#and i get reallllly moody when i have to get pulled away from it - even if i didn't want it in the first place - and that's my Audhd
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*clearing out my open ao3 tabs* i shall save these smutty reads for later, for my sex wolf..
#i should explain: i'm ace so it's rare that i actually get the hankering to really delve into long or intensley smutty fic#and recently i was reading an a/b/o fic (which isn't really my bag but some do hit the right notes for me) where the character#mentioned 'his wolf' coming through in desires and things kind of like a secondary personality or presence within him that only#took control once a month (sidenote: i usually only get into smutty fic when I menstruate so like. the blood link is fun. ha.)#and i was like: THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE!! it's like i have my own wolf inside me (i shall call her The Red Beast[ie]) who only craves#smut about once a month. for the rest of the month she pokes her snout out now and then to be like: you should read/write some smut.#and i have to swat it away - bc i don't actually feel like consuming or making that content at the time BUT bc i have time#i could so i think maybe i should bc when the hankering hits later maybe i won't have time.#and i've been really struggling with trying to find balance in my life and i know when i fixate or tumble down rabbitholes i get stuck#and i get reallllly moody when i have to get pulled away from it - even if i didn't want it in the first place - and that's my Audhd#so using this kind of analogy to discern genuine want from convenience is helping me cultivate healthier habits and downtime#and ultimately help my mental health and wellbeing as i deal with being both ace and audhd as well as wanting to consume good fanfic#fanfiction#asexuality#aspec#audhd#.txt#neurodiversity#neurospicy#my spicy red beastie
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