#and i just go: HHHHHHHHHH
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back on the topic of eddie brock never being the first choice. crazy to me to think about the origin of the venom symbol which is that the symbiote Was With Spiderman First. the venom symbol is a slightly creepier version of the spiderman symbol with an extra bend in the legs cause it's the symbiote's best approximation of what it thought spiderman wanted. and when spiderman rejects the symbiote and venom shows up it's still the same suit just on a different person. the symbiote learned emotions from peter parker and it is angry and hurt at not being wanted but it stays in the form it thought he wanted... peter parker disarms eddie brock once by telling the symbiote that he wants it back and attacking once the symbiote starts to leave... eddie has such a hard time throughout the comics with the fact that the symbiote Will Leave Him if prompted by the right person. and be so honest. what would you do if you were eddie brock and no matter where you went or what you did there was a symbol that you were somebody else's second choice emblazoned across your chest
#drives me crazy actually#this thing completes you it is everything to you...#the most important thing!!! the thing that makes you whole!!!!!!#and sure it may love you but you were only ever a convenience. never the person it would Choose.#thank you venom: first host for being a beautiful world where the symbiote says it will NOT go back with a previous host#cause it chose eddie. cause he's a good man. cause it's trying to raise its fucking kid with him kdfgjhsd.#EVERYWHERE else...#the symbiote is still in love with peter parker. he calls it back and back it goes.#flash thompson calls out and the symbiote desperately reaches toward him calling out his name. trying to go back.#and again and again where is eddie brock... secondary...#not even the first decision to begin with. maybe it was fate that you were in the right place at the right time#but maybe you were just in that church. about to kill yourself. and you Happened to hate the right person.#you and the symbiote complete each other and you have similar goals but even then it was all about peter parker anyway...#insane. insane. insane.#anyway. hhhhhhhhhh#venomposting#venom#i am a symbrock truther i think the symbiote WOULD choose him. but the comic writers hate me and hate love
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the amount of times i've deleted my message bc i'm scared i'm overstepping or that i'm just being weird is way more than i'd like to admit💀💀
#i can't really tell what is awkward or not either lmao#and when ppl make rant/vent posts i never know whether commenting is welcome or not#is this like a 'i am feeling bad and i just want to get it out i don't want to be perceived' or is it a#'i am feeling bad and i wish somebody would comfort me' moment#if i comment and it's the first option then i'm just making it worse aren't i#and if i don't comment and it turns out to be the latter then.. it's also not good#LIKE I WANNA BE A GOOD FRIEND I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO JUST LISTEN AND WHEN IT'S TIME TO TALK#and god i have a horrible tendency to just go into a full blown tedtalk too and hhhhhhhhhh#i mean well i promiseeeeee i don't know how else to do ittttttttttttttt#oughhh i just wanna love youuuuuuu#mayor of loserville
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helmet off skin please marvel Please pelasepleapdlePLEAZE!
Helmet off no beard marvel my life will be yours if you execute this simple task i BEG
#snap chats#lemme see his locks …. from-under-the-helmet isnt ENOUGH#hhhhhhhhhh im gonna go play rivals i need to look at him …..#hes very fun to play but i just love playing tank in general…. underrated role FR#this is evidenced by the fact im always thE ONLY FUCKIN TANK its fine. no really#No Really it somehow is. maybe cause the games new so people havent realized the could jump my ass …#or maybe the game just nice like that idk�� or maybe im just a great tank 😏 Doubt 😔#i’ll give yall the verdict from my friends tomorrow after our game tonight prob
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i think i need to jerk off before i go to the easter vigil mass so i can survive through it without going insane
#personal#on thursday the priest sang the psalms and he has such a pretty voice i almost died#i mean he has a pretty voice overall but his singing voice is so good i love him#every time he sings the eucharistic prayer i just hhhhhhhhhh#leaves a wet stain on the pew oopsie#i am literally so feral for him on thursday i felt like i was going to explode if he didn't fuck me right that second
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throw down is such a fucking bop i genuinely can’t believe it sometimes
#go watch the mv rn if you haven��t!!!!!!#it changed my whole life…..#shidou kirisaki the man that you are…..#my fav milgram song btw :33 along w cat…..#JUST . the instrumental. the chorus. fuck.#AND THE MV …. hhhhhhhhhh#kairo if you happen to see this i’m morally obligated to tell you that he’s extremely your type#organ harvesting doctor w a pretty face and lots of moles <3333333#odi would love him too i think :33#ari noises ✩
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alright I need some yuri recommendations. and I mean yuri, not shojou ai. I've run out of chapters of Asumi-Chan is interested in lesbian brothels and like a lot of yuri I find tend to be super story heavy. I just want something light and casual similar to Asumi-Chan. Any recommendations?
#yuri#yuri manga#lesbian#wlw#sapphic#wlw ns/fw#hhhhhhhhhh please I'm begging#I don't tend to go out of my way for this sort of stuff#but it's that time of the month ya know?#It's just so hard to find good saphic ns/fw#hannah if you see this no you don't please ignore this do not talk to me about this please
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^^ I literally just saw sigma then pulled this out of my ass oh my god he hurts mw
#Characters that do everything for their one only motivation hhhhhhhhhh#I love sigma and Q why is it always the side characters#Like. I like atsushi but sometimes I just uhhhhugghhguguuh I really enjoy learning abt him!!! But it’s just uhhhughghghhhhu#My thoughts are all over the place#I’m going to shut up and draw or something
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so like does somebody wanna buy me a new car lmao
#looking at budget and feeling nauseous#i don't know how im going to afford. anything#i make approx $2400 a month. i have $450 in credit card bills. i have $200 in student loans. i have $120 in car insurance.#lets set a monthly grocery budget of $150. add another $50 for gas money. that gets me to $970 in monthly bills so far.#that gives me $1430 leftover. lets assume my car payment is gonna be $200 so thats $1230.#ive been told electricity bills in the summer can be fucking atrocious so lets go high and say $300. thats $930 for rent.#which is... not terrible ig.#i just. hhhhhhhhhh. i hate this i hate this i hate this i feel sick i want to not be an adult i want things to be EASY.
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Got called sir by a stranger while delivering pizza. Realized I can't remember the last time a stranger gendered me correctly. It felt really nice. Felt even better that it was a guy too like yes pls see me as one of you.
#maybe thats why im so fucking depressed#i've always been to afraid to medically transition#i wish I wasn't a coward#sometimes i think im neglecting it on purpose to hurt myself?#or maybe im worried what my family will think even though they always gender me right and no dead naming#maybe its cause my dad akways talks about “ people want to transitoon 10 year olds thats so fucked up ” and om just like “ okay”#but deep down i remember how much it hurt forcing me to be a woman around 10 years old#and having to buy purses and menstrating and not knowing whats going on#and i thinnk “ is it really any crueler than being forced to go through puberty that feels so wrong and scarry.” idk man#im just my dads opinions i dont even have my own anymore#hhhhhhhhhh
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anna or lily going into a convent (and being in america) and carlo can use that as a reputation boost hhhhhhhh
#im sooooo rewriting carlo & his family. bc the existing ver irritates me endlessly u can't even imagine like my teeth r literally gritting#like im literally the n1 hater of the thing i wrote myself like genuinely#“my heart's in the highlands” scene from la grande bellezza (this film & religious topic in it in general) haunts me#genuinely i dont want anna to go into a convent. girl youre so young dont do this. turning to God closer to old age is more common#*but it's so fitting for anna's character i have in my head hhhhhh#but they all are socialists (except for carlo ofc). so there's probably a complicated relationship with god#me when i cant help but make things even more complicated bc my brain works like a cancer#everyone go & listen my hearts in the highlands by arvo part right nowww#m2#i was thinking about the convent for months. just if ure interested#upd. “are you really the strongest exorcist in all of europe?”* hhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#+ for lily. when a saint is asked to talk about her life and she answers: “you can't talk about poverty” hhhhhhhhhh#*looked at la grande belleza's script. exact quote:#i apologize for earlier. there's one question i really want to ask you. are the rumors about you true?#that you were a truly great.. exorcist? // and then the cardinal says some kind of spell & closes the car window#hhhhhhhhhh. another scene that fucking haunts me#upd2. thought bout verro's bust that was destroyed 2 times by the mafia. thought bout anna. i can see her as a sculptor#she has very strong hands. its a pity that if shes in the usa bc have no idea bout american art schools. im more educated bout european art#and also idfk. maybe i do need to see her as a (fierce? but shes in the usa) socialist. you dont get it i need it
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i have been downloading bg3 for 21 hours 😓
#still 1 hour to go HHHHHHHHHH#do i even want to play this game or do i just have fomo#<- guy who fell off dos2 after like 1 hour#anyway everyone say thank you fitgirl#cool story charlotte
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noooooo i need the bathroom but blue is laying against my leggggggf
#he rarely like CUDDLES cuddles so this is ;;;;;#going to feel EVIL ;;;;;;#but i need to sleep but to do that i must empty my bladder first and hhhhhhhhhh#im so sorry baby boy ;;;#jj is asleep near my other leg but he's not resting against it#just pressed into it a bit#they're both probably gonna get up when i do too ;;;;;;:#life is cruel ro me#i also just wanna keep reading fic instead of sleeping but ALAS i have work tomorrow#shh ac
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every time lynnmanda is portrayed as the soft wholesome ship an angel plummets to hell
#healthiest couple???? girl which saw three did you watch#their asses are NOT cottage-core gfs#they are the RIPPING-core and ABANDONED WARRHOUSE-core sexxed up abusive lesbians#not to get on my soapbox but this is totally a pattern in fandom spaces#mlm ships are constantly explored for their depth. people will go on and on about toxic yaoi and then like#the one wlw is just two girls holding hands in the background captioned “girlfriends”#and I know it’s hard for you guys to be invested in female characters#but at the very least. don’t reduce them to soft sapphic girlies owo#*women are inherently softer and more loving than men* is kinda how it comes across tbh#especially when it goes against EVERYTHING we see in canon#Amanda is not making Lynn a flower crown lmao she is tenderly carressing her face after straping a bomb around her neck#fake toxic yuri lovers when the real fucked up lesbians start going down hhhhhhhhhh#and the saw fandom is actually much better about this than some other places I can think of#amanda young#lynn denlon#saw three#saw iii#john kramer#toxic yuri#lynnmanda
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#personal#was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.#I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME#its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD#GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO......#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO#it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD#i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK.#i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him#3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore#ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD#IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES????#also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its#like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ??????#and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal?????#im just ???????#GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK#i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ#hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg#im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down#crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX#like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh#but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me.#like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng#god its all so new and weird. i just#if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird#literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok#know hes Cute tho.#thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual#type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳
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currently I am feelin
#papyrusssssssss#HOLY SMOKES I LOVE PAPYRUS SO MUCH??? HADFHHHG#THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION BUT SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IT#I go for weeks and months loving him but in a kind of dormant way and then all of a sudden BOOM#PUPPY LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN??? LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND#LET ME JUST BE NEAR YOU#HHHHHHHHHH#LET ME WATCH YOU DO LITERALLY ANYTHING#LET ME LISTEN TO YOU TALK FOR HOURS#YOU ARE WONDERFUL YOU ARE A DELIGHT
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they don't know i'm planning major changes to my da worldstate,,
#wish i could be normal abt this silly game series. wish i could just go with whatever im vibing with#but nooooo i have to lose sleep thinking abt the Most Perfect Worldstate hhhhhhhhhh#think i might have to go with a dual worldstate solution. it's so much work tho...#anyway i loveeeee andrale but what if my warden was a brosca actually. what if andrale was a mage lavellan and my inky.#what if i was finally brave and conscripted loghain. alistair would become king... or exiled..... ough#i could see andrale making all the choices i'm abt to make in dai#but also i don't want to put her through the torture that is dai's story ahah#she loses a lot in dao but also gains a lot. love and friendship and a new purpose etc. meanwhile dai is just loss loss loss <3#or maybe im just being overly pessimistic abt dai again idk <3#also where would celyn fit in all this. would she still be a dao companion oc... or something else..... a dai companion?????#anyway i need to get back to my puter i need to plan this more. i need to make a brosca and see what happens#oc: andrale#oc: celyn#i've spent the past couple weeks at my parents' n that's why i haven't rly engaged with anything here#the area my childhood hometown is in is so beautiful btw. every summer when i visit it hits me again#its the lakes!! they dont fuckin have lakes in the south!!!!#but there is so much lake here i am surrounded by beautiful lakes in every direction. sigh#anyway im going back home this sunday. will have more time to be here again :)#alsooo how do we feel abt the name ronya. i want my brosca's name to start with the same letter as rica's hehe#and ronya was the first name that came to my mind#idk... ronya brosca...... does it work
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