#and i dont want to diminish anyones efforts

[comradeboyhalo]

it's very sweet to see tallulah and bad's relationship now being mirrored in pepito and bad's relationship.

bad was one of tallulah's main caretakers in her early days. before she was adopted by phil, she confessed that she saw him as a father figure and confided in him often about wilbur. once phil adopted her, bad began to babysit tallulah less and less, and now he rarely sees her, since phil has it completely covered in the mornings. tallulah doesn't need him anymore, and, as a bbh main, its actually really heartwarming to see. bad was there to support her when she needed it, and his conversation with her on adoption gave her the push to then ask phil to consider her his daughter. now she no longer has to seek comfort and guidance in one of her tios. she has her papa, and anything she used to tell bad, she will now tell him.

with roier MIA and pepito's other parents being largely inactive, pepito is now in tallulah's shoes: a child with absent parents, who now has to be raised by the island as a collective. pepito has been hanging out with bad and late night trio a lot, and bad is acting very similarly to pepito as he would with tallulah. he reassures pepito a lot, that pepito's dad loves pepito very much and will be back soon. bad teaches pepito game mechanics, feeds pepito cookies, plays pretend with pepito, and speaks to pepito with the same gentleness that he would with tallulah. its so heartwarming to know that when a child is at their loneliest, this demon will be there to pick up the pieces. and maybe he's just a band-aid, maybe he will never be a fix to their problems, but he'll make them feel loved for as long as they need it.

someday, like tallulah, maybe we'll stop seeing pepito make regular appearances on bad's streams. but that's ok. that just means that pepito has found support in pepito's parents, and that will only be something to celebrate, not mourn.

[felixandbctimetoshine24]

My opinion.

Stray kids is a Korean group in Korea so ofcourse they will be more comfortable talking or only interacting with k stays.all kpop companies want their celebs to be A list in Korea than international, but you can't have your cake and eat it too,cos if you going to treat international fans like an after thought than you might not succeed overseas.

They used to focus on international fans and talk about them and focus on them,but once they got a lil popularity in more,the company and member Changed,no doubt about it,

,yet they should know if its stray kids all around the world then once in a while they can communicate or say a simple thank you, I love you,not in a flirty or in para special way, international fandom.maybe because I just see them a celebrities) and it was the international fandom that made them reach top levels

Cos at the end of the day they traveling selling tickets overseas is because of the international fandom. Yet their merch also is low quality with no effort for overseas fans yet their merch quality in korea is more is much more better, in Korea should tell you everything about how much they appreciate their international fandom.

Now imagine if a western artist did that,you can complain about western artist to them and they and even companies and no one will tell you how to feel or invalidate your felling yet these fans will defend these kpop company n artist like their life depends on it and act like the companies are paying the fans the bill instead the other way around.

Think of maniac merch or VIP at maniac concerts or other random special stuff overseas and compare it to Korea,

The company only want international stardom to promote them in Korea or compare numbers to other Korean artist, but given no value to the artist themselves or international fans.

Once stray kids got a lil traction from Korean fans they dropped international fans like hot potato. Now they only listen to korean stays.look about the time spent on Twitter by the jype staff on Twitter.before the popularity but knowing inner stuff of what international fans talk about or say and now they only talk about what only koreans say

That's why I say jype know that stray kids they have a solid fanbase overseas so their album qualities and the stuff will diminish or decrease as they know fans will gobble anything,

But tomorrow if the international fandoms say we dont wanna stream,but albums but tickets for concerts or whatever, till you give same love to international fans ,the kpop companies will change their tune quite fast and appreciate the international fans more so if that not gna happen than kpop companies will continue to ignore international fans and the fans delude themselves and bring their worth down.

Kpop will only last cos of delusions otherwise these companies make no efforts.its a cliche market.

Its Is okay to complain to get your money worth,and demand and not to be quite,

I'm not saying the artist should learn another language beside Korean,they can even say in Korean thank you to my international fans too and that simple thank is much more appreciated than some parasociaal relationship and and ignoring international fandoms,

Imagine if west artist say in concerts I miss you American fan or western fans ,but tomorrow I'm going China to promote my movie album, or whatever,their fans world wide will come for them.

Think of sorts celebrities,even they have to sell tickets for people to watch them play sports! They super rich and need to do no efforts yet they

So they very inclusive of fans worldwide, they end up showing same love e everywhere no matter where the live or what language they speak!

Bubbles was only created for koreans,Is it part of contract to only talk to kstays?than why other artist reply to international fans in Korea?

so I judge anyone who subscribe to them know you are excluded in the convo,

It's like sitting at at table whilst two or more people talk whilst totally ignoring you.they shouldn't even be accepting overseas fans or even be taking money from overseas for these apps.

It is what it is.

It's like beyonce's or any a list celebrities in American celebrities saying I only like Americanfans,they will lose their international stardom in a second...cos notice the celebrities from America or British or wherever how they go around the world and give the the same love everywhere. Even the a list actors.they literally promotes their movies worldwide with no complaints. The west dont need to promote their movies world wide,yet they do. If a western artist said I only love western fans they wouldn't be world tours and promotions overseas.

And when people say their love for Kstzys is more because they live in Korea or speak same language,than think of same way in the west, do you think the world think themselves of a less fans of certain celebrities in the west because they live in the west and they speak same language as the western fans ,is your value as a fan less than cos you compared yourself to a fan from the west to said same western celebrities,

If a random person in the world in any country meet a celebrities in west their own countries or in the west,

That said artist will never think they have less love for them as they do not speak the said same language or country,

Please love yourself more and always get what you payed for as these companies will take advantage of your delusions easily,

is why all korean celebrities always say dont leave me,so if they gonna be making parasocial relationships or treating their international fans like an after thought than they know the fans might leave them,

Cos they know that all kpop companies will sabotage their best popular group to make way for their best new shiny group from the same company.

People will say culture,

But know that every kpop company is releasing music like stray kids, and music videos and trying for the interactions to be like stary kids and trying very every way to get the same popularity not only in Korea but overseas international. They want the stay fandom,

But they might succeed in th only way is they might give more love to or equal amount of love as they give Korean fans to the international fans

, than you know yes they might reach the same levels success or popularity or if not more than stay kids.

[kamil-a]

PROPER GANDER ZONE. LONG SO UNDER A CUT.

so whats he like

julius is the clockmaker, which means that in a world where everyone is run by a clock, he will fix them back to life. he fixes up the clock, an afterimage (soul) attatches, voila you are back alive and ready to fill Your Role. and if you disagree with what's essentially government mandated organ donation ethically then his bestie wants to talk to you :)

because his work is unending, he's constantly doing it. dont you want to help this dedicated workaholic chill a bit, i ask you!!! dont you want to sit him down and say youre gonna get carpal tunnel!!!!

in terms of personality he is gloomy, mean, sarcastic, a loner. hates bright lights, people, talking, crowds, daytime, seeks the quiet and dark - hang on actually. example time.

fig. 1, it is not the outdoors and daytime that makes you be on a dizzying amusement park ride, it's something else

fig. 2, SO real bestie ive BEEN there

and wants everyone to just leave him alone to work eternally (in his tower) (he lives in a tower) (if you date him you can hang out in a cool tower if youd like. think about it)

fig. 3, maybe you should rest in the tower

he thinks poorly of himself and likes having a friend that "makes him feel better about himself", so the momentary superiority of looking-down, but in turn he's constantly comparing himself negatively to others. :'(

he struggles to express his feelings in words, sometimes better able to express himself physically (🤨😳) than to talk about his emotions. he often skips most basic self care tasks (julius WHEN have you last eaten....) in favor of work but if you make him his favoritest treat (coffee) he will be devastatingly picky about it and give you a grade. dont you want to get a perfect score for him!!!!

2. whats so gr8 about dating him

personally i find watching him awkwardly find ways to open up and show he cares about alice and actively making an effort to be nice to be sooo sweet.... some of his mini conversations between events are like

fig. 4, if you have a problem or emotion you can talk to me about it. do you feel bad? let me buy you an apple.

which i find soooo sweet because he does not want anyone to talk to him most of the time at all! or how early on in his route she's like when he has to leave the house he started telling me about things that happened in his day when he came home which doesnt sound like much but this is julius we're talking about..... i think he opens up like a beautiful flower!!! once he cares, he cares very deeply....

PHYSICALLY- look at him. his hair is perfect. hes got a fun dangly earring. hold his hand its probably really nice

also if you date him you kinda have to get a bonus boyfriend whether you like it or not. congrats or sorry.

3. julius so tasty i get my clock hasty when juli is finished the joy is diminished

while hated greatly by many strangers on the street, he is vital to the mental health of those close with him. it is a canon fact that whenever hes missing his besties get SO SAD MISERABLE. if you can't go bother visit julius it's very sad and isnt that a wonderful quality in a person you want to date, that you're happiest when they're around??

fig. 5, official manga by mamenosuke fujimaru

fig. 6, sandra boynton redraw by me

TL;DR: you like tsunderes right

ROUND 1 MATCH 88

Julius propaganda:

No Julius propaganda :(

Hades propaganda:

“Fields of Asphodel is a work in progress (but nearly finished!) text-based IF game where the MC plays the part of Persephone (you can rename your character tho) who get married to Hades at the behest of Zeus (being a giant douchebag per usual) and move to the Underworld. Hades is kind and respectful and cares deeply for his realm. He feels guilty that the MC was forced into this arranged marriage and does whatever he can to make the MC more comfortable. Even if the MC wants to leave, he puts the MC's feelings first. He drinks that respect women (gender neutral) juice everyday. Listen, this marriage is arranged by Olympus King Dick Zeus, so Hades has absolute zero problems if the MC dates someone else from his realm. Choose someone else's route (if you can!) He has the cutest kid, Makaria and of course everyone's favorite puppy Kerberos. Hades is a slow burn, he dodges and swerves the MC's flirting, pretending to be oblivious. He's not oblivious at all to the growing feelings between the two and that's what makes it sooo good.”

[seven-saffodils]

.

[soracities]

are we ever free from feelings of inadequacy? i've had a horrible dating experience with someone who consciously led me on for months (being overbearingly romantic on the phone, then giving me a cold shoulder when meeting irl etc etc) and i thought therapy helped me see past that deception. now i met this amazing girl who's actually been pretty direct about her feelings for me and even though we flirt all the time and we had a few wonderful dates, the fact that we're still in the "uncertain" phase where we havent put a label on our relationship (not saying we should rush to do that, though, i think this progression is great as it is) brings back all the negative memories. begging for a confirmation, reading too much into mixed messages, assuming the worst at all times. its hard having to confront trauma so often, but i'll keep trying because i dont want to ruin this connection 😔

i think one thing that has really, drastically, re-formulated how i think about rejection and hurt in relationships is when ask polly said that "the pain of heartbreak is not so bad when you take shame out of the picture". and i think, especially, when someone treats you in the way you were treated, subtracting whatever shame you may be feeling from the other person's behaviour is the most vital thing because what they did, what they chose to do, had nothing to do with you. we internalise other people's crappiness by rationalising that there must have been something we did or something about us that's inherently negative to warrant them treating us that way--maybe if you were prettier, or funnier, or more interesting, or more this or that, or not enough of this and not enough of that they would have cared for you more, or been more interested but the truth is that there is nothing you can do to make another person decide to treat you with basic decency. decency and respect that is conditional is not decency and respect. people act crappy and cruelly from personal issues they are either unable, or unwilling, to address but that doesn't mean you need to take their actions onto yourself as confirmation that you don't deserve care, attention, communication, and respect. there is no part of you that secretly deserved this treatment because you weren't good enough and no measure of your own worthiness and value as a human being that is now diminished because someone else didn't have the basic decency to not toy with your feelings. your worth and importance and deserving of respect from others exists regardless of what someone else does or doesn't do, regardless of their behaviour towards you, and regardless of any mistakes you yourself make or any flaws you see in yourself. you don't have to earn decent treatment from the people you date (or anyone, really). i don't know if feelings of inadequacy ever go away (i'm still working on mine), but i do know that when you learn to establish your own worth (as a potential partner for someone, as a friend, a colleague, a student, whichever) as an independent fact, not contingent on other people seeing it and accepting it, then i think it does become easier to deal with hurt like this -- i'm not saying you will never ever feel pain, but that maybe it will feel less devastating because you can separate other people's hurtful and careless actions from this idea that you are somehow lessened for having been subjected to it, or that it meant you were lesser to begin with. in the same way that you can make a mistake without it being an indictment of your entire person, you can be hurt and rejected by others (whether they do it respectfully or not) without it being undeniable proof of what you may feel is your own unlovability (which doesn't exist, for anyone, ever).

it is hard, but i think you also deserve to show a little kindness to yourself and look at where you are now, the effort you are making and the work you are putting in to move closer to your own happiness, to where you were before therapy and dealing with the fallout of someone who treated you and your feelings so callously. did you ever think, in the immediate aftermath of that, that you would ever feel confident trusting someone again? that you would find someone who not only genuinely liked you but also respected you enough to be direct about how they felt, who would not treat you the same way this person did? could you have imagined then the possibility of having a connection like this at all? of not having your life dictated by the fear and the hurt of what this person did to you to be willing to step out for yourself once again?

i think it is important, of course, to acknowledge the past and where any lingering hurt and fear remains and bring it out into the open, but it's also just as important to set that in contrast to your present and what it, and you, looks like now. revisiting the effect that other person's treatment had on you doesn't mean you need to, or will, be living in the past forever as you do so. you're simply coming back to it with new tools that you did not have a month ago, three months ago or whenever, in order to better understand and work through something you weren't able to properly address then. even if you find yourself coming back to these worries a few months from now and trying to deal with them, you will still be doing so as a different person than you were the last time. this is why it's so important to allow yourself to recognise the progress you have made; i can only imagine how profoundly painful and belittling that dating experience was for you and i'm so sorry that you were put through such cruelty, but the fact that you are still meeting people and trying your best to carve out happiness for yourself by addressing these fears as best you can speaks SO much to your own self-awareness and resilience and growth and it's something to be proud of. i hope you can see this and accept this and love this about yourself some day, even though it may be hard to internalise right now, especially given everything you had to work through.

i don't know if you are still seeing them, but i think if you need to, it may be a good idea to revisit therapy with your current concerns so that whoever you talk to can help give more clarity on the healthiest ways to approach these worries with respect to where you are now. i don't think therapy is always as straightforward as something like straining a muscle, or appendicitis where there's a course of treatment and then (usually) you're done -- it's an on and off thing, changing with circumstances and experiences, and while you may have made amazing strides in getting past what this person did to you, there's nothing wrong with going back to get more advice and guidance if you need it and feel it would help you. for what it's worth i'm immensely proud of you for all the effort that you are making to heal and move on from such an awful experiences, and that you have found a connection with someone who respects your feelings and you far more than that person ever did. i hope you are able to grow this connection at the pace that makes you most comfortable and that, bit by bit, you are able to see your own worth in this and work through the lingering pain you need to work through. you deserve to be happy and cared for and that doesn't and won't ever change, no matter how badly someone else has treated you x

[platinummice]

This was a lot more that i thought for some reason, the answers are pretty short and to the point so if you want me to elaborate on something a bit more feel free to ask :)

@rockshortage

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…

Did a take a test to figure this out? Why yes, yes I did. ISFP-T, or Adventurer is what I got for Archer.

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

He sure does, but he doesn’t really know what it is. He mostly just thinks he’s going literally insane. It’s a pretty big reason for him not sticking around people very much even though he craves affection.

Are they good at handling change in their life?

No not really, Archer has a hard time, now more than ever trying to keep his simple life together, he’d prefer it not change as much as possible.

Is your OC a martyr?

He tries pretty hard not to be, or at least to not show that he is. He sees the truth though.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

Archer is pretty straight forward, if he fucked up he’ll say something. But he’ll make things up for others if he like them enough.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

I guess it depends? If its not something that matters very much, compromise will be easier, but if he thinks it’s important then he’s going to be harder to bargain with.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?

Only his dogs and his friends needs get put before his own. Anyone else? so sorry.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

He’s addicted to taking in animals? Seems harmless, but in truth he does it so he has a reason to keep living, which isn’t healthy. I can’t say he’d still be alive if he hadn’t taken Ranger and Fletcher with him the day those raiders killed the rest of his dogs. 

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

He’s terrified of needles. Thanks mom and dad.

Is your character empathetic?

He is, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to care.

Is your character observant?

Yes, very. Probably because he works with animals a lot, and its very important to notice their body language, so he can read people and situations pretty well. Plus he’s more of a sniper so being observant is important.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

He was really proud when he finished building his house, and all the furniture for it.  

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He doesn’t get jealous very easily, but even when he does he doesn’t bring it up. He’ll sulk around a bit, and when asked he’ll say he fine. He wont really feel bad about if? Its just an emotion, it happens sometimes.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

Seeing people hurt animals for no reason. He will throw down. Might not win, but its the thought that counts.

Are they harsh on themselves?

YES.

Do they make excuses often?

Nah he’s pretty fast to admit when he’s doing something wrong.

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I mean i didn’t make him like super ugly? But i wasn’t going for amazingly attractive either, so average i guess?

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

He wears a mask all the time so he really doesn’t care. I mean at one point he had tore most of his hair out and just had a few scattered clumps clinging to his head, but people couldn’t see his face so it didn’t matter to him.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

He got some damn big emotional problems, and he recognizes some, like his slowly diminishing will to live. But things like his urge to have someone else control his entire existence he doesn’t really realize are problems. 

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Everyone starts off with a set amount of respect. You either get more or have it taken away depending on your actions.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?

Arch can be pretty funny, if he has anything its a sense of humor.

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

Yeah he does, what can you do. No guilt will stop him.

Do they have a large or small group of friends?

He has two dogs and sometimes he works with a stinky man. He thinks Gage is a friend but does Gage think he is a friend? Who knows if Gage will ever tell him.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

....His dogs?

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?

He likes talking to people, but if there are too many people around he gets overwhelmed pretty fast.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

More in the mix, he gets anxious.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?

Arch considers himself less important then most people, thats mental illness babey. 

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

He’d throw everything to the wind for his dogs. Sorry friends, but they’ve helped him through too much.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

Well he knows that he has changed a lot, so why not other people too?

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

When he was in the Mojave, Joshua taught him about Mormonism, but he didn’t really understand. He remembers some stuff, but after he left he didn’t try to keep up with practicing it. 

Do they believe in an afterlife?

It’s not something he takes time to think about really. That kid of a ‘ill cross that bridge when i get there’ type thing

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

He would definitely not like that. He can barely manage his mental health as it is.

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?

Smart when it comes to plants and animals, just about everything else? Not so smart.

How many languages do they speak?

Speaks exactly one(1) language.

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?

He likes learning things, its just getting that knowledge to stick in his head that’s a problem. He doesn’t really seak out knowledge but if he has the chance to ask about things he will.

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

Its just a little shack like building, but he built it and he’s proud.

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

A big ol’ farm house, lots of room for lots of dogs/friends

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

I dont think so, but it’d be funny as hell.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

He can fix simple things, cabinets, chairs, dressers. Nothing too much more advanced than that.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?

He works really all the time. From when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He basically runs a mini zoo by himself, its a lot of work but he loves it.

How often are they home?

Pretty often, he has animals to take care of.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?

Not really, he likes being out and about.

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

Archer is actually pretty musically inclined, he’d never admit it though. You might be able to catch him singing to his dogs, if you're lucky.

Would they enjoy a theme park?

Maybe if he could somehow go when there aren’t any people there. That might sill be pushing it. He gets overwhelmed easily.

Is your OC close to their family?

Nope.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

He only ever knew his mom and his dad. If there was anyone else in his family he never met them.

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

Nah he really doesn’t think they’re supportive of him. They definitely wanted him dead.

What kind of childhood did your OC have?

:)

Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

He went through a lot of things, but never got the chance to be emo.

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?

I know i said he was strictly gay yesterday but im thinking he’d actually probably be Pan and he’d just lean towards more masculine partners. He hasn’t really thought about his sexuality so he’s never had a reason to be stressed over it.

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Any space in his mind that was supposed to be used for math and literacy etc. is now storage space for little facts about the people he cares about. He will remember. Oh you said you thought this flower was pretty six an half years ago in passing and i found one so i thought id bring it back for you.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

Probably that there are multiple people who could be right.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight?

He barely even knows what love is, really.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?

He doesn’t really understand the point of it but if his S/O wanted it, he’d agree.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?

Nope :)

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?

Climb to a really high place, lil picnic, watch the sun set, (maybe hold hands?) look at the stars.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Not liking animals. They’re literally his entire life, you cant be with him and not like animals.

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

Umami. But he’ll literally eat anything, especially if he’s desperate.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?

He doesn’t really eat a lot of meat cause he wants to hurt as few animals as possible. He uses most of the meat he hunts for his animals, and only eats it when there is nothing else, or if there’s the possibility of it going to waste.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?

He cooks pretty often, that being said do NOT eat what he makes! I dont know how he is still alive!

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

Yep, in fact that's basically what he does already. Food is food babey.

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?

Archer wasn’t ever supposed to be like me, and he’s not really, which i think is a good thing?

Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

Yes he needs hugs and I will provide.

What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for?

I’ve technically had Archer for 5 years thats a long time :)

[fairy-made]

Funny how when ppl have weight loss surgery they think its easy to lose weight but other fat ppl just “arent trying” like you altered your insides and stopped eating solid food for a month or 2... no offense but please leave other fat ppl alone lmfao. That shouldnt be proof that anyone can just stop being fat... like idk how to tell you that those are extreme measures and they shouldnt be an expectation or a standard.

Also society wants to desperately believe that if youre fat you are unhealthy period despite the fact that you can be unhealthy but look thinner and no one bats a fucking eye. Im not very active and I dont always eat healthy but because I look thin nobodys assuming Im unhealthy. You can be fat workout way more than someone like me and make better choices when eating but 95% of ppl are still gonna assume you do nothing or go out of their way to diminish your efforts. Thats sad.

[thefeckisthis]

being single and open relationship

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

even tho these are different times people still talk, chat and i’ve seen many guys making statuses how girls are not posting selfies now all the beauty salons are closed, making fun of them. well there are not many of you fuck boys around anymore either eh, hard to make some effort when you can’t ‘’score’’ and disappear? or you’re stuck with your girlfriends so its harder?

leave the girls alone, live your own life and mind your own business. even tho the number of fuck boys has drastically dropped, there are still people who make some effort and talk to other people. i’m not saying this only happened to me in the past few months, people keep asking me this all the time.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

guys usually ask ‘’how can girl like you be single?’’... may i ask you, what kind of girl is that? i know they usually refer to the thing that im beautiful or good looking (in their words not mine) and i keep wondering what does someones looks have to do with someone being single or in relationship? does that mean everyone who is in relationships is beautiful or if youre beautiful you have to be in a relationship? someone please enlighten me. thank you.

on the other hand, some people think i still love some certain people and haven’t moved on emotionally and things like that and that is so not true. i dont have any ‘leftover’ feelings for anyone and i dont like anyone romantically at the moment (and on daily basis i dont like people in general, thats another story tho haha). someone being single for long time doesnt mean they cant get over someone from their past. i kind of pride myself on getting over people quicker than most people, that doesnt mean i cant develop feelings. i can, im just way more careful with that. also, that doesnt mean i never truly liked them (havent loved anyone in a very long time hahaha) its just i dont tend to dwell on it for long. that person is not in my life anymore, why would i spend more time thinking about them when it wont affect my present?

i close that chapter in my life and just move on. not meaning for it to sound as a sob story or trying to make people feel pity for me, every time i have had started to develop some feelings for someone it backfired. made me develop trust issues and i openly admit it. and every time it backfires at me it makes it slightly worse and worse and leaves scars and honestly makes me regret ever developing any feelings. it all developed in like a defense mechanism making me want to do it again less and less.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

i chose to be single. i love being single. i have grown to love myself so much that i dont require to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled or to feel ‘’whole’’. if you find someone you fall in love with that person should not be your second half because you are one whole on your own, that other person should be a beautiful addition to your life, not someone to fill in the gaps. and if you break up you should still be able to feel complete and happy. dont think i am in celibate or i dont meet people when im single. the amount of people thinking if youre single youre not having sex is ridiculous. like seriously people, it 2020, you dont have to get into relationship just to have sex. to think that in this era of fuckboys, internet dating and all that crap... cmon like

explanation is not my strong side so im sorry if i dont fully explain something. relationships and feelings for me are... good and bad. i like them and i dont like them. to me the concept of traditional relationship is like a cage. i dont have freedom (at least not the way i want) that i want, and all the ‘’obligations’’ (cant remember the term that would better explain it). sure, when you like/love someone you usually talk all the time, tell them what you do, where you go, but as an introvert sometimes i just want to shut the whole world out and be left alone for more than a day if that is how i feel. by nature im curious and love to explore, whether it is myself or the world around me and the traditional relationship ‘’wouldn’t allow’ that, its looked down on. why do you want to try something new if you already, lets put it this way, have someone by your side?

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure?

open relationship is something would be something that would be more of my liking. do i believe it is possible to love one person fully and still want to try something with other person? definitely yes.  it would start probably as exclusive until the mutual trust and understanding is achieved then we can add to it. and yes, its adding to what we already have, not replacing, not changing, not cheating - adding. that absolutely doesnt mean that the main partner is not enough, its just expanding the current experience. i was in a serious relationship where i loved the person so much and i did mention the possibility of open relationship and it wasnt accepted well and no judgement, it is not for everyone, we all dont seek for same things.

humans are creatures with needs and i believe that satisfaction can come from different people in different ways and that doesnt diminish the value of primary partner. rather than always feeling caged and limited,‘’scared’’  and suppressing your needs, you get the freedom to explore, to broaden your horizons. open relationship is not same as cheating  as long as both partners are aware of the nature of the relationship and mutually agree on that, at the end of the day you always end up with them.

dont get me wrong, im not out there actively looking for relationship, im just living in the moment. those kind of things happen on their own and should not be forced, and now days anything that is not according to some standard norms is looked down on. as well, i am perfectly happy on my own, i chose to be single and im loving it. im the main person for myself, i love myself and i am thriving. absolutely enjoying my life.

i dont feel sad or lonely or of any less value than your average person just because im single, not at all. this also made me selfish in a way, i want all the experiences for myself and my enjoyment and i dont want to limit them to make someone else happy or secure.

there are of course more reasons than these mentioned, if youre curious please do leave a question, dont be afraid! :D (my priorities in life are usually not focused on finding a partner)

 if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

[innaandtheunicorn]

why am i single?

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

even tho these are different times people still talk, chat and i’ve seen many guys making statuses how girls are not posting selfies now all the beauty salons are closed, making fun of them. well there are not many of you fuck boys around anymore either eh, hard to make some effort when you can’t ‘’score’’ and disappear? or you’re stuck with your girlfriends so its harder?

leave the girls alone, live your own life and mind your own business. even tho the number of fuck boys has drastically dropped, there are still people who make some effort and talk to other people. i’m not saying this only happened to me in the past few months, people keep asking me this all the time.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

guys usually ask ‘’how can girl like you be single?’’... may i ask you, what kind of girl is that? i know they usually refer to the thing that im beautiful or good looking (in their words not mine) and i keep wondering what does someones looks have to do with someone being single or in relationship? does that mean everyone who is in relationships is beautiful or if youre beautiful you have to be in a relationship? someone please enlighten me. thank you.

on the other hand, some people think i still love some certain people and haven’t moved on emotionally and things like that and that is so not true. i dont have any ‘leftover’ feelings for anyone and i dont like anyone romantically at the moment (and on daily basis i dont like people in general, thats another story tho haha). someone being single for long time doesnt mean they cant get over someone from their past. i kind of pride myself on getting over people quicker than most people, that doesnt mean i cant develop feelings. i can, im just way more careful with that. also, that doesnt mean i never truly liked them (havent loved anyone in a very long time hahaha) its just i dont tend to dwell on it for long. that person is not in my life anymore, why would i spend more time thinking about them when it wont affect my present?

i close that chapter in my life and just move on. not meaning for it to sound as a sob story or trying to make people feel pity for me, every time i have had started to develop some feelings for someone it backfired. made me develop trust issues and i openly admit it. and every time it backfires at me it makes it slightly worse and worse and leaves scars and honestly makes me regret ever developing any feelings. it all developed in like a defense mechanism making me want to do it again less and less.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

i chose to be single. i love being single. i have grown to love myself so much that i dont require to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled or to feel ‘’whole’’. if you find someone you fall in love with that person should not be your second half because you are one whole on your own, that other person should be a beautiful addition to your life, not someone to fill in the gaps. and if you break up you should still be able to feel complete and happy. dont think i am in celibate or i dont meet people when im single. the amount of people thinking if youre single youre not having sex is ridiculous. like seriously people, it 2020, you dont have to get into relationship just to have sex. to think that in this era of fuckboys, internet dating and all that crap... cmon like

explanation is not my strong side so im sorry if i dont fully explain something. relationships and feelings for me are... good and bad. i like them and i dont like them. to me the concept of traditional relationship is like a cage. i dont have freedom (at least not the way i want) that i want, and all the ‘’obligations’’ (cant remember the term that would better explain it). sure, when you like/love someone you usually talk all the time, tell them what you do, where you go, but as an introvert sometimes i just want to shut the whole world out and be left alone for more than a day if that is how i feel. by nature im curious and love to explore, whether it is myself or the world around me and the traditional relationship ‘’wouldn’t allow’ that, its looked down on. why do you want to try something new if you already, lets put it this way, have someone by your side?

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure? 

open relationship is something would be something that would be more of my liking. do i believe it is possible to love one person fully and still want to try something with other person? definitely yes.  it would start probably as exclusive until the mutual trust and understanding is achieved then we can add to it. and yes, its adding to what we already have, not replacing, not changing, not cheating - adding. that absolutely doesnt mean that the main partner is not enough, its just expanding the current experience. i was in a serious relationship where i loved the person so much and i did mention the possibility of open relationship and it wasnt accepted well and no judgement, it is not for everyone, we all dont seek for same things.

humans are creatures with needs and i believe that satisfaction can come from different people in different ways and that doesnt diminish the value of primary partner. rather than always feeling caged and limited,‘’scared’’  and suppressing your needs, you get the freedom to explore, to broaden your horizons. open relationship is not same as cheating  as long as both partners are aware of the nature of the relationship and mutually agree on that, at the end of the day you always end up with them.

dont get me wrong, im not out there actively looking for relationship, im just living in the moment. those kind of things happen on their own and should not be forced, and now days anything that is not according to some standard norms is looked down on. as well, i am perfectly happy on my own, i chose to be single and im loving it. im the main person for myself, i love myself and i am thriving. absolutely enjoying my life.

i dont feel sad or lonely or of any less value than your average person just because im single, not at all. this also made me selfish in a way, i want all the experiences for myself and my enjoyment and i dont want to limit them to make someone else happy or secure. if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

[dovahgarbage]

Thots on Far Cry New Dawn

ok so. imma put some of this under the cut because i dont want to spoil it for you’s who are still playing through it. but uhhhh gotta say. i was a bit underwhelmed by it over all.

ok so firstly i try not to judge a series of games based on previous installments because it doesnt feel fair to compare apples and oranges. but... this game was so obsessed with what happened in fc5 that it only feels fair that i’m allowed to look back as well.

So first and foremost, the game has a large emotional disconnect between Cap and citizens of hope county. All we really know about cap is that they are working for Thomas Rush to rebuild settlements across America.  So they aren’t even from hope county and they have no context for anything that waits for them there. I was excited to see an outside perspective on the events of fc5, hear stories about the deputy that brought on the end of the world. I learned v quickly that this was a fool’s dream. See the problem with relaying the events of fc5 to a character like cap is they have next to no reason to be invested in the past of this area except “hey there’s fresh water here” or “hey this is a defensible position right”. Any emotional weight is shrugged off by Cap having no context of the history of these people or their struggles with each other. WE as players know everything. We’ve seen the horrors of Eden’s gate, we’ve seen the destruction the Seeds brought to hope county. We know what the fuck is going on. But cap has NO idea. And honestly isn’t really given a reason to try and find out more about it. Everything cap is doing is in an effort to bring down the highway men and build up settlements. (well. Settlement. All we have are outposts) why the hell would they care about who was who. What the fuck is a boomer. Who is this deputy everyone vaguely mentions and why do I give a shit?

And this gets to be a more noticeable problem as we interact with Joseph Seed. Big Daddy Greasy Jesus himself. I hate joseph as a person, love him as a villain. But… seeing him in this game, being forced to work with him as a player (KNOWING what he’s done and the countless lives he’s ruined) and the whole while the only person cap sees is some yoda motherfucker with meth apples that help you hulk out like… once.

That moment when joseph asks you to kill him? It made No Sense as to why cap would shoot him?? In their eyes, joseph has done nothing wrong. Ok maybe he wasn’t an A+ parent but nothing worth killing him over. This moment that is supposed to hold so much weight and meant to be a sort of catharsis for us as players and it just feels… hollow.

Lets discuss the Deputy. Because I have. Many feelings.

I honestly don’t understand why they weren’t the player character again. The narrative wouldn’t have had this huge emotional canyon to be filled between the county and cap. Coming across old guns for hire and friends would actually have… meant something. Revisiting old locations only to see them crumbled and over grown. Any interaction between them and joseph seed would have been charged with tension and held more water. Not to mention it would have made that decision in killing him potentially rewarding and not just “ehh I guess, you dick.”

Instead, the Judge is just kinda… there. In fact everyone is just kinda… there. But I got a laundry list of how Ubisoft did our baby Rook dirty.

[if !supportLists]1.     [endif]Your efforts in the first game feel invalidated. Not just because you “lost” but because of how brushed under the rug the Deputy is. Only a few companions from the first game even Address the Judge. And even then, its no where near the emotional closure we would have liked.

[if !supportLists]2.     [endif]Sharky doesn’t even speak to the judge. Nor does Grace. Nick has one throw away line. 0/10

[if !supportLists]3.     [endif]Only Jerome and Carmina come close to giving any validation as far as showing a connection to Judge. Even then Jerome was more on the side of “I’m disappointed in you for having changed into this.” Hurk just makes jokes. Albeit funny jokes but still.

[if !supportLists]4.     [endif]Also wasn’t the identity of the judge supposed to be a secret? Why the hell does everyone else know and new eden doesn’t?

[if !supportLists]5.     [endif]The judge has NO reaction to either ending. None. Joseph lives or dies, it is the same. Silence.

[if !supportLists]6.     [endif]Also why the hell does Cap get to kill him when the Deputy has suffered infinitely more at the hands of that lunatic? How am I supposed to feel like this is a rewarding decision to make?

I don’t know about anyone else, but I was very attached to my deputy. She wasn’t just a shell I inhabited as I played fc5. I wanted to know what happened to her after she escaped the bunker with joseph and I wanted her to find peace and closure after all she had sacrificed and suffered. The Junior Deputy deserved better!

Ok, so I’m moving on to the Twins. Honestly, they should have had their own game. Their potential as well rounded and fun far cry villains is wasted here.

The actresses did a wonderful job in making them charismatic and I loved the way their actions synced up and how one would finish the sentence of the other. It was very unified and the connection between them was very clear.  

But I couldn’t connect with them as far as feeling threatened on screen. You could say it’s because we inherently don’t find women as scary as men in media and that’s entirely possible but narratively speaking, the Twins aren’t as threatening to me as villains because they lack something very vital – direction and purpose.

Mind you, all the far cry villains are so over the top and their motives don’t always make sense but I cannot wrap my head around the Twins motives? They’re here to have a good time and I guess they like to party but?? Why the hell would they want hurk’s baby, yknow? Why do they talk about problem solvers and problem makers when objectively, they HAVE to know they create more problems than they solve.

They TRY to give Mickey some depth with their mother and her making mickey promise to be better. But like… there’s not a lot of indication of growth or change or even regret in the end. After Lou’s death is only when mickey acknowledges that they only tore things down and never bothered making the world better but… lol where the hell did that conclusion come from? Why now? Why are you bringing this up now? (again cap has no context as to the significance of Mickey’s promise to her mother about protecting lou or trying to be better) At least with the Seeds they had a very clear purpose (prepare for the end of the world and horde as much shit as possible). Pagan Min had a purpose (crush the resistance that threatened his rule). Even Vaas as crazy and chaotic as he was still had a purpose in furthering Hoyt’s empire of drugs and slavery.

Also, the Twins are sort of in the backseat because of Joseph’s presence. It’s like ubisoft didn’t trust them to carry the series forward and instead chose to try and get a previous villain to anchor on. It diminishes their presence and importance and really just adds to the jumbled mess that is this game.

I personally blame rushed writing. Far Cry has a problem with putting out games fast and half baked. Far cry primal received a lot of flack for being a reused map of fc4. And I think given enough time and drafts this game could have been something better. Not perfect by any means. But definitely its own game.

All in all, I probably wont play it again. It doesn’t appeal to me anymore and has too many shortcomings for me to actually enjoy it. Day two of me playing it felt like just a confused slogging mess and I just zoomed through so I wouldn’t see spoilers on tumblr.

[dead-inside-mcgee]

The doctor and the demon Part 2

Summary: Henrik discovers where Chase went. He finds himself trapped in a castle. 

If your looking for Part 1, just go to my blog and search beauty and the beast. 

________________________________________________________________

It was two weeks after Chase left that Henrik started getting suspicious. The first snow would most likely be today, and Chase still wasn’t back. Henrik slipped on his coat, planning on going out to search for his friend when a knock on the door interrupted him.

 Looking through the peephole, He sighed, putting his hands in his hands, once he saw Dark standing in front of the door. Henrik’s first thought, was to not answer and climb out the back window. Unfortunately, Dark had other ideas, and let himself leave.

 “Dark, can't say it’s a pleasure,” Henrik said with a deadpan look. He silently cursed himself for not getting a lock on that door. It was a small town, not much crime, but he didn’t think about nosy neighbors.

 “Oh, don’t be like that, Henry,” Dark waved his hands and said this, as though they were old friends.

 “I know you love to see me.” He put an arm around the smaller man and closed the door with his foot.

 Henrik slipped out of his grasp. He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself, and in the sweetest voice he could muster, he said, “Well you can’t stay long. I’m heading out soon.” He gestured towards his coat.   

 “Well, where ya heading.” Dark made a move to put his arm around him again, but he was quicker this time. “I’m sure I can be of some assistance.”

 “I’m going out, to find a friend of mine,” He answer truthfully seeing no reason to lie.

 “Well. Why can’t come along?”

 Henrik back away towards the door, Dark put his hand on either side of his head. He leaned in close.

 “I don’t need you to,” Henrik said. “Beside’s, you’ve overstayed your welcome.” Henrik opened the door and ducked under Dark’s arm, causing him to fall into the mud below.

 He slammed the door shut and rush to grab a chair and jam it under the door. He made a mental note to get a lock and snuck out the back window.

After some sneaking around, and ducking into corners, Henrik made his way into the forest. He could faintly see tracks in the soft dirt. It had just begun to snow as he entered the forest.

 Henrik would often go through these woods to find herbs and spices, for medicine (and dinner at times). He knew his way around and he knew the path to the other town fairly well. He has gone on personal trips there to help some injured person, in need of professional help.

 Following the track marks, left by the cart, he quickly realized Chase had taken a wrong turn on a crossroads, that was closer to their town. Henrik bit his thumb.

 There were about three crossroads on the way to town. If you missed even one, you could get extremely lost. That's why he was always so worried for Chase’s safety.

 Knowing that standing here and panicking would get him nowhere, Henrik trudged along the path. It was mid afternoon, when he found the first clue on where chase went, and he didn’t like it.

 He could barely see them, but in one area there was a pack of wolf prints surrounding the cart and the horse. It seemed like, once the wolves surrounded them, Chase fell of the horse and ran in a completely different direction.

 He laughed despite himself. He realized how much he was acting like a detective from one of his favorite novels. It was a funny thought to distract him from Chase’s possible fate.

Shortly after he found a trail of Chase’s footprints, it’s began snowing. He cursed and picked up his speed. He cursed himself for not searching for him sooner.

 The faint wolf prints following Chase’s, worried the doctor, but the remains of a burnt branch gave him hope. Soon the outline of a fence came into view, he ran faster knowing Chase could be safe.

 His hope was drained when he noticed the blood, splattered on the bars. Even if it was just a small cut, Chase could die of an infection within days. His stomach dropped into a pit.

 With his last bit of hope, he opened the gate. There was a cobblestone path, so Henrik couldn’t even tell if Chase made it this far or he meet his fate before he got in and something else dragged him away.

 No, no. Henrik shook his head. If he died back there, there would be more blood splattered about.

 Sucking in a deep breath he forced his way down the path. Glancing at each of the statues, his hope diminished. He could stand here all day and stare at them, but he need confirmation.

 Not thinking, Henrik opened the doors to the castle at the end of the path. The inside seemed to be colder than outside. Pulling his coat tighter he looked around and called out.

 “Hello?” He immediately felt stupid. Was some crazy sociopath going to come up and say “Oh, hay come in. We have tea?”

 He laughed at his own stupid thought.

 “Someone's here! Should we scare them away?” Henrik heard someone whisper.

 “No, they might be the one we’ve been looking for,” another voice said.

 “If anyone is there, can you tell me if you’ve seen a friend of mine?” Henrik asked, then added. “His name is Chase.”

 “Chase? Isn’t that the name of the guy, boss threw into the dungeon?” The first voice asked.

 “What dungeon?” He asked.

 “Dahm it, Marvin!” The second voice whisper yelled.

 “Down the stairs, to your right,” The voice, that was probably Marvin, said.

 Henrik followed those instructions, he found the dungeon was even colder than outside. He hated that Chase has most likely been here for weeks.

 The first cage, Henrik noticed a figure huddled in the corner.

 “Chase?!” He called out.

 The figure shifted and looked out. It was Chase.

 “Henry?” Chase mumbled.

 “Hold on, I’ll find away to get you out!” He turned to try and find a key, when he was stopped by a tall figure. He felt like he’s been in this situation before.

 Slowly looking up, he realized the figure before him was too tall to be human. He couldn’t see the creatures face, but he could feel it breathing heavily

 “And what-” the creature leaned in closer, “-are you being here.”

 Henrik’s heart was beating faster, in fear, but he held his ground.

 “I am here for my friend,” he stated as contentedly as he could.

 “Your friend stole from me. He deserves to be locked up,” the creature growled.

 “What did he steal?” he asked.

 “Something that was very important to me,” the creature stated. Henrik glared the best he could; not satisfied with with that answer. The creature noticed this and continued. “A red rose.”

 Henrik’s stance flattered. Guilt and anger welled up inside him.

 “Let him go,” he said firmly.

 The creature laughed, or at least it might have been a laugh (it sounded like a dying cat).

 It leaned in closer. “And why, would I do that?”

 “Because-” his voice cracked, “-I was the one who asked him to bring me a rose. Let him go and take me in exchange.

 “Henrik no!” Chase screamed.

 The creature laughed again. “It’s a deal!”

 Before he could really react, Chase was snatched out of the cage and he was thrown in. He could hear Chase yelling as the thing carried him off. He teared up a bit.

 By the time the creature returned, Henrik had given into his emotions and was crying.

 The creature tilled it’s head in a confused manner.

 “You didn’t even let me say goodbye,” he sobbed.

 The creature grunted and left the dungeon. He was going to head to his own room when he was stopped by a candle stick.

 “I would like to suggest something. If I may?” Marvin said.

 The creature gave a grunt and Marvin continued.

 “I was th-thinking, b-boss, since this man will be staying with us for a while, we could… we could,” Marvin trailed off, nervously.

 “Get on with it,” the creature said.

 “I was thinking.. Maybe we could move him to a nicer place. To make him more comfortable and maybe-” Marvin paused again, “-and maybe you two could get along.”

 The creature gave him an annoyed look and growled. Marvin flinched.

 “I suppose your right,” the creature grumbled and turned back around.

 Back in the dungeon Henrik had already sat down on the pile of hay and was crying silently. The cage door opened with a long creek.

 “Come on!” The creature beckoned.

 Henrik obeyed. “Where are you taking me?” He asked.

 “To your room.”

 “My room?”

 The creature turned and looked at him. “Do you want to stay in the dungeon?” He asked.

 “No,” Henrik said, shaking his head.

 “Then stop asking questions!”

 After a long pause Henrik asked another question.

 “Do you have a name?”

 The creature stopped walking and was silent for a long time. “Anti,” He finally said.

 After going up a flight of stairs and passing multiple statutes, they stopped at a door.

 “This will be your room,” Anti said. “Feel free to explore the manor, it is your home after all. You my go where ever you like, except the west wing. It is forbidden.”

 “What's in the west wing?”

 “It is forbidden!” Anti said louder.

 The inside of the room was warm. The walls were painted light blue, the bed had darker blue sheets and blanket. It was a nice room, but Henrik didn’t like to think of it as home. Without Chase, how could he call anything home?

 “You will join me for dinner.” Anti stated.

 “I’m not hungry,” Henrik said, sounding like a bratty child.

 Anti bore his teeth, trying to keep clam. “I’m sure you’ll be hungry later. You’ll regret not coming.”

 “I don’t want to come. Leave me alone.”

 “Um.. boss,” Marvin, who followed them up here, said, “I think we should give him some space. He just got here after all.”

 Anti ignored him.

 “Fine then! Starve!” He screamed and slammed the door hard enough the shake the ground.

 He turned to Marvin and the group of other appliances that followed them.

 “If he doesn’t eat with me he doesn’t eat at all,” he said then stormed off.

  Henrik buried his face into the sheets. Maybe if he fell asleep this will all turn out to be a bad dream.

A little while later, Henrik heard a knock on the door. “Go away!” he yelled into the pillow.

 Whoever was on the other side of the door knocked again, harder this time.

 He groaned. “There’s not even a lock on that door,” he yelled.

 “Well I’m sorry. I’ve been told it’s rude to open someones door without knocking,” a voice said, the door opened.

 Henrik didn’t see anyone enter, but he could hear something moving along the floor. He looked down to see an old clock, a candlestick, and a feather duster.

 “Heyo!” the candle said. “I’m Marvin!”

 The clock sighed. “My name is Jackie.”

 “You may refer to me as google,” the feather duster stated in a monotone voice.

 “Your.. talking to me,” Henrik said. He felt stupid after saying that.

 “Yeah you are! Isn’t that cool,” Marvin cheered. “Well cool for you, not really for us.”

 Jackie mumbled something, then spoke up. “We’re here to take you to dinner.”

 “I told him I didn’t want to eat.” His stomach growled, disproving his last statement.

 “You won’t be dining with him tonight. After you rejected him, he locked himself up. You’ll be dining with us,” Google said.

 “Won’t he hear us and get upset?” Henrik asked.

 “That's what I said,” Jackie complained.

 “We will be taking the risk tonight,” Google said.

 “It’s going to be awesome!” Marvin chimed.

[triumphorce]

under umbras of bundles  of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white, 

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens, 

amidst a higher sense 

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope, 

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs 

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath  road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power,  & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

 in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

 changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

 daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,   almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue     how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

   attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me       to learn to teach                     myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never  get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question  everyone,  everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner,  do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering..           whether I'm right to do any god damn thing        'cause if I don't do it right..       was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here       in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance 

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears,  see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges 

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers   modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via           hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

     helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation    goin in circles,        time wasted pet peeve number 1

    a nowhere never felt before        but something seems familiar.. overlooked,   under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of.. 

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to  understand self an urge that intensifies the more  i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of 

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of  takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,   to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

[decadentrpg-blog]

WELCOME EMILY, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF HELOISE DELACOUR

Admins Note: Heloise was certainly a difficult choice to make but after much assessment, I want to say that I absolutely adore what you’ve brought to the table! From build up of her background to every little historical reference that was placed within your application, it cohesively created this duality that Heloise has! I’ve enjoyed every interaction she has as well as the clarity and rationale behind her thinking! Your faceclaim request for Virginia Gardner has been approved. Congratulations on your acceptance again, please make sure to head your way to the checklist and submit your account within the next 24 hours!

Out of Character

Name / Alias: Emily

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: Twenty-two

Timezone: GMT.

In Character Application

Full Name: Heloise Delacour

Sexuality: Lesbian.

You like girls. No, that’s wrong. You love girls. You love the smoothness of their skin. You love their gentle curves, their bodies like oceans, refreshing and divine. You love stroking their hair as you lie between sweat-soaked sheets, curling it around your fingertips. You love sharing lipstick shades so it won’t get too messy when you kiss and the sound beaded dresses make when they hit the ground. Most of all, you love who you become around them. Bursting at the seams with euphoria, without a trace of shakiness in your footsteps, you unveil the creature you fought so hard to become - self-assured and valiant. You always slipped into her without thinking about it, knowing instinctively, that this was right. This was who you were supposed to be.

Gender/Pronouns: Cis-female, she/her

Hogwarts House:  Gryffindor.

The hat was adamant. They wanted you in Gryffindor. They wanted you to learn to harness your own roar, the find power in your sort of bravery - perhaps even to tame the brasher instincts of your peers, to calm the storm inside of them. Not every kind of bravery favours the bold, the defiant, the loud. There are different kinds of bravery. The courage to carry on when the chains around your neck drag you to the ground. The strength to try and try and try. The valour in turning yourself into an anchor, a steady weight for the rest of the world to ground themselves on. There are all sorts of bravery in this world, each as useful, each as needed, as the last. Children, yourself included, see so much, but so little at the same time.

You didn’t glimpse the potential in yourself. You wouldn’t for many years yet.

But the hat knew.

You pleaded for Hufflepuff, knowing you’d be able to carve a home out of the house. The world underestimated badgers, sneering at their perceived lack of intelligence, wit or ambition. You didn’t see that at all. You saw steadiness, a bedrock to build a person upon. It wasn’t a leap of faith. But society couldn’t be built around those who flew. Someone had to be waiting, down below, rooted to the earth, ready to catch falling angels.

The hat laughed.

“Better be…” Panic rose in your chest, a knot tightening inside of you. “GRYFFINDOR.”

They weren’t unkind to you. But you were the fawn in the pride of lions, the hovering figure in the background, the mute who never could make herself heard. Years later, with your personhood more fully attached, half of you wistfully wishes you could go back and do it better. Do it again. And yet, in your heart, you know there’s no value in looking backwards. You must journey on.

Head canons:

Trigger warnings for violence, war, alcoholism and mentions of abuse.

I. la petite fille

Your father - and you only have the confidence to say this now you’re a fledgling, grown to use her own voice - always cared far too much about what people thought. Cream of French society, darling of the elite, a career-hungry politician intent on climbing the ladder. Ironically, the sunshine in your soul can be traced directly back to him. And yet, where yours is woven into the very essence of your being, a warm touch to steady a storm, an easiness to still a monster, a brightness to diminish the darkness, his is a mask, a choking falseness. It was that, more than anything else, that scared you. He changed before your very eyes - shaking hands and kissing cheeks one second - to plotting behind their back the next. Nothing about him was real. He slipped between your fingers, never a solid thing to hang onto.

(The feeling, you know, is mutual. You were a grand disappointment. Too timid to follow in his footsteps and too honest to lie. You’re mostly strangers now, each unable to understand the other).

Your mother you know a little better. An English rose, she fell for your father’s charms one summer, a fling that never was supposed to turn into a marriage. You were the bump that interrupted those plans, the shame that would have befallen her good name. Both parties were hastily married and that was that. You’ve always wondered if she blamed you for it. Always been too afraid to ask. Your mother, you know, was miserable, far far away from home, shackled to a man she barely liked, forced to play the part of politicians wife. When she played it well, there was harmony in the household. But if she slipped up…all hell broke loose. And her, with her love of expensive wine and flirting with other people’s husbands, did mess up. You never witnessed the war inside of your father unfold, merely lived its after effects. Silently, you’d pull a blanket over your mother’s quivering frame and give your father his favourite cigar.

(As you grew, you became rather good at predicting the ticking time bombs. So before the storm ravaged, you nearly always scrambled to safety, grabbing your teddy bear and retreating to the back of the wardrobe. You never found a secret world in the back of there, but you did find safety - and that was a comfort in and of itself).

Peacemaker, your father would sometimes say with affection, your mother with scorn. You’d gulp and nod silently, opinions kept to yourself. Over time, a survival instinct became a pattern and from a pattern into a habit. Such things are hard to shake.

Ii. maison choisie

Your mother hailed from London’s big smoke and your father made Paris his home, so you’ve always been accustomed to cities - you could even say it’s in your blood. But nowhere ever felt like home more than your Grand-Mere’s home a stone’s throw from Amiens. Reluctantly, with great effort, your father would make the bi-annual privilege there, dragging your mother in tow. You never had to be forced, you galloped ahead, a country girl at heart. There was something so liberating about Amiens, especially in the summer, where the line between the fields and sky was impossible trace and wildflowers bloomed. Your grandmother was kinder than your parents, the only one who could pull you out of your shell - but even then, only when you were alone. More a hedgewitch than practiced individual, she used to set you upon a stool as she practiced her potions, entrusting you with the responsibility of stirring from time to time. She was the one who taught you that magic had more than rigid purpose, that it would be as beautiful as life itself.

She also taught you a second, valuable lesson.

You remember the very first muggle you met. You remember them because they waved joyfully as you stepped into the town square - and knew your father by reputation, your Grand-Mere by face. Your father, ever the diplomat, turned his face away, pretending not to have heard. You, bashfully, didn’t meet their eyes either. It was only later, when your parents had been placated by a bottle of wine or two, that your Grand-mere took you aside.

“Why didn’t you wave back?” Dumbstruck, you look for somewhere to scurry away and hide. Gently, she took your hand into her own. “I won’t hurt you chérie.”

“Maman et Papa didn’t.” And you never were awfully comfortable around strangers, bashfulness seizing control of you.

“They were wrong to.” Bopping your nose, your grand-mere drew giggles from you. “They didn’t wave because he was…” her voice strained over the English word. “A muggle. Have they told you not to talk to muggles?”

You shook your head.

“Don’t let them. There will be some, especially when you go to school, who tell you not to talk to witches who have muggle parents. You musn’t let them order you around. No one is any better or lesser because of the blood in our veins. Even muggles…they’re not witches. But they’re not the enemy. After all, if I never spoke to a muggle, I’d never speak to anyone! Never forget that.”

You promised you wouldn’t. You haven’t since.

Iii. armes de guerre Ultimately, it was war that drove you away from your beloved France and your cherished Grand-mere, who refused to stand down and flee when the German troops overran Amiens. You like to imagine she would not take a cowards way out, apparating whilst the others were rats in a barrel, trapped by the advance. You like to imagine she fought to defend her farm with every trick up her sleeve. You like to imagine she remained strong and valiant until the very end. But you’ll never know. The war snatched her from you, her story lost to the wind. All you had left was an owl from the French ministry and the personal condolences of the French Minister La Magie.

It took you a very long time to summon the courage to return. And even then, you couldn’t do it alone. Kenshin stepped in without being asked, the year after you left Hogwarts, stability at your side as you confronted the ruins of the happiest parts of your childhood. Violence had ravaged the landscape, scarring those who survived. Left with nothing, you saw the hallows of hunger in their sunken cheeks and poverty wrecked on their bones. Beauty had perished and been left to die. But in the ruins of her farm, you saw all was not lost. The Peach trees were still rooted, their bounty just as sweet. The goats, against the odds, made it out of the shelling alive. The old stool you had once assisted your grandmother had merely cracked, not splintered. Life went on - and through the cracks of darkness, light emerged.

You saw something of yourself in that light.

A hopeful creature, timidly taking her first steps into the world. A passionate believer in the strength of goodness, in victory and vanquish over evil. That progress, ultimately, would triumph. That even in the face of blasphemy, there is room for beauty, for brightness. The trick is in finding it and nourishing it, so that it may grow.

From seed to sapling to great oak.

The spark within yourself ignited that day. You felt your grandmother’s presence and smiled. You mourned, not in sadness, but in joy - for all the happiness that had been, for all that would yet come.

The world treads down on optimists, mocking their faith. But you’ve learnt there’s courage in that kind of relentless determination. That day, you felt its whispers in your soul. That day, you swore to let it go free.

Iv. soldat improbable The time that  followed ‘The Great War’ was supposed to be the long peace. If you look with hooded eyes, you’d find that in the cityscape of New York. Illicit drinking. Parties that last until dawn. Jazz bands. Woman’s emancipation. There is so much beauty, so much progress. But squint harder - and you’d find an underground war, a cold one, lurking just below the surface. It’s cause is more just than any muggle one ever fought. It isn’t a battle between great powers, princes and their cousins. It’s between right and wrong, progress and past, egalitarianism and inequality.

You know you’re not a likely candidate to fight in it. Most overlook you, sneering at your daintiness, soft smiles and open heart. They should understand that it’s what makes you strong, too. All you want is some small part in this larger battle, to be a part of the greater good. More than anything else, you’re a visionary, able to picture a world beyond this hatred. If you can see the brightness, you can be the brightness, a bedrock for those wearier than you, a guide for those who might come in your direction. You’re no warrior, not in the conventional sense, but not every battle should be fought with a weapon. Some need softer tools. You could be that person.

It is the sum of your duties with Dahlia. You see yourself in her, the girl you were but a few years ago, timid and unsure of the power in her own voice, but possessing a rosy heart. She deserves better. You long to show her that, to share your brightness and certainty in betterness, to pull her from the den of snakes and away from the Pride Society. You’re not asking her to fight, for the Coalition, for you…never. You simply want to help her. You would do anything - give her the means to runaway, a safe roof to shelter under, because you long to see her flourish. You’re just so afraid of failure…of failing her, your duty and yourself. The powers against you are overwhelming, those who wield the weapons lethal. The horrors she confesses terrify you. Light, as bright as it is, can be snuffed out. That is your greatest fear where Dahlia is concerned.

V. Coup de main As fun you’ll admit the parties Wren and Kenshin drag you out to are, you couldn’t carve a life out of them. Pleasure is for hedonists - and you do not count yourself among their ranks. When you found your own voice, the grit beneath porcelain skin, you were determined that it should count. You sought purpose in yourself, a way to matter. Almost as if you were trying to prove yourself…to yourself.

You found clarity in the most unlikely of places. A non-descriptive building in Queens - that would appear empty to an unsuspecting muggle. It’s purpose only became clear when you stepped inside, finding an overworked and overwhelmed refugee agency. In the aftermath of the great war, the creation of a dozen new states in Europe, thousands of wizards chose to emigrate instead, heading to the United States in search of a better life.

It’ll be tough work, the supervisor warned, staring you up and down, disdainfully. You bit your lip. Old habits die hard.

I’m tougher than I look. Promise. Your voice rang with clarity, in how true that statement had become.

You began volunteering on a trial basis. You distributed donations and held shaky people in your arms. You played with children and made puppets dance. After a fortnight, you began to offer your services as a translator, hoping to connect people into the interior of the US. A little while after that, you suggested you could be used by the organisation at large, rather than ad-hoc.

You felt a rush in your chest, advocating for yourself. You felt strong and brave and…right.

VI. bizarreries personnelles

Here are the little things that make you, you.

You never broke the habit of walking on your tiptoes, a legacy left from a childhood full of ballet dancing. Slender limbs, porcelain skin, your teacher used to sigh and wish you centre stage. Bashfully, you refused, your cheeks darkening. The spotlight was never yours to claim.

You cannot cook without making a mess. In your presence, the kitchen comes a bomb sight, ravaged by war. Nose flour-stained, fingers sticky, you chase Kenshin around the kitchen. You always catch him. He always allows himself to get caught.

Your pastries are infamous, light and puffy, the sort only the french know how to make. You refine your recipes with magic and tap your nose whenever anyone asks for their secrets. (Later, in fine ink, you pen them a letter, containing the details).

You despise British food. You ate dutifully at Hogwarts, too shy to even dream of asking for an alternative. Toad in the hole. Pies. Casseroles. Blegh.

You bit your fingernails until you were fifteen years old. Your mother enchanted them after that, exasperated at your lack of self-control. The spell has long worn off, but the manicure never lasts long. It’s a nervous tick.

You used to chew your hair. You threw off that habit by twelve.

Birthdays are your favourite times of the year. You take great pride in the gifts you give friends, a thoughtful gesture behind each one. You do, however, despise your own birthday. Being at the centre of attention makes you uncomfortable, you’d much rather spread and share the joy. Luckily, everyone’s learnt not to throw you surprise birthday parties. Instead, you have small, intimate gatherings.

(You and Kenshin have a ritual. A cupcake at midnight as eve becomes day.)

You’re hopeless at keeping plants alive. There isn’t a green bone - or thumb - in your body. You failed herbology miserably.

But you’re incredibly attentive when it comes to writing in your diary, daily and in french, to prevent eavesdropping eyes. A habit you haven’t shaken since your days in Gryffindor.

Your patronus is a lamb. An individual with a lamb patronus has a sort of natural innocence about them, and have a very serene disposition. They are kind to most, though they tend to have a difficult time reaching out and expressing themselves. They have a shy aspect of them that is not only social, but inner, which makes them hesitant to do many things. That said, they are very patient and calm creatures, which allow them to be workable with this nature.

You talk too much when you’re nervous. Far too much. About things that have nothing to do with anything. The weather. The latest show that opened on Broadway. The dance craze everyone’s talking about. Whether you should get a bob. You blabber, filling the space with…words. It’s endearing to most, but you despise it in yourself.

Your wand is 9 ½”, french-made and slim. Beech and Unicorn Hair. “The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond his or her years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. When properly matched, the beech wand is capable of a subtlety and artistry not seen in any other wood, hence its lustrous reputation.”

Languages are your forte. You have a knack for wrapping your tongue around them, inheriting a little of your father’s silver-tongued mantle. French is your mother tongue, but you’ve added English, Spanish, Italian and a pinch of Latin to the mix.

When you’re making a bold declaration or gesture, you rehearse the words in your mind the night before, like a politician preparing for a speech. You muse over the most effective way to get your point across, the comfort a person will be most receptive to, or whether it’s better just to hold someone and let them cry.

Connection expansion:

I. meilleur ami (Note: I’m happy to change all of this if the Kenshin player disagrees, this is merely my interpretation).

“Mon Frere…” Kenshin catches your grin. Deliberately, his mouth forms an ‘o’. “Ma sœur” You wince at the deliberately butchered pronunciation, but smile nonetheless. He’s always had a particular knack for that, drawing the happiness out of you. And you for him. The only label that fits your description is that of platonic soulmate. Or big brother. For truly, the lines between friendship and family have blurred, that you can’t tell them apart. Certainly, he feels more like family than your own blood ever did.

You met on your tenth day at Hogwarts, in the middle of Herbology class. Devil’s snare wrapped around your hand, you panicked, but were too shy to raise you concerns, suffering in silence. Where few did, Kenshin noticed you - and calmed you down with that bluntness of his. Before you knew it, you were smiling, then laughing and then free. You’ve been attached at the hip since - and shall be, until death do you part. The years did little to change the pair of you. Where some friends grow apart, you grew together, slotting like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. By third year, you were spending Christmas together, Kenshin sensing your unspoken reluctance to go back to France and face the holidays with your parents. After your first one together, you confessed the truth, honesty no one had even known. But most of all, he brought light into his life - different to yours, more brazen and bold. Like two twinned suns, strung across the sky. He is your confidante, secret keeper, joker, dance partner and now, roommate.

The latter made sense. When the two of you ended up in New York at the same time (it’s impossible to imagine the two of you oceans apart, impossible and terrible and dreadful), it made sense for the pair of you to find a two-bed apartment in Manhattan and make it your home. You are as compatible roommates as you are friends.

And, for the first time, he made a house a home.

II. le fruit interdit (Again, I’m happy to alter things dependent on plotting w/ Prosperina’s player) You shouldn’t want to kiss her. If you are the doe, she is the wolf - a huntress determined to strike clean.  In your heart, you know you should hate that dynamic, as you know you should despise her - resent the intimidation that rises through your bones, abhore the uncertainty she makes you feel.. You should be afraid. Very afraid.

And in so many ways, you are. You’re scared of what your attraction to her says about you, now that you are both girls grown, living with the choices you make as adults. You aren’t school children anymore, you aren’t praying to be noticed, doodling hearts with your names encased in it. You’re fearful of what might happen if you find yourselves alone, in a dark - or a light - room. But you’re more frightened, in a strange way, of nothing happening at all.

With Prosperina, there are so many unspoken anxieties, so many things you can’t possibly wrap your head around, that you can’t possibly know. Why she notices you now. When you began to crave the burn. If the risk is worth a moments ecstasy. How beauty could wear such thorns.

You know, now, how Eve felt, in the Garden of Eden. Just one bite, the snake hissed. Just one kiss, Prosperina whispers. You have no wish to shed your wings and toss yourself from Paradise’s gate. But she’s just as beautiful as any angel you’ve ever gazed upon.

In Character Paragraph:

Thursday night, 9pm sharp, the Yale Club. Dress elegantly. Heloise didn’t need to glance down at the invitation to know its contents, her heart having memorised them ten times over, skipping a beat each time it paused at a cursive. Even Prosperina’s writing was beautiful. She would have liked to say that the invitation was unexpected, out of the blue and had been firmly rejected. Yet, since she distastes lies, she could not.

Heloise had, however, made an attempt or two to excuse herself. Sending an owl in return, she had outlined her disapproval of the Pride Society and its galas in no uncertain terms. Prosperina had take an age to respond - deliberately, Heloise supposed, to make her nerves hop and jump. When she had, Heloise could almost taste her tone. It’s not one of those. It’s for charity. Don’t you support charity? She had caved. Heloise couldn’t be sure if that was strength or weakness, good or bad.

Three days later, another letter had arrived. Wear pink. It matches the blush on your face.

Stepping into the room, Heloise steeled herself, a picture of defiance in angel-white, beads reflecting the light back.

Not so long ago, she would have cowered, a ghostly slip of a thing, trembling in the corner. Glass of champagne stitched to her hand, she would have sipped until someone had taken pity on her - and even then, she might have fled. That worked under the assumption she plucked the courage to attend at all. Time sandpapered everyone, some for the better, others for the worse. Heloise liked to think she took after the former.

The first eye she caught was from across the room, her gaze instantly drawn to the slip of a girl shrouded by demons, unable to do anything but stare from her cage. Dahlia. It hurt to see her here, to see the shackles bound and to know she was powerless to help. To approach her, to take her hands into her own and wrap her arms around her shoulders was to betray her newfound friend, to expose her doubts to the world. There was cruelty in watching her suffer - but there was greater cruelty in taking a hammer to the foundations below her feet. That wasn’t Heloise’s job. Hers was to encourage Dahlia to flutter her own wings, to learn how to fly. All in good time. Smiling softly across the room, she let her face say what her tongue couldn’t. Stay strong, keep the faith.

The second pair were Prosperina’s - appearing from nowhere, sneaking up behind. Departing from conventions and norms, she didn’t bother with small-talk. “You look ravishing. But not as pretty as you would have had in pink.”

Tongue-tied, Heloise searched for a response. No one had the power to shrink her anymore, now that she had freed her voice from its restraints. And yet, that didn’t mean anymore wit had returned to it. In times like these, she prayed for Kenshin’s presence at her side, always ready with a sharp retort, the sort that drew him closer to someone. Or even Wren, brazen and bold, who spoke without thought. You don’t want to impress her! One voice screamed.Not like you imagined you might, a lifetime ago.

And yet, a little bit of her did.

Heloise spurned her interest. But a little bit of her didn’t want to do without it either.

“I - Thank you. You look…” Staring at Prosperina for the first time, Heloise felt the breath be stolen from her lungs. Divine. Enchanting. “Like a million bucks.” Slanting her voice into an American accent for comedic effect, she immediately regretted her choice no sooner had it been said. “And this…it’s certainly big. Very big. I suppose that’s good. The more people you can fit in, the more donations you can collect for charity.”

Prosperina laughed. Heloise was never sure if she was being laughed at or with. She preferred to think it was the latter.

“The committee had a few reservations. Something about…vermin control. The guest list is rather exclusive, you see.”

Confusion flashed across her face. It wasn’t as if New York was a stranger to rodents…but something about her tone, about the look on her face…made it clear that it wasn’t animals she was referring to. Without noticing, Heloise had become a player in the game. The smile froze on her face. “I sure hope that isn’t a reference to the architects who built the place. Or the perfectly nice people going about their business on the floor below. They’re not doing any harm.”

“Ah yes, the No-Maj’s, as our Yank friends love to say.”

Heloise tensed on the mention of that word. She despised it. No-Maj. So…derogatory. And rather rude. As if they didn’t count as people, or deserve respect, on the merit of something they didn’t have - and had no choice in having. “I hate that term. I hate - you shouldn’t talk about them like that. Nobody should. They’re hardly hurting anyone. And technically, this is their territory so really we should - be respectful.” Exhaling heavily, she steadied herself.

“Oh,” Prosperina leaned in, all smiles now, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You’re such a doll. I was only playing. But I can be nice, if you ask nicely.” Her touch felt like electricity, the sort of chemistry that couldn’t be duplicated or faked. When it was real, it was real. “I’ll go fetch us expensive champagne to make amends.” Half-purr, she broke off and Heloise dropped her gaze. “Pink Champagne, I think.”

Cheeks deepening into rosy-red, Heloise watched her depart, wishing she could look away.

Extras:

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[bonbonswirl-blog]

Your sanity. Part 5

ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO ONLY @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING.

If today isnt the worst day in Blondie life he dont know what other day will be. Monroe toke his place on the stage at the speech desk microphone since blondie was insecure to do it after the conflicts he had caused, staying at the back of the stage watching what is inside monroe head. Henry down there trying to take back control of the situation. "Everybody Everybody, why so mad?~" Those words, surprisingly, made everybody stop fighting and drive their attention to the new guy on the stage, Who is that? "My name is monroe gooder, if you know me im the environment agent" when half the group heard the name "gooder" every face swiveled around to look at jim, even blondie. The storyboarder just wanted the ground to swallow him and never turn him back. "Here you see, your loser boss who couldnt save you and this company" Everyone was so quiet, blondie sat there on diabelief, did someone just make fun of him in front of all his workers?! Henry was so annoyed with that environment man. "I like the mess you all done here, great job-" "Booo!! Get outta the stage Moron monro!!" "Shut UP BANJOAS*!! You better hear me out before you g-" monroe stopped talking when he saw one of the people on the crowd rising his hand. "Can I ask a question?" "No" "How exactly are you going to save the studio?" Isaac asked him, wondering how all those financial issues will be fixed by that new guy who give them a boring speech. "Who said im going to save this stupid place? Im just here to comfort you one last time~" that only made a surging perplexity to everyone. Blondie wanted to tell monroe to move back, to leave his friends alone, but that odd feeling inside him just started to...grow..Monroe looked at him in deep thoughts that reflected on his merciless eyes, oh no....."Are you seeing this blondie? Your whole studio is coming to an end, everyone you hired will have no assistance in life after this. Your whole world is shattered, just like your heart in disarray of pieces. Come on blondie...Let it all out, the wrath, the hate, the pain, the malice~ show them all what you have been through, show them all mischief and devilry teach them how they should truly be treated, you are a proper establishment of evil or sinister intentions, show them those sinful activities so that you have a rightful claim to their immortal essence. Every action we take is a new discovery, and we continue making discoveries, this is a new discovery son...Give it all you have~" Monroe demanded, elatedly going back to that microphone afflicting those poor workers with damaging words.

Blondie couldnt take it anymore. He lost it.

gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, his hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid, burning, slicing, potent, face was red with suppressed rage, anger would come like an impossible build up steam, burning him inside and out, ready to burn the one on the receiving end. Ready to burst with pain and fury, he decided to go all out on this felonious man. What kind of heart does he have?! Nothing!! He doesnt have one! He is heartless!! He was lost in that moment and the torment his brain was in. anyone could see it first in his eyes, then a tension of his muscles, an inability to think clearly soon followed.

But before he could take any single one of those steps he didnt feel.....alright...

He couldnt hear whatever monroe was saying anymore, only some indefinite vibrations of his venomous voice. Negative symptoms like nausea started to appear, his focus was diminishing, chest heaving violently. The world was a blur, random images seemed to float aimlessly around in the pool of his thoughts, as though they were being blown about viciously by a hurricane. He felt. Plethora...plethora of negative emotions being pumped in his veins. With the influx of negative emotions on his body his cells are infected, reprograming the others to create more infected cells, those extraneous cells overtaking him. He winced as he tried to order his hands to catch and move those wheels, he want to get off the stage now and go with henry to the nearest hospital, but he felt his muscles dont even act. Sharp pain lanced through his head, colorful spots flashed in front of his eyes, it felt like his whole body had been beaten and every movement caused some muscle or bone to ache, Regardless. This was the moment he fell of his wheelchair to stage floor hissing in pain.

Everyone stopped listening to monroe, their awareness only for blondie, what happend to him made them all so worried, he was sick with something unhandled, his natural golden skin has sunken in tone to something so lifeless it scares them just to look at him. Many people called his name, only being rewarded with a resounding crack of a broken ribs and gasps of immense pain. Then they saw it...his back...something coming out of it, his bones??! Nobody have an idea!! They all just stand there witnessing this terrible scene..something bigger than his bones was forming, so vigorous, so tapered, so dangerous, then it started to spread in the air.

ARE THOSE WINGS?!??! IS THEIR BOSS BECOMING A MONSTER?!??! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!??

His wings were dark red, like if they are Made entierly of coarse scales, they flapped threateningly with the power to strike a group of men in one hit. The bones were visible around the sides and similar to bat wings, only their veins stook out greatly in contrast, a large ivory spike on top, curved like an elongated shark tooth, the sight was hideous, only assosiated with images of the devil himself.

[iamtaekooked]

                                         CHAPTER 1 || PJM

Genre: Badboy! au, College! au, romance, drama

Word count: 2.1k 

Warnings: Just a lil bit of swearing and mentions of throwing up (just in case anyone has a weak stomach. its not graphic but idk)

SYNOPSIS:

The hate saga between you and baddie of the town Park Jimin rests on two very simple (vanilla) rules: 1.) Hate each other for the rest of your lives and 2.)under no circumstances fall in love with each other. But what happens when one of starts falling for the other? Will passion win or will rage take the game?

A/N: if you want chapter 2 then pretty please let me know whether you like it. Honestly it takes a lot more effort to write than read so I dont want to waste my time writing this if the response isn't worth the work I put in. I hope you guys enjoy this and also thank you for taking the time to read it!❤️ I’ll put out a ch 2 teaser depending on how things go. Enjoy reading :)

 || Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 || Ch 7 || Ch 8 || Ch 9 ||

MASTERLIST

Park Jimin was the worst man you ever had the displeasure of knowing. He was cold, rude, arrogant, indifferent to everyone around him. He never cared for anyone but himself. He trampled over people, used them for his own means and discarded them like waste. Everyone loved him, except for you which is why you sometimes wondered whether he seeked you out on purpose. It was a very sick and twisted game the both of you played, but neither of you ever wanted to stop.

“I think you two like each other in a twisted way” Taehyung your best friend would tell you, earning a scoff which was followed by a glare, every single time he uttered the words. No one ever made you feel as frustrated and angry as he did. “You’re wrong. He has it out for me for whatever reason. He doesnt like me” you would state as a matter of factly in turn earning a laugh of disbelief from Taehyung.

Not to mention Jimin was the biggest fuck boy you knew. Not only did he have zero respect for others, he didn’t even respect himself enough to set himself to a good standard because he would fuck anything that had two legs and a vagina.

You really hated him.

He never let any opportunity to mess up your life go amiss. Whether it was purposely making you late for class, or butting his nose in your romantic endeavours and driving your partners away.

“I am the only guy for you y/n” he had told you the time when he had driven away your dumb ex boyfriend by making it look like you had cheated on him. “ Love it or hate it because you are stuck with me princess” After a while you had given up on relationships because Jimin always ensured it didn’t last past one week.

“Thinking about me?” You were startled out of your thoughts as Jimin’s voice rang through your ears. He occupied the seat next to you and you had to stop yourself from retching because the pungent smell of smoke mixed with the cheap beer invaded your nostrils. “Aww was wittle baby missing me? Does precious little Jiminie need an ass kicking” your voice dripped with sarcasm.

Jimin only laughed in response. “ You really do like playing with fire don’t you?” he spoke close to your ear the smell of alcohol making you taste bile in the back of your throat. The next thing you knew, water was dripping from your head and Jimin was laughing as if that was the funniest thing he had ever seen. “ Cool off” he then threw the plastic bottle in your lap and exited out of the bus. You stepped out after him, a scowl making its way onto your face. You wanted to throw the same bottle at the back of his head and you did raise it above your head, but thought better of it, seeing as his best friend Jeongguk had fallen in step beside him. And boy did you want to avoid Jeongguk. If Jimin was trouble, Jeongguk was worse. It would be like inviting a headache for yourself.

The stench of alcohol still lingered in your nostrils. Who drank before coming to college? No one but Park Jimin. You failed to understand why he was so popular despite being the most loathsome human being the history of humanity.

“What the hell happened to you?” your best friend Taehyung jogged next to you and put an arm around your shoulder. “Okay hold on, by the look on your face I can only guess its one thing, rather one person” he paused for effect. You deadpanned in his direction, forcing the both of you to stop in your tracks. “It was Jimin wasn’t it?” he raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips.

“Well no shit Sherlock it was Jimin. Who else could it possibly be?” you huffed in anger before resuming your walk towards the college once more.

Taehyung turned to look at your profile while you gazed straight ahead. He felt bad for you because you had never done anything to anyone, yet Park Jimin felt like he could treat you that way. Taehyung had, on multiple occasions offered to beat up Jimin for you, just to teach him a lesson but you had blatantly refused because you didnt want him getting hurt.

“I know Jimin. I mean I did know him so I can kick his ass you know?” he would tell you, alluding to their now broken friendship. Jimin and Taehyung had been inseparable during your first year of college. They were always joined at the hip and were seen sharing laughs, and jokes with each other. But then Jimin changed and well Taehyung found a friend in you.

“Okay how about this? Lets go to Yoongi’s party tonight” Taehyung suggested to which you shook your head because Jimin would be there. Yoongi was the only person in his previous friend circle that Taehyung kept in contact with. Yoongi was decent enough because he never helped Jimin in making your life hell, but neither did he ever object. So you felt neutral about him.

The cliched vibes you got from the whole situation irked you too much, which was another reason you wished to avoid the party. Because if this was anything like those movies you saw, the countless stories you read you knew you were in for  some kind of trouble. Thats how it always ended at these parties.

“Jimin is going to be there. Go figure genius” your index finger landed in the centre of his forehead as you pushed him away. “ I am going to be there too you know” he got a hold of your finger and lifted it off his forehead.

“Nope. This is not happeneing. No way and dont you dare Kim Taehyung. Do not give me that puppy face” you announced and didnt linger around long enough to give him the chance to pull that pitiful face on you. It always got you. So with a defeated sigh Taehyung followed your lead, wheels turning in his head to figure out a way to make you go. He wasn’t going to give up that easy.

*****************************************************************************************************

You had been glaring at Taehyung since you had entered Yoongi’s gigantic house. “ You tricked me” you spat out and narrowed your eyes at him. “ You’re having fun though” he sheepishly replied trying to avoid your eyes as he sipped his drink.

Taehyung had lied to you and said he was going to take you out for a movie to cheer you up. You had complied because what harm could a movie do? But a 30 minute ride later you found yourself in front of a house, the lawn of which was littered with beer cups and puke , and the sound of some faint EDM was drifting into the surroundings. Before you had the chance to object Taehyung’s hand enclosed around your wrist and he was dragging you, quite literally behind himself towards the party.

Fun my ass.

Just as you had assumed Park Jimin was also there and so was Jeon Jeongguk. You avoided them the minute you entered. You forced Taehyung to find a secluded corner and got a promise out of him that he would not leave your side for even a second.

Although you were thankful for his presence and it did diminish some of the awkwardness , a pair of eyes on you was making you feel very uneasy and as you glanced in the direction for the briefest of seconds you saw Jimin staring at you.

Opting to not let your eyes linger you looked away just as quickly and took a sip of the bitter liquid in the cup forgetting that it was beer. Coughing in distaste you physically held the cup away from your body. Glancing at Jimin again you saw that he was watching you with an amused expression and it was the sort of look that indicated he had seen your struggle with the drink.

For whatever reason you felt embarrassed at the thought of him witnessing your intolerance for alcohol. It sort of felt like he was silently laughing at you, which made you feel embarrassed but also angry. You could imagine his train of thoughts running along the lines of you pretending to be tough and cool when really you were just a goody two shoes. You really couldn’t give him a legitimate reason to further demean you.

Even though you had no way of knowing thats what he was thinking, you wouldnt be surprised to find out that it was exactly what he was thinking. Taking his smirk as an unspoken challenge you downed the drink in one breath.

The sounds of your coughing and wheezing made Taehyung’s head turn in your direction as he immediately put his cup away and stroked your back as you coughed. The aftertaste was bitter and you felt as if you had consumed ethanol. Your throat felt like it was closing and you were swallowing way too hard in order to wash the taste down your throat.

You felt the sour acid pooling in your mouth indicating you were about to vomit. Reminding yourself that Jimin was in the same room as you, and barfing in the same was not an option, in breaking gasps you excused yourself to the bathroom.

Making your way through the sea of sweaty bodies and the stench of smoke mixed with alcohol you quickly located the washroom. The smell really wasn’t helping the buildup of acid in your mouth and it was only aggravating the urge to puke.

“Going somewhere?” You heard Jimin’s voice distantly ringing in your ears. As you looked up you found him looking down at you with the same stupid arrogant smile.

“ Get the fuck out of my way” you sighed as you felt the contents of your stomach bubbling up towards your chest.

“And if I dont?” he stepped towards you, and you couldn’t help but think of the consequences. It might just soak his shirt if he didnt let you go into the washroom. You were trying your best to hold it in but you couldn’t really control your body’s physiological reactions.

“You thick headed idio-” you tried saying but he interrupted you again. He really was an idiot wasn’t he?

You gagged and yet Jimin failed to see that you were about to let out the contents of your stomach and he would be in the line of fire.

“ Oh come on. Stay for a while. You’re not just going to-” and then it happened. If only Jimin was bestowed with the ability to process things happening in front of him and pick up on cues this wouldnt have happened.

“Oh shit” he jumped away from you. His face contorted in disgust and he groaned in anger.

“I told you to move away” you responded. You could hear people around you retching and you had never felt so embarrassed in your entire life.

“You fucking idiot” Jimin moved towards you but he was pulled back by jeongguk. For once you were thankful for Jeongguk and for a moment you didnt hate him as much.

“You should have moved when she was heaving dude” Jeongguk took his hands off Jimin’s shoulder an expression of slight disgust painting his features.

Taehyung pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered around the two of you and visibly shivered in disgust at the sight in front of him. “Lets get you home” he put his arm around your shoulders. While making your way out several comments made their way to your ears most of which revolved around how Jimin was going to make you pay for it. Some of Jimin’s fangirl’s were glaring at you as if they would pounce on you any second and kill you.

You wouldn’t mind dying at this second because it was the most embarrassing situation you had ever found yourself in.To make things even worse you had given Park Jimin a legitimate reason to hate you even more. 

You were going to kill Taehyung for putting you into this mess.

[childabusesurvivor]

Tomorrow Is World Mental Health Day, and If You Don't want to Participate, That's Cool

New Post has been published on https://www.childabusesurvivor.net/reviews/2020/10/09/tomorrow-is-world-mental-health-day-and-if-you-dont-want-to-participate-thats-cool/

Tomorrow Is World Mental Health Day, and If You Don't want to Participate, That's Cool

I have seen a few people on Twitter talk about how they won’t be online tomorrow, because they just can’t take another awareness campaign telling people to “reach out” that doesn’t have any real resources.

Which is maybe why it’s so interesting that the theme for this year, according to WHO, is all about making mental health resources available through increased investments. – https://www.who.int/campaigns/world-mental-health-day/world-mental-health-day-2020

So, yeah, it’s frustrating, and we all know what a problem it is. Until we get that fixed, all the awareness in the world will only make a small difference in the overall problem. A pebble maybe. My own feeling is that I’d rather we had the pebble, than not have the pebble, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that there is not enough of anything when it comes to mental health care.

But, there’s also this from an article earlier this week:

By their nature, awareness efforts open up conversation on their given topics, and when people start talking about mental health, mental health stigma is often quick at its heels. I’ve seen countless awareness posts where people spew vitriol and pretty much spit in the face of the efforts. For those who are still feeling the sting of mental health stigma strongly, this can compound the negativity and fear (“Stigma and Discrimination: The Effects of Stigma“).

Before I was open about my mental illnesses, there was always this worry in my mind that there was no way people couldn’t know about my struggles, and every step felt like an invite to stigma. When it came to awareness efforts, that was magnified. Every time I might have shared or even liked an awareness post, I was worried about what stigma might follow. It made me hesitant to participate.

Frankly, I sort of know this goes on, but I have only experienced it a few times myself, so I haven’t given it very much thought. There is, however, no doubt in my mind that this happens, and it happens often.

So let’s get this out there. Tomorrow is a day to raise awareness about the importance of mental health. It’s an opportunity for anyone who is dealing with mental health issues to see that there are many people who get it, and do support them, even if only virtually. It’s also a day to be reminded, sometimes literally, that there is still far too much stigma, and far too little investment, in mental health. That’s not fun. That’s not uplifting.

Taking care of yourself is an incredibly important part of looking out for your own mental health. Tomorrow is also Saturday. If your mental health will be better off by you not being online tomorrow, go do exactly that. Go enjoy your weekend, and know that I see you, and I feel what you’re saying. Your frustration is my frustration too. Being tired of the stigma, and how hard it is for people to get help is normal. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of talking about it, tired of reading about it, and tired of seeing stories of people who can’t get help when they need it, all around the world. I’m also tired of all the people on social media who make talking about it even harder than it already is, who want to troll, or just create drama because it’s never enough for them.

Again, I’m exhausted. I also know how incredibly lucky I was the get help, and I want that same thing available for everyone. So, I’ll find away to continue talking about it here, while also taking care of my own mental health. I hope you will too, even if we don’t all take part in the same events.

#MentalHealth, #SocialMedia, #Stigma, #Twitter