#and i really do understand the impulse! school is so often awful and traumatizing!

[deermouth]

The "American schools don't teach us this!" excuse is bad for a whole host of reasons, but one I often think about is that "the American public school system" isn't a very meaningful term in this context. Curricula and standards vary widely by location. I attended high school in a city that prides itself on "progressivism," and while that certainly didn't preclude my history courses from being chock-full of imperialist propaganda, I do get the sense that they were at least more... comprehensive, than those of people I know who grew up in more conservative (often rural) areas. It's also worth noting that schools are funded by property taxes, creating a fantastically uneven distribution of resources even between different schools in the same municipality.

Anyways, obviously there are myriad problems with the institution of education in America as a whole, but I can't believe that every single person using this excuse went to The Worst, Poorest, Most Conservative School In The Nation. It's OK to admit you weren't paying attention when you were 14.

[squirrelno2]

I saw this in one of your posts “Like. let's traumatise the made-up kids, it's good for the real kids to read as long as you talk about it the right ways. (I'm being blithe and simplistic here but if you want a ramble on what I mean just ask)” and I was intrigued. Maybe you’ve already done a post about this so I apologise if so but this is me asking for that ramble

Oh damn I had to dig for that post, but yeah! So a couple background info things:

One, I was the kind of autistic kid who has the empathy where you cry when others cry or get angry when others are angry, but who also can't understand why people are reacting in ways I wouldnt react/what the emotions im mirroring are. I learned most of what I know about the vast complexities of humanity through stories, because that was my window into mindsets that are not my own, and it's especially good for the people around me that I was such a voracious reader because it gave me a huge variety of "people" to view the internal worlds of, whereas if I read a more limited selection I'd probably have a lot less compassion just because I had fewer models to learn from. So I feel very strongly about the ability of story to teach us how people work, because I experienced it firsthand in a very conscious way. (More on this later)

The other thing is I write a lot of original work, most of which is aimed at the kind of middle grade/young adult age range. Nothing published yet, but I've been thinking about what it means to tell a story to children vs teens vs adults for over half my life now, especially since starting to work as a dance teacher and spending my adult life mostly around kids of various ages. So again, strong feelings about how adults have to teach kids not just what to do but why it matters - kids aren't learning facts alone in school or life, they are learning how to be people. Everything is a lesson, especially when you're particularly young

So the post was talking in that paragraph about how so many books for kids portray the necessity of the child hero, when adults reading will usually go "what the FUCK that kid is TWELVE they're a baby". And that's a good impulse! It's important for adults to want to keep kids from having to take on too much responsibility too early!

But I think when adults have that handwringing moment they forget that kids in real life have absurd and awful responsibilities and experiences every day whether we like it or not. So often I see people talk about that kind of child chosen one story as being some kind of awful bc it teaches kids not to rely on adults and frankly, many of us learned that from real life! I did, even with the wonderful parents that I had, because my school experiences were that fucking awful. We have to tell stories about kids facing down awful, traumatic experiences, both fantastical and realistic, and we have to tell stories about the nasty bits that come after, the grief and trauma and feeling scraped raw and the bad coping mechanisms as well as the good ones and the days you slide back into the person you were when you thought you were past it - because real kids need to know they're not alone and they're not weak or bad or any of a number of things that feeling isolated in your trauma can lead you to believe, especially as a child when everything is so much bigger because its happening for the first time

The story I have lived with the longest, trying to write it for twelve/thirteen year olds since I was twelve myself, is one about a kid with the same trauma I had of being undiagnosed but visibly autistic in ways that her peers hated and a kid with an abusive parent being forced to do really awful things to try and earn that parent's approval. It's also a fantasy story wish fulfillment type thing for baby me with ghosts and junior high theatre classes and magic! And even just letting that story and characters grow and change with me has helped me to heal from a lot of things that really fucked me over in my childhood and adolescence. Not perfectly! I'm in therapy for a goddamn reason! But it gave me hope to tell a story about these people who faced down violence they never should have had to and not only lived, but came out the other end slowly learning to thrive and leave that violence in the past. Kids who've faced trauma, whether like mine or like that character of mine with the abusive parent or like any number of other horrible things that can happen to kids, they deserve to see that they can have power and agency, that they can face awful things and win, and that they can heal and be happy. Not every book for kids does this the ways I personally like but that's why I feel so strongly about children's media having that "kids have to save the day" trope no matter how pearl-clutchy adults get about it, and that's why i dont shy away from putting kids in my stories in dangerous positions. It's not about the characters, bc they're symbols. It's about what I can give as a storyteller to the kids reading, or even the kids inside the adults reading. We all have a little kid in our heads who needs to know it's going to be ok, I think.

[bessel-van-der-kolk]

Bessel van der Kolk (vdK) is probably the world’s most well known trauma theorist. I reviewed his recent book, The Body Keeps the Score, in an earlier post. Since then I’ve read more of his work and listened to him speak for hours (he is all over youtube). The best way I’ve figured out to think seriously about his work is to ask what difference it would make if he were right.

What he says

Asked about how he treats the victims of acute trauma, vdK says

Holding them, rocking them, giving them massages, calming their bodies down is a critical issue. I am probably the minority among my colleagues in that I am much more focused on bodily state than on articulating what’s going on. I think that words are not really the core issue here. It is the state of being, of tenseness, of arousal, and of numbing, and that people need to learn again to be safely in their bodies. (http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/408691)

Think about this for a minute. One might expect a trauma therapist to say something like “I try to create a safe environment in which my patients can put words to unspeakable experiences. I try to help them remember an experience so they don’t have to constantly relive it.” This makes sense, for trauma is a disorder of time, in which the past is never past but is constantly intruding upon the present.

VdK would have no difficulty with the last sentence, and yet his treatment program (or rather programs) has little to do with the past, and everything to do with the present. Trauma is when the past colonizes the present. Its treatment depends on reappropriating the present, and one does that not through understanding the past, but coming to live in the present, and the best way to do this is to bring the body into the present.

Behind vdK’s approach is his view that PTSD and related traumatic disorders, particularly developmental trauma (childhood abuse and neglect), are disorders of the limbic system, one of the oldest parts of the brain, the one we share with all mammals. In the limbic system, threat is experienced as sensation, and the impulse to fight or flee. Threat turns into trauma when we can neither fight nor flee, when we are trapped, and the stress is turned against the self. Trauma is embedded in the body-mind, a single entity.

The problem is not verbalization but imagination

VdK tells the story of a little boy named Noam whose school was near the twin towers on 9/11. The little boy saw the first plane crash into the tower, and said that he could still feel the heat through the classroom window. That’s trauma, the sensation of heat that persists long after the original experience is over. On the morning of 9/12 Noam made a drawing of what he had witnessed, which included people jumping out of the towers. Toward the bottom of the drawing was an unclear object, and when vdK asked Noam what it was, Noam said that it was a trampoline, so that next time when people have to jump they will be safe (vdK, pp. 51-52).

Noam’s story illustrates a key point. He felt and saw terrible things, but he was quickly reunited with his family, and was able to respond to the awful events with a creative imagination. He was not traumatized. Trauma is about the loss of imagination. One stops learning from experience, one stops imagining alternative futures for oneself and others. The world stops. The goal of trauma treatment is to free us from being trapped in our bodies so that we are free to be in our bodies, and from there imaginatively participate in the larger world.

What about talk therapy? VdK says talk therapy is important when the trauma is part of a secret, especially a secret that involves shame, guilt, and self-blaming. This is often the case in developmental trauma, such as child abuse and neglect. But the trauma of war veterans, for example, also frequently involves shame and guilt at what they have had to do to survive, or just the fact that they survived and others didn’t. Talk therapy opens a door out of a jungle of secrets. But the body has to walk through it.

What talk isn’t about

Talk isn’t about what Cathy Caruth, Shoshana Felman, and Dori Laub say it is about: the inability of the witness to be present at his or her own experience of trauma. The problem is not the inability of the traumatized person to give a coherent narrative account of his or her own experience. The problem is not the need for someone else, the therapist, to hear the traumatized person’s story, and so experience what the traumatized person could not, at least not without the intervention of the therapist.

All these things may occur, but they are not the problem, and talking about the trauma is not going to be particularly helpful. The more the traumatized person talks, the greater the disconnect, as narratives are elaborated that simply don’t connect with an emotional experience that had nothing to do with cognitive or linguistic experience to begin with. Veterans have a name for these stories. “Cover stories,” they call them, the account of the traumatic experience that makes sense to others, and even to themselves, but does nothing to relieve the symptoms of post-traumatic stress (vdK, p. 43).

What helps, says vdK, is yoga, therapeutic massage (including Feldenkrais and craniosacral therapy), neurofeedback, mindfulness training, dance, drama, martial arts, and a host of other activities that involve the mind-body.

But what happens to the traumatic memories?

Talk therapy, of whatever form, works on the idea that an unspeakable experience must be integrated into words, and words into a story, so that a traumatized person can put these alien experiences, so far from normal experience, into narrative form. At this point, these experiences can be reintegrated into normal memory, and forgotten rather than repressed. Or rather, repressed rather than split-off and dissociated.

What if—and I think this is the challenge vdK poses—talk therapy has it wrong from the beginning? The goal isn’t to turn traumatic memories into normal memories. The goal is to help traumatized people live fully in this world now, and this is accomplished primarily through body work in myriad forms, through which people come alive to the present.

From this position, traumatic memories, which were never really memories but sensations, no longer have the power to overwhelm the mind-body now. That is enough. Cognitive control is unnecessary. Unnecessary because it is impossible: cognition and trauma belong to separate worlds, separate brains, limbic and pre-frontal cortex. One can learn how to feel, live, and be in the present, and so participate in the world. That is enough.

What difference does it make to trauma theory if vdK is right?

Trauma theorists, like the traumatized, are captivated by the past. We spend too much time characterizing the way in which trauma destroys narrative, and we idealize narrative as a cure for trauma, as though being able to tell the story of one’s trauma is a sign that one has somehow integrated the traumatic experience. In reality, narrative and trauma have little to do with one another. By the time one is able to narrate the trauma, it is no longer necessary.

VdK’s approach redirects us from an obsession with the experience of trauma, and toward the experience of living fully in one’s body in the world—that is, what a life without trauma, a life fully lived, looks like. He redirects us because his characterization of trauma is inseparable from its cure. Trauma is not a disorder of narrative time, though he would not deny that is the case. Trauma is an inability to inhabit one’s body without being possessed by its defenses. Not just hyperreactivity, but even more so the emotional numbing that shuts down all experience, including pleasure and satisfaction. The cure for trauma is life. Living life is not the result of the cure; living life is the cure.

Is vdK right?

What seems right is vdK’s claim that the body-mind learns to live with traumatic experience by living in the present, and that body-work, in all its forms, is central. Talk is overrated, though perhaps not as overrated as he suggests. Where he is wrong is in his simplistic neuroscience. In one of his talks, responding to a question about one of his beloved colored images of the brain made by a MRI, vdK makes the comment, almost as an aside, that these images are really metaphors whose colors can be manipulated to make a point. I think he could make the same point better with more phenomenology and less neuroscience. But today phenomenology is out and neuroscience is in. If that’s progress, it comes at a cost in human self-understanding.

References

Cathy Caruth, ed. Trauma: Explorations in Memory. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1995, pp. 3-12, 152-157.

Shoshana Felman and Dori Laub, Testimony: Crises of Witnessing in Literature, Psychoanalysis, and History. New York: Routledge, 1992.

Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York: Viking/Penguin, 2014.

[honestgrins]

The Worst || Klaroline

Caroline's always looked forward to finding her soulmate, only to find him while dying on her birthday. He's just...the worst.

.

“Hello, Earth to Caroline!” A pretzel landed on her textbook, shaking her from her zoned-out stare. She found Bonnie watching her with concern. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird since your birthday. Brooding, almost.”

Bristling, Caroline couldn’t help the wave of alarm rolling down her spine at the mention of her disastrous ‘funeral’-turned-near death experience. “Um, I think I’m still processing the whole thing,” she shrugged. “Post-traumatic stress or something.”

With a cant of her head, Bonnie didn’t seem convinced. But she just reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Tyler’s a dick for biting you and running away. Maybe he and Jeremy can go off on an adventure together,” she joked with a sad smile.

Caroline was grateful for the easy excuse and almost let herself play along. Holding back the truth wasn’t exactly helping, though, and she probably needed to talk to someone. A witch who could help her brainstorm magical solutions certainly seemed as good an option as any, especially when it was her best friend. “It’s not that. I’ve got this...problem, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“What kind of problem?”

The kind felt like lead in her stomach, she wanted to say, dread scratching at her nerves until she shoved a handful of pretzels into her mouth. Eating her feelings was a lot easier than facing the biggest disappointment of her human life, no matter how short it was or the fact that it was officially over. She forced herself to swallow, but couldn’t manage to meet Bonnie’s eyes. “I think I found my mate.”

Bonnie blinked at her, clearly not expecting that. Worse, she didn’t seem to know how to react. “You don’t look happy,” she finally said, which explained her hesitance. “You’ve been dreaming about your soulmate for forever, and you look...” She trailed off, pity thick in her voice. 

“Scared,” she finished hoarsely. “I’m scared, Bonnie.”

Their hands grasped for each other over their forgotten textbooks, high school midterms suddenly less pertinent than whatever hell had just descended on Mystic Falls. “Tell me.”

Biting her lip, she was terrified of what saying it out loud might mean. Bonnie could hate her for it, Damon would probably kill her as soon as he heard. But pretending it wasn’t real, keeping this secret might kill her all the same. Eyes wide and pleading, she silently begged her friend to love her anyway.

As it turned out, she didn’t even need to say it because Bonnie could read the pain and fear in her face. There weren’t that many new people floating around town, and only one could inspire such a visceral horror.

Klaus.

She used to dream about her soulmate. All kids did, to a point, but it became something of a project for in elementary school. What they would look like, how their hugs must have felt, no detail was too silly for a young Caroline to consider as she methodically listed traits that made her perfect match. They’d listen to her - really listen - and care what she had to say. She’d love cooking them dinner and watch lovingly as they did all the dishes, like her parents did.

Her dad found his soulmate just after her twelfth birthday; the divorce happened not much later. While some figured she’d be put off the whole concept, it only reinforced her belief that love was best meant for the other half that existed somewhere in the universe. She may have learned to be slightly more flexible in the possibilities, but she wanted it more than ever. Finding a mate must be an incredible, undeniable experience. Her dad never would have left her behind for anything less than that, right?

Growing up was a lonely time, made more so by her mother’s promotion and the empty house that remained. She threw herself into school and clubs and every conceivable opportunity in Mystic Falls to keep herself busy, maybe around people who wanted her around. Bonnie and Elena would always be the nice girls, more popular and generally well-liked in a way her abrasive personality would never allow. But Caroline could be useful. She liked being useful.

That, however, often led to being used. Her soulmate could never use her, she thought. They wouldn’t want to, they just wouldn’t.

She’d read every self-help book about soulmates, scoured advice columns, and all but interviewed every mated couple she knew. Caroline wanted to know how they knew. What made a soulmate, and how could they be recognized? For most, it was the first brush of skin, a handshake or a hug. Others claimed there wasn’t one moment, and they couldn’t quite remember when they realized a friend was a soulmate - but it was absolute and they never looked back. Some knew on their first date, others after having sex for the first time. Bonnie’s Grams said she found hers just by meeting his eyes from across a crowded party; she kind of wanted to chalk it up to the Bennett magic, as romantic as the story was to little Caroline.

Whatever the set-up was, the punchline was always the same for human soulmates: a hole in their chest, one they never noticed or worried about, felt full and warm and right.  And she’d felt that lying in Klaus’s arms, his blood staining her lips. She’d been scared, achy, and livid - she also felt right staring up at this beautiful monster, promising her a thousand more birthdays like they were a gift. Like he hadn’t just held her life in his hands and gambled with the outcome.

Her soulmate had tried to have her killed. That should have been the horrifying part of the story, her mate being a thousand-year-old wolf-vampire hybrid with the power to compel her, all while he made her friends’ lives a living hell. Despite the supposed bond they were meant to share, she had no doubt that he would use her for whatever he wished and toss her away just as easily. But there was more. 

“Bonnie,” choked out, “I don’t think he recognized me as his soulmate.”

.

Klaus scrawled the note as an afterthought, having originally planned to drop the dress and his mother’s invitation on the doorstep with nary a word otherwise. But he had hesitated before ringing the doorbell. She’d looked tired as she arrived home, a little wary - far from the fighting spirit he’d met on her birthday. Plaguing his thoughts since, she would suit the dress well. He wanted her to know it was from him. 

So he left his note and flashed away, content to let the matter settle in the back of his mind until the ball that night. 

That was his plan, anyway. In truth, he spent an hour or two sketching details of her obstinance. Another hour wasted away with him focused on the curve of her mouth as she fought against sleep, something like awe in her expression. That face had haunted his own dreams, and he couldn’t understand why. Baby vampires were a dime a dozen, and he’d killed hundreds - thousands - just like her in his life. She wasn’t even the first one he’d saved with his new, uninhibited blood. 

Yet, she lingered, and he didn’t quite know what to do with that. Caroline Forbes had intrigued him. With the new era of peace his mother supposedly wanted, perhaps he could while away the days seducing the sheriff’s daughter into her new life beyond mere mortality. 

Klaus found he quite liked the idea.

.

She never meant to tell him. The ball had been a disaster, pretty dress or no, and she’d ended up tossing the diamond bracelet at his feet. For someone so adamant he couldn’t possibly have a soulmate, he’d worked pretty hard to appeal himself to little, old her. 

And he’d seemed so wistful about being a product of his mother’s soulmate, how Mikael had hated that love and punished him for it all those years. She thought...maybe... But she wasn’t going to tell him. Naming herself as his mate would just sign away her freedom, if he didn’t kill her outright. The guy was nuts and always looking for his next power trip, and Caroline refused to just hand it over in the form of her stupid, fated heart. 

Curiosity had always been her hallmark, though, and she asked one question too many. 

He seemed sad, even when he was flirting with her. Heart pounding, she kept her arms tightly crossed to keep from reaching for him. It was a stupid impulse, yet it felt so natural to want to lace her fingers through his and give a comforting squeeze. But he was just so aggravating, and she wouldn't let herself feel sorry for him - and she told him exactly what she thought about siring hybrids for his own amusement.

"You're making assumptions," he said in a soft voice that belied the danger in his expression.

"And you're lonely," she accused right back. "So you compel yourself minions and cart your family around in boxes, or you try to buy people off." She unlatched the bracelet like it had burned her wrist and let it drop between them. "Life doesn't work like that, Klaus."

A smirk clawed up his cheeks as he looked at her like prey. "Life works however I wish it, sweetheart. You're young, likely still hoping to fulfill all those human dreams you've yet to let go. College, a career, maybe even a happy marriage with a soulmate meant just for you."

Warning bells sounded in her head, but she forced herself to seem unaffected. "Why not? Being a vampire doesn't have to change that."

"Best of luck, sweetheart." His tone dripped with disdain, anger bright in his eyes. "If you don't find them in this lifetime, you'll be spending those birthdays I promised alone."

"Are you sure about that?"

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Caroline wasn't thinking, it just fell out of her mouth, bitter and pained. She could feel him watching her closely, and she needed to leave before she did something worse. "Never mind," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. " You don't connect with people because you don't even try to understand them." Though she dearly wanted to sprint all the way home, she kept her pace steady and tried to find peace in the haughty clack of her heels.

But she wouldn't find peace, not with Damon and the rest throwing her to the hybrid as the little, blonde distraction. Once more, she found herself surprised with the effort he put forth. Not surprising at all was how charmed she felt by his attention, and she hated herself for that. He'd been so earnest, though, daring her to get to know him and looking up at her with those big, hope-filled eyes. Whatever game he was playing, he had all the right moves to keep pulling her in when she should have known better. Her ignored instincts were proven right when his whole persona turned on a dime, gripping her by the arms and staring her down with pure rage.

He was the soulmate of her nightmares, and she felt doomed to love him anyway.

.

Burning the half of his sketchbook he'd already filled with her likeness felt like an empty gesture, but a necessary outlet for the chaos of emotions she seemed to inspire in him. He ran after her, pulled beyond comprehension to follow her confident stride - passing cars and better judgment be damned. The thrill of victory as Caroline sat with him was familiar and yet new, and he was wary of what it all meant. 

His fears, as always, were well-founded considering the attempt on his siblings' lives, and he'd thought to kill her for her part in the scheme. It should have been a simple task, and she would have had no chance at deflecting his attack. She floundered when asked, looking around for someone to save her yet resigned that no one would. 

Klaus didn't like that, and he didn't know why. He'd physically recoiled at the terror on her face, instead distracting himself with pursuing the more immediate threat. With the Salvatores momentarily put off, however, Caroline appeared to be a more sinister presence in his life than he anticipated.

If only that didn't make her so damn intriguing, then he could finally be rid of her. A part of him wondered recklessly whether there was more to the young vampire than the sudden infatuation of a hybrid set free of both curse and father. Then he'd quickly discard that line of thinking; it simply wasn't possible.

.

They were going to kill him.

Bonnie was the one to tell her about the storage locker, warning her not to do anything rash. With Damon and Alaric gunning for him, though, she only had so much time to debate the pros and cons of letting Klaus die. She was in her car before Bonnie had even hung up, half-formed plans running through her mind as she drove.

Parking behind a large truck in case Damon was still lurking about, Caroline didn't let herself hesitate to find the coffin he had hid her soulmate in, the dramatic ass. Luckily, the building was deserted as far as she could tell, and she flashed to the unit where Klaus was supposedly stowed. Her heart clenched at finding him in chains, only to jolt in surprise at finding his eyes open and watching her. "Hi."

He just blinked, and she could just see the gears turning in his head. "You're...the worst," she sighed, looking down to break the lock. "You are a power-hungry control freak who takes his daddy issues out on everyone who dares to make their own choices," she continued, moving onto the loosened chains. "Compulsion, sire bonds, straight up murder, none of that is good. I'm scared there's no line you won't cross, and I'm scared that it still won't be enough for me to leave."

It looked like a gargantuan effort for his desiccated forehead to crumple in the shadow of a frown. Gritting her teeth, she blew out a long breath. "But I'm more scared to lose my soulmate before he even knows." Caroline bit into her wrist and shoved it against his mouth, daring him to fight her claim when he tasted her blood for the first time.

Eyes wide and alarmed, Klaus dutifully drank until his skin gained back some color and his veins began to recede. When she made to pull away, his hand suddenly circled around her arm and held her still. He retracted his fangs from her skin, but left his tongue to tease the slowly healing cuts and clean any remaining blood. 

Shakily, she stepped back and he let her go, though he quickly stood to follow her. "Caroline," he said, voice low with awe. 

"Not now." She shook her head, flashing out to the car, confident he wouldn't be far behind. "We have to get going before anyone notices you're gone. We're gone," she corrected.

Klaus slid into the passenger seat, seemingly unable to look away from her with a small grin on his face. "Rome, Paris, or Tokyo, sweetheart?"

Rolling her eyes, she put the car in gear and sped away from the storage center. "Wherever we go will just be ruined if you come back and kill my friends," she pointed out. "I know you weren't really looking for a mate, but I won't be controlled, Klaus. And I won't let you hurt the people I love."

"And you won't let people hurt me." Her mouth fell slack at the implication, and she slid her gaze to find him watching her intently. "Intriguing," he said, almost to himself. "You are certainly more than meets the eye, Caroline Forbes."

"Yeah, well." She gave a helpless grin, completely unsure of anything other than the fact her life would never be the same. "Good luck with that."

[kingsmakers]

ALL oc questions (numbers and letters) for Piper Dean :D

Okay here we goooo:

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Piper is actually pretty good at doing nothing! She’s especially relaxed if she’s been smoking pot. She’s a real procrastination expert so doing nothing can come naturally to her sometimes.

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Not very. Piper isn’t easily amused and it can take a fair bit to make her crack a smile at a joke let alone laugh.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

She’d never admit it, but Piper is actually an avid reader. She finds that putting her phone down an hour before bed and snuggling up with a good book is her best bet for a good night’s sleep.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

It’s difficult. Piper has been through some traumatic experiences and it’s made it hard for her to want to rely on anyone. She takes a lot to open up, and even more to trust someone. 

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Quite easy. Piper is pretty quick to become suspicious of other people. Any motive, any unexplained lapse, any change in their behaviour and she will pounce on it.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Kind of flexible. She has a lawyer for a dad, so she’s often content in the knowledge that he will bail her out of trouble.

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Music! Specific songs can trigger various memories, some are quite pleasant and others are very painful.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Eating fruit! Piper didn’t eat very healthily as a young kid.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Oh, she definitely swears. Her first swear word was probably ‘shit’.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

I think the lie she tells the most frequently is acting like she’s okay even when she isn’t. She’s so adamant about keeping up the act that her life is perfect and wanting to feel like people envy her, even if they don’t know the truth.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Usually she seeks clarification. Piper doesn’t like the feeling of being confused.

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

She’d probably use a ruler or another object to scratch it.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Pink, but she actually looks best in white.

14. What animal do they fear most?

I would say bears.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Nope, Piper definitely speaks her mind without thinking. She’s quite an impulsive person.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

Fuckboys.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

Not usually. She generally flips her hair back and acts like nothing phases her.

18. What embarrasses them?

I think being called out on her shit. When people show the fact that her life isn’t as perfect as she makes out.

19. What is their favorite number?

8.

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

She’d say romantic love is when all you can think about is kissing them, platonic is where hugs are the most affection you’d get and give, and familial is seeing someone like a part of your family.

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

I think to push for a better future for herself. She’s had some messed up things happen to her and around her, and I think Piper really wants to rise above that instead of being caught up in it.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

She’s extremely passive aggressive. She would act like she doesn’t care at all, but it would be really obvious by her behaviour that she does.

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

Piper usually gets what she wants. So I think if she saw something someone had and she wanted it, she’d start a new trend of her own with something similar but not quite the same.

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

Piper is pretty open talking about sex with her friends. But she doesn’t speak about it much with her family.

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

She isn’t a huge fan of the idea. She can see that her parents argue a fair bit. She sees it as a bit daunting.

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

By car.

27. What causes them to feel dread? 

I think people keeping secrets. Piper is aware it’s hypocritical, but she’s always worried about what others know and what they’re hiding.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

Oh definitely prefer a lie.

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

Nope, she’s struggling with that.

30. Who do they most regret meeting? 

Jason Blossom.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? 

Veronica Lodge.

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

I don’t think so, it really depends where the conversation is going, but Piper loves regaling her little crowd with tales of her latest adventures.

33. Could they be considered lazy? 

For sure.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

It’s pretty difficult. She can unreasonably blame herself or find fault in her actions when it wasn’t her fault.

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

Pre Jason’s death, she wasn’t supportive. She’d smile and nod and then go on about something related to her. She was competitive. But post Jason’s death she realises how selfish she’s been and she’s very much more supportive of her friends.

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

She definitely doesn’t seek romance. After her relationship with Jason, Piper is wary of romantic relationships.

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

Hmmm, not really. Piper has a pretty good memory.

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? 

I think some of the more painful ones related to Jason. She can’t help herself. It’s a wound she itches and won’t let heal, but she really needs to.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

Fairly easy. Jason being a good example.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Fairly sensitive, she doesn’t like being called out on them.

41. How do they feel about children? 

She really does not like them.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal? 

Hmm she doesn’t have a specific goal yet, she just wants to graduate.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

She’d probably just shrug and say she likes dick.

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

I’m excited for her because she’s a lot of fun to write. Piper is that girl people love to hate - she’s bitchy, she’s selfish, she basically starts off this Regina George type of girl who you really think “wow she’s awful”. But then you start to realise there’s more to that act and there’s a very damaged, vulnerable girl beneath it all.

B) What inspired you to create them?

From the start I knew I wanted her to be a love interest for Jughead, but I really needed her to be more than that and have her own story too. I wanted someone who could be relatable, but who wasn’t miss perfect.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

Not really. I knew from the start I had a specific story I wanted to tell with Piper, specific issues I wanted to delve into. I had a bit of trouble in the sense that I was scared it would be too much for people, but I also think sexual assault is something that’s so prevalent in high schools and universities that it’s a topic worth talking about.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

For the most part it’s stayed the same.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

I definitely don’t think so! Piper is a total party girl who’s out until all hours of the night and always with her friends. I’m a lot more of a homebody.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I’m pretty proud. I like to think what I’ve created with Piper is a realistic character, someone who’s flawed but you don’t realise all of her flaws at first.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Definitely her selfishness. She’s such a bitch at the start and it was hard to get into the mindset of a girl who literally did not care about anyone other than herself.

H) What trait do you admire most?

Her stubbornness and determination. She’s definitely adamant on being a part of solving Jason’s murder, even if she and Jason weren’t particularly close at the end of his life.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

For the most part.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

There are several changes I’ve had to make (eg. no Bughead, Jason’s killer is not who they were in canon).

[wlwfiend]

oc questions

Red - What makes you angry?

               Mallory – People who are purposefully mean just for the sake of it, and people who are rude to animals. Also, being interrupted when I’m in the middle of something.

               Emily – Everything.

               Lola – I feel angry when I think about my past. I’m not angry at anyone other than myself for screwing up what could’ve been a perfect life. I also really can’t stand it when others tell me to just get over it. If I could’ve ‘gotten over it’ by now, I would.

Maroon - What are you most passionate about?

               Mallory – Reading and art!

               Emily – I’m not really passionate about anything. Maybe psychology, but it’s not like I’d ever be able to pursue that passion.

               Lola – Food, definitely, but I also am very passionate about having a positive impact on the world.

Ruby - Would you consider yourself impulsive or reckless?

               Mallory – I can be. I really should be more like Lola in that regard…

               Emily – Yes. If I wasn’t so impulsive, maybe I’d be better by now.

               Lola – Not really. I think before I do.

Brick - What are some things you dislike?

               Mallory – Public speaking, being ignored, and my depression, to name a few.

               Emily – Ensure. Fuck those stupid drinks.

               Lola – My eating disorder, horror movies, hot weather, and the state of our country.

Rose - Would you consider yourself a romantic person?

               Mallory – Yes! I dream about love a lot. I really hope I can find a girlfriend one day!

               Emily – No. No, no, no, no.

               Lola – Hmm, maybe. I haven’t been in a relationship since I was fourteen, but perhaps if I was in a relationship today I would be romantic. I just can’t see myself loving anyone until I’m able to love myself.

 Redwood - How tall are you?

               Mallory – 5’5. It’s funny because I’m younger than Emily but so much taller than her! It’s kind of cute, though.

               Emily – 5’1. My growth was stunted. Also, fuck Lola and Mallory for making fun of my height.

               Lola – 5’8. Sometimes I’m scared that I’ll step on Emily.

Wine - What is your opinion on alcohol? (and does it exist in your world?)

               Mallory – I don’t think I’ll ever drink. It really messed up Emily…

               Emily – I’m a drunkorexic, what do you think I’m going to say?

               Lola – I have no interest in drinking. I never saw the appeal.

Orange - What are some of your comfort foods?

               Mallory – Pancakes. I miss being able to eat them.

               Emily – Food is the opposite of comforting to me.

               Lola – Ice cream is my ultimate comfort food because it tastes good and isn’t a pain to purge. Before my ED, it was burgers.

Spice - Do you like to cook? Do you cook often?

               Mallory – I can’t cook for the life of me.

               Emily – No.

               Lola – Yes, I love to cook. I make food for me Mallory all the time – I know it’s comforting to her to have food made by someone she knows so I can tell her the exact contents. I wish I could cook for Emily, but she’s scared I’m lying to her about the calorie content.

Peach - Are you generally a gentler and soft-spoken person or a louder and rougher person?

               Mallory – Soft-spoken. I don’t like talking very much.

               Emily – I’m not loud, but I can be aggressive. (Emily can be very loud and aggressive, especially when someone tries to help her. I mean, the first time Mallory saw Emily was when Em was screaming at a nurse.)

               Lola – I’m in the middle, I think, but I lean more towards soft spoken.

Honey - Have you ever considered marrying someone? What is your opinion on marriage in general?

               Mallory – I would love to get married – It’s one of my main motivations to get better.

               Emily – I don’t think I’ll ever get married or fall in love. Love is bullshit.

               Lola – I’m afraid of commitment.  

Sandstone - Who in your life has been the most healing for you?

               Mallory – Emily and Lola, definitely. They’re the first friends I’ve ever had, and they’re so understanding and sweet to me… I don’t know what I would do without them.

               Emily - …Tristian.  

               Lola – It sounds silly, but my dog. He makes me so happy.

Yellow - Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

               Mallory – I’m not sure… A pessimist, I guess.

               Emily – What do you think? I’m a pessimist. I think anyone who’s as fucking depressed as me is. Except maybe Lola, but she’s weird.

               Lola – I try to be optimistic, but it’s hard.

Safety - What is the most traumatic experience in your life?

               Mallory – (Spoiler for her story lol)

               Emily – (She doesn’t like to talk about it, but it’s when she was sexually assaulted.)

               Lola – I’m lucky that I haven’t gone through anything too traumatic. I feel so awful for Emily, though - she’s so young and she’s been through hell.

Sunshine - Are you a more active or lazy person?

               Mallory ��� I’m not active.

               Emily – I used to be… now I’m too exhausted to do anything.

               Lola – I’m an obsessive exerciser. I played sports constantly when I was younger, and now I exercise as another way of purging. So, I’m pretty active.

Blue - Are you a creative person? How do you like to be creative?

               Mallory – I would say I am! I love to draw and write, but I’m not a very good writer…

               Emily – No.

               Lola – I like to paint sometimes, but I’m not that great at it. Definitely not as good as Mallory.

Sky - What is your favorite time of the day?

               Mallory – I like the early morning.

               Emily – Night.

               Lola – The evening is always nice.

Denim - What is your fashion style?

               Mallory – I wear a lot of dark and oversized clothes. Maybe if I didn’t hate my body I’d wear more color, but…

               Emily – I only wear leggings and t-shirts.

               Lola – I love winter-y fashion, and a lot of neutral colors. I mostly wear brown and beige sweaters along with overall dresses.

Teal - What makes you feel most at peace?

               Mallory – Being alone in my room, reading. Bonus points if I have candles lit.

               Emily - …I haven’t felt at peace in a long time.

               Lola – Going on long walks with my dog.

Turquoise - Are you good at communicating your feelings?  

               Mallory – I’m getting better at it!

               Emily – Not in a good way. I either bottle things up or I have full on breakdowns and angry fits.

               Lola – I think so.

Violet - What is your ideal date?

               Mallory – I would love to go to an art gallery with my future girlfriend…

               Emily – I’ve said it before. Love. Is. Bullshit. (Shut up you emo cunt, we all know you want to take Mallory to an art gallery and kiss her in the garden)

               Lola – Going on a boat ride together and then going home to cuddle and watch movies.

Eggplant - What’s the weirdest thing you’ve eaten?

               Mallory – I ate toothpaste once to try and lose my appetite…

               Emily – Cotton balls. (Yes, she was one of those people)

               Lola – I’ve eaten out of a garbage bin before, if that counts.

Amethyst- What is your aesthetic?

               Mallory – Cozy bedrooms, fairy lights, plants, and cats.

               Emily – I like the emo kid aesthetic.

               Lola – Warm colors, coffee, chilly weather, and tidy spaces.

Mauve - What makes you feel nostalgic?

               Mallory – Vanilla candles, autumn colors, and the smell of old books.

               Emily – Nothing.

               Lola – Green grass, playgrounds, skinned knees, early 2000’s pop music.

Blush - Do you have a crush on anyone? If so, who is it?

               Mallory – Umm… Emily is, um… cute…

               Emily – No one. (It’s Mallory.)

               Lola – Not right now.

Carnation - Are you comfortable with PDA?

               Mallory – If it’s gay.

               Emily – No.

               Lola – I don’t mind it.

White - Do you consider yourself a good person? What’s the best thing you’ve ever done for somebody?

               Mallory – I think I’m good, but I don’t know what the best thing I’ve ever done for someone is. Emily told me that I helped her a lot, though…

               Emily – No. I’m not. I’m rude and selfish.

               Lola – Yes. I think the best thing I’ve done is (spoiler!) convinced Mallory not to kill herself. I’m so glad she texted me.

Lace - What would you name your child if you were to have one?

               Mallory – Lucia, after the first cat I became close with.

               Emily – One, I’m infertile. Two, I don’t want kids. Three, I won’t even live long enough to have kids.

               Lola – I’ve always liked the name Jasmine.

Porcelain - Do you consider yourself a delicate person? Do you fall apart easily?

               Mallory – Yes, very.

               Emily – If I was delicate, I would be dead by now.

               Lola – Not really.

Ghost- Are you easily scared? What scares you the most?

               Mallory – Loud noises, crowds, gaining weight…

               Emily – Spiders. Being taken advantage of. Needles.

               Lola – I’m afraid of snakes, dark places, drowning, and being forgotten.

Alabaster - What is the most recognizable thing about you? What are people most likely to notice about you when they first meet you?

               Mallory – I think it’s how pale I am…

               Emily – My scars.

               Lola – People always tell me that I’m beautiful and that I stand out in a crowd. I wish I could believe it.

Buff - Would you consider yourself to be fit, fat, or skinny?

               Mallory – Fat.

               Emily – I know I’m underweight, I know I look like a corpse – but I still feel fat.

               Lola – I’m kind of fit? But, like, chubby fit.

Brown- Where do you call home?

               Mallory – My room and the park by my neighborhood.

               Emily – I don’t have a home.

               Lola – My house is my home. I feel safe there.

Gingerbread - What is your favorite holiday?

               Mallory – Christmas!

               Emily – Halloween.

               Lola – I love Christmas.

Umber - Who do you call your friend? How many Friends do you have?

               Mallory – Emily, Lola, the stray cats I feed, my mom, and my little sister.

               Emily – Mallory and Lola.

               Lola – Mallory, Emily, my parents, my siblings, and my friends from school – Allison, Rosa, Peter, Christian, and Ami.

Carob - What do you look for in a friend?

               Mallory – Someone who understands me and doesn’t mind how quiet I can be.

               Emily – Someone who cares about me.

               Lola – Kindness, loyalty, and understanding.

Grey/Gray - Introvert, Extrovert, or Ambivert?

               Mallory – 100% Introvert.

               Emily – Introvert.

               Lola – Ambivert.

Shadow - What is your biggest regret?

               Mallory – Ever deciding to change myself.

               Emily – Everything.

               Lola – I regret every time I’ve purged.

Silver - What do you imagine the future to be like?

               Mallory – I don’t know if I have one.

               Emily – I’m not living past my 18th birthday.

               Lola – I hope I can go to college and get a degree in law.

Graphite - Do you like to draw? If so, do you draw often? What do you like to draw?

               Mallory – I love art! I draw a ton and I really like to do portraits.

               Emily – I wish I could draw.

               Lola – Yes, I do. It’s therapeutic for me.

Smoke - Have you ever taken any drugs?

               Mallory – No, I haven’t.

               Emily – Yes.

               Lola – No.

Fog - Was there ever a period in your life when you were confused and lost? how did you get out of it?

               Mallory – I think I’m still in it.

               Emily – I always have been.

               Lola – The first two years of my ED, I was very lost. I’m not completely out of it yet.

Slate - If you could erase any memory from your life, would you do it? If so, which memory would you chose?

               Mallory – Any memory from when I was really, truly lonely.

               Emily – Memories involving my trauma.

               Lola – I don’t think I’d erase any memory from my life. I don’t think there’s a single memory that contributed to or caused my eating disorder, and other than that, I have a happy life.

Cloud - What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about?

               Mallory – My insecurities, my weight, what I’m eating…

               Emily – Dying.

               Lola – What I’m going to b/p on next. It’s depressing.

Ash - Is there something or someone from your past that you miss?

               Mallory – I miss being innocent.

               Emily – I don’t like talking about it. (She misses Tristian more than anything.)

               Lola – I miss happiness. I miss eating without puking. I miss not knowing what calories were. I miss having lots of friends. I miss my old self.

Obsidian - Do you suffer from any mental disabilities?

               Mallory – (Mallory has EDNOS, social anxiety, general anxiety, body dysmorphia, and major depressive disorder.)

               Emily – (Emily has C-PTSD, anorexia nervosa, paranoia, borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, body dysmorphia, and general anxiety.)

               Lola – (Lola has bulimia nervosa w/ restrictive subtype, body dysmorphia, major depressive disorder, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.)

Spider - What irrational fears do you have?

               Mallory – I’m always scared that Lola and Emily hate me…

               Emily – That my dad is going to get out of jail and find me.

               Lola – That I’m actually obese and everyone is lying to me.

Ink - write your autobiography in one sentence.

               Mallory – Sad girl with no friends develops mental issues and ruins her life.

               Emily – Emo cunt who doesn’t know how to eat.

               Lola – Perfectionist girl gives up her chance of a bright future in favor of constant binging and purging.