#and i haven't even mentioned this guy's family relations yet LMAO

[ultramarine-spirit]

OKAY HI I'VE BEEN SHAMELESSLY SEARCHING THROUGH YOUR ACCOUNT DIGGING FOR ANSWERS I COULDNT FIND ANYWHERE ELSE (Ik I'm late asf but I hope you still answer questions related to wmmap seriously I'm desperate lmao) So I've read the entire novel and there wasn't any mention of their marriage (Lucas and Athy) 😭 IK THERE IS A BRIEF MENTION ABOUT "SOME" MARRIAGE In BOTB but all the translations I've read haven't specified who she decided marry at the end when she turned 26 💀 how is everyone so sure it was Lucas and did they decide whose gonna rule the empire in the end? I think from Hari's pov, it was yet to get decided later on, and a prince consort was chosen again, I wanted to clarify if it was really Lucas and I don't think there was any mention of her having kids except for in that one parallel dimension.

I mean, WMMAP and BOTB explicitly take place in the same world (they aren't parallel universes, there are no "what-ifs" or anything similar), Athy even meets Cabel and Hari (indirectly). Indeed, the marriage mention is in BOTB, not WMMAP, but it's pretty obvious the groom is Lucas, even if he isn't mentioned by name. Athy also isn't mentioned by name, Hari just says it's the wedding of "Obelia's princess". Considering the novel ends with Athy kissing Lucas, and that they keep dating during the side-stories, it would be very strange that she didn't marry him. As you say, LP! Lucas even sees their future daughter (granted, that could be a different world, but even so, he says that Athy is always with Lucas in all the worlds he visited except one).

I guess it's technically possible that the groom isn't Lucas, but considering that Athy was dating him and that she explicitly rejected Ijekiel, it's incredibly unlikely. What would be the other alternative, Athy marrying a random guy?

Regarding how they decided to rule the empire, there's no direct answer to that question, but Claude said that Athy would be the next empress and she knew that the day would come when she had to rule Obelia. BOTB's novel says that the prince consort (actually, there's no mention of the term "prince consort" as far as I remember, but I'll use it since that would be the title used for Athy's husband/husband-to-be) married into the royal family, not the other way around (naturally, since Athy is the powerful one of the two from a political standpoint), and that's about it. It isn't that the prince consort was going to be decided "later on" after the wedding, that's not how it works, Lucas (or whoever the mysterious guy is, but he is totally Lucas) most likely got that title after the wedding. I think it's safe to assume they rule together but Athy is the one with the most power and doing the most work (I can't see Lucas being very interested in ruling lol). This is the most logical explanation of post-canon's events, but the reference to Athy's wedding/future is pretty brief. Take a look at @lithi's translation.

[spitdrunken]

Okay, how would I have to bribe you to share more stuff about Caleb/that extreme fantasy you mentioned? That scenario with him was so hot 👀

:’)!! pls feel free to send another ask about his most extreme fantasies cuz this got looong already!! i kinda wrote a similar post to this before but i feel like the way im writing him keeps changing little bits LMAO

notes: implied dubcon, implied abuse, incredibly unhealthy coping mechanisms, suicidal ideation (kind of,, more like just a general death wish)

Abuse is what Caleb wants, but it’s not what he needs.

Ever since his first love left him with a scarred heart, inside and out, it’s the only way he knows how to get attention. In his essence, Caleb is a very, very lonely person, who yearns for whatever attention he can get- And, over time, this is the way he’s deemed the most effective, as unusual as it is. (That doesn’t mean he’s still not a creep and can’t be manipulative, though.) Fear is not the kind of response he wants, and if that’s what he gets, he’s quick to back off. What he wants is aggression. He’ll hit on people who are clearly dating and out together, just to get someone to yell at him or throw a punch. He uses the sketchiest dating apps and websites for hookups, basically telling them there are ‘no limits’ and dealing with the consequences as they come to him. If he ends up in a situation he doesn’t like, it’s his own fault, right? He’ll wander the streets late at night after being kicked out of someone’s place, long after public transport has stopped running. Even if it did, he wouldn’t have the money to spare. 

This is as far as he’ll get with anyone, he thinks. This is all he’s good for, and all he’ll ever need. And he adores it! He genuinely does!! He gets an incredible kick out of it, and could cum from getting the shit beat out of him. The risks are no deterrent to him. He expects to end up dead in a ditch one day, or locked up in the back of a van and kidnapped. Caleb’s only surprised it hasn’t already happened. He couldn’t imagine a more fitting and deserving end for himself. He’ll die doing what he loved. What else does he have going for him, anyway? It’s enough. It’s what he tells himself. 

(But then why... Why does it hurt every time someone kicks him out, or treats him as disposable? When he returns home and texts them, only to find himself blocked? Why does his heart race whenever a decent person comes along, who actually patches him up after one of their ‘sessions’? Lows always follows his highs, and it always ends up with him feeling utterly dead inside.)

Caleb is not easy to love. He’s a lot more closed off and private than one would guess from his shameless behaviour. Any genuine kindness will be met with resistance, showing the absolute worst of himself, enough to scare most people of. It’s his ‘test of loyalty’, if you will. He wants to know if you won’t leave him before being vulnerable. Love won’t ‘fix’ him either. (One could argue it makes him worse, in ways.) But once you have him ensnared, he’s yours: Forever.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Self Indulgent Shigaraki Nonsense Part 2!

Tomura Shigaraki x pregnant!reader headcannons

Lmao I'm obsessed with this idea, I'm having so much fun with it. I love it, and I hope you guys like it too!

Warnings: Pregnancy and pregnancy related issues.

(I couldn't find the original artist for this, but just know that someone out there is a very talented artist lol)

After the initial reaction,

Shigaraki doesn't want to take you back home to the others. He doesn't want anyone to know.

He still wants you to get an abortion. It makes you feel, unwanted. The more he mentions it, the more it hurts you.

You knew he wouldn't be happy or excited about this, but neither were you. This just, hurt.

He stayed with you a few more nights in the hotel. He didn't want to leave your side, apart of him was afraid you'd still run. That you'd choose the baby over him. The other part, wanted desperately to protect you. To keep you safe and to him, an abortion would.

It would leave you free and untethered to him. He knew, objectivley, you shouldn't be with him. And he knew that if you ever needed to, in order to keep yourself safe, he would understand. But the idea of losing you made him unreasonably upset. What felt like sadness would soon turn to rage. He just, didn't want to lose you. He thought it was selfish of him to think that way, but he couldn't help it. It tore him apart from the inside out.

The years of having you around made him emotionally dependent. You cared for him in ways no one else had. He stayed up at night wondering where you had been his entire life. You felt like a missing piece of a puzzle.

He layed with you in bed one night, unable to sleep. He watched your sleeping form, the way your chest heaved up and down with every breath. His eyes ran over your body as a few fingers pulled away the covers. He eyed your belly. He felt his stomach turn as he thought about it all.

There was already so much he didn't know. He didn't really even understand how you knew you were pregnant or what stage you were at. What would a baby like his look like? Visions of a horrible monster came to mind. No matter what, it was no good. He had to convince you to get rid of it before it was too late. Before it tore you apart.

The basis for his fears were unknown, even to him. He knew thats not how things really worked, he knew his fears seemed ridiculous to you, but still. He felt guilty. He felt a sense of dread as he thought about it. It took two after all. He felt like he had condemned you. He like he had wronged or hurt you.

"This love, loves the trouble." He remembered you saying. He thought you were being foolish, blinded by your feelings to see realisticly. How could you not see? You were doomed. If the monster inside you wouldn't kill you, then it would tie you to him for forever. It'd be born into a world he hadn't solved yet, even if it could help him, it wasn't a tool. If you ever needed to leave, go off and be safe somewhere else, you couldn't. It would always tie you to him. It made him feel sick. You would never have the freedom he wanted for you.

You stirred in your sleep, your eyes slowly coming open before you turned to look up at him. He looked down at you, warm tears falling down an emotionless face. He was so lost in thought, he didn't realize he was crying.

"Uh, Tomura? Whats wrong? You're crying." You sat up and started to wipe the tears away from his cheeks before he wrenched himself from your grasp. He sat on the side of the bed, hunched over, before he got up to use the bathroom.

You sat there in wonder as you laid back down. He was no doubt thinking about the baby again. Baby. The word seemed foreign to even think about. A baby. Lost in thought, Shigaraki came back into the room. The light from the bathroom masking his silhouette in the door frame.

"You have to get rid of it." He mumbled.

"We've been over this before, I'm fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. Women have babies all the time, I promise-"

"No...you don't understand. You can't do this to yourself." He shuffled forward to the bed.

"What?"

"Think about it this way, you'll be rendered useless to the league. You and I were dangerous enough, but now,"

"Well damn, I didn't realize I'm such a fucking burden."

"THAT'S NOT-" He bit his tongue. Yelling at you or showing his anger never solved anything, it only made things worse. "You're not a burden. You're in danger. As a villian you run so many risks but the moment you got busy with me, you made yourself vulnerable. You made me, vulnerable. Adding a third into this, makes not only us more vulnerable but them as well. If the heroes knew we were involved with one another the way we are, they'd take advantage. They'd threaten you, they'd kill you if they got the chance."

"Then we won't give them that chance." You uttered. He balled his fists and turned away, holding his head down.

"It's not that simple. You don't understand."

"I understand just fine, Tomura. You don't think I haven't thought about all the ways this could go wrong? Tomura, you're all I have. You are my family regardless of a third party, you're my best friend and I love you with everything I am."

"This isn't about me. I can't promise you anything, I can barley keep you safe now. If you choose this, I can't do anything for you. I can't promise your safety or comfort. And especially not happiness." You crawled along the bed in a hurry before reaching out to grab ahold of his wrists. He froze.

"You make me happy." You told him. When he didn't move you spoke again. "You make me happy. All I want is you, all I want is to love you and be loved by you. I'm not asking for safety or comfort, I lost those a long time ago. I'm just asking for you." He stayed silent for a while, not moving or saying a word. The only sound in the room being his heavy breathing. "Tomura?"

"I feel torn." He rasped.

"Torn between what? Your war and me? You don't have to choose."

"No. Not that." He pulled his hand away from your grasp. "You would still choose me, choose me to be a father. Knowing what you know." You pasued and thought for a moment. He watched you.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to put you in such a difficult position. But I know you. I know how kind you can be. I know you're whole goal is to create a better world for people, to free humanity. I know the pain you struggle with and the issues you face. But there is no other soul I'd choose over you."

"You're so foolish." He sighed, crumbling as he sat down on the bed. You wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested your forehead against the side of his. "How could a woman so smart, be so ridiculous?" He rested a palm on your knee.

"Love does that sometimes, doesn't it?" You spoke softly.

"It does. It makes me a fool." He turned his head to press his forehead against yours in a sweet gesture.

"For the record, I think you'd make a fine parent." He scoffed at you.

"I doubt I will." Will. Will? The word echoed in your mind.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see." You said with a smile. Tomura leaned in and gave you a soft kiss. You leaned into it and took deep breaths as you ran your hands over his chest. He rested his palm over your hand placed on his knee.

"This isn't a game yknow. We don't get second chances here." He warned, squeezes your hand.

"I know."

"Its still early isn't it? You still have time to rethink." He told you, slowly turning and pulling you in to hold you tightly.

"I guess..." you trailed off.

"Just...if anything goes wrong...if anything happens to you..."

"I'll be fine." You reassured.

"You can't know that. How am I going to keep you safe?" He muttered to himself, tucking his face into your shoulder.

"I'll be more careful, I promise. And I'll stay away from dangerous missions, and I'll stay away from heroes from now on, alright?" You told him, rubbing your hands up and down his back.

"Just....think it over...please..." He begged.

"Alright...I'll think it over..." You made no promises. With that, Shigaraki agreed to bring you home. Not saying a word to anyone about your whereabouts. Toga asked you privately about your absence, mostly to confirm that you were alright. You brushed it off, saying it was a private mission or something like that.

Toga knew more than the rest. She asked more questions, knew more details. She knew the true extent of your relationship. Being a close friend of yours, she was trusted with more information than most. Others were lucky if Shigaraki even answered questions about your relationship, declaring it was none of their buisness and to leave him alone.

You didn't tell Toga, you couldn't. It wouldn't matter if she knew or not and getting someone else mixed up in your buisness was a bad idea. Life went back to normal, you went about your buisness as usual, but soon symptoms started to become more of a hazard as the weeks passed. Certain smells like cigarette smoke and eggs would make you violently ill. Nausea and fatigue haunting you throughout the day. You'd wake up feeling sore and groggy, unable to shake the feeling. It bothered Tomura.

He'd watch you raise from the bed and shuffle off to the bathroom with a deep stare. Observing you with a dark gaze. For the most part, he kept his opinions to himself. He knew there was little he could do. His only hope was that you would see "reason". If this is how you felt now, imagine your suffering later. The more pain and frustration you experienced, the more Tomura's heart ached. He felt responsible for your pain. Unable to shake the idea that he did this to you.

"Have you given it anymore thought?" He asked you. Entirely out of the blew, and while you were trying to relax no less. You laid on the floor, pillows piled underneath your head as you browsed your phone. Your feet propped up in his lap as he played a game on the Tv. You peered out from behind your phone screen.

"I have."

"And?" He didn't change his position or attitude.

"And what?" You looked back to your screen.

"Isn't the cut off date coming up soon?"

"Sure is."

"You have to make up your mind soon." You paused and thought for a moment. You watched him play.

"I have."

"Well?"

"I still want this." You told him. He paused his game and froze.

"I don't understand..."

"Pardon?"

"I dont understand!" He shouted. His anger directed out to the Tv instead of you. He dropped the controller and let his hands hang limp as he propped his elbows on your shins. "I don't understand... Taking so many risks... because of me."

"Well, we're villians. Isn't taking risks what lifes all about?"

"I...I'm sorry..." his shoulder began to bounce. His head hanging low while he balled his fists. You sat up, realizing he had started to cry. You placed firm hands on his back to rub and comfort him. He cried, his hands coming up to cover his face and wipe away his tears. "This is all my fault..." He squeaked.

"Tomura, sweety, it's okay." You held continued to rub slow soothing circles over his back. The other on his knee in an attempt to ground him.

"I don't understand...why...why you want this...I don't get it...it makes no sense!" He sobbed. "Why, WHY!?" He clung to you, reaching out to dig his gloved fingers into your sweater in an attempt to keep you close. You held him tight, running gentle fingers through his hair. You let him cry a little longer before answering.

"You know how they say 'love makes you do crazy things?'" You started.

"That's not a reason!" He argued.

"Well, sure, but...it's true isn't it. I mean, our relationship is evidence enough, right? But besides that, when I found out, I was scared too. I'm still scared. But the more I think about it, the more I want it. It makes me smile to think about. I get butterflies and its all I can think of. It's like, I'm falling in love with you all over again." He looked up from his place tucked away in your chest. His eyes red and tired from his crying.

"But why me?" He groaned, "you could have this with anyone you wanted. Why me?"

"Because I don't want anyone else," you squeezed him tight with a smile, "I want you." You planted gentle kisses on his tear riddled cheeks. He let out a soft sigh before pulling you in to give you a proper embrace. He tucked his face in your neck and took deep breaths, as if to savor the feeling of you so close.

"I'm still sorry," he grumbled, "I got you into this mess."

"Hey, it took two, right? Besides, I don't know about you, but I had fun." You squeezed his thigh, trying to lighten the mood. He squirmed in response.

"Not funny."

"What? For sex that good, I'd let you get me pregnant all over again." You chuckled in his ear. He squirmed again, his grip on you tightening.

"Don't say things like that." He scolded half-heartedly. His voice soft, he was embarrassed. You always knew how to get under his skin. Somehow, the way you did it, Tomura found it endearing. It felt fun and lightheaded the way you teased him. When you first did it, he tried to ignore it, he found you annoying and rude. But as time past, and he found your pestering of your fellow teammates pretty funny, he grew to enjoy your witty banter.

He slowly started to run kisses along your neck. He never really understood what you saw in him. Initially, he thought you wanting to be so close with him was an attempt to gain more power. But there was no evidence to support that, you just genuinely enjoyed his company. He found that bizarre. Tomura was well aware he had a bad attitude and was generally a pain in the ass to deal with.

But you got to him. When you were gone, he missed you. When you made a joke or teased, he laughed. When you were close, he felt warm and comfortable. More comfortable with you than without you. He grew way too attached for his liking. Especially now, he cursed himself for loving you. He called himself selfish and reckless and stupid. He beat himself up for it.

Regardless, if this is what you wanted, he would make this happen for you. But as the deadline came and went, he grew more and more paranoid. If the Heroes got ahold of you, it was game over.

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

[andziaregina]

"You should bloggggg!"

If y'all say so.

I've been told I'm pretty entertaining when I tell stories. Lately, my stories are mostly dating related and few and far between. I'm generally just watching whatever I'm binging, or reruns of Trixie and Katya.

So I'll start this story from the beginning of this year. I turned 30 in March, and literally everything since then is a fucking rollercoaster. Mostly excellent, but the fun, tragically hilarious shit is what we're focusing on here. My ex and I broke up because she wanted to get back together with our old roommate. Yes, back together, old roommate. That's a different mess but after 3 1/2 years, if your choice is someone whose teeth are more congruently jagged with yours then please, date your cousin. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So we break up, and WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO AFTER YOU'VE BEEN DATING WOMEN FOR A FEKKIN DECADE but sleep with a guy. Y'all chill, I've been to this rodeo (a lotttttt). So the fucking hilarity is I'm just like hell ya, sleeping with someone who I've always been friends with and this can be super easy RIGHT?! Obviously Karen if you have to ask the answer is absolutely not- make this as painfully awkward as possible. So this carried on for ya know like, 3 or 4 months or some shit. My *ass* catches some feels, duh, but it doesn't work out. Here's where I can be an ADULT THIRTY YEAR OLD GDI but why? It didn't work out supposedly because the sex fizzled out or whatever wording was chosen to explain to me why the ghosting happened on his part but the truth is whiskey dick is a HELL of a condition and some people can't own up to it. The TEA is that a lot went into this! Meeting family, going to weddings, annual summer parties- but ya know. Whiskey. Fucking. Dick. AND EVEN BETTER after literally being told "here's why I ghosted" I get told it's because he was thinking about me AFTER the girl he had been seeing/liking/literally who gives a fuck got a boyfriend and he was sad. Sad, Barbara. Lmao. I can't make any of this or the following up. THEN this idiot sends me a snap of himself in the shower with a beer and says, "Have a beer with me?" No, lmao. I also posted a song on snap by an artist named James Bay, and his ass with the same first name is like, "Am I your James Bae lololololol" STFU you ain't funny.

Oooooooookay so ironically this same weekend i find out there are really creative ways to cover up whiskey dick, another guy I'd gone out with a few times told me I was "a lot". This fuckin' guy. Check this out: so I go out with this guy for drinks. I think we hit it off, we text quite a bit, whatever. So he's like why don't you come to my place for whiskey and TV binge. I'm like, "Y'all, I love a good night in. Yes. Absolutely." So I go to his place, we talk and he shows me around and is perfectly nice. I need to also mention now, before the audacity this child had is discussed, that I am pretty picky about height. I like girls my height or a bit taller, and I like guys literally as tall as the Red Wood Forest. These aren't set in stone but I just want to feel ~*~like a lady~*~ and someone being taller than me does that for me. This dude is 5'8". I'm 5'7". So you can already assume I'm trying to tell myself if he's a decent person I will clam up, put out and be okay. Well, I'll be the first to say if I am sitting on a couch and your choice is to approach me from above like a swooping (tiny) falcon and aggressively kiss me with no preface, you gotta miss me with that bullshit. But, again, let's just see where this goes. I mean I fucking shaved, what did I THINK I was doing this night?? Okay, so we make out and things move along and we decide to go to the bedroom and obviously we had *iNtErCoUrSe*. But the fucking thing is, he did this like dirty talk but like- not well. If someone has to incessantly ask me if I like something, chances are I either already don't or I certainly won't anymore. So, I just knew with each drying pump, I would have to say something or ensure the most inflamed vaginal lips on earth and I ain't trying to have that. So I tell him, "Hey, dirty talk just isn't doing it for me." THIS FUCKING GUY had the god damn nerve to tell me I would just need to get ear plugs. Wrong, bucko. Absolutely, unequivocally not correct. And more over, when he hit me with the typical, "I can't get off with a condom, I'm a twat," I was like well that's too bad. "Do you want to suck it?" Y'all, I hollered. No, I sure don't bud. I sure the fuck don't. So I left.

Honourable mentions before I continue: super short guy who lied and told me he was 5'8" and is irrevocably 5'5". Also, another guy who I had EVERY FUCKING GOLD-COVERED, GIFT-WRAPPED CHANCE TO POSSIBLY DATE and would have been great, but don't worry I let ol Whiskey Dong cloud my judgment so whatever.

So then I meet this chick. Super attractive you GUYS. About my height, long dark hair, super fun and we seem to get along great. But fun fact, she's married. Her husband and she have a polyamorous relationship and everything is cool so ya know what THIS IS 30. Well, she cons me in to going out with her on a random Wednesday because her husband wants to meet me. Well, in case I was curious what my jam is right now- he solidified that it's men. I kiss BOTH OF THEM JESUS and have a blast and it's just fun. Then she's like, no chill I have to see you all the time omg you don't feel well I can come lay around with you omg. Girl, no you cannot. Then I'm just like, "I can't do this." Well my fucking God she sure did have her husband call me because of this. Y'all calm down, this lay ain't even that great SEE ABOVE FOR CHARACTER REFERENCES. I haven't heard from her since yesterday which is honestly the longest yet and I'm glad.

I did meet a new guy, so far so good. But I'm not saying anything until I ruin it, at which point I'll be back with more tales from the crypt. 🖤