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racingtoaredlight · 3 years ago

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THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK TWO, A MUDDLED AND MAUDLIN WEEK OF MAYHEM IN HONOR OF THOSE WE LOST

RTARL would like to extend our warmest holiday wishes to those who celebrate and, even if you don’t, happy 9/11. Now who’s ready for some FOOTBALL!!!!?!?!

So after two weeks of games that combine to count as only one official week even though some teams have already played twice we have only one real question answered: is Alabama still good? Yes, they are. Everything else is still liquefying vapor.

I am assuming everybody is waiting with baited breath for an RTARLsman but I don’t have anything yet. I guess the not-Master Teague RBs on Ohio State are the frontrunners for now. Or that one guy from that one team who was good. You know who I mean.

Saturday, September 11

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Illinois at Virginia 11:00am ACCN

Jeff George won Citrus Bowl MVP for the Illini against the Hoos in his last game as a student athlete before becoming the #1 overall pick in the 1990 NFL Draft. Based on this history it is safe to presume that whoever the QB is for Illinois today will be the #1 pick in 2022.

VMI at Kent State 11:30am ESPN3

I’m not sure on this but maybe this game is cancelled.

WKU at Army 11:30am CBSSN

Army is favored by 6. I bet this game is boring.

Norfolk State at Wake Forest 12:00pm ACCNX

I don’t see a line listed but whatever it is bet against Wake covering.

Indiana State at Northwestern 12:00pm BTN

This game is an act of terrorism.

Alabama State at 25 Auburn 12:00pm SECN

Real body bag season starts today, huh?

Youngstown State at Michigan State 12:00pm BTN

The Michigan State running back is the guy I was trying to think of earlier! He’s pretty good. Not good enough to make me watch this but I will check on his stats every so often.

Tulsa at Oklahoma State 12:00pm FS1

I bet Mike Gundy has some really salient thoughts on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and I can’t wait to hear them.

South Carolina at East Carolina 12:00pm ESPN2

South Carolina is a two point favorite against an East Carolina team that is, per my understanding, not exactly good. So I can only extrapolate that South Carolina is likewise not good.

Pitt at Tennessee 12:00pm ESPN

Look, I’m not going to pretend this is good television but if Pitt rocks their classic yellow helmets and Tennessee wears non-alternates the colors on the screen will at least be pleasing. The thought of the actual football involved hurts my brain but it’s interesting that the points have gone from a consensus pick ‘em to Pitt -3 over the course of the week. Does Tennessee have any players that are good enough that by missing the game they could impact the gambling that much? Or are people just squaring themselves with the fact the the Vols are really and truly a ruined burnt out hole of a football program? Pound the latter.

12 Oregon at 3 Ohio State 12:00pm FOX

Losing Kayvon Thibideaux certainly isn’t going to help Oregon but he’s not usually on the field as a run stopper anyway and if Ohio State learned anything last week it’s that they can just run until they feel like throwing a pass. Oregon actually has some legit talent on the d-line besides Thibideaux but the Ducks are gonna be hard-pressed to keep things within two scores here.

Miami (Ohio) at Minnesota 12:00pm ESPN

If Oregon can’t make a game of it in Columbus look out because this time block is an absolute wasteland. There is scant reason to turn the TV on for the early schedule other than gambling purposes.

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech 12:00pm RSN/ESPN3

Georgia Tech probably should have closed up shop after Paul Johnson retired. Either that or just absolutely slathered the football program in dollars. The Yellow Jackets being unable to land any big time recruits while playing in Atlanta is a real mindfuck. They aren’t a AA program playing dress up in a “power” conference they’ve got actual history. I don’t mean to give the impression I want them to be good but I don’t understand how they can be such fodder for so long.

13 Florida at USF 1:00pm ABC

Remember that year when USF was the best program in the state? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. I know the deal with UF is that they don’t go out of state for contract games but it’s actually kind of surprising they even bothered to keep this trip to Tampa on the schedule. Like the area recruits would probably be happier to go see a game at The Swamp than to kick around their hometown for a pile of shit like this.

Wyoming at NIU 1:30pm ESPN+

I’m not gonna open the ESPN app for this but if it was on ESPN2 I’d probably check in on it during commercials. Aesthetically pleasing trash with an upside for actual entertainment.

Middle Tennessee at 19 Virginia Tech 2:00pm ACCNX

Virginia Tech’s home crowd scene was the normie story of last week’s games. People that don’t watch college football were either aghast or frantically waving their blue lives matter flags in response. Us in this space just ate the shame and forgot it happened by the time Saturday’s games kicked off. My theory is that VPI is not actually any good but UNC’s 2020 season was a well-timed fluke and the last hurrah of Mack Brown’s storied coaching career. The Hokies are at home, though, and MTSU is almost certainly not on the same athletic level as the Turkey Gobblers so I’d probably take the home team -20 if I were so inclined to wager on this particular game that is being broadcast on the ACC’s new pornography channel.

Rutgers at Syracuse 2:00pm ACCN

Holy fuck does this game suck. Reuniting former Big East, uh, rivals (??? does Rutgers have any natural enemies?) in a cross-conference classic betwixt the B1G and the ACC.

Duquesne at Ohio 2:00pm ESPN3

I don’t think I need to explain to you all the national title implications riding on this game.

Toledo at 8 Notre Dame 2:30pm Peacock

Just remember that if you subscribe to Peacock you are at the very least tacitly supporting Notre Dame. If for some reason you’re watching this please report back on how many of those defensive pick plays Notre Dame runs. They were doing that shit constantly against Florida State last week and it drove me nuts. I think the idea is that you are so flagrantly illegal so often that the refs grow numb to it and just don’t call it at all.

Robert Morris at Central Michigan 3:00pm ESPN3

Not to be outdone by the early games, the 3 o’clock set is equally terrible.

Purdue at UConn 3:00pm CBSSN

I bet Edsall still gets bonuses for stupid shit even now that he’s retired or whatever the official designation was for him no longer coaching.

Boston College at UMass 3:30pm FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t know what FloFootball is but I know it isn’t anything to do with the state of Florida.

Ball State at 11 Penn State 3:30pm FS1

It surprises me to see Penn State as only -22.5 favorites. That seems very kind to Ball State. Hopefully I’m wrong and the Ball State Lettermans take it to the Sanduskys.

Murray State at 7 Cincinnati 3:30pm ESPN+

Practice week continues.

Temple at Akron 3:30pm ESPN+

Pound the under.

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic 3:30pm Stadium

There is really nothing going on this week.

Air Force at Navy 3:30pm CBS

Middies vs. Fly Boys in the first leg of the Commander’s Cup on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. I can’t imagine the amount of emotional manipulation that’s going to make its way onto this broadcast. Normally I watch these games but I don’t think I can do it this year.

UAB at 2 Georgia 3:30pm ESPN2

Georgia may well be absurdly talented on the defensive side of the ball but I’d be surprised to see them make it through the regular season with fewer than two losses.

5 Texas A&M at Colorado 3:30pm FOX

This is only interesting if the Aggies spring a leak.

California at TCU 3:30pm ESPNU

Things most certainly are not looking up.

Buffalo at Nebraska 3:30pm BTN

Nebraska is in an interesting position because if they buck the odds and end up being good after we’ve all been so ready to see a National Championship-winning coach get fired that would be funny but if they end up being really bad it’s even funnier. Go Bulls!

Mercer at 1 Alabama 4:00pm SECN

I’ll cry a little if Saban pulls the starters in the first half and the Tide beats Mercer by less than they beat Miami.

South Alabama at Bowling Green 4:00pm ESPN+

10 Iowa at 9 Iowa State 4:30pmABC

This is not the kind of top 10 matchup I can just sit idly by and let it happen. Your silence is complicity in this monstrous display of modernity.

SC State at 6 Clemson 5:00pm ACCN

Clemson dropped all the way to #6 and they’ll hang around the top of the polls because they don’t have the toughest conference schedule in the world but my confidence in them is not high right now. I think the new QB is just a guy. He’s talented as hell but I don’t see him being great.

Illinois State at Western Michigan 5:00pm ESPN3

This is either MACtion or MACtion adjacent and I have only one word for this midwestern trash: abhorrent.

LIU at West Virginia 5:00pm ESPN+

LIU plays football?

Lamar at UTSA 6:00pm ESPN3

Downside: You’re watching one of the least important games of the year. Upside: You’re really not missing anything.

Portland State at Washington State 6:00pm P12N

Washington State was a perfect spot for the stupid pirate fuckhead and his leaving has ruined the program and, eventually, his reputation. Not relevant to this game necessarily but this game isn’t relevant to anything else, either.

Gardner-Webb at Charlotte 6:00pm ESPN3

Oh, yeah, feel the excitement.

Bethune-Cookman at UCF 6:30pm ESPN+

Go Cats.

NC Central at Marshall 6:30pm ESPN+

The hits keep coming.

Houston at Rice 6:30pm CBSSN

I’ve always had a soft spot for Holgo and for Houston football but somehow I really don’t like seeing him coach the Cougs. This is SWC magic but with no magic. UNLESS! Houston can put up 100. I don’t think they even have the guys to do it but this is Rice we’re talking about here.

Nicholls at Louisiana 7:00pm ESPN3

Keep the energy up.

North Texas at SMU 7:00pm ESPN+

I bet is MS621 were still alive he’d be at this game giving Spencer’s boys hell. Sadly he died doing what he loved, curing his COVID by eating ivermectin paste out of a horse’s butt. R.I.P., friend. Neigh to you wherever you are.

Southeastern La. at Louisiana Tech 7:00pm ESPN3

Even the low tier stuff is geared up for annihilation. This is a bodybag week for all time.

Memphis at Arkansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Memphis getting less than a touchdown against Arkansas State seems like easy money but I have no real concept of either of these teams just yet. Maybe the end is nigh for the Tigers glory years? I sure hope not but it’s possible.

NC State at Mississippi State 7:00pm ESPN2

This game should be as fun as a parents funeral.

Southern Illinois at Kansas State 7:00pm ESPN+

Over the past week I experienced derision for referring the the guys in purple and silver as “Kansas State” instead of “K State” and that stung because it always surprises me that anybody cares about them enough to have a strong opinion about them.

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech 7:00pm ESPN+

Shrugs

15 Texas at Arkansas 7:00pm ESPN

Let’s see if Texas is ready to run with the big boys of the SEC! Arkansas is given a decent shot to win this game and that makes the “15″ next to Texas appear extremely suspect in my eyes.

Texas Southern at Baylor 7:00pm ESPN+

This week Texas Southern is the people’s champion.

Texas State at FIU 7:00pm ESPN+

Oh, Butch, why have you done this to yourself?

Western Carolina at 4 Oklahoma 7:00pm PPV

All the Westen Carolina fans are buying this PPV to see their guys score 40.

New Mexico State at New Mexico 7:00pm Stadium

I looked up the historic rivalry last year to figure out why it was played early in the season instead of at the end but I’ve forgotten and don’t feel the need to look it up again. I figured out how to watch Stadium on my TV but I also forgot that and don’t feel the need to look it up again.

Appalachian State at 22 Miami (FL) 7:00pm ESPNU

My gut tells me Miami is probably legitimately about the 14th best team in the country but I still would never advise you to bet actual money on the Hurricanes. Are they 9 points better than App State? Easily. They should win by 20+. Are they liable to fuck around and lose or scrape out a win in the final seconds? Absolutely. Let’s fuckin’ go.

Morgan State at Tulane 7:00pm ESPN+

A lot of people learned to love the Green Wave last week but it’s hard to keep that going with their schedule. Don’t forget them later in the year when the CBSSN glow is really shining.

Liberty at Troy 7:00pm ESPN+

Liberty -4 is maybe my surest advice of the week. If Malik Willis is as good as his press the fake school should have this game on ice early.

Eastern Michigan at 18 Wisconsin 7:00pm FS1

I find Wisconsin’s losing effort against Penn State last week to be a personal affront against me and all of nature.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville 7:00pm ACCNX

I think this game being broadcast at night on ACCNX means they’re playing naked.

Grambling State at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on an app.

Hampton at Old Dominion 7:00pm ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on a well-worn high school football field.

Austin Peay at 20 Mississippi 7:30pm ESPN+/SECN+

This is a pretty big OOC game for an SEC team.

Georgia State at 24 North Carolina 7:30pm RSN/ESPN3

One of several GSUs, I think this is the one I most hope emerges victorious this week.

Idaho at Indiana 7:30pm BTN

Wait, wasn’t Indiana like #10 last week? What the hell happened to them? No, don’t tell me. Seriously, don’t.

Missouri at Kentucky 7:30pm SECN

When the SEC hits 24 teams the “S!E!C!” chants are gonna seem really stupid.

Howard at Maryland 7:30pm BTN

There’s no official line for this game but I hope the Bison can pull off the upset in this classic local rivalry game.

Jacksonville State at Florida State 8:00pm ACCN

Still shaking my head at FSU icing their own kicker. Jesus, Norvell. Get your shit together.

McNeese at LSU 8:00pm ESPN+/SECN+

LOLSU was my lock of the week last week if you’re considering taking gambling advice from me.

Washington at Michigan 8:00pm ABC

UDub lost to a 1-AA team last week and now they have to go on the road and beat Michigan. Which seems inevitable, to be honest.

Cal Poly at Fresno State 10:00pm CW59

The murder rate will continue to increase as the day progresses. I always kind of like it when a local broadcast shows up on the sheet. So pretty much none of us have legal access to this game. It makes it more special.

San Diego State at Arizona 10:00pm P12N

Pac-12 Network is similar to CW59 in that almost nobody in the country has legal access to their broadcasts. If you’ve read enough of these posts you are aware that SDSU is my weird very deep backup team. I don’t have a reason to align myself with the school or program, I just tend to enjoy watching their games.

Vanderbilt at Colorado State 10:00pm CBSSN

This is an abomination.

21 Utah at BYU 10:15pm ESPN

This is a lowkey fun rivalry. I’m pretty sure I write the same thing every year but it’s still true. Go Utes.

Stanford at 14 USC 10:30pm FOX

I think USC could win a national championship and I’d still be baffled that Clay Helton is their coach. Of course, they won’t win a national championship as long as Clay Helton is their coach but they apparently won’t ever get embarrassing enough to fire him, either.

Idaho State at Nevada 10:30pm Stadium

This is the lowpoint of the week’s schedule and you have to stay up late to watch it on a network that only exists as an app or as part of a hidden unlockable download-only level of cable subscription. This is the beauty of the college game.

UNLV at 23 Arizona State 10:30pm ESPN2

Herm Edwards figured out the trick to looking good in the Pac-12 without having a particularly great team and I can’t make up my mind if I’m rooting for him to keep sliding on that rail or to fall off it. I think I’ve come around to rooting for him but it’s a very dynamic and fluid situation.

Hawaii at Oregon State 11:00pm FS1

Hawaii gets to play at their normal time for a game against the bottom of the barrel of the Pac-12 but they’re an 11-point underdog. If you’re ever going to take Hawaii, this is the stars lining up for you to do it. It’s still a big “if” but I’m saying there’s a chance.

#college football #football #Tv watch em ups #rtarl watches tv #gambling #9/11 #two decades after 9/11

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forestwater87 · 5 years ago

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hi! can i ask how you go about writing gwen? i’ve rewatched a bunch of her episodes and am still having trouble getting her on paper!

Okay, first you’re going to need to get a time machine and travel back in time to the summer of 2016, just after season 1 ended, when she had like 3 character traits and a couple dozen lines and zero fanfics, then fill her with elements of your own personality and project wildly onto her, slowly falling into deeper and darker despair as canon!Gwen becomes less like your iteration of the character with every season.

At least, that’s what I did, and it worked like gangbusters.

Fine, let’s try a serious answer. Gwen’s interesting because, despite how frequently she appears in the show and how much we love the shit out of her, it wasn’t really until seasons 3-4 that her backstory and less surface-level characteristics started getting filled in. She’s an ever-present enigma in a lot of ways.

So start with what we know for damn sure:

She doesn’t like working at Camp Campbell.

She’s an anxious, emotional mess.

She’s lazy when it comes to things she doesn’t care about, but is willing and able to step up when it’s called for.

She enjoys writing fan fiction and has a passion -- if not necessarily a talent -- for smut, drama, romance, violence, and monsterfucking. (Some of these things overlap.)

Her father’s an extremely successful musician, and their relationship is . . . complicated.

She’s beautiful and perfect and in love with David and also my girlfriend. Okay, that’s not true. This is where the projecting comes in, dang it.

Honestly, there’s . . . not a lot of there there. I think that’s why some fans are kind of bored by her, and why others absolutely love the shit out of her. Her personality is rock-solid -- seriously, just write “bored and seemingly uncaring with a heart of gold and a lust for monsters” and you’ve got a very solid Gwen portrayal right there -- but the backstory is virtually nonexistent, and that’s the bits you get to have fun with.

For example, with all of our facts we have:

She doesn’t like working at Camp Campbell. Okay, but why doesn’t she like working there? Is it just because it’s dilapidated and Campbell is a shithead? Did she ever like working here and got burned out by its overwhelming mediocrity, or was she forced to take this job and hated it from day one? What’s the worst part of it for her: is it working with kids? Is it working with these kids? Is it the outdoors stuff? The lack of resources? That her coworker is an adorable goddamned idiot who doesn’t know how to adult?

She’s an anxious, emotional mess. Anxiety, parasocial relationships (do those apply when talking about fictional characters and/or monsters?), serious doubt and/or regret about her life choices, a complicated and unclear sexuality . . . there’s a lot going on with Gwen. She is trash, and we love her. Add to it that she’s a psych major, and how little we know about her backstory, and she’s a great opportunity to armchair-psychologist and/or overidentify all over the place. Do you have emotional issues or identities you’d like to project onto someone? Congratulations -- Gwen now has all of those too!

She’s lazy when it comes to things she doesn’t care about, but is willing and able to step up when it’s called for. She’s a lot like Max in this way, which I think is why people are such a fan of their dynamic. She cares very deeply about some things and not at all about others, and it’s fun trying to parse out what will make her give a shit. It seems like high enough stakes will make her step up, but her idea of important is very different from David’s a lot of the time. Hell, for all we know her investment in her job changes on as little as her mood; that’s part of what you get to try and figure out as she takes shape in your writing.

She enjoys writing fan fiction and has a passion -- if not necessarily a talent -- for smut, drama, romance, violence, and monsterfucking. (Some of these things overlap.) Not gonna lie, as a book snob I had the hardest time accepting that my girl loves 50 Shades knockoffs. Her tastes are . . . I don’t wanna say bad, but they do tend to be what is popularly considered the lowest common denominator: reality TV, fashion magazines, bodice-ripping romances, paranormal tween novels. Basically, anything with lots of sex and violence seems to be her jam. It creates a really interesting dichotomy, in that she reads all the time, but isn’t necessarily what we’d call well-read. She’s a nerd, but the “worst” kind: a fangirl, and arguably the most adolescent kind. Yet she has a liberal arts degree, which tends to focus heavily on literary and creative arts, so snobs like me would assume she should know better. Apparently pretentious college English classes didn’t rub off on her all that much. I don’t have much in the way of leading questions for this one, because unless you want to psychoanalyze why she enjoys Prison Teen Mom Wars (as I most definitely do), you just sort of need to be aware of and use the fact that she enjoys high-octane drama, fighting, and kinky sex.

Her father’s an extremely successful musician, and their relationship is . . . complicated. Really, there’s two ways to work with this: either Gwen just has a normal “millennial embarrassed by her boomer dad” relationship, which is relatable to the max but doesn’t have a ton of angst fodder, or she’s dealing with some deep-seated issues about being a show toddler and/or failing to live up to his creative legacy (or whatever other parent-child problems you could imagine). Her mom is a complete nonentity. There’s definitely love between her and at least one parent, and that needs to be incorporated into any sort of discussion about her dad, but I don’t think their problems have been magically solved, which has to potential for lots of interesting scenarios.

She’s beautiful. She doesn’t think she’s beautiful, that’s for sure. One Direction in its early period of completely sucking would have lots of opinions about this, but if you don’t think Gwen is a snack (snacc? I’m very old and out of touch), you’re wrong and also not welcome on this blog.

The fun part, in my opinion, is trying to fill in the blank spaces. If I was starting out my own creation of Gwen, I’d focus first on these points: what they tell us about her, and more importantly what they don’t.

I think the hardest thing about writing Gwen -- at least, what I struggle most with -- is trying to soften her up. I took her “crippling anxiety and regret” and filled it in with all my own angst, and I think a lot of fans do that; it’s one of the great things about her, her potential for angst. But despite crying a lot (more, I believe, than any other character except mayyyybe David), she’s not especially sensitive toward other people. And I think it’s tempting to take our love for her and translate it into her being much more perfect and snuggly than she actually is. It’s an incredibly hard balance to strike, and in my opinion this makes her the hardest character to write besides Max, which makes sense, considering #3 up there.

So my advice for that would be: lean into the bitchiness. Let her be blunt and dismissive; she’s more than that, of course, and I think one of the reasons people have gravitated so much toward gwom-type portrayals is her genuine concern and even affection towards other people, but focusing too hard on her kindness and/or her angst tends to push aside the trash goblin Gwen we all fell in love with.

Let her be a trash goblin. She deserves it.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #cc gwen #ask forest #forestwriting #tbh i feel like my gwen is totally ooc #but i also feel like my david is slightly-less-but-still-totally ooc #so i'm not sure my advice is worth anything #but i hope this helps you anon!#file under: advice i probably will not follow #long post #well longish post #Anonymous

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junker-town · 6 years ago

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5 reasons why the 2018 U.S. Open could be one of the best ever

From America’s best venue to a Tiger-led field, the 2018 U.S. Open has the ingredients to be a classic you should watch. Here are five of them.

Despite its well-earned prestige as our national championship, the U.S. Open is not the most exciting major in golf. It delivers far less than the Masters and can’t compete with the run that the British Open is on over the last decade. There have been plenty of legendary winners and unforgettable Sundays with dramatic finishes. It’s a great championship but it also misses more than those other two. Sometimes we get random champions. Sometimes we get blowouts. Sometimes the golf is just a boring slog full of pars that don’t end up being fun to watch.

This week should not be one of those. After a few months of being told 2018 was the “most anticipated Masters ever,” we’re set up again at the U.S. Open. It’s not overhype, but just the way things have fallen in 2018. There are a few common elements between that pre-Masters excitement and this U.S. Open, and a few unique reasons why you should be in a manic Monster-fueled state of anticipation for this second major. Here are five.

Tiger Woods can contend in his first U.S. Open start in three years

We have hit the “toughest test in golf” mile-marker in what is Tiger Woods’ attempt at his first full healthy season since 2013. It’s been three years since Tiger played the U.S. Open, which is boilerplate now for every event he’s started this season since Torrey Pines. That last start at Chambers Bay was arguably his most embarrassing major.

He missed the 2015 cut by miles and the lasting images are Tiger’s club flying through the air after a hopeless hack from some knee-high fescue, and a cold top ground ball he hit in the 18th fairway. It was the kind of shot a hack chop hits at the muni on the weekend when he thinks he can pull off some hero shot with a fairway wood off the deck. Tiger’s top dribbled into the ”Chambers basement,” a deep bunker in the middle of the fairway and resulted in this memorable bit of symbolism.

Time to check in on how Tiger Woods's round is going: pic.twitter.com/VjVW4F0mZW

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) June 19, 2015

The U.S. Open seems like the last place Tiger would break through for his first win in five years. It asks every kind of question of every part of your game and you don’t just show up with only a few months of real competition and win it.

But Tiger is in a better place than, I think, anyone could have imagined just six months into the year. That place may not mean he’ll win this week, or this year, or maybe ever again. He’s got a better chance than we all expected, however, and it’s within a realm of possibility that did not exist three years ago at Chambers Bay or in the intervening two years of trouble getting out of bed.

Tiger is back to striking the ball at not just a competitive level, but an elite PGA Tour-winning level. He had one round in his last start that resulted in the second-best strokes gained tee-to-green mark of his entire career. His short game has shown no signs of that horrendous chipping yips spell that he now says was a result of the nerve pain in his back. In fact, his chipping and wedges are now a strength of his game. The point is: if he’s playing like this tee-to-green, he has a chance to compete and contend at this venue, which seemed unlikely a few months ago.

The putter is the club, based on recent form, that could send him home early or have him playing meaningless rounds on the weekend. His putting stats in his last start were some of the worst of his career. But the putter is one club, one area of the game that can come back the fastest. You can putt like trash one day, and find a heater the next. A bad putter usually stays a bad putter over time, but it’s easier to shake off and catch fire for a round or two. Tiger is also not a historically bad putter. He’s one of the best of all time, just putting poorly in two of his last three starts. It can come around quickly, as it did at The Players. The ballstriking seems to be reliably there for Tiger, so if the putting switch does flip, we’re in for a show all weekend.

Even if his putting stinks again, the way he’s hitting the ball will be fantastic to watch at a shotmaking test like this. It never seemed like we could anticipate that again, and certainly not at a U.S. Open at this specific venue. We should actually expect it this week.

The best major venue in the United States

Shinnecock Hills is unanimously revered as one of the very best golf courses in the world, and you’ll see plenty of arguments this week that it is the top major championship venue this country has to offer (including Augusta National). There are several brilliant pieces outlining its architectural perfection, but I will pull one from course design expert Andy Johnson that I found particularly illuminating (you should read his entire course breakdown here).

Playing Shinnecock is like stepping into the ring against Floyd Mayweather. The course doesn’t rely on singular holes to deliver knockout punches but rather lies in wait for tactical mistakes ready to punish them.

The course will look pretty on TV, present of bunch of different challenging shots and trajectories that will be fun to watch, and when a player starts to feel himself too much, it will deliver the US Open ejection that we love to rubberneck. There’s no one specific hole that would stick out for an untrained TV viewer, like an island green or a some scenic seaside shot vista. It’s monotonous only in its perfection from 1 through 18, as each hole is worth watching for its own challenge and display of the best kind of architecture from the game’s past.

After some non-traditional venues in recent years, we’re back to an old friend and one that many consider to be the ideal U.S. Open spot. Golf Channel’s Brandel Chamblee even argued Shinny could host every year and it would make perfect sense.

This is as good as it gets and the only critique I’d have of the venue is that it’s an uber-exclusive club dropped in the Hamptons, a summer playground for the extremely wealthy. While it did immediately allow women members from its foundations in the 1890s, it is an appropriate if unfortunate reminder of how golf is structured in this country. Whereas the British Open’s ideal venue, St. Andrews, encompasses the open public park nature of so many of the best courses across the pond, the exclusivity of Shinnecock encompasses how the best courses in this country are walled off and inaccessible. That matters less for watching the best in the world take it on this week, so take it in because we don’t get this caliber of venue every year.

The USGA as heel

One of my favorite annual traditions is course setup drama at the U.S. Open. The grumbling, screaming, whining, yelling — it’s all quite fun if you’re an outside observer. The last time the U.S. Open came to Shinnecock Hills, the course setup delivered one of the great farces in major championship history. The embarrassment of watering Shinny’s 7th green in between groups so it was playable is one of the lowest points in USGA history and major championship history.

There are no teams to root for and against in golf. You can pick a favorite guy and back him, but there’s rarely a villain. The USGA, whether it wants to or not, is one of the few weeks we have a heel. It’s not fair, usually, but it’s just become a fact of this championship. They take a beating no matter what from a) the players, who show up ready to pounce on any little thing they feel is abnormal or is considered USGA excessiveness and b) the media, who want drama (hi it’s me!) and angry players and things they could rip the USGA for in their #content.

There’s been ample fodder in recent years, too, from losing the greens at Chambers Bay to grumbles about a tricked up Merion to the infamous DJ Oakmont ruling to the perception that last year’s Erin Hills venue was too easy. And remember at Erin Hills, we started the week with hours of air time and thousands of words on how it might be too hard because of #fescuegate. We finished the week with people complaining that it was too easy and not a real U.S. Open because of a winning score of 16-under. So yeah, the bar to avoid critiques may be impossibly high for the USGA.

The USGA always likes to walk the tightrope but it’s truly going to be hard to screw up this year given the venue. The course is impeccable and the forecast looks pristine. This week they’re walking a tightrope that’s only a few feet off the ground. It’s still possible to fall awkwardly and snap your ankle, but it’s pretty safe working conditions comparatively.

So where could that awkward fall occur? A rules mishap is always in play, but even there we have new safeguards since the DJ catastrophe. Green speeds could get a little too fast and lead to some pins that are close to being over the line. But it’s going to be tough given all the technology agronomists and groundskeepers now have. We’re not getting a repeat of that 2004 mess at the 7th green, but I’m sure the players, media, and fans will find something to grumble about before Sunday night. It’s a great U.S. Open tradition!

FOX is actually good btw

If you’re still bathing in Greg Norman’s tears from the great 2015 FOX abomination, then you haven’t been paying attention to just how good FOX has become at broadcasting this championship. They got better at Oakmont, better again at Erin Hills, and are now given the opportunity of a Tiger-led field at the championship’s best venue.

FOX uses all the technology, but not in an intrusive or distracting way. You’ll get tracer on almost every shot, from both the tees and on approaches. They have, in my opinion, an incredible collection of talent that doesn’t make you want to mute the TV. Norman was quickly thrown back into the sea, the Shark free to swim off and take nude pictures of himself.

Paul Azinger says some insane things but always makes it sound like it’s the most brilliant turn of phrase or nugget of wisdom you have ever heard. He is as entertaining and as good as we have in the lead analyst chair. He’s paired up with Joe Buck, rotating every couple hours with another separate and distinct two-man booth of Shane Bacon and Brad Faxon. All four are good and easy listens. Curtis Strange is the kind of old-school redass you want on the call of a U.S. Open. Ken Brown’s “Brownie points” segments actually make you smarter, as opposed to most of the pre-produced fluff crowbarred into golf broadcasts. And Gil Hanse is a pro and exactly the kind of architectural voice you want to sprinkle in at a Golden Age design like this.

We’re in an era when the coverage and presentation can so dramatically alter how you view a tournament of this magnitude. Fox has an awesome opportunity with this 2018 edition and we should be in good hands.

Philip Alfred

Phil Mickelson is doing extremely Phil Mickelson things this week, like hiding away at another ultra-exclusive Hamptons club to practice alongside a heavyweight businessman/country club legend and Tom Brady. But even if he’s out of view, Phil will forever be a story at the U.S. Open, the white whale of his career. With six runner-up finishes, there are plenty of options to choose from, but his runner-up here in 2004 may have been the most unfortunate miss. There was a screwjob element to it with the course setup and the 7th hole.

Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Phil Mickelson chats with his caddie Jim MacKay on the seventh tee during the final round of the 104th U.S. Open at Shinnecock Hills Golf Club on June 20, 2004.

Now he’s back, and while he’s not a favorite like in so many years prior, he’s playing better golf this season and snapped a five-year winless drought. I remember sitting in front of Phil two years ago when he was asked about completing the career slam. “I could BS you and tell you I don’t think about it,” he said “No, I think about it all the time.”

There aren’t many chances left for Phil and after skipping last year, he’s back at a venue where he posted one of those six runners-up. He’s not a favorite, but he’s still an underdog contender to become the sixth player in the history of the game to complete the career slam. It’s Phil and the U.S. Open and you’ll want to watch when he comes back out of hiding on Thursday morning.

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