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oculusius · 5 years ago

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Desk Jockey

“I want that report on my desk at 6 AM tomorrow or your ass is on the street.”

I look up from my keyboard, from the sickeningly modern, blank desk to the even worse face of my branch manager. Picture what you’d expect the person saying this to look like, and you’re probably right. Tall, dark hair combed back, slicked back with just enough gel to not be disgusting. Attractive, but only conventionally, because it hides his fetid interior. The rotten, wriggling insides of the kind of guy who relishes other’s misery, especially when he’s snorting high grade blow on the weekends. Though he’d probably prefer orphan’s tears (But that’s a story for another time).

I’ll do my best, you fucking cretin.

I mumble out some garbled excuse. I won’t even tell you what I said because I forget, or rather, it was so insignificant that I never committed it to memory in the first place. “Sorry Eric,” (He’s one of the ‘hip’ bosses that makes us call him by his first name), “Won’t happen again”, Please don’t take my healthcare away I will literally suck your dick to keep it. He shakes his head and walks away. We’re the last ones in the office, one of the tallest buildings in our shitty, Midwestern town; all glass and steel like some gaudy San Francisco startup. The only lights still on are in the lobby; besides that the only other illumination is from the sickeningly crisp glow emanating from my monitor. As soon as the elevator doors close behind Eric, I grasp my hair in my hands; it’s drenched in sweat and I’m balding already, despite being in my late twenties. Flakes of dandruff are appearing on my scalp, but by the time I get home from work I’m too damn tired to remember to get that special shampoo. Stress related? Probably. Did I have time to fix it? Fuck no.

I swear to God you motherfucker I’ll name you when I eat a fucking bullet you shit fuck…

Stop. The more rational voice in my head. Finish this shit in the next—5 hours? Shit, it’s already 1 AM! I’ll smash bottles and get proper wasted when I’m finished. And when the following day is over, seeing as I’d probably be pulling an all-nighter. Fuck. I take two caffeine pills from the nondescript tin in my top drawer.

Alright. I need to get the excel sheet from that old email inbox the intern left when he quit (not that I blame him). To do that, I need to go through my inbox and find that time I CC’ed him about scheduling that conference call. But to get into my inbox, I need to reset my password because company policy is to change passwords every 3 weeks, and it can’t be a past password…

Alright. One step at a time.

It’s two hours later. I found the file, finally. I feel like I crossed the fucking Rubicon with no limbs to get here. Now, to get the shit I need from it and send it to Eric. I hope he chokes on it. While bleeding. From every orifice, and then some. I open the file, and I’ve never been so goddamn happy to see the sickening green of excel. Document recovery—what’s that? Fuck it, I’ll deal with it later. I ctrl f the account name. Beads of sweat are dripping off my forehead. Outside, it’s still the vaguely pinkish black of night in any big city. I might actually get some sleep tonight…

WHY IS THERE A FUCKING HYPERLINK HERE?

Oh boy, this better not cost me my job. I get sent to a greyish webpage, the kind of soulless portal that screams ‘high finance’. A nondescript login page for “Kleene-Rosser Accounts Management LLC”. I roll my eyes. Management occasionally threw us these shitty platforms because their friends from way back developed them, and they wanted to help them out. Because God forbid we use Citibank.

There’s no login, but there’s a support number on the bottom of the page. Maybe if I call, they can help me? It’s worth a shot. I mean, I had nothing but time, and if it actually worked and saved my job, I would fly all the way to India or some shit to kiss that phone technician on the lips. Alright. God, when I was an undergrad did I ever imagine this would be my waking life (or lack thereof?) I should’ve joined the military. Better to be blown up overseas then mentally scarred over here.

4-887-612-393: 24/7 Live Support

I call from my office phone, in the hopes that it’ll lend credence to the claim that I fucking need this login. The phone rings for what seems like half an hour, but I can tell from the clock on the wall that it hasn’t been a single, godforsaken minute. Maybe I’d died and gone to purgatory? Seemed believable enough—although, I wasn’t sure what I’d done in a past life to deserve this. Maybe I was a Mongol slavedriver, and…

“Hello, this is ZenDesk, my name is Robert. How may I help you today?” My crisis of existential spiraling instantly, mercifully, shatters. I put on a cheery voice.

“Hi, I work at [company name]. I really need to find something for my boss, and in this accounts payable excel file, it says that I’m supposed to login to a ‘Kleene-Rosser Accounts Management?’ I have all my company info if you need it, I was just never told we used this firm before.”

A beat passes. I hope he heard the desperation in my voice, because if I had a guardian angel, it’d be on the other end of that phone line. Why did I tell him I never heard of this place? He doesn’t care! He isn’t paid to care!

“Of course, sir. Just a moment please. What’s your name sir?”

That thin veneer of politeness again.

“Uh, Keith Sanders. I also have my company email, if you can send the password there…”

“OK sir, what’s the address?”

I spell it out for him. My fingers are digging into the faux-leather of the chair. I’m starting to sweat. If this doesn’t work, I’m fucking hosed…

I tell him the address, and soon I have the URL to reset the Kleene-Rosser password. Surprisingly, my company email works for the username. Lucky guess I suppose? I thank him, truly from the bottom of my heart, and wait for the page to load.

According to the web page, the site was some kind of file storage service. Besides a few nondescript tabs on the top leading to “Home”, “Support”, etc. there’s nothing but a grey background set behind a very basic file directory.

[company_name]/Accounts/Accounts_Payable/2019/May/.

There it is! So deceptively close. 05.19.19.xcl

When I try to open it, I hear the most awful of noises: the Windows 10 error sound, impossibly loud. File corrupted. WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DO YOU CORRUPT A FUCKING EXCEL FILE? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS?

I dig my fingertips into my temples. I can feel the faint outline of an engorged vein on the side of my head. I imagine it, an angry, vibrant purple, the shooting representation of my immense, earth-shattering frustration.

It was as if every cog in the infernal machine that was my work place was designed specifically to drive me fucking bananas. Like my life was some cosmic joke to see how much I would endure before going postal, or at least smashing my monitor. Jump out an office window, strapped with speakers blaring “FUCK THIS PLACE” over and over again, even when they’re scraping me off the pavement with a comically large spatula. Every little thing piled atop one another to form the worst shit tsunami eternally suspended above my head. Every wriggling, squealing fucking cell in my brain…

Alright, let’s think of solutions. Eric wanted the file, and if it was corrupted, I’d just tell him the truth: that it’s how I found it. Man, why did I drive myself up the wall earlier? So stupid… I log into my email. Actually, I don’t. As soon as I hit enter in the URL bar, I get that fucking google “no internet” error dinosaur. At this point, I try to keep rolling with the punches. Alright, network diagnostics, here we go. After what feels like centuries, after windows resets the router, etc. I finally get an answer. Sort of. An error code. I had two hours left before I was unemployed. I take another caffeine pill and keep going, determined to see this shit through to the end.

Hidden on the fifth page of the search results is my answer. It’s on an obscure, early 2000s web forum that had a grand total of 2 users online, probably bots. A post from a literal decade ago has my same issue, and one of the commenters mentions he had the same thing. Apparently, it’s a hardware issue with the router. Despite being woefully underqualified to deal with IT issues, I have no other choice. No fucking way Eric will believe that the internet cut out 2 hours before my deadline. I find the tech support number, and pray that the information is up to date and that they won’t have to send a technician out to fix it.

As the phone rings, I ponder my situation. I was unlucky enough to find what I needed right as the Wi-Fi died, and it was probably one of those issues that fixes itself in an hour anyway. There it is again; I can almost see the shadowy gears of the universe working against me, trying to crush my psyche beneath their teeth into bits of mental scrap. When I finally get a response, I’m caught off guard. This guy seems American. His voice is a bit hoarse, and I picture him as the fat comic book guy from the Simpsons, gut and all.

“----- tech support. How can I help you?”

I don’t like the way his voice trails off every word, leaving a breathy wisp behind like the tail of a comet. It makes me want to shudder.

“Yeah, uh—“

My mind blanks for a minute. I’ve been derailed, and it takes an agonizing few seconds for me to decide what I want to say.

“I was trying to email my boss, and—“again with the unnecessary details “I got this error code, and I saw online that it was an issue with the router.”

“Uh huh.” He sounds skeptical. And disapproving. I imagine he’s wrinkled that gob of cartilage clinging to his face he calls a nose. “What’s the model number?” He finally asks.

I read off the name, and he laughs. He fucking laughs. Is my suffering amusing him? Arousing him?

I have a clearer image of this guy now. Pervading my mind, filling the gaps in my brain, covering my synaptic gaps with fucking cement. He’s grossly overweight, in some dark room somewhere. He smells like BO and he is sweaty milky beads off his forehead that are landing into his keyboard and congealing. The scent is odious, like a corpse coated in mayonnaise and left in a tomb for five millennia, except it’s still wet.

“Sir?” That subtle tone of annoyance again. “Do you understand me, sir?”

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Would you mind repeating that? I was just—talking to someone.” Idiot he can tell you weren’t.

I write down his instructions, but first he pontificates about some issue with a chip in the router or some shit. Apparently I have to call the manufacturer? And they can help me dust it off or some such?

He’s fleshy and sickeningly soft, like a malformed, hairless puppy. That shirt’s been pasted to his damp stomach longer than you’ve been on Earth. It’s just a crude impersonation of the kind of people that run this industry. And you’re just his plaything, to be antagonized and fucked with until…

As soon as my attention is re-centered, I say “Alright thanks bye” without even knowing what he was rambling about before. He laughs. No, cackles. I can practically smell the stale coffee and tobacco on his breath. I slam the receiver down. It was starting to stick to my face with sweat and I really wanted to switch to my cell anyway. Peeling it away was orgasmic.

I examine the napkin I had scribbled on. I’d written it down in a haze, and it almost felt like I was reading someone else’s handwriting. Was that a 5, or a 6, or what? Doesn’t matter. I plug in the numbers, to some obscure fucking company I know nothing about. There’s like 12 digits, not like any number I’ve ever dialed. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to make the worst fucking mistake of my life, worse than taking on that debt to go to college or that time I puked on grandma’s casket at the funeral. Light years away, I imagine, some metaphysical blade was eagerly, sexually, preparing to scoop out my insides and flay them across time and space, flicking its imaginary tongue back and forth in anticipation.

I had expected that infuriating error code, but instead, I feel it. All of it. The other side is cold, and every hair on my body stands right on edge.

“Hello?”

The phone’s definitely connected.

“Hello?!”

This time it seems to echo. I’d opened a door, a beaming ray of light into a place that hasn’t been graced by it in eons.

“Is this Infolink appliances?” I gulp suddenly. My throat is impossibly dry. Everything that made me me, my identity, my memories, my interests… were spilling out into space, into an impossible void far blacker than even the darkest of nights. Please. Like my brain was a plastic bag full of air, but now it’s been punctured. It’s getting sucked out like a breached spaceship, and my body is curling around the now torturous void. I am a husk.

I drop the phone on the ground, and the screen cracks. But I’m far beyond caring about that screen now. The spiritual, inky black is billowing out of the phone like an endless wave going out in every direction. And there’s something else. A raucous laughter, and sneering, they’re laughing so hard somewhere backstage that their mouths, or whatever they call those fucking gullets, are overflowing with sickening white foam with streaks of yellow bile. Dark silhouettes that have been eagerly waiting this whole time for this horrible climax. I’d played my part. Everything else was out of my hands now.

#horror #writing #lovecraft

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jstoreysvad-gd-adv · 5 years ago

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For Inquiry 5, I decided to pull from the method of mobile design and the subject of personal history. When I was younger, I had a very big interest in comics and digital comics. My number one issue was that it was hard for me to have all of my digital comics in one place, especially on the go. It was also a challenge to find new digital comics, seeing as how I had to sift through hundreds of uninteresting ones online. This prompted me to design a mobile application that allowed me to view all of my digital comics in one place and helped me to discover new comics that I would like.

After some market research, I realized that over the last several years, there have been a few good apps developed that do similar things, but I still wanted to continue with the project, due to my interest in the subject and my primary goal being that I wanted to learn Adobe XD.

My goals for this project after adequate research: 1. Work with a new program and learn how to use it. 2. Work with an entirely new layout and design for me, which is app design. 3. Create a comics app.

My resources included a strong blue and white color palette, which I chose to make sure to stay away from any branding of any one comics publishing design. And a fun, dynamic comic typeface.

My app became known as “Comics Corner.” In the time allotted for the project, I was able to create a loading page, a home page, search page with different tabs, a reading page, and an account page. I designed the app to give the user comics recommendations, the ability to view trending titles and genres, the ability to view new releases, and allow the user to store a library of their favorite books and subscriptions.

The biggest challenge I faced with this project was, of course, finding my way through Adobe XD, which is arguably much different from its counterpart programs. However, at the end of the week, I believe I gained a firm grasp on the basics of the program and am more confident in my abilities.

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mamaredd123 · 6 years ago

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A Taste of Something...New

A/N: It’s been awhile since I posted anything on here and for that I offer my apologies. Writer’s block and life in general have been wreaking havoc on my creative tendencies. But I do have a brand new little tale to share with y’all and I hope you enjoy it. Not exactly sure how long this one will be but I am already 3 chapters in. Hopefully y’all will stick around and see how it plays out.

WARNING: can’t think of any in this chapter.. if you spot any please let me know and I’ll tag them though

WORD COUNT: 1566

PAIRING: none yet... the best is yet to come

Mama’s Master List

Mama’s Tag List

Just as a gentle reminder, if you happen to enjoy this (or didn’t), leave some feedback or even hit the reblog button. We all know how great it feels to get some feedback from our writings.

‘I'm gonna work late again tonight baby’

She read the text and then sat the phone down almost nonchalantly. Same words, another day. She knew he had to work, had to get the job done to put the money in the bank to pay the bills. Somehow, after seven years of this, it had just become monotonous. It was just words.

Was he actually working? Was THIS job that important? Just last Saturday he had promised to take her out to eat, finally a date night, but work had delayed him and they had missed their reservation. The one question that nagged her more than anything though, even after twenty-three years, was did she even really care?

Glancing over at the phone, with a slight hesitation, she picked it up and texted back her usual response.

‘Ok… try not to be too late.. love u’

Within seconds she got her “love u” text back and she knew he was done communicating with her for the night. She would not hear anything else from him unless he woke her when he came home in the wee hours of the morning.

Recently, she had been having these thoughts more and more when she got his recurrent texts each night, always the same theme, work. It hadn’t always been like that between them. They had met and fell in love early in life, such a joyous thing! He had been so full of life back then. Even after the kids were born nothing had changed. He used to always make sure he was home in time for dinner, he planned all their family vacations, and even surprised her on more occasions than she could remember with small weekend getaways for the two of them.

Presently, she was forty-three, both their kids grown and out in the world on their own. Now it was just him and her. Mostly, it seemed like it was just her. He very seldom was even home at night before she fell asleep. This should be the best years of their lives! They should be enjoying a few years (hopefully about five or nine years) before grandchildren and then spending the rest of their lives entertaining the younger generation with tales of laughter and words of wisdom. With life, there's always some obscure twist of fate though.

Her days and nights seemed to run together, with blurred lines, each one appearing to be a mirror image of the one before it. She would get up each morning, get him dressed and out the door. The rest of the mornings, she spent tidying up the house, maybe a load of laundry, and taking care of any bills that needed to be seen to. Her afternoon’s were just as exciting. Usually, she would make a quick run to the grocery store for a few items and if she really wanted to do something thrilling, she might even stumble into the local Walmart for a little window shopping. Then she would return home and prepare a dinner that would not be eaten hot.

After all of the ‘wife chores’ were done, however, she made the rest of each day her time. In between binge watching and casual surfing on the net, a few months ago, she had stumbled across a website that shared, which was new to her, fan fiction. Between all the things going on in her life, the new obsession of her new favorite show, and obviously her freedom, she was immediately hooked. Fanfiction! Who would have thought! She remembered the eighties and the nineties so she knew all about fangirling over someone, or so she thought.

So here she was sitting alone, again, in the middle of the night. She was all bundled up in the covers of their bed, computer up and running, and scrolling through her new favorite internet site. Reading the stories she stumbled upon drew her back to her high school fantasies. In the nineties, yea she had her crushes on the favorite celebrities but even in her wildest dreams, never had she ever some up with some of the stuff she was reading tonight. That was really saying a lot, really, cause the things that she thought of doing with Marky Mark HIMSELF (and still thought about doing today), well, they definitely made her blush when she thought about them. But.. these stories she read! There were things described in them that she had never even thought possible and she had been married FOREVER, or so it seemed.

Finishing the latest tale of unabashed lust, she shoved the laptop away from her. Leaning back on her pillow, she looked over to his side of the bed. The emptiness of it seemed to weigh even heavier tonight for some reason. She tried to think back on any given day/night when things seemed to change between them. Nothing stood out. Not one single moment. Except this one. A deep sigh escaped her as she realized she really did love him. That was why she was here, alone, every night, by herself. But was that enough? Business was good. She always tried to make sure nothing interfered with that. The kids were as good as they were gonna get. She always made sure he had clean clothes in the morning, a clean house or at least a semi clean house, a cold beer in the fridge, and something to eat when he was hungry. Doesn’t sound like much but that was basically all he ever asked from her all these years. If you thought about it, she really had it made.

Shaking her head, she climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen. This way of thinking was definitely not a good thing, not if she was going to find a way to find some kind of passion, lust, love, anything to salvage her marriage. She grabbed her tumbler and filled it with ice. Reaching for the cabinet door, a small voice echoed in her head ‘all you do is drink yourself to sleep every night’. Shaking her head again, she reached in the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of bourbon. She filled the cup and mixed in the coke with zero hesitation well maybe a second's hesitation when she rethought about how she was trying to figure away to salvage her marriage. Taking the first sip, however, always felt like a open act of rebellion, even though no one was there to see it. She really didn’t drink much, usually a couple of drinks at night, maybe a glass of wine or two.

The thoughts running through her mind weren’t very productive as she moved from the kitchen and back to the bedroom. ‘Screw him’ was the basic principle of them. Most of these long nights, she felt like she was spinning out of control. One second, desperate to fix her marriage and breath life back into it. The next, angry as hell at him for always leaving her alone. Getting back under the covers, nursing her drink, she pulled her computer closer. She had to get out of her own mind, she thought to herself as she settled down to read some more fanfiction. Instead of going to her notification page to see who had posted another chapter of delicious, flesh devouring, sin ridden fiction, she chose to scrolled the main page. Maybe she would find a few new authors to stalk.

The first thing she noticed was a post from one of her most favorite authors stating that she was attending a comic con, in her state! This woman, oh man, she had been reading her stories since the day she joined the site. There was a lot of hype going on about the convention she realized as she read through the comments on the post. The entire cast of the show was going to be there! Out of curiosity, she opened another browser and looked up the convention. To her surprise, it was actually being held here in town. The thought of meeting any of the cast would be delightful but also possibly meeting her? Would he care if she went? Would he even notice she was gone?

She glanced over at the empty side of the bed and sighed deeply. She longed for romance like the ones she read. She hungered for some passion in her life. She ached from the loneliness. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the emotions, who can really say what compelled her but she clicked on the Buy Tickets tab and bought herself a gold package! He would probably kill her when he realized how much she had just spent but oh well. She very seldom ever asked for anything from him. She finished her drink, tucked her laptop away for the night, and settled down in the bed. Her dreams that night, for once, were not bleak or dismal. Instead, they were full of delicious fantasies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he came home that night, he found her balled up under the covers with a soft smile across her face. He paused and watched her for a few moments. It had been a long time since he had seen her smile like that. Quietly, he slipped out of the bedroom, gently closing the door behind him. He would sleep on the couch tonight so maybe he wouldn’t disturb her.

Random Tags (gonna try to do an updated tag list soon... maybe.. hopefully)

@megansescape @madamelibrarian @chelsea072498 @jayankles @feelmyroarrrr @docharleythegeekqueen @crowleysdemonknight @motleymoose @sumara62 @mrstheorossix3 @evansrogerskitten @waywardjoy @dwaynii @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @supernatural-jackles @ruprecht0420 @charliebradbury1104 @relmi-llorrac @wonderange @sandlee44 @tom-is-in-my-tardis @kmb99t @summer-binging-spn @posiemax @ohmychuckitssamanddean @thedevilinthedetails @bohowitch @tmccarney @dragon-tail @suli155 @mrsbatesmotel53 @petrovadixon @thewalkingmombie @mogaruke @spontaneousam @uniquewerewolfsuit @firstlady36 @goldenolaf25 @lunarsaturn88 @babypieandwhiskey @impalaimagining @sis-tafics @chaos-and-the-calm67 @inmysparetime0 @idreamofhazel @nichelle-my-belle @firstlady36 @bohowitch @whispersandwhiskerburn @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @ilostmyshoe-79 @roxy-davenport @mrsbatesmotel53 @plaidstiel-wormstache @spn-hetalian-from-Hogwarts @carribear31 @captainemwinchester @watercolor31 @sea040561 @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @impalaplots @faegal04 @missjenniferb @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels @emoryhemsworth @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @tattooedmomster13 @sardonicpsycho @dwgrl1903 @tankcupcakes @atc74 @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @iwantthedean @paintrider13-blog @d-s-winchester @death2thevirgin @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @ellen-reincarnated1967 @just-another-busy-fangirl @waywardjoy @winchesterprincessbride @willowing-love @redlipstickandplaid @mirandaaustin93 @kiranagoya

#A Taste of Something New #mama's writings #new series #spn fanfic

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jesbakescookies · 7 years ago

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Here’s an old Christmas smut one shot.

This is a AU featuring Merle and Sam from Sweet Hereafter, an if they met before type fic (you don’t need to read SH but it’s kinda fun to see them before).

If you’ve read Sweet Hereafter this is based ten years prior to the zombie out break. It is pretty much smut, fyi. This is a stand alone one shot that may or may not turn into something depending on reactions. Let me know your thoughts.

I don’t own the walking dead etc. OC and non canon stuff is mine.

Story contains lyrics and title is inspired from “If you want trouble” by Nick Waterhouse

On any given day Merle could find trouble. Whether it was booze, blow or broads, if he wanted it, he could find it. Trouble came easy for most Dixons but Merle was a professional hellion.

He could saunter into any shithole bar, in any asscrack of Georgia town and walk out with not only a goodie bag full of drug cocktails but a piece of tail to do them with.

It was easy, always was and probably always would be but that Christmas Eve night when the bars door opened with a groan and slammed shut with a obnoxious screech, a type of trouble walked in that would have Merle on his knees begging for it.

He stood at the end of the long sticky bar top, a beer bottle hanging loosely in his hand and cigarette tucked behind his ear. He had just finished working an odd job at a nearby packaging warehouse. They’d needed extra help for the holidays and he made a quick grand loading 18 wheelers with over priced bullshit for suburbanites. He was at the bar blowing through some of that hard earned cash when he saw her. His head lolled to the side, his piercing baby blues taking in the lean blonde swaying her way through the crowded tables. She sided up to the bar ordering a Jack and Coke from Martinez the resident pint slinger. Her blonde hair was haphazardly pulled back, tendrils falling onto the shoulders of her leather jacket.

Merle peered over and saw her curved ass painted in worn denim perched on the barstool, her boot clad foot braced on the kick rail. She was pale but her cheeks were flushed from the cold air whipping through the darkened streets. Her plump lips cupped the glasses rim as she sipped her drink. She was sexy as fuck and looked like she could chew a man up and spit him to the side.

He wanted her.

Wanted her bent over a stationary object so he could rail into her. Spread open and wet for him.

Fuck, his cock throbbed at just the thought of seeing her soft thighs and perky tits. He hadn’t seen such a good looking woman in the whole state of Georgia, which said a lot since he spent most his time drifting all over those rolling hills.

Merle smirked at Martinez who was leaning towards her, his Latin charm in full swing. He could tell the blonde was unimpressed but gladly taking her free refill from the overconfident man.

Deciding it was time to see just what kind of girl he was checking out, Merle strolled over, sliding into the seat next to her. He leaned in close, his arm braced on the back of her barstool.

“Martinez botherin’ ya Sugar?” He drawled a slow grin curling his lips. She cocked an eyebrow and asked, “Your name Martinez too?”

Snorting Merle rasped sarcastically, “Do I look brown enough to be a fuckin’ Maaaartinez?”

“I figured Martinez was a code word for asshole or something.” She snarked sipping her drink. Merles eyes narrowed and asked, “Ya callin’ me an asshole Sugar?”

“Yes. Now can I drink in peace?”

Merle waved a hand dismissively and grunted, “Nah it’s Christmas Eve. Nobody should be alone on Christmas.”

“I don’t believe in Christmas.” she grumbled her finger swiping through the sweat on her glass. Chuckling Merle rasped, “Ya should. Saint Nick hooked ya up this year, ol’ Merle’s here t'keep ya company.”

“Oh really? Sounds like I got jipped.”

“Now that ain’t nice Sugar.” Merle pouted, his lip out before slowly grinning, “How bout ya tell me your name and we get t'know one anotha.”

“Names none of your damn business and I prefer to drink alone.” She growled, her eyes cutting to his angrily.

“Ya know what they say bout drinkin’ alone dontcha?” Merle teased, raising his eyebrow comically.

“No what?” She retorted, her lip curled into a sneer. Merle couldn’t get over how sexy she was while being a bitch. He wanted to suck on her snarling lip, maybe even bit it until she squirmed.

“That it’s boring as fuck.” He spoke plainly then suggested, “Now how ‘bout I buy ya another ‘n we go play a round of pool.”

Rolling her eyes, the woman threw back the last of her drink and conceded, “I’m not one to turn down free booze. Pony up old man.”

“Hey now! I ain’t no old man. Sugar.”

“It’s Sam not Sugar and I don’t give a shit s'long as you’re payin’.” She responded before sliding off the barstool and sauntering over to the pool tables. Merle watched her sexy ass sway over to the green felt tables and lean a curved hip against the edge. Two men were playing and only half way through the game when she batted her gorgeous blue eyes at them. Merle snorted as he watched them trip over themselves to set the table up for her and get her a cue.

“She looks more dangerous than you Dixon.” Martinez commented setting down another round of drinks.

“Pfft. I’ll take ‘er home by last call.” Merle rasped with a cocky grin, adding, “Bet ya tonight’s tab she walks out on my arm.”

Chuckling the bartender nodded, “A'right I’ll take that bet and a counter, I bet she lays you out flat when ya try.”

Rolling his eyes Merle joked, “Ain’t no girl knockin’ a Dixon out. Got a jaw of steel.”

Walking away with their drinks he met up with Sam at the tables. The two men currently trying their hand at winning the blonde over gave him the stink eye when he handed her another drink.

“Bout fucking time. I’m going crazy listening to these numb nuts try and teach me how to play pool.”

“Well ya heard the lady boys, fuck off and find some other cooze to hassle.” Merle dismissed the men, giving them a cocky sneer.

“Are you calling me a cooze?” She asked with a irritated wrinkle in her forehead.

“Well ya got a nice pair of tits 'n I’m just assumin’ but I bet ya got a nice slice of pie too. So yeah cooze.”

“I’m gonna need a whole lot more alcohol to put up with your shit Merle.” Sam sighed before gulping her latest drink. “Better keep your tab open.”

“My pleasure, now get your sexy ass over there and break.”

Sam took the cue from the table and stood at the end, her lithe body leaning over to break the triangle formation of balls. He licked his bottom lip, biting it almost bloody as her shirt dipped showing off delicious looking cleavage. The thought of licking up the curve and biting down on the narrow column of her neck had Merle adjusting his jeans. He watched as she broke the table up, the balls spreading out and a solid falling into a corner pocket.

“Good girl,” he rasped, sipping his beer watching her move easily around the table. The woman was hot and could apparently play a mean game of pool because it took a few shots before Merle had a turn. He watched her lean casually against the table, her ass perched on the edge while she gulped the last of her drink.

“Should slow down Sugar. I want ya walking out on my arm not thrown over my shoulder.” He gave her a toothy grin while sinking a stripe into a pocket. Sam rolled her eyes and retorted, “Who says I’ll be leaving with you of all people.”

“Well you’re stickin’ around to play a game with me, drinking my booze.”

“So you buy me drinks and I owe you?” Sam sneered.

Chuckling while taking a shot he drawled, “Nah just means you’re enjoyin’ my company.”

Snorting she dead panned, “No it means I enjoy booze.”

Laughing gruffly Merle nodded while shrugging lazily. “S'pose so but ya coulda drank at the bar but now you’re playin pool with me.”

“So I like pool doesn’t mean you’re getting anywhere near my 'slice of pie’.” Sam imitated his drawl while repeating his catch phrase. Merle grinned and swaggered closer, his head cocking to the side as he approached drawling slow and thick, “I guaran-goddamn-tee you’d enjoy me being reeeal close to your pie. So much so you’d ache for me later.”

“Oh really?” She breathed clearing her throat and suggested, “maybe I’m a lesbian.”

“You? A carpet muncher?” Merle laughed gruffly, rubbing a hand over his rough jaw, “Nah. I got a feelin’ most broads don’ like ya. I see all the other cats hissing in the room. They don’t seem t'like the competition.”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t like sex at all. Maybe I’m celibate.”

“Doubt it.” He drawled, his finger curling in her belt loop, pulling her closer. He listened to her breathing kick up and watched her cheeks flush. He could feel the heat radiating off her as he rasped quietly, “Ya like sex. I can tell these things.”

“Pffft.” Sam huffed pushing him away while picking up his beer and taking a swig “Like booze more.” She muttered as she dropped another ball in a corner pocket.

They played two games, both of which Merle won by the skin of his teeth. Sam drank more than he thought possible for a woman her size and was still on her feet. Her words were slower but she was far from a slurring drunken mess. She either drank heavily often or had some super powers that burned off alcohol rapidly.

“I wanna dance.” She announced turning on her heel to saunter over to the jukebox. Merle watched her scan through all the different available tracks and drop a few coins in, her fingers pushing her choice.

The music picked up a guitar and horn sounding song with jazzy drums. It wasn’t something Merle would ever listen to, being more of a hard rock stereotypical redneck music fan. However it made Sam sway her little ass across the dance floor so it might be the best song Merle had ever heard. He felt his feet moving before his mind caught up, the idea of holding onto those supple curves while she gyrated intoxicated him.

“If you want trouble

You got it”

Merle had never heard a more accurate song lyric in all his life. Fucking hell he didn’t just want it, he needed it. He watched her turn as he approached, her eyes hooded and predatory, her hips swaying and dipping. Her hands were sliding up her curves and over her head, twisting together into her hair seductively. Reaching forward Merle grabbed her hips, his fingers curling under her belt to yank her against his front making her squeak and giggle. Merle grinned wolfishly at the sound, “C'mere Sugar. Wanna feel ya.”

“Said you been thinking all night about it

Well if you look you know where I’ll be”

Sam’s soft body stretched out along his broad frame. Her hands slid up his chest to grasp the back of his neck, her blunt nails scraping along the back of his head. He grunted at the overwhelming sensation and warned, “Careful girl.” Sam smirked at him while swirling her hips to the bass.

“If if you want trouble yeah, trouble

If you want trouble.”

Her damn blue eyes looked dark as pitch and the friction of her lithe body swaying against his had Merle rock hard.

“Sugar, ya got no fuckin’ idea how sexy ya are.” He drawled softly, his breath ghosting over the curve of her ear. His hand stroked its way to her lower back, fingertips sliding under the hem of her shirt to touch soft skin. Applying the barest of pressures had Sam plastered to his chest, a tiny gasp catching his ear. Merle didn’t dance and probably never would have but Sam had him shuffling with her to the music, her body curling around his. She let her hands drag down his broad shoulders, her nimble fingers touching the edges of his shirt sleeve. Merle swallowed thickly as his groin pulsed with need. She wasn’t doing anything sexual, just the warmth of her fingertips was enough to cause a throb inside him. Soon her hands were sliding along his stomach making his abs twitch until they curled into the leather of his vest, pulling him closer.

“You got moves old man.” She rasped, her voice low and breathy. Merle chuckled and whispered hoarsely “ya got no fuckin’ idea girl. No fuckin’ idea.”

Letting his lips graze the sensitive skin behind her ear Merle heard her panting, the sexy woman obviously as turned on as he was. The song slowed and eventually ended, leaving them standing there staring at each other, both sounding breathless.

“Let’s get outta here. Got some party favors back at my place.” Merle rasped hoarsely, ticking his head to the exit door as his fingers stroked her lower back. Sam hummed to herself, lips pursed slightly. He could see her tossing the idea around in her pretty little head before she responded, “I gotta make a stop first.”

“A'right.” Merle agreed quickly, anything to get her alone and with less clothing. He, gripped her hand and began pulling her out of the bar. Giving Martinez the one finger salute and a cocky grin, Merle hollered, “Thanks for the drinks Marty.”

The man’s eyes narrowed and he shook his bald head while drying a pint glass. “Fuck you Dixon.”

The couple headed outside to Merle’s motorcycle as Sam looked at him dubiously. “Are you too drunk to drive this thing without killing me? I kinda like having skin on my face.” She asked with a worried expression.

Merle chuckled, “Girl I’ve been ridin’ drunk since before you were a twinkle in you pa’s eye.”

“First off, there ain’t been no twinkle in my sperm donors eye in his whole goddamn life and you aren’t that much older than me.”

“A girl with daddy issues, surprise surprise.” He muttered before asking, “How old are then?”

He climbed on and held an arm out to help her balance. Sam swung her leg over and replied, “22.”

“Well I got a dozen years on ya, girl.” Merle replied, his eyebrows raised.

“Fuck off Merle.” She sneered playfully.

“Ya always a bitch?”

“Nah. Just to assholes like you.” She quipped from behind him, her arms squeezing him tightly.

Merle could tell she was smiling and didn’t let her rude words effect him. Instead he chuckled and drawled, “A'right where to, smart ass?”

“Fifth and main.”

Merle cocked an eyebrow at the location. His dealer was located at fifth and main but it seemed odd for her to know Crowley. He’d never seen her in town before, let alone hanging out at that low life’s place.

“What ya gotta do there?”

“Just dropping something off.” She answered vaguely, “Sooner we get 'er done the sooner we can relax for the evening.”

Merle could picture her eyebrow cocked suggestively, her lip bitten pink. Kick starting the bikes engine they peeled out fast and hard, gravel spitting out behind them. Ten minutes later they pulled up to fifth and main and sure enough she strolled towards Crowley’s. “Stay here.” She told him as she slide off the bike expertly.

“I don’t think ya should go in there alone darlin’.”

“Stay here.” She repeated over her shoulder without a backwards glance.

Merle watched her lean against the doorframe and knock, waiting for the scumbag to answer. When the door opened Crowley looked irritated at first but then frightened. Merle climbed off instantly but watched in rapt attention as Sam punched he dealer in the face and pushed him back inside. Merle jogged up the steps and made it inside before she kicked the door closed.

“I said stay outside,” Sam growled before pulling out a handgun from her purse.

“Jesus sugar. Whatcha doin’?”

“Dropping off a message.” She growled, her gun aimed at the dealer’s head.

Crowley was sitting on the staircase holding a bloodied nose. Sam stood in front of him and spoke evenly and calmly. “Now Fuckhead, I’m sure you’re aware of why I’m here…”

The lowlife drug dealer nodded and mumbled through his hand, “Yeah. Look I’m sorry.”

“Fuck your sorries. He wants his fucking money. Not next week, not tomorrow. Right fucking now.”

“I don’t…”

“You do. Don’t lie you nutless bitch. I didn’t travel 100 miles to the armpit of Georgia for no goddamn reason.” She growled kicking him in leg, “now get your dumb fucking ass up and take me to your hideyhole and get me the fucking money.”

Crowley sighed and crawled to his feet, pushing himself up with a groan. Merle stood there shocked at the dramatic change in events. He’d planned on getting high and fucking the day lights out of Sam but now Merle stood as she threatened some assholes life for some kinda of crime boss.

“Stay Merle. I fucking mean it.” She ordered following the guy into the back of the house. Merle stood there feeling awkward for the first time in a long time. He wasn’t used to being bossed around but the bitch had a gun and didn’t seem to mind threatening people with it. Moments later he heard her returning, her gun tucked away and her bag slung heavily over her back.

“Don’t try this again Crowley or I’ll come back and be less than nice to you.”

“Ok, ok. I promise.”

“Fuck off.” She mumbled walking out of the house and towards his bike. Merle looked back at his dealer and drawled, “Hey man, I didn’t know she was… Whatever she is.”

“Run from that bitch Merle. She’s a goddamn psycho.”

They pulled up in front of Merle’s apartment complex and climbed off the bike. Merle looked her over and watched as she pulled out a cigarette and lit up, blowing smoke to the side. He took her offered smoke and cupped the flame of her lighter, inhaling slow and deep. Staring at Sam he spoke through his exhale, “So who are ya and whaddya do?”

Rolling her eyes she teased, “I’m Sam and I pick things up and drop things off.”

Snorting he drawled, “No shit. Who do ya work for?”

“A boss just like everybody else. I’m not here to fucking gossip Merle.” She responded before flicking her spent butt away and tilting her head towards the building, “We going in or am I calling a cab?”

Merle sucked the last of his smoke away and dropped it to the ground. He strolled inside, climbing the narrow stairway with Sam following him. They got to his door and he unlocked it, ushering her in first. His brother was drinking a beer and watching some program about cars. Daryl’s narrowed eyes took in the sight of Sam and then his eyes land on Merle. He could see his little brother was shocked at the quality of girl he brought home. Merle was the first to admit he didn’t have high standards of the quality of his pussy, he was a quantity not quality type guy. Sam was not only beautiful but she had turned out to be quick as a whip and unafraid to trade barbs. It didn’t even piss him off when she jabbed back at him. It was refreshing. Not to mention he now knew she was straddling the line of the law just like him.

“I don’t do three ways Merle if that’s your plan.” She snarked throwing her bag onto the chair by the couch. Daryl’s eyes widened and he looked like he was going to run away.

“Don’t worry bout Daryl. He ain’t no ladies man.” Merle rasped heading into the kitchen to grab a couple beers. Daryl huffed out an angry breath at Merle’s comment but didn’t respond. Sam however spoke up, “Why the fuck not? He’s the better looking brother.”

Merle stomped out and growled, “Now that’s fuckin’ bullshit and mean.”

Sam snorted, “What? He is, maybe I wanna trade up.”

“Sugar I bought fucking drinks all night. Ya ain’t swapping brothers.”

“First off I don’t owe you shit for buying me drinks all night. Second you didn’t even fucking buy them, you won a bet on if I’d leave with you sooooo technically my ass bought the goddamn drinks.”

Daryl watched them argue before picking up his beer and strolling into his room, his door shutting with a resounding click.

Sam smirked and asked, “He always shy?”

Nodding Merle flopped down on the other side of the sofa he asked, “So come on, who do ya work for?”

Huffing out an indignant breath, “No offense but fuck off. I’m not telling you shit.”

Merle rasped, “Sugar, ya owe me an answer.” Laughing she took a gulp of beer and sighed, “I don’t owe you shit.”

“Crowley’s my connection, he ain’t gonna be too pleased with me now. Ya owe me.”

Rolling her eyes Sam sipped her beer before stating, “I work for his boss. I take care of some deliveries. Messages or packages. I’m not telling you names and shit.”

“Fine. How the fuck did ya get involved in this shit?”

“Crowley’s boss is… was my boyfriend.”

Merle eyes widened and he shot up, “What the fuck?! Ya didn’t tell me ya got an old man let alone some fuckin’ drug lord.”

“Pfft. Drug lord my ass. The guys an asshole who I’m dumping now that I got cash to take off with.”

Furrowing his brow he drawled, “So what, you’re takin’ Crowley’s money and runnin’?”

“Yeah. So no worries about him coming after you, he’ll be too busy chasing me.” Sam joked but he could see the strain behind her mask.

“He gonna come after ya?”

“Well I’m stealing from him and dumping his stupid ass.”

“Where ya goin’?” Merle asked wondering if she actually had a plan of if she was just winging it.

“Don’t know. North. Tired of this shit hole state.”

Merle hummed the knowledge and leaned back chugging his beer. Setting it to the side he pat his lap an rasped, “C'mere Sugar. Let’s celebrate your last night in town.”

Sam smirked and set her bottle down asking, “Where are these party favors?”

“Whatcha want? Weed, a lil crystal or oxys?”

Sam snorted, “Weed. I like my teeth and Oxys are for fucking hillbillies.”

Merle glared at her and drawled, “Fuck you.”

“That’s the goal right?” She quipped pulling off her boots and tossing her jacket to the side. Merle got distracted as she sat back down, her shirt highlighting her curved tits and narrow waist.

“Gonna just stare at me all night old man? Ya havin a stroke?”

“God you’re such a bitch.” He muttered pulling out his weed stash from the coffee table. He packed the tiny bowl and handed it over with a lighter. He watch Sam pull a deep hit, her eyes closed as she held it for a few seconds. Her eyes slide open as she blew the pungent smoke to the side. Handing it back Merle took a deep pull and relaxed back into the sofa. After a few passes the bowl was spent and the pair were zoning out. Merle’s head lolled to the side and he saw her smirking at him.

“What?”

“I was lying.” She stated with a tiny grin.

Raising an eyebrow he drawled, “Bout what?”

“Trading up.”

Smiling widely he asked, “Oh yeah? He ain’t better looking?”

“I didn’t say that I just meant I wouldn’t trade up. I kinda like your big mouth. He’s too quiet.” She joked with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Pffft. Such a twat.”

Sam laughed loudly and sighed, “I love that word. Twwwwwat.”

Merle snorted and reached out, pulling on her wrist. Sam crawled over to straddle his lap. He groaned as her ass pressed against his semi. She cocked an eyebrow and the rolled her hips against his obvious arousal making him moan loudly, his head falling back against the couch cushion.

“What? Been showin’ off your tits, which by the way ya got a nice set on ya.” He slid his hands up her ribs, his large palms cupping her breasts as his thumbs ran across her nipples. Merle felt them harden under his touch making his hands flex, squeezing her chest firmly. Sam moaned leaning forward, her mouth delving into his. Merle cupped the back of her head, tangling his fingers into her blonde hair. He pulled her closer, fisting the soft locks as he ravaged her mouth. “Goddamn you taste good.” He groaned, his hips thrusting upwards in between her thighs.

“Mmhhm.” She moaned, pulling back to strip her shirt off. Merle growled at the sight of her full creamy tits almost overflowing out of a see-through black lace bra.

“Jesus Sugar. Your tits should be illegal.” His hands stroked her shoulders before curling his fingers under the straps of her bra, dragging them down her arms. The cups of her bra fell and out poured her pale breasts. Merle groaned before cupping her, his mouth sucking and biting the delicate curve of her tits before sucking her pink nipple into his hot mouth. Sam moaned at the motions, her hips rolling against his lap. He couldn’t help but thrust upwards, his hands gripping her hips to push her down against his rock hard cock.

“Fucking Christ Sugar.” He muttered, moving his mouth up her neck until he reached her swollen lips. Their tongues battled for control as their hands gripped onto each other. Merle wrapped his arms around her waist before standing up to head to his room. Sam secured her legs around his body and braced her arms across his shoulders. He grasped her ass, his fingers kneading the flesh as he walked, his mouth nipping and sucking on her neck. Once in his bedroom he tossed her onto the bed making her giggle.

Merle smirked and pulled his shirt off, his hands going to his belt instantly. He watched as she unhooked her bra and then peeled off her ridiculously tight pants. She was completely naked, spread out across his mattress. He drank her in, the soft line of her thighs and dip of her waist. Her hair was splayed out on the dark sheets like some kind of angelic temptress. She was so goddamn beautiful Merle could barely keep his hands from grabbing her like a desperate crackhead on payday looking to score.

“Fucking christ you’re sexy.” He rasped stepping out of his jeans. Crawling onto the bed over her, Merle let his nose graze her thigh and waist. His tongue tasting her warm skin and his teeth nipping along the way. Sam moaned as Merle’s large palms stroked and squeezed her ass while rutting against her wet heat.

“Fuck old man, you still have moves.” She groaned as he placed open mouth kisses along her neck before sucking and biting her earlobe.

Merle chuckled, rolling his hips between her spread thighs. “Ain’t done anything yet girl. M'gonna make you scream my name Sugar.”

Sam kissed him deeply, her tongue sliding against his while her hands gripped his neck. Merle was drowning in her scent and taste. She was a siren and he couldn’t help but want to fall to his knees and worship every fucking inch of her.

“Please… more.” Sam begged, her legs wrapping around his waist to squeeze him closer. Merle groaned as his overheated skin slid against her wet lips.

“Fuck. Lemme. Git somethin’.” He growled his accent thick and slow, pulling away to get a condom. Merle hated to do it but he wasn’t getting Sam knocked up or giving her something from his checkered past.

Soon he was sitting back on his heels to watch his cock slid inside her tight body. Merles mouth dropped open as he panted, the sight of her engulfing him was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen.

“Jesus.” he gasped while rocking into her slowly. Sam’s whole body arched off the mattress and a deep flush crawled up her chest to her cheeks.

“Oh my god.” She moaned her nails biting into his shoulders, red marks blossoming on his tan skin. “Fuck.. Merle. Move goddamnit. ”

Laughing he began rocking faster, his hands gripping her hips with bruising force. Merle clenched his jaw and his neck muscle strained at the intense sensation of her hot walls sucking him in. “Sugar. How the fuck…” He panted, sweat dripping along his temple, “are you so.. goddamn… tight.”

Sam laughed breathily, her pelvis rising off the bed to meet his snapping hips. He couldn’t figure out what was overwhelming him more, her tight hot walls or the look in her eyes. The deep blue was almost non existent with her blown pupils. A sharp gasp exited her parted lips before every muscle in her lithe frame seized. The tension snapped and Sam came harder than any woman Merle had ever felt. Her walls gripped his dick by the root making him growl like a feral animal. The sounds she was making made his eyes roll back in his head.

“Mother of..” He groaned while plunging as deep as physically possible, his body bowed over her. His jaw snapped shut as brilliant light flashed behind his clenched eyes. Within moments his body released, his cock pulsing and throbbing, every muscle and bone becoming gelatinous.

Blood pounded in his ears as he blinked sweat out of his eyes. Sam was panting, her hooded gaze looking thoroughly satisfied.

“Well fuck.” She muttered letting out a snort. Merle cocked an eyebrow and rasped hoarsely, “Whatcha laughin at.”

“I guess age brings experience yeah?”

Barking out a dry laugh Merle rolled off of her and reached for his cigarettes. “Bes’ not question my prowess again Sugar, I’ll tan that sexy ass.”

Sam’s laugh was a combination of a giggle and a snort. Obnoxiously cute. Merle couldn’t stop from trying to make her do it just to hear it again. He’d never spent much time with a woman after sex, it was a new situation but not unpleasant. They lay together tangled in sheets chatting about nothing and everything.

“I swear t'christ I never seen so much blood come outta a guys nose before.” He chuckled finishing up an anecdote about a bar fight. Sam smirked and crawled over him, straddling his hips. “My big tough redneck.” She purred with a playful glint in her eye. Merle chuckled gripping her face to pull her mouth to his. He twirled his tongue against her, the taste of her sweet mouth filling his.

“Fuck old man you know how to kiss.” She moaned as his mouth trailed along her soft neck.

“Girl ya haven’t even felt these lips between those soft thighs yet..” He drawled, trailing his tongue down the curve of her collarbone. “Got no idea the things I can do to ya.”

“Fuck Merle.” She moaned at the statement, her hips rolling against his. “Show me… Please.”

Muffling a laugh against her chest Merle rasped, “since ya said please.”

Merle woke to the smell of something cooking and the thump of a cabinet door. He wrinkled his brow looking at the mattress to see it empty. Rolling out of bed he pulled on a pair of boxers and tank top before sauntering into the kitchen. Sam was standing at the stove cooking potatoes and some kind of meat. She was wearing his beat up flannel that landed mid thigh and nothing else. He licked his lip at the sight of her bare legs and the memory of what was underneath the worn cotton.

Daryl was sitting at the table his head resting against wall as he watched her cook. Merle cocked an eyebrow and asked, “whatcha cooking? We don’t got shit here.”

She smirked and snarked, “yeah I noticed, you two live on pizza and beer Huh?”

Laughing Merle walked up behind her, his hands sliding along her hips and his chin resting on her shoulder. Looking down he saw she had found some frozen venison and was making a hash with potatoes.

“You had two potatoes and some kind meat. Deer?”

Grunting in response he reached over to grab a piece but she smack his hand with the spoon and snapped, “Hands off old man.”

Daryl snorted and got the stink eye from Merle for it. “Bes stop calling me old man after last night.”

Laughing she bumped him with her hip to reach the cupboard with plates. Sam served them both a pile of meat and hash before giving herself a smaller portion. They sat at the tiny card table eating silently.

“So what’s on the agenda then? Ya skippin town?” Merle asked wiping his hand across his mouth when done. Sam shrugged and mumbled through a mouthful of food, “yeah. S'pose I should high tail it the fuck out of here soon. Words Gonna get back I picked up cash.”

Daryl’s face looked confused but he didn’t ask. Merle rolled his eyes and drawled, “Sam here is on the run.”

Before he could explain the sound of a phone ringing in the living room had Sams fork pause mid bite. Standing up she grabbed her bag, pulling out the black device. Pursing her lips she answered, “ lo”?“

Merle watched her roll her eyes as the person spoke and answer, “I needed a couple days to myself. I picked up and I’ll be back tomorrow night probably.”

There was a long pause while she listened before she snapped, “well I don’t give a fuck. I’m not some goddamn house pet.”

Merle looked at Daryl who asked, “Who she runnin from?”

“Some drug dealer, she fucking rolled Crowley last night for money.”

Daryl’s eyebrows almost touched his hairline at the statement. “Ya just watch?”

“What could I do? She had already punched him and had him at gunpoint.”

“Jesus Merle whatcha getting involved in this shit.”

“You seeing what I’m seeing baby brother? Look at that fucking ass and let me tell ya she knows what to do with those goddamn curves.”

“Yeah I heard.” He muttered finishing his food. Merle chortled at the statement and went back to listening to her. The conversation had cooled off and she was placating the boyfriend, “alright. I’ll call you tonight and be home tomorrow evening.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She muttered hanging up without a goodbye.

Strolling back into the kitchen she sat down and drawled, “well I’m gonna head out soon. Can I get a ride back to my car?”

Merle rode over to the bar with Sam wrapped around him, her hands splayed across his taut stomach. She was drawing small circles along his tshirt making his jeans tighten and groin ache. He didn’t want her to leave yet which was an odd feeling to have since he didn’t give a shit about most people. It had always been him and Daryl against the world and the idea that he wanted more was foreign.

As they pulled up they found that her car was gone and there was a pile of broken glass where her window had been busted out.

“Well fuck.” She muttered climbing off the bike. “That sucks.”

Merle laughed at her bored tone, “could say that again. We reporting it to the cops?”

“Fuck no. It wasn’t even mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“I stole it a few towns over,” she confessed shrugging while pulling out a pack of smokes, “guess I’m looking for a new ride.”

Merle barked out a gruff laugh, taking her offered smoke and drawled, “I’m thinkin’ ya may be trouble, Sugar.”

Sam smirked while exhaling, her lips curled and eyes bright, “You’ve got no fucking idea how right you are, old man.”

#The Walking Dead #twd #twd fanfiction #fanfiction #Merle Dixon #merle x OC #if you want trouble #sweet hereafter #smut #one shot #merry fuckin christmas

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yujachachacha · 7 years ago

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How do you burn the subtitles in the video using HandBrake?

Is this the anon from before who was asking about subbing/fonts/Korean? If so, hi again! :D And if not, well, hello there, new anon! It seems like I’m slowly turning into a “how-to” blog lately, haha. Probably because I’ve been busy with RL lately, so my online productivity has taken a hard hit.

In fact, I’m actually going to get two of my wisdom teeth pulled out today…and if it’s anything like when I had my first two removed, I’m going to be miserable for the rest of the week. (´；ω；｀) I’m hoping that it actually leads to me having some more free time since I’ll be staying at home to heal (I have vivid memories of certain things splattering from last time). Knowing me, I’m more likely to end up binge-watching Aqours niconamas while whispering “i must be insane why did i agree to let some person saw my gums open” as I rock back and forth in a blanket cocoon and cry over Shukashuu’s cute face…

…uh, enough about my boring personal life, lol. As I mentioned in a previous ask, I’ve actually been using ffmpeg lately to mux and burn my subbed videos instead. In fact, the recent video that I edited for Shukamod’s comeback post was processed with ffmpeg. ffmpeg is handy because it can both mux and burn in subtitles, and can be used to fiddle with a variety of video/audio/subtitle options for files as well. For serious encoders, I’d recommend going with ffmpeg because of this versatility.

However, I do know that ffmpeg isn’t quite for everyone since it’s a command line tool. That means it requires typing stuff into Terminal (if you have a Mac) or Command Prompt (for Windows users) that looks like this -

ffmpeg -i input.mp4 -vf “ass=subtitle.ass” output.mp4

- at its simplest, which can be off-putting to some people. HandBrake, on the other hand, is probably a bit more user-friendly since it has a GUI - meaning there’s an actual window for the program with ~buttons~ and stuff. I know that some subbers out there use HandBrake, and this program is fantastic because it also gives you a lot of encoding options, plus it’s very easy to navigate.

The major downside is that unlike ffmpeg, HandBrake can’t do muxing - your video has to already have the subtitles muxed for HandBrake to burn them in. Luckily, there are plenty of programs out there for this step. I personally use MKVToolnix since it also has a great GUI and comes with command line tools like mkvinfo, mkvmerge (which is basically what the MKVToolnix GUI does), and mkvextract. For the purposes of simple subbing, all you really need to know is that MKVToolnix is a very fast and powerful tool for creating the muxed files you need for HandBrake! :)

Ah, and for HandBrake, basically all you have to do is check off “burned in” for the encoding options and you should be set, lol. So even though you’re using 2 programs instead of 1 for hardsubbing (MKVToolnix for muxing, HandBrake for burning in those subs), it won’t take very long. For example, if your subbed video is only a few minutes long, the mux/burn process should take mere seconds! It’s quite simple, but I’ve also picked up a few things that might make the process even easier, so I’ll share those with you!

(Side note: I have no idea if HandBrake looks drastically different on Windows/other OS, so everything I say here might only apply to the Mac version of the program. Hopefully, they’re not too different.)

tl;dr version of how to use HandBrake:

1. Mux subs into a video with MKVToolnix or program of your choice.

2. Open up the file in HandBrake and navigate to the “Subtitles” tab in the middle of the HandBrake window.

3.Click the drop-down under the “Track” heading and select the option with “(SSA)”, which should be the Aegisub file (.ass) that you muxed into this video. Check off the “Burned In” option.

4. (This step isn’t always necessary, but is kind of a “just-in-case” measure.) On the “Picture” tab, make sure that the “Cropping” option on the right is set to “Custom”, and that the numbers are all set to 0.

5. Under the “Destination” section (2nd bolded heading in the window), set the file name and destination for your finished product.

6. Hit the green “Start” button at the top and wait for HandBrake to work its magic! It should send you a desktop notification when it’s finished.

That’s basically it! Detailed instructions under the cut~

Softsubbing (muxing) with MKVToolnix

Before we get into HandBrake, we need to deal with this step of the process. Unlike ffmpeg, which can create a hardsubbed .mp4 right off the bat, Handbrake requires a softsubbed file in order to create a hardsubbed version.

Softsubbing means that there’s a subtitle file associated with the video that you can “turn off” or “turn on” when watching from a video player on your computer, versus hardsubbed files where the subtitles are “burned in” and inseparable from the video. Advantages of softsubbing includes being able to, as stated, “turn off” the subtitles when watching a video, and being able to choose from multiple versions of subtitles for a video.

This doesn’t just mean multilingual support - it also includes subtitle styles as well. So in one video, you could have a Spanish subtitle file, a Chinese subtitle file, an English subtitle file from one fansub group that uses Open Sans font, an English subtitle file from another group that uses Lato and animated karaoke effects, another English subtitle file from a different group in Helvetica Neue along with a markedly different translation style, and yet another English subtitle file that’s styled in god-awful rainbow colors and Comic Sans or something, lol.

Of course, the downside is that if you’re playing the file with anything but a decent video player, the subs won’t appear at all. For example, if you upload a softsubbed file to YouTube, you won’t see any subs show up on that video. Hardsubbing is the go-to method for uploading files onto video-sharing sites to ensure maximum coverage, so that viewers on all platforms can see the subs.

So, we’ll be using a program called MKVToolnix to generate a softsubbed version of the video that’ll later be used as the base for the hardsubbed video we’ll make in HandBrake.

(Ah, by the way, what I said before about HandBrake possibly looking different to non-Mac users applies here as well. Again, I’m tentatively guessing that things will look pretty much the same. Fingers crossed.)

At the time of this post, the most current version of MKVToolnix is 12.0.0. Windows and Mac users can download the installer from this page - Linux users should go to the MKVToolnix homepage for download options. The install shouldn’t take too long, so you’ll be able to get going pretty quickly.

MKVToolnix is real simple - drag and drop files into the window, and click start. Bam, there’s your muxed file! :)

You can add files by either dragging and dropping them directly into the “Source files” window, or through the “Add source files” button on the left-most side of the bottom of the GUI. You’ll be dragging two files here - the video file and the subtitle file. As you might have guessed from the name of this program, softsubbed files are in .mkv format, so that’s what your output is gonna be in. On the bottom, where it says “Destination file”, the box will automatically fill in with an identical name and file location as the source video.

Let’s say our input files are named “testvideo.mp4” (the video that we want to add subs to) and “testvideo.ass” (the subtitles created for the video on Aegisub). The output will be named “testvideo.mkv” by default. I’ll usually rename the output file to something like “testvideo_muxed.mkv”. Even though it’ll be obvious that this is the muxed video without renaming (since it’s .mkv rather than .mp4), I still like going through with this for the sake of order. It’s up to you whether you want to do this or not - you only really need to rename the file if your source video was a .mkv file as well. Also, if you want the muxed file to be saved in a different location than the original video, you can click the button next to the text field to browse for your desired place.

You don’t need to mess with anything else after that - just hit the “Start multiplexing” button at the bottom and the job should be done in seconds (or minutes, if for whatever reason you’re subbing a 1 hr+ video).

If you find a different program for softsubbing that you’re more comfortable with, feel free to use that one instead! All that matters is that you have a .mkv softsubbed file to use as an input for HandBrake.

Hardsubbing (burning in) with HandBrake

When you open up HandBrake, it should automatically open up a window for you to browse through your files. Go ahead and select your muxed video file (the .mkv you just muxed, NOT the raw .mp4 file!) now. If you happen to accidentally close this window, no worries - you can just click the “Open Source” button located on the top-left corner to navigate to the file you need.

Once you’ve selected a file, HandBrake will read the file and load the appropriate options. There are a lot of options you can mess around with on HandBrake - feel free to explore them on your own, if you’re interesting in encoding and the like. However, since our goal here is just to burn in subtitles, I’m just going to skip to the basics.

Feel free to do these steps in any order you want, since the order doesn’t matter. I’m a simple gal, so I like to start at the top and work my way down. The first thing I usually do is go to the Destination section (second from the top) to set the name and destination for the finished file. If the file destination is already right where you want it, then you can just type directly in the space where you can edit the file name. If not, click the “Browse…” button on the right and find the location you want to save the file to.

Since the encoded file is going to be a .mp4 rather than a .mkv, you don’t have to change the file name if you don’t want to. Well, you do kinda have to if you didn’t rename your .mkv before since you’re gonna end up with two .mp4 files and you probably don’t want the raw video and the finished product having the exact same file name, but you get what I mean. I personally like having the .mp4 that I’m eventually going to upload be named appropriately, so I’ll usually name the file something like “testvideo_FINAL.mp4” so that I can easily pick it out from my cluttered hard drive. Use whatever you’re comfortable with!

Next, we’re going to determine the settings of the actual output.

By default, the output format should be .mp4. If for whatever reason you want your hardsubbed file to be in .mkv format instead, you can do that through the drop-down menu next to “Format”, under the Preset heading. Speaking of Presets, you can also decide what quality you want your video to be in. There should be a “Toggle Presets” window on the top right of the GUI - the Preset window should already be sticking out of the right side of the Handbrake window, but if not, go ahead and click that toggle button so it does pop out.

The default setting, IIRC, is “Fast 1080p30” (meaning “fast encoding at 1080p and 30 fps”). I haven’t used any other preset, but I assume the “Very Fast” options will sacrifice quality for a smaller file size and fast encoding speed, and the “HQ” and “Super HQ” options will create higher quality files that’ll take longer to process. Feel free to choose whatever you think is appropriate for your video here (e.g. the 720p preset might work if your original video was in that resolution).

The most important step is in the “Subtitles” tab. Take a look at the drop-down under the “Track” heading - by default, it should currently be on something like “Foreign Bitmap”. Click the drop-down and select the option that says “(SSA)” at the end, which should be the Aegisub file (.ass) that you muxed into this video. Then, check off the “Burned In” option. Don’t touch anything else.

It probably helps to have an illustration at this point, so here’s a screenshot of what I had on my screen back when I made a silly video for an ask:

Fair warning - since this is from October 2016, the window looks slightly different now since the program has gone through a few updates. Off the top of my head, the changes include: (1) the “Picture Settings” on the toolbar has migrated down to become one of the tabs along with “Video/Audio/Subtitles/Chapters” in the main workspace, (2) the “Start” and “Pause” buttons have swapped places with the Queue buttons, and (3) the “Normal (Default)” output setting has become a Legacy preset. Other than those few minor differences, I don’t think the window should look significantly different, so hopefully this image still helps.

Make sure you complete these two steps (selecting the .ass file and checking off the “Burned In”) properly, or else your output file will not have subs burned in. If you don’t see the SSA option in the drop-down list, then you either loaded the wrong file into HandBrake, or you somehow didn’t properly mux your video and subs. Either way, you’ll have to open up a new source file and start over (which isn’t that bad, since all we’ve done is rename the output file and select the subtitles we want to burn in).

Barring any mistakes, that’s pretty much all you need to do before you begin the final step. However, I personally have one more thing I do before I proceed.

Something I observed in the first few times that I tried using HandBrake was that my finished product was oddly cropped. That is, the video looked like it was resized, so that a good chunk of the visuals were cut off. After a few puzzled minutes of looking through the Handbrake settings, I realized that it was because HandBrake has automatic “cropping” enabled in its picture settings. All it took for me to fix that was to switch from “Automatic” to “Custom”. On the “Picture” tab in the middle of the HandBrake window, make sure that the “Cropping” option on the right is set to “Custom”, and that the numbers are all set to 0. This should ensure that no cropping occurs on your final product.

I have no idea if the current version of HandBrake still does this by default, since I always use custom Picture settings when burning in subs with HandBrake. If you find that HandBrake processes your file just fine under the default settings, then go ahead and skip this step.

Once you’re sure that you have the subtitle options and correct file name/destination down, hit the “Start” button at the top and HandBrake will get to work. Depending on the length of your video, HandBrake should be done encoding either in a few seconds or a couple of minutes. If you have desktop notifications enabled, HandBrake will alert you when the encoding is done, so you’re free to navigate away from the window to do other stuff on your computer in the meantime.

At the end of this process, the folder containing all your output files might look something like this:

testvideo.mp4 (raw video)

testvideo.ass (subtitle file created through Aegisub)

testvideo_muxed.mkv (softsubbed video created through MKVToolnix)

testvideo_FINAL.mp4 (hardsubbed video created through HandBrake)

Do whatever you want with the other files - it’s the final .mp4 that you want for uploading onto Tumblr/YouTube/video-sharing platform of your choice.

And that’s it! Hopefully this answers your questions. If this still seems unclear to you…then my bad, I probably should’ve inserted step-by-step screenshots and explained myself more clearly, but this post was already getting quite long. :’)

In the end, keep in mind that this is not the only way to softsub/hardsub videos - for example, I migrated to ffmpeg because I was too lazy to use two programs, lol. You can find various methods scattered all over the internet, from tutorials on fansub group homepages to even the Aegisub manual. There are plenty of people out there far wiser than I am, so feel free to hit up Google to satiate your curiosity. I personally found the MKVToolnix + HandBrake process suitable for beginners using a Mac, so it’s up to you if you want to stick with this way or if you want to explore other methods!

If you want, you can come off anon and chat with me on Tumblr Messenger. I usually answer a lot faster there, so if you ever have any quick questions, that’s always an option~

#yujachask #anonymous #wow this got really long...#i must be a senior citizen already why else would i ramble so much #i did a very very brief how to post on my oct 2016 ask vid #would it be helpful if i did another post like that?#or made some kind of tutorial video?#i'm such a shitty editor tho asdfjkl idk if it'd help more than 1 person #btw sorry for the blog inactivity lately #as i said i've been real busy with RL #i'm hoping to finish at least one of the things on my status page this month though!#i'll try to write a status update post sometime soon too;;

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cdrforea · 5 years ago

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Amazon Fire HD 10 (2019) Review: A Big Screen With A Big Value

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Amazon Fire HD 10 (2019) Review: A Big Screen With A Big Value

"The Amazon Fire HD 10 is the best value for tablets."

Large, sharp screen

Low price

Long battery life

Smart screen function in show mode

Fire OS is sometimes delayed

No google services

If you want a tablet but don't have hundreds of dollars to throw around, you've probably considered Amazon's Fire devices. The Amazon Fire HD 10 is the largest and best of its Fire tablet range. It doesn't sound like a bargain like the Fire HD 8 for $ 80 or the Fire 7 for $ 50, but a 10.1-inch screen for just $ 150 is remarkable. Amazon has also made some welcome improvements over the 2017 model, including a little more grunt under the hood – in terms of both computing power and battery life – and switching to USB-C for faster and easier charging.

At this price, you can expect some compromises, but the Fire HD 10 could be the ideal family tray for price-conscious customers.

Budgeting

Take the Fire HD 10 out of the simple cardboard box and you will find a minimalist design that revolves solely around the 10.1-inch screen. The body is made of chunky plastic that curves into the glass front, while the back carries the Amazon logo and the camera lens in the top left. Large frames around the screen make handling the tablet easier, even if it looks a bit dated. The front-facing camera is located in the upper panel.

If you hold the tablet in portrait mode, the power switch is on the top right with the USB-C port next to it. We are happy that micro USB disappears because USB-C cables are always the right way round and can be charged faster. If you keep moving to the left at the top, you'll find a 3.5mm audio jack and volume control. There is only one flap on the right edge, which releases the MicroSD card slot.

The Fire HD 10's stereo speakers are on the left or bottom when you hold the tablet in landscape orientation, as is most likely the case when playing or watching a movie. This is something to watch out for as the speakers can easily block when you place the tablet on something soft to watch a movie in bed. The Fire HD 10 Kids Edition comes with a thick case that solves this problem by redirecting the sound forward. It also has a built-in stand. An adult version of this case would actually be very practical.

The design is minimal in a cheap way; We speak of simple plastic rather than the metallic minimalism of more expensive tablets, but the Fire HD 10 is built so well that it feels robust. It's comfortable to use, but a bit difficult to hold, so a tablet stand is a good idea.

The 10.1-inch screen has a resolution of 1,920 x 1,200 pixels, which corresponds to 224 pixels per inch. This is almost as sharp as the entry-level iPad from Apple with 264 pixels per inch. The Fire HD 10 screen may not match the vivid color or brightness of the Apple tablet, but it is more than sufficient to read, enjoy, or play games. Brightness was a problem in direct sunlight and the screen is annoyingly reflective, but hidden in bed at night or sitting on the couch away from a window, it looks great. This is not only the largest screen that Amazon offers, but also the sharpest.

Simon Hill / Digital Trends

All Amazon, all the time

If you're an Amazon Prime member ($ 119 a year or $ 13 a month), the Fire HD 10 comes with a comprehensive content pack that you can enjoy. There are thousands of films and TV shows in Prime Video, 2 million songs in Prime Music, more than a thousand magazines, comics and e-books – some with an audible narrative – in Prime Reading and thousands of apps and games in the Amazon App Store. No other device really offers so much ready-to-use content without having to put your hand back in your pocket.

Amazon also offers subscriptions to other channels and services. You can buy and download a variety of films, TV shows, books, and music that are not included in the Prime offer. The Fire HD 10 is a simple window into a world of content, but without Prime membership, its limitations become clear.

However, working with the Amazon tablet is another big advantage, and that's Alexa. If you like the idea of a smart speaker with a display like the Echo Show from Amazon, you're interested in the Show mode on the Fire HD 10. Swipe down in the notification shade and check the Show mode box. Then support your HD 10 on a stand and it will work just like an echo show. You can ask Alexa questions and enter commands to play content. Relevant news and weather data based on your location will continue to appear on the screen. Buying a simple stand can give your Fire HD 10 a whole new purpose and is much cheaper than buying a separate smart display.

Simon Hill / Digital Trends

I used it in show mode in the kitchen, which feels like a natural home for an echo show. It turned out to be convenient for playing music and TV shows while I was cooking and cleaning. When you connect to the wall, you can see the weather and time at a glance on the always visible screen. In addition, the children were happy to receive visual feedback for questions and lyrics on the screen when requesting music. Video calls can also be made. This is the only sensible reason why you'll ever want to use the Fire HD 10's 2 megapixel front camera.

Wobbly software and missing apps

Fire OS runs the show on Fire HD, which uses a version based on Android 9.0 Pie, but without Google apps. Amazon uses a clear carousel interface that divides content into tabs. You can watch books, videos, games, apps, music and more. There's also a Home tab with your most recently viewed content and basic apps like the Silk browser, a map app, and a calculator. On the far left you will find suggestions for the next steps on the "For you" tab.

Dive into the settings and the Android legacy is unmistakable, but it feels very bare. It's like looking behind a film set and finding simple, unfinished wooden boards that are beaten up to hold the facade. The user interface can sometimes be a bit slow and delayed. For example, if you switched from an iPad to Fire HD 10, the difference would be staggering. Fire OS is not polished and rarely feels smooth.

There are also issues with the lack of choice in the Amazon app store. I wanted to test the Fire HD 10 with a challenging game, but you won't find Call of Duty: Mobile or Shadowgun Legends here. I finally chose Asphalt 8: Airborne – Asphalt 9 hasn't made it to the Amazon store yet – and I played Minecraft. The Fire HD 10 has enough muscle to play games, but this is a weak point compared to high-end tablets like the iPad or the Samsung Galaxy Tab S5e.

It is possible to load the Google Play Store on a Fire tablet, but it requires a little technological know-how. If you know you're not happy with the Amazon ecosystem, it may be better to buy another tablet.

Adequate performance

According to Amazon, the updated processor in Fire HD 10 is 30% faster than the old one, although it is supported by the same 2 GB of RAM. If you switch from an older Fire tablet, you will enjoy the improved performance. While things are noticeably faster, this tablet can still sometimes feel energized. Apps and games can load slowly, there are pauses that alternate between them, and occasional delays are expected here. The base model only has 32 GB of storage space, and performance gets much worse when that space is full. So you should add a microSD card.

If you use your Fire HD 10 primarily for movies, reading, and casual games, it's fast enough for you.

A lot of perseverance

I am delighted that Amazon has managed to pack a larger battery into the Fire HD 10. The company suggests that you get 12 hours of mixed use on a full battery, and I think that's pretty conservative. While gaming quickly chews through the battery, streaming and reading movies doesn't seem to work. It's the type of device you'll likely be using at home most of the time anyway, but it's nice that it can easily guide you through a long-haul flight.

Even better, we now have a USB-C port. The charging cable is much easier to connect and charges faster. Amazon only offers a 9 watt charger included. It takes approximately four hours to fully charge the Fire HD 10. However, you can use a 15-watt charger with a USB-C to USB-C cable and charge it in three hours. There is a reasonable chance that you will already have one if you recently bought a new phone to have. I was able to use my Pixel 4 charger for better results.

Price, availability and warranty information

The Amazon Fire HD 10 costs directly from $ 150 Amazon for the 32 GB model with lock screen advertising. If you jump to 64 GB, the price will increase by $ 40. It also costs $ 15 to remove the ads, which you can do at any time.

It comes with a one-year standard warranty that covers you for material and workmanship defects under normal use.

Our opinion

The Amazon Fire HD 10 is one of the best Android tablets you can buy. It's a real bargain at $ 150 and will prove irresistible to Prime members looking for a new large-screen tablet. There are inevitable compromises on a device at this price, but if you can live with the limitations, it's a compelling tablet.

Is there a better alternative?

A $ 150 tablet with a 10.1-inch screen is a bargain. If you can stretch a little further, there are options from Lenovo and Huawei of similar size for around $ 200. However, if you have $ 150, you won't find anything better than the Fire HD 10.

There's no doubt that the base iPad is better in every way, but it starts at $ 329. The Samsung Galaxy Tab S5e is a lot better than the Fire HD 10 in every way, but it starts at $ 400.

How long it will take?

Fire tablets aren't really designed for longevity. However, if you get a protective case and keep it dry, your Fire HD 10 may last for a few years. Amazon publishes software updates for a while, but I've noticed that my Fire tablets may need to be reset to factory settings from time to time to restore performance.

Should you buy it

Yes. It is the best tablet that Amazon offers and an ideal family tablet for Prime members.

Editor's recommendations

#Amazon #Big #Fire #Review #Screen #Product Reviews

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meisteralready · 8 years ago

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A Supermarket at 45 rpm

1982. Reagan was still just an actor in the white house, my hometown baseball team would win the World Series, and I was turning nine years old. We didn’t have cable, my Mom and I lived in an apartment in Fenton, Mo, St. Louis County. South of the city. That summer was awesome. I think it was sunny everyday. I went camping for a whole weekend for the first time with someone other than my family. I also kissed a girl for the first time. It was on a trampoline late one afternoon in Eddie Weber’s backyard. That summer, I bought my first record as well, a 45 rpm.

All summer long, we kept hearing the same song, at the pool, in movie theater parking lots, at the field house where we would go or sno-cones after soccer practice. It started off weird, the song did, with what sounded like someone hitting empty coke bottles. The guy singing had a strange accent. It was a rock song, but it had a lotta flute in it and no, it wasn’t Jethro Tull, In the lyrics, he talked about vegemite sandwiches. I found out the name of the song was “Down Under” and the name of the band was Men At Work.

I remember being in the car with my Mom and the song came on. I quickly asked her to turn it up, which caught her attention, for this was not something I did on the reg. She chuckled at various references in the song especially “where the beer would flow and men would chunder", which I only found recently meant to puke. Mom stated, halfway in the song, “I think these guys are from Austraila”, and when the famous vegemite line was uttered, she laughed, “Oh, yeah, they’re Aussies,” adding, “your father and I knew a lot of blokes like that.”

I didn’t quite know what that meant, but she beamed with pride. My Dad and Mom, when they were first married, lived in Sydney for a few months, then Melbourne, before having to come home because my grandfather got sick and Mom found out that she was pregnant. It was hard for them to leave Australia, they were a young couple in the prime of their lives, living abroad in a friendly country (Well, friendly at least to white people at that time, aside from how they treated aborigines), and they seemed to be deeply, madly in love.

Their photo albums from that time were like highlight reels for happiness with pictures that made it seem like they’re living in heaven on earth. After they moved back, Grandpa did die and grief-stricken, Mom miscarried. Three years later, I was born, but they were miserable together and eventually got divorced. Yet Australia, was this gem of their time together and, even today, the greatest times of their lives.

Back in 1982, The DJ on the radio in the car confirmed that, indeed, Men At Work were from Australia and that they were HUUUUGEEE there. Now at that time, the only other band I knew that was from Australia was AC/DC and I was told by John Hrdlicka, my next door neighbor with the most christian mother i had ever met, that AC/DC actually meant After Christ, Devil Comes. My cousin Kathy had an album of theirs with Angus displaying his devil horns, so that, in essence, confirmed it. To a eight year old, Satan was some heavy shit.

A week or so later, Mom and I went to Schnuck’s, our neighborhood grocery store. This was the early 80s, we didn’t go out a whole lot, and going to the supermarket was a BFD. A Big Fucking Deal. Sometimes we’d see a friend of mine from school or Mom would flirt with the store manager to get double coupons on a week where there wasn’t double coupons. And Mom usually let me get something, like candy or a comic book or the like. But this time it was different.

Mom, by now six years divorced, still beautiful, and very liberated, was talking it up in the meat aisle with a guy wearing a wide-open, chest-hair-filled polyester shirt. I didn’t know him and it didn’t seem like anybody else did as well. They displayed all the signs of attraction between two people, something that, years later, I would come to recognize. He would lean in to her to tell a joke, my Mom would lilt in her laugh and shift her hips side-to-side. I didn’t even know if the jokes were good, and, being nine, kicked at the rollers on the shopping cart, and was generally, loudly bored. After an elongated “MoooOOOoooM,” she turned to me, quickly dug into her purse and handed me four bucks.

FOUR BUCKS. That was pretty incredible. Outside of Christmas cards or birthdays, it was the most money I had ever held in my hand. I was dumbfounded. “What do I do with this?” I asked. Mom, never breaking her gaze from her Meat Market Adonis shooed me away with a “whatever you want.” I walked away amazed and let them continue their budding romance next to the pork steaks. I had to get one more meat joke in.

The supermarket was now, a whole new world to me. I was willy wonka and this was my chocolate factory, everything seemed at my disposal. WHAT TO BUY WITH ALL MY RICHES? I went to the comic books - nothing new there, I had all the latest editions that were on the shelf. I looked at the candy and nothing was overly biting me - I believe I had one of those sno-cones only an hour or so earlier. I went closer to the liquor aisle, no, i was pre-pubescent wino. Near the liqour, Schnucks was trying out something new, something I had never seen before outside the local Sam Goody - a section for 45 rpm records.

Now, in the history of vinyl, these were the waning years of the record single. Tape and later CD singles would be the 7 inches’ demise, falling to an all-time sales low in 1985. And supermarkets, being the dinosaurs of change, added a 45 record section in the last dying breaths of the medium. It is though, historic to me for it was where I bought my first record, next to a guy buying a fifth of Seagram’s Gin and Similac.

I looked through the two rows of singles - Hurts So Good by John No-One-Had-Yet-Heard-of Mellencap Cougar, Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band which did not reach out and grab me, and many, many copies of Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson, which I almost bought because Willie looked like a space cowboy on the cover wearing a silver jacket, changing out his regular red bandana for some teal blue sari-looking one, all the while with weird sand dunes in the back that made him look like he was one Mars. He probably picked the album cover while stoned. Who I am kidding, everything done by Willie Nelson was done while he was stoned. Shit, if I could do that, damn right, I would. But all of us can’t be Willie Nelson. I think. What was I talking about?

Right, the record. So, I’m flipping through the singles and come across Men At Work. I knew I like the song and I distinctly remember the price tag reading $3.30. Right in my wheelhouse. So I walk up to the register and put in on the conveyor belt, and right as it was getting zapped by the mysterious green light that under the glass plate that somehow knew all the prices of everything everywhere, the cashier asked me if I was interested day-old roses that were on sale for a quarter a piece. She listlessly waved her hand toward it in such a way that I still have hope today that she finally found a job that fulfills her. Feeling rich and proud of my very unlike-eight year old purchase, I think I literally said, “Throw it on my tab.” My flirt with the cashier didn’t go as well as did the older gentleman with my mother. She sighed and I was immediately embarrassed, my only wish was to be back in the meat aisle.

I turned, defeated, to find my Mom. She and Mr.-70s-held-over were near the front of the store by the half-priced store-brand cereals that were on the endcap. I sauntered over with the rose hidden behind my back. Mom was tearing what I guess was her phone number on a piece of paper from a pad in her checkbook. This pad, usually used only for to-do lists, now included romantic encounters. As she handed it to this poor-man’s-Chuck-Barris, I pretended to be interested in a box of knock-off fruity pebbles, which I think they were called Fruit Rocks. He swaggered away and i presented my Mom with the rose. She smiled so brightly. I can still feel that kiss she gave me on my forehead.

I don’t know if that guy, who I will now always call Fruit Rocks, ever did get a hold of Mom, but what I do remember is getting home and Mom happily loading up that single on the record player. you see, I was not able to touch the hi-fi for at least another two years. The first time was when I bought my first long-playing record, which Prince’s Purple Rain, but that’s a whole other story.

That night, though, I had Mom play Side A of that 45 over and over. “Down Under” definitely brought the Thunder, which, coincidentially, is now the name of an Australian all-male stripper revue. Mom & I danced and laughed at each other for hours. I never got the drug references in the song, of which there are many, for example, “Lyin’ in a den in Bombay. With a slack jaw, and not much to say”? Really? You do the math.

OPIUM.

Dancing the night away back then with Mom is a great memory. I HATED the B-side of the record, though. I can’t even remember the name of it. It was pure crap. Some song that I have erased from my memory. I detested it so much that I got a steak knife and intentionally scratched “I HATE THIS” into the grooves. I mean, I could do it, right? It was mine. I BOUGHT it. Over the next couple months, I lost interest in the 45 and eventually, lost track of the record.

Fast forward to 2009. My Mom, after a long and truly courageous battle with an illness, passes. Yet, she lived long enough to see her only grandchild born, something she always wanted. My daughter Evangeline, who adored her. Evie looks just like Mom, and is just as funny as she was, just as kind, and is just as beautiful.

It took me a long time to go through Mom’s stuff. It sat for years. In 2015, I began. God forbid anything ever happened to me, my kid wouldn’t know what any of this stuff was. I catalogued things, wrote a bit about each box I would go through, made little quicktime movies. It helped a lot. Tremendously cathartic. One night last summer with Evangeline visiting, I open up a box marked “silverware”. It was in my Mom’s handwriting, which was always beautiful, the way all Mom’s seem to write.

Inside was no cutlery at all, instead, loose odds and ends and on top was something small, flat and wrapped in bubblewrap. I opened it. It was that old Men at Work forty-five, one side still scratched to hell with the price tag reading $3.30 staring me dead in the eye. I had never mentioned it before, in all conversations I ever had with Mom, even as an adult, that this was my first record. But she knew. She protected it. She cared.

I began to weep, softly. Evie, a little alarmed, stopped playing with her toys on the floor, came over and hugged me. She asked me what was wrong. Kinda just like what Mom would do. I told her this very story. She cried a bit as well. Eve was only two when my Mom died. She has fleeting memories. She said that she missed “Meemaw”, what she could recollect of her. She said she was sad because she could not remember her voice. We, regrettably, neglected to take many videos of her and Mom.

After a bit, Eve reached into the box and pulled out a small package. It was a rubber banded manila envelope of cassette tapes. it was marked “Austraila”, again in Virginia Meister’s expert penmanship. These were taped audio letters, sent back and forth, from Mom & Dad to each of their parents in America, while they lived abroad. One side would be of my parents’ adventures in Oz, with the other being the whole family relaying stories of back home.

Evie and I sat the rest of that night and listened to them while flipping through the treasured photo albums. She remembered her grandmother’s voice and for the first time in my life, I heard the voice of my grandfather whom I had never met.

And we played that Men At Work 45. And we danced and we laughed at each other. But we only spun “Down Under”, never that B-Side, because that other song? That was pure crap.

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sammjoeyphoto-blog · 8 years ago

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Website research:

Website: www.richgilligan.com

Simplistic, clean, takes a white to load? Lots of images (possibly too many?), website is responsive – resizes to different browser sizes. Scrolling vertically feels appealing because it is the same as what would be done on social media websites as well as on other devices such as on mobile.

Pages: overview – selections of all work, could possibly be more limited to make it more like a portfolio. DIY, Rituals and Burnside are all pages dedicated to projects, fewer selection of images. However no text about the work. Would a synopsis from the work help? Moving Image page contains an embedded video. Bio page contains brief information about himself and then follows with information about his work such as clients/publications, books he’s published, press that his worked for with links to his articles. Information on his education as well as exhibitions that he has done. Contact page contains contact information for his agency as well as a contact for studio and print sales. Finally a link to his Instagram – it only features on this page.

Overall the style on this website is clean and minimal, the font style is simple and eligible. Pages containing bodies of work are well laid out with a reasonable number of images (minus Overview page, I feel this contains to many images). I feel the Bio page is a good touch and a place for any perspective clients looking at your website to quickly see a full list of all of your commercial and personal work. I think the vertical scroll is a good feature as it is similar to most websites so it makes it easier for the end user. However, the lack of social media buttons seems to be a bad point, but it can be found on his contact page so it is there but perhaps it is something that he is not interested in pushing.

Website: www.alecsoth.com

Alex Soth’s website has a splash or cover page that is somewhat humorous with a synopsis about himself. The websites navigation bar goes down the left hand side which is nice because normally humans read left to right so it’ll be the first thing a reader looks at. This menu bar turns yellow when the mouse is on it, I’m not sure how I feel about this as it feels a bit in your face, and I feel the house style is already enough by mixing white, black, grey and blue.

As for content, the calendar page is an interesting touch as it lets you know where his work is currently or going to be exhibited as well as talks and seminars he will be doing. Project contains a dropdown menu which then lists 8 projects of his. Unfortunately ‘Projects’ it’s self is a hyper link which takes you to an empty page. But when you do click on a specific project you first see a feature for the book (for the most part), and then images from the series. The images can be viewed by horizontally scrolling across the page, however it is not immediately apparent as nothing shows that you should be horizontally scrolling apart from seeing half an image. I feel that a directional arrow could help here or some form of text.

Other links on the website include information such as his CV and another tab containing contact info for a lot of people which is broken down respectively to each country or job role of the contact. In addition to this is a FAQ page which allows the reader to quickly find answers to common question people have had for the artist. Finally, the links page contains all links to social media and Alec’s other projects. It’s nice to see them all collected together on one page as there is several links.

Website: http://www.edgarmartins.com/

Edgar Martins website starts of on a latest news page, this could be beneficial to keep people up to date with what is going on with your work, however I don’t personally feel it is worthy of your home page, I feel you should lead with your work. What I do like though is the colour scheme, it’s very clean and easy to read, with highlights of key information in yellow/gold text. Most of the text on the website including when going through pages is mostly on the right side of the page which to me doesn’t feel right especially as most of the pages the right side of the page is empty. I also feel that the menu font is on the small side proving hard to read at times.

What I have noticed is that the site is that it is somewhat awkward to navigate in order to actually find examples of the photographer’s work, which is buried three layers deep in menus. However when you do find the work I like the buttons being highlighted in the gold colour to easily view them. But again all of the information is to the left of the page with the right being blank. After going through most of the site I am yet to find a page that actually makes use of the right side of the page. I imagine this is obviously a style choice to the site but for me I don’t like it as humans read left to right. I perhaps wouldn’t mind so much if images were on the right side of the page, but I think it’s that it is left blank is bothering me.

www.supremenewyork.com/

Supreme’s website greets you with a cover page which is a black and white image with a black filter over it to help the red logo draw attention. The menu is listed vertically in the centre of the page with social media buttons at the bottom of the menu. The home page also tells you the time in NYC, I’m not sure how worthwhile this feature is but could prove to be a part of the brands New York City heritage. The site then switches to a white background when you go to any other page and uses a rather clean and minimalist layout, again still very much centred to the page. When on other pages the menu moves to the bottom as the content has moved to the centre and social media buttons are no longer prevalent. Then one some pages the menu is removed completely and the logo moves to the bottom left but you do then get a back button for the main menu. However this does make sense in ways because these pages where this happens is mainly shopping or look book pages so these would be pages where perhaps your journey on the website will end after you have purchased something. Even with the moving menu and logo through the pages you don’t notice it so much because the house style and font sizes as well as the rest of the layout are very consistant. Another interesting addition is the random button on the menu to take you to a completely random page, I’m not sure if this would be something to prove worthwhile on a photography website or would it just be more of a gimmick.

http://www.andyrosephotography.co.uk/

From the moment opening Andy Rose Photography, it is apparent it is a very busy website. There are many different images changing rather quickly on the home page. There are also many links in the menu bar, it feels rather cluttered. I appreciate the use of black, grey and brown text as that is a simple element making the key information stand out however the font used seems a little gimmicky, almost having a similar feeling that comic sans would have. It is apparent straight away that this website is for the purpose of getting commercial clients, as the home page addresses the type of work the person does with email link and phone number. As well as having the address and other contact details again in all the page’s headers and footers. The language used on the website becomes confusing because it is clear it is a single persons’ business and on the About page, he refers to himself by saying ‘my’ but on other pages he says ‘we’? As for the number of categories of photography in menu, there does feel like there is to many especially as all of them state ‘photography’ in their title, I don’t feel this is needed because you know you’re on a photography website as it is in the URL and on the logo in the header already. However, it is good from a client’s perspective to see the amount of work the person does. I feel this aspect could be done better by having sub menu’s so all of the different types of photography are all hidden under a menu heading.

What I have also noticed is that the menu’s layout changes depending on the size of the window. When a large window is used the menu is spread out horizontally in two layers, which does make it look very busy. But in a smaller window it gets put under a button that you have to click to open the menu and then the menu appears vertically this is more visually pleasing and because you can click the menu button again to hide it is cleans the appearance up when you’re trying to read the page.

Also there is a Contact page, after having the persons contact information on the header and footer of every page and on the home page in general it feels like the Contact page isn’t even needed.

Overall this is a good basis for a purely commercial photography driven website, however like I’ve addressed there are quite a few issues that could be changed to make the website simpler and possibly easier to navigate.

http://www.ashworthcommercial.co.uk/

Ashworth being another commercial driven photography website, I am already feeling relatively pleased when entering the website. There are social buttons in the top right corner, they’re above everything but also out of the way. Then in the page header there is the company name in a large bold font and blue in colour, standing out from the rest of the page which a short summery below it in a black/grey colour this flows rather well and I feel it is a good feature as a perspective client immediately knows what services are offered. The home page is more like an about page as it gives details about who the person is and their practice. There is also a slide show of images on the home page but they’re changing at a moderate rate so they’re not too distracting.

The footer for all the pages works in well with the site design as it is in the same blue colour as the logo with black/grey and white text in it, it does contain contact details but this isn’t so bad as this is the only place other than the contact page that the contact details are present.

The menu is simple and un-cluttered with only 6 headings. They have hidden the other menus on each page. So when you go to the portfolio page you’re greeted with a menu for the different styles of work the person offers. Lower down the page there is a short list of some of the persons high profile clients as well as testimonies from clients this could be a worthwhile feature to help increase confidence in perspective clients as they can see feedback from previous clients and the type of clients you’ve already worked with.

There is also a page dedicated to the person pricing which also gives detailed lists of what you’re paying for at that price as well as copyright and licensing agreements. But also including information and pictures of the person’s studio.

Overall this is a very pleasant website to view and use, it doesn’t leave me confused when trying to navigate and the layout and design is rather simplistic with a clean house style.

#professional practice

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