#and i recognize that shame is henrally defined under what i see as guilt

[bearsandboobs]

I'm approaching this using the Brené Brown definition of shame (as opposed to guilt) which definitely influenced my answer (shame).

Brené Brown says this on guilt and shame (from her website)

"I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.

I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

As oodlenoodleroodle says above, i was thinking in terms of what limits my life the most. Anger and fear for me have not been nearly as life ruining as shame. I do agree with many of the above, like kata4a and tanadrin , that shame as it's commonly understood (what Brené brown defines as guilt) is incredibly useful in many ways! It's allows us to reflect (hopefully not ruminate) on past mistakes, and incentivizes us to do better next time. It encourages us to do better for those around us, allowing for more cohesive, collective, and collaborative existences! Shame however has caused me to avoid the above, out of the belief that nothing i do can make things better because who I am inherently is bad and flawed, and nothing i can do will ever change it. Shame sucks.