#and i mean. i'm still fascinated whenever i don't get carded. like. are you sure?

[schadenfreudich]

18 year olds are also just getting younger, huh?

[wishluc]

What do you think about multiple yanderes (like, an entire casts worth) after the same person? Word vomit ahead. Written with TWST and Obey Me in mind.

As chaotic as the idea seems, eventually they'd learn to work together towards this common goal of theirs. The beginning is sure to be the worst, but also the most crucial. If you play your cards right, perhaps you can walk away the victor?

Imagine: the strong, the powerful, the influential, all wrapped around your finger, all sitting by your feet. With that kind of power backing you, there's no telling what you could be capable of. There would be nothing you couldn't do. Nowhere you cannot go.

This power, however, is an unstable one, it is a fight against the tide, where one wrong move could have you swallowing seawater. Your suitors are as insatiable as they are numerous, and jealousy is an inevitably. If a fight were to break out, you'd plummet to the very bottom of the food chain. No longer the crown, you would instead be nothing but a spoil of war.

Not that harmony is any less dangerous, mind you. Borrowed strength can become shackles in the blink of an eye. With no power of your own, using others is all you can do to survive. You can only hope, then, that your only salvation will not become your downfall.

This balancing act, this tightrope on which you walk is so very lonely. But, with enough perseverance, perhaps you can carve out a place for yourself.

It is unfortunate, then, that any place from which you carve, will never be anything but a hollow hideaway.

Anon, you have a very lovely way of weaving words together. This was a joy to read (and to think about)! I'm sorry I couldn't reply immediately :( I've discussed a OM! brothers sharing a darling (w/ mention of the others) here, but if you want a TWST version let me know!

You'd think, with the avatars being brothers, that they could work together if the situation called for it.

It only takes about a week of trying to get used to your new arrangement for you to realize just how wrong you were. Even among themselves, you realize, the brothers have their own alliances of sorts. While it's understandable that the twins want to spend time with you and each other, you're still caught off guard by some of the others. It's easy enough to figure out some of their dynamics; Satan and Belphie squeeze closer to you when Lucifer tries to approach, Levi and Mammon, despite their constant arguments, whisk you away from the others to play video games, Asmo is constantly by your side when Lucifer is, clearly fascinated by something you're not aware of.

They don't show the same cooperation when they're all together, and it takes a toll on you. it gets exhausting to be the constant center, to know that everything you did could be taken in different ways. Asmo scowls when you reassure Mammon that he'll always be first in your heart, Lucifer's silent rage rolls off him in waves when you laugh at Satan's plan, Levi refuses to hear out your reasons when you're a few minutes late after being held back by another demon—it feels like you have to constantly think about the possible repercussions of every small action, or suffer the punishment.

At first thought, involving the others, like Solomon or Lord Diavolo, doesn't feel like a good idea. More suitors means more internal competition and more complications for you. But ultimately, it helps out your predicament. There's no denying that all of them are selfish, even Simeon, but they're more level-headed than the brothers at least, and can recognize that this shared arrangement is their best attempt at having you. And nobody would dare refute Barbatos whenever he declares that you've been summoned to spend the weekend at the castle instead; Lord Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon and SImeon make for far better company than the brothers together.

Trying to manipulate anyone, whether it be to take some semblance of control back or find a way to get out of a situation you don't like, will likely be fruitless. In fact, it comes across as so pathetic and desperate that your lovers will be amused—a far better reaction than the anger that will boil over should they ever feel insulted that you thought you could control them—at the thought of a regular human trying to exploit them, and maybe even play along. Lord Diavolo, in particular, always receives your pitiful attempts with a laugh—though he does remind you that he much prefers if you say what you want from him outright. Mammon and Levi are easier to take advantage of as long as you say the right words in the right way, but if any of the demons are in a bad mood, your efforts will be received with thinly veiled rage and sharp words.

It might occur to you that coaxing just one person to your side, to suffer at the side of one, would be a much better fate than your current one; Solomon, Simeon, or Lord Diavolo being your most likely targets. Even if the brothers wanted to defy them, it would be complicated when considering their powers and status. You can try, acting coy and sweet with Solomon, who finds your coquettish smiles and teasing remarks endearing, and confiding in him your fears about the brothers and their tempers, or you could play into Lord Diavolo's fondness for you, with lingering gazes and disheartened expressions when he had to leave, turning him away with a dejected glance and words about how the brothers wanted you to spend the night at HoL instead, knowing how little opportunities he had to be with you. Simeon, too, was weak to your fond treatment, indulging in the warm smiles and heartfelt conversations you offer and your honeyed voice when you call out his name, consoling you after you get caught up in yet another argument between the brothers. Despite all your efforts, the result is unfavorable. You still have to cozy up to the dangerous figures keeping you here, still have to hide your plot from the brothers, which is hard when Lucifer always seems to know just where you were all day.

Any solace you find in the quiet moments—in Belphie's arms during a nap, in Satan's lap as he reads, lying against Levi and watching the brightly colored screen, resting your head on Lucifer's shoulder, letting Asmo paint your nails, sitting on the cold kitchen floor while Beel rummages through for a late night snack, and holding Mammon close to you, missing the days when it was only you and him together—is fleeting and harder to come by now that they've decided they all want a piece of you.

all works © wishluc. do not copy, steal or repost my works on other platforms. (including translations)

[cookinguptales]

oh gosh, hello! i'd like to request a reading, if you've still got the time! i am rather nervous here as i just never go into people's asks?? but i'm stressing out quite a bit these days about my chronic illness & was thinking, like, as a particular focus, reading-wise--like how does one find joy in terrible circumstances? maybe that's stretching the limits of tarot, but i'm honestly fine with anything, really. tarot is just fascinating to me & it's been ages since i had a reading! anyway, apologies for my rambling!! i hope you have an absolutely wonderful day :)

(quick p.s. just needed to mention while i've got you how much joy your wwdits fics & meta have brought me on truly hopelessly bleak days!! just thanks, dude :) cheers!)

Thank you. ;; That's really sweet, and very nice to hear.

I suppose that when I do this reading, I'll probably be bringing some of my own opinions into it, too, having asked myself the same question due to my own chronic illness quite often. But I guess that's fine. These readings often feel like a conversation facilitated by cards. :)

(Ten of Wands, Five of Swords, Ace of Cups)

Wow, Ten of Wands feels... very on the nose. lmao. It is actually very, very easy to read these first two cards through the lens of chronic illness. The Ten of Wands, obviously enough, is about burden. The Five of Swords... think of it almost... like a pyrrhic victory of sorts. You might have won the battle, but at what cost? You don't feel good about it, for sure.

Putting them together, I do feel the heaviness of a constant slog. Every day you carry your burdens. Your pain, your illness, the constant responsibilities that don't go away just because you're feeling poorly. And each day you succeed, more or less -- I mean, you're still here, aren't you? But oh the cost. Either you have to lower your expectations for yourself or you need to harm yourself to perform to those standards. The kind of psychic and physical damage that inflicts...

I guess... it's the sense of maintenance, isn't it? A careful balancing act every single day that doesn't quite end. All you can do is take care of it as best you can, and try not to beat yourself up whenever you drop a few wands.

Both of these cards do also have a vibe of picking your battles, so to speak. Maybe you don't need to be carrying all ten of those wands. Maybe part of the reason you keep having to put up with pyrrhic victories when you fight is because you're choosing to fight too often. We can't always dump all of our responsibilities when we're sick, but... maybe there's a way to lighten your own load a little? At least mentally, if not in the physical world.

As for the last card, though... I think this is where the true advice comes in. The Ace of Cups is a card of potential. A sort of... divine spring, if you will, from which flows all manner of good things. Love and energy and creativity. So much that the metaphorical cup is running over.

It can be tempting to try and close your hand around this cup. To try and hold tight to this water. But that's not how water works, is it? Instead, let it flow through you. Feel those new beginnings and let them fill you up, then let it all leave you again so it can find someone else.

What I'm getting at here is... Look. Life's a struggle. I know it and so do you. But there are good things in it, too. And those can feel so few and far between that you want to throw yourself into every good thing. Wring every bit of happiness from it that you can. But that's a good way to make a good thing start to feel stressful, or have it go away entirely. It turns joy into work.

Instead, think of it like a pleasant rain shower. You can't predict when it will come, and you can't save it forever. But when it comes, you can take advantage of it. Bathe in it, drink in it, let it renew you. And then let it pass through you, too. You're as much a part of the water cycle as anything.

So when good things come... take them. Don't close yourself off to opportunity just because it feels like One More Thing. Reach out to the people who love you. Have fun wallowing around in your creativity. And then pass it forward. Don't cling to those moments, but give yourself the freedom to feel them fully -- and help other people feel them, too.

For me personally... writing, while occasionally a struggle, is also an outlet. There's a certain joy to the act of creation, and it makes me happy when I can bring that joy to others as well. I can't just... look at the outcome of a story. I have to really enjoy the part where it flows through me, too, even if it feels silly or self-indulgent. Enjoy that moment, and don't think about where it ends.

I think this idea of a sort of divine (if not religious) water that connects us all as long as we open ourselves up to it, accept it, and then continue to pass it on... I think some of that really does feel like joy. Take those little moments of joy into yourself, then reach out to others and share it. Let it reflect between the two of you, magnify, and then move on.

And on the hard days... instead of walling yourself off or trying to brute force your way through happiness, just... let all that flow through you, too. The water cycle doesn't have a beginning or an end, y'know? A flood and a glass of water come from the same source.

It feels reductive to say "be open to joy and then you'll be able to feel it" but... I spent a long time looking for some mercurial something that would make my life worth living despite the pain, but... there is no flash of lightning. No sudden understanding.

You just have to stand out in the rain sometimes and ignore how soggy your socks are in favor of how nice the water feels against your skin. Just -- really, really focus on the things that make you feel good. Take the small victories where you can get them and translate that into joy that you can share.

Weirdly, I do think that stressing out about finding joy can make it harder to feel. Instead of trying to find some grand idea of happiness, though, just... I don't know. Let small things be good. Let them be enough. Let them coalesce into something like joy. Understand that pure joy absent pain probably doesn't exist, not for us, but that doesn't mean that our painful, imperfect joy is worth any less.

I don't know. I'm not a therapist or a philosopher or a psychic. I'm just a woman who, against all odds, is still here at 33. And sometimes it's a stupid vampire that makes me happy (or... sad) and sometimes it's a nice piece of cheese and sometimes it's the way the rain sounds on my window right now. When a nice thing comes, let it feel nice. And when a bad thing does, let it feel bad. Both things will pass through you with time.

And in the meantime... I do think that our humanity is strongest when we reach out to each other. And it can be easier to feel joy when we let others share both our good times and our bad times. A few of those wands we've been carrying all by ourselves or maybe some of that water flowing through our cup.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

you know when you have a bad day but you tell yourself, "well, maybe tomorrow will be better, it has to be, right?" so you even go to bed early just to get to that better day and then it gets here and it's actually worse ?! like ten times worse ?? lol

yeah, it's been one of those

i guess my iud's still working itself out because i'm having yet another two week long sorta period where i'm not bleeding as much but i'm getting pretty much everything else, which means two weeks of pmdd now and two weeks of on and off extreme irritability and just being generally over-stimulated as fuck

this week in particular has been really hard to get through and there's like ten million things about work right now specifically that are pissing me off, but namely it's being behind on a task i'm supposed to share with someone else who i know for a fact is sending my mom tiktok videos all throughout the work day so ti's like, hey, that's awesome !! i'm no longer allowed to get overtime which is fucking killing me because i "stole company time" but i guess if you do it on site nobody cares !!! cool cool cool.

also fascinating to me that i apparently never made up for the time i "stole" when i was working off the clock and yet this particular task was never in the goddamn 300 and 400s like my inbox is every day but hey, that's fine. those are just sick patients waiting for visits, who cares ?! and who cares if you've told your manager more than once that nobody apparently knows how to mark asap and stat tasks so you often find a bunch of them just....sitting there, a week old or longer, because they're mixed in with all the regulars !! awesome, awesome, awesome

meanwhile i've been trying to find other jobs/second jobs whenever i have a spare moment except the other day it's like every job website wasn't cooperating or their search results are so scrambled by ai that you have to sift through every listing by hand because no amount of choosing "remote only" or "entry level only" does a damn thing

i did apply to one and got a little into the process but had to take a 30 minute long test that i didn't do so good on so i got rejected and then there was this other one that i thought sounded great but they want me to film myself answering interview questions ???? i just....i don't feel comfortable with that, i'd rather they just schedule me for an interview and then i can hop on camera but....alright

i'm sure something will turn up eventually and god i hope soon because i am.....struggling right now (i fucked up paying one of my credit cards and paid the wrong one instead so now i'm in trouble with discover and have to set up a payment plan with them to get back on track and it's like twice the amount of money i was already giving them a month so that's super duper; also one of my medical bills i could have sworn i had a payment plan set up with and they would just automatically take the payment out but they sent me a statement the other day saying i have a new due date and i should probably just call them and sort if out but it's been too much to deal with at the moment !! thankfully i have a little in my hsa so i figure even if i'm only making small payments at least i'm doing something; i really don't want to get turned over to collections or fuck up my credit any more than i already have. but hopefully i'll find either a better paying job or a second job i can squeeze in and take some of the pressure off. fingers crossed and good vibes appreciated and all that)

anyway, that was yesterday and then today it's been my mom. she's been...struggling pretty bad today. since before noon and pretty much all day long.

i don't really want to get into it because it involves some of her personal stuff and it's just been a lot today, but i feel so fucking drained

i think she's got an appointment coming up with a therapist, i really hope she follows through with it. if not i'm not sure what's going to happen, but i don't think it's going to be good if things continue on like this.

i know ultimately that's out of my hands but it still sucks. it sucks to watch everyone you love self-destruct in front of you and there not being a goddamn thing you can do about it except just hope they pull out of it or y'know....go to therapy

not saying it's a perfect solution or a quick fix and lord knows i'm overdue for an appointment but that'll have to wait as well until i can get my financial shit together because i've decided i do at least want to pay her back. i know it's been a while and i probably could have done it sooner if i'd just prioritized better, but i think it's the right thing to do. she did help me a lot and i appreciate that.

i also appreciate my mom, i know i'm hard on her sometimes, and my dad, but i do love them both and am grateful for them. i just wish they would both heal, not even for my sake at this point but for their own.

i was inevitably impacted by their lack of healing despite their love and i've had to sit with that for a while now. and sure, there's some part of me that does want to just say well fuck them for not being perfect parents to me and my sister and making us both have to learn how to self-soothe (clearly not well) and for forcing us to have to learn emotional intelligence on our own (also not well) but another part of me is like....hey, the shit they've been through is obviously difficult to deal with, especially for two people who came from times and place where that's just not how you handle things, you develop a sense of humor about it and keep pushing and you bring kids into this world and try to do a little better.

and they did, but....some things did kinda miss the mark. me being me, though, i just figured if nobody was going to teach me i'd try to teach myself and even if i don't get it perfect i at least try to minimize the impact i have on others

it's why i don't have many friends, it's why i'm a bit of a hermit these days and it's why i don't date

is that healthy?

no, probably not and again is something i should probably work on in therapy but in the mean time i am trying to make peace with myself and with the things i can't change and just....do whatever i need to in order to be well, even if that means i have to be even more selfish than i already am, it's either that or....i dunno. i definitely won't be the best version of myself and i don't want that.

i do want a better day tomorrow, though.

i hope i'll have one.

and i hope soon things get a little easier, somehow, some way.

sometimes i get the impressive there's this idea of me that my life's gotten better but it hasn't really, i've just tried to have a better attitude

i often hear chloe price in my head saying, "ever since my dad died my life's been dipped in shit" and that feels......pretty accurate

i'm just trying to find the good parts in between all the shit but every fucking day has been a struggle and it feels sometimes like i'm going to be stuck in this hole for the rest of my life

i really hope i get out some day

and i really hope tomorrow's a better day

and if you're reading this and it's also been a bad day or week or month or year(s) i hope it gets better for you soon, too

i know there's an ebb and a flow to all of this, ups and downs but it's felt pretty down for....years now and i'm just hoping for a chance to get my head from under the water, even if it's easier to scream down here

anyway, i'm gonna go watch something to turn my brain off and probably call it another early night

g'night <3

[alj4890]

Bloodbound Love/Fluff Drabble

(Jax Matsuo x MC) as a birthday gift for @desiree-pow who loves him.

(Jax x MC*Amy) in a Choices Bloodbound fanfic.

A/N Happy Birthday Desi! Hope this brightens your day 😊 I am going back to book one and changing up how the two end up taking a step forward in their relationship. Jax deserves a little more love. First part is in first person while the second half is third person. 

Since I have no clue who to tag for this pair since this is a first for me, I’ll leave that blank, LOL.

Masterlist

Anytime

Rooftop of Raines Corporation...

He said to call if I ever needed him for anything.

I hesistate pushing the number I had saved in my contacts.

It should be a crime what Jax Matsuo has done to me. 

Who knew that when my vampire boss sent me into the pit of hell, aka The Baron's speakeasy, that I would be rescued by a man straight out of my fantasies?

I can still see it. As the Baron's men dragged me away to be imprisoned and I felt the fear nearly choke me, Jax appeared.

My leather jacket clad, shadow warrior moved with a flurry of precision and elegance. His katana made quick work of the few vampires that were in the dim hallway.

Then he grabbed my hand to lead me to safety.

That's all it took. One touch of his hand after risking his life for me was it.

I was in love.

Who wouldn't be?

The next couple of days that followed meeting Jax were spent in constant daydream mode.

I pictured our parting ending differently.

Instead of just a see you around after he offered me his number, I imagined him demanding a payment for saving me. A token of my affection. A chance for me to feel those lips of his. Maybe even a make out session with him losing his shirt.

Sigh.

I'm hopeless. Completely. Utterly. Hopeless.

Just make the call!

I tense as I hear the first couple of rings.

"This is stupid. I'm stupid for doing this. He isn't--"

"Hello?"

I freeze. That sexy voice should be outlawed. No one should sound like that over the phone.

"Hello?" He repeats.

"Hey. Um. It's Amy." I stutter. "I'm not sure if you remember me--"

"I do." I can practically hear the smile that must be forming. "It isn't every night I rescue a girl from The Shrike."

"Ha. Yeah." I drop my head in my hand. My conversation should be given an award for least amount of charm.

A pause follows. "So? Is something wrong?" He asks.

"No. Nothing." I quickly reply. "I um, I was wondering if you had a free night."

"Free night?" He mutters. "For what?"

Oh god. I was already in too deep. No going back now. "To go out. With me."

Can I die of silence? I think it might be possible.

"Go out?" He repeated. "Like a date?"

I slowly nod. "Yeah, I mean, if you want to. We don't have to. We can go out as friends or whatever." Please let a feral kill me and end this awkwardness.

"Oh." He says with a bit of surprise.

Oh? Oh what? Oh she's the one I've been waiting for or oh she has got to be kidding?

"I'd like that." Jax says. "Why don't we meet up after you get off work tonight?"

I scramble to catch my phone before it hits the ground. "Really? I mean, that works for me. I'll um, see you then."

"Bye Amy." He says with suppressed laughter tinging his voice.

"Bye." I can't wipe the goofy smile off my face. He said yes!

***************

The date...

"Where to?" Jax asks as they walked through Central Park.

"Honestly," Amy said, "I only thought of asking you out. The rest didn't seem to matter."

He chuckled and stopped her along a bridge. "About that." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm kinda surprised you asked me out."

"Really?" She replied. "I mean, why? Have you seen you?"

Jax colored a bit, adding adorableness to his sexiness. "You work for Raines. He's the handsome, billionaire playboy."

He leaned against the bridge railing, keeping his dark intense eyes on Amy. "I'm the guy that has to live underground to avoid being killed by one of the clan leaders." He shrugged, trying to hide how it bothered him. "I don't really match the kind of people you're around."

Amy rolled her eyes. "I don't match them either."

He snorted and plucked at her cashmere sweater. "Uh huh."

She looked down at her clothes. "My first paycheck went toward rent and a few new outfits so I wouldn't look so out of place at Adrian’s." Amy huffed as she leaned next to him. "I'm still having to live off of Lily's generosity for food for another two weeks."

A grin appeared as he nudged her. "Okay. Maybe I'm not too far out of your league."

She laughed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

His arm slipped around her as they continued down the bridge. "Are you hungry?"

Amy nodded. "I worked through lunch to make sure I could get off on time." And to make up for all my daydreaming.

"I know just the place." Jax led her down a number of streets to a little hole in the wall eatery.

They sat down in a shadowed booth towards the back. Her eyebrows lifted when Jax ordered.

"What?" He asked.

"Do vampires even need to eat food?"

He shook his head. "No, but I still enjoy the flavors."

"Which is better?" Her curiosity bubbled up. "Blood or food?"

"I don't know how to answer that." He lowered his voice. "I need blood to survive yet eating certain foods remind me of being human." Two bowls of yaki udon was placed before them. "This reminds me of cooking with my grandmother."

"You cook?" She asked, wondering how he could possibly become even more perfect.

"I do." Jax's bashful smile held her mesmerized. "Whenever I have a free moment, I make the dishes my grandmother taught me."

"Maybe one day you can cook for me." Amy said a touch hesitantly.

"I'd like that." Jax took another bite before lifting his eyes to hers. "I haven't had anyone around that I would like to share that with."

She grinned. "Sounds like a date."

The rest of the meal consisted of the two sharing bits of their past with one another. Amy asked questions about his role with the Clanless and was fascinated about his description of the Shadow Den.

Jax asked her about the small town she used to live in and what hobbies she was into. He asked her about her family and even delved into more of what she wanted out of life.

Neither wanted the date to end.

Jax insisted on paying and took her hand as they walked out. Amy laced her fingers with his and remained close to his side.

When they made it back to her apartment, the two stood on the front steps of her building staring at one another.

Amy dropped her eyes to his lips. "I had a great time with you tonight."

His lips curved into a smile. "So did I. It was nice not having to fight a monster for once."

She laughed and moved closer to him. "Does this mean there might be a second date in the cards?"

Jax stepped even closer and slipped one arm around her waist. "I think a second date is going to happen." His callused fingers grazed her cheek before slipping into her hair.

Amy stood on her tiptoes and lifted her lips to his.

Their kiss was tender at first but soon grew in heat. Her hands slid into his leather jacket, caressing the muscles that were outlined under his black t-shirt.

Both of his hands were tangled in her hair as his mouth explored her neck. Each little moan and gasp drove him further.

When his tongue traced her jugular, Amy breathlessly whispered his name.

Jax lifted his head and captured her lips again.

Amy's hands drifted down, pressing him even closer than before.

They stilled when Amy's phone rang.

"It's just Lily worried about me being oht so late." She explained, kissing along his stubbled jaw.

Jax took a shuddering breath. "I should be going." He groaned with her caress. "It'll be dawn soon."

Amy's own groan of frustration made him smile. He cupped her face and placed another tender kiss on her lips. His dark eyes held heat.

"Next time, not only will I cook," he smiled against her lips. "I'll make sure we are somewhere private."

"I can't wait." Amy gently bit on his bottom lip.

"I thought I was the vampire." He teased.

She laughed and hugged him tight. "You bring out a different side in me."

"I like it." He whispered. Jax forced his arms to release her and stepped back. "I'll see you soon."

"You better." She watched him back away while fighting her silly grin.

He waved goodbye and disappeared into the darkness.

[pbandjesse]

My stomach hurts really bad right now. So I am going to lay down soon. But today's been a pretty nice day. Did not feel like a day off though.

I hate that my stomach hurts again. My stomach hurt really bad last night and after James friends left it didn't really stop. I washed my face and that helped cool me down at least. But it took like 2 hours before I was comfortable enough to actually sleep. So that sucked. It actually hurts worse tonight but at least I'm in my own bed and can try to deal with pain alone and not bothering James with my whining. Not that he would think that it was annoying but still.

We woke up this morning at 7 and I made him stay in bed until 7:30 because I was exhausted and I didn't want him to get up yet. I actually slept pretty well. And once I was dress I basically just left. I wanted to keep my momentum going because I really wanted to clean the apartment and finish my heart. It was cool out. But I was fine I had a sweater. And biking back to my house is easier because it's a one way that direction.

I got back to my place and unpacked. Laid out my dress for tonight. And then I cleaned. I vacuumed and I Swiffered. I cleaned out the fridge. I Cloroxed the inside of the fridge. I try to just get rid of all the Crows Nest that I've been feeling in the apartment. That took a while and then I worked on my diorama. I hadn't finished something and I didn't realize it. I went to photograph it and realized I had forgotten to make the whole Lantern section. So I quickly did that. I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out even though I made in about 2 minutes. The rest of it took me a really long time so I'm glad I'm happy with it.

At noon I was ready for my interview. And then 1215 came. And I was like oh maybe she forgot. Which is fine it happens. I sent an email asking if she wanted to reschedule for later this week or meet in person since I live in the neighborhood. And then I actually headed over to the Walters. I wanted to drop off my ID card since I'm not volunteering anymore. And while I was getting ready for that I checked my email and I actually had an email from the teaching position. It looks like they're going to offer me the job but they can't actually do that until they have funding from the city approved. And they're not going to know about that until mid this week. But if all goes well I can be starting on the 22nd. Terrifying but I'm very excited. I am trying not to be too excited because funding could not come through but we got to stay positive.

When I was at the Walter's I left a note for the woman who I was having interview with there as well. And I got complimented on the embroidery I done on my volunteer bag. It was nice talkin to Laurel and then I headed down to Fleet Week.

It was wickedly busy down there. Like not as bad as I guess like City from what I saw but still very bad. I had wanted to go on some of the larger ships that the lines were incredibly long. So I just ended up walking around the outside. I whenever to the city of bismuth which is the Pontoon ship. Honestly the only one I care about. But the line was like 2 hours long. So I decided to just go up to the fence and talk to the guy with big gun. I asked him what the crew size was and we ended up talking for 10 minutes. He kept adjusting his gun and getting the same goofy smile on his face that James does when I talk and get too excited about something. All smiling and blushing. That was my one big flirting moment of the day but I like to tell people that I was flirting with all the sailors. But really I mostly just walked around and people watched. I ran into Chris and said hi. But the girls are just too crazy down there so I headed over to Fell's point.

Still crowded but much less lines. I got to see the Coast Guard Eagle tall ship. And that was cool because I didn't even know that the coaster had a tall ship. I did flirt with the sailors there as well. But mostly I was just fascinated cuz I had no idea that the Coast Guard had sale powered ships still. I mean that has an engine but that's really cool that the Coast Guard has a sail ship. And it was nice to walk around the back. I decided after I saw that one that I didn't even see any of the other ships. I'll probably try to see the godspeed tomorrow since it's right next to Constellation but not ships are letting us go below deck to my knowledge. And really all I care about is what the living spaces look like anyway. So I'm not that torn up about it.

Since I was down at fellas I walked around a little bit. Wanting a couple of the stores. I found a new store that just open today that is all Baltimore theme stuff that I think James would love. It's all novelty shirts and stuff. I like the aesthetic though. And I walked around the Goodwill for a bit too. I didn't have any luck there finding stuff for James apartment or the things I needed. I decided that I really should just go get lunch.

I went down to the harbor again and I had pizza. Listen to a podcast. And then I went to Marshalls to get winter lotion. I decided I want to switch over from Citra sense since its fall now. And had really good luck. I got a philosophy brand in the clearance section that's cream and mint. And I love it. And that's a really expensive Brands usually so it was nice to get it for under $10.

It stopped at constellation and talk to Frank for a while. Dropped off the half of my pizza to have lunch for tomorrow. And after a little bit of wandering around. I went and Build-A-Bear and found a life jacket that I return to the dragon boats. I had it home. I had seen some of the Thunderbirds going over. And that was interesting. But really I was tired. And I need to be in the house for a while just by myself.

I got back here and I took a very long shower. That made me feel a lot better. I basically spent the next two hours lounging in a robe watching TV. Playing with sweet pea. I wasn't exactly sure what time James was coming so I wasn't sure when to start getting ready. But ended up all working out just fine.

He got here about 6. And I had finished putting on my makeup and my dress a few minutes before that. I felt like I look really good tonight. My makeup was just on point and the dress look great and it was pink for the event was perfect. So I felt really good. And James looks super cute too. He always does. He let me do his hair.

We went and grabbed the bus to go to his parents house. I didn't have my charm card because I didn't know that we are going to be taking a paid bus. So he paid for me which was nice of him. We got up to his parents house and his mom had some of her friends there. And she had put out snacks. So we had snacks and talked. I got to talk about art for a while. And his mom had gotten the catalogs are ready for the show so I read through them which was good because I was not going to have a lot of time to read tonight while we were there. It was nice being able to talk about my art for a little bit too. I feel no more confident than when I'm talking about my art.

Me and James walked over to the BMA first. Because the adults were going to be driving. But just down the street we found a box of free stuff and there was a gold-framed mirror. Which if you know anything about me that is one of my favorite things. So he carried it back to his parents house for me. The adults all got a big kick out of that when we walk back in the door. But then we were back to the museum. We sat outside on the bench while we waited for them since they were the ones with the tickets. Or at least the information on how to get in. We watched a bunch of old people coming in and just talk. It was nice. I like to watching all the different people dressed up. A lot of people with John Waters mustaches drawn on or styled. So much pink so much gaudy. It was a blast. My dress was very very low cut so knowing that I was not going to be sticking out because of that was a little bit of a comfort.

They don't got there and we went inside. The line to get into the actual exam it was wicked long. So we all decided since it would have been wait anyway to just go up to the reception part and have snacks. Which worked out really well for me because I was starving and my stomach hurt. We had a bunch of snacks. And then me and James went and got a photo booth photo. He was so awkward looking in the top two photos it basically looked like a high school prom picture. So when the third one I made him dance a second just to get him to smile bigger. And in the last one I kissed him. It was just very sweet. After that we decided to go to the actual exhibit. It was a little bit of wait in line but not a big deal. We ended up being the first ones in in our group going up to the actual line. And then the last ones in when the door is opened. At least for our group. I asked the guy at the front and he said over 700 people to come in already that night. That's wild.

The show itself was fabulous. I would have probably changed the wall color. From the white Cube. But honestly I think for the commentary he was trying to make it worked well. There was one piece that is just a black curtain with sound coming out. It's a fake video installation. And I fucking love that piece. It was probably my favorite piece of the night. But honestly some of the pieces were so good and so instagrammable. I am glad that we're going to be able to go back. And spend more time. And read everything. Because there was just a lot of stuff that I would have liked to spend more time with. I am really glad that we got a picture in front of the have sex in the voting booth button. I apparently caught James off-guard when I kissed him. He was nervous enough about asking someone else. But it was very cute. And honestly the show is great and I can't wait to go back.

We headed out and went and found his parents again. And while we were standing there with his mom John Waters walked right past us. And I kicked my PO up and looked over my shoulder and told him great show. And he said hi to me. And it was just such a surreal moment. He's much shorter than I imagined. I don't know why but I always imagined to be 8 feet tall. And just lanky as all hell. Definitely a highlight of my night.

My stomach still hurt pretty bad though and we had seen the show and had the snacks. I wasn't really interested in choosing too much more than that. So we went to go get the bus. It was a nice ride back even though I was still feeling like complaining. We got back to my apartment and James made me a drink. I mean it's just Crystal Light. But there's something comforting about that because that's something I always drink when I don't feel very good. I jokingly told him I was going to make a handbook for the care and keeping of Jesse. And he said yes please make that. So I might jokingly make that. We'll see.

Sweet P just came over and wormed his way onto my lap. So he is all curled up on me now. Which is nice but I also would really like to go lay down. So I'll give him a couple minutes and then get to bed. I'm working all day tomorrow with Frank. I think I'm going to be doing the firing again and Frank said that he would spot me if I need help. I think it's going to be a fairly busy day. But we'll see what happens. I don't know if consolation itself is being busy or just the pier. We're still caustic money so I don't know if people are actually coming in that much. We'll see. I think it'll still be a pretty good day. Sleep well everyone.