#and i dont mean to be accusatory or rude in any way
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I did a lot of reflecting with myself and my very wonderful and lovely mutuals on an anon I received about confusion on my fic.
And I just wanna say, first, that my response was a very nice one, and also me defending some of the choices that I made (again, v nicely). But I realized after thinking about it that the reason I responded in the first place was that I felt as though it was my fault. The entire tone of the ask felt extremely accusatory, and not once asked kindly for any help.
No author should be torn down and ridiculed from your own confusion. Even if we look past the blatantly rude and entitled tone, the anon didn’t say hi, didn’t ask for any clarification, didn’t point to any specific passages or quotes, and didn’t ask if they could send me a dm. They didn’t give me anything to work with.
They just ridiculed me. They asked if I was serious—if I could “get things straight.” They told me every single issue they had rather than actually engaging with me on any confusion.
I have no problems if someone is confused about dialogue or plot or character decisions and asks, kindly, for clarification. Please, understand that. I encourage you, very much so, that if you are confused, please let me know. I will gladly help, and I have in the past.
And! I have no problems if you don’t like the choices I make regarding the plot points of my fic. that’s okay! You don’t have to. You’re not obligated to enjoy every single fic you read.
But when you tear my fic, limb from limb, and make me feel extremely discouraged, to the point where I thought any and all problems were my fault when it was yours? Especially as the pieces they complained about are in the warnings. All of them. Yeah, that’s not okay.
Here’s a bullet point list of some of the “confusion” they had and how I know their ask in my ask box was bullshit:
Joel was mean (in the warnings)
Joel is jealous (in the warnings and the literal plot of the series)
reader gets mad at Joel, Joel gets mad at reader (in the warnings)
smut after a six-week coma/hygiene (we’re literally talking about a post-apocalyptic reality, and others have confirmed with me that the reader is heavily implied to be bathed)
Joel is jealous (referenced again; THE PLOT & IN WARNINGS)
Ellie is two doors down from the smut happening (she is not, use context clues)
My point in responding and breaking down their “confusion” is to point out two things.
One? Read the warning tags. For the love of god, read the warnings all the way through. I promise you, you will not only understand more about the fic but you also won’t be surprised by anything.
Two? Please don’t do this to writers on this app OR anywhere at all. This is not how you ask for help when you need it. This is an extremely rude, arrogant, and entitled way of telling a writer you’re “confused.” I seriously doubt you would tell a writer this irl, in my opinion.
If you actually want authors, especially on this app, to engage with you, write the fics you want them to write, etc., DONT ACT LIKE THIS.
But also, it’s my fanfiction. It’s my writing. Every ridicule they placed on my fic was given to me as if my particular plot points were awful, and it felt as though they were insinuating that I should change them.
And you know what? I’m 21. I’m a college student. I’m still learning to write because it’s a skill. And that’s okay! It’s okay when fanfics lack clarity or have rough grammar. It’s okay if the plot doesn’t make entirely a lot of sense. It’s okay!
Now, I’m so happy to have grown from that experience, as well as have an amazing support group of people on this app. So, I will continue to be writing the series. I will continue to be writing for that character. I’m not changing a damn thing in my fic for clarification.
Again, I want to thank my mutuals for yanking me back up and helping me understand the depths of the ask they sent me. And big, big thanks to @honeystevie for helping me see that because without her initial reply, I’m sure I would’ve been in a very large discouraged writing hole. love you, rika <3
tagging some wonderful mutuals as a thanks and I’m giving a big hug: @moonlight-prose @cocoamoonmalfoy @tarrenterror25 @themarcusmoreno @fleurfairie @indouloureux @ghostofskywalker @iraot @dearest-readers @fxllfaiiry @fluffyprettykitty @targaryenvampireslayer @galatially @navybrat817 @rae-gar-targaryen @saradika
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hey uh. Im sure no one meant any harm by it. But the term "genderbent" is really transphobic in origin, and it feels a little alienating that a masc reader in an ask was labelled as such. I'm transmasc, so its a bit worrying, especially with the sudden influx of severely transphobic and homophobic rhetoric thats been getting spread through the LU fandom. I really dont want this to come off accusatory, nothing like that. I was just hoping maybe you could possibly do or say something to make sure that theres less occurrences of that? Im not quite sure how to word this without sounding rude, it just startled me a little, and plus there tends to be very little masc reader representation on these NSFW lu blogs, so itd be comforting if the rep we do get isnt. a bit transphobic. I really hope this didnt come off rude
No, not rude at all! Thank you for letting me know! I promise I, and I'm sure the rest of us, didn't mean any harm. I try to use they/them as often as I can, but even I slip up, so for that I apologize. I never want to make anyone uncomfortable with my writing at all and I'm so sorry if you felt that way all all. This is meant to be a welcoming space for all.
I'm sure we can work together to figure out a better way to word it in the future! I think we mostly used genderbent as a blanket term because a majority (I think) are fem presenting. As it is, I unfortunately, can't come up with another way to describe it right now, but I promise I'll try to think of something.
Thank you so much for letting me know anyway anon, and again I'm so sorry for coming off as transphobic in anyway. That was never my attention. I know when I have my they/them days and get called she/her, it can be really disorienting for me.
On a slight side note, there's an influx of transphobia? Did something happen at all that I just...haven't been caught up with? /gen
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re your tags you werent rude at all i'm sorry i came off maybe accusatory im just sitting here spiraling into another character obsession and im clinging at any opportunity of a conversation LMAO but i also agree with you i despise Getaway for what he did with Tailgate and i find it probably one of the most uncomfortable arcs in the whole story and questionably necessary.
but there's just something about tfs who were constructed cold that hits me and Getaway is like, the closest it gets to me to understand why. there's something about tfs who were constructed for war that will have to figure out what to do with their lives after the war.
and no one really offers psychological help to all those tfs who survived. we see so many characters struggling to live with the idea that the war is over.
and for likes of getaway, idk, his ultimate inferiority complex is just so. man he just needed help, you know? all of them do. before it all started getting worse, there sure had to be ways to prevent it. like not letting megatron on the ship of fucking lost light.
i find it hard for me to understand blind hatred towards characters like getaway, cuz honestly, he's not stupid, or wrong, for the most part, about things. it's just that what he got from life he didn't figure out how to live in a healthy way with and cope with it in a non-destructive way. esp cuz he sees people like rodimus who he considers not worthy of a eota of power or the status of a prime, cuz in the eyes of getaway, he's much more competent and knows what hes doing.
and again, like, getaway isn't wrong, it's just that rodimus has it in him by other means such as being an incredibly kind and selfless person who cares about people so much it becomes an obstacle sometimes. getaway was born into battle, and all he got to learn is how to survive his whole life, alone. he didn't get to have a life before the war, he is defined by his survival, and compared to others, what else he has to live for but himself, and crave the love Rodimus gets what seems like for nothing?
villanization of characters like getaway just kinda annoys me. i dont even one bit believe him being worse than megatron. or like, prowl even, who's consistently fucked over by the writing, or even pharma, even though he's like, the lesser evil of it all but all these people are victims of the war first, and horrible people second.
getaway did nothing wrong
#i need to reread mtmte but im just kinda. rotating him. rotating him. rotating him#megatron could get like a separate post honestly good lord
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For the fic asks tuning #39 please! I need some tips dealing with that :( also hi! 💜
#39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?
Hi! It's been a while Ashery, miss u bud, hope things are well!
As for me personally, I don't typically get a lot of "hate" comments on fics. Usually if I do get one (I check my ao3 email weekly so they're easy to spot) I'll read it 2-3 times and take stock of the comment so I dont overreact or take it too personally.
I ask myself one main question, and depending on the answer I tell myself, I'll address the comment.
Are they making a valid point, or does it sound like they're just trying to spread negative energy?
If they're trying to make a point, try to see the situation from their pov.
Are they asking you to change something in your writing or the way you approach a topic or theme, why? Could it just be a general inquiry about your fic and you're reading it in a negative light? Is your mood affecting the way you take comments/reviews?
If it's just a comment that says something along the lines of "oh wow this fic was badddd" I typically ignore it, or direct them to some fics I've written with better/different quality writing.
One of the important things to remember when dealing with hate is that there is still a person on the other side of that screen.
Try to handle it diplomatically, without using accusatory language like "this is my fic you dont know what you're talking about". Instead go for more of an "I enjoyed writing this fic, I didnt realize it could be seen as X, thanks for your feedback! Here's a link to some of my other works if you wanna check those out instead!"
If any of y'all ever need help dealing with hate or mean reviews just remember I'm here for you, and my dms are always open!
- Ren
#writing asks#rude reviews#hate comments#ren answers#ren's brainrot#my word is not law#these are just suggestions#and thoughts#asks
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In Plain Sight –Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Golden Trio Week – Day/Prompt 3: Friendship (Full fic)
Fic Title: In Plain Sight
Fic Synopsis: When Break hides Gilbert’s favorite Christmas ornament somewhere in the Rainsworth manor, the Golden Trio must spend the afternoon looking for it
Notes: I originally wrote this for the prompt “Ornaments” in an alphabetical Christmas prompt list my friends and I did last year. However, nobody got to read it last year, and since I didn’t get the chance to write anything for the first week of phmonth18, I wanted to at least post something, and decided this worked well for the Golden Trio! Especially since Christmas is fast approaching. I think it works best for the day 3 prompt: Friendship. I hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing this, and am rather proud of how it turned out! I would really appreciate it if you left a comment to let me know if you enjoyed it!
I posted the entire thing here, but you can also read this on Ao3. It’s under the same title, by I_prefer_the_term_antihero
P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!
Fic:
“You’re the tallest, Gil, you should put the star on top!”
“Ooh! It looks yummy! Like a big cookie!”
“It’s not a cookie, Stupid Rabbit!”
It was a few days before Christmas, and the trio was at the Rainsworth manor. Finally, everything was ready for the holiday; a fire was dancing in its place, the stockings were all lined up on the mantle, and they had just put the finishing touches on the tree. The only one who hadn’t been informed about the festive season, was the sky outside; it had been raining for the past few weeks. There was a chill in the air, it was frosty, but snow hadn’t quite come yet. Still, they made the most of their time indoors.
“Perfect!” Oz exclaimed.
Oz Vessalius was the fifteen-year-old heir to the Vessalius dukedom, but after his escape from the Abyss that year, when he wasn’t off on adventures, and missions, he spent most of his time at the Rainsworth’s.
“It’s so pretty, Onii-chan!”
On account of the ten-year gap, Oz’s sister, Ada, was older than Oz now, but, no matter what, she would never stop seeing him as her older brother. She was on Christmas break from Lutwidge Academy, and more than happy to spend it at the Rainsworths, with her brother. She had, of course, brought her two cats—Snowdrop and Kitty—with her, (which Gilbert maintained a healthy distance from, due to his phobia of cats).
“The Rainsworths will have the best-decorated tree in town!”
Oscar, their uncle, was spending the afternoon with his niece and nephew too. He was a bearded, bespectacled man, with the same blonde hair and green eyes as the rest of his family. At the moment, he was sitting on one of the couches, with a cup what he called ‘tea’, but which the rest of them guessed probably had something stronger in it.
“I can’t take all the credit, Gil and Alice helped a little,” Oz joked.
“‘A little!’”
Gilbert was Oz’s servant; a dark-haired man, who often appeared cold and reserved, but who was rather sensitive, and a worrywart. He still sometimes acted as though they were only a year apart in age too, despite the fact that he was now ten years older than his master.
“Yeah, manservant!” Alice challenged, “More like we did all the work!”
“I was just teasing!”
“Well,” Sharon had a way of returning things to order with her calm and proper words, “you all did a wonderful job.”
Sharon was the heiress to the Rainsworth dukedom, and looked like a thirteen-year-old girl, though was really in her twenties or thirties—(they knew better than to ask her exact age). Her chestnut hair was usually tied back into a kind of half-ponytail, and, as always, she outmatched them all on style points; today it was with a dress of a wintery blue that looked as if she was trying to encourage the snow to fall. As per usual, she held a cup of tea in one hand—peppermint, she had informed them, for the Christmas season—and a pastry in the other. She was sitting at a small round table on the other side of the room, with Reim—duke Barma’s bespectacled, hard working, servant, who spent more time at the Rainsworth’s than anywhere else, with his two best friends—Sharon and Break.
“Well, I’m beat,” Alice stretched and yawned, “Seaweed-head, when are you going to make me some meat?”
Most Chains (creatures from the Abyss) didn’t look like Alice did; like a fourteen-year-old girl, with floor length brown hair, and an almost cat-like physique—(though it was a giant rabbit she often turned into). Also unlike other illegally contracted Chains, she did not have a thirst for human blood, although she did have a particular love for meat, as well as almost anything edible.
“I suppose I can make you something, now that we’ve finished,” Gil sighed.
“Oh? Have you now?” they turned to see Sharon’s servant, Xerxes Break, grinning as he poured himself another cup of tea. “Are you sure nothing’s…” he leaned back against the table, “missing?”
Break was a red-eyed, white-haired man, also much older than he looked. Even those close to him would say he was a bit of an acquired taste; his love for teasing, the creepy doll on his shoulder, and his general lack of regard for other people and their feelings, made it difficult for those subject to his mischiefs—such as Gilbert—to acquire any kind of affection for him.
Gilbert froze, turning his head slowly to the tree. His eyes immediately found the empty space where a certain ornament had been.
“Break!” he shouted, spinning back to him, “Must you do this every year?!”
“Let an old man have his fun.” Break grinned.
“I believe he must, Gilbert-sama,” Sharon answered Gilbert’s question, nonchalantly taking a sip of tea before continuing, “It has become something of a tradition.”
“I should have spent Christmas with he Nightrays this year,” Gilbert grumbled, reluctance in his motions as he began to pick up books, and other objects around the room, as if searching.
“You’re so mean,” Break chided playfully, then spoke a little more seriously, knowing Gilbert had no intentions of spending much time with his adoptive family, and real brother, “You’d rather spend Christmas with the sewer rat, than us?”
Gil gave him a death glare.
“Sorry…but what’s a tradition?” Oz asked, turning to Sharon and Break.
He wouldn’t admit it, but sometimes, especially with things like this, the ten-year gap could make Oz feel like an outsider.
“Every year Break takes Gilbert-sama’s favorite ornament,” Sharon explained, “And hides it somewhere in the manor.”
“Ooh! That sounds like fun!”
“It’s not fun, Oz!” Gilbert hollered at his master, “It’s a waste of a perfectly good afternoon! Not to mention annoying, and rude!”
Break laughed. Gil had yet to learn his outrageous reactions were what made this sort of thing so fun for the prankster.
“Don’t worry, Gil!” Ada bounded up to him, “I’ll help you look!”
Gilbert flushed, “T-Thank you.”
“What does it look like, Gil?” Ada asked.
He looked at Oz, then turned back to Ada, and explained it quietly enough that only she could hear.
She nodded, beaming, and began to look in a different part of the room.
“What’s the matter, Gil?”—Gil gasped as his master appeared suddenly at his other side—“You don’t want me to know what it is?” Oz’s laugh faded into a more puzzled expression when Gil averted his eyes, turning redder.
“It’s a secret, Onii-chan!” Ada answered for him, “You’ll see when we find it!”
He didn’t get the chance to ask anything more, because Alice broke in, having been observing all their interactions,
“Does…Does this mean I won’t get my meat?”
“Uh huh,” Gilbert sighed, “That’s exactly what it means.”
“No! I will not allow it!” Alice shook her head, and whirled around on Break, pointing at him in an accusatory manner, “Clown! Return Seaweed-head’s stupid ornament his instant!”
“It’s not stupid, Stupid Rabbit!”
“Aren’t you a spoilsport?” The Mad Hatter teased, then the doll on his shoulder, Emily, finished,
“Why should I listen to some dumb bunny?”
Alice growled, her hands clenching into fists. She spun to Gilbert, declaring as she ran up to him,
“Then I won’t rest until I find that ornament! With the great Alice-sama on your side, you cannot fail!”
“Sure you won’t just get in the way?”
She kicked him in the shin, then crossed her arms, “You’d be lost without me, Seaweed-head.”
“Don’t kick me, Stupid rabbit!” he rubbed his leg, “Now go look for it over there!” he stamped his injured foot back down and pointed to the opposite corner of the room, (to which she quickly ran, proceeding to tear her designated space apart in a matter of seconds.)
“Is this ornament really all that important, Gil? I mean, we have lots of—”
“Yes!” he answered before his master could finish, “it is!”
Oz sighed, knowing how attached his servant could get to things, “Alright. So…is us helping against the rules?” he asked, watching Alice destroy the room in search of it, Ada calmly remove things, and put them back where they were meant to go, and Gil as a mix of the two.
“Don’t you think we would have stopped them if it was, Oz-kun?”
Sharon shook her head, “It doesn’t matter who finds it, watching him search is the fun part.” Her mischievous side was showing; most of the time she was this prim and proper lady, but being close to Break had its effects.
“That’s right; the more people searching, the funnier it is when they can’t find it,” Break sang. “Though, tell me, Ojousama,” he turned to his mistress “are you merely saying that because you wagered he’d find it early—before 18:00?” he asked knowingly, sitting up on the table—(Reim gave him a look that could only be interpreted as: can-you act-any-less-like-a-servant?)
They turned to the clock—it was 15:00.
“Why do you want to know, Break?” his mistress asked with a tone of false interest, “Are you afraid your skills as a prankster have gone down with age?” she patted her mouth innocently with a napkin.
“What do you take me for, Ojousama?” he smirked, crossing his legs, narrowing his eyes at Gilbert, “He’ll need all the help he can get.”
Gilbert returned to him an even more murderous look.
“You… betted on this?”
“All part of the tradition, Oz-kun,” Break mentioned, stealing a mini pastry from Reim’s plate—(the incense was more than evident on Reim’s face, and probably why Break did it).
“It’s not money we wagered, though; If I win, Break has to swear off sweets over Christmas—as well as make me a lavish dessert full of those sweet things he can’t have. And if Break wins, I have to buy him an equally lavish amount of extra Christmas candy and sweets.”
“Nice! Break, I didn’t know you could bake!”
“He really can’t,” Sharon chuckled, “But it’s fun to see what he comes up with.”
Break glared at her.
“So… is this how you bet every year?”
“Sometimes it’s different. But it’s usually something to the effect of giving Break a taste of his own medicine…Though I seem to recall one year, I wanted Break to do this dance I had heard of in a book, if he lost. I believe it was called ‘Futterwacken.’”
“That’s a weird name for a dance!” Oz laughed, “So? How did that go?
“I suppose it is,” she smiled, “That was one of the tamer punishments, but, when he did lose, he refused—rather blatantly.”
“Really?!” he turned to Break.
“How many times must I tell you? I have no talent for dancing.”
“Truly, as a servant of the Rainsworth Dukedom, it would be better fitting that you learned,” she shook her head, then turned back to Oz, “Anyway, after that, we thought the chance to take away his candy was rather enjoyable.”
“Aw, I want to join the bet!”
Gilbert looked affronted, but before he could speak, Oz continued, boyish excitement simmering in his tone,
“Say, what if, if Break loses, I get to eat his candy instead?!”
Sharon and Break glanced at each other.
“Let me ask you something, Oz-kun;” Break set down his tea, “Are you willing to risk the consequences of such a wager?”
“Ehh…consequences?”
“Why of course. I couldn’t give little Oz-kun the chance of stealing my candy without the proper torment in store if he lost.”
“Eh…” Oz knew just how mean Break could get, and that this could very well turn into a prank war that ended in actual blood, “I think I’ll pass.”
“I always said you were smarter than you looked,” the Mad Hatter picked up his tea again.
“Maybe you could join in by helping me look, instead of encouraging them, Oz!” Gilbert whirled on him.
“Aww, do I have to?” the fifteen-year-old groaned.
“Oz!”
Oz turned to the masterminds, as if silently asking for them to give him an excuse not to.
“Hey, Oz-kun is sharp,” Break began, then Emily added,
“Probably smarter than these three put together!”
—two of the aforementioned three gave him what can only be described as ‘fight-me’ faces, and Ada looked disheartened—Break took no notice, and finished,
“So that depends; whose side are you on?”
“Well,” Oz thought for a moment, then mused, grinning, “it would be fun to see Break trying to swear of candy!”
“Is that so?” Break’s eye narrowed.
“In any case, why isn’t Reim-san helping?” he shifted the focus. “You’re not the kind of person to sit back while others are in trouble”
Reim sighed, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “While that may be true, these two are often harsher with me, than others. If I help you, I have a feeling I shall pay for it in some way later,” he shot them an icy look, “dearly.”
“Whatever do you mean, Reim-san?” Sharon asked innocently. “We thought you enjoyed our company.”
“Yeah, it’s only because you’re our favorite, Reim-san,” Break gave a fake sappy voice.
“Then pick a new favorite!”
“That’s not how it works! You have a lifetime guarantee!”
“Sharon,” it was Ada who spoke. She had been focused on searching on the mantelpiece, and inside the stockings, “Why are there nine stockings?”
“What do you mean, Ada?” Oz asked, stepping over to her.
“Well, I was just thinking; there’s me, Onii-chan, Uncle, and Alice,”—Alice looked annoyed at Ada mentioning her name—“since we’re staying here for Christmas,” she pointed at each of the stockings in turn, “and these belong to Sharon-sama, Break, Duchess Rainsworth-sama, and Reim-san, right? But who does this last one belong to?” she held the bottom of the last one, careful not to pull it off the mantle.
They turned to Break and Sharon, who glanced at each other, their mischievous grins fading into more somber, reminiscent expressions.
“It was Break’s idea,” Sharon answered.
“Well, I can’t take all the credit—“
“It’s for my mother…That has become something of a tradition as well. We just thought it would be nice, to have something to remember her by during the Christmas season.”
The tone in the room quieted; the rest of them knew that Shelly was Sharon’s mother, who had died sometime after Oz’s coming of age ceremony.
“That’s…actually really sweet,” Oz noted, “Break, I’m surprised you thought of it!”
“You think you’re cute, don’t you? And you say that like I’m cruel.”
“Well…” Oz rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously, trying to formulate a non- insulting answer in his mind.
“I think what Oz is trying to say,” Reim started out gently, then finished harshly, “Is that it’s high time you realized you can be a jerk, Xerxes!”
“Well, I wouldn’t say jerk’…” Oz began.
“I would,” Gil mumbled.
“My…I cant believe that you all….” Break began softly, then Emily jeered,
“Just figured that out now!”
The anger was evident on all of their faces.
“Really, why are you all ganging up on me,” Break grinned, without a hint of hurt in his voice, “when you should be focusing on the task at hand?”
“Because it’s your fault we’re in this mess!” Gilbert shouted, then ran his hand frustratedly through his hair, observing the mess they had made of the room, before demanding, “Is it in this room?!”
“Given up already, have you?” Emily teased.
Gilbert clenched his hands into fists, biting back a retort.
“Did anyone see him leave the room?!”
Everyone looked at Gilbert blankly, or up at the ceiling, trying to think if they had, realizing they had no idea, and knew full well Sharon could have used Eques to transport him when their backs were turned anyways. Gilbert put his hands on his hips, sighing at their silence “Alright. We have a whole manor to look through, it’s best we move on from this room,” he paused, turning again to Break, with malice in his eyes, “Right?”
“Sure, kiddo!” Emily replied, and he gave the fakest grin yet.
Gilbert gritted his teeth, then shook his head, directing them,
“Let’s split up; Ada, you go down the left hall, Stupid Rabbit, you take the right. I’ll go downstairs.”
“I won’t let you down, Seaweed-Head!” Alice sped down the hall, not even searching, as if she had forgotten the task she’d been given.
Ada nodded, “Come on, Snowdrop, Kitty!” she called to her cats.
Oz sighed, “Alright, fine. I’ll help too.”
Gilbert smiled, about to thank him, when Oz added,
“But I expect to be rewarded for my troubles!”
His servant rolled his eyes.
“I kinda need to know what it looks like, though, don’t I, Gil? You seemed to want to keep it a secret earlier.”
“You’ll…um….You’ll know it when you see it,” Gilbert looked anywhere but at his master.
Oz sighed, putting his hands on his hips, “Really? That kinda makes things harder, you know.”
“Oh, not up to the challenge, are you Oz-kun?” Break goaded.
“No, no, I can do it! I just feel like we’re not addressing a key part of the puzzle here!”
With that Gilbert pulled him out of the room and into the search.
Gilbert was right; it did seem like a bit of a waste of an afternoon; exhausting wasn’t the only word that came to mind after rifling through each room one by one, with no clue as to where it might be. Especially because the feeling began growing in them that Gilbert was way too attached to things, as well as that Break was, indeed, a jerk. They didn’t know how much time had passed before they met up again in the hall, everyone hanging their heads in shame and disappointment.
“What should we do?” Ada asked quietly.
“We can’t let the clowny bastard win!” Alice slammed a fist into her other palm to emphasize her point.
“That’s right!” Gilbert agreed, “For years I had to put up with his constant teasing, it’s high time we got him back!”
“I don’t think losing the bet is really going to make him stop. I mean, he’s lost before, right?”
“You don’t have to be so blunt about it!” Gilbert complained.
“Sorry,” Oz shrugged.
In the moment of silence that followed, Ada’s cat started rubbing against Oz’s leg, as if trying to comfort him.
“What do you think, Snowdrop?” Oz asked jokingly, picking up his sister’s cat, (Gilbert eyed it, a whine developing in his throat, scooching away), “Do you have any idea where it is?”
Oz gasped.
“What is it, Onii-chan?”
Tied into the cat’s collar was a ribbon, attached to a little ornament. He pulled it free and placed the cat on the floor (it meowed and padded away).
The other three gasped in turn, leaning in to get a better look at it.
“That bastard!” Gilbert slammed his fist into the wall behind him. “He knew I wouldn’t go near your cats!”
“Yeah,” Oz laughed, “leave it to Break to take the cheap shot.”
“What are we waiting for?!” Alice demanded, “Didn’t I just say we can’t let the clowny bastard win!”
“You’re right!” the others said together, and bolted down the hall.
“We found it!” Oz held the ornament high, like a trophy, as they burst through the door.
At the same moment that he held up the evidence, the hour chimed.
They each glanced at each other, then at the clock, which read exactly 18:00.
“My, my, isn’t this an interesting turn of events?” Break remarked, stretching, “It looks like it’s a tie, Ojousama.”
“It would appear,” Sharon smiled “In that case, would you please excuse me for a moment?” she gathered her dress and hurried out of the room.
“So, which one of you found it?” Break asked, walking over to them.
“I did.”
The prankster smirked, “What did I tell you?” he ruffled Oz’s hair, “Oz-kun’s sharp.”
“So… what does that mean about your wagers?” Oz tried to put his hair right. “Since you tied?”
“Just a moment Oz-kun,” he put his hand on Oz’s head, his sleeve falling over his eyes, and looked over their heads
Sharon quickly did return, a little out of breath, holding a small package wrapped in a ribbon.
“Here you are, Break!” she held it out for him.
He took it from her and unwrapped it, opening the little red box to reveal that it was filled with the the candy she had promised.
“Just the thing I needed” he patted her head, unwrapping a piece and tossing it into his mouth. “Better luck next time, Ojousama,”
Oz and Alice stared at him, open-mouthed, dumbstruck that he had beat them.
“Now I suppose I should get started on that dessert of yours,” he waited until the proper moment to add.
“Please do.”
“Huh?” Oz and Alice asked simultaneously.
“Since we tied,” Sharon spoke, as they both turned to them, “we both win.”
“So…does that mean the clown still has to swear off candy?” Alice asked hopefully.
“No—Unfortunately,” Sharon added, glancing at her servant, who rolled his eyes, eating another piece, “We both get the rewards of the wager, but no one gets the punishment.”
“More in the Christmas spirit, wouldn’t you agree, Ojousama?” he said between candy crunches.
“Since when do you care about ‘Christmas spirit’?!” Gilbert demanded.
“Better luck next year, I guess,” Oz tried to put a positive spin on it.
“Next year?!” Alice fumed, “I want to settle this now!” (Gilbert held Alice by the neck of her jacket.)
“Believe me,” Reim grunted, eyeing Break, “it’ll only end worse for you,”
“Who knows?” Break shrugged, “There may not be a next year, Oz-kun.”
Alice continued to seethe while the others glanced at each other, unsure of how to respond to such a statement.
“There you go again,” Reim scolded. “You can’t just mention something like that!”
Break dismissed him with a wave of his hand, chuckling to himself, and muttering something about his uptightness, as he made his way down the hall to the kitchens.
After Break left, Oz looked down at his hand, opening his fingers to reveal the little clay, painted oddity he was still holding. Alice came behind him and looked over his shoulder at it.
“What…is it?”
“You didn’t know what you were looking for?!” Gilbert questioned.
“Because you never told me, Seaweed-head!”
Gilbert looked away, clearly wanting to bite back, but without argument with which to do so.
Oz shook his head, staring at it. It was rather crudely made, ineptly painted. But he couldn’t mistake it for anything else—and Gil had been right, he did know it when he saw it.
Because he was the one who made it.
“I can’t believe you kept this, Gil.”
Gilbert looked away, nodding and turning red.
Now he understood why Gilbert was so intent on getting it back. This ornament had probably become a symbol to Gilbert—much like Shelly’s stocking on the mantelpiece was for Break and Sharon—for Oz himself. This ornament, through the years, had probably become tied to his faithful valet’s unending hope that his master would come back. Each year Break took it, as if teasing that perhaps he wouldn’t (and, maybe this was his roundabout way of him trying to prepare him for that), but Gilbert always got it back, as if displaying that he would never lose that hope.
“Oy! What is it?!” Alice demanded again, upset her ‘manservant’ wasn’t focusing all his attention on her.
“It’s a bird, Alice,” Oz answered simply.
“Really, how do you figure?”
“Yeah, it doesn’t look very good does it?” Oz laughed.
“Seaweed-head, why would a crappy ornament like this be your favorite?”
“Oy! You don’t see me criticizing your bad taste!”
“Bad taste?! I have impeccable taste! I eat meat every day!”
“That’s not what—”
“Its because I made it for him,” Oz answered her question quietly.
“You?” Alice laughed, slapping him on the back, “You have pretty poor skills, Oz.”
“Give me a break! I was a kid!”
Oscar laughed, walking up to them, “You’re still a kid, Oz. Yes…I can’t remember how old he was, but he made me, Ada, and Gilbert ornaments,” he laughed a little, putting his arm around Gilbert, “I remember how offended Gil was at his master making him a gift.”
“Yeah,” Oz laughed, they all looked up at Gil, who got steadily redder the more they spoke, “We had to force him to accept it.”
“Why are you surprised he kept his, Onii-chan?” Ada asked, “Uncle and I kept ours. They’re back at the Vessalius manor. But! we could bring them over here if you want!”
“That’s okay, I believe you! Still… Like Alice said, they don’t look very good.”
“But, like you said, you were the one who made them for us,” Oscar ruffled his nephew’s hair.
“What were the ornaments you made for them, Oz?” Alice asked.
“Well, I made Ada a little cat, and uncle Oscar a camera. I didn’t really know what Gil liked, so I just made him a bird. Funny, how your chain is Raven now.”
“How come you haven’t made me one, Manservant?!” Alice hit Oz on the head.
“Hey! I’ve been busy!” he rubbed the spot where she hit him.
“In any case,” Alice turned to Gilbert, jumping quickly to the next subject, “now you can make my meat, Seaweed-head!”
“Break’s using the kitchen, Stupid Rabbit!”
“Then let’s go to the market! I’m starving!”
Gilbert sighed into his hand, “Fine. Let me get my hat and coat.”
“Can I come with you guys?” Ada asked—Alice looked peeved, but Gil and Oz had already welcomed her.
“I’ll go check if Break needs anything!” Oz ran off towards the kitchen.
As Oz arrived, he saw that Break had changed out of his white coat and purple shirt into more casual closing—likely so he wouldn’t ruin his normal outfit. He had rolled up the sleeves, and was wearing a pink apron Gil sometimes wore when he cooked for them here, but which probably belonged to Sharon’s grandmother, or mother. He had already begun to make a mess of things; flour was all over the counter, chocolate was on the walls, somehow there were even ingredients in in his hair.
“You need some help?” Oz asked, half-jokingly.
Break looked up.
“Oz-kun,” he noted, then grinned, “You? Help me? Gotten bored of Gilbert-kun, and Alice-kun already?”
“Nah. I just wanted to know if you needed anything. We’re going to the store.”
Oz knew that Break could have asked for help from the staff, or Gilbert, but Sharon called him ‘Mr. One-Man-Show’ for a reason; sure, it might not taste or look all that good, but at least he would have made it himself.
“You really think I wouldn’t have come prepared?”
“But, if you won, you wouldn’t have to make—”
Oz gasped. Realizing something:
They both had bought the supplies ahead of time. Oz thought one of them would have to go to the store, depending on who won the bet, (perhaps dragging the other begrudgingly along), but they both had already bought the necessary ingredients. Which meant, either the food one of them bought would go to waste, or be used in some other way, or, regardless of who won or lost, they still intended to give each other the gifts.
“You already had the ingredients,” Oz thought out loud. “and Sharon-chan already had your candy…”
“So?”
“I would have thought one of you would have to go to the store, depending on who won.”
“What’s your point, Oz-kun?” Break pushed his hair back.
Oz shook his head, grinning like he now had some secret information. “Break, you really are a nice guy, aren’t you?”
Break put his hand on the table, turning to him, “Wipe that cheeky grin off your face before I do it for you.”
Oz put his hands behind his back, sauntering closer.
“Oh, nothing,” he whistled, “Just that, well, you do this every year, don’t you? Sharon likes to give you a taste of your own medicine if you lose, but you both use this an excuse to give each other extra gifts, don’t you? I bet it was your idea in the first place.”
“How do you know we weren’t planning to use the supplies in some other way?”
“Because you’re not considerate enough to let others use your stuff,” he grinned, “Didn’t you just say there would be punishment in store if I got your candy?”
“Well,” he smirked at Oz’s discovery, twirling the spoon in his hand, “‘nice’ would be stretching it. But maybe occasionally I’m not a complete ‘jerk.’”
Oz grinned. That was all the confirmation he needed.
As if he were brandishing a sword, Break flicked chocolate on Oz’s face with the spoon, “Now get out of here.”
Oz rolled his eyes.
“Good luck, Break!”
With that he exited the room, and ran to the front door to catch up with Gil, Ada, and Alice, who were gathered there, waiting for him.
“Break doesn’t need anything!” he called to them, “Let’s go!”
At first it may have seemed like a waste of time, but, in the end, Oz realized; an afternoon playing a game, learning that after ten years Gil had still cherished the small gift he had once been reluctant to accept, seeing how Sharon and Break found ways to bring each other joy, spending time with his friends, spending time with his real family, would never be a waste of an afternoon for him.
#pandora hearts#ph#oz vessalius#gilbert nightray#alice baskerville#xerxes break#sharon rainsworth#reim lunettes#oscar vessalius#golden trio#rainsworth trio#phmonth18#pandora hearts month#golden trio week#prompt fill#christmas#christmas 2018#antihero writings#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#fic writers#fic writing#writers#writing#ornaments#friendship#pandora hearts fic#ada vessalius#fic: in plain sight
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This may be inaccurate or wrong to say, but like....Kara always looks so uncomfortable when wearing heels and skirts? Like I'm not sure if that's just Mel and I'm not sure if its that a conscious choice or just how she walks in heels/skirts, but it just looks like its not a natural and comfortable attire that she normally wears and feels right in. Whether or not its a conscious choice, it just fits Kara perfectly.
#im not explaining it well#and i dont mean to be accusatory or rude in any way#but it is just so perfect#cause its never made any sense to me that Kara Zor-El would wear skirts and heels#she was born and raised a warrior l#pants and sensible shoes mean she is able to spring into battle at any time#so if she is trying so hard to fit in and be invisible#its just perfect#i dunno#Supergirl#Supercorp#Kara Danvers#Kara Zor-El
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here’s what confuses me. we are on a public platform and people are posting things, tagging them, and even just perusing. ostensibly to be heard and get engagement. that’s how the internet works and what it encourages. so when people put something out there especially when they make it localized (? is that a right word) for access, why is the critique or response, even if it’s unfavorable, now a problem? we put it out there and it exists, if someone stumbles upon it why wouldn’t they engage? otherwise, why bother with all this output? i mean not many people read my posts but it’s a good thing for me to have them because what i do write it helps me understand the world better and something mainstream in ways it could be better and what could be done to get away from it. helping understand the context and history of the problems i am seeing on screen in many diff ways. but i do make it seen for a reason. i have drafts or posts privately that are just for me that i don’t think others should see so that means i do not want that engagement and i am closing it off.
it isn’t like people can’t see it and respond if they so choose bc this is basically a tacit agreement of having this in public. so if you have an opinion and someone disagrees why would that be hard for you if you are the one who put it out there? we know how this website works and how the web works. do we just want to hear what we agree with or even just know? otherwise i wouldn’t know shit. even with my best friends we try and come to a form of understanding and get on the same page or ask questions. i don’t get upset when they say, “no, because” or introduce a new perspective and this happens with the people i am closest to. so on a public place what else would we get? we allow ourselves to be seen...
i don’t think i have blocked anyone but i know people have blocked me and it has been for probably me being annoying but still fairly innocuous when i reply with a critique or make a joke. you take this risk posting it every time. but i dont want to block people because they could be of value at some point even if i want nothing to do with them. but every time it so happens that i say something even a little off from what this person wants—and it’s generally when i go into things in detail—they shut down from the perception that i am being hateful or accusatory or unfair? even when i try de-escalation tactics or being like “calm down” (not that explicitly) so these seem to be very emotional responses to not hearing exactly what we want and knowing there’s objection when there should be anyway. even if pieces are damn near perfect there’s still something. i find it very hard to believe that there’s intense pain enacted on others for liking “unsavory” things when the “unsavory” is the mainstream and it is necessary to uphold these things and for capital to continue to produce what it does. you’re not different when you accept it into your life either critically or uncritically because that is the norm. so when people are knocking the norms, tropes, whatever it’s like a shock every time and like someone is telling you not to enjoy it. but, again, we put this shit out there and want a response so it cannot be just what we want to hear. i hate that i hate the idea that wanting a work to be better and seeing shit critically even as a leftist or whatever is oppressive and limiting other ppl when it is in no way the same or even on par with being silenced in general because of the garbage you find in a work. you will still be the minority and it will still be popular so there’s a false sense of superiority put onto others who disagree by the ones who feel “attacked” or like they can’t defend themselves or whatever. and who fucking says? if some random says so like oh well man. you cannot compare it to the real shit these fans do and the massive fanbases they have and the shunning they love to do then feel as if they are priority in feelings.
they say everyone is sensitive and not able to think about things with nuance but it’s the opposite most times. you aren’t and when someone pops up with it or even says something offhanded cos they dont feel like having a huge discussion that is not the same as pushing others down. there is no majority saying this is wrong and we don’t want it; there’s a majority dedicated to defending it, their choices, and frankly the false sense of even light persecution. especially as adults but in fandom you’re not encouraged to act as a fully fleshed out person for a majority reasons and esp in a fandom that will skew younger. they are reliant on rabid fans or uncritical ones and i have demonstrated that constantly and given quotes etc. we should talk about discourse and what the private owes to the public, what the state owes its viewers, what artists owe the people tuning in. we should talk abou tfreedom of speech forreal and what that means but if we go deep into that you’ll unveil more things you dont’ like how people absolutely rally against this shit and want nothing to do with it. if you don’t want to think about that that is fine but it doesn’t mean others won’t say it.
idk like it may seem insensitive but i dont like the idea that a person pointing out things that are gross or micro or macro agrressive or what the fuck ever is the ruler over the discourse and how people interact with the work when frankly that just isn’t the case in the pattern of the work that people do and utilizing fans and using capital to defend yourself and recreate industry. you may not like to hear that it’s all bullshit but people will say so and it holds not even close to the same weight that the tacit agreement in indulging can sway us towards not great perceptions. the harm of pointing things out, or being rude, or whatever is not the same as what fans will do to those people and the obfuscation of the real fucking issue.
now it’s no longer about the problems in itself but the way people are receptive to the way others respond when they have a problem with the very real and prominent problem. now there’s no interest in engagement or even seeing people who may have more to say to it. if we think constantly about defending our right to like a work then the work takes ona life of its own and it latches on to your emotions even more it’s so fucking silly bc it’s like....this shit isnt for us anyway and if it’s gonna be here we should make it better and talk about it but it’s not about that it’s not about the rapes it’s not about the culture it’s about personal feelings which is why it becomes about how we talk about it as if things that ever skew to the left or focus on liberation would ever be the most popular. since when did saying this is fucking bullshit, this shit sucks, this real “crime” means nothing because it’s just entertainment yet you must find ways to defend your right to see that entertainment. it makes no sense no one is talking about that we’re talking about the ins-and-outs of storytelling and the toxicity and nature of these REAL PROBLEMS THAT ARE PROBLEMS SINCERE PROBLEMS as in there is no negotiation in wrong or right because it is wrong in every sense it’s what you do with that wrongness and what the fuck you want to say. it’s not about what i say about them being fucking shitty about the way they say it. dont focus on the way i dislike it focus on what the fuck im saying man bc this shit is disingenuous and it COMPLETELY eclipses the issues and attitudes and it lets these fucking idiots off the fucking hook for making straight up garbage like not even in a sociopolitical way just thoughtless drivel sometimes. like most times i dont even hate the villains in these shows or the men who are o dark and fucked up but we still got to like them it’s literally like “no nigga like why r u here tho?” what do u fucking add. you’re dead space and they let us know it’s dead space by saying “oh man isn’t life SOOOO complex dont think about it just think about him being a nice rapist okay guys even tho we are gong to do NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to establish fucking any of that”
this is what people said for tharntype and it’s what they say about fucking everything whether it’s about gay shit or not. good example is the star wars fans with that guy and that girl or wahtever in that stupid racist franchise. just clamoring to make sure we know you’re good and that you’re okay for thinking that way when no one says you aren’t. but if something is presented then expect to get a fucking response especially abut what it is about at its fucking core. enough of the bullshit about misunderstanding and acknowledge it’s about your comfort in your interests and not having that questioned or antagonized in a way that may implicate you are a bit complicit but fucking all of us are as consumers. you arent hurt for having an opinion that seems to not go with the flow but is certainly part of the status quo. the world relies relies on harm, in a way it is reliant on rape, and that permeates through us and always takes precedent. additionally, again, this shit is mad patriarchal so it does a disservice to us as well as women cos it’s like. no man that’s born out of misogyny actually. what can we do? well, dont rely on the state. but if you dont rely on the state then will you make real money? not the money we’re talking here with the genre in itself. to me that means they dont have an interest in showing different types of lives they have a majority interest in showing “attractive” “conventional” men kissing and making bank.
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stalkers that never go away
i think its safe to say that we have all had people in our lives that just DONT go away. you have told them or have done things to make them understand that they need to leave you alone. these experiences can happen with literally anyone- strangers, friends, parents, or anybody that crosses your path. most of the time these stalkers, for lack of a better word, just fade away. they get bored, find someone new, or you find a way to avoid them. i wish that was my case.
i have dealt with ending friendships or just growing apart from someone but i did not deal with ending a friendship and having that person turn into a literal stalker until 1.5-2 years ago. this stalking and harassment continues indirectly to this day. let me start from the beginning if youre still interested.
i had become friends with this girl my senior year of high school. our friendship hit off very quickly and obviously we had a great time together, through texts, snapchat, whatever. we went to different universities for two years and maintained this best friendhood throughout those years. we both were unhappy with our schools and our majors so we both decided to transfer to a new school together and become roommates as well as best friends. keep in mind, we told each other everything. we trusted each other.
when we finally moved in together to start our third year of college, i realized that things would be different. i had not realized one of the biggest reasons my friend had chose this school was more so for a guy she had been seeing casually. several months before we moved in, they became official. of course i was happy for her because she was happy. but trust me, this dude was and is a total douche. this guy had also went to our high school and was in our friend group, which is how the two met and rekindled. this guy also took women’s virginities and hung the bloody sheets on his wall and bragged about it, NOT KIDDING. if that isn’t an indicator of poor character, i don’t know what is. but that was several years ago and my friend was happy, so fuck it, whatever.
as we started living together, i realized my best friend became more interested in hanging out with her new boyfriend and his friends. i constantly felt annoyed when we all hung out because she wasnt being herself, she was being someone completely different than the friend i had for years. it was like she needed these stranger’s approval to make her boyfriend happy. if i made an inappropriate joke, which i’m known for, everyone would laugh but my “best friend” would scold me in front of everyone. over a few months, i got really bored with these people. her boyfriend and all of their friends just constantly disrespected women, including me and my friend, but she and everyone else just laughed along with it. i honestly did not appreciate the personalities of my friends boyfriend or his friends and it was lame.
aside from her new lame ass friend group, i was also dealing with my own issues. i had went through a breakup with someone i met online. when i confided in my roommate/friend, she basically shrugged me off. i mean, i was really upset about the whole thing. it took me months to get over that shit. but she shrugged me off and honestly treated me rudely because i was upset about it. it is important to remember, that even though i was annoyed with her and her choice of friends, i still confided her with this secret basically. my online relationship wasnt something i shouted from rooftops and is something i am still embarrassed of 3 years later.
but anyway, our friendship slowly faded. she was more interested in getting drunk with her boyfriend and his friends. i kind of grew out of that stage and i truly did not like the people she was hanging out with. 4 months into living with each other, winter break came and we both went home for a month. keep in mind, we had the same friend group from home. when i got home, i started making plans with everyone that was home. occasionally i invited my roommate but she said no every time except once because she was working. i stopped asking and figured since we know the same people, she can make plans when shes available. i saw her once that month. the texts and snaps we used to have also faded btw.
when we got back to school, she made it a point not to invite me anywhere with her boyfriend or their friends. when i brought it up to her she was just like yeah im not inviting you because you didnt invite me to anything over break. i was seriously like in shock. we had the same friends, she denied me so many times, and she was making this point to not invite me anywhere because of it? but i was just like alright i didnt know you felt that way. we basically dealt with the problem and moved on. but nothing changed and i would say this is where the harassment/stalking began. we eventually stopped talking sometime around march. i had also gotten a boyfriend from a different school and went to visit him a lot. but i stopped saying hi to her and i stopped initiating any contact just to see what would happen. the funny thing was that we didnt speak to each other until may because i stopped starting conversations and putting in effort. imagine not talking to your roommate for 2 months? well, the story gets worse.
but ya know, whatever. i give people chances. i knew we were both taking physics over the summer at our school so i started talking to her again. i also still wanted to be her friend, i did not decide not to be until many months later. anyway, we were both biology majors taking physics. this was a 5 week summer course that went at an advanced rate but the professor was cool and made it super easy- the homework problems were the exam. unfortunately, my friend/roommate dropped the course after the first week. she did super bad on the first exam. i tried to tutor her and i did everything i could as a friend to insist she not drop the course. i was pretty surprised by what happened next. she was just really accusatory towards me (i did very well on the exam bc i studied and love math). she claimed she couldnt take classes with me (we took one before and i did better than her) etc. but if you want the truth, she didnt study for the exam and got drunk at a bar with her boyfriend the night before, thats why she didnt do well. but i digress. she dropped the course and a week later she told me she was changing her major.
now the major change is another thing entirely. this pissed me off to no end because it was like i knew her so well. i knew she wanted a degree in biology.. she switched to pre-pa. and i tried to convince her not to but she kept insisting she could be pre-pa and still go into genetic counseling or a genetics career later (which is what she had always said she wanted to do). but basically she changed her major to pre-pa and i butted out. i am not dissing pre-pa majors. i think thats a good major.. if you want to become a pa.. but she didnt.. so it was a huge mistake.
anyway, summer ends and we actually have a new roommate moving into our apartment for the next two semesters. we had both agreed to this a year ago, ya know, when we were still friends. the guy that moved in was her boyfriends best friend. yeah. so again, this dude was a total douche as well. sexist, jokes about rape, sexual harassment, bla bla. just a complete idiot like her boyfriend. but whatever, I GIVE EVERYONE CHANCES.
he moves in and it was alright at first. but i noticed my best friend just like wanted nothing to do with me anymore, she was literally up this guys ass all fucking day now. she never had time to chill with me during the day but suddenly she has time for this dude. and this goes back to earlier when i said about her being a different person around her boyfriends friends. she just wanted to fit in so badly and have friends. me and her had also gotten into huge argument before he moved in. she had kind of ditched me on my 21st birthday and lied about it. she said she had an exam for a summer class, then ordered a pizza to our house, and left with it to go to her boyfriends place. whatever. we sorted it out kind of but i was really distant.
so at the end of september we got into another huge argument which was honestly it for me. in early september, my roommates had some people over and let someone sleep in my bed. i am still unsure of what happened or who did it, but when i came back from my boyfriends after that weekend, there was blood on my sheets and brand new white comforter. i asked them if someone was in my bed just because i was so confused and they both lied. i didnt tell them about the blood because i honestly was just afraid to know what happened in my room. i washed my sheets and shit then put two locks on both my doors. i had a backdoor that led onto the porch where mail was delivered. but ya know, if youre gonna leave blood stains on peoples shit, ya cant invite yourself into their room anymore. so the locks were on, i left the next weekend. i got a text sometime saturday from my roommate that was like “if you put locks on the doors you need to give a key to both of us” and i was like nah i dont really want people in my room. basically we went back and forth through text and her argument was that my room cant be locked bc its easy access to the porch for mail or just to hangout (no one hung out on that porch ever btw). but i was just like nah walk around. i got back sunday and locks on my doors were removed. there was damage to the windows and doors from them breaking in.
keep in mind, i had been very nice to this girl considering all of the dumb shit shes said and done to me so far (some of those things are little details i left out but she was basically an asshole to me). unfortunately, i have a temper and when i get pissed off enough, someone is being told. i was so pissed off that she broke in with our other roommate and did something she had no right or reason to do?? why do you need access to my bedroom so badly?? i didnt really care. i went into her room and was like hey, did you go into my room this weekend? and she looked fake confused and said no. and i was like alright well all of the locks are undone and i can see you were in there so why? and she was like no one was in your room but we are allowed to have access to the porch. and i was like no you were in my room, walk around if you want on the porch you never use. and she was like well i had medicine delivered on the porch- AND basically this is when i stopped listening. i remember this conversation because i actually recorded it and made fun of her later with my friends because she tripped and stuttered on her own lies. the argument ended with me lecturing and belittling her for acting like a little kid. we didnt speak after that for a week and a half and she didnt go into my room as far as i know.
so a week and a half later, the internet bill in my name was due. neither of my roommates paid me on time. they paid in venmo the day it was due or the day after. it honestly started to piss me off bc i was sick of having to ask for it, pay for it myself, and wait for their money to get into my bank account. i put a note on the fridge that was like “pls pay internet or dont use :)”. this was totally passive aggressive and bitchy but c’mon. it was 16 fucking dollars. just pay it on time. i was in lab for class when i got a bitchy text from my roommate. i honestly dont remember details but it was something “dont act like i dont pay you, no one is trying to scam you, if you dont trust us then address it bla bla” bitch.. you dont pay me on time.. and i did address the issue of you breaking into my room, and i just wrote a note for you to pay the fucking bill you owe? like just pay the money and shut the fuck up? but ya know, i had enough of that shit. i responded to her and told her to pay the bill or dont use it, dont text me again or contact me anymore, i dont want to talk to you or deal with your immature bullshit. blocked. i blocked her number and on all social media. i was done. and if you remember my temper, i wanted to go home and rip into her dumbass. but i didnt.
so that was it. that was the last time i spoke to this girl that was once my best friend. but, we had a lease that wouldnt end until may so i had to stay there. and trust me, i tried to get out of my lease. but the story doesn’t end there.so the guy we lived with, i kept on ok terms with for awhile. i said hi when i saw him and he would always ask me how i was, what i was doing, etc (this is important). and you know, i would be friendly bc i didnt really care about this dude. he was just there to pay rent. one day he announced in the kitchen he was going on a run. he left, and then i heard a buzzing. he left his phone unlocked on the table with our other roommate’s (my ex bff) chat open. i glanced and noticed my name in the text and my heart stopped. i know i shouldnt have done what im about to tell you. it was a total invasion of privacy and it really hurt me to read.
i read their entire conversation as far back as the texts would go. the whole way back to august when he first moved in. EVERY SINGLE TEXT BETWEEN THE TWO WAS ABOUT ME. i cannot emphasize this enough. every single message between these two people from september to october was bitching about me, making fun of my past, making fun of me eating fucking chick fil a once per week, calling my boyfriend a nigger, calling me names, watching what i do and texting each other about it, breaking into my room more to check if i packed my bag to stay at my boyfriends, going through my shit, so much fucking shit it was so fucking crazy. i went through the texts fast and put the phone back. i honestly dont know if it was left there on purpose or not. i never talked to the guy roommate again. when he said hi i said nothing and eventually he stopped. after i read those messages i felt so many things.
i was so fucking pissed that they were talking about me like that. my ex best friend was telling my personal stories about the online dating, she even wished i killed myself. and this dude i barely knew was just going along with it and joining in. it was seriously fucking sick. it was full on stalker. both of them watched everything i fucking did. they went through my things and checked shit not even i would think mattered. it was insane. i was pissed and i honestly felt so violated and unsafe. i felt so helpless too. i couldnt tell them to stop. they wouldnt. i couldnt call the police. it was so indirect and was just texts on someones phone. i felt so horrible i didnt sleep for 2 days.
there was no more confrontation. the indirect harassment continued into may. i moved out and thought it was over but it wasnt. we went to a relatively small school and a friend told me about this girl in her summer class and asked me if i knew her. when she told me the name of this girl my heart dropped again and instantly i said WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS. and she was just like oh shit.. i could have sworn i heard her say your name to this guy in our class and she was telling him about reporting you to the police. i seriously felt sick. i retraced in my mind quickly for anything she could be going to the police about me for? i literally hadnt talked to the girl or done a thing to her since october, thats the honest truth. and i was just like about what?? i was so eager for this girl to tell me the details it was killing me. basically she told this long story about how the girl has been coming to class every day and talking about her ex roommate. appartently this ex roommate stole her debit card and credit cards and was stealing thousands of dollars from her. on top of that, this ex roommate also sexually harassed her several times. the ex roommate was supposedly me.
i almost laughed when my friend told me this shit. i felt so much relief because these were just stories my ex friend/roommate were making up for attention. but after a few days of thinking i was like fuck thats kind of psychotic. like thats borderline crazy to be telling people openly that someone sexually harassed you and stole your money when both of those stories are made up... like dude. i did nothing to you but ask for bill money lmao.
i ran out of time but ill continue this shit later. if u read this fucking novel, congrats
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