#and i never really care that much if i've not tried to write for sth myself

[lesamis]

As a writer, do you think you read fic differently in fandom's you've written in, or differently once you do write for them if you haven't before?

huh! yeah, i think i do. i'd never really thought about this until now. i guess writing or having written for a fandom makes me look at other fic more closely, especially at character voices - do i think He Would Fucking Say That? am i buying this? would they sound differently if i were writing this? i don't think it takes away from the enjoyment of reading fic at all, but once you've tried to pin down a voice yourself, you get more persnickety about it.

[nanatsuyu]

MISS YOU (and your writing) VERY MUCH!!!<333

(((Can’t stop thinking about Aaron the ferret (most importantly) and andreil (also importantly but AARON THE FERRETTTT))))

HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY!! :DDD

(Now that I think about it I’ve never really tried blueberry pancakes so that’s what im gonna be doing in my free time now, fingers crossed that I accidentally don’t burn my kitchen down hah)

((Also you mentioned sth few days back on twitter about some poltergeist porn? 👀👀)

Hello friend! ! 🧡

I also miss my writing dnsksm lmao I've got that curse of being 90% done with a project and blanking on how to properly finish it 😭 though, I highly recommend blueberry pancakes!! The texture makes me happy and they're rather cute in a picturesque way 🥞 but also be careful cus pancakes are easy to burn fjsns

LOL I DID DIDNT I WHOOPS I've been toying around with a mildly crackish au solely for the smut but if it will ever see the light of day? We just don't know. It might be a lil Too exciting for this fandom

And not at all! I appreciate the encouragement honestly ;; very nice to remember there are people eager to read things I write!!

Oh you got my favourite one! I love love love the paper craft bits of these and that one really had the most 🥰 I'd love to see the additional lights!! I've been contemplating making my own little scenes soon and it's fun to bounce ideas/see others process with these!

And I hope you have a nice day as well 🥺🧡thank you for the lovely message

[talkingbl]

Top 6 Most Anticipated [Confirmed] BLs of 2023 (so far)!

If I can speculate...I'd add something something Semantic Error 2, something something Bump Up Business, but I'm tired of looking stupid. DMD had me placing Bed Friend as a most anticipated BL for damn near two years now and stayed coming up short. This time, I'm sticking to what I know. So, here we are--my top 6 most anticipated BLs of 2023 (thus far)! -

6) HIStory5: Love in the Future | LinusSean & JasonAnson

lbr, this is a 2023 bl trapped in a 2022 bl's body. Either way, I love a good time travel theme (gives fish out of water--my favorite trope!!) and the HIStory series usually gives us a good main couple.

5) Love Upon a Time | NetJames

Either DMD really believes in NetJames or they feel bad for cucking them in favor of ZeeNunew this past year. Either way, I am somewhat seated for this. Wild, I never expected this from NetJames or DMD more generally, but the historical portion of the story is giving everything I've been begging for from Thailand since I started watching BL. While it's not giving MileApo's period piece trailer in terms of care and attention to detail, it seems very interesting to say the least.

4) Bed Friend | NetJames

After 2 years of blue balling viewers, DMD is FINALLY giving the girls Bed Friend. I am so excited to see an office romance with actual tension between the leads and that forbidden love vibe I love so much. The story is so classic and seems entertaining from beginning-to-end. Hopefully the writing is good and the acting takes a step forward from what DMD has given so far. That said, the trailer looks promising, so fingers crossed!

3) The Next Prince (....what? It gave budget....) | ZeeNunew

Listen, I am not a zonzon or bonbon or ztormborn or whatever they call ZeeNunew stans, but I am SEATED for this. In my last list, I included Cutie Pie in my most anticipated list. Unfortunately, it didn't hit like I thought it would. But I'm willing to give them another chance as this trailer is intriguing. They're hitting budget, royalty AU, enemies (??) to lovers, direction, cinematography, etc. with this one. And the fact that the trailer was mostly silent gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they will take the show-don't-tell subtext-led approach to acting and writing. Just hope it's not wasted on a terrible plot that goes nowhere and grating acting. S/n: Zee doing stuff w/feet again??

2) Cherry Magic (Thailand) (stfu GMMTV antis and jbl elitists, I'm tryna see sth...) | TayNew

She has no trailer and I'm already here for her.

Per MDL -

Adapted from Japan's 30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii. Adachi Kiyoshi [Achi in the Thai version] is a regular salaryman who, at the age of 29, was still a virgin. On his 30th birthday, he suddenly finds himself acquiring a new power - the ability to read other people's minds whenever he touches them. Shocked and unnerved by this new ability, he struggles to cope. That is, until one day he accidentally touches the handsome and popular fellow office-worker, Kurosawa Yuichi [Karan in the Thai version], only to find out that [Karan] actually has secret romantic feelings for him. How will [Achi] cope with this new revelation?

Look, I tried the original Cherry Magic and while the concept was appealing, the execution wasn't for me. Ngl chefs, I was bored a bit. But I still love the concept and am interested to see if and how GMMTV and Taynew can handle this. It better give budget at the very least (probably won't lol). Perhaps we'll also see Newwie grow into a more serious BL role. But honestly, even if they turn it into a rom-com, I think this can really work. Either way, they have a lot of eyes on them and a lot of folks predicting their downfall. They must deliver.

1) Only Friends | NeoMark, ForceBook, FirstKhao, ForceNeo, to say the least

Where do I even start with this? Who in the fresh hell could have predicted GMMTV to come through with this? ALL the pairings are intriguing, MANY of the actors can ACT (or at least try to), THE PLOT is something straight out of my romance dreams!!! We love hotties being messy!!!! I am incoherent at this. How did GMMTV manage to outplay the player (ME)?

But to be serious, this is the most interesting BL plot in awhile... And it gets at a real part of the 20/30-something hookup culture that we have (and that people are afraid to show in the context of LGBTQ+ relationships). It's also breaking the mold and allowing actors to explore characters outside of their established ships. It's not adapted from anything (that I know of), which is, like, a first for a GMMTV BL. It includes pairings that are either on the rise (FirstKhao) or that no one could have ever seen coming but somehow feel just right (NeoMark, ForceNeo) (btw, NeoMark are up next in this industry ;)). Plus, it's directed by Jojo Tichakorn who directed and wrote for 3WBF (one of my favorite Thai dramas with a strong BL theme), and has his hands in Never Let Me Go and The Warp Effect (both with strong showings thus far). I trust him but it's gonna really come down to the budget, post-production, and, most importantly, the acting.

Thing is, Neo and First are going to show up and I trust Khao to give a strong effort. Force, I'm not too sure about but the trailer doesn't give me high hopes to be honest. Still, I'm willing to forgive if he can fuck Neo like he means it if the rest of the cast can pull their own weight. And for Mark, I'm willing to bet he'll improve from My School President (which he already is showing promise in). I'm mainly weary because the story looks to be told from Mew's perspective, who is played by Book. IMO Book is not the best....so I'm hoping he shows up. I just need it to really come together and Book holds the key to it in his hands. GMMTV already is a sketchy company for other reasons, don't waste my fucking time with yet another good concept gone by the wayside b/c y'all wanted face over talent.

Also NeoMark please don't be problematic. I want to love Badminton shawty and the best actor at GMMTV not named Gun ATP 😢

[aobajohxsai]

(Fem!Reader HC) May I request for Oikawa, Iwa, Daichi, Tsukki and Yams's girlfriends feeling insecure because the boys are surrounded by taller and slimmer (she's short and chubby) girls so she grows distant with them and starts to avoid them like the plague. How they find out, approach and reassure/comfort the girl will be up to you~ 💖 I understand if you dw to write this. ^-^ It's just, I've struggled with my looks for years and it's just ☹☹☹ Sending love and hugs 🥰 - 🍡 anon

has it been six months since i last posted sth here

yes.

Love, I’m so sorry everything took so long!! Your wonderful messages never failed to brighten up my day and I just think you’re the loveliest person I’ve ever met! I may not show it, via my blatant avoidance of this blog, but you’re amazing and I appreciate every message, thank you!!

Without further ado, I hope this was worth the wait (probably not, I haven’t written in half a year, but I tried my best) <3

Also, I didn’t do Daichi, Tsukki and Yams, as I went wayyy overboard with the headcanons (it’s 600+words each), but feel free to request them again in a separate ask, love :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oikawa and Iwaizumi comforting their insecure girlfriend (Plus-sized!Reader)

Warnings: Some self-loathing, but it turns fluffy afterwards

You tried to even your breathing, (e/c) eyes glued to the horde of fangirls almost jumping on your boyfriend. Your hot, talented, brilliant, athletic boyfriend - Who, to your dismay, seemed adamant to keep flirting back.

Normally, you weren’t a jealous person - It’s a given when it comes to dating someone such as “The Great King��. That day, however, the green monster seemed to be rearing its ugly head, pushed upwards by all your deep-rooted insecurities. The girls he was surrounded with were stunning - Long, slim legs, the oversized sweater of the Seijoh uniform actually being oversized on them, the way they seemed to look so much better by your lovely boyfriend’s side than you.

“Y’know he’s only doing that to ensure Seijoh’s popularity or whatever bullshit he keeps spewing about it, right?”, a deep voice spoke from behind you, effectively startling you. How Iwaizumi could read you so well, that would always surprise you, but you supposed it came with years upon years of having to read his seemingly unreadable best friend. You tried to will away the tears that had formed in your eyes, letting out a small giggle at Hajime’s characteristic profanity.

“Oi, Shittykawa! Get your ass over here and greet your girlfriend!”, he yelled, effectively grabbing the attention of the entire fan-club and the man to whom it was dedicated. You felt a deep flush rising on your cheeks at the attention, prepared to listen to a quick dismissal from your boyfriend, but were instead met with a surprisingly feminine squeal.

Oikawa seemed to all but pounce on you, taking you into a tight hug and spinning you around a little. Placing you back down, his whiskey eyes seemed to have a gleam to them, effectively having lit up the second he’d seen you.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, before pouting exaggeratedly.

“Why didn’t you say anything, love? I kept waiting and waiting and my beautiful girlfriend just wouldn’t show up!”

That’s when the previously-forgotten dread made its appearance again. He hadn’t even noticed you in the sea of pretty girls. But that’s alright - You should have seen it coming, ever since you started dating the most popular guy in your high-school. Just fake it ‘til you make it, c’mon, he made a joke, laugh, Y/N, dammit-

A bitter laugh left your lips, so aggressive it even startled Oikawa. 

“It’s quite alright, wouldn’t have expected you to, surrounded by all these pretty girls and all.” Another aggravated laugh left your lips, as you tried to sell it as a good-natured joke, but it was obvious that your boyfriend had definitely read through it. His expression seemed to darken, brows furrowing, before he quickly fell back into his well-rehearsed role, letting out an exaggerated gasp. 

“Oh, but you’re the prettiest one out of all of them! I’d never miss your gorgeous face!” He smirked, before squishing your cheeks lightly, eyes widening in a playful expression. “Actually”, he motioned towards the girls still watching you guys oh God- before promptly placing a hand around your shoulders, pulling you into his side protectively.

“Hey, everyone, look at my beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, girlfriend! Isn’t she the prettiest?”

The girls seemed to be whispering amongst themselves, confused expressions adorning their faces, before nodding shyly. You couldn’t have cared less, though - In the arms of the boy you loved, you were sure you’d never feel insecure ever again.

Having your boyfriend be the ace of a popular volleyball team was proving to be an incredible experience, as you had the opportunity to witness not only the developing friendships on the team, but also the colossal amount of hard work that went into the winning streak they had been on for the past few matches.

You couldn’t be more proud - wearing Iwaizumi’s jersey in the stands, your voice louder than anyone else’s - Everything was going well, except for one little, tiny thing.

For once, along with the relentless Oikawa Tooru fanclub, a small group of girls had seemed to form around Iwaizumi, the only thing you could overhear being something about his “hands that were totally made for choking”. 

The bigger issue? They were all perfect. In their tiny, stupid skirts and their cute shirts and their sharp jawlines and sculpted faces and - Well, you had curves where others didn’t and you weren’t particularly proud of your body. Your thighs seemed larger than usual and you almost gasped at the sudden wave of despair washing over you. Why would he date you when he could easily have them?

You weren’t a masochist in any sense - However, you found yourself unable to turn off your eavesdropping, only hearing more and more things that would make you spiral into self-loathing. You felt overwhelmed, so you quickly grabbed your bag and hurried out of the room, finding a bench to sit on and simply breathe.

Not long afterwards, however, you heard lots of squeals - presumably from Iwa and Oikawa’s fanclub - and prepared yourself for what you’d have to witness.

To your surprise, however, as soon as the doors of the court opened, you could only see a tuft of black hair aggressively elbowing everyone in the crowd, dropping a nonchalant “sorry” here and there, before finally running straight into your arms.

He breathed in your perfume, still hugging you tightly, before letting go and grinning widely towards you.

Before he could speak, however, he found himself being interrupted by some loud squeals. Looking at you, he rolled his eyes playfully before shouting:

“Trashikawa, grab your stupid fanclub and get out of here, I can’t talk to (Y/N) properly!”

To your surprise, the setter’s face twisted into that annoying, cocky smirk of his, before he coyly replied: 

“Iwa-chan, maybe you should grab a hold of your fanclub! We’re well-behaved here, aren’t we?”, he smiled dazzlingly towards the nearest girl and you swore you saw her faint.

Upon glancing at your boyfriend, however, you quickly noticed his agape mouth, the surprised look quickly being overtaken by a frown, a hand grazing the back of his neck.

“Uh, thank you, ladies, I appreciate it, but I really wanted to talk to my girlfriend, so would you mind leaving us alone?”

He was being so genuine, you felt a pang of jealousy in your chest - It’s alright, he’s just happy to be supported, you had to remind yourself.

The ace had noticed your sour look, however, quickly turning back to you, mouth turned down into a scowl.

“Why the fuck can’t they stick to Shittykawa?”

You smiled giddily, before tangling a hand in his spiky locks. “Well that’s because you’re sweet, kind, genuine - muscular - and, uh”, you looked down embarrassedly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear, “fuck, you should be with one of them, I don’t deserve you.”

Now, you’d seen an annoyed Iwa plenty of times, but this couldn’t be matched - His brows seemed to furrow until they almost disappeared, his mouth pressed into a tight scowl as he looked your face up and down, checking whether or not you were being serious. Upon noticing that indeed, that was the case, he pulled you into him a tad too aggressively, pushing your chin up lightly to gaze into your eyes. 

His glare seemed to soften, before he started peppering your face with kisses. 

“You”, kiss, “are”, kiss, “the best goddamn thing”, kiss, “that’s ever happened to me.”

Finishing with his assault of kisses, Iwaizumi gave you a soft smile, before glaring playfully. “If you ever think that any of those girls would interest me half as much as you do, you’re really just as much of an idiot as Trashikawa, you know.”

Finally, he looked around before promptly squeezing your thigh, his large hand almost engulfing it. A small smirk played on his lips as he rose his gaze back to yours.

“I promise I’ll show you how gorgeous you are when we get home.”

[schoethe]

Some sources state Schiller have ignored Christiane at Goethes house. Like he despise her and Goethe because of her. Maybe do you know where is the information from? I don't remeber the sources, but I've read this quite a lot.

pheew, there is no easy answer to that question and i don’t have all the sources at hand rn and no time to do proper research so what i write now might be biased by my personal memory and interpretation but here’s what i remember (edit: ups, novel ahead):

so the thing with Christiane was that 

a) she was from a ‘simpler’ background than people would have liked a women who was the woman at Goethe’s side to be

b) during most of the time of their relationship Goethe didn’t marry her - and I say that he didn’t marry her bc I am quite sure that she would have liked to get married to him (earlier) and also would have benefited greatly from being married to him. While Goethe may have had his reasons to not get married it left Christiane in a very difficult position. She was left with no offical standing in society, she couldn’t accompany her partner to events, couldn’t receive (official) guests, couldn’t parttake in activities etc. because officially she didn’t exsist. That doesn’t mean however that people didn’t know about her. They knew very well and they didn’t approve of the relationship in any way. People were scandalized how Goethe could live like that, unmarried with a woman of low education, not from a high society family or, how they put it, how he could share the bed with his housekeeper - an idea repeated even today even though it absolute bs of course. Christiane was not his housekeeper. (Even though she did run the household obviously as any wife would have.) They had a very intense, romantic and sensual relationship and had moved in together very shortly after haven fallen in love head over heels almost at first sight and even though Goethe himself was facing difficulties because of it with his friend and sponsor, the Duke (Herzog) of Weimar, Carl August. If I remember correctly they at first weren’t allowed to live in their later home at the Frauenplan in the center of town but had to live in the house that is today known as Goethe’s Garden House a little outside of town.

And so to Schiller. Schiller’s wife Charlotte (I’m going to call her Lotte from now on for less confusion) was very close friends with Charlotte von Stein, a very important figure in Weimar’s high society and Goethe’s quasi ex-girlfriend who particulary despised Christiane as Goethe had left her and turned to Christiane after his trip to Italy. 

I’ve said earlier that people didn’t approve of Christiane and of Goethe’s living with her. That was very mildly put. They hated her. Made fun about her, gossiped, called her names as nice as “a round nothing” or “das Mensch”, which translates roughtly to ‘the’ or ‘that human’ but in German the phrase uses the neuter article instead of the masculine one which usually goes with “Mensch” which makes the term very strong and dehumanizing. 

She was socially outlawed, women refrained from visiting Goethe’s house in fear of meeting her and becoming a subject of gossip themselves.And well as I said, Charlotte von Stein as someone who was very important and as someone who particulary didn’t like Christiane was one of the leading figures in that scheme. (One time Christiane made the mistake of sending her a cake for her… birthday? and not enclosing a note but instead have the maid who brought the cake verbally say greetings and also say out loud who the cake was from and as other people were present Charlotte was outraged and mortified as she apparently had been humiliated in front of all her guests)

And Lotte as her friend and also as a women of high morality adopted and/or shared that attitude towards Christiane in many aspects. I wouldn’t hesitate one second to agree that she ‘hated’ or despised Christiane. 

But I wouldn’t say the same about Schiller. He probably didn’t speak up or defended her in front of his wife but I also can’t quite imagine that he took part in the mean gossiping about her and there’s also no form of proof indicating that (that I know of). If anything I think he avoided that topic and probably tried to blend out that part of Goethe’s life. 

But in the end we also do not know very much about Schiller and Christiane except very few things. Here’s what we know:

- if he saw her at all he saw her very seldomly at Goethe’s house. I don’t know whose choice that was, that is whether it was Goethe’s, Christiane’s or an agreed decision between them both but as I said ealier it would have also been just improper for her to officialy receive guests, this was the 1790s, this was high society, there was a protocol for certain things and the famous poet’s girlfriend greeting his guests just wasn’t a thing and there was probably no exception made with Schiller. however… the main source we have of Schiller not meeting her (when he stayed there for the first time for a couple of days) is a letter to his wife where he states that he has never seen Christiane and I think there’s a possibility that that’s not even true and Schiller only wrote it in order to not worry Lotte but idk

- Goethe mentions Schiller’s wife in like almost every single letter (sending greetings etc.) and Schiller doesn’t do the same with Christiane but then again he probably didn’t even know her very well and, well, greeting your friends wife (besides the fact that Goethe and Lotte had known each other since long before either of them met Schiller) was more a thing you did than greeting his girlfriend

- he does however send her greetings one (1) time in 1802 to congratulate her on the birth of a daughter (who died a couple of days later as did all of Christiane and Goethe’s children after their eldest son, August - it is today supposed that they had mismatching blood groups which is why none of their later children was able to survive more than a few weeks or even days):

Empfehlen sie mich der Kleinen recht freundschaftlich und versichern sie meines besten Anteils ~friendly greetings to the Kleine and assure her of my best regards

I’m not going to overinterpret the word freundschaftlich/friendly (which in this context I’d read as literally friend-ly, as in from a friend, in a friendshipy way etc.) here but he’s callig her ‘Kleine’ (which means the small one but it’s used as a nickname so it doesn’t really translate), and to me that means that Goethe must have referred to her by that name when talking to Schiller about her, which means that he, well talked to Schiller about her and in such an intimate manner that he referred to her by a nickname, so make of that what you may

- there was one time (this is mentioned in a letter from Christiane to Goethe but unfortunately I can’t find those online anymore so here’s a very cloudy memory:) when both Schiller and Christiane were at the annual theatre festival or sth in Lauchstädt and Christiane wrote to Goethe who had stayed in Weimar that she had been… sitting at a table together with Schiller? and they had… a lot of fun? and/or they went on some kind of boat trip and sat (amongst others) in the same boat?? (if anyone has those letters please let me know!!) anyway from how she wrote it, itsounded like Schiller spoke to her, was at ease being in her company etc.

So all things considered I think Schiller’s behaviour to her was if not particularly great also not particularly bad. He surely wasn’t very straightforward about including her or having close contact with her, but then Goethe probably didn’t even introduce her to him properly. To me it seems that he was somehow caught in beetween - between Lotte and her friends and the entire Weimar society and between his friend Goethe and his beloved Christel whom he for some reason just didn’t marry. What he really thought of her, how well he actually knew her? I think we just don’t know. But I think that compared with what Christiane was facing with the rest of Weimar’s society Schiller seems to have been okay with her to some extent and seems to have been almost friendly to or even with her (in comparison!).

So that was a very long answer to a very short but important and also complex question. I hope that at least some things are clearer now?

But anyway, if you care to learn more and something better-informed than this jibberish was about Christiane I strongly, strongly recommend to read Sigrid Damm’s biography on her (and Goethe): Christiane & Goethe!!!

[bookofsul]

So this is probably really odd to ask but whatever. I got accepted into an art school and i've been going there since 4 weeks. So far so good. But i get really bad anxiety if i am not able to do somethig right/ as good as anyone else :/ of course im jealous if someone is better than me but i thik i could handle that (if it'd JUST that) i have anxiety abt almost anything and it really depresses me when i feel like im not good in enough in sth i normally love doning :( So.. do you have any advice?

Yes I do. Stop listening to the BS that comes from the part of your genes that keeps you rather in ‘shitty but safe’ stagnation than let you fail. (They are mean and don’t consider winning!)

In short, don’t stress too much on it, things will be just fine as long as you keep going! A bit longer below the cut.

My art school career started with “I was the second to last accepted” to high school. I knew that I could draw ‘better’ than the other kids in my elementary school class simply because I had an interest and I was drawing almost every day, but it still put me on the end of the scale in an open competition. When I got in I felt like I hit the jackpot and I will be surrounded with similar minded folks and how awesome it will be. The truth is, I had a couple of friends and the others I can’t even remember the name of but things were great. Until you start to struggle for whatever reason, it’s more often than not that you’ll get a mean comment on ‘how bad x is on your drawing’. And from those friends, that hurt. It’s not the constructive criticism kind of deal, but the one that is aimed to break down your self confidence and faith in yourself in order to make themselves feel better. After a while I figured that I’m not interested in their opinion, so I politely asked them not to give me feedback, since I’m my worst critic. I knew that some of them were in my level or above, but that just put me into a competitive mindset that I can do better. And so I did. Talent is nothing but hard work. When you think that other people’s work is intimidating, then you are getting a mental block via your genes that I have described above. But if you keep trying, you can get to awesomeness! 

After high school (all of those above) I went to an other art based institute to become a teacher whom is able to instruct and communicate trough their thoughts due to the fact that our teacher was an artist who was an egotistic asshole, forcing his shit on people without letting you develop. I thought that in the university it will be different, but guess what, all the people there were the same kind of deal. I feel like I learned nothing aside of the teaching part. They assigned me to do things I was not interested in at all and trying to crush my beliefs that “digital art is no true art and has no value”. We got homework which you could interpret as you liked, and let me tell you, they did freak me out. I’m not saying that you don’t need to do things you don’t like, but the amount is very questionable and opinionated. I hated drawing. It was a forced thing and I saw that the output I was doing was crap because I couldn’t even motivate myself to care. It was still good enough to keep a B+ average, and where I felt like I’m not learning, I stopped trying to challenge myself to try being better. I usually had at least one figure whom I wanted to impress, and I put all my creative efforts into that particular class. The rest I kinda “survived”.

And, let me tell you a story related specifically to your problem. I had a class where we had to “solve painter’s problems”. Whatever the fuck that meant. We had to paint a figure and environment in the mandatory classes which was utterly boring (same 60yo lady over the 5 years I had there). Same pose, same lights, I could paint it from my memory from various angles. it was some new level of boring. But we had this “solve a painter’s problem” deal and I had no fucking idea what did the teacher meant and the explanations made NO SENSE to me or my friend. The others started bringing in sketches and loose works to ask the teacher’s opinion, and they were so far away from anything I’d call art that I started freaking out. I can’t do this shit. I can’t purposely, by force, paint metaphysical images by the number of 30 mini (A6), 15 small (A4) 10 medium (A3) and 4 large (A2) by the end of the semester. I had two weeks left, and I had NO IDEA what the hell to do. I was very frustrated, I wanted to quit, I wanted to fuck it all, because everyone else’s modern junk was looking so abstract and I CANNOT do that! I was sitting over the canvas and out of sheer frustration I started hammering it with random colors I had on my brush (it was rather small, like the back of a pencil), and I was crying and I was ready to give up. And from beyond my tears, the images looked kind of…Interesting. So I blew my nose and I kept doing this, first trying to make a shape or a form and afterwards not even giving a damn. I just had to make something and fuck me if it’s not going to be good enough. I tried my best. If it’s not enough, it’s just ONE person’s opinion anyway from 6 billion so WHY should I CARE. (Yes, even if they are professionals or teachers or whatever)So I bring in the images and I’m so nervous I nearly pass out. Long story short the teacher nearly passed out too, but from euphoria, how amazing my shit was. He was legit pissed that my works from the class were medicore but THOSE WERE SO GOOD IT WAS PREPOSTEROUS. I got an A, and my friend who watched from the door nearly pissed herself from trying not to laugh. (she also asked me to bring some to an other class to an other teacher and that guy also got his mind blown).

Now some can say that I had to get to a mindset that made me do this (and we should listen to the advices blaady bladyy blaaa). But frankly, I don’t want to be stressed about creating art, I want to enjoy it. People don’t like it? Why should I care as long as I’m having fun and developing to my liking? Art supposed to be self expression, not forced upon anyone by any means. When I make commissions, I’m trying to please ONE person, and that’s the commissioner. If anyone else is happy too, that’s a bonus. My best art pieces were gifts, because I wanted to give with them, and they were driven by love/joy/unicorn fart rather than pressure. Love makes everything better!

You’ll never be able to please everyone. It’s impossible. Start with believing in yourself and look for the themes/materials that MAKE YOU HAPPY. That make you grow and leaves you feeling productive. If it’s drawing, painting, writing, making music, cooking food, sewing, fixing up shit, BRINGING OUT THE TRASH, whatever floats your boat. Aim for the little things that make you happy. There is no point to compare yourself to others, and trust me when I say this, the more your skill grows the less intimidating they will be, because you’ll have the eyes to see the flaws that everyone does. The images we like the most are made with little accidents. If you feel like crap about your art, listen some Bob Ross and follow his work. Surround yourself with the material that makes you feel good, or things you want to aim for. If you have a particular picture you think it’s just the best shit, put it to your desktop til you find something that is even more awesome. Your eyes will remember the details that you can recall any time. Out of your comfort zone? DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS. I mean it’s obviously gonna be crap in the first dozen times. But You’ll get there, just keep going, and don’t give up! Be your own worst critiq and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your work. You have to accept the fact that you won’t make a masterpiece with every single stroke you make, and that’s fine. Aim for perfection, but don’t be a perfectionist.

My personal mantra is: “I cannot please everyone with my work, but I do my best anyway, and my aim is personal growth trough things that make me happy.”I’m honestly very honored that you people think my opinion is worth asking for. The fun fact is that my most common advice is “don’t give a shit about other people’s opinion”. :’D No, ofc you should care a bit, but only just an itty bitty tiiny wiiny bit. As long as you stay happy!