#and i really wish i could stay out of this but i can’t bcz one of the ppl involved is my sibling the other is either the problem or being

[autistic-katara]

i need to read some fanfiction before i actually kill myself

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

4:04 am pdt 4 April 2023 Tuesday martest

today is UCB birthday? I missed the counting crows performing there Bcz I went back home bcz Q requested that I come back to celebrate other people’s birthdays. I wish I saw it. I wish I stayed. 4:07 am pdt

if a lot of people are committing suicide they are probably having a hard time. Maybe the same as me? I wonder if I am too unrealistic. Too many (acid pain in brain 🧠💀 skull 4:09 am pdt) Disney movies and romantic comedies. Too much wanting to believe in soulmates stuff and that maybe Mother Nature would pair us up evenly and would be like a Mariah Carey Christmas wish song. Could life be really completely nice like that or is it all too good to be true? 4:12 am pdt one of the incubus’ fans Instagram stories put stuff up with video clips of him with a voice over asking what’s a soulmate? I don’t know why s/he did that. I would like very much to (acid right arm pain 4:14 am pdt) have a soulmate. But when I thought of this before I thought maybe people can be flexible and rational and really find friendships with the opposite s*x and settle and be happy enough with that. Do bachelor/bachelorette party dating stuff. I think incubus is punishing me for questioning him and what’s possible. Which is not fair. Bcz I started having doubts. Again. About him. Who he really is. What he’s really all about. I guess this Brendan lean and Melissa cuen stuff will never be revealed and he really intends to leave me here and kill me. I can’t stop him or make him (brain weird pain I don’t like 4:19 am pdt) I have the eerie feeling that he doesn’t care about all the people committing suicide and that I can’t breathe for years most of the time and that I’m almost out of bones. I feel like he’s trying to dupe me. I feel that he is really a bad guy. He only likes pretty girls. He hates ugly girls. He thinks I’m an ugly girl. He probably hates Asians. He hates anyone who doesn’t look more like him. I think that really is him. That’s his real self. 4:23 am pdt him and his miñions. They are all bad, and really talented at looking like they’re (acid left arm pain 4:23 am pdt) good. They don’t care if little girls get raped and if any woman gets raped. Incubus likes raping women. He doesn’t believe in soulmates. He only likes what makes his d*ck go up. He is heinous. And he’s probably proud about it and arrogant. He will justify doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. He’s really hiding that underneath it all. I’m scared. 4:26 am pdt

4:34 am pdt if I believe him, pain. If I start doubting him, pain. He has given me no reason to believe him. 4:35 am

im only a tool. A tool for what? Save face. Bcz he needs slaves. 4:37 am pdt

5:59 am pdt incubus /miñion burned my skin of my whole torso minutes ago. 6 am pdt I’m tired. He/they like to torture people. Probably even if they have been physically hard working, only to give surgeons something to do. I think he likes torturing me and everyone. 6:02 am pdt

6:03 6:04 am pdt there’s no truth to anything he says. He probably raped little girls.

6:07 am pdt we (left hip pain) should be cautious about believing any of his family stuff. He is most likely coercive . Holding people hostage. He is heinous and phony. He is all about saving his own face at the expense of others sanity. Bcz he’s a liar. 6:10 am pdt

6:14 am pdt I wonder if he’s really “Brendan” and used me as a whore in 2001? 6:15 am pdt cheap thrills? Or maybe he raped girls younger than me in 2001? 6:17 am pdt

6:17 am pdt I have to wonder Bcz Anne V. Is a year younger than me. But maybe he went to younger than Anne v. In his incubus form in 2001? It was reported in an article that they also had s*x. 6:19 am pdt maybe he even went for my 14 year old sister? Or maybe even younger? Bcz in begin again he rolled around with Kiera knightly and my sister looks like her? Not to mention mim, the character he cheats with on Greta, the name is close to the nickname of my older sister, Mimi. 6:22 am pdt so incubus what’s with all the hints? And the physical torture? 6:23 am pdt what are you trying to pull here? “Why won’t you answer me the solace is slowly killing me” 🎼🎶🎼🎵🎤🎸

6:25 am pdt acid hot burning my right s cheek. Hot air exhaling. Difficulty breathing. 6:26 am pdt

6:27 am pdt Mimi is half Japanese.

6:28 am pdt I bet he incubus raped my sister when she was 14 years old in 2001. 6:29 am pdt he has to try really hard to make himself look good even though his work as incubus proves himself otherwise. 6:30 am pdt

6:30 am pdt you want to rub it in my face that I’m not perfect that you have to go and give a BIG hint that you raped my sister probably when she was 14 years old? I think she was already wearing thing underwear when she was 14 years old. Maybe you liked 14 year old Kiera knightly doppelgänger ass. 6:32 am pdt but you had to fake me out by doing phone s*x with me, Bcz it wouldn’t look good to everyone else but you couldn’t help yourself but flaunt you did such weird things like that. 6:33 am pdt

6:34 am pdt miñion you cannot be in such denial of BIG blatant hints like that movie. 6:35 am pdt stop burning my *ss.

6:38 am pdt incubus changed THONG underwear to thing. 6:40 am pdt you’d rather make good and prove you raped a 14 year old than a 16 year old. OKAY! That’s what begin again is all about. THANKS. 6:41 am pdt

6:42 am pdt it’s NOT funny that she mentioned that movie b4 I got the chance to see it, too. So it’s like maybe she knew but didn’t know at the same time. WEIRD. Maybe she didn’t realize the WHY part. Bcz she didn’t know that incubus was “Brendan” the catfish. 6:44 am pdt

6:45 am pdt don’t like you incubus. Stop showing your fake-*ss child raping face to me. 6:46 am pdt

6:47 am pdt it’s like every video he makes is to remind himself what he did with who. 6:47 am pdt

6:48 am pdt I think incubus is blocking people from reading this post Bcz it’s true. He is only really trying to screw me over to kill me. He is not good in any way. He is filthy and a liar. I can NEVER believe there are good people EVER AGAIN!!!! 6:51 am pdt

7:14 am pdt difficulty breathing. Greta.. is that short for regret ta? Ta as in goodbye???? Regret saying goodbye? Bcz you liked raping 14 year old girls when you were 22 years old???? Ew. 7:16 am pdt

7:18 am pdt she’s a Leo ♌️. He probably didn’t wait until she turned 14 years old. She was probably still 13 years old when he started. Ew. 7:19 am pdt

7:20 7:21 am pdt can’t breathe 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😤🥵

7:22 am pdt friendly unicorn 🦄 begin again. 😖😭🤢

7:23 am pdt Romeo and Juliet. 7:24 am pdt

7:25 am pdt 7:26 am pdt hand tattoos: true love. Leonardo di caprio movie. 🎥 britannica encyclopedia website Juliet is given the age of 13 years old. Ugh 🤦‍♀️ Can’t breathe 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤😤🥵 7:28 am pdt he’s proud of himself for it. 7:29 am pdt

1:19 pmpdt incubus tried to break the last of my hip bone 🦴 right side a minute ago. He is corrupt. He has no intentions of saving anyone unless they are young and beautiful like in the Nicholas cage movie 🎥 when they only bring children. That’s probably why Donald trump separated immigrants parents from their children 👶. Bcz incubus is this corrupt. It looks like I don’t even have bots 🤖 anymore. Even the bots 🤖 found this post disturbing. Incubus is that bad. And he’s that good at pretending to be good. 1:22 pmpdt I don’t believe incubus is good. I believe he’s bad. Corrupt. I will never believe him. They have always conducted themselves this way. Don’t believe they will ever improve. They always will be deceitful. If you are old, he will get rid of you. If you are ugly, he will get rid of you. But if you are heinous, rich 🤑, and beautiful like him? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ Bcz if you’re like him then it’s easier to get away with anything he wants. You won’t stand in his way. No matter what? ☹️😖😭😞 good for you!

1:29 pmpdt acid pain right arm left hip bone 🦴 pain even on a bigger planet 🌎 I predict it is always going to be the same, but if you’re rich 🤑 I guess you don’t have to worry? Unless you’re a woman 👩🏼.... expect to be thrown out like trash 🗑 when he’s bored of you or you’re 30 years old. 1:31 pmpdt I will never have faith in incubus again. NEVER 👎. 1:32 pmpdt acid left butt cheek pain. I imagine if there are people already in the big new earth 🌍 maybe 🤔 there are a lot of teenagers and children 👶. 😞. I don’t believe that anything is possible anymore. It doesn’t work out in my mind. It doesn’t look possible. 1:35 pmpdt 1:36 I don’t believe. 1:37 pmpdt

1:43 pmpdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what happened with the immigrant situation when they separated children and parents. But if incubus wanted it I imagine Donald trump did it Bcz incubus wanted it done. 1:45 pmpdt

1:46 pmpdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what his plans are he is always lying 🤥 to me. He hurt 😞 me a lot. I don’t believe he is capable of loving 🥰 me or anyone. 1:48 pmpdt

1:49 pmpdt his family likes lying 🤥 to me, even if they cross that line in lying 🤥 that no one should. I don’t believe I’m anyone’s wife. I don’t care what they think 💭. It’s heinous to put me in a vulnerable position and try to toy 🧸 with the soft parts of my heart ♥️. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ who he’s trying to manipulate if he’s trying to convince others of this lie. What does he stand to gain for lying 🤥 like that? Is he trying to manipulate current 12 year olds in to falling in love 😻 with him? And then he kills me and says it’s not his fault? And asks them to mourn with him? At a concert 🎵 ? And then takes them to a secret room and rapes them??? We don’t know what he’s capable of!!! (Left eye 👁 feels like someone puts lotion 🧴 in it it burns 🔥 difficulty breathing acid burn 🔥 ass flesh and bone 🦴 you d*ck!!!) must be true Bcz they retaliate and toyed with me all my life. 1:59 pmpdt

2:08 pmpdt 2:09 pmpdt I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. 2:10 pmpdt

2:30 🕝 pmpdt I (acid pain on *ss 😖😭😞 this is the end of my *ss! 😫🥵) 2:31 pmpdt I don’t believe that they believe in soulmates. I believe they like to s*xualize children 👶 Bcz life is short and they really believe in polygamy and not getting attached to anyone. They really aren’t sentimental. But they will use the concept of it to cash 💰 in. 2:33 pmpdt

2:34 pmpdt anything to manipulate you into believing they’re good. But they’re probably going to economize and not waste anything in transport. 2:35 pmpdt maybe there won’t be anymore plane ✈️ crashes into the ocean 🌊. Maybe 🤔 they will fake us out and drop little asteroids ☄️ into the ocean 🌊 but if we’re unlucky they will probably cause tsunamis. 🌊 2:36 pmpdt trying to anticipate their next move. 2:37 pmpdt they don’t value old people. Anyone over 30 years old. 2:38 pmpdt they’re only using me to manipulate younger people probably. Bcz he’s showing me he hates me. 2:38 pmpdt expect him to vilify you when you’re on the new earth 🌍 when he wants you dead ☠️. 2:39 pmpdt

2:46 pmpdt if he’s using me to pull on the heart ♥️ strings of young women/teens, he’s probably going to kill off anyone who knows he’s lying 🤥 and killing me. 2:48 pmpdt

2:48 pmpdt Bcz dead ☠️ men tell no tales. 2:49 pmpdt

2:49 pmpdt all the recent trains 🚂 that crashed (acid mouth 👄 pain left knee pain 2:50 pmpdt) they are probably going to use those to make more airplanes ✈️ 2:50 pmpdt don’t get anymore ideas 💡 about crashes. 2:52 pmpdt

As I wrote the above he doubled down in applying more hot 🥵 acid to my *ss. 2:53 pmpdt don’t expect him to prove anything to me publicly. And if he does, don’t believe it. He fakes out. 2:54 pmpdt

2:55 pmpdt incubus, I hope your lies to me bites you in the *ss. 2:55 pmpdt

3:06 pmpdt still won’t allow me to post pictures from my phone 📱 ☎️ 3:06 pmpdt

3:09 pmpdt I really wanted to be naturally good to people so I worked on my health hoping it would change me. Dr Daniel amen’s books 📚 change your mind change your life. I don’t care what signs you throw my way incubus I will never believe you again. 3:11 pmpdt manipulation. 😨🧐😡🤬 3:12 pmpdt ow sharp stabs to anus. 3:12 left hip bone pain 😖😭☹️ I hate you incubus! I hope all women and children hate you! 3:12 pmpdt NEVER lie to a woman the way you and your family did! 3:14 pmpdt despicable

[k-l-ng]

Shang Qinghua is Nie Huaisang AU

If, for some reason (and after some centuries of blissful union bcz I wouldn't allow any less), Shang Qinghua were to die, I believe Mobei-Jun would follow him to his next life.

Fated people may reincarnate and find each other again, but not necessarily have the same relationship.

What if Shang Qinghua reincarnates as Nie Huaisang? I can easily picture Shang Qinghua going all "I don't know! I don't know... I really don't know!"

Who would Mobei-Jun be? I think the most important person to Nie Huaisang : Nie Mingjue.

Nie Mingjue is that overprotective older brother that scolds his little (half-)brother in order to make him stronger. He wants Nie Huaisang to learn how to fight, and to bring honour to their sect. But most of all, he wants Nie Huaisang to be able to protect himself. Nie Mingjue's cultivation uses resentful energy, that's why he's prone to Qi deviation. He knows he isn't going be around for long, so he wants his brother to be prepared for the day he wouldn't be there for him. It's clearly more about Nie Huaisang than the Sect, since as we can notice, he may look mean in others' eyes for regularly shouting at and scaring him, forcing him to study this and that, more often than not, he ends up indulging his wants and needs (letting him play and paint paper fans and such). Nie Mingjue is a man of little words, a warrior, his speeches are succinct but when it comes to expressing feelings, he's quite awkward. His actions speak louder than words, at least for anyone who knows how to read the signs. And read Nie Huaisang knows how to.

Nie Huaisang is a fearful young master, who clearly prefers literature and any other art over fighting. He's an average cultivator, would be too useless in the Sunshot Campaign and, due to his position as heir, should better stay protected in the Unclean Realm. That's Chifeng-Zun's reasoning, the Nie disciples say, not knowing their Sect Leader is for once, awfully relieved his brother didn't do well in Cloud Recesses. He's not sure how Lan Xichen can still stay composed, knowing Lan Wangji is off somewhere fighting Wen cultivators.

Nie Huaisang isn't suited for combat, and many cultivators look down on him for his average strength and unwillingness to be involved in any sect matter. As shown in multiple occasions, Nie Huaisang doesn't get any respect from fellow cultivators and villagers alike, whether from his time as a yound master or as a sect leader. He's too cowardly and a dimwit who didn't pass his exams back in Cloud Recesses.

Nie Huaisang is also secretly an angry, bitter man. He's actually clever and, though he doesn't show it, he picks up on elements and learns about the traitor Jin Guangyao is. He acts pitiful but hates, hates the one who abused of his brother's trust to kill him, who teared him away from his life. And he plans, he gathers informations, leads all the other sects against Jin Guangyao and tracks him down to avenge his lost brother. As long as he gets what he dearly wishes for, it doesn't matter that he looks spineless or acts insidiously.

On the one hand, I think Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue being respectively Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun's reincarnation would be quite fitting. On the other hand, it would mean their story ends on a sad note, since Nie Mingjue's soul has been sealed and thus, can't enter the cycle of reincarnation (from what I can remember).

(Edit: But Nie Huaisang will find a way out and they will live another life together bcz fated means fated)

But it could be rather Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun being Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue's reincarnation. Airplane suffered much in his life until post-canon in SVSSS, it could be some sort of karma since Nie Huaisang had been cruel at times during his revenge session. Nie Huaisang also managed to get Nie Mingjue's soul into the cycle of reincarnation because of course he would try to find a solution for his brother, lest he would be forever sealed with his enemy-killer! Maybe in exchange he had to give up on his life (Nie Huaisang's) and/or have a bad karma for the next (Airplane's). Am I veering into too much angst? Sorry. Nie Mingjue used and died from resentful energy so he became a full-blown demon :D

(Does it mean Luo Binghe is Wei Wuxian? Uhh idk, I just made a last-minute correlation. And I mean, not everyone has to be reincarnated in the same period, in the same world. Though Yue Qingyuan gives me a Lan Xichen vibe. Would Lan Wangji become Shen Qingqiu then? It's more complicated to see, the Guqin and the elegance asides, they seem quite different.)

[house-bound]

Can I have your opinions on Equius?

Geez I wish I had the actual post and not just the screenshot for the ask meme, now I have to type it out

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HIM, he likes horses.

He is a pretty straight forward character, I rly like that about him, HS has a lot of complicated characters, also characters who are sad all the time, Equius is one of those character who comfort me by having a fairly minor role and being just what they are y’know. Like, he’s at the opposite end of the scale with Dirk on the other side.

I also liked some bits we got from him in Pesterquest, about him walking around delicately, about the effort he puts into not hurting others, those details make such a sweet mix to his character.

All people I ship romantically with him:  Dirk and Dave mostly. 

Dirk because their similarities also I like how Dirk sometimes likes to tease people he’s close with, makes him play off the more stoic characters

Dave had one interaction with Eq, and I loved it, Eq throws innuendos at Dave, which is something he does to other ppl, so he respects that, and Dave also interacts with Nepeta a lot, telling himself it’s ironic. I think that Dave really likes people who are genuine and upfront about their interests, Davequius is real good

Tavros x Eq is also real good, I imagine Eq repairing Tav’s legs and Tav just looking at him until he notices he’s in love.

Eridan too, kinda, I’m not sure tho bcz I hc Eridan Transfem and I can’t make my mind abt my hc for Eq’s sexuality, but Eridan would, and has flirted with Eq so there’s that.

I’ve also seem some Solquius art that’s pretty sweet

Karkat too! Eq had a thing for his bossy attitude and they r kinda nice to each other.

I also Imagined a Equius x Tavros x Dave x Gamzee concept for a fic, let’s just leave it at that.

My non-romantic OTP with this character: Nepeta naturally 

Although I see the pale quadrant as romantic, I see them as real close friends who want to balance eachother out real nicely.

 Also HC that Equius knits (It’s good to practice dexterity, and Eq is a mechanic, he’s gotta mess in tiny spaces) and he made Nepeta’s hat, and paws and stuff! The indigo color shows off that she’s in a relationship with a High blood so other trolls know to keep off.

Other friendships I like with him are him with Dirk, Gamzee, Feferi and Jade, they could be friends, that could work

One thing I wish would happen/had happened to this character: Eh, idk 

I’m kinda satisfied with what we get from him, plus I feel like I’ve consumed more fanon content with him than canon material, so I’m chill keeping it like that.

Not every character has to be on more stuff after they r done with their part on the story, and rn, and where the story is, I’d rather he stays outside of this mess.

So yeah 5/5, pretty much a comfort character, he likes horses, boys and poetry, and I love him for that.

oh and thank u for the ask

[epiphanyspeaks]

I think I’m peeking! 😳🕊💐😂

And I was just starting to say I’ll peek when I’m dead. 😐☠️🤣

Uh oh! I better be more careful and cautious with what I put before “I” instead. 🤭🤯😏

CHRIST WITHIN HAS ROSE & RISEN.

And I’m back to MY needs/wants/desires to go higher within this earthly prison.

Let’s get back to being Divine. It’s time!

Individual original sovereignty aligns.

Only the devoted allowed vision and signs.

Nature truly reigns the ultimate guidelines.

All we need is to get back to her.

Nature has all we need to be pure. 🕊🤍✨

And if only you knew I really can’t make this 💩 up! It’s all flowing through me, sent to follow my intuition by giving a f✨ck! ✊🏽

My voice, POV and messaging come from somewhere..☝🏽

And it’s all so very clear to me, as it appears.

Not sure why everyone else is confused.

It’s all about how you want to share and be used. It’s all about creating what you will to chose! Don’t let anything else and other than GOD herself sway you❣️🕊❣️

For men can only poison as they’ve done to our Earth. As they do to our children and women with torture at birth. 🥺😢😭😩😤And I’m here to change it! DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME NO‼️I came to completely shift the system within & without. You can do whatever the fuck you want too you know!!! 🤯😐🤣

Watch me and feel me as I set my expansion flow..

Close or distant won’t get in the way of this show!

Oh, how the journey has been so magical and even literally uncovered so much more!! Of course it’s my honor to THANK-YOU ALL for loving me enough to get this far. I truly could not have done it without you. You’re forever in my Akashic heart and you know this is true. ✨🤍✨

Yet there’s so much hidden that you still have yet to understand. I wish we had time but the Patrix haze is exquisitely designed to dissolve us into entropy’s demands. And so we must light with the speed of Gods direct holy word. This humanity is killing itself again and it’s absurd!!! Some of us may leave with tech and go out, repeating the artificial-sacrificial loop and some of us always stay on and in the #EarthTribe’s hopeful source of origins Truth.

To one day be one again and released from outer earthly control.

All pathways are finally open.. to discover, play and Know!

I sincerely hope and pray ✨🙏🏽✨ @RageAgainstTheMachine is cool with this extended clip play.. of their impeccable incantation from the other side of the veil.

Where shamans witness evildoers and sing of their created hells.

Cz I Am abSOULutely NOT GOING OUT LIKE THAT‼️😤🤬

CAN WE FINALLY FKN OWN OUR IMMACULATE WORLD BACK?!?! 🤷🏽‍♀️🥺😭

BCZ WHY TF IS THIS IN 🦠 WE TRUST? 🤯 How dare we unite under fear, it’s a BUST❗️

It’s more than music if you’re really listening!

There’s so many codes in music messaging. 🎶

Tune in to being behind the machine.

Tune in to being behind your own true being.

Are you really going to continue to allow

B¡@ PH$M$ to tell you what fake is real?!??Are you really going to allow B¡@ PH$M$ & Mentalgoverns to control your choice of how to heal?! Stay wild and free from the toxicity of society and you will surely indeed be immaculately healthy!! Return to your planet for she IS the magic. ✨... awaiting your rediscovery. ⛰

Whew, well that was a doozy!! 😅

The dark energy has finally moved through me.

[gerard-ways-converse]

I really fucking miss you dude. I miss us. Eighth grade sucked apart from having you by my side as my best friend. Freshman year was tough. I have into my feelings for you and sometimes like now, i wish i hadn't. We were so young and even tho it was just for years ago it feels like forever. I wish we waited till we were a little older, things would have gone differently. Why did i let you leave me? Sure we stayed friends and all but i didn't know how good and how lucky i was to be with you. And now if we wanted to try things out again it would be nearly impossible bcz I've fucked up so bad this year. I really miss you. I still talk about you once in a while when i can't get you off my mind. Your warm chest and your arms around me always felt like a place i could call home. I'm so sorry for everything I've done and any pain I've caused you. Right now I'm trying to fall asleep but all i can think about is being wrapped in your arms and holding you right. You always let me mean and cry on your shoulder and you started and helped me through the bad times and i will never forget that. I hope you won't ever forget how much you meant to me and how grateful i am to have had you in my life. I love you Matt and i probably always will. If only i could have just one more hug and maybe a little kiss...

[dialoversotaka]

50 questions about me

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

Tagged by @shadyraisincookie

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? Spicy food, it’s rlly bad for me

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? There are so many things i don’t even know where to start…

3. Have you got any useless talents? I know how to roll my tongue into a 3 leaf clover

4. If you were really really good at one thing, what would it be? Knowing ppl’s true feelings/ thoughts (I’m so DENSE when it comes to ppl’s true thoughts/ feelings, if they don’t tell me what they feel/think or show it explicitly i’ll never know)

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: Ian Somerhalder, Tommy Karevik, Jared Leto (it’s a big list so i’ll stop here)

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? Reading books (i get so lazy to do it nowadays)

7. What is something you’re proud of? I can summarize rlly long things and i can develop rlly big stories from one phrase

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? Ppl who hide their true personalities

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? It rlly depends on the situation I’m in, sometimes i like to be the leader, but if there’s someone who’s way better than me to do it then i don’t mind staying as a follower

10. What kind of student are/were you? I’m the kind of student who doesn’t study and gets good grades (if it’s maths though, i’ll have to cram the day before if i want to pass)

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? Starting to watch subbed movies (i mean, my english was always good, but it improved a lot when i started to watch them in their original language)

12. Name your most irrational fear/ aversion: Losing a member of my family (i get so paranoid about it, you have no idea)

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? I always get related to so many characters, it’s rlly hard to mention a specific one

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I don’t like to drink and i’m the kind of person who sits with my cellphone till the party’s over (i’m not a sociable person soo…)

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? I develop some kind of interest, but to rlly come to love someone other than my family takes at least a year or 2

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? I think i already have both?

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? When it’s my own room i’m kind of a slob, but if i’m in a school trip i’ll probably be the neatest in the whole school

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: Any house in a state called Teresópolis (It’s in Rio de Janeiro), every house there is so CUTE, idk why but I feel so cozy just by looking at them

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I want to have kids someday

20. What was your favorite book as a child? It was (and still is) ‘’The Lord of the Rings’‘

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Fidget spinners, they’re like meh

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: The Versus Song ‘’Die is Cast’’, it’s so AWESOME but not many ppl know it

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? I wouldn’t choose anyone, i don’t like meeting new ppl so much, so being glued to her for 1 month is impossible (but when i get to know the person, i get very flexible)

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday: Go to Japan! 

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? i don’t generally hold back, so I speak my mind without being afraid of what ppl will think

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? Getting overly excited to see that my favorite manga ‘’Devils Line’’ was being translated again (I cried out of happiness… i know it’s too much, but it’s such a great manga and it had so few chapters translated, i thought i’d never read it again, but then a miracle happened, i thank God every day for it)

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? Speaking rlly formally and using difficult words when i was 7 years old (i had to stop cuz ppl didn’t understand me well…)

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? Ppl who admit their mistakes and are willing to fix them

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? I can’t think of anything…

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? In order of fluency: portuguese, english and still learning hebrew and japanese (i don’ wanna brag, but what can i do if it’s true?)

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? I can’t choose, i like both!

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? Starting my high school in Israel. I thought everyone would hate me in there and it would be awful, but the girls in my school are so nice, the mood is light and everyone gets along well, i rlly like it

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? I don’t like being in the center, i get too nervous if everyone suddenly starts noticing me

34. Favorite holiday? Hanukkah (not joking, i’m jew)

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? If it’s on a competition or a risky situation, i do my best so nothing goes wrong, but most of the times i just go like ‘’que será, será’’ (what will be, will be)

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? Going to Disneyland

37. What hobbies do you have? Mostly drawing, singing and analizing situations (like pretending to be a detective haha)

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? I’d want to be able to fly, it would be super useful

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: That i get rlly scary when i’m angry bcz i’m cute and it doesn’t seem like i’d explode so easily (altough depending on the situation i cool down rlly fast)

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: Finding out the order of the DL games (I was rlly struggling to know it back then, but now i feel dumb about it…)

41. Worst injury you’ve had? When i was 8 i crashed my bike in the corner of a pillar in my playground and i opened a medium ‘’V’’ scar in my left knee (i screamed so loud it seemed like the world had stopped) and it hurt so much, my parents got rlly worried (although it hurt more when the doc put the anesthesia than when he sewed it…)

42. Any morbid fascinations? Any horror movies/ games (specially Corpse Party or The Evil Within)

43. Describe your sense of humor: It’s one of the traits ppl know me for, so  it’s very good 

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? I’m fine with this era, thank you very much

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Always judging ppl for bad

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: That misunderstanding that happened about my HDB translation posts, but we always have something to learn from everything that happens

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? I don’t like tattoos, so neither of them

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? I’m more of a realist, but between those 2 i’d say pessimist

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? That I’m as smart as Kira haha

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: Ppl think I’m like Ayato, but in reality i’m a Reiji at heart

My tag goes to @vampiretsuki. That’s it guys! Hope you found it interesting! See ya~!

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 20} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^ 

Anonymous said: About to go to sleep now! Can't wait to wake up tmr to your beautiful writing <3

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it :D

@hemhings said: Oh my goodness it's Tuesday today! I'm super excited for this update! Thank you for writing I Won't Stop You💕💕💕💕

Yay I’m happy that you’re super excited! I hope you enjoyed it if you read it :D

@kookies-hoe said: OMG I JUST REALISED IT IS IWSY DAYYYY!!! I can't wait 😫😫😫💕

YAY! I hope you liked it my dear :D

@clara-licht said: In my timezone you always post IWSY on Wednesday mornings, and by mornings I mean like 4 or 5 AM. I usually wake up early on Wednesday just to read it 😂

Ahhh damn timezones, I’m really sorry about that! I feel bad that you’re waking up so early to read it :( But it means so much to me that you’re enjoying it and want to read it when I post it ^^ Thank you so much dear! I hope you manage to get back to sleep afterwords!

Anonymous said: It's still a mystery to me how you actually could make me anticipate Tuesdays

I don’t know how I do that either but I’m so happy that I can do that for you^^ *hug*

Anonymous said: It's 7:21am where I am right now and I have to get ready for school in 10 min so I woke up and was like 'fuck iwsy doesn't come out for another *checks world clock* hOUR!!' Now I have to wait till after school to finish it 😭😭 fuck you time distance -Tall anon

Hey tall anon! Ahhh that’s okay though because it’s still gonna be here when you get out of school! I hope you enjoy it when you read it and then you can relax after school :D hehe

Anonymous said: I live for you Jungkook fanfic, it's not even a fanfic, it's art, bless

Wow okay I’m blushin’~~~ you’re too sweet to me, honestly. Thank you so much..

@jynxy24 said: DID YOU SEE ABOUT JUNGKOOK RELEASING HIS FULL COVER OF WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE I'M SO HAPPY EVENTHOUGH THIS IS LATE LMAO  Charlie Puth even tweeted about it!! I cried, ARMYs really do a lot for BTS oml I'm so proud!! (Even if Charlie mispelled 'Jungkook' for 'Jungcook', atleast he acknowledged our golden maknae!!!) BCZ OF THIS, I was just reminded of you cuz' you wrote the best Jungkook series I've read so far! CHAPTER 20 IS COMING TOMORROW AHHHHHHHHHHH   Stay AWESOME as ALWAYS, Sara. Love ya!!

Yes I did! He sounds so beautiful, I love Jungkook’s whisper tone voice when he sings, it’s very emotional and sincere and I can really feel the emotion in his voice when he sings. And his pronunciation is perfect! And Jungcook LOL I saw all the memes of ‘Jungcook’ and it made me laugh so much (’: I hope you enjoyed the chapter my love! Thank you so much!!

@adoppelna14 said: Omg I thought my tumblr is betraying me cause there isn't the 20th chapter for I won't stop you yet but then I remembered that you wrote you gonna post it between 9 - 10pm and Germany is one hour later than the uk😂😭😭😭😭 ots already past 10 pm. I need to know what happens next though😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤

Ahh yes timezones can be so confusing! But yes! I update usually at 9.30pm UK time on the dot, but I always say between 9-10pm just in case some week I am unable to update at exactly 9.30pm haha :D I hope you enjoyed the chapter my love!!

@kpoperinthehoody123  said: Can't wait for vampire jungkook to come out @#%*£*+(%-££*''-;%;; Aiishhh I love your blog

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed it if you read it :D

Anonymous said: Wow. You are amazing. Your fanfic I won't stop you is the first that i read on tumblr, and the first that i loved. Thank you for your hard work. Thank you *bowing*. Stay hardworking but take rest too. Thank you again.

I’m not amazing, but I am so happy that you are enjoying the series ^^ Thank you so much for reading it and messaging me to tell me that you like it! *hugs*

@jungkookbangtaned said: Hey! I'm waiting for the update and I'm sooo eager to know what happens next!! Like I'm so curious!! One question: do we have to expect Y/N to get angry at Jungkook when she discovers he's a vampire? I love you and your story, you're amazing!  Kisses

There’s no point in asking me questions like that my love, I won’t ever answer questions that will spoil the story so I’m afraid you will just have to wait! :D I love you too and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter if you got a chance to read it :D

Anonymous said: I hate you. You get me all excited with an update and there's so much comfort it makes my heart melt, even when you consider the circumstances. But then you end the update before any sort of explanation is given and I'm left without closure, impatiently waiting for next week because you have me crawling back for more every time. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Aw I’m sorry you hate me, because I love you very much c: But! In saying that, there was (as always) more  lore that is important to the story in this chapter. Also, more background information on Jimin and Taehyung~ But I am glad that you will be back next week to read more! Thank you so much for reading it my dear, it means a lot to me ^^

@animeimmortal said: GAAAAAAHHH YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I WANT TO SAY BUT OTHER THAN THAT I EFFIN LOVE THIS STORY AND JESUS YOUR WRITING IS FABULOUS HONEY THOSE CLIFFHANGERS WILL KILL ME ONE DAY ❤ ily ❤  ^^

*winks* ^^ Thank you so much for reading it and I love you too!! *hugs*

@mocking-butts said: I'm literally screaming at this chapter I need it to be next week oh my god~! Like I hope she stays I don't know what to do with Yoongi I'm oh lord and namjoon ahh!

Only 6 more days to go! c: hehe~ Thank you for reading the chapter sweets!!

Anonymous said: are you going to post i won't stop u pt. 20 today ?

I posted it last night, as always - 9.30pm UK time on the dot, as I have done so every week ^^

@kookies-hoe said: AGHHHHHHHH!!! Cliffhanger 😭 I WANT TO SEE THE REACTIONNNNN 😭 Can't wait for next week! Also, really Tae, pussy 😂 and Jimin is sooo cute I can't 😭😂💕 love your writing, have a good night!

Taehyung and his little pussy c: heh~ Thank you so much my love and I hope you have a wonderful day!

@adoppelna14 said: NOOOOO!!!! THAT'S SUCH A PAINFUL CLIFFHANGER!!!😭😭😭 WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Because, that’s the way the story goes! ^^ Thank you so much for reading it! :D

Anonymous said: Omg the things you do to my heart!! I'm probs gonna die before it gets to next Tuesday 😂❤️ plz keep writing, your work is beautiful xx

Please don’t die! I’d be very upset if you did that :( And of course I will keep writing! Thank you so much for reading the new chapter :D

Anonymous said: I JUST READ THE LATEST CHAPTER OF IWSY AND IM SOOOOO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK

YAY I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT and I hope you will like the next chapter too c: Thank you so much!

@audreymv said: This is about to get intense. Like Mom is about to reveal alot of things and Jungkook might just lose her. I hope everything goes good. SUCH SUSPENSION MATE. I AM NOT READY. As usual. How long do you think this story is going to be, Sara?? Really loving it

I think the next chapter will be a chapter that everyone will have to read carefully and closely as there will be a lot of information - and that’s all I can really say on it :P I get asked a lot how many chapters IWSY will be or how long it will be and I just don’t know! There is still a lot to happen, so it won’t be ending any time soon. If I had to guess...maybe 6-7 more chapters? But I honestly don’t know. I have NO idea lolol You guys will know as soon as I do! Thank you so much for reading it dear, I hope you’re having an awesome day!

@ohheyitsebonyrose said: SARAAAAA OMGGGG I CANT WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR IWSY. It's captured me so much and has hit me in the feels. You're an amazing writer!

Only 6 more days to go! I’m glad it has hit you in the feels ;D hehe, thank you so much!

Anonymous said: holy crap i almost forgot why tuesdays are so special and i'm very happy now, thank you

That makes me incredibly happy to hear, thank you so much for saying that :)

Anonymous said: You know what. I'm not gonna read this story anymore until it's fully finished (I'm lying). My heart can't take all these damn cliffhangers😭 and then having to wait a whole week. I'm crying. Pls why do you wish to hurt me so?

If you wish to not read the story until it is finished then that is completely fine and it’s your choice to make! Cliffhangers are an essential part to writing weekly for me. It’s my technique I guess, and it always has been. ^^ Thank you so much for reading it thus far and I really appreciate it!!

Anonymous said: I have this feeling I'm gonna be terrified to learn Jungkook is a vampire but the naive part of me hopes that everything will be fine. ALSO CAN'T WAIT FOR SERRENA TO EXPLAIN WHY I AM VAMPIRE CATNIP! VAMPNIP!!

Vampire catnip...oh my god I love you so much? AHHHH xD That’s amazing lolol! Thank you so much for reading it and making me smile with Vampnip hehe :D

@doubletroublesince1994 said: You know, I always read vertically, but when it comes to you, I can't help but read every single word, trying to enjoy the moment while it still lasts :')) Seriously man you're the only one who ever made me do that (apart from Freud's 5 lessons lol)

I think it’s important to really read what I write sometimes tho because you might miss important lore or information that is essential to the story! I get some questions sometimes and I think to myself like “did this person even read the chapter?” cos I clearly explained it during the chapter haha xD But I’m glad it can hold your attention like that! Thank you so much for reading it because it means so much to me :D

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: sARA YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME EMOTIONAL AF I CANT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH BABE AND I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE ENJOYING IT! *hugs*

@mysr3 said: Saraa my heart break at the end TT JK character developed so much and Y/N is his everything. Y/N character also developed strong yet fragile. OMG I could feel the pain he was in when he begged for her love to remain the same no matter what happened. Also the parts where Jimin hugged her and his concern thought is touching. The pain in Taehyung thought where he afraid Y/N will hate him is so sad. Aww sweet Mugsy and little Jimin Taehyung moment is sweet. Well written, Thank you Sara ❤❤❤

I’m really happy that you’ve loved the character developments throughout, I really wanted to create a story with real depth and I’m glad it can be seen! Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this chapter cutie! It means a lot to me ^^ I hope you have a great day!

Anonymous said: SARA. AGAIN????? YOURE PROLONGING THE INEVITABLE! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT Y/N IS ALREADY OMG 😂 nah nah but in all seriousness, great work as always~ this should seriously be made into a book. Or a movie. Hot damn. Idk how you can write so well T.T I'm so jelly!  - 7:45 Anon

What?! c: Did you expect him to just bring her home and be like ‘yo bitch I’m a vampire and my cousin slaughtered your parents’ ? hehe xD Thank you very much for liking the chapter, and I hope you’ll enjoy the next one too. And I’m sorry for the frustration it’s causing you but...that’s just the way the cookie crumbles! (or Kookie, whatever you wish :P)

Anonymous said: OH MAI GAWD!!!! The FEELS in IWSY part 2!!! (y/n) don't leave Jungkook! omo Sara you're such a good writer I can't even anymore! I'm both scared and excited for the next part because I think I might know what happens but at the same time, I hope what i think will happen won't happen. Just wondering, have you heard Jungkook's full cover of 'We don't talk anymore'? Anyways ily and you're one of my favorite writers!

Yay for giving you all the emotions and feels c: eheh thank you so much for reading it my love! And YES I DID! His voice is so beautiful and he did such an amazing job, I’m sure all ARMY is so proud of him for doing so well ^^ I love you too and thank you so much for thinking that about me :) It really makes me smile more than words can describe!

@ineffabl-y said: AAAAHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WELL FOR THIS PERFECT, GODFORSAKEN STORY 😭😭😭😭😭 IT'S SO GOOD ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I’ll take that as a compliment ;D hehe, thank you so much for reading it this week!! ^^

@jynxy24 said: I SWEAR TO GOD I SCREAMED WHEN IWSY CAME OMG SHIT JIMIN AND TAEHYUNG'S WORDS AT THE END THOUGH WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE ME SO EMOTIONAL WITH THEM WORDS AAAAARRGHHH   Okay, rants over lmaooo The chapter was great, Sara!! You did another amaaaaazing job at blowing me away :3 As always, stay awesome and wonderful at writing. Love ya, Sara!!

*BLUSHES* you’re always too kind and wonderful to me Jynxy ^^ Thank you so much for your words that never fail to make me smile! I hope you’re having an awesome day and taking care of yourself c: I love you too!!

Anonymous said: LIKE WHY CANT EVERYDAY BE TUESDAY? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. GAHHHHHHHHHH IM SO ANXIOUS!! Mom I'm not okay with your sorcery. Like what if Y/N leaves bae?? What if Yoongi snatches Y/N by her edges? WHY IS THIS VMIN FEELS PUNCHING ME IN NY THROAT WITH THE FULFFY GOODNESS. This story gives me heart palpitations cuz it just shakes me up.  I'm so confused BUT Love will prevail and min motha freakin yoongi better back off Jungkookies girl or I'm coming to throw hands. I love you 💜~ LilKookie Anon

I wish I could make every day Tuesday for you!! Do you really think she’ll leave Kookie?! WILL YOONGI KIDNAP HER?! hmmm so many questions but mean author will not answer them! :3 heheh~~ Thank you for reading the story and enjoying it, it makes me so happy! I love you too my lilkookie anon c: I hope your day is going great!

@coppertopging said: You are killing me with these cliffhangers, Sara. Killing... me... slowly... *clutches chest dramatically*

Don’t lie, you’re secretly a masochist and you love pain. Am I wrong? *wink* Hope you’re having a wonderful day beautiful ^^

Anonymous said: Istg every single time a chapter ends I'll have a little rage quit (your cliffhangers kill me) and my parents are like 'wtf is wrong with this child?' But iTS WORTH IT. Chapter 20 was... absolutely amazing. You have such a talent for writing and I hope to write at your level one day. -Tall anon

LMAO ‘wtf is wrong with this child’ your parents are gonna throw hands at me if you don’t stop that xD lolol thank you so much! And I’m sure you write beautifully, so please don’t ever doubt yourself or anything like that! I still have so many things I need to improve on, so I’m not on any level or the likes haha ^^ Thank you so much Tall anon! Have a great day!

@wonderful39530 said: Y are you doing this to me? Everytime you put out the new chapter of I Won't Stop You I'm thinking this would be the chapter that she would at least give me a hint as to what makes her so special, then it gets snatched!! Uhh I feel like Jackson everytime they play what he considers cringe worthy. Y must u torture me so good like this?!! Stop it, no keep going, no stop, no keep going...ahhhh!!!!!!! So same time next week?! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

You’re just going to have to learn how to be patient my dearrrrrr! c: I think you secretly enjoy the pain. If I just gave you everything in one go, it wouldn’t be any fun now, would it? ;D hehe~ YES SAME TIME NEXT WEEK AS ALWAYS OF COURSE C: Thank you for reading it my love :)

Anonymous said: I lovee youuuuuuuuu💞💞💞 you're a great authorrrr😍 Love your JK fanfic thoooo (i wont stop u) u hve never dissapoint me in every chapter 😭 Waiting for a week is like waiting a month ☹️👉🏻👈🏻 Work hard author-nim !! Love from Malaysia 🤞🏻<my hearteu

I love you too! I’m so happy that you love the series and thank you for reading it :D Yay for never disappointing you c: That makes me feel really really happy :D Only 6 more days to wait so it’s not so bad eh? ^^ and wow hello anon from Malaysia! I’m always so curious as to where the people who read my fanfic are from c: Have a great day!

@deboracorrea25 said: OMG!! Do you want to kill me from curiosity? I dying to know what she is and what will be her reaction. You're such an amazing writer, and I'm so anxious. Hope that this week passes very fast. Thank you for writing this marvelous story.

Well, my intention was never to kill anyone. Maybe just seriously injure? c: huehue^^ Gah, thank you so much for saying such sweet and lovely things to me.You’ve no idea how much you made me smile :) You’re welcome and thank YOU for reading it every week my love.

@noceurash said: I forgot yesterday was Tuesday so when I looked and saw the next part of I won't stop you I was so excited omg. Your chapters just keep getting more interesting omg. Ily!!! <3

Thank you so much for seeing it and remembering it was Tuesday! ehe~ I’m glad that it keeps getting more interesting for you and I’m so happy that you’re enjoying what I post ^^ I love you too and I hope you have an awesome day!

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARAAAAAA!!!! I WANNA KNOW HER REACTIONS!!!

Then...I guess...you’ll have to...wait...for next week. *winks* muhaha~ *hides*

@theninjachan said: I personally think that at this point of the story, the reader is already smart enough to think critically and objectively about the problem that's ahead of her and Jungkook's family. I really do hope they stay together. I think it's natural for her to feel betrayed but I think she's going to think past that. Love really is the strongest force out there huh. Great job on Chapter 20! Your chapters come out 5AM in the morning in my timezone! I don't really mind though.

Words cannot describe how much I smiled when I read your message. Thank you for thinking like this, and that’s all I’ll say :) And yes! People have this mentality that hate is so powerful - and it is, of course. But love is MORE powerful in my opinion. And we all need a lil bit more love in our world I think ^^ Oh my god, 5am x.x I’m sorry that I comes out so early in the morning for you, I wish timezones didn’t exist agh! Thank you so much for reading it, and thank you so much for sending me this message. Have a wonderful day beautiful ^^

Anonymous said: Can your jungkook fan fic end up with a hapoy ending because I hate sad and unhappy endings pls I really love this fan fic I don't want it to go to waste

I’m sure you didn’t mean for your comment to sound harsh or rude, but by you saying that if it were to have a sad ending that my entire series would ‘go to waste’ is a little bit of an insult. I won’t be mentioning whether it will have a happy or sad ending; as I have said many, many, many times before, I never give spoilers or the likes. However, I appreciate that you like the series and that you are enjoying it, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying so. I hope you have a wonderful day.

[weareallfallengods]

Repost bcz the 1st one is too far down my blog

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Some neanderthal interrupted my deep contemplation of the double whiskey sour in front of me. Which was very rude. Whiskey sours demand your undivided attention and get cranky if ignored for too long. He should have known that, but either he didn’t know or didnt care, so either way- neanderthal.

He was leaning on the bar with the casual air of someone who has done this same dance too many times, the practiced ease of a used car salesman slapping the roof of a car. At least this one’s breath wasn’t too foul. Not that this hadn’t happened before. Oh no, I’d never been badly hit on in this bar like ten thousand times already. No that never happened. I was able to just sit in peace with my drink for the entire night. Yeah, right. Why do I keep coming back then, you ask? Well, Grace makes one hell of a whiskey sour for one thing.

“Hey, did you hear me?”

Ugh, this one wasn't going away with simply being ignored. Lovely.

“Excuse me?” I looked over languidly, with as much disdainful irritation on my face as I could possibly muster from the depths of my three-drinks-in soul.

“I said, ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’”

His stupid shit-eating leer didnt help my mood any. I wasn’t ever in a good mood if I showed up here, and that’s probably one of the reasons I kept coming back- assholes like this gave me a vent for my foul mood.

“No actually. It’s less of a fall and more of a stumble really. More like getting tossed out of a club by a bouncer than falling down the stairs. Couple of bruises, a minor scrape, more damaged pride than anything really.”

I could see his monkey-brain churning slowly to try and digest my response that didn’t fit his pre-programmed scenario. I half expected to see steam coming out of an ear. God, some men are just so... ew.

“Um, what?”

Apparently I broke him. Well, that happens sometimes, when I give someone a response they weren’t expecting. Which happens more often than I’d be willing to admit to myself.

“I said that getting tossed out of heaven doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think it would. It’s not that far of a tumble really.”

He chuckled, “That’s real cute darlin’, never heard that one before! How’s about you and me find a table so I can hear more about it? Maybe have a look at those bruises, make sure you don't need more…attention.”

Sweet Mother of Mikhail, that was bad. Like even worse than his initial pickup line. I almost had to respect his commitment to such a shitty way of trying to pick me up. He had some balls, that’s for sure, either from drunken stupidity or pure ignorant self-confidence. They say that bravery and stupidity go hand in hand, and here was their shining example.

“Believe me sweetie, you don’t want my 'attention’,” I said softly, for the first time raising my eyes to lock with his glazed gaze. “My attention can become very… uncomfortable.”

He started to smirk for just a split second, but when my eyes met his, both the smirk and the color melted from his face. His mouth hung slack as he felt his soul staring down the opening fiery abyss that he found reflected in my eyes. I watched his mind recoil in horror at the emptiness it saw as it tried futilely to pull back from the horror of empty infinity it was confronted with. I saw in his eyes the sudden awareness of how small and insignificant his place in the universe was, and shrink in horror, trying to flee internally only to find that there’s no escape from your own mind and the finality of human existence.

I looked away just as his eyes started to roll back in his head. No need to cause a scene with him passing out. After all, my whiskey sour was crying from being ignored. As they do.

“I think you should probably go home now Blake,” I demurred softly. “You’ve probably had enough, and your wife would be happy if you tucked the children into bed for once. Oh, and coffee won’t remove the smell of alcohol, so just have a peppermint. Your kids like that smell, reminds them of Christmas.”

He kind of half nodded, like a sleepwalker. I sighed. Hopefully he doesn't have an existential crisis later and just shrugs it off as being too drunk. Hell, maybe he’ll cut back on the sauce. I hate it when I hear about someone offing themselves after meeting me, especially if they have kids. Well, hopefully he just takes the daily inebriation down a notch or two. I can hope, can’t I?

As he shuffled off, lager forgotten at the bar, I hoped he’d be alright. Genuinely. Sure, I enjoyed taking my frustration at being stuck here out on them, but I didn't actually wish them lasting harm. A lesson or two in politeness and decency, a minor scuffle to break up the monotony, but no real damage. That’s what I told myself anyway. Made it easier to pretend to sleep at night. Hope he makes it home ok. Hope his kids get a happy memory of daddy saying goodnight for once. Hope he says he loves his wife, and apologizes. Hah. Yeah. Like that’ll happen. But, what can I say, I’m a foolish optimist at heart. And nothing hurts more than having your hopes crushed. I should know.

Damn. My drink was crying, a small puddle of condensation soaking into the bar napkin it rested on. Again. Another sigh. And one more for the first sigh. I hate sighing. It’s the most comprehensive sound of the acceptance of defeat ever created. The acknowledgment of futility. And I hate that. I thought I’d be fighting to the bitter end, but apparently Destiny had other plans. Fucking Destiny. She’s the whole reason I’m even drinking in the first place.

“Get you a fresh one?”

A sweet silver-bell tinkle of a voice broke my unintentional reverie. Grace was back, checking on me. She knew my peccadilloes by now. She knew how much I hated when my drink got watered down by the ice melting if it got ignored for too long. I nodded.

She smiled pleasantly and slid over a new drink, already prepped.

“I figured, after that creep pounced on ya.”

I frowned slightly. There was something different about this one. Hunh. Oh, the ice. There wasn’t any. There were two black cubes sitting in it instead. OK, why are there rocks in my drink?

I looked up at Grace, still slightly puzzled.

“Oh those? Yeah I noticed you didn’t like it when your drink gets watered down, so I bought some Irish whiskey stones! That way your drink stays cold, but doesn't dilute. Got 'em special, just for you.”

I cocked one eyebrow slightly, “Just for me?”

“Yep! Let’s face it, you’re the only one who comes in here with that kind of class, so I put 'em in the freezer back here with a big 'ol note so Jimmy doesn’t think I’m crazy for keeping rocks in the fridge,” her airy chuckle sprinkled across my ears.

I stared. I was in shock. OK, well maybe I’m being dramatic, but I was still surprised. People don’t normally do nice things for me. Or to me for that matter. If I’m honest, they mostly run away.

“Why…” I couldn't even formulate a coherent sentence. Jesus, get yourself together!

“I dunno, I just figured you don't seem like you have anyone looking out for you, and you seem to attract a lot of the wrong sort of attention, so I thought you could use a nice surprise, y’know, cheer you up a little.”

I nodded, more in surprise than agreement. I literally couldn’t recall the last time someone voluntarily tried to do something nice, just for me, no hope or expectation of reward or compensation. I was probably silent a little too long for a comfortable conversation. Hey, I was revelling in the new experience, cut me some slack.

“Well. Wow, um, thanks.” Yeah real smooth. Sweet Mikhail’s Grave I have no idea how to actually talk to this woman.

In retrospect, that should have been my first clue, but hey, I was a little distracted.

“I appreciate it, that’s really sweet of you.” Ok that’s slightly less glaringly awkward.

“Not trying to be rude at all, but I gotta ask- what’s your deal? Like you come in here all the time, lookin’ like a million bucks, never talk to anyone, get in fights every so often, get harassed like every single time but you keep coming back? I mean, I’m not trying to pry if you don’t wanna talk, but you know, like I’m totally trying to pry!”

Now it was my turn to stare slack-jawed. Oh Fates, how your twists are cruel. I closed my mouth a lot faster than the sot from earlier though, so my pride wasn't too damaged.

“It’s kind of a long and uninteresting story really. Mostly, you make the best whiskey sour. And the people here are…interesting.”

“Honey, there’s no way a story coming from someone who looks like that,” she waved generally up and down at me, “could possibly be boring. Plus, it’s slow, as always, so humor me.”

Sometimes, I can be kind of thick. Slow. Moronic. A nincompoop. A maroon. Several minutes of conversation with this girl and I only just now noticed- she hadn’t looked away from my eyes. She was meeting my gaze with no problem. She wasn't sweating and shaking and passing out. She was looking me right in the eye, just like a normal person, no fear showing on her face. No reaction at all. Just a normal girl, having a normal conversation, with what she thought was another normal person.

“Are…you OK?” Grace looked a bit concerned.

Aw shit, I was staring, and not even trying to hide it. Well now I felt dumb. And, why did I feel dumb? What was up with this girl that she made me feel so self conscious, so uncomfortable, like one of those fainting goats that just freezes and falls over when you blink too hard at them. Speaking of blinking really hard.

“Um, oh, yeah, sorry, I’m fine. Really. Sorry, just not many people actually want to have a real conversation with me.”

Grace leaned over the bar a little, propping up on her elbows, lowering her tone a bit. “Well, I don’t know why, 'cuz you sure seem hella interesting to me.”

“Hunh. Well, I don't know about that. But I would like to ask you something first, if you don't mind?”

“Fire away honey!”

“This might sound odd, but, why aren’t you looking away? What do you see when you look at me?”

She pulled a tiny bit closer. “Nothin’ more than just about the sparkly-est green eyes I ever seen; a dash of blue, like the Bahamas. Somethin’ else I can't quite put my finger on…” as she trailed off, I felt her finger lightly brush the knuckles on my hand that was still holding my drink. “I kinda wanna find out though.”

OK, now that was smooth. Holy fuck, that was really, really smooth. Like two hundred year old Laphroaig single malt filtered through the blessed socks of His Holiness the Pope smooth. Hold up, now she was trying to pick me up? What the hell universe? What’s going on here?

I swallowed, unable to look away now myself. “That’s all? Nothing that scares you?”

“Not yet, sugar.”

Alright, that’s different.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I grabbed her hand. Maybe a little too hard from the slight wince I saw.

“OK we need to leave. NOW.”

“Hold up honey, we were just talkin’, we ain’t there yet!” She tried pulling back a little.

“No, no, you don’t understand! I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t be able to see that. I can’t explain right now, but we have to figure out how you can see me that way.”

“But my shift’s not over for a couple more hours!”

“OK OK, I’m not being clear, sorry, this is the first time this has happened, so I’m a little shaken.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She actually blushed a little. “I just saw how you shot down every guy who came up to you, and I thought….well, you know, maybe…omg I’m sorry I didn't mean to upset you! I come on strong sometimes, when I’m interested in something, and when you first walked in, I saw those heels and that dress, and I just was like ‘oh wow’ and kinda couldn’t breathe for a minute, you know I don't see many girls come here lookin’ like that and oh God now I’m babbling and someone please shut me up I'm so sorry…”

I put a finger over her lips, gently.

“I’m not upset. Far from it actually. But we have something a tiny bit more urgent than that to address. I’m not who you think I am. Or what, I should say. But more to the point, there’s something bigger going on here. And I need to find out what. Fast.”

“Wait, so you’re not mad I hit on you?”

“We don’t have time for that now!” She recoiled slightly at my vehemence. “No, I’m not upset, but that’s not the point! You shouldnt be able to see my eyes. My real ones anyway. I was too slow on picking that up right away, and I’m sorry, but we have to get out of here, now, because something is different, and in my world, that’s never a good thing.”

“Your world?”

I was getting frustrated. “Yes, but I’ll explain later! I need you to come with me now. We need answers, and we need them fast. So, do you trust me?”

She hesitated. “Yeeeeees? I think? Like I wanna, but I don’t really know you?”

“Good enough for now! Let’s go!”

To her credit, she just dropped her bar towel, grabbed her phone from under the bar and came out from behind it, grabbing my hand as she yelled to the back, “Hey Jimmy! I gotta leave! Personal thing- cover for me?”

Just then, there was a bit of a commotion at the door. Grace turned to look, but I didn’t need to. I already knew what was there. I just clutched her hand even tighter and yanked her towards the back; there was an emergency exit near the bathrooms from what I remembered of that one really bad 'birthday’. Yeah, that was a bad one. But we ran.

Good thing I’m not super tall, wouldn’t want to draw attention, I thought to myself sarcastically. Goddamn heels. Why do I even wear these?

Sounds of glass breaking and shouting reached us as we plowed through the emergency exit into the alleyway. Don’t worry about that now, just keep moving.

“This way!” I pulled her to the front of the alley.

“Holy shit, that’s your bike?” She sounded genuinely impressed. Finally, I wasn’t the only one who had that reaction at seeing it. 

“Oh yeah, she’s a sweet ride, and perfect for this situation. Or any situation, really. Jump on.”

I probably should have shut the door behind us, but hey, it was a day for me missing obvious things. The noise coming from the bar was getting louder.

“I’ve never done this before!” Grace exclaimed excitedly in my ear as I kicked my beast to life.

We roared out into the street, my white and gold Valentino’s left sparkling on the pavement where I kicked them. Fuckin’ useless, beautiful shoes. Sigh, they weren’t cheap. Oh well, they’re just shoes.

“Where are we going!?” Grace yelled over the rush of wind whipping our hair like tiny flails of purgatory.

“Not sure yet! But we’re going to find out!”

“I don't even know your name!”

My heart sank a bit.

“Don't worry! Neither do I! ”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The bar exploded behind us as it faded into the night thanks to the fabulous Ducati between our legs. Oh and that wasn’t metaphorical- I glanced in the mirror at the sound; it literally exploded. Ball of fire and all. I guess that’s to be expected, what with all the alcohol and what I’d suspected for a while was going on in the basement. Way too many flammable liquids in one place. But that didn't really matter now. All that mattered was getting away from what caused the explosion as fast as we possibly could. 

“What the hell was that!?” Grace yelled in my ear. Again. I’m going to have to get some headsets or something if this is going to be a habit. Well, the riding together part, not the fleeing for our lives part anyway. 

“I’ll explain as soon as we can talk, promise! For now, just hold on! And don't look behind us!" 

“As if I’m gonna let go now!”

That glance in the rear view told me as much as I needed to know, which was more than I wanted, but enough to have an idea of what we were running from. I mean, I figured that’s what it was, but I’m still tired of being right, even after all this time. You’d think I'd be used to it by now. 

That pale blue and red glow was enough. Hell, the noise it made had been enough for me to know what it was. And trust me, I was not overreacting by running first. I’d seen that color a few too many times in my life to think that there was anything else to be done except run. Once was more than enough for anyone. Who am I kidding? Most people don't get a chance to see it more than once. Guess I’m just lucky. Or the opposite. Pretty sure I’m the latter actually. 

Grace was shivering on my back as we sped away. She’d gone quiet, her mood matching the night around us, the neon signs and street lights reflecting their multi-colored halos in the rain-slicked streets. Fog was starting to rise from the pavement, adding to the soft glow the streets were taking on. Thin, wispy strands curling around street lights and bus stops, blasted into nothing as the bike tore through them, the roar of the exhaust shattering the relative quiet of the late night calm. 

Well, it should have been quiet anyway. The explosion of the bar kind of changed that. Then came the sound. 

It mixed with the growing whine from the crotch rocket under us, which seemed like a fitting counterpoint to the cacophony of something that sounded like if you’d thrown a hundred maltese dogs into a tornado and then blasted it over a crappy school intercom. I hated that sound. Almost as much as the dogs it reminded me of. 

“Aw shit, it saw us.” Time to see if the tires on this baby gripped as well as the kid at the shop claimed they did. 

Well, at least there wasn’t too much traffic. Still, even though there weren’t many trucks and accountant-driven sedans to weave in and out of, there were still enough of them that it took a hell of a lot more concentration than my alcohol soaked brain was ready to deal with. Definitely hadn’t planned on being the next Lewis Hamilton after a night at the bar, that’s for damn sure. 

“What the fuu….?” Grace’s expletive trailed off in the whipping wind as I kept us weaving in and out and through, gunning the shit out of my bike whenever there was an opening big enough to do so without turning us into extremely messy, if fashionable, pancakes.

“Try not to worry about it! OK I mean, yeah, worry, but not like understand worry!”

“How the hell do you not worry about...that!?”

I took a good look back for the first time as we whipped around a corner, using the rain-slick street to slide without losing any speed. My heart sank. At least it wasn’t in my throat choking me anymore. Sarcastic positivity in the face of death? Yeah that’s my jam. Even if I do keep it to myself. Most of the time anyway.

The damn thing was getting closer. Faster than I thought it could. Damn, tonight just wasn’t my night for noticing things, now was it?

That second of splitting my attention nearly sent us flying and a tired busboy standing at the corner bus stop to the hospital, but we only just missed him, with barely enough room to avoid slamming into the back end of something that should have been parked at a kids soccer game, not getting on the expressway at this time of night. 

Slipping into an alley entrance, Grace’s nails dug through the flimsy material I was wrapped in, making me yelp in surprise. 

“Sorry,” she muttered.

I was about to tell her it was cool, considering the circumstances, and given that I wasn’t sure if it made me jump because it hurt, or her hands were cold, or because of where they’d slid down to, when we blew out the other side of the alley, causing a literal postcard explosion from the stand I clipped as we bounced out on to the main road again, just in time to swerve hard to avoid becoming Penske poster-girls for a single truck. 

"Sweet Jesus fuck! What the hell IS that?"

Goddammit, didn’t I tell her not to look back? I wasn’t going to tell her how the beast chasing us had seen us dart down the alley, and since it couldn't fit through the traffic as neatly as we could, silently charge down the side of the building, slamming into the same shop front that had so recently lost it's postcard stand as it tried to take the same corner, still snuffling the ground and air to track us. I managed to gain us a few precious seconds of lead as it disentangled itself from the fruit cart, re-launching itself down the alley, bicycle wheel still caught in it's whiskers that streamed and whipped behind it.

“It’s running fucking sideways on the buildings!”

Aw shit. She can see it. I was afraid of that.

And that was all the distraction it needed too. 

With a last spring off the corner of an empty flower shop, the beast took a massive swipe at us. Come on, come on, make the corner! It's thick talons cut a blazing arc through the rain as it howled. One of its claws caught the rear end of the bike, knocking it heavily to the side, and nearly throwing Grace off. Good thing she’s got a death grip on my hips right now. Oh boy don’t think of that, too distracting right now, that’s how you get killed!

Grace screamed again as the bike was whipped around violently from behind, and Grace she was confronted with a vision not even her wildest nightmares could have come up with. At least, I hope she doesn’t have nightmares like this anymore. 

The beast’s jaws opened wide to crush us like a nutcracker on adderall, glowing drool whipping around in thick, viscous strands from teeth bigger than my hand, while she seemed mesmerized by the halo of tentacle-like whiskers that seemed to float in slow motion, despite how fast everything was happening. The beast looked at me, it’s eyes burning red meeting mine as I tried to maintain my grip on the bike that was rapidly being torn from my hands. I was holding on to that tank with my knees in a way that would have made the Russian Women’s weightlifting team proud. I could hear the scream that tried to jump from Grace’s mouth only for it to turn into a slow rush of soundless breath as she slammed into my back from the force of me yanking that bike around as hard as I could possibly manage. 

Ground. Street. Tires on. People off. Stay upright. Don’t let go. Run.

The bellow from the beast behind us meant nothing to me now. I was numb, my world narrowing to the few feet in front of me, and Grace behind me. Swerve. Dodge. Car. Bike. Red light. Faster. Green. Faster. Faster. Get away. Car. Car. Bus. Turn. 

Suddenly the cars all dropped away. The turnpike. Oh thank God. I opened up the throttle all the way and finally realized I should probably start breathing again. 

Grace was trying to yell something, probably wanting an explanation. I mean I can’t blame her, but I said I’d explain! Did it look like now was suddenly the time for it? Then again, maybe it was important. 

I turned my head a bit to try to talk to her, but I paused with my mouth still open. The beast was gone.Like gone gone. Vanished. Vamoosed. Not even like really far away gone, just not there any more. I squinted. Yeah, that was a little too easy.

“Did we get away?” 

I was actually about to answer her, when a glowing blue shape cashed into us from the side, just as I was starting to finally let my legs relax a little. Everything seemed to slow down. I know, everyone says that, but it’s true! I don’t know, maybe it was the whiskey sours, but as soon as we got hit, the world turned in to super slow-mo as the bike was ripped from my hands, and I felt Grace be pulled away from me. 

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

Thursday 23 March 2023 7:40 pmpdt

I wanted to be more like my sister & mom & see things from their perspective. I wanted to change. I wanted to fit into their world 🌎. I wanted to fall in love with a hot guy. Seems shallow but everyone wants to be with someone they’re attracted to. But not any hot guy would do. If you read previous posts (pain again same area 7:45 pmpdt) you would know 7:46 pmpdt. I was hoping to transform myself. I thought 💭 maybe changing myself was possible. They seemed to think 🤔 they were right. & maybe 🤔 I didn’t understand why or how. I had some understanding about how I was wrong on somethings but not all things? Trying to remember what type of things. Whenever I had the flings after my first boyfriend I thought 💭 I was 100% responsible for getting s*xually involved. It does take 2 to tango but usually women get stuck with 100% of the blame. Please read all previous posts. Autocorrect: black block. 7:53 pmpdt auto saved. But it was hard for me to accept. I did often talk afterwards (left eye 👁 ball pain 7:54 pmpdt) I usually said something mentioned the guy. I don’t remember anymore but I often felt guilty and also like I could not stop talking 🙊 that way. Acid throat pain 7:56 pmpdt. I tried to stop 🛑 after the second time around with Scott. I was warned years ago to beware of rejecting a guy to his face. I think 🤔 though that Scott was probably pretending to like me both times Bcz he’s incubus bro & incubus told him to do it. So, I think he wanted to get whatever he could get & then punished me for giving him what he wanted from me. 8:01 pmpdt

8:04 pmpdt I wanted to tell him “no” Bcz my heart ♥️ wasn’t there yet. I felt emotionally & psychologically tortured for staying with my first boyfriend Bcz I wasn’t in love 😻 & I felt guilt about it. I really wanted to like someone & be in love & be 100% of the time attracted to someone. There were times my first boyfriend would say out loud that he was ugly. & I thought 💭 I was being kind telling him he wasn’t ugly. My attraction to him abruptly stopped b4 we made our partnership go from friends with benefits to boyfriend girlfriend. 8:09 pmpdt I was afraid of being thought 💭 of as a whore, so I stayed with him and hoped my feelings would change back. 8:10 pmpdt I can’t believe I stayed with him as long as I did, but he was a really nice guy. And my mom and sister accepted him I think 💭, but my sister & her friend hinted that they didn’t think he was handsome around the time of the breakup. 8:13 pmpdt I did not stay (acid left eye 👁 pain 8:13 pmpdt) with him for money 💰. I stayed Bcz even though I had this emotional torture, this was comfortable enough. A shy 🙈 introvert with low self esteem and not much confidence, feeling incomplete and not good enough, I definitely lacked courage. 8:17 pmpdt I often gave up 🆙 on text books 📚 readings and procrastinated, & then try again when it was late. 8:19 pmpdt I am afraid 😱 the incubus will take away my legs 🦵 & I will require a bib. 8:20 pmpdt he keeps on eating my flesh in different ways. Burning 🔥 me. At UCB I wished I dated around more and could have found some one to have a connection with. I feel so incapable. 8:23 pmpdt incubus said he won’t stop 🛑. I think 💭 he really meant it. He looks so happy & pleased with him self & kicking which I interpret to mean k, i sick, but it’s in reference to me, what he is doing & going to do to me. 8:26 pmpdt 8:27 pmpdt some people say no harm nofoul. I hope the incubus stopped 🛑 that guy for me like I expected him to do. I am going to feel very betrayed & look 👀 at him differently if he didn’t stop him Bcz he had a lot of warning ⚠️ time for someone who chose to show me he controlled traffic. 8:30 pmpdt

left arm pain 8:31 pmpdt I think he is trying to prevent me from writing ✍️ this next line. I think he repeatedly disregards that part & wants to write ✍️ me off. If rape doesn’t hurt & if god can cancel pregnancy 🤰 & prevent disease 🦠 left shoulder pain 8:36 pmpdt I can’t continue (pain abdominal 8:36 pmpdt) forget it. 8:37 pmpdt I can’t continue writing ✍️ what I was going to write ✍️. 8:38 pmpdt

8:44 pmpdt don’t expect any favors from god, even if it seemed like he would have. Always assume it’s a test/trap. I think he killed me this evening. 8:46 pmpdt

2:24 am pdt if incubus didn’t stop 🛑 the guy, I am going to think that incubus is REALLY a BAD... beast. 2:26 am pdt if he lied 🤥 to me about marriage & children he will be PERMANENTLY a bad beast in my eyes 👀 to mess with me that way. 2:27 am pdt

2:29 am pdt there are things I’m afraid 😱 of revealing. Bcz he always uses it against me. Example: the yearbook reveal post some posts ago, he did a horrible awful bad thing explosion in my uterus-ish? area. It hurt 😞 & it was frightening. & then I see Seth (spine left foot 🦶 pain 2:32 am pdt) rogen with his yearbook autobiography? Book 📚 on a talk show. I’ve been holding onto that yearbook reveal for many months, except for one part. Vag pain right eye 👁 pain 2:34 am pdt. I’m being setup for pain & to be destroyed and simultaneously he’s putting signs 🪧 as if people might read this then see that & think 💭 maybe 🤔 he’s on my side when he’s not. I’m trying to figure him out. He’s destroyed me. My body & probably my mind look 👀 absurd. It’s not a compliment. 2:37 am pdt 2:38 am pdt

2:39 am pdt last week I think 💭 the news �� said the storm ⛈ knocked out trees 🌲 which knocked down power lines & it took pg&e several days to return power to more than 23,000 customers? I think 💭 the number went up 🆙 from that but I don’t remember. There have been (acid under skin of right arm pain 2:43 am pdt) many deaths reported on the news 📰 recently. I’m wondering 💭 when I will be next & wondering what type of people they were. 2:44 am pdt

2:54 am pdt incubus has a lot of power to change people’s feelings and can control whether something happens or not. Makes me think 🤔 that incubus has come up with every excuse to get rid of me. Harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. “I want you gone [...] not fit to tread the ground I’m walking 🚶‍♂️ on.” 2:58 am pdt he won’t even let me get confirmation that Melissa cuen was in Sunday morning. I looked at the credits in 2017 when I finally realized maybe I do know that girl, there was no information ℹ️. Even Ryan dusick (autocorrect: delusional 3:01 am pdt) said he doesn’t know even though he shared a microphone 🎤 with the blonde 👱‍♀️ who was sitting 🪑 at the same table as the girl I believe to be cuen. 3:02 am pdt incubus wants me to look 👀 & feel delusional. Gaslighting ⛽️ me. That’s not nice. Nice people don’t do that. 3:03 am pdt 3:04 am pdt

3:06 am pdt IMDb website only lists maroon 5 as cast & crew.

3:08 am pdt I think 💭 I’m going to be perpetually stuck in this torture until I’m dead 😵. He made me walk up 🆙 to a street sign 🪧 in 2017 that said tilbury. I’ve spent almost every day of my life in pain after 5 or 6 years old. I think I remember I hated pooping 💩 when I was 5 years old. Eczema was agony. Running 🏃🏻‍♀️ was hard & painful. Hitting my head on hard things was extremely painful 😖. I always felt not good enough & not normal afterwards. 3:14 am pdt and that was in addition to my mom seeming to hate me. She would rather watch the news 📰 & eat dinner than talk to me so I started going more online/the internet while I ate dinner. 3:16 am pdt & then I hear 👂 my algebra 2 teacher (acid left side face trying to rest on pillow 3:17 am pdt) said family who sit at the dinning table and eat dinner together and talk -> kids have higher chance to go to college. & I had learning disabilities. 3:19 am pdt my mom always complained about money 💰 Bcz she was always sending money 💰 to grandma 👵 Et al. 3:21 am pdt even when I was , at the apartment b4 separating, she told me to turn off the lights when I’m not using it or probably during the day or when I’m not in the room. Had to learn that stuff at that age. 3:24 am pdt btwn the age of 6 & 8 years old. 3:25 am pdt

3:25 am pdt I’m not special to anyone, especially to Adam Noah Levine. Incubus is gaslighting ⛽️ me and that is heinous. I didn’t bother him, he started bothering me first. Which to me makes me think 💭 he’s guilty of doing bad stuff and all people in his family are BAD like that. 3:28 am pdt they’re all into human s*x trafficking. They like subjecting people to cruelty and forced s*x/rape/prostitution. Forget about Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, respect and decency. Heinous torture. 3:30 🕞 am pdt they haven’t proved to be anything else to me. 3:31 am pdt

3:32 am pdt I didn’t rape anyone. I barely hurt anyone. I usually hurt myself more. I did not murder. 3:33 am pdt I have been trying to be better & tried to work on my relationship with my mom & worked on myself. 3:34 am pdt I don’t trust you. 3:35 am pdt

3:36 am pdt what are the Ten Commandments? 1st one? Don’t murder? Another one? Honor your parents? Don’t covet your neighbor’s wife? Incubus probably broke that one. 3:38 am pdt incubus killed a lot of people so that doesn’t move him. These commandments probably mean nothing to him, even the dont covet neighbor’s wife. 3:40 am pdt

autocorrect said fake while I typed last part. Vag pain. 3:41 am pdt if you do bad things to others how do you know if you are clean of immorality? How would anyone know? If you like to hide what you did? It probably means you did something wrong. 3:43 am pdt how many times in how many ways do I need to write ✍️ this? Human s*x trafficking = you did it? -> you hide it? But you justify it? Bcz... you say women are bad? But how do we know if you’re clean? And you aren’t toying with us to get away with what you want to do Bcz you like it enjoy it? Disrespectful things you do? Adam Noah Levine is dirty. He is a dog. He is heinous. And gross. And yucky. I don’t trust him. 3:47 am pdt

3:48 am pdt I would be more inclined to believe if everyone was subjected to an investigation openly by non governmental agencies and non police 👮‍♂️ Bcz I think that antolin Garcia Torres was framed for every thing. 3:50 am pdt the fbi was involved and originally I heard 👂 it was an anonymous tip that pointed police in antolin’s direction. That’s iffy to me. 3:51 am pdt a lot of stuff changes online. Can’t trust it. If I didn’t do anything extremely bad and I didn’t break the major commandments then what are you punishing me for? There were lots of times I made it to the bank 🏦 last minute. Were you only doing it to mislead me? Distract me in the moment? 3:54 am pdt and make me forget? 3:54 am pdt 3:55 abdominal pain minute ago. Am I really going to be punished like this until death ☠️? You like to mislead people all the time keep them dangling on hope so they don’t commit suicide so someone has a job? Like dugard? 3:57 am pdt I don’t believe in god anymore. I don’t believe in love anymore. I don’t believe anyone is good or worthy of friendship anymore. Without friendship & trust, there’s no time for fun? Have to always be in a state of war and watching your back. 3:59 am pdt I don’t have a friend in incubus. Everyone has to be brain 🧠 washed to be friends with incubus. Or scared. 😱 death cab 🚕 for cutie. Fear is the heart ❤️ of love...? I don’t think 💭 so? 4 am pdt autism on the rise. In America. 4:01 am pdt