#and i dont know what my headmates rooms really look like even though ive walked through hundreds of them hundreds of times
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theres something so terribly and uniquely lonely about systemhood sometimes
#mask mews#plural stuff#i dont know how to explain it but its like.#if i focus hard enough i can convince myself im warm but in the end once my focus drops my bodys as cold as its always been#(<-probably completely nonsensical my bad)#we have a very extensive headspace and many. many headmates#but i know that if i tried to map out the auditorium i live in i would not be able to#and even with all of my focus i would not be able to give proper directions#and i dont know what my headmates rooms really look like even though ive walked through hundreds of them hundreds of times#ive been over to tipps house more times than i can count or remember#i could not truly tell you what her kids look like even though ive known them since they were born (and thats unsettling in its own way.-#-theyve grown so fast. theyre nearly teenagers and its only been two years. maybe three.)#i dont know what her living room looks like. i have no idea what fog sounds like even though ive talked to her more than anyone#if i wanted a hug i know intimately that there are over a hundred people in here that would jump at the chance#i also know intimately that the body would still be cold. that i wouldnt properly be able to focus on the mental image of being hugged#mosslid has held me in a hand for hours on end. i could not tell you what it feels like without having to think and even though i know it#happened itd feel like i was making it up#im used to it but if i think about it for any longer ill feel like im in one elaborate horror story. haha#ok to rb
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