#and i just took a shower and now im ready to chow down on a fresh donut and work on my D&D notes for tomorrow's session

[famewolf]

had a really long week at work, and I'm determined to have a weekend where I do fuck all.

which meant I was really brave and got all the errands that needed to be done finished in less than two hours. so now I can kick back and prep for D&D tomorrow and play Mass Effect as much as I want

[iamtheempress]

A Vegeta x OC Fan Fiction (part 6)¤ ¤ ¤

The walk back took almost the entire night, and she gladly gave Vegeta what he asked for. Silence. Cold complete silence. She is still in this vice grip as well as Vegeta’s grip… The thrill and fun of being in the Great Ape Princes grip had long passed before he even held her. SHe was pissed. Like a pouty child who didn’t get their way. Rightfully so.. 

The sun crested the horizon and just started to dip away from view just like the moons despite the consistent  fact of her being held like this, the scene was really pretty. Evenings that were reminiscent of beautiful purple, blues and pinks, splashed with bright bands of stars and asteroids that would hurtle over head from the closest belt.. Absolutely gorgeous. If only she could voice it without being chastised like a child.

Finally the base was within view. “I ought to thank you for being so considerate and quiet for me.. For once you actually listen.” His voice remained flat in his booming voice. He unwrapped her from the icy cold grip of the To-Rotian Zombie, like a banana. Where she dusted her arms off and jumped from his palm without a word or a thanks. Calamatta coldly entered the code to get into the ship and disappeared before Vegeta could even begin to shrink.

Vegeta watched this unfold, only becoming more and more annoyed, utter disrespect and cold. “Ungrateful little..” He muttered returning to size and walking right into the ship, his fist clenched tight and jaw stiff. This girl was in for it. “Hey! Woman!! Is this the thanks i get for saving your life so graciously.” Calamatta walked to the holomap and opened it up again to see the newly updated map, a map that was constantly updated by the mother ship, the barren city was now wiped from the map. Vegeta seethed and stood point blank behind her. "I am speaking to you, Calamatta. look at me, thats an order." Vegeta tapped his fingers on his bicep, impatient. he flipped his bangs abit out of his face and stared through the back of her head.

Calamatta took a breath and turned. "You wanted a thank you.. for what… yelling at me when i was following orders? Or for me getting caught by that much bigger fucking monstrocity." She furrowed her brows, the annoyance from her voice was palpable and her one cute c shaped tail hung low close to the ground.

 "If you paid attention a bit you wouldn't have gotten caught." Vegeta was cold and direct, as a more experienced Saiyan he had every right to be more arrogant but this is her second mission out. "Well so-rry Vegeta this is still my 2nd goddamn mission, didnt think youd make this such a big freakin 'deal." She went to turn around and was promptly grabbed by the wrist and jerked back around to meet the prince's sharp black eyes and finger pointing at her face.

 She twitched. "It's a 'big-freakin-deal' when im pulling the weight between the both of us. Each time we've seen those things you're grabbed making you the weakest link of the both of us" Calamatta's teeth grit and a vein formed in her forehead. She got closer to him making it apparent who the taller saiyan was. "Get your damn finger out of my face and stop talking down to me, i'm getting fed up with it"

 Vegeta felt a twinge in his gut. He didn't know if it was guilt or blatant aggravation for this whole situation. If he weren't in his Great Ape form he would have been as good as dead as well as her and that much was obvious. "Next time you do anything foolish, don't expect me to save your ass. Are we clear?" 

She closed her eyes and gulped.. there's that heartache again. Her tail thumped to the floor and her eyes went back to the map. "Yes, Vegeta…" she responded obediently. Vegeta turned and made his way to the bathroom to wash up and breathe before he snapped. First disrobing his gloves. "Frieza was right…" her voice cracked, eyes glued shut as she turned from him. Vegeta heard it loud and clear. It made him stop in his tracks. What is he right about? Does she know something he doesn't? He turns halfway. 

"Calamatta." She darts her eyes up from her unwrapping her hands from her tight hand wraps and offers a hum as a response, looking over her shoulder. "Make dinner for us when i get back out." She huffed a sigh as he closed and locked the shower door, sighing heavily. 

Calamatta did as she was told. She made dinner fit for two saiyans. Frozen meat that was still delicious and bloody, noodles, potatoes, an enormous crustacean creature with enough meat to share some alcohol and water. They turned off the holomap and she lain out the food on the table waiting for him. She disrobed the armor and let it clunk to the ground. Taking sips of some of the previous crew unopened stash. 

Vegeta showered himself off of the blood and sweat from the carnage he set forth, his face looking up at the shower head. His brain was although elsewhere: Calamatta and how he can utilize her.. He is here for her after all. Though their lifelong friendship was amicable its recently become aggressive… he excused that for simply her being under-utilized as a Saiyan. That doesnt excuse her natural strength though; her under-utilized strength was still absolutely on par with his own. How can he see himself how strong she is without wasting another moment of time terraforming. It hit him as he grinned and stopped the shower. 

He can fight her.

Vegeta exited the bathroom in his clothing but no armor his freshly washed hair hung in his face and he had a smug little shit earing grin on his face. “Whats with the smile? Its freaking me out.” He seated himself opposite the Saiyan and pulled some to his side to eat and started chowing down. “Eat. Then afterwards were going to fight” “What? Why? Isnt that a waste of time?” She asked scarfing down food voraciously. As if shes never eaten a day in her life. “Not entirely. You want to prove your worth to me then you will fight me and win. That is if you can even lay a hand on me.” She rolls her eyes and flicks her tail back and forth. Vegeta did something he rarely did. He let his tail relax. 

It curled into an s shape behind him and the tip remained stagnant. “Fine, dont bitch when i beat you though, wouldnt want to see the prince cry.” Her infectious bravado came out once again, her eyes narrowing at the prince before her. Vegeta growled and tore meat from bone. “Ill make you eat those words, Cala…” “Im going to comb those stupid bangs out of your face, im tired of talking to a curtain of hair.” Vegeta pounded his chest, swallowing potatoes quickly. “Your not going anywhere near my face with anything.” She chuckles and clears plates off with ease, guzzling down water and sharing alcohol with the prince who put the liqour away with ease.

Vegeta stood and gestured with his head. “Cmon, one round of me putting you in your place then off to sleep..” She springs to her feet and slips on her white boots. “I cannot wait for your to eat your damn words.” She chuckles and presses the button on the wall, he stops her, noticing shes not putting her armor on. “No armor?” “Nope! I wanna kick your ass and make you look at mine…” Vegeta scoffed and watched the saiyan leave the safety of the base with her arms crossed and tail flicking behind her as she took to the sky, only illuminated by the light of the waning gibbous. “If i win, Im combing your stupid hair back.” She promises cracking her knuckles mid air. Eyes narrowed and ready to brawl. “Pff… If i win you do as i say no questions asked, if so im going to give a negative report to frieza.” She gasps meeting eyes with the saiyan prince and a twinge of fear in her eyes. “What! You wouldnt dare!" Vegeta sneered and grinned menacingly, with a competitive look in his eye. "Try me, cmon. Show me what your made of"

¤¤¤

Tags: @dragonblobz @lizardhipsdontlie @lilhemmo @dragonballcollector @msgreenverse @hierophantblue @thotful-writing @supremeleadershitlord @dragonball-hcs-or-sum-shit @memevember

[karlilarki]

A Little Something, Part 16

**Images above are NOT mine, I do not claim them in any way**

Word Count: 1,336

Avengers AU where it’s present-day, reader is main character and most characters are in their early to mid twenties.

Warnings: Lots of Angst (because apparently that’s all I’m capable of?), reference to past suicide of sibling, swearing, I dunno. Feedback is welcome. 

Part 15   |   Masterlist

               Sleep swiftly overwhelmed us. I awoke to Bucky’s alarm no more than an hour later and groaned, looking at the time. It was seven thirty in the morning and I had to be to work in an hour. I sighed as I stretched, avoiding Bucky’s flailing limbs as he tried to shut the alarm off.

               “Ugh…” He groaned.

               “Yeah…” I answered.

               “How about that shower?”

               “Yes, please. Caffeine, too?”

               He smiled, “I’ll put on a pot of coffee before I join you,” Bucky leaned over and kissed my forehead. My heart picked up its pace at the contact and I returned his smile before getting up and stretching.

               Bucky walked around the bed and wrapped his firm arms about my waist, both of us still completely nude. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder as he kissed my neck. I hummed in bliss, despite the exhaustion. I don’t know how or when things changed between us, I mean other than physically…that part was quite obvious. Somehow between then and now things had metamorphosed from a friendship of the closest kind, to a bond so much stronger.

               “We have to actually get ready,” Bucky broke my train of thought as he separated himself from me and found a pair of sweats to slip on. They hung ridiculously low on his hips, revealing his chiseled v-line leading to the most glorious… “See something you like, doll?” Bucky laughed, catching me staring.

               “Maybe,” I winked as I slid passed him, smacking his ass on the way, “See you in the shower.”

               “Tease,” He hollered after me before going to start brewing the caffeine.

               The morning passed swiftly despite my zombie-like stage. I had drunk my fair share of coffee throughout the day and my shift at the magazine publishing company I worked for. I definitely was not at my best, but hopefully I could make up for it by coming in a bit early the next few days. All I could think about, other than sleeping a beautiful hibernation-like sleep, was Bucky. His stormy blue eyes, his sharp jawline, the scruff that adorned his face and chest…trailing down to a much more sinful place.

               I rushed home once my shift was over, having ordered in for lunch and working through the hour I was ready for a break. I pulled my wavy hair into a messy bun as I entered my flat, kicking off my shoes as I did so. I checked my phone for the first time since I left Bucky’s and laughed as I saw that I had at least twenty text messages waiting for me.

               Hey, I hope youre doing ok at work. I dont know about you but Im tired AF.

               Hey, you should answer me

               Srsly don’t leave me hangin

               (y/n/n)?

               Ugh youre prob bzy im sorry

               Ok txt me when ur off work :-*

               I smiled, reading through the missed texts from Bucky. I moved on to the next few, a couple from Wanda and a few from Nat, one from Pietro that just said to text him and then far too many from Steve.

               Im sorry I stole your car

               Dont be mad

               (y/n) it was for your own good

               (y/n)?

               I laughed as I read the text mirroring Bucky’s I had read earlier.

               Ok … im hoping your busy and not pissed

               Should I bring your car back tonight?

               (y/n) text me back- you at least check your phone when you take a break right?

               FINE ignore me but text when you get home

               Still laughing, I texted Bucky, Steve, and Pietro that I was home and could talk but that I wasn’t completely coherent, due to the tired state of mind I currently existed in, and that I could not be held responsible for anything I said and/or did. I texted Nat and Wanda both, letting them know I had made it to work and home safely and that I was fine, I had just worked through lunch and couldn’t text sooner.

               I sat my phone down, forgetting it was still set to silent, and trudged to the kitchen. I needed sustenance asap. I rummaged through the cabinets, finding my kitchen seriously lacking. I poured a bowl of cereal and made my way to the couch. I turned on some Netflix and chowed down on my cereal as I perused the selection of tv shows available. I settled on the same one I had watched with Pietro and Wanda, about the women in prison. They had gotten me hooked, even though I had started late into the season.

               The episode was over before I knew it, my bowl of cereal long-since finished and discarded, forgotten, on the side-table. I sat in a daze, staring at my tv, not thinking much of anything when my apartment door burst open, startling me. I jumped in my seat, my hand flying to my chest as my heart nearly beat out of my chest.

               “What the hell are you doing?” Steve was furious.

               “Uh—”

               “Uh?! That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

               “Well, I—”

               “I don’t want excuses, (y/n). I’ve been texting you all fucking day, and you barely answer me once before going back to ignoring me?”

               “Holy hell, Steve, can you calm your tits?” I half-shouted, trying to get his attention, “I don’t know where the damn fire is but you can relax. I’m sorry I have only had, like, one hour of sleep in the last forty-eight or something, maybe more, who the eff knows. I’m not really completely conscious ok?”

               “So you can’t text me back?”

               “I didn’t know you texted me!”

               “How did you not know??”

               “Um, I don’t know, I don’t read minds?”

               “That’s why this nifty little thing called a ringtone was invented, (y/n/n)!”

               “Uh-uh, you do not get to come in here and rip me a new one and then call me that,” I threw my pillow at his face before standing to take my empty bowl to the sink.

               “I was worried,” no longer shouting, he sounded genuinely concerned, and moreover- tired.

               “About what, exactly? Did you think I would just vanish?”

               “It wouldn’t be the first time!” though not shouting, his voice was exasperated.

               “Excuse me?” I crossed the room to where he stood, “When have I ever just disappeared?”

               “Um, the other night, when you drove to the lake alone in the middle of the night in the middle of a snowstorm without telling a single soul.”

               “Well, luckily for me, my two best friends are also, apparently, creepers that stalk me.”

               “Well, not luckily for us, we have to work our asses off to do that.”

               “Then stop! No one asked you to!”

               “(y/n)! We’re worried about you! What else do you expect us to do?” Steve’s hands flew up in the air, as though he was at a loss.

               “Understand I’m an adult that can take care of myself, Steve!” My arms mimicked his as they gestured wildly.

               “What, like Eric did?” Steve’s voice broke.

               I fell into silence, my mouth falling open. I took a step back, tears welling in my eyes at his implications. My jaw worked as I tried to form words but nothing came out, instead I took another step backward.

               “(y/n), no, I-“ Steve was wordless as he reached out to me, trying to step toward me.

               “Get out,” my voice was quiet, my eyes looking anywhere but at Steve.

               “Please, I didn’t mean to- “

               “Get. Out. Now.”

               Steve fumbled as he ran his hand over his face.

               “Now.”

               Steve put my car keys on the counter and silently began to walk away. He paused before shutting my apartment door to peer back at me. I looked at him then and saw that tears were pooling in his eyes, as well. I wrapped my arms about my torso and clung to myself as I looked away, stifling a sob.

               Steve shut the door behind him and I broke down, falling to my knees

 Part 17   |   Masterlist

@marvelandwinchesters927

[superpotatesme00]

(Pidgance Fanfic) by AIR

Notes:

Sorry for the wait :(

Read: [Previous] || [Next] || [AO3 Link]

SO HERE IT IT^^

Becoming Aware

Chapter 3/4:

Pigeons Fly Away If You Chase Them.

Hunk was in the kitchen as usual. He was mixing up another new recipe with a level of enthusiasm that would kill a nonfood lover. His apron was tied neatly in the back and he was so methodical in his preparation that you wouldn’t have thought he studied at the Garrison but instead at some high-end culinary school. Sadly, Hunks enthusiasm only affected himself rather than have any affect on the people around him. Next to him leaned a tall lanky boy whose blue eyes were lost in daydream.

“Hey, Hunk. Am I gross?” The question left Lance’s lips as he turned away and leaned his lower back on the counter.

Hunk was a bit taken aback by the question. He didn’t stop what he was doing but instead simply arched his brows. Lance’s comment was…well unexpected.

“What??? Why would you think that Lance?” Lance stayed gazing at the ceiling as Hunk placed the meow chow in the oven.

“Well I mean, like- Pidge, has been all like…She’s been avoiding me.” Lance turned to face Hunk. “I was just wondering if like, ya know… She thinks I’m gross or something…”

Hunk eye’s turned to meet Lance’s. His face seemed desperate. He was confused and his eyes prayed that his own assumption was wrong. It was rare to see Lance this way. He was usually a confident guy. Painfully confident. So much so that it sucked the energy out of those around him. Hunk put down his mittens and quickly attempted to uplift his best friend’s mood.

“No no, Pidge has always been like that Lance-“

“AW QUIZZNACK! I mean WHO AM I KIDDING! Who would ever think this beautiful masterpiece is gross?! (*scoff*) Holy crow! I mean look at me dude I’m freaking gorgeous!”

Hunk closed his mouth. Yep, there he is.

“Whatever dude! I mean Pidge is probably just intimidated by my dashing good looks and jealous of my skills! Hahahha I mean, they don’t call me the “best shot” for nuthin! Why ELSE would she be avoiding me? Uhuh huh yeah that’s it!” Lance nodded in alliance with himself.

Hunk kept a straight face with his lips in a grim line.

“But Pidge is like a total genius Lance. I mean sure she isn’t as strong as us but hey what does she have to be jealous about?”

Lance hadn’t ended his rant. He continued to pace around, eye closed, with his thumb resting underneath his chin as he nodded along with his own outspoken thoughts.

He suddenly stopped mid-pace.

“A genius huh…? Well I mean that’s…true…But it’s not cool that bushy brows keeps avoiding me man! It’s like I'm not good enough to be ‘round her!? We’re supposed to be a team! And her telling me she’s a “girl” isn’t gonna change that!”

“Wait. Who said anything about her being a girl?”

“Huh? Wha-Nevermind…” Lance waved a hand in front of his face to swat away his mumbling.

“Well, I don't know dude…it’s not like she thinks she’s is better than us, just that she’s never been keen on being part of our team. Even back at the Garrison she…-”

“WELL IM NOT HAVING IT HUNK! She is part of the team!” Even if Keith’s included…”

Hunk couldn’t help but think that Pidge, although a girl, had never had any problems with any one else in the team. She kept to her self mostly but got along just fine with everyone else. She was fully capable of having a good laugh with any of them.  And yet, with Lance she was particularly distant from…

He just has this way of always being in your personal space…affectionately of course.

A bulb lit up in Hunk’s head and he rested his fist in his palm.

“Why dontcha’ hang out with her Lance! I’m sure if you guys bonded and stuff she’d be bound to notice how cool you are!”

Lance twirled around to lean his elbows on the counter, keeping his hand on his chin.

“Bonding eh…?” He scrunched his face and pouted his lip as he contemplated the idea.

Suddenly he stretched over the counter and aggressively pulled Hunk closer by the shoulders.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS!”

The blue paladin instantly leapt away and ran for the door so quickly that he almost slipped turning the corner.

“No plans tonight big guy! We’re pulling an all-nighter!”

Hunk stood dumbfounded until he frantically remembered his meow chow was still in the oven.

Pidge had never been more terrified in her life. She’d seen her family announced missing on the news, flown in a strange space lion with Lance at the wheel, and also fought head-on with a 10,000 year old conquerer of the universe. But for some reason having the long legs of a flirty self-proclaimed casanova persistently follow you around, made all the blood drain from her face.

It started out with her just going about her day, the same as usual…

Fresh showers in the morning were always a great way to sooth the small and stressed Pidge. Ever since THAT day she hadn’t been able to get Lance out of her mind. She tried desperately to kick him out of her thoughts, but the conversation with Allura the day before triggered even more images of that dork’s face.

This morning’s practice was significantly more laid-back than usual. Especially because, just by sheer luck, Lance had slept in and missed practice. He did however show up all prim and ready for breakfast, only to hear a mouthful of “Space Dad’s” lectures. Pidge usually would’ve thoroughly enjoyed hearing Lance get put on the spot by Shiro, but she preferred to not even make the slightest eye contact with him.

Now, safely in her room, she lightly sat on the side of her bed and rubbed her hair with the towel to dry it off. She closed her eyes for a second to relax until a sudden hint of a familiar blue popped in her head. She furiously rubbed of her head with the towel and without even bothering removing it, turned angrily to grab her laptop. She yanked it open. Her eyes glared at a series of confusing images that only a tech junky like Pidge could recognize as schematics and diagnostics.

“(*sigh~*) ok.” Her laptop instantly cooled off her sizzling annoyance as she found an overwhelming feeling of comfort in her tech work.

A quaint smile formed on her lips and she began typing new codes to further trace coordinates that possibly held the locations of her brother and father. She reached for her green headphones, that had previously been under Lance’s care. She was stretching them over her ears when she suddenly picked up on a strange noise. She slid the headphones down to her neck and looked around to find the source. It sounded like heavy shuffling in the vents. She lost interest and simply brushed it off as the mice playing around in the air ducts.

Well, whatever.

She shrugged and fit the headphones in place.

Unbeknownst to her, the shuffling continued. It moved around shifting over to right above her bed. Down below, Pidge continued to work schematics while listening to her favorite playlist. The shuffling continued. Quiet creaking hummed in response to the movement above. Unfortunately, the ceiling would not be strong enough to hold the weight of whatever was in there and suddenly burst open dropping it’s contents on top of Pidge with full force. 
Pidge had been deaf to her surroundings, so when the blunt weight of a falling body struck her and yanked her headphones off, she couldn’t help but be bit terrified.

“Well, that did NOT go as planned…”

“…” Pidge stayed motionless, afraid to move even a millimeter.

“Sorry about that-“ He propped him self up.

Soft.

It took him less than a second to process that he was pinned on top of a freshly showered Pidge, on her bed, and with a face so red he couldn’t help but think she was cute.

“Are you ok Pidge?” He tried to keep his cool but soon lost all sense of rationality.

She smells good…

Almost instinctively he reached out his hand, but quickly stifled the desire by awkwardly scrambling up off of her. He sat at the far end of her bed. He neatly folded his legs underneath him trying to make himself appear smaller and hide his red face of embarrassment. Now 2 red faced idiots sat in the room.

“Oh! Uh…I-uh are you trying to find your brother?” Lance desperately tried to change the subject in attempts to erase what had just happened.

“Matt.” Pidge sat up and held an empty stare at Lance. Or maybe at the laptop next to him?

“Y-yeah! Matt! Your brother and dad.” He watched as Pidge got up, slid on her slippers and was now reaching for her laptop. She was quiet as she shut her screen she hugged it under an arm and walked towards the door.

“Wha-Wait Pidge…Where are you-?” He leapt over to the sliding door as he watched the small green paladin speed walk out of sight without saying a word.

You’d think he would’ve given up there. But, you’d be wrong. So horribly wrong.

Lance was a stubborn one.

For the next few hours, all Pidge could hear was that idiots voice reverberating through her head and the castle walls. Wherever she went, his voice followed.

“Yo Pidge!” From behind her as she was leaving the bathroom. “Hey Shorty!!” While she was shifting through the laundry room. “What up GIRL!!!” Coming from underneath the couch as she sat in the common room. “HOLA  AMIGA!!!!” All the way from the other side of the training deck. “PIDGE!!!!!” Running after her as she desperately escaped through the castle corridors.

Finally Pidge snapped.

“ARGH! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! WHAT DOES HE WANT?!”

Coran couldn’t help but stare at green paladin who was furiously banging her hands on her keyboard. He was in the main deck just s happened to be curiously flipping through all the security cameras when Keith noticed the same commotion.

“Woah. Wha’t up with her?”

“Mmm.” Coran shook his head as he shrugged. “Maybe she ate a bad swail gumblr?”

“A swale- what?” Keith rarely understood half of the things Coran said.

Pidge was now comfortably alone in the green lion’s landing deck. She furiously typed away and hummed happily to the music playing through her head phones. She was ecstatic. Not only because she was getting time to do her usual tech work, but also because she was enjoying the much needed “me time” that up till now had been completely uninterrupted by Lance. A couple hours had passed since he had chased after her and she couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he had FINALLY given up.

Her enthusiasm quickly took over her as she set down her laptop and started singing along to music playing in her ears. Obviously, Pidge was short. It was a fact. But she also had funny habit of climbing onto things. Whether it be to reach things or not, it mostly was for her to feel taller. As she danced along and sang to her music she found her self enthusiastically climbing onto her lion. The clattering of her climbing caught the attention of a passerby. Keith was eating some of Hunk’s meow chow and just so happened to walk by the open door of the landing deck. He stopped short, mid-chew to see a tiny body triumphantly sitting atop the green lion perfectly rapping the lyrics of Eminem’s “Rap God”.

“THEY SAY I RAP LIKE A ROBOT, SO CALL ME RAPBOT, RAPBOT! BUT FOR ME TO RAP LIKE A COMPUTER MUST BE IN MY GENES~ I GOT A LAP TOP IN MY BACK POCKET-!”

Keith’s stared blankly, internally questioning everything he knew to be true. He decided it would be best to ignore what he had just seen. But as he walked away he wouldn’t help but mull over how much that song really suited her.

After Pidge’s self-promoting concert she came to her senses and climbed off of her lion. She was trying to fall back into her work flow but a clutter of thoughts filled her head. Lance was a hopeless idiot but when she thought about it, she couldn’t deny the fact that he was attractive.

Wait. Actually…aren’t ALL of them pretty good looking…I mean, there’s Shiro, Keith, Lance, and even Hunk…

“Why are they all so hot?” The words unconsciously left her lips.

Damn. That’s like…really annoying. Yeah, nope. Never telling anyone that.

Especially, Lance.

Out of nowhere, Pidge felt her left head phone begin to lift up.

“Found you~” The whisper sent a shiver down her spine.

Pidge let out a yelp and nearly dropped her laptop, only to turn and see the green parka of a Lance.

“WAT THE QUIZZNACK LANCE!? I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK!!!” She clenched her chest as all the adrenaline pumped through her system.

“Haha lighten up Pidge!” Lance smiled widely and leaned his weight casually to one side.

“Lighten up my ass!” She shot him a glare that made him flinch a bit.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Pidge looked away and focused back on the keyboarded while mumbling with discontent.

Lance stood behind her, leaning over slightly to see what she was doing. He couldn't help but notice that she still smelled like shampoo as it radiated out from the nap of her neck to her fluffy hair.

“So…Are you not gonna avoid me?” He braced for his inevitable rejection.

“(*sigh*) No. I figured if you’ve kept it up this long, what’s the point in avoiding you.” Pidge kept her eyes on her screen, not once looking back at Lance as she typed.

“That so???” Lance couldn’t help but form a goofy grin.

Pidge could hear Lance’s shuffling a bit as he sat on the floor. Out of the corner of her screen she could see that Lance was sitting criss cross, just 5 feet behind her, with his arms extended in front of him resting on his shoes. His eyes scanned the room and hovered over the green lion for a second before returning back to Pidge again. He swayed a bit, which was to be expected since Lance was the kind of guy that couldn’t sit still. She watched him intently from the reflection of her screen. She couldn’t help but giggle a bit at the child-like behavior and his dopey face that left his mouth slightly opened.

The giggle caught Lance’s interest and he eagerly scooted a bit closer to Pidge causing her back to stiffen slightly.

“Whatcha doing? I saw you with all those crazy looking codes on your laptop earlier. What were they called again? Schematics…???”

“Uh… Yeah actually!” Pidge was pleasantly surprised by Lance’s knowledge. She couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Other than using my software to scan coordinates and locate my family, I’ve also been working on new upgraded features I can add to my lion-“

She turned a bit to face Lance and noticed that although he did not fully understand what she was saying, he nodded and had a glimmer of curiosity and kept his attention focused on her. Lance usually never paid much attention to the tech stuff she talked about but having him sit there so willingly was incredibly refreshing to her.

“Want me to show you how it works???” She enthusiastically kept the conversation going.

“Sure!”

Pidge went on a small spiel of the specifics in how the programming worked and how to implement its uses. Occasionally Lance would lift a quizzical brow when he didn’t understand, but having him let her explain it even more kept her on a roll. Not once did Lance’s face shift to that of boredom or disinterest. Instead, Pidge couldn’t help but think of how cute his curiosity was to her…All the while she spoke, not for a single moment did she feel flustered. But, that probably had to do with the safe distance she had from Lance.

“Holy crow Pidge! This is some fancy stuff! I wish I could do that to Blue! It’d probably take me years though haha!”

“Well I mean if you REALLY want to know I’d be down to teach you.” Pidge wasn’t one to normally offer help and was even a bit surprised by her sudden comment.

Lance was also baffled and before Pidge was consumed with embarrassment the blue paladin’s face lit up.

“THAT’D BE AWSOME PIDGE!”

“Yeah? Well, here look at this.” Pidge blushed a little and turned back to her laptop to demonstrate some specifics to the curious teenager.

“Hmm, what? You mean that?”

Pidge’s left side tingled as Lance shortened the distance between them so much that his warm breath burned her left ear. Unfortunately, that safe guard of personal space was no longer there and Pidge couldn’t help but feel overly conscious of him again. She became internally flustered and forcefully pushed his face away.

“HEY! Watch do THAT for?!” Lance rubbed his cheek that had been practically slapped.

“Too close.” She tried to maintain composure but could feel herself writhing in a bubble of embarrassment.

Calm down. Calm down.

Pidge kept her eyes down but could still see Lance rubbing his face through her peripheral.

Geez, why’d she do that?

When Lance finally put his had down it landed on the once borrowed headphones. The slightest sound could be heard from them and he picked it up to see just what kind of music Pidge here listened to.

“Aw man! I never took you for an Eminem kinda girl!”

Pidge was pulled out from her panic by Lance’s words. She turned to see him humming along to the single headphone he had pressed on his ear.

“Why do you say that?”

“Oh! Well I mean…it’s not that I don't think it suits you, just that I took you for more of a classical listening kinda genius…”

“Classical?? Pfft~! That’s like what my DAD would listen to dude! I mean sure classical is relaxing but when i’m working I need more “oomph" in my song choices!” Pidge snickered uncontrollably before falling back to lean on her arms.

“More “oomph” huh…? Let me correct that then: Eminem totally suits a techie like you.” Lance pulled a smolder and Pidge couldn’t tell if was joking or not, but regardless she liked his conclusion.

“Damn right it does!” She straightened up and smiled confidently.

Ya know…If it’s just Lance, alone…it’s actually pretty fun.

“Oh my! You’ve certainly outdone yourself Hunk! These crispy bite sized sweets you whipped up are absolutely delicious! Tastes just like my mother old morflort cakes!” Coran twirled around as he held a plate and mouth full of Hunks earlier baked meow chow.

“Yeah? I feel that the batter whipping is really what gives it good zest and texture!”

“Amazing ability as always Number 2! You must show me your recipe!”

“A chef’s secrets are never revealed- Actually, Coran, what’s up with you mustache???” Hunk couldn’t help but point out the strangely braided tails resting on the Altean’s lip.

“Oh this! Well actually Princess Alurra did it for me! Isn’t it magnificent? It brings out my eyes!”

“Yeah…It actually kinda does!” Hunk squinted at the ginger’s mustache.

“Coran, have you seen Pidge?” Allura turned the corner with a head covered in wildly inconsistent braids that were probably done by the mice again.

“Maybe with Lance? I hope it’s they’re ok though, Pidge has been acting pretty weird lately…”

“Oh! Funny that you mention that, just earlier I was observing the lion’s decks and Pidge was as angry as a wild Zworbisk!”

Allura couldn’t help but let out an awkward laugh in attempts to keep them from figuring out what was going on between the two paladins.

“A-ah-ha ha…I’m sure it is nothing…!” She forced a smile that seemed to be completely off putting to both Hunk and Coran. They both raised a distrustful brow.

Allura desperately searched her mind for a change of subject.

“A-aah…Actually! I was thinking about asking all of you to play a game with me! Since we have some free time and it would be beneficial to the team’s dynamic!” Allura cursed herself for stuttering.

“A game? What kinda game did you have in mind???” Hunk was all ears for something fun to do.

“u-Um…in Altea we called it Filhae S’qire!”

“What’s that???”

“Well my talented chef, essentially you have one player who has a set limit of ticks to find all of the other hidden players!” Coran caressed his mustache as he explained to the yellow paladin.

“Oh! So like Hide-and-Seek!”

“Yes? But, Alurra, do you think they can handle the game???”

“Of course! I used to play it as a child! I’m sure that the paladins of Voltron will have no difficulty whatsoever!”

Hunk smiled brightly, excited at the idea.

“Great! I’ll go get the others- Wait, what do you mean ‘do you think they can handle it’…”

****

THANK YOU FOR READING! Stay tuned for Chapter 4/5! :D

Read: [Previous] || [Next] || [AO3 Link]

[champagnespankzandbacon]

Sunday evening, and it seemed like a good idea…after at glass of rose’.  “I’m going on a cleanse!”…I bellowed to my husband. He has been on a ‘eating healthier and working out more’ routine. He randomly drops to the floor and does sets of 40 push ups. He has also been knocking out more reading; which is NOT my thing. And he listens to a lot of Podcasts…which I do enjoy. But one of the books/podcasts he told me about was “Fit for Life”, in which the dude eats ONLY fruit until noon every day and has for 20 years! Twenty. Twenty years. If some dude can do it for twenty years, surely I can do it for a week!? Right? So, Monday morning…off to the grocery we went (before I changed my mind) and bought ALL of the veggies and fruits we could agree on, and some we didn’t…and coconut milk, coconut water, coconut blend. Here we GO! This blog will be a daily recap & proof of me not killing anyone due to lack of intake of pasta and champagne…. #pray #alliby

See…random push up sessions. Moe is NOT impressed.

Monday 4pm. Well,  I kind of want a huge bowl of pasta and bacon right now. Really, it’s not too bad. Breakfast; I had a smoothie. Got the banana, strawberries and mango out and I was ready to go. Now, I have never cut a mango. And apparently there is a method and I didn’t do it right…so the little punk ended up butchered and in the trash. Fail #1. But I sure did enjoy my banana, strawberry and orange smoothie! Lunch was a tomato and avocado salad….if I closed my eyes, I almost fooled myself to think it was cake. #AtLeastIdidntCutMyself #damnMango #EveryoneISstillAlive

yes, I know this is a bit obsence. I have to entertain myself…

Tuesday Morning.  I’m not “I need to eat a snickers hungry”…but I sure would like some bacon. Instead, I took my frustration out on a watermelon. I was not happy finding out that it was not seedless. But I guess that means it has not been genetically modified? Hell, I don’t know. I do know that it took me twice as long to cut it up and clear all the seeds out before storing it….that was fun. I better feel like Superwoman at the end of this week.

Tuesday Lunch. I just ate enough watermelon to sustain a small vegan army….or at least to make me pee every 20 minutes for the next several hours. Sidebar; I really need to wash my hair, but I am not mentally prepared to blow dry it. #ugh

Tuesday night. I broke. A soon as the hubby got home from work…”Open the liquor cabinet”. You see, we have it locked because we have two boys, and we aren’t stupid. But, I didn’t fall tooooo far off the ‘raw wagon’. In fact, it wasn’t even off the seat of the wagon! It was a 1/2 a shot of Tito’s (Gluten, fat, carb & sugar free), sparkling water and watermelon…and I do have to say it was quite tasty. Dinner wasn’t to yummy, I am not going to lie. I can’t even type it out…the poor hubby ate it with me. #blessHim

Gluten Free, Organic 🙂 and VERY refreshing!

Wednesday Morning….we are on the road to NOLA. (business dinner) But, I mean really? I have to do this in the BEST place to eat in the country? shit. But, no worries…this OCD chick already looked at the menu online and I know exactly what I’m going to order for dinner. Lunch consisted of sashimi & mineral water with lime at Tsunami’s…I can’t complain about that!!! And I got a compliment on my outfit as SOON as I walked in the door. That will put some wind in your ‘raw’ sails! #yaaasQueen

I am realizing that it is VERY hard to come to NOLA and be at our favorite hotel, even thought this trip is for business for the hubs, and NOT drink and eat my heart out. This is the ultimate test. I mean, that is what you do…when in Rome.  At the current moment, I am trying to convince the hubs to stop working for 15 min and come downstairs with me to the Carousel Bar, sit in our favorite spot and people watch with me. #hesNotMoving #WorkWork #MayhaveToshowSomeCleveage #Kidding!

The hubs is on call after call for work… So I go downstairs to get inspired. Notice my ROAR organic drink in the corner of the pic? OMG…SO good! He is NOT moving from this spot anytime soon….he loves his job, thank goodness! #lovethatman

Now I’m sitting in a window seat…writing, watching. I LOVE people watching. And in NOLA there is a never-ending stream of entertainment. Locals, NOLA regulars, tourists, street performers, suits…and it was about 3ish and this is the time where the ‘day shift’ is heading out of the French Quarter and the ‘night shift’ is heading in. Oh…and of course, a bachelorette party. Complete with open toed high heels and headed straight for the street slime of Bourbon Street! Hep C here we come! Kidding…but for realz. Bless their little 24 yr old hearts. #NightTime #OnlyPediCab #orUberforMe #ILOVENolaButIDontlikeSlimeOnMyShoes

Thursday…I wake to the hubby typing away, getting ready for an early business breakfast. He hears me stirring and offers me a “hot tea”. HOT TEA? “I would like a coffee, please put me a k-cup to brew.” I am a coffee drinker. Even with this raw diet thing, coffee is a NON negotiable. First I drink the coffee then I do the things….and I am NOT very pleasant before coffee. The hubs looks at me with this cute grin and says “I drank both of the coffee cups…you can run one of the pods again…?.” (my eyes are about to pop out of my head).  “No” I say in disgust, disappointment, “I will order room service and it will be here in 2 hours…”  Good thing Monteleone room service has always been quick and within 20 min I had my coffee and fruit tray. Praise the coffee gods! In the hubs defense, he did offer to shower and go downstairs and get me a cup of coffee. But, in my coffee-less decision-making, I opted for room service. #ItwasAGoodChoice

Friday. Still eating fruit.

Saturday morning, I went to a local organic farmers market, Inglewood Farms, and stocked up on veggies, some chicken, eggs, even bacon! I picked up what I thought was squash & zucchini …turns out it was cucumbers. #fail #IDidntKnowThereWereYellowCucumbers? #farmersMarketGoober #IdespiseCucumbers

For lunch, we went to our usual Saturday lunch spot. Spirits food & friends in Alexandria, LA. It is a SUPER yummy restaurant and locally owned. If you are ever in Alex, stop in and eat/drink there. Really cool outdoor patio, pet friendly…if your dog is cool, LOL. Now, it is VERY hard to go here and not just chow down. But I was very good, had the Tuna Poke. Great as usual and I had only one champs cocktail, not as usual. I mean, I have been good for 6 days! My body is sooooo used to champs almost everyday. It was so good, not going to lie.

Sunday. Trip to Monroe for Fathers Day church and lunch for the hubs grandfather who is a young 94. Backing it up a few…while we are getting ready, I ask the hubs “Where are we going for lunch?” He tells me…they are just doing something easy and picking up pizza. (Well, that is just great. I am glad I asked! Men….) So, in a rush, I pack up my lunch; fruit, an avocado, etc. in my chilled bag and we get on the road.  It was a lovely day and the hubs even stopped at a grocery before church and I picked up some fresh sushi…all was forgiven. (got rid of most of the rice)

Sunday night. Chicken Cordon Blue-ish was on the menu. Now I call it ‘ish’ because I adapted the recipe…on the fly. I hammered out the pasture raised, organic chicken breasts and stuffed with fresh, organic dino kale, that had been lightly sautéed in non-salted, organic butter and garlic. Then laid down Turkey slices and a small amount of shredded mozz cheese. (the only think that was not organic on this dish was the sliced turkey, mozz cheese and bread crumbs). Rolled each up and secured with toothpics…in the oven for 50 min at 350. In the meantime, I decided to try something I had NEVER done before. Now, I am a night owl, and my nighttime routine, after everyone else gets fed and to bed is a little TV time. I DVR my shows and BRAVO, HGTV and Food Network are the majority of the recordings. I have been on a “The Next Food Network Star” kick and recently they made hollandaise sauce from scratch and topped over a perfectly poached egg. Like old school way, in the pot, with vinegar, stirring and dropping in the egg… I AM ON IT! I can DO THIS! So out comes the organic eggs I just got the day before at the farmers market…and I am ready to make some sauce and poach some eggs!

HOLY MOLY…nothing will show you how OUT of shape you are in your forearms like whisking a hollandaise sauce for 5 minutes straight, then over the water for 15 seconds…then off…then more wisking… then adding components and wisking the whole time. I felt like a beast! Now on the poaching. Im not going to bore you with the details, but lets just say I may have missed my calling! My first three poached eggs were perfection. I placed them on top of the Cordon Blue-ish….and sweet mother of organics, it was heaven on a plate! I wish I would have videoed the moment we cut into the egg. I was really proud of myself! Here is the recipie for Gordon Ramseys Eggs Benedit..it has the poach & sauce directions. I encourage you to YouTube if you have never done it before. I didn’t use tarragon, and added more lemon juice…I like my sauce tangy.

Monday….I made it. One week of eating RAW. I weighed myself and I gained a lb. WHAT the heck? But I FEEL different, I am sleeping better, my clothes fit better. My IBS isn’t toooo much better, but that is a whole different issue. I didn’t do this to loose weight, although I can see it having that effect in the long run. I did this for health, to feel better.

So what did I learn and what will I do from this point on? I learned that I CAN do what I set my mind to do, no matter how difficult it may seem at first. I thought…No Champagne for a week? RAW for a week? WHAT??  It is one day at a time, one meal at a time, one choice at a time.  I will continue with the fruit until noon, occasional splurges, I’m sure. (#brunch) I will READ labels more. We put CRAP in our bodies and in our kids bodies. Stop that shit! I will use organic more…and we used organic a lot, but I can do better for me and my family.  If only there was organic champagne…

You, me, we…WE CAN do what we set our minds and bodies to do. Are you scared to challenge yourself? To try something new? Whatever you are finding yourself up against…just try it. What is the worst that could happen? You could fail, yes. So what! Who freaking cares. You could also totally win and rock it! And friends, it is so worth trying. 

Much Love

KP

My “Raw” Week Sunday evening, and it seemed like a good idea...after at glass of rose'.  "I'm going on a cleanse!"...I bellowed to my husband.

[apsbicepstraining]

Can You Lose 8 Pounds?

This peculiarity compels JavaScript to function.

Hello. If youre learn this right now, its because you want to make a change. Youre here because youve always been huge, but now your largeness has already become revolt. You are here because God has cursed you with a flabby paunch, and you dislike the style it rebounds and oozes.

You are here, candidly, because you have nowhere else to turn.

I want to take control of my life.

I want to die a lonely, ruined person who is full of bitternes because I never took community initiatives.

Yes! The first step to succumbing a lonely, broken person who is full of regret is admitting to yourself that you want to die a lonely, busted person who is full of bitternes. Today is the day you embark on that footpath. Disappear out in the world, get down this computer, and hug the darkness.

Start Over

Incredible. Its time to begin anew! Its duration for a brand-new, less fleshy assembly. To start, take a good, hard look at yourself. Thisthis is you now.

Okay.

And this was youthis was you 8 glorious pounds ago.

Oh, wow.

No, its not.

Look, denial is a sign of weakness. Seem into your own sees. If youre going to make a change, you must accept that this perfect, chiseled muscle domain used to be yours.

I countenanced myself.

Yes! The actuality is, “you think youre” 8 pounds away from true-life joy. Your brand-new, lip-smacking person is almost within reach, but only if you vow worked very hard to and systematically destroy every inch of your old-time soul. So, how would you like to lose 8 pounds?

Exercise and borrow a healthy diet.

Take a dietary supplement.

Hurt my figure with the influenza!

I do not want to lose 8 pounds, because I am an idiot.

-Aha! You seem to be a stupid person who does not want to lose 8 pounds. Well, beneath that additional load is a beautiful and muscular Adonis just waiting to kill the old-fashioned you.

So, how will you get gushed for your total 8-pound makeover?

Check out some weight-loss message boards.

Look at your fantastically scrawny girlfriend.

Remember the days when you werent 8 pounds heavier.

You decide to log onto lard.edu, your favorite bodybuilding health resource.

Log onto lard.com and speak some testimonials.

Log onto lad.com and look at porn.

Incredible. Lad.com is unfortunately best available website on the internet. While the actors svelte forms did in fact see you want to lose 8 pounds, you were so drawn to the red-hot, attractive copulation that you didnt leave your computer for hours. Instead, you gained 2 pounds from sitting and neglected! Whoops.

Log onto the computer again.

Try another weight-loss method.

Start Over

You go to the testimonials section. Yes, this is the stuff you need.

Comment I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

You retain scrolling. Its incredible.

Comment THIS IS RELATABLE TO ME.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Great, youre motivated! Now gives lose those pounds!

Comment PLEASE SEND DETAILS ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Hi, lover, says your scrawny lover, ogling you up and down. I heard you are trying to lose 8 pounds. Hey, we should engage in the primal ordinance of sexits great for losing 8 pounds.

Yes, satisfy!

No thanks.

Actually, just kidding, she adds. Sex is for people who have lost 8 pounds. Well have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Oh, okay, thats penalty, I understand, she supposes. I will break up with you then! Makes have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Ah, the days when you were 8 pounds lighter and the world was brighter…the days when all your breathes were unfathomably loose….

Yes, I remember…

I do not remember that.

The dates when you deemed an apple in your hands at all times and smiled…when you wore a tape measure around your waist as jewelry….

Ah, yes…

Still I do not remember…

The dates when your family was still alive….

I remember…my God….

I am ready to lose 8 poundsI swear it.

Ah, the flu! An superb choice. The influenza is the worlds No. 1 sicknes for inducing pounds and pounds of liquid secretion. How would you like to get a slimming, fat-burning sprain of the flu today?

Lick the hands of this flu seasons patient zero.

Ask the hospital for their exploited needles and then jump in a accumulation of them.

Go to the doctor and implore for the most slimming flu he has.

Incredible! You got the flu. The good word is that youre now sicker than youve ever seen, and 3 pounds of liquids “ve already” secreted from your loopholes! The bad news is that your person stands swollen and unsightly. What do you do now?

Go to the doctor and implore for a worse disease.

Continue trying to lose weight with this potentially inept flu.

Great choice! You go to the doctor and entreat for the influenza, best available weight-loss program in the world.

Oh, God, only look at youyou urgently need to lose 8 pounds, does the doctor. I could give you the flu, or I could give you a more extreme weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the flu.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

Great choiceIve been meaning to commit a fun felony and finally play-act this weight-loss procedure on someone, he replies, laying you down. Im going to applied this monkey soul in you and just see what happens with your 8 pounds. How does that voice?

Yes, satisfy, I want to be slim! Make me that monkey heart.

No thanks, Ill take the skinny cancer instead!

While lying lifelessly next to the toilet, you try on your old breathes. Wow, they scarcely fit! Your lip may be parched and your eyes crusted closed, but if you took a shower, youd be 10 days hotter than you were before!

So, how will you lose those remaining 5 pounds?

Keep having the flujust 5 more pounds!

Get some broth to suck on and to continue efforts to dry yourself.

Oh , no! You lost 5 pounds, and then 4 more pounds! The flu was unfortunately more effective, and you discontinued up losing 12 pounds total. You appear scrawny and disgusting, a merely skeleton of the hunk you once were. Maybe try gaining heavines, because right now youre a fitness disaster.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Well, you steamed some hot water over a moo-cow and made yourself some beef broth. But unfortunately, you got better, and you stopped losing load when you were only 2 pounds short of your goal! Sadly, it seems like youre still a blob-like fitness tragedy. Would you like to try another way?

Go back and try another way!

Great choice! You go to the doctor and sidestep for the most difficult, most infectious disease hes get. Perhaps malaria, if he has it.

Oh, Jesus, you urgently need to lose 8 pounds, reads the doctor. I could give you either a altogether untested infection I invented or a radical weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the skinny disease.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

This disease progressed from monkey DNA, but dont perturb, its not AIDS, says your doctor. Hopefully, itll get those 5 standing pounds off!

Sprout hair from every limb.

Pick up a lodge and begin trying to jab it into numerous punctures in the office to look for bugs.

The results are great at first! You eat a healthy, clean nutrition of maggots and vegetation, and almost instantly embarked wincing. Unfortunately, you became more being than monkey, and while your skeleton was contracting into the exact size of a primate, you lost 25 additional pounds. Looks like youll have to try again if you want to lose precisely 8.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Congrats! You now have a monkey heart, which is already 2 pounds lighter than a human nerve. And holy moo-cow, you examine hotbut you feel even hotter. How will you lose those last-place 3 pounds?

By eating chows and vegetation.

By mistaking a squirrel for a potential teammate and trying to persuasion it.

Mmm, beautiful. Mating with a squirrel can burn up to 500 calories in an hour. How will you follow?

Seduce it.

Pass for now and chew some grubs.

You did it! You lost 8 pounds! Its uncertain whether you lost the weight from your brand-new relationship or due to the fact that monkey souls beat 10 meters faster than those of human rights, but no matter! Youre a perfect 8 pounds lighter now, healthy and hot as is also possible. Well done!

Start Over

Great! Seeming hungry, you leave the hospital and see this: a delicious chow! Mmm…what would you like to do?

Eat the grub.

Go for the squirrel instead.

Well, “youve lost” heavines, but you lost too much. This grub was high-flown in protein and low-grade in fat, but its high poison material likewise killed you, developing in too much weight loss( 15 pounds too many !). Next time, try losing less, because this ended up with you looking like a terrifying skeleton creature.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Excellent! Youve chosen to try to lose weight through both rehearsal and a healthy nutrition! But makes be real, large-scale guyyou can probably simply manage doing one of those at a time. Which one would you preferably do?

Exercise.

Diet.

Great! Effort, the brutality we set our figures through in order to look sex. How would you like to start employing today?

Join a gym.

Get a personal trainer.

Try meditating, if that is technically exercise.

Perfect. This is Quinn, your personal trainer.

You will never lose 8 pounds, says your Quinn.

Yes, Quinn, I know.

Sure, youre quiet or some shit for 25 minutes. Fucking cool-ass theme to sit on the storey to employ. Your heavines remains exactly the same. Who attends?

Get up, loser.

Ah, the gym! Therefore welcomed 24 -Hour Muscle Hell, the gym in your metropolitan that you can render! Its adage is You Will Lose 8 Pound Here, so things are finally examining up. What part of the gym would you like to start in?

The weights section.

The cardio section.

The Zumba studio.

The locker room section!

Yes, the heaviness area. The area of the gym that makes your flesh sing in pain! Time to sculpt a brand-new, lighter self from your old, heavier soul!

You look at the coach, who sides you two large metal devices. How will you follow?

Ask for a spotter.

Try to find people form to lift.

We can recognize you, say the strongest people in the gym, grabbing each of your barbells. With our help, youll be able to raise without cracking your sticker in half, and youll lose those 8 poundsguaranteed.

Lift heaviness with them.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

Each of them grabs one of your weights and embarks lifting it on their own. You try to grab on, but they both remark, No, dont contact. Were spotting you , not the other way around.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You can face-lift us up, say the strongest parties in the gym, ambling up to you with their taut forms on display. If you lift us up, youll lose 8 pounds in no timethats a guarantee.

Lift them up.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

You try and try to lift them up. Were heavy, merely swollen with strong muscle tissue, they bellow each time “youre just trying to” lift them up. Hoisting two heavy beings is just the first step to changing their own lives!

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Yes, the cardio slouse. The area of the gym that becomes your middle explode!

Help me, suggests the cardio trainer. The gym has been downloading my muscles through these cables for years.

How will you continue?

Find somebody to chase on the treadmill.

Find somebody to pursue you on the treadmill.

The cardio trainer tries to build opening on the treadmill in order to be allowed to chase him, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve nearly replenished the mainframe with muscle, she responds. This being can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

The cardio trainer tries to constitute cavity on the treadmill so he can chase you, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve virtually replenished the mainframe with muscle, she adds. This soldier can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no weight. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Zumba it is! You walk into the studio, bloated with your 8 additional pounds still lodged deep under your skin.

Kill, your Zumba dojos yell in unison. Kill the man who is slightly heavier than he used to be.

How do you follow?

Fight your dojos.

Surrender to your dojos.

You have chosen to fight your Zumba dojos.

Zumba is a great way to shed additional weight, they wail one by one.

How would you like to fight your antagonists?

Sit on them one by one.

Break a brick in front of them.

Straight up roundhouse-kick them.

Your additional load throws off your aerodynamics a bit, and you end up piercing a pit through the wall.

Okay, sure, they say, bowing. You overcame us. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, so it really doesnt concern too much push. As a upshot, you lost no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You have chosen to surrender to your dojos. You are weak and will never lose 8 pounds, they yell one by one.

How would you like to surrender to your opponents?

Lie on the soil and shriek I continue heavy.

Hit your chief against the stack of ruin committees, but not so difficult that it does any damage.

Okay, sure, “theyre saying”, bowing. Youve emphatically have confirmed that you dont belong here. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, it was therefore certainly doesnt involve too much gesture. As a result, “youve lost” no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Welcome to the locker room, the premier plaza to lose 8 pounds, mentions this gentleman, the cupboard room manager. This is a 24 -hour gym, so Ill be here 24 hours today. Would you like to sign up for a two-hour session of sitting with me?

Do a two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

Two hours pass. You sat well, but somehow you lost no weight.

Great job! he answers, patting you on the back. Would you like to stay for another two-hour session?

Do another two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

<div class="clickventure-node

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[apsbicepstraining]

Can You Lose 8 Pounds?

This peculiarity compels JavaScript to function.

Hello. If youre learn this right now, its because you want to make a change. Youre here because youve always been huge, but now your largeness has already become revolt. You are here because God has cursed you with a flabby paunch, and you dislike the style it rebounds and oozes.

You are here, candidly, because you have nowhere else to turn.

I want to take control of my life.

I want to die a lonely, ruined person who is full of bitternes because I never took community initiatives.

Yes! The first step to succumbing a lonely, broken person who is full of regret is admitting to yourself that you want to die a lonely, busted person who is full of bitternes. Today is the day you embark on that footpath. Disappear out in the world, get down this computer, and hug the darkness.

Start Over

Incredible. Its time to begin anew! Its duration for a brand-new, less fleshy assembly. To start, take a good, hard look at yourself. Thisthis is you now.

Okay.

And this was youthis was you 8 glorious pounds ago.

Oh, wow.

No, its not.

Look, denial is a sign of weakness. Seem into your own sees. If youre going to make a change, you must accept that this perfect, chiseled muscle domain used to be yours.

I countenanced myself.

Yes! The actuality is, “you think youre” 8 pounds away from true-life joy. Your brand-new, lip-smacking person is almost within reach, but only if you vow worked very hard to and systematically destroy every inch of your old-time soul. So, how would you like to lose 8 pounds?

Exercise and borrow a healthy diet.

Take a dietary supplement.

Hurt my figure with the influenza!

I do not want to lose 8 pounds, because I am an idiot.

-Aha! You seem to be a stupid person who does not want to lose 8 pounds. Well, beneath that additional load is a beautiful and muscular Adonis just waiting to kill the old-fashioned you.

So, how will you get gushed for your total 8-pound makeover?

Check out some weight-loss message boards.

Look at your fantastically scrawny girlfriend.

Remember the days when you werent 8 pounds heavier.

You decide to log onto lard.edu, your favorite bodybuilding health resource.

Log onto lard.com and speak some testimonials.

Log onto lad.com and look at porn.

Incredible. Lad.com is unfortunately best available website on the internet. While the actors svelte forms did in fact see you want to lose 8 pounds, you were so drawn to the red-hot, attractive copulation that you didnt leave your computer for hours. Instead, you gained 2 pounds from sitting and neglected! Whoops.

Log onto the computer again.

Try another weight-loss method.

Start Over

You go to the testimonials section. Yes, this is the stuff you need.

Comment I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

You retain scrolling. Its incredible.

Comment THIS IS RELATABLE TO ME.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Great, youre motivated! Now gives lose those pounds!

Comment PLEASE SEND DETAILS ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Hi, lover, says your scrawny lover, ogling you up and down. I heard you are trying to lose 8 pounds. Hey, we should engage in the primal ordinance of sexits great for losing 8 pounds.

Yes, satisfy!

No thanks.

Actually, just kidding, she adds. Sex is for people who have lost 8 pounds. Well have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Oh, okay, thats penalty, I understand, she supposes. I will break up with you then! Makes have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Ah, the days when you were 8 pounds lighter and the world was brighter…the days when all your breathes were unfathomably loose….

Yes, I remember…

I do not remember that.

The dates when you deemed an apple in your hands at all times and smiled…when you wore a tape measure around your waist as jewelry….

Ah, yes…

Still I do not remember…

The dates when your family was still alive….

I remember…my God….

I am ready to lose 8 poundsI swear it.

Ah, the flu! An superb choice. The influenza is the worlds No. 1 sicknes for inducing pounds and pounds of liquid secretion. How would you like to get a slimming, fat-burning sprain of the flu today?

Lick the hands of this flu seasons patient zero.

Ask the hospital for their exploited needles and then jump in a accumulation of them.

Go to the doctor and implore for the most slimming flu he has.

Incredible! You got the flu. The good word is that youre now sicker than youve ever seen, and 3 pounds of liquids “ve already” secreted from your loopholes! The bad news is that your person stands swollen and unsightly. What do you do now?

Go to the doctor and implore for a worse disease.

Continue trying to lose weight with this potentially inept flu.

Great choice! You go to the doctor and entreat for the influenza, best available weight-loss program in the world.

Oh, God, only look at youyou urgently need to lose 8 pounds, does the doctor. I could give you the flu, or I could give you a more extreme weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the flu.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

Great choiceIve been meaning to commit a fun felony and finally play-act this weight-loss procedure on someone, he replies, laying you down. Im going to applied this monkey soul in you and just see what happens with your 8 pounds. How does that voice?

Yes, satisfy, I want to be slim! Make me that monkey heart.

No thanks, Ill take the skinny cancer instead!

While lying lifelessly next to the toilet, you try on your old breathes. Wow, they scarcely fit! Your lip may be parched and your eyes crusted closed, but if you took a shower, youd be 10 days hotter than you were before!

So, how will you lose those remaining 5 pounds?

Keep having the flujust 5 more pounds!

Get some broth to suck on and to continue efforts to dry yourself.

Oh , no! You lost 5 pounds, and then 4 more pounds! The flu was unfortunately more effective, and you discontinued up losing 12 pounds total. You appear scrawny and disgusting, a merely skeleton of the hunk you once were. Maybe try gaining heavines, because right now youre a fitness disaster.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Well, you steamed some hot water over a moo-cow and made yourself some beef broth. But unfortunately, you got better, and you stopped losing load when you were only 2 pounds short of your goal! Sadly, it seems like youre still a blob-like fitness tragedy. Would you like to try another way?

Go back and try another way!

Great choice! You go to the doctor and sidestep for the most difficult, most infectious disease hes get. Perhaps malaria, if he has it.

Oh, Jesus, you urgently need to lose 8 pounds, reads the doctor. I could give you either a altogether untested infection I invented or a radical weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the skinny disease.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

This disease progressed from monkey DNA, but dont perturb, its not AIDS, says your doctor. Hopefully, itll get those 5 standing pounds off!

Sprout hair from every limb.

Pick up a lodge and begin trying to jab it into numerous punctures in the office to look for bugs.

The results are great at first! You eat a healthy, clean nutrition of maggots and vegetation, and almost instantly embarked wincing. Unfortunately, you became more being than monkey, and while your skeleton was contracting into the exact size of a primate, you lost 25 additional pounds. Looks like youll have to try again if you want to lose precisely 8.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Congrats! You now have a monkey heart, which is already 2 pounds lighter than a human nerve. And holy moo-cow, you examine hotbut you feel even hotter. How will you lose those last-place 3 pounds?

By eating chows and vegetation.

By mistaking a squirrel for a potential teammate and trying to persuasion it.

Mmm, beautiful. Mating with a squirrel can burn up to 500 calories in an hour. How will you follow?

Seduce it.

Pass for now and chew some grubs.

You did it! You lost 8 pounds! Its uncertain whether you lost the weight from your brand-new relationship or due to the fact that monkey souls beat 10 meters faster than those of human rights, but no matter! Youre a perfect 8 pounds lighter now, healthy and hot as is also possible. Well done!

Start Over

Great! Seeming hungry, you leave the hospital and see this: a delicious chow! Mmm…what would you like to do?

Eat the grub.

Go for the squirrel instead.

Well, “youve lost” heavines, but you lost too much. This grub was high-flown in protein and low-grade in fat, but its high poison material likewise killed you, developing in too much weight loss( 15 pounds too many !). Next time, try losing less, because this ended up with you looking like a terrifying skeleton creature.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Excellent! Youve chosen to try to lose weight through both rehearsal and a healthy nutrition! But makes be real, large-scale guyyou can probably simply manage doing one of those at a time. Which one would you preferably do?

Exercise.

Diet.

Great! Effort, the brutality we set our figures through in order to look sex. How would you like to start employing today?

Join a gym.

Get a personal trainer.

Try meditating, if that is technically exercise.

Perfect. This is Quinn, your personal trainer.

You will never lose 8 pounds, says your Quinn.

Yes, Quinn, I know.

Sure, youre quiet or some shit for 25 minutes. Fucking cool-ass theme to sit on the storey to employ. Your heavines remains exactly the same. Who attends?

Get up, loser.

Ah, the gym! Therefore welcomed 24 -Hour Muscle Hell, the gym in your metropolitan that you can render! Its adage is You Will Lose 8 Pound Here, so things are finally examining up. What part of the gym would you like to start in?

The weights section.

The cardio section.

The Zumba studio.

The locker room section!

Yes, the heaviness area. The area of the gym that makes your flesh sing in pain! Time to sculpt a brand-new, lighter self from your old, heavier soul!

You look at the coach, who sides you two large metal devices. How will you follow?

Ask for a spotter.

Try to find people form to lift.

We can recognize you, say the strongest people in the gym, grabbing each of your barbells. With our help, youll be able to raise without cracking your sticker in half, and youll lose those 8 poundsguaranteed.

Lift heaviness with them.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

Each of them grabs one of your weights and embarks lifting it on their own. You try to grab on, but they both remark, No, dont contact. Were spotting you , not the other way around.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You can face-lift us up, say the strongest parties in the gym, ambling up to you with their taut forms on display. If you lift us up, youll lose 8 pounds in no timethats a guarantee.

Lift them up.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

You try and try to lift them up. Were heavy, merely swollen with strong muscle tissue, they bellow each time “youre just trying to” lift them up. Hoisting two heavy beings is just the first step to changing their own lives!

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Yes, the cardio slouse. The area of the gym that becomes your middle explode!

Help me, suggests the cardio trainer. The gym has been downloading my muscles through these cables for years.

How will you continue?

Find somebody to chase on the treadmill.

Find somebody to pursue you on the treadmill.

The cardio trainer tries to build opening on the treadmill in order to be allowed to chase him, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve nearly replenished the mainframe with muscle, she responds. This being can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

The cardio trainer tries to constitute cavity on the treadmill so he can chase you, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve virtually replenished the mainframe with muscle, she adds. This soldier can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no weight. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Zumba it is! You walk into the studio, bloated with your 8 additional pounds still lodged deep under your skin.

Kill, your Zumba dojos yell in unison. Kill the man who is slightly heavier than he used to be.

How do you follow?

Fight your dojos.

Surrender to your dojos.

You have chosen to fight your Zumba dojos.

Zumba is a great way to shed additional weight, they wail one by one.

How would you like to fight your antagonists?

Sit on them one by one.

Break a brick in front of them.

Straight up roundhouse-kick them.

Your additional load throws off your aerodynamics a bit, and you end up piercing a pit through the wall.

Okay, sure, they say, bowing. You overcame us. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, so it really doesnt concern too much push. As a upshot, you lost no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You have chosen to surrender to your dojos. You are weak and will never lose 8 pounds, they yell one by one.

How would you like to surrender to your opponents?

Lie on the soil and shriek I continue heavy.

Hit your chief against the stack of ruin committees, but not so difficult that it does any damage.

Okay, sure, “theyre saying”, bowing. Youve emphatically have confirmed that you dont belong here. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, it was therefore certainly doesnt involve too much gesture. As a result, “youve lost” no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Welcome to the locker room, the premier plaza to lose 8 pounds, mentions this gentleman, the cupboard room manager. This is a 24 -hour gym, so Ill be here 24 hours today. Would you like to sign up for a two-hour session of sitting with me?

Do a two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

Two hours pass. You sat well, but somehow you lost no weight.

Great job! he answers, patting you on the back. Would you like to stay for another two-hour session?

Do another two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

<div class="clickventure-node

The post Can You Lose 8 Pounds? appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2qURYdV via IFTTT

[apsbicepstraining]

Can You Lose 8 Pounds?

This peculiarity compels JavaScript to function.

Hello. If youre learn this right now, its because you want to make a change. Youre here because youve always been huge, but now your largeness has already become revolt. You are here because God has cursed you with a flabby paunch, and you dislike the style it rebounds and oozes.

You are here, candidly, because you have nowhere else to turn.

I want to take control of my life.

I want to die a lonely, ruined person who is full of bitternes because I never took community initiatives.

Yes! The first step to succumbing a lonely, broken person who is full of regret is admitting to yourself that you want to die a lonely, busted person who is full of bitternes. Today is the day you embark on that footpath. Disappear out in the world, get down this computer, and hug the darkness.

Start Over

Incredible. Its time to begin anew! Its duration for a brand-new, less fleshy assembly. To start, take a good, hard look at yourself. Thisthis is you now.

Okay.

And this was youthis was you 8 glorious pounds ago.

Oh, wow.

No, its not.

Look, denial is a sign of weakness. Seem into your own sees. If youre going to make a change, you must accept that this perfect, chiseled muscle domain used to be yours.

I countenanced myself.

Yes! The actuality is, “you think youre” 8 pounds away from true-life joy. Your brand-new, lip-smacking person is almost within reach, but only if you vow worked very hard to and systematically destroy every inch of your old-time soul. So, how would you like to lose 8 pounds?

Exercise and borrow a healthy diet.

Take a dietary supplement.

Hurt my figure with the influenza!

I do not want to lose 8 pounds, because I am an idiot.

-Aha! You seem to be a stupid person who does not want to lose 8 pounds. Well, beneath that additional load is a beautiful and muscular Adonis just waiting to kill the old-fashioned you.

So, how will you get gushed for your total 8-pound makeover?

Check out some weight-loss message boards.

Look at your fantastically scrawny girlfriend.

Remember the days when you werent 8 pounds heavier.

You decide to log onto lard.edu, your favorite bodybuilding health resource.

Log onto lard.com and speak some testimonials.

Log onto lad.com and look at porn.

Incredible. Lad.com is unfortunately best available website on the internet. While the actors svelte forms did in fact see you want to lose 8 pounds, you were so drawn to the red-hot, attractive copulation that you didnt leave your computer for hours. Instead, you gained 2 pounds from sitting and neglected! Whoops.

Log onto the computer again.

Try another weight-loss method.

Start Over

You go to the testimonials section. Yes, this is the stuff you need.

Comment I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

You retain scrolling. Its incredible.

Comment THIS IS RELATABLE TO ME.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Great, youre motivated! Now gives lose those pounds!

Comment PLEASE SEND DETAILS ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER.

Exit the computer and start your journey.

Hi, lover, says your scrawny lover, ogling you up and down. I heard you are trying to lose 8 pounds. Hey, we should engage in the primal ordinance of sexits great for losing 8 pounds.

Yes, satisfy!

No thanks.

Actually, just kidding, she adds. Sex is for people who have lost 8 pounds. Well have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Oh, okay, thats penalty, I understand, she supposes. I will break up with you then! Makes have sex when youve lost 8 pounds.

Okay.

Ah, the days when you were 8 pounds lighter and the world was brighter…the days when all your breathes were unfathomably loose….

Yes, I remember…

I do not remember that.

The dates when you deemed an apple in your hands at all times and smiled…when you wore a tape measure around your waist as jewelry….

Ah, yes…

Still I do not remember…

The dates when your family was still alive….

I remember…my God….

I am ready to lose 8 poundsI swear it.

Ah, the flu! An superb choice. The influenza is the worlds No. 1 sicknes for inducing pounds and pounds of liquid secretion. How would you like to get a slimming, fat-burning sprain of the flu today?

Lick the hands of this flu seasons patient zero.

Ask the hospital for their exploited needles and then jump in a accumulation of them.

Go to the doctor and implore for the most slimming flu he has.

Incredible! You got the flu. The good word is that youre now sicker than youve ever seen, and 3 pounds of liquids “ve already” secreted from your loopholes! The bad news is that your person stands swollen and unsightly. What do you do now?

Go to the doctor and implore for a worse disease.

Continue trying to lose weight with this potentially inept flu.

Great choice! You go to the doctor and entreat for the influenza, best available weight-loss program in the world.

Oh, God, only look at youyou urgently need to lose 8 pounds, does the doctor. I could give you the flu, or I could give you a more extreme weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the flu.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

Great choiceIve been meaning to commit a fun felony and finally play-act this weight-loss procedure on someone, he replies, laying you down. Im going to applied this monkey soul in you and just see what happens with your 8 pounds. How does that voice?

Yes, satisfy, I want to be slim! Make me that monkey heart.

No thanks, Ill take the skinny cancer instead!

While lying lifelessly next to the toilet, you try on your old breathes. Wow, they scarcely fit! Your lip may be parched and your eyes crusted closed, but if you took a shower, youd be 10 days hotter than you were before!

So, how will you lose those remaining 5 pounds?

Keep having the flujust 5 more pounds!

Get some broth to suck on and to continue efforts to dry yourself.

Oh , no! You lost 5 pounds, and then 4 more pounds! The flu was unfortunately more effective, and you discontinued up losing 12 pounds total. You appear scrawny and disgusting, a merely skeleton of the hunk you once were. Maybe try gaining heavines, because right now youre a fitness disaster.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Well, you steamed some hot water over a moo-cow and made yourself some beef broth. But unfortunately, you got better, and you stopped losing load when you were only 2 pounds short of your goal! Sadly, it seems like youre still a blob-like fitness tragedy. Would you like to try another way?

Go back and try another way!

Great choice! You go to the doctor and sidestep for the most difficult, most infectious disease hes get. Perhaps malaria, if he has it.

Oh, Jesus, you urgently need to lose 8 pounds, reads the doctor. I could give you either a altogether untested infection I invented or a radical weight-loss procedure Ive been working on.

Ask him for the skinny disease.

Ask him for the revolutionary medical procedure.

This disease progressed from monkey DNA, but dont perturb, its not AIDS, says your doctor. Hopefully, itll get those 5 standing pounds off!

Sprout hair from every limb.

Pick up a lodge and begin trying to jab it into numerous punctures in the office to look for bugs.

The results are great at first! You eat a healthy, clean nutrition of maggots and vegetation, and almost instantly embarked wincing. Unfortunately, you became more being than monkey, and while your skeleton was contracting into the exact size of a primate, you lost 25 additional pounds. Looks like youll have to try again if you want to lose precisely 8.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Congrats! You now have a monkey heart, which is already 2 pounds lighter than a human nerve. And holy moo-cow, you examine hotbut you feel even hotter. How will you lose those last-place 3 pounds?

By eating chows and vegetation.

By mistaking a squirrel for a potential teammate and trying to persuasion it.

Mmm, beautiful. Mating with a squirrel can burn up to 500 calories in an hour. How will you follow?

Seduce it.

Pass for now and chew some grubs.

You did it! You lost 8 pounds! Its uncertain whether you lost the weight from your brand-new relationship or due to the fact that monkey souls beat 10 meters faster than those of human rights, but no matter! Youre a perfect 8 pounds lighter now, healthy and hot as is also possible. Well done!

Start Over

Great! Seeming hungry, you leave the hospital and see this: a delicious chow! Mmm…what would you like to do?

Eat the grub.

Go for the squirrel instead.

Well, “youve lost” heavines, but you lost too much. This grub was high-flown in protein and low-grade in fat, but its high poison material likewise killed you, developing in too much weight loss( 15 pounds too many !). Next time, try losing less, because this ended up with you looking like a terrifying skeleton creature.

Wait, its not over! Try to gain the load back.

Start Over

Excellent! Youve chosen to try to lose weight through both rehearsal and a healthy nutrition! But makes be real, large-scale guyyou can probably simply manage doing one of those at a time. Which one would you preferably do?

Exercise.

Diet.

Great! Effort, the brutality we set our figures through in order to look sex. How would you like to start employing today?

Join a gym.

Get a personal trainer.

Try meditating, if that is technically exercise.

Perfect. This is Quinn, your personal trainer.

You will never lose 8 pounds, says your Quinn.

Yes, Quinn, I know.

Sure, youre quiet or some shit for 25 minutes. Fucking cool-ass theme to sit on the storey to employ. Your heavines remains exactly the same. Who attends?

Get up, loser.

Ah, the gym! Therefore welcomed 24 -Hour Muscle Hell, the gym in your metropolitan that you can render! Its adage is You Will Lose 8 Pound Here, so things are finally examining up. What part of the gym would you like to start in?

The weights section.

The cardio section.

The Zumba studio.

The locker room section!

Yes, the heaviness area. The area of the gym that makes your flesh sing in pain! Time to sculpt a brand-new, lighter self from your old, heavier soul!

You look at the coach, who sides you two large metal devices. How will you follow?

Ask for a spotter.

Try to find people form to lift.

We can recognize you, say the strongest people in the gym, grabbing each of your barbells. With our help, youll be able to raise without cracking your sticker in half, and youll lose those 8 poundsguaranteed.

Lift heaviness with them.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

Each of them grabs one of your weights and embarks lifting it on their own. You try to grab on, but they both remark, No, dont contact. Were spotting you , not the other way around.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You can face-lift us up, say the strongest parties in the gym, ambling up to you with their taut forms on display. If you lift us up, youll lose 8 pounds in no timethats a guarantee.

Lift them up.

Go back to the gym and try something else.

You try and try to lift them up. Were heavy, merely swollen with strong muscle tissue, they bellow each time “youre just trying to” lift them up. Hoisting two heavy beings is just the first step to changing their own lives!

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Yes, the cardio slouse. The area of the gym that becomes your middle explode!

Help me, suggests the cardio trainer. The gym has been downloading my muscles through these cables for years.

How will you continue?

Find somebody to chase on the treadmill.

Find somebody to pursue you on the treadmill.

The cardio trainer tries to build opening on the treadmill in order to be allowed to chase him, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve nearly replenished the mainframe with muscle, she responds. This being can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

The cardio trainer tries to constitute cavity on the treadmill so he can chase you, but suddenly, the gyms general manager comes up and starts touching his electric nipples.

More downloadingweve virtually replenished the mainframe with muscle, she adds. This soldier can lose 8 pounds later.

You eventually give up, but as a result, lose no weight. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Zumba it is! You walk into the studio, bloated with your 8 additional pounds still lodged deep under your skin.

Kill, your Zumba dojos yell in unison. Kill the man who is slightly heavier than he used to be.

How do you follow?

Fight your dojos.

Surrender to your dojos.

You have chosen to fight your Zumba dojos.

Zumba is a great way to shed additional weight, they wail one by one.

How would you like to fight your antagonists?

Sit on them one by one.

Break a brick in front of them.

Straight up roundhouse-kick them.

Your additional load throws off your aerodynamics a bit, and you end up piercing a pit through the wall.

Okay, sure, they say, bowing. You overcame us. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, so it really doesnt concern too much push. As a upshot, you lost no load. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

You have chosen to surrender to your dojos. You are weak and will never lose 8 pounds, they yell one by one.

How would you like to surrender to your opponents?

Lie on the soil and shriek I continue heavy.

Hit your chief against the stack of ruin committees, but not so difficult that it does any damage.

Okay, sure, “theyre saying”, bowing. Youve emphatically have confirmed that you dont belong here. Heres a Zumba belt for all your troubles.

Unfortunately, Zumba is a dance that is mostly self-defense, it was therefore certainly doesnt involve too much gesture. As a result, “youve lost” no heavines. You still have 8 pounds to gowhat should you do?

Go try something else at the gym.

Try dieting instead.

Leave the gym and try to lose 8 pounds another way.

Welcome to the locker room, the premier plaza to lose 8 pounds, mentions this gentleman, the cupboard room manager. This is a 24 -hour gym, so Ill be here 24 hours today. Would you like to sign up for a two-hour session of sitting with me?

Do a two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

Two hours pass. You sat well, but somehow you lost no weight.

Great job! he answers, patting you on the back. Would you like to stay for another two-hour session?

Do another two-hour session with this man.

Go back to the gym.

Leave the gym and try another weight-loss method.

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