#and i so have cottage cheese but i dont know if thats still okay to eat

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

I miss Zak Storm. That show was very underrated and i hope zag brings it back.

[lazypetals]

we're back at school bitches and i've been up to my walking all day and staying under my cal limit. let's fucking go. xmas break at home was just full of food and people and i wasn't weighing myself or bodychecking and yeah it was nice and i'm fortunate to have that, but in the back of my mind i felt like shit because i knew that i'd regret every bite of cannoli from that new bakery and eating sandwiches until my stomach felt like it was gonna explode and huge scoops of vanilla ice cream with extra chocolate chips (that i willingly added cause i'm fucking fat) once i got back to school and had more awareness of my body.

it sounds bad but it feels so good. i missed ed youtube. i missed weighing myself every hour and checking my waistline after every sip of water. bodychecking whenever i pee or just getting the urge to bodycheck and going to my mirror to life my shirt up. it's so comforting because i finally know i can do it. i plateaued so hard from 2020 to the first few months of 2021. i was like 160-165 for most of that time. then i got my shit together and it started working, and i finished off my semester and went home in the low 150s and i was so amped. but i went home for 4 months. and i went back to 163 JUST IN TIME TO GO ON MY FIRST SLEEPOVER COTTAGE TRIP AND TOOK PICTURES IN BIKINIS WITH MY FRIENDS THAT THEY ALL POSTED. and they're all so skinny and have those vertical belly buttons and honestly the pics weren't terrible but i look like an absolute blob but i wasn't gonna say that and stop them from posting because that would just make me stand out more. anyway september rolled around, i was back at school, then my grandma died, school was busy and i was just straight up not vibing.

but october -> december.......... im in love. december 2nd 2021. i saw the 140s for the first time since i was 15 years old. my lowest weight ever was around that time, beginning of 2017 when i was delivering newspapers every week and walking like crazy to high school and back. it was 138 pounds. if i could get back to something even close to that i would cry. december 2nd 2021 though was 149.8 pounds. and honestly? i was ecstatic. i bought a scale off facebook marketplace because i couldn't handle being away from the one i had at home and not knowing my weight. december 2nd i met that girl in front of a subway and i practically ran home i was so fucking excited. and to see my lowest weight in literally years, breaking below the 150s.... im still giddy.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT AGAIN. again, unfortunately winter break happened and i left home on jan 17th somewhere around 154 again. but that's okay. because i was 151.4 yesterday/last night and that's exactly where i was on november 27th 2021.

and actually i'm gonna weigh myself right now.

151.2!!!! AND I HAVENT EVEN POOPED IN 2 DAYS OR SLEPT YET IT'S LITERALLY 7:15 AM

im manifesting this for me. i have basically nothing to eat in my fridge or cupboard. the only food i really have rn is:

- assorted bag of oh henry/reese cups/cookies and creme

-cottage cheese

-carton of eggs

-3 cheesestrings

-a small sleeve of 8 crackers

-some cream cheese

-cans of 100cal chicken noodle soup

-some frozen broccoli

-frozen fries

-frozen fish

-hot chocolate powder (i deserve it fuck off)

-teaaaaa

-also some more frozen english muffins (160cal) and other dry pasta to be cooked, tuna cans, just other assorted low cal stuff that takes too much effort to make

it couldn't be easier. when i go in for my lab tomorrow i'm gonna get some cucumbers, cold cut slices (usually like 20-30cal per slice), and cherry tomatoes on the way home. those are my all time safe foods i'm telling you like 2 cold cut slices 2 baby cucumbers and im full for hours it's fucking magical.

wish me luck i cannot WAIT

(i just dont wanna lose all my ass though thats the only thing i have going for me) (it seems fine so far) (but id much prefer finally having skinny arms instead of my stupid thick meaty forearms and basically bingo wings over an ass any day)

peace

[brelione]

Wish I Was Sarah PT.1(Kiara Carrera X Reader)

Kiara had first met you 3rd of December.You had been at a party,a christmas party to be specific.You were a kook which meant your parents forced you to go to all the big mansion parties all the time.All of the big ones were there,Sarah Cameron,Topper Thornton,Rafe Cameron,Kiara Carrera.All of them.

You had worn a sweater over a simple t shirt,too lazy to put on a dress like all the others.Your parents were just glad that you had agreed to make an appearance even if you looked like shit.You had sat in the corner of the couch,earbuds in.You were listening to Sweater Weather,thinking it was funny because you were,in fact,wearing a sweater.

Kiara had stood at the snack table for a while,holding a disgusting monstrosity of a cookie,debating on picking off the sprinkles and throwing them away.She had never really been a fan of sprinkles.She had glanced around the crowds,the moms talking as they ate cheese cubes,the dads talking as they drank beers and wine,the other teens probably getting high up in the bathroom.Then her eyes fell on you.

She felt her face heat up immediately,staring at you for a while.You were underdressed for the occasion,your earbuds in as you sat curled up on the couch,seeming tired of being there.She debated herself in her head,trying to decide whether to approach you or not.Eventually she gave in,walking across the room with fake confidence,sitting down next to you.She watched as you tensed up,your eyes going wide,your bottom lip between your teeth,wondering what she wanted.

You pulled out an earbud,looking up at the beautiful girl that had decided to sit next to you of all places. “Hey.”She smiled,holding out her hand to you. “Im Kiara.”She introduced herself.You pulled out your other earbud,a small grin on your face. “Hi.Im (Y/N).”You shook her hand,feeling your face heat up a bit. “So um….yeah.What song were you listening to?”She asked,trying not to laugh at how dumb she sounded.You showed her your phone,finding yourself moving closer to her on the couch. “You like Frozen ll a lot.”She laughed,watching you scroll through the playlist.

You nodded,handing her an earbud to make her listen to Lost In The Woods. “Ive never seen Frozen ll.”She admitted,watching as your jaw dropped and your eyes widened. “Kiara!Oh my god-whats wrong with you?”Your voice became higher as you talked,your hand covering your mouth.She laughed at you,shrugging. “Wait,have you seen the first one?”You asked.She nodded,watching as a look of relief came across your face. “Okay,did you like it?”You asked.She shrugged once again,smiling at your enthusiasm. 

“The second one is better I promise.”You answered.She rolled her eyes,leaning back against the couch. “Im serious!The soundtrack,the animation everything is so much better!”You exclaimed,shaking your phone as you spoke.She nodded. “Yeah,whatever you say.”She replied,watching as you tried to convince her. “You have to watch it!Please?”You pouted.She nodded,making you clap your hands in excitement as you went into your disney plus app.She watched as you scrolled through the movies,a big grin on your face because you had easily defeated her.

 “Its so cold in here.Who puts air conditioning on in december?”She complained out loud.You handed her your phone for a moment,not hesitating to pull off your sweater and hand it to her. “That’s pretty warm.”You told her,not really thinking about it.Her face turned red,biting her bottom lip as she held back a smile.

She had originally regretted her wardrobe choice of a green dress,the fabric light and flowy,her arms exposed which caused goosebumps to rise across her caramel skin.She didnt regret it now though as she pulled on your sweater,the warm fabric making the goosebumps go away.Her heart was thumping as you moved incredibly close to her,handing her an earbud and holding your phone in front of the two of you.

As you reached the point of Into The Unknown it was announced that dinner was ready,ham,turkey,potatoes,corn,rolls,pretty much everything imaginable.It disgusted you that you all had a feast of expensive,high quality food while people in The Cut were lucky to have a meal a day.The adults called the other teens downstairs for the meal and you promised Kiara that you’d finish watching it after.You two decided to sit next to eachother at the table,your sweater still on her.

She offered it back to you,saying that she didnt want to get food on it but you told her that it was fine and that it looked better on her anyways. “So the movie...what do you think about it so far?”You had asked softly as Kelce and Topper came down the stairs. “Its good.Its good,like you said,better than the first for sure.”She nodded,eyebrows furrowing when she noticed your eyes falling away from her and towards someone walking down the stairs.Sarah fucking Cameron.The blonde was wearing a nice,light grey dress that looked amazing on her figure,her hair in pretty braids.

Kiara saw the look in your eyes,the way they were full of wonder,mesmorized by Sarah Cameron.She felt like dying,like being eaten up by a black hole as she wondered how she could be so stupid.She had thought that maybe you were interested in her but it was probably because she had been the only girl there.Now that Sarah was here she would be lucky if she could get your attention back again. 

“So what do you think of the theory about Elsa?”She asked,glaring at Sarah.Your face heated up,taking your eyes off of the pretty blonde and back to Kiara. “What theory?”You asked,glancing over at Sarah every couple of moments.Kiara tried to hide her anger,covering it with a small grin. “The one about her being a lesbian.What do you think of it?”She asked,trying to learn more about you and if she even had a chance.You bit your lip,looking over at the plate of biscuits. 

“I mean,I think at this point we all just want representation in disney and in like,media in general but I dont think Elsa is a lesbian.I feel like she might be aromantic or maybe...well,I dont really know.There’s nothing-well,you know she actual might be a lesbian,”You paused,leaning forward to grab a biscuit and put it on your plate. 

“There’s this one scene in Frozen ll,ill point it out to you that has like vibes to it.But then again just because she doesnt have a male love interest doesnt exactly mean she’s a lesbian.Moana and Merida didnt have guys that they were in love with but that doesnt mean they’re lesbians.Merida might be a lesbian,have you seen how good she is in nature and cooking fish in the wild?And how she knew those berries were poison?Thats some cottage core lesbian shit.What was I talking about?”you asked,realising you had gotten caught up in the topic and had forgotten the original question.

Kiara smiled,glad to hear you speak so passionately about something. “If Elsa is a lesbian.”She held back a laugh,watching as the realisation came across your face. “Right,so the answer is yes but also no but also yes.Like at least fifty percent yes but also no but im 1000% confident in Merida being a lesbian.”You confirmed,cutting open your biscuit.She nodded,trying to think of a new topic before she lost your attention again. “So the whole thing of people shipping Else with Jack Frost.What do you think of that?”She asked,laughing when your fists slapped down in your lap,gaining the attention of Rafe and Sarah. 

“Dude literally it makes no sense!Jack Frost isnt even disney!Like the only reason anyone ever shipped them was because they have the same powers but Jack is like 300 years old and hes like...energetic and giggly and child-like and immature and she would get so annoyed so quick!She’s introverted and serious and of course theres nothing wrong with that but she gets like too embarrassed too fast and I cant see them ever getting together or even being friends.Like,Merida is most definitely a lesbian but if they’re gonna ship Jack with anyone it should be her!Their personalities are so similar.”You huffed,biting into a half of your biscuit.

She nodded,grabbing a scoop of mashed potatoes and putting it onto her plate. “Yeah,definitely.So who is your favorite disney princess?”She asked,sending a bitter glare towards Sarah.Sarah had been staring at you during your passionate speech,filtering out the other voices to listen to you.She found you fascinating,intriguing.She was trying to figure out why she didnt know you or if you were new to the island.You glanced her way,smirking to yourself when you saw her blush. “Um...I dont think I have a favorite.They’re all powerful and wonderful in their own ways and they all have pretty cool stories.Except Pocahontas,I hate that they romanticize colonization and in reality she was like ten and he was in his late twenties.The soundtrack was great though.”You shrugged,taking a sip of root beer.

She nodded,listening in to what the old folks were talking about.There were more people outside who had opted to take plates of food out there.Kiara wouldve preferred to go outside but it was colder out there and she hadnt been prepared.Her mother was looking at her from across the table but Kiara couldnt care less,too busy searching for your parents. “Hey,(Y/N)?”She asked quietly,getting your attention off of your biscuit. “Where are your parents?”She asked.You shrugged,getting your own scoop of mashed potatoes. “I think they’re outside.I dunno.”You answered.She nodded,continuing to eat,sending a glare towards Sarah every couple of moments. 

“Eat faster so we can finish the movie.”You told her,not thinking about it as you spoke.She smiled,hurrying to eat. “Wait,why dont we just go outside and watch it?”She suggested.You bit your cheek,trying to figure out why you hadnt thought of that.You nodded,standing up and picking up your root beer,balancing it on your plate and walking out of the house,Kiara close behind you. “Where are we going?”She asked.You grinned,careful as you walked down the hill. “I know a spot.”You answered,walking across the sand of the beach.

You had explored pretty much all spots of the beach and had found your favorite one,a cave behind a wall of rocks that you had personalized.You walked towards the rock wall,slipping through the crack. “What is this place?”She asked,still following you.You smiled,turning on your phone flash light so you could see the lantern that you had put in there,turning it on.Her face lit up,looking around the cave.Pillows,sheets,blankets,pretty curtains hanging from the walls,a bin of paints so you could paint the rocks. “Thats such a good question.I really dont know how it got here,I just went through the crack one day and kind of just found it.”You shrugged,sitting down in the pile of pillows and patting the spot next to you.She sat down,shifting so she was as close to you as possible,leaning her head against your shoulder to test the waters.You pulled the earbuds from you phone,turning up the volume of the movie.

@poguestyleskye​ @jjtheangel​ @balanceofgray​​ @outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian 

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

[j3mily]

do yu have any jemily fanfiction recommendations?? i dont know where to start

Okay I have SO many! Here are some of my favourites rn💕

Someplace sometime by @gothwyfe

⭐️ (it’s an au thats so amazing & still has all the characters we love. I’m so so soft for the amazing visuals given for jj’s cottage☺️)

Poems on your skin by @heat-waveee

⭐️ (Soft Jemily sweetness with this series and Lauren’s numerous other headcanons for jemily are SO good👌🏼✨)

200 series by @beware-of-you-98

⭐️(the writing is outstanding and it has so many parts! So if you’re looking for a longer read with multi-chapters this one is awesome!📖)

I don’t know anything (but I know I miss you) by @jenniferxprentiss

⭐️( A highschool au that’s awesome so far and has so much potential for that soft slow burn jemily in further chapters!😍 Lots of amazing one shots and headcanons also if you love them as much as me!)

Here by @bees-teas-and-cheese

⭐️(“here” is my personal favourite one shot but honestly all of their one shots are amazing! but this one just gives me the warm and fuzzy’s for Jemily pining🥰)

——————————————————————————

These are just a few of my favourite that I can think of rn! But nonny I recommend just vibing your way through Ao3 and the jemily tag till you find the types of stories you like! 💜

**if anyone has any other suggestions for Jemily fics please feel free to add them!!**

[cunaeparker]

toffee & tears | peter parker x reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!OC

Summary: Peter's protective over cabbage, Shiloh Jane has a god-awful gag reflex and a bad tendency to cry in stressful situations, and Ned can't read an expiration date to save his life.

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Mentions of vomit 

this is for @spider-pxrkers​ writing challenge !!! i used an original character if thats okay. the prompt i chose, ‘take a picture it’ll last longer,’ is in bolded italic. also, if you have a fear of vomit, please don't read the parts in between the asterisks. its not mentioned much and isnt very detailed but there are some descriptions. ill put an indicator ( asterisks ) where it is so you can skip, though as a fair warning, its kinda crucial to the storyline and if u dont read some itll be kinda confusing. no pressure tho !!!!

masterlist // peter parker masterlist

"It's raining."

And Peter was right: the rain pounded against the large glass windows and thunder streaked across the grey sky, making SJ's heart skip a beat every time it crashed, startling her, and permitting her hand to twitch at the sudden noise; it smeared her pen handiwork on her page, and with an angered scoff and a mutter, she attempted to quickly wipe it off though her attempts were futile — the brand of ink seeped and stained the lined paper rather well, given the fact that it didn't smudge yet based on the way she was writing with her left hand.

Of course, just when the written report was due for creative writing, she somehow managed to smear blue ink all over her assignment. And leave her computer at the bus stop, which is why she was writing on paper in the first place.

Great.

She wanted to scream, but when Peter waved his hand in front of her, trying to grab her attention, she looked up at him, his words bringing her back to ground: She was in his apartment, working together because he was her partner. How could she forget? The encounter had been anything less than pleasant, if she was being honest. Peter forgot to offer her a drink, his living room looked like a neglected neighbourhood wetland, and his fridge reeked of old cottage cheese that he forgot about.

SJ sighed and nodded reluctantly in response to his bleak observation.

"I know," she replied. "I noticed."

Her words were said coldly, though not at all there — she was distracted, still preoccupied with the stain. She frowned and tried to wipe at it again, but this time, it smeared onto her writing and made it nearly unintelligible. She scoffed and began to wipe more vigorously, unaware of Peter's small smirk as he observed her, amused: she was wearing an oversized NYU t-shirt that he guessed she got freshman year, black shorts that hugged her hips a little too tight, a silver necklace that dipped nicely into the divot in her collarbones, a pair of funky long socks that she borrowed from her friend — adorned in a dreadful pot pattern, of course — a small bit of something subtle underneath her high cheekbones, contouring them beautifully, and best of all, a large, frustrated scowl on her face, tinged pink with annoyance.

It was endearing, if it wasn't for the fact that her venomous glare at the inanimate object was penetrating enough to puncture flesh, of course. But anyway, regardless of how much her gaze made him uneasy, he spoke again.

"You look like your head is going to explode, Shiloh Jane," he said.

Her scowl deepened but she didn't look up from her page. In fact, her pen began to fly faster.

"Don't call me that."

Another simple answer. And a retort, at that.

Peter raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his water. "You're a tough one to crack."

She didn't look up. "I know."

"Why do you keep giving me short answers?"

"I don't know," she said, shrugging.

"You're frustrating."

She finally looked up from her page, eyes wide and face flushed. Exasperated.

"What do you want me to do, give you my views on the meaning of life?" she snapped, annoyance lacing her words as she leaned forward and pressed her lips together. "I came here only because we were paired up for this damn assignment. And I hate to be blunt with you, Peter, I really do, but I really don't want to be sat at your coffee table while you do no work."

Peter shrugged. He reached across the table to take a sip of her coffee. Her aegean blue eyes narrowed.

A another scoff echoed from the back of her throat.

"That's quite the tangent," he commented, swallowing the coffee. He suppressed a shudder and a grimace, finding it rather lukewarm for his taste. He didn't know why she drank it cold but intended to ask her later. He continued. "Do you need some water? Your throat must be tired considering all that scoffing you're doing."

She stared at him for a moment, incredulous, before shaking her head — and unpredictably, scoffing — before going back to scribbling.

Peter was about to comment on how her handwriting looked like chicken-scratch, but decided not to mention it. He would rather not be found in his apartment with a slit throat from her sharp-tipped ink pen.

But, within a few seconds, he was back on the instigating train.

"Okay," he teased, leaning forward and furrowing his eyebrows as he took another instinctive sip from the coffee mug — now grimacing because he wasn't expecting the cold taste, "are you angry?"

SJ's freckled cheeks reddened and he thought he saw a flash of rage pass behind her eyes.

"No, I'm not," she said quietly, leg bouncing rapidly from underneath the table. "I'm... irked."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Irked?"

"Yes."

"That sounds like something my grandma would say."

Suddenly, she slammed down her pen and looked up at him.

Peter jumped back, unprepared to see her eyes as livid as they were, especially with her heaving chest that had to be from an irregularly beating heart. Her eyes were wide and livid, nostrils flaring and hair seeming to frizz and heat with electricity, body reacting to the live, angry wires sparking inside of her — until her chest heaved one last time and her eyes broke, welling with tears.

And then suddenly, she was crying.

Peter sat still, perturbed.

"You don't get to comment on what I'm doing, Parker!" she cried shrilly, tugging at her hair. "All I'm trying to do is make it through the fucking semester, but here you are, acting like everything's fine, when it's just... not! I need to focus for fuck's sake! Can you please stop pestering me?"

Peter stayed quiet.

A large influx of guilt passed through his body and he had to suppress a shudder.

"I..." He bit his lip and meant to say something else in attempts to comfort her and apologize, but for a fleeting, idiotic moment, among the sound of SJ's blubbering lips, his eyes darted around the room and landed on the English toffee Ned brought back for him from England on Christmas vacation four years ago on top of his fridge — it was old, never-eaten, most likely bad, but he still found himself asking in a spur of the moment blur, "Do you want some toffee?"

SJ's cries stopped and she looked at him as if feelers sprouted from his head. "Toffee?"

Peter hesitated and for a moment thought that she was going to surge forward and throttle him.

"Uh, yeah. Toffee," he said reluctantly. He nodded his head towards the fridge and fidgeted with his fingers. "I have some, if you want. I think there's liquor or something in it, if that helps how you're feeling." He paused. "I... I'm sorry for how I acted, too. It was really immature."

But SJ didn't miss a beat.

"Toffee?"

Peter didn't know what to say. He opted for a slow, hesitant nod and a small, forced smile.

And then suddenly she sprang out of her chair, shirt clinging to her body from the tears she shed. Peter nearly fell backwards out of his chair at the sudden agility she showcased, but she was already onto the next thing — SJ stormed to his fridge muttering curses under her breath as she threw the door open and began rummaging through his groceries.

It was all so sudden the only thing he could do was stand and watch with a slightly gaping mouth.

But when she tossed a head of cabbage Peter was planning to use for dinner onto the floor, that's when he lost it.

"What are you doing?" he cried, stumbling forward. He picked up the cabbage and looked at SJ, scandalized. "I was using that for dinner!"

"And I want to get rid of this before I eat your damn candy," said SJ heatedly, eyebrows furrowed determinedly (and rather angrily, for some reason) as she pulled out the container of cottage cheese. "This has made it increasingly difficult to focus. How the hell do you eat this shit anyway? It tastes like underpants," she grimaced, tossing it into the sink, where it landed with a sickening splat and a gross emission of something that smelled like... well, age-old underpants. "Your apartment reeks of it. I wanted to tell you, but I feel like you kind of deserve it." She simpered and snatched the cabbage from a star-struck Peter, patting it gently before putting back into the fridge. "And don't worry Peter," she began, "it was never my intention to hurt your baby."

Peter's nose wrinkled. "My baby?"

SJ snickered, standing on her tiptoes and grabbing the box of toffee on the top of the fridge.

"The cabbage, of course," she said, before opening the box and popping one into her mouth. But then suddenly, she winced and her face morphed into a funny expression Peter found concerning, ears turning red and visage becoming an ill shade of green. She spat the slightly chewed candy onto the floor. "That's rancid!"

"It is?" Peter asked, genuinely curious. He took the box from her hands as she hurried to the sink to grab some water. The label read: 'Best before 3-18-1988.' Peter's nose wrinkled again. Where the hell did Ned get this from? He opened the cabinet below the stove and promptly tossed the whole thing.

Once he slammed the small cabinet door shut, he hurried over to SJ, who was now positively green and dry-heaving, because apparently, she forgot that the cottage cheese was in the sink and as soon as she leaned down to take a sip, she got a face full of stink.

She dry-heaved again and groaned.

Peter grimaced and pat her back, wincing as a string of saliva hung over the sink, connected between her lips and a strand of thick strawberry blonde hair.

***

"It was really that bad?" he asked, gently rubbing her back as — was that vomit? — expelled from her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think Ned would get me candy that expired thirty years ago!"

"Thirty —" SJ vomited again, "years —" she inhaled a large gulp of air before nearly coughing up a lung, "ago?"

Peter nodded gravely. "Yeah... I'm sorry." He paused. "Again."

"Ah, come off it," SJ said, gasping before expelling her stomach contents for what was probably the last time. "It's okay. It's not the toffee that's doing this, it's that damn cottage cheese." At the mere word she looked like she wanted to vomit again. "I have a really bad gag reflex and if something smells that bad, I'm gone." She made a whistling noise and showed her hand falling from a high height, before it reached the ground and was backed by an amusing exploding noise. She smiled weakly. "Apologies for ruining your sink."

"You didn't ruin it," Peter said, frowning. He rubbed her back and helped her up from her bent-in-half position over the stainless steel. "I can wash it. I do after dishes every time, anyways." He offered her a small smile. "It's no biggie."

SJ smiled tiredly as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "'No biggie?' Who are you? The Notorious B.I.G?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Shut up."

SJ laughed.

Peter's grip on her waist tightened as they began moving towards the table, and it might've been a little much, but he knew from personal experience how shaky one's legs could get after vomiting. And based on how much SJ did, he was almost certain that attempting to walk after using that much energy would result in a cracked head.

"Ah, shit," SJ said suddenly. Peter whipped his head to the side, expecting there to be blood bubbling from her nose or something, but his gaze followed hers and landed to the mess on her t-shirt. SJ scowled and pulled away from Peter, not noticing how his face fell slightly, holding it up to her face. "It's ruined."

***

"You can borrow one of my shirts," he offered. SJ looked at him funnily. "If you want," he added quickly, turning a subtle shade of pink.

SJ seemed to notice his pinkening face, because her eyes narrowed in a slightly accusatory way, but she seemed to shake it off with a small shake of her head. She tilted her head to the side.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "I don't want to intrude."

"You aren't intruding," Peter said. "It's all okay, I'll go grab you one."

He shot her a smile before heading to his room, rummaging quickly through his messy drawers. He picked out a large, grey Queen t-shirt, and it might not have been the best choice because it was huge even on him, who was short for normal standards — he stood at 5'8, whereas SJ stood at a petite 5'3. He considered it for a moment but shook it off with a brisk shake of his head.

He rushed out into the living room, where SJ stood in the same spot, observing his photographs with a small smile.

As soon as she saw him walk in, her face brightened.

"Is this your picture?" she asked, pointing to a picture of Spider-Man hanging on the wall.

Peter nodded, handing her the shirt as another wave of pink tinged his face. What was getting into him? Maybe it was the fact that he only put it up last year; it was definitely not one of the most humble moves, he loved it: It captured the essence of his alter ego perfectly. He thought it was a good picture and he was proud, considering he took it himself on a timer and in action.

"Yeah, it's mine. Do you like it?" he asked reluctantly, not wanting to sound too full of himself.

SJ nodded. "It's amazing. All the other pictures I've seen of Spidey are blurry and terribly edited. Crazy how those are the only ones that get published, hey?"

"Totally," he agreed quickly. "I actually had an internship at the Bugle — y'know, where they publish the pictures — and they thought my pictures were drawn or something. It was so absurd. They never got published in the end, but I'm still proud of my work." And then to take off the edge of egotistical prick he added, "I guess."

SJ frowned and her mouth hung open slightly, eyes darting back and forth between Peter and the picture.

"You took this?"

"...Yeah?"

"Peter, this is amazing!" she praised. "The colours are perfect and the shot is so clear!"

Peter blushed. "Thank you," he said, walking forward and standing beside her, observing the picture as well. "I really appreciate it. Are you into photography too?"

SJ shrugged. "Kinda. I was into it for awhile, and even thought about majoring in it, until my parents deemed it 'too impractical' and made me do something with English and Science." She nudged Peter's side and scowled. "It's dumb, hey?"

"Yeah," he said, "though I don't see why you shouldn't be allowed to do something you're passionate about..."

Peter felt odd about SJ's small admission. He didn't completely understand why she gave up on the thing she loved when a set of people told her she couldn't do it. He thought she was more strong-willed than that. But, SJ only shrugged, and interrupted his thoughts by placing his shirt in between her legs and taking off her current one.

It was so sudden, just like that, that Peter barely had time to comprehend the fact that some beautiful girl was standing topless in the middle of his apartment, admiring the designs on his shirt like she had no care in the world.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Peter asked, trying hard not to blush and cower away. "You can go in my bathroom to change, if you want."

SJ chuckled and folded the shirt over in her hands, reading the design. "It's okay," she assured, though it didn't entirely help Peter's case. "You don't strike me as malicious." And then just like that, she shrugged off her bra, turning around.

Peter nearly passed out.

He couldn't see anything, obviously, but he couldn't help to observe her back... it was a little intruding, but he couldn't help it. With his heart in his throat, he tried to look anywhere else but her, but his eyes seemed to go against his will and stay there, staring. Her back was well-defined and toned. It looked like she was fit. Peter intended to ask why she just took of her bra in the middle of his living room, but before the words could leave his mouth, he noticed a large, white scar going up the length of her spine.

He frowned and before he could comprehend it, he asked, "What's on your back?"

He clamped a hand over his mouth and felt his heart race. Why did he ask that? Why was he so intrusive?

SJ halted her moments for a second. She hesitated, and her movements slowed, but she only shook her head and blew out a steady stream of air through her lips, finally shrugging the shirt over her defined shoulders.

"It's nothing," she said, turning and offering Peter a taut smile, though her words weren't said as confidently as they usually were. Peter felt an influx of guilt. "It's just some dumb old battlescar, y'know. We all have them." She patted his chest, and Peter's mouth opened to apologize, but she cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. "Don't apologize," she said quietly. "I get that question a lot. But, most of all," she raised an eyebrow, looking grave and saddened, until a sudden, wide smile curled up her full lips. "You should've taken a picture, it would've lasted longer. I have eyes on the back of my head, Parker. And also, I like Queen. Very unique. You have good taste."

And then she turned, shooting a flabbergasted Peter an enigmatic smile as she walked over to the kitchen to grab a paper towel, most likely about to wipe off the residue on her own shirt. But, it left Peter confused: What was she hiding, but most of all, why did she look so good in his clothing?

***

tags :

peter parker taglist ➝ @galaxystern08 @averyfosterthoughts @pparkeramorr @peterparkermadness

tom holland taglist ➝ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @galaxystern08​ @coni-marti @inhumanwithpowers​​ @softholand

mutuals ➝ @quackeroos​ @parkersbliss​ @chaoticpete​ @cosmicholland​ @stardustom​ @mannien​ @my-patronus-is-mabel-pines​ @silteplaittais-toi @spideygirl2003 @yoinkyourheart​ @darlintom​ @dreamofaprilsblog​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist @peterspideyy​ @eridanuswave @thirzaholland​ @t-holland2080 @peachyparkerr @parkeret @etoileholland @j-romanoff001 @spider-pxrkers​

[hogsteeth-archive]

alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously