#and i hate how Jonny genuinely thinks its romantic

[radiosandrecordings]

A bunch of cosplayers on tiktok are going on about web!Martin again and how its confirmed after 194 and how he's secretly been puppeting Jon and it's honestly annoying not because I'd be devastated or anything but I just feel like if it happened it would be boring and not at all narratively satisfying and I like to pretend Jonny is a better writer than that. Especially when I go anywhere else and see all these compelling and interesting endgame theories and then the people on tiktok choose to go on about the least interesting one. Like yes aesthetically in a cosplay it's super cool but I think there's a more interesting reason why Martin has a lot of web imagery surrounding him in text than a boring "oh this character is evil" bit. I think I dislike it more in how smug some of them act about it, feels a bit condescending. Sorry for the ramble.

As technically the first Web Martin cosplayer do I have seniority here? Command them Father Galahad style, My People, My Flock, Please Stop Acting Like It’s Canon?

I could absolutely not stick it on TMA TiktTok any time I hear about like, ‘TikTok Fandom Discourse’ I just feel a bone deep weariness. I absolutely feel you on this one anon, I was on the Web Martin train for a bit myself back pre S4/Early S4, because it seemed quite a bit more likely then because we’d had less of his character arc play out, and we didn’t know he even had a connection to the Lonely yet. So I agree that there is something going with him and the Web, which is only more confirmed by 194, but I wouldn’t say it’s Web!Martin at all? 

@our-jacket-men-of-interest had a very interesting theory that Martin could basically be immune to the Web, because it’s all built out of fear of manipulation and if he wasn’t afraid, they’d have no real power over him (Either by just refusal, or outsmarting it somehow). I really like that one because it’s a lot more narratively interesting and doesn’t just follow the expected route. You’re absolutely right in my opinion that it just wouldn’t be narratively satisfying to have Martin be Web, especially when we’ve literally been told by the domains that Martin is Lonely/Eye. I suppose there’s an opportunity there to hammer home the Fear Soup thing and maybe have some kinda reveal that he can be Web too, or have had the Web be concealing that by manipulating his domain? It just feels a little convoluted to try and fit that into the end of the show when there’s so many other unfulfilled things to clear up. Martin and the Web definitely have something going on but I don’t think he’s an avatar for it. 

Okay I just re-read what you said and wait they’re still on the puppeting shit? I thought we got other that literally years ago. God I absolutely hated that theory at the time and I get it as like, an interesting concept or au to explore but do people actually thing of it as a genuine theory that might be canon? That after 194 episodes of a romantic build up and eventual relationship they’re gonna reveal it was all fake and manipulative? I do not know what story these people think they’re listening to but it is... Not that one, unless it takes a sharp left turn, or I’ve been interpreting it wrong. There’s so many ways to view Martin’s relationship with the Web and ways to theorise about it and that’s just... the worst one. 

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: The Lion King (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: So I am slightly later to the party than originally intended but I will be talking about this movie in detail and am posting this review a day or so after it is released in U.K. cinemas, so if you haven’t yet seen the movie, either go and watch the original or wait until you have seen it before reading on.

General Reaction:

I have several problems with Disney’s “live-action” remake of The Lion King, not only with the choices the actual movie makes, but unfortunately also some of my ranting will be down to the live-action remake fatigue that has struck almost every Disney fan with the recent onslaught of remakes coming out. For me, The Lion King is where I have reached my  peak because up until now the live-action remakes at least brought something different from the originals for me.

Here however, if for some strange reason you haven’t seen the original animated version of this movie...as I know at least one person who hasn’t...then this may be a brand new enjoyable movie for you. However, for the rest of the world that has, this was pretty much the exact same movie scene for scene with dialogue that seems very tired and characters that lack the basic sense of emotion.

I just want to clarify something, anyone who knows me knows I do not talk follow trends when writing these reviews, so the fact that I am going to spend a lot of this review pretty much complaining about the movie is not because it seems to be the “it thing” to hate it, but instead I have actual reasons as to my disdain.

I do blame Jon Favreau for some of the problems with the movie, especially because he hit it out of the park with The Jungle Book remake back in 2016. I can remember walking out of the cinema after seeing that movie with such a sense of enjoyment from my cinema experience which was decorated in Jungle Book paraphernalia, to the actual movie which was obviously based on the original animated version but also took inspiration from the novel the original was based on.

Here though there was no decor save for one lion totem hidden away, and from the very start of the movie I was seriously underwhelmed by it all.

I don’t know if something got lost between the 2D animation and the CG animation but the movie just felt rather slow compared to the 1994 animated version. There was something so iconic and special about the original version that maybe it was simply the case that nothing could match up to it, but if that is the case then the talent behind the scenes should have at least tried to do something different with the story like Aladdin and Dumbo tried to do.

I genuinely believe that Jonny Fav blinked when tackling this compared to The Jungle Book because while The Jungle Book is a classic it isn’t as iconic or beloved as The Lion King and therefore maybe he didn’t want the backlash if he changed it and it wasn’t received well.

Also, this “live-action” version of the animated movie has 30 minutes more content in it than the original 1994 animated version, this is both a good and a bad thing. The two worst crimes of this movie, aside from it lacking originality and emotive facial expressions, as well as one particular song which I will get into, are two minor scenes that stretch-out pointless plot-points.

The first just after the “Circle of Life” opening where the movie follows the travels of the mouse that Scar eventually tries to eat. But this mouse is followed from the bottom of the cliff-face into the cave that Scar is in.

The second is after Simba begins to question everything he has been told about life and slumps down on that ledge. In the original 1994 version there are leaves and particles that originally spell out “Sex” that are now replaced by a piece of Simba’s mane flying away and going on a journey for five long minutes.

This hair lands in a lake, floats across a Savannah, is eaten and subsequently pooped out by a giraffe, rolled away in a poop ball by a dung beetle before being separated from the pile and being carried up to Rafiki’s tree by worker ants. In the original, a breeze carries leaves across Rafiki’s path which he catches and it is over in about 2 minutes.

Both scenes are dragged out, almost completely irrelevant to the plot and just took me out of the movie questioning why I’m following a mouse and a piece of hair.

Then I have to quickly talk about the stampede scene which leads to Mufasa’s death. 2-D Animation vs. photo-realistic technology is becoming a massive battle in cinema recently particularly at Disney, but there are many things that hand-drawn animation can get away with that live-action cannot. Not only did I get zero facial expressions from Simba or Mufasa in this scene but also that stampede scene in the original animated movie is so grand and has such an emotive response from audience members no matter how many times you see it whereas here, it didn’t seem as epic. It still felt grand because it’s a stampede but not on the level of the animated version.

To end this section on a positive, I do appreciate the photo-realistic CG because it does comprise the entire movie, even the scenery, because it all does make it seem like watching realistic animals for the most part.

Cast:

Alright so there are some good and bad thing about the cast and characters. For a start, the characters in “live-action” are emotionless, lack any real form of empathy and require your love of their 2D animated counterparts to gain any affection from the audience.

The best characters in this version are Timon, Pumbaa and the Hyenas, even Zazu is high-up for me...this presents another problem with the movie, the comic relief of the movie is the best part about it. But it is true, while Billy Eichner as Timon and Seth Rogen as Pumbaa may not be as strong a double act as Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella, they are still rather funny together and actually are given more of a meta humour than in the original movie. Not only with their version of “Hakuna Matata” but also the new Hyena distraction scene which in the original is the Hula scene but now starts off as the beginning of Beauty and the Beast’s “Be Our Guest”.

The hyenas meanwhile are made more formidable and fearsome in this movie, not only is Florence Kasumba as Shenzi more of a leader of her clan even opposing Scar at times, but both Keegan Michael-Kay and Eric André prove to be almost as good a double act as Kay & Peele. For this reason they’re high up on my list.

Donald Glover is an okay adult Simba. He has got that innocent youthful tone that adult Simba should have given the experiences of his life, but he does just feel like he’s reading a script rather than actually acting..

Beyoncé is, well Beyoncé in lioness form but the thing that lets her down is the lack of emotion on Nala’s face. Also I don’t understand why the back of her ears and tail were blackened aside from the fact that Favreau wanted Nala to stand out from the other lionesses.

Scar is as fierce as ever and Chiwetel Ejiofor proves once again why he is a great villain actor.

I was also pleasantly surprised by Simba’s mother Sarabi in this movie as not only did she have more to do but her backstory with Mufasa and Scar, which doesn’t necessarily make me want a prequel but adds to the Hamlet story that this story is based on, and has Scar state that she chose Mufasa over him...so does that mean she was somehow romantically involved with her now brother-in-law? Also Alfre Woodard is great in the role.

James Earl Jones is back and...it’s simply for nostalgic purposes because there is nothing really elevated in his performance. If anything his performance falls slightly flat in parts but otherwise he’s fine.

The biggest letdown for me is the character of Rafiki, who in the original 1994 version is my favourite character. I love the fact he’s a shaman, I loved his first meeting with Simba I could easily watch it over and over again. I do not understand why they effectively cut that scene and the message of morality that comes with it.

Then he only had his stick when preparing for that climactic fight. It seemed as if they were saying that point was him coming out of pacifism but it isn’t fully shown, but I wanted to see Rafiki walk around with his stick like he did in the original, they copied pretty much everything else but got rid of that?!

Also the one bit of facial emotion that any of these characters show is in the beginning “Circle of Life” sequence when Rafiki carries baby Simba to the edge of Pride Rock and Simba looks genuinely sad to be pulled away from his mother.

Speaking of young Simba, both JD McCrary and Shahadi Wright Joseph do a good job as the young versions of Simba and Nala respectively. I think McCrary tries very hard to recapture the emotion that can bring grown men to tears when Simba finds his father dead, it doesn’t quite stick but he tries.

Songs:

I don’t know if it is because the original score and soundtrack is so iconic and ingrained in popular culture, or just that reworks of the same songs don’t really work...Aladdin for all its plusses still fell into that category...but the songs from the original movie in this version do nothing good for me.

“Circle of Life” is supposed to be the energised introduction to the movie, but if you were to watch the opening to this movie and the original side-by-side, it is practically a shot for shot copy but this version is slower and therefore misses a lot of the cues. Even the shot where you first see Zazu flying over to Pride Rock is underwhelming and they screwed that up twice, first at the start and then again at the end of the movie.

“I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” was also slightly lackluster because of the fact this movie seemed to take away the fantastical elements of the performances in favour of apparently making it more grounded, but it was still a fun performance. I think the two young actors playing the two young cubs did a great job vocally and the performance of them hiding from Zazu amongst the animals was an okay alternative.

“Be Prepared” is the one time I have been actually offended in one of these Disney live-action remakes, this song is one of the greatest villain songs in history. They take a performance which fully executes the Elephant Graveyard but also turns the hyenas into the New Reich! This is Scar monologuing for a couple of minutes and the “song” lasts about maybe 30 seconds. This was my favourite song in the original and it fizzles out completely.

“Hakuna Matata” is a fun song as it was in the original, like “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King” the fantastical elements are taken out of it so Pumbaa swinging on the vine swing and the use of the bugs and the diving into water are all taken out. Even so, Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen do a good job singing as does JD McCrary...Donald Glover on the other hand is not a singer.

“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is probably my favourite song in the movie, and it’s a song not original to The Lion King which is more of a problem for the revision of the soundtrack to the original 1994 version but the fact Timon and Pumbaa got essentially their own doo-wop group going of the animals that also inhabit their home, it’s just such a good rendition.

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight?”...if it wasn’t for Beyoncé would be an absolute bomb because Donald Glover, again, cannot sing. Also the song happens way too quickly. The movie is effectively a shot-for-shot remake but some scenes are cut short and Simba and Nala’s reunion is made very short before this song kicks in.

Recommendation:

I can’t say this is a perfect movie, if you love the original and want to see that again you will like this just fine, if you were wanting something different like how Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast altered themselves slightly then you won’t really get that here.

I still recommend it as a movie to see just one because it is an important movie to see just to see how stretched out these live-action remakes are becoming. However, I will agree with those that say it is one of the worst remakes.

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

I wanna relisten to the magnus archives because I love Jonny's writing very much but at the same time I have deep personal vendetta against Alex, and the fact that I now know JonDaisy won't be end game AT ALL despite me holding out for it for irl years lmao.

And the ending being a unaware metaphor for never finding personal autonomy because the manipulative societal expectations of "romantic love" are more important then overcoming addiction and being yourself I guess, and it makes me sad. Also I still hate Alex