d play along, at least for a bit. “Get whoever’s on call to help you and move an extra bed into the bedroom. She’d need sleep at some point, I’m guessing.” Bucky nodded and started carrying the first of the suitcases to the back stairs, leading to the master bedroom.

Steve gestured for Y/N to follow him. “let’s talk business, shall we?” she nodded and followed him into the office.

“Gorgeous.” She breathed as she stepped inside. She was right, of course. The office was kept in light, creamy tones, expect for the wall of bookcases and the desk, which were in a deep mahogany. Steve pointed at the chair in front of the desk, as he moved to sit in his own chair. She sat down and smoothed an invisible wrinkle out and laid her hands perfectly in her lap.

“So….” Steve didn’t know where to start. He’d never dealt with this before. She smirked at him. “New in this?” he nodded. “Alright. So, let’s get the obvious out of the way. Yes, I’m an escort, no, I don’t only fuck and keep secrets for money, yes, I know how to handle myself in this world, and yes, you will need to read and sign my contract.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her small bag and handed it to him. “I’m down for whatever, but I need a little notice first. I’m good to go for mostly anything, I just hate guns, so don’t hand me one. If, and only in the biggest of if’s, I have to kill someone, I’d prefer a knife.” She thought for a second and then added: “Oh, and I don’t do anal. At least not with just one man.” Steve nearly choked on his drink. Fuck, she was more headstrong than he’d imagined. “Alright. So, all I need right now is to tell you what this job is.” She leaned back and crossed her legs, listening intently. “I need you to be extra eyes and ears for me. Help with a trade-off, and possibly to dismantle the entirety of Hydra.” She nodded. “This will mean I need you to pretend to be a part of my life. I need you to act like a devoted and smart girlfriend, and I need you to come along to the trade I’ve got with Stark within a week.” She nodded again. “Any specifics I should know?” He grinned at her. She was eager, and he liked it. “A few details. I’ll have a file brought to you, so you’d know what the deal is and who we are.” She snorted and rolled her eyes.

“I know who you are, Steve Rogers. Mob-boss of Brooklyn, you’ve killed and maimed more people than can be counted. After you lost your parents, you took over the business with your best friend, James “Bucky” Barnes, and have been running it somewhat fairly for a while. A few hiccups here and there, until last year, where some girl apparently infiltrated you, got your secrets and gave them to Hydra. From what I know, she’s dead, Hydra’s thriving and have been successful in taking over as the crime boss. You mostly deal with arsenal, weapons and state secrets. Have I missed anything?” Steve was taken aback and slightly impressed. “You’ve studied.” She shrugged. “Part of the job.”

He smiled and stood up, her contract still in his hand. “Well, let me show you around.” She smiled. “I’d love that, honey.” He chuckled at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

This could be fun.

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