#and i need to do my and my other sib's laundry by tonight

[sulfurrrr]

>:T

[deepdeepjoyandpain]

Sunday catch up bullets after a roller coaster week:

- I was sitting down to work when I got texts from friends yesterday celebrating the win. I shouted the news to lulu, we cheered and hugged. I watched the speech alone- as she stilllll needs her sleep- and had all the feels. We watched it together this am and she loved it. I took a pic of her in front of the tv, with Kamala, and realized my laundry basket with a (clean!) bra right on top is next to her. 😂

- lulu is rocking her broken leg! Twenty three more days🙌🏼 I got her a knee scooter, 70 to rent for the month, well spent. She went to school weds-fri and did great. She’s also no longer sleeping in my room🙌🏼.

- this amazing weather. 😍 I got in an outdoor coffee date with a friend Friday morning and two backyard fires, each with a friend over after bedtime. And this really is THE END of outside gatherings which pains me. Lawn is mowed for the last time of the year, thank you mower for starting every time!

- did I say covid is in my family? Mom, her husband, sis in law. Moms in a rough spot right now. We weren’t exposed, hooray.

- we met with bio fam today. Outside at a park. We haven’t seen them since February and it is just time to do it. I was super anxious. Mom and gma were pretty salty with me at first over my refusal to go to Chuck E. Cheese. 🙄 I didn’t plan a meal, snacks, anything; just said let’s meet at this park at 3. Knowing I had no capacity to even do a pizza thing and all we need to do is see each other. Little sibs do not do well in public places anyway. It’s just so hard. But lulu did well, was her sweet playful self. We visited a friends puppy outdoors on our way home to have a buffer activity, she did super tonight. As much as I want her to express her feelings and not shove them down—- my trauma response to her trauma response is so hard too. We do have therapy tomorrow night so good timing there.

[jenbrookhart]

Location: Vixen’s Den, Foxhole Court Date: September 14

In the Vixen Den

“Hey! Did y’all just park? I can meet you somewhere,” Jen balances their phone on their shoulder as they tie their sneakers, ready to head to the court. 

Jackson lets out a shaky sigh that causes Jen to worry instantly. Their first thought is that the fans started some sort of riot, but it’s not like Palmetto is supportive enough of their Exy team to be violent over them. 

“Yeah, we’re here. Uhm—Look, lil sib. Dad is here.”

The phone slips from their shoulder and bounces against the carpet. They can distantly hear him still talking, but they can’t seem to get themself to move. Somehow, they honestly never thought they’d have to see him again, which is probably naive, considering how close they are to the twins. Palmetto is their safe space—where they can be themself outside of the confines of their room. It’s almost like their back in their old house instead of the Den, feeling suffocated and like they don’t belong in their own skin.

Jen forces themself back to reality, blinking rapidly as they fumble to press the speaker option on their phone, Jackson’s voice filling the room. 

“—Swear we didn’t know. He surprised us. He’s talking to Jane right now, but, he—uh he wants us all to go to dinner after the game.”

“What?” Jen practically yelps.

“Jane told me to tell you before he asks you himself.”

“Why—Why would he want to ask me himself? Why would he even want me to go at all? This doesn’t make any sense. He kicked me out,” Jen runs their fingers through their hair as they try to calm their breathing. The only reason their dad would do this is because he found out Jen made the switch to cheerleading and wants to remind them again how disappointing they are. 

“He says he wants to talk things out. Something about using the opportunity with all of us on the same campus to work things out as a family,” Jen can’t see Jackson, but they know their brother enough to visualize the look of hope on his face. While Jen is naive in an act first, regret it later way, Jackson is naïve in a childish way. Jackson most likely thinks their dad is being genuine, but he wasn’t there the night he kicked Jen out. 

“Jackson,” Jen begins, trying to be patient for his sake. “That’s not—I just don’t believe him. He made it really clear that I’m out of the family. And I doubt he’s going to be more accepting now, considering I don’t exactly keep things to myself anymore.” They went full glam for the game likes cheerleaders usually do, their cheeks streaked with glitter and false lashes on their eyes. 

“I don’t know…he seems really excited. Like happier than I’ve seen him since we went to college. What if he realizes he was wrong? You could come home.”

Jackson makes Jen want to believe that, if not for their own sake than his. Jen always knew their dad isn’t a good person, even as a kid, but the twins still have a hard time accepting it, Jackson, in particular. Jen doesn’t care much about Exy, while the twins live for it to a point where they’re lost without it. They want to be the best for their dad. 

The tragic part of it all is that Jen is the most naturally talented of Jacob’s children, and the other two have to really work for it, Jackson being the weakest of the three. Jen still remembers the nights when Jackson completely neglected his homework, in favor of staying up past midnight, still practicing in the front yard—desperate to make their dad proud. He could’ve used that as a reason to resent Jen, but he never did, he’s always been their biggest supporter. 

Which is why they don’t shut him down immediately. If it’s something he really needs Jen to do, they’ll do it. But they know Jackson isn’t going to like what he sees, because Jen knows the truth, and they know this dinner invitation is all a façade. Their gaze goes to the pile of fresh laundry on the end of their bed, and they grab their iconic crop top, shoving it in their duffle bag. If Jen is going to risk their neck for this, they’re going to do it their way.

“Okay. I’ll go, but I’m doing this for you and Jane, okay? Just—please, don’t get your hopes up, Jack. He’s going to disappoint you,” Jen murmurs as they head for the door, slinging their duffle bag on their shoulder. 

“I won’t let him do anything to you, Jen. I promise.”

Jen smiles sadly, “I know. I’ll see you at the court. I love you.” 

After hanging up, they stare at their phone and try to gather the courage to leave the Den. They’ve been through this before, they can do it again. It’s not like they’ll be alone this time. Still, Jen can’t seem to get their nerves to ease, and before really thinking it over, they pull up their contact list and find Arlo. 

“H-Hey. I know you’re about to get ready for the game, but can you talk?”

Pre-game Cheer

Jen lines up with the other Vixens in preparation for the pre-game routine, bowing their head as they wait for the music to start. They try not to think about anything but the choreography, refusing to let their dad’s presence ruin their performance. As the music fills the court, their head snaps up in unison with the others, a huge grin already in place. Jen’s gaze automatically goes to the sea of orange shirts in the front row, where the parents are sitting, and a misplaced green one immediately stands out.

Jacob Brookhart barely changed in the year since Jen last saw him, except for his graying hair. Then again, kicking out your prized trophy will do that you. Their smile doesn’t falter, but they’re more going through the movements than really feeling the performance. 

How did he even get a seat in the front row? Did he really pull the ‘my child is a Vixen’ card on the school? Did he even know Jen was a Vixen before now?

By the expressionless look on his face, Jen would guess he found out somehow. Even as Jen holds eye contact while they swivel their hips to the beat, Jacob expression never changes. 

After the Game

To make an already bad night even worse, the game is a huge disappointment, and Jen can’t help but feel the loss for their old teammates. Obviously, they’re happy for the twins, especially since their dad is here to witness the victory, but even they didn’t make it off the court unscathed. 

Jen’s ready to change and meet up with Jane and Jackson and get this over with, but 

before they can leave the court, a reporter approaches them. 

“Jensen Brookhart?” She asks with a fake smile, their birth name making them wince. 

They don’t like where this is going, having had plenty of experience with reporters from press duty, but they still have good ol’ southern manners so they force a grin. “Jen is fine. How can I help you, m’am?”

“Jen, the media has been dying to get a quote from you ever since your departure from the Foxes was announced. I was hoping to ask you a few questions about your decision and the game tonight.” It almost sounds like she rehearsed that before approaching them, and Jen wants to say no, but they’d rather give their own reasoning than let people believe whatever rumors are going around. 

“Yeah, sure. I’m meeting my family in a few minutes for dinner. Just a few questions, right?” They glance towards the seat where their dad used to occupy, the anxiety chewing at their insides.

“Of course. I won’t take up too much of you time. Your family is actually who I wanted to talk to you about, but first, I think we’re all wondering what made you quit Exy for cheerleading. Those are two very different sports,” She gives a small laugh before angling the microphone towards Jen. 

“They are,” Jen smiles nervously as they wonder how much of the truth they should tell. Obviously, they don’t want to damage Jane and Jackson’s reputation, but they don’t want anyone to think that their choice to leave was the Foxes fault. 

“I know it probably didn’t seem that way from the games last year, but I never wanted to play Exy. I wasn’t really given an opportunity to choose what I wanted to get involved in as a kid. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I loved playing with my brother and sister, but they’re definitely more passionate about it than I am,” They explain, noticing immediately that the reporter looks surprised by their answer. They can’t blame her, consider they never gave any hints last year that they didn’t love the sport, but they didn’t want the bad press for Wymack.

“Then why join the Foxes at all?” She asks. 

“I was in a tough situation right before graduation and Coach Wymack’s offer really helped me out of it. I thought I could make it through five years, but I realized a little too late that I just—couldn’t pretend Exy was what I wanted to do anymore. And I shouldn’t take a spot from someone who loves the game. I always loved dancing, so I decided to join the Vixens.” Anyone who read this interview would probably think Jen is out of their mind, but they don’t expect diehard Exy fans to understand the switch. Just like they didn’t expect Grant to.

“Was your family supportive of your choice? From interviews with Jane and Jackson, they seem really passionate about Exy.” 

“Jane and Jackson,” Jen says pointedly, making sure to leave their dad out of the equation, “always support me no matter what I do. As long as I’m happy. Besides, it’s nice not playing against them anymore. I was never into the whole competitive sibling thing anyway.” 

“Which is a shame for your fans, since you’ve always been considered the most talented of the Brookharts. And everyone loves a sibling rivalry,” She winks.

Jen’s at a loss for words for a second, lips parted as they try to conjure up any response that isn’t whacking the microphone out of her hand. 

“Well, the Terrapins did win tonight. And as you saw, Jackson and Jane are very determined and strong players. Speaking of, I’m late for dinner with my family, so excuse me.”

Jen doesn’t give her a chance to respond before turning away and weaving through the crowd to get to the locker room. They shower in a hurry, knowing if they linger, they might lose their nerve. Do it for Jane and Jackson, they remind themself as they change into their Daddy’s Boy crop top and a pair of skinny jeans. Before they leave the room, they text Grayson and Arlo to meet them outside. 

Despite the turn of events tonight, Jen didn’t forget Grayson—as if they ever could. They’re not sure if Grayson is up for dinner tonight, after his dad decided not to show up, but they figure they should at least explain the situation first. And honestly, Jen wants to protect him from their dad. They feel bad enough that Arlo insisted on joining. The last thing Grayson needs to see right now is just how cruel a parent can be. He can always meet Jane and Jackson another day, but Jen wants to give him a choice. Everyone deserves the right to choose.