#and i think being a victim of it he'd want to prevent the cycle of violence

[saltiestpie]

Viren's Death and Transformative Justice

Trigger warning: there will be mentions of csa and rape but nothing graphic

It's time to talk politics! When it comes to Viren's finale, I'm honestly disappointed (but not surprised) that the writers chose a cop-out in a form of "heroic death" rather than to show a person who's hurt others put effort into becoming better and atoning for his crimes. From a political perspective, this is related to my stance against carceral (and capital) punishment and in favor of prison abolition.

Viren would either rot in a cell or die, instead of getting a chance to heal, which is a regressive and reactionary way of thinking, completely in line with the right wing ideology but which has been so normalized in our culture that liberals and many leftists don't question it. The general norm is thus - if someone does a crime, they should go to prison, regardless of how the prison will break them and make them worse. And that's not counting all the people who want criminals to be killed.

To talk about my anti punitive justice stance, I would like to take a darker turn and talk about a very serious type of crime. There's this amazing video by a youtuber Kathrin where she talks about prison abolition and how the carceral system hurts people (including victims of crime!) more than it helps them. And she uses her own experience as s CSA survivor as a lens through which she looks at this sensitive topic.

The video is 37 minutes long and features a heavy topic so I understand if you don't want to watch it but I really really recommend you do, because it will challenge your preconceptions about justice and the carceral system.

However, if you really don't have the time/desire/spoons for it, here are the main points:

the carceral system should be abolished

it should be replaced by transformative justice which focuses on taking care of victims above punishing the perpetrators, as well as crime prevention by understanding the root causes of crime.

Okay, you might ask - so what does this have to do with Viren, who chose to die? Well, in addition to the philosophy that he had to die or didn't deserve mercy being directly linked to the current system, there's also this section towards the end of the video (24:50) where Kathrin discusses what transformative justice would look like for her. Emphasis on the last part, as different victims would want different things:

"For me, transformative justice would look like sitting sitting with my abuser in a circle of care with people all around us, flanking us, attending to our healing, becoming our surrogate family as they facilitate our conversation."

How powerful is that? And she's talking about someone who raped her as a child. Viren is not even close to the monster Kathrin is talking about.

So let's talk Soren and Viren. I've seen plenty of people say they hate Viren for what he did to Soren (which is absolutely valid!) and I assume they care about Soren's well being. So tell me, which sounds better for Soren - having his abusive father die on him, leaving him with a gaping wound and a ton of unanswered questions or getting to sit with him, surrounded by people he trusts and who can support him and having an extension of the conversation they almost had in the dungeon, where he gets to heal together with his father? He doesn't have to forgive Viren, but having that might provide him closure and help him contextualize certain things.

And don't get me wrong - there are parts in the show that I think are excellent in terms of mutual healing - Viren acknowledging what he'd done to Soren and taking full responsibility for it was very powerful. But it lost its momentum with Viren's death.

One of the central themes in TDP is ending the cycles of violence and yeah, the show does focus on it, I'm not saying it doesn't. But it keeps the entire political aspect of it firmly within the status quo, choosing what I would call a morally cowardly approach to this. And I'm sorry for using such strong language, I really am, but I think political centrism truly is a cowardly approach to politics. And politics in the show matter because the writers chose to make it matter.

Ultimately, whether you enjoyed the end of Viren's arc or not is up to you. It will mostly depend on how you read Viren's character throughout the show. I just genuinely find that ending emotionally unsatisfying and the perpetuation of the punitive justice mindset is one of the reasons, whether the writers intended it or not.

[astudyintheburningofhearts]

Alright, I know people say Castles Crumbling is very Arthur- but the first time I heard it I immedieately went, "Oh this screams Uther".

And NO, I DO NOT WANT A REDEMPTION ARC FOR HIM. HE STILL SUCKS, HE ALWAYS WILL.

I just thought it would be very interesting to think of him as a character who is so utterly flawed and projects it in the worst way possible-

Like, think about it. Maybe he just wanted an heir... maybe he had a similar father who pressurised him into having a male heir no matter the cost... but even though his father died ages ago, he wants to please him, so he resorts to using any means to get a male heir.

And he was a good enough prince- beloved by the people (much like Arthur would be later); but after the death of his father, he became more serious- trying to uphold past expectations (though he was still beloved).

And then he tried to fulfill his final promise. The promise of a male heir (via any means necessary, mind you). And so, when Ygraine was unable to concieve, he turned to Nimueh. To magic.

It was only when his lost Ygraine, when he lost his happiness (read: the only person who'd kept him sane while he bore the brunt of his father's wishes and expectations) that he realised what a huge mistake he'd made still letting his father have this hold over him.

And the guilt eats him from the inside out- and unwittingly, he goes from being a beloved prince to a paranoid tyrant (he is blinded by guilt and so he believes he's doing his best to prevent his citizens from falling victim to their own actions as he did due to magic; he believes he's keeping them safe); and an absent father with too many expectations.

And then when everything is said and done (read: he's dead, but like ya know afterlife or whatever), I really think he'll look back and more than anything, besides eventually coming to regret everything, I believe his biggest regrets would be:

Letting his father have such a huge impact on his life even after his death (since that was the inciting point for everything)

And eventually turning into a version of his father, imposing the same upon his son

(And I also personally headcanon that since Arthur will be in between life and death while he waits to reunite with Merlin, he'd meet Uther and everyone again, and so after some time of mulling it all over, the moment Arthur would arrive, he'd apologise to both him and Morgana and they'd finally get to be the family they could've been all along- plus, he'd be glad that Arthur had broken the cycle and disregarded what his father thought of him for the good of the kingdom, as Uther should've done as well).

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Advice? I'm with and living with someone who's toxic to me. He said he'd leave me if I came out trans, which fucked me up real bad. Since then, he's acted like it didn't even happen. Now when he touches my chest or lower, I just feel like having a panic attack. Im not really in a good financial state to leave him. I don't know what to do

Lee says:

If you’re able to safely tell him that you’d like a break from sexual activity for a while, then you should do so. You should be allowed to have boundaries, and say no to sex. If you aren’t able to safely say no, then you aren’t willingly consenting to the activity, and that’s assault. If you think he wouldn’t react well to you telling him you don’t want him to touch you, try to see if there are any local domestic violence organizations or shelters, and you could try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and checking out the links below.

Panic attacks:

What are panic attacks?

Surviving panic attacks

How to cope with panic attacks

Information on panic attacks and coping

Panic attacks workbook

Panic self-help

How to calm yourself during a panic attack

Panic stations

7 steps to managing panic attacks

7 steps to cope with panic attacks

How to cope with triggers you can’t avoid

Anxiety

Depression

Breathing

Distress tolerance

Emotion

Coping:

Three skills to cope with abuse

3 ways to keep yourself safe when you’re not ready to leave your abusive partner

4 positivity doodles

Mental Support Community A forum to talk about any form of abuse and how it affected you.

Caring for yourself

Therapy for abuse victims

Tons of abuse information and coping links

Self-care

Documenting abuse:

How to prove emotional abuse

Documenting dating abuse

5 important ways to document abuse

How to document abuse

Journaling tips

What to do:

Getting help

Getting out and recording evidence

What to do when you’re living with an abusive person

How to deal with emotional abuse

Stalking help

Interactive guide to safety planning

Calling the police

What not to do when calling 911

Safety planning around sexual abuse

Emotional safety planning

Breaking up safely

Domestic violence

6 options for finding help after sexual assault

5 questions to help you decide if you should report being raped

6 ways to reject abusive relatives and restart your life

If you are being kicked out

Getting out of an abusive relationship

Having to sneak out

Money Fears Keeps People in Abusive Relationships. Here’s How to Change That.

How to Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money

13 tips on how to get out of an abusive relationship

Numbers to try calling for resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD): 1-800-787-32324

Center for the Prevention of School Violence: 1-800-299-6504

Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-548-2722

Healing Woman Foundation (Abuse): 1-800-477-4111

Sexual Assault Support (24/7, English & Spanish): 1-800-223-5001

Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish: 1-800-992-2600

Is it abusive?

Types of dating abuse

4 ways to recognize gaslighting in your life (more)

5 questions to ask yourself if your partner is toxic

7 warning signs of an emotionally abusive partner

30 Signs Of Emotional Abuse

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship

What is domestic violence?

Abusive vs unhealthy

The cycle of abuse

Psychological abuse

@emotionalabuseawareness

Trauma:

What is trauma?

6 ways to cope with hurt and pain

5 self-care tips

Lifestyle changes to help recovery

Recovering from rape and sexual trauma

Traumatic stress

Self-help for PTSD

PTSD

PTSD occurrence

Post-traumatic stress

Emotional and psychological trauma

Toxic parents: overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life

Triggers / Getting over triggers / Trigger jokes

4 ways to overcome self-blame after sexual assault

4 compassionate reminders for survivors of childhood abuse

4 Suggested Boundaries And Techniques While Writing About Trauma

Helping you heal from gaslighting

Trauma resources

The fight or flight response

Reacting after the event

You don’t have to be grateful that it wasn’t worse

Trauma is valid even if nobody was to blame

Being traumatized

Validation

Flashbacks:

What helps during a flashback?

Discrimination Worksheet for Flashbacks

Coping with flashbacks

How to deal with having PTSD

Implicit flashbacks

Breakups and ending relationships:

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

5 ways to beat loneliness

Ending unhealthy relationships

6 steps to ending a toxic relationship with a friend or partner

Dealing with a breakup

Help for when a relationship ends

Coping with a relationship breakup

7 phrases to help you get over a breakup

Beyond codependency

It’s okay to be alone

5 things to remember when you still love the emotionally abusive partner you left

5 helpful things when you end a relationship

How the 7 stages of grief apply to breakups

7 ways to cope with post-split stress

Letting go of someone who’s not good for you

Followers, any additional advice for anon?