#and i haven’t played her enuf to give her one

[dragonbored]

i’ve only done a bit of research in regards to nibenay/colovia, but from what i’ve found, i made megana the epitome of the nibenese on complete accident. a merchant’s daughter’s daughter, brought up wealthy and trained in the art of trade, not quite a battlemage as i’ve seen the nibenese described but pretty damn close - a mage who takes a more martial approach, using a sword and bits and pieces of armor (ie light boots and gauntlets, in game).

not to make everything about antony, but she and antony are also, again accidentally, a bit of an antithesis to each other? not in any major way, any way that really matters, but like… a personal growth sort of way.

megana begins as a rich girl from a rich family in a rich city, arrogant from her upbringing only to have that viewpoint crash down around her as she watches fire and death rain down around them, something neither she nor the imperial soldiers (a faction she surely grew up with, and is used to relying on) are able to deal with. her arrogance wanes and webs throughout her story, as she gains and loses power and witnesses personal and widespread tragedy.

antony begins as a criminal, a prisoner, imprisoned for the attempted murder of someone he truly thought was a “bad guy” (ie, a vampire). he’s arrogant despite his upbringing — arrogant because he survived — arrogant because he’s only ever done things for good, so surely he doesn’t count as a true criminal. this viewpoint is only strengthened when the emperor himself enters his cell, tells him the gods have told the emperor to trust him. his arrogance only truly begins to leave one time, and then the person responsible for that dies to save the entire world.

[blackgirlslit]

Helloooo! I’ve been following blackgirlslits for awhile now and I was wondering if you guys could help me with something. As a Black Woman, I’ve often found myself struggling to really embrace and fall in love with my blackness. I have dark skin and internalized a lot of the bullying that came with it. What are some good books that came help me combat this? Any and all suggestions are welcome! Thank you guys!

Hey Anon! Thanks for the question! And sorry for the VERY late response. I wanted to do a bit more research into this and get suggestions from others before replying so I hope you see this! (Please let me know if you do!)

I actually know exactly how you feel! I too have struggled myself to love and accept my blackness and my dark skin and it is especially difficult when the media seems to be showing propaganda to the world that would suggest otherwise. 

VERONIKA’S SUGGESTIONS:

(The books that came to mind for me in response to this)

✨The Skin I’m In by Sharon G. Flake (My grandmother gave me a copy of this to read when I was growing up and I remember loving it so much! It’s more of a middle-grade/YA read but I think the message to love the skin you are in can be read at any age. I think if I had to pick one, this would be one of my favorite books, and I am definitely in need of a reread of this soon! The 20th anniversary edition of this was just published not too long ago too!)

✨ For colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf by Ntozake Shange (I’ve only seen the film adaptation for this play but I believe this is an excellent story of the strength and resiliency of the black woman, those of any shade, age, or circumstance.) 

✨The Darkest Child by Delores Phillips (This one is a bit on the sadder side; haven’t read it but I think this may be a cautionary tale to say the least.)

✨The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison (I don’t think this list would be complete without this book or any Toni Morrison book period).

✨Genesis Begins Again by Alicia D. Williams (This is a relatively new middle-grade release but I have heard nothing but good things about it and the synopsis for this alone sounds exactly like the book you are looking for!)

VICTORIA’S SUGGESTIONS:

(Victoria thought these would make great reads)

✨ The Color Purple by Alice Walker (A classic! The main character struggles and suffers a lot but still finds her way to a happy ending.)

✨Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (This was a popular suggestion!)

✨Krik? Krak! by Edwidge Danticat (A collection of short stories.)

OTHER SUGGESTIONS:

(I posed this question to our Instagram followers and these are the responses to your question that I received; I hope you don’t mind that I shared your question with them)

 ✨Well-Read Black Girl: Finding Our Stories, Discovering Ourselves edited by Glory Edim (This is actually another suggestion of mine. I’m currently reading this and I highly recommend it! It tells of the experiences of several already acclaimed and some up-and-coming black women writer’s experiences as they first encountered themselves in literature. This book will also give you even more suggestions for books by black authors to read!)

✨The Black Woman: An Anthology edited by Toni Cade Bambara (Another suggestion by me. I first heard about this book when Victoria posted a photo of her hauling it a while back. I think this will lead to some revelations about life, society, and living as a darker skinned black woman as well.)

✨Naked: Black Women Bare All About Their Skin, Hair, Hips, Lips, and Other Parts edited by Ayana Byrd (This is a collection of essays with contributions by some famous African-American woman exploring their relation to their bodies.)

✨ 32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter (This is high up on my tbr list! I heard this is a cute “chick-lit” type tale and that it reminds people of 13 Going on 30! The person who suggested this said this is such a great book that is perfect for addressing the issues posed in your question.)

✨ The Blacker The Berry by Wallace Thurman (I think this is the only book on this list by a black man but the person who suggested this said this stays true to emotions of internalized self-doubt, self-hatred, and that it delves deep by exploring the prejudice behind skin color in the Black community as a whole.)

✨I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (Again this list would not be complete without the late and great Angelou. She has written a ton of amazing memoirs.)

✨Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes (Not a huge fan of her tv shows lol but maybe her book is good.)

✨God Help the Child by Toni Morrison (Another book written by the queen of black literature.)

✨What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey (Not gonna lie, didn’t know that she wrote a book lol (a few books in fact)…adding this to my tbr now!)

✨In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant (If this book is a intense, deep, and emotional as her tv show is then this book has to be good lol!)

I would also recommend Becoming by Michelle Obama (who wouldn’t recommend the memoir published by our forever first black first lady?) and Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adayemi and Binti by Nnedi Okorafor (both are the first book in a sci-fi/fantasy series that features a bad-ass dark skinned black girl who comes into her own in bravery and prevailing despite her differences from others; they also are the unexpected faces/leaders of a rebellion).

Again my sincerest apologies for the delay in my responding to your question but I hope this helped 💖!

- Veronika 

🌻

[mindmusin]

omg!! finally is this the calm after the storm?!?

have been so emotional I cannot even count the number of times I cried during my last period. woman wOes srsly lmao and it’s kinda weird also cuz it never happens to me, this whole PMS thing.

Ok la but all these change in my life has been really good. I’m learning to let go and not think so much these days cuz the past few emotional days have been when I gave the voices in my head too much power. Have been very very irrationally fearful about stupid things and really letting doubts and fears and insecurities creep in. Last week was exceptionally hard; especially when I feel like there’s quite a lot at stake. But I’m growing and learning lor, and I’m thankful. Super thankful for God, super thankful for people. I wanna connect more with my friends now, don’t want to suck at this balancing things in my life kinda thing.

Anyway this post is actually to document ANOTHER! MOMENT! OF! ENCOUNTER! WITH! JESUS 🥰 ya so I’ve been feeling kinda dry and distant from God because I truly haven’t been intentionally speaking and seeking Him. I honestly wonder if it’s even practical to dedicate that amount of time I used to (when I felt closer to Him) but I think that’s not the main point. When someone feels God’s love for them they don’t really consider how practical it is for time to be spent with God. They kinda just wanna spend time with Him all day anyway. Okays I digress so basically last Sunday, post-hella-emotional-week, I went to God and told Him I damn shag and I was STILL overthinking during the service during sermon. Shag 到要 die.

Sermon was about those captive or prison to things. I really identified with the part on how those captive to a cloud of negativity/depression wtv? I feel like growing up I was always a depressed child and I’m just always surrounded by this cloud of negativity/helplessness/inadequacy/unloved/unworthiness lor. Ya and recently have been super emotional, overthinky and just feel super NOT ENUF and LACKING and UNDESERVING. Ya then every week go down for alter call also never hear from God > feel so alone, useless and not even worthy to hear from God!!!!!! And then this week, during altar call, I prayed for someone to pray for me. Just needed a word la I felt. Then someone really came up, and she prayed over me lor. She said she saw 2 words; rest and reassurance. And then she saw a metal door, but it was on the ground, with a door ajar and light pouring in. She asked if it made sense to me and I kinda shared about how I felt.

I feel like God wants to give me REST to this absolute weariness that is wrecking me. And all the power I give to my irrational fears He wants to give me REASSURANCE. I feel like He meets us all at our need, when we are at our lowest, He sinks to our level and meets us there. That’s what I feel la. Like in the bible when this group of accusers were ready to stone a woman who was caught committing adultery. God told them let whoever who is free of sin throw the first stone. And one by one, her accusers left. God asked her where were those who condemned you? She replied no one was left. And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again." God didn’t give her a speech on her sins, didn’t condemn her, didn’t shame her. He met her at her need - preserve her life, and extend the loving tenderness and forgiveness that she needed to continue living an abundant life.

Ya so like in my ~emotional~ week there was an EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL DAY and I felt like there was this CLOUD of negativity and immense fear just upon me. I was so scared I just couldn’t function and I really didn’t know or even dare to voice out my fear to markas. Woah thank God he just listen to me and assure me all if not confirm die 😭😭😭😭😭 and precisely that, I felt like I was in a hole that I couldn’t crawl out of, bounded by metal doors that I could not escape. But that woman reminded me that the doors in her vision she had for me were ajar, meaning that God has already worked His breakthrough in my life. And while she was saying this, the worship team was playing Way Maker “even when I don’t see it you’re working, even when I don’t feel it you’re working, you never stop werkin!!!!” Amen man srsly. Thank you Jesus, for awakening my soul once again and for meeting my need at my lowest!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU. You’re so good to us. Please always show your goodness to us. I don’t want Your people to misunderstand Your heart, to think that You don’t care. I wanna spread Your good word. I love you. Thanks for loving me too.

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E4

Welcome back to let me watch TV 4 u! I watch TV so you don’t have to!

Today let’s explore Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4 titled: The Spoils of War. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that’s the name of a Clint Eastwood flick, no?

Today’s recap will be a quick one (due to my own time constraints, not for lack of DRAMA) so let’s go! 

First, we watch Jaime and Bronn marching away from Highgarden, fresh off of poisoning Gma Tyrell…

Bronn is like, why the long face bro? We know that Jaime is having #emotions about Gma Tyrell’s confession that she poisoned Joffrey. Jaime is like I CANT SAY. And he gives Bronn some cash money for his services. We get a shot of the giant truck of money which is important to the later scenes. Then Jaime tells Bronn and Sam’s Dad and Sam’s bro (lol his name is Dickon which is ironic because he is not really a dick but his dad sure is) to go collect the harvest from the local peeps.

Next, we stop in to see QPC talking to her banker friend in King’s Landing…

She mentions said truck o’ money and is like ITS COMING, DUDE. CHILL. And he’s like let’s discuss stocks and bonds. And then they have a discussion about investing. It’s kind of boring.

Next, we see Littlefinger giving Bran a knife…

Which is the knife that was used  to try to kill Bran waaaaaayyyy back in season 1. If you’ll recall in season 1 ep 1, Baby Bran saw Jaime and QPC boning and Jaime pushed him out of a tower causing him to be concussed and paraplegic but also gain some of his vision-abilities. While he was still concussed, QPC (we assume) sent someone to kill Bran to ensure he never told their secret. So Littlefinger (LF) gives Bran this knife and is like, let me know if I can be of any assistance. Then Bran quotes some OG LF (“Chaos isn’t a pit. It’s a ladder”) and LF is clearly freaked because this means Bran could also know about his betrayal of Ned Stark in season 1.

Meera comes in to check out Bran’s new wheelchair and to tell him she’s heading back home. Bran is like kewl bai. And she’s like srsly? I risked my life for your and my bro died for you. And he’s like I’m not Bran anymore, I’m the 3 eyed raven. I no longer have feelings.

Speaking of no feelings, we see our old pal Arya roll up at Winterfell and we feel ALL THE FEELS. She’s stopped at the gate by 2 very salty doormen who are like naw bitch, private club, members only. And she’s like I AM AN OG MEMBER OF THIS CLUB. After some cajoling, they let her in and she sits in Winterfell for the first time since she left back in Season 1 and then disappears. Was anyone else worried that she’d left? I was. But fear not.

The doormen go to Sansa and they’re like umm some bitch who says she’s your sis is here but now she’s gone? And Sansa’s like, I know where she went, TO THE CRYPTS! So Sansa goes downstairs and finds her sis and they reunite and hug and it’s adorable. It’s esp adorable since we know that IRL these actresses are besties but they haven’t had a scene together since S1, so to see their chemistry as real life friends play out is so sweet. Arya tells Sansa she’s just been bopping around killing people and Sansa is like LOL WUT? And Arya is like hahahaha jk. Did anyone else shed a single tear when A and S were discussing their past traumas and A says “Well, our stories aren’t over yet” ?!?!?! Cuz I shore did.  

Then they go to see Bran who is still being real creepy and #nofeelings. Sansa tries to warn Arya that Bran is a real bummer now, so Arya’s like hi bro, I haven’t seen you in a million years. And he’s like yes you were heading to King’s Landing to kill Cersei but changed your mind. And she’s like ummm, k? And Sansa helpfully tells her that Bran has “visions” now. But then Bran basically spills the beans that Arya was not JK-ing about being a trained assassin now. And Sansa is a little creeped. Then Bran gives Arya that same knife he got from LF cuz he’s like...  you know how to use it better than me.

Ladyknight sees Arya, Sansa, and Bran walking through Winterfell together and Pod, her squire (which is basically like an apprentice?) is like YOU DID IT YOU GOT BOTH GIRLS HOME SAFE. And Ladyknight is like naw it wasn’t me, but Pod is like take some credit, hun. And she’s like K thanks. Later, we watch Ladyknight and Pod sparring. Arya meets Ladyknight again and is like can I train with you? And they have a cute lil’ sparring scene in which Arya shows off her skills gathered over the past 7 seasons and Ladyknight is like WOWZA! Meanwhile, Sansa is watching and she seems kinda jelly? Or maybe she’s just nervous about her sis being an assassin? Sansa is watching this all with LF, and as they leave we’re reminded that Arya doesn’t like the looks of this guy.

Next, we stop in on Dragonstone, where things get HOT AND HEAVY

Khaleesi is heading to meet Bae and chatting with her hottie translator, Missandei (Missi) about Greyworm. Missi SPILLS THE TEA and is like we did EVERYTHING BUT. And is like it was goooooood. And Khaleesi is visibly shook but in the best way. They meet up with Bae who’s like lemme show you some caves. The last time Bae went into a cave with a beautiful lady, he lost his v-card so this has got us thinking. Khaleesi is like I’m not scared of Bae I’ll go alone. Bae shows her that he’s got enuf rocks for his rock collection (aka project to save everyone from the ice zombie army), but he’s like, there’s something else you should see. He shows her these cave paintings from children of the forest (CoF) who we basically like neanderthals in GoT-world. He’s like look, the CoF’s drew pics of them working TOGETHER with humans to defeat the ice zombies.

While he’s giving the tour, he touches her hand to guide her flashlight. AND IT IS SO HAWT I nearly exploded. He’s like, we must all work together to fight the ice zombies, and she says, “I will fight for you, I will  fight for the North.” But first you gotta #bowdownbitches. And he’s like ummmmmm can’t? And she’s like please, let’s work together. And they truly almost makeout right then and there it’s so hot.

When they emerge from their cave of sexual tension, Tyrion is there to tell her about recent battles. As you’ll recall from last week, things did not go as planned with taking over Casterly Rock, since Jaime diverted the army South to take Highgarden. Khaleesi is like I’m starting to wonder if you aren’t actually loyal to your bro and sis, Tyrion. Then she asks bae what to do. He’s like well just don’t use dragons to kill innocent people that’s what the bad guys do.

Next, no-knuckles (NK) and Bae have a discussion about Khaleesi. NK is like, she’s fly, no? And Bae is like “she has a good heart” and NK is like, boi you been checkin’ out more than her heart. They see good ole Missi who asks ‘bout Bae’s name “Jon Snow” and he has to explain it’s because he’s a bastard. They ask her about why she loves Khaleesi so much and she says it’s cuz they chose her as their leader and also knows she could leave if she wanted.

Next up, Previously-traumatized-Theon washes ashore. Bae is pissed at him because he betrayed his bro Robb Stark many seasons ago and killed some people in Winterfell, but Bae says he won’t kill PTT because he helped Sansa escape. PTT explains that he needs Khaleesi’s help to get sis back from their Uncle-Crazy-Pants, but Bae is like, umm…. Khaleesi is gone…

Which leads us to the last scene…

Bronn and Jaime are checking out the people farming that they discussed before. Bronn and Sam’s dad and bro confirm that they were able to collect grains/harvest etc… and Sam’s mean dad mentions that the gold is safely in King’s Landing. Sam’s mean dad (SMD) is like here’s a good idea to get things moving along, let’s flog the stragglers but Jaime is like ummm…..naw. Once SMD rides off, Jaime asks Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) how he feels about battles and SBD turns out to be a real sweetie pie just like his bro. He’s like I don’t love to kill people but I will if I have to.

All of the sudden, Jaime and co hear a rumbling far off. The skies are kind of gray and they’re on the wrong side of a hill so they can’t really tell what’s coming, but they #getinformation #beyonce and prep for battle. Then, a BILLION DOTHRAKI (the horse ppl who love Khaleesi) roll up on their horses, raring to fight. Jaime looks, frankly, spooked. His army is like ummm…wtf. AND THEN KHALEESI FLYS OVER ON A DRAGON OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!

Before the Dothraki ride their horses straight into the Lannister army, Khaleesi is like breathe fire, babe, and her dragon scorches a bunch of the Lannister fleet. Then the fighting really starts. It’s a lot of Dothraki really giving it to the straight-laced Lannister army who’ve never seen people fight like this before. And then a lot of Khaleesi telling her dragon to breathe fire and wiping out her enemy. IT IS BADASS and also Jaime looks positively terrified.

At one point, Jaime is saved by SBD during battle scene. Jaime tells Bronn to get the giant dragon-shooter-machine and Bronn is like no way, you do it. And Jaime’s like I GOT ONE HAND BRO, CAN’T (it’s very but-you-ain’t-got-no-legs-lieutenant-dan). It seems like Bronn is gonna just bounce, esp since he loses his gold, but instead he heads to the dragon shooter and gets it locked and loaded.

Meanwhile, Tyrion is watching this mayhem and he seems kinda sad. A Dothraki dude is like wow, your people are bad at fighting and Tyrion sees his Bro Jaime out there and seems remorseful. While Tyrion watches his bro struggle on the battlefield, Jamie also looks around at the destruction and fire and seems deeply sad as well.

But back to the battle, Bronn is firing away at the dragon with the giant-dragon-shooter. After some misses, he finally hits the dragon and successfully wounds him. In retaliation, the Dragon blows up dragon-killer-machine (Bronn narrowly escapes). Wounded, the dragon has to land on the shore and Khaleesi hops off to survey the damage to her baby boi. Jaime sees Khaleesi and is like, well, here’s my chance. He’s riding toward her on his horse and Tyrion sees this all and keeps saying, “flee you idiot” because, presumably, he doesn’t want to see either of these people killed.

Jaime rolls up, about to stab Khaeesi and it looks like it might happen when all of a sudden, the dragon brings his head around breathes fire directly at Jaime. At the same time, someone (it looks like Bronn) grabs Jaime and pulls him into the water to escape the fire blast. BUT THEN we just get a clip of Jaime sinking into the water and MAYBE DROWNING?!?!?!?!?!! OMG THIS EPISODE WAS AMAZING I AM GAGGED.

Let’s recap

Biggest surprise this ep: KHALEESI ROLLING UP ON A DRAGON!! Also, is Jaime dead?!?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: the cave of sexual tension was kind of a letdown but I think it’s happening people, I think it’s coming.

Important fashion moments: I’m loving the little getup Arya is wearing during her sparring match with Ladyknight. Also everything Khaleesi and Missi are wearing is #bomb.

Who died this ep? A bunch of Lannister army people, maybe SMD? Also a bunch of Dothraki too. And then the big Q- maybe Jaime?

Thanks for reading!!! Follow me on tumblr! Tell your friends!

Also, a disclaimer that I posted last week:

You might IDGAF this but just to lay it out there, I purposefully avoid all other recaps/reviews/think-pieces about the latest episode in the time between watching the ep and writing this recap. Sometimes I will hop on to the GoT wiki page to find out a character’s name or check a fact but mostly it’s just my own notes that I reference.

WHY AM I EVEN SAYING THIS? I often will read other recaps/reviews after writing and posting this one and I’m like OMG WE HAD THE SAME REACTION/ SAID THE SAME THING about a scene or a character. So I guess I just wanted to say that any similarities between this recap and any other recap are unintentional and coincidental.

I know what you’re thinking: PROVE IT. Well, much like Bae trying to prove the ice zombies are real, I can’t prove it, I can only state the facts and hope that my time-worn face and honest peepers will be enough :)

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 7 "We're Just A Group Of Happy Campers" - Dom

Is it bad that the reason I love this challenge is because of seeing the suffering its making people go through.......why am i a hero again

Why is it final 20 but I feel like I've nearly made jury? hmmm? Anyways...I feel good with how I've played up to this point. Being 1 of 3 villains to never receive a vote certainly feels good.....but I still know I have eyes on me since I haven't exactly been SUPER subtle??? Granted, I totally thought they were going to blindside me in the Linus vote given my shady business in the Alex vote (I mean....I can't deny it, I was def shady) but they didn't! Although I would feel much better if I could somehow snag an idol....but I'm not sure how anyone could get one without an idol clue (that was likely received by pure luck...) so for now, I kinda just have to be vulnerable to a successful idol play by someone that hates me (aka Richie) But if Richie were smart, he'd be coming to people besides Tommy/Kage to rally votes against Kage (or maybe Junior?), but he hasn't yet, which makes me believe that either A) There's a group that doesn't have me in it B) Tommy has Richie controlled C) Richie just isn't smart Cuz right now, the only people I'd consider voting are Richie, Kage, and Junior.... here's to hoping I either master Japanese and scam this immunity or survive one last vote before the swap! VL Confessional: I used to think I was pitied upon for my flop of a social game but hey maybe I have one??? or not. i cant tell if these people just tolerate me or like me or are using me. fuck all of 'em. who knew a hero could survive on the villains tribe for so long???

So it turns out both tribes are going to tribal, which means I actually have to start thinking about who to vote for........... LMAO JK I'VE BEEN PLANNING THE NEXT FOUR PEOPLE TO BE VOTING OUT OF OUR TRIBE SINCE WE FIRST VOTED OUT MIST! Ruthie, it's your turn sweetheart. After ranking all of the people I want out of the game, you're significantly the most dangerous because you play UTR, and you make it super deep every time, and you killed All Stars from what I was told (until you got targeted for being TOO GOOD once it came to merge). You're not someone I can just think about working with because I'm afraid you're going to beat me in so many aspects. It's just a respect thing, no hard feelings hopefully considering you seem like a really stand up girl. I think it's about that time I message you with the "well.... time to go to tribal" message :/

So yea.... Ruthie is starting to spread like wildfire and already I've planted the seed in Drew, Andrew, Pippa and Steffen, and all of them are spreading that around QUICK. Drew and I got added to a bros alliance with Trace, Ashton, Steffen and Dom, which I wanted to happen anyways. Not necessarily with Drew, but Drew being in it is actually perfect because Drew is in my other alliance with Kendall, Alex, Pippa, Isaac, Andrew, which means the ONLY person not in either alliance chat was Ruthie, which made it really easy to rationalize with Drew as to why we needed to take that route. Also, making an easy vote this round, considering there's massive potential for a tribe swap next round, we don't want ANY split votes. We need to show that the heroes are one unit for now. The only downside I can see with this is if I get swapped onto a tribe with minority heroes, and the Villains would want to break up our cohesive team. The only thing I know is that if I go to tribal, I've got at least a second lease on life in this game because I have that idol with Steffen, so after finding the idol, I'm not too worried about swaps anymore because I know there's a very good chance I'll make it out of the swap alive. The swap is going to be where I start making bonds with Villains I've yet to interact and play with; like Junior, Richie, Jonathan, Brian, etc. Players, who I want relationships with, but don't have yet because we're on opposite tribes. This swap is going to be interesting, and I'm really excited to see it play out if we get the chance, and if we don't get the chance, it'll probably be Kendall or Alex C. going home next tribal council because that's what I want to happen, which means it's likely to come true. I honestly don't understand how people don't see that the name I want, I get....... tbh I'm pretty sure Andrew might be onto the fact that I wanted Ruthie gone, when Andrew wanted Kendall or Drew, and all of a sudden people going for Ruthie, it seems that it could easily be traced back to me, but I doubt it. I think i'm good for now, and I hope Andrew knows that he can trust me. Another thing I really need to work on is my long term relationships with Pippa and Isaac because I really haven't had as many conversations with them, but I hope that they both know that it'll be really hard for me to turn on them because they're so nice and also not the STRONGEST of players, which makes for a great goat late game. I'm not sure, but I'm just taking it one step at a time for right now, and if I make it past this one, I'm in the final 18, which actually seems like a big accomplishment just due to the fact that so many fucking people have gone home already, so pat on the back to me, but I'm not even close to my goal yet. 

uh tommy is fucking hard to deal with because he seems so easily persuaded ...its sad anyways alex and ...linus (rip holy fuck) are gone...i wish richie went when linus did but if i have to sacrifice linus to get to swap then like..so fucking be it. so the tru hunties ( me, crow, jon and tommy) are now in a beautiful spot because the vote is looking to be richie or brian so obv we have majority now tommy wants other things so i just need to give him a lot of attention. TBH I love that boy so much but i can see why andreas says were similar.. because were both crazy and def on the villains for a reason. But im glad hes crazy loyal bc im loyal af to him <3 <3 <3 it seems like either ruthie or someone else is going on the heroes but kendall aka my gf told me shes in a majority alliance with isaac, her, drew, alex, andrew and pippa so i mean like ...GET IT. they will prob save ruthie?!?! because she seems to be like off limits always ANYWAYS BRIAN IS ANNOYING AND IM TIRED OF CROW LOVING HIM BUT IM TRYING NOT TO BE APPARENT ABOUT IT BRIAN IS IN CONSTANT ...annoying mode it seems like..hes such a snake he basically sells anyone out to get further and i mean like theres a difference between doing it to someone who ur not loyal to and who is not loyal to u but crow and i are loyal af to him (at least they think im loyal to them?) jeejejjejeje anyways i want richie gone but if richie has an idol?? then like...i mean idrc because i know i have one so im good hehehehehohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoh I GUESS that was my evil laugh dklfhjdskjfh

hi im secretly fluent in Japanese.

lol why do i always talk to people before they get voted out just in case they dont ... brian(but pat went instead) ash alex linus and now richie i feel like a bitch but ive been honest with them -but lowkey i feel like this is saving my ass in case they stay so they think im gr8 hehehehohoh plspls swap us soon also kendall is so oblivious about johnny she was like omg keep johnny safe like btich hes talking to all the villains and the boys on my tribes are attention whores so they will love him soon enuf...hes cute and his social game is on fleek so i need to watch out for him heheheoehoh

So, I just wanna point out that yesterday Drew told me he wanted to get Ruthie out. So of course I was the one to bring it up to the group so that if it comes down to it I can say that I helped push it towards Ruthie. I trust the group but lowkey if I get out I won't be shocked? But once this vote happens, especially if it happens the way I think it will, then I can have a lot more faith in the group I'm with.

https://youtu.be/wjK-9yevt_w

Me: jonathan told me that jr told him he only trusts jonathan LOL 🐦 Crow Jones 🐦: jr is literally such a garden snake 🐦 Crow Jones 🐦: like a real snake would at least do it better crow is so gr8 i love him..he still savage and will prob win over me but i still love him 

So Linus died last round for no reason other than he was on the outs.  But like challenge strength kiddies !!! And now they're targetting Richie to stay united right before a swap.  Like.. get Kage or Junior or Tommy out thnx.  They're the most toxic to villains unity and WHEN I get fucked by them non-sexually, I will be choking myself.

ALSO, I miss Jaiden so much.  These people are kinda lame-os.  I like them as people, but like 👀

Phew, I'm glad to have immunity. But beyond that, I'm really realizing that I cannot relate to most of these people. They don't show their true colors and it's annoying af. You wanna know what Crow is thinking? Ask Crow. like caw-caw bitch I'll tell ya! Richie is going cuz he decided to throw my name in the mud. nuh uh. that dont fly with me. since it's been a while, i need to do my weekly tribal roast Junior - Like I told Sarah, he's a garden snake. It's like the one you kinda feel bad for just squirming along in your front yard acting like some mean 'ole cobra. Not subtle or good at playing the snake, next. Tommy - Literally has the same convos with nearly everyone. His social game is that of a robot and it's definitely apparent now that I'm playing with him again. I just hope these other fools don't fall for it too. Kage - I don't know how he's still here cuz everyone he's made an alliance with has gone home (besides Tommy but Tommy's aligned with everyone). That's why I'm keeping my distance. Richie - We went our separate ways. He actually seemed chill until he blew up before the Alex vote. Hopefully his 14 seconds of fame was worth it! Brian - love this boi. I can relate to him a TON but idk how he seems to always do well in ts....if it weren't for people like Sarah and I, he could have easily been 25th this season I think? Maybe he's a mastermind idk, but I haven't figured him out yet as a player.. Jonathan - I love his realness, which is why I stuck by him when his name was thrown out and when I had to pick an alliance. He probably doesn't trust me for shit, but he's been a good asset to my game, particularly this round. Sarah - I wouldn't say she's my ride-or-die per se cuz I know she's werking her social game with a lot of people, but we've been in every alliance together so far, so strategically, I see us going far together until we are separated. But I also know she's a villain. I'm a villain. Villains don't work together loyally 5ever!!

BRIAN IM SORRY YOU DONT DESERVE THIS!!!! Ugh I hate everything. Last night junior came to me with a plan to save me and I'm like cool and whatever keeps me here idgaf I'm in self preservation mode. Junior says Jonathan is super connected in the tribe and I'm like ya true and goes on this long spiel about it and I just wanted him to get to the point but finally he was like I think Brian would be the easiest vote. And ughhh I really like Brian and he's been the most on my side since the beginning out of the people left. Like literally everyone that I have any game connection with leaves. Ashley Jaiden Alex Linus and now Brian it's enough I'm so over it if he leaves and we don't swap and lose I'm FUCKED. BUT IM ALSO FUCKED RN. So Brian leaving is bad for me moving forward the alternative is that I leave and there is no moving forward so like..... It's not much of a choice there's no way I can flip this game around I spent the last 2 rounds since Alex left trying to shift the target onto Sarah and that didn't work at all I have no traction with these people. So step one was I mention Brian's name to tommy and tommy of course was so ambiguous and like just prying for information and I wasn't trying to throw Brian under the bus but I just wanted to plant the seed that Brian might be the easy vote plus tommy did vote for Brian week 1 so maybe there's some tension there??? So from there junior went and talked to tommy and kage and got them in on the Brian vote so if they're legit we only need one more but that's where it gets tricky because Sarah/crow/Jon are all going to vote together and I literally called Sarah and crow out in front of the tribe and threw them under the bus with receipts and hardcore exposure campaigns to multiple people on this tribe lmao so I'm fucked But I went to Sarah and we had a long talk just small talk and socializing and then moved to game talk where I really played up the emotional aspect where "I've been so alone and I was hurt that I thought I found my people and it all came crashing down and I just feel so isolated and it sucks and I'm sad :(" and I apologized really sincerely and tried to smooth everything over and just like make it so she's not scared of me sticking around because if she's doesn't think I'll come after her then the plan for junior to approach her to vote out Brian is more apt to get rolling because that door has already been opened.   I dont know if I'm going to still be here I can't play the in your face campaign against Brian or try and flip the script outright strategic game rn I have to just be in the background and make the case for why keeping me isn't harmful to anyone's game and let other people take care of numbers and I hate it when other people have any say in my destiny because if this tribe has proven anything it's that they can't be trusted like junior is SUCH a wimp when it comes to making moves he's so afraid of doing anything that if he thinks he's not going to be able to get the votes on Brian I know he'll give up on trying to save me so having him being the leader of the save Richie parade is truly terrifying. Ugh time has passed and junior is heckling out and I'm trying to convince crow now and I'm working my ass off while at dinner with my family and my phones going to die so RIP???????

http://youtu.be/9ptMGA9SUO0 oooo

So like nothing has happened on the heroes tribe because we've literally been on this huge winning streak. The streak itself has made things easier and challenging at the same time. We've grown so close that besides Drew or Steffen I don't want to see anyone leave. Had Drew lost immunity I would've tried my hardest to send him home because I have a sneaking suspicion Steffen and Drew have something going on and if we take out Steffen first that'll piss Johnny off, who we need as a number. So Drew has to go before Steffen as lon as they're on the same tribe with Johnny. Because Drew won immunity everyone decided to play it safe and either vote for Ruthie or Kendall and I think everyone decided on Ruthie because Kendall is on the edge of death and Ruthie is a huge social threat. I love her to death like she's the definition of a hero but we can't let her make it far.

I'm sad, maybe my heart wasn't in it as much this time as it was for me during Arabia? I'm not sure, I really thought I could trust Andrew, Steffen and especially Drew but I should have known better, fought harder and tried to make stronger connections with other people on my tribe.  It was a fun experience and I hate that Richie, Alex and I left so soon and that the three of us didn't get to be on a tribe together but maybe we'll get a chance to play together again one day and the Family will make it to the end for real! Right now I'm not sure who I'm rooting for.  Steffen and Drew seem to be putting out the most effort but I'm bitter that they didn't tell me my name was being thrown around.  We'll see, I'm going to follow the season closely and cheer everyone on though!