#and i love my grandma dearly but the woman is a bunch of neuroses in a cardigan
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Genuinely don’t think I should have kids unless they’re boys bc every woman in my matrilineal line slowly but surely becomes the woman who came before and I really think the cycle should end with me
#my grandma has already become her mom#(by all accounts a small angry woman who wore a big hat and bossed around her sons and husband)#and i love my grandma dearly but the woman is a bunch of neuroses in a cardigan#my mum needs professional help#and i. am becoming both of them#i am irritable and short tempered and i can’t stand jokes at my expense and i get annoyed by stupid little things#and i’m petty and bitter and i can’t let anything go and i always have to be right and i have to have everything just how i want it#but ‘how i want it’ changes arbitrarily hour by hour and minute by minute#and i lash out at the people i care about and i can’t handle social situations#whew. i think that’s everything. sorry if i repeated myself at any point.. just assume the repetitions are really important#but i just don’t want to raise yet another prickly misanthropic woman who hates the world#it’s not that i don’t love my mum or my grandma or that i think they did a bad job raising me or anything#we are all just deeply flawed human beings and i think it’s genetic#i think it started with annie (my great-grandma) but who knows how far back this goes#i feel like i’m in hereditary to be honest#i used to think we were all strong women and matriarchs but now i realise the husbands of all three of these women just gave up#and i’m too generally fucked up to stay in a relationship#so that’s that. i can’t have a daughter. this simply Has to end#personal#rant
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