#and i just realized that this is probably the VERY FIRST chinese song ive ever heard in my life

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

my favorite kind of bts is when xz just bursts into song in between filming. wyb trying to sing along but leaves xz to it. how he looks at wyb while singing. and his voice. can we talk about his voice? so perfect 🫶🏼

[brofisting]

2️⃣3️⃣ BANGERS FROM 2023 🎶

I listened to a lot of music in 2023!!! I love music!! There was sooooo much new-to-me music that I found this year, especially since I really committed to listening more widely to k-pop.

BUT if I made a list of new-to-me music I enjoyed this year we would be here forever, so I've made a list of 23 songs that came out in 2023 that made my year, and that I wanted to share with people. Enjoy!!! (I stuck to one song per artist, with one exception.)

Commentary under the cut!

Memories, RIIZE – What can I say; they're my boys of 2023. This is probably not going to be their sound going forward but I'm so glad they put it out as their first ever full song, because it's the perfect boyband song and it hooked me from day one.

Baggy Jeans, NCT U – This is Thee song of 2023. I will entertain no arguments on that.

The Last One, Maisie Peters – This did the same thing to my brain this year that Taylor Swift's Long Live did to it in 2010 which I think says everything.

Angel Eyes, NCT 127 – Yes, I realize NCT 127 is most known for crazy anti-music. This is like... anti-anti-music. It's Doyoung Does Journey. It's perfect in every way and I love it so much.

Naked In Manhattan, Chappell Roan – I realize this technically came out as a single in 2022 but I didn't appreciate it then and when I was picking a song off The Rise & Fall Of A Midwestern Princess it had to be this one, for me.

get him back!, Olivia Rodrigo – Everyone loves it for a reason, the reason is because it rules.

Something To Believe In, Kesha – If you haven't listened to Kesha's album from this year do yourself a favor and go do so right now. It's discomfiting and gorgeous.

CAKE, KARD – I dunno why I thought KARD was going to be music for heterosexuals. It is not music for heterosexuals. Watch the dance practice to see a giant LA frat-adjacent boy serve cunt.

On My Youth (English Version), WayV – This whole album rules but this stands out to me as a really great song that works perfectly both in Chinese and in English. They really sell it and it slaps. Also, the dance challenge they did for it stands out as the most fun one I saw all year, which really has nothing to do with the song but made me follow them on Instagram and now I'm obsessed with them.

Paint The Town Red, Doja Cat – Another one where it's just like... The Masses Are Correct. It's great.

Good Enough, CHANYEOL – This song makes my entire body and brain relax.

Beautiful Liar, MONSTA X – Classic Monsta X, fun and exciting and interesting and cool as hell. Video rules. So grateful we got this before they all had to enlist this year.

Back for More (with Anitta), TOMORROW X TOGETHER – The squawk of outrage that I made when I watched this video for the first time and Kai was hot in it.........also it was on repeat for a solid 4 weeks. It's catchy, Anita's part is great, and it ruined my life a little.

Get it? Got it? Good (feat. Amber Liu), Jessica – A late addition that is on repeat as we speak. Proof that a good hook is magic, IMO.

I AM, IVE – I'm ashamed that it took seeing IVE in concert to realize how fucking great they are, but they are so great, and this entire album is so solid with this song as the glittering diamond in it.

Voice, JOOHONEY – This one also feels a bit like cheating because I actually heard it in 2022, in concert. But it came out this year on Jooheon's solo album, and it's just... so, so good, and it makes me feel so much.

God Of Music, SEVENTEEN – I went back and forth between this and Super, but in the end, this won out for sounding like a party in progress, and being the Seventeen song that made me really take a second look at them and promptly fall down the rabbit hole. It's so fucking good, and it's so fucking fun, and they deserve all the recognition they got this year.

TOPLINE (Feat. Tiger JK), Stray Kids – A very Stray Kids song, by Stray Kids. I think it's my favorite from them this year, though there's definitely competition. This is winning due to the amount that I sing along to it in my kitchen.

BOUNCY (K-HOT CHILLI PEPPERS), ATEEZ – ATEEZ are more my boys-in-law than my boys, but far be it from me to deny that BOUNCY is one of the songs of the year. I cannot put that shit on without dancing along.

One Kiss, Red Velvet – Chill Kill is a phenomenal album front to back, but this song stands out as soooo perfect. Throwback vibes but feels contemporary, great vocals, lots of fun.

Guilty, TAEMIN – Primarily I'm obsessed with the artistic choices Taemin made on this album, but even discounting that, this song is a masterpiece.

NO PROBLEM (Feat. Felix of Stray Kids), NAYEON – This is a light, fun, kind of soothing bop which, if it were anyone else who'd featured I'd have probably been like "why did you ruin it with a random feature", but somehow since it's Felix featured he just brightens it up even further. I love it.

Talk Saxy, RIIZE – Yeah, of course this was going to be the artist who got two. What can I say. I was skeptical when the title "Talk Saxy" dropped, and then was made to eat my words so thoroughly I am now obligated to talk up Talk Saxy every time RIIZE comes up for the rest of my life. A perfect boyband bop, goofily age appropriate song, great dance, great vocals, good boys. Made me so excited about their future and sealed the being obsessed with them deal. Hashtag Stan RIIZE.

[kikis-writing-world]

hii congratulations on hitting your milestone! can i have an oscar character for the ships, please? i’m an entp 7w6 and i really like the enemies to lovers trope a lot but you can do whichever you think fits me the best! im a chinese girl, 5’2, and im kind of like shaped like a real proportional human person but squashed a little? like someone took my image, put it on a google doc and like the words were too much so they just made the picture shorter and now the pictures like not proportionate 😂 but like i tend to be really friendly, i think im a cheerful person and i try to be nice to people i meet. people have told me their first impressions of me are either that im quiet and academic or extraverted and sexual. i think i tend to be colder and introspective more naturally though and i kind of isolate myself sometimes. when i start talking though, its hard to get me to stop. especially if its about like sci fi or crime or philosophy or like psychology. some of my worse qualities are that i dont think im very hard working. i think i try to do the bare minimum most days and that gets me in trouble. i try harder socially more than i do, academically. this past year, ive been trying really hard to understand people and be more openminded because that doesnt come very easily to me. thats another thing- although im getting better, i have a hard time dealing with other people’s emotions and even my own. i kinda take a while to open up to people and mask insecurities by like... oversharing? like i pretend to be confident by sharing too much about myself, particularly sexually. i also tend to get into arguments without realizing im arguing with someone until im too deep into the discussion already 😂 i like arguing over petty ass shit when its fun and ironic (and when the other persons being chill too 🥰) but im always afraid i offend people because i also do that on accident sometimes. with a romantic partner, im very affectionate and i like to give a lot of praises and 👀 can i include the fact that i think im service sub? i just want to spoil my partner with love and do whatever they ask of me (within reason). i really like older music, just cause. i dont try to find obscure music but i get happy if someone shows me a song most people dont know because it feels like a ✨lil sekret✨ hobbies i like include singing and playing guitar and i love writing too. i also, since im in my own mind a lot of the time, i developed a lot of darker fantasies (cnc) and like i kind of hope my partner will be openminded enough to try it out but also kind and thoughtful enough to be cautious as we try it. i also really like sucking dicci so do with that what you want 😂 thank you so much and congrats again!

Thank you so much! I know you sent a second msg saying sorry for the long ask, but really it just gave me more to work with to pair you... and I pair you with Blue Jones. In the brothel version of the movie, I can imagine you working there. You say you’re open sexually and consider yourself subby, but don’t get emotions. I can see you being perfect to work there - and if you ever get a client that was looking to cuddle and talk, you’re just like “are you for real?” lol - You’d work for Blue, but you’d be his favorite girl. Slowly he’d start pulling you from other clients to spend time with him. It doesn’t take much to realize he wants to keep you for himself, so you adjust to that and start “serving” him, in more ways than one! He’d definitely be responsive to your darker side, too.

This movie is already like 3 AUs in one so where do I go with this? lol Let’s take it to a Crime Family/Mafia AU. You’re in the family. I would think your father was the Don when you were younger and maybe now your brother has stepped up for the job. You don’t really deal with the crime, don’t get your hands dirty. You’re just the family and you’re taken care of.

Blue works for your family. He’s some kind of underboss that runs the streets and does the dirty work. He’s high enough on the ladder that he comes by the family house often enough, is invited to the big dinners etc. The two of you tease each other a lot, but you kinda tease all the boys a lot. You can’t deny that he’s your favorite, but you know how complicated that would be.

I can see the two of you sleeping together, maybe it was after a drink or two (still sober, but just less inhibitions) and that’s what breaks the dam. Now you two are in it, and you can’t stop. You try to, but you both keep going back for more. I think one time, to avoid suspicion, he probably shows up with a woman to some event and it just makes you see red. You’re slapping and punching him when he explains she’s no one and it’s a cover. He finally gets you to calm down.

When the family finds out, oh fuck. You seriously think they’re gonna shoot him! You stand in front of him, begging your brother not to kill him. Blue wouldn’t be worried about himself, only you. He’d tell you to get out of the way so you don’t get hurt, and let whatever happen, but you refuse. With some pleading and crying, and you adamantly threatening your brother that you’ll kill him if he shoots Blue, they decide to let him live - after a bit of strong discussions that he’s with you because he wants to be and not to try to gain more status in the family. He gets a very stern warning though that if he ever mistreats you, they’ll make him dig his own grave.

Post with the rules and possible tropes here. Join in the fun!

[ailinaline]

The Untamed: unsorted

Well... I am nothing, if not eccentric, after all. Why not publish a huge post all of a sudden? :)

The Untamed (СQL) is an abyss, and I am still falling, grasping at some scattered thoughts... that tend to arrange themselves in equally chaotic blocks of thoughts, which, in turn, multiply questions successfully.

Spoilers ahead, I guess...

I.

The timeline of СQL is more than a little blurry, and when I try to calculate, how old Wei Ying was, when he died, I come up with the sorrowful conclusion he couldn’t be more that 21, probably younger. Which, in turn, means that the post-time-skip Sizhui is, actually, of the same age or even older than Wei Ying and Lan Wangji were, when they did a lot of things I honestly can’t imagine the new generation pulling off, even physically/magically, let alone psychologically (although I wouldn’t go as far as to call young LWJ and WWX mature - they clearly were not, and that was a huge part of the tragedy foundation, in my opinion). The young disciples are referred to as ‘children’, and they truly are. Compared to 16-17 year old LWJ and WWX, they are very, very young, inexperienced and not especially capable – while still being quite skilled and smart. And it’s both fabulous and painful to watch. Fabulous because it’s a very vivid and authentic demonstration of how exceptionally gifted LWJ and WWX are (and were); and painful because, unfortunately, not all of their greatness comes just from inborn talents.

II.

I am easily charmed by languages, but СQL, being the third Chinese dorama I have ever watched, is still the first one to so profusely tempt me to learn Chinese – in order to translate the songs and to understand the subtleties of the dialogues.

III.

I can’t get rid of the impression that the concept of rules/order breaking and punishment/atonement is fundamental for СQL (and its world). As far as I am aware, the Chinese culture does tend to be quite severe in this regard, but right now I am considering the symbolic layer of the process rather than the harm/good/efficiency of any particular method.  And I wonder, whether I am imagining things or Wangji’s history of ‘transgressions’ and punishments within his sect is really openly symbolic and not merely coincidental.

My interpretation certainly lacks some special cultural insight because I can’t help being of European origin, so I read all the codes as a European would, first, and only then make an attempt to switch lenses and decipher the message, taking into account my scarce knowledge of the Chinese (and Asian) culture.

And yet...

The first time (drinking) Wangji is not only completely innocent, but also a ‘victim’ of Wei Ying’s careless (and questionable) mischief. They share the punishment (and we encounter the number 300, by the way), but Wangji is obviously (and rather fiercely) on his own here, and evidently by choice, despite Wei Ying’s sincere efforts first to exclude and then to include him. Wangji, just as obviously, truly believes he deserves the punishment – not for drinking as such, I think, but for lowering his guard and being not attentive enough: internally, he substitutes one transgression with another, and the equation works for him (actually, it might be unfair, but quite fortunate for their future relationship that Wangji blames himself or, at least, blames himself more than Wei Ying). To put it in a nutshell, for Wangji, the system and order are intact and non-contradictory: he is understandably upset, even angry, but hardly shaken, and simply intends to do better than that in the future, so to say. It’s hard to speculate, if this is Wangji’s most unpleasant experience so far or not, but in any case, the psychological pressure is minimal and reproach is rather mild (and I am really surprised, Lan Xichen didn’t find all that story highly suspicious… or was it his indirect method of showing WWX that he hadn’t been told on?..)

The copying of the rules happens after a considerable amount of… experience, if not time. And the transgression is not specified, but hinted at very heavily. I also wonder, if Lan Qiren realized an additional message he conveyed through his choice as well as through his general treatment of his nephew during that meeting: a strict reminder that, a war hero or not, LWJ is still too young to have an opinion. Wangji accepts the book of rules reverently, accepts the punishment… the word, that springs to mind is ‘habitually’: he doesn’t disregard it, per se, he doesn’t devalue the fact his uncle is not happy with him, he still wants to do better, but… there are things of greater importance to him now, and LWJ is so focused on them that he makes the request about the restricted books at the least suitable moment, really. (And I believe this dismissal does cut him rather deep.) The system still works, but the seed of the conflict is already planted.

The third episode seems pivotal in itself: we actually don’t know, what the punishment for letting WWX and the Wens go was, except for having to kneel, while being lectured, but this time this is a result of a conscious choice to do something that definitely wouldn’t be approved. And I can’t remember a single second of the screen-time, when Wangji would look repentant: conflicted, upset, slapped (when Lan Qiren mentions his mother), stressed (his uncle uses some pretty cruel techniques that border on manipulation, to my mind), but not sorry at all – not for letting the fugitives go, at least.  And comparing the shades of Wangji’s silence here and on the previous occasion, this one seems somehow more determined. And closed-off. And there is no intention to do better, in regard to this transgression: the alternative he is being pushed to is unacceptable.

Kneeling again, for the whole day, in the cold, lifting a… what is it, as a matter of fact? It does look like a slightly smaller version of ‘the discipline whip’ we’ll see later, and if it is really so, then it’s beyond prophetic symbolic – it looks more like a promise on Lan Qiren’s part. :/ Anyway, my impression is that, for the first time in the series, LWJ is actively absent from the scene of his own punishment: he doesn’t reflect on it (I think he expected something like that), he also doesn’t mentally substitute one transgression with another to restore the balance (his inability to help Wei Ying is not something to atone for by kneeling). He simply endures. And thinks. And feels. Just not what he is expected and obliged to be thinking and feeling at the moment. And through all of this, Wangji is utterly, hopelessly and stoically alone and unaccepted. His concerns have been dismissed and care rejected by Wei Ying. His actions and decisions have been castigated by a significant authority figure (whom he loves and respects). If I am not mistaken, in the special edition Wangji’s loss-and-loneliness are somewhat artificially heightened through the pseudo-contrast because his moments are mixed with the moments of Wei Ying’s drinking with his new family, who values and appreciates him. (In reality their situations are just the same: they are both in anguish and feel helpless to change things they wish to change.) And, a cherry on top: we don’t know, what has been said initially, and by whom, however, we see that Wangji is released not by his uncle, but by some adept (or disciple). It might be a normal procedure, but it completes the picture of being unequivocally separated from any supportive figure and hints at a lack of closure, in a way, as there was no forgivenes-and-reconnection after the punishment.  

I am struggling to verbalize, why exactly, but to me, this scene is, in a sense, more bitter than the next one, despite the circumstances.

During the next punishment Wangji is as actively present as he was absent during the previous one. And if then he was frozen in sadness, now he is all fire (fueled by grief, and guilt, and fury, and despair, yes, but fire, nonetheless). And the system and order get burned down: what Wangji re-builds during his seclusion is his very own set of rules. They do coincide with the Gusu Lan set, but not fully. And this is a point of no return because, filtered through Wangji’s own system of values, now they are more than just the elders’ lessons learned and tested – they are the only valid reference point for recognizing transgressions and ‘living with no regrets’.

(On another level, I am more than a little puzzled by several details here:

1) linguistics: do they really call this thing a discipline ‘whip’ in Chinese?

2) cultural message: as literally nothing could get in the way of filming a beating with an actual whip, the type of instrument has to make some sense, doesn’t it? (For now, I can’t think of any reason to choose this tool, though. Except the number 300 as 300 lashes are hardly survivable, even with a golden core.)

3) application: I can understand, why Wangji has his shirt on (although this is a more dangerous and torturous option: such a thin layer is no protection at all, but it will be hell to clean the wounds afterwards), but why is his hair down his back like that?..

4) consequences: the scarring looks rather odd, considering. (And again: it was definitely not a problem to paint whatever they had to, so – why?)

The only (and vague) explanation I can come up with is that the type and form of the tool is not important at all: it’s the intent and sentence that count, so the wounds and pain would be the same, even if the instrument looked like a rod or a cane. (Still doesn’t explain the hair, though.) And as for the scars, perhaps, not all of them have to stay forever, especially if the cultivator is very strong.

Well, no: unsatisfactory...)

IV.

I wonder... My first impression after watching the scene, where Lan Wangji cuts off Jin Guangyao’s  arm, was that he was actually saving him from Baxia, separating Guangyao from the mark on his hand. And the only reason, why the spirit of the sword attacks Jin Ling next, are the drops of the bad/damned blood on the boy’s shoulder. But after the special edition I am not so sure.

V.

Lacunae and plotholes (or what I subjectively perceive as such) are extremely challenging and thought-provoking in this series. Right now, I wonder about the Wens: Wen Qing clearly stated she had asked one of the clansmen to look after WWX, so not all of them were going to surrender. Could it be that they were attacked at the Burial Mounds, when seeing the siblings off, and taken away by force?

...Enough. For now.

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[the--blackdahlia]

This Life Chapter 11

Title: This Life Chapter 11

Summary:  Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language, violence

AN: Thank you dear @sams-serialkiller-fetish . The song for this chapter is Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

By the time Sam came back downstairs, John was there with pizza and wings. The delivery driver had shown up at the same time of John, so everything was ready to go. There weren’t any formalities exchange Sam and John, and Dean and Benny seemed to notice. Instead, they just loaded up their plates, grabbed some beer, and settled in the living room.

“So, what do you want to know?” John asked, taking a bite of his pizza.

“Start with the night of the fire.” Benny said. He had taken it just as hard as Dean had when he thought John had died. He saw John as a father figure, having spent a lot of time at the Winchester house growing up. John sighed and took a big gulp of his beer before settling back in his seat.

“It all started with a set up…”

****

2001

John and Bill parked their bikes near the bar where they were having their meeting. They were supposed to be talking to a club from Oklahoma, talking about how best to get their goods out of Texas and into the hands of people who wanted them in other states. Bill looked around as he took his helmet off.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Bill told John.

“It’ll be okay.” John told him. “Things go south and the guys will be here in seconds. We’ll be fine.” Bill nodded and followed the President inside the bar. It was quiet with a few people lurking at the bar. John and Bill went to a table in the back to wait for their contact.

“How’s Sam doing?” Bill asked as he sipped the beer that was dropped off for them.

“Kid’s damn smart.” John said proudly. “Stanford on a full ride? God damn, that’s good.” John set there for a second, just staring at his beer. “Pretty good for a kid with family that has known criminal records.”

“You and Dean are pretty smart too.” Bill said. John sighed. “Dean getting arrested wasn’t your fault, you know that right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just the one that sent him out on a coke run into territory that wasn’t familiar.” John grumbled.

“He was set up. Either by the Horsemen or someone else. But he was set up.” Bill told him. John just nodded and looked around the bar. They had been sitting there about fifteen minutes now and no one had shown up.

That’s when he realized that the bar was empty. Everyone was gone.

“Bill. I think we need to get out of here.” John said.

“What? Why?” Bill looked around then and saw what John did. No one. “Fuck!”

“Come on.” John said. But as they walked to the front door, it was bolted shut. John looked around and saw someone in a vest darting towards the bathroom. He ran and grabbed him by the vest, pulling him to the ground.

“Shit!” John said, looking at the guy on the floor. “Horsemen!”

“Shit.” Bill groaned. “What are they going to do? Lock us in here like rats?”

“That’s not their MO.” John said. The Horsemen, a member named Dipper who wasn’t too much older than Dean, looked up at John and laughed.

“You’re gonna burn.” He laughed. John looked back at Bill. “You’re both gonna burn and the Hunters will be no more.” John pulled out his pistol and shot Dipper in the head then.

“We’ve gotta get out of here.” John said. That’s when the faint smell of smoke started to fill the room. It got more intense by the second before an explosion at the front of the building caught things on fire. Bill looked around.

“The kitchen!” He said. “All kitchens have to have a door to the outside!” John nodded and they took off towards the kitchen area, leaving the dead Horsemen on the ground. They made it into the kitchen and John headed for the door when the sound of clicking could be heard.

“What’s that?” Was the last thing Bill asked before a fireball engulfed him. John got the door open right as the kitchen exploded. He was thrown out of the building by the force and landed hard on the ground. The place was engulfed by now and John laid there, watching it burn as his skin screamed in agony. He could hear the sounds of sirens in the distance and knew if he didn’t get out of there, that they would start questioning him for arson. Despite his body mangled, the adrenaline in his system helped him get to his feet and off he ran.

He was in San Antonio, not Wolfpine. He was alone with one dead member left behind in a burning bar and his bike at the scene. He could only imagine how this all looked. Especially him walking down back alleys until he came to the one building he needed. He knocked loudly, hoping that he was there.

“John Winchester.” A man said, opening the door. “Or are we Freddy Krueger tonight?” John hadn’t seen himself and had no idea what he was talking about.

“Damn it Robert, let me in please?” John said. Robert opened the door to let the biker in. John walked two steps in before he collapsed.

“Well...shit.” Robert sighed. He pulled John to his feet using his right side and dragged him over to a bed.

Robert was a doctor for years, until over prescribing drugs to the wrong people took his license away. He still practiced by the light of a Chinese grocery and restaurant. He had been great at what he did, but one too many strikes and he was out. But he worked up a partnership with the Hunters. What Jim couldn’t fix, they brought to Robert or called him in. If it was too bad for Robert, then they knew it was time to visit the hospital. It was just pure luck that John had been able to find his way to Robert.

John awoke two days later to Robert standing over him, examining him. Everything felt fine for the most part, but John was sure that it was due to the IV that he could feel in his arm. The biggest problem was he couldn’t see out of his left eye.

“I haven’t called anyone from the club yet. I know the rules you gave me when we started this partnership.” Robert said. John groaned and tried to sit up and that’s when pain flooded his left side. “Easy John. You’re on some high powered pain relievers, but they don’t help with everything.”

“W-what?” John started. Robert gave him some water then, since words were hard to make out.

“You have a lot of burns on your left side.” Robert explained, looking down at John. “I’ve got them bandaged up and they should heal, but you’ll probably have some scarring. Unfortunately though, the blast that did that to you burnt your eyeball. The only way that you could get that fixed is if you went to the hospital…”

“No.” John said.

“Which is what I knew you were going to say. So now you’re going to be a cool as fuck biker with an eyepatch.” Robert laughed some. “So, who do you want me to call?” John laid there for a minute. This was an attack set up by the Horsemen. They had set him and Bill up and tried to kill them. They had succeeded with Bill. John wasn’t sure if it was the drugs and pain or what, but he made a plan then. A plan to run and hide until he was well enough to fight.

“No one.” John said. “Get me a ticket out west.”

“Why?” Robert asked.

“I’ll pay you extra.” John told him. If he could get money out before anyone filed him as dead, then he would have plenty to pay off Robert and anything else he needed. “Not a word that I was here.” John pushed himself up, gritting his teeth through the pain. “I need to hide for awhile.”

“Whatever you say.” Robert said. “Just be careful.”

That’s how a day later, John was on his way to California to hide out. He couldn’t stay in Texas, but he could venture too far away. He had to be able to watch the Horsemen and he had to make sure that Sam was okay. And the call of the club soon became too strong, and John started recruiting misfits from the streets, just like he had done all those years ago…

****

Present

“That’s intense.” Dean said, sitting back in his seat. John nodded and sipped at his beer.

“I’ve been hiding out here. Andy was the first one that I convinced to join, followed by Gabriel and Lucifer. Meg and Ruby proved themselves, so I let them in. Sam was the last one to join.” John explained.

“I’m still surprised you let women in. Very progressive of you.” Benny joked. Dean watched Sam during the story. He had just played with the label on his beer bottle while John told his story. John didn’t notice, neither did Benny. They were too busy chatting away, Benny very interested in everything. But Dean was more worried about Sam, who hadn’t said a word.

“Sammy.” Dean said. “You okay?”

“Fantastic.” Sam answered a little monotone. “I’m going outside for a second.” With that, Sam quickly left, heading out through the front door. Benny looked from John to Dean.

“He okay?” Benny asked. John sighed.

“He’s been like that ever since the fire.” John said. “Kinda nice not arguing all the time, but god, sometimes I miss that rebellious teenager that I used to butt heads with.” Dean stood up then, heading to the door that Sam had just walked out of. “He doesn’t talk when he gets like this.” John told him.

“So. Maybe I want some air too. After all, my dad is a fucking zombie.” On that note, Dean headed outside. Sam wasn’t on the porch. Instead, he was sitting on a rickety looking picnic table that had probably been left at the house by the previous owner. He was drinking his beer and looking up at the stars. Dean just sat by him.

“You’re quiet.” Dean said finally. “I remember we couldn’t ever get you to shut up.”

“I’ve just been through a lot.” Sam said. Dean nodded.

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” He asked.

“You don’t really care.” Sam said, looking down at the grass under the table. Dean stood up and grabbed Sam by the front of his shirt and vest. He pulled him so he was looking right up at Dean.

“Don’t you ever fucking say that again.” Dean growled. “When in your entire life have I ever told you I didn’t really care. I would say I was busy, it might take me awhile to get around to it, but I was always there.”

“Dean…”

“And I’m tired of your self-pitying, woe is me shit. We’ve all been through a lot. Not just you.” Dean let go of Sam. “So when you decide you want to quit being Donnie Darko, you know where I’ll be.” Dean turned to walk away, when a small voice caught his ears. A Sam from his past is what it sounded like. But the words were something he never thought he would hear come from his brother’s mouth.

“I tried to kill myself.”

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @supernaturalwincestsblog @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23

[othernecessarythings]

let’s go

and btw it it’s weird that i just tell my whole life story like this where no one will ever read it, and it’s kinda cringe that i’m writing in english for no one but myself, but whatever here we go

TWENTY ONE PILOTS

* implicit demand for proof: are you more of a skeptic or a believer?

skeptic, i’m no good at believing or being optimistic smh

* fall away: are you afraid of heights?

not really

* the pantaloon: describe your favourite shirt.

ooh i’m right now is it probably my big, deep blue nike hoodie? idk it just fits to everything

* addict with a pen: write a four-line poem about whatever’s on your mind.

please reopen the schools (wait four-line? i read four-worded huh)

* friend, please: what is the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?

my friend gave me a decorated photo album, it’s one of my most priced possessions (does that expression even mean that? i mean it’s very important to me anyways)

* march to the sea: you are given one day to live, with unlimited travel capabilities in that time. where do you choose to die?

probably here in my hometown? i’d travel as much as possible, but i’d still like to die where i belong

* johnny boy: have you ever risen to an occasion in a way of which you are proud?

hm probably, but i can’t really come up with any

* oh, ms. believer: is your favourite season the same now as when you were younger?

yeah, i’ve always preferred spring/summer

* air catcher: give your most unpopular/controversial opinion about love.

that it’s no rush trying to find love? everyone’s like it’s okay if your first love is in your 40’s, but i feel kinda stressed out that i haven’t fallen in love yet

* trapdoor: when have you felt invisible?

um the whole winter of being 14? but like invisible for everybody else, painfully visible for myself while i simultaneously shut off and didn’t feel a single emotion for like half a year,, yeah aha ha good times

* a car, a torch, a death: favourite way to travel? least favourite?

favorite: train, i always have a special and exciting goal if i travel

least favorite: car i guess, it’s just so mundane and boring

* taxi cab: tell us about the most memorable journey you’ve taken.

i’ve been on lots on journeys, but they’re all like typical family trips, so allow me to get poetical here, i guess the most memorable journey has been my own? like how i have evolved and developed to where i am today? hmm

* before you start your day: name your favourite part of your morning routine.

getting to check others private snap stories and to see what has happened during the night for them

* isle of flightless birds: what do you think is the most beautiful part of nature?

ah i love love nature and the complexity of it and how everything is connected, but like one specific thing? sunsets. it may be basic, but i’m a real slut for sunsets

REGIONAL AT BEST

* slowtown: where is your sanctuary?

i live by the sea, so i’ve got a few safe places near the shore that’s my favorites,, and like my best friends house, i always feel at home there too :,)

* glowing eyes: you inherit the powers and status of one well-known superhero. which do you choose, and why?

um i’m not that much for superheroes but like shuri from black panther is really cool and super smart, so that would be awesome!

* kitchen sink: what is something that only makes sense to you?

i’ve never mentioned this to anyone before, but i kinda think in shapes? ye not gonna elaborate on that one, but i feel like that’s not really explainable to anyone but myself

* anathema: what is a word most people don’t know? give its definition.

okay the swedish word fika,, like i’m very confused by how you non swedish guys live your lives without that word?? it basically means to “sit down, eat something sweet or more of a snack, have a cup of coffee or similar, and just talk and enjoy time together” and it’s very useable and necessary in my vocabulary

another word i thought of was the swedish word dygn. the translation is a day, but like we have a word for day too. day=dag. but a dygn is more like the 24 h the day lasts, while the dag only lasts during daytime,, idk it sounds complicated but it really confuse me sometimes when someone says a day, cause idk if they mean like the whole dygn, 24 h, or only daytime,, okay rant over

* lovely: how often do you express affection?

sigh i’m really bad at it and i should show the people i love how much i appreciate them more often, but when i do is it usually in form of words and thoughts,, i’m not a touchy person, not the one to give lots of gifts either, but i like to show it in words

* ruby: has a stranger ever permanently impacted your life?

hm no not really a stranger? but i mean some celebrities (*ahem tyler joseph*) have really changed my life, and i guess i’m just a total stranger to them but it feels like i know them personally for me

* be concerned: name an issue you believe should receive more attention.

all the species doing extinct

* clear: how much of yourself do you wear on your sleeve?

um not that much, i’m usually a quite reserved person

VESSEL

* ode to sleep: describe the last dream you remember.

omfg oh the dreams i’ve had lately, they’re something complete different,, like with the quarantine have i started sleeping more, which i guess is good, but i’ve started dreaming so much more and it’s fucking scary how much and how intense i dream now? like every dream seems real, and i’ve started to struggle to remember what’s actually happened in my real life compared to what i’ve dreamt, i can’t separate them and it all mixes together to one confusing mess,, and some dreams have been quite horror like too, not that i’m bothered when i’m actually in them, but more like i wake up and think whatthefuck actually happened

* holding on to you: which part of a conflict do you believe is more important - the journey to solution or the solution itself?

solution, i’m always a solution person, just give me that damn happy ending even with real problems too

* migraine: do you have a favourite day of the week?

no not really, it really depends on what i’m doing each day

* house of gold: what is a childhood dream you had that now seems unrealistic?

hm this is about to be sad but i never dreamt of anything big or special, ive always known that i’ll just end up living a normal life like anyone else? and i haven’t got any special talents or something, so the most creative i can think of is probably a good scientist or something

* car radio: do you enjoy silence?

in the right amount, yes. i usually appreciate silence a lot, whether alone or with friends i’m comfortable with, but that awkward silence sometimes is horrible

* semi-automatic: what is your stance on gun ownership?

disgusting. there’s no fucking argument that justifies having a gun, a possibility to take someone others life. there’s NEVER a valuable reason. sweden is really good with our super controlled gun laws, but like the us desperately needs stricter gun laws

* screen: what is the lie you most regret?

uhm update i think the last time i wrote here was in like april?? so anyways it’s december let’s finish this one lol

oh um i am, as mentioned before, highly scared of conflicts so i’m always weighing pros and cons of lying - and usually am i quite close, so there’s really no big lie that i regret? i tend to stick to the truth bc i’m scared of the consequences that might come if someone discovers my lie

* the run and go: if you were a fugitive, where would you hide out? explain.

simple answer: my friends places, if i had to hide somewhere better than that then maybe like... my grandpas wife has a lovely summer house in norway, yeah i’d hide there

* fake you out: freedom or safety?

depends. right now, fucking freedom. no, but like in theory right now freedom is the only thing i wish for, but i’m actually prioritizing safety bc of obvious reasons and i hope everyone else is too so i can have my damn freedom soon

* guns for hands: what is your favourite metaphor from a book or other piece of writing?

i really wish i was more attentive about such things, right now so i not have a clue

* trees: talk about your most memorable experience with a stranger.

i’m shy and scandinavian so i don’t talk to strangers unless i really have to,, maybe the man who shouted “i want that chinese” and pointed at me when i was in the city with my friends, who made me fully realize that wow people are actually racist towards me

* truce: name an acoustic song (other than truce) that makes you emotional.

misguided ghosts. do i really need to say anything more? no.

[xephinatheeleven]

Can we all just stop scrolling for a moment to think about how underappreciated film score composers are! Without the music that they compose/write, movies would not have the impact they have on our hearts!  

Lets analyze this shall we? Let’s start with ones everyone knows, and get more obscure as we go!

 -Star Wars IV: The Hologram/Binary Sunset (John Williams) - This piece of music is heard when Luke Skywalker looks up at the setting twin suns of Tatooine.  Can you imagine Luke just standing there without any music; it wouldn’t be impactful with the feeling of loss of him being an orphaned child living with his aunt and uncle, all the while he wants to go and be his own person but he is stuck on this desert planet.  The harsh strings really prove to you that Luke Skywalker is growing up and becoming his own person, followed by the mellow flutes that allow you to understand that he is still a kid as well.  Without the music none of these feelings would have been conveyed!

 -Titanic: Hymn to the Sea/My Heart Will Go On (James Horner) – Before I start on this, no Celine Dion did NOT write My Heart Will Go On, James Horner did.  Anyway back to the point.  This movie is one of romance and tragedy, almost none of which would be conveyed without the ominous and melodious soundtrack.  The dark feeling that comes with the vocals and bagpipes in Hymn to the Sea help you to feel and envision just how much pain Rose is going through at the loss of her newfound lover and her future as she has to go back to her fiancé.  Not to mention the much more cheerful strings and vocals that help you to see just how proud everyone was of the ‘unsinkable’ ship.  Much like with Star Wars, without the music you wouldn’t be able to feel as emotionally connected to the characters without the score.

 -Star Trek 2009: Enterprising Young Men (Michael Giacchino) – Another one of my personal favorites, this particular piece isn’t as slow, mellow and melodic as the other scores I have referenced, this one is much more upbeat and full of action, contrasting even to some of the pieces in the same movie in a beautiful way.  As the stings in the beginning rise, there is a feeling that something big is coming and it is going to affect the U.S.S. Enterprise and her crew. Quickly the track leads into its crescendo with the bass drums and horns giving you a sense of satisfaction as they manage to beat the situation that has threatened them through so much of the movie.  The scene where the Enterprise comes in and fires on Nero’s ship to save Spock would be nowhere near as climactic if the music weren’t there to accompany the strong feelings of the film.  (I didn’t even mention the soft and depressing track during the destruction of the U.S.S. Kelvin)

 -The Hunger Games: The Train/Rue’s Farewell (James Newton Howard) – The strings with a dark undertone of drums and bass in the piece The Train, allow for the feeling of despair and loss when Katniss and Peeta leave District 12, most likely forever. The brokenness they both feel as they come to realize they will probably never see their loved ones again, and for Peeta the thought of killing the girl he has always loved.  In some ways this differs from the piece Rue’s Farwell, but in some ways they are very similar.  Rue’s Farewell starts very mellow as if Katniss is in shock, unwilling to believe that the little girl who reminded her so much of Prim is dead/dying.  As the guitar comes in, you know Katniss is beginning to accept the death of her friend and gathers flowers.  As the crescendo builds, with the bass becoming deeper, the strings/orchestral track becoming more layered and emotion filled, Katniss stands and uses the three-fingers salute in defiance of the Capitol, causing an uprising in District 11 with the spark of hope she provides.  This is one of my favorite pieces of film score with the emotion it holds.  Now imagine Rue’s death without the music to accompany it, you wouldn’t feel as much of a sense of loss for the young girl. You wouldn’t be able to understand the pain that is being brought upon Katniss by the Capitol, it just wouldn’t be the same scene without the music.

 -Mulan: Short Hair/Mulan’s Decision (Jerry Goldsmith) – You wouldn’t expect a Disney movie about a 16 year-old Chinese girl who pretends to be a man to save her elderly father from having to go to war against the Huns would have the same composer as the original Star Trek.  That is the beauty of film score composers; they can make music to fit almost any genre of movies!  

When Mulan goes into the room where her father keeps all of his gear for war the strings are mellow with some classic Chinese instruments, allowing you to feel the how Mulan thinks this is the only way she can really serve her family after she has practically destroyed their honor.  Then as the electronic synthesizers kick in, you begin to understand the determination the girl feels for her family and country as she cuts away her hair and becomes someone new.  The horns that come in later in the song add another layer of feeling to the music as she leaves the note for her father, making it final that she is going to leave to save his life and the lives of the Chinese people from the Huns.

 -The Little Mermaid: Main Title/Happy Ending (Alan Menken) – I cannot thank the film score community without mentioning the ever phenomenal Alan Menken.  (I have been blessed to be able to see this man perform live.)  He has written the soundtracks of our childhood as he has written the music for Hercules, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Tangled, and of course The Little Mermaid.

The piece starts off with chimes and flutes, allotting for the feeling of just how young Ariel is. The whimsical feel becomes even more intense as the vocals come in, showing you just how much of an imagination the girl has as she dreams of joining humans on the surface, with all of their strange inventions.  As the piece arrives at the crescendo, cymbals create the feeling of pure joy as Ariel marries the prince but as it slowly goes back into the strings and chimes from the beginning, there is a layer of sorrow as she leaves her father and her family behind to become fully human.  Without the music the final scene would be no more than a simple wedding with little feeling other than that of a newly married couple.

 -The Polar Express: Main Title (Alan Silvestri) – This Christmas film based off the children’s book has both an up lifting and ominous score. The soft vocals, strings, and piano in the beginning offer a feeling of uncertainty as a young boy tries to justify the existence of Santa Clause, despite there being no proof that he is real. As the bells and strings pick up you can understand the feeling of joy as he sees the train that is The Polar Express, the final evidence he needs to prove to himself that Santa isn’t just some made up children’s story.  The music manages to capture the fanciful feeling of a child while still maintaining the composure of a well respected Christmas film.

 -Interstellar: Quantifiable Connection (Hans Zimmer) – No composer differs more from the famous John Williams than Hans Zimmer. The fast paced piano and strings make you understand just how fleeting time can be to someone else even when it feels as if it is creeping by for you.  The rising tones help you to understand just how much the love that Cooper has for his daughter Murph manages to keep them connected, even when Coop is stuck inside a singularity.  He manages to find a way to contact his daughter and save the humans still living on Earth, and the tones in this particularly upbeat part of the soundtrack allow you to feel more than just a father’s pain from being separated from his children, but the joy he feels in knowing that he is able to save their lives and the lives of his race who would die otherwise.

 -Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire: Hogwart’s Hymn (Patrick Doyle) – Not only do the horns and strings give a sense of nostalgia to any true Harry Potter fan, but they manage to make the school itself feel like a living, breathing being.  (Some might even argue that it is…Room of Requirement)  This piece helps you to understand how Harry and his friends feel in the winter, leading up to the Yule Ball, not only trying to keep up with their studies but trying to partake in the festivities of the Triwizard Tournament, all the while the threat of Lord Voldemort hangs over their heads.  Still this piece manages to bring all of those emotions to light while still adding a prideful sense of serenity to the school.

 -Jurassic Park: Main Theme (John Williams) – The piano at the beginning of this piece helps you to understand the beauty and magnificence that the park is trying to create and show to the world.  As the strings come in to match the piano a magical feel is added to the movie as dinosaurs and humans walk the planet together for the first time.  At the crescendo when the bells and horns are added into the breathtaking composition you understand not only how amazing these creatures are but just how little control humans have over them, and the immense power they possess.  Next time you watch Jurassic Park imagine the scene where Alan Grant sees the dinosaurs for the first time without the music, I can guarantee you will want to go back and watch it again with the music, because it isn’t the same without it.

 -Jurassic World: As The Jurassic World Turns (Michael Giacchino) – The horns in the beginning offer an ominous feel to the movie as you know something will inevitably go wrong with the park.  Still the piece picks up using cymbals and trumpets to signify the vastness and magnificence of the park that has finally been opened to the public. The stings that come in as the track progresses gives you a feeling of insignificance in comparison to the science used to bring the majestic animals back to life.

 -The Rocketeer: Main Title (James Horner) – This is probably the least known movie on my list, but it holds the top spot in my heart. The piano in the beginning is just astounding, and as it leads into the strings that follow, you almost feel as if you are flying through the air.  The drops of bass horns allow for the feeling of darkness that you would definitely have if you were being chased by the Nazis because you had a jetpack that they were developing.  Still the light strings manage to give you a sense of suspense that is only intensified by the drums and horns that come in towards the middle of the piece.  As the track reaches its crescendo and goes back to the same rift of strings and chimes from the beginning, you have a wonderful sense of relief of escaping with your life.

 So my whole point of this post is to make sure that film score composers get the credit they deserve. They make all these astonishing compositions that can make you cry one moment and laugh the next and yet they almost never get recognized for their superb works!  So next time you watch a movie whether you’ve seen it before or not, I encourage you to listen to the music as well as the dialogue and find out who wrote it.  You never know, you might find that you like symphonic music more than you ever expected you would.

With that I say THANK YOU to John Williams, James Horner, Hans Zimmer, Michael Giacchino, Patrick Doyle, Alan Silvestri, Jerry Goldsmith, Murry Gold, Alan Menken, Steve Jablonsky, David Arnold, Michael Price, Thomas Newman, James Newton Howard, Howard Shore, and every other movie composer out there!  Movies wouldn’t be the same without you, and for that I thank you!

[totoroses]

i found this lesbian survey and decided to fill it out!

Femme or butch? is this what do i prefer or which i am? im a femme and i have no preference in dating, i’ve been wildly attracted to both and any in between

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it. the only nearly completely common denominator though my exes are having brown eyes? i have dated only one person who did not have brown eyes. i always feel safer looking into brown eyes then blue. i woudl say i have often gone after the romantic artsy type with good music taste and some kind of signature style about them, ironically none of which drew me to my current girlfriend who i believe is probably defintiely the love of my life

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets? leather jackets! i will swoon over smartly dressed gals in button downs as well as a chill gal in some plaid unbuttoned flannel but the two together make me think of a lumberjack

Describe your style. i usually go for one of two styles- softly dressed forest wanderer, or slightly sassy soft grunge. both include my doc martens, but one is more natural colours and old fashioned dresses and the other is sassy tshirts and 90sish thrift store finds like denim and dark florals

Describe your aesthetic.pressed flowers between the pages of a book on forest spirits, rose milk tea, silver rainy downpours, curly baby hairs, white peaches, a cat sleeping in a library, custard pastries, a circle of mushrooms in moss, opals and furry moths

Favorite article of clothing? my one forever 21 dress ive had since like junior year that i can wear without a bra and it has like a cool cross back i just looooveee ittt, then also my embroidered minty 1930s style qipao sort of dress

Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens and green chinese embroidered lace up slippers

Current haircut? currently blonde (ugh) and currently my hair falls just past my breasts, the goal is to grow it to my bellybutton!

Any haircut goals for the future? i really wanna get on the thick fluffy bangs bandwagon but i dont think i have the stamina to put up with growing them out again smh

Describe the best date you’ve been on. there was this one date i went on with one of my high school girlfriends where we went to a bookstore and hung out and then stuck googly eyes all over my city on random monuments and street signs, and we also ate thai food and listened to music and it was still one of the most lovely dates. BUT my girlfriend recently visited me in taiwan and we went in a glass bottom gondola ride up a mountain and drank from coconuts and wandered through old streets and had the most amazing tea food with a spectacular view and it was heaven

Describe the worst date you’ve been on. probably the one where i went on a picnic with my first girlfriend who then broke up with me that same day and even though our entire relationship was so awkward and not what is should have been it still hurt so bad

Single? Taken? taken!

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife! where do i begin! my girlfriend is a slightly shorter than me girl named lynn who loved korean variety shows, drinking coca cola, listening to cheesy love songs, and playing tricks on people (especially me). she used to be a major tomboy in middle and high school and date all the girls and get slapped a lot, as well as mess with teachers and play pranks on them and steal things from their lunchboxes. more than half of her birthchart including sun, rising, and venus are scorpio, and she wants to start her own streetstyle online brand but has not yet found a catchy brand name!

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife? :)

Describe your dream wedding my girlfriend says if we get married we need two, a traditional chinese wedding (she is from china) and a western one with a priest since i am catholic, and i couldnt agree more. my dream wedding includes just very close friends and family, extravagant lights and flowers and a reception party playlist chosen by me, catered by the teahouse we went to in taiwan. i know its so silly and superficial but i want the dreamiest dress that i design, wisteria everywhere, and most of all i just want lynn at the end of the alter looking stunning in whatever it is she decides to wear

Do you want kids? YES me and lynn talk about this a lot because we both love kids and both agree on at least 4, no more than 8. and we will share who carries the kids so not just one of us is having our uteruses worn out

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? guilin, china. but its a fantasy. guilin is real and beautiful but chinese laws make it so that even if we settle down there and build a house it cant truly belong to us, and in china you cant have a private business and it jsut sucks because the drema is to live in the quiet countryside with a simple life and beautiful scenery to explore together and with our children

Favorite lesbian movie? i love so many but im gonna go with the handmaiden!

Favorite lesbian novel/story? i havent read nearly enough, but  adore all things by malinda lo and julie anne peters! ash by malinda lo is probably my favourite. i have to still read sarah waters though, i hear she reigns supreme

Favorite lesbian song? don’t pull away by milosh ft jviews (the music video is gay at least, i also love hayley kiyoko)

Favorite lesbian musician? hayley kiyoko probably

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any? mmmm i dont like softball so that doesnt work...i read a lot of sappho though! and i have short nails? and love buffy? are these stereotypes?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal? ugh yes

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that? write me a love letter or make me a mixtape about your feleings something cheesy

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian? girls!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person? cat but i also love pups!

Turn ons? a musical wonderful voice i could listen to and listen to, easy and stimulating conversations, passion for something that lights up their eyes

Turn offs? rudeness in any shape or form, indecisiveness or feigning indecisiveness because you think i want to make the decisions, despicable movie and music taste, smell

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you? mmmm in the past it has been pretty even. i have learned though that with women it really is a waiting game more than with guys so with my current girlfriend the tension was killing me so much i had to straight up ask her if something was going on and when she said yes she did like me too i was so relieved because she admitted to having not dated anyone since high school (5 years ago for her) and not asking anyone out while at college so if i had kept waiting for her who knows if we would have gotten together!

What is your dream career? i want to be a stay at home mom and author and perhaps an art teacher or preschool teacher on the side if the books dont pa the bills!

Talk about your interests or hobbies! writing and reading and drawing and singing and hiking and listening to music and watching korean dramas and making lists and studying languages

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have? passion, not necessarily in the sexual wya, but passion for something in general. like if she is an actress you see her on the stage and see how into it she is, and offstage she talks about it in a way that shows she is capable of truly loving something so much and seeing wonder in life. or a girl who seems quiet but then when she starts to show you the music she likes she closes her eyes and knows every lyric and has this expression of true passion and love for the music, i am captivated by women who are captivated by the purest elements of life from music to dance to nature

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone? for women, i fall in infatuation quite easily. i was always more cautious with men of course and now i avoid them altogether. but love is something i’ve been becoming more conservative of somehow. i think because i was so hurt by someone before and gave and gave without receiving and im scared of that happening again. i have to be receiving love to give it, thats something i finally can control my impulses over and protect myself from.

Ever fallen for your best-friend? HA

Ever fallen for a straight girl? HAHA

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?) heck to the no i couldnt make it past two episodes 

Favorite comfort food? macaroni and cheese

Coffee or tea? tea

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above? none but i have tried vegetarian before

Do you have any pets? a chinchilla and a cat!

Early-riser or night-owl? night owl 

What is your sign? gemini sun, sag moon, sag rising

What is your Myers-Briggs type? INFP

Who was your first lesbian crush? my first serious lesbian crush was on a girl at my middle school who dressed to the nines every day in vintage dresses and sweaters and she flirted with practically everyone just joking around and always had a boyfriend but was just charming in every way. my whoel day would eb ruined if i couldn’t just see her or say hello once, and i thought i was just obsessed until i was like ‘wait what if she kissed me’ and BAM i knew it was a real life crush

At what age did you know you were a lesbian? im not really sure. i identified as bi/pan from freshman year to junior year i think, but then was realizing i definitely had a preference and didn’t want to be with guys in a relationship at all to be honest but even up until last summer i was really questioning if i was asexual, so its been a journey but i think i finally fully realized i am a happy happy lesbian after meeting lynn

At what age did you come out (if you have)? i was 14 when i first told my parents i was bi, 18 when i said im a lesbian 

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)? just my girly friend

Talk about how your day went i worked this morning 7-11 after only sleeping 4 hours since i got hooked on ‘tipping the velvet’ the bbc miniseries, said goodbye to a friend, had school and did a presentation on how to make rosemilk bubble tea, i ate at a moomin cafe with my coworker, and now am working on homework and doing this survey and putting off my night cleaning duties eheh

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future  i just want to have a family and to have my books published, thats all i really need. a loving wife, my sister still by my side as my partner in crime, so many children, so many stories finally told that people are reading. i really want to build a lovely house for my family like my grandparents did once upon a time, with secret rooms and unique hiding places, a house they can pass down as they grow up and it can have our lineage. i want to live by the mountains and trees and water, i want to be able to speak mandarin, cantonese, korean, japanese, icelandic, italian, arabic, and polish fluently

[vanillastudies]

Question Tag

rules: answer the 92 questions and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @study-the-past tysm!

since there were so many questions i put them under the cut

Last...

drink: water

phone call: my mom

text message: “do you have a bike helmet?” 

song you listened to: uhhh im listening to Bruno Mars Radio on pandora rn

time you cried: i was watching the OA (great show) and this guy was describing the effect ALS had on his wife (my grandpa died of als)

Have you...

dated someone twice: never even dated anyone lmao

kissed someone and regretted it: no

been cheated on: impossible as ive never been in a relationship

lost someone special: yes

gotten drunk and thrown up: no

List 3 fav colors

burgundy, teal, light blue

In the last year have you...

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: What is love? (baby don’t hurt me)

laughed until you cried: several times- it’s very easy to get me to cry when i laugh

found out someone was talking about you: I came to a realization that I exist to people outside of just seeing them so like, yeah but not in a bad way?

Met someone who changed you: probably not

found out who your friends are: yea

kissed someone on your facebook list: ew no they’re all relatives

General

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them

Any pets: my dog Jackson :)

Do you want to change ur name: u know, I don’t exactly love mine but I also can’t imagine going by another name

What did you do for your last birthday: I was on an orchestra trip on my birthday and didn’t realy celebrate it but then when I came home my parents surprised me with chinese food and cake :) (and presents ofc) and my aunt took me to get pedicures

what time did you wake up: 10:00, but i prob wouldve woken up later if my dad wasn’t blasting country music downstairs

what were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep

Something you can’t wait for: gee idk im a p patient person but I guess going to Europe after senior year?

when was the last time you saw your mom: like 30 seconds ago

one thing you wish you could change in your life: as a studyblr I’d probably say my study space. My house is really loud and as someone who needs basically absolute silence to consentrate, there’s not really a good place for me to do homework there. So I guess I’d like to be able to go to the library more (except I need my licence for that)

listening to rn: Animal by álvaro soler

Ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, he was this annoying guy in my middle school orchestra

Something getting on your nerves: my dad’s insistence on playing country music

most visited websites: tumblr, ao3, school website (for grades)

Other info About myself

moles: none

marks: I have a red splotchy birthmark on the right side of my foot, and a few chicken pox scars if thats what ur looking for

childhood dream: i have a hard time recollecting many memories and thoughts from childhood but probably to be an author or sth

hair color: dark brown

long or short hair: short hair definitely! long is so hard to manage (although it’s easier to do cute hairstyles)

do you have a crush on someone: does a celebrity crush count? Fictional characters?

what do you like about yourself: I love my eyes, and also my nails? Idk that’s a weird thing to like but they’re very paintable

piercings: just the standard one on the lobes of my ears

blood type: i have no idea

nickname: kenzie is a nickname, or kenz. I’m not really a nickname person

relationship status: single

zodiac: taurus

pronouns: she/her 

favorite tv show: ahh there are so many good ones! Prob Gilmore Girls, Sherlock, and The Good Place as my top three

tattoos: none, but id like to maybe get a flower tattoo or sth when im older

right or left handed: left

surgery: none

hair dyed a different color: I bleached the underside back in the beginning of april

sport: i literally just quit swim team so none i guess

vacation: ik ive already talked about this but im really excited for my europe trip in 2 years!

sneakers: i have one pair that i wear and they’re these awesome nike skateboard shoes

More General

eating: rn im not eating anything but for dinner im having chicken and baked beans

favorite thing to eat: a local grocery store sells this amazing sushi that ive found in few other places- it has a good sauce and cruchy stuff on it

drinking: water

im about to: eat dinner

waiting for: dinner (im rly hungry ok)

want: uhhh now im thinking abt food but aside from that i want some zebra mildliners and the grayscale tombow brush pens. Also some cozy sweaters and sweatshirts

get married: i dont think so, but i have a while until i’ll have to start thinking abt that

career: smth in law or politics? 

Hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: probably eyes

shorter or taller: shorter, but I love when tall friends lean on me

older or younger: if we’re talking abt relationships then neither??? otherwise i prefer talking to ppl older than me 

sensitive or loud: i consider myself sensitive but im prob more loud

hook up or relationship: relationship bc im a minor

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, definitely

Have your ever...

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: just a sip

lost glasses/contact lenses: glasses, yeah (how do u lose contact lenses)

turned someone down: nobody’s ever asked me out, but on other things yeah

sex on the first date: ew no

broken someones heart: not that i know of

had your heart broken: no

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yeah

fallen for a friend: maybe a small crush? but not like in love

do you believe in...

yourself: i guess...

miracles: only like, metaphorically, not religious miracles

love at first sight: no

santa claus: no??? why

kiss on the first date: no

other

current best friend name: chase :)

eye color: light blue

favorite movie: rn it’s definitely spider man: homecoming omg i cant wait to see it again

Now tag 20 ppl

alrighty @rainbowdrink @gloomstudy @coffeeandcommerce and anybody who wants to! (this is a lot of questions, I don’t want to burden anybody with this responsibility that doesn’t want to lmao)

[barblebapkins]

99 to 1 boi les'go

okay FINE ILL DO IT BACKWARDS99: Do you miss anyone right now? miss anyone in particular?? no, but i do wish i was with someone rn98: Whats your favorite color? green97: Do you want kids? idk? maybe?96: Do you have kids? no95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no?? like who over the age of 6 does that94: Who was your HS crush? haha that stays in the vault!93: If married, how long have you been married? not married! yet!92: Do you want to get married? yes hehehahehehea91: Best room for a fireplace? the living room of course90: Can you knit or crochet? nope!89: Which are better black or green olives? i dont like olives in general88: Ever have plastic surgery? nope and doubt i ever will87: Ever won a contest? nothing worth remembering86: DJ or band, at a wedding? probably DJ85: Are you patient? depends, with people i think i have a lot of patience, but with other things i can lose my temper kinda quickly84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? nope, i panic83: Can you swim well? not well at all82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? sugar81: Tea or coffee? tea80: Hot tea or cold tea? i prefer cold tea, though i havent tried much hot tea. i feel like i’d prefer hot honestly79: What was the last concert you saw? none! that aint my style78: Who would you like to see in concert? see above77: Ever been in love? yes! i am right now!76: Regularly burn incense? nope75: Own a record player? im not THAT old74: Own any record albums? NOT THAT OLD!!73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yes heaehe72: Ever won a spelling bee? no, i probably could have though71: Can you curl your tongue? yea70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? dhedhehde shes currently in graphic design but she can do whatever she wants!69: Ever take dance lessons? nope! i cant dance to save my life and im fine with that!68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? no?? i feel like someone else put this here67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? not a fan of either but probably sunflower seeds if i had to pick, cos i HATE peanuts66: Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos without a doubt65: Nike or Adidas? nike64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target. walmart is always a disaster every time i’m there, and kmart, while a nostalgic liminal space, is an awful shopping experience too63: First concert? already answered this twice haha62: What do you wear to bed? t-shirt and shorts, or just shorts, depending on how cold/hot it is61: Wear a bath robe? nope, i just wear my towel until im ready to get dressed60: Wear slippers? i own a pair but i dont really use em59: Take a vitamin daily? no but i wish i did58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time, like something specific will happen irl and ill feel like i envisioned this exact moment YEARS ago57: Do you believe in ghosts? yeah, i’ve had more than one weird experience that i cant explain any other way56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? i kinda wanted to be a chef until i realized i cant cook for SHIT55: Favorite type of fruit pie? probably cherry54: Ever eat a pierogi? yes and it WASNT GOOD53: Is Christmas stressful? now that i actually buy stuff for everyone yes it is52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? not really, i still have a bit of a soft spot for les mis51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? in school probably50: Ever used a gun? yes, and i didn’t like it.49: Do you dance in the car? i am the most introverted person in the world, you’re lucky if you can even get me INTO a car48: Do you sing in the shower? no but i hum sometimes47: Do you sing in the car? nope46: Are you afraid of heights? deathly yes. if i even look UP at like a skyscraper i get nauseous45: Ever watch soap operas? not willingly44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? i dont really watch late night stuff but ive heard letterman is a bit of a dick43: Are you stubborn? i can be with some things42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? what the FUCK is a lincoln log41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? my brother keeps renewing my gamestop subscription so i keep getting gameinformer magazines and i want it to STOP40: Are you horny? no39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? dog bork bork38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? i honestly dont remember?? like i think back on it but cant visualize any of it37: Are you lazy? haha YES36: What is your usual bedtime? whenever i WANT it to be leave me alone35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? sadness34: Favorite kind of sandwich? i rly like cold italian subs33: Ever ran out of gas? i dont rly drive so no32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? see ^31: Can you change the oil on a car? no lmao30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? youre livin in the past grandpa, these days we project our brainwaves directly into other peoples heads from across the globe!29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? AAHH what the fuck no28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? for a little while but circumstances made me have to leave27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? haha hasnt happened!26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? my favorite movie ever is probably Up25: What is your favorite food? grilled shrimp pls GIVE24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? bbq sauce mm23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 30 x 2922: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? haha nice TRY pirates21: Whats your least favorite movie? cant think of any off the top of my head but im sure ill think of one later20: Do you still watch cartoons? i admittedly still keep up to date on steven universe and cant wait for the next episodes19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? of course!18: What is your Song of the week? sweats17: What size is your bed? i dont know and im too lazy to check, but its TOO SMALL16: How many people have you slept with this week? none, and i wouldnt ever just sleep with someone but thanks for asking i guess!!15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? yes if im nervous14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? i dont dance13: What about pooped in the woods? ew WHAT12: Have you ever peed in the woods? only cos we were camping and it was like 2 am11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? sometimes actually yeah, not for any good reason though10: What is your biggest pet peeve? nothing gets on my nerves more than dishonesty and/or uncalled for disrespect9: Do you always smile for pictures? no cos i have a BAD smile8: Do you have freckles? no but i have a lot of birthmarks7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? you cant outrun a swarm of bees6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? no wtf how old do these people think we are5: Do you like to use post-it notes? this is the FUTURE, DUDE!!4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? what the fuck who does that3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? out, but not usually on purpose cos my sheets are very loose2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? no1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? i dont have closets only dressers, soo

[firelxrdazula]

I was tagged by @kataracy to this and she called gio, michelle, & me a fidget spinner. basically we represent the ends of a fidget spinner

🎀 - Are you named after someone? I think I was named after Stevie Wonder’s child. He said “life is Aisha, the meaning of her name” in Isn’t She Lovely, and my dad loves that song and thinks of me whenever that plays. 🎀 - When was the last time you cried? I think earlier this week. There was this test in my bacteriology class, and everyone failed but I was so close to passing. I was just really clumsy when answering and I forgot to put the values of crystal violet to use, so I failed. I was just really disappointed that I couldn’t help it. Ik, really petty, but yeah 🎀 - Do you like your handwriting? Meh, it’s okay. I can read it. But it really isn’t consistent, so sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad so like meh. 🎀 - What is your favourite lunch meat? I really love barbecue. Like, probably, nothing can top barbecue for me. 🎀 - Do you have have kids? No, I’m in my 3rd year uni, and it’d really fuck all that if I had a kid. But in the future, I’d want one but really far back into the future. 🎀 - If you were a different person, would you be friends with you? I think so, because generally, I pick friends who have similar interests with me because that way, things are smoother. Plus, Kataracy’s answer to this was legit. I do it too. I think if I met myself, would I be proud of me? And sometimes, I’m just thinking probably not yet, but soon. 🎀 - Do you use sarcasm? No, only Michelle uses sarcasm. 🎀 - Do you still have your tonsils? Yes, and I won’t let them leave them me. 🎀 - Would you bungee jump? I’m hella afraid of those things, but I’d probably try it out of impulses so… I mean, I tried the fastest rollercoaster in the world on an impulse, I’d do this to. 🎀 - What’s your favorite cereal? Frosties. Michelle says they’re called Frosted Flakes. I’ll come with receipts about how they’re called Frosties here soon 🎀 - Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, I also don’t really wear trainers a lot since I’m usually wearing Toms or doll shoes, but knowing me, I definitely do not untie them. 🎀 - Do you think you’re a strong person? Emotionally? No. Physically? No. Mentally? I thought I was then I entered 3rd of medical laboratory science as my major in uni, and realized that I was weak as shit. 🎀 - What’s your favorite ice cream? I’m pretty basic so I just like chocolate and mango. In Gelatos, I really like tiramisu and this like thick chocolate flavor from Baskin Robbins. 🎀 - What’s the first thing you notice about someone? If you mean physically, it’d be their face. But usually, I don’t notice people much that way, I notice the way they’re talking and their intellect. 🎀 - What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself? Eh, probably my face because I don’t have a clear face anymore. I used to but then, I haven’t been sleeping properly, and I’ve also not been drinking enough water soooooo 🎀 - What color trousers and shoes are you wearing right now? I’m wearing Adidas sweatpants right now with purple socks, so… I just woke up so, this is what I sleep in lol 🎀 - What are you listening to right now? Generally, I’m listening to LANY a lot, but currently, OneRepublic’s album called Oh My My. 🎀 - If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Uhhhh, I’d like to be white because I really don’t wanna be used. Like, I’d also want to be my fav color which is sea grey but like uhhh i cant choose dam 🎀 - Favorite smell? lmao i like the smell of hospitals FOR SOME FUCKIN REASON. i also really like the smell of antiseptics and certain lysols. i like it when things smell “clean” so im always like disinfecting stuff because i love the smell lmao 🎀 - Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad, yesterday. he wanted me to like attend my cousin’s graduation on wednesday and i rly tried to refuse 🎀 - Favorite sport to watch? Azula playing Kuai Ball. (idk i never actually watch sports like when im on tv, im usually just watching documentaries so i never even watch other shows anymore) 🎀 - Hair color? BLACK idk ive been thinkin of coloring em but like, my uni is Hella Strict 🎀 - Eye color? dark brown 🎀 - Do you wear contacts? no i thankfully still have 20/20 (hah) vision and i feel like wearing em would be too tedious 🎀 - Favorite food? TOO MANY. I love shrimp, i love bbq, i love chinese food, i love like a lot of things ok TOO MANY 🎀 - Scary movies or comedy? Comedy is my favorite, really. I watch them quite a lot, but my other fav is sci-fi. yall should watch interstellar 🎀 - Last movie you watched? I rewatched Moana for the nth time lmao i still have consider the coconut in my head 🎀 - What color shirt are you wearing? white im always wearing white 🎀 - Summer or Winter? winter bc i fuckin hate the summer heat 🎀 - Hugs or kisses? hugs i love hugs 🎀 - Book you’re currently reading? Urine and Body Fluid by Susan King Strasinger. I have to study soon because I have exams tomorrow. 🎀 - Who do you miss right now? eh probs my 2 year old brother hes v cute and jolly 🎀 - What’s on your mouse pad? i dont use computer a lot bc i cant be assed but its a v basic mousepad on the table like literally just black 🎀 - What’s the last tv program you watched? Genius on NatGeo. It talks about Einstein’s life story and I love that 🎀 - What is the best sound? The sound of my bacteriology prof telling me “very good” 🎀 - What’s the furthest you’ve ever travelled? I went to Saudi Arabia abd Qatar before it was gr8 🎀 - Do you have a special talent? UHHHHHHH i guess my sheer ability of fucking everything up is amazing 🎀 - Where were you born? Idk what hospital man LIKE I JUST KNOW I WAS BORN IN THE PHILIPPINES IDK

I’m tagging: @senshiofthewild @seyaryminamoto and anybody who wants to do it!!

[vegils]

im... a sucker 4 surveys hey!!!

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

marinella, someone told me it means “traveller” but i highly doubt that i like the break down of my name more marina, meaning “of the sea” and ella for “guiding light”

2: How long have you known your best friend? 

my best friend sweetlana!!! been my good friend!!! for 7 DANG YEARS!!! 

3: What position do you normally sleep in? 

i sleep in fetal/yearning position and i think the description of the personalities that sleep in fetal/yearning position is very accurate

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

mmm i hung out with a lot of different people in high school i went through several cliques in the span of my four years i hung out with “popular” people, artsy groups, anime nerds, and drama people

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? 

my biggest inspiration was my speech and drama teacher!! i love u miss macuha!!! one time i was crying about her leaving and she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to never back down and keep doing what i’m doing and that some day i’ll be a great performer and i bawled on her lap she’s an angel and to this day her words still haunt me!! i never felt the reward a teacher reaped from seeing a student reach their full potential

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

because im so young i do think about travelling a lot but it makes me sad to think about never being able to travel and i have gone to places but i wish i could see other grander countries i never had the opportunity to see

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

um...... i played badminton lmao 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

how tho

9: Have you ever given blood?

apparently if ur anemic or have history of anemia then u can’t donate blood which makes me sad if i could i would!!!

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

besides all the fun i had i wish i grew up more confident i am a very doubtful person and i grew up in a pretty hostile home and it felt very scattered and broken to me and i just wish those situations were different, other than that i think i am lucky to grow up ok

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

i like all of my sisters but they can get very frustrating at times i think we stand better now than we did as kids

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met sweetlana on the strokes tumblr tinychat back when they had a roaring fandom and we discovered that we’re both from chicago and we’d talk about silly things and we lost touch for a while but then we reconnected and she’s so darling!!! she would show me her paintings of the blues brothers and we’d talk about our hopes and wishes and now i realize we’ve been doing that for 7 years!!! all we do is exchange selfies and drawings and fantasize about crushes !!!i love her! i can’t imagine not knowing her and never meeting her!

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

my girl.......... shit dude

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not poetic but i like to HEAR poetry i love hearing the delivery 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i love people who are kind and thoughtful which is rly generic i also love the funny it doesn’t even have to be calculated jokes it can just be the way you said something or a facial expression i like people who manage to share a language with me that can’t be figured out by other people i think having a connection to a person where you can read each others minds can b creepy but also cool cuz u hang out w them so often that you can basically understand each other without much effort 

16: What song are you currently listening to now?

year of the rabbit by eskimeaux

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

nope 

18: A random memory from you childhood:

going to chinatown and racing to the chinese zodiac signs and climbing up the stairs with my sisters, getting sponge cake and walking around the old sanrio store pointing out what i want

19: Where did you grow up? chicago 

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

lmao we’re watching 13RW and its not for everyone but i read the book and im v invested

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

really!! hope id be! i mean i am cool with or without having kids but i want to be a good parent

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

i already met some of my tumblr friends!! i met sweetlana and coney!!! i would like to meet @iamonmy-way when will i meet u!!! 

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

my phone was hacked and it looked like internet explorer on my iphone and my cousin tried to retrieve back to normal by playing against my hacker on a boss battle level of mario

23: When is your birthday?

june 2 :---)

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? 

2 and 1 reading pillow ^_^

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

i’ve been wearing eye glasses since i was 6 and i’m 21 now so u do the math bud

26: What color is your hair?

black/brown

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

ive been told i have a nice complexion, small mouth, chubby cheeks, small hands and long torso

28: What is your favorite soda?

cream.. soda... i need to go to Hell

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

reading peoples moods online lmao 

30: How’s the weather right now?

a cool and calming evening 

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

this question makes me sad lmao

32: Who do you miss right now?

oops i can’t reveal who or what or when but i am missing someone

33: Why did your last relationship end?

because i realized i don’t like them that much and that i don’t understand dating I AM A VERY CONFUSED PERSON when i reflect on dating i realize i hate it so much but also crave it but when i have it i’m very repulsed

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? 

yes!!! i am frustrated at myself because i don’t know who i am or what i want and i feel like it has set me back so much that i’m stagnant 

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? 

ya i had dengue fever and it was probably the most concerned i’ve seen my parents with me

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

pastaria!!! in st louis!! it’s so good!

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

privilege 

38: Would ever adopt kids?

not against the idea of adopting children!!! 

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

i like spinach on my pizza

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why is it so dreadful to find yourself in bed with a whole day ahead of you

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? 

um!!! my crush!!! k*rt !!! when we played the game!! and they were teasing and attacking me during the game! ah!!! 

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

defo dinuguan (pigs blood stew)!! i dont recommend!! i just dip my puto in the sauce and call it a day! not a laman fan! 

43: How do you start a conversation?

i tell them something embarrassing that’s also relateable and revealing and hope they find me somebody to be comfortable around!!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

i hate answering this....... but joji........

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

nah dude

46: Do you have a bucket list?

i think that’s what my life was missing tbh

47: What is your favorite series of books?

i don’t know i haven’t read a series of books in quite a long time i think i pretended to like percy jackson in high school lmao and i was such a nerd for hunger games but i don’t think anything could replace my deepest love for series of unfortunate events, the boxcar children, judy moody, and horrible harry! ooh! and amelia bedelia!!!

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i laughed rly hard last night cause patrick was so invested in 13 reasons why and my sister n i kept asking 4 justice 4 zach dempsey and patrick threw a pillow at me for saying that what zach did was severe in hannah’s eyes

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

i slip into bed and silently cry or if i don’t need that i cry in the shower ahhh how pathetic

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

i actually am rly good at acting and i don’t think anybody but high school and college ppl know this, i’m painfully shy, i don’t like mayo!! all of my goldfish in the past have all been named variations of “Freddy” and !!! i am rly good at stitch (from disney’s lilo and stitch) impressions

[oceansandroses]

Paris

So Im gonna write a basic travel thoughts page per place I went starting from Paris. I’d try to recall how lapland was too in hopefully future entries but so here goes!

Paris. 

The city of love and romance. 

But also sadly, the city of pee. 

No city smelt as bad as Paris did, each train, metro, bus and even at the Sacré-Cœur Basilique, with that amazing view, the smell of pee nvr left. Okay, I gotta try to start being more positive about things and stop looking at things from a negative point of view. But I really felt I had to get that point out. 

Great amazing things about Paris: the architecture stole my heart, it just enveloped my entire being. Everything, every place and every building or house was just so unique, tasteful and just a wonder to me. Each had their own flavor, taste and vibe. Whether was it a nice, quiet restaurant with people just sitting to people watch and chill with the oh-so-wonderful weather (it was a perpetual 18 degrees there, probably just 10 in the evenings) my down jacket was rather excessive but I guess it was alright, there were plenty of tourists in Paris that were cold even in that ‘warmth’-funny how Sweden changed me so much, to tolerate the cold. So the buildings were just so beautiful, I remember taking the train out of the airport and looking out of the window only to see many landed houses with different and varying numbers of windows. differently colored and different types of bricks or materials used in its assembly. I was sold. 

The weather as mentioned was great, warm and sunny, a nice warm but cooling breeze which Ale and I were really grateful for. Oh and Asian food!! On our first day there, besides having to skip going to the outlet stores because we didnt have much time to get from our airbnb to the outlets since we got pretty lost without internet (note to self to always get internet that works internationally) so we went to explore the city. Day 1 was lunch at 2/3+ before going off to see the Sacré-Cœur. The climb was alright but what made me weep tears of joy was my fav carousel right at the bottom of the basilique. The vibes of the place overall was really nice and pleasant. There were many people chilling, drinking a bottle of wine or beer or just chatting on the grass patch on the climb up the stairs to the church. Tourists were everywhere as with every tourist attraction but somehow the place didnt feel overrated. it wasnt swarmed with tourists and there was a unique and magical vibe to it. The street artists who were all around trying to earn their daily bread through caricature sketches, the nice restaurants that sold mussels and oysters in buckets at 14 euros (I was really so tempted). But there ale warned me about people who might pickpocket us, there were people who held different colored strings and she said they would hold the string out to us, the moment anyone touched it, they would ask you to pay them money or pickpocket us etc. It was kind scary but we hurried along. Oh, right at the top there was also a choo-choo train! it was pretty cool

Ale and I also bought 12 postcards at 2 euros yay! Next was the Arc de Triomphe, we managed to snap a few pictures but due to no reduced admission rates for us and to go up was 12 euros, I was pretty hesitant. Sharm did recommend us to go up but Ale said the weather was pretty cloudy and we prob could try tmr so we gave it a miss. From the Arc, we saw the Eiffel so both of us decided ourselves that it was quite near so we walked towards it. It was actually quite a walk but it felt kinda fun since we were ‘chasing the tower’ lol, always finding it amongst the buildings and its spotlight that shines throughout. The nightview of the Eiffel was really nice but there was not much magic vibes to it, maybe bcos it felt a lil overhyped. After which we got a little lost, took the wrong train from the wrong side and hopped on the dirtiest train i’ve ever been. The seats were fabric but they were so black and dirty. The red cushion seats were all blackish and they looked kinda mouldy. Much #grossness 

Anyways Ale always having a great directional sense brought us back to the right path after one wrong stop, and we met Sharm at Quatre Septembre to go hunt for some Ramen that people recommended her. It was a chinese-ran restaurant that sold jap food. The gyozas were good but the ramen pretty much tasted like yellow noodles in a chinese broth. The cha siew was good thou i must admit. After that we had Grom gelato (only bcos I said it was a good brand that Robz & I tried in Italy) before sharing a jar of 50cl of white wine. Ale taught me a bit of how to drink the wine while we sat under a heater in one of the most popular and happening streets of Paris. Oh another thing thou, Deliveroo exists in Paris and the delivery guys ride bicycles! So i guess it feels weird that with SG being a much smaller place, rarely do you see people in bikes as in bicycles but rather its just bikes and cars. #thatswhyCOEhighlor the green olives they served there was really nice thou, the black ones tasted like they were soaked in water or just oil. The olive oil in the black ones were barely visible.

it was a great chill hangout before we left and rested up for the night. We started our next day early with the Lourve tour which we paid 24 euros for but ended up feeling very disappointed and cheated since he just shared some short story about how this Lourve came about (from a small tower and a wall elsewhere) to this-he hates the pyramid design so obv not much talk was given about this pyramid before leaving us to walk to the entrance and enter it ourselves. #sobz #byemoney 

Inside the Lourve thou, it was a brand new story. We started off with the French sculptures and boy was it beautiful. Each sculpture felt like there was a life to it, its own story and feelings. Its lines were so beautiful, intricate and just so perfect in their own way. There were many students or people just chilling there and drawing life sketches of the sculptures. After that we kept getting lost but we saw the Napolean collection, the crazy Chandeliers around, the furniture before we attempted to see the French paintings. But bcos we kept getting lost, we ended up looking at the Egyptian collection. Much thanks to Ale for being alright to go to the Egyptian part of the museum with me. After the Lourve bcos there was free wifi, we decided to go hunt for bubble tea. We got lost and spent 1.5 hours around town before finding our Chatime! we had a crepe outside the Lourve too after getting lost half way and walking past it for like about the 3rd time. 

After Chatime, we went to primark to shop for a bit. The collection was rather big but okay ish like no feels to splurge on anything. We went to Bershka too before we rushed to the nearest post office to mail our postcards. The mail lady didnt speak a word of english and boy was she inefficient. She had to flip thru her stack of stamps thrice and recount sets of 5 stamps before letting us pay and all. 10 stamps were pretty pricey and costed me 15.8 euros but oh wells. crap I just realized I forgot to write daddy a happy birthday post card:( but wait its in April okay, ive got time. phew. 

It was a mad rush back home and we had to pass thru a black zone, there were so many blacks and police there, it felt like the entire atmosphere was really tense. The moment anybody made a mistake, the police were right there ready to arrest. We also saw some blacks making a living with a supermarket trolley as a bbq pit to cook kebab meats which I felt was pretty innovative and cool. I also love the buses here, uncles here stop when they see people running for the bus which doesnt really happen alot in SG. sigh. SG buses do come more frequently thou, but still that doesnt make up for bad behavior. 

After dropping our things, we took a train to the concert. Broods was the opening act before Tove Lo and i didnt do much research on her so I nvr knew Tove Lo was so sexualized. Every song she was shaking and grinding her hips to it and she eventually flashed her tits at the audience too. I bought an autographed CD from her but it was weird bcos while heading back Ale was sharing with me about how Tove Lo was being pretty illuminati and Satanic and that Beyonce was the head of the illuminati. I was very thankful for her religious sharig althoug I have to admit after hearing all that i was kinda scared. 

We ended the night cooking our only ‘meal’ of instant noodles before resting and heading to the airport by uber the next day. Thank god for uber for getting to our airbnb and to the airport. the public transport train ticket was far too ridiculous-10 euros for a single trip to the airport and we didnt even stay that far. Uber was just 11 euros per person-.-

Also pretty disappointed with the Paris duty free airport since the collection was so small, I couldnt get mommy’s and huijun’s clinique products. Ale and I each bought a crossaint there thou! It was really yummy

okay done for Paris its 1.45 in the morning here in LKP so im hungry and sleepy and tired and upset so i shld try to get some rest 

Ciao