#and i literally avoided reading stuff in german with the fear of not understanding it

[skiijumpinng]

yes i am studying german in college so it seems kind of logical for me to know it, but the other day i read a 6k lellinger fanfic written in german and only had to look up a couple of words, which made me the proudest of myself i’ve been in a while

[dalekofchaos]

Why Voldemort is a terrible villain and how I’d improve Voldemort as a villain

As much as I like Voldemort, when you look back on the books. Voldemort is a terrible villain. Yes he has the Horcruxes and has loyal followers...but that’s it. In this post I will be examining why Voldemort is a terrible villain in Harry Potter and how I would improve Voldemort as a villain.

Let’s look at Voldemort’s track record

No clear motivations. The movies do absolutely nothing to flesh out Voldemort, but that's understandable, they're the movies. But even in the books, there is no clear reason for Voldemort doing any of the things that he does. During the flashbacks in the Pensive, Tom is a disturbed child who has a tendency to torture animals, lure other children to creepy caves and steal stuff - all of this is bad, yes, but why? Why is Tom Riddle "evil"? I know the explanation that the canon somewhat provides: that Voldemort doesn't know love/friendship/connection because he was conceived under the trickery of a love potion, and his mother was abused But, even if you accept that explanation, that does not justify Tom Riddle being innately evil and monstrous. Why is he racist/supremacist? If he really is a natural genius with a detachment from human emotion, shouldn't he also be detached from things like blood supremacy, ancestry and mortality? Just because he's a sociopath doesn't mean he will automatically turn into Hitler.

Wages a Wizarding war, but couldn’t even conquer his own Wizarding Nation

He couldn’t become Minister Of Magic. Instead he dicked around in Borgins And Burkes and instead wanted to become Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor.....for reasons. He could’ve used his power as Minister Of Magic to gain followers, especially the fanatic pure blood families and the impressionable Slytherins and cover for his Horcrux murders. But nooo.

When Voldemort DOES take power by force during the second Wizarding War, he does barely anything with it. Voldemort owns the government and has an army of evil. Where does he plan to launch his attack on the world? At a god damn highschool. Yes I know he attacked Hogwarts because of the last Horcrux. Didn't need to get that far if he didn't act like the world's worst Bond villain and monologued for enough time to let Harry either escape or for the Deus ex machina to arrive on que. The first two times it happens, yeah I get it. You're a villain who is up himself, shit happens. But by book 5 when he is still doing dumb shit it's unforgivable. How hard is it to issue a kill on sight order to your hordes of evil? I mean FFS you have legit werewolves on your side, who can sniff out a drop of blood miles away and yet you do nothing with them? Not only do you fail to kill a defenseless baby but you can't evil kill the kid when he's locked up in your second in commands basement.

He isn't particularly charismatic or a decent leader. He does have tons of followers, for reasons. Seriously, except for fear and opportunism I can't understand why anybody would want to fight for him. I mean, I get that he is basically magic!Hitler, but actual Hitler could at least hold speeches. Actual Hitler had arguments why his rule would be good for the German people. Voldemort doesn't. Voldemort treats his followers like shit and tortures or kills them if they aren't useful any more.

He didn't do his homework and doesn't knows the magic lore good enough. He manages to kill himself two times because of lore he really should have known about. The first time he fails to see the magic love-charm, the second time he doesn't recognizes the arcane rules of wand ownership. Those are stupid, avoidable mistakes for somebody that is supposed to be the greatest dark mage of his time.

He isn't even a particularly good mage. He manages to get statemaled by Harry and defeated by Dumbledore. He never does anything truly remarkable with magic that we haven't seen other characters do the same or better (the cave in book six is pretty good, but that's already has best showing). All we see is “AVADA KEDAVA.” Cool, I’ve seen every damn villain use that stupid fucking spell and yes it is a terrible spell.

His plans are... well, they are shit. If your plans get permanently foiled by a bunch of meddeling kids, you should think about retirement, not world domination. The plan in "Goblet of fire" only works out because of dumb luck. "Orden of phoenix" works out because of Harrys incompetence. The plan to kill Dumbledore only worked cause Voldemort used logic and had one of his followers do the work for him. The rest of his plans fail gloriously.

Voldemort's goals. He... wants to be immortal, but why? Because he's afraid of death? Why is he afraid of death? He literally spent his childhood cutting open rabbits. He excelled in all fields of academia and is arguably very intelligent; intelligence tends to negate superstition. Okay, fine; let's assume he's afraid of death. But even if we look for another explanation: maybe he wants to live forever in order to stay in power.

Voldemort wants power...Why does he want power? Why does he want to, quite literally, take over the world? It makes no sense. He has no reason to care about any of that. Even if he's prejudiced against Muggles, what exactly gives him the willpower to actually gather followers, build a legion of darkdoom evil squad and kill everyone? His motivations are never explained, and he is introduced to the story as a 2-dimensional "bad guy". Even from the 4th book onward, Voldemort is never actually fleshed out. He simply goes from bad guy to "extremely bad guy/"super fucking evil". It's shallow. It's a bad character. He isn't even a character. He has no depth, nuance, relatability or layers to him. He's just a textbook douchebag who exists simply to give the protagonists something to do, because otherwise the stories would just be about magic school.

Let's look at the closest and most obvious reflection: Adolf Hitler. It's painfully obvious that Voldemort's movement is based on Nazism. But if you read Mein Kampf, Hitler actually believed what he was doing was justified, and provided reasons for it which he thought made sense. Even if it was objectively flawed, he believed it. That's what makes a good character in fiction; even if they're actually batshit fucking insane and critically evil, you can make them relatable if you go inside their head and show the audience why they're doing what they're doing. Even if the audience doesn't agree with the character, the audience understands why the character thinks this way. Unlike Hitler's diary, Voldemort has no level of self-introspection, no actual justifications. He's a walking plot device, and that's ridiculously bad for a 7-book-long story where he's the main antagonist. I don't remember a single interaction, scene or exchange where Voldemort is shown to have any degree of self-awareness. The youngest we ever see him is when Dumbledore visits him in the orphanage, and by that point he's already evil as balls, for seemingly no reason. Even when Harry is talking to him in their final fight, Voldemort only hisses and spits out superficial threats and a shallow understanding of the events around him, and actually has no idea who he is, or why he's doing what he does. . If he were a realistic character, this lack of self-awareness would build up over time, would create self-doubt in him, and he would go through a character arc where he "found himself" and learned what he really wanted. And then, maybe he comes back and does some crazy shit, but this time he does them with glorious conviction, and has no shame in admitting it. The audience knows him now, and he's a great villain. But that's not what we got. Remember the 13-odd years Voldemort spent floating around like a puff of gas, possessing rats and squatting in Quirrel's turban? Why did his character not develop? HE HAD THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS TO REFLECT ON HIMSELF. He literally had nothing else to do. He could've become such a complex character. Think about it: a bland, textbook villain gets cucked into infinity and now can't actually do anything but bide his time. It would clearly affect his personality, especially if it lasts 13 goddamn years. But when Voldemort is revived in book 4, he's still just "look how evil I am.exe". He had literally no character arc of any kind. That's actually impossible. No sentient human being can have the same personality, goals and motivations after over a decade of exile. He's a badly-written villain, plain and simple.

It seems like a very poor decision to make the antagonist of 7 thick books this unrelatable and bland. It also makes no sense because Rowling has written consistently excellent characters throughout the series. Why not make Voldemort a real character?

So here is how I would improve Voldemort as a villain

Motivation. So since it's universally accepted that Salazar was against Muggleorns because he grew up in a time where Wizards and Witches were being burned at the stake. What if Voldemort had similar intentions cause he grew up in a time during WWII and the Cold War and saw how powerful and dangerous the Muggles were becoming with their nuclear weapons and wanted to protect magic kind from the Muggles and viewed the Muggles invading a possibility. So he became Lord Voldemort and formed the Death Eaters to finish Salazar Slytherin’s work to protect magic kind against Muggles and Muggleborns. It could’ve started out as noble, but turned racist and evil in the end.  

As Tom Riddle, he becomes the Minister Of Magic or given a position of power secondary to the Minister Of Magic. The Lord Of Magic. It’s important that prior to becoming Lord Voldemort, he should hold a position of political power within the Ministry Of Magic. In Hogwarts, it is said as a student Tom was charismatic, charming and a wolf in sheep’s clothing. So why not use all that for politics? He could use his charm and political power to turn the Ministry Of Magic against the Muggleborns and against the Muggles. He would write a book explaining in detail why he believes in what he believes and that gives him the following he needs. The Book in question would be called “Magic Is Might!” The old Pure Blood magical families and impressionable young Slytherins would follow him like moths to a flame.  He could use his newfound political power to research all forms of magic and even the dark arts. He could make Horcruxes in secret. As Voldemort he would gather allies who were rejected by society like Werewolves and Giants. But despite what the Horcruxes do to his face, he could use magic to keep up appearances. He wouldn’t just be seeking to wage war with the muggles and muggleborns. First Voldemort has to take over the Wizarding world. 

Treats his followers like allies. Voldemort does not use fear and the threat of death and torture on his most trusted allies. Tom Riddle’s the Knights of Walpurgis hold key positions in Tom Riddle’s administration and then the Death Eaters are born and Voldemort treats them with respect and admiration. In a sense, he treats the Death Eaters like family.

The First WIzarding War should have been about Voldemort waging war on the other Wizarding nations. This would truly show how terrifying and powerful Voldemort really is. Would also explain why the other nations did not interfere in the second war, cause they were that terrified of Voldemort. The Order Of Phoenix was barely able to win and drive Voldemort from power. 

Voldemort’s fall was because he was desperate. He was ousted from power and Dumbledore, the OOTP and Aurors are on his trail. His body is failing him, so he desperately needs to create a new Horcrux. So he kills The Potters. He fully knew that Lily used the love charm to shield Harry from him. So He saw a way out. Voldemort purposefully destroyed himself so he could gain a new Horcrux. 

Plus, we can have Voldemort hide the Horcruxes in the nations he conquered. So Voldemort can hide them in -Russia -Germany -America -Hogwarts -France Obviously Nagini would be by his side at all times and well Harry is the last one. For context of how Voldemort conquered these nations. Imperio, subterfuge, and mass hysteria. He took out the Wizarding governments and implanted them with his thrawls.

Make Voldemort as hated as Umbridge. Here’s how.

In my hypothetical scenario where Voldemort hides the Horcruxes in different Wizarding Nations, make 8 books. Book 7 ends with everyone graduating from Hogwarts and the fall of the Ministry. 

This way, after graduation, the Ministry has fallen and it ends with the Big Seven on the run. In Book 8 they are all on the hunt for the Horcruxes. Not just for Horcruxes, but international allies to unite the Wizarding world against Voldemort. It ends with the final confrontation being at the Ministry. Voldemort's endgame plan is not just to wipe out the Muggleborns, but wiping out the Muggles. He has the Magic equivalent to a Nuclear bomb. Voldemort wants to destroy the Muggles and recreate the world in his image. Magic Is Might! He plans on using it and Harry has to stop him before it's too late

Voldemort fails because the Horcruxes are failing him. It isn’t immortality, it is only temporarily longevity and every time one of his Horcruxes gets destroyed, his body breaks down and his soul is in an even worse shape.  When Nagini is destroyed, it is over. Voldemort thinks if he can kill Harry, he will live forever as the prophecy states “only one can live forever.” so he believes if he could just kill Harry, he can win. But Harry deflects his curses and sends it right back at him. Voldemort dies as he did in the book. Powerless, alone and human.

[wishingfornever]

10/14/17 – No Contact:  Total Relapse

Current time is 1am.  I went to bed early last night.  Can’t remember my dream.  Ariel unloaded A BUNCH of fucking information on me.  Like… a lot.  I’d fill you in but it’s more personal stuff.

I really should go back to sleep.  Tomorrow, I’ll cook myself a couple of eggs.  Not scrambled.  Fried, I think.  The one where the yolks runny.  I made a big egg sandwich today using an ENTIRE can of corn.  The irony is that there was like… more corn than egg and then there was too much egg for a single sandwich, which I ate with spinach and cheese.

It’s… all I’ve eaten today.  And an apple.  Probably should eat more throughout the day.

Whatever. Tomorrow, I’ll make myself a sandwich with those fried eggs I was talking about.  Over easy, I think?  Never been good with food terms, I fear.  I’ll use my seasonings.  As soon as I’m done with that Himalayan pink salt, I’ll get some seasoned salt.  I can’t wait. I’ll make it tomorrow morning.  Which is technically today.  Right now.  We’ll need to go grocery shopping in a bit.  Probably today or tomorrow, seeing how it’s the weekend.  I’d want to get there early to actually get avocados.

HEB sucks at restocking.  Like… the avocados they had last week were fucking gross.

I… want to learn what to do to make slushies like you make. Unfortunately, I can’t ask you.  I guess I can ask in a month and a half.  And then you can block me.  El oh el.

Yeah, probably an accurate guess right now.  Regardless… I didn’t do my sets yesterday.  I’ve been trying to get my sleeping schedule to work again.  Been waking up and not going to bed.  Unfortunately… I basically took a nap.  I’m not that sleepy.  Maybe I can go to sleep soon?  But even then, I’ll try to wake up at 10.  I’ll talk to Adela and see if we can go shopping today.  I want to go there at about lunch, maybe.  Just while they still have shit.

I should be trying to sleeping.  Watching a video though.  It’s titled “It’s Too Quiet.”  You know… that’s an actual thing. My dad said that you could feel when you were about to be ambushed because it’s literally too quiet.  I think the reason is is because animals tend to avoid humans.  If it’s quiet, that means the birds aren’t leaving or moving because there has been someone there for a while.  Thus, they stay away.  People intentionally don’t make noise, so it’s just you in the middle of a jungle with stillness.

We’re always hearing.  It’s… maddening when you don’t hear.  The if it gets too quiet, you can hear your own blood run through your veins.  You use your senses at all times.  When one sense stops working then your brain panics.  For example, white room torture where everything you see is white because you’re in a white room with no colors and you’re only fed white rice.  It’s a torture that lasts LONG after it’s over.

I think sometime this week, I’ll order myself a pizza.  I want to get it with ham but it’ll just be pineapple.  Oh, I’m sorry.  Did I stop talking about torture and blood and ambushes to talk about how hungry I am?

Kidding.  I got that gal from yesterday a pizza.  Now I want a pizza for myself.  I wonder if Pizza Hut finally learned that we’re in their district.  If not, there is always PizzaFino.  That’s probably Italian for Fine Pizza.  Sounds like something that’d happen.  Considering it’s a Latin language, I wouldn’t doubt it.  English is technically Latin but it’s also German.  That sucks because instead of having the best of both languages, we have the worst.  Foreign.  You don’t pronounce the g. I HATE words with silent letters.  Like… seriously?  Why do you need a silent letter?  It doesn’t change how the word is pronounced. Maybe it used to be pronounced for-ayg-in. Like…  Foreagan.  Hrm…  Possible name origin?  If that’s the case, why’d we stop saying the “G”?  I don’t know… Language is weird.  It evolves with the population and culture.  You know, Korean’s written language was supposed to be written by a linguist.  Thus, you could hypothetically learn how to read in Korean in a day.  What it means?  Can’t tell you.  Makes me wonder who the hell came up with writing the other languages like Kanji and shit. That was not written by a linguist, it was written by the clone of Hermann Fucking Goering.

It’s a joke.  Hermann Goering was German, obviously he didn’t write Kanji.  And Kanji was written before Hermann Goering was born, so obviously it’d be older than his clone.  See?  I’m so funny.  At least I would be if I didn’t steal the original quote.  Whelp!

Anyways… I didn’t call my dad yesterday.  Or Starbucks.  I have a terrible work ethic.  Maybe today, hopefully after I wake up at a decent time. I wanted to rewrite the chapter but I was so sleepy throughout most of the day that it’s literally bad if I try to write.  I need to be awake (sort of like now) or otherwise things will turn to crap.

My dad used to have a teepee.  He was part of a group called Mountain Men who basically longed for the days where it was frontier.  Not the settlers traveling by wagon but before that with frontiersmen.  That flintlock rifle above the kitchen he used in some events.  “Bringing home the bacon” comes from one such historical event where they win like a bucket of bacon by shooting a rope.

I remember when I was younger.  I remember the crispy marshmallows and campfires.  Cast iron pots and pans.  His teepee had this long snake wrapping around the outside.  A lot of bearded old folks in tanned leathers.

Current time… 4:30.  Still sleepy.  I’ve spent most of the previous 24 hours in bed.  I was hoping to wake up at 10am but I overshot my intended goal by six hours.  Still… sleepy.  I’m having a hard time resetting my sleep schedule.  It was better in California when everything went down.  Not because I was being good but because my family let me be.  Then my sister and dad kept insisting I join them for their reindeer games which takes FOR GOD DAMN EVER.

I’m not bitter, not trying to insinuate anything.  Well, maybe a little bit.  Because I tried going to bed at 11pm while I was there. Accounting for jet lag?  That’d be… 1am.  Thing is Janis kept trying to get me to stay up.  Saying she’s never there.  Then when I told her I wanted to go to bed she’d be like, “Boohoo, I never sleep ever.”

You know that sort of bullshit.

Regardless, I think I’m relapsing.  I miss my upswing surge but that’s passing now.  I wish I took more advantage of it.  Honestly, I had hoped I wouldn’t need therapy because of it.  I guess I’ll still need it… or medication which I’ve completely been ignoring. Maybe I should get on that again.  Use the Attend stuff.  Hrm…

I had a series of dreams last night.  One of them involved me living life through your eyes at Dennis’s.  Of course, it could have been Dennis I was living through but I spoke to your mom during the dream so I think it was you.  It was a little awkward feeling.  I think that feeling, however, is just my predetermination of what you must be feeling thus is my own bias.  The dream that followed involved a hospital and my Marxist friend who got pregnant recently.  There was also a lady cop there.

It ended with my dad and I driving through old towns and stopping at antique stores.  That was the most dramatic of the dreams for some reason.  Not because of my dad, but because I ended up sleeping with someone who constantly tried to get you out of my life.  Moving on. There was more but I can’t remember…

Huh… I realized something.  I’m sleeping on your side of the bed… I’m going to experiment tonight and see if I sleep better by switching sides.  I’ll keep this in mind today.

When you called yourself a whore… that haunts me.  I can’t get over it.  You said it was true.  It’s not.  You’re so hard on yourself.  And you wonder why I was trying to keep you motivated.  I worry about you.  Because I love you.  I love you unconditionally. Even if I completely move on, years from now you could show up at my door and ask for help and I’d help.

It’s my character.  I told you this before.  You’d REALLY have to fuck up to have me cut you out of my life.

What about Dennis then?

Yeah, well you don’t seem to understand what he did that upset me.  And even then, I tried to give him a chance to apologize.  With my niece, when she screwed me over, I publicly shamed her.  I haven’t done that with Dennis.  That’s my nature.  I will publicly shame someone who I think is a parasite.

You’re ignorant.  You’re naive.  You’ve fucked up, but you’re not a monster.  I know you… it may not seem like I listen but, I listen more than you know.

I hope reading this journal doesn’t make you feel bad.  I feel like it’ll make you angry rather than guilty, tbh (guess I don’t know you that well if I’m so uncertain; lol) but know it’s not my intention.

I got nothing done today.  I should probably just… roll with it. Like, I said I was more awake last night after a dumb little nap. Maybe I should just write at night and sleep throughout the day.  I could always get sleeping pills, too.  Something that’s not organic to force me to sleep.

I haven’t done my sets in a while.  Haven’t had a shower for a while too.

Ugh… this is a familiar feeling.  Negative thoughts tend to overwhelm me. The smallest things need the most extreme solutions… and I mean most extreme.  ><  Christ, I’m isolating myself again.  About two hours ago, Adela asked if I were alright.  I just said I was fine.  I have yet to leave bed today.  She walked Max without me. Currently 9pm.

Just went to the bathroom…  I should probably drink more water.  Yeah, I think my body might be pretty dehydrated.  :/

What if that’s why I’m depressed?  I’m only sad because I don’t drink enough water.  It’d explain why I get so depressed during the summer.  Because I’m always sweating and it’s hot and I’m miserable.  But it’s not hot here.  I haven’t drank as much water as I was hoping to.  I have, however, cooked more.  I mean… I am hungry now but I don’t want to go get food.

Eh…. Well, that’s one way to lose weight.

I’ll probably cook myself something in a bit.  Refill my water bottle. Then clean my room.  Then maybe write.  Of course, I told Shane I’d be available today.  I guess not.  So… feeling like a piece of shit right now.  :/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DrpmXtpFtw

If you open the link, you’ll discover that it’s not a song.  Not this time.  Rather, it’s confronting a problem in Hollywood.  Just finding out about it.  Guess I should probably pay more attention to the news.  I really have no clue what’s happening right now. However, this video talks about something that’s happened to you.

You claimed you consented by letting it happen.  You tend to reference fight or flight a lot.  With Mark and Dennis, you consented because you allowed it and because you didn’t fight or run away.  Turns out, it’s not just fight or flight.  So, yeah.  You don’t need to justify that shit.  So fucking don’t.  Don’t try to justify their actions with your submission.  Admittedly, you confronted Mark but you haven’t confronted Dennis.  I guess you feel like you cheated on me with Dennis, but the way you put it… he and Mark are no different.

Dennis is a piece of shit.

Maybe when this is all over, you can.  Whether we connect or not, it’s irrelevant.

Sorry. Serious topic, I know.  I’ll just blame this all on myself again. ><

Anyways… Current time is 11pm.  Just made myself breakfast.  Two fried eggs in a sandwich.  Two slices of Swiss and a ketchup drizzle.

It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be.  Not because it’s bad but because I’m bad at cooking.  My hands are clumsy.  Couldn’t flip the egg very well.  I like it when the yolk is running but… it would appear that I’m not very good at working a spatula.  I basically broke the yolk twice.  First time was because I cracked the egg poorly.  So, it came fucked up.  Second time?  I failed at flipping.

Then I put too much garlic on it.  Was good but was kind of salty from it. I know I didn’t put too much salt on it because I had to twist it as I cooked it.  I felt pressured and rushed, so quality suffered. Not to imply that it was going to be great before.  That said, Swiss cheese is kind of… losing it’s charm.  I used to actually enjoy it.  When I was younger I didn’t.  Now?  Since I stopped eating meat?  It’s become dull.  I don’t know, I guess I’ll start eating it with other cheeses.  Like cheddar, which you and Adela don’t seem to like.  Not sure why.

She made sure to mention that the Mexican four cheese shredded cheese pack or whatever the hell it’s called isn’t Mexican because of the cheddar.  She emphasized how they only use white cheese in Mexico and I told her, “Well, I’m not making quesadillas with it.”  I intended mix it with some veggies.  Of which, I probably use too much of it.

Eh… Monterrey Jack is a viable option.  I might make myself some more eggs later.  I’ll have to do the dishes though.  Or something.  I don’t know, I’ll probably have some peas and carrots later with an apple.  I might have an apple now.  Then I need to organize my room.  Living out of my suitcase is fun.  Not sure if that’s sarcasm, yet.

I brought a lot of clothes.  Obviously, I’m here for a while.  Right now, they’re in a hamper.  A clean hamper, mind you.  There is a dirty hamper too.  We purchased a light net hamper thing while we were in California.  You didn’t take it… so it’s mine now!  HA HA!!!  >:D

Seriously, though.  It folded and fit so nicely.  Great for travel.  I’m glad we got it.

These apples… are so sweet.  The first bite is like candy.  And the shelf life is incredible.  I think I mentioned it before, but they’re great.  They didn’t even have to be sweet, they just had to last to impress me.  Above and beyond the call of duty, right?

Eh… maybe not so much.  I’m feeling better.  I’ll organize a bit and then take a shower, maybe.  Then write.  Maybe take a nap later on. Try to wake up early and go grocery shopping with Adela.  I wonder if the Attend will help.  I haven’t touched it since I got here, so… yeah.  Might be worth taking.