#and i dont think anyone wants monotone autistic explainations of grief right now
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my aunt just passed away
#tongue#and i just kind of dont feel anything#i dont think my brain will let me feel anything#shes been sick since 2012 shes gone through a lot of surgeries and stuff#there was no warning#my uncle and his family have been visiting so theyre at my grandparents house#they went to go pick her up from her house to drive her there since my cousins are either at school or not living there anymore#and she was just dead on the floor#seemed fine before but nobody really knows what fine is when youre sick#and i havent like seen her in a couple months anyway and shes of course back in vermont#and i mean#a lot has happened#so im just completely numb to it#and i dont think anyone wants monotone autistic explainations of grief right now#not even grief counciling#and as a general rule i am not affectionate#so i just went back to my room#that doesnt mean im not like upset or anything#because i am and im sad for my mom in the weird non parental figure way#and i cannot make myself have an outward emotional reaction#or any emotional reaction#and i hate that#but my grandma wasnt crying either#were both quite reserved#but im still just completely numb#idk i think i can turn replies off for posts i hope i can#bc i dont want condolances#i am not the one that needs them right now
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