#and i have to drive myself tomorrow so like an hr of crying while i try to drive

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[blaines-hayes]

Stay. [Ethan Ramsey x MC]

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x MC 

Rating: General/ For All Audiences

Words: 3.7K

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Summary: MC is leaving Edenbrook after receiving an offer of a fellowship in Seattle. She's hoping for a goodbye from Ethan who grew distant after hearing the news.

[1st person POV.]

"This is really it then," Sienna says.

Her voice draws me out of my thoughts, her small frame is leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom. I bring myself to laugh, but the tears welling up in her eyes serve to remind me of the sadness of this day. Aurora stands besides her, her expression is unreadable, but over the years I have distinguished the expressions enough to know she is hiding her own sadness.

"I guess so," I say. My fingers pull up the last zipper, sealing my last suitcase shut.

My years as a resident at Edenbrook are over. Not too long ago I was offered a fellowship where I would continue my training under some of the best doctors in the world. Away from Boston and everyone I have come to hold dear... away from my friends. Away from Ethan.

"Has he come to say goodbye?" Aurora asks, her tone is soft and careful. As if she is afraid of upsetting me by mentioning him. There's a hidden layer behind her words, a subtle implication. An insinuation that there was something more, that she has known about it for a while.

Her question shocks me. Whatever my relationship with Ethan has been, we have always tried to keep it discrete. Friendly. Careful not to raise any suspicion, but Aurora is smart. She has always been observant, a quality of hers that is often forgotten and overlooked.

"You knew?!" I ask. My eyes scan her face, for resentment or just some sign that she will discredit all my work as the hospital, but there is nothing other than a sheepish smile that follows her confession.

"Sienna and I had been speculating about your relationship for a while. There were days where you would get back from the Diagnostics team meetings all flustered and then there were days where you would come back annoyed at something you wouldn't want to discuss," She says, shrugging as if anyone would have noticed.

"It didn't take too much to connect it to Ethan, when we would see Dr. Mirani and Dr. Hirata at Donahue's when you would stay and work late," Sienna adds, a smile on her face.

"Don't even get us started on the longing looks he threw at you when you weren't looking. Or the lingering touches when your hand would accidentally brush against his and-- yeah you two were definitely not subtle," Aurora laughs.

I can't help but join in. Some pressure of having to have had keep our relationship a secret seems to lift from my shoulders. Even though I am on my way out, and there was no need for secrecy anymore, I didn't find it necessary to mention our history. With Ethan in Boston and me in Seattle... the distance would never work. He could never leave Edenbrook, and I cannot pause my career when I'm only just getting started.

“When did it start?” Sienna asks giddily. Aurora rolls her eyes, but I her focus as interest.

“A couple of years ago. We both wanted to see who we were outside of the hospital. He’s met my parents. I’ve met his dad. It was--”

“Pretty serious. Wow. Years,” Aurora finishes. She thinks it over, seemingly replaying different encounters in her head, and nods, satisfied. 

"...He hasn't said anything," I admit, referring back to their original question. "When I told him about the fellowship, he congratulated me and wished me the best. We didn't speak much after. He hasn't reached out, and I haven't been able to reach him. I don't think he's coming."

Aurora smiles sadly at me, "I don't know the full depths of your relationship. But it's obvious you two mean a lot to each other. He'll be here."

"You think so?" I ask.

"If there's one thing Ethan Ramsey cares about more than medicine, it's you. Maybe more. Probably more. I don't know what goes on in that man's head really. But I'm almost certain he would rather suffer than ever be the reason for your disappointment," Sienna replies. She pauses for a moment, and then her eyes light up as if remembering something. "Oh! The guest are here for your goodbye party! We were coming to get you. You're all set for the airport after right?"

I take a quick glance around my room, now bare, the few boxes left are going to be taken to a  donation center sometime tomorrow by Elijah. There's a small pang in my chest, but I manage to shove it aside and plaster on a smile.

I find myself wondering about Edenbrook, about how different things would have been if they offered me a fellowship. Would I have chosen to stay? Would I still choose Seattle? Then the most obvious question surfaces, why didn't Edenbrook offer me a fellowship? Did they not think I was good enough? Did being on the Diagnostics team mean nothing?

"Yeah, I'm all set. You're still okay with driving me right?"

"Yup," Sienna says. "Now let's party like I won't see you tomorrow because I won't and... oh no, now I'm sad."

We laugh and move to greet everyone who is gathered in the living room. With no sight of Ethan, my party-ing mood deflates.

Hours pass, and Ethan never shows up. Soon enough, its midnight and the car is pulling up into the airport. Sienna, Jackie, and Aurora follow me to the entrance of the building. They begin to apologize for Ethan's absence.

"It's okay. He probably got caught up with work or--"

"It's not okay," Jackie interjects. "You don't have to make excuses for him. He didn't show up and he didn't so much as talk to you during your last few weeks. All he did was make appointments with the Chief and HR. He avoided you like the plague and now he doesn't even have the decency to say goodbye to you."

"Jackie--" Sienna starts, but Jackie cuts her short.

"What? Did I lie? I'm sorry, but it's the truth. He could at least said goodbye or tell you why Edenbrook didn't offer you a fellowship. It's not like he couldn't have asked Banerji about it."

Jackie goes to say more, but whatever look is on my face stops her. Her faces scrunches and she appears regretful. Her tone drops in its sharpness and she sounds genuine when she says, "I really am sorry."

The lack of an offer for fellowship at Edenbrook is a sore spot, and she knows I haven't wanted to talk about it.

"It's okay," I offer, but my voice isn't very convincing. They're kind enough to ignore it.

When it is clear that we have been delaying the inevitable, it Aurora who steps up first. Her hands wrap around me and I quickly reciprocate it.

"You're an amazing Doctor," Aurora says. "I wish you nothing but the very best with your career. Thank you for constantly encouraging me."

Don't cry, don't cry.

"Thank you Aurora," I say smiling. "You better believe I'm going to follow your career. I hope you invite me to the award ceremonies that you'll undoubtedly be nominated for."

When we pull apart, there is a shadow of a smile in her face, and she goes back into the car.

"I'm not one for tears," Jackie says, stepping up and pulling me into a quick hug. "Edenbrook is going to be ridiculously boring without you causing trouble."

"Believe me when I say not to count Bryce out just yet."

When it's just Sienna and I, I finally succumb to my emotions, encouraged by her own tears.

"Sienna! No fair, my eyes are going to be puffy and you promised me you wouldn't cry!"

"I can't help it," Sienna sobs. "You're my friend. My best friend!"

"Seattle isn't crazy far from California! I'll visit you every chance I get. You're gonna love it there."

"Oh god, I should let someone else drive," Sienna laughs, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

I laugh, "I think that would be best."

I pull her into a tight hug, thank her for being the best friend I could ever ask for. When we pull apart, we take a few minutes to compose ourselves before she speaks.

"I really am sorry about Ethan. I really did think he would show up."

I shrug, attempting to act indifferent. "Ethan isn't very good at goodbyes."

I think of his mother, and her sudden abandonment. I wonder if he thinks I am betraying him. I push the thought out of my mind. There's no way. Ethan, the man that only ever pushed me to be the best and supported me throughout my time in Edenbrook, who kept things professional for so long because he was aware of the mistreatment of women in any field, especially medical. There's no way that that Ethan Ramsey, my Ethan Ramsey, would be anything other than proud.

"Neither are we apparently," Sienna says, but the second the words leave her lips, a sorry expression appears. Suddenly, hearing the layers behind her words. The hidden meaning of not being good at goodbyes meaning you can't do a goodbye.

I pull her into one last hug before she was start issuing a series of apologies. I promise her that I'll call her when I land and swear I am okay, and finally head into the check-in station.

[3rd person POV.]

"Stop crying Sienna," Jackie says, clearly exasperated. Her hands rub small circles into the smaller woman's back.

"They probably haven't even boarded," Aurora appears suddenly. She had gone to find a place to park the car after Sienna refused to get in. "You could probably catch them and fly out with--"

The sounds of footsteps rushing across the pavement, of people shouting irritated "watch its", sounds of shoved groans and of loud apologies, draws the women's attention. They cannot make out what's happening, but a large figure is rushing towards them at a dangerous speed, too fast for them to move away.

"Varma, Trinh, Emery!" A strangely familiar voice shouts out to them.

"Were we expecting anyone?" Jackie mumbles to the ladies, too entranced by the scene that is unfolding to look away.

Aurora replied with a three beat hum that sounds like the words "i don't know" .

"Wait! We know him!" Sienna shouts suddenly, jumping up and rushing to meet him half way.

Their theatrics have gathered the attention of some onlookers now, the expressions vary from confused, annoyed, and excited.

"Dr. Ramsey?" Aurora calls out shocked, as his face comes closer into view.

"Oh my God," Jackie says, sounding suddenly very amused. They two women step forward until they reach them.

Sienna who reached him just as he bent over for air, pats his back as an attempt to help as Ethan Ramsey collects himself.

"Where...is...?" He asks through heavy pants. "Did I...miss...?"

The women stare at him, both confused and amused.

"We got here not to long ago..." Jackie says. "Maybe around fifteen minutes give or take?"

Sienna who suddenly seems very alert, "We don't think the plane has boarded yet. You could probably still catch---"

But Ethan Ramsey has already taken off leaving nothing but a cold rush of air in his place.

"...Never would have expected Ethan Ramsey to be so theatrical," Jackie laughs, watching his running figure speed off.

"God, nobody is ever going to believe us," Aurora says, joining in on the laughter.

"I think it's romantic," Sienna says, sighing happily. "Anyway. I'm okay. We can go now."

[1st person POV.]

"...And now I'm moving to Seattle for a fellowship."

The man in front of me in line grunts in response.

"But your man? He didn't say goodbye?" He asks, shaking his head disapprovingly.

I sigh dramatically, "Why does everybody like to focus on that part?"

"You 'oughta stop telling it like a tale of romance then," he shrugs. "Makes the story less about the relationship when you don't end it and start it with that fancy doctor you're leaving behind."

I nod, playfully understanding. "I'm a fancy doctor too, you know. But anyway, you're right. I'll do better next time."

He does a sort of chuckle and disappears into the terminal leading into the plane.

"Next."

I greet the attendant politely and hand over my passport, ticket and any other piece of paper she needs to let me on board.

"I think it's messed up that he didn't say goodbye. He should have at least said goodbye," a woman's voice says from behind me.

I turn to her and laugh, "He's not too bad--"

"Sir! There is no running in the--"

The sound of crashing draws my attention to the scene. Where a man has just accidentally tripped over and dropped the black stanchion rope, that was separating crowds into neat lines.

"I am so sorry! I just have to find and stop the person I'm in love with from getting on--"

"Ethan?!" I hear my voice call out, my feet seem to take off without me.

"I'd bet that the doctor she was mentioning," the woman from the line says, confidently.

Ethan looks up sheepishly when I reach him. "Hi," he says, his cheeks turning pink.

"Hey," I say. I can't help the smile that appears on my face. "You take a wrong turn somewhere?" I ask, amused.

He laughs, and takes my hands that reach out to help him up.

When he stands, his eyes settle on mine, and he sighs like he can relax now that he has found me. His hand comes up, and his thumb caresses my cheek.

Behind me I hear the man who I was initially speaking to, having probably come out with a flight attendant to see what the hold up was, say, "Well with his looks, I would've been without a goodbye either."

"Thanks, Gregg," I jokingly call out to him, not bothering to look back at him. He responds with an approving grunt.

"You've been talking about me?" Ethan asks, his eyebrows raise playfully.

"All good things," I hum. His eyes focus on me so intently, I'm worried he believes I will disappear if he looks away.

"We formed our own opinion!" The woman from the line calls out, earning a few laughs from the crowd.

"I should probably explain," Ethan says, not bothering to look away from me. The intense longing in his eyes makes my chest warm.

"Yeah," I say, "Yes. You probably should."

But the energy drawing us together is too strong and soon his lip crash onto mine, both his hands come up to cup my face, and I melt against him to the sound of cheering and whistles. When we pull apart, I become all too aware of our gathered spectators and press my face against his chest, in attempt to hide my growing blush.

Ethan offers up a meek apology to the crowd, who merely laugh and applaud. Gregg shouts out to thank us for the show.

A couple moments pass, and we look for a quiet part of the loud and busy airport where we can talk. We land at the sleeping pods area and settle in together.

"You didn't say goodbye," I say. His arms are wrapped around me and my cheek is pressed to chest.

"I know," Ethan says softly. His hand is rubbing soothingly up and down my back.

I lift myself off of his chest to look up at him, "That's all?"

"No, no. That isn't all," He says quickly, propping himself up. "I was figuring things out. You and I, we-- I always kept you at a professional distance because I didn't want anybody to look at you and link all your hard work back to me. I didn't want anyone to discredit your accomplishments and say that you only succeeded because I had a hand in your career. I didn't. Everything you have accomplished, that was all you. You're-- you're brilliant. You know that.

"It was you who put in all the work. It was all you. You worked so hard, you're passionate and smart. So I was confused when Banerji didn't offer you a fellowship at Edenbrook. I set up  meetings with him to ask, he was too busy to ever meet with me at the hospital so I finally showed up to his house. When I mentioned it he was confused and he said that he had made you an offer," Ethan says looking up at me expectantly.

I am perplexed, nobody had ever responded to my fellowship application and certainly nobody had met me in person to discuss it.

"Nobody ever offered me anything?"

"That's what I told him. He promised me he would look into it and days later he realized there had been an issue. You were far too qualified to be a fellow, so he never intended to recruit you as such. But you had already accepted the fellowship in Seattle, taking the hospital silence as an answer. Long story short those he had he put in charge of offering you the position made the mistake of marking you out as an unavailable candidate. Banerji was incredibly mad when he found out. He wanted to apologize personally, but I told him you were leaving today and that you had to know before you left. Edenbrook is your home, and you have a position there. If you want it, of course. I know that you are very excited about Seattle, but you deserve all your option on the table."

I can't do anything but stare at him. It takes me some time to process the information. Edenbrook was offering a position. They always intended to offer me a position. But what had Ethan said? Not a fellow? What could I possibly be if not a fellow?

"Ethan? You said I was too qualified as a fellow so what position is Edenbrook offering me?" My voice is soft, afraid that if I speak to loudly I will scare the news away. That I will wake up in Seattle and this was all a dream.

He smiles brightly at the question, and his eyes shine with pride. "They're offering you an Attending position."

My pulse quicken, "You're joking. Tell me you're not joking."

An Attending position? That's the second highest position in a hospital, not including Chief of the whole hospital. There's Chief of hospital, Chief of individual section such as Chief or cardio, trauma, or general surgery, and then there are Attendings. Attending are in charge of Residents and Interns, and at Edenbrook I will become a teacher to interns who positions I was once in.

Ethan laughs, "When have you ever known me to joke?"

I laugh, and in a swift motion press my lips to his. His response is immediate. His hands wrap around my waist and his lip part, granting me entrance. My fingers run through his hair, and everything seems in place. Like this is the last piece of our now complete puzzle.

"Wait," I say, finally pulling apart to breathe. "This position is great. I know it is. And if I stay I would be staying for me, for my career. But..."

"But?" Ethan presses, running his hand down my cheek.

"But there's you."

He looks confused. "Yes, there's me."

"There's you. There's me. There's an us, Ethan. We would be working together and still on the Diagnostic team which you're the Director of. You're still my boss, and relationships like those, like ours still aren't allowed."

Ethan fishes something out of his coat pocket, a folded piece of paper that he hands me.

"About that," He begins, watching as I unfold and smooth down the paper. "I also set up some meetings with HR."

My eyes scan the words on the paper, and I look up at him confused.

Ethan smiles, "It's um, a Declaration of Love."

"A Declaration of Love?"

"Yes, the paper itself is simple. Really it's just a safety precaution for HR that the hospital won't be liable for any possible lawsuits. But the idea of it, what it would mean for us..."

"I could kiss you in the hallways," I reply, staring at the paper entranced. "You could hold my hand when we get off shifts and we can go home together..."

Ethan's eyes are soft when I look back up at him, "Yes, yeah all that," He smiles. "And you could also wear this."

My eyes focus on it for the first time. I was so focused on the piece of paper that would free us from all our secrecy that I hadn't even noticed him pull it out. The velvet box is open and displaying a beautiful ring.

Ethan moves down on to his knee, and I am frozen in place.

"I love you. I don't really know how you managed to do it, but you snuck somewhere inside me and buried yourself deep. And all I have ever wanted to do ever since, is keep you there. Warm and happy. I love you. You have helped me in way that I never thought a person could help me. You are the most supportive and brilliant person I have ever met. I love you. You're passionate about your work and patients, you have a drive that has the power to push anyone to be better. You love your work and you love it for the right reasons. You're driven and smart, your career is going to drive you so far and no matter where you choose to go, because it is your decision-- I'd follow you anywhere. We'd figure it out, I would just be happy enough if you let me go along for the ride. I will love you high and far, and I will keep loving you no matter how many pop culture references you make that I will never understand. I love you, so if you'll have me... will you please marry me?"

The tears are hot on my cheeks and I no longer trust my voice enough to speak. All I can do is nod my head yes, throw myself into him and disappear into him as our lips meet.

I realize now that no matter where I am, a piece of me will always be here in Boston, in Edenbrook with him. So when we pull apart and he slips the ring onto my finger, it feels right. This is where I must be, for my career undoubtedly, but also for him.

Suddenly, I find myself laughing, at Ethan confused and amused smile, I decide to let him in on the joke.

"I missed my flight and sent everything I own to Seattle."

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

How to bear the unbearable?

Quarantine week 9, chemo week 15, cancer week 67

[Originally posted May 14, 2020]

I was hoping to write a longer, more thoughtful post about how heroism is boring, day to day, and how ill prepared we are for what it looks and feels like. And hopefully I will! But since I know that it's been a while since I've posted about how things are going, I thought I'd at least catch up those of you who don't follow me on Twitter.

The format makes it easier for me to write briefer updates there, but tonight I wrote more than Twitter usually likes to see about how I feel about my next chemo visit tomorrow (May 15th), which is my sixth on this (3rd) treatment course and the last before I get another set of scans. It's also the 3rd since quarantine began (I snuck one in on March 12th when I was still allowed a companion for the trip instead of chauffeurs). Here's my Twitter thread about it:

"I have chemo again tomorrow bc even though time is a construct I still have to go every 3 weeks. My emotions are all over the place. Most simply, I am tired & don’t want to go through this again. However, it’s some  of my only human contact so I’m also oddly excited.

I don’t mean physical contact (which is minimal & as distant as possible) but sharing space w/another person in silent company. It’s an exceptional circumstance so friends will drive me or sit on my (9 ft) sofa. I want to weep with relief about it, but also I’m angry. (2/)  

Why am I angry? Well, first we all are. This situation is outrageous, unbearable, & yet we must bear it. Second, I live with & suffer from cancer all the time not just every 3 weeks. I’m wracked with guilt & sadness about how much I need my people around me yet cannot ask. 3/)

I want them to make exceptions for me more than once or twice every 3 weeks. I don’t want to ask, though, bc many of them feel stressed by compromising even this much. They cry when they tell me they wish they could be here or, if they are, that wish they could hug me. (4/)

I have to talk my parents (80 & 76 w/an underlying condition) out of traveling to be with me & suspect & worry they will do it anyway. Of the 504 hours in 3 weeks I spend conservatively 480 alone (& I’m awake for probably 350 of them). It’s unsustainable, unbearable. (5/)

This is what I’m doing to help stop the spread. Living by myself w/stage 4 cancer, working FT, spending 160 hrs a week alone, excited for chemo so I won’t be. I’m angry that more is not offered me. But I’m furious that others don’t have more perspective on their own suffering.6/)

I have been doing this for 9 weeks. 9 weeks is more time in my lifespan than it is for most of yours. Do not take away another 3 months, 6 months, a year or two from me. I do not have that much spare time. I know it is unbearable, but please bear it a bit longer. (7/)

But also: if you do see me (or anyone) walking with a friend or sitting together in the sun, do not assume we are being irresponsible because we are young or because one of us has purple hair. You have no idea what people are bearing in private. Be cautious, but be kind. (fin)"

These past few weeks have felt strained for me too. Mostly I've been doing what everyone has been doing and just trying to get by, enjoying the sunshine when we have it (although it's been spitefully cold and rainy for spring), reading and watching TV, throwing myself into work (especially if it benefits other people), and burning myself out on video calls seeking connection.

When I'm at my least generous, I resent other people (including those I know and love) for only having to endure quarantine itself, or for getting to endure it with someone who loves them and whom they love. I resent the idea of the nuclear family that sanctions a group of 4 seeing one another in one instance, but which makes my friends (living in 1s and 2s and also isolating) feel that they cannot see me. I resent the idea of couplehood that makes me feel that what I'm enduring is somehow a just punishment for my singledom (already viewed as a defect). I feel these resentments, but then I remember to be kind, which is the braver and better thing.

But it cannot be denied that going through this with cancer, as I do every moment of every day not just when I have chemo, is worse than doing it without cancer. If I am quiet on here, or bad replying to texts, or not able to do another Zoom call, it may be because the situation is quite literally exhausting me. It is taking me longer to bounce back from chemo sessions than it used to (now a full week) and I am not able to tell whether that is because of the cumulative effects of the chemo drug (which I was warned about) or because of the psychological drag of the quarantine. I also now find that I can't even really talk on the phone after chemo--that my energy levels are so depleted that only the comfort of having another person around physically works for those worst couple days. It's hard to have the capabilities of your body cut you off from what might be psychologically nourishing.

Thank you, though, for all the good wishes and messages you send from afar (which, now, is nearly anywhere). They absolutely make a difference, as I check my phone repeatedly and incessantly to make sure that, really, I'm not as alone as I may feel. I hope that you are doing as well as you can be doing too, and that you are finding comforts where you can.

Love, Bex

[lady-olive-oil]

So Into You: Chapter 1

A/N: Hey hey hey! Let’s do this y’all! Welcome to the first chapter of So Into You. I’ll be on vacation soon so, this chapter is being uploaded, along with chapter 6 of Work Out. Which I’ll post tomorrow. If you’d to be tagged in future chapters, let me know!!

Warnings: None, except for sexual imagery

Word Count: 2k+ [this is a good one]

Choxie Squad: @maddiestundentwritergaines || @crushed-pink-petals || @themyscxiras || @honeychicana || @dc41896 || @stillevansbae || @areubeingserved || @swirlevans || @4ftwonder || @bugngiz || @mangos4u

_______________

“Chris! Slow your dumb-ass down!”

“Rude! Make me!”

“You gon’ learn today!”

What does it look like for two grown ass adults, running to get to the Cars Land ride in peace? Like a bunch of giddy kids. But who could blame us? We barely get time to hangout with each other anyway, so why not relax at Disneyland and possibly Universal?

A few people stopped us to take pictures, and even though Chris is a bigger star, I got a few fans to ask me for pictures. It made me feel great inside and out, to know that my work has made waves with the world. I must be doing something right. Plus, having a nearly 40 heat old best friend who's willing to act like a child with you is always fun.

“What am I gonna learn Ro? How to do a victory dance, after beating you at Toy Story Mania? Cause I won, twice.” He booped my nose, causing me scrunch it a bit.

I arched a brow and grabbed his hand playfully. “One: you cheated. Two; don't touch my nose. You don’t get to touch me besides a hug. Don’t need helicopter parent Delilah, tryin to check me again. Remember last time?” 

“Yeah I apologize for that. It wasn’t right for her to show up at your birthday dinner, unannounced and caused a scene. I still owe you for that one.”

“Yeah you do. Disney Land will suffice for now. You also owe me dinner from way back when.” Nudging him a bit, before we got in line for the ride, we took a few more pictures with a few folks and chatted.

The birthday dinner fiasco was a disaster. Delilah showed up at Nobu, uninvited, to my birthday dinner hosted by the cast and crew of Avengers: Infinity War. Causing a scene as to why he didn’t tell her where he went, and why didn’t he invite her. He had her apologize to me for being rude and disruptive. I only accepted it because she’s Chris’ girl, but deep down, I felt disregarded.

She didn’t care who saw, she just wanted to let folks know that she was there. I never hated my birthday anymore than I did that day. The next day however, Chris Door Dashed me some food over. It did make it a bit better, but I’m still not he fence about her. She had no regard for privacy or human decency.

Chris rugged on my hand, causing me to get out of my trance. “Come on Ro, It’s our turn. What’s on ya mind? You got that look on your face.”

Helping me into the car, I let out an exaggerated sigh. 

“My bad. Just uh, Going down memory lane about the party last year. History isn’t going to repeat itself is it?”

“Roxanne. I promise it won’t, she won’t come near you as long as I’m around.”

With a reassuring nod, I focused back on track as the car zoomed along, with the sounds of Rascal Flats to bring up the momentum.

“Life is a highway! I wanna ride it all night long. If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long.” The inner kids in Chris and I couldn’t resist the sing-a-long. 

Glancing over at him got me thinking. Seeing how happy he was and just enjoying himself, it made me realize I was doing something right by being his friend. I wasn’t going anywhere, yet I kept thinking he’d choose her every time.

After getting off the ride we decided to head to downtown Disney. I was craving pizza so why not.

Given the circumstances of our friendship, he doesn’t know I’ve liked him for years. All this pent up lust for a 30 something year old black woman, ain’t right by any means. To be completely honest, I’ve been in love with my best friend since we were kids. 

Cliche I know, but something about him made me realize that just having him be my best friend isn’t enough for me. My girlfriends know about how I feel; even their boyfriends know. 

How do you tell your best friend, of over thirty years, that you have dreams about then every night? How you picture them in your head, when you’re having sex with other men? You can’t just say that out loud. That’s why I’ve been blocking it out by dating other folks.

I dream of kissing down his chest, leaving hickies along in my wake. Grabbing onto his sculpted hips for leverage, licking his neck teasingly. He's a sight to behold, a true masterpiece of fine art. See what I mean by the dreams being too elaborate? Boy is it harder than I thought.

Chris’ POV:

Taking in the surroundings as much as I could, I backtracked to the day of the party. It was a mess, Delilah was causing an unnecessary scene and essentially made Roxie cry because she had wine poured on her head.

She didn’t talk about that part much. Having red Merlot in your hair was never a good thing, unless it’s New Years. At that point Delilah and I took a break because my friendship with Roxie meant more to me than anything. 

Granted, all my past relationships I’ve had all loved Roxie. Thrilled to have her around, but yet Delilah is pushing her away from me. Being demanding and telling me that I can’t spend time with Roxie anymore, even though we work together and that’s just enough.

It didn’t make sense to me at all. Hence the current “break” we’re on now. She doesn’t understand boundaries at all. 

Not gonna lie, I have been feeling something lately but I can’t describe it quite right. I don’t know whether it’s infatuation or love for my best friend. If it’s the latter, then I think it’s time I accept it. It’s been a long time coming anyway. 

Smiling at a few fans along the way, taking pictures again, made everything relax a bit. I even checked my phone to see if anything happened, while I enjoyed being a kid again with Roxie. Just notifications and love from our fans about our day, then something caught my attention. 

Delilah, had sounded off my find my iPhone alert and I didn’t notice till now. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

I had to get it together. Couldn’t have another birthday fiasco. I took the liberty of ordering a large pepperoni pizza, with bacon and jalapenos for us. I noticed the happy smile on Roxie’s face. One of many great things I loved about her. 

‘Oh shit, I really got it bad.’ I thought to myself, once I shook my head and focused.

“What are you so smiley about over there, pretty lady?”

She took a bite of her slice, doing a little dance in the process. “Food. Ya feeding me today, that’s why.”

“I always found a way to your heart huh? Through food mostly.”

“True. But for the most part, keeping you happy is the fun part of our friendship. I need to make sure you’re ok at all times Evans. Vice versa, cause no guys have been right for me anyway.” This time she bopped me on my nose.

The actin along made me scrunch up my face in playful annoyance, earning a chuckle from hr. It eased my stress levels a bit until, I heard that one fatal voice, that shattered the glass of the house of my concentration.

“Hi baby. I didn’t know you’d be here.” Delilah places a kiss upon my cheek, and waves a bit towards Roxie. That’s weird, she never waved at her. She did know I was here, I didn’t find out she used the alert till after I turned my location back on.

“Uh Yeah. I didn’t think I you’d want to seeing as though were on break currently.” With a slight shrug, I noticed the twinge in her forehead. Roxie kept eating her pizza enjoying the show.

The pet names started, along with her petting my head as she sat on my lap without my consent. “I’m still your girlfriend actually, even if we are on break. I care about you boo.” 

The subtle eye rolls, a fake gagging, from Roxie was priceless. I slid her off my lap and she sat next to me. The two women had a stare off till one of them cracked.

“Have something to say Roxie?” 

“It’s Alexander or Roxanne to you. And no I don’t, because if I did that would require me to nice. Which we both know there’s no way in hell you're capable of doing so.” Stuffing the pizza crust into her mouth, she got up and headed to the front register. I’m assuming for dessert.

The gasp that emitted from Delilah’s lips was comical. “She shouldn't get to talk to me like that. I’m your girlfriend Christopher  not her.”

I had to set her straight, so looked her dead in her eyes. “Here we go again. Delilah, we’ve been on and off for how long? Few months. Dating for close to a year now, I suppose? You have to respect that she’s going to be around forever.”

“I don’t like it, at all. But for you I’ll do anything for you because I love you.”

That phrase was foreign to me hearing from others, besides my friends; family and Roxie. Part of me wanted to hear her say it for real. The dreams I have of her late at night don't help either.

I dream about kissing her neck as gently as possible, holding her close to me. Like she’s a fragile art piece that’s only meant to be observed. I really need to get it together, this has gone maddening.

“Love ya too, Delilah. Now we can talk tomorrow if ya want, I still want to hang with my best friend.” Accepting the Captain America theme cupcake from Roxie, she chilled right back next me with her Black Panther cupcake.

To smite Roxie, she kissed me hard and then walked away with a sway in her hips. “See ya baby boy.”

“Will she ever learn that she gotta have an ass to sway her hips?” Roxie chuckled a little, causing me to join in.

 Using the Steve Rogers pleading look, I had to do it. “I shouldn’t be laughing but I am. Don’t be mean please, I want this to work out. Please?”

“Fine. I’ll try, for you. ‘Boo.’” Now she felt like mocking, flipping her hair off her shoulder and batting her eyelashes. She’ll be the death of me.

“You are so wrong. Let’s go catch the fireworks before it gets too dark. Got an early day tomorrow.”

“That we do. You owe me a piggyback ride too.” Making sure we had everything she, threw the empty pizza pan anyway and hopped on my back as we journeyed back to Snow Whites castle.

“We also could have gone to the parking garage too.”

“What’s the fun I that? The castle is where we’ll get the best pictures in.”

Setting her down on the ground to lean against the railing to get a good view, we may have bought a few light up toys.

“Ok facts.” The fireworks illuminated her face like a stain glass window in a cathedral. One of the most breathtaking sights I’ve ever seen. 

As the show went on, something pulled us closer. Not sure what was going on but, our pinky fingers locked. The drive to her house was long but fulfilling. The day couldn't have gotten any better.

“Rox, you’re home now sweetheart. Imma head out too.” I sat her in her bed and pulled the covers up over her, till she grabbed my arm.

She mumbled gently, loud enough so I could hear. Even with the fan on. “Stay, please? You got clothes here anyway.” 

Smiling gently with a nod, I slipped in next to her and cuddle her like I always did. I wish my desires weren’t screaming at me in my head to go for it. Yet her sad excuse of boyfriend isn’t competition to me.

He’s the least of my worries.

[jodywegner]

A bad day. (I just need to rant into the abyss of the internet)

I’ve never actually left work early for a bad day before. But I felt that today if I didn’t, I’d end up embarrassing myself and ruining all of my relationships with my coworkers or better yet end up in the HR office. It was just an accumulation of a few too many small things that have been building up for months while I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I also know that none of my coworkers will ever see this post. But even if they do, I doubt they were aware of my feelings. The worst part is that nothing is really anyone’s fault. There’s no bad guy, and that makes it all the more frustrating, and that finally came to a head today. Because I can’t chew people out for doing nothing wrong. Sorry for the long post. Lotta resentments getting bottled up.

So context. 1. My grandfather has been in declining health for a while now. This isn’t very upsetting for me. He’s in his mid 90s and lived a full life. We were all provided for and everything is taken care of. For me, it feels more like a natural thing that is now finally happening. My aunt and my father have been fighting for years over different things, but my grandfather’s declining health has definitely rekindled the flames of war. 2. I work in TV animation production, and my goal is to become a storyboard artist. I’ve made that goal clear. I’ve asked for tests but I can never get any. I’ve asked for feedback and no one has given me any. The shining star of this was my boss giving me 5 long minutes of not quite saying “it’s not good enough.” I figured he was busy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He did say that if he hadn’t hired our then current revisionist, he’d love to have me start as one. Since then, he’s hired 4 more revisionists who have come and gone for different reasons. 3. I don’t think I draw that fucking bad. I’ve been told my artists I work with “why don’t you have an art job yet?” which the answer is “because no one will fucking give me one when I ask and you guys aren’t in a position to.” (they mean it as a compliment but it just really keeps bringing me down whenever I fail) And there are a lot of people my age getting art jobs while I’m not and yah I’m not that old but it’s very stressful and discouraging regardless of logic and optimism. 4. My intern this last semester showed my boss a sample board and got extensive notes and feedback and was offered freelance revision work even though she’s still a junior in college. She’s 3 years younger than me and was here for 2 months. My boss literally walked into my office then started talking to her in the adjacent cube over the wall about how good she is and the upcoming freelance revisionist work. And I have to sit there quietly and pretend it’s not killing me. 5. I’m lactose intolerant. 6. I guess I’ve been suffering from job related depression for the above reasons. Nothing major, I’m not suicidal, but I’m definitely very unhappy and going to work is definitely not a fun or even neutral experience anymore. It’s hard because the correct answer to my problem is “git gud’ and we all know how NOT FUCKING HELPFUL that is. Today 1. I get a text from my parents at 6 am telling me that my grandfather has passed away. We went over yesterday to say our goodbyes expecting him to pass either today or tomorrow. We left at around 8pm and asked my aunt to call us when he passed and that we’d come over. So my parents find out that he passed away at 6 am today. From a third party that isn’t even FUCKING RELATED TO US. Apparently my grandfather had passed away 10 minutes after we left yesterday, and she decided not to let us know. We had to find out through some other person offering my father his condolences. 2. Well the two coworkers I am closest with were late for miscellaneous reasons so I kinda had to keep #1 bottled up for 2 hours. 3. When things happen, I bluster and storm for the first hour before calming down and becoming rational. So I’m sitting at my desk all morning trying my best to keep my shit together because I’m absolutely fuming and was (forbid) by my mother to retaliate. She’s not wrong but there’s a lotta stress and emotions here. (3.5. Although I was directly forbid retaliation, I still went ahead and planned it anyways because it was a mildly constructive use of my stress. DM me if you want to know how to ruin someone’s entire week and never get caught.) 4. I took some Lactaid 30 minutes before I decided to finish my leftover mac n cheese from the fancy food truck yesterday as breakfast. Yah the Lactaid didn’t work at all for some ungodly reason... It’s 9am and I’m in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally now.... 5. So one of my favored coworkers finally beats traffic and gets in so I go to talk to her about all of this. I immediately get cry-y. Which blah blah blah crying is part of grieving but I can do that later. It’s not great when I’m at work because crying opens up the floodgate of emotions and the near impossible task of re-wrangling them under control is now daunting. Emotional fortitude -50. And people just kinda didn’t notice that I was crying and upset and not very quietly recounting this horrible morning story. They kinda walked right by. Not a single person other than that one coworker (and my other favored one who came in a bit later) offered me any condolences or asked about how I was doing of if I was ok. It’d be one thing if that happened and no one was around and I regained my composure. BUT I DIDN’T. 6. That fucking intern (who’s a nice person but god I wish they’d stop existing in my life. It’s fucking petty but today is really the worst day for it so fuck it I’m saying it.) is coming in for a big storyboard meeting between all the board artists, revisionists, and supervisors. So I had to see her and pretend to smile and be pleasant and supportive while I’m emotionally compromised, grieving, pissed, and now petty and jealous all over again. So I get that out of the way and I sit back down and get to work. 7. The other coworker I like to talk to comes in. She was a former intern who also wants to be a board artist so we try to help each other in our endeavors together. She’s an optimist. She says that she’s going to ask if she can sit in on the meeting and asks if I’d like to come along. Bless her outgoing-ness that I struggle with. But as much as I’d like to... that’s a room full of people who either forgot that I want to be a board artist, don’t care, or are straight up ignoring me about it and keep doing and saying all of these unintentionally hurtful things to and near me. Also that fucking intern is there. Also I’m pissed. Also I’m emotionally distraught. So I declined her offer. Even if I could get something good out of that meeting, I’m pretty sure I would have just had a breakdown in the corner. So I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that or make people feel uncomfortable for doing their normal business. 8. So by this point I’m sure I’m going to be snippy or mean or start crying in front of people, so my goal was to finish my most important task and leave at noon. I finish, I grab my bag to leave. As I do, they all get out of their storyboard meeting and bluster past me because they are now late for seeing the storyboard trainee program final presentations. GREAT. 9. Another production coworker of mine comments on how its important for them to go in case they see anyone they’d like to hire as a revisionist. I fianlly hit FUCKIT and say “IM GOING HOME.” And so I go to walk to the elevators. 10. I chose the wrong time to walk to the elevators because everyone in that meeting is waiting at the elevators to go look at the storyboard trainee presentations and scope out the new talent. They’re in too much of a busy mind to notice that I’m about to cry and am probably glaring with white knuckles as I clutch my bag. Luckily for me the elevator is full and I have an excuse to take the next one and not theirs. A part of me wished that they would say “come on in! i’m sure you can fit!” But... stuff like that never happens with them. No one goes out of their way to include me in things. So... whatever. Maybe I’m just being negative trying to find the bad in every little thing, but this is a rant so I’m going to do just that because fuck the consequences of people liking me and thinking I know how to adult properly. 11. I’m driving home and get a message from my coworker (glanced at a long red dont arrest me pls wait till tomorrow) saying that the intern asked if I had sent her intern evaluation to her school yet. I did. A few weeks ago. This isn’t really a bad thing it’s just that I was finally fucking free and just about to not have any reason to keep it together but then BAM. Intern shows up in my life again. Right after I though it was all over. A little god damn poke. Now So I managed to drive home without crashing into buildings or furiously honking and I am now just holding my cat and typing this. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers will ever see this. A part of me wishes they would and that maybe they’d care, because I really don’t want to have to start a conversation specifically about all of this with them.    Who the hell starts a conversation with: “By the way boss, can you please stop discussing giving the intern freelance work when I’m within earshot let alone in my god damn 6′x8′ cube?” “Hey boss, remember when I asked you for feedback and got none? Why does the intern get your full attention when you are even busier?” “Hey boss, why have you hired 4 more revisionists when you said that’d you’d love to have me as one? Did you forget? Were you just lying to me because you didn’t know how to give me feedback? Did you even care about what you say to me?” “Hey intern, I understand you are excited and this is a great opportunity for you, but can you please read the room at least a little because I want to cry every single time?” “Hey everyone, I want to be a board artist remember? REMEMBER?” ”Hey everyone... I’m an artist too.” “Hey everyone, can anyone just give me a little help?” ”Hey everyone, if I keep my purse stocked with your allergy medications, pain killers, band aids, digestive relief, girly goods and keep good snacks around and remember your schedules and try to make your jobs easier and serve as your primary IT person...will you remember that I’m here?” “Hey everyone, do you all dislike me or do you all just not care enough to notice me?” They’re all good people, but it’s not stuff that I really know how to say just out of the blue. So today... I just couldn’t stand being even in my own cube anymore. I’m not an outgoing entrepreneurial person who bugs people everyday trying to sell themselves as an artist. I’m someone who tells you my intentions, and asks for help, and then believes people when they tell me sorry they’re busy, that they wish they could help, that they’d love to have me if only not for “x”. No one is entitled to give me a job or help me. But... I don’t get why I’m the only one who gets nothing for a response when I do ask. If they were busy, that’d be fine. But since then things have gotten busier, and my boss personally worked through multiple iterations of my intern’s practice board with her. A good piece of advice I got was that your first 5 tests are awful...but I can’t even get anyone to give me my first one. I’m told to work hard and “git gud”. But it feels like I’m just bashing my head against a brick wall, and no one even acknowledges the effort. It feels like if I decide to stop doing that because I’m about to have a breakdown, I’ll be looked down on as a quitter and not passionate enough. I have passion, but all of this is 100% killing it, and I don’t want to hate art. I really don’t. But I’m starting to. It’s hard for me to enjoy it when now it’s only done to seek attention and approval that I’ll never get from these people. Today would have been difficult still, but not unbearable if not for that. My grandfather’s death isn’t a tragedy for me. He was in pain for a long time and he definitely made the most of his life. The tragedy is that despite all of this, my aunt decided that my family didn’t deserve to know that our grandfather, my father’s father (who lives literally 5 minutes away by car), had passed. I’m definitely not looking forward to the memorial service for my grandfather. Not because the death is hard to deal with but because all of the family there is. Would love to make life terrible for my aunt. Would love to be just as petty. I have so many colorful things to say and do. But ultimately none of that matters. It’s just death. Nothing changes it or adds a new flavor to it. So all of that anger and hurt just kinda snowballed today. And to top it all off as I’m typing this some asshole is beating a dog somewhere in the neighborhood and the dog is screaming and yelping. (called the police so hopefully they find them) Thanks for reading this long negative rant. I hope it helps anyone who is feeling similarly frustrated, because I dont have someone around who’s breaking down quite like I am so this is all I have. Shooting it into the internet in a passive aggressive attempt and chance that maybe someone who needs to read it will. Positive news: I watered my plants with the extra time. I hugged my cat. I will be returning with art for Mermay.

[ashariajade]

I have been shaking all day.  I don’t think I’ve stopped since 8:30 this morning.  Also,I’ve been fighting the urge to cry, and I generally don’t cry. It’s just something I don’t do often (which I have several theories on but I’m not getting into right now).

My dad called me at work this morning to tell me he was at the hospital and he needed to me to call my mother at work to let her know.  He was there because he was having heart problems (extreme heart rate, low blood pressure, dizziness, etc., but not pain); this is the same thing that happened about two weeks ago and his work sent him home and he went to the clinic. This time, while they were dithering, he got in his car and drove himself to the ER.  I bitched him out for not calling an ambulance.

So I call my mom (my dad has trouble getting through because sometimes he’s an idiot, like driving himself to the ER), and she actually was the one who answered the phone. It says something that I didn’t recognize her voice when she picked up I was so panicked.  She left work and went to the hospital. 

Just to note: He drove himself to the one that doesn’t have the good cardiac unit, but he admitted that he wouldn’t have made it to that one if he had even considered that. 

To make matters even more stressful for me, I was working a 12 hr shift and was only an hour and a half into it.  Granted I could have told my boss and he probably would have sent me home. Hell, he probably would have called me a cab and paid for it.  Mty bosses are like that most of time.  But what was I going to do a the hospital but take up space and worry. I could do that at work and get paid. My only issues was my mom only texted me three times with updates (and technically the last text was my dad, I know his style compared to hers).  With no news my anxiety kept getting worse.

When I finally got home tonight I got the news, bitched my dad out for driving himself, made plans with my mom for tomorrow, made myself supper, did my normal nighttime routine, went into my room, shut my door, and pretended to do my normal Friday night things.  Instead I have been sitting here shaking.  Right now my hands are shaking so much I’m having trouble typing.

The doctor told my parents if my dad hadn’t gotten to the hosptial he would have had a massive heart attack. As it was, he wa tachycardia and it took them hours to get him heart rate down to a semi-normal state.

I almost lost my dad today and I don’t know what to do.  My parents are all I have. My dad will be 67 in the spring, my mom was talking about him retiring in the summer.  Their fucking anniversary is on Monday. 

I’m worried for my mom.  She doesn’t need this stress. Her health isn’t the best sometimes and I already worried about that.  What’s this going to do to her? 

We have a fucked up busy day tomorrow (my mom and I), we can’t even spend the day just dealing with the fallout of this, so I’m having a mini-breakdown now. 

I want a redo of the day and for it to go better and not so fucked up, please.

[sumergosuigeneris]

June 12, 2019

I forgot to mention my dreams when I stayed at the hotel - bad. Dreamed boss1′s wife was bossing me around and I was failing at pleasing her. But really my dreams have been bad for a while.

In terms of leftovers I like the chain pizza better. The closer-to-real-pizza’s bread isn’t good and very little sauce. Maybe I should go into the pizza business lol?

Every time Deputy Dunce lies about taking good care of the budget, it drives me nuts. But then I wonder - maybe he actually does and I just don’t see it from my perspective.

And he convinced Boss2′s number1 to buy a $300 coffee machine and buy expensive coffee - note that the other team is getting rid of theirs b/c it’s so expensive. How stupid is this?

Had shrink appt. There was a med student. I wasn’t crazy about that, but I support med education, so....I sucked it up. I feel like I sounded so stupid. Like, when the resident brought the attending back in, he asked for examples about what made work so stressful. I really feel like he was trying to gauge if it’s real stress or in my head. I don’t think I represented it well. Anyway, it was my last session with the res which is the only reason I didn’t cancel or reschedule. When I left, she apologized that we weren’t able to make me any better in the time we worked together. I guess I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Like, I have. In the same way I know that June 13 is a Thursday and today is Wednesday, but I don’t connect that tomorrow is June 13. I didn’t want her initially (I wanted the black woman I saw one time who was awesome) but I liked her eventually.

We also spent too much time (my opinion) going over my susan aside all thoughts. And guns. Like, calm the fuck down. I’m so sick of it. I actually told her my two reasons for never doing it, and I don’t know exactly what she thought of them, but I felt positive about her response. She didn’t think I was crazy for hedging my catholic indoctrinated bets.

My new res will be a dude. It’s been a while since I had a dude shrink. I wasn’t crazy about my last one, but that’s only b/c of the rules he was following (I think).

I’m so tired. I walked back to location2 in sprinkles. Fine for me, but I did worry about my laptop.

Supposed to be racing today. Not sure if I can make myself. It’s not the racing, I love being on the water. It’s the socializing.

I asked a coworker, the one I thought was my friend until she joined the ‘it’ ‘in’ group, about braces. Sadly, traditional braces are still way cheaper. Also, I asked about the hr person at the party thing. She noticed and thought it was weird too.

I’ve been struggling with whether or not to ask about the tuition thing, using timing as an excuse I suppose. But I was looking at fy end deadlines and decided I had no choice, if I was going to ask, but to ask today. So I did in a weird way. But apparently, they are giving me a larger raise this year (not exactly matching what I was missing last year) to make up for it. I’m sure there are those who would be upset at it not matching, but for me it was more the principle of the thing. And Deputy Dipshit apologized for not letting me know sooner. For fuck sake. But I’m proud that however hard it was, and it was fucking hard, to stood up for myself, and followed through. Even though I did cry in the hr office with someone I can’t trust. And yes, I realize that it doesn’t mathematically make up the money I lost either. But again, it’s the principle. And also, boss2 is now reviewing our credit card statements, so even if DD said yes, I would have had to go through her as well and I doubt she’d have said yes. And finally, the tuition thing didn’t occur to me until late in the game. So I’d never have made that money up. I kinda wish I’d thought of it sooner though. Because then I really could have made the money up. Oh well.

Also, it doesn’t negate the decision I made to leave. The value/responsibility part hasn’t changed. And again, if they had valued me, they would have said ‘yes I’ll figure something out for you but I’m not sure what yet.’ Or, when they made the decision, they would have let me know.

Oh and shrinky dink told me I look nice today. Which doesn’t make any sense to me. A black tshirt, black slacks and sneakers. I’ve definitely looked better in the past. Oh and my hair had the puffy triangle nonsense going on. Maybe she was trying to make me feel better. But when we’re in the hall walking to the office, I’m not really interested in chitchat farther away from the weather.

[thakurtho]

Coming to terms with death

My rendevouz with death happened comparatively late in life. Usually, kids do exposed to death and I wonder how they process it. I am just grateful that I was old enough to process it. However, it was a journey to really come to terms with it.

My paternal grandfather’s death was the first one I experienced. Throat cancer. I was doing my post graduation by then I think. My parents had moved to Delhi. He had started living with them for proper cancer treatment. He was an avid reader all his life. A political science professor. Towards his end, the glaucoma in his eyes prevented him from reading. That’s when he started losing his battle. He was anyway quite old to fight this battle. But in one of those interactions, I remember him confiding in me and saying ‘I don’t want to die’. I found it strange. He was in his late 70s. He still had that much attachment that he wanted to just live through this painful cancer. It made me think. Are people ever ok with dying?

The second death I experienced was an untimely one. My paternal uncle. A freak medical ignorance case. It changed my father for good because he could never learn to forgive himself for being a doctor but not being able to protect his younger brother from death. But it was the first time I saw my father so broken that he was completely dysfunctional. I had to do things which normally he would have done. He took the call of removing my uncle from the life support after he was declared to be brain dead. He did that from home. He didn’t have the strength in him to come to the hospital. Everyone was a wreck. I went in to the NICU. I stood by my uncle, alone, when they pulled the plug. I did it to ‘see’ death. I wanted to see how life finally leaves the physical form. In his scenario, it was painless since he was gone before that. It was surreal. I didn’t know how to react. I remember being this hyper functional person when he was brought back home for cremation. I had very short bouts of tears. I was mostly running around figuring out the arrangements, making lemonade for all who couldn’t stop crying and ensuring that they didn’t get dehydrated.

My parents dogs died after that. I didn’t go back home for that. I feel bad about that now. I should have. But I am certain I acted with that knowledge then and that little nag is what taught me the lesson in life & death perhaps.

However, it was the year 2015 when I finally came to terms with death.

My maternal grandfather, who I was very close to, hadn’t been keeping well towards the end of 2014. I kept ignoring it for a while - I thought it was the usual old people sick thing. In Jan 2015, I decided to go pay him a visit. He was admitted to the hospital for the first time that day when I landed. I visited him. I played music for him. He asked me to play Marie’s her name by Elvis. I had all Elvis songs aside of that on my phone. I went back after 3 days. I thought he would get better. He hardly left the hospital after that. I remember the last time I spoke to him was in the midst of my theater practise. I was telling him about the play I was doing - Vagina Monologues. My nana was way too progressive for his times. And then, some days later, I got a call saying he is pretty much comatose. I went to visit him in the hospital. He wasn’t there. His body was, but he wasn’t conscious. He would have some bouts of what seemed like visions to me. His face would get twisted and eyes would roll like he was seeing the light. I put my pendant under his pillow in the hope of sending some energy. I left Calcutta. The night I landed back in Bangalore, he was gone. Midway during my flight I suppose. I didn’t go for his cremation. I went 13 days later for the other function that happens. I don’t know why I did it. But I did. Thankfully, my family didn’t judge me for it.

Sometime later, around August, my pregnant cat Leia, fell down my 3 floor balcony. I didn’t realise it. I was in my car, getting out of my house, and I suddenly looked right - for no real reason. And the reason was ofcourse to find my Leia hurt very badly. I picked her up, put her on my lap and started driving straight for the vet. I was beyond myself during that drive. I took Shinoy with me so I could be calm. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t see her missing. Could I have found her earlier? She got operated. Her children didn’t make it. She couldn’t survive the fall. I was alone at the vet all day through her surgery. I remember coming back to office for a bit, our biggest client till date got closed on that day. I went back. They asked me what I wanted to do with the body. I didn’t know. They said they could bury her by the tracks somewhere. I said ok. I didn’t know if there was anything I could do better. I lived in guilt. Of not noticing that my child was missing that morning when I fed the rest of them.

Later that year in Nov, I moved in to this house that I live in currently. Leia’s sibling, Luke, was an active little boy. I came to this house so that my cats could go out of the house. I found it cruel to keep them in an apartment, particularly after Leia’s fall. But what do you know? Luke got hit by a car and died on the road behind my house. My maid came in early morning shouting Luke Luke to me. She speaks only in Tamil, so I couldn’t really get what she was saying, but I was prepared for the worst in that short walk from my house to the road. There he was, splattered. Hit by a truck, perhaps. I asked her to stand there with him. I went back to my house, picked up an old sheet. I came back and picked him up. I coudn’t take him inside my house because I had other beings. So I opened my car, put him in the boot. I asked my office admin to come home with a rake. And then both of us dug up the small mud patch outside my house and put him there. For months after, I couldn’t drive past that part of the road, but I purposely did, in some twisted way of punishing myself. I would drive past to see how long that blood patch of his would be there on the road. I couldn’t forgive myself for moving into this house, and inadvertently causing his death. I had my other cats on the streets. I couldn’t stop worrying if they would meet the same fate. I felt responsible.

By the end of that year, beings really close to me were gone. I think I came to death then. I realised that I was too small in the scheme of life and death to think I could have caused or prevented anything. I absolved myself of all the guilt. I understood that there’s nothing more natural than death. I was always functional around death before that, but now I know the depth of that loss. It has made me appreciate the depth of that presence. I deeply understand that no physical form will pass before its time. When it does, it just will. We as humans don’t have any control over it.

I saw another very close death 2 years later. An uncle of mine - who had been my mausi’s love for 20 years. I dearly loved that man. He was battling blood cancer. I was making a trip to Calcutta to see him because he was sick. 2 nights before my date of travel, my mausi called at 1am. I dread midnight calls for this very reason. He was gone. I felt a jab of regret - of not making it in time. But the day I landed, was the day he came home for cremation. I stood by my mausi through that entire process - when her own children weren’t there. She was alone. And I realised, that is exactly why I was supposed to come. I absolved myself of my guilt. Truth is, things just happen the way they are supposed to. We need to stop beating ourselves for it. Somewhere between 2015 & 2018, my partner’s dog passed. I ensured I went with him to the vet when they euthanised him, even though his own family was there. I went with him to the farm where we lay him. I can’t take away anyone’s grief. But just being physically present for someone at the time when the body passes, is the strength that they need. I have started prioritising travel for death over everything. Everything else can wait, but that one moment in someone’s life has come. And we need to give it the due respect it deserves.

I celebrate life today. I live with the cognisance that anyone I know can die any day. Do I have unsaid things to them? Do I have undone things? Can I do more with every minute that I share with people and beings? I let my dogs sleep in my bed after this year - realising that someday, they will be gone as well. I might as well snuggle as much I can today. Screw the fur in my bed. I mended my relationship with my immediate family and the people in my family I care about. I have Marie’s her name on my phone. We have put a bereavement leave in our HR policy.

Steve Jobs said live like you are going to die tomorrow and ensure you are doing everything that you love before that, everyday. I do that now. Be present. Wherever my life is taking me, I find reason and purpose. I give it what I got. Everything is ephermeral. All we can do is be present while it lasts.

[ghost-town-story]

... The more I sit here and am allowed to think, the more pissed off and upset I get

Rant blog status reinstated!

So firstly, I’m not happy about getting kicked off campus. But social distancing shit, whatever I guess, whatcha gonna do. 

But no. My fucking mother takes the goddamned fucking cake rn. 

We got the email about being kicked off around 4 pm eastern time, Monday. My mother. This fucking woman. Calls me and insists I pack my stuff and get off campus by Tuesday morning. Packing is normally at least a few days ordeal, especially since I hate packing and it always stresses me out a bunch. But done in little spurts, okay I guess, more doable. 

But noooo I have to get out by Tuesday. Fucking. Morning. And this woman actually has the gall, the fucking gall to halfheartedly suggest I start out Monday evening since I’ve gone nocturnal. 

I tried to tell her there’s no fucking way, but she wouldn’t fucking listen. So she hangs up, and I go down the hall bc I desperately need a hug by this point, and she’s a sweetheart but the only roommate available is a gangly skinny girl and not the type of hugs I need. (really, boyfriend would be ideal, but at the time he was in Colorado visiting his sister). And I end up breaking down on huggin friend’s couch bc I hate packing, and I don’t feel like I can pack up a year’s worth of shit in about 12 hours. 

Mom eventually calls me again, mostly just to tell me “yeah you need to pack up and get back tonight, your roommate can grab the 1-2 bins remaining.” And she refuses to listen to me saying “hey, it’s a solid 2 loads in my car, it’s not gonna be 1-2 bins”  “But it fit all in your first car!” “My first car was a fuckin beast, literally the largest car in the lot freshman year. Fred is definitely shorter, definitely less trunk space, etc.”  “Well Y can get the last few bins.” “It’s a lot of stuff!” “It won’t be that much” JUST FUCKING LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT FFS

I was so stressed and crying that huggin friend stole my phone when I was texting my boyfriend, and had him call me so I could maybe stop crying. I miss my boy. Hearing him was good tho.

I’m packing up my stuff in the bathroom when I remember. I store my empty bins at my brother’s place (2 hrs north). I double check with him and call my mom back “I can’t leave tomorrow. It’s too much to pack, and some of my bins are at Brother’s.”  Despite all this, despite me literally breaking down and crying on the phone, she refuses to listen, to give me an extra day, to bring half my stuff up to my brother’s (and therefore eliminate most of the need to have my roommate take my stuff) and grab my extra bins. Nope, gotta get out.

I was staring at my room, halfheartedly packing and trying to figure out, and just sobbing out loud. I thought remaining roommate was gone at dinner, otherwise I would have tried to be quiet. But she had gotten back without me noticing, and when she poked her head in, I couldn’t do it anymore and just kinda. Fell to the ground crying and apologizing. She’s a such a sweetheart and I feel bad for probably worrying her (and possibly waking her up in the middle of the night with packing noises)

I texted my roommate about this. She basically said, “Wtf, what she’s asking isn’t possible.”

Same thing from my boyfriend. 

My mom kept texting me, asking how things were going, basically ignoring my subtle requests for more fucking time. At one point she said “Hang in there”. I sent a screenshot of that to my roommate and boyfriend and asked, “Is murder acceptable?” Roommate said a solid yes. Boyfriend offered to let me live with him. (cept 2 hour parking and I already got one ticket from that :P)

Mom texted around 10 pm, asking if things were fitting in the car. I wasn’t even remotely to the point of packing the car. I was basically at break number 2 of mandatory “sit down, have something to eat, and rehydrate after crying so damn much”. I think I had one bin completely done (out of what ended up being like. 6 bins? plus assorted bags n stuff) and was mostly done packing my clothes, but like. slow going. Especially when packing is stressful and you keep getting overwhelmed woot woot

I put off a fair number of things bc of panicking about time and simple emotional capability to do so. Sorting out my dishes, unlofting my bed, grabbing my band shit from the music hall across campus.

At some point in the night, I had to lay down, because my body decided “hey, you know what would be great right now? Period cramps, minus the blood.” Which, thank fuck minus the blood, but also it meant I had to spend a solid half hour/hour out of commission bc it hurt so damn much to walk around and try to pack. But I had to keep going, even though the pain came back when I stood up again.  

Mom texted me at 7 am if I’m awake. I hadn’t slept. 

We have housekeepers, and they got there around when I was finishing loading up. I stopped and chatted for a bit (nobody had told them what was going on), and nearly started crying again because it was just so damn shitty. Everything’s so damn shitty. 

So I got on the road at about 8 am, and get to driving for a bit, but about 1.5 hours in I’m doing bad. I can barely keep focused, despite drinking probably half a bottle of Mt. Dew by this point, so I pull into a rest stop and text my mom “Hey, I forgot my shampoo/conditioner/toothbrush stuff, and also I don’t think I can get home safe.”

Does my mother tell me to take a nap in that rest stop? Nope Does she tell me to find a hotel or motel there and take a nap/sleep and try again tomorrow? Nope Does she tell me I can go back to school, sleep through the day, and try again tomorrow? Ha ha fucking ha.

Nope. She calls me, and proceeds to tell me to keep driving, and that she’s going to stay on the phone with me so I don’t fall asleep. 

I yelled at her quite a few times, when she was being fucking stupid about all this shit. She had the fucking gall to be pissed that I pulled an all nighter, when that’s what was fucking necessary to meet her stupid fucking deadline. 

At one point, I made a new driving playlist so hopefully it would keep me awake better while I wasn’t on the phone (being serenaded... awake? by the lovely voice of Tilian lel (lots of DGD and his solo work on that playlist. Also ATL. Fuck yeah ATL. anywho)). And right after I made that, she ended up calling me before I was driving yet, and I rejected it bc I really wanted to finish my text to the dear bf, and then I started driving, thinking she’d call me back and chew me out for ignoring her, but surprisingly nope. So I just jam out for a bit, and eventually start yelling at myself bc of dumb writing ideas (the original story rewrite... lol) and I end up texting my roommate (while driving... shh) “Hey, feel free to call me if you want to hear me ramble on about writing” So after a short phone call from mum where she hung up to let me drive through a city, roommate calls, and I end up spending the last few hours of my drive rambling at her and mutually bitching about the shitty situation this leaves us in. 

When I get home, my dad (a doctor) is wearing a mask, apparently at my mother’s request. He also mentions that we probably shouldn’t be in the same room, according to her. I am also forced to strip everything and shower basically immediately. K, fine, I do so, Dad makes me dinner (despite Mom’s probable disapproval), and I stay awake just long enough to toss my laundry in the dryer. It was a close thing tho. I nearly fell asleep waiting for the washer to finish. And so I pass out at 8 pm central time (9 pm eastern)

Mom, during all this, has fucked off Up North to our cabin, my final destination.

Wednesday, Mom makes me leave our place in the Cities at 11 am to get up before weather gets worse and all that jazz. Once here, I’m allowed freedom for as long as it takes to help mother move shit so I can fit my car inside a garage, then I take the bare minimum inside (my electronics, stuff that would explode if frozen (like pop (and my Smirnoff Ices shh)), travel toothbrush I somehow have and hairbrush), and I’m immediately quarantined to my room and the bathroom down the hall. 

So here I fucking am. Bored as shit and pissed the hell off

I needed more time. But no fucking way Mom was going to let that happen. 

I could have gone up to my brother’s. But noooo I had to come all the fucking way home, only to be shoved in a room for two weeks.

I could have taken care of all/most of my shit by my fucking self (dishes are debatable, would need basically the whole apartment to sort those out), but nope, can’t take enough time to take a trip up to my brother’s apartment 2 hours away, no way.

Nope, instead I have to suffer a panic attack for basically 16 hours, then nearly kill myself driving, because I can’t stay one fucking day more, because I have to get my ass up here just to be basically shoved in a room and left alone for 2 goddamned weeks. Nope. Can’t fucking make sure that moving out, usually stressful on its own, is as calm as we can make it in these trying times. Nope. Gotta just fucking nearly kill the kiddo instead to comply with my stupid whims because I can’t fucking listen

I’m pissed.

Especially since I was almost 100% sure I was gonna block her everywhere and go full no contact with this bitch after college.

But now I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future! Yay! Can’t see that going badly! 

(I’ve already texted the anonymemers to call me so I don’t go crazy and actually punch her. We’ll see how that goes. The desire has been kinda strong all afternoon.)

Fuck

This

Shit

[kiraelric]

Personal Crap Below cut. - long post - 

Okay I need to get this off my chest before it explodes. 

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point. 

My husband received a back injury on the 14th of November of last year.  We believed it was a simply pulled muscle but almost three months later we’re still doing this.  

It started in his mid-lower back from lifting a box of crowns (bottle caps, he works for a Brewery).  He felt something twinge and he finished his shift.  He went back into work the next day and his back was still sore and bothering him so after about 3 hours of his shift, his team leader sent him home with a doctor’s appointment the next day.  

The Doctor told him he had a strain, put him on some medication and sent him on his way. He was home for two weeks due to his restrictions and his medication making him dizzy. We’ve seen the doctor every week since Nov. 14th.  (excluding the holiday week).  By week 3, my husband mentioned that his pain was crawling upwards and it felt like he had constant heartburn  - to which the doctor informed him that he had a chest wall strain.  Well he was sent to start Physical Therapy on Dec. 28th  and has gone twice a week since + his doctor’s appointment.  

He was on a 10lbs weight restriction, nothing that involves his depth perception and no operating heavy machinery - including driving.  No continuous setting, no continuous standing, etc etc. He can’t even pick up our cat.  

Well after speaking with both my husband and the Physical Therapist, the doctor was made aware of a tingling pain sensation going down my husband’s left arm. He was scheduled for his first MRI on Saturday Jan 14th. 

The MRI operator asked my husband if he had ever had any neck injuries after he was done, to which my husband replied “not that I’m aware of” and then we had to set on that until the 19th. The Doctor then explained that was because he has what is referred to as “The Chiari Malformation.” But an extremely minor case of it.  Because of this, the doctor we had been seeing for two months decided to send up to a specialist.  So now we’re at a fancier doctor that is even further away.  This doctor has moved his PT sessions to his office so he can keep a closer eye on my husband, changed around his medication, given him an EMG test last Thursday and scheduled him for his 2nd MRI on Sunday. (Tomorrow) 

Now despite the fact that these tests and such are on workmen’s comp, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s on a No driving restriction, and this is murdering us on gas. He’s been at work, but instead of doing his usual position and getting the overtime he normally work, he has been working desk work with HR, and as such his weeks have become shorter and thus he’s getting much less pay.  

We got lucky last month with car insurance, realizing that I sat it up on a four month pay plan and we don’t have to pay on it again until March, but that doesn’t stop other bills like rent, food, electricity, etc. This month was also other such bills like driver’s license and license plate renewal due to my birthday being the 23rd. 

So that brings me to the problem.  We have exactly enough money from his last pay check to make rent. Nothing else.  He gets paid every two weeks, and luckily we got food from my parents. So at least there’s that.

But he’s our only true source of income. 

I was injured in a car accident in 2014, and I can’t formally work. So I take on art and costume commissions to make extra money. My creative skill is literally all I have to offer, and while selling shirts on Redbubble and Teepublic bring in a small amount of extra money it’s normally not enough to help much.  I have opened Costume Commissions completely to the public, and I am working on posting a formal post for true Art Commissions instead of just my emergency commissions. 

However, functioning as is caretaker right now there is literally only so much I can do. He still has back pain, and sometimes ends up taking a half day at work due to being in so much pain. We’re barely scraping by and it’s stressing me out.  The other complication we just ran into is, I have 1 pill left of my antidepressants for my Bipolar but I need to go to the doctor to get more, and I need money to do that. We don’t even have the money to pick up my new glasses that have been setting at the eye doctor for about a week now.

We have about a half tank of gas and four appointments and work to go to in the coming week. He will not get paid until the 11th. So that’s three more appointments and another week of work.  After rent we will have $7. 

I want to cry.  I want to scream. 

I did our taxes, but I don’t know when the refund will be here so I can’t bank on it. I can’t take that chance. So to say I’m stressed is a little bit of an understatement. I have found myself unable to sleep or care for myself, due to being constantly on call to care for my husband. 

So I guess what I’m asking is when I post things for costume commissions / Art commissions please seriously read them and reblog them if you cannot help. I am purposely taking on more than I normally would just to make some extra money. Before my accident, I worked a professional seamstress so I promise quality in my work, and I am an animation major so I get obsessive with my art work. 

[beaniebitch69]

having a rough 1 today lads

my brains been attacking me all day, so while i had today off ive only enjoyed abt 3? of those hrs b4 devolving into an emotional wreck and hating everything. plus i work tomorrow so i wont even be able to go hang with my friends who i haventvseen in like 3 weeks and i cant call out bc i have to call out on friday and idk how theyd react to calling out twice in one week so thats pissing me off like crazy. and i was planning on staying sober tonight bc i was gonna steal moms car for a practice drive (i hate driving with her i hate driving with her so much id rather be eaten by piranhas) but if this keeps going im gonna freak out

i want to die, everything is too much why cant it stop. its not even that bad why am i overreacting why cant i just deal with it why cant i cry anymore why does my face look like this why am i so critical of myself why cant i do anything why am i so useless and lazy and ugly and stupid and selfish and rude and scared dear god why qm i filled with so much fear? thats all i am, fear. i couldve been joy, but no im fear. hell i couldve lived with rage, at least id feel like a person. but no, my brain has one emotion and thats fear.

its always been fear, everything i do i do out of fear. everything.

im going to my fathers house on thursday. itd be so easy to just steal his gun and kms, but i wont bc im scared of my family breaking apart bc of me, i dont want to cause my mother to be alone, im scared for her. and im scared for my brother, hes too stupid to not follow my footsteps. and my father would also end up killing himself, fuck he might end up doing that anyway.

whatever, i dont deserve to feel like this, im gonna go get high

[ecotone99]

[RF] The passenger

“.. in these unprecedented times, the little things shouldn’t be taken lightly. these are the things that makes our lives happier...” the radio’s voice is interrupted by a loud static, as I drive through a long tunnel on the expressway. The static annoyed me a little, so I turn off the radio. I think to myself, Unprecedented-a fancy new word for the media to toy around with. As the tunnel ends, my view is engulfed with dense dusky clouds. The color of the sky is pitch dark grey & through the window I see a dark blue glow all around. Its about 7 in the evening, I put the car into cruise control as the next stop would be after 25-30kms. When I relax for a bit and look across the dark countryside fields have grown out to be into dark dense forest of old massive tress. Nature has a free pass on doing whatever it likes to ever since we humans stop interfering with it. It has been the longest 5 years since the virus broke out. Sure there have been vaccines and multiple variants of it for multiple type of patients. The cure did work, and thing stabilized a lot. Only after a whole year of economic despair for the masses. So much so that the people infected wouldn’t afford the vaccine, even at the subsidized rate. Government being government took too long to offer it for free to masses. They had their fat paycheck and used it as an essential tool for the elections. Then, gave it to the masses. However, it was too late by then… the psychological impact it took on the young generation was just too much. From forming cult’s that believed to virus was a cure for the nature’s freedom to resisting the vaccine and living a depleted life quality only as a protest against the world organization for making the vaccine too expensive. Sure, the people who remain sane through it all were the artistic people singing the best form of music they knew, painting the best portraits they ever could… It was irony as its finest form, as world went from needing lawyers, politicians, health origination to more self-focused institutions of living, exercise & art culture. Now, the Fields like IT, Security boomed only in terms of volume but not quality. They soon become the sheep’s herd where people did task of humongous data collection, aggregation and analysis to sell ads. Technology, cars & travel soon become the basic food & clothing standard, they were just an expense now rather than a field of profession and innovation. Times have changed a lot.

The toll arrives, I skim through the left lane as I take control of the car. As I drive past go ahead to make a stop at a nearby coffee store for refreshment. The clouds burst into a thundering rain. It hits the ground like a storm. Rain made sure the sun set earlier than it usually does. I wait for a while for it to stop so I could have some tea/coffee, but it only got worse …

The strong air wind current made the raindrops hit the car with such a intensity that the only sound I could hear was of intense drizzling. I decide to drive along before the conditions made it impossible to drive. I turn on the wiper, but it wasn’t enough. I barely moved a couple of meters before someone literally jumped into my car by opening the rear door. He dripped all over the seats and wore a black raincoat that went well along with its dark grey mask. I scream “hey!!! What the…” and my car brakes screeches loudly.

“Look man, I just need to reach the next toll, I have to work at night... its my shift if I don’t would lose my jobs… Please help me out!”

I put on my mask kept in my dash, I see around 7 messages notification before I could check it … I realized that I was stuck in middle of nowhere with a stranger. He continues

“I can pay you 500 bucks! Could you please hurry?”

“The next toll stop is of Satara around 167 Km away… I hope that works for you.”

I then drive away into the rains for next couple of minutes until a conversation break out: -

“So are you going on another workcation?” I ask him and feeling utterly foolish using the word workcation…

“Well yes and no, I believe no form of vacation involves any form of work. But this shitty corona virus has made the world a remote hub for working from anywhere…”

“I remember when I use to work for one of the corporations like you do…”

I continue “I absolutely hated from the start. It was my first job and I hated it since the pre-covid phase. As the pandemic hit us, my optimistic soul decided to free-lance…”

“We are all just free lancers of living life… we distracted our minds from living it into things like a good salary, a lot of work so we have an excuse for our poor morale and discipline…” he interrupts me...

“Hmm, that’s what I thought when I tried to clean, cook and work with a mouse and tablet in my other hand… until I tripped over the broomstick... dipped my machine in puddle of utensils and soap...”

“I thought nothing can be shittier than a 12-hr. shift and living all by yourself… until I eliminated the former and lived with the latter…” I conclude as I put my car in cruise control again��

“trust me if you don’t leave, you keep doing this life of work and personal work takes a backseat with no time for yourself. You end up running, your mind jogs but you don’t….” he replies

Our conversation is what the thousands of young adult’s face today. The saturated menial work but secure till retirement vs the life of exploring yourself. I choose the life of exploring myself and quit my job a year after the virus. My promotion was just due, but I hated every second of it. The first few days were peaceful. Then it was those slog days of life has no meaning to the days of hyper productivity machine. Reading novels every hour to exercising in the evening to the home chores. This cycle of enjoying then lying on the edge of my couch as the end of the world to living healthier … it continued for years and years…

I had exhausted all my savings, I tried to pursue singing in between those years but these days... singing was limited to online videos and pay to listen apps. I couldn’t make it any of them…

The rain didn’t slow down at all, it rained with same intensity. We cross a milestone which says 78km to satara.

Now, here I was after 5 years, giving an ride to just another employee of just another corporation. While I yearned to ace my interview tomorrow for another role to live for other few more years at some company called DSB….

My phone rings, as I reach for it, the passengers got scared to death. I looked at him as he shivers with fear like one would in this heavy rain. I ask him “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t pick it up, please!”

“It’s not a bomb!” I joked.

But instead of laughs,his faltered words and a bit softer voice starts explaining “ I didn’t got enough time… its not fair.. I should have the chance…”

“for what?”

The phone rings again…

This time I ignore the passenger’s warning and pick it up.

“Stop your car right now!” a girl screams through the tiny speakers of my phone

While my car sails on 80 km/hr. via cruise control, I ask “Why? What the fuck is wrong?”

The passenger now becomes totally uneasy and starts uneasy rolling rom left seat to right and back…

“trust me, it’s your Uniform Disorder”

“What?”

My head suddenly starts hurting as I see the passenger hitting his head repeated across the windowpane and repeating “You must not take the job ... you must not…”

“hello? Hello? Stop it !” the girl over phones repeats it

My head bursts into pain and anixety with so much chaos …

I scream “STOPPPP!” with all the energy I had in my voice.

The passenger stops but now he’s crying profusely and removes his mask. He looks an awfully lot similar to someone I have seen… until I realize he somewhat looks a lot like me... in my past life... in the younger years...

I just had to stop now…

I hit the brakes but it’s a little too much and little too late as the car skids to off road and crashes itself into a huge tree…

The airbags pounce in my face and the car crashes & breaks down…

I lie sub conscious for few hours with my face dug into the puffy air bag…

When I wake up, I see a scar on my forehead which bleeds and looks as if I tried to hit the window with my head.

I see the passenger standing out calmly deep into the woods surrounded by dark trees… the rain had slowed down too...

Strangely, despite the accident and all the mess I didn’t feel angry for a bit.

It was as if whatever he felt , would translate to how I would end up feeling. Uneasy backin the car during the school but calm now post the accident in these dense woods.

I Stepped out to talk to him, to understand why he did what he did…

He tells me “I hate my job, and I could stand a single second of it, I wanted to leave just like you… after I left the condition only got worse... I couldn’t find where my interest aligned… I smoked up all my savings on this car… then I had nothing to do or anything to pursue that interested me...

I felt like nothing…or no one in this world mattered. The loneliness made me lose my grip. I took therapy with my parents’ money... things got better I changed myself from a couch potato to a productive machine.

It still felt like a job to us ... you know? Reading , singing, writing , doing the same old chores again and again…

It just felt like doing what’s right... eventually they convinced us to become normal… and tried getting a job for us...”

“US? US? Who the fuck are you, why do u look like me?” I ask him puzzled as he sounded like me narrating my own life story….

“I told you it’s never enough time!”

A car rushes into the forest from behind, I look behind… it’s my therapist. She jumps out of my car. I look back out again to find the passenger missing… he was gone in a split second. It was like he wasn’t even here. I found myself in his black raincoat.

She panicked and started crying... as she sobbed while trying to patch my forehead wound with her handkerchief. She finally started speaking “the Schizophreniform Disorder is making you live your worst day again. Usually, I have stopped you when you enter the car but this is by far the most far you have gotten. The job that rejected you is of so many years back , when you visited Bangalore for an interview and drove for a whole day… Its okay you will get another job ... another interview will be aligned… we will toe your car then repair it and I will not inform anybody about this mishap”

She continues to cry “No one needs to know “

My phone rings again...I try to find it in the mess of my crashed car… it felled at the front co passengers’ seat with a cracked screen…

It’s an unknown number, I pick it up “hello? Who’s this?” I enquire

“Yea, its PLC technologies, we have an interview scheduled for tomorrow. It would be an telephonic interview. What time would be comfortable for you?”

I get a chill down my spine and my phone slips through my hand. I am shell shocked and all I could think about was the panicking passenger who said on loop “You must not take the job! Job!” Should I trust him? or this genuine therapist who has been trying to make me feel better ever since. Is this the new normal? or just the same old normal?

​

Link: https://notyoureverydayblog258255348.wordpress.com/2020/08/22/the-passenger/

​

​

submitted by /u/karanm1997 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Es6PIA

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Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

"Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

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Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

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How much is a low rate car insurance cost? how much would it be ??? ?

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A few weekends ago I backed into someone's car who was parked. The damage was not extremely significant; it gave him a small scratch that will be easily buffed out and a small-ish dent more on the underside of the bumper. I gave the guy my insurance info and everything, and he is going to file a claim. My question is, since the accident is pretty minor (thankfully) will my insurance skyrocket or anything? I am unfortunately a 17 year old male who recently got his license a few months ago, so I know that doesn't help. Any ideas?""

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When you first get your drivers permit do you have to have car insurance to drive with adults? Or are you automatically covered by theirs?

How much would car/motorbike insurance cost me?

My parents decided to move out somewhere where I have no tube connection and need to take stupid bus or train everywhere and it would take me ages to see my boyfriend which would live then like just 25 minutes away from me but 1h 10minutes by public transport. So here is my question, I'm only 18 and I want to know how much would car insurance cost me, if it's a lot then I was thinking about getting scooter or motorbike but I'm sure those need insurance too so how much would that be too ??""

Can I drive my parents car without insurance?

Can I drive my parents car without insurance, the car is insured under my parents name, ( we live at the same address) and also can I drive someone elses car without insurance with his or her permission""

Young rider needs insurance help (motorcycle)?

Hello I am completing my motorcycle course this week and will be obtaining my m2 license, I was considering buying a motorcycle. I am a 18 year old male and was wondering if anyone could give me advice or some help for insurance in ontario?. I am aware it will be costly but was wondering if someone had any motorcycle suggestions that would be cheap on insurance or even insurance companies. Recent personal experiences would be nice. Thanks for the help!""

""Car insurance quote when being out of the country for 4 years, lost no claims bonus?""

anyone got experience of trying to get reasonable car insurance - with full no claims in this country and new zealand, im being penalised for being out of the country and being treated as new driver, anyone got any answers or any insurance companies i could try who would be sympathetic""

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

How does auto insurance works?

is the cost of auto insurance determined based on car model, year, or the the car price sold at?""

Does full coverage auto insurance cover vandalism?

recently someone has threw a bottle of nail polish to my car, not a big deal no dents or anything, but what if they come back and smash my windows and tire does my insurance cover that?""

Can I buy medical insurance online or something right before I go to the hospital ?

Am allowed to do that or is there some kind of waiting period you have do ? also if you don't have to wait and can go immediately are there any really good low cost medical insurance plans for Northern California.

How much will my insurance go up after a minor accident and a aspeeding ticket?

I live in California and in the past 4 months I got in a Fender bender(10MHP and the Guy is claiming bodily injuruy awell.) and In November I got a speeding ticket. But I am unable to attend traffic school cause I fought the ticket. I'm 19 My moms the main insurer on the car and its a sports car. Any idea how much will my insurance will go up? Any Ideas? I might have to sell my car if its too much. I have insurance through Geico.

""I'm looking for car insurance, is the General a good car insurance? Are they reliable?""

I have 21st century and my premium is high, so I looked into the General and they're only charging me half of what I'm used to, but in case of an accident, do they really back you up. I have heard of some crooked companies, would this be one among them.""

What relativley low insuarnce group sports bikes are there?

Im 19 and just passed my bike test. Im looking for my first 'sports' bike (fully faired) with quite a led down riding position. I will be restricting the bike to 33bhp (but DON'T take that into consideration). Around the 600/650cc mark. So as a question again.. What sports bikes are cheapest to insure? Thanks.

Does engine size make your car insurance go up?

I have a 1.4L engine at the moment and thinking of getting a car that has a 1.6 engine. There are not a lot of differences between the two cars, apart from the engine size. (they are both very small cars, made in the same year etc) Will this make my insurance go up?""

Insurance on a Subaru STI?

I am considering getting a Subaru STI but I was wondering about what insurance is going to be. I am going to call my insurance company to find out exact but first I wanted to make sure it's not going to be way higher. Here is what I have paid in the past: Age 17-18: 1998 Mustang GT $110 Age 18-20: 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 $105 Age 20: 2006 Subaru STI ?????? Based on what I paid for the other 2 vehicles what do you think its going to be? Thanks!

Health insurance for kids?

Health insurance for kids?

Two part question--Germany Auto insurance and the IPhone?

1.) What automobile insurance companies do most people use in Germany (German companies not American) to get the best rate? 2.) Will a T- Mobile IPhone from German (T-Mobile) work in the US under a new contract or will i need to get a new phone when i return to the US?

Cheaper car insurence for me?

ok so im 19 in october. and everywhere i look my insurance will be a minimum of 2800 a year if i had a 1.2 corsa. however if i went on my mums 2.0 tdi passat with her max no claims it will be a min of 3000 a year. why is this?? anyone know any loopholes or cheaper sites???

Can i go on my mums car insurance?

I'm nearly 17 and looking to buy a car and drive however the prices of car insurance are way too high. Is it possible to share the car with my mum and have joint insurance with her?

Which car in Canada has the lowest insurance rate?

I'm not talking about new cars btw, I'm talking about the old cars from 95-2002 the shitbox cars, I'm a student and I plan on getting my first car with my first insurance so I need to know what's a good starter/shitbox car with the lowest insurance costs. Thanks""

I'm not gay but need health insurance?

In my state (ct) my boyfriend can not add me to his health insurance policy because we are not a homosexual couple. We live together and have for a long time, but because we have the option of getting married I can't have coverage. While I am happy that Ct takes homosexual relationships into account, I feel heterosexuals are being discriminated against. We are not religious and in no hurry to marry- we are very happy. Any thoughts on the legalities here or how to get around this?""

Are there any car insurance companies that only look back 2 years instead of 3?

Are there any car insurance companies that only look back 2 years instead of 3?

Which car insurance should i go with?

i've been with mercury insurance for many years now. but since i've never had to file a claim, i don't know how good they are. i got two lower quotes from esurance and response insurance. i don't know if i should switch. any experience feedback with your car insurance companies would be great.""

Do all pharmacys run your insurance?

Do they have to run your insurance whether you tell them you don't have it or not?

Finding Health Insurance Plans?

I'm 25 and will be off my parents plan at the end of the month and with a history of preexisting conditions, it's hard to find any one that will accept me. We've been looking and calling and going through a insurance broker and no one will take me. Is there any company or health insurance plan that is less strict on new customers? What do I do?""

How does health insurance work in the USA?

I wanna visit but I keep hearing crazy stories of how going to a hospital makes you bankrupt :/

Help! Car insurance question?

If you get pulled over and it's not a wreck just for speeding and u don't have car insurance do u get ur license taken away? Or what can u do to have theme not taken away if so

What would happen if you show proof of full coverage to a lender then drop to liability?

Would the lender ever know that you dropped to liability? I am looking to finance a motorcycle and they require proof of insurance (full coverage), but the cost is insane.""

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

Will my car insurance pay out?

my car has been stolen, but my friend claims my insurance wont pay out as it was only taxed and tested until next month. surely they should still pay me?""

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old girl?

I am nearly 17 and am really excited about learning to drive. I would really like to be driving my own car by the end of the year, however I'd really like to know how much car insurance is going to be for me, so that I can save up a little. Every time I go onto any car insurance website, it asks for my car registration and when I passed my test, which obviously I haven't done yet, so it seems really pointless, and there's no way of avoiding or trying to 'trick' it. Does anyone have any ideas of how much roughly it costs, for a 17 year old girl if your living in England?""

How much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old?

I barley got my license and im wondering how much the insurance would cost for me Free 20 points!

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

Clinton Mississippi Cheap car insurance quotes zip 39056

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-my-house-insurance-cheaper-germany200-year-taxes200-philip-austin/"

[zmbkl]

Nano 14

Hello everyone,

I missed another day yesterday. I am trying not to let it defeat me. I have to try to get back on the horse and write for at least the rest of the month.

Thursday sucked a lot. As you will remember from my previous posts, my boss, Nakamura, reported my assistant manager, Randy, for making up data. I let Nakamura know that it was hard for me to go to Randy for QC issues because I don’t trust his judgment. It was just a little aside. I thought it was relevant information to the fact that he was making up data.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO did that not turn out great for me.

So Nakamura said he talked to the COO about this. They agreed that we need to restore the chain of command, and he was going to let Randy know I didn’t respect his opinion in the hopes that Randy will try harder. I told him to PLEASE not do this as Randy has power over me and this won’t end well. He said he will grab a translator and we will talk more about it. Julie in HR, would have been a great intermediate to discuss this, BUT she was on a trip to the east coast.  She had to attend a job fair and help recruit people. Instead of HR, Nakamura grabs the production manager to translate. I like Roy. He’s a great guy, but he is not good with people. His real name is Takumi, but most of the Japanese pick English sounding names to help with customer relations, so we call him Roy. I told Nakamura, through Roy, PLEASE don’t tell Randy I don’t trust his opinion. I will go through the chain of command. I got screwed once by Randy’s bad advice. He advised on a ginger teriyaki sauce which had the viscosity collapse. He said it should be OK, and it was not. Ever since then, I stopped going to Randy. If he wants me to respect the chain of command, then I will ALWAYS go to Randy and I will just let the chips fall where they may. I told Nakamura all this through Roy. I also told all this to Julie in an E-mail.

That killed my mood for the week. I couldn’t look at Randy without the anxiety that he knew what I said about him. This is the EXACT reason I was afraid of getting in between my managers. I chose a side and now I am paying for it. I could have just played dumb and I would have been happier.

I got very stressed out on Thursday. I went to my friend Akiko’s house again to help out with her new born. She was the woman having trouble because her husband was on a business trip. I watched the baby while she showered, did laundry and dishes. She said she would have to hold the baby while doing all these chores because she could leave him alone. He cried a lot in my hands. He kept trying to crawl away. He has like two months of motor development, but he used all of it to try to get away from me. She apologies, but I didn’t care. He has only seen like two people, Kosuke and his mom. He was calm when I fed him, and other than that I just let him cry. I tried to make it better, but he wasn’t having any of it. I was only able to stay for an hour and a half because Alia needed help.

Alia called me because she locked herself out of her car. I didn’t get a chance to finish my Japanese homework. I did half of it during lunch and I was starting it at Akiko’s when Alia called. I left to go get Alia and her spare key, and during the drive I was debating even going to class. I HATE this class. The students are SOOO disruptive, and I get SO much second hand embarrassment that it give me a head ache and a bunch of stress.

I had this inner dilemma while driving. I don’t think I should quit something because it’s stressful. I want to be the kind of person who can handle a lot and take on a lot, so I don’t want to quit because it’s too stressful. I tried to convince myself that I could handle it and I should challenge myself. Don’t get my wrong, if some is actually TOO stressful then I’ll quit, but I was sure it wasn’t that bad. On the other hand, I hate this class so much that I am not learning anything. I have such distain that I don’t retain anything. I need to recognize when I am wasting my time. I might be able to learn more on my own without this class. I could try again next semester and maybe I’d have a better class and environment to learn.

I decided not to go. I decided that I will take at least this day to decide what to do. If I feel better Tuesday then I’ll go back. So instead I spent the rest of the night with Alia, at least that what I thought. I got home and started watching youtube videos. Alia asked me to empty the dish washer then to come to the living room and keep her company while she washes dishes. I did that, but I don’t remember anything after that. As soon as I got comfortable, I fell asleep on the couch. I remember Alia tired to wake me up, but I didn’t want to get up. I woke up about two hours later, around 11:30pm. I went to bed and didn’t do my Nano for that night.

Today I wasn’t excited about work. I mean it’s work, but I usually have a positive attitude about it. I am usually excited about proving I can do a good job and I try to challenge myself. The whole Randy thing just got me down. I dragged my feet though the day, but I picked myself up after lunch.  

Alia said we should go out tonight. She got a lot of sleep and we haven’t felt this good on a Friday in a while. I messaged some friends to see if they wanted to come too. Everyone said no. I think I asked seven or eight people ): . it’s OK. I know everyone is busy and have a lot of responsibilities. We went to get pizza, went to four bars, and ended with Karaoke. I sung, “Everyone wants to rule the world.” I know the lyrics well because of the NSP cover. It was a fun night. I’m going to meet some friends tomorrow to make tempura and ramen. Should be fun.

That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been feeling anxious due to this whole Randy vs Nakamura thing. My Japanese class is causing my stress, and the more time I spend decompressing the more I fall behind on my projects. I still need to plan and make changes to my DnD campaign for Monday. I want to keep up with these Nano’s and I want to get into shape. I also want to try to put more time into my friendships. I feel like I’ve been lacking lately, and I need to challenge myself to do more. We’ll see, I dunno.

I’ve been getting back into Gravity Falls. I’m not actually watching the show, but I’ve been watching fan videos and comics. The show gets me a lot more emotional than it did back when I was watching it. I saw a comic about Pacifica Northwest running away from home and it got me teary eyed? Which is weird. It’s one of those situations where I had an emotional response without realizing why. The scene where Mabel feels like Stan betrayed her also gets me. Not too sure why either. I got really into Stanly and Stanford’s relationship too. I think I liked it more after seeing the new Thor movie. I saw a post that mentioned how quick Thor was to forgive Loki and work with him. It defended that idea because they were brothers who grew up together. The post suggested that because they used to be so close it was easy for them to fall back into the supportive brother role. I mention this because seeing Stanford and Stanly repair their friendship always got me too. I am a sucker for siblings coming together. I don’t know if this says anything about me. Meh.

I do this a lot though. I come back to old shows I used to watch and consume a bunch of fan made content I missed. I did this with Undertale last year. I used to cry about Sans a lot. I’m trash I just keep it under wraps well.

If I had to take a guess as to why the Pacifica thing got me emotional, I’d say it had to do with the way I see myself leaving home. I was so happy to be out of my home town. I don’t like my parents. I am confident that if I stayed with them I would have got dragged down. My mom and dad are supportive of me and I’m grateful I still love them, but I cannot live with them. My dad has a lot of anger issues, conservative views, and he was abusive. My mom was very neglectful, leached off my grandmother (stole from her a lot), and enable’s her boyfriends to ruin my grandmother’s home. They are both heavy drug users. I am SO happy I got out of there. I wouldn’t have gotten out if it wasn’t for my first girlfriend Jessica. I think the Pacifica thing makes me said because her parents were kind of shit too, and it makes me really happy to see her get out of that situation. I dunno this is kinda a stretch, but I’m just trying to rationalize a feeling.

Anyhoo, It’s getting late and I have a lunch at my friend’s house tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

[lordhenry]

survey 20

What did you last eat? Lasagna and iced mocha.

How long does it take you to fall asleep? A long time. I’ve been trying out some sleeping/relaxation pills lately. Up to 5 capsules a day which sounds ridiculous, so I haven’t been following that rec.

What are you looking forward to? The end of this job.

Did you have a weird dream last night? I might’ve had one, I always do.

When you close your eyes what do you see? Black.

Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know? I ask questions.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right thing. I already do things right, I wouldn’t worry much about that.

In what way are you your own worst enemy? I’m a harsh critic. 

What white lies do you often tell? That I’m fine or that something’s fine, etc. Just to avoid explanations.

What activities make you lose track of time? Browsing the internet, for sure.

What bad habits do you want to break? Having a bad sleeping habit.

When do you feel most like yourself? When no one’s home and I’m in a good mood and the coffee maker’s brewing, there’s a slight rain, my cat is cuddly, the temperature’s just right, and everything is neither this nor that.

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Not if I genuinely wanted to help. Yes if I really had to.

How do you know when it’s time to continue holding on or time to let go? When I stop being happy, let go. I’m bad at keeping things.

How do you find the strength to do what you know in your heart is right? ...Yeah, how? I always do what I think is logical.

How do you deal with someone in a position of power who wants you to fail? Be better.

Who do you tell your secrets to? No one. What are secrets anyway? I don’t think I keep much. There’s certainly not very many secrets in my life to keep in the first place.

Who do you live with? At the moment, I’m by myself in this apartment, temporarily. Technically, I sort of “live” with Pamela, but not necessarily as we don’t sleep in the same house.

Do you think you were raised well? I was raised fine for a while, until my nanny died and my mother took me back and after that I pretty much raised myself (in terms of motherly/caring aspect, money-wise I had (still have) the full support of my parents obviously). With how I turned out, I’m pretty glad I had this independency? But also it’s kinda sad to think of? lol.

How do you handle stress? I do things I like. I drink a lot of coffee, maybe some alcohol, read a bit, do interesting things or maybe nothing at all. It really does not matter at this point because I sometimes cannot tell when I am stressed and when I am fine. I’m always just fine. //???? does that make sense?

If there was true love on one side of the street and a million bucks on the other which one would you pick? Money can be earned. True love, I’m not very sure. I suppose I’ll go after true love. I’m a capable person, I believe I’ll go far by myself. Plus, if true love would be able to make me a happier person, who’s to say money would matter THAT much? No idea.

Do you think you know the meaning of true love? I might not. I probably don’t. But so far, love to me is unconditionally being there and supporting somebody regardless of their shortcomings but NOT wrongdoings. If you love somebody, you wouldn’t be supporting that.

The last time you kissed someone…was it someone you see yourself with? Not anymore.

If your parents didn’t like the person you were dating, would you lose them? I don’t think my parents would do that actually, but if they were to hold me back from loving somebody.. it wouldn’t sit well with me.

Be with someone cute and a jerk or ugly and kind? Ugly and kind. You can be the cutest fucker in the world, but if you’re a dickhead, you can exit.

Kids then marriage or marriage then kids? Marriage. The end. Haha, maybe a kid or two after a while. I don’t think of that yet. I don’t even think of marriage, but it would be a nice thing to happen to me.

Do you see yourself as “good” person? I’m neutral-good, I think. I’m not 100% lawful, and I don’t go out of my way to do good things.. but likewise, I don’t do bad things on purpose as well.

Are you the type that would rather stay at other people’s houses or have them at yours?  I’d rather be the guest than have a guest over. At least I’m sure I know how to behave like a guest. I don’t feel comfortable having guests at home (except for my best friend). 

Are you excited for the future? Terrified.

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say? ......Why?

Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your friend, who are you mad at? Both.

Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?  I don’t remember, honestly.

What’s a happy time you’ve had in the past week? Uhhh. When I started feeling okay about this new environment.

Where did you go in a car last? I took an uber from Resorts World to the mall.

When did/will you graduate? 2018.

When are you moving next? October this year or late September most probably, to Leicester. Temporarily anyway.

Why are you stressed? Mainly work and my constant lack of sleep for which my sleeping pills are not working.

Where do you keep your birth certificate? I keep official copies of my important documents such as that in my personal file box, as well as digitally.

What is the closest orange object to you? Glue (its packaging at least).

How many books are in your room? I’m not in my room and have not been in my room for 2 weeks now. But back home, I have no idea. I have lots.

Have you ever been IN a wedding? Yep.

Could you handle being in the military? Maybe as a medic or medical volunteer or something like so.

What is something you’re really good at? Thinking of ideas, especially when a topic/subject is ready. And double-checking like a paranoid maniac.

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? Indirectly.. A few days ago.. monday? I can’t remember but definitely this week at work. A superior told me I looked like someone else from a different department (which irked me a bit ahaha) but she said not to worry cause she’s beautiful.

Is there someone who was important to you at one point, but isn’t part of your life anymore? Is there anything you’d like to say to that person? Yeah and no.

What’s your current problem? I need a minibar.

Are you wearing anything shiny? My diamond ring.

What is something you disliked about your day? The tax profiles I had to create for a superior too lazy (or maybe just slow) to have it done on time.

Will tomorrow be a good day? I think so. No work on Friday so yeah.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Work 8-5. Sleep early.

Do you have any plans for college? Yeah. Almost finished with it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Walking lmao.

How old are you? 18.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry? Yep. Pretty sure I shed tears when Gera was on his way to the airport or something.

Where did you go last? Uh in general today, just work. But literally only 10 minutes ago I had to stop this survey and rush to the comfort room because my nose randomly bled (like a faucet tbh) as I was typing.... freaked me out.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? I guess it was pretty recent. 

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It’s warm, I think that might be why my nose just bled randomly (but the aircon was on... idk). No.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently? Yeah.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down? Not today.

What does your last text message say and who is it from? From Ian, he asked if we were all fine, and said it’s getting warmer in Dubai.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from? I am not sure how easily, I rarely get scraps and bruises. But I do have one right now. I had my blood drawn, the Dr had trouble with my vein.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions? Depends on who’s asking and how much I would like to converse with them/elaborate.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy? Whatever’s thick.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener? Green apples or something clean and fresh.

How often do you wear make-up? I don’t bother during free days/weekends, but for work I have to wear makeup.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving? I do this a lot.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No, but I want to.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not? Yes. I also can’t decide how ugly I am.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache? Take meds.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work. I’m interning right now, it’s a very weird responsibility.. it’s a bit all over the place. Compensation & Benefits under HR department, sometimes helpdesk - explaining loan requirements, accepting them, giving passwords, resetting passwords, fixing meal plans and RFID concerns so it’s almost IT but not really, then sometimes it’s creating tax profiles.. or encoding.. or just simply photocopying. I don’t get what I’m really supposed to do at times except help out? Random shit. It’ll only be for another 2 and a half months anyway.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I don’t wanna waste my time by Joji tbh.

Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size? More like, gained. I went up one size. From 2 to 4. (Sometimes even 6 tbh.)

What’s your favourite kind of bread? White or wheat. Idk banana bread is good too, I like bread.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get? Few weeks ago, plain cheese.

You have to choose one: cats or dogs? Cats. I’ve got a Siamese.

How do you travel to and from work? Bus.

What do you think is the first thing people notice about you, when they meet you? They say I’m: quiet, intimidating, scary, blank, unapproachable, etc. lol.

Do you believe in God? How about ghosts? Aliens? God, I’m not very sure, but it would be nice to find him/her/it. Ghosts.. I can’t tell, I had an experience once when I was alone at home, but I like to think that I’m not sure, that it could’ve been imagined. Aliens, sure. There’s so much we haven’t explored.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? Shrimp, I think.

What does your last text message from someone of the same sex say? "Can’t open the door, just come out.”

Have you ever told anyone you never wanted to see/speak to them again? Did you mean it? Probably.

Do you drink tap water, or do you prefer it bottled? Bottled.

Are you unhappy, for any reason at all? Yeah.

Do you regret your last relationship? To an extent, but not really.

Can you find 3 items in the room that are white? Pill bottles, nasal spray, my earphones.

How about 3 items that are red? Bottle cap, Burberry purse (technically a bit of a plum colour but close enough), jewellery box.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to initiate a conversation with you? What was the topic of conversation? Probably Jeremy, idk something random probably. We converse frequently nowadays, but mostly random unimportant bullshit.

Have you ever been told that you’re awesome? Yeah.

What swear word do you use the most? Fuck. I try not to.

What colour is the carpet in the room you’re in? No carpet in my room, but downstairs it’s black and white.

Would you go out with the last male that Facebook messaged you? No.

Tell me about one of your most embarrassing moments. When I had my physical exam last Friday, oh my god. The doctor had to check my breasts for lumps, and etc. I had to get naked. On the outside, I was blank and just did everything the doctor asked, but inside I was dying of embarrassment lmao.

Do you consider yourself to be an attractive person, or do you feel unattractive compared to others around you? And if you feel unattractive, what do you think it is that makes you feel that way? It really depends. There are days when I feel uglier than usual. There are days when I think I look nice. I want to say I don’t care, but I do. What I think makes me feel this way is ?? I dunno? don’t we all feel like this to some degree?

Think about the first person you had a relationship with. Were you ‘in love’ with that person? Would you take him/her back? No. I thought I was, but then again when do I ever know how to feel about other people idk?

[lazytacomoon-blog]

Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

"Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

im 15 and i just got my liscence (you can get it at 15 in Idaho because i live in a hick state) im a good student, 3.8 gpa, and ive never gotten in an accident while i was a student driver with my permit. about how much can i expect to be paying a month for car insurance? dont tell me to go to a website and fill out a form, it takes forever and i dont feel like giving out my social security number, thank you very much. please does anyone have a ballpark estimate?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I am 15, i took driver's training when i was 14. and I just got my license. i was wondering how much it would be to insure a ford focus. I get good grades, about a 3.5 gpa so i dont know if that will help lower my insurance.""

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I was recently offered a job for when I get out of high school as an insurance agent. The lady said it would be a good job for me to have during college. I have other job offers and am considering this one. I know that in a sales field like this one there are many possibilities on how high or low your income could be, but I was just wondering if anyone had a rough estimate of what I could expect to make as an insurance agent while going to college.""

Good motorcycle insurances?

I just got a new dirt bike and I can't race with it at the track without insurances, what are a couple of cheap motorcycle insurances. I called this one place before and they wanted to charge me 700$ a month""

How does a new independent insurance agent get appointed/chartered by insurance carriers?

I'm starting a new independent insurance agency in NJ and foresee difficulty getting appointed/chartered by insurance carriers. Can anyone confirm this to true? Also, if this is the case are there any other options for a new agent? I've heard of 'brokers' that will fill this void and have access to many carrier however they keep 33% of the commissions. Any other options for new agents that anyone might be aware of? - Thanks a lot for any input!""

Buying a motorcycle and insurance?

Might be a weird question. I plan on getting a bike. To get insurance on a bike do you need the title and everytbing under your name first? And if I buy from a dealer, how do I get it home without insurance? You need a bike to get insurance but you need insurance to drive it home from the dealer. How does it work if I make sense.""

""Car insurance help, 16 yrs old?""

hey, so im 16 yrs old. I live in florida, have above a 3.0, took driver safety classes and everything, and im thinking about getting a 1995-2000 v6 camaro as my first car. Problem is, about 4 or 5 months ago, some asshole in a truck with a trailer crashed into me while i was driving and my parents got ****** on insurance, and the court just now ruled it wasnt my fault, but i know its still going to affect my insurance. If i go under their plan, have them as the lead and im just an off-driver, as it will be a school only car, how much do you think the insurance would be? im just looking for a medium range, i know everyone can't get specifics, im just trying to see if its worth it or not. i think with me on both cars now they had to pay $150 dollars more now, they said it would usually be more, but since they have been with them for over 30 years or something they get a discount.""

""I'm pregnant, without insurance, and desperate, HELP!?""

Just this Monday I found out I was pregnant. Two Clear Blue PREGNANT's, and I was bawling in the Target bathroom. I all ready have two children, both of which are on ALL Kids because my husband didn't want to keep our health insurance last year due to the rising costs (like, it kept going up $100/year, and towards the end, we were paying $500/month). So now I'm pregnant, no health insurance, and pretty much stressing out over it. I will apply for SOBRA Medicaid (something I found on Alabama's Department of Health site) after my doctor's appointment next Wednesday, but if they don't accept me, then I don't know what else to do. Giving my baby away is not an option, neither is abortion. I will love this baby no matter what happens. I just need some reassurance or something to keep myself from stressing out and crying all the time over worrying about money. I totally got screwed over by something called Direct Med and will be calling them tomorrow to try to get my money back. I did that out of desperation and plain stupidity. A little help, please?""

How much is insurance for 2008 bentleyy?

DO they Ask How you Got the money if you buy it just wondering thats my dream car lol

How much does a ticket cost for no proof insurance in ca?

I got a ticket for no proof of insurance at the time. But I have insurance. Does anyone know how much the ticket costs. Or what I can do to get it written off??

Do I buy car insurance before buying a car from a private party?

I'm buying a car this weekend from a private seller (we are just waiting for the duplicate title to come in the mail; she lost the original). Money won't be exchanged until ...show more

What does Term Life Insurance mean with no surrender value?

If I had a 15 year Term Life Insurance at $100,000. with no surrender value. What would it be at the end of 15 years. Can I collect the full amount on this type of insurance?""

""Does mercury auto insurance, offer motorcycle insurance?

Im about to buy a motorcycle. If not do insurance companies insure bikes with a salvage title?

How much do you pay for car insurance per year?

I'm just curious. Thank you in advance.

Is a 2004 used infiniti g35 a good and affordable car?

i am saving up about 2000 to put down on it. and how much would the monthly payments be. including insurance? i gross about 700-900 a month. thanks.

Car rental insurance ?

i'm going to rent a car for 3 weeks from avis but there are 4 types of insurance to choose from : (1) Additional Liability Insurance (ALI) (2) Loss Damage Waiver (LDW) (3) Personal Accident Insurance (PAI) (4) Personal Effects Protection (PEP) what does each one mean ? and which is necessary ? note : am not US citizen .

""My car Insurance got cancelled, will my license get suspenede?""

I live in Miami Fl, she told me I can start all over and give a down and 5 month payments. But im kind of tight with money now and wanted to get insurance in about 3 months. Will my ...show more""

What restrictions do i have with my motorcycle permit in California?

What can I do now that I have my motorcycle permit? I'm living in California (also an CA permit, fyi), and I'm not sure if I'm now able to ride on my own, when i'm able to ride etc. I've heard that I need someone over 21 'supervising'. Does anyone know if there's a penalty for not riding with an over-21 adult? Also, insurance-wise, what do I need to do once I buy my motorbike?""

Moped/Scooter insurance???

Hi everyone. How much would it cost for me to be insured on this bike? http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/125cc-125-cc-Scooter-Moped-Sport-Learner-Legal_W0QQitemZ200232549719QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item200232549719&_trkparms=39%3A1|65%3A7&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14.l1308 I am 19 years old and have a provisional driving licence. (I'm just using that bike as an example but that is the size engine I want as I'm going to be traveling quite far to work and is working out a fortune for bus fair). I'm new to this so if you need more information about me or anything else please say. Thanks xx

Cheapest insurance for teenager with traffic violations?

I was just wondering what company has the cheapest insurance for a 17 year old male with three traffic tickets. I'm not looking for a lecture on how I should know better or to have people call me stupid. I've already learned my lesson and I don't speed anymore. But these tickets are still following me around for the next three years. I leave for college in a couple months, and I need a car. But everywhere we have called (Progressive, Allstate, Nationwide, etc.) has given us a quote that is over ten times what we are paying now. Anybody have any advice? Who is usually the cheapest company to go through?""

How old do you have to be to start driving lessons?

How old do you have to be to start driving lessons?

Sued for Auto Accident Above Insurance Limit in NJ?

One year ago my wife was taking our daughter to pre-school turning left out the end of our road in to traffic, this road has a speed limit of 35 mph. Traffic had to stop to let her cross the first lane since it was solid cars, vans and small trucks. As she approached half-way, before getting a good view of oncoming traffic, another car took off the front bumper. Note that the center line is interuppted at the cross-junction. The bumper was torn from the front of the car with damage more evident on the non-impact side of the car than where initially hit, hence my wife had not initiated a turn, just edging forward to see. The radiator was in-tact, but damaged, still mounted to the front of the car. I walked to the site with our other child and took my daughter home; she is fine and I took her to school but still talks of the incident today. My wife stayed at the incident, and was fine (no later issues) keeping real calm and cooperating with police. It took about 2 hrs with police debating which town the incident took place (middle of the road is the divide) and the other driver was concerned about getting home to take a pot off the stove, but seemed medically fine. The driver asked me and the police to drive them home to get the pot off the stove and used my wifes cell phone more than once. They also wanted to drive their car home and leave the scene with a flat tire at one point I presume to attend to the pot. No tickets were issued, no air bags deployed. The other car had a flat front left tire and side damage so the drivers door was stuck shut. Both cars were old, so written off. Over a year later we received a court summons from their attorney and we are being sued for $750,000. Our limit is $100,000 on insurance. The plaintiff is claiming herniated discs and loss of bowel control. We have a 2006 no money down mortgage, so total equity is very much in the red since our home value plummeted. I have no umbrella policy. I am sole income, but was owner of the car my wife was driving. My wife is stay-at-home mom. The remaining $650,000 would be a big problem. Interestingly, we heard that the other driver called our insurance and asked for a >100-fold lower amount of money to just go away! Our insurer recalls this very clearly and did not pay. Questions: Should I invest in an attorney to work with our insurers attorney to cover the $650K over our limit? Do we have any case given the car the other driver may have been in a rush (as all were aware of the pot on the stove), would have settled for far less, and in reported safety tests should avoid an obstacle at 55mph let alone at the speed limit of 35 mph? Their case, as I understand, is to actually prove my wife was negligent, she was just trying to see. Reality and the law are complicated I understand. Our insurer is looking in to the validity of their medical claims. I believe for spinal and neck injuries plaintiffs have to follow careful insurance approved treatment plans in NJ. I know that such a condition may not be permanent with curative surgery possible to release the nerves that may be causing the bowel issue. The plaintiff has claimed the injury as permanent, do they need to prove this? Should we ask experts? The plaintiff lives in our town and their house is on my running route every other day. I have not noted anything at all and plan to stay away from all other parties. Should I change my running route? Thanks for any advice. Our 30 day clock is ticking.""

I'm tired of being an agent assistant. What other jobs can i find in the insurance industry?

I have a bachelor in marketing and i've been working as a licensed assistant to an insurance agent. I plan on working here at least another year, but I am interested in learning about other jobs in the industry since our corporate office is nearby. What are some other jobs i can look into? Just looking for ideas, thanks.""

""My husband and I are self employed.....We are shopping for health Insurance, what do recommend?""

We are looking for affordable health insurance, but I don't even know where to begin....If you are self employed, who is your provider and why?""

How do you get proof of car insurance without a car?

I had my brother listed as a driver on my insurance policy and he is moving so will no longer be using my car. The insurance company is requiring that I show proof of insurance before removing him from the policy. They are telling me there is no other way to remove him from the policy due to a DUI charge. Is it even possible to get car insurance without a car? What should I do?

Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

im 15 and i just got my liscence (you can get it at 15 in Idaho because i live in a hick state) im a good student, 3.8 gpa, and ive never gotten in an accident while i was a student driver with my permit. about how much can i expect to be paying a month for car insurance? dont tell me to go to a website and fill out a form, it takes forever and i dont feel like giving out my social security number, thank you very much. please does anyone have a ballpark estimate?

What is the average cost for insurance for a 16 yr old?

i just got my license like 2 weeks ago and im wondering about how much would it cost for insurance also i live in San Leandro CA if needed if car/s needed: honda pilot 2008 honda accord lx 2001 i didn't want to check quotes online cause i'd need my address and i don't really wanna put all that info

What Insurance companies will cover a pizza delivery driver?

Ok, so I've been trying to find Work as a pizza delivery driver---I was able to find one job delivering pizza--but when I had called my insurance company and told them about the situation--they immediately said We will not cover any accidents you have while on the job delivering pizzas. Have a good day. So, my question is: What insurance policies do cover you for delivering pizzas?""

Would it really cost me a lot more insurance?

I have a 93 camry and I'm trying to look for a new car to replace it. I asked my insurance company about the cost of insurance for a 2009 honda civic EX sedan 4 door and it was 536 every 6 months. Researched that car more to find out it was in an accident so scratched that car out of the picture. I found a 2007 honda civic EX coupe 2 door and no accidents and i see nothing wrong with it. They are both EX but the coupe is older. Would the insurance be much of a difference?

How much does insurance cost and hoe much does licencse/registration cost?

plz hurry and answer

Cheap auto insurance?? PLEASE? :(?

My friend she needs car insurance or her car will get repossessed. She's 19 and has only had her license for a year and is being financed a vehicle($200 monthly payments-in 2yrs it'll be payed off). She doesn't have a steady job yet but she's starting college at hcc this fall. She's living with her mom right now. The downfall is that she's already gotten a speeding ticket and hasn't had insurance for 6 or 7months. She needs a non-'name-brand' auto insurance. The cheapest offer so far was $406 a month and she can't afford that. By the way..this is in florida. Can you please inform me of a cheap car insurance place? It doesn't have to be any good..just cheap...thankyou..

Do I need to be insured on my parents insurance to use the car?

I live in Florida, I have a Drivers License Class E. Do I need to be listed on the insurance to drive my moms car occasionally on my own? If so, does Gainsco cover an occasional driver for free? How much would it cost?""

""If you're driving someone elses car and you wreck it, does their insurance still cover the car?""

Im buying a new car and to make the insurance cheaper my mom is going to be on the insurance not me. But my name is on the title. I wont even be put down as a secondary driver. So my question is, if i wreck, will the insurance still cover the car?""

What is the best health insurance for my family?

We are started to look for health insurance for our family and I was just wondering what everyones opinion was. We have 2 young children.

I have question about car insurance!!?

ok I live in California northern part so.... I wanto know how much is the car insurance for 16 years old? Is it depends on type of car and the price you got it? I found a car in the internet its 2008 audi rs4 $2000 clean title how much do u think is the car insurance for this car... Thanks for the real answers!!!!

AVERAGE Insurance (UK)?

Could anyone give me an average price of insurance or insurance group for a 20 year old female, on a 2011 fiat 500 twinair lounge 0.9? I don't want to do those compare sites as they ask for all your details. Thanks""

I have a question about auto insurance?????

The other day someone was giving me a ride. We stopped by a store and when i opened the door i scratched a ladies car. The lady was pretty mad and she took the license plate number and the name of the insurance. Today the guy that gave me a ride says that she called the his insurance and now i have to pay the cost of the damage. Is this guy pulling my leg or can this be true?

How does insurance for a scooter in florida work?

I was wanting to get a scooter a little like the one on this site: http://gainesville.craigslist.org/mcy/1167379006.html So anyone have any info that might help me like will i need insurance, would i need a special tag or license that costs more, are there any laws towards scooters in florida, would i need to get something from the owner like any type of paper work? Any tips would help a bunch!! thanks!!""

Can I get free health insurance?

I just paroled out of prison. I don't have a job yet. Is there any free health insurance available to me? I moved in with my brother, who has a good job and his own insurance. will his household income affect my options of getting low income insurance? Thanks""

Is there any auto insurance companies out there that does not require a credit check when applying for car ins?

I am trying to change auto policies and all the companies I have contacted so far wants to pull my credit and ask for my SSN number. Is there any auto insurance company that does not require a credit check for car insurance ?

Why does registration for a newer car cost more than an older?

Registering my 2011 vehicle in California costs 2.5 times ($249) more than my '94 vehicle ($99). I understand with auto insurance there's a premium to insure the newer vehicle because it is valued more, and if I get into an accident, it would cost the insurance company more for repairs/replacement for the newer vehicle. I can't imagine an accident with either car would cost the gov't any differently, so why is there an age discrimination being applied here? I have a feeling this is some BS fee. Am I right, or can someone please clarify.""

What are tips on getting the cheapest car insurance?

...like I think you are suppose to have $1000 as opposed to $500 or $5000... I have a good driving record and I recently bought a house (so I'll probably have my house insurance with the same company)

If my car insurance gets canceled b/c of late payments?

will they reinstate it again if i paid what i owed in full?

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old?

How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old female with a convertible volkswagen?

What is the difference between term/whole life insurance vs accidental death insurance?

I'm trying to buy life insurance for myself and my mother. I read up on this survivorship insurance which sounded pretty good since I wanted something for my mother if I were do die first and vice versa. but most of the online quotes I saw were between spouses... But I got confused when I read about accidental death ins- does this mean I will not be covered if I die of an illness or old age- but instead must die of an accident such as auto or slip and fall?? secondly, would I get taxed on the interest earned on the universal/whole ins or when the policy is paid out/ surrendered?""

Can anyone please suggest me Child insurance plans for my daughter?

I have 4 year old daughter for whom I wish to invest in a Child Plan. Please suggest a good child plan from any Indian insurance players

Will my Car Rental include insurance?

I'm hiring a car in Texas from Avis, it says it Includes Unlimited mileage, CUSTOMER FAC FEE, TRANSPORTATION FEE, VEH LICENSE FEE, Additional Liability Insurance (ALI), Collision Damage Waiver (CDW) - does this mean I won't have to arrange my own car insurance (I live in the UK) to cover driving the hire car abroad?""

I am a 16 year old male I want to know how much insurance on a 1995 Honda civic would cost me. Thank you?

I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and I would also like to know what the cheapest insurance company is""

How much would car insurance cost me?

I am a 22 year old female in Washington State, had one incident found to be not at fault, i drive a 98 Dodge Stratus""

""Is it cheaper to buy a BMW and/ Mercedes in Europe taking into account all costs including shipping, insurance""

Is it cheaper to buy a BMW and/ Mercedes in Europe taking into account all costs including shipping, insurance""

Whats the best way to check multiple car insurance quotes at once?

last time i got car insurance, i went to a broker type place, there, the guy used a website to find me the cheapest car insurance, do any of you know which website this is?""

Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

im 15 and i just got my liscence (you can get it at 15 in Idaho because i live in a hick state) im a good student, 3.8 gpa, and ive never gotten in an accident while i was a student driver with my permit. about how much can i expect to be paying a month for car insurance? dont tell me to go to a website and fill out a form, it takes forever and i dont feel like giving out my social security number, thank you very much. please does anyone have a ballpark estimate?

Does anyone know any reason why my employer does not want to set up a cafetiria plan for my health insurance?

payments. There are just 2 employees. Does it cost anything for the employee to set it up? Is there additional filing required with the irs? My employer does his own payroll using ...show more

How much would the car insurance be if i get a first car for 20k? UK?

How much would the car insurance be if i get a first car for 20k? UK?

Car insurance too expensive. Help. Urgent?

So basically. Im an 18 year old male. I passed my driving test in june 2013. My car insurance is too high. Now normally i wouldnt care but the reason i am asking this question is because. Where i live the nearest shop is 30 mins away walking. My family need someone to do the shopping as we cannot keep going back and forth everyday. We basically starve some days as sufficient food is too heavy to carry. My father is very sick and has been for 2 years. Because the hospital is so far away he barely is able to go to his appointments. And finally i use the train to get to my university which im fine with but i get bullied everyday physically on the train. I am too scared to report this to anyone. Now im not someone who would mess about in my car or speed etc. I am a very safe driver. My cheapest quote was on a Daewoo Matiz and the quote was 6000!! So i cleary cannot afford that. I have looked into the black box scheme but most insurers wont provide that service in my area. So my question is does anyone know of any insurance companies who do specialise in giving cheaper quotes. Or any cars that tend to be cheaper to insure. Or even any tricks that may help bring down the price. Please dont answer with stuff like you dont need a car or get a black box. I am litterally fed up and feel like a failure. I dont know what to do. I even slit my wrists now as it is toi much to bare. Also i cant go one anyones insurance as i dont have anyone to ask and my dad cant drive due to his illnes

Where can I get good credit insurance?

I have heard good things about One Source (http://www.onesourcerm.com/) for credit insurance. I would like to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions.

How can I take out life insurance on another person?

My father owes me money and I owe alot of money because of him. I'd like to be able to take out life insurance on him incase he dies before he pays me back. How would I go about doing this? I'm trying to figure out how to take the insurance out on him (since he owes me). Not have him get life insurance and then make me the benifactor himself.

Insurance & newborns?

So I went down and added my baby onto my caresource... BUT I don't have an insurance card for him. How will I be able to take him to the doctors if I don't have proof of insurance for him? I have proof of insurance for me is that enough? Also I haven't made any appointments for him to have a doctors visit yet, when should I make one?""

How much do you think my auto insurance will be?

I live in Massachusetts, I'm 19 and have had my license for exactly a year. I'm a female (I don't know if that matters) The car I want to insure is a 95 Oldsmobile Achieva. Rough estimate please? My mom is saying I have to pay like $400 every three weeks for ten months. Doesn't that seem like a little much?""

I need car insurance in broomfield co?

I have one speeding ticket and i'm 19 years old where can i go to get car insurance cheap i get min wage. and i need full coverage and if you know what full coverage consists of please let me know i have a 2003 dogde neon se

Math question about cars and insurance?

I make 10 dollars an hour, full time job, 80+ hour checks with about 100 dollars in commission monthly. (1700 a month before taxes). I have to pay my rent, 325, my electric, 200 a month, and my phone bill- 40 dollars a month. My internet is 15 a month. How much do you think I could pay for a car, and insurance for a car without going broke? As in, what kind of price brackets should I stay in? I've been driving a car that's paid off since I was 16, now that car is falling apart. I need help, I've never done this before! :) Thanks!""

Cheap car insurance?????????

Hi I'm a 22 year old male I passed my test 7 1/2 months ago I got my first car it's a ford escort 1.6 yr 1999 does any one know where I can get really cheap car insurance as it will only be used to take my two kids to school thank a lot.................

Any advice to offer on car insurance?

Do you have any advice to offer on buying insurance on my very first car for a first-time driver? Any advice at all? Any recommendations, anything to avoid, etc.?""

Best and Cheapest Car On Insurance For a 17 Year Old?

Best and Cheapest Car On Insurance For a 17 Year Old?

Do i need insurance to drive parents car in PA?

i just got my liscense and was wondering if i need insurance to drive my parents car?

How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?

How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?

""21st Century, mainly for the reduced rates with the same as other carriers?""

21st Century Insurance Company is a quality, affordable carrier for automobile ... At 21st Century Insurance Company, we understand how complicated buying auto insurance can be....I'm thinking of switching my auto insurance from GEICO to 21st Century, mainly for the reduced rates with the same coverage. Anyone has any experience with ...for a quote go to http://www.quoteinsuranceauto.com""

Do I need motorcycle insurance to ride off a bike at the dealership?

I meant proof of insurance while the bike (motorcycle) is paid in cash in the city of Milwaukee, state of Wisconsin?""

I involved in a car accident and that car insurance just expired few days ago?

I borrowed my brother in law car and unfortunately, i collided with another car. Then I realized that my brother's car insurance with GMAC has just expired few days ago. I don't have the same address with him, just borrow his car occasionally because i just moved here. I have my own car insurance in another state with AAA. What can I do in this situation?""

How much would my car insurance be on a 2008 Chrysler 300?

I am 20 years old and still live at home i work full time and go to school at night and i would like to get a new car, but everyone keeps telling me insurance will be to much for me? and also how much of a down payment would i need on a 17,000 Chrysler 300.Can i pay monthly or with insurance or do i pay once a year plz need helppppp""

""AA car insurance, do they send the papers by Email or post?

need to know when register with AA car insurance is there an option for everything to be send by Email ONLY as I have some really bad people I am sharing house with :(

Need to find a good place and affordable price for dental care..?

Hello I'm from Oklahoma and I'm looking for a good Dentist.That is affordable.I have BCBS Insurance.But it only pays a small amount.I will be 33 next week and I'm so depressed over my teeth.I got real sick a few yrs back and the meds and all just made my teeth rot..Please someone help..Thanks Melody

How much do i have to pay for my insurance? i just got my license!?

im 17 years old. i don't know my credit score. i got my license 1 week ago. and i dont have a car i am going to drive my moms kia sedona 2004. and i want to have infiniti insurance thats what my parents have please help me out?

What car dealers offer free insurance with their finance cars?

I am looking to get a car on finance with free insurance in the uk can anyone help or provide a link ? Thank you

Is it legal to keep a check from my health insurance company that they expect me to pay the doctor with?

We are having a really difficult time financially. My husband gets a very large bonus in December and we will be back on track and then some. So here's my question. I recently ...show more

Which car insurance companies should I look into?

I'm looking for car insurance and was wondering which companies you would suggest I look into and get quotes from? Which company do you have and what do you like / not like about them? Thanks!!

Would my insurance company consider a Datsun 280zx to be a sports car?

I'm looking to find a cheap car and I was looking through craigslist and found this Datsun. I'm only in high school though and my parents say I will have to pay for everything including insurance. As you can imagine I want to try and keep the insurance cost as low as possible but I also want to have a car that has some personality to it (no old people cars like crown vics or buicks). I don't know much about cars so I was wondering what else should I check out before I buy anything and it's too late.

Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

im 15 and i just got my liscence (you can get it at 15 in Idaho because i live in a hick state) im a good student, 3.8 gpa, and ive never gotten in an accident while i was a student driver with my permit. about how much can i expect to be paying a month for car insurance? dont tell me to go to a website and fill out a form, it takes forever and i dont feel like giving out my social security number, thank you very much. please does anyone have a ballpark estimate?

It is good to Invest in LIfe Insurance than a Bank?

Life Insurance cover -Accident insurance -Death Insurance -Hospital Insurance -and they say you can retrieve the money that you've deposit if you don't like to continue with a good interest. anyway the life insurance that i talk to is sunlife flexilink, they say it is good to invest unlike in a bank please give me an advice, thanks""

How to get cheaper car insurance for a new young driver?

I passed my test the other day but ive been looking for hours trying to find some cheap car insurance on a 1.2 ford ka but all the quotes im getting are minimum 3-4 thousand pound and some are even quoting up to 8 thousand ! Im 17 and male does anyone know where to get relatively cheap insurance something between 1000-2000 pound? or any methods that are used to get cheaper car insurance?

What is the cheapest insurance company?

ok so im an 18 year old guy and i just bought a 98 mustang. i also got my g2 recently.i am thinking of putting the car under my moms name and me as a secondary driver. what is the cheapest company you can recommend?

Cheapest car insurance?

I'm 17 and have only had my lisence a week. I need the cheapest car isnurance I can get with minimal coverage, I have a 98 Mitsubishi eclipse. Any ideas?""

Can I go on my boyfriends health insurance florida?

I am living with my boyfriend for a year can I go on his health insurance

How much should I expect my homeowners insurance to cover?

Last month, my car was broken into. A laptop and and navigation system were taken, all together costs about $1700 to replace. How much should I expect a check for? I'm looking for new laptops at the moment and I'm thinking of purchasing a replacement before the check comes in.""

Car insurance?

I just got my liscence and my friend told me that car insurance is more expensive for 16 year olds than 17 year olds because they have increased chances of getting into an accident. What are the average rates of insurance for sixteen year olds and is it worth waiting until I am 17 until the prices drop?

Getting health insurance with a pre-existing condition?

I just quit my job and no longer have health insurance. I also have a very mild case of Chrons disease....I take pills daily for it, but other than that I'm in great health. I would like to get on a health insurance plan. What are my options? Do you think I will get turned down because of my Chrons? If I can get on health insurance, what range will I be paying per month for coverage?""

Medical insurance?

my husband has medical insurance & i do not one medicine we both take without the insurance it is only $7.89 WITH insurance he still has to pay his $25 co-pay How Come ??????????????

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old female?

So i passed my driving test December 2011. Looking at car insurance and all im getting is around 2000. Ive done everything to make it cheaper because when i first started shopping around it was saying 4500 at me :| Ive put my dad on my insurance, put my miles down, quoted small engine cheap cars like corsa 1.0 and ford ka 1.3 reg 1998-2003 etc. that its on a driveway, third party only you name it. Some of my friends have been quoted like 800 with their parents on the insurance for the same cars Ive been quoting, so i must be going wrong somewhere. oh and im 18 in 2 weeks will that make a difference? thanks!""

Insurance for a van ... not too sure..?

Hi I just bought a 1979 Dodge Camper van which is in great condition with low miles on it. I want to get it plated which is fine but also I want to insure it but I am not sure what to expect, is it going to cost me less or more because of it being older? I am 26 years old and Ive had my license since 17. Ive been insured under my parents insurance as a 2nd driver since 17 also. Even if I didn't drive it all the time they just kept me on it. Well I'm not sure what else I can say to help out with an estimate of the insurance. Maybe some of you have better knowledge, I live in Canada, Quebec. Thank you. Btw this is my first owned vehicle which is kinda weird hehe but yeah I'm learning.""

Where can my partner get cheap car insurance?

he has 2 convictions sp30 and dr10

Where can I get pit bull insurance in Ohio??? What does it cost??

Where can I get pit bull insurance in Ohio??? What does it cost??

Does anyone use or heard of Response.com for auto insurance?

Response.com seems to have the least expensive insurance rates at plans that are what I currently have. Going with them would save a lot of money but I've never heard of them personally.

How much will an Acura Integra GSR 4 door insurance cost?

Hey I was wondering how much an 1998 Acura Integra GSR 4 door insurance cost? I'm in Long Beach, California. It is going to be under my dad's name and I have persmission to drive it to commute to school/work. My dad refuses to buy the 2 door version of the Acura Integra GSR because he says the insurance is too high. By the way once again it's under my dad name he has a driving experience of 28 years with clear records no accidents, no nothing. Please help me since my choice is the 4 door. Thanks in advance!""

I have pre-existing conditions & I'm 61. Where to go for health insurance?

I'm having a hard time trying to find health insurance. I have pre-existing conditions (take medication for a mild heart arrhythmia & for cholesterol) plus I'm on medication for depression. And I'm 61. I've searched the web without luck - insurance agents who've called me say my condition makes me Uninsurable. Either that or I'm contacted by scam artists. Does anyone have experience with the Health Insurance Industry & have suggestions on what company to contact? Or what insurance agents are reputable? I live in California. I welcome your thoughts & suggestions. Thanks!

Can I get life insurance for my brother-in-law? Because he always say he going to kill himself.?

Can I get life insurance for my brother-in-law? Because he always say he going to kill himself.?

How much would car insurance cost if you have two tickets?

So I just got my second speeding ticket today... -.- My first ticket was going 58 in a 35... (reckless driving) Ironically my second ticket was 58 in a 35 too... (reckless driving) I am 18 and live in the state of Virginia... I own a 2005 Nissan Xterra SE... Can anybody estimate how much my car insurance is gonna go up? Like how much my insurance will be every month now? I have state farm insurance by the way... If anymore information is need please ask me so I can get the estimates... I'm actually very scared to tell my parents... So I'd just like to know all this information before they do...

Car insurance?

i'm looking for the name if the company that has that commercial where the lady is telling how to save on car insurance, on the back there is a truck, that i believe said HONK if you want to save or something like that, and as she speaks you also hear the cars going by honking. thanks""

How much will insurance cost for a 16 year old?

How much do you think insurance will cost my dad for me When i turn 16 in a couple months i am either getting an Audi a4 convertible Honda pilot Ford explorer How much will insurance be for them which car would you pick

How much is car insurance for a 20 yr old?

20k car paying monthly, want estimated numbers dont give me no depends on your state and what car your driving""

What insurance do you recommend for a part-time photographer?

I am a part-time photographer who mostly does family portraits and children. However, I've shot one wedding this past summer, and have another planned for June. I have a couple who recently contacted me for engagement photos and they want to do them at a nearby museum (outdoors) a week from today. The museum may want insurance info, and I don't have any to provide them with. My gear: I own a Canon 5D Mark II (primary) with an L lens, as well as two Nikon cameras (5100 and d60- backup cameras). What kind of insurance do you recommend that is affordable for my part-time photography business income? I realize I may not be able to get insurance in time for this engaged couple, but would like to have it for the upcoming wedding.""

How much should we expect from her insurance?

a friend and i had an accident on Thursday, we were going on two different motorcycles and a woman never saw us and she cut our way and we ended up hitting her pretty bad, the motorcycles are totaled. one of us had a dislocated shoulder and a strained knee, the other one was hospitalized for three days, he ended up having a broken rip, blood in the skull, and damaged spine. this accident was the woman's fault so my question is how much should each of us expect from her insurance? should we hire a lawyer?""

""I just bought a new car, now i have to switch insurance?

how do i go about that. im right in the middle of my current insurance on my old car.

Insurance quotes for a 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse ??

i'm 16 and i need to know where i can go online to get a quote, without people calling me. i just want to know how much it's gonna be every 6 months or every month, etc. online .... THANK YOU ALL !!!!""

Car insurance?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!?

im 15 and i just got my liscence (you can get it at 15 in Idaho because i live in a hick state) im a good student, 3.8 gpa, and ive never gotten in an accident while i was a student driver with my permit. about how much can i expect to be paying a month for car insurance? dont tell me to go to a website and fill out a form, it takes forever and i dont feel like giving out my social security number, thank you very much. please does anyone have a ballpark estimate?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/certificate-liability-insurance-robert-porter"