#and i just took a 40 minute power nap and it felt so fucking good

[sureuncertainty]

i need more hours at work, but when they beg people to go home bc we're overstaffed I can't like. say no. it's a problem.

[levi-lover]

Say my name

Levi x fem!reader

W/C: 1935

T/W: Smut, 18+, Female Masturbation, slight choking

A/N: I’m going through a writer’s block #rip so I edited the first smut piece I wrote back in December. It’s not my best but hey we all gotta start somewhere! 

You sat at the kitchen table, hunched over a book, entrenched into the words on the page. As the climax began to unravel, you swung your leg onto the chair and put your weight on your foot so you could lean closer to the table, closer to the book. Your body began to shake as you frantically read the pages, turning each furiously. 

You noticed you had less than ten pages to go, you slid your body closer to the table causing the ball of your foot to press against your core. You let out a small sigh, surprised by the sudden arousal. No, not now. Let me finish the book! You ignored the feeling but you kept on pressing your weight to your foot. You finished the book in a rush and as you closed the spine of the book, you let out a small sigh and untangled your legs from underneath you. 

“Wow,” you said out loud to the empty room. That was amazing, I can’t wait to tell Levi. After months of him pestering you to read the dang book, you finally read it. You hated to admit it but Levi was right, you did love it. You rolled your eyes at the thought of his stupid smug face tell you he told you were going to love it. Whatever at least I’ll have someone to talk about it with. Speaking of his stupid smug face, where is he? You looked over at the stove clock 4:23 it read. 

He had left over an hour ago to get groceries. He was normally quick and efficient, never gone for more than 40 minutes. Maybe he got caught up in traffic? You leaned back in the chair remembering the pressure in your core, you pressed your legs together and began to rub them. You closed your eyes in relief, another sigh escaped your mouth. You sat on your leg again, using your foot to apply pressure to yourself. As your body moved against your foot, your core began to tingle, with your left hand you grabbed your lower back and pushed yourself further into your foot, a moan escaped your mouth. You wished it would be Levi’s hands squeezing your lower back, hips, and thighs as he laid under your body, you wished you could be feeling his cock growing hard underneath you. 

“Fuck, where is that man? I need him.” 

You walked down the hallway into your shared bedroom. You sat at the foot of the bed, throwing your body against the crisp sheets, your legs dangled off the bed. You kept your eyes closed as your hand reached to your crotch, your fingers gently rubbing the fabric, your hips began to move along with your fingers desperate to feel more but you kept a slow pace. Your right hand reached over to your left breast and you began to massage yourself, feeling your nipple slowly harden under your shirt. A moan escaped your lips as you began to rub harder against your core, you reached your hands under your leggings feeling yourself over your underwear. You imagined Levi was the one touching you, closing your eyes tight, you pictured him laying over you, moaning into your ear. Heat began to pour into your cheek. You pushed your underwear aside, using your middle finger you touched your entrance. You trailed your finger up your slit, pressed down on your clit. Starting to draw tiny circles around the bundle of nerves, you felt the pressure build inside of you. You pressed down and moaned out Levi’s name. 

“Yes?” asked a deep voice from the doorway.

You rolled your head over and pulled the top of your body up. “Levi, you’re home!” Your hands still in your leggings, you smiled sheepishly at him. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He chucked, “the lights were off. I assumed you were napping so I came in quietly. Tsk, looks like you were busy doing something else.” 

Levi was leaning against the door, one eyebrow was up as he looked over at you with amusement on his face. You could tell he was trying not to laugh. You pulled your hands out of your pants. 

“Oh, no. Don’t stop on my account, brat. Keep going” He walked over to you, the smell of pine and mint hitting your nose. 

Fuck, I did a good job when I bought that cologne. 

He was standing at the foot of the bed, looking down at you. His arms folded across his broad chest, his dark hair gently floating over his gray eyes. He put both arms on either side of your body as he leaned over, his legs spread over yours. You squirmed as you felt his breath near your face, you looked down overwhelmed by the heat coming off of your checks. He used his right hand to gently grab your face, his fingers were warm and firm. A sigh escaped your lips as he tilted your head up, forcing you to make eye contact with him. You saw the excitement and arousal in his eyes as he examined your face. He loved looking at you when you were like this, he loved knowing he was turning you on without even having to do anything to you. It made him feel powerful and it made him feel loved. 

As much as he loved giving you pleasure, he also loved making you wait for it. He looked at your lips, they were parted as small, jagged breaths escaped from your chest. His cock began to press against his jeans as he looked over you. He wanted to fuck you so bad but he knew he had to wait.

He lowered his head and began to whisper into your ear, “are you gonna stop touching that pretty little pussy ‘cause I’m here, huh?”

You closed your eyes and moaned, you felt yourself getting wetter. You loved it when he talked dirty to you. He placed his hands on your neck and began choking you gently. He pushed you onto the bed. 

“Go to the top of the bed. That’s an order” 

You nodded and whispered, “yes, sir.” 

You laid your head on your pillow and looked back to Levi, he was on his knees staring at you from the bottom of the bed. 

“Take off your shirt.” You pulled off the shirt you were wearing and tossed it somewhere in the room. “Good girl. Pull down your leggings and only your leggings.”

You yanked down the fabric as Levi watching, smirking. You laid back, feeling the cool air of the room touch your naked body, goosebumps appeared on your stomach and thighs. Levi looked at you, waiting for you to make eye contact before he made his next order. He loved to look directly into your eyes during sex, he loved knowing you were fully present with him, that you needed him. 

“Touch yourself but if you even dare to put a finger inside, you’ll get punished, okay?”

“Mmmm” you mumbled, as you began to rub yourself again, the pleasure from before quicking rising inside of you; knowing that Levi was watching you turned you on even more. 

“Am I joke to you?”

“N-,o” you mustered out as your body began to tense, a coil starting to form inside of your stomach.

“Then answer me when I speak to you, got it, slut?” Levi’s voice became rough and dark, he wasn’t joking around. 

“Y-yes, what do I do next?” you moaned. 

“I want you to keep on rubbing yourself, do a good job for me.” You peaked over at Levi and who started to rub himself through his jeans. He was biting his bottom lips trying to hold in a moan. You arched your back at the beautiful sight. 

“Start fucking yourself,” he ordered. 

“Yes, Levi.” You start by putting in one finger and curl it into your body, slowly you insert one more, you could feel every inch of yourself. The noise of your wet cunt and moans filled the air. Levi let go of his moan and he began to unzip his jeans. Fuck, I love him so much. You squeezed your eyes shut and focused on Levi’s moans.  

“I want to hear you say my name.” 

“Yes, Levi.” you took your fingers out of your entrance and ran them back up your slit, your back arched at your touch, this was good but it would feel so much better if it was Levi doing this to you. You started touching your clit again, circling around it, the coil getting tighter and tighter. From the bottom of the bed, you heard the sound of Levi’s hands on his cock, you bit your lip just thinking about it. 

“I told you to say my name like the good girl you are”

You threw your head back and started shouting Levi’s name.“F-fuck, Levi.” 

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Levi tossed his head back, he was holding his cock in his angular hands, stoking it up and down. He wanted to shove it inside of you, you were so wet and all he had to do was boss you around. He smiled at the thought of you fucking yourself to the memory of him. 

“Mmm Levi, ‘m close.” You rotated between rubbing circles around your clit to pressing down on it, As the coil snapped, your back arched and pleasure flooded your body, your legs began to pulse. You looked over to see Levi’s face twisted in joy as his cock twitched in his hands and white strings of cum shot out from the tip. He looked at it with content before pulling off his t-shirt to clean off his hands. He glanced up at you and smirked, “that’s my good girl.”

You let out a sigh of relief and held your arms open, inviting him to come in. He chuckled before crawling his way to you. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, wrapping his toned arms around you. Levi placed small kisses on your skin, his hands caressed your waist with a feather-soft touch. You started trailing circles around his back. He loved when you touched him like this, so gentle and full of love. 

“I missed you,” you whispered. 

“Tsk, I wasn’t even gone long.” 

“Yeah, but you were gone longer than usual, it was pure pain!” 

He laughed at your dramatic nature. 

“I guess since you couldn’t keep my name out of your lips.”

“Fuck you.”

“I know you want to,” he retorted. 

“Whatever, anyways what took you so long? I finished the book and I wanted to talk about it!”

“I see. That’s why you were moaning my name. I had to wait for them to stalk up on someone’s favorite brand of oat milk. But you liked it, huh? I knew you would.” You didn’t even have to look at face to see the smug expression he was making. 

“Yeah, I did like it, so what? But wait you got me oat milk? Doesn’t that need to be refrigerated?” you asked. The both of you had been going at for a while now. 

Levi jumped out of you arms and shouted, “fuck! I didn’t put the groceries away!”

“Haha, loser!” 

“Shut up, Brat. Help me put them away and then I’ll actually fuck you.” 

“Aye, aye, Captain!” You shouted like a soldier getting ready for battle. You put clean clothes on and raced him to the kitchen. When Levi said he was going to do something he would do it.

[lavendertwilight89]

Shelter

This was supposed to be a one-shot... It was supposed to be...and now it’s over 40 pages. So here’s the first part

Also posted on AO3

@dangerouspompadour​ @lemonlushff​ @willowandfog​ @cstormsinukagblog​ @littlestuffstohide​ @clearwillow​ @ruddcatha​ @hnnwnchstr​ @smmahamazing​ @wolverine1092​ @inuyashaloverforever​ @xfangheartx​ @umacaking​ @bluejay785​  @murdergiraffe​ @superpixie42​ @shnuggletea​

Inuyasha awoke feeling groggy. Something was wrong… he didn’t even remember falling asleep. The last thing he remembered it was the new moon--his night of vulnerability.  His eyes felt extremely heavy; he must’ve fucked up. Miscalculated. There must’ve been a danger he hadn’t smelled or sensed before he lost his demonic abilities.

Fuck. His body hurt. The question had morphed from what happened to where was he? How was he alive? And why? He listened quietly and heard the pitter patter of rain--likely bouncing off of a roof. He smelled like he was in an enclosed hut. It was old--stagnant. Obviously, it hadn’t been used in awhile. But he wasn’t alone. There was a strong smell of lavender, honey, and jasmine flowers… it was alluring. Intoxicating. But it also scared the shit outta him. He also smelled a lot of blood. Not just his. Probably not just who he shared this little hut with either.

He sat up quickly and groaned from his stupidity. “Fuck…”

“Oh, you’re awake. You need to lie still,” he heard a soft melodic whisper from across the room. He turned to see a young woman in priestess garbs leaning against the wall of the hut he was currently in. He sensed her power and shit--he was about to fucking die. Or fry. Something. He gasped and clutched his gut as he tried to turn and run but his legs failed him. 

Her sigh and shuffling made him panic until he heard her whimper. He looked over to her to see she also was grasping her own torso as she scooted towards him. She was pale. Sweating. She… didn’t look good. 

“Stop,” he tried to sound threatening. It must’ve worked or she was where she had tried to get to. Water dripping from a bucket made him turn his head and see she was much closer. She grimaced and winced again as she shifted onto her knees and pressed a calming hand on his chest. She wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled softly--weakly.

“It’s okay… I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Get off me,” he said, grabbing her hands and pushing her away slightly. He hadn’t expected her to fall to the floor of the hut and cry out. Shit. He was an asshole. He noticed an overwhelming scent of blood--hers. Shifting he took her in and saw how dirty she was now that she was close enough. She was covered in demon blood--along with his and her own.

She rolled over onto her back and glared at him, “You--asshole! That’s not a way to thank someone for helping you!”

“Never asked for your help,” he shot back. “I told you to stop.”

“I thought you were just scared and confused! Not that you’d throw me!”

“I didn’t throw you, I shoved and you’re just weak.”

“Whatever,” she scoffed and rolled over to her side. She was whimpering as she pushed herself to get up and then made her way back to the wall. 

He took the opportunity to see she had bandaged him--”Where are my clothes??”

“Your kosode is ruined but your haori is over there,” she gestured behind him. He wasn’t surprised. Only his kimono made from the fur of the fire rat could withstand damage. Standing uneasily, she remained quiet this time as he began to dress. 

“Alright, I’m out of here.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you,” she said leadingly. He glanced back and saw a smug little sparkle in her bright sapphire eyes. He looked to the door and saw her barrier erected around the hut and grew angier.

“Why the hell not? I’m not staying here with you, you weak ass priestess! You couldn’t even slay me!”

“Why would I want to hurt you?”

“Are you fucking blind??! I’m a demon!!”

“Half.”

“Shut up! Anyway--so you’re a dark priestess then?? Ya wanna make a deal? I don’t really do that kind of shit so you might as well lower your barrier. I’m leaving whether I have to kill you or get zapped.”

“There’s a rather large horde of demons past my barrier. It’s there to protect us… until we heal.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Smell for yourself,” she flicked her wrist and a tiny hole opened and he got a good whiff. Fuck. He’d die the minute he stepped out. There’d be no way he would make it past them. 

“Damnit!” he yelled as he punched a hole through the hut. “Why didn’t you kill them huh?? God you’re fucking useless!”

“For your information, I was a little busy saving you,” she said in a huff. “For someone who had their life saved on such a time of weakness, you sure are ungrateful.”

“I should just fucking kill you now, bitch. But I need your fucking barrier.”

“Oh goody,” she sighed leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snarled. She was planning to kill him after all! Fuck! 

“I may be a priestess but I’m still human. I’ve lost a lot of blood, been using my reiki for three days straight, haven’t eaten anything, oh, and, probably have slept for maybe six hours total,” she said with a heavy groan at the end clutching her abdomen. Okay, he felt like a dick. But he was only protecting himself.

“Why haven’t you been taking care of yourself? You’re of age to be independent. How the hell have you lived so long if you’re this dumb?”

“Gods! I’ve been taking care of you, stupid!!!” She yelled at him with tears in her eyes. “Gods just shut up! I’m sorry I saved you! Obviously I messed up--you clearly were trying to commit suicide. Don’t worry, in a couple hours, I’ll probably be dead anyway, my barrier will fail and they’ll eat us both!”

“Shut up! That’s not what I meant!” Inuyasha kneeled down at her feet, still not willing to get too close to her but she wasn’t going to be able to reach out in her state at that moment.

“Oh??? Want me to use myself as bait so you can escape??? Lessen the guilt so you won’t have to watch me die?? Prefer to think I just waltzed right out of here rather than succumbing to my injuries!!?”

“No! Fuck! Stop fucking talking!!”

“No really!! Tell me what it is you want! What do you need?? I live to fucking serve!!”

He finally lost his temper and slapped his hand over her mouth and glared into her wide eyes, “Shut. Up. Look, I overreacted. I didn’t remember what happened--still don't--I thought you were trying to kill me like every-fucking-one else--and I admit I’m a jackass.”

She just continued to glare at him and then she did the craziest thing he had EVER had happen to him. She. LICKED. Him. What. In. The. Fuck!??!?!

“Ugh!!!” he yelled and pulled his hand away like it was on fire. “You--you--youuuuu---WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!? YOU LICKED ME!!!”

“Jeez, you’re acting like I just shot you with an arrow,” she mocked rolling her eyes.

“You’re--you’re so fucking weird!! Are you even a priestess?!!?”

“Uhm, duh?”

“Don’t you know demons are inherently evil?? That as a priestess we are naturally enemies?!" He felt like he was going to explode from rage that was driven by confusion. This woman hadn't tried to attack him yet. No matter how much he cursed her, poked and prodded her, insulted her-- she just took it. Rolling her eyes. Like she knew him. 

"Yes-- I'm aware we are 'supposed' to be enemies. I just don't believe in that notion. Not all demons are bad. You exist because a human and demon obviously loved each other to make you. I have demon friends that I care for, well, cared for." She sighed and took a ragged breath. "Look, I don't want to spend what could be my last hours arguing. I accept your lame apology. I forgive you."

"You--you what???"

"You’ve obviously had a rough life to be so callous. I'm just sorry we couldn't have become friends," she added as her shoulders relaxed somewhat.

"Oh fuck no! You're not gonna fucking die on me!"

"Haha, are you a demon of the underworld that can prevent that? I'm also not dying yet. Just resting." Her demeanor didn't convince him.

"No but I can heal you."

That made her eyes open again. "Hm? How?"

"I don't like owing favors and I unfortunately think I owe you a lot… my uhm… " Well shit. How was he gonna tell her? He doubted she'd accept help. She seemed to have about as much pride as he did. She wouldn't sully herself to be healed...

"How about while I rest you think of a way to tell me of your little 'secret'," she said as gruffly as a kitten. She was pretty weak, he probably shouldn't let her sleep. If she did, he wasn't sure she'd wake back up.

"No."

When she didn't respond he slightly panicked and reached out and touched her to rouse her. Even though he shouldn't care, she rescued him and likely gave her own life for his.

"Hey! You cannot sleep!! Bitch wake up!!"

"Ugh, I liked you better sleeping. I at least could imagine you being nicer."

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding and clipped, "Regret saving a half breed already?"

"No."

He blinked. Twice. Three times. She opened her glazed over ocean eyes and locked with his, "Why do you assume I'd regret giving my life for yours?"

"I can run off twenty reasons right now."

"Mmmm… I'd prefer not to hear any until after you let me nap. Next time you stir me I may make you regret giving me the idea of zapping you," she smirked weakly before letting her eyes shut again. 

"You better just be sleeping," he grumbled.

"Don't worry. I'll see your handsome smirk again," she slurred, finally succumbing to sleep.

Sputtering and blushing from her words he got up quickly and exited the hut. Fuck. She was crazy.  All he could do was equate her insanity to her exhaustion, blood loss, and hunger. Yep. That made the most sense. Finally calming his racing heart, he noticed the barrier wasn't just around the hut; it seemed to stretch out into the forest. Maybe he could find something to eat… rebuild their strength. Would animals be able to enter the barrier? How was the barrier able to even be maintained this long? How was this woman so powerful? 

He took a deep breath, finally calm enough to start his own healing process. He tamped into his body and allowed his demon blood to take over. The rush of power always made him feel alive. Free. His brother, even though he was an ass, had saved him from himself centuries ago. He'd oddly been in a situation similar to this one; that was why he typically took extra care on nights of the new moon to make sure a repeat never occurred.

He had been younger, no more than a whelp and hadn't been on his own long enough to learn to fight. Sesshomaru thankfully saved him. According to him, it was to honor their father.  He couldn't allow someone of their bloodline to sully it. He showed him how to control his blood, how to use his demonic aura, then sent him on his merry fucking way. The jackass said he honored his vow and blah blah blah. 

Only recently did the dick reach back out to him. Something about finding his mate, change of heart, yada yada yada… He scoffed at the thought of still trying to live with the asshole. 

He felt a weird surge in his blood-- something he hadn't felt before. The woman's scent had grown ten times as strong and he realized his demonic half moved before he felt the motion. He went back inside the hut to her side. She was breathing heavily, sweating, and moaning slightly. He heard his instincts screaming at him to heal her-- that they couldn’t allow her to die. 

What the fuck are you talking about? She’s just some priestess.... Who saved my life. No I don’t really want her to die but sometimes that’s just how life goes. She didn’t listen to me anyway.

Don’t fool yourself, hanyou. You aren’t this dumb.

Shut up and just fucking tell me why we can’t let her die? I know you don’t experience guilt which would be why I would be slightly upset over her death.

It’s just the two of us, actually, it’s just you here. No need to fool yourself. You like this little human. She not only saved us on our night of weakness, but she stayed by us until we awoke. Even now she keeps the barrier raised, unaware we are healing. 

So?

You are so dense half-demon. Why do you think she does this?

Look, you want to keep her alive for whatever reason and you’re running out of time if you want to act so…

I am you. You also want to keep her alive. Why do you think you would like someone so quickly? Allow someone to sway in your judgement?

I don’t know-- first person aside from Mother who didn’t run away screaming or even try to purify my ass immediately when I transformed back? I mean--

Her scent calls to us. Her body and soul compels us to be near her. Are you really so blind? Can you not see who she is? 

For fucks sake! Just spit it out! I hate your stupid snarky games when I actually try to listen to you.

She is our mate, hanyou. The one who is made to be with us. The one we are to protect, to cherish, to fuck, to pup--

Oh my God will you shut up!!! That’s not possible! She’s a fucking priestess!

Blind and dumb as ever half-demon. It does not matter if she was whore, a princess, a demon, or a child--her scent says she is our chosen. 

Dammit it all! What am I supposed to do with that?!

Heal her and court her, dumbass.

He fucking hated his demon half. The bastard basically laughed at him constantly and plagued him with nonstop riddles. Asshole. Demons and mates--a topic that wasn’t new to him. His brother had found her mate not too long ago. It was the main reason he sought him out. She was human--young--probably not too much younger than this young priestess.

Rin wanted Sesshomaru to mend the bridges he had tried to completely break. She was so… bright. Cheerful. Lively. The absolute opposite of Sesshomaru. It was odd to watch them interact. It also made them hard to be around. 

Regardless, mates weren’t common to find in demons. They lived such long lives that finding a mate was almost near impossible. Especially if one was human and you happened to miss them in their lifetime.

But… he was still hesitant. This woman was a priestess. Even if she hadn’t purified him into ash didn’t mean she still wouldn’t. His inner demon was determined they could woo her. Yea. What a bunch of horse shit. However, watching her body tremble in distress did make him die a little inside. He felt guilty… This young woman gave her life to save him. What was even crazier was even after his powers returned, she stayed by him. Kept the barrier up. Treated his wounds…

Other humans were disgusted even if he came into town. She… touched him. Bantered with him. She honestly held no fear of him. And even now, as she barely hung on for dear life, her barrier remained strong and firm.

She was beautiful. Unruly black wavy hair, those big blue eyes that he could have gotten lost in, her shapely body… Her scent though of lavender, honey, and jasmine. It just called to him. In a way he just wasn’t even sure how or why.

His demon was right. He couldn’t let her die. Not yet. If she wanted to kill him after this, he’d let her. If she sent him away, he’d go. But he knew he had to save her.

He pulled her away from the wall and lifted her into his arms. Gods, she fit perfectly into them. She shuddered and moaned as she sank into his chest.

“Mmmmm,” she pushed her face into his chest as he kneeled down to lay her down on the futon he had been resting on before he awoke. “Pine trees…”

“What?” he gasped. She recognized his own very unique scent of pine trees and musk. 

“What's your name?” her raspy voice full of sleep asked.

“You’re awake?”

“Mhmmm...may be weak… but tried to stay aware--was scared the barrier’d fall. Youki woke me up--surprised it didn’t take over ya earlier to heal you...” she muttered while slurring her words, drunk off exhaustion.

“I--...How can you trust me? Why are you still trying to protect me? You obviously sensed my power--I don’t even know your name and you’re just--why--” He was so speechless because this woman, within the past couple hours had proved to give more of a shit about him than anyone. 

“Kagome.”

“Huh?”

“My name. Ka--Go--Me--...and you deserve kindness. Just like everyone else. Your aura--it’s powerful. But not evil.”

“I--”

“Why did you move me?” she asked weakly.

“Your scent… You’re--I--” how does someone tell another they are close to death? She said she already knew but--

“Oh, you were gonna heal me,” she surmised. His silence likely confirmed it as she then sighed, “It’s alright if you aren’t comfortable with it.”

“It’s you I’m worried about, stupid.” 

“I just gave you my name, you could at least use it.”

“Whatever wench, look, do you want me to save you or not?”

“You’re not gonna eat me right?” He looked down to see if she was serious but saw a weak little cocky smile on her face. He rolled his eyes in response.

“No...I just--I don’t think you’re gonna like it.”

“Could you stop speaking in riddles? I’m using too much energy to keep up with your mood swings.”

“You are not gonna like it--my saliva has healing properties. I can heal you by…” he trailed off. He was already scared of the rejection.

“Ah… I get it now. Okay.”

“‘Okay’?”

‘It… makes sense. I know little about inuyoukai. They aren’t that common. Typically keep to themselves,” she groaned and shifted her face back into his chest to take what he could only describe as comforting breaths.

“Wh-what are you doing??” he blushed.

“S-sorry… You--you smell good. It helps. A bit,” she cringed.

Fuck. He could literally hear his inner demon purring and laughing about how right it was. Bastard. He laid her down and hovered over her. To say he was petrified she would reject him would be an understatement. But here he was, putting himself out there, in likely more ways than one. 

“Are you really okay if I…”

“Tell me your name,” she asked again weakly.

“Why?”

“I wanna know the name of the man who saved me…” she sighed as she tried to relax on the futon beneath him.

“Inuyasha.”

“Mmm… Inuyasha…” she breathed as she raised her hand to cup his cheek. He gasped as her sapphire eyes locked with his, giving him all the trust he never knew someone could have in someone like him. She smiled softly and dropped her hand to her side and passed back out. As if she was at ease with him now being her protector. He felt the barrier had still not lowered but it wasn’t as strong as it was. 

Swallowing hard he did what he had never done before--he started to undress a woman. Honestly he had never been more uncomfortable in his life. He was scared his demon would get ideas. Just from the idea she more or less submitted to him without knowing put his demon into a frenzy. 

He got her obi untied and easily tugged down her hakama. She was pretty heavily bruised--her right upper leg in particular. He wouldn’t be able to do much for a broken bone which he was fairly positive she had. He parted her kimono and saw her binds weren’t in great shape. They were tattered and he wasn’t sure exactly how or why she hadn’t bothered removing them all together. Her own bandages that wrapped her torso were soaked. She shouldn’t have been wasting their supplies they somehow had on him--she should have been taking care of herself. 

Dammit all--of course his mate would be the most selfless person in the world. She’d probably die before he could even finish courting her. Probably offer herself up as dinner to a hungry wolf. Fuck. That’s not where his mind should be. He just needed to focus on making sure she lived. He could think about the what ifs and other crazy unrealistic hypotheticals once she was better,

He sliced through her bindings and bandages until she was bare before him. Fuck. He had seen naked women before, not on purpose but after centuries of being alone--you see things. Bathing where you’re hiding, couples sneaking away where they think they're alone, saving girls who were taken from their homes by bandits. He was no stranger to the female form or what men did to pleasure it. Not that he ever had the balls to try anything with anyone ever. No woman would ever show him the time of day… well, at least until now.

Gazing down at her sweat glistening body he decided to start on the largest wound--the one that was likely threatening her life most at the current moment. Gulping, he let his demonic side rise again to the surface as he began to lave her body. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Her blood was tantalizing. Oh Gods, why was her blood so good? He wasn’t a fucking bat demon. This was something he’d likely have to ask Sesshomaru about. Maybe. This seemed rather intimate. Maybe he should mention it to no one. Ever. Not even her. Who knows, she might run off after this was done anyway.

Finally the demon seemed to be satisfied with his work and receded back. Now, he had one more job. Getting rid of the hordes of demons so that he could hunt for food. He took off his haori and draped it over her now clean and well resting body.She was still pale but her breath had evened out and she wasn’t struggling as much to be comfortable. 

He found what he was looking for in an instant. His sword pulsated to him-- called to him. It was in the corner of the hut near where his haori had hung. Grabbing it quickly, he stepped outside and unsheathed it. He waited to see if he heard her stir but there was silence. She must've been holding on by a thread.  He felt bad but he was going to have to shatter her barrier. The action would likely wake her if not shock her a bit. But if she stood a chance at fully recovering, the demons had to go. 

Even if she didn't, even if her leg didn't heal, even if she couldn't bear his pups, or even if they could never consummate their mateship, he would stay by her side, if she allowed it. If she wanted that life. He couldn't even understand his declarations or vows let alone his undying desire to protect her, but he couldn't resist the undeniable absolute certainty that Kagome was his mate. 

He changed his sword to the beautiful color of red and then swung after muttering a soft apology in the wake of his guilt. The barrier came down and that's when the aura hit him. Fuck!! Why were there so many after him?! How did he not sense them even in his human form??

What he found even more peculiar was they did not attack. They merely hovered like a disgusting hive. What the fuck was happening?

"Give us the girl half-breed," one hissed.

"What? Why?" He yelled in defensiveness. They wanted her?! She led them to him?! It wasn't even him who they were after?? Who was she?!

"We were told to bring the girl to our master."

"Why?!"

"That is none of your concern half-breed. Release her and we will allow you to leave," another ugly son of a bitch replied.

"Inu-ya-shaaaaa…" he heard the weak murmur of his name from behind him.

"Stay back, wench," he said harshly hoping she'd crawl her way back into the hut.

"It's okay, they want me. It's my fault you were even hurt… Please, let me do this so you're safe. You don't deserve him hunting you down as well."

He didn't take his eyes off the demons but he almost did.  She was being hunted. And she was giving up. For him. Fuck that!

"Let's make one thing clear right here and right now, priestess. I have no intention of allowing whatever prick that is hunting you down to take you."

"It's not up to you, Inuyasha. I'm not going to let anyone else die for me!"

"I don't plan on dying; I plan on protecting you!" He had enough of their banter. Raising his sword, he unleashed the power of the Wind Scar that killed all the weak ass demons in one downward swing.

"H-how?!" She gasped.

Turning around as he sheathed his blade he finally took a look at her gorgeous face. He didn't smell any fear or disgust coming from her. There was pain but if anything judging from her expression it was mostly surprise. 

"Father's fang. All powerful sword of mortals and crap," he explained gruffly as he knelt down to her slowly. He wanted to give her the opportunity to flinch, tell him to back off, anything. But just stared at him in wonder. Then she glared at him.

"You idiot! Now he's just going to send more! Stronger ones! He's never going to stop! Uhh!! Gods!! Don't you ever listen?!"

"What the fuck?!? That's the thanks I get for saving us?! You!!? Well fuck you too!!"

"No! You just put a giant target on your back by saying that you're protecting me and now your life is going to be in danger!! Gods, I need to get out of here before he finds us together." She made to stand but cringed and fell directly into his arms. 

"Shut up. You can't go anywhere in that condition let alone in my haori," he scoffed as he lifted her into his arms as she blushed.

"L-look," she stammered avoiding eye contact. "You have no idea what you're signing up for! This demon that's after me-- he'll stop at nothing to get me! He's a shapeshifter. He'll kill your family, friends, anyone you've ever met.  He'll turn villages against you, towns, all until you're all you have left in this world and then you're so alone you're begging for death…"

He sat her back on the futon and retracted his arms but kept his amber eyes on her disheartened face. His blood boiled knowing she was speaking from her heart. Why she hadn't bothered to really help herself or fight him… it was because she had given up on her life. It took all he had to not pull her in his lap and swear it would all be okay.

"Why not just let the demons take you if you've already given up?" 

"Don't sound dejected-- we just met. But there are things much worse than death…"

He honestly didn't want her to elaborate; he knew it'd unleash his inner beast and he'd hunt the son of a bitch down right then.  Whoever the s.o.b. was, that is. 

"Listen, I realize you don't know me and I don't really know you but you saved my life so I owe ya," he tried to explain his presence.

"You repaid that debt and even then, I'm the one that almost got you killed. And for involving you I'm so sorry. I appreciate you trying to help me but you should go.  You're basically fully healed and you helped me a lot. I probably will never be able to repay your kindness but I can try by telling you to go. "

"You're a fucking idiot if you think I'm going anywhere without you!" He was losing his temper and possibly his sanity when he grabbed her hands in his to make her look at him with those big ocean filled eyes. "The minute you found me, the moment you saved me, the instant you decided not to kill me because we are natural born enemies, you shook my world. I owe you more than you'll likely ever understand. I don't have friends, a family I can run home to, a place to even fucking call home. You aren't putting my life anymore at risk than it already was. I'm a hanyou. Not a demon. Not a human. There isn't really an actual place for me to belong. If it's alright with you, I'd prefer sticking around making sure you find your place back in the world where you belong." Not the actual confession he wanted to make but close enough. He still basically admitted he wanted to be by her side.

"Inuyasha…" She looked… in awe. Oh shit. She was tearing up. Was she that disgusted by the idea of him staying with her? She'd prefer to die or be hunted alone rather than being protected by him? "I… thank you!" 

His mind must've blacked out. Blanked. Something. But her arms were wrapped around his neck and her tears were soaking his kosode. Her body was pressed up to his and she trembled from her sobs… holy fuck. He was shocked she would be so--personal? So intimate. Did she realize how little she was wearing?? 

As he was about to return the gesture, she pulled back and wiped her eyes, "Sorry. It's just been so long since I've talked to anyone. That someone hasn't chased from the streets. Oh my gosh! I'm being so insensitive! Please forgive me!" 

She was about to bow but he caught her shoulder surprising her. "No. None of that.  You finish," he motioned to her tears,"that-- and I'm gonna catch us dinner." Before she could object he took off running.

Flustered. Hot. Bothered. And most of all, happy.

It had been about a month since Inuyasha had met Kagome. Tonight was the impending new moon. He had just gotten back to their hut after hunting for their dinner. The sky held a blood red hue to it--a dark omen if he ever knew one.  But Kagome had regained most of her strength. Her leg was still healing as were her ribs he hadn’t noticed before but, she was able to move around a little more steadily. 

They hadn’t experienced any additional trouble from the demon that was hunting Kagome. It had been oddly very quiet. Not that they complained. It gave them time to get to know each other.  

He learned she was feistier than he originally thought. And if that didn't make him hotter than hell. She never backed down from a dispute they had whether it was over how much liver she should be ingesting, how much she should be sleeping, if she was leaving the barrier up long enough-- Gods his instincts chose a wild mate. 

She also learned he was an 'overprotective-jealous-insensitive-crazy-loud-mouth-jerk-asshole'. Her words. Not his. He still hadn't exactly told her she was his mate. To be fair, he wanted her to be fully healed before he even confessed something like that. He wanted to hear her genuine feelings first… and not have them swayed on the fact she was dependent on him for her care. 

Not to say they hadn't had tender moments together. Moments that if she wanted to go back and live a normal life once that demon was gone, he'd cherish forever…

She told him about her family; she had a mother, brother, grandfather. Her father died right after her brother was born from the fever cough. Her grandfather was a priest, not the most powerful one, but he was able to train her in her powers. 

When the demon began pursuing her, she left one night without a word. She wasn't sure if the demon came for them again or not. Originally she sought help from the demon slayers, but they told her they couldn't help a demon's whore who willingly allowed five of their best slayers to die at the hands of her mate.

Inuyasha knew that tidbit was wrong, but it hadn’t calmed his youkai blood when hearing some demon was going around spreading the idea that it was his Kagome's mate. That what was his, belonged to someone else. He was going to enjoy ripping out the fuckers intestines, wrapping them around his neck, and watching the fucker choke on his own blood and lack of air.

Midtransformation, Kagome had reached out and grazed his cheek, trying to calm him. Her words still echoed in his brain, "I'm here. He didn't get me. It's not true." It was like she knew-- she knew what he needed to hear. 

He had confided in her about his childhood. Not a whole lot of detail. Just his mother too, died from the fever cough. He was on his own for the majority of his life. Told her about the asshat he did have for a brother and his sister in law…

"It sounds like he's sorry for what he did-- or rather didn't do," Kagome had surmised.

"Don’t matter."

"But family is family and they sound like they want you to be a part of it. It sounds like Sesshomaru has trouble expressing his feelings, must be a family trait," she laughed while he glowered. "I'm sorry, I couldn't pass up a way to poke at you. Anyway, you don't have to be alone anymore. Your family wants you to be with them; if I were you, I'd take that chance. You said how long you've been alone, how no one accepted you, and you have a chance now. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. I know it's hard to believe but trust your sister; Rin seems to be that voice of reason."

Like you are for me… Not that he could say that aloud. But she must've seen the look in his eyes. Or maybe, just maybe on her own, she just wanted the closeness too. She had leaned her head upon his shoulder and let out a slightly ragged breath. He smelled the salt water that pooled at her eyes and heard her whisper so softly he almost didn't catch it, "I don't want you to leave me though…"

He had nuzzled her head and buried his nose in her hair as he wrapped his arm slowly around her shoulders. She had shifted and gripped his haori in her fist and cried silently. His little miko was so strong, stubborn, and determined. It was rare to see her finally succumb to her grief of the losses she suffered. The pain of the rejection she faced. The silent confession of wanting to be with him. 

Again, he wanted this stupid demon to be dead before he asked her to be his mate.  He didn't want it to be out of gratitude. She had admitted she had previously been promised to another male--Hobo? No, Homo? That wasn't it… Hojo. Yea that little fuck head. When his growl emerged from his chest without warning, she laughed and said even if she ever returned to her village, she had no intention of going through with that marriage. It was arranged by the families in thanks of their support after Kagome's father had passed. 

Sighing over the reflection of how far he and Kagome had come in the last moon cycle, he cleared his head. Or rather tried to. He already felt the pull of the moonless night pulling his youki away. His emotions were getting twitchy and edgy. Fuck his life. 

He entered the hut and was greeted by the most radiant smile that made his heart beat faster. Shit. It was going to be a very, very long night. His human half was bound to share some secrets that shouldn't be shared. Ever. Well not ever, just not yet. 

"I missed you! Did you have a good hunt?" She asked as she stood uneasily. She still favored her left leg but was able to put more pressure on her right than she had been able to. It pissed him off for her to be moving at all but she explained to him she had to. More or less explained if she didn't use it, she could likely lose it. Even though he comforted her, she said she wouldn't be able to rely on him forever. 

"I got a couple hares and found some plums."

"Oh good, the vegetables are roasting now if you wanna clean them and throw them in."

He nodded to her and handed her the plums then stepped back outside to the dirty work. Kagome was not an ordinary woman. She cared so deeply for basically all manner of animal or beast she almost became a vegetarian. Weirdo. He had grown accustomed to skinning and cutting his game outside out of her sight so that she would eat meat. She needed it after all.

Once he was finished he brought in the cubed pieces and dropped them in the kiln 

"We can use the fur to make blankets for the upcoming season," he mentioned as he hung them out to dry.

"I hope we won't need them but that's a wonderful idea." Oh yea--they weren’t actually together. Or at least not yet. Him and his big mouth. It was weird; whenever he opened his mouth to say that stuff without thinking, she never told him she didn’t want them to be together--just that she hoped that they didn’t have to stay in this hut. He was too scared to ask what she wanted to do when the demon was caught. It also would mean he would likely be confessing some of his feelings in the process because she in return would ask what he wanted to do…

He felt the similar pulsation he’d felt hundreds of times as his powers drained completely. He felt the shift in his claws, fangs, and the last hinting remains of his heightened senses vanish. Sighing, he turned and saw Kagome had watched with interest. Did she like him in this form? Did she prefer him this way? Was it a human she wanted to be bound to?

“Wow,” she gasped. “I know we technically met in this form but… it’s still strange.” She began to rise; the action annoyed him as he saw her still struggling. He grabbed her elbow to assist her to which she sent a grateful look. What he didn’t anticipate was for her to grab his arms to stay in place. He watched her face study him. Did she think he was a different person?

“Hmmm,” she hummed as she took her hands and brushed his hair back to reveal his human ears.

“Something on your mind?” he finally snapped.

“OH, uhm, nothing really,” she said far too quickly.

He debated on letting her comment go but couldn’t shake his insecurities. “Well go ahead and spit it out--you prefer me as a human right??” 

“What?? NO! Why would you think that!!? Oh my gosh, is that why you think I--ugh! You’re so stupid!”

“I’m ‘stupid’?? How’s that?!”

“To think that I would just be lumped in with everyone else! That you’d even think that!!”

“Well excuse the fuck outta me!!! You were the one who was basically ogling me just now!”

“Oh my--ugh!! Kami!!! How old are you?! You’re acting like a preteen girl!!”

“Take that back, bitch!!”

“No way! You’re being super sensitive right now! Acting like you’re hitting puberty and your mood swings are fully swinging around!!"

"Let me tell you something, wench; I am at least ten times older than you I can promise you I have gone in and out of the maturing process "

"Clearly not, otherwise you wouldn't be acting like a freaking child!"

"I am not acting like a child! I'm just pointing out you clearly like this form better!!"

"I didn't say or imply that!! You're still you! What's the problem with what form you're in anyway?!"

"Because no one, no one will ever want a half-breed!! No one will ever love you, no one will ever accept you!! You're always the last one that is picked out of a line up; everything is always, always your fault!"

Her eyes widened at the proclamation he unwittingly made. "Inuyasha..."

He turned away from her embarrassed about his admission and turned away to head outside.

"Wait! Where are you going?!" Kagome was panicking. But he needed a minute alone. He had to reign in his emotions. 

"I just need a minute…"

"Inuyasha please--I'm--"

"I'll be back," he grumbled as he walked out of the hut. He almost went back in when he heard her sobs but he had to compose himself. They couldn't necessarily fight all night.  He needed to remind himself she was not them. She wasn't like everyone else. His stupid humans emotions couldn't betray the trust they had built together. Allowing his insecurities to make him act like that?? Pathetic. 

After everything she had done for him and they were going through? Gods, he should leave her. He wasn’t a suitable mate for her. He didn't deserve her.

After a couple hours spent in the tree nearest their hut since it was still engulfed in her barrier, he figured it was time to go back. Even though she was upset, she refused to lower it. He often wondered if she was just as afraid to be alone as he was… Not that he'd ever admit that. 

As he entered the hut, he noticed she was laying on the futon facing away from the door. He wasn't sure if she was sleeping, faking, or just simply resting and ignoring his presence, but either way, he figured it was for the best. He wouldn’t risk making more of an ass out of himself and hopefully he could figure out a way to apologize to her for acting like an idiot.

Another couple hours passed and after he ate, he took up space on the wall so that he could face the top of her head. He still couldn't look at her face.  He knew it would have been puffy from crying herself to sleep. Thank Gods he didn't have his sense of smell tonight--it would have broken him. He decided to rest his eyes for a bit. It wasn't like he'd ever been this safe before on his human nights since his mother had passed.

He awoke when he heard the creaking of the floorboards. Years of running, hiding, of being in constant fear for his life made him sleep lighter than anyone. His eyes shot open without a second thought and his hand reached to his unusable sword. The look of horror on Kagome’s face snapped him out of his stupor and he quickly righted himself.

"S-sorry. You snuck up on me," he admitted groggily.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I should have let you rest… I just… I didn't like how we ended our conversation. But, we can talk about it in the morning," she whispered as she stood back up and turned to head back to the futon. He grabbed her hand before she stepped out of range. 

"No. Dawn is not far away. We can talk."

"O-okay. If you're sure," she muttered sitting back down beside him.

"I don't usually sleep on these nights anyway. I usually don't-- can't relax."

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you were being ogled. I don't want you to feel like that. I also want you to know, I do accept you. Just the way you are."

"I should be the one apologizing. I know all that. If you didn't feel that way, you would have killed me the dawn after we were attacked. But you didn't. You haven't. And you still continue to offer protection to me even though you know what I am. I think I was just so hell bound to not let my emotions get out of control that I took the tension away by blowing up on you over nothing." He looked into her eyes that were glued to his. She was so invested in everything he was saying to her it was unreal… It made him full vulnerable, weak, shit, he needed to say something so she didn't think he was in love with her. Even though he was-- but he promised himself not yet!! "Don't think you'll get another apology out of me in the morning. I won't feel guilty or nothing then. You're only getting this because of my weak human emotions."

Her giggle sounded just as beautiful in his human ears as in his demonic ones, "Of course not. But just so you know, I love you as a half-demon. I was just curious how human you actually were. That's why I studied you so closely. I'm sorry if I made it seem like I prefer this form of you. But you're still you. I'm happy to just be by your side.”

He was officially blushing. “You-you what??”

“I said I--” her eyes widened at her recollection of what she said. “Uhhhh--I mean--I--oh darnit! I didn’t mean it like that--oh Gods, please don’t be weird now. I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking!” When she caved in on herself, his heart broke a little. She was hiding her beautiful eyes from him but he could see her body rack with sobs just like earlier. Why couldn't they get this right?

“Hey--hey--why are you crying??” he said 

“I blew it! Please don’t go! I-I can’t lose another friend! Please-- you’ve been my only friend for so long--please, I can’t lose you too! I’ve lost everyone.”

He held her in his arms as she cried. She was genuinely scared by her admission to preferring his half demon form--terrified he was going to up and leave…

Not that he could blame her. He lacked… tactfulness. While they had their tender moments, he still avoided his ‘feelings’. Which was why he was nervous as all hell about the new moon. But this actually may have worked to his advantage. She may not want to talk anymore until dawn--since she, like him, always had a knack for speaking without thinking. If his demonic self was still present it would be rumbling with pleasure of how like minded they were.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere okay?” he tried to soothe her with a lesser gruff voice.

“Wh-what…”

“What, Kagome?”

“What about when this is all over? What then?”

“Dunno. Guess we’ll figure it out then, huh?”

“You don’t have to stay with me… You’ve more than repaid anything you owed me. If anything, I owe you more than I could--”

“Shut up. Unless you actually want me to go because you’re tired of me, because you actually don’t want to be with me, then I’m staying right here. Okay? You’re not alone anymore…” I’m not alone anymore.

“What if… I never ask you to leave…?” she asked hesitantly. Her voice was so small. So unsure.

Think first. Think first. Think first. Think first-- “We’ll see how you feel when this is all over… I don’t want to be the person you choose because I’m the only one here.”

“O-oh…” she said disheartenedly. Why was she sad now?! That was a perfect answer! He was actually proud of himself for actually thinking!!!

“What now?” Oops. There went his mouth.

“N-nothing,” she said trying to push out of his arms.

“No, not ‘nothing’, what?? Is that not the answer you were looking for?”

“I just don’t like that you think that I like you because I’m that lonely,” she admitted hotly.

“That’s not--”

“No,” she said as she finally weasled her way out of his arms to glare at him with those sparkling blue raging eyes. Oh God, he needed to take a deep breath and control himself before he did something he completely regretted. Although he knew he'd never regret it. He’d regret if he never smashed his lips to hers--taste that sweet mouth of hers, see if it tasted anything like he fantasized about nightly. “That’s exactly what you meant. Gods, I’m so stupid--”

“Kagome stop--” he grabbed her arms to stop her from pushing away further from him.

“Would you just let me go!! I’m embarrassed enough!”

“Could you be any more impossible, wench?!!”

“Yes! Now for the last time--”

“I’m not letting you go and you can’t make me!!”

“Wanna bet, jerk?!”

“Wench--”

“How charming,” a new voice rang through the hut.

They both jumped at the sound of the intrusion and he shoved her behind him. Standing before them was some weird ass white baboon covered dude. How he got through Kagome’s barrier was puzzling--Inuyasha had learned even animals couldn’t pass into it. They couldn’t even get out of it once it was erected. How’d this crazy interrupting asshole manage to get in?

“You--” she gasped.

“You know this asshat?” Inuyasha growled.

“Oh, we know each other quite well. Don’t we, Ka-Go-Me?”

Inuyasha felt Kagome shiver at the mention of her name in such an intimate form. He placed his hand on her hip as she clutched onto his haori from behind. If he had his senses, he knew she would be reeking in fear. From the time he met Kagome to now, he never imagined he would see her so powerless. So flooded with fear she didn’t just attack--didn't purify him. She never mentioned if she even met this son of a bitch who was after her. ‘There are things much worse than death…’

“Shut the fuck up ya nasty piece of monkey shit,” he snarled.

“You traded down, Kagome. I’m disappointed. This human man is nothing compared to me. I expected more from you… Well, I was about to get more until you disappeared, that is,” the evil fuck cackled. 

“I told you to shut up!!!!” Inuyasha said finally lunging at the demon who was clearing playing with them. 

“My, my, aren’t you an angry one?” He dodged his advance and swung around. Inuyasha gasped as he saw the baboon leap back towards Kagome. 

“Kagome!!!” He said rushing back to her side only to be slammed up against the opposite wall of the hut Kagome was near. He cringed but struggled to get back up.

“Inuyasha!!” Kagome cried, pressing herself against the wall of the hut as if it would swallow her to protect her. It enraged Inuyasha to see her so frightened and helpless. What the fuck was this creature?! It was no ordinary demon!

“Get away from her!!” He pulled his sword in its sheath from his belt and tried to use the barrier of the scabbard to beat off the tentacles. 

“You shall not keep me from my mate, human,” the baboon chuckled as he knelt to Kagome. She thrust her hand forward and tried to purify him but he held no reaction to her outburst in power. Her eyes wide with disbelief, she quickly closed them and screamed.

Dawn was still at least an hour away, but Inuyasha had enough. He tackled the demon away from her. “Kagome!!! Your bow!!!”

He held on for dear life as the crazy fuck wiggled about trying to get Inuyasha off. Inuyasha ended up dropping the sword and tried to keep the baboon pinned while Kagome scrambled to the hut's entrance to grab her bow.

“B-but--it won't--”

“It’s a doll!! That’s why your purification isn’t working! Why he was able to enter! Shoot him with your arrow--strike the heart!!”

“Ku ku ku, clever man, aren’t you? Not clever enough though.” Inuyasha twitched at his words only to feel a tentacle pierce through his back to his abdomen. He didn’t even recognize the scream of pain as his own let alone the scream of his name Kagome cried.

He fell to the ground hard as he realized what he had grasped onto disappeared into dust. Opening his eyes he saw her beautiful tear-stained face hovering over his. He felt his eyes grow heavy and prayed silently that sunrise wasn’t as far away as he originally calculated.

Kagome was a woman of many secrets.  Secrets of which she was learning were costing everyone their vitality. 

It was just a month ago she escaped her imprisonment. She had never wanted to return. Originally when she learned she was being hunted, she tried to seek help from monks, priests, demon slayers to only discover her name was being tarnished. Her family still believed her virtue… however the villagers began to question it as more and more demons began to attack. 

She said her goodbyes to her friends Shippo and Koga who resided in the wolves den--well--it a vague goodbye. They didn’t know it was a full parting she was going to do. They only thought she was leaving for the day after playing with Shippo and the wolf cubs. She had gone up to check on Koga’s mate--Ayame. She was due with the twins any day and she had wanted to be there for her… Breaking promises was something she wasn’t good at; but she kept hers to herself to keep them all safe from Naraku.

Kagome took it upon herself to save her family, her village, by doing the only thing she could do; she left in the middle of the night without a word. She began traveling to the only place she could think that may help her-- Mount Hakurei.

A couple times she managed to secure a hut by using exorcism but more times than not, her face had been used in deceit like with the monks and exterminators--they said she brought calamity upon the village. That she was cursed. That she was a dark priestess. That she should be hung for her crimes…

She eventually got used to sleeping in the woods. Luckily it was still warmer; she wasn’t sure what she would do come winter. Hopefully the villages near the mount would be pure enough the demon couldn’t taint their minds with lies and she could finally live in peace there.

Never once had Kagome questioned why she was being chased, hunted, or pursed… whatever way it was worded, it was true. Naraku wanted her--in more ways than one. The main reason was her power. She had been born with a greater power than any other miko on record. After some serious meditation, it was discovered by her great-aunt, Kaede, that she was born with the Shikon no Tama within her. Stories were passed down in their family about the tale of the shrine maiden who ended the war between demons and humans by sacrificing her own soul to imprison the hordes of demons within it. From the act of engulfing the demon souls with her own, the jewel was born. It had been passed on from priestess to priestess from eons and then it disappeared for half a century as one priestess had it burned with her body.

The priestess, Kikyo, claimed the jewel was cursed. From the legends and stories, she was likely correct. The shrine maidens that were given the duty to protect it often met an unfortunate and quick end to their lives. She too, suffered at the hands of a former suitor whose motivation was greed for the jewel. With her dying breath, she demanded the jewel to follow her in death...only then it was reborn in Kagome.

Kagome’s family were the only ones who knew of the jewel's continued existence within her. They were unsure how a strange demon had learned about her let alone the jewel, but it became evident that he would stop at nothing to possess her.

Before she even made it to a village near the mount she was taken. When she awoke from the forcible grab, she was in darkness. She could only hear laughter, feel slight caresses on her flesh… She honestly thought she was in hell. What was worse was the utter silence when there was no sound of chuckling. She had no idea where her captor was--let alone who he was or what he truly intended to do with her. When there was silence, she often checked to see if her hymen was still intact; she didn’t know if he had drugged her and violated her, or if he took her and she just blacked out from the trauma.

One day, or night, she wasn’t sure how long she was there for, but she started to count when she was awake between visits of her psycho captor and when she got to five thousand for the first time, she knew she was likely completely alone. She invoked her power and was able to see--and gods she wished she hadn’t. Completely surrounded by demons, flesh, blood, and remains, she almost lost her sanity. But she needed to escape. She could break later. She had to remain strong until then. 

Sneaking out, as carefully as she could, she finally saw light as she climbed the rocking surfaces. Touching and testing each place before she firmly grabbed or placed her foot, the climb out of her little hole took likely hours. By the time she got through the hole of the cavern she was in, the light was almost all gone. It was sunset when she finally emerged. She found her clothing and barely wrapped her bindings before her shaky hands threw on her pants and kimono top. Her breathing was ragged but she kept it quiet--kept it under control because she would not be discovered. She would not go back there. She had NO intention of learning what the freak had actually wanted with her other than the jewel.

Thankfully she saw a pile of weapons aside additional clothing. She grabbed a bow with a quiver of arrows before she started her unfortunate descent of the mountain she apparently climbed from the inside.      

     By the time she made it back down to the forest floor, it was night time. The moonless night. She tried to think back to the moon she was taken on… or right before rather. She wanted to say it had been a full moon. But she wasn’t sure if it had been two weeks or over a month's time since she was in that hell hole. 

She was about to sit down to rest when she heard them; laughter. Hissing. Tongues licking lips. Claims of a tasty treat… then the recognition she belonged to Naraku. That whisper was enough to refuel her. 

Running for her life, from uncertainty and evil, she wasn't sure how long she could hold out. She was already so drained she couldn't pull any of her power to the surface without passing out. That was when she heard a call. She turned her head and saw a man dressed in red. He had long black free flowing hair and the most piercing violet eyes she had ever seen on anyone. 

"This way!!" 

Deciding not to wonder why that handsome man was even wandering around in the deep forest in the middle of night, she ran to him and followed him. He seemed like he knew where he was going. She figured even if it was a trap, she wouldn't last not following him. It was ultimately a possible lose lose situation. But he seemed… trustworthy even if it was just from a distance. 

He ran farther ahead of her; it was almost like he was avoiding her. Did he recognize who she was? In her haze of anxiety and onsetting fatigue, she tripped and fell into a tree that laid on the ground. She heard a couple of her ribs crack upon impact more than she felt it. 

"Ahhhh!" 

He must’ve heard her cry out as he was instantly pulling on her arm to rise, "Get up or I'll leave you behind!!"

"Just--just go," she said defeatedly.

"Let's get one thing straight here wench, I'm not out here riskin' my ass so you can give up! Now move it!!"

She couldn't believe his determination. It was weird. Why was he so set on helping her? Was he lonely too??

Trying to stand she cried out and grasped her chest, "M-my ribs--"

"Fuck!" He stood in front of her, his hand stiffly on his sword.

"You--you should go. Please. It's okay, I appreciate your help."

"Shut up, you got me involved the minute you entered the forest with this scum."

"I'm sorry," she breathed looking down at her hands clenching the ground. 

"If you're sorry, you'll get outta here."

"What?" She looked up to see the back of his head.

"Are you deaf or dumb?! I said run!!" Before she could stand she saw the demons charging for her. She grabbed her bow and groaned as she shot off an arrow and blew a portion of them away. Unfortunately she must've distracted the man as a couple knocked him off his feet and attacked his chest.

His scream was what awoke whatever power she thought was drained. She launched arrow after arrow destroying the pack of youkai that surrounded them. Kneeling next to him, he was her priority to save. One demon got too close and knocked the bow from her and two others wrapped around to restrain her hands. She felt burning pain as they stretched her out to open her for attack. Two more came at her and bit down on her stomach and another lunged for her heart. If not for the man by her who was groaning and leaking blood she doubted she would have fought to survive. 

A bright light engulfed her and she was briefly lost. The only thing that snapped her mind back into reality was feeling the rise and fall of the man who risked his life for her. Her eyes popped open and she noticed they were covered in ash, blood, and guts. She sensed another round of demons were on their way. Standing unsteadily, feeling the burning stabbing pain of her cracked ribs, she grabbed her bow and then grabbed the man's arms and started to drag him the direction he previously was headed. She winced as she put pressure on her right leg, realizing it was likely broken when she purified the demons when they dropped her and twisted her on their way back to hell.  

She finally saw what the guy was originally leading them to--a hut. It was old; the wood looked rotted and the reed door was barely hanging on but it didn't matter--it would do.

She got him inside before she finally collapsed on the floor and crawled back out the door. She drew two markers by the doors, the star-based shape she was named after into the dirt in front of the door and began to pray. She prayed for the man’s safety. She prayed for the man’s health. She prayed to be able to make it to tomorrow...

The barrier was erected and she made her way back inside and scavenged for bandages. Thankfully there was already a pot of water above the fire pit and logs were ready to be lit. She lit the fire and boiled the water. As the water was being cooked, she opened the man’s kimono and gasped at the slashes the demons had made. His skin was ripped apart and she wasn’t sure how far the damage went down… She could see his organs, blood leaked loosely from his stomach. If she had anything of substance in her stomach, it would have come up. She had to use her power one more time. Just once more. To heal him as much as she could. 

Hovering her hands over his torn abs, she drew her power once more to the surface. She honestly thought she might die then. He was draining her--slowly. Once she noticed his organs were fully enclosed, she began to clean him and bandage him. Her breath ragged and her mind foggy, she collapsed onto him right before dawn. His aura pushed her back into consciousness. She hadn’t even been on him for a minute. Trembling, she studied the change that occurred within him…

His hair faded to the most beautiful silver colors, his fingernails lengthened and thickened to claws, his ears grew pointed and shifted to the top of his head. He--he was a half demon. He… he showed her his time of weakness. Oh Gods, he placed so much faith and trust in her. He almost died for her.

Her.

Kagome. The reincarnation of Kikyo, the keeper of the Shikon no Tama. The woman whose reputation was ruined by a monster. Rumored to be the mate of a demon... and allowed that demon to kill, eat, and destroy villages for fun. The idea of being mated to a demon was not the thing that disgusted her--it was the fact he said she was his mate. 

Was it possible to fall for someone you just met? Was it possible you never wanted to be without them? The very idea of them leaving your life physically hurt, even though you didn’t even know their name? Was it possible that… he was actually her mate? Could that be sensed because of her spiritual powers? But… would he know? Half-demons were so rare. Would he be able to tell if what she was feeling was real?

Honestly, she could say she had never been in love. She never felt ‘lust’ or ‘desire’ for anyone in her village. She had been on the receiving end of those feelings along with love, but she never felt like she could reciprocate. Truthfully she thought it was the jewel. Her duty was to the jewel. She had no time or desires to be with a man because her sole purpose in life was to guard the jewel. Just like the other shrine maidens before her…

But now she was confused. She knew Hojo--they grew up together. He fell in love with her. He courted her from the time they came of age until she left without a word. Even though her family had agreed, she never had intentions on marrying him. Even her other best friend, Koga, had taken interest in her. But thankfully he found his actual mate and backed off. She loved Ayame and Ayame held no bitterness towards Kagome. That was how Kagome even learned of mates for demons. Not that she was upset with Koga for dropping her the moment he met Ayame, but she was curious why and how.

The way Ayame described it… was exactly how she felt right when she locked eyes with this demon. Well, locked eyes over his body. But was that possible? For a human to be able to discern a demon for their mate?

After on and off sleeping, changing his bandages, watching the sun rise and set for three days and the hanyou didn’t awaken, Kagome began to lose faith… She failed him. He was going to die. And it was all of her fault. The only mate or whatever he was, she was going to lose him. She truly believed that the jewel was cursed--correction--she was cursed.

She prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more. Then she began to beg. She cried. Take her, not him. He saved her. He rescued her. Any Kami that would listen she groveled for the nameless half-demon's life. 

When he finally opened his eyes, his beautiful rich, golden eyes she felt her heartbeat quicken. Some of her strength returned just from the rush of relief while her body began to falter. She saved him. Thank the Gods.  His eyes met hers and she swore she felt the electricity between them… and then he opened his mouth. 

The Gods had a funny sense of humor that was for sure. While her mate was fucking gorgeous and absolutely mouth watering--he was a complete asshole! He had zero bedside manner, let alone any form of manners at all. He was gruff, rude, and ugh! She was so drained and exhausted she had no patience for dealing with her raging emotions and his complete distrust in the person who basically let herself die trying to save him.

Whatever. 

She didn’t care anymore. Hopefully she rested in stupid mother loving peace. She’d take the jewel back to hell and refuse to find nirvana. That was her new duty; to keep the jewel from ruining anyone else’s life.

But then she awoke to a massive surge of demonic aura. For a half demon, he was quite strong… 

Whoa. He was holding her. She fit perfectly in his arms. Oh Gods. If she had energy to be aroused, she likely would be. But she was in so much pain, she couldn't muster anything but burying her head in his chest. His scent was so comforting. It was like coming home. 

After she learned his name, she passed back out. Everything that happened was too overwhelming. Too much for her let alone her body to process. 

She almost killed him the next time he woke her. Her barrier had shattered. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Literally!!! She was going to murder him. When she sat up to ream him a new one, she realized two very crazy things: 1. She was completely naked aside from his haori and 2. Her wounds were healed… except for her broken bones. Oh Gods. Boundaries. They needed to talk about those. One would be when she is out of her mind with pain then things needed to be explained to her more thoroughly. Her fault really. She really wanted to feel better. She also didn’t want to leave him. 

Once he bade the demons away, their weird, highly tensioned relationship began. She was unsure if he thought she was his mate or not. He was so… stubborn. Off putting. Defensive. Quick to speak. 

Over the month they spent together though, it became a song and dance. Sometimes she thought he enjoyed rattling her. He enjoyed ‘poking the bear’. Jerk. He was very protective and provided for her. He literally helped her do everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. If she thought she was mortified over the fact he licked her naked body while she was asleep, she was gravely mistaken. Him having to help her take a leak in the bushes was hundreds times worse.

But he stayed by her--even though he didn’t have to. It slightly gave her hope that he too, felt the draw of mateship. She found herself trying to help him, coax him to go be with his family. Understand that he belonged. Teach him he wasn’t bad because he was half-demon… but then ended up whispering things to try to keep him. Asking him to stay.

She didn’t want him to feel like he owed her; he shouldn’t feel like he should just be by her because she didn’t want to be alone.

When she finally asked the impending question about what he thought if she never asked him to leave… she was heart broken. She really put it all on the line and he basically said that she just wanted him because she was a pitiful lonely girl who was crushing on the guy who was helping her.

She wasn’t that pathetic. How dare he insinuate that! She wanted him because she loved him!! Because all the tales of the red string of fate were true--she was bound to him just as he was bound to her!! He was just too stupid to realize it and ugh!!

Then she heard that dark chuckle that haunted her in the dark. 

Then she saw Inuyasha try to protect her.

Then she saw him drop to the ground…

She did as Inuyasha told her--she shot the bastard through the heart. She was so so so scared--her mind was so clouded in fear she didn’t even realize it was a demon puppet. How stupid was she?!!? 

Kneeling down next to him she saw the gaping hole in his gut and feared for his life--again. This was why she asked him to leave her. This. This right here! She couldn’t allow this man to sacrifice himself for her. The jewel’s existence was her curse. But somehow it was starting to affect him. 

She cared so deeply for him--it was hard to ask him to stay but also tell him to go. Maybe she should have been more forceful! Maybe she should have been meaner… Ugh! Who was she trying to play? She could never treat him like that. He didn’t deserve that; after everything he confided in her, after everything she had been through in the last couple months, she would never treat him so coldly to leave.

His eyes were closed but dawn was approaching. Slowly. Too slowly. He had lost too much blood; she had to heal him again. Closing her eyes she drew her power to the surface and fed it into his battered body. She was strong enough this time to fully close his wound--but that didn’t mean it still didn’t drain her. Feeling part of herself drift back into him, she collapsed onto his chest again and breathed raggedly. 

Damn. He’d probably kill her if he knew what she was doing. Giving away her life force to heal him. But that was just another secret she’d take to the grave with her. If he wasn’t her mate like she thought, he’d move on. It would all be okay; she’d just be the woman who opened his heart and taught him to love and trust. If she was his mate, they’d figure out a way to fix it…

She closed her eyes unable to move herself from his chest. His scent calmed her and soothed her. He would be okay. He would be okay. He would be okay. Even if she wouldn’t be.

Inuyasha felt his youki pulse through him; the change woke him this time. The revelation startled him-- hadn’t he been run through the gut with a tentacle? On his human night? Shouldn’t he have bled out??

He started to sit up, pressing a hand to his head from the massive headache he had when he realized there was weight sitting upon him. His eyes shot open when he sat up and the weight fell to his lap. Looking down he was met with long black locks. It was Kagome!!

“Kagome!” He grasped the young woman on his lap and flipped her over. Her breathing was ragged, sweat glistened down her face,  and she was unresponsive. What the fuck?! What happened?! Was she hurt somehow?? 

He examined her in his arms, sniffed to discern why she seemed like she was in discomfort and came up with nothing. No injuries, no wounds; if anything, her aura was depleted but he was surprised due to the length she held her barrier up. 

Shaking her, he called her name until he finally saw her eyes clenched tightly as if she was trying to regain consciousness. 

"Ughhhh…" she groaned weakly.

"Kagome." Her name fell from his mouth with a gentleness he didn't think he actually possessed. When her sapphire eyes finally appeared he exhaled thankfully and pulled her closer to his body. He didn't give a shit about putting distance between them at that moment; he was just thankful she was awake.

"Kagome what happened?"

"I shot him; the puppet disintegrated and…" She seemed reluctant to finish her train of thought. He knew she did something she likely shouldn't have done… something that he would likely be angry with.

"And what then? Why am I breathing without a scratch? Don't lie to me either, " he warned with a low growl.

She averted her eyes and snuggled into his chest, "I can't tell you. "

"What do you mean you 'can't'?"

"Exactly as it sounds."

"Kagome--I know you have secrets. I do too. Obviously we haven't known each other that long but I know for a fact that some of these secrets are putting you in danger.  I can't help you if you're not open with me."

"I can handle this myself," she said stubbornly.

"Pft, right. That’s why you were trembling behind me when that crazy fuck entered the hut. Who was that anyway? What is your history with him?”

“That’s none of your business!” she yelled sitting up and trying to push away from him. He wasn’t having any of that though--his hold remained firm and he growled low..

“The fuck it isn’t my business! Look here--I’ve almost died twice now saving your hide you better own up to what the hell is going on between you and that sick fuck!”

“Inuyasha! Just DROP it!!”

“Kagome!”

“STOP--” she commanded slamming her hands balled up into fists against his chest, his hands still tightly around her arms to keep her from moving away from him. 

Before he knew it, he had pinned her on her back and was snarling in her face. Her hands were secured above her head and she looked at him fearfully. The beautiful blues made him realize what had happened; her reluctance and obstinance made his inner demon emerge. It was pissed off by the fact she was disregarding her own safety. The fact she was keeping such big secrets from him made it decide it was time to make her submit.

He threw himself off of her and jumped to the doorway; he needed to calm down. Fuck. He hadn’t lost control like that in centuries. Was it because she was his destined mate? Even then though, he usually found her spunk and fury arousing--charming… right then it made him pissed to the point he scared her. He was a monster. She would never accept him now.

When he felt a hand on his arm he pulled away from her without thought. Her gasp made his ears pin to his head and he turned his sadden eyes to hers. She looked worried. Crap. 

“What?!” he spat.

“Inuyasha,” she said softly.

“You didn’t wanna talk right? That’s fine. I’ll give you your space,” he turned back to go out the door.

“No!! Please!! Stop!! I’m sorry!!”

“Whatever Kagome. Maybe you were right. Maybe I should just go; obviously I’m just as untrustworthy as the monkey-shit that just strolled on in. He clearly knows you better than I do. Maybe you shoulda just gone with him. He probably could protect you better than I can since I keep getting myself basically killed trying to keep you safe from yourself.”

He knew he was being harsh. He knew he was reacting in the worst way possible. To be fair, he was doing what he did best--he was pushing her away before she could leave him. When he saw her face, it looked like he struck her the way her face was shaped. He hit below the belt.

The history between her and that demon obviously was extensive enough for the nasty asshole to be claiming she was his mate. Yes, it was a lie. Mates were only linked to each other and no one else. But this crazy fuck obviously was different from the rest. Who knows? Maybe the Gods did link her up to him and an actual demon because he was a half-breed. Unworthy of the beautiful goddess she was. 

She deserved better. He would push her to that point; force her to see she needed someone who could fully protect her. Someone who could support her. Someone who she could take back to her village and not be ridiculed for being with. A man who was not a half-breed. Someone who was not him.

When she didn’t reach out to him, he stepped outside the hut and hung by the barrier waiting for her to lower it. He knew he had to leave her. After what he just did to her, he was likely no better than the baboon. He shouldn’t have her trust. He shouldn’t be allowed to be near her.

“You… You really want to leave?”

“You have ears don’t you?”

“Inuyasha… why…”

“You said so yourself didn’t you?? That I should leave--that I repaid you enough. This last save between us officially made us even.”

“Is… I... Please--no--”

“Lower your barrier, bitch,” he growled knowing she detested that word.

“Do you hate me now?? What happened?! Because I don’t want to share you’re just leaving?! Running away?!!? After everything!!??”

“After what? We’ve been in this shithole for a month. That’s nothing. It isn’t even enough to trust each other, stupid. I’m proving it to you right now; I refuse to be by someone who is hiding their life. Especially when it involves me basically dying every month. I don’t need that. I’ve survived centuries being alone. I prefer loneliness over dying for a pitiful excuse for a human like you.”

Her gasp hurt him. It physically hurt him. He felt like he was ripping his own heart out. A soft thud onto the dirt almost made him turn around until he saw the barrier start to waver.

“Wh-why…?” Her voice was trembling. It was so small, timid. 

“Do you need a list? You’re worthless. You’re so weak you can’t even keep your head held up when you use your powers; you let a demon slip right through your barrier. What kind of priestess are you? Probably a tainted one. I could smell demons on you the moment I woke up in this hut after the last new moon. Do you just whore yourself out to anyone who shows interest in you? Is that why you’re ‘in love’? You’re a stupid little girl who has no idea what love actually is or what it means to be in love with someone. You’re just looking for your next conquest. You make me sick.”

“Inuyasha--please--”

“No, girl. Just lower the barrier before I make you do it for me.”

“N-no… I--I won’t!”

“You’re that desperate?!” He chastised finally swinging around realizing the mistake in the action. She was looking at him in full determination, tears trapped in those deep oceaniantic eyes.

“No!! I’m just that serious about you, Inuyasha!!”

“Shut up and let me out,” he said as harshly as he could but it came out muddled with thick regret.

“Make me. You said you’d make me,” she cringed as she pulled herself up using the doorway as a brace. She stood tall and firm. “Go on. You don’t care--you don’t like me?? Fine. Then force me!!!”

“Don’t tempt me bitch. I’ll rip you apart like you’re nothing at all. I already told you earlier tonight didn’t I? As a human nonetheless, that I doubt you’ll feel like you wanna be with me when this is all over. That was my weak way of saying I’m out of here. But I have always been more about self-preservation anyway. Two brushes with death is enough for a lifetime. Now. Let. Me. Out,” he hissed with the facade of menace standing less than a foot away from her now.

“I’m waiting for your threats to be real. If I have learned anything about you, Inuyasha, it is that you are all bravado. You are just doing this to save some sort of face… Yes, your words hurt. Yes, you’re breaking my heart. Yes, I don’t know if we’ll actually recover from the damage you’re trying to inflict, but, I’m not willing to let you go.”

He was stunned and his face likely didn’t even bother hiding it. Did she really know him that well? How did he actually allow himself to get that close to her to where she knew this pattern about him? Fuck…

He couldn't physically hurt her. Never. Neither his human or demon half would ever allow such a thing. He tried the emotional route only because he thought it would protect her. Even though he pushed her away, he could always watch her from the trees.  Protect her without her ever truly knowing. But now, he may have unknowingly set his fate in just a lifetime of friendship. Whatever. This was the lot he had been given. This would be the lot he would take.

"Why are you hanging on so hard? After everything I said--how--"

"Because I'm not everyone else, Inuyasha. I know you. You'll be just as heartbroken as I will be if you actually step out of this barrier…" she sighed leaning heavily on the door frame for support. It was like all the energy she was using was fake and she was her last reserve. He refused to help her; he was trying to prove she didn’t actually need him. In the end, he would hurt her. She was lucky she had snapped him out of his demonic rage. What if it happened again? What if she didn't pull him back?

We would never hurt our mate.

Yea. Right. Tell me she didn’t look afraid at the stupid showcase of dominance. What would have happened if she kept fighting?

We would have made her submit.

By force, jackass. Never. Our mate is safest away from you--away from me.

That is a foolish lie you are telling yourself, hanyou. Our mate is the safest in our protection.

Shut up!!! 

“Whatever. Start fucking talking. I’m outta here if I hear any bullshit,” he grumbled and tried as hard as he could to keep his eyes averted.

“You first--what the heck was that?!!”

“I’m asking the questions here, wench,” he pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yea, let me explain to you how this will work, Inuyasha. It’s going to be a ‘you-go’ ‘I-go’ kind of thing. Since you just decided to up and leave all of a sudden after declaring you were there because you wanted to be, I want to know why?!”

He felt a jolt in power. She obviously was very pissed off or hurt, or the third option, both. Not that he could blame her; that was his goal. But she didn’t have the correct reaction. She was supposed to let him leave, he would watch her from afar, then kill the disgusting asshat who was stalking her. After that, she could return to her village, marry some nice guy, have his pups, grow old, then die. Then Inuyasha would move on with his life and reminisce about how he fucked it all up. But no, this woman was likely more stubborn than he was. 

“None of your business.”

“Uhm, actually, it is!!” Another surge flowed through her barrier. Was she just trying to scare him? Or were her powers acting on their own?

“Actually it isn't. Next question.”

“Inuyasha…” she warned.

“I said no, Kagome!! Next FUCKING question!!!”

Her pause made him look at her and he saw those beautiful blue eyes angier than he had ever seen them.

“I know what happened, Inuyasha. I’m a freaking priestess! I know your demonic half emerged when I was fighting with you. I know as a inu-youkai, the act of defiance in a pack is huge. I know you were making me submit. Now, tell me why?!!?”

Our mate is smart. You don’t give her enough credit, half-demon.

Shut. Up. Stay the fuck outta this! You’re the reason we’re even in this mess!

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not!??! You were the one just going on about trust and everything else!! Can’t you extend the same courtesy?!?!”

“If you don’t shut up, you’re gonna end up in the same position!!”

“Good! Maybe your demon will be more talkative than you are!!!”

“Trust me, it doesn’t want to fucking talk!!”

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Exactly how it sounds! It's my basic instincts--the most primitive animalistic part of me! The furthest thing from its mind is talking!! That part of me kills first and doesn't even turn around to ask why. Anything it deems as a threat to power or life is automatically cut down. It was over the fact you don't fucking listen! That you constantly put yourself at risk and don't bother to tell me why! I stayed with you to protect you! If you know what's after you and why I deserve to fucking know!!"

"I didn't ask you to stay!"

"Well you're certainly not letting me go either."

"Can't you just trust me?? That maybe I'm not telling you to protect you??!"

"We both know that's a load of bullshit because I’ll repeat myself just because I want you to see your face when I tell you how wrong you are: I. ALMOST. DIED. TWICE. I don’t know how you keep saving me, but face it Kagome, you’re not doing me any favors.”

He watched her face contort to discomfort and then shame. Her barrier dropped as did she into a slumped position against the doorframe. Sighing, he knew he got through to her. Maybe. Or maybe he broke her. As much as he wanted to lift her into his arms and carry her back into the hut, he knew he needed her to sweat. She needed to open up to him lest they have a repeat incident where he actually bit her--marked her without permission. Rutted her like the goddamned animal he was. 

“Just go…” she whispered.

“Are you… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!!?” He felt his youki rising. What was wrong this--this--bitch?!

“I’m not going to tell you. You’re right though. You don’t need to be here because you’re just in danger. Go,” she waved her hand dismissively but her eyes were trained on the tattered reed hanging from the door.

He surprised her when he grabbed her by her hair and shoulders. Her gasp this time didn’t break his trance when he tilted her head to expose her neck to him. What shocked him though was he didn’t mark her--he just bit her enough to leave a bruise. Cocky demon half. He was lucky she only inhaled sharply and didn’t zap him into the next life. Remaining as still as he could while the growl that had been flowing through his chest kept a steady noise to break the now very awkward silence, he tried to figure out what she was going to do. Well, even what he was going to do.

When he felt the lick of her tongue against his cheek he unceremoniously dropped her. Whoops. Fuck. Shit. Dammit. He was actually at a loss for words. She stayed upright and caught his forearms. Her eyes looked into his as if making sure he was--well that he was back, he guessed. 

“Happy?” she asked hesitantly. He must’ve forgotten how to talk though. Communicate in general. He was stuck just staring at her. Wasn't even sure how he was gazing at her. Curiosity? Disbelief? Shock? 

"Are you… okay?" She asked tentatively, reaching up to stroke his cheek where she likely saw his jagged stripes. 

Well say something hanyou.

…

She submitted--just as we commanded. Pull yourself from your stupor. 

She… why…

Outloud moron.

Shut up and go the fuck away!!!

“Y-you---I---” Gods what the fuck was she doing to him?? Now he couldn’t speak.

“For someone who demanded I be the one to submit, it seems like you’re doing the opposite.”

He cleared his throat as best he could and averted his eyes. Because he was likely to bend down and kiss the fuck outta her if he didnt look away.

“His name is Naraku.” That caught his attention. “Have you heard of him?”

“Yea--my brother said he’s been running around for about half a century. No one knows what he looks like outside of the fact he typically wore an animal suit. Even then, nothing has ever been confirmed. He’s… trouble to say the least.”

“Yea…” she said suddenly anxious.

“Why does he want you? Why is he claiming you’re his mate?”

“I--I don’t know.”

“You’re lying…” he hissed.

“I honestly don’t know why he claims I’m his mate! That’s not a lie!”

“But you do know why he wants you.”

“It’s a secret that has been passed down in my family for generations. It’s something not shared with demons or anyone.”

“Well whatever little secret you’re hiding, it’s about to cost you your life,” he clipped. And mine… If you die Kagome, I’ll die.

“Inuyasha please--I think it’s just best if--”

"Just fucking stop, wench." He was exasperated. He'd have better luck torturing Sesshomaru for information. Maybe they needed a break. He could calm his nerves; she could… figure her shit out. "I'm gonna go."

She looked down, her breath hitching. Sighing, he grabbed her face to look at him so their eyes met. "I'm not leaving. I just need a minute. My instincts are all riled up. You're… well, emotional and panicking over nothing. But this isn't working.  You have to agree with that. What's dumb as fuck is I'm the one saying this. You're the one who's supposed to be good at the words and crap. Go rest. You better be ready to talk after you sleep."

He released her face and began to turn away when he felt her arms wrap around his waist and clench his haori. Gazing down at her, he was again at a loss for words. 

"I'm sorry Inuyasha."

"Keh, whatever.  Not the first time someone's tried to kill me; it won't be the last."

"N-no. I… I swear it's not that I don't trust you. I just don't want you to look at me differently. Our…" Her pause was apparently taken to contemplate her next words carefully. "--friendship means so much to me. I can't-- I just-- please--"

"I'm just going for a run. You have been awake all night. As a human, I know you're tired. As a priestess I know you're drained. I won't be far enough away where you can't sense my aura."

She was quiet as she clung to him. One second she's ordering him to go, the next she can't bear the idea being without him. What did that twisted fuck do to her? 

"I really need you to get your head on straight. I can't be the only one actually thinking."

When her resounding silence was her answer yet again and her hold did not diminish, he began to growl.

"Kagome! Can you fucking answer me!!" Growling he finally grabbed her arms and pulled them from around him. Her legs gave out and she ended up being held up by his hands on her forearms like a doll. "What the fuck?! Kagome?!" Her eyes were closed and she was out cold. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!

He picked her up and cradled her body to him. It finally dawned on him that Kagome was right; he needed to go back to Sesshomaru. Even if Kagome never told him her secrets she was hiding, he needed his brother's help to save her. He honestly might know what she was hiding. Stepping inside the hut, he grabbed her bow and quiver. There was nothing else of value. The hut had served its purpose. It was a shelter. It was their safe haven. But no more. It was time to leave and find a new home. Start a new journey. A journey towards trust and hopefully, of love.

[purplesurveys]

715

Whose wall did you post on last? I don’t post on walls but sometimes I’ll tag people on posts that makes it appear on their wall. I last did this for Angela when I shared a meme like an hour ago.

Are you a mostly blunt person? Only if I can sense that it’s appropriate to be blunt, or if I know that the person I’m talking to would be able to handle the bluntness. I prefer to be honest but I know not to be an asshole about it. Have you ever done hard drugs before? No, never. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? I don’t think so? What is your favorite band of all time? Paramore, but y’all knew that already ;)

Would you consider getting a tattoo any time soon? It’s not even in my top 50 priorities but like I’m always open to having a tattoo tribute for my dog if the idea is raised. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It’s not something I actively worry about, but of course I’d rather this doesn’t happen at all to me. Are there any paintings on your wall? Yeah Gabie bought me a painting for my 18th birthday and she also made me one herself. Both are up on my wall. Speaking of which, what color are your walls painted? Just white. My mom gets the final say on everything home design/aesthetics-related, so we had little power over our wall color. Do you have any talents that come naturally? I’m more on the soft skills side, but sure. Do you have any piercings? Yeah, my mom had my ears pierced when I was like a month old.

What is your favorite piece of jewelry? I like necklaces and earrings. Is there a place you'd rather live right now? Sure, these days I’m definitely wishing I live somewhere with better government and healthcare. Do you change your bed sheets often? Not really. But I should. What movie did you last watch with someone? Hello, Love, Goodbye. Do you go out often? Before this crisis happened I sure did. Aside from being in school every weekday except Mondays, I’d also go out for lunch/dinner with friends a few times a week and I’d see my girlfriend once or twice a week. It’s one of my favorite things about knowing how to drive and having my own car. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? Never. Are you afraid of airplane rides? I’m like 40% terrified of them but I mostly try not to think of the possibility of plane crashes so that I don’t end up panicking. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Do you consider yourself a sensitive person? In both senses that a) I can’t take a bunch of things seriously and I cry easily and b) I can interpret others’ emotions, body language, and discomfort, yeah. What's the best Valentine's Day gift you've gotten? Gab surprised me with an isaw bouquet THAT SHE MADE HERSELF for Valentine’s this year and it was both the sweetest and the most badass gift I’ve ever gotten. Beats out all other kinds of bouquets. She didn’t know her way around campus but she still painstakingly looked for and went to the one stall that sells street food and walked all the way back to my college to make the bouquet and surprise me at Skywalk once I got out of my class. Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? Laurice is overly nice to everyone, which I don’t say as a bad thing. She’s an angel. Not a single bad bone in her body. What do you think is the best smell in the world? Onions and garlic being sauteed or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Ughhhh this reminds me that my dad has been teasing me about baking cookies for the last couple of days but he’s never actually done it yet. I’ll go nag him about it later, hahaha. If you're reading a book, what page are you currently on? Nope. Do you think people are intimidated by you? I put out a strong personality most of the time – and have the occasional fiery temper – so yes. I prefer being the scary one than have people talk to me like they’re walking all over me or underestimating me. Do you have a job you like? Whoops, can’t relate yet. Have you ever lived with a roommate before? Nah, never experienced this. I always go home to the family house since both the schools I’ve ever attended are close enough for me to travel back and forth. What song is your favorite right now? No favorite right now but I’ve had a song that had been on the tip of my tongue for a few days and had been frustrating me since I can only remember two things about it – one word from the entire song, and how it sounds. I ran to Angela, desperate, and just trying to describe the song as best as I can; the good thing about it is that I know the song is a staple at nightclubs/college bars so we’ve heard it a couple of times while drinking together so it was easy to describe it to her. Having never disappointed me throughout our entire friendship, she managed to find the song – Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes – in like 10 minutes. So now it’s what I’ve been listening to all today because I’m just so glad I don’t have to keep fucking guessing anymore lol. Have you ever had a surprise at your doorstep? Yeah I will never forget when Gab surprised me with Jollibee a few years ago. Do you like candles? They’re ok. I don’t use nor buy them so I’m not *obsessed*, but I’m sure they’re very calming and smell nice. Would you prefer internet or television? Internet. At this point I can live without television; I don’t actively look for it these days and for the past few years. What is something you lose often? My hairtie/ponytail andddd school ID. Do you have any classes with friends? Yes. Most of my classes this sem are (or were) college-based so I have a lot of classmates who are my friends in journ or my orgmates. Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I never join those. What is your favorite possession in your room? My dog. If he’s not hanging in my room, my next favorite thing is my relationship memory jar filled with old receipts, letters, tickets, etc. What will you be doing in the next ten minutes? I will probably stop taking surveys and watch Friends so I can feel sleepy and get ready for bed. How old is your oldest sibling? I am the oldest sibling and I’m turning 22 in six days. Which still feels so weird, because I’ve always felt stuck at age 19/20. Do you consider yourself physically active? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. How many scarves do you own, if any at all? I don’t have scarves but I have a couple of shawls if that counts. Do you have any cuts or scratches as of now? Yep, around my chest. Where did you last sleep? I took a nap in my own bed this afternoon. Do you have Netflix? Yes, I’m part of the family account. Are you colorblind? I am not. Do you know anyone personally who is colorblind? Nope. Favorite salad dressing? Not really a big salad girl so I’m a little unfamiliar with the different dressings. Do you enjoy dancing? Only when I’ve had a lot to drink, heh. Have you ever considered writing a novel? As a kid it was one of my dreams, but it’s not anymore and it never crosses my mind these days. 

[dasfuzzy]

This thing still exists...?

So...I guess I'll start off by saying that the main reason for this post is because I got the Tumblr app a while back and have periodically gotten the notification that someone has liked my blog (hello, by the way), so this is twofold:

1) Give an update because, y'know, I haven't touched this thing in a long time, so there's a lot to update, and

2) Find out who's been liking my blog and why. So I guess comment, message, note, or whatever the hell people do here and let me know what got you interested in my ramblings.

I guess the three main things I would discuss here were my job, my love life, and my situation in general, so those'll be the primary focus for now. I guess I'll start with my love life just to get that out of the way as it's typically the focal point and most salacious content here (and possibly the most interesting to y'all).

Well, I'm gonna tell you right off the bat that things have changed drastically since I last was here. I will say that if you're expecting me to tell all, you're gonna be disappointed. I know in the past I never really held back on my feelings and about dishing out the truth, but this is a different situation than any in the past. All I'll really say is that since August of 2017 I've been in a committed relationship with someone that I truly love and can see myself being with for the rest of my days. Our relationship hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, however, mostly due to nagging injuries and surgeries stemming from a work-related injury on her part (she used to be a physical therapy assistant), but I've done everything in my power to accommodate her and make things work. It hasn't been easy and it's taken it's toll on me, but at the end of the day I try to remain optimistic that things will get better with time.

Regarding my job...er, jobs, I've bounced around a bit since I was last here. I think I was still at Dave & Busters, but I was able to leave there to become a preschool/toddler teacher at a highly-accredited daycare center called Bright Horizons. It wasn't the easiest job and with me being who I am (profane and a fan of mature content, a la Game of Thrones, Walking Dead and wrestling) I felt like I was walking on eggshells at times, especially because the director was a bit of a prude, but I really enjoyed it. I was one of only two male teachers in a facility of approximately 30 teachers, so the kids really enjoyed the change of pace. I learned a lot being there, especially since I only had a few early education courses under my belt beforehand and I had some great mentors guiding me along.

Unfortunately, I made the decision to leave after 18 months for a couple of reasons:

1) The landlady finally sold the house, so my mom and I had to move (more on that later), and

2) There was an incident where I might've let slip a bit of profanity on the job. Basically it was nap time and most of the children were sleeping. I was in one of the preschool rooms at the time and at that age, some children just don't want to sleep, so we have to either try to soothe them or at least do what we can to keep them quiet so they don't wake the other children up. So I'm with another, younger teacher sitting with the non-sleepers, one of which was on the autistic spectrum and had an action plan in place that inform us of what we can and cannot do in certain situations that normally wouldn't apply to other children. Anyways, that particular child was not having any of nap/quiet time and decided to start walking around the room. In my frustration, I might've uttered under my breath "what the fuck". A few days later, I get a call from the director and she asks me if I used any profanity while in the classroom. I tell her that I don't recall doing so; she tells me that another teacher informed her that I had and she would need me to type up a formal statement of what I recall from that particular event. I stuck to my guns and said that I honestly don't recall doing so and, after submitting that to her, I was put on an indefinite administrative leave. As much as I loved that job, I took that as a sign that maybe it was time to find another job, something that pays better because I knew I was going to be moving within the next few months.

On the first day of my "leave", I asked friends if they knew of any good-paying jobs that had openings. I was only making $12.40/hr, which is only $.40 over minimum wage, so I was definitely open to suggestions. My best friend told me to apply to where he worked, Fitzgerald Tile, because they were looking for warehouse workers. He said they could start me at $18, so I leapt at the opportunity. I went down that Monday and met the warehouse supervisor to have an interview. I'll give you an almost word-for-word retelling of how that interview went:

Him: "Do you know how to drive a forklift?"

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Great, you're hired."

Me: "Oh...okay."

Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, but that was more or less how it went. Really, he outlined some of the basic duties, asked if I was able to lift up to 50lbs unassisted, know that I'm expected to work 50 hours a week, then had me fill out the application, mostly for the sake of having it on file. He told me that I would just have to meet with the HR person to finalize the paperwork and discuss pay and my schedule, then I'd be good to go. Here's the thing: I never got to talk to the HR person. Ever. I was waiting for over an hour then told that we could do it another time, so I just went home. I should've noticed how sketchy the whole thing was. I should've picked up on all the red flags, but I didn't. So I go home, call my boss, and tell her that I'm giving my two weeks notice. She obliges and I ask if I could come visit down the road. She says that it would be in the best interest of the children that I stay away so they don't get the wrong idea. Basically I haven't been back there besides one time when I stopped by after hours to catch up with my favorite colleague and mentor, Jen.

Anywho, here I am on November 19th at the asscrack of dawn starting at the tile warehouse. I meet with the warehouse supervisor (I don't fucking remember his name; he's honestly not worth remembering) and he asks if I know how to drive a forklift. Uh...we talked about that when you hired me, but anyways, I say yes. "Great. Hop on, drive around a bit, get a feel for it, then get to work." Um...I dunno about those guys, but when I was at Lowe's where I learned to drive a forklift, we had to be licensed to operate one. Not to mention if they bothered to do a background check, they'd learn that I was fired from there for getting into an accident on a forklift and causing damage to a bay door. But I do as they say; I grab an order sheet ("grab the biggest ones first", they tell me) and get to it. Basically the way they run things is they put the sheets out on a table, everyone grabs one, gathers everything up on a pallet, then drop it in the outgoing delivery area, then do it all again until every order has been filled. I should also mention that I started right as they were moving warehouses to North Reading, so after the orders were pulled, we had to get other pallets ready to ship to the new place. Remember how I said I was never able to talk to the HR person? Well, I was never given a schedule because of that, so I guess it was understood that I would come in at 7 in the morning and work until everyone was done, which typically wasn't until 8 or 9 at night. I adhered to that mindset for maybe a week and a half; after that, I started sneaking out after at least doing my 8 hours a day. One day the supervisor caught me and said that I can't do that again. I didn't give a fuck. Another day he tells me that I'm not working fast enough and need to step it up. Maybe if someone took the time to train me on the other lift that was smaller and had forks that extended, I'd be able to be more efficient, but no; the only machines I could use were the huge lifts that are barely able to maneuver in the narrow fucking aisles and the order picker, which is basically a standing lift with a small tray-sized platform that you could place stuff on and lower it back down. That thing was kinda fun because it had controlls that kinda felt like piloting a mech and it was fast as hell.

Fast forward a few days and a few hours into my shift the supervisor tells me that I'm being let go and he hands me my last check and a pamphlet for unemployment benefits. No reasoning, just that I'm gone. Probably because I was "working too slow" and would leave when I felt like it, but I could give two shits; they never cared about me and I was tired of working under those unreasonable conditions. I manage keep my composure and start heading out, telling the few friends that I made there that I was fired; they wished me well and said I'd move onto something better. No shit. Once I get to my car, I burst out crying, trying to comprehend the gravity of my situation. I text my girlfriend and she asks if I want to come over to her house; I do partly because I needed the emotional support and partly because she was only 5 minutes away and my drive home would've been about 30 minutes. Honestly, I probably could've reported them to OSHA since they were in violation of god knows how many rules and regulations (hell, during the first week at the new warehouse, someone managed to destroy an entire bay: 3 shelves with 4 pallets each, totalling I believe over $6000 worth of product), but I just wanted to wash my hands of that place entirely. Since it was mid December, I decided to just take time to enjoy the holidays before looking for a new job, especially since I had made enough money there to keep myself afloat for about a month.

So, regarding the move, mom and I spent the last few years looking for places nearby for when the time came, but a lot of places were either in undesirable towns, were too expensive (this is Massachusetts; rent prices suck balls), or didn't meet our needs/standards. Ideally we were aiming to find a small house or even duplex to move into since we'd been in a 2-story, 3-bedroom house since January 2001, but we ended up settling for a 2-bedroom apartment in a small complex in Reading. It's been a bit of an adjustment for many reasons, but we've made it work. One of the biggest annoyances is that we don't have any laundry machines in our unit or even our building, so if we have to wash our clothes, we need to bring our stuff to one of the neighboring buildings that has a credit card-opperated laundry room with seven washers and 8 dryers. Kinda obnoxious to have to go through all that trouble and pay to do it, but condidering heat, hot water, and facility maintenance and snow removal are all covered in our rent (which is $1750/month), it's a small price to pay, I suppose.

Once we got all settled into the new place, I started job hunting again. For years I've wanted to do something technical, like be a plumber or maintenance engineer, but it's nigh impossible to find entry-level jobs like that. I somehow managed to find a job posting on Craigslist for a preventative maintenance engineer at a hotel in my old hometown of Woburn (ironically it's across from my old Dave & Busters), put in an application, and about a week later I had the job. Basically what I do is go through the guestrooms and make sure everything is in working order and is clean. I do about 2 rooms a day, repairing things as needed, be it electrical, plumbing, painting, or whatever else. I started back in early February of this year and in April the chief engineer was unceremoniously fired, leaving me as the sole engineer at the hotel. We had outside help come in periodically, but generally speaking I was the one keeping the place together until we hired a new chief this past October. I had to learn how to take care of an outdoor pool and how to take readings on it daily. I had to represent my hotel at engineer trainings normally meant for chiefs. Hell, I was very close to being promoted to chief myself until they found the new guy. But my efforts weren't in vain: our scores from our guest surveys for maintenance and upkeep were always above expectations and everyone at the hotel appreciate and respect what I do there. They raised my pay as high as they could go because of the amount of work I was putting in. My boss even got me two $75 tickets to a Ring of Honor show since he was a wrestling fan like myself. I think it's safe to say that I definitely bounced back from Fitzgerald.

I guess that about wraps things up. It's currently two weeks until Christmas, so I've got that to look forward to. I'd apologize for the lengthy rant, but I think that's par for the course on my blog. Again, if you're new (or even if you're not), feel free to leave a comment, note, message, or whatever and let me know what brought you to my blog or if there's any questions, comments, or suggestions for things that I could discuss. I figure I've been away from this thing for a long time, why not be a bit more active. Anyways, that's all I got for now. Hope y'all are well; take care of yourself!

[marrella-splendens]

some story bits

so I realized some of y’all really liked the writing snippets I had been sharing lately, so maybe against my better judgement I’m going to just share the most recent few chunks I have written, so that you have some delicious context for my gay alien adventure bullshit

---

it looked almost like somebody had taken a soup can the size of a small aircraft and kicked its guts out, smearing shattered slivers of cold metal across space, twinkling in the sunlight. she thought mostly that it looked very old. a cylinder? really? that was some old-school tech. and here it was, most definitely dead. she approached carefully, keeping a safe distance, trying to gauge the extent of the damage. whoever kicked the guts out of this particular soup can did a pretty good job; maybe only 40% of the exterior remained intact, or at the very least still connected together in what seemed like its original configuration. what remained was a neat array of solar panels and various antennae, but that was surface stuff. she wanted to get at that gooey center.

she thrusted her craft a bit closer, careful not to disturb the debris field too much. she prodded her fingers in the air, starting up a spectral scan to see what she was dealing with. it was a good first step, before you had to get too close and touch anything. by now she figured she had enough muscle memory to do it in her sleep. she hoped she’d never have to do that. it was against safety regulations.

there was a considerable amount of data to analyze. as the onboard computers hummed away, she herself had trouble parsing the mess in front of her. certain components were stripped off, dangling in space, tangled together and torn at odd angles, her ship’s lights casting odd shadows further down. this didn’t look like an ordinary impact, but just to be sure, she requested a schematic from hq. a few seconds later a holographic and decidedly intact version of the sat appeared on her display. she prodded at it to get the exploded diagram, and looked back and forth at the real deal in front of her. things were definitely not as they should be; that much was obvious.

the comms link crackled open. “hey scout, everything okay? just noticed you nabbed the specs for that old wreck.”

“yeah yeah, okay but weird,” she replied, cringing a little. she didn’t like having to use comms. “looks a little busted up but I wanna get a closer look, if that’s alright?”

a slight pause, then, “fair enough, just be sure to get a prognosis soon; we got a tight schedule to keep.”

“copy that,” she said. she wouldn’t need very long to get a proper report to send back to the scrappers. it certainly looked like it was gonna be scrapped, one way or another. her console let out a little chime, and she frowned. something in there had an unfamiliar spectrum. not entirely unheard of, but it was enough to make her start to sweat. something felt off, but this was too interesting to pass up. she wasn’t gonna send along an incomplete report.

slowly, almost daintily, she nudged her craft in the direction of the anomalous signal, using several grabber arms to push aside loose material in her way. several chunks of metal clunked against the hull, one even bouncing off the clear bubble surrounding her, making her jump. the signal, however, got clearer. it was getting darker; the only illumination now coming from her ship.

but even in that meager light, she could see it. something very dark, metallic, almost… slimy? was it a meteor? no, far too smooth to be a meteor. it was deep in there, hidden between various defunct components. she was certain that this was what had crashed into the sat, and why she was here. the spectral scans were still a bit confused. the pit in her stomach deepened but she had a job to do, and she dug her way in closer.

there didn’t seem to be a clear line of impact; no single path it could have taken to find itself in its current position. like it had wormed its way in there. like it was there on purpose. she got the distinct feeling that she was seeing something new, and that was terrifying. more terrifying was that she’d have to call this in. over comms. god dammit.

“hey uh,” she began, not a good start. “I’ve got something really weird here; could use a second opinion?” she started the necessary procedure to send her data back, but a smattering of red lights on her console stopped her in her tracks.

“no communication line available or open,” said a pleasant computerized voice, from somewhere beside her. “opening line of sight recommended.”

but she did have line of sight, behind her. she wasn’t that deep in; there would be comsats that could pick her up right here, surely. she had just used them, after all. but no, nothing. she’d have to back out; try again. she gently nudged on the thrusters to take her clear of this mess. she was just about done here anyway.

a puff of cold gas erupted from an rcs node, but stopped itself short with an alarming thunk, just as half her console lights turned red or completely off. her skiff started backwards, bumped into something outside her vision, and stopped. her heads-up display wasn’t functioning, but a couple remaining lights and that familiar electric humming told her that her main circuit wasn’t busted, and life support was still functional. unfortunately, nothing else appeared to be.

she tried desperately to remain calm, and remember her training. that didn’t really happen though, so she panicked, flicking toggle switches back and forth, hoping that maybe something would respond. she didn’t dare attempt a full reset of her power supply; there was no assurance that it would come back on if she turned it off. so she was stuck. it was just her in this bubble, until her air ran out. speaking of which, she eyed her helmet, strapped in next to her. she pulled it free, fidgeted with it a little. it wouldn’t necessarily save her from an explosive decompression event, but if her air ran out, her flight suit could keep her going a little longer. and it gave her an out. if she dared go out.

her eyes remained fixed on the object, in the center of her vision. she had been crying, she just noticed, and her tears detached and floated a little ways in front of her. she swatted at them, rubbed them into her flight harness before they caused any further unexpected fucking problems. she didn’t break eye contact with the object. at this point she was sure it was to blame here. “if this is aliens,” she said quietly to herself, “I’m gonna lose my entire shit.” no better theories came to mind.

her eyes were locked. before, it had seemed, she was focusing due to panic, and a lack of anything else to do. but she realized that even if she tried, she could not pull them away. she continued to cry, her eyes beginning to sting. almost without thinking, she pulled her flight helmet over her head, breaking eye contact for a painful fraction of a second. more tears welled up, as she fumbled with the latch, trying to find a seal, as more tears broke away and floated around her head annoyingly. she couldn’t do much about them at this point; barely noticed them.

she began to realize that she could feel them. eyes, not hers. directly ahead. keeping her steady and focused. burning into her. a pressure, like they were forced up against hers, but she couldn’t see them. nothing but that unchanging shiny black surface. but they were there, she knew. she could feel them. she couldn’t stop crying. she was so very very stuck.

her vision grew hazy. she never thought it would end quite like this, but isn’t that why she came up here? to die? or was it to live? she forgot. could barely think about anything but the pressure and pain, now pressing around her entire skull, squeezing the thought from her. did anybody back at hq know she was stuck? it would take them hours to make it here, if they knew to come. they would just think she was late, probably.

she saw them. oh god, she saw them. two eyes, like hers. against hers. black pupils, like awkward angular slits in deep red irises. nothing else. then something snapped and she was gone.

---

the pressure was gone, the pain gone. but she couldn’t see a goddamned thing. she was still in her flight suit, which was a small comfort. she tried to move, to turn on her headlamp, but she couldn’t. oh well, perhaps that was wishful thinking. but yes, she definitely seemed to be restrained, somehow. she couldn’t feel any straps or bonds holding her, but she could wiggle her fingers, her toes. she could move herself a little bit, so she wasn’t paralyzed. she could even move her head around, but that did nothing, because she couldn’t see. she felt bizarrely calm, and rested. but disoriented, like waking up from an overly long nap. she took a few deep breaths.

she couldn’t hear much of anything. it was strangely silent here. there was a slight crinkling from her suit when she moved, but the sound was dulled, mostly coming from its interior. she felt something beneath her, some sort of surface. she tried to tap on it, but didn’t feel anything solid, only a sort of increasing resistance. a force field? oh god, it was aliens, wasn’t it. humans, at least no humans she knew of, possessed that level of technology, though she suspected they might be at the edge of it. nothing like this though.

she cleared her throat to speak, in a sudden burst of unexpected courage. “pardon me? hello?” she felt dumb, saying it. felt like somebody in a movie. she didn’t have any better ideas though.

for several minutes, nothing happened. she kept her breathing as steady as she could. she didn’t know how much air her suit had left, so she was going to assume it was something worth conserving. she wasn’t gone yet, at any rate. she would stick around as long as she could. suddenly, she could feel something else. she wasn’t entirely sure how she could feel it, besides she could. not unlike earlier, but not painful either.

regardless, she was certain she was no longer alone. she still couldn’t see anything though. she spoke again, almost surprising herself. “hello? I’m sorry, but I can’t see you. somebody is there, right?” she almost pleaded for mercy, but stopped herself. she didn’t want to make any assumptions.

there was a strange noise in front of her, the first time she heard anything besides herself this whole time, actually. it sounded, remarkably, like speech. not human speech. that probably should have alarmed her, but it didn’t. in fact, somewhere inside her, she could almost understand it. not the words, not exactly, but the meaning. something about light. a response, then.

slowly, very slowly, the pitch darkness around her began to abate, giving way to a still very dark greyness. but now she could see her. her? she wasn’t quite sure how she knew that, of all things. but there she was, outlined in the murkiness. a surprisingly humanoid figure; four arms, two legs. a halo of messy hair around her head, unbidden by gravity. what looked like extremely sharp teeth, glinting gently in the dark. and those eyes. those beautiful red eyes, no longer pressing into hers, painfully, but looking, just looking. maybe even concerned, but this was an alien, so how the hell was she supposed to tell. but she felt it, maybe. a hesitation.

the alien spoke again, clearer, louder this time. the words unfamiliar but fitting into her mind as speech, not random noise. “ûnnoth, ûtköghëd?” she asked, her voice raspy. I’m sorry, are you hurt?

at this point, she didn’t bother questioning her ability to understand. she was very far out of her depth. “no, I’m not hurt,” she began. reconsidered. maybe she didn’t really care how they could communicate like this, but she wanted to find out, anyway. she realized she might be in the middle of a first contact scenario - very likely was - and wanted to get more information if she could. if it mattered. “actually, though, I am curious how we can talk to each other like this. I’ve never, well.” she blushed, out of fear or embarrassment or something else, she wasn’t sure. “I’ve never spoken to somebody who was not a human before. so...” she trailed off. glad to know she was at the top of her conversational game right now.

well you see, she began, her words unfamiliar but ringing true in her mind regardless, we have some special tech for that. just so, she said, tapping the side of her head. implants. yes? also, and she turned to the side, slight trepidation radiating from her, I have studied what I can of your languages. to some extent.

“oh,” she asked, suddenly curious. “really? I wonder what that would sound like.” and after a second of consideration: “sorry, not to be mean or anything. I just want to know. I’m sure it’s fine!”

she turned back to face her, red eyes impenetrable. “ǔ sfîk ingliss, ës? aî khan sfîk litl ingliss, vot nat sô gud.” she pointed to her teeth. “thîdh get in vê. nat gud at lif saunds. hǔvans al lokhî, khan ǔs lifs thû sfîk vith.” she stopped, and caught her breath. her teeth did, in fact, get in the way. she wasn’t sure if that made her unlucky, though. just different.

admittedly, that was extremely cute, but she held back laughter in case it would be misinterpreted. “your english is just fine, don’t worry. but you can switch back if you’re more comfortable.”

yes, yes, I think that might be best. she made a head movement that might have been a nod, or something along those lines.

“so,” she began, worried about breaching a potentially uncomfortable subject, “I do not know where I am, and I cannot move. I don’t suppose you could… elaborate on that.”

oh! she said, with a sound that seemed like genuine surprise. yes, I am sorry, just basic precautions you understand. this is quite a situation. quite a situation! I’m afraid I cannot disclose many details to you, I’m sure you would understand. but you are safe, I have made sure of this. she looked at her intently. I’m sorry for detaining you like this. when your craft approached, I panicked. you see… she trailed off, reconsidered. I had to make sure you were not a threat. I can see now that you are, at the very least, not an obvious one. but I cannot be fully sure. I apologize in advance, but I may need to keep you here for some time.

she took a second to process this. “that makes sense, but as you might have noticed, I was in contact with my company just prior to…” no, she was not going to say “abduction.” even if that’s what it was. “prior to this lovely visit, and it would take them a while to realize I might be in danger, and hours more for them to send a crew here to rescue me, but they will come here eventually. I agree that this is, as you put it, quite a situation, and I worry it would become quite more of a situation if this-” she tried to gesture around but only wiggled, “was discovered.”

the alien backed away slightly, two of her arms grabbing on to unseen handholds behind her, and her head turning to look at something apparently only she could see, with her long hair lazily following. oh kind human, you have no reason to worry. I am not sure how much you gathered about my vessel when you first approached it, or if you even knew exactly what you were looking at, but you may have noticed that it is much larger in here than it is out there, so to speak. similarly, time is very much compressed. we are in no rush. in fact, you had been sleeping for some time; after I… gathered you from your craft, I, well. she turned back towards her, an unfamiliar expression on her face. I am sorry but I may have dosed you. just a little! I promise, it was not much, you just seemed terribly upset and I was concerned that could be a problem. you probably feel a bit calmer now, I imagine, yes? and the rest helped, I hope. it didn’t show on her face but the sensation was very apologetic. she was still getting used to that.

and drugs did make sense. she was indeed fairly calm, and in fact wanted to stay that way. she was still worried, though. but this was going a lot better than she originally thought it might. and she had time, apparently. this was good. even better was the fact that her eyes were starting to fully adjust to the light.

her surroundings were still fairly obscured; she imagined there wouldn’t be a lot to see even in full light within these soft dark curves, like velvet, with very few indications of functionality besides the occasional place to grab on to. her companion was, unsurprisingly, the most interesting thing (or person, in this case) in the room. she had noticed how large she was before, not in any sort of imposing way, but certainly more bulky than she was herself. now she could see the outlines of muscles on her arms, which formed unfamiliar configurations beneath her skin, which appeared to be made up of tiny dark blue scales. from the gaps between the scales grew fine black hairs, which were thickest around her head and back, and if she looked closely she could see patches that had been delicately braided with the help of dark purple crystalline beads.

the fact that she had four arms had been pretty obvious at first, but her hands each had six fingers, with a second opposing thumb on the other side. practical, she thought. the rest of her body was either out of view or hidden behind her clothing, which seemed to consist of a loose wrapping of dark fabric which waved gently at her slightest movements. her face was undeniably alien, with large red eyes with triangular pupils, and several rows of sharp protruding teeth underneath a large, flattish nose. somewhere in her tangle of hair were nubs of skin that might have been ears, but it was hard to tell.

maybe it was the drugs, but she had to admit, this alien babe was incredibly attractive. nah, that wasn’t the drugs. that was good taste. regardless, she felt a little overdressed. that is to say, claustrophobic. “hey so uh, can I take my helmet off? partly because I can’t move much at all and also I don’t know if it would be safe. would it be safe?”

oh, right! she replied, with a chittering noise that seemed to pass for laughter. I’m sorry, it had honestly slipped my mind. yes, it would be safe. we breathe basically the same stuff, and I scanned you for the usual bugs and immune problems either of us might have. at least breathing the same air should be safe, yes. I just didn’t want to remove your clothing without your permission; I was going to ask but I got all caught up playing interrogator. more laughter. sorry, that’s a bad joke. you can take your helmet off if you want.

suddenly she could feel the restraining fields around her arms weaken, and she moved to take her helmet off, fumbling with the latch. her ears popped a little as she pulled it off, but besides that, she was not in any immediate distress. she took in a tentative breath of air. hrm. it tasted smoky, and metallic. and somewhat minty. weird. “thank you,” she said, quite earnestly.

it is no trouble, kind human. in fact, there’s hardly any reason to keep you stuck there anymore, is there. I am sorry about that as well. she waved her hand vaguely in her direction, and the rest of the fields fell away.

ah, she could move again. she reached below her, felt the actual surface there, which was about as soft and spongy as she had imagined it to be. “I have to admit, you have a much nicer spaceship than me. by a long shot.” she reached up and pulled her hair tie out. “I’ve no use for this at the moment, to hell with it.” to hell with safety regulations, to be specific. but these were exceptional circumstances, she was sure.

more cute alien giggles. it would seem we are both bending the rules. she ran three hands through her considerable mane of hair. but it seems, we’re both quite in the thick of it now. she climbed her way across a nearby wall, settling in beside her at a comfortable distance. more personable now. less imposing. this is indeed an interesting situation. you see, by taking you here, by even having this conversation, I am almost definitely breaching at least one galactic treaty, and as you could probably imagine this puts me in quite the predicament. sort of a difficult situation. tell me, she said, fidgeting slightly, what is your name, kind human? I feel impolite at this point not knowing. I understand entirely if that is not something you are willing to divulge.

“it’s maria,” she said, wondering why she hadn’t thought to introduce herself earlier. she had been somewhat caught up in the whole alien thing. she was still somewhat caught up in it. “what about you, kind host?”

she slowly blinked. flower, she said. though, maria suspected, that was only the meaning of it, because of her implant. the word she had spoken was “adsun”. it was a pretty name.

“well, adsun,” the alien name rolling ungracefully off her tongue, “it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. if you were a human I would probably shake your hand, but I’m not quite sure what is appropriate here.”

adsun wiggled, obviously quite delighted. oh, oh I am familiar with this! we do not do it ourselves, no, but I admit I do have some human cultural knowledge, and, well, I have to say I have been wanting to try it, and now is just the perfect opportunity. it would be an honor, maria. she stuck out a hand, reconsidered, and offered her other hand on the same side, seemingly unsure which would work better.

“cool cool, hold on a sec.” she was going to shake hands with an alien. an alien girl, for that matter. she was very glad for the calming effect these drugs had on her. she would need to ask about those later. for now, she popped one of her flight suit gloves off, letting it dangle at the cuff, and wiped her gross sweaty palm on her leg before leaning in and giving adsun the best approximation of a human handshake her shy sheltered ass could possibly muster. which, based on her wiggly reaction, was probably a good one. she couldn’t help but notice how soft and fuzzy adsun’s snakelike skin was.

oh! exquisite. yes. thank you, maria. she let go, moved away slightly. considering. in her ship, with its time-bending effect on reality, she probably had plenty of time to sit and think. she couldn’t help but envy her for that. I don’t suppose… and you’ve really been so kind to me so far, very patient, and I appreciate that very much, but perhaps, if you would indulge me just a moment, we could, well. my version of a handshake, I suppose.

maria nodded. “absolutely, though I can’t say I’m coming into this with the sort of knowledge you do.”

she pointed to her forehead. we put our foreheads together. that’s basically it. but only if you want.

in lieu of a spoken answer, maria pulled herself up to adsun, placing her forehead against hers. it was… very warm. wow. she barely resisted the urge to touch her hair, but that wasn’t worth the risk right now.

adsun let out a rumble, like a low purr. oh maria, how you indulge me. thank you.

“no problem at all,” she said as they parted. “now we can get down to business. I feel like you might want to explain more about that whole, you know, galactic treaty thing. that you are probably breaking.”

oh, yes, of course. she shifted her position, fidgeted. well, you humans are, for now, though I cannot foresee what might happen in the near future because of this, but for now you are quite sheltered. you occupy a certain quasi-official status as a galactic civilization, but as you have been, well, mostly uncontacted, that status is provisional until you can join the rest of us at our level. she turned, scratched an itch on her back. I do not mean to imply, kind maria, that this “level” I speak of is a technological one. no, I simply am referring to whether or not you are active members of the galactic community. ideally, contact is made around the time a civilization is able to effectively travel or communicate with nearby civilizations. this is done in as careful a manner as possible. until such time as the community at large is willing to make ourselves known and contact you on an official level, you have a provisional protected status. no contact is to be made beyond the major official one. ideally.

as you can probably guess, what is occurring right now is technically a form of contact, and this puts me in a lot of trouble. you, however, are in no trouble at all. that does not necessarily make this easy for either of us, though. and I am sorry to have put you in this situation. she looked maria dead in the eyes, now. truly, I am. because I have to admit now, that this was all quite on purpose. I am sorry. she looked away. embarrassed. upset. you see, there are certain exceptions in the treaty, that allow… well. very one-sided affairs. for purely scientific purposes, you understand. most pre-contact species have a history of purported alien abductions or appearances, and you humans are no different, and while most of those cases for most of us can be explained away as the misinterpretation of the mundane, some, I must admit, are real. it is allowed, to a certain extent. as I said. for scientific purposes. this is, quite obviously, not that. I apologize. she backed away now, folded a pair of arms together. worried.

maria needed some time to process this. “so this isn’t for scientific purposes.”

no, no. these days we can study you from quite a distance, if we want. which we do. to keep tabs. we do our best not to pry into small details, to respect privacy, but it is in the interests of the galactic community to make sure you are safe from interference. and also. well. to make sure you are not a threat.

“so, do you think we are a threat?” she asked, trying not to let the worry bleed into her voice. probably not succeeding.

silence, for a minute. no, she began, slowly, but we are not sure. perhaps mostly, you are a threat to yourselves. I do not mean to insult you, kind maria. but humans have not been very kind to humans. we are torn, to some degree, between respecting our distance and letting you do your own thing, and also keeping you safe. the consensus, as it almost always tends to be, eventually fell towards stepping back. observing from a distance. waiting to see how you do. not interfering. she shook her head, seemingly upset. I do not subscribe to that particular mode of thought. I admit, I am fond of you humans. you have the potential to be strong friends. in the future. but you have been going through quite a rough patch. for quite some time. we are told to stay impartial, always impartial. I cannot remain so. I suppose I am at fault, for that. if one can be said to be at fault for caring. even so, I felt like I had to do something. so I came here.

“you came here, and you found me. of all people!” maria laughed. “why? I mean it seems clear you want to do something, and I certainly appreciate that. I absolutely agree that we are being unkind to ourselves. it is…” she tried to find the right words to say. she didn’t feel like having a political rant in front of an alien, not just yet anyway. “it is supremely unbalanced. and physically, the danger up here is considerable. my job, as you could probably have guessed, is to try to reduce that danger. I came to this busted satellite to assess its potential for scrap. either way, we need it out of orbit. we need so many things out of orbit. our work, as they say, is never truly finished.” she looked at adsun, searching for something in her stoic expression. she wasn’t sure what she was looking for. but something else clicked in her head, at that moment. “you wanted to find a scrapper, didn’t you? one of us?”

adsun made a hand gesture; agreement. just so. not you in particular, obviously. just the first person to come by. to see what had happened to this thing. suddenly, a wave of concern came off of her. oh, just to be clear, I did not destroy this satellite. I would not have made matters worse, I assure you. I just waited for one of sufficient size to get put out of commission. as you said yourself, the work is never truly finished, and I did not need to wait particularly long. I wiggled my ship in here the moment I noticed I had a way in. but I did take you on purpose. and I am sorry I had to restrain you like I did. I know my remark about interrogation was a joke, but, and she turned towards maria, closer now, I do in fact wish to ask you some questions. I think the proper word would be… an interview. yes. just so. up to you, of course.

“wait, so…” the pieces were starting to come together. somewhat. still many missing, but a pattern was becoming clear. “you aren’t here to do science. but you… you’re a…”

I am a journalist, adsun replied, finishing her sentence for her. just so. perhaps not what you were expecting, yes? I am here to make a case to my people. to the community, so to speak. a case for assistance, even if mild. perhaps an accelerated plan towards contact. an intervention. I am still not entirely sure what is to be done myself. but I figured sitting back and watching would not be entirely beneficial. I wanted to speak with one of you. and I have already learned so very much, kind maria. I understand this is so very much to ask of you, but it would be my utmost honor to use you as a source, to help build my case, such as it is.

“I uh. sure, yes.”

before you respond, I, oh. she had not expected such a sudden response. are you sure? this is not something to enter into lightly. I do not know if this would get you into trouble due to the treaty or not, and as for your own human laws, I am most certainly unsure. this is unfamiliar territory. she shifted slightly. fidgety again. nervous. also you should know that the dose I gave you has long worn off. I would not have asked of you something of such gravity unless your mind was as clear as possible, but if there is residual stress you can delay your answer. either way would be fine.

it did in fact come as a surprise to maria that she had been clearheaded for some time now, at least as far as her body was concerned. she was much more calm than usual, but perhaps the cozy dark silence of this craft was doing her some actual good. and sharing space with adsun was not as frightening as she might have thought. slight panic began to rise up within her, but she settled it down, took a few deep breaths.

this was, she knew, extremely dangerous. this whole situation was. but for the first time in a long long time, she felt something like hope. like something could change, like she could actually begin to help. it was worth the risk. and she felt a spark of bravery growing within her. one she had been trying to kindle for so very long. she reached over and gave adsun’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, hoping desperately that it would not be taken poorly. that soft purring noise seemed to imply she was in the clear. “kind adsun,” she said, “I’ll do it.”

ah, very good! potent waves of happiness washed over her. we have so much to discuss. let us begin.

[vacationcalendar]

8/7/21

Hi boyfriend~

Just took a weed gummie in honor of Bonnie’s birthday weekend. My present for my friend is that I’ll suck it up and be an active participant in their life for a change. I’ll be game for a whole weekend. I got up early today and tagged along to volunteer at a charity 5k. We grabbed some coffee and wandered to the halfway point of the course (thus walking an entire 5k in the process! Not too shabby ;D), and then camped out a water station that I’d say should be very grateful I actually showed up to work its sorry ass. Bonnie didn’t have to do any managing/delegating, they just got to post up and chatter at the runners-by. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t go, and I promise I am not tooting my own horn, that water stand would not have been the fun water stand that it was. They would have had 2 dunces making it go worse, and only 3 people managing 4 tables of water cups. Volunteers man, what are you gonna do? I’m sure that’s why they were looking for 8 people per water stand, just to statistically ensure that SOMEONE with half a brain would be around to help out.

Great morning though. JUST a little too hot, but that’s how you know you were doing solid work out there. The proof is in the pits, baby!

Ok, 40 minute bathroom break is over. Man, nothing like starting the blog to make me SO productive in the mornings! It’s such a cheat code. I did laundry, dishes, pooped; my whole day is bright and available now! But now I’m tired and I don’t want to write anymore. I had about a 6 minute where I wanted to do this today and I actually hit it for a second before I had to stop and do ANYTHING ELSE I guess. So, fuck. What do we write now?

I had to get up suuuuper early for this 5k thing, and I only got like 4 hours of sleep because I did not factor in the early wake up until like 6pm yesterday, and I had already slept like 14 hours that day :I That’s right, I woke up, immediately crushed the blog, went back to laying down, played League, and watched tv and shit until I felt tired enough to sleep and get ready for the 5k, which was 2am. So now I have a weed gummie digesting in me and I have a nap climbing up my priority list and this is why I don’t like weed. I feel like I have to plan my fucking shit around it, and I’m not good at that. Part of me thinks I can crash right now and wake up before the drugs make me sleep for 2 hours longer than I want, and give me weird, unpleasant dreams. I can’t possibly pull that off, I’m not sleepy, I’m just like sluggish. So basically what I have to do now is power through into the “trip” (maybe I’ll luck out and miss it and I can just pretend I’m high, which I won’t do, but hey we’re brainstorming here), and let that smoothly transition me into a nap. And THAT would mean that I have to entertain myself for the time being to get me into a good place to start being high...? And then I can like power up my activities WHILE high, and that would be fun. Playing video games, great. Playing video game high? That’s the whole point of it. I mean like, that’s the whole point of life, right? And then I can be like NAPTIME BITCH, and that would be fun also, in theory. And then I can go put a podcast on and go to the movies? Ugh, I don’t want to go the movies anymore. I’m to tired :( This sucks.

I’m trying to go see Green Knight. I’m sure that sentence won’t matter at all in even like 4 months from now, but I think it should be a fun time. So much more productive than anything I can do from the desk. And it’s not summertime like this forever. You gotta get that shit in so you don’t think you miss it when the weather turns. You want to be sitting inside on a cold autumn day thinking “good riddance, being outside is entirely overrated.” And I’m not there yet. Man I don’t know. Well how bout this? Let’s do a little more brainstorming while I’m trapped here writing to your dumb ass. If you ever read these again this part will be like a little prank on you lol. Ok: 1: Stay here, no movie. Let’s lock that in. that should make having to navigate being high so much easier. Let’s let the pipe dream of doing everyone’s favorite thing of being at a theater high wait just a little longer. Today can be a trial run. We’ll walk around today and think about what it would be like if I had biked 20 minutes to a movie theater and watched a 2 hour movie and biked home. And when we suss out that it would have been unenjoyable, we’ll feel like geniuses for making this call. So that’s out of the way. LOCK IT IN

2. I don’t know yet. Let’s just start simple. Food. What’s up? We have almost no groceries. We have no bread for a tuna salad sandwich, but let’s put that in the to-do list. We need more english muffins too. That was an A+ 10/10 move last month. Just muffins w/ strawberry jam, and egg McMuffins whenever the fuck I wanted, which was always. Frozen Veggies like Corn or Beans would be good. Bag Chop Salad kits. They weren’t on sale last week, and it’s goddamn highway robbery when they’re at full price. So this week would be the perfect time to check in on ‘em. And I’ll commit more to an equivalent substitute this time if I can’t find a good deal. Let’s see, what else? Oof my wpm and accuracy is starting to take a hit. The first and only symptom! Nice! Miku. Meat. Spaghetti and meat sauce? Gotta check out what ragu shit you have in the house before you do that. Consider this your reminder! I know you’ve never successfully pulled that off, but I have full confidence in you. Oh fuck, now I’m starting to worry a little bit the coherent quality of this is about to start dropping. Well, another fun little prank for ya bitch! Fruit leathers? I just have no fucking idea. Ok, so shopping can 100% wait for another day. This isn’t anywhere close to a cohesive trip. So we can eat out somewhere! Great, lock it bitch. I’m starting to swear more; it’s because I can’t find the right words anymore. Oh boy, the weed smelling burps are happening. This really is so gross and difficult. Beer is just a more bitter version of soda. It’s actively refreshing. Damn, if only I’d been a little more exposed to peer pressure at an earlier age. I’d have been past this awkward uncomfortable phase of weed, like how I (and basically everyone) was with alcohol. You slam Natty Lites with your nose closed until you start to realize life is little more pleasurable than the absolute Kelvin zero you had come to be familiar with. Uh, ok, I’m starting to let my mind wander. He’s daydreaming, chief! I suppose I could just transcribe the dialogue of the daydreams, but I can’t keep up. This is just break o’clock.

3. What do I fucking eat!? I had to make a whole nother numbered point, and I still don’t have the plan. Jesus H,. Ok here’s what AROUND. Chex Mix, unopened. 1 Grape Soda. Cookie Dough Ice Cream (w choc sauce). Raisins, PB, Ramen, meh. Reese Cups! I just looked behind and was like, “oh yeah! Nice”. If that’s not everything, that’s REALLY close. So what’s calling my name? Pizza? Chinese? Damn, I might just have to play this by ear. Nothing at all sounds interesting, and I’m not the slightest bit hungry (we got free Dim Sum after the 5k. It was called the Dim Sum and Then Some 5k). Ok, so other options to keep on the back burner for later would be: Kebab, Chicken Sandwich, go get Pizza Rolls and Chippies at the store. Ok that’s enough options, that fuckin really took it outta me, I can’t believe it. My hands are kinda feeling heavier now too. I better think of a #4 thing to write about quick or I may lose all my inertia.

4. UMmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Movie time? I watch arrival and turn off all the lights and pop popcorn and have my soda? Where sunglasses and pretend they’re 3-D glasses? Maybe. Ugh, I can tell right now my eyes are gonna get bloodshot, or dry out or whatever. They already kinda hurt :(. It’s fine. I feel more good than not. Like I’m wrapped up in a blanket, even though I’m not. Maybe OH- Maybe I lay out on the beach chair and read in the sun with an ice coffee? Oh fuck that might actually be perfect. Then I can go no shirt and just feel nature, and maybe bugs are less troublesome when you’re high. And then I can pop Doughboys on and shower! Shower high, seems like a guaranteed home-run. Ok, I like it a lot. I have to do SOMETHING away from Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or I’ll go crazy this weekend, especially if I have to tag in on occasion and “participate” for Bonnie’s Birthday. Which, let’s be clear, is the least I can do. It’s a gimme. I owe Bonnie AT LEAST this much, even just as like backpay for holidays or yore. Like if I have the zhuzh to punch in for birthday shtuff, I better do it, right? I just looked it up, it might officially be zhoosh, not zhuzh, but zhuzh appears to me to be the best way to do it. And there’s like 5 accepted spellings of it. Stupid, not helpful. Just because it employs a sound that has no [conformed] applications in the english language? Poor excuse! Oh man, it’s so early I can’t believe it! That 5k feels like a day ago, wild. Well, hey! Point 4 is finished. Moving on!

5. What to do tonight? Who gives a fuck. Figure that part out when you get there, it does not matter at all. There, numbered list over.

Ok so, let’s just wrap this up I guess. I’m cracking an hour here, that’s plenty. Maybe tonight you do a little PRE-WRITING before bed, so this isn’t so “chore-y”. Let’s just remember you seriously considered letting yourself down completely and bailing on the blog earlier this morning. So we need to keep our expectations at appropriate levels still. It’s this NEXT week that should be very interesting. Just in terms of output. A little more practice, and little more muscle-memory. A little less crap to distract me (I have been burning through non-stop crap youtube/tv this last week since coming home, it’s fantastic. I was gonna say it was sucky, or disgusting or something, but that’s a lie I tell to myself to pretend I’m more diligent than I actually am. ACCEPT who you are and love yourself for it)

I accept you and love you Max. Ok, I have to go, I feel like I’m gonna puke... awesome 

bi

[cinema212]

A Night I Won’t Forget.

This is for #beeswritingchallenge. Let’s see how this goes!

Prompt: I may or may not have fucked up./Judging by the sheer amount of blood I am going to go with may.

A/N: This is for @denialanderror writing challenge Congrats on 2k!! this is based on an actual life event that happened to my dumbass one armed brother.

Warnings: blood, dumbassery, fluff (is that really a warning?) and swear words.

Pairing:Bucky X Reader.

Bucky’s POV

Bucky could not wait for Y/N to get home. She has been working so hard as of late, running late night missions with Nat, going over strategy for larger missions with Steve, and filling out mission reports till the wee hours of the morning. On top of everything she still made time for Bucky, soothing him from his nightmares and helping him adjust to life with only one arm. T’Challa had passed along that Shuri was working on his new arm and it should be ready in the next few days. To celebrate the wonderful news and to give Y/n a well deserved treat Bucky decided that he was going to make a home cooked meal. “How hard could it be?” Bucky said to himself.

Bucky walked into the kitchen after a workout to see what ingredients he would need for tonight’s meal. He decided on cheeseburgers, salad, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob. “Friday? What time will Y/N be home this evening?” Bucky asked looking at the clock. “Miss Y/n is en route with Captain Rogers from Germany they should be returning to the tower at 7:00pm.” Replied the AI. “Perfect! Thanks Friday!” Bucky said. Seeing as it was only 2:00pm Bucky placed the order with Friday for the needed ingredients and then went upstairs to shower and change. When he was washing away the sweat of his workout Bucky’s thoughts traveled back to Y/N. He couldn’t believe how lucky he had gotten to have someone as thoughtful, kind, and caring as you. You were constantly placing others before yourself and Bucky wanted to give you this night to show you that all of your hard work was valid and meant something to him.

Bucky turned off the water and grabbed a towel off the rack drying himself off. He caught a glimpse of himself in the fogged up mirror. He stopped for a moment and wiped the glass clear with his hand. He took stock of the man he saw. This man was so different that the one what he had been before. There was color and fullness in his cheeks again, light in his grey blue eyes, the bags were still there but not as dark or as heavy as they were in the past. His gaze traveled down to the scarring on his left shoulder. He took a deep breath and took time to take in the marred stump where his clavicle of flesh and bone met the metal ball and socket of the shoulder. Running his fingers along the lines of raised skin he sighed, guilt and sadness tugging at the back of his mind. Then he remembered how your lips traced the every same skin with such tenderness the very memory had tears springing to his eyes. Shaking the thoughts away Bucky looked back at the reflection of his face in the mirror and realizing that for the first time in a very long time he was happy and that maybe, just maybe, he deserved a little of it.

By the time he dried himself and dressed himself in a pair of dark jeans and the red Henley Y/n loved so much he saw that it was only 2:30.Bucky set his alarm for 3:00 so he could hopefully get a power nap in before setting up to cook for this evening. Turning on the Tv Bucky laid himself on the couch and closed his eyes.

Blinking awake, Bucky woke feeling surprisingly well rested “Well at least now I understand why Sam is constantly going on about the power of a good nap”

Bucky said to himself. Sitting up he stretched his arm above his head and stopped short. The clock on the wall said 5:52. “WHat the FuCK?” Bucky yelled as he dashed into the kitchen. “Friday, why didn’t you wake me up I set my alarm for three o’clock” Said Bucky shucking corn like a mad man (which with one arm is incredibly difficult to do) “Sergeant Barnes you set your alarm for Three am. I was simply following your instructions.” “Shit, Okay. Thanks Friday. What’s Y/n ETA?” Asked Bucky as he placed a large pot of water on the stove to boil “Miss Y/n and Captain Rogers should be arriving in approximately 40 minutes.” “Fucking hell!!” Now rushing to make sure that everything would be perfect Bucky finished shucking the corn and placed them in the pot of boiling water. He decided that with the time cut short baked potatoes would be a better choice. While the potatoes and corn were cooking Bucky pulled th ingredients for the salad out of the fridge and began to toss them together. When the salad was done he placed in back in the fridge and checked the time. He had about twenty minutes left to get everything together and then it hit him. “I FUCKIGNFORGOT TO THAW THE BURGER PATTIES” Heating up the grill top Bucky pulled the patties out of the freezer laying out a frustrated groan when he felt just how frozen they really were. The timer for the potatoes and the corn went off and Bucky set the patties under running water to try to get them to thaw as he tended to the other foods. “Sergeant Barnes, I wanted to inform you that Miss Y/N and Captain Rogers will be landing in 12 minutes.” Chimed Friday’s voice for over head. “Great just great” said Bucky who was frantically trying to drain the corn and pull the potatoes out of the oven at the same time.

Y/N POV

Y/N sat in the copilot seat on the jet slowly dozing in and out of sleep. The mission in Germany was not difficult but it was a lot of sitting and scouting. Thankfully their target had decided to make a move earlier than anticipated which allowed you and Steve to get a head start headed back home. Y/n felt so relieved at the idea of getting home, taking a nice hot shower and curling up to binge watch Stranger Things with Bucky.

Steve gently shook Y/N awake when they were touching down at the compound. “Y/N? Doll? Wake up, we’re home.” “Thanks Steve” came a sleepy reply. Gathering your bag onto your shoulder you exit the off ramp into the hangar. You notice immediately the absence of a certain brunette super soldier. “Well that’s just rude’’ you huff. Steve chuckles beside you “don’t worry doll he and Sam are probably just working out all of that pent up sexual tension between them.” You gasp in mock horror “was that a sex joke from Americas Sweetheart? You should be ashamed!” You both are laughing still by the time you reach the common areas. “Well Y/N, debrief in 30? I’m going to head up and shower then meet you in the conference room.” Asked Steve before parting ways. “Sounds good Cap. I’m going to get some water then look for that man child of mine.” As you say your goodbyes and make your way to the kitchen you are stopped dead at what you see.

Bucky. Patties. Blood. Everywhere.

Bucky is in the process of tying his belt around his left leg a deep gash on his upper thigh. “What the HELL HAPPENED!” Bucky froze when he heard your voice, slowly raising his gaze “Y/N…. I was just … I made…” He took a deep sigh “I may or may not have fucked up.” You huff incredulously “Well, judging by the sheer amount of blood I’m going to go with may!!”

You rush over to Bucky helping him onto the counter and tightening the belt around his thigh as much as you can. “Shit buck, how did this happen? Don’t answer that right now. We have to stop the bleeding. Friday, call Cho and have her meet us downstairs as soon as possible and let Steve know that I cant debrief tonight.”

An hour later and the bleeding has stopped and the serum in Bucky’s body already doing its job. Dr. Cho had mentioned the fact that he had severed one of the main veins that lead to the artery. Thankfully she was able to mend the vein and stitch Bucky up quickly. Now back in your shared room he sat silent, shoulders slumped and looking absolutely defeated. You stand at the door to your bedroom looking at a very forlorn Bucky. “Buck, talk to me. What happened tonight?” Moving to sit behind him on the edge of your bed you wrap your arms around his waist, your chest to his back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Taking a deep breath Bucky explained what he had planned this night to be for you. “I wanted to show you just how much I love you and how much I see that what you are doing is important.” Taking your hand in his he raises it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand your fingers twining together. Then he explained the over sleeping and how he had to rush to get things finished. “Okay” you interrupt, “but that still doesn’t explain the murder scene I walked into.” Laughing softly to himself and shaking his head “honestly it wasn’t my smartest moment, Doll.” You pull away from him and move so you can look him dead in the eye. “James Barnes, this is not funny. You were seriously hurt and is scared the shit out of me! Tell. Me. What. Happened.” Raising his hand to your cheek he took in the look of desperation and urgency in your eyes and very seriously said “I stabbed myself in the leg trying to separate hamburger patties.”

You blinked twice. “What?” “I stabbed myself in…” “nonono I heard that part” you say placing a finger over his lips to silence him. “How did you even get the knife that close to your leg?” Bucky reached up and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well when the hamburger patties are being squeezed by the thighs of betrayal and the knife slips it can actually happen fairly easily.”

Your jaw drops. You don’t know wether to laugh or cry or be angry. Pulling yourself away from Bucky you began to pace at the end of your bed. Bucky turned to face you “Doll I …” you put a hand up to stop him “Don’t you dare say a word. That is by far the DUMBEST reason to get stabbed. And I don’t know wether to throw another knife at you, burst into tears, or laugh my ass off and that’s a very confusing place to be in.”

Bucky decides for you, he starts laughing. As much as you try to fight it you start laughing too and before you know it you both are wiping the tears from your eyes next to each other on your bed. Bucky wraps his arm around your waist pulling you into his chest “I’m sorry I ruined tonight Y/N. I really did want to make it a special occasion for you.” “Well it is definitely a night I won't forget” you say pressing a soft kiss to his lips. You gasp suddenly and giggle “wait till Sam finds out!” Bucky rolls his eyes “Ugh, don’t remind me.” He groans. “I love you Bucky Barnes. Please don’t make stabbing yourself a regular thing.” You whisper as you snuggle into his chest. The response you got was a deep echoing grumble from Bucky’s stomach and you both burst into giggles once more. “I love you too Y/N. Now I have been meaning to ask you this since we got back to the room.” You pull back with a quizzical look on your face.And with that shit eating grin you love to hate he asks

“Pizza or Chinese?”

End.

[aslimyartist]

Welcome to Camp! Part 1

It was the first day of summer as we see a young hedgehog get ready to leave for her summer camp as she had got dressed in her usual burgundy sweater and her skirt she had been waiting forever to leave her house for the summer and now she will finally get to leave as she rushed down stairs to eat breakfast much to her surprise she seen her parents weren't there just a note saying.

Dear Hedgehog, Sorry something urgent came up at work so we had to come handle it but don't worry we asked  mr.Leroy to take you the docs today just make sure to be prep and dominant break their fucking will with your gaze make sure none try to push you over and don't make friends make business deals and partners as well and since you're gonna be gone for a while I guess try making one friend as well and only one.

P.S. We Acknowledge your feelings with our regards Enjoy your summer honey

                                                                                                                                         Love Mom & Dad.

(Hedgehog POV)

Well at least they left me a note I guess I'll just eat some breakfast before mr.Leroy gets here then

What shall I make tho Pancakes,Waffles,Toast,Eggs,French Toast does sound good. Mann they're all good I know I'll make a bowl of cereal because I don't know how to cook well now where's the bowls again ah hah here we go now for the cereal and it's bland as hell bleeeehh but it's something so let's eat.

8:00 a.m.

Argh where is mr.Leroy the boat leaves in 30 minutes I now I can make it if I run but that's a long way

But I refuse to stay home for another summer let's go....yahhooooo.

8:30a.m.

I made it sorry mr.Le-

*Ring Ring*

*Ring Ring*

*Ring Ring*

H-Hell-

HEDGEHOG WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK IT UP THE FIRST TIME IT HAD RANGED AND ALSO WHY DID MR. LEROY YOU COULD'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED OR SOMETHING.

did she pick up?

Yes!

Oh thank god!

Anyway Hedgehog we just wanted to call you before you left remember wh-

Wha- The Not- Said-

Mom I have to go the boats are coming and plus there's a bunch static for some reason

Oh ok remember make acquaintances and be dominant

Yeah love you too! Mom

I acknowledge your feelings as well hedgehog.

Phone hangs up

As I got on the boat I seen that most kids were with their parents looking around and some were sitting down enjoying the ocean smell.As I looked at the city it looked so small from that distance and I might as well take a good little nap till we get to our destination but I'm still a little curious why summer camp is so far *shrugs shoulders * I'm just glad not to be home this summer.

But before I could close my eyes I seen a flash next thing I know I was knocked out.

(End of Hedgehog's POV)

As the boat was sailing through the sea to the island with all its passengers knocked unconscious as three girls flew on the boat and took control of it making sure everything went according to plan and as they put small tablets in the parents mouth.

???-are you sure this is right I mean won't they want to know their parents and where they came from as well.

???-oh you worry to much besides I already have taken that to mind as soon they get back on the boat. (snicker).

???-oh yeah that snickering is so not suspicious at all

???- uhh guys the boats is in the islands view I think it's time to go now.

???-Alright! That's all of them let's go.Hold on why are their two adult elephants where's their child...hmmm...oh well don't care to much anyway.

And with that they flew to the island getting the preparations completed.

                                                    ————On The boat————

As everybody woke up to the sound of the whistle or horn on the boat telling them there here. As soon as they docked all of the kids ran out onto the beach and as hedgehog was leaving she seen two very concerned elephants looking for their child

?!-Don't worry I'm sure he's just down there with all the others having a good time making new friends that's all.

Sue-I guess.

?!-why don't you go give him his hoodie I'll wait for ya because I know how you two will just be there forever with the goodbyes.

Sue playfully elbows him in the gut.

Sue- Alright I'll be quick.

As The Elephant walked towards one of the counselors.

Oh hello there my name is Susie I'm one of the counselors here

Sue- oh wow my name is Sue! I'm just here to give you my special little guy's hoodie you know this is his first time being far from home try to help with his anxiety if ya can.

Oh what's his name?

Sue-It's Oscar Peltzer!

Oh well thank you then I'll make sure he gets it then have a safe trip back

And as she left and got back on the boat she started to feel light headed and sat down with her husband so as they sailed off her light headness became worse as blood started to come from her nose  and as her husband tried to help her up he started to feel it himself he started to vomit As he looked at the other parents were screaming in pain most of them were wailing in their own blood while from the island view it sounded like they were saying goodbye but they're crying because they know that this will be the last time that they will see their children. As sue got up and said (WE ALL GOTTA LEAVE SOMEDAY ITS ALLRIGHT TO CRY SOMETIM-) more blood is coming out of her nose as starts to lose consciousness she uses the strength to crawl to her husband as they locked their hands and closed their eyes for the final time. Every adult on board has passed away

(Oscar we love you so much enjoy your summer make friends okay!)

As the boat sailed off into the distance the three counselors knew what they had done and agreed to never say anything till the time comes as they transformed back into their witch clothing and as the inhabitants of the island revealed themselves.

Alright babies you thought you were coming to a normal camp you are sorely mistaken this is a magical camp for beings that are magic themselves and though were your counselors don't come crying to me about your dumb little baby problems especially that mommy's little boy.

Susie this speech gets scary every time I hear it don't scare them now

Oh relax they love it. DO YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR CABINS BABIES

YEEEAAAHHH!!!

Told ya!

As she took the kids to their new homes hedgehog stay behind to take it all in that were she is right now and since she calm now she's gonna to her new cabin inside it was a bunch of cool stuff she had a tv, and a bookshelf, her bed was so soft that she felt like she would sleep for two days straight as she started to unpack a small hand grabbed her foot it was transparent monster

-Woaaaahh

Don't be dramatic darling I'm only here to tell that this room is mine and I will not give up easy.

Uh...okay

And just so you know under the bed is my space and only my space if you come under here I will kill you and leave your bones to dry.

Gee I get it you don't have to be a jerk I'll just put my shoes by the door then

That's what I thought

2 hours later

Finally done it took me two hours but I'm finished

Attention all campers since it's the first night of camp we want you all on the beach for a little get together now hurry it up.

Well might as well I need to make some friends my age anyway( i might even get a summertime love.) I can't wait

Oh honey you need too.

Shut up you

As she left her cabin the monster went and read her diary

How dare she I'm gonna read her diary just for that...oh...my I'm just like my father aren't I.

As he looks at one of the accessories they nodded at him

Yur father did not I repeat did not respect secrets at all.

Oh...well at least he was a good man thanks grandma

Yur welcome child

Back to Hedgehog as she got closer she started to see more kids come out of there cabins but she waited and just waved at most of them as she was walking one kid named Max came up to talk with her since they were going to the same place anyway.

Hi I'm max

Oh hi I'm Hedgehog

(He's kinda cute)

Is this your first time coming to a summer camp

*Gasp* How did you know

I have SUUUUUPPPPEERRR PPPOOOWWWEERRRSSS!

She laughed at him as if anyone could have super powers as they got closer to the beach they seen the whole camp all dancing and enjoying their time together even the counselors were getting into it as well I started to run so I can get in there and do the same and the little d.j. Put on a song that caused everyone to go crazy.

I do not own this bitch I'm a fanfic writer Fuck! Enjoy Bitches

33 by Polo G

Yo, ayo

High off ecstasy and that codeine what I'm sippin' (What I'm sippin')

This new Glock got .33, Scottie Pippen (Scottie Pippen)

Bitch, all of my niggas bangin' C's

Like we Crippin' (Like we Crippin')

Girl, you got what I need, what I been missing (What I'm missing)

Let's take that chance, want you to see that I'm different (Oh)

Back then, tryna find myself

I couldn't believe how I was trippin' (Oh)

No neighbors in the mountains, palm trees

That's how I'm living (That's how I'm living)

Every time that I pop out

Bustdown VVs, designer drippin' (Designer drippin')

Bitch, I'm from Chiraq, when it get hot, they bring them TECs out

Better watch your back or you'll be on that corner stretched out

Quick to change a nigga standin' tall with his chest out

And they like headshots, it won't make sense to bring a vest out

Shit be devastatin', you find out your homie checked out

Parents lose control, don't know her daughter havin' sex now

Niggas hatin', I'm gettin' paper, that's what they pressed 'bout

Went down the wrong path, switched it up and chose the best route

I ain't used to have it all, I used to feel left out

'Member I was broke, ain't have a dollar, I was stressed out

Now I'm tryna get richer, like Blast, let's bring the jets out

Bitch, I need like ten bathrooms up in my next house

High off ecstasy and that codeine what I'm sippin'

This new Glock got .33, Scottie Pippen

Bitch, all of my niggas bangin' C's like we Crippin'

Girl, you got what I need, what I been missing

Let's take that chance, want you to see that I'm different

Back then, tryna find myself, I couldn't believe how I was trippin'

No neighbors in the mountains, palm trees, that's how I'm living

Every time that I pop out, bustdown VVs, designer drippin'

Got a baby .40 with a new extended clip inside

For any problem, bitch, it's .22 up in this clip of mine

My peoples lookin' up to me, so no, I can't be victimized

I got so much pent-up anger, I just wish a nigga tried

You gon' die before you blink, yeah, that's gon' be a quick demise

The world be so fucked up, that shit'll have you sick and tired

1 1/2 hour later...

We were all sitting round the camp fire telling stories , making s'mores, and I'm pretty sure the younger ones are probably asleep already it felt right and good this is what I've been missing all my life this is amazing...no exhlirating I've never had so much fun in my life and this is only the first night.

Susie- Alright babies listen up it's getting dark so return to your cabins for the night. Tomorrow you lots will be introducing each other got it.

(All): Awwww c'mon

That's Unfair

Yeah why do we gotta go to bed

It makes no since

Really

*yawn*I guess but still not cool tho.

Ok

Auuugghhhh

Susie- Oh Shut Up!

They all had shut up

Susie- Betsy! Alice! Can you take care of them I have some business to take care of. (Summons her broom)

With that she flew off on her broom with something blue like in her hand as hedgehog wondered what it was she was magically picked up and being taken to her cabin just like everyone else just as she was in front of her cabin the magic poofed away making her fall on her tush.

Hedgehog-Oww that hurt couldn't you be any gentler maybe.

???-hey are you alright.

Hedgehog-huh oh yeah just a little mark but I'll be fine.

???-oh well see ya.

Hedgehog- w-wa..wait I don't know your name

???-oh well I'll tell you tomorrow then but right now I'm very sleepy so yeah uh goodnight.

As the girl left hedgehog just shrugged and went in her cabin to sleep and when she went in she had seen a box and a letter in a envelope it said

Dear Hedgehog,

My apologies I have been informed to tell you this but due to a terrible accident happening at a workplace environment it has taken the lives of your parents. We are terribly sorry please forgive us we understand if you want to sue us once you return you have our regards.

Hedgehog-T..Th..this c-can't...be h-h-appe...nni...nng  please god this has to be a nightmare please just let me  *hic* w..wa..wake..*cough* up...please.

Oh Hedgehog dear I'm so sorry I'll just let you have sometime to grieve honey.

And with that he left and never came back

She wasn't the only one either everyone has gotten one as well but different deaths

Murdered

Suicide

Hit and Run

[mell-bell]

you are everything I want (but more than I deserve) - Part 4

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

Darcy Lewis x Bucky Barnes

AO3

Words: 2452                         

Series Summary: The first time Darcy met her soulmate she shot him. A relationship could only go up from there, right? Not when you pair together an ex-Hydra assassin and a woman with a penchant for trouble that could rival even his best friends

Chapter: 4/10

Author’s notes: Finally posting the chapters I had on AO3 on here :D Hope you enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky woke to the sound of banging. He shot out of bed, his head snapping toward the door. Silence reigned throughout the apartment and for a second Bucky believed it had all been a dream. But then another loud bang shook the walls. Bucky slipped over to the door and peeked down the hall. No one was supposed to have access to his room. He had made Tony swear (while holding his liquor hostage) that he would have complete privacy. It was only when Tony showed him Jarvis’s coding for his room did he accept the answer and give Tony his alcohol back.

As the banging got louder, Bucky made his way down the hall. He reached into his waistband and pulled out his knife before rounding the corner ready to strike.

“Hey! Could you hold the ladder for me?”

“Clint, what are you doing here?”

“Darcy-proofing your apartment.”

“…. Darcy-proofing?”

“Yep. You’ll thank me later. Now, hold the ladder, will you? I still need to go make waffles for Tasha and I’m already 50 minutes late to work.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darcy was having a shit day. She had gotten yelled at by no less than fourteen different news outlets. She’d gotten cheese on her favorite blouse when an agent whacked into her with his cheese fries. She’d lost her shoe to a banana incident she refused to talk about. Jane had been back one day and had already set fire to her new lab four times. Darcy hadn’t slept in 40 hours. And here she found herself slumped over a desk next to Jane’s workbench, a fire extinguisher at the ready.

“Spawn, are you alive?”

Darcy groaned, “Does the pale glow of the lab lights make me look hot?”

She felt something poke her face and opened her eyes finding Tony trying to push her hair back from her face with a candy cane, “A hot mess. You need sleep.”

“Thanks.”

Tony reached over picking up a piece of her hair, finding some type of machine oil in it, “And a shower.”

Darcy nodded and pushed herself out of her chair, her legs groaning at their first movement in 10 hours. As she trudged slowly to the lab doors, Tony grabbed the fire extinguisher from her hands before pushing her off in the actual direction of the door.

Darcy stumbled down the hallway, somehow making it into the elevator and up to her floor. She slammed into her door with relief. As she reached for the handle, she looked at Bucky’s door for a moment before looking down at her rumpled clothing. She knew he wouldn’t care but she felt nasty. How was she supposed to seduce her soulmate with nasty breath and dirty clothes?

So, after a quick shower, which had been more of a 10-minute power nap under hot water, she shrugged into her Hulk pajamas and one of Tony’s old sweatshirts before sneaking into the kitchen. She looked both ways and pulled open the freezer.

“I know for a fact you are not stealing Tasha’s favorite ice cream again.”

Darcy swung around as the voice startled her and chucked a spoon at the perpetrators head.

Clint moved out of the way and raised an eyebrow at her as she wielded another spoon at his face.

“You don’t mention this and I won’t tell everyone about the time you dressed up as cupid and shot yourself in the ass with your heart-shaped arrow.”

Clint groaned, “You may proceed.”

Darcy bundled the ice cream up to her chest and took off towards Bucky’s room. She frowned as she tried to balance the ice creams in one hand so that she could knock on the door. Finally managing to balance them all against her body, she leaned against the door knocking loudly. However, when the door opened, the ice creams began to tumble out of her hand and Darcy screamed falling to the ground to save them, “My ice cream!”

Jumping back up she met her soulmates chiseled ass stomach.

“Oh, that is so not fair.” She said as she reached out to poke it, “Shit, it’s real.”

The man in question laughed as Darcy met his amused eyes.

“Alright, this is yours.” She said plopping a cold gallon into his hand before sliding past him and dropping herself down onto the couch and digging into her own gallon.

“Can you please put on a shirt or something. Anything. I can’t jump your ass yet. We haven’t even been on a date yet. And I....wait. Did Clint Darcy-proof your place?”

Bucky’s eyes went wide and he nodded.

Darcy’s eyes narrowed, before she smiled, “Good! I don’t want to break any of your stuff. Clint still won’t forgive me for breaking his favorite bow.”

Before he could even say a word, she turned around flinging her arms out, her eyes wide, “I promise it was an accident I was just trying to kill a huge spider…. which also turned out to be Natasha’s pet. So, let’s just say I wasn’t allowed back into their apartment until I baked them each enough food to live off of for five years.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darcy lay on the couch, her legs thrown over Bucky’s legs, his fingers drawing random designs on her thighs as she caught him up on her 20 some years of life.

“I was a normal child. Mom and Dad. Older sister. Younger brother. Typical middle child syndrome. Since I was 5, I never wanted a soulmate. My parents had a happy marriage and everything but for some reason, I didn’t want what everyone else had. It all just seemed too boring and easy. I’ve had your words on me since the moment I was born. From the moment, I could read and actually understand the words, I knew you were out there. It wasn’t until I turned 15 and realized how alone I actually was, that I realized it wasn’t weak to have a soulmate. And turns out my soulmate is a fucking god, so definitely glad I decided to follow destiny.”

Bucky smiled sadly, “I remember the day your words appeared on my skin. I was 25. I don’t know why they showed up then but I knew in that moment that I would forever give myself fully to you. Steve had had his words his whole life and I had always felt my life just wasn’t complete since I didn’t have any of my own. I thought I was the outcast. I would go out on dates, but it didn’t feel right knowing they had their own soulmates out there. And then the war happened and a part of me was glad I didn’t have words because there was a chance I wouldn’t come back and I didn’t want anybody to feel the loss that my mother had felt when she lost my dad. But then your words appeared on my skin and I just gave myself fully to you. I didn’t even know you, but just knowing you were out there helped me survive.”

His eyes grew dark.

“But then I remember getting swept up into everything Steve was doing. And then I remember falling. The moment my hand slipped, I knew I lost you. That I would never meet you.”

He felt her hand brush across his cheek and leaned into it.

“But you did.”

His head lifted up and he met her eyes, “I did.”

“DARCY MARIE LEWIS WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FOUND YOUR SOULMATE?! WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME?!”

Darcy rolled her eyes as she leaned back into her chair, propping her feet up on Coulson’s desk. The man threw her a glare and she offered him a cheeky wink at which he scowled and went back to his work.

A loud huff sounded across the room and Darcy’s head flopped back over the chair catching sight of a disheveled Jane pacing back and forth on the carpet, “You were on Asgard, Jane.”

Her arms flew out wide and Thor ducked out of the way as he continued to scoff down the homemade pop tarts Darcy had made him.

“A call would have been nice. Or even a text. You could have fucking telegrammed me for all I care. Pray to Thor or something. Pray to fucking Loki and I hate that man! You know he likes you for whatever reason, he would have told me! Literally anything. I can’t believe this.”

“Well, I for one believe this to be wondrous news!” Thor yelled, spewing pieces of pop tart all over the floor. Darcy could hear Coulson groan behind her as more crumbs fell to the floor as Jane reached over and aggressively brushed crumbs out of Thor’s beard.

“No! I will not tolerate this under my roof.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and jumped up grabbing Jane’s arm and pulling her out onto the little porch across from Coulson’s desk.

“We’re outside.”

Jane’s eyes narrowed and she pointed toward the sky, “The sky is my roof. I’m the fucking God of Thunder’s wife.”

“She has a point.”

Darcy peeked around Jane and locked eyes with an expressionless Coulson.

“I will chuck my shoe at you again. “

“Don’t make me call your mother, again.”

Darcy froze. Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom, I found my soulmate.”

“We’re adopting him.”

“The fuck? You haven’t even met him yet.”

“Does he cook?”

“He made me an omelet.”

“Yep. We’re adopting him.”

“Jesus Christ, mom.”

"Make sure you bring him for the holidays. Oh...Darce, I have to go, your father set fire to the roof again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the phone call with her mother, Darcy took a much-needed 8-hour nap only to awaken by Jarvis who reminded her what day it was.

“It’s game night, bitches!”

Tony shot up from behind the couch, a screwdriver hanging out of his mouth.

“I thought that was on Thursday?” He mumbled.

Darcy rolled her eyes chucking an x-box controller at his head, “It is fucking Thursday, Tony.”

Tony’s eyes lit up and the screwdriver fell out of his mouth. He scrambled over to the couch and all but pushed Bucky off, “Move, murder-cat I need to get prepared to kick her ass.”

Darcy had made her way around the couch and smirked turning around slapping her ass, “This ass?”

Bucky’s eyes went to her ass and Tony glared at him, “I’m only just starting to like you. So, I know you didn’t just look at my basically-daughter’s ass.”

Darcy’s eyebrow went up and she reached over grabbing Bucky’s hand and placed it on her ass, not breaking eye contact with Tony.

Tony slapped his hand over his eyes, “I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and shoved her way onto the couch next to Tony. Bucky took a place on the floor by her feet, leaning up against her leg.

“What’s game night?”

Darcy smiled, “Only the best night of the week! I created it my first month here because no one ever talked to each other. It was driving me insane. So, daily dinners and weekly game night. Even monthly fancy dinner night gives me an excuse for when Tony asks why I stole his credit card to buy another dress.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know you didn’t fucking blue shell me, Natasha.

Tony, I swear to fucking god if you push me off of rainbow road one more time I am going to throw you out the window.

Jarvis, you aren’t allowed to play that’s cheating.

SHE’S AN ASTROPHYSA-WHATEVER HOW IS SHE THIS GOOD?

Please place the Wii remote strap around your wrist, we’ve already broken 3 TV’s.

Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky....psssst, what’s Steve’s weakness?

SAMANTHA. MY NAME IS SAM, TONYA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game Night Ratings – Number of Games Won:

Jane 20 Natasha 18 Sam 17 Darcy 14 Tony 11 Clint 8 Pepper 5 Steve 3 Thor 1 Bucky 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 3 am the phone rang. Darcy sat up, her head pounding. She crawled over to the wall and grabbed a broom, knocking the phone off the wall. She picked it up and pushed the button.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Lewis!”

“Nooooooo,” She groaned pulling the phone away from her head, “too loud.”

Fury all but growled on the other end of the line, “I expect every single Avenger present at the 7am meeting. On time. Do I make myself clear?”

“Clear as a ghost, bro.”

The line buzzed and Darcy dropped the phone onto the ground, quickly following as she once again passed out.

When she woke up again. It was 6am. And things were on fire.

Fire.

Flames licked up the couch and Darcy blinked her eyes, wondering if she was just imagining things. As she pulled herself to her feet, Dum-E came rolling around the corner, pushing her out of the way and used the fire extinguisher to blow out the fire.

The living room was completely trashed. The couch was burnt. The TV had writing all over it. Food was stuck to the ceiling. Glitter littered the ground. Tony was passed out against the window. The vent open, Clint’s legs sticking out. Sam, Steve, and Bucky were piled up on the couch opposite of the flame-ridden one. Pepper looked relaxed in the recliner in the corner. And Thor and Jane seemed to be missing. And Natasha –

“Ms. Lewis.”

Darcy groaned at the voice behind her, “We’re not late yet.”

“Has the world ended?”

“No, we just live like this now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darcy somehow managed to wake everyone up with just enough time to get them to the meeting room. Dark bags littered their faces and their clothes were rumpled. Tony had a growing bruise on his cheek. Steve’s hair stuck up like a child’s spiked hair.

“Ms. Lewis, what did you do to my agents?”

“Nope. Not agents.” Tony grumbled, his face plastered on the clear table.

As Fury began to brief the group on the newest disaster, Darcy sunk into her chair and zoned out as she took a look around the room.

“Hey, um...”

Fury glared at her, but she held up her finger, before counting everyone, “Where’s Natasha?”

Everyone’s eyes furrowed as they looked around. Clint pulled out his phone as everyone began to talk. Fury looked at his computer. Coulson messaged Hill asking if Natasha was back on base.

Darcy’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she slipped out of the room without anyone noticing and took off down the hall, moving into a side room and pulling out her phone.

The front screen blinked a message from an unknown number.

Clinking on the link, her phone screen filled with a pet shop’s page.

Darcy scrolled in confusion until one of the cat’s names on the page caught her eye.

Loki. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next up: Loki makes an appearance, Natasha is still missing, Sam hates life, and Darcy and Bucky share a first ;) ......... 

[arktrucker]

County Jail Road Crew

Back several years ago, I had been driving through South Carolina. This was back before they closed all the parking areas along the interstates. I was on I-26 southbound north of I-40 and had to pull in to take a nap. Nothing was going on which made the nap taking easier. When I woke up the sun was bright and shining in my face so I got up and in the driver’s seat to have a look around before starting out for the day. All the trucks from the previous night were gone. Traffic on the interstate was light and it looked like it would be a nice day to roll. Still looking around I saw across the interstate in the parking area opposite the one I was in, one truck and pulling in was the county jail road crew bus. I watched for a couple of minutes then my dick got the best of me. I pulled out of the parking area and down a mile to the off ramp and back onto the northbound side. I thought if nothing else I might get a look sees at a couple of hot men. When I got to the parking area, the other truck was pulling out so, I pulled up close, but not too close, to the road crew who now were just milling around not really doing anything. The crew was made up of both men and women and I'm sure they were supposed to be picking up trash and litter and dumping trash cans but there wasn't much of that going on. There were about 8 or so people there, the driver was laying back in his seat sleeping, a couple more hadn't got out of the van and were sleeping too. But at the rear of the bus, were three men. If I had to guess their ages I would say the oldest might have been in his late 30's the next maybe 25-27 and the youngest might have been 19-20. All in their white jail clothes with the bright orange stripe down the legs and the letters DOC across the back of their shirts, none of which fit well. The men were just talking and laughing but not moving away from the back of the van after a little bit, I notice the older guy had a hard on showing through his pants and he was playing a serious game of pocket pool, too. I was sure they were talking about the pussy they were going to get when they got out and how hard they were going to tear it up. Then I noticed they all were hard and the youngest was trying to hide it a little from the others by bending over and turning away a lot. The other two were not hiding the fact they were hard as rocks. Proudly showing off their bulges. The middle guy reached into the back of the van and pulled out a roll of toilet tissue and headed to the woods for his morning constitutional. He was gone about 5 minutes, came back and handed the roll to the oldest guy. Damn, I thought, I could be down there and working all that cock and helping them to soften those hardons. I jumped back in the sleeper, threw on a pair of jeans and tee shirt, and jumped out of the passenger door, and walked toward the woods. I met the older guy on his way out and nodded and he nodded back. I continued back into the woods and saw were the others had done their business so I went on a little further and hid myself in the brush. About 15 minutes later I was about to walk back to my truck when I saw the younger of the three waking back toward the woods. He went a little farther than the others had gone and closer to where I was but still couldn't see me. He stopped unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants and started to do what he came there for. When he was finished and cleaned up, he stood up straight and his semi-hard dick swung out from between his legs. I knew then why he was trying to hide it from the others; he didn't want to embarrass them from the size. It’s hard to tell size from a distance but I would have said it was a solid 8.5” and not completely hard at that point. What intrigued me most though was the fact that he was uncut. He took a piece of tissue and balled it up, skinned his dick back and dried the head off. That was hot in itself and when he stretched the skin over the end and shook it back in to place I couldn't help myself saying 'damn' under my breath or so I thought. He looked up and right at me hiding there in the woods but, made no attempt to pull up his pants or hide his big cock. I have to admit, the thought of him calling the others back and kicking my ass did cross my mind and the thought of him calling the others back and gang fucking me also crossed my mind but really the only thing I could think about was that thick vein running down the top of his cock. He just stood there looking at me but still not pulling up his pants. He reached down and skinned it back. That shinny head reflected the sunshine and all I could think about was how it would feel sliding down my throat. I could tell he was thinking this over then he took a step toward me walking around the brush to come behind like I had. It seemed like it took forever but when he was finally standing next to me, pants around his knees and semi hard dick hanging there I could finally get a good look at this hot little motherfucker. He stood probably 5'8” maybe 160 lbs. Thick but not an ounce of fat on his body. He had hair on his legs and a little treasure trail that led to his pubes. His balls looked heavy and swung with the ease his cock. I had him unbutton his shirt and I have to say, he was put together right. He reached out and grabbed my wrist and pulled in over to his cock. I felt the power that was in there and had to remind myself I wasn't dreaming this. Then, he put a hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me down. No roughness or demands at all. He took his cock back from me covered the head with his foreskin pinching off the end stretching it all the way and presented it to me holding it in the palm of his hand. Sort of saying here it is, take care of it for me. That all it took I took that cock, put my tongue on the end and ran it up under that skin and was pleasantly surprised. I prefer a day-old dick. A working man’s cock doesn't smell like soap or cologne. Now mind you, I don't want cheese on it but a dick of a working man it perfect and he had it going on in spades. I buried that cock deep in my throat and heard him moan just a little bit so I kept it there and worked my throat muscles and tongue. I could feel it getting harder and harder, feeling his pulse through that fat cock. I pulled it out and went to work on his balls. Oh, those sweet, sweat smelling balls. His balls were a work of art all their own. Lose ball sack, nuts about the size of good sized walnut, each. I tried to get both in my mouth but wasn't able to, but I kept trying! By this time, his cock was fully hard. I was amazed at the size and how he still had enough skin to cover the head as hard as he was. It also had a slight curve downward which I have found is the best for a good deep throating. So, I swallowed that thing all the way down all at one time, and kept it there. I could feel it touching the back of my Adams Apple and that was a first for me. He slowly started to pull it out and push it back in. Pull it out a little farther and longer stroke back in he did that until he was pulling out almost to my lips and back down. He was starting to get a good rhythm going, so I reached down and undid my jeans and pulled my cock out and started to stroke along with him. He would change up every couple of strokes working the end of his cock in my mouth and then down my throat again. I was sure he was thinking about the pussy waiting, or not, for him at home and I'll tell you this, if he fucked that pussy the way he was fucking my mouth and throat, she'd be crazy not to wait for it, he knew what the fuck he was doing! This went on for more than 15 minutes and really my throat was starting to pay the price. I reached around and grabbed his furry butt with one hand and the other under his balls. I could feel it boiling up and the payoff was not far away. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and buried my face in his crotch running my tongue on the taint a just a little into his ass crack. I thought he was going to jump out of his skin. He grabbed the back of my head and held it in place and was jacking with the other. He pulled my head back and pointed the head of his cock at my mouth but wouldn't let me suck he just kept stroking. He told me to open up, I did and I was rewarded. He started to shoot cum everywhere, my mouth, nose eyes my forehead chin and kept shooting strong jets of cum. When he was done shooting the cum still flowed out and you could see the pulse of spasms. I think about that cum shot a lot, it truly was a porn flick cum shot. Never before or after I have had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of one like that. Since then South Carolina has closed the parking areas. I heard somewhere they might have opened up a couple of them again but I'll never forget the county jail workers and that big veiny cock in the woods.

[that-downeast-girl]

All of them :P

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?Uhh yeah, I guess so. 

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Sadly. 

3. Have you taken someones virginity?Yes.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?Very. 

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?One of them yes. 

6. What are you excited for?I don’t have any classes tomorrow so that will be nice. 

7. What happened tonight?I took a nap, went and got some macaroni and cheese, and might go to the gym later. 

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?If they get sloppy drunk than yes. 

9. Is confidence cute?Yes. 

10. What is the last beverage you had?Strawberry Kiwi juice. 

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?There’s a few. 

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?One pair.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Setting up a secret Easter egg hunt for my nephews for when they wake up on Easter. 

14. What are you going to spend money on next?Either gas in my car or Dunkin’ Donuts tomorrow before I leave. Whichever comes first. 

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?No. 

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?It’s a possibility. 

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?I can talk to @therefinedwoodsman about almost anything. 

18. The last time you felt broken?It’s been a bit honestly. 

19. Have you had sex today?Sadly, no.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?Uhh yeah how much I should be doing my Insurance Billing and Coding homework.

21. Are you in a good mood?For the most part yes. 

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Oh fuck to the no. 

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?No. 

24. What do you want right this second?Umm, for my car to be fixed and new tires on it. 

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?I’d say more power to them, and go about my day and not bother with them anymore. 

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?In a way yes. 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?No. 

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?When Katie walked into Medical Office Management this morning said “I fucking hate mornings” dropped her shit and left and came back with a bunch of food and coffee. 

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?Yes. 

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?No. 

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?Sometimes. 

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Maybe. 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?I’ve tried to stop so many times but it never works but I have cut down a lot. 

34. Listening to?My t.v

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?Sometimes but I’ve gotten in the habit of pen because medical field. 

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?Yes. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?No. 

38. Who did you last call?My mom. 

39. Who was the last person you danced with?Makaila. 

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?Because I wanted to. 

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Uhhh.. I don’t remember. 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?No. I live 2 hours from my dad and my mom is about 45 minutes away. 

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?I’m a pro at doing that. 

44. Do you tan in the nude?No. 

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?No. 

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?Yes. 

47. Who was the last person to call you?Keith.

48. Do you sing in the shower?Sometimes. 

49. Do you dance in the car?Oh god yeah. 

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Yes. 

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?Christmas time. 

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?Some. 

53. Is Christmas stressful?I hate Christmas. 

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

I don’t think so.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?Uhhh strawberry rhubarb is pretty good. 

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?Oh boy... Carpenter, off shore lobster man, hair stylist, chef, bay lobster man, x-ray technician, now working my way to be a surgical technician. 

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yes. 

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?All the time. 

59. Take a vitamin daily?No. 

60. Wear slippers?Sometimes. 

61. Wear a bath robe?No. 

62. What do you wear to bed?T-shirt and underwear. 

63. First concert?ZZ Top and Florida Georgia Line during Sturgis Bike Rally in South Dakota. 

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Uhhh Wal-Mart. 

65. Nike or Adidas?Nike. 

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Cheetos. 

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Sunflower Seeds. 

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?I don’t really listen to her. 

69. Ever take dance lessons?No. 

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Not really, but knowing me and my preference in people probably a mechanic of some sorts or in the construction trade.

71. Can you curl your tongue?yes. 

72. Ever won a spelling bee?Yes.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?After my nephews were born I did.

74. What is your favorite book?Ummm I read Go Ask Alice a lot. 

75. Do you study better with or without music?Lol I don’t study. 

76. Regularly burn incense?No. 

77. Ever been in love?Sadly. 

78. Who would you like to see in concert?Brantley Gilbert, Tyler Farr, Jason Aldean....

79. What was the last concert you saw?Luke Bryan, Dustin Lynch, and Little Big Town

80. Hot tea or cold tea?Cold

81. Tea or coffee?Coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?No Bakes

83. Can you swim well?For the most part. 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Ummm yes?

85. Are you patient?

Not at all. 

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?DJ. 

87. Ever won a contest?Not that I can remember. 

88. Ever have plastic surgery?No.

89. Which are better black or green olives?I don’t like olives. 

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?Go for it, just be safe and don’t catch anything. 

91. Best room for a fireplace?Bedroom and living room. 

92. Do you want to get married?No. It’s an expensive piece of paper and rings. 

[beautifulwonderfulchaos-blog]

I don't have cancer. I don't have some terminal illness. But living with Chiari has easily been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Three years ago I was diagnosed with mono. And everyone laughs and asks "Who hqve you been kissing?" when I tell them that, but whatever. Mono fucking sucks. And ever since then, my health seems to gradually decline. For months and months I have had all kinds of issues. I've had blood work done, I've had all kinds of tests done, and all were normal. Everything came back fine. So why in the hell did I feel so terrible? I feel like I'm always tired. And if you've ever had mono, you know just what I mean. I could sleep for 12 hours straight, wake up and instantly feel like I needed a nap. I could do absolutely nothing but rest for weeks and I would still feel like I had climbed Everest every fucking day. It's horrible. Being tired seems so small, like such a trivial problem to have, but damn is it rough. And then of course over this last year I've gained about 40 pounds. And for the activity I do, for how active I am that is insane. Thyroid issue? Nope, not according to multiple blood tests. Celiac (because I am always constipated and am always bloated)? Nope, not that either. Mono again? Eh, yeah, but do my symptoms even relate? For months this is how it has been. A constant guess and check game. I go to the doctor so much that when I call or walk in at any given time, they know who I am already. Just a little over a month ago, I decided, screw it, I give up. I resign to being perpetually sick and tired. And that was that, I had accepted it. And then it happened. One minute, I'm out with my girlfriend, and the next I get up to go to the bathroom and it feels like my world is spinning. But I thought you know, I'm probably tired/hungry/dehydrated. But next thing I know I wake up and I have the most painful headache I have ever had. I mean painful like, I would get a sharp stabbing pain that felt like someone took a pickaxe to my skull, and I would have to lean against a wall to steady myself. And then later that day, I go home to take a nap and some Advil. I wake up and I feel worse. Long story short, I've been diagnosed with Chiari. Basically, my brain is falling out of my skull and it's putting pressure on my spinal cord, so my brain is getting the stuff it needs like, you know, oxygen, blood, cerebral sinal fluid, all that good stuff. I found out this would require surgery, and honestly, even though brain surgery is terrifying, I was glad to know I wasn't crazy. That my symptoms were real. But damn is it hard living with this. I know that once I have surgery, more than likely I'll feel better. But I have never felt so low. Physically, I feel horrible. I can honestly say I haven't ever felt so sick. At any given time, I feel like I'm going to puke. My head hurts every single second of every day. And it varies in intensity but these days, it only gets worse. My eyes hurt. My vision is worsening by the day and the contacts that worked for me just a month ago now hardly serve any purpose. My memory is actually shit. I often times stutter or I struggle to find words for what I want to say. But mentally, the way I feel is worse than any physical pain. Let me just say that I have never been emotionally unstable. I mean, I am a female, so I know that mood swings come with the territory. But not like this. I'm so depressed. God it's terrible. And the worst part is, I can't control it. I can't control the fact that I want to cry all the time about who even knows what. I'm driving my friends away because I've convinced myself they don't care. I push my girlfriend away because I've also convinced myself that she doesn't actually want to be with me. Quite honestly I don't care if I sound whiny or like a big baby. I'm hurting. Being an athlete has always been a huge portion of my identity, but now? I'm not allowed to do anything that gets my heart rate up. I can't go shoot hoops to take the edge off. I can't take my frustrations from daily life out on a squat rack. I can't do anything I want to do. I can't do the things that soothe my troubled soul. My body is letting me down. And so now on top of all that, I'm gaining so much weight. And I don't give two shits about what a scale says, but I don't feel good. I feel heavy and slow. I don't feel like an athlete. I don't feel atrong or powerful anymore. I feel soft and unsteady. I am struggling so much. I don't sleep, and rather than not eating I eat way too much because I stress eat. My head hurts. Mt heart feels heavy. My life feels like it's in shambles. And not to mention that even after surgery it will be a long recovery, and I'll still be on restrictions. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. But I pray. I ask God to carry me because I am weak and I ask him to get me through each day and here I am. Though my perspective is bleak, I keep going. I'm grinding and I'm doing the absolute best that I can. He will get me through this. And hopefully I come out enlightened but for tonight, I'm sad and alone and so very scared.

[peteypan232]

As noted from my previous posts, I’m a planner. A very shitty planner, as it were, since not a single one of my plans has ever really worked. Except for one: I got Frank to fall madly in love with me. But that story is for another day. So, it’s safe to say I’m a slow learner – I planned and prepared by body, mind and soul during those 9 months for an all natural birth, following the Bradley method. And then the day came when I received my very own human… Francis. Here is his birth story.

May 23rd 2017

4am: I woke up with contractions. I had a cup of raspberry leaf tea, sat in the living room, read a couple pages of one of my many pregnancy books and noticed these particular contractions were a bit different from my normal pregnancy ones. I decided to time them and noticed they had a pattern! DUDEeeee this is it. I started pacing around the flat and cleaning up like a mad woman – just waiting around for  Frank to wake up.

6:30am: The minute I hear his alarm go off, I burst into the room and in the calmest voice I possess, said “Hey, what’s up? There’s a slight chance I’m going into labor.” Frank had his typical ‘Rosie, you cray” look on his face. Probably because 1. I was leaning over his face real creepy. 2. I don’t think anyone would ever imagine me saying “I might be in labor” in a calm voice.

8am: I told Frank to go into work for a big meeting he was hosting that day and I would message him if anything changed. I felt good, I was excited, and I didn’t want to jinx it in case it was a false alarm. It was, after all, a week and a half before my American due date (40 weeks) and 2 weeks before my french due date (41 weeks).

10am: I cleaned the entire apartment, drank 4 cups of red raspberry tea, peed about 20 times and just couldn’t find the patience to pace about any longer. I put on a Harry Potter movie in the background while I napped.

12:30pm: I woke up from my Harry Potter induced nap (my favorite kind of napping) and received about 50 messages from Frank and discovered my contractions were completely gone. (insert sad emoji) Frank came home and we decided to go for a walk around the park, and after only a few minutes in, the contractions were back.

3pm: We went back home, I was bouncing around on the birthing ball, listening to my bad ass birthing playlist, practicing breathing techniques, having nervous poops every 30 minutes and just loving it.

5:30pm: We watched Adventures in Babysitting while I worked on the birthing ball and by the time the movie was over my contractions weren’t any closer together.

7:30pm: We went for another walk and things started to really pick up. We quickly tried making it through the park as it was closing soon, but my contractions were getting more intense so there was LOTS of stopping and moaning. Yes, people were staring – and the women with children were smiling. Although things were picking up speed and intensity, I still felt good – like I was still in charge. I kept telling Frank “yo, i got this”. 

8:15pm: We went home, I lit all the candles in the apartment and put on my birthing playlist all while I was pacing, dancing, bouncing, stretching, breathing, singing.

10:30pm: We put on Star Trek and didn’t make it 10 minutes into it when shit got cray. Everything thus far was gradual – and in a matter of minutes, seconds, shit got real.

11pm: My thought – ‘Alright, lets go”, but our birth plan included staying at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. Frank, being my birth partner told me he didn’t think it was time to go yet….. ok, I agreed with him. It couldn’t have been more than 5 contractions later, and I’m screaming some weird shit. I believe my exact words were “We gotta go! I’m fucking crowning!”.

May 24th 2017

this is the moment when time and space and sanity just completely escape me.

12am(ish): We get to the hospital and it was hot as balls. Hot, muggy, sweaty, balls. A goddamn incubator. The midwife examines me and said, and I quote “You’re about 1 cm, and I’m being gracious”.

Frank and I reflected and laughed our asses off about this later. Here is the 40 something year old midwife, with broken/limited english – and somewhere along his training or life experience, someone taught him the english word gracious. The guy didn’t know the word for clothing! But gracious fell into his vocabulary.

Fuck. I was barely 1 cm. It was well past midnight at this point so the midwife staff was shorthanded and they had an emergency on their hands. He said we could leave and come back, but fuck that. I’m crowning! Can you check again bro?! We waited there for what seemed like an eternity. I looked Frank directly in the eyes and told him, I can’t do this. I’m going to die. This is the end. I’m not going to survive this. 

1:30am(ish): When the midwife came back in he was covered in blood and super sweaty. Christ. What the hell is going on out there?! I told him I was going to die and that I needed the epidural. He moved me to the pre travail (literal translation, before work) room with a lay down bed and less harsh lights that took away the sterile hospital vibe. He put an IV in my arm.

Ok lets do this – bring on the epidural.

I’m sorry to say Ma’am, you have to be 3 cm.

ERMMMMM I was 1 cm HOURS ago – I’ve got to be 3 at this point.

Believe me, you’re not.

Check again bro.

I wasn’t.

3am(ish): My birthing playlist was playing repeat on the Jambox and it was pretty fucking intense. The pain was so real and I was exhausted – for the final hours in that room, I was passing out in between contractions. I had hit the 24 hour mark and could feel the crushing fatigue on my body.

5:30am(ish): The midwife comes back into the room to check me – just at 3 cm. He calls the anesthesiologist, sets me up in the birthing room and gets ready for a shift change.

6am(ish): I’m being set up for the epidural. That sweet, sweet epidural. Once they set it up, I had a few more painful contractions and then just like that, I could catch my breath and breathe again. The best way I can describe the feeling of an epidural: when your foot falls asleep, but before the pins and needles. I could still feel, but the pain was softer, like it was earlier in the day when this whole thing began. The new midwives said some words, but I instantly passed out.

7am(ish): I woke up an hour later, they were checking my dilation. 9 cm. 3cm to 9cm? oh sweet beautiful epidural. The new midwife said to me, “Your baby was waiting for you to relax”. They broke my water, emptied by bladder and I drifted back to sleep.

8:30am(ish): 10cm, I was fully dilated – but the baby was in the ‘sunny side up’ position, so they turned my legs and waited. My super hot doctor came in to say Hi, examine me, pep talk and explain that he had to deliver a c section baby, think you can hold on. oh yea. Per our birth plan, Frank was to help the doctor pull the baby out, so he had Frank take a look at my vagina. Frank looked up at me with his eyes full of tears. “I started crying back. Oh jesus christ… WHAT?! Is it a fucking mess down there?!”, “No” he said, “I can see our child’s head”.

9:40am(ish): The midwives start prepping me and my super hot doctor comes back in.  We’re ready. I was fucking ready.

9:57am: 5 pushes later, my birthing playlist still in the background, I delivered my child. The most powerful surge of energy was vibrating through my entire body, through the entire room. Frank helped pull our child out and brought him to my chest. He was so warm and so small. It was the most amazing moment in my life – the greatest high I have ever felt. I felt the entire universe vibrating through every part of my body. Have you ever had a panic attack? The way your body doesn’t feel like your own and you completely lose all sense of control. But rather than being fueled by overwhelming fear, or stress – it’s love and warmth, and happiness. I thought I was going to explode, implode. I had no idea what was happening next – I only had eyes for my baby. Baby was silent, laying on my chest, with eyes slightly open, looking at me.

It was me, and Frank and … wait, what’s the gender?! We didn’t even check. The midwife said “c’est un garcon”, it’s a boy. It’s Francis.

Me. Frank. Francis.

Just the 3 of us.

The day I birthed my human. As noted from my previous posts, I'm a planner. A very shitty planner, as it were, since not a single one of my plans has ever really worked.

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was certainly an adventure, lol. So remember how yesterday I had the whole overslept my alarm by 40 minutes thing? Well I mostly thought it was coincidence but I have suspected the brand of melatonin I had been using was too powerful and causing my mid-morning naps. Well, after today I'm convinced that's the truth, and enough of the truth that I got off the bus and went straight to Walgreens to buy a different brand before even going home, lol. So you could say this morning was a bit of a mess. Basically, I got up fine, got ready fine, got on the bus fine. Then I felt a little compelled to close my eyes. And I mean, I have a long damn bus ride (generally a little over an hour) and I never really fall asleep like this so I'll just open my eyes every so often to make sure I know where we are. WELL. Guess what failed miserably??? That plan. I had extra time too cuz I was just meeting my boss outside the building at 9:30 so we could go straight to the CIPP (I'll explain that later). The next thing I know, I wake up and look outside and not recognize it. I look at the front of the bus and the next stop says 33rd street. Time is 9:29. FUCK. The numbered streets don't even start until you get onto the south side, and legit the only times I've been on the south side is to go to midway airport. So I was wayyyyy out of my territory here. So I did the reasonable thing- got off at the next stop and got an uber to drive me back up to work, lol. Thankfully I only overshot it by about 10 minutes or so, and my boss was also running late (which she kind of always is, which at this point I'm okay with) so it wasn't too bad. Ah, but this was only the beginning. So we go to one of the DCFS locations downtown for the CIPP. CIPP stands for clinical intervention to prevent placement- basically meant as a meeting to try and solve problems so kids don't have to switch placements, or at least that's the general idea of the meetings. This particular one was to get two of our clients specialized. If a kid is considered specialized they get more access to services, and the foster parent has to have extra certification for it (they also get some of a higher stipend for the kid, but I mean it's not that much to begin with so its not really a cash grab). It was two sisters, 10 and 13, the 13 year old being non-verbal. It seemed as far as anyone could tell they didn't have any official diagnoses other than cognitive delays but it's very possible they're both on the spectrum. So it wasn't much of an argument, everyone pretty much agreed they should be specialized. And then we still sat and talked, but I have no idea what about because I started fucking falling asleep in the middle of the goddamn meeting, and I could not control it at all. Like I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness, like I would open my eyes but not having been conscious of shutting them before that second it just happened, and my boss had to like, nudge me twice during the meeting to keep me awake. So of course I feel SO bad about it. Towards the end someone suggested a bathroom break and another one said they were gonna get a drink and looked at me like "hey do you wanna get something too?" which I took as my cue to go get some caffeine, they had cans of coke for 95 cents in their vending machine, but even with the quarter I pulled out of my laundry pocket I didn't have enough change, so one of them just took pity on me and gave me a dollar (I insisted she did at least take the change I did have). I wouldn't say I chugged the coke exactly, but I tried to get it into my system very quickly as it definitely helped. We ended not too long after that, and as soon as we're outside I'm like to my boss "omg I'm so sorry I don't know what's going on with me" and she was just like "no I'm just like concerned about your health like are you okay? Do you do need to go home for the rest of the day??" So I assured her I was fine at this point now that I had at least 12 oz worth of caffeine in my system. So we ran to jimmy johns and ate in the car on the way to our second meeting of the day (I saw "our" but of course I just sit there and watch and say nothing). This was a child and family team meeting, which is just like with the workers and such to try and handle things. Now, there are a lot of messy cases in the foster care system, but trust me when I say this case was a MESS. Basically, this girl's brother had been sexually abusing her and pulling off straight up incest since she was like 8 to the point where SHE FUCKING GOT PREGNANT BY HER GODDAMN BROTHER and when I heard that I was immediately like uh, is that baby okay????? But apparently he's 2 now and no special needs have availed themselves yet so that's definitely a relief. But basically the girl is 17 now and doesn't really want to leave home but the case got screened in anyway, but they can't find a placement for her as a parenting teen so she's been living at home with her shitbag mother and HER FUCKING BROTHER and ugh it made me so mad. My boss told me when they went to trial the mom like made the girl burst into tears because she basically testified "I don't care about you, I don't want you, I just care about my grandson" like um you're a piece of shit and shouldn't be in charge of any child, ever. So we're really far down the south side now, farther than I've ever been. And this meeting is with the family and the various caseworkers. Apparently it used to be an intact case so there was a whole transitory process of switching caseworkers. And also my boss hates the PD on the case with a burning passion, so that's fun. When she saw the new caseworkers name she like hesitated for a second and was like "I may not like her but I'm not sure, I'll know her when I see her though" and OH, she did not like her. It was really funny because my boss has like a really soft spoken voice and sounds just very sweet and calm but she also will not back down from anything, and I had to spent the majority of the meeting with my elbows on the table propping my arms up to somehow cover my mouth with my hands to cover the giant smirk I couldn't help every time they got into a skiff. I'm definitely going to need to develop a better poker face for this kind of thing, because I don't think future coworkers will appreciate me laughing at them (which is though my favorite thing to do when I want to piss someone off). So I really don't know if we accomplished shit in that meeting, but we drove the girl back to the day care place to pick up her son(/nephew) and my boss was like, if this caseworker isn't helping you you call me, ok? I'll make it work. They were talking about something regarding her not going to something the other night and the girl mentioned her son had been sick and was home with her mom, who gave him some pepto bismol which seemed to help. And when she said that I was like wait. Pepto bismol to a 2 year old? That doesn't sound right. So I google and it says there is a "children's pepto" out there but it somewhere different, but pepto bismol is for children and adults 12 and over. We were like at the day care place at that point so I just tried to like super casually ask "just curious, was that normal pepto bismol your mom gave your son?" And she just said she didn't know, which is fair enough, but gives me the feeling it was the adult stuff. So then when she left the car I go to my boss like "yeah pepto bismol is only for kids 12 and over" and she just kind of sighed and said to be careful though because this girl will never say anything negative about her mother, even if her mother's treated her like shit. Sigh. So we drove back to the office, took a bit of a scenic route and got to see the white sox stadium for the first time, and over the course of the day I just had some good conversations with my boss and I feel like we definitely bonded to some extent haha so I was happy about that. We got back to the office at like, 3:45, so I'm like okay I can at least try to be productive for an hour, so I go to my computer and now it won't even let me log in. So I just sigh and go over to the tech guys desk and he's not there, so I wait with my arms leaning over the front and he shows up a few minutes later and just starts laughing when he sees me there again haha so he comes in and figures it out and we have amusing conversations about stupid politicians and other random stuff. It was entertaining. He did get it to work, and then I almost had to go get him AGAIN because of another issue but I figured that one out and got to go back to listening to the calls. Nothing too juicy here, but no phone sex, thank GOD. I did mention that to my boss, who's not the attorney that gave me the assignment and she like died laughing and told me to make sure I included that in the report, because if mom tries lying on the stand that's like, the ultimate impeachment lol. So I listened and took some notes and after a while headed out. Fine ride home, took the bus one stop further than usual (just the next block down) to go to Walgreens and buy new melatonin. I decided to go with a brand I had used before but in their gummy form to see how that goes. And then I grabbed a few extra random things, paid, and went home. I made dinner and settled in with my laptop and started watching Iron Fist. I got through the first 3 episodes tonight and I'm somewhat less than impressed. I heard this criticism from other before starting the show, but even without hearing other people thinking it the pace of the show is just soooooo slow. Like I'm moderately interested in the central plot they have unfolding, but it's just taken them so fucking long to get there it leaves me wanting to bang my head against the wall. Like I don't know if I can take another 10 hours of this when barely anything has happened in the first 3. I'll probably stick it out for the sake of the defenders though, so at least I'll have a full backstory on all of them. The one scene where the ninja girl (I know zero character names other than Danny at this point) kicked that gross guy's ass at the cage fight because that was fucking awesome, and it left me wondering why we couldn't have had a show called "The Daughter of the Dragon" (which is what she called herself) instead? I feel like that would've been a lot more entertaining than this. Another highlight was when not-dead crazy daddy warbucks leaves his penthouse and grandma heroin shows up and scares the living shit out of him, because that was just fantastically satisfying to watch. And yeah, that was about it. Did my back exercises, and I've kind of been experimenting with some other ones I used to just kind of do for fun with putting my legs all the way in the air and just relying on my abs for support and bringing my legs down over my head to touch the floor behind me and then back up again without falling forward, and I think it's been good so far, even if it leaves my neck and head a little sore. I also just find it entertaining, so there's that. Shortly before I finished the show my roommate came home so we talked for a bit as she set up the tiny grill she bought so we can grill stuff for Memorial Day, lol. The grill is very cute and tiny. And we talked about all the shut going on at our alma mater (I forget if I talked about this yesterday? I don't think I did) because they're basically fucking everything up again and majorly changing up the theatre program by firing half the grad staff and moving the grad programs under the umbrella of the undergrad programs, which makes no sense......? And it's weird because my freshman year there the undergrad art programs were considered part of the comm/arts school, not the undergrad, and at the end of that year there was a huge thing about putting it under the undergrad studies school, and our dear acting professor was a very vocal proponent against the move, and half a year later when they decided to fire 8 undergrad professors including him and refused to give us any reason why, it was largely speculated that they were getting rid of anyone who was giving them resistance on what they want to do, and that's how our best prof got canned. So it looks like the alums of the comm school (which I'm not technically one of but they are still involved in this situation) have been leading the fight and just getting everyone to email the administration. So I figured my best argument was hey, I've noticed a disturbing pattern of you rounding up groups of people in mass firings, let me tell you how much you doing that while I was there screwed up the rest of my education there and that I very much blame that decision for it, and while they've pretty much already lost any loyalty I might've had to them I would write on behalf of the current students because I don't want to see them get screwed over like that. Then when I got the response I laughed, because other people in the Facebook group had posted the "stock reply" everyone had been getting, that only varied with some saying "we'll make sure this email gets passed on to the higher ups." Well, my email was like two lines and pretty much only said "we'll pass your email on to the higher ups." I guess I came off as a little too angry to get the "we appreciate your feedback and concerns" response which I really just thought was hysterical. So there's all that bullshit. I'm all for rebellion of course and I'll encourage everyone to fight until their last breath, but I also know that it's always going to be a losing battle because at the end of the day they just don't care what any students or alumni think, they're going do whatever they want. By all means, still fight, raise hell, let them know just how angry you are and fight to the final breath, but maybe just be willing to accept that unfortunately this is something they're going to have to live with, which sucks. I've blabbed on long enough about this though and it's 12:45 am, thank god I get to sleep in cuz I'm gonna need it. Goodnight my people. Happy weekend.