#and i think if he really loved you he’d try to unlearn those toxic and problematic behaviours

[inkykeiji]

I know the relationship between flawless tomura and MC is toxic (which don’t get me wrong I agree) but I can’t help but compare how much “healthier” it is compared to the Touya!nii’s relationship with the MC, at least so far. I like being delusional and thinking Tomura could possibly have a healthy relationship 😅

i get what you mean!!! it’s really that it’s less severe than touya-nii’s relationship. tomura is a lot more honest and upfront, and as i’ve said before his manipulation is mostly unconscious (learned skills he’s been using to get exactly what he wants since he was quite young). he doesn’t consciously play mind games and all that the way touya does, partially because he doesn’t know how to (it just isn’t who he is as a person) and partially because he’d find no value/validation or satisfaction in it anyway (as opposed to touya, who derives a lot of validation and entertainment from his wicked ways).

so while it’s still wrong, obviously, it doesn’t feel as harsh as touya-nii. additionally, flawless tomu is less abusive than touya-nii is, and while he shares a few negative traits with touya (possessive, controlling/likes to be The Boss, obsessive, jealous, etc) the majority of them are more muted than touya-nii is.

[lewmagoo]

the ferris wheel | rhett abbott

description: in which a fearless cowboy isn't so fearless anymore

pairing: rhett abbott x gn!reader

warnings: angst, fear of heights, toxic masculinity (aka rhett trying to unlearn all the harmful things his father taught him about masculinity), mention of a broken arm, slight panic attack, vomiting, working through familial trauma, rhett learning how to communicate, therapy, i think that's it

*inspired by a convo with @damrlova :)

Rhett Abbott hated being perceived as weak. 

More specifically, he hated being perceived as weak by you. His light, his love, his darling. You were so sweet, so loving, and you looked at him as if he’d set the very stars in the sky. 

You always told him how strong he was. You’d squeeze his big arms and marvel at his strength after he’d just finished hauling bales of hay or wrangling a stubborn horse. You’d cheer the loudest in the stands when he managed to have a good ride, and you’d come running to him and exclaim what a wonderful job he did, how proud you were of him. 

In your eyes, he was your hero, your protector, your knight in shining armor. And he was terrified of tainting that view. He didn’t want you to think of him as a failure. Yes, it was irrational. He knew that. But he was terrified of losing what you shared. The healthiest, most loving relationship he had ever taken part in. So he fought to keep on that mask of strength for as long as he could. 

Until it all came crashing down one night on the tippy top of a Ferris wheel at the Amelia County Fair. 

You were teeming with excitement over going to the fair. It was always your favorite event of the summer. You loved the energy, the atmosphere, and the nostalgia of it all. 

You also loved being able to watch your man ride. This year, however, was his first year attending the fair as just a spectator. The year prior, he’d finally hung up the reins, so to speak, and decided to step away from bull riding. It was not a decision he took lightly, but ultimately, he did it for himself, and for you. 

His father had always dreamed of Rhett following in his footsteps as a bull rider. Riding was the only thing that earned Rhett a hearty “good job” or “proud of ya, son.” The only time Royal ever seemed to be truly proud of him. And Rhett chased that feeling, the elation, the satisfaction, the warmth that bloomed in his chest when his father said those words. 

But it was never enough. No matter how many good rides he had. How many dislocated shoulders or fucked up wrists. He would never get his father to look at him the way he looked at Perry. The golden son. The boy who could do no wrong. 

Rhett loved his brother, he really did. But his entire life, he’d been endlessly compared to Perry. Held up to an impossible standard. And Rhett knew he would never measure up. 

Even so, he still tried in vain to make his rodeo career work. But why was he so determined to do so? Was it because he was truly passionate about the sport? Or was it only because he craved validation from his dad?

You posed these questions to him well into your relationship, after you’d seen him fall too many times. After you’d watched in horror as a 1,500-pound animal’s hooves nearly clipped him in the head. After you’d come home together at night after a ride and listened to his pained groans in the shower as he tried to wash his hair, but couldn’t, because he was in too much agony to even do so. 

It weighed heavily on you. You didn’t want to tell him to walk away from his dream, but there was a part of you that knew this wasn’t his dream. It was Royal’s. And you wanted Rhett to come to that conclusion on his own. 

It took a little tough love, but eventually, he did come to that conclusion. Unfortunately, it took shattering the radius and ulna of his riding arm under a bull’s hoof to bring him to that point. 

He realized, finally, that the blood, sweat, and tears were not worth it. None of it was, not compared to the excruciating pain he was in. Rhett had always considered himself to have a high pain tolerance, and he did. But even the highest pain threshold was no match for this sheer misery. 

He was out for the rest of the season. And in his heart, he knew he’d never ride again. His arm wouldn’t be the same after this. It would be too weak to hold onto the back of an angry, thundering bull. It was suicide to climb onto the back of another one of those beasts again. And Rhett didn’t only have himself to think of anymore. He had you. And he would never forget the frightened look on your face as he was being placed into the back of an ambulance. He never wanted to be the cause of that look again. 

So he walked away from the rodeo circuit. He stopped using it as a crutch to receive his father’s praise. Instead, he put his focus on you, and your relationship. He worked to build a good life for you both. 

His injury had begun to heal after many months of recovery and physical therapy, and after he was given the go-ahead to get back to normal, he set about making arrangements to build a home for the two of you. 

And through that process, he watched you stare at him in awe. You were deeply moved by the way he cared for you. You admired him for his strength and resilience, and he wanted to show you that he was a man of his word, that he was going to give you the house you deserved, the life you deserved. 

He was your guy. The one who always took care of everything. The one who made sure you had gas in your car. The one who wasn’t afraid to go check out a mysterious bump in the night just to give you peace of mind. The one who was brave. That was why he struggled so much with being perceived as anything less than that in your eyes. 

He never would’ve thought a damn Ferris wheel at the county fair would be his undoing. But he should’ve known it from the second he walked through the gates. 

He admired the way your eyes lit up as you took in the sights and sounds around you. You were on cloud nine, and he was glad he was able to fully experience it with you this year and be a spectator, rather than being a spectacle. 

He was perfectly fine at the beginning. You dragged him into the barn area to see the horses and other livestock. You insisted on stopping by a lemonade stand to grab one to share. You visited each vendor and made sure to say hello to friends that were working the fair that day. 

And then there was the Ferris wheel. The second you saw it, a grin broke across your face, and you grabbed Rhett’s hand. “Oh, babe! Let’s go on the Ferris wheel!” You exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of your feet in excitement. 

It would’ve been fine, except for one very small issue: Rhett was terrified of heights. For an adrenaline junky, it was an interesting predicament to be in. He could handle sitting on the back of a raging bull. He could wrangle spooked horses. He could go up against his own brother when he went off on one of his fits of rage.

But he couldn’t handle being high off the ground. It made his heart race, his head spin, and his palms sweat. But when you tugged on his hand and gave him your pretty doe-eyed glance, he tried to swallow that nauseating fear and follow after you. If it made you happy, it was worth it.

However, as you stepped into the line for the ride, Rhett found himself looking up at the wheel, and his knees went weak. It was so much bigger up close. It loomed imposingly overhead, and he forced himself to look back down at the ground so he couldn’t get dizzy. 

His heart had begun to race in his chest, and he focused on his footsteps carrying him forward. Right, left, right, left, right, left. Then you were at the entrance to the wheel and he climbed into the seat, trying desperately not to react when the seat began to rock a little. 

The entire time, you were talking animatedly about what you wanted to do after the ride, but he hardly registered a word you were saying. He sat there and stared ahead and willed himself not to throw up. 

The chill of anxiety bubbled to life within his chest, and he bit the inside of his cheek. He knew anxiety, he felt it every time he climbed onto a bull, just before he shot out into the ring. But that anxiety always melted away the second the gates opened and he was thrust out into the ring. During those few seconds he felt high off of adrenaline, he felt invincible. 

But here, sitting on a simple Ferris wheel seat, he didn’t feel invincible. He felt like a scared child. Suddenly he was small again, crying over a crushed bouquet of wildflowers he’d just picked, only for his father to tell him picking flowers was for girls, and that he needed to man up. 

And that’s what he tried to tell himself as you settled in beside him. Told himself to ‘man up’. Even though the term was ridiculous and incredibly harmful. It was difficult for Rhett to unlearn this ideology because it was all that had been drilled into his head. 

Men don’t cry. Men don’t show fear. Men are strong and steady. But Rhett didn’t feel like any of those things, especially not when the seat suddenly jerked forward and made him jump out of his skin. 

You noticed it, and you looked at him. “Are you alright?”

He nodded. “Y-yeah, ‘m fine. Just wasn’t expectin’ that, is all.” He thought it must’ve been convincing enough, because soon, you settled beside him, your shoulder touching his. 

The ride ascended higher and higher, and Rhett was already white-knuckling the bar in front of you. You noticed he was tense, and this time, when you looked at him, his eyes were squeezed shut. 

That’s when you realized he was trembling. 

“Rhett, baby, look at me,” you gently coaxed. 

He let out a soft sound, a whimper of fear, and he mentally cursed himself for it. But he couldn’t help it. “No,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay. Just turn your head and keep your eyes on me.”

Slowly, he turned his head, and you lifted your hand, gently cupping his cheeks in your hands, moving them high enough so that your fingers blocked his peripheral. 

Slowly, he opened his eyes. “You’re safe. Just keep your eyes on my face. Don’t look anywhere else but at me, alright?”

There were tears glimmering in his cerulean eyes. His bottom lip quivered. And all at once, you felt terrible for even suggesting this ride in the first place. You didn’t realize he was frightened until it was too late. 

But instead of asking him about the fear, you made an effort to distract him. You could have a discussion when you were back on solid ground. For now, you kept his focus on you. 

“That’s it. Doing so good, baby. I’m right here. I want you to keep your eyes on me and tell me five things you see, okay?”

“O-okay,” he breathed. His eyes flickered about your face. “U-um…I see your…your eyes. I see your nose. I, uh, I see your mouth. I see your cheeks.”

“Good job. That’s four, I need one more.”

“And I see your chin.”

“There you go, that’s it.” You gave him an encouraging smile. For the next part of the grounding technique, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to get him to take his hands off the bar to find four things he could touch. So, instead, you skipped to the next step. “How about three things you can hear?”

He took in a deep gulp of oxygen. “The…the music from the merry-go-round across the way. I can kinda hear people talking. An’ I can hear machines movin’.”

You kept your voice steady as you replied. “You’re doing so great, Rhett,” you encouraged. However, at that very moment, your seat reached the tippy top of the Ferris wheel, and it stopped. 

That jerked Rhett entirely out of the calm headspace you’d been guiding him into. “Oh, God,” he breathed. “Fuck, why did it stop?” Panic started to heighten his tone. 

“Baby, look at me. It’s part of the ride, they stop it at the top for a little bit before you go back down.”

“No, no, no. Why the fuck would they do that?! I can’t…I can’t do this.”

You kept your hands where they were, cradling his face. “Yes, you can. I’m right here with you, I promise. We’re doing this together.”

Tears had begun to well in his eyes again. Your heart ached for him, and you longed to wrap your arms around him, but you knew it would cause your seat to rock, and you didn’t want to send him further into panic. 

“I-I’m so fuckin’ scared,” he whimpered. 

“It’s okay to be scared. But it’s almost over, I promise. Just keep your focus on me. I’m gonna ask you another question, okay?” 

He gave you the go-ahead. “Okay.”

“What are two things you can smell?”

His brow furrowed as he breathed in deeply. “Your, uh, your perfume. And your shampoo.”

You beamed at him. “Great job baby.”

You continued to gently speak to him, keeping him distracted as best as you could. You had him focus on breathing, placing your hand on his broad chest as you told him to breathe in and out slowly. 

And little by little, the ride began to descend back to the ground. “We’re almost there, just a little more,” you assured him. Now that you were lower to the ground, Rhett was able to look away from you, his eyes flickering about to take in his surroundings. His shoulders began to visibly relax.

It was all going to be okay. Just a few more moments and his feet would be back on the ground. He found himself counting down in his head, until finally, the seat stopped at the bottom. Without hesitation, Rhett bolted from the ride, nearly tripping over his own feet as he did so. 

As you trailed after him, you passed Trevor Tillerson and his new Flavor of the Week, waiting next in line for the Ferris wheel. You should have known the eldest Tillerson would run his mouth, because that was what he was prone to do. Especially after he’d had a few drinks, and judging by the fact that he smelled like a bottle of Jack Daniels, he’d had more than a few. 

He snickered as Rhett bolted past him. “Ain’t no way the big bad bull rider gets sick on kiddie rides!” He jeered, eyes wide in disbelief. 

The comment sent fire through you, enraged that he would pick on Rhett after what he’d just endured. A surge of protectiveness drove you forward, and without a second thought, you whirled around. “Shut the fuck up, Trevor!” And then you sharply slapped him across the face. 

You didn’t stick around to see his reaction. Instead, you promptly turned back around on your feet and rushed after your man, driven by your need to make sure he was okay. Just ahead, Rhett skidded to a halt beside a trash can, and promptly lurched forward, letting nausea overcome him, releasing the contents of his stomach into the trash can. Your heart ached as you trailed behind him, placing a comforting hand on his back and rubbing slow circles with your palm. 

“I’ve got you, honey,” you assured him. You hated the sound of his pained heaves, and you felt terrible knowing that they were all because you had insisted that he go on the Ferris wheel. 

Groaning lowly, he rose, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Shit,” he grumbled under his breath. 

“Are you done? Or do you think you’ll throw up again?” You asked.

He nodded, grimacing slightly. “I-I think ‘m done,” he replied.

“Okay. How about you sit down here for a minute? I’ll go get you some water,” you softly coaxed, taking his arm and gently guiding him to a nearby picnic table. “I’ll be right back.” Then you slipped away to request a cup of water from one of the nearby food vendors.

Meanwhile, Rhett lowered his head to his hands, groaning to himself. “Fuck,” he cursed. He was so embarrassed for the way he’d reacted on that stupid Ferris wheel. Surely you thought he was a complete idiot.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. And when you returned holding two cups of water, and saw that his head was in his hands, your heart broke. “I’m back,” you quietly announced, placing the water in front of him. He grabbed the cup, his large hand engulfing the plastic container, and eagerly gulped down the cool liquid.

As he did so, you sat across from him, slowly sipping your own water. He wouldn’t look at you, and you could see shame burning brightly on his cheeks. “Fuckin’ embarrassin’,” he grumbled. 

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Rhett,” you soothed.

“Yes it is. What grown-ass man goes up in a Ferris wheel and fuckin’ cries?”

You shook your head, your eyes filling with tears. “Baby, stop. That has nothing to do with you being a man or not. It’s okay to be scared of things.” Then you leaned forward. “You should have told me you were scared. I never would’ve had you go on it with me.”

He shrugged sheepishly, still refusing to meet your gaze. “Didn’t want you t’ think I was weak.” And there it was. 

“Look at me.”

He did.

You reached out and placed your hands over his own ever-fidgeting ones. “I could never, ever think you were weak. Nothing you have ever done says “weak” to me. You are the strongest man I know, and being emotional or scared is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. To be that vulnerable in front of someone? That takes courage.”

Rhett’s bottom lip quivered. “I…I know it’s stupid to think that way, but it’s just so fuckin’ drilled into my head. I can’t get rid of the mindset.”

A hot flash of anger flared in your chest, because you knew who was responsible for instilling that mindset in him. But you couldn’t let your anger come to the surface, so you kept it at bay. “I know it’s hard to shake it. But those are lies, you hear me? It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be scared.”

“It’s just…I’ve been on the backs of some of the meanest bulls in the rodeo. I stared down the barrel of a shotgun when I was a teenager when I got caught trespassin’ on someone else’s land. I’ve had m’ own fuckin’ brother throw punches at me. You’d think I’d be able to handle a measly little fair ride.”

“We all have our limits. And I want you to know something. You don’t ever have to do something you don’t want to, just because of me, okay? I don’t want you to feel like you have no other choice, or like you have to make me happy. Because your own well-being is more important than making me happy. You hear me?”

He nodded slowly. “The thing is, I know all that. But…how do I get myself to start believin’ it?”

You squeezed his hands. “Well, for starters, you don’t have to do it alone. I don’t want you to shut me out. You aren’t supposed to carry your burdens by yourself. I wanna carry them with you.”

That was so difficult for Rhett to wrap his mind around. He was so used to being alone, to navigating his warring emotions all by himself. It had been a point of contention in your relationship. You were always telling him you didn’t want him to shut you out. That you wanted him to communicate and tell you how he was feeling. But that fear of vulnerability was crushing. Even so, he knew he needed to be better about expressing how he was feeling. He just wasn’t sure how to go about it.

“Will…will y’ help me figure out how to share ‘em with you?” He asked earnestly.

“Of course, baby. I’ll help you navigate it all, I promise.”

He nodded, his eyes glittering with emotion. Then he looked down at your intertwined hands. “Y’know how you kinda…hinted at seein’ a therapist?”

You nodded, because you had. You didn’t want Rhett to feel pressured into it, but in passing, you had mentioned to him that seeing a therapist was helpful to you. He hated to admit it, but he knew he needed to start seeing someone to help him navigate the muddled mess that was his brain. There were years of unchecked trauma and repressed emotions that needed to be dealt with. 

Before you, he wouldn’t have been caught dead admitting that he needed help. But you had made him see that it was okay to ask for help. And after the moment on the Ferris wheel, and how terrified he’d been to show you “weakness”, it hit him like a ton of bricks that, in order for your relationship to thrive, he needed to get a handle on those feelings.

“I think it’s time I started seein’ one,” he continued, his voice soft, as if he was afraid of admitting such a thing.

You reached out and gently tipped his chin up so he was looking at you again. “Oh, baby, you have no idea how happy that makes me. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you to say. I’m so proud of you, Rhett.” You lifted his hands to your mouth to press your lips to his knuckles. “I’ll help you find the perfect therapist just for you. I won’t let you do this by yourself, alright? I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

He managed a small smile. “Alright. I trust you.”

Those three words were music to your ears. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he answered with conviction.

“We can talk more about this at home if you want. But I’m sure you’re exhausted after that awful ride. Do you wanna head home? Or stay here a little longer?”

He hesitated. “I…know you had your heart set on comin’ to the fair, but…I think maybe I need t’ go home and rest after that ordeal.”

You offered a warm smile. “That’s okay, we can go right home. Whatever is best for you, I don’t want you to force yourself to stay just to please me.”

You rose to your feet and held your hand out to him, which he gratefully accepted, allowing you to pull him to his feet. You leaned in to kiss him gently, and he melted into you. “Let’s get you home, cowboy.”

“Wait,” he said, as you began to lead him away. 

You stopped to look back at him.

“D’ya think we could, uh…get some funnel cake before we go?”

Your face broke into a grin. “Of course we can.”

Happily, you led him to a funnel cake stand, where you purchased the sugary treat to share. Then, you walked out of the fairground, with you nestled against Rhett’s side as you ate bites of the fried cake while you walked. It was a lighthearted end to a rather difficult night, but both of you were at peace, because the difficulty had lead to some revelations that would soon improve your relationship and deepen your bond. 

Rhett had a long journey of healing ahead of him, and the thought was rather frightening. But with your unwavering love and support, he knew he could do it. And you knew he could, too.

-

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[luckyjak]

essek week: day seven

For @essek-week day seven: AU. In this case, modern AU

TW: Homophobia, tw: implied transphobia, TW: Outing, Brotherly Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, religious conservative family trauma, Mighty Nein as Family, boys crying about feelings, Modern AU. 

most of the trigger warnings are implied not explicit but I feel the need to warn regardless

He’s late.

He shouldn’t have come at this point, but something keeps tugging at him, making him move forward despite the rain of the city and his general tardiness. Perhaps it’s the fact that he bought a gift that makes him keep moving, or maybe it’s the fact that he hasn’t seen Essek in three years, or any number of reasons, but his feet keep moving, and he doesn’t stop.

When he arrives at the location his GPS tells him is the venue, he hesitates even as his hand is on the door.

It’s not a church, Verin thinks, smiling in spite of himself. Mother would have kittens if she knew Essek was getting married not in a church.

She'd have a conniption over the fact that he's marrying a man, too, of course. Not that she was coming to the wedding. No one from Essek’s side of the family was likely to come to his wedding, except for Verin, and it was that thought that gave him the courage to open the door.

At first, he wonders if he’s wandered into the wrong location, if he perhaps misread the invitation he received. But a quick glance tells him that, no, this is the right location. The planetarium looks like a garden exploded in it: there are flowers everywhere, and none of them match. But the chaos actually sort of works, aesthetically, as all of the flowers seem to glow with the night sky overhead.

He’s like, the only drow here, but the place is packed with people dancing and drinking. He tries to see if he can spot his brother anywhere, but before he gets too far there is a blue tiefling in his face.

“Hi!” She says to him, very bubbly. She looks like a princess, wearing a bright pink sparkly dress and a tiara. Across her chest is a sash that says Maid of Honor. “Are you related to Essek?”

He blinks at her, slowly. “I am. Is he, ah, still here…?”

“He is,” she bounces on her tiptoes, still grinning. He realizes suddenly that she is wearing matching pink converse shoes as opposed to heels. Another thing Mother would have a fit over, he thinks.

“Can I, uh, see him, or…”

He feels a large, rough hand on his shoulder, and he turns and finds himself staring at a very tall, pink haired firbolg. “We just want to have a little conversation, first.”

“I’m sure you are a very nice guy!” The tiefling tells him, still bouncing slightly. “But Essek said a lot of his family are dicks, so we just wanna check.”

“Yeah,” comes a new voice, and he turns to find a dark skinned human woman in a blue suit. She is also wearing a sash, although her’s says Caleb’s Best Friend Fuck Gender.  “We just wanna make sure you aren’t here to start shit. Say something homophobic or something fucked up on his wedding day.”

A part of him feels warm on his brother’s behalf. The Essek he used to know never had friends who would stand up for him like this. He blinks slowly, and tries to find a kind smile within himself. “I’m not our mother,” he tells the three friends of Essek, and hopes it’s enough to convey his sincerity.

The firbolg slaps him on the back. “Good enough for me!” He points in the general direction of the center of the room. “He’s dancing with his husband.”

He wanders, for a little bit, but he still doesn’t see his brother. Instead, he decided to amuse himself by counting how many other people are wearing sashes like the tiefling and the woman in the suit. The firbolg is wearing one, too, he realizes, only his is on backwards; it says Made of Tea. There is a halfling in a yellow dress who has a sash that says Mama Bear. A half-orc wearing a ridiculous pirate hat whose sash says Best Captain. An incredibly buff woman with dark hair is dancing with a purple tiefling in a dress, and both of them are wearing sashes, too. The woman’s sash says Made of Honor (Also Guns) while the tiefling’s says Best Dead. The woman dips the tiefling as part of their dance, and the tiefling immediately cracks a joke in someone’s direction, which is how Verin finds his brother.

No wonder he couldn’t find Essek at first. He hardly looks like himself. Gone is the quiet boy who used to hide up in his room, or when forced out into public, hid behind several layers of thick robes. Instead he’s dancing in the center of the room, and the center of everyone’s attention, too. His brother wears a silk white halter top that sparkles in the starlight. Verin thinks it may be slightly translucent, too, but he’s too far to tell at this distance. His top is tucked into high waisted dark trousers with shiny gold buttons on them. Unlike many of the women here, his brother is wearing high heels, and more makeup than most of the women, too. He wears gold eyeliner and thick purple and blue eyeshadow, but it looks nice on him. Makes him look ethereal, which, Verin thinks, might have been the theme.

The man Essek is dancing with is half a head taller than his brother, and human, too, from the looks of him. He looks like a wizard, Verin thinks, which is sort of a ridiculous outfit to wear to a wedding, but it kind of works for him. He wears a long, light blue cape, robe thing? But the top half of it is sparkly, woven with silver thread to look like stardust. The man’s hair is very long and a vivid red, going down past his shoulders, but it’s been braided in an elaborate French braid, with bright flowers woven into his hair.

He’s also wearing makeup, Verin notices and grins. A light blue eyeshadow.

The song they are dancing to ends, and the newly wedded couple kiss, and Verin turns away immediately so he’s not looking at them, like they’ve done something embarrassing. Shame sinks into the bottom of his stomach as he does so, and he feels himself flush with anger and embarrassment. This is Essek’s wedding, he tells himself. There’s nothing wrong with him kissing his husband.

Why is it so hard to unlearn every toxic thing Mother ever taught me?  Verin thinks, ashamed of himself. His hands grip the present he brought tightly, and he turns to try to find the gift table, to put what he brought there and then go home, and of course, that’s when Essek spots him.

“Verin?” his brother calls to him, so he stops and turns to face him. His brother looks so shocked right now, it’s hard to read any other expression on his face; Verin can’t tell if he’s happy to see him, or angry, or both. “You came?”

“You invited me,” Verin says sheepishly, although he knows that’s not a good excuse. They’ve not seen each other in three years. Part of that is on Essek; he left the family in a storm of anger and hurt, but part of it is on Verin, too. He didn’t reach out to him, even after Verin left the family, too.

“I invited the whole Den,” Essek says, gesturing around the room as if to point out the distinct lack of drow here. Most people are still dancing, but a few have stopped to watch his and Essek’s conversation; most of the people with sashes, he notices. “But they didn’t seem to make it.”

There’s so much Verin wants to say, then. He wants to say I’m sorry, he wants to say I was bigger and stronger. I should have protected you from them. He wants to say I’m trying to be a better person now and I should have contacted you sooner and it’s so hard, unlearning everything they taught us, how did you do it? And did you know Father died, the night you left?

But he doesn’t, can’t seem to find a way to make any of those words come out of his throat. The room is too crowded and too hot, so instead, he deflects. “Perhaps their invitations got lost in the mail?”

His comment causes Essek to grin. “All seven hundred and eleven of them, huh?”

“Seven hundred and thirteen,” Verin corrects with a gentle smile, his nerves vanishing with the familiar banter he’s missed from his brother. “Cousin Gwylyss’s wife had twins two years ago.”

“Those poor kids,” Essek muses. “I hope they don’t take after their father.”

“Oh, they absolutely do,” or at least, they did, before Verin left, too.

Essek practically doubles over with laughter, and when he stops laughing he smiles sharply at Verin, fangs poking out of his lips. “Did you know, Great Aunt Beszrima sent me a wedding gift? It’s just money, but it was still a surprise.”

Now it’s Verin’s turn to practically double over. “Did she really?”

“Oh yes. My theory is that the old bat saw the name Thelyss on a wedding invitation and sent money without looking any closer at it.”

Both brothers are laughing now, a shared joke no one else gets, and it’s so nice, he’s missed this so much. This connection, the shared past and the shared trauma. For a moment, they are just two brothers laughing at their extended family, and they can pretend that three years ago, Verin didn’t accidentally out his older brother to their religious, conservative family. That the fight that broke out between Essek and their father hadn’t turned violent. That, when the storm finally broke, both Essek and their father left, and the next time Verin saw their father he was in a casket, and he thought for years the next time he’d see Essek, he’d be in one, too.

His thoughts sober him up quickly.

“I’m sorry,” he says to Essek.

It’s not enough, it won’t ever be enough, but he doesn’t know what else to say. How can you apologize for not knowing any better? He was young and stupid and impulsive, but that’s not an excuse. How do you apologize for ruining someone’s life without realizing it?

But he doesn’t get the chance to say anything further, because Essek is doing something he’s not done in years, and hugging him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

He sobs before he can stop himself, and Essek is crying, too, he thinks, because he can feel the wetness on his jacket. He wraps his arms around Essek's back and hugs him tightly, sobbing because he feels too much.

“Enough of that,” Essek says shakily, pulling away. His makeup is smudged and runny, and he is trying, desperately, to stop crying. “It’s my wedding day. I’m not going to cry any more.”

Verin makes no such promises, and wipes his eyes on his jacket sleeve.

There’s a gentle hand on Essek’s shoulder, and the man he was dancing with earlier--his husband, Verin thinks--hands Essek a handkerchief without saying anything, although Verin can tell he’s been watching their exchange like a hawk. “Oh fuck,” Essek says, laughing as he blows his nose into the handkerchief. “Verin, would you like to meet my husband?”

“Of course. That's why I came,” Verin says, holding his hand out, wishing he looked less like a mess. “Verin Thelyss. Essek is my big brother.”

“Caleb Widogast,” the husband says, shaking his hand. The Zemnian accent is a surprise, but then again, Verin doesn’t know what he expected Essek’s husband to sound like. “Essek is my husband.”

Verin holds his head down, shame filling him again slightly. “I’m sorry I missed the ceremony.”

“It’s okay,” Caleb Widogast tells him with a soft smile. “Better late than never. We are glad you are here.”

“We are,” Essek assures him. He grabs Verin’s hand, and squeezes it gently. “I am so glad to see you again.”

Verin cries again, and squeezes Essek’s hand back. “There’s so much I’d like to say,” he says, his voice cracking as he speaks. “But I don’t want to ruin your wedding.”

“You wouldn’t,” Essek assures him, and squeezes his hand back. “You haven’t.”

“I think,” Essek’s husband looks around, and Verin notices suddenly that they are in a closed circle of people--all the people he noticed wearing sashes, the people who must make up the wedding party. They are circling them to give them privacy, he realizes suddenly, and he feels overwhelmed with gratitude towards these strangers who must love his brother so very much. “That perhaps, if you two wished to talk more privately, we could provide a distraction.”

Caleb’s Best Friend Fuck Gender  whistles. “We are very good at distractions.”

Best Dead smiles sharply with his fangs pointing. “Something of our specialty, you might say.”

Mama Bear wiggles her fingers. “Chaos crew.”

“Go on then,” Essek’s-- Caleb, Verin corrects himself, tells them, squeezing Essek’s shoulder. “We’ll find you later.”

Then a firecracker goes off (where did that even come from?) and people are shouting and running about, and Essek drags his brother off to talk, privately, for the first time in three years, and it feels, a little bit, like forgiveness.

[abri-chan]

Your idea of Prosciutto being into older women is actually really interesting not that the usual head cannons of him aren't but I really find the more sub-ish type head cannons about him really interesting, how did you come up with that idea or could you elaborate on it?

I don’t recall if I said he’s into older women or that he has dated mostly older women, bc they’re not exactly the same thing. But anyways, I think the HC popped into my head around the time the anime was airing and everyone in the fandom seemed to agree Prosciutto was the one member of La Squadra who would be popular with women. And since he doesn’t strike me as a player (or someone to behave one way to get a girl and then change), I’m guessing he’s just the kind of man that “knows what women want”.

I’m not trying to say women are one entity, but going by societal expectations and culture, to know what women want you’d probably have to ask older women. Younger women are still under the pressure of their family, and more susceptible to social pressures and expectations. And they don’t yet have the financial independence to cut ties with toxic people. But older women usually have had time to reflect upon how culture and society are bullshit, have had countless bad experiences, and eventually have decided that there’s a lot of trash to throw out in what is expected of them. Given many are also financially independent, they can finally be freer to live life as they want, and give less of a fuck than their younger selves would, since a lot of young women have to unlearn a tons of BS with regards to what is expected of them.

Going by those same societal expectations, if a young man comes in contact with older women he’d probably get challenged more in terms of the views he holds with regards to his role in society or women’s roles. Younger women could coddle for him, or for reasons mentioned above, still act via a script provided early on by society, despite how detrimental it would be to them. Older women simply won’t take your crap, and will tell it like it is, which is why they’re probably demonized a lot in society (bc older women are freer and more confident in what they want).

So I thought that for Prosciutto to be popular with all kinds of women, and him to be genuinely so, maybe women just felt freer to act as they wanted around him. So it made sense in my mind for him to be shaped by dating significantly older women early on. I even joked that he may have been a sugar baby, because in a time where women are more financially independent, some may simple just want an escort and turn love or attention into a commodity. And if you have money, you may as well pick the attractive guys, because why bother otherwise? So younger Prosciutto would make a good target for older women into escorts or sugar babies.

Also I think many HC him around mid 20s? But his taste and fashion sense seem to be more mature and refined than that, so maybe that also was shaped by interacting with more mature women? And I’m imaging many of them molded his present-day tastes by the kind of gifts they would give him, or things they would buy him or require him to wear, or places they’d take him to. 

[chassycat-original]

In Defense of the Lying Jackass

I recently waxed eloquent about my thoughts on a Supergirl season 3 scene between Kara and Mon-El that still just irks me, so I’ve thought about it. 

A lot.

Specifically my thoughts about Kara telling Mon-El that she gave her heart to a lying jackass, and how the haters and SC fandom who use it to try and prove a point have kind of completely overlooked the obvious. 

Unfortunately, my thoughts got lost in the back-and-forth of a long-ass conversation/argument that’s still raging, so I’m liberating it from all the noise.

The Old “I Gave My Hear to a Lying Jackass” Argument

This scene. Good GOD.

Let’s set aside for a moment the way the psychic whammy rant scene in Supergirl 3x15 felt like a blatant attempt to appease loud fans who criticized the show’s portrayal of Mon-El, and the way this same loud fandom continues to celebrate Kara’s -- Supergirl’s! -- vicious attack, first physically and then verbally, on Mon-El. 

Because physical and emotional abuse is something we celebrate, apparently.

Whatever. Mon-El and Karamel haters alike claim this was the moment Kara’s true feelings were finally brought to light, as she stood up for herself and dragged Mon-El’s ass the way he always deserved.

They love to cite the entire conflict -- especially the “I don't think you get that I gave my heart to a lying jackass!” line -- as proof Kara actually believed Mon-El was toxic and abusive when they were together and she regretted ever getting into a relationship with him. Because there had to be some truth to her words! Even if they were only unleashed due to a psychic whammy!

Well, hey, guess what? You’re right! There is some truth behind what she said. In fact, technically there’s nothing untrue in that statement.

Because Mon-El was at one point a jackass.

Also, a liar.

But he owned up to it. And he willingly tried to be the best version of himself because Kara showed him a better way to live. He did that.

But here’s the kicker: Y’all always seem to conveniently ignore the last bit of that statement.

Kara gave her heart to Mon-El. Her heart. Just gave it right to him! She knew exactly who he was, what he’d done, who he could be, and she gave him her heart. Why?

Because she loved him. 

Desperately and completely. With all of his faults and his past mistakes, she loved him.

All of him.

So even if every word she said during that rant was true -- about things Mon-El did in the past, things that happened before they were together, when he was brand new to Earth, things she’d long since forgiven -- she still admitted she gave Mon-El her heart. Even while in thrall to pure aggression and rage, Kara told him he had her heart.

That’s... well, that’s tragic... and beautiful, really.

He’d just made her so ANGRY in that moment, hanging out and training with her, wearing his breathtaking caped super suit, acting like they were old friends, all la di da and reminiscing about the good old days, while he was with Imra, and it was no one’s fault, but her heart was still in pieces.

So of course there was some truth behind what Kara said to Mon-El due to the psychic whammy. Just like Alex said there was some truth to the things Kara said to her while under the influence of Red K. Every bad thought Kara ever had about Alex (and Cat, J’onn, James), it all just came spilling out and she couldn’t stop it.

Which, by the SC way of thinking, must mean Kara doesn’t actually love her sister and never really did.

Mon-El’s story was always one of redemption. Of ‪willingly trying to unlearn a lifetime of indoctrinated prejudices instilled in him by abusive parents and a toxic society.‬ And it was always on him to change his ways. Kara couldn’t do that for him.

And Lena’s story has always been one of hubris, insecurity, unbridled genius, slippery slopes, and an eventual fall from grace.

Maybe Lena will get a redemption arc, too. But she is most DEFINITELY going down a dark, villainous path in season 5, and it’s not Kara’s job to bring her back from that ledge. That’s all on her.

TL;DR - Fans who continue to claim Kara thinks Mon-El was abusive and say she regretted their relationship based on her rant during the psychic whammy are kidding themselves. Those two space puppies were deep in love. Full stop.

Plus, those fans also ignore every Karamel scene following the rant. Honestly. Literally every one of them! Especially the ones on Argo.

[adonis-koo]

(Cont) He needs to sort his feelings out clear cuz y/n doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. At this point I really find jm more suitable for her because he just treats her more gentle & understand & less forceful cuz I don’t like how jk sometimes forces her to open up herself to him but yet he himself doesn’t? Trust takes two sides, and those other aren’t helping by telling her to just ‘give him time.’ Sorry for the rant his action kinda pisses me off. Either way you’re an amazing writer!!

🥺🥺🥺 I’m sorry hun but I think Tumblr ate your first part of this! Because I’ve searched everywhere desperately and can’t seem to find it!

But going off what you’re saying I definitely understand how you feel, I think everyone can agree at this point that no matter show sweet a Jungkook is, his behavior is just not acceptable if he can’t sort out his feelings and either stop sending mixed signals to MC or admit he does like her. The problem that lies here with Jimin is that last time Cherry Bomb opened, Jimin openly admitted to an anon ask that he isn’t interested in MC romantically, and that if she was he’d immediately let her down gently because he doesn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or give mixed signals (unlike *cough* some people)

Regardless you have every right to feel the way you do! In fact, MC even points that out in chapter 9 towards the end, his double standard to forcing her to be open with him and her closing off as soon as she shows any concern. We do see Jungkook is trying though, at the end of chapter 9. I think he does want to open up, he just doesn’t know how. Not when he’s be told for so long his feelings don’t matter, that it’s not ‘manly’, that he shouldn’t cry or care about whatever stresses him.

He’s had a toxic mindset forced on him for a very long time, which I can’t go into for plot spoilers reasons. But at the same time, everything can be unlearned- with time. I think Jungkook is aware of these things and it trying to break them, hence him finally caving and opening up a little about his past relationship with MC, but when you’ve been raised with a mindset it’s almost ingrained, not impossible to unlearn, but it’s definitely going to be a difficult journey for Jungkook to become healthy.

Also 😔 you are right about the others telling her to ‘just give him time’ because 😬 They are right but not in this context. Jungkook needs time to open up to a friend. Which MC is not. She’s not just a friend and therefore she can’t just give him time, at this point I think both MC and Jungkook are aware of this new tension and they both have to take a new tactic in approaching each other about their emotional well-being. Okay now I’m done with my paragraph!! Thank u so much for writing I love going in depths!! 🥺🖤🖤

[thyandrawrites]

i have a question could you please do a meta on rei todoroki's character? I love her design i alot people misunderstood her even the flower scene. I don't really beleive shes forgiven endevoir

Well, quite honestly I don’t have much to say about Rei specifically because I believe Horikoshi truly did her dirty. Especially with the flowers scene, which I believe to be the peak of HK’s bad writing. There was nothing in that scene that implied Endeavor taking responsibility for what he did to her, and instead the whole focus was on how best to glorify him for being willing to change. There is a point that can be made here, about how that scene made it look like HK found more pressing for an abuser to get redeemed than for his victims to heal from their trauma.

So, let’s start from there. 

[warning: explicit discussion about abuse ahead. Please read at your own discretion]

Why am I upset that this scene exists? Well, for a number of things. 

First, because it invalidates the feelings of resentment that both Shouto and Natsuo harbor for Endeavor. Let me explain this point better. It’s already hard enough for real life victim of abuse to recognize themselves as victims. A lot of people never get to that stage, and some only do after going to therapy. I’m not making this up, you can research it. It’s pretty common for people who’ve been through that kind of thing to make excuses for their abuser and shift the blame onto themselves instead. A lot of people even downplay the amount of nasty things they had to endure, because they believe that it’s their fault for not being strong enough to handle it, or because their abuser is not inherently bad, and is doing that to them for their own good. Some abusers even plant that idea in their minds by repeatedly drilling into their heads that they deserve the treatment they receive, and that their feelings are invalid, because they don’t ‘know better’. 

I’m not saying that’s the case with Enji. Tho it could be argued that his repeated taunts at Shouto for “throwing a tantrum” sorta bordered on that territory, as they were trying to invalidate Shouto’s attempts to be recognized as his own person. 

But. I made this parenthesis to point out how important it is that both Shouto and Natsuo recognize that what Endeavor did to them classifies as abuse. It means that they’re already two steps ahead than most people. 

They have a right to feeling resentment towards Endeavor. Yes, even Natsuo. He “only” had to deal with neglect, but neglect is also a form of abuse. 

Besides, everything that Natsuo brings to the table is exactly spot on. 

Do you think that Endeavor would still have become number one if the public knew about his family situation? Of course not. 

Do you think he’d be allowed anywhere within a 100 meters radius of Shouto? Obviously not. 

I’ve talked before (specifically here) why it’s so fucked up that the hero society still doesn’t know that anything is wrong with Endeavor’s family, and all of that still stands. All Might first and foremost still believes Enji to be a model father figure because Shouto ended up growing into a decent guy and an elite quirk user. So what’s happening is basically that everyone takes one look at Shouto, sees how strong a punch he packs, and thinks “well, Endeavor must truly be a great dad then! look at how well he raised his son!”

… which is, you know, complete erasure of the fact that in order to become so skilled, Shouto had to withstand terrible physical and psychological abuse every day growing up. And Endeavor even gets praised for it!

So yeah. Natsu had a point. What’s next?

This is also very true. I argued in my previous reply (here, for those who missed it), that Endeavor hasn’t yet unlearned his toxic mindset at all. He’s still fighting for his ideal of strength. He’s still desperately trying for someone to acknowledge his hard work: 

if he had learned from his past, he wouldn’t be trying to force his presence on Shouto still. He would just give him the freedom to go his own way, make his own name as a hero. He wouldn’t be trying to impress him. 

I can already hear the Endeavor stans flooding my askbox with their whining, so to be clear: this is NOT a way to make up to someone you’ve wronged. 

Growing from your mistakes entails understanding why what you did was wrong, and not doing it anymore. Except Enji is still holding on for dear life to that number one position. He doesn’t even think for a second that he might not deserve it. That his apology sounds empty, when it comes after he got everything he always wanted. 

Besides, Endeavor still acts as though the only people he wronged were Shouto and Rei. He didn’t look twice at either Fuyumi and Natsuo, showing that he still doesn’t understand what the fuck he did wrong. Let’s not even bring Dabi/Touya into the mix because that’s still speculation, but… You probably get my point here. 

So, the flowers.

why are they such a lame plot device? Because they don’t address anything of the above, and are instead used as a rushed, solve-it-all device to show that Enji supposedly changed. 

Notice how Rei brings them up immediately after Natsuo expressed his resentment towards his dad:

That’s intentional on Horikoshi’s part. It’s like he’s making Rei say: don’t be so hard on your dad, he’s trying his best, okay?

Well, trying his best doesn’t really cut it here. Gifting flowers to the wife you gave a mental breakdown to, and then hospitalized for ten years not to have to deal with her anymore, and not to risk her accidentally hurting yor precious masterpiece, doesn’t really count as “confronting the past head on”.

If anything, it sounds like a cowardly way to say sorry. But being sorry and being better are not synonyms. 

Has Enji done anything to provide better healthcare for his wife? no. 

Has he ever acknowledged for a second that locking her up in that room, away from her kids, with no kind of closure whatsoever, letting her ruminate on her guilt and regrets for ten years did more damage than good for her already fragile mental health? nope. 

As a matter of fact, if it weren’t for Shouto who reached out to her on his own to make things better, she would’ve never even gotten half of the mental clarity she now shows. 

If you were wondering, yeah, I didn’t make this up either. It’s implied that she’s getting better (she’s got a more lively complexion) thanks to being in touch with Shouto regularly. 

It’s also implied that she was still stewing in her feelings of guilt ten whole years after she was hospitalized:

“mom apologized through tears“

“she told me that she’d be saved“

so how are the flowers doing anything to show that Enji is confronting the past head on? What good are they doing to Rei? Better yet, did she even need them?

The fact that he didn’t stay shows that he’s perfectly aware that HE’S Rei’s trigger. And yet he still went and left flowers that specifically reminded her of him because of their past history. 

I’m sure we can agree on how fucking selfish that is. He says that he doesn’t want his family’s forgiveness, but every single one of his actions shows that he’s going extra out of his way to “earn” it. He’s doing absolutely nothing to make their healing any easier, and instead he’s doing everything in his power to make them acknowledge that he’s a better person now. 

Now, as for whether or not Rei actually forgave him, which was your original question (omg, I’m so sorry for rambling about anything but. I just hate this scene a lot)… I don’t think she did, either. I read this scene more as Horikoshi trying to make a narrative point by showing that Enji is still a redeemable character, than as Rei forgiving him. Still, the way he wrote it was… very disappointing, to say the least. 

I’m not even sure why HK went as far as writing an arc all focused on Endeavor. I’m honestly baffled, because it’s obvious that Enji’s half-assed attempt at being a better person is framed as a positive thing. There are too many narratorial reminders that he’s an hard worker, as though the fact that he tries harder than anyone is something worth of giving him a second chance. 

As though his persistence to get his goal is an admirable trait of his personality:

But that same persistence, that refusal to lose to All Might (and anyone else) is exactly what led him to abuse his family. It’s not a positive trait. It’s what made him lose his moral compass (admitting he had one) in order to satisfy his obsession with power. 

I’m not really sure where Horikoshi intends to take this conflict to be honest. On the one hand, it seems as though he wants to give Endeavor a shot at being redeemed. On the other one, he seems to be pushing for Dabi’s reveal as a Todoroki, which would completely undo the point of this entire arc, by making Endeavor look like the piece of shit he is, and a terrible hero and symbol of peace to boot. 

If Horikoshi’s point is to indeed unveil Endeavor as an abuser, then I guess that we could make sense of why - despite the countless reminders that Enji had changed - he exibited virtually zero proofs of having grown up as a person. It would all fit into the agenda of him being purposefully stagnant, because (as I’ve argued before) the story would benefit a lot more from his punishment, and not just for the Todoroki family’s sake.

But, on the other hand, this is still Horikoshi Kouhei we’re talking about.

the same guy who implied that Izuku and Bakugou are now “good friends”, when Bakugou still has to acknowledge that bullying Izuku for all his life for literally no reason was fucked up and really unheroic of him. When Bakugou still literally can’t accept a compliment from Izuku without losing his shit over it, essentially proving that he’s not yet past his issues with him at all:

(this happened in two separate occurrences, just fyi. Nothing’s “solved” yet. They still have a dysfunctional relationship. Bakugou still has to apologize for or even acknowledge his past behaviour)

So yeah. I’m kind of unimpressed by how HK handled this particular kind of issues, and I don’t 100% trust him to know what he’s doing at all times. 

[antagonistchanremade]

Some character descriptions of the Stellar Grievances cast.

Stella Greenfield, our main protagonist, is a 20-year-old black woman. In her “civilian” form she’s got long black hair in a ponytail and wears a sweater, leather jacket, miniskirt, thigh highs, and sneakers. In her “Logged In” form, Mechaniisms, her hair is drastically shortened and gets more boyish, and her clothes are replaced with dress pants, combat boots, a really nice dress shirt, a vest, and a cravat, not including her equipment. Her eyes are purple and she’s average height. She was a strategy game nerd in the real world, and upon being thrust into the game world she suddenly essentially had a shit ton of in-universe (since the game world and real world rely on different laws of physics; notably, Newton’s laws are specifically stated to not necessarily be true in the game world) engineering knowledge dumped into her head, so strategy and technology are her two big hobbies. When not giving orders or dealing with a situation herself, she can usually be found tinkering, either on the team’s ship, the GSF Headstrong, or on her own equipment and drones. Also, she comes from an interracial family and has a white stepmom and stepbrother (her stepbrother, Tyler, actually got her into Stellar Grievances in the first place, and he’s part of the main cast for a brief period of time in the beginning). And she’s bi and has ADHD. Her Wrench is called the Gauntlet Wrench.

She’s also regularly joined by her sidekick of sorts, an AI she programmed named Eve. Eve is fully conscious (which is rare but not unheard of in the setting), and usually refers to Stella as her mother. She sometimes appears as a holographic human (and can range in size depending on where she’s projected from; if she’s being projected from Stella’s own equipment, she’s usually the size of a fairy or something, but larger hologram projectors in larger machines can make her practically any size, usually life sized), but her primary function is to operate Stella’s various combat drones, so she can also appear as them instead (and some of them can get pretty humanoid; eventually, Stella even develops a drone that just... looks like the holographic form Eve takes, so Eve can basically have a real body if she so chooses). Eve acts like your typical AI assistant character- generally unemotional and analytical, but she has emotions and whatnot, she just doesn’t really have the emotional maturity to match her logical reasoning and academic intelligence and thus comes off like a computer to those who don’t really know her.

Then, Madison, our secondary protagonist. When she’s first introduced as Buttercup, she has back-length blonde hair and yellow eyes, and is wearing a fancy lolita dress; however, when Phyll dies and passes on his powers to her, her eyes turn green and she gets a green streak in her hair, and when she changes her name to Madison and joins the team, she cuts her hair a little shorter, starts wearing it in a side-ponytail, and switches to wearing jeans and a hoodie. In her “Logged In” state, Agent Yellow, she visibly matures, getting taller, curvier, and less babyfaced (since she was generally short, smol, and babyfaced in her civilian form), her voice gets deeper, her hair gets longer (and also pointier), and her clothes are replaced by beige power armor that... basically looks like Halo power armor but without the helmet. And she wears a beige cape. She also carries a green sniper rifle. Personality-wise, she’s very much the team Cinnamon Roll, though she also carries insecurities from her time with the other Awoken Agents (as she was the last one created, and shortly after her creation work fully began on the Specialist system, so she never really got to contribute much, especially since her only power was that she couldn’t stay dead); it doesn’t help that the Agent who was kindest to her, Phyll, is now dead, and the Agent who was least kind to her, Violet, had a crush on Phyll and blames his death on her (though Violet eventually gets over all this and becomes Madison’s love interest) and can often be found brooding. Her sniper rifle is called the Proto Rifle.

Lily Flowers is the team’s Medic, and the entire basis for her character back when I first envisioned her was that she toyed with general stereotypes for people who play “Healer” characters in media vs in real life. Specifically, back when she first started playing online games, she was what you’d expect from a “healer” character in anime- a moeblob who just wants to help the team, no matter what! But years and years of maining healer characters in online games has worn her down and she’s now more like someone who actually plays healer characters in real life- cynical, sarcastic, and untrusting. Her main coping method that stops her from becoming a total bitter pessimist? Being the team memelord and shitposter. She’s basically the Moca Aoba of the team, the Neptune of the team, the Yang Xiao Long of the team, you know, that character. The one who practically says “Eh? Ehhhh?” after everything they say to make sure everyone got the stupid pun they made. She’s got short messy pink hair and silver eyes, and they don’t change at all when she Logs In. What does change? Well, for one, her prosthetic, since she’s an amputee without a right arm. In her civilian state, her prosthetic is fairly normal; however, when she Logs In to become Yuyuriri, her existing prosthetic twists around to come out of her back, and a new prosthetic that’s bulkier and clumsier but has her MedTool built in is fixed in its place. That’s not the only thing that changes when she Logs In, but it’s the biggest difference; the other big difference is that she wears a big coat in her civilian form, but removes it when she Logs In. She appears to have a different outfit when she’s Logged In, but she’s actually wearing that outfit in her civilian form, too, just under her coat. Specifically, the outfit is made up of a blue turtleneck with no right arm (so it doesn’t get in the way of her second prosthetic), jean short shorts, tights, and boots. Lily’s also a lesbian, and in fact is Stella’s main love interest.

Kyousuke Tenjou, meanwhile, was originally created for two purposes. One, to be a sort of self-insert, and two, to parody/refine the character of Kirito from SAO; the former has mostly been abandoned (my idea was that he’d start out as a total Fedora Neckbeard type, but then slowly get better as he hung out with the rest of the team, and eventually even realize he was actually a transgirl, which is an exaggerated version of how I realized I was trans (I was never quite to the Broni Friendzoni level, but still), but I eventually dropped this aspect to focus more on the Kirito thing and also to keep the team more gender-balanced, though there are still hints of it). So, Kyousuke is this brooding longer swordsman dude who’s visually similar to and named similarly to Kirito, so the comparisons are obvious. But, see, Kirito is regularly rewarded by the series for being this jackass loner dude, even if it does make a token effort to have him grow out of it; the series claims that Kirito’s loner attitude makes him less happy, but more effective as a warrior. Stellar Grievances, meanwhile, makes it clear that Kyousuke’s loner attitude is a weakness and that he’s an arrogant dipshit for thinking he can play a teamwork-based game alone, and he’s mostly doing it in an attempt to look cool and badass when it really makes him look like an asshole and a dumbass. A big part of his character arc is about him unlearning all sorts of toxic masculinity, including some internalized aphobia (because he does start out as this jackass trying to get into every woman he sees’ pants, but it eventually becomes clear that he’s trying to compensate for the fact that he doesn’t actually find any of them attractive and he feels like not liking women makes him less of a man). Anyways, in his civilian form, his hair is short and messy, but longer and messier than Lily’s; his Logged In form, xX_Kyo_Xx (or Kyo for short), reins it back in to Lily levels. His eyes are blue and his hair is black, but when he Logs In his hair is dyed electric blue and he wears green colored contacts. The colored contacts are also functional, as he wears glasses in his civilian form but not his Logged In form. He’s generally wearing black jeans, black boots, and a black sweater in both forms. In his civilian form, he wears a brown jacket, but when he Logs In he trades that out for black gloves and a black cape.

Travis Bhatia was created pretty much alongside the concept of the Scout class itself, but once I’d finished deciding what the Scout class even did, I decided to flesh out his story, and his character arc ended up being about felon’s rights. Because a big part of his backstory is that when he was 19, he committed a horrible crime. And this wasn’t a case of him being framed, or it being an accident; he did a terrible thing on purpose. And he agrees that it was terrible, and even that he deserved to go to jail for what he did. And he did go to jail for three years. But when he got out, that was when the bullshit started. America treats its convicted felons very badly, even once they’ve served their time. And while Travis agrees that he deserved every second of his jailtime, he feels like he was completely screwed over when he got out. He’d served his time, but he was still being punished. And he ended up having to freeload with a cousin of his, and got addicted to online video games like Stellar Grievances. Which is why getting stuck in another world was the best thing that ever happened to him- it let him get a new start on life without the baggage of his felony. Travis is also a first-generation American, as his parents were immigrants from Britain, and he’s also ethnically Indian (for clarification, if it wasn’t obvious, actual Indian, like from India). In his civilian form, he wears jeans and a logo t-shirt; in his Logged In form, Explorer21 (or just Explorer for short), his jeans turn back, he gets his hoverboots, he gets goggles, he gets gloves, the logo on his shirt disappears, and he gets covered in belts, but most importantly, he gets a really long leather coat with a popped collar that looks totally cool when he’s flying around. He’s generally pretty chill and down-to-earth. He’s also gay and very flirty. Originally he was gonna be covered in robes, kinda inspired by the music video for Superheroes by Daft Punk. Travis is also the second tallest of the team after James.

James Reynolds was actually not originally gonna be part of the main cast. I created James to be an antivillain who became friends with Kyousuke and helped Kyosuke realize he was a transgirl, since James was himself a transman. The team’s Marine was gonna be Stella’s brother Tyler. However, I found myself mixing up Travis and Tyler’s names a lot, and realizing that I just liked James better than Tyler, and wanting explicit trans representation back in the team after I decided to leave Kyousuke a guy after all, so I decided to replace Tyler with James. But I didn’t want the antivillain angle with James to go away completely, and Tyler’s presence in the beginning of the story was very important (in fact, Tyler’s presence in the beginning was significantly more important than his presence once things get going, which is part of why I nixed him), so I decided that Tyler would be the team’s initial Marine, but he’d have to leave the team fairly early on, and the team would be without a Marine for a while until James, introduced as an antivillain, would betray his villainous allies to join the protagonists. Anyways, James is the tallest member, with blue eyes and messy orange hair in a ponytail. His general appearance can basically be described as “Bishounen”. He’s generally wearing jeans, a blue t-shirt, and an unbuttoned brown button-up shirt. His Logged In state, Don1998 (or just Don for short), wears a fedora (NOT FOR THOSE REASONS), a dress shirt, dress pants, dress shoes, a green tie, and a blazer. James is generally pretty quiet and stoic, though he does often either chuckle or glare depending on his mood. He’s also bi, and a frequent (willing) target of Travis’s flirting, though his primary love interest is a woman.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that Travis and James’ hair colors change when they Log In. Travis’s hair is black, Explorer’s is green; James’ hair is orange, Don’s is red. Don’s also got slightly shorter hair than James, but James’ hair is already pretty short. Travis has spiky hair in either form.

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

[inkykeiji]

dabi doesn't know how to apologize and he stutters when nervous, it's my headcanon. he will let you cling onto him as much as you like, and will warm you up, not really gonna touch you unless you start it, affection is always hard for him and aceppting it it's just as difficult. he may be an ass, but he'd hate himself if he ever hurt your feelings even on the slightest, he gets extremely anxious if he notices you're different with him. he wants to learn to be nice to you, but he was bever teached how to, he always thinks he's about to fuck it up and you'll leave. be a little patient with flame boi, pls. 💙

pls i’m CRYING you get him so right!!!! i agree with literally all of this yes oh my god yes! like in terms of 100% canon dabi, i think it would be very, very, very difficult to get close to him, but if you somehow managed to, somehow managed to break down those incredibly high, thick walls he’s built up around himself and his heart, he’d be exactly like what you’ve described. i also think, after accepting the fact that he loves you, he’d become very possessive and protective and jealous, and i think those traits would stem from the fear that you’re going to leave him, for someone else, for someone better, for someone easier (trust issues!! MAJOR trust issues! additionally, if you’re super sweet and patient with him, if you continue to show him love even when he messes up, when he’s mean to you or snaps at you, he’d also probably have some self-esteem issues, thinking that he doesn’t deserve you every time he messes up or hurts you).

dabi’s issues run SO deep, some of them practically etched into his very soul at this point, but he really would be willing to unlearn them, just for you. he definitely would have his doubts about himself in particular in relationships. he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ in terms of relationships, and i think not having that knowledge or just simply not understanding would make him angry and anxious and fill him with a myriad of inexplicable and confusing feelings, especially because when he does finally accept the fact that he actually cares for you he truly would never want to hurt you. so his partner would need to be someone understanding of that situation, and be willing to teach him healthy relationships. this would take a LOT of patience and care—he’s not going to get it right on the first try, and some of these qualities and mistakes may never go away, because they are a core part of who he is, how he was raised and a by-product of his environment + trauma (pls note that i am not excusing toxic behaviour here, simply stating my interpretation of dabi in a relationship with someone he truly cares about + loves). but he would be damned if he didn’t try his fucking hardest to unlearn all of those toxic traits, for you and only for you, even if it takes years.

i’ll be as patient as he needs me to be, i promise <33

[disregardcanon]

one more post before i shut up about creed 2 for the night 

HAVE A BNHA AU BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DO 

otherwise known as: i make an entire au so that endeavor can say “if he dies, he dies” 

all might as rocky balboa

izuku’s absentee dad as dead dad apollo creed 

izuku as adonis 

bakugo as the opponent from the first one but they were kids that beat up on each other back in group homes but bakugo’s now slated to go to jail for a confrontation. he wants to get in one last hurrah as light heavy weight champion of the world and what’s better than pounding deku into the ground now that he knows he’s literally this au’s version of apollo creed’s son? 

izuku wants to fiiiggghhhttt and he needs an in to get into this business and he never beat kacchan when they were The Struggling YouthTM so taking him down now would really prove something. even just proving he can stay in the ring with him would. 

izuku convinces all might to train him. there’s a cancer subplot. bonding occurs. yadda yadda yadda 

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT bakugo wins but only barely. 

cue creed 2 and rocky iv stuff of import 

izuku has the title now! yay! that means it’s time for endeavor to fuck up everyone’s shit

endeavor as ivann drago: dude is disgraced as shit in his home country after his loss to all might in The Cold War Pt 2 after killing midoriya I in The Cold War Part 1. he hates all might ofc and spends his life training his son To Beat Him TM is literally the only thing that’s kept him going for all these years. shoto can’t pound all might into the ground because he’s a frail old man that just recovered from cancer, but he can sure beat the guy’s protege and redefeat apollo midoriya creed for good measure. 

he also says that rei todoroki left him because he lost to all might but she left cause he was an abusive SHITSTAIN!

todoroki is good at boxing because he’s driven by the rage of his mom leaving him and his dad being The Worst and the disgrace back home. there’s also the fact that his dad made his mom leaving out to be about the loss to all might and not being good enough at boxing and not, you know, the abuse. so there’s that Must Be Good At Boxing Or No One Will Ever Love Me Or Stay With Me drive going on in the back of his mind at all times. 

all might says he won’t help because he doesn’t want to enable this and izuku’s like all right then. and does it himself. it doesn’t go well. 

they fight and izuku almost fucking dies. the only reason he doesn’t lose the title is because todoroki punches him on his way down and gets disqualified. not all that IC for todoroki but like, we gotta keep up the integrity of the au my dudes. 

izuku has to work out some Issues TM while recovering, all might decides “well he’s gonna kill himself anyway might as well decide to make sure that he doesn’t kill himself. i won’t hesitate to throw in the towel like i did with his old man i’m SURE” 

the todorokis get welcomed back into society and endeavor’s thrilled. the sports world respects him again! and todoroki’s like this is so fucking stupid i hate it. and he carves a war path through lesser boxers while waiting for izuku to heal again so that he can take him up on his challenge. 

they almost tear each other apart at the press conference, and then todoroki’s mom finally tracks him down afterwards because they’re in The Mother Country TM for this fight. she apologizes for leaving him and tries to explain some things. 

“i am so sorry for leaving you,” she says. and she explains about the abusive situation and how she literally could not take it anymore and how she tried to take him too but just couldn’t manage it. and he’s hit with this intense shock. 

“dad always said it was because he wasn’t a good enough boxer?” 

“oh shoto,” she says, “i would love you no matter what. you could be the worst boxer on earth and i would still love you.” 

“if you beat this midoriya, i will love you. if you don’t, i will love you.” she says, and she hugs him tightly. 

“i’ll come support you when you fight him,” she promises, and after hearing what his father did to her, that’s huge. she’s going to come and have to interact with his father and that’s- that’s HUGE. she’s going to stick around and support him and that’s not something he’s ever experienced. just genuine caring with no strings attached. he doesn’t really know how to process it. 

the fight comes up. midoriya’s better faster harder stronger, but todoroki has his mom in his corner. it’s like two brick walls fighting each other until the very end when midoriya seems to get a second wind out of fucking nowhere. he forces himself up off the canvas again and he feels his eye swelling and blood dripping down and his ribs hurt but he has to keep trying, right? he has to win he has to- 

“shoto, stop!” there’s a whole chorus of people trying to stop the match for his sake and his mom is running down to where his dad’s sitting in his couch’s chair. she’s waving her arms wildly trying to get his father’s attention. 

she keeps screaming for him to throw in the towel and that shoto’s going to die.  todoroki feels shitty and like he hurts all over- (more with that punch to the face) but he doesn’t know if he’s going to die. he’s felt worse. 

“he’s going to die, enji! stop this fight!” his mother is frantic with worry and shoto doesn’t think he’s ever heard someone so concerned for him. his father’s look is ice cold. 

“if he dies, he dies.” shoto freezes in his tracks. he doesn’t block the next gut punch that comes at him. it’s not enough to knock him over. technically, this shouldn’t be the end. he could keep fighting. he could keep fighting. 

but he doesn’t want to anymore. his father just said that he doesn’t care if he dies, just like when his father fought midoriya’s father all those years ago. 

his father would be willing to sacrifice this midoriya kid, but... he’d be willing to sacrifice shoto too. so shoto lets himself fall down for a moment to think. 

one

he starts to push himself back up. 

two 

should he get up and finish this? 

three

four 

his pride is on the line 

five

his people’s pride is on the line

six 

everything he’s worked for 

seven 

“it’s alright, shoto,” his mother says, “you don’t have to fight anymore.” 

eight 

he lets his body fall back onto the canvas 

nine

he takes a deep breath and accepts defeat 

ten 

“you lost,” his father growls. shoto pushes himself easily off the mat. it hurts, but he has the ability and the strength to do it. his father sees it in the set of his body. 

“you let yourself lose,” he accuses. 

“yes father, i lost. i don’t think i care.” he pushes away from his father. then, he congratulates midoriya on the victory and maintaining the title and rushes off to his mother instead. he things to think about like where he wants his life to go. he has years to make up for and toxic ideas to unlearn. and a glimmer of self-worth outside of boxing. 

he lost and life is better than ever before. 

midoriya takes home his champion belt and he and his mom and all might get shakes. life is good all around.