#and i looked at some and they seemed! defineeed girl i need definition.

[cute-chamomile]

listen, i'm holding on to this job by a rapidly thinning thread. more under a read more because I'm tired !

Now in short: a year ago I was tasked with maintaining this library that's essentially the communication system between the components of the company's big product. So when something bad happens to this library, bad things happen. everywhere.

Why was I tasked with this? Well! The guy who wrote the library (senior developer, I hear he was very good) wrote this thing super quickly and then got poached elsewhere. Before he left, they tasked A PART TIMER/INTERN PERSON to maintain this BIG, HARD TO UNDERSTAND, SUPER IMPORTANT library. He... he did his best. But, like me, he didn't fully unterstand it, and in the end he underperformed/started being unresponsive and got fired.

Enter me! Not really understanding what this beast does, only touched this technology in a very amateur-like fashion. I spend some time trying to understand it, I do some minor tweaks based on issues that had appeared in the past, I'm told I'm doing a good job. I cannot tell you how much this is above my paygrade and my skillset and how much nobody can really guide me through this because nobody understands this thing. This super big library, hard to understand, left to me, person with 3 years of experience, to handle.

Now. There have been times where things have gone Badly, and even when I've been like "Hey! I'm updating The Beast! Please check your shit because I can't possibly check it all" I've gone ignored. Furthermore, when you have super critical services, you try to set up alarms so that if something goes wrong, You Know. Well! With this thing! We didn't know shit! There's been at least 2 times where things have gone wrong with this library (currently trying to handle the second one) and because it's a communication library, nobody suspects it might be the culprit and people chronically don't check their own components when things go wrong AND because this library has spent so much time being in the hands of people who don't understand it, the necessary alarms just. Aren't there.

I am bothered with how much management has underappreciated this library and the effort it takes to maintain it. I am scared of how many different things might go wrong and then we just don't know about them until someone complains or I, for one reason or another, dig into logs. I am not fit for this at all, I have 4 years of very messy experience, meaning I have been doing fullstack for those 4 years, which is like doing 2 jobs already. And management is just chill? They don't care? I don't understand? This is chillness to the point of danger. And I don't feel safe in the fact that they made me take up this risk without anyone being able to help me. I have a coworker who offered and did help but he has his own things to do and he took the initiative himself instead of being officially tasked with helping with the library. What I need is someone else to be responsible for this, and I can help here and there, but I cannot, possibly, be asked to be responsible for something that might crash and burn without us even realizing it.