#and i wanna read the rest of jason's appearances for completion's sake
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lambergeier · 9 days ago
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IT TOOK TWO MORE WEEKS BUT: part 2 let's go
seeley's nightwing 2016, issues 1-43. okay here's where we start getting into the business. i was bopping between early volumes of nw2016 and nw96 basically at random, both of them had their high points, until nw96 suddenly Clicked and then i stopped picking up volumes of nw2016 entirely. what i read was alright: the character beats in the damian arc were real stand-outs, i've returned to those issues a number of times even if the dr. hurt/pyg plot felt kind of nothing. and also the whole setting was simply racist. but jesus christ dick and damian are in love. otherwise, superman just suggesting dick check out bludhaven and then he does it was like, insulting. i felt personally insulted by that. fucking put any work in to setting up the status quo!! but truly without the frisson of bruce and dick's terrible relationship, bludhaven in 2017 or whatever just could not compare to bludhaven in 1996, so yeah i haven't really returned to the rebirth series since.
nightwing 1996, issues 1-117, minus nightwing: year one. first chunk of reading that should really be its own post. fascinating to watch how efficiently dixon sets up a status quo, which i have since watched a lot of other writers fail at badly lmao. his stuff just zips along, the action is fun, he builds out a big and enjoyable secondary cast (with the interesting tension of like, many of these characters are based on racist tropes, but they're still human in their actions underneath that? or something. requires more study lol). the dick/tim/babs/bruce relationships are all fun, got hints of tension even when he's not committing to anything huge (most especially with bruce and dick, least especially with dick and babs lol). AND THEN: devin grayson's run. man this really should be its own post. her stuff is great, her character work is second to none, but man the destruction of nixon's status quo felt almost vindictive in how long she drew it out. i agree doing knightfall to dick is great, i think about doing knightfall to dick every day of my life, and i think where she was going with it (but ultimately got stopped from achieving) was probably gonna be really interesting!! but it was just too long and too brutal for the medium imho. i would pay four figures for her ffn/ao3 account tho. devin i know you're out there
year one: batman/scarecrow. good times. love how even when bruce is trying to be a good dad and he still puts the literal fear of god in dick. what the hell man. not not battered wife coded like fr
robin & batman. this was fun like whump is fun--bruce making dick give the debrief on all his new friends was deeply compellingly horrible--but ultimately like, this can't be canon lol. it can't have been this bad at the beginning or else it's meaningless how bad it got later. i'm glad they kind of immediately made it irrelevant with b&ry1
batman & robin: year 1. SOOO GOOD. CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES. SAMNEE MY KING!!!
joker: last laugh 5/6 and robin 93 #95. wanted to see dick kill the joker. honestly think everyone should have been way more fucked up by all that. one fucking issue of being depressed after, that's kid shit. devin grayson read that one issue and it made her so mad she blew up dick's entire apartment building
the titans 1999, issues 1-39. first twelve issues or whatever are great because, of course, they are by devin grayson. she simply nails the little character moments. dick and kory's whole intensely loving nightmarish shit.....mmmmm that's good! kept reading after she left but couldn't make it to the series finale. just got kinda boring. jesse quick was kinda great tho, i liked her neurotic corporate ass.
the boy wonder, juni ba. pell has said more on this and more intelligently, but to sum up very quickly, i do think it's probably impossible to make something good out of the orientalist bog that is the al ghuls. i think this was a very interesting attempt, though, and it was gorgeous, and damian is my baby, and the jason was fantastic, and tim and dick were very cute (tim's nasty little redditor beanie from his robin flashback: iconic), so for all of this i will forgive the boy wonder's worst sin, which was including yet another fucking kintsugi metaphor.
birds of prey one-shots. literally their third issue together babs is eating dinah out then asking her why they don't spoon as much as they used to. what the fuck did dixon think he was writing?
infinite crisis #6-7. i don't remember like any of this. #blessings. emma remembers it tho bc she was regularly on that scans_daily shit until infinite crisis suddenly started happening and ruined everything she ever loved. she filled me on the "and then superboy punched time" meme. dark times
a whole mess of shit leading up to batman & robin 2009 in order to more fully bring batman & robin 2009 into my heart. includes morrison's batman/batman rip/the resurrection of ra's al ghul, the accompanying tec/nightwing/robin 1993 issues, the final nightwing 1996 issues, an inadvisable amount of final crisis, last rites, the battle for the cowl, and then like 90% of the batman/tec issues with dickbats. and then, finally, batman & robin 1-26. no i haven't read batman incorporated yet. second chunk of reading that should be its own post. this was a really funny incident caused by emma picking up batman and robin and being like baby i think this is good come read it with me and me being like "oh shit i haven't read anything past infinite crisis yet, lemme just do a quick little context read" and then, a week later.... anyways morrison is fascinating, low lows (final crisis, talia) but some high highs (their very first issue with the fight in the art musuem with all the pictures-within-panels reacting to the fight, DAMN that was good). i really like the hallucinatory ambiguity of a lot of their stuff. i love when dick grayson is sad. i love him and damian. they are babies and in love. alfred is a freak for real: enjoyed that. eeeeeverything to do with the breakdown of tim and dick's relationship as implied thru this era including red robin: good. still thinking about winick's line about dick always knew he'd bury bruce without a single gray hair!! damn!!
special mention from the above list: like 7 issues of bruce wayne: the road home. INSANE BRUCE BEHAVIORS. INSANE. JUST DON'T TELL DICK YOU'RE HOME? DO TELL TIM AND THEN NEG HIM FOR LIKE 28 PAGES OF COMIC? ALAS, WE'LL HAVE TO KILL THE BATMAN.
red robin plus that one issus of adventure comics 2009 with tim and kon in the paris sewers. i love this, i love tim, i love red robin, i love chris yost, i love tim's year-long episode of magical thinking, he is my baby, he is my normal and rational king, i love him.
task force z. okay listen i had a lot of fun with this. issue nine through the finale completely fell apart, the machinations of the "plot" were ultimately total nonsense, but the jason&bruce and jason&the other kids issues were really really fun (besides the usual babs character assassination). i love jason just getting to preach to everyone about how nobly he's suffered. finally in rosenberg we find a worthy successor to judd "jason todd has done nothing wrong" winick. also i love harvey dent. shame it sounds like the follow-up joker series sucks ass, i will not be reading all that
skimmed forever evil and then nightwing 2011 #30. wanted to know about the infamous fight scene. even in the context of n52 bruce, who i know is famous for sucking ass, this felt like character assassination. like it was just hard to read. there were one million other ways to have gotten dick into spyral, that they picked this one is kind of a nightmare lmao
the 2011 judgment on gotham event. this was weird. are you telling me there are people out there who are christians like for real?
batman: gates of gotham. bad. dickbats not wroth it.
knight terrors: nightwing 2023. WHY do i KEEP READING comics from the TWENTY-TWENTIES. BABS GREATEST FEAR IS RELYING TOO MUCH ON TECHNOLOGY-> OOC, ABLEIST, BORING, AND I'LL KILL YOU
taylor's nightwing 2016, #106-113. why did i read this? was i possessed?
watters' nightwing 2016, #119. tentatively intrigued. you've appealed to my emotionally curious nature. i will not be buying dcui for you though.
like a single issue of gotham war. batman #138. OOF. OOF! NOT GOOD!
BIRDS OF PREY BABY. #1-9 let's go war criminals let's go
literally all of knightfall. all nine collected volumes. everything through troika. my end of the year blitz. the final chunk of reading that should be its own post, but here we are. the art in this ranged from good to like, stupefying. graham nolan and scott hana have to be some of the best to ever do it. prelude to knightfall and knightfall vol. 1: fun fun tasty stuff. prodigal: IIIIIIIIIINSANE. everything else: boring (i'm sorry jpv i am just not that into your problems!) to offensively, offensively bad (WOW THE SEARCH HASN'T BEEN REPRINTED IN 25 YEARS? THAT'S CRAZY. COULD WE HAVE MADE IT 50?). the way all this is the inciting incident for the modern batfamily is like.....man there is a lot going on there. a lot to unpack!!! very glad i read it tho, even if that also meant i had to read the search 💔
2024 comics post
broooooooooooo. what the fuck HAPPENED.
the actual cause of all this: i read some really funny fic by ao3 user deadchannelradio, then i got emma to watch some old teen titans with me, then we watched the under the red hood movie, then i read some more fanfiction, almost entirely bad, then i caved and checked what the public library had available to borrow comics-wise. which turned out to be a lot. and then i bought the DCU subscription. and now here we are. this is going to be in approximately chrono order, and there will be no bolded recommendations. read only what big 2 comics you can justify to god.
tom taylor's nightwing, vols. 1-5 (issues 78-105 i think) plus fear state. my first foray back into big 2 comics since my mcu-era marvel situation in high school and college. haha, these are kinda cute, i thought. simplistic, but the art is gorgeous, i said. i would be happy to buy these as floppies at my local store, i theorized. like some kind of idiot. like some kind of naive child.
batman/superman: world's finest, #1-ongoing. waid and mora just too fucking good. i love nonsense, and to put nonsense in my mouth. would actually consider buying the first volume as a tpb it's so fun except for the massive, classically racist, unforced L of making another culture's normal nuanced folk hero (ne'zha) into a demon from hell for just like, no reason. hello? also love mark waid just doing whatever the fuck he wants with the kingdom come continuity. it's his house. no one can stop him. still reading this one as new issues go up on DCU.
world's finest: teen titans, #1-6 loved this also. i also haven't read any og teen titans (emma read all of pre-crisis NTT while i was reading nightwing, so the early children remain firmly in her realm of expertise) but she also agreed that it was cute. waid is just fun. like what are we supposed to do.
mark waid's shazam 2023, #1-6. see above re: waid and his powers. big shout out to dan mora, as ever, but BIIIIIG shout out to colorist alejandro sanchez, who i truly think made this arc. girl those WATERCOLOR EFFECTS!!
robin 2021, #1-17. read this and super sons at about the same time, officially dipping my toe into the damian waters. solid, loved the issue of all the other robins chasing after him, him and dick love each other for REAL. i also like his little goth girlfriend, and his manga habit. felt like a kinda ham-fisted attempt to give damian his own story without being willing to set him up with his own status quo, a la bludhaven, but what can you do.
super sons, #1-16. children's comics for sure, but with a surprising amount of blood in them? wasn't quite certain of the marketing angle on that, but i LOVED jon and damian they are BABIES. i also like every time clark is like my son never listen to damian. his father is a lunatic. for sure never listen to his father either. that was cute. shame this was cut so short lmao.
tim drake: robin, #1-6. offensively, offensively bad. i didn't even really know tim yet but this was like. please christ in heaven gay people have to be worthier of better comics than this.
batgirl 2000, #1-37. i know this is widely-loved, but it actually didn't get me until like #12 or so? if that? i love cass, but the art was rough for me, and it couldn't carry me for the early non-verbal comics. her shit with shiva was great tho. cass you are fully insane my girl
under the red hood and lost days. ICONIC!! JASON TODD MY RATIONAL KING!!!
robins: being robin. did not like this. trite. also did not like dick's manbun: a real issue.
batman: year one. oughhhhh what if the classics are good actually. and unfortunately. mazzucchelli and lewis are so fucking good, like lewis in particular..... what even is left to be said. the art alone is Just That Good. also bruce wayne and jim gordon are kissing with tongue for real
robin: year one. mmmmmm good. dick grayson your problems. also i still love harvey dent. possibly my favorite batman villain. symptom of having watched a lot of batman begins/read my one random copy of the long halloween an extensive number of times as a teen
batgirl: year one. had some great moments, but did not like nearly as much as robin y1. i do think this is due to the sexism. i like when babs punched infant dick in the solar plexus tho!
batman: urban legends - specifically the cheer arc with jason. i really liked this but i'm not sure i'll feel the same in a year or so. i think this was a pretty deft way to get jason to drop lethal violence without betraying his own justified belief in the power of lethal violence (rational king), and thus bring him back into the family fold, but of course bringing him back into the fold is itself a fraught project, and his character as a whole is so uncertain (as i understand) since the new 52 so like. i think it did what i was trying to do quite well (and i loved how insane bruce appeared! compared to jason!) but should it have been trying to do all that? an open question!
devin grayson's gotham knights, #1-24. WELL AS IT WOULD HAPPEN THESE ARE MAYBE THE BEST BATCOMICS I READ ALL YEAR. listen i am so aware of devin grayson's many sins. but these are the original "what does it mean for bruce to have all these fucking teenagers" comics, and, so far in my reading, they remain the undisputed best. everyone's just been rehashing her since, and it hasn't been nearly as good. she's got the touch (profound fandom-aligned inanities)
batman: murderer/fugitive. put an order in for the recently-released 1100 page $125 omnibus just this afternoon. It's Good.
robin vol 1: reborn (tim drake). idk the exact issues on this, collects tim's first few post-tlpod batman issues, plus his first miniseries. tim drake by god do i care you.
lmao okay the post editor is starting to lag like a motherfucker. posting this then putting the next half in a reblog
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tophyankee · 7 days ago
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PJO vs One Piece
Ok, first time actually posting on here, so bear with me.
I wanna write a fic or make a YouTube video on how long I think it would take the PJO crew to "beat" one piece (I'll get to what I mean in a sec). I'm a huge fan of both properties and I think a world covered in water would be an amazing playground for Percy and the rest of his friends to wake up and find themselves isekaied into.
Their worlds are similar enough to each other that it would be plausible that it work. Both have a focus on the ocean and adventure (specifically being different versions of the odyssey). Percy has water powers in a world that is mostly covered in water. and there is some amazing spaces for parallels between what happens to the straw hats and what I think would happen with the PJO crew.
Some base info before i full send:
characters: it would be the 7 (percabeth, jason, piper, leo, frazel) plus Reyna Nico and grover (instead of hedge just cause its my au i can do what I want) for a total of 10 people like luffy thinks the perfect crew would be.
They all start at the beginning of the grand line together, no need to go find your crew.
their boat is the Argo 2 minus its flying capabilities. It can launch itself and glide for a bit if its in the air (like coup de burst) but cannot completely fly like it could in the books. again, cause I say so.
this would be the gangs post Blood of Olympus but pre Trials of Apollo selves. (so no curse of Achillies Percy but all of the feats since still happen)
for some verse equalization's sake, the whole gang has the aptitude for haki but has to learn and train it to actually use it.
Annabeth is able to read the poneglyphs, because come one of course she could.
once the group gets onto the grand line they get basic knowledge of the world (i.e. major factions, knowledge of devil fruits)
The world gov knows of the crew, but they are not officially enemies of the gov or considered pirates yet. for simplicities sake they have appeared to always have existed in the world as mercenaries or some other neutral faction.
we are also working under the assumption that the straw hats don't exist in this world (as fun as it would be for them to meet up it would be too complicated to have to worry about that cannon). Imagine the PJO crew just replaced the straw hats as the MCs.
and finally, the goal: I'm using "beat" as a loose term that could mean one of a couple things (depending on how the story shakes out I don't have an exact idea for the ending); 1) the crew finds the one piece, 2) the crew tear down the government, or 3) both. It'll be whatever I think is a satisfying ending.
I'm not a great writer so I probably won't make a full fic out of it, but I will def be writing something up. I have lots of great ideas for how this would go, and I'd probably take it arc by arc until it diverges, and trust me it will diverge, and then get to explore where things go from there.
Anyway, all that to say, who'd be interesting in reading that?
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dinoalexander · 5 years ago
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Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular
Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular... is ON! === “Time to play everybody’s favorite game show, Fireworks or Gunshots?” -BFG
“Goddamnit. I have to be the adult, don’t I?” -Gordon
“You can copy the format, you can copy the look, but you can’t copy culture!” -UBA
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this craziness.” -Kimberly
“Starting a petition to have Barbara Walters do the ball drop next New Years just to hear her say, ‘I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020.’��� -Chelsea
“Hello, Antonio Brown's Shiny Helmet Emporium, how can I help you? What's your pleasure?” -Carl
“Watch me whip out my Shenehneh.” -Gordon
“I feel like I’m watching one of my movies, because this whole damn thing sucks.” -John Cena
“I giggled.” -Michael
“I’m not saying BH90210 is the worst thing in the history of all recorded media, but if somebody had the theory that Luke Perry faked his own death to avoid any and all association with it, I would be willing to entertain that theory.” -Kevin
“Any day the key card works is a win.” -Joe Ovies
“She played a fiddle in an Irish band...” -Ed Sheeran “No she didn’t.” (Click) -Chico
“CBS was callin’, I’m Black Monty Hallin’.” -Wayne Brady
“Richard Quest on CNN!  He's gonna ask the rest of the 500 questions!” -Klaussie
“Work. What is this work bullshit?” -Gordon
“Verizon and Tegna, when the carriage agreement ended.” -MD
“I got my words! I got my friends! I got my words WITH my friends!” -Megan
“Thoughts and prayers to the Love Boat, who had her on so frequently her name probably appeared higher up on the call sheet than Isaac or Doc.” -Kevin
“Another fine product from Assmung.” -Carl
“Remember how I thought Adam Gase was a total piece of crap? I have been proven right. Fuck Adam Gase and the horse that rode in on him.” -Cyndi
“Walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need walls.” -Laura
“I’m a person who wants to be productive trapped inside a person who wants to sleep all day.” -Cortney
“Tommy Chong is a THC-list celebrity.” -JB
“Hey did you know that Francesa met Secretariat?” -Greg
“In a year when Black Panther told a story of a black superhero in a futuristic world struggling with real questions about how to deal with racial oppression, and BlacKkKlansman told a story of racial wounds in America that continue to this day and the need for allies to put themselves on the line, Best Picture went to Green Book, the story of a brilliant black musician as told through the white guy who drove him around. Okay.” -Kristin
“Advice: avoid sugar, Oregon Trail diseases, & women named in Mambo No. 5.” -Austin
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but so will my poor eating habits and bad decisions.” -Sarah Pribis
“She was prepared to kill a cockroach with a baseball bat.” -me on overzealous providers
“I am the crocodonkey.” -Klauss
“Aaaaaand we just lost Quisla.” -C
“Can Scaramucci last longer than a Scaramucci?” -...I don’t know, somebody.
“I want dysentery! ... wait what?” -Kyle
“My boobs are not real.” -Gordon
“I want to stop this show and take 10% of you outside, right now!" -Chris Harrison
“OMG Parallel Universe me, stop it!” -C
“I figured out who should host the Oscars ... Colin Kaepernick! Dude still needs a job, right? Also, he’s like two or three times the size of Kevin Hart. I bet we could pay him the same amount, so it’s like getting a bargain! Of course, I’ll want a modest consulting fee from the Academy. Problem solved. You’re welcome.” -Clint
“How the hell am I supposed to put this thing together? Are there instructions or am I just supposed to wing it?” -C “Even IKEA gives me instructions in a foreign language and a tiny ass tool.” -Q
"The only place you see Success before Work is in the Dictionary: -Mauro Ranallo NXT Takeover Phoenix
“A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klauss
“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food.” -Gordon
“Time to play “Sexy or Sleepy”?” -C
“... that means ‘Eff you, you, you, and you’.” -Jason “That’s my autobiography right there.” -Gordon
“The magic thing about home is it feels good to leave but it feels better to come back.” -Emily “Home is a bit like that.” -C
“Thoughts and prayers to Ryan Stiles, who has lost his go-to celebrity impression.” -BB
“Hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but you don’t have to, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, ASSHOLE!” -Q
“What, you think people do coke once?” -Greg
“I can read off a TelePrompTer like a motherfucker.” -Kristen Bell
“‘Thank God we will be able to see more Pat Buchanan on TV’ said no one ever. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the last thing that is needed is another show featuring a panel of bloviating pundits. I get it. It’s cheap and easy to produce. But so is p*rn.” -Kevin, on The McLaughlin Group
“After watching HQ Words you wonder why Anna Roisman hasn't hit the big time yet. After watching HQ After Dark, you can completely understand why.” -Gordon
“If I die tonight, I want two of the Woodpeckers, two of the Football Tar Heels, and two of the Panthers to serve as my pallbearers so they can all let me down one more time.” -C, on Bad Sports Week 2019
“The first time is flattery, the second time is a lie.” -Michael
“I went to the mall with my pops. I saw something driving to there that truly shocked me. Someone had an orange Ford F650 extended cab pick up truck… With duallies… A rolling coal smokestack… And hubcaps with spikes on each of the nuts. And my only thought was… “My God… It must be MICROSCOPIC!” -Brian
“Would’ve expected to see “Employees must wash hands before returning to work”, posted in the restroom, but alright NOLA, still good looking out I guess...” -Casey
“Because....um.....going from a 40 to a 33 waist apparently makes people want to bed you.” -Gordon
“Breaking news: Idiot talks to idiot on a channel watched by idiots.” -Kevin
“Screaming tree maraca!” -Dahlia
“Looks like I fell down on the job.  Metaphorically, because literally would make me Oprah Rich and I'd be full of imported cheese right now.” -Laura
“In another decade or so, somebody is going to make a documentary on Ken Burns documentaries. The TRT will be 152 years.” -Kevin
“May your 2019 be filled with happiness, prosperity, great cocktails,  laughter, and Waffle House when you need it most.” -Rick Wilson
“There are sober people in England... No there’s not!” -Mike the CD
“Oh... oh.... oh....” -Q “IT’S MAGIC!” -C
“And finally, some of y’all still out here begging (I’m mean, pure, unadulterated BEGGING) for attention (I’m talking ANY attention) and validation. Lord Jesus put that sadness away. Just put it away.” - Michael
“I’m thinking of a number. The number is 10. You go first.” -JD
“Also, I would take tasteful pics of me making pizza naked. I'm only 30 and I'm only gonna look like this once.” -Kimberly D
“I have ADD. You wanna ride a bike? I’m gonna drink some water. Rooooooam if you want to... This coffee’s really delicious. I’m a sucker for you.” -Q
“Matthew Judon... Body built by Taco Bell.” -Matthew Judon, professional football player
“YEAH!!!! 1943, BITCH!” -my response to Q’s retelling of the events leading up to the Battle of Midway.
“Depending upon the inflection (Bless your heart) can mean anything from “oh you poor thing” to “would you lend me your brain?, I’m building an idiot”.” -Brian
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” -LiyaZee
“That is a giant banana!” -Chris Ahearn, re: a giant banana “Why thank you!” -JB
“Betty White the Happy Homehooker.” -C
“I'll only have a hamberder if I can have it with covfefe.” -The Governess
“I will never forget when you surprised my ass in Atlantic City. That was the weekend of the Press Your Luck Prime Rib.” -JB “That was my first taste of the juice.” -Chico “And you been on the corner... ever since... looking for a fix.” -JB
“Sounds like a generic dude who owns the Ford dealership in every single city in America.” -BFG’s response to “Who is Tom Steyer?”
“Time to switch to Channel 7...” -Cyndi, getting ready to launch a Dallas recap style recap
“The only difference I've noticed this year is that now I get told, "OK Boomer", when I complain about holiday creep.” -Trey
“A 21st Century Koan... If a vegan that sold essential oils begin doing CrossFit… Which would they tell you about first?” -Brian
“Sorry I shoved my hair in your face.” -Christina
“You are turning into a Burberry wearing, wine drinking, charcoal mask wearing kinda guy... AND I COULDN’T BE PROUDER!” -Q
“Instead of airing new Love Island episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug “CBS is better off running Secret Talents of thr Stars.” -Gordon
“How far along are you?” -some guy “Oh, about six burritos and about a dozen cupcakes.” -Kimberly
“Answers and bribes go into the Corona Extra bucket.” -Michael
“Dear God, Please watch over Cole Anthony’s shoes.” -C
“What’s that scent you’re wearing? Oh, a little something I call washing your ass.” -Q
“You ever just wish there was a coffee delivery service? .... I do.” -Kathleen
“I’m just another brother with a game show.” -BFG
“(Unintelligible) ... Thicke of the niiiight.” -Greg’s impersonation of Gilbert Gottfried’s impersonation of Alan Thicke
“Antonio Brown doesn’t need football - ‘They’re going to play by my rules.’ A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klaussie
“You keep your head high and your middle finger higher.” -Alex
“There has to be a more scientific name for the penis. ... Intermittent organ?” —Gordon “That sounds pretentious enough to be scientific.” -C
“Zooey is saved for awkward sexy stories. Jeff Zucker is someone I don't want associated with "sexy stories".” -Dane
“Ryan is as Canadian as it gets. I think he bleeds maple syrup.” -C
“Turns out Gillette doesn’t work well with sensitive skin after all.” -Ben Rejmer
“Are you drinking something funny there, sunshine?” -Statboy
“It's so cold out here on the east coast that Jim Dolan, the brilliant genius that he is, decided to warm the citizens of Manhattan up and turn MSG into a giant dumpster fire.” -Gordon
“Ziggy is my spirit animal.” -C
“It may sound bougie, but.. you look good, you play good. You play good... they PAY good.” -Cam Newton
“We could be flying Pan Am Clippers to Venus. But MTV stopped playing music, legalized weed, and elected Donald Trump.” -C
“I get it. Tom Brady = deflated balls. Alex Guerrero = "inflates them". Hookers like Tom Brady. Damn, Alex Guerrero is better than Viagra.” -Klaussie
“I think I found the pony under the pile of shit." -Kimberly
“Skype sucks ass.” -Gordon
“In this troubled times, I like to put my hand over the  kidney in my heart, stare at the moon of Mars contemplating how the wheel is older than the wall, the great things Frederick Douglas is doing  & just being thankful I have ID to buy cereal, thankful for George Washington Airport victories & I don't have Windmill cancer.” -Trent Capelli...Twitter
“Sugar isn't "worse than cocaine."  You're not killing yourself by ingesting sugars either in foods or in your coffee.  People who are selling you weightloss programs want to tell you that you're killing yourself but there is no scientific evidence that sugar kills humans.   Thank you for attending my TEDtalk.” - Shrub
“I found a love...” -Ed Sheeran “No you didn’t.” (Click) -Chico
“Many of you are wondering about my mental state after the Vols game last night. I assure you last night I slept like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry...” -Brian
“If you paid $7 for a Jack & Coke, you got jacked.” -Klaussie “... and Coked.” -C
“Rich Eisen getting triggered by an f’n commercial for 9-1-1 because it featured a fictional situation in a place where his kid goes to is the most white guy thing ever.” -Greg
“And now that your reagent is all nice and mixed and all the chemicals have gotten to know each other, gently put the reagent cartridge onto the instrument. Gently... GENTLY, YOU IDIOT!” -C, to himself
“... goddamned hula shirt.” -Q
“The person who wrote the article needs to be taken in the back and have their writing license revoked. And then shot. And then never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. And then have their hands chopped off.” -Gordon
“They got Bowzer next to Barbi Benton, the lucky son of a bitch.” -C
“Here's what gets me every time I see the trailer for the Cats movie...these are all successful actors. Like...nobody in this movie actually needs to do this.” -Lana
“I made Chico donate $24 to Extra Life.” -Gordon
“You guys are compact cars like I’m a gay, wasted white girl.” -Q
“HQ is like the divorced dad with a much younger, hippy dippy, girlfriend-- and the kids don't want to visit.” -Amberlee
“Suck down your coffee like you own it!” -Hollie
“DRUM SOLO!!!” -Weird Al
“You know when you’re a podcaster you need a good vocabulary. I did always have one. When I was young I mixed up Jacuzzi and Yakuza. And for a while I was in hot water with the Japanese mafia.” -Brian
“It’s game of thrones, but I’m much less Jon Snow and much more Johnny Mudstorm.” -Gordon
“Skype is being a ho.” -Jason
“It's a less-sensitive Soul Man, in a time we need no such shit.” -Klauss
“I thought you were gonna get a room.” -Chapel Hill Phil “I thought you were gonna mind your business.” -Chico “.... that’s fair.” -CHP
“For those of you who are upset about being single on Valentines Day, remember this... 99% of my socks are single but you don’t see them crying about it!” -Connor
“They are selling CBD oil at Bed Bath and Beyond?! I’m sure that’s quality stuff. Honky, please!” -Christina
“She is twisted. If she swallowed a nail, she’d shit out a corkscrew.” -Q
“Oh Taylor Swift. Patron saint of Pride Month. Thank God for straight white girls.” -Michael
“Apollo’s Chariot: “I’m the biggest baddest hypercoaster on the eastern seaboard.” Intimidator 305: “... Bless your heart.” Fury: “Both of you can hold my sweet tea.”” -C
“I don't know you and I sure as heck don't know your sister.” -Klaussie
“Nothing makes you stronger than having no choice in the matter. You’re strong because you have to be.” -Christina’s dad
“Apparently people have mistaken my professional courtesy with genuine interest.” -Michael
“Jon Bauman, you dingleberry!” -Chico a la James May
“Bad enough it’s Scott but it’s Comic Sans, so that makes it even worse.” -Nick “Gentlemen... start your whacking!” -Cyndi “PHRASING!” -Jay, Chico, JVG
“As Robert Downey Jr. once said...” -Cindy
“Whenever I see a married couple with a joint Facebook page, I never, ever have any thought other than "I wonder which one of 'em cheated."” -Adam
“Why is Dan Orlovsky talking football and why should I take anything Safetyman says seriously?” -Cyndi
“Okay, you're a billionaire and can easily afford top-of-the-line call girls at $5,000 to $10,000 an hour and you go to a sleazy massage parlor where the women smell like lavender and shame (so I've heard).” -Steve
“My floor is occupied with eggs.” -Gordon
“Quis, your thing is making noise. Can you make it... not make noise?” -C
“I’ve been waiting at the phone for 29 years hoping someone can win this cruise!” -Klaussie
“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food. #WelcomeBackToLeague #BowlerCityThievery #CheckingTheCamerasAfterLeague.” -Gordon
“I'm proud to say I only cried five times.  Admittedly, once was during the opening credits...” -Prof. O
“Phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle
“Okay, the shirt I was wearing when Liza gave me a slimy hug...I wanted to keep wearing it but I also loved the way the slime stains looked on it, so I waited six weeks to wash it so the slime stains would be totally set in. I just did laundry and there’s not a slime stain to be found anywhere on this shirt. On the one hand, mildly disappointed, but on the other hand, holy crap, Tide just made a customer for life out of me.” -Adam
"Really, you don't go back to the crazy ex-girlfriend. You leave her in the insane asylum." -Rafael Siegel, former Cash Show host
“Don't slap Charlotte in her boobs, you're just making her ANGRY!” -Brian
“Is it bigger than a Bird Box?” -Adam Nedeff’s take on What’s My Line?/Bird Box
“That song Birthday Sex is depressing when it’s your birthday and you have no sex.” -Red
“Politics politics politics Sean Spicer politics politics politics DWTS politics politics politics shimmy shimmy shimmy politics politics politics *tea sip*” -Kimberly
“We may need to add Brie Larson to the "How big is Batista's dick?" question list.” -Dane
“Chico and I not only know that we;re going to Hell, we requested a nice suite, complete with kitchen, spa and bidet, Aaron is coming also. We should have room in the suite for more if you want to join us.” -Gordon
“If Bill Cosby is telling you to get out, get out.  Else, you'll get a dinner drink with a special surprise.” -Klauss
“Hey, what’s coming out this May?” -Q “(Incoherent slurring)” -C “Really? Who’s in it?” -Q “Ryan Reynolds, I dunno.” -C
“I feel like Neville Longbottom with a remembrall.” -Amberlee
“Comically oversized shit sells. It's America, bigger is better.” -Jessica
“You’ve heard of salt in a wound or lemon juice on a paper cut... but have you heard of Oxi Clean powder on a fingernail you cut too short? Pro tip: avoid that.” -Coby
“I have an idea.” -Q “OH NO!!!! NOT AN IDEA!!!!” -C
“Truck contains political promises.” -actual septic truck
“Uhh... framing?” -C
“It’s very easy to get friends on these apps if you say you’re a hot chick.” -Gordon
“Woodstock 50 cancelled after organizers determined they can’t make it as hilarious as Fyre Fest.” -Adam
“Age and wisdom divorced decades ago. Stupid people get old too.” -Austin
“They put some extra claps in this.” -C, re: CS2019 theme
“I hope she’s dreaming the biggest, bestest dreams... and I hope she never stops.” -Kathleen, on her new little girl.
“You think it’s awkward buying condoms, try returning them!” -Q
“If Mississippi State wins the Outback Bowl, we all get free Bloomin' Onions. If Iowa wins, we all get free Coconut Shrimp. If that's not reason enough to root for Iowa, I don't know what to tell you.” -Matty
“Full hearts, full stomachs, can’t poop.” -Evil Travis
“That's it. Officially referring to my boobs as my "small turkeys".” -LiyaZee
“More phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle
“Tried watching pre-debate coverage, but the phrase "brutal Darwinian logic of winnowing" sent me back to Press Your Luck.” -Heather
“...if we hold up a painting of Hurricane Dorian, will it die?” -Amberlee
“Hey Cindy... you married that.” -C
“Literatively? Okay.” -Gordon
“I plan on going with Chef from South Park's line on that one -- "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college."” - Kristin, on “Break Up With Your Girlfriend (Because I’m Bored)”
“Allegiant Stadium. Much like the Raiders... A WORK IN PROGRESS.” -C
“Nobody could sing like Milli Vanilli… But let’s be fair neither could they.” -Brian
“Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH!” -Nedeff’s lyrics to the love theme from “Strike It Richl by Hal Hidey
“In God we trust, all others must provide research-based, peer-reviewed data.” -Aryn
“Go-gurt™: because fuck spoons and decency.” -Sarah Ann
“Like I said ESPN is to the Patriots what FOX News is to the Republican Party.” -Greg
“That is like walking hepatitis.” -Tim DeLaGhetto
“Will there be any trivia questions on your trivia question show?” -Erskine
“I’m a journalism major, so I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” -BFG
“That’s Right is the Adam Gase of trivia apps.” -Greg
“And yes, Bill Maher does in fact molest collies, and goats...and sheep...and Chicago Bears. 😜” -JVG
“In the words of my dear uncle Paul, ‘Google it, bitch! I’m not here to educate you!’” -Nikki
“You know what they call the guy who graduates last in medical school?” -Megan “A doctor!” -C
“You can never win an argument with an idiot or an asshole. Idiots don’t know they’re wrong, and assholes won’t even consider the possibility that they could be wrong. You can’t help it if you’re an idiot sometimes, but don’t be an asshole. Just something to think about going into 2019.” -Clint
“No Ganos is good Ganos with Graham Gano.” -Tim
“Enough loonies to fill up the Bank of Montreal.” -Klauss
“In the age of auto correct no less, it makes me shudder when I see the leader of the free world making fifth grade grammar mistakes.” -Q
“You look like who did it and why.” -Mary
“Ow, my check! ... I mean, ow, my neck!” -Big Rick
“This woman on Wheel of Fortune has two grandchildren named Kennedy and Nixon, and I have questions.” -Melanie
“You’re the President of the United States and getting dragged by fucking Burger King. It’s just... wonderful.” -Shannon
“Classy, Like a White House Big Mac.” -Actual team trivia name
“Sex is a mistake 9 out of 10 times.” -Michael
“Who signs the cat?” -Carl
“This feels like an SNL sketch. Where’s Bill Hader?” -Greg
“Yeah! And uh...I played HQ with one of them in a hotel room. Wait, that sounds creepy.” -BFG “More than that.  (No, THAT sounds creepy.) You have played online trivia with one of them.  Surely you ran into or at least saw others in Vegas.” -Klaussie
the subject: The Jeopardy! All-Stars
“Step 1: Go to McDonald's. Step 2: Order a Shamrock Shake. There, now you don't have to read the article.” -Prof. O via Evil Travis. The question: “How to order a Shamrock Shake.”
Lunch lady: “Hey Dino! Get me a grape soda! I’m thirsty!” C, after an insane amount of giggling: “You said it, not me.”
“Some bitch decided she wanted to be a bitch.” -C
AP headline on Twitter: "Tim Tebow struggling in Triple-A; still a work in progress." GSNN: "Funny -- so was 'Million Dollar Mile'."
“The Bosa brothers = MAGA Gronk.  Don't @ me.” -Klauss
“... BASSOON SOLO!!!!!” -Weird Al
Greg: “Crying Game Cereal. A surprise in every box.” (Everyone dies for, like, five minutes) Chico: “... I’m going to HQ.... YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!”
“Aunt Becky has some stupid kids.” -Austin Rogers
“I wanna be 21 again and ruin my life differently... I have new ideas.” -Sarah Pribis
“Mannnn listen!! It's time to just throw the whole R. Kelly away!!” -Bruce
“By the time all is said and done, I will have been awake for 24 hours.” -C “Rookie.” -G
“Instead of airing new LI episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug
“Well they went over as well as a ham sandwich at a kosher deli.” -Q
“Drop it and get out of here!” -Carl’s boss
“The call is coming from inside the wheelhouse.” -Ullsperger
“I am the Marquis de Asshole.” -Gordon
“Elizabeth Banks’ ass is America’s ass.” -C, with apologies to Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, and Bill Carruthers
“Don't have an iPhone or iPad? Maybe you can beg at the boots of your betters, proletariat scum!” -Megan
“Tom Brady and Bob Kraft shaking hands and whispering into each other’s ear... ‘Hail Hydra’.” -C
Jason (discussing the Masked Singer): “The Hippo was ANTONIOOOOOOOO Brown!” Brian H: So THAT'S how the Madden Curse happened this year.
“Manish Mehta is on 92.3 The Fan right now.  My first thought after hearing him for 5 seconds:  He sounds like Aziz Ansari as The Bookworm on that SNL GSN show parody a few years ago.” -Klaussie
“Look at me, I’m Sandra Bullock.” -Nick
"That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? TEA DAMMIT!" — LiveJournal user jslayeruk
“Temporary emotions lead to permanent mistakes!” -C
“Tuesday night wasn’t just biscuits. Roy Williams went ahead and got the dirty rice to go with it.” -Adam Lucas after Carolina made State humble, 113-96
“Shaka... when the paywalls fell.” -Kevin
“Barbi Benton... ROLL TIDE!” -Greg
“I love when you ask for recommendations for establishments, services, recipes, products, etc., and people respond with, "Did you Google it?" Like, Thanks, Karen! I hadn't thought to use the easily-accessible, number one search engine in the world before! I'm totally not looking for recommendations based on actual experience from personal friends who will give me honest feedback, so I'm glad you directed me to Google!” -Cindy
SWSNBN: “Can your cover for me while I eat my sandwich?” C: “Go eat your sandwich.” SWSNBN: “I’ve got nothing going on.” C: “You’ve doomed us all. Go eat your sandwich.”
“If life gives you lemons remember: life was very honest about how many people it'd been with.” -Austin
“Two hours after lunch is still after lunch! BOOK SAY SO!” -C
“Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, three rights make a left, and I’m Kyle Serra, quiz responsibly.” -Kyle
Q: “The answer fell into the pizza!” C: “Well now not only is it correct, it’s delicious.”
“Tom Brady just got the sixth stone. Half the NFL is about to vanish.” -Nikki
“I’m Max Essodus and I’m leaving!” -Klauss
“Chuck Todd is a bowl of Jello with a bad goatee and a shitty hair cut.” - @PhillyLocalGuy
“Leonard Frey! Leonard Frey! Anytime you call, Leonard will take care of you! Winter, Spring and Fall!” -Chico
“I THINK I’M BREAKING EVERY FCC RULE IN THE BOOK!” -Kevin Harlan calling two NFL games at the same time
“Horrible news to report, Baby Yoda has died after Myles Garrett beat the shit out of him with a helmet.” -Barry McCockiner
“The Yankees are like Roman Reigns: they’re good, everybody still hates them, and they always kick out of your finisher shm” -Mike Janela
“My nightmare is being stuck working for a guy that looks like Chris Cillizza” -@ChadShartman
“Mel Gibson/Rothschild casting is most inspired decision since Richard Spencer was chosen to write the screenplay for the new Frederick Douglas parody bio pic.” – Josh Marshall
“OOOOH! A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY!” - Chris Jericho
“Minecraft? HELL NO!” -Amberlee at RewardTheFan on Minecraft RewardTheFan
“109876543210, Happy New Year!” – Kyle @ Trivia Crack
“LYDIA CORNELL IS NOT A BIMBO!” -Mike
Tony Stark: “Hey, you said one out of fourteen million, we'd win, yeah? Tell me this is it.” Doctor Strange: “If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.”
America, let me just tell you something, do not commit crimes with checks.” –Charles Barkley
“I bet George Halas and Pop Warner are up there now coaching Angels in the Heaven Bowl.” –Cord Hosenbeck
“The director saw Green Book and was inspired to make a bigger disaster of a movie about race.” –From the IMDb Trivia Page for Loqueesha
“Drew Brees and Harry Styles fighting over a Pepsi is Peak 2010s.” -Chico
“The aging app? I didn’t know there was an app that helped Mike Maccagnan make his freaking draft picks!!!” -@DAitken90
“For all the notes and stats FOX gave out, they missed that this was the very first post-season game in history where two wife-beater closers gave up two-run home runs in the 9th.” -Ken Levine
Chico: “Man, Bowzer ruined this!” Mike: “Just like the second half of the show Bowzer ruined this!”
“Amazon Suggestion for David Pecker: Because you considered “Blackmailing the Richest Man Who Ever Lived,” we recommend you “Get an Orange Jumpsuit.” –Stephen Colbert
“When in doubt, choose Helium!” –Megan
“They should make a Mistress Pac-Man. Ghosts chasin’ her around the apartment Pac-Man rents for her, eatin’ all the strawberries and chocolates he sends and whatnot. Then the last level Ms. Pac-Man is after her ass like “Oh HELL no that’s MY round yellow man!!!” –George Wallace
“God is a woman and her name is Hailee Steinfeld” -@dakotalanthimos
“I stopped by the Statue of Liberty today, thinking about freedom, and the ability to go for it all.” –Bill Walton at the Pac-12 Tournament in Las Vegas talking about being at the NY-NY Casino
“today marks LaGuardia Airport’s first positive contribution to America.” –Jack Holmes on the end of the Late 2018-Early 2019 Government Shutdown
“BEAT THAT GHOST DICK!” -Matt Richards
Greg: “What if the Monster on The Masked Singer is Michael Cohen?” Mike: “If it is that will almost guarantee there won’t be a second season of The Masked Singer.”
“Roger Clemens tried to smash Mike Piazza’s head with a baseball bat and was still less of an asshole than Curt Schilling.” -@purgatos@knzk.me
“I love all the diversity in Star Wars. There’s brown people and someone with a Boston accent” -Dani Fernandez
“I don’t care that Brock Lesnar won Money In The Bank, I want to know if Brett Somers won Money In The (BLANK)” -Mike
“Woodrow Wilson even with a stroke was sharper than Donald Trump is today.” –David Frum
“THE JABRONI OF THE JABRONI MOVIE FOR THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE JABRONI NEED TO HAVE THE MOST EXCELLENT LEADING HEAL TO MAKE THE IRON SHEIK LOOK LIKE THE LEGEND. PROBLEM NOBODY HEAL ENOUGH TO BE THE LEGEND. THIS WAY ONLY PERSON THAT TAKE THE CHRIS HEMSWORTHLESS LOOK LIKE HE THE REAL BABYFACE IS THE LEGEND IRON SHEIK. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE WORSE THAN THE NOTEBOOK AND WORSE THEN THE JABRONI BETTE MIDLER BEACHES” –The Iron Sheik
“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass!” - Scott Lang “That is America’s Ass.” - Steve Rogers “America’s Ass? Are you talking about Tom Villard?” - Mike
“Oh Jesus, it’s Jimmie Walker’s turn!” –Chico
“Where’s the Robert Kraft spa video? I’d rather watch a video of my own funeral.” –Gerard Mulligan
“So, does Jeff Zucker have to completely cause CNN to lose money and get devalued so badly it gets bought out by Comcast for him to replace Vince Russo as “worst Turner Broadcasting hire ever?” -Dane
“I was just researching Mark Russell as a "Whatever happened to...?" He's still alive.” –Matt Jones
“And all of ESPN and FS1’s morning shows are just the worst. People who watch them actually come away dumber for doing so. I don’t understand the appeal of watching idiots on either network yell biased opinions at each other...many of which are lacking context or facts beyond what they see on a caption of a social media post. It’s like going to a comment section and watching arguments.” -Dylan White on the Awful Annoucing Facebook comments section
“Hunter, Kiss my ass.” –Dave Bautista
“The fact that the CEO of twitter can have his account hacked is a blinding indictment of twitter’s security policies. The fact that no one could tell the difference is a blinding indictment of jack himself.” -@ChrisSmith_RSB
“I don’t know anybody who loves or even likes Trey Wingo.” -@SlicedBrett
“A Madea Star Wars” must now be a thing…” –Amberlee
“People are like "the New York Post is bad for that cover, subscribe to the Daily News instead!" as if the Daily News didn't run a screencap of a woman being murdered on it a few years back. They're both pure trash. Neither are better.” -Craig Calcaterra
“Tim Burton’s Dumbo brings out Michael Buffer TWICE to say “Let’s get rrready…for Dumbo!” and I laugh again every time I think about it.” –Ken Jennings
“Who the hell is Dr. Lee Franz?” –Jason H.
“I was in the theater and that moment was revealed and the audience was “OOOOH!” and I just was laughing so hard!” –Ron Burgundy remembering the ending of “The Crying Game”
“Ladies and Gentleman… whatever legitimacy pro wrestling has left literally crawled under the ring.” –Chico critiquing the workrate of Colin Jost
“BANODLES, ARE YOU READY TO GO SHOPPING, YOU SON OF A BITCH?” -MIKE
“Can y'all imagine if the Gremlins and Jason Vorhees both attacked at the same time that would be some difficult shit to deal with anyway talk to you later” -George Wallace
“Trump getting impeached over the Ukraine is a little like Scorsese getting the Oscar for The Departed, but hey recognition is recognition.” -John Ross Bowie
“Alex Trebek is a fixture in the American firmament and we're all behind him. What a great man, so kind to my family and so warm to all of us contestants. Send him your love.” -Austin Rogers
“Rather than bore you with my expansive knowledge of British politics, allow me to comment on more pressing matters: drunken Chris Jericho getting his belt stolen” -Mike Tunison (@xmasape)
“Only ESPN would do a feature on Robert Kraft taking former players to Jerusalem — while he awaits trial for soliciting prostitution in a sex trafficking ring.” -@willgcopeland
“Looking forward to the “In Memory of Jim Cornette’s Career” graphic that will be starting Dynamite.” - Trevor Dame
“Tom Steyer sounds like a guy who airs MLK and Columbus Day ads, where you can get a new Mustang or Fusion for up to $6,000 off MSRP” - BFG
“Eh, what’s her name? Her name Barry Lonson. She’s in da, she won Oscar for the movie “Stuck In The Basement”. Also, she’s in the movie “Kink Kong: He Got Love With Her” but how he make sex with her, she’s young, she’s small and he big. I don’t know?” -Yehya reviewing Captain Marvel
“To this day nobody knows who Ann Risley is.” -Chico
“Heartbreaking: there is apparently no video I can find of this moment, where a robot named "Mr. Scraps" delivered a ball to James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek), who had just arrived in a dry-ice-and-laser-bathed Delorean to throw out the first pitch in "The Biodome". Please enjoy this real quote from the Mariners former VP of marketing: "We named the robot Mr. Scraps, because it looked like a garbage can on wheels. Not exactly what we were expecting, but it served its purpose." -alex@allpro.social
MC Cool Cloud: “No union better mess with my family!” Cloud 9 Employee in Training Video: “Oh, MC Cool Cloud, (pats stomach) you’re gonna be the best dad.” Garrett: “I’m sorry, did MC Cool Cloud just impregnate a human?” Mateo: “I think he did.” “I’m in shock, Gene. I just talked to my accountant and I found out this guy made 30 grand and I’m working for minimum scale.” -Marty Cohen on MG-HSH Episode #12 “It would be kind of weird for a person named Tammy to be played by Tim Dunigan.” -Mike
“Chico's brain only has so much memory.  It's either the capital of Botswana, or something you rambled at 3AM while white-girl wasted.   Only one of those nuggets of wisdom is a panty-dropper, and I think we all know which.” -Laura
“So, the audience for SNL seems to be comprised of easily offended Catholics, YouTube “influencers”, and Trump. But Lorne Michaels still thinks he shouldn’t retire? Because if I learned those people watched something I produced, I’d eschew all technology forever and go live in one of those Unabomber log cabins.” -Kevin
“Morning report: The "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd sure gets triggered easily.” -Rick Wilson
“ZIPPERS?!” -Klauss
“We’s considerin’ buddies.” -C
“Automan’s naked and wearing a belt? I don’t get this!” -Klaussie
“You were standing in his crotch!” -Anna
“I am utterly surprised there were no traces of Batman cereal yet Greg's dad made at least 2 appearances.” -Klaussie
“Next time, can you pick a gas station that ISN’T in the middle of nowhere?” -C
“Did Isaac ever deliver cold hard cash direct to your PayPal account? No!” -Greg
“Too many phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle
“Semi-Quotable of the 2010s--Hundreds of quips enter, Adam Nedeff wins because he's funny and he has half of Hollywood under his thumb.” -Klaussie
“You’re not you when you’re thirsty.” -Q, the Double Entendre of the Year
“Nobody ever robbed a convenience store to get sugar money.” -Brandon
“If you're mad at rich peoples kids for getting special acceptance/treatment at college and you aren't mad about all the athletes that get the same thing you're a hypocrite. Ya'll leave Aunt Becky alone.” -Stephanie
“Damn it! I used too much stick.” /Ethan
“And her tights say two cents a dance.” -Kimberly
“Go home, That’s Right. You’re clearly on meth.” -Evil Travis
“I paid $700 for THAT?!” -Klaussie
“Florida is now under a Jim Cantore watch.” -Braden
“Good Brother, but Bad Mother!” -Gordon
“Dude. Even Nike hates Duke!” -D
“For 15 points, Will Smith’s arrogant cousin Hillary appeared in an episode of NBC’s hit sitcom Blossom. Another episode of blossom featured Don Novello playing the role of Father Guido Sarducci, and Father Guido Sarducci also popped up on an episode of Married...With children. Stay with me here. David Faustino’s character Bud Bundy also popped up all the Fox network sitcom Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. In another episode of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Parker crosses paths with grown-up Eddie Haskell, who of course,We all remember from Leave It to Beaver. His next-door neighbors, June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver were all characters in an episode of the Love Boat. Now there is this other episode of the Love Boat where all of Charlie’s Angels are on board. In an episode of Charlie’s Angels, Dan Tanna shows up from Vega$. But that’s not important right now. Remember when I said Parker Lewis had crossed paths with Eddie Haskell? Well Eddie also popped up on an episode of Hi Honey I’m Home. So did Gale Gordon‘s character Mr. Mooney, who you might remember from the Lucy Show. There’s an episode of the Lucy Show where Lucy crosses paths with Private Gomer Pyle, USMC, who, of course originally appeared on the Andy Griffith show, which was a spinoff of Make Room for Daddy. On an episode of Make Room for Daddy, Danny encounters Buddy Sorrell, one of Alan Brady’s writers on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Alan Brady later appeared on Mad About You, where Ursula was the twin sister of Phoebe from Friends, and Phoebe’s friend Chandler Bing showed up on Caroline and the City, where Caroline draws a popular comic strip that is read and enjoyed by Daphne Moon, the caretaker for Dr. Frasier Crane’s disabled father. Dr. Crane used to hang out at a Boston bar called Cheers, where Norm, Cliff, and Carla encounter Drs. Auschlander & Westphall, but on a landmark 1988 broadcast, we learn that Drs. Auschlander & Westphall never existed and that all of the shows I mentioned in this question are logically the figments of the imagination of Tommy Westphall, Who is the only character who demonstrably existed on what beloved medical drama?” -Adam
“Snapchat Catch Phrase!” -Will & Erinn
“#1800235DEAD!” -...damn near everybody
“Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners.” -Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners
“This tea is delicious.” -Kimberly === Here’s to 2019... Come together, just think of tomorrow.
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