#and i finished a poem i started a few months ago about liminal spaces

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

hey shitbag

Feeling good in your fingernails? Do they fit the caps of your hands? Congratulations, I’m happy everything fits the way it’s supposed to, month late returns are a hassle on both ends of the phone line.

I’m very tired, but I wanted to say hello from either side of the mirror I should’ve thrown out years ago, but now it’s been hanging off my septum so long i wouldn’t know what to do without it. What’s the turnaround time for a lie you forgot you were telling? 

Regardless, I hope January hasn’t been treating you too unkindly, and that my weird little brain worms dance in a way that make yours go, ‘What the fuck are they doing, get back in containment dickheads, the floor supervisor’s gonna notice.’

The last few months have been somewhat hectic, and coming out the other side of the cosmos blender always leaves my center of gravity somewhere against my ears. I’ve been shaking it down to somewhere reasonable, I’m thinking my right lung, but the interim always leaves doubt and half-measures gumming up the helix gears. 

Making art about making art is, not too niche, but feels like the worst child of self-congratulations and impostor syndrome, and that’s ground I’ve already spilled the kool-aid on but… Dripping candle wax onto parchment paper about the physical ways it affects you, from mistreating your hands to mistreating your sleep, your food intake, the emotional stakes of picking up a fountain pen and expressing yourself regardless of vagary, obfuscation, and letting anyone see it.

It’s one thing to be insulted online, but the stakes feel higher because oh, god, what if they’re right?

And even that feels too open, it’s not a cyclical argument, it’s just compounded into itself, and maybe this is the wrong fear to have, consider our range of soul eating anxieties, ‘cause the center of the tootsie-pop is only downhill from here—

And sometimes, you idiots are the nicest people my art’s ever seen, you’re certainly kinder to it than I am, and when a stranger, someone who has no reason to give me half a second of their day gives up a minute, or three, or five, just to read something I wrote! 

Well. Nobody plays games just to see the end credits.

[whatsitcalledfromthingy]

reading tag game!! thanks for the tag red <3 @jonsaremembers

tagging (as always no pressure): @finn-is-in-the-binn @philsmeatylegss @daisyjay887 @homohabu @fromemotoangel @sinistergooseberries

last book i read: ashes in my mouth, sand in my shoes- per petterson, beautiful book about a kid who wets the bed going through shit. my favourite types of book are slice of life books (0 plot whatsoever, just a section of someone’s life) and my favourite characters are clearly autistic young boys who are struggling with life. so yeah i loved this.

book i recommend: carmilla- sheridan le fanu, lesbian vampire story written in the victorian era, need i say more.

book i couldn’t put down: vile bodies- evelyn waugh, this was a difficult one because the way i read books is either it takes me a month or a day so i often do not put a book down but i read this in the space of a few hours. i loved it. i read it because of the film bright young things (one of my favourites ever) and honestly it did not disappoint. it’s a slice of life again and also a classic again. these are going to be common themes i feel. also honorable mention bright young things- scarlet thomas, i read this immediately after vile bodies and it’s another slice of life but this time with a slight plot. it’s written so well i couldn’t put it down either. one of my favourites of all time.

book i’ve read twice: good omens- terry prattchet and neil gaiman, yeah i don’t think anyone’s surprised. my favourite book of all time. not only is it good omens and obviously i love the story but the writing style is perfect to me (i have read quite a lot of terry prattchet i love him so much)

book on my TBR: it’s mainly series on my tbr because i have a lot of time on my hands at the moment. i really want to read sherlock holmes so ill say that.

book i have put down: history is all you left me- adam silvera, i loved they both die at the end so many years later i thought id try another one and no. it was not good. maybe it was the same and i’ve just grown up a bit but i really couldn’t get very far though it at all.

book on my wish list: again i’ve been mainly looking at series so i really want to read discworld (my dad owns the whole series but it’s like really old and i may not be allowed to touch them so it might be searching the library for me)

a favourite book from childhood: hetty feather- jacqueline wilson, this book started my strange childhood obsession with orphans. most books i read for quite a while after this were about orphans, i wanted to be an orphan (don’t read too far into that) and jaqueline wilson was a fav in general plus she taught me how to spell my middle name.

book i would give a friend: stoner- john williams, surprise surprise it’s a slice of life book again. this one a friend gave to me after i was telling her about how i love books with no plot. and i would pass it on to any other friend honestly (obviously this is difficult because i don’t own a copy of the book but shhhh use your imagination) stoner is boring but in a purposeful way and it is such a calming read and i think a lot of my friends need that.

book of poetry or lyrics i own: i’m not sure i really do own one but i was in one when i was 5 . i filled in the blanks to some poem about what i wanted to be when i grew up and it got printed in an anthology.

nonfiction book i own: on liberty (and other essays)- john stuart mill, i’m a philosophy girly what can i say.

currently reading: i’m not. that’s not how i work. when i pick up a book, i finish said book and then go back to being in a liminal space of not reading anything

planning on reading next: the cockroach- ian mcewan, one of the three books i got from the library months ago that is sitting on my shelf (i’ve renewed them dw) this one is about a man who turns into a cockroach

this was fun :)