#and i just. have been constantly aware of my own monetary intake since i was a child that like. yeah it feels like every breath is a cent to
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i don't know how else to keep living in this country
#idk i just keep spiraling about worstcase scenarios and how i genuinely would probably just react to them by just. harm#idk im a deeply angry person and i know that nothing about any of these situations have no fault i just am like.at the point of hopelessness#like i dont. see this country getting any better so i may as well just. leave permanently and just die#which is horrible because i just#i thought i was getting better but now i would rather just get worse because it is easier to entirely stop being a burden by dying#like thats. all i know to do at this point because im so fucking tired of living#and i just. have been constantly aware of my own monetary intake since i was a child that like. yeah it feels like every breath is a cent to#the fucking parentals. i am paying them to continue to breathe and live and just take up space in their home that i may as well just#die so i stop taking up that space and they dont need to worry about my fucking money#idk unfortunately i cannot see them as family because nothing has happened to make me feel. like i know them in any capacity. sure i call#dad by dad but its not like hes ever been a father to me because we dont ever speak to each other. hes just been. the landlord and i dont.#know how to not see him as just a house cop ngl#whatever. i miss my first dog with my bf. Ranger was my best friend bc i stayed home with him a lot and i miss his comfort when i would cry#vent
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