#and i had to make all of these twice because photoshop decided to crash the first time

[zfyn]

tell me somethings last

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Reimeiroku Saito Final Chapter

have i ever mentioned how i’m a masochist when it comes to this stuff? like, i will freely admit how i actually don’t like translating and doing more unnecessary work, but I when I do something for myself, I tend to want a certain degree of quality.... which is why i decided i’d do some video editing for this... a decision that I really regret now though i can say that it’s something that i know hate more than photoshop lol. 

after i finished my yuugiroku 2 vid, i figured i might as well try to install Visual Novel Reader to see if that could offer me better visual and audio quality for this... but before I finished installing it, I went and checked what videos were available that I could use for assets and found a video made through vnr had about the same audio quality as to ppsspp... along with videos from someone other psp emulated version of this... which i then clipped for audio. 

between visual and audio quality... i’ll pick audio any day so after deciding that i’d be using some of the less grainy audio i found along with my ppsspp footage... i set to work trying to layer the tracks.... but since the audio didn’t match the visuals’ timing, I had to manually cut pieces of my screencap video up so that it matched the audio timing, while also making sure that the visuals looked like they were still continuous (damn  circle icon which wouldn’t go away and caused problems)... on top of which, i had to deal with removing a number of random black screens that would just flash on screen for less than a second when i ran reimeiroku through the ppsspp emulator.... then i also had to find the song that plays towards the ending of this cuz the audio i had cut before the end of my screencap vid which was also a pain because i couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere on youtube so i had to go find the game rip audio (thankfully i have a site for that. also in the game, that song doesn’t naturally fade out and i manually added in that effect cuz i felt like it and thought it was better than the audio just cutting off) so i could put that in and align it so that track matched the audio timing for the vita audio track.... and then i also had to do something about the interval where i had to increase and decrease volume since the end kept sounding off no matter what i did....tho i kinda think the video still sounds off in 2 places.

once i got all the damn visuals and text properly lined up, i gave up on having to deal with the the stupid circle icon in that was originally in the bottom right hand corner since i got pissed enough seeing it and cuz it was no longer continuously in motion so I decided to remove it entirely along with the auto-play icon (at this point im on about version 10 of the video).

then, to cover up the right side of the video, i figured that’d i’d just stuck up an image over top of that section.... but after several tries i gave up on that since every damn picture i imported regardless if that was a screenshot of the game or a screen capture of the video from the editing software itself, nothing would match the colour of the text box for some infuriating reason... which ultimately led to me redoing everything so i didn’t have the stupid text box then stringing together clips between those stupid bouncing icons to erase the damn thing entirely though i thankfully didn’t worry about the auto-play icon the second time around....

however, doing that in itself posed a whole new problem since what i could effectively clip was less than >0.5 seconds each time to create cropped video layers that would hide that stupid icon, and my comp reaaaaaallllly started to issues when i did more of this and when i copied and pasted too many of those millisecond clips together... it got to the point where i was waiting 15 minutes for about 4 seconds of copied hide-the-damn-icon-video-clips (or about 8 hours for 40 seconds worth)... which pretty much crippled my computer..... 

this resulted in me having insane amounts of segments that looked entirely like this^, which occurred whenever there was an icon to hide... or text shake for some reason.... which caused me to create +20 openshot files for editing...(btw this is 138 tiny clips over the span of 6 seconds)

in the end, over the course of a fucking month, which i can honestly say that me finishing this for today was a complete coincidence (i barely managed to finish Warframe’s Scarlet Spear event cuz of how bad this was lol), i lost count of many versions of this video I made sometime after I reached version #32, openshot crashed on me at least 15 times (gave up counting that too), and my laptop crashed twice.... 

after i finally finished my video, i thankfully didn’t spend that long on subtitles but it took me far longer than i’d have liked to get the damn positioning right since potplayer is annoying when it comes to single lines and i had to guess and check the positioning almost every other time for some strange reason whenever i had a single line... which was never a problem when i had 2 or 3 lines of text... but editing was a slight hassle cuz i wanted the text used to be as accurate as possible... and i checked 3 reimeiroku tls of this chapter and the JP mtl of a bunch of sentences just to be sure. 

anyway, thanks to doing all of this unnecessary torture, i am absolutely never going to ever be repeating this experience ever again even if someone pays me because video editing is a serous pain in the ass and I hate it more than photoshop (also why the hell does ppsspp have so many issues with reimeiroku when compared to yuugiroku 2)!!!

also, learned my lesson and didn’t write this post this after staying awake til an ungodly hour lol. my attention to basic grammar plummets like a rock if i stay up past 4 am.... so i decided to write out all my grievances beforehand.... and put my video for this at the very bottom cuz im terrible like that and want everyone who sees this to deal with a massive wall of text xD! suffer! suffer as i have dammit lol!

enjoy the fruits of my damn labour! i’ve passed the point of caring if there are errors in this so keep anything you notice to yourself!! goddammit i noticed something wrong that i couldn’t ignore... namely the chapter name and my credit.... fixed that now.

on a final note, it’ll probably be more than a year before I touch Reimeiroku again because of my commitment to what I am able to translate for SSL so don’t ask lol.... 

[ptgigi]

Unannounced Hiatus Apology/WIP 12/24/17

My sincerest apologies friends! I originally set a post announcing the delay to autopost on all the places I post…but it appears that it did not go through on any site!

So the situation is that my internship has ended, I’m (finally!) graduating college, I had to move out of my apartment, fly across the country, and am spending time with the fam.

As an apology for this and the hiatuses I failed to properly announce this year, I’ll be making a public WIP post (this post, see below), which are usually Patreon-only. In addition, I’m offering all current Patreons a free drawing request (single character, flat color, small drawing or headshot). This offer is also extended the first 3 people who donate to my Patreon* at any tier below $10. Those above $10 get 2 larger drawings (1 for the tier, 1 for this offer though a super-sized, larger drawing). Also, this offer is extended to the first 3 people to donate through Ko-fi. Additionally, I’ll check activity on my websites from the month of December and grant the top 3 contributors this same offer. Finally (ho’ boy), contributing to this post (commenting, favoriting, liking, sharing, etc) will earn you a ‘ticket’ for a drawing raffle. Each sharing method of this final raffle is counted, so commenting on Smackjeeves*, sharing on Facebook, liking on Tumblr will earn you 3 tickets. Winner will be chosen January 1st (so about a week). There’s 1 winner for the raffle, but depending on turnout I might increase it to 2 or 3.

*You can claim this offer multiple times through different methods. So if you donate via Patreon and Ko-fi that’s 2. *Each type of offer only applies once, so you can’t donate to Ko-fi twice and get two drawings, only one. Likewise, current Patreons can take advantage of the $10 offer if they upgrade. *Patreon: Patreon’s website glitched on me when I tried to add “pay up front”. This protects me from people who say they’ll donate to get access to content and rewards, but then back out before Patreon charges them. If this setting went through, then the offer will be initiated when you donate. If this setting did not go through, then I have to work with Patreon to get it working and you’ll have to wait until it’s fixed or the 1st of January (when donations go through) for me to initiate the offer. *Smackjeeves comments only count one source. IE you can’t comment on the news post on PMD: Choosing Our Fate and Gigi’s Art Dump to get 2 entries.

If I’ve missed any question you have, feel free to ask!

WIP 12/24/17

I started the featured piece in late August and have been calling it “Introspective Isolation” as the filename. Started off in color, but I didn’t like my color choices so I put it to black and white. My plan is to colorize it once I’ve finished up the black and white work, so I can decide how best to make the palette work. No, the featured person is not Crystal…though taking a step back I can’t help but see a short haired Crystal now. In addition to color, I still have to add detail to the bridge, buildings, and snow drifts at least. Also not 100% happy with those clouds. Will try to fix those up.

Code stuff: recently got heavily into AutoHotKey and oh boy do I love it! Need to do a repetitive task over and over again? Not anymore! (or at least it’s easier now). I’ve considered sharing two scripts in particular. One is a solver for Microsoft Sudoku’s Symbols Daily Challenges (I’m going to write one up eventually for their Jigsaw Sudoku as well). Probably not useful to a lot of people, still has some bugs, and requires a tiny bit of poking the code to adjust it to fit your display so unsure if I’m going to share that one. More importantly, I’ve complained on previous works about Photoshop crashing once in a blue moon and deleting hours of work–WELL NO MORE! Wrote a script that autosaves Photoshop every 5 minutes. This is one far more useful to folks out there, so I’ll get around to posting that once I figure out the best way to. Can be easily adjusted for other programs as well.

Pokemon Bracket Fusion Project is back on track now that I’ve plugged in all the USUM information. Though when rerolling the numbers for the next fusion…it was Deoxys/Unown. And if you remember how anal I was about deciding the fusions for Eevee/Type: Null and Arceus/Furfrou–well it’s back! Likewise, those previous I mentioned were a bit easier because I could easily compare Types and Colors to one another. Well Deoxys/Unown will be 16 forms. With similar typing and colors (between each parent’s forms) I’m pairing Unown by letter similarity (I counted the pixel difference of each combination of 26 alphabetical Unown…aka 26*26-26=650 comparisons) then finding words that begin with the chosen letters that match up to the Deoxys Form names (if anyone had those old Unown cards with the names, that’s what sparked this!).  I’m still on the latter step (and typing this out had me catch a mistake I made so I have to redo some of that) but I wouldn’t mind you guys throwing some words at me! Here’s the letter list: AB, CD, EZ, F, G, HO, IL, JY, KW, M, NS, PR, QX,TV, U (and !? but not looking for words for that one) Looking for words starting with those letters (if 1 just that,  but if 2 then both in a row), either direction works (eg AB… or BA…), preference on no acronyms/proper nouns/non-English languages but JY/KW/QX/TV will force me to break it for those, and finally, words have to relate to one of the Deoxys forms: Normal, Attack, Defense, or Speed. (example: ABuse AB/Attack or BAstion for AB/Defense). Once I get a reasonable word list made (not all combinations need to be found, especially on those weird ones) I’ll pair the Deoxys forms with the best words and begin the drawing process. Or more accurately, pause that and get some work done on the next PMD:COF page.

TL;DR Gigi’s hiatus announcement never got posted. Gigi is very sorry. Gigi’s life is very busy right now. Gigi is offering drawings for stuff above. Gigi has been working on the above drawing for awhile and still has a ways to go. Gigi does code. Bracket Fusion Project Fusion is taking forever for Gigi to plan. Gigi will work on next PMD:COF page soon. Gigi is suddenly talking in the third person.

  Also as I’m typing this minutes before Christmas Day in my timezone…HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

[fantasychica37]

Things I Did in Undertale

When I was playing, after I had accumulated a large number of fails, I decided to keep track of all the interesting things I did in Undertale to share with the world once I had finished.... only the list wound up being very different than I expected.

-Believed Flowey because I was a naive little cinnamon roll (OK, I watched the first 5 minutes of a playthrough when I was deciding whether or not to buy it, but still!)

-Got stuck with the menu controls and accidentally selected FIGHT and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t move between items (although it seems to me like everyone has trouble with the menu & controls, next time have the controls available to look at, Toby Fox)

-Got killed by TORIEL

-Supposedly this is a nearly impossible feat and that’s quite impressive I managed that... nope, Asher, I just accidentally ran into the bullets like an idiot

-My friend was giving me vague hints so I tried to fight her and almost kill her and she had a full half of her HP left and I swear I wasn’t.... all right FINE I accidentally killed Toriel are you happy???? 

-And I had no idea what was going on and then she was still so nice WAAAAAAAH WHY MOM NOOOOOO

-Stood there for a second frozen in horror before closing the game window

-Had to do the whole long home sequence YET AGAIN

-Ate the cinnamon-butterscotch pie fighting Toriel

-Finally get past Toriel but then FUCKING FLOWEY MAKES FUN OF ME FOR SUCKING AT VIDEO GAMES SHUT UP I HATE THIS GAME

-What the... These monsters are so weird, and act like kids, and WAIT A MINUTE everyone is attacking me for no reason even though I haven’t killed anybody (permanently) I HATE THIS GAME

-Went on a date as a child??? I feel dirty participating in such a questionable situation...

-JIS STIY DITIRMIND shut up you condescending game that kills me and then offers me false encouragement

-Joined the online fandom early and got stuff spoiled

-Got stuck on Undyne and her stupid yellow arrows, gave up until I got my friend to get me past her when I went back to college for Homecoming two months later

-My grandmother was watching me play and got really interested in it!

-Many people in my Greek house full of nerds: “OMG you got Toriel to kill you? That’s very hard and very impre-” “SHUT UP I SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES”

-I HATE THIS GAME

-Therefore I missed the anniversary

-Apparently I should have been picking up more items to use as armor and HP, oh that random junk was armor???

-Got past Undyne thanks to my friend and THE GAME CAN’T KNOW I CHEATED BY GETTING MY FRIEND TO PLAY FOR ME HA TAKE THAT YOU STUPID GAME

-Instead of getting to progress with the story, went back to do some arcane trick that got me Dog Residue (WTF even is that?????) and then did grinding for 1000G to send Temmie of all people to college??? and THEN RIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER had to do grinding for 750 more G to get armor that would help me (I now realize my friend may have suggested that because I suck so much) and then she wants to go to grad school??? How is she this smart????? wtf is even going on??

-My friend looked it up and said that it started at 9999G and if I had a price of 750G I’d died 25 times at least (i suck at video games i hate this game well i like it but i also hate it)

-Not sure who Alphys had a crush on but I remembered fandom stuff and I guessed right! Thanks fandom!!!

-Got mad at my friends a lot when I lost (although Jerrell deserved it for telling me that when the game crashed the game was over; I’d been too spoiled for that)

-Failed twice more to have enough stuff for boss fights despite trying to

-spent from Friday night through Saturday playing almost nonstop and trying to chat with my friends while doing so because I’ve waited so long to progress!!

-YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE FREAKY HORROR MOVIE SPIDER THING IF I’D ONLY BOUGHT THE STUPID 5G SPIDER CIDER??!!??

-...but I got through. I held on, and I persisted, and I got through.

-And that Temmie Armor is making things a lot easier.

-Still died left and right even with Temmie Armor...

-Including to something called freaking Tsunderplane.

-Wrote “fuck” a lot, Toby Fox, tried to write the Oath of Feanor for Mettaton’s essay

-I knew about Toriel and I think I knew about Asriel and Chara (can’t remember now, even though it’s only been 6 days since I finished the game it feels like a lifetime) but oh that New Home sequence!

-After all that suffering and the two months waiting for someone to peacefully get me past Undyne... it was a crown of honor to be judged by Sans. All of this- it has finally started to pay off. Bless you, Sans. (I am morally superior, look at me. *struts*)

-Felt for all the world when I was collecting as much stuff as possible to face Asgore like I was Harry Potter walking to my self-sacrifice in the Forbidden Forest.

-Called out for Asher, or Jerrell, or any of my friends, to sit with me in my emotion like no one ever sat with me in a time like this, called out like a lost child, confused and a little quietly... but nobody came.

-threw away things that I later realized were armor out of stupidity, threw away the worn dagger because somehow I forgot I had to fight Asgore... got empty gun instead eventually (but according to my save file I beat Asgore and Flowey by punching them with a glove. Sigh.)

-Asher, who showed up eventually, told me that I had to fight... but in contrast to Undyne with her yellow arrows and annoying music that I had to mute for my sanity, whom I would have loved to kick the butt of out of annoyance and frustration, I didn’t want to fight Asgore. Not in the slightest.

-Slammed that Mercy button and stroked Asgore’s face with a finger

-KILLED MY DAD IT’S ALL MY FAAAAAAULT

-OMG OMG MY GAME CRASHED THIS IS SO COOL

-UGH EW WHAT IS THAT

-But... to my surprise, I am not grossed out by Photoshop Flowey.

-Ran away right before my Greek house’s corporation meeting to fight an evil flower, huddled in the next room not talking to anybody

-Does Flowey not want me to keep playing and want me to go outside and do something better?

-No apparently I have to fight, oh right, it’s me being a naive cinnamon roll like at the very beginning of all this

-Went back in room, continued game during meeting with sound off

-Had to break when I got nominated for a position (didn’t get it)

-And cocooned safely in my armor, I played without fear- and when I did die, it wasn’t so horrible- kept going at it, and eventually received gifts from the souls.

-Had to break to get dinner, thankfully Flowey was still waiting for my response even though my laptop had gone to sleep for lack of power

-Slammed that Mercy button and stroked Flowey’s face with a finger (yes, always, I wish I could always do this, I wish everyone could be saved, in the real world too, o please)

-I’m back at the beginning, I think... maybe, if New Home is symmetrical to home... and I step through the door and... WAIT, THAT’S IT? WHERE AM I? HOW COULD I LEAVE? AND WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GAMES AND NOT LETTING US HAVE COMMUNICATION AND REUNIONS AND COHERENCE EVEN WHEN IT’S LOGICAL TO DO SO??

-But Asher said to trust the game, and- now, after I’m cradled in the fruit of my own kindness, after kindness has paid off as surely as Ned Stark defeated Littlefinger, and imbued with a calm confidence... I will.

-Was going to wait to play the second ending but wound up finishing the game later that night, with a member of the class of ‘82 or ‘83 who had never heard of Undertale before watching over my shoulder

-What Alphys was saying about souls... DO ALL THE PROBLEMS (Flowey) COME FROM SEXISM AND EXPECTATIONS OF WOMEN THAT CAUSE THEM TO HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

-Wait, why are they calling me Jess? I thought Jess was me as the player... later I found out that Jess was the first human, the one who is behind the Genocide route, and, in essence, the soul of the standard videogamer who grinds for EXP. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, TOBY FOX YOU DICKHEAD! THIS IS NOT FAIR, I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS STEREOTYPING!

-Begged the ‘83 to hold my hand as I went to the end, and I awkwardly held it and he didn’t stop me

-IT’S TORIEL OH MY GOD IT’S TORIEL AGAIN JUST LIKE THE BEGINNING... AND LOOK! Everyone is here supporting me because of my unwavering Mercy and kindness! ( All of this- all the stupid dates and everything else I didn’t want to do because I wanted to get on with the story all paid off?) I love people talking like this, I am tear streaked and radiant, triumphant...

-Wait GOD DAMMIT ASGORE TAKE CHARA’S SOUL AND HANG OUT AROUND AN ICU OR SOMETHING TORIEL WAS RIGHT

-...aaaand what was I expecting from Undertale but Flowey ruining everything? It’s just like Game of Thrones or any story, really; you never get to keep your happy ending.

-Begged the ‘83 to hold my hand and he did

-But... cradled safe inside ages’ worth of grinding just to be kind, inside the fruit of my own kindness, with the assurance that I can get hit and not hurt so much or have nothing happen even, which makes it so that I don’t have anything to fear, and knowing that I only need to hold out and keep trying until the game delivers me its happy ending, knowing that I can, after all, trust the game- it makes me feel that even if I do die starting over wouldn’t be so bad, and that I am free to explore, free from my fear and dread for the first time in my life. I suppose that I am... filled with determination.

-Of course, I win, and I am crying, and so is Eric my ‘83 friend, and my kindness causes the villain to save the day, and oh! I get to hug Asriel, and yes oh yes I will take care of Mom and Dad for them, and everyone is talking and everything is beautiful, and I didn’t go all the way back to Asriel because I didn’t think I could but I walked through the land, yet AGAIN, talking to everyone, and then I went back, and I heard that Flowey would tell you to let Frisk be if I tried to play again, so yes, I am ready for my adventure to be over- I’m so disappointed that I’m not the one going to live with Toriel (we have a guestroom that they all could fit in while they get on their feet...), but I’ve had my fun and it’s time to let them go and be happy. I am sobbing and laughing for joy, and I beg Eric’s hand, and he gives it to me... and I step through the door.

-I’m sure many of you have seen how I have depression and lots of empathy so I feel bad things so strongly, how I was ruined over Theon Greyjoy, how I wish I could always be nice to everyone, and things would be okay for everyone- and o! This, this is my ultimate triumph, and it isn’t real none of it but this might be the greatest triumph I ever have, the greatest crown of honor I ever wear...

-except... fewer of you know that I am a Christian, albeit I put absolutely everything else before God, and playing this game has made me understand the idea of endurance, and perseverance, and acting as God wants you to, and faith in His providence, and I wonder if when I get to heaven it will feel like this.

-I LOVE THIS GAME.

-It is Sunday, October 8, 2017, at 12:57 (12:59?) am and I am tear-streaked and radiant. For once, I’ve gotten a perfectly happy ending, and yes, I do live with this glorious sunrise every single day, so: I say yes yes yes I will stay with you, and walk off holding Toriel’s hand just as I used to, and watch the credits for a long time, laughing with everyone’s happy ending, and at the end of it all (such sweet details are my favorite thing in the whole world), I get a second slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie, the Annoying Dog shows up, I close the game embrace Eric who just met me but now knows me better than most, he leaves... and then I, just as the game wanted me to do all along with “you live with this?” and, in unexplored routes, “you murderer playing the game again and again”, open the door and poke my head outside, relishing the night sky and the crisp-cool air, and I praise God for everything that the real world is. I live here, and I can trust in that no matter what I have to do, if I just keep trying I can do it, and I’ll always, eventually, be taken care of, and I am absolutely, wholly filled with determination.

(I open the game again. Flowey speaks to me. I close the game. All is well.)

[whoinwhoville]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Doctor Who (2005) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Lee McAvoy/Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Characters: Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Sylvia Noble Additional Tags: Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Fluff, it's so fluffy I'm gonna die, Crack, maybe? - Freeform, Wedding, wedding florist and photographer au, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, mean sylvia, rude sylvia, over-the-top sylvia, pre-romance ten x rose Series: Part 14 of I love AUs Summary:

Sylvia Noble: Mother-of-the-Bridezilla. But Donna, Rose, and Jonathan Smith are quite adept at standing up for themselves.

Response to this fic prompt: I’m the caterer and you’re the florist on a huge expensive wedding and we bond over what an awful person the mother of the bride is AU (with a few adjustments to the prompt).

“That dress does nothing for your figure. You look like a wedding cake topper. What do you need pockets for, anyway? Frosted coral lipstick? I don’t know why you even need a new dress. The one you wore to your first wedding was gorgeous.”

 *

“Purple and lavender? You know I don’t wear purple. I simply won’t. It is the colour of mourning. But then again, I am in mourning over this marriage.” (sniff sniff)

 *

“Cupcakes? Really Donna. I know money is tight, but that’s going too far.”

 *

“This reception hall is in a very rough part of town. No one is going to dare to go to the reception! Afraid their cars will get nicked. Pick someplace else.”

 *

“You can afford an open bar, but you are serving frozen starters from Tesco. You haven’t even hired a proper caterer.”

 *

“You are going to need more fairy lights to brighten up this dismal reception hall. At least you found a location in a safe part of town. But I can’t see my hand in front of my—“

“I. Have. Had. ENOUGH! I don’t want your help. And I certainly don’t need it!“

“But darling, it’s only three months away! And I have so much to do!”

“I am taking care of everything, and am doing a bloody good job of it, too.”

oOo

“Donna Noble, you will not sign that contract. She has no experience! The flowers will be a disgrace. I will not have my garden club friends gossiping because you carried a bouquet of food-colouring-dyed pink carnations! If you choose Rosie’s Posie’s, I’m withdrawing my support of your marriage.”

“Your support? What do you mean by support? You’re not the one shelling out the money for my wedding! Lee and I are paying for it! And as for support, you supported Lance. Even after you found out that he was a two-timing, cheating arse! You got angry with me after he left me at the altar! Support my third foot.”

“Lance has ambition! He’s going places! I saw him at the market the other day. No ring on his finger, Donna. There’s still a chance. Call him. Apologise.”

“Apologise for what? For not inviting him to the reception?”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. You’re making the mistake of your life. Lee owns a fishing tackle shop. No one goes fishing anymore. Do you really think there is a future in tying flies?”

“Lee is a good man and we love each other, and I’m getting married whether you support me or not!”

Donna squinted at her mother, and with a toss of her glorious ginger hair, signed the florist’s contract, even adding a smiley-face at the end of her name.

Sylvia stood slowly. “Goodbye Donna.” She sniffed. “Come and see me sometime, maybe when you’ve decided to stop being so hurtful.” The blonde woman gathered her things, wiped an imaginary tear from her eye, and quietly left her daughter’s flat.

Rose Tyler, the forgotten third person in the room, cleared her throat. “Right. Um, thanks. We can go over the details when you’re ready. Why don’t you call me—“

“No. We’ll do it now, Rose. Your designs are exquisite. First thing I want to order: a food-colouring-dyed Carnation corsage for my mother-of-the-bridezilla.”

Rose’s eyes went wide, and then she snorted a laugh.

oOo

“I forbid you to hire that person, Donna Noble. That man is a farce! He isn’t even a professional photographer! He’s a professor! You’ll regret it every time you open your wedding album and all you see are 1970’s starbursts on the candle flames and out of focus pictures with half of your face cut off. And his idea of creativity is probably photoshopping you with angel wings in a field of stars, being he’s an astronomy teacher. What a useless degree that is. If you hire Professor Smyth, I’m withdrawing my support of your marriage.”

“Again with the support. Jonathan is brilliant. He’s a genius. He’s photographed the weddings of royalty!”

“Ha! Queen Victoria’s great-great grandniece twice removed doesn’t count as royalty. You’ve only chosen him because he’s your employer. He’s told you he’ll fire you if you don’t hire him, hasn’t he?”

“No! And I’m not hiring him. It’s his wedding gift.”

“Well, you’d be better off if he bought you towels.”

oOo

“So, what do you think, then?” Rose asked. “Is this what you were thinking of?”

“Rose, these designs are perfect! It’s like you can read my mind. And you’re sure you can do this for the contracted price?”

“Yeah. I have a great supplier. Now, it’s possible that I won’t be able to get the Lily of the Valley. Sometimes it’s scarce, but I have a backup plan. I’m going to force Paperwhite Narcissus. They’ll be gorgeous with the purple crocus and lavender hyacinth. But the purple and white tulips will be the centerpiece of your bouquet. Would you like any iris?”

“Whatever you come up with will be perfect.”

Rose blushed and bit her lip. “Thanks for giving me a chance, Donna, this being my first wedding job and all. Who recommended me?”

“My boss bought me an arrangement a while back. I remembered it.”

“What did it look like?”

“Yellow roses, daisies, and chrysanthemums in a yellow smiley-face mug.”

“I remember that order. The mug was delivered to my shop with instructions to make an arrangement that matched. That he had a friend that needed a cheer-up.”

Donna smiled wistfully. “That was right after the Lance… thing. And yeah, it did cheer me up. It’s my favourite mug.”

Rose gently squeezed Donna’s arm. “From what you’ve said, good riddance, yeah? Lee is just about perfect.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

oOo

“Anything special you’d like? Any particular shots?”

“I have a list of all of the standard group shots, but mainly we want to remember our day in a more casual way. Candids.”

“Good. That’s what I like to shoot best. Well, stars are my favourite thing to photograph, of course. How about a few pictures outside? There’s going to be a full moon that night.”

“Sounds perfect.”

oOo

Rose parked as close to the church as she could manage, but it was still several hundred feet away. Her boot, the back seat, and the front of her red VW Beetle were jam-packed with flowers. She wasn’t wearing her usual work clothes — jeans, trainers, and a t-shirt. She and Donna had struck up a friendship, and Donna had invited her to the wedding. Rose almost lost her balance as the heels of her precarious stilettos dug into the gravel of the church yard. “Shoulda brought trainers,” she grumbled as she picked up the first flat of arrangements — the boutonnieres and corsages.

“Oh! Let me help!” called a friendly voice.

“Thanks. I’m running a bit late. Got stuck behind a crash on the way and traffic was backed up for miles. How do you know Donna?”

“She’s my assistant. You know, I ordered flowers from you for Donna a while back.”

“Thanks for that. Donna hired me because of you. What’s your name again?”

“Jonathan Smyth.”

“Hello Jonathan. I’m Rose Tyler. Since you offered, I’m going to put you to work.”

oOo

“Donna, I take back everything I said about Rosie’s Posies. She did a lovely job. Now where’s my corsage.”

She presented her mother with a white box.

“Why’s this box so big?” Sylvia asked as she lifted the lid. “What in blazes is this abomination?”

“You did say you were expecting dyed carnations. Rose’s assistant left the flowers in the purple dye too long and they’re almost black. We’ll call it aubergine.”

“I refuse to wear this hideous thing! It’s six inches across! It’ll block my face!”

“No no no! You don’t pin it to your dress. It’s a wristlet! See?”

“It looks like a ruffled Frisbee. Ridiculous.” Sylvia sneered as she pinched the enormous corsage with her fingertips as if it were a dirty nappy.

“Go on then, put it on. I want to see how it looks. I designed it myself.” Donna grinned.

“No. I refuse.” Sylvia tipped her nose into the air.

“It’s my wedding, and you’ll wear the bloody wristlet.”

“I’m withdrawing my support.”

“Support or no support, it’s my wedding. Put the thing on.”

Sylvia hissed as she slipped the enormous floral accessory onto her wrist.

oOo

Jonathan hid outside of the doorway, trying to contain his laughter as he set the camera to slow burst, taking shot after shot. He heard someone else laughing behind him.

“Did Donna really ask for that flower thing for her mother?”

“Donna’s takin’ the mick. I have the real one. She’s gonna give it to her mum right before Sylvia’s ushered to her seat. Isn’t it hideous?”

He grinned at her. “I think it’s absolutely brilliant.” He made a funny little happy noise. “Has Sylvia been difficult to work with?”

“Difficult? There’s no word that describes how difficult. She’s the mother-of-the-bride version of a bridezilla.”

“She gave me a list of about 500 formal family photo configurations. Mother with daughter, mother in chair. Mother with bride and bride in chair. Father and mother with bride, bride in chair holding her flowers in her lap. And then without flowers in her lap. Mother with bride’s flowers. Bride sitting on the steps with bridesmaid’s flowers ‘pillowed’ around her feet. Pillowed. How do you pillow flowers. Wouldn’t be very comfortable to sleep on,” he whinged. “And don’t get me started on the cousins, aunts, uncles, step uncles, step aunts, half cousins, and then Lee’s family and all of those iterations.” He pinched the bridge his nose.

Rose picked at her already-chipped pink nail polish. “I’m done with the flowers. I could, I don’t know, help round up and arrange the people? You did help me set up the flowers, after all.”

“I’d love that. Thank you, Rose Tyler.”

oOo

Jonathan’s pointer finger was sore. It was ten pm, and the dancing was still going in full force, thanks to the unlimited drinks being pouring liberally by the bartender.

“Jonathan, I think you’ve taken enough photos,” Donna said kindly.

“Can never be too thorough. I don’t want you to miss a single moment.”

“Oh, believe me, I won’t forget one thing about this wedding.” She snorted a laugh. “Don’t know that my mum is ever going to forgive me for that corsage. It was pretty awful, wasn’t it?”

“Donna, it was perfect.”

“Ha! Serves her right, saying all of those awful things about you and Rose.” She took a sip of champagne. “She did like the real one though. Doubt she’ll ever forgive me.” Donna took another sip of champagne. “So, what do you think of Rose?”

“She’s very talented.”

“Bloody right, she is. Started that florist business all on her own. You know how much I loved those flowers you gave me. How’d you find her, anyway?”

“Yelp. Read the reviews. One review stood out, though. Can’t go wrong with the username Old-Man-With-a-Telescope.”

“Hold on. That’s Grandad’s email address. I set it up for him so he could email those star pictures he takes through his telescope. What a coincidence.”

“There are no coincidences, Donna Noble.”

“Come to think of it, he brought me a bouquet of flowers after Lance,” she mused. “Must’ve bought ‘em from Rose.”

Jonathan squinted and looked off in the distance. “His name is Wilf, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I knew I recognized him from somewhere. It’s been niggling at me all night. He’s been coming to my planetarium shows for years! Always asks the best questions! Emails me his pictures from that email address.”

“That seals it. You were destined to meet Rose. Now why don’t you go and ask her for a dance.”

“I think that is a brilliant idea.”

She yawned. “Oh, Lee is back from saying goodbye to his family. Time to head out. Please. No pictures. I want to sneak away. Would rather avoid another confrontation with Sylvia.” She snorted.

“That won’t do, Donna! You want to remember your clandestine getaway, don’t you?”

Donna pulled her friend into a hug. “Jonathan, thank you. For everything. For putting up with my mother, for the gift. For being a great friend. And for being a great boss.”

“Donna Noble. You are brilliant. Now go. I’ll create a diversion. See you in two weeks.”

“Two? I only scheduled help for one week.”

“I’ve already arranged a temp. And the break is paid.”

oOo

It was the last dance, and Jonathan and Rose were the only couple left. Her shoes were off, she was leaning on his shoulder, almost asleep. They weren’t really dancing so much as swaying in place to a slow song — Frank Sinatra singing The Way You Look Tonight. It wasn’t really a romantic moment — more a mutual sigh of relief.

“You really do have a way with flowers,” Jonathan complimented.

“I suppose I was destined to work with flowers, given my name and all.”

“You could do anything and be fantastic at it, I think. And speaking of destiny, how’s this… Donna’s grandfather, Wilf, bought Donna flowers from your shop after her fortuitous breakup with that wholly unacceptable Lance bloke. I wanted to buy her flowers, too, so I Yelped, and found your shop. I read a frankly glorious review — and it turns out it was written by Donna’s Grandad. So I sent Donna flowers, and she was so impressed that she hired you to do her wedding. And here I am. And here you are.”

“Mmmm hmmm. Here we are,” she said contentedly. Beginning of a beautiful friendship, I think. I think we should collaborate again.”

“Oh, I do believe that’ll happen sooner than you think.”

oOo

“Donna Noble-McAvoy! These pictures are completely unacceptable! How in the world did that amateur photographer think it was even remotely appropriate to include that florist in almost every single picture! And look at this album! It’s absolutely hideous! It’s for a five year old! My Little Pony…” She slammed the album shut. “I demand that you ask for your money back!”

Donna snorted a laugh. “Mother, you are just too easy. You really need to learn how to take a joke. Here.” She handed an elegant white leather album to her mother. “Here’s the real one.”

Sylvia opened the book with a disdainful sniff. But then her face softened. “Donna… You’re beautiful. Oh, my baby girl.” She pulled her daughter in a hug, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

[sabrina5146743-blog]

9 -- Wk 9 -- Reflection on Project 2

          Project 2 required us to all create a 2D rendering (much like the hairdryer of week 6) of an object of our choosing which would then be presented and marked for assessment. Research into interesting products, industrial design renderings and a variety of textures was recommended to inspire our chosen products and aid in the production of our rendering.

After some research and after reading the requirement of the task at hand, I decided that if I had to stare at the same thing for hours on end, it had to be an object I liked to look at. Being interested in the aesthetics, simplicity and jollity in products and toy designed for children, I decided to render a product of my childhood – a miniature portable Barbie radio from c. 2004 – 2005.

          Having the object, I had the advantage of being able to take photographs of it in whatever lighting I chose and being selective of what views I wanted to create. I decided on top and front orthogonal views as perspective might’ve been too hard to produce with my current skillset. After taking photos of these views, I drew sketches of them, scanned the sketch, and uploaded it onto my computer to start rendering.

To help me with the process, I used the set of instructions from the hairdryer exercise to guide me. I started by creating layers and layer groups for each of the parts. I tried to create both views at once, so I tried to keep the same parts visible from both views on the same layers. After I organised my layers, I moved onto using the pen tool followed by masking all my parts. I struggled trying to keep the round parts of the speakers round, and decided to ignore the fact that they weren’t and move on. I WOULD REGRET THIS LATER. I flatly coloured my parts and left my work at this stage for a while. Later my computer crashed and you can take a guess at who forgot to save their work. So twice I use that annoying pen tool, and twice I decided to leave my circles wonky in frustration.

I then added edges and started to work on the highlights and shadows on all the silver metallic parts of my radio. I really enjoyed trying to replicate the exact highlights that I captured in the photographs I took, in the beginning it always looks very wrong until over time, until it suddenly start to come together.

Looking at my work, I couldn’t stand that the speakers weren’t round and this was emphasised by the addition of outlines. It was suggested by class mate that I used the curve tool on Adobe Illustrator to create perfectly circular paths (Which I ended up finding an equivalent tool of, on Photoshop at 3am the night before). In trying to create these perfect circles I realised my sketches were flawed. None of my circles were circular to begin with! And this as why my path no only looked unsmooth, but also wonky and completely out of proportion!

I drew new speakers based off the loose dimensions the sketches provided using the shape tool on Photoshop to make new circles for the pen tool to follow. These speakers where then paths out using the curve pen tool as suggested by a friend on illustrator. I had trouble copying the path across, only a section of the tool would paste, on Photoshop or back onto the Illustrator program itself. I found in one of the tab that I had to select the “select stray points” option to successfully copy the entire path.  Once this was managed I had to go back onto photo shop, delete all my edges, and create new layers for the front view (as to not undo all the work done on the top view) and start the view again from scratch. This whole process from drawing new speakers until repathing and remasking the view took me 4 hours.

After this, I was able to move on and finally continue colouring. I finished off the metallic parts on both views and added noise to give it a matte plastic finish. I then moved onto the pink plastic rims of the speakers and casings which had a shinier finish.

I also played around with brushes, blur filters and the bevel functions to add depth to the inside of the speakers.  As for the buttons, I tried out several brushes to pring ut dimensions to the different shapes of each button.

Finally the speaker grate was added from a copied texture at a lighter opacity. As well as copied and edited flowers to loosely replicate the floral pattern on the original radio. Text was then added to my render as well as the Barbie logo. Once this was complete, I worked on creating a background using a variety of filters. I wanted to make something fun and girly that complimented the toy radio. I ended up making it aqua to match the buttons and gave it a glittery faded effect.

          For the final poster, I added Barbie and Mattel logos, along with a child friendly description of the product. Labels of each part were also included.

          For the presentation I was sure how much of the research information I would have to present so I printed and mounted posters for all three aspects of the research (products, existing renders and textures) along with a poster of my final render. In the past I’ve found I’m most nervous when presenting when I’ve prepared something specific to say as I get caught up in trying to remember exact information and I often get embarrassed with what I’ve come up with. So I decided to present with only a loose idea in mind. Because of this I don’t think I was as prepared as other students but I do think I was moderately confident throughout. I was only nervous a minute before presenting when I found out I was the second person to present in my group. I tried to make sure to look at the audience well as use hand gestures to aid my explanations as well as refer to my posters to give examples and back up what I was saying. I found my supporting material to be too broad and non-specific to my rendered product as it mainly focused on a variety of products and initial inspirations rather than the inspiration and process of my specific product. I think I could’ve spoken a little slower and clearer and that I would’ve benefitted by having a few people present before me to give me example presentations to evaluate and work towards.

          Last Notes – with regard to the rendering I think my main issue is laziness. Next time I won’t ignore something because I’m frustrated and work on correcting a fundamental mistake before moving on. Those 4 hours I wasted in having to go back and correct with would’ve let me have the sleep I desperately needed the following day. I think most other issues I had with my rendering can be solved with more practice and further exploring the tools available. With presenting, I now have a better idea of what to say and the factors which made up the better presentations, I know now to make more specific supporting material which focuses more on the product I’ve created to make a more succinct and focused presentation.

[cobrienba1b]

Weekly Summary - 19 (3/5)

Showreel

I haven’t done anything in my showreel this week, although I have made an experimentation reel so I have had time to practice using premiere pro. I have finished everything I want to add to my showreel so I can start it as soon as possible. I plan to start looking for fitting music as soon as I can, I need to see what fits my style.

Mystery Box

This week I have made my experimentation reel for my mystery box, thankfully I have a lot of my trial and error videos saved. I have added a good amount of progressive shots and a good balance of trial and error shots. I have added a couple of humorous clips to show my thought process during these trial and error events. It took quite a while to make because I had to try and edit the videos in a way that it continues on nicely, I am really proud of how it turned out. Pros: I have had a lot of fun putting everything together, to things that seemed frustrating at the time was fun to look back on, it was also a good indication of how far I’ve come and how well the extra iterations benefitted me. It was very relieving.  Cons: It took a very long time to make the video as I wanted to get everything as perfect as I could get it, as well as this, the computer almost crashed twice trying to render all of the images. Overall, it is fair to say that I am fully finished with the mystery box task, I am very relieved. The last thing I need to do now is getting people’s opinion on it and using that to build my evaluation.

Stop Motion

This week is the first time I have added something to my stop motion project. I didn’t do much other than removing the rig in my ball bounce using photoshop I believe I am fully finished with Stop Motion now, it is ready to add into my showreel.

Fantastical Creature

This week I have done a lot for my Fantastical Creature Project, I have finally finished the design, UV and texture for the creature and I have made a turnaround that showcases the character in full 360 degrees. I have also rendered the character in different live-action environments and used photoshop to help make the creature look like it’s actually there.  Pros: I have done so much for my character this week, I have spent a lot of time working on it and it has all paid off. I am really happy with how it has turned out and I have successfully learned how to properly use substance painter, UV and I managed to do a lot of problem-solving. Cons: I had a couple of problems when trying to do the turnaround, the creature would move but the hair would stay in place, I fixed one problem but created another where it would do the same problem but only when rendered. I didn’t know how to fix this problem so I decided to instead make my camera and light orbit around the model to make it look like the creature was turning, it worked perfectly.  Overall: I am really happy with how this turned out, now the only thing I have to do is get it in a cast sheet with people who made creatures that belong in the same eco-system. The only problem is, my creature is meant to be absolutely massive, the size of a block of flats. However, I can get around this by having 2 cast sheets, one with accurate sizes and one where my model is the same height as the others. 

Lip Sync

I have started and finished the second iteration of my lip sync this week, I am very proud of how this has turned out and the animation is much better in quality. I have also made a second mouth chart that includes more mouth variations, the eyes, hair and a second mouth set for the second phase my character goes in, it has more detail and looks more elegant. I am pleased with how it turned out and I think I am completely finished with the project. Pros: I have completed my second lip sync iteration and it looks a lot better than the first, it is bouncier, smoother and has a lot more appeal. I managed to take the hair and body from the previous one which saved a lot of time. I also added some secondary action with the mask ends that adds to the animation. Cons: I had to sacrifice detail for a smoother animation as the first iteration had a lot more detail and softer shading, but I could argue that this was beneficial as not only does it have a smoother look, but it doesn’t draw attention away from the mouth. Overall, I am pleased with how this turned out, I am now going to create a small questionnaire to get some feedback and see what I can add to my evaluation when I complete that.

[argielloyd]

CTTO Laftrip

And BEFORE you bother me, these are my subtexts on the following profile declarations:

1. STRAIGHT ACTING = The entire planet knows he's gay, 'cept him! Severely in denial; has goatee. Likes boys and callboys alike and uses Aficionado perfume.

2. GYM BODY = Does nothing the whole day but cruise inside the gym and the showers. Longest relationship was with a dumbbell.

3. BUFFED = Steroid-induced pecs and abs. Knows all sources of fake protein. Favorite word: "Dude!" (Pronounced as “Dod”)

4. NO EFFEMS = Thinks that having a relationship with someone effeminate makes him a lesbian.

5. SEVEN-INCH DICK = Asus. In reality, it's just 5 inches! In gay inches, you always add two more inches to everything you measure.

6. YM ME = Jealous type. Does not like competition in chatrooms.

7. I'M NOT EASY TO GET = Desperate but trying to sound choosy.

8. I'M HERE FOR SEX = I'm here for sex. Period.

9. HANDSOME GUYS ONLY = “I am a shallow dork and I have a brain the size of a walnut. Did I mention even my dog hates me?”

10. JUST HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS = Did not make any friends in FaceBook and in life. Was kicked out of Dogster because they found out he does not have a dog.

11. GOOD IN BED = Needs a place to crash in but cant afford a pension house. The things he does for a good night’s sleep.

12. WHAT'S YOUR PASSWORD? = “I'm so horny I want to jerk off now.” Cant afford a decent paysite so gets off with x-rated pics of members.

13. TOP = Has had more girl friends and zero boyfriends.

14. BOTTOM = Has very bad knee injury, or sleeps under your bed, literally.

15. I'M NICE = Dull, boring and has the personality of an ironing board or a wet mop!

16. I'M BAD = Just swallowed a dozen viagra pills. Has a tattoo, nipple ring and wears an ukay-ukay leather jacket during summer.

17. THIS GUY'S MAILBOX IS FULL = Won't check his inbox cause cant afford an hour's worth of internet café.

18. "WALA LANG" = Has a ten-word vocabulary which includes ���cool”,“hi”,“wassup”, “he he”, “ha ha” and “tnx.” Longest word he can write is his name.

19. I AM ATTACHED = Cannot mention the word love. Has commitment problems.

20. I LOVE TO TRAVEL = Looking for a sponsor for his next overseas trip. Always starts a sentence with "When I was in Europe..." Then you ask: "Where in Europe?" He says: "Ah... city proper!" Wow. Europe City.

21. IF YOU'RE NOT CUTE, DONT EVEN BOTHER = Lonely and miserable. Nobody takes care of him when he gets sick. Has 500 “friends” in Friendster and FaceBook cause he approves everyone--mostly strangers!

22. I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST = You are probably reading your mother's G4M account.

23. I GIVE GOOD MASSAGE/EXTRA SERVICE = A masseur who got suspended where he worked because he wears too much face foundation.

24. MY MOBILE NUMBER IS = read: "Tawagan mo ako, kasi wala akong load".

25. NO PIC, NO REPLY = Read this from someone else's profile and copied it. Doesnt know what PIC really is. Wanna bet?

26. DISCREET = Loves to hang-out in extremely dark places. Haven't even seen any of the faces of all the men he's had sex with. One of the few people who gets excited during blackouts.

27. HAIRY DADDY = Lots of chest hair but for some strange reason - head is bald.

28. CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE = Can’t decide if he’s top or bottom. So decided to act lesbian instead . . .

29. A BODY PIC WITH NO HEAD = Shrimp. Or Wanted by the NBI. Or doesnt know how to take his own picture!!

30. KINKY = Owns collection of large Liwanag candles for November 2. Hides petroleum jelly under his bed. Ass is moist 24/7. Go figure.

31. SWIMMER’S BOD = Used to call himself gym-bod; now wants to sound catchy.

32. FLAWLESS COMPLEXION = Photoshop beauty. Blurred. Dodged. Liquified.

33. VIRGIN PA AKO = Chances are HE IS. Who in his right mind would be proud to be still a virgin?

34. VIEW MY WEBCAM = Frustrated Pinoy Big Brother contestant.

35. DON’T TEXT, CALL ME = Cant actually read your sms/txts..his Nokia 3210 LCD has obsolete spare parts! Tawagan niyo na lang, please lang.

36. I’M A SEX MACHINE = Disease carrier. Ouch!

38. QUIET AND SOFT-SPOKEN = Probably dead.

39. MACHO = Avid Masculados fan; join their mall tours. Uses WD-40 as lubricant.

40. BLANK PROFILE = Has no clue who he is, what he wants and where his life is going. Casted in JURASSIC WORLD.

42. MESSAGE ME = What he really wanted to say in tagalog was: "Gusto kong magpamasahe sa iyo." Typo error??

43. HOMEBODY = Unemployed guy. A bum. Free-loader. Professional home-partner contestant in Eat Bulaga, Wowowee and Game Ka Na Ba.

44. OUT-GOING PERSONALITY = No air-conditioning in his house. Pretends to be a mountaineer, hiker, biker, etc. Doesnt understand the word 'outgoing' and no 'personality' to match his claim. Gargoyle.

45. I DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX = Only has sex when in formal wear, like when he is in a Saya, or Barong Tagalog, for example.

46. LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE = A former member of Spirit Questors. Enjoys supernatural relationships. Cant handle the stress of the physical world.

47. I AM NOT HANDSOME = Take his word for it. He's being honest for chrissakes!

48. I'M HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, GORGEOUS = Mister Perfect! -- with character/humility issues.

49. STUDENT = Has insatiable thirst for knowledge... and sex. But remember: STUDENT means TUITION FEE sponsorship.

50. I AM TISOY = Contact lenses from Tutuban, skin peeling by Maxipeel, hair color by Tsin Tsan Tsu and rhinoplasty from Ellen's. Speaks a little chabakano.

51. SHY TYPE = No serious love since birth.

52. I’M SENSIBLE = Can carry a simple conversation for 2 minutes. Beyond that he simply moans.

53. I’M A MAN OF THE WORLD = He wants to make it clear to everyone that, YES, he is from this planet.

54. I’M A REAL PERSON = People have often mistaken him for an ornamental plant in the past.

55. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET = He has no plans of changing for the better. He is completely content with himself. Little motivation in life.

56. I’M NOT JUST INTERESTED IN SEX = He uses PlanetRomeo to desperately advertise and sell you condos; Or asks you for Room For Rent referrals. Or recruit you--and balance--his (right/left) multilevel pyramid group. Works on commission basis.

57. LOOKING FOR BADMINTON BUDDIES = In search for the perfect shuttle COCK. He wants to SCORE big. On the look out for RACKET. And he really wants to SERVE.

58. BISEXUAL = A “top” with girls, a “bottom” with guys. And willing to 'buy' sex. Get it?

59. BOYTOY = It’s very clear that he wants everyone to know that he is young. And he has a toy. Now, Whether he is willing to share that toy is negotiable.

60. DOG-LOVER = A hot bitch who likes it dog-style. Loyal. Man’s best-friend. Pees everywhere. Doesn’t mind if you tie him up to a fence and urinate on his face.

61. YOU THINK I’M HOT? = He’s not really sure if he IS hot. Needs a second opinion. And a third. The fourth will probably convince him… that he is NOT.

62. NATURE-LOVER = Very kind to nature… considering what nature has done to him.

63. MALIBOG AKO = Masturbates five times a day. Has 80GB of pornography in his PC. Has the complete collection of phone scandal videos. Watches National Geographic just to see naked men hunting wild boar.

64. COWBOY = Has seen Brokeback Mountain too many times. He talks to his cigarette and says: “I wish I could quit you!”

65. I’M SIMPLE YET COMPLICATED = Uhm… this one really blows me. Probably manic depressive.

66. NO CROSS-DRESSERS = Doesn’t want to share his satin gowns.

67. DERETSO AKONG TAO = Has a very strong back. Drinks Anlene Gold regularly.

68. I DARE YOU TO SEE ME IN PERSON = Unfortunately, nobody dared.

69. COME AND GET ME = I am not so sure if this is an invitation, a request or a cry for help.

70. TYPICAL GUY = He has two arms, two legs, a nose, a pair of eyes… uh, what else. Oh yes, a penis. Typical.

71. SELF-MADE MAN = He appeared into this world just by his sheer power of thought.

72. CANDY BOY = Wants to be licked all over. Comes in three flavors: BAGONG LIGO, PAWISAN and LUMUSOB SA BAHA.

73. I AM SENSITIVE = Can sense an earthquake even before it happens. He is now being studied by scientists to warn the human race of future tsunamis.

74. I HAVE A WONDERFUL MIND = His temporal lobe, anterior commissure and medulla will give you a hard-on. Oh, yes… he has a pornographic memory.

75. I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY = A Boyoyong party clown. Brings his own make-up set and catalogue of Avon beauty products for demo purposes.

76. DECENT GUY = Wipes his feet before entering a massage parlor. Brushes his teeth after giving someone a blowjob. Says a little prayer before and after sex. Confesses regularly... on his knees.

77. OPEN-MINDED = His brain is everywhere except in his head. A perfect medium for séances.

78. COME OVER AND LET’S HAVE SEX = Thinks that Guys4Men/PlanetRomeo is a delivery service.

79. HOPELESS ROMANTIC = Believes that love is eternal. Easily trusts everyone. Gullible. Thinks Mike Arroyo is innocent.

80. I AM FUNNY = That fact that he has to say that he is funny is hilarious.

81. PURE TOP = Has a ten-picture exclusive contract with a porno film outfit which prevents him from being a bottom. Will only become a bottom when the 'right' project comes. Pure nga!

82. EXTREME TOP FOR EXTREME BOTTOMS ONLY = Will only have passionate sex with an Extreme Magic Sing microphone shoved up their asses while viewing the Amazing Race!

83. TRIPPER = Has a marijuana plantation in his backyard. Uses tie-dyed shirts, showers twice a month and responds to "Tsong." Does not a have a day job.

84. ASTIG 2 ASTIG LANG = A former seaman. Ideal places for sex: barracks, breakwater, inside a jail cell. Must have during sex: handcuffs, Purico cooking lard and a cd of Aegis.

85. NO TO CHUBS = Say what???? Take a hard look at YOURSELF, you idiot! What have you to offer?? GET A LIFE!

86. OPEN RELATIONSHIP = he doesn't get this: he swore by the gospel it means he is Open TO HAVE a Relationship.

87. I HAVE NO PLACE FOR FUN = evicted!!