#and i don't want anybody to feel bad
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I just read ur Jay ff and :( I teared up cuz I hate that ur feeling this way, and I've been feeling horrible too, in fact I spent all of Sunday crying cuz school and life are stressing me out and making me want to quit everything. I just want u to know u aren't alone and we love you so much! And I absolutely love ur work!! I respect you if u need a break, just know we're here for u, care for u, and love u <3
Even tho it's hard and we feel like giving up, I know it will be worth it in the end to push through life. We never know what good is coming our way, so let's not throw our life away and miss the chances coming for us.
Also I learned today in class that like 90% of people say they're happiest in their 70's, so let's at least try to get to that point of our lives! It made me have more hope for the future and my life, and I hope that it will help u too
Again, I love you and a care about you<3 even tho we might not know eo irl, i just know you are an amazing person and there is so much goodness and greatness awaiting you if you just try. I'm always here to talk, I'm really busy but seriously I will drop anything for you if you need me to. Please don't hesitate to reach out, we can talk about anything you want. I can be a great listener, give advice, or just talk, seriously anything you need :(
the two doggies are just :( so cute i can't, it's us
gosh, thank you so much for your words? i don't really know what to say, except that im extremely touched by your attention, every word you said is now deep in my heart :( i'm really sorry you feel so bad too, no one deserves to feel like that. it's horrible because, even though you want to get better, sometimes you just can't? i'm at that point now, except that it's pushing me to the bottom and i feel like i'll never get to the surface again lmao
i know im not alone, and i will never thank all the people around me (including you) to be there for me and to do everything possible to comfort me and help me in this bad phase, my sister even decided to stay close to me most of the time so that i don't do anything stupid, but now i feel guilty for using all her time :'( but yes, you're right, life is worth living and i don't want to waste all the years i have left to live with the people i love and value. and even if i don't live for myself, i can still live for others and make them as happy as possible <3
i'll keep this anecdote in a corner of my head, and will think about it every time i feel like i'm losing it, it's a bit cute in a way, as a philosophy, can't wait to be old.. :D let's try to get there together, shall we?
again, thank you so much for everything, i love you a lot lot lot and i hope you know that you can count on me for anything and everything, i have the reputation of being a good listener, so don't hesitate to pop in my dms if you need anything. you're so kind and sweet.. i know that you deserve all the best things in the world and what life can offer you, you're a living angel, i envy the people around you, they're so lucky to have you, and i hope they take good care of you ! and if you ever feel like the world is turning its back on you, i will always be there, no matter what happen, i will always be there for you, and that's a promise i can keep 🤞🏻
also, i can't take a break from writing.. i mean, writing is my escape, i know i can express anything i want with words, so i want to keep this little piece of paradise that is writing for me, even if i feel like i'm writing just some shitty things actually. plus, i've been on a blank page for far too long, i have to get back to it now, or everything i've worked so hard to build here will be for nothing <\3
#speakers on : ♡⃗ matty's talking !#my answer is under the read more part#because it's.. you know#maybe triggering for some ppl#and i don't want anybody to feel bad#anyway.. thank you so much#you're so precious to me#you have no idea how much#thank you for existing#really you're just an angel
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I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.
Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.
If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.
#disability#ableism#ableism tw#this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain#and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have#and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because...#...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!'#i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes#i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen...#putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such...#...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate...#...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain#this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still)#i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment#so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever
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So I am not sure I should say anything because I am not super vibing with We Are the series and it does feel like I am raining on people's parades but about that NC-17 rating
I was curious so I went to look it up and not only does MyDramaList says We Are the series is 13+ but when I went to look on IQIYI I noticed that a lot of the BLs on there were labelled 18+ even not warrented (as in not rated that in MyDramaList and doesn't really have any content that would make them that) like Even Sun (the BounPrem show/ad thing) My Only 12% and some others.
To be fair a lot of the BLs on there are legitamately 18+ so it might be a mistake?
IDK I just think that maybe expecting a high sex scene because of the rating on IQIYI might be setting some people up for dissapointment.
Tagging some of the mutals that I know have been curious about this: @poetry-protest-pornography @respectthepetty
#we are the series#i don't want to rain on anybody's parade#and i do feel bad#but i also don't want people to expect something and then be dissapointed#again being fair i don't know if this means we are not getting a higher heat sex scene#i am just saying that i am not sure We Are the series was “meant” to have an 18+ rating#or if it's IQIYI being weird#ITA Original
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If you're going to criticize jews but your entire criticism hinges on jews not only being all white but also being treated as white all the time, your criticisms are unbaked and your cornerstone of politics relies on antisemitism, considering how quickly and easily you fall for it
#jumblr#jewish politics#personal thoughts tag#antisemitism#antisemitism tw#as a white converting person/jew in progress: the antisemitism ive faced (even how MILD it is) has still shown me that i am being separated#i could not even imagine being a jew of color where your existance is treated as an impossibility or as something contradictory#many of the progressive types i have been around still fall for this frankly antisemitic idea#feel like this could be worded better so if anybody (especially jews of color) want this post: share if you please (/genuine)#at the very least it shows me that all you have done to expose yourself to jewishness is like...#...a movie where the jewish character is like. from brooklyn and is pale and Looks Jewish By Your Standards#i really don't like talking about antisemitism (who does.) but it's important to me#not just because i face it (mildly) as a jew-in-progress but because JEWS ARE PEOPLE AND LIKE ALL PEOPLE ARE DIVERSE#and i see this exact post (almost) from jews and this is a problem that's probably as old as time but that doesn't make it right#and like.. 'if youre going to criticize jews' like people are going to be normal and not antisemitic about it. im just bad at starting posts
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Slamming my head against the wall god fucking DAMMIT I'm so in love with Sanlu I am GOING to explode.
#One Piece#Sanlu#Sanji#Luffy#IDK WHAT IT IS!! IDK!!!!#Still love Zolu with all my heart but oh my GOD Sanlu. They are everything.#I might be reading too many fics bc it really feels like a fanon thing that Sanji's actually like#Really insecure and has low self-esteem#OR MAYBE THAT'S CANON IDK!!#But hnghhh Luffy being the one to be like. Hey I like you for you and not for your past#And I love everything about you and that's a FACT and not a lie and I want to keep you with me forever#AND I WILL NEVER REPLACE YOU WITH ANYBODY ELSE. YOU ARE MY COOK AND I DON'T EVER WANT ANOTHER#And Sanji craving affection and validation and praise SO bad that whenever Luffy gives it to him he wants to cry#BASHES MY HEAD INTO A TABLE AUUGHGHGHG SHUT UP!!!!!#MAYBE THAT'S FANON SANLU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. I DON'T CARE IT'S SO GOOD#SLURPS THAT SHIT UP#Sanji especially feeling that he's not worthy enough for Luffy and thinking it'd be impossible to have him#So when Luffy actually does reciprocate he's in SHOCK bc how. How could Luffy pick HIM of all people#Cut to Sanji feeling like the LUCKIEST motherfucker on the planet bc he gets to have Luffy. SCORE.#Luffy blowing away all of his insecurities and anxieties and worry just by being himself and being so#STUPIDLY in love with him is just#HOLLERS AND SMACKS THE TABLE REPEATEDLY#ALSO IT DOESN'T HELP THAT OPLA MADE IT SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUS TOO#Luffy complimented his cooking one (1) time#And Sanji was like okay yup packing my bags for the Merry as we speak#When he smiles and looks a little flustered at Luffy's attention.#Oh my fucking god. Strangling myself.#THEY ARE EVERYTHING!!!#Shima speaks
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Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.
#idk what's up w this but like. the more intensely i WANT the more i can't bring myself to do it.#like feh example like you'd think bc it's ALL i'm on about. i'd be deeply IN the source material#and i have felt i've been away doing my own thing for too long i need to revisit it. i Need to#but for some reason it's unbearable. not bad. i just can't bear it. i do NOT know what's up w that#i wanna keep listening to a playlist too (hoping it's still up) but like. i broke away. and i am struggling to return.#AND LIKE. BEYOND FEH. i feel this about video games in general like i have to do something that requires no commitment.#labyrinth of galleria was great for this. for some INEXPLICABLE reason. it is just a COMPLETELY different experience#like. the feelings i feel when playing galleria vs like etrian odyssey where i'm VERY attached to my guys#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able#to mimic his speech patterns PERFECTLY. but everything just feels off or not cleaned up enough#and again i can't fucking bear it. like i am almost going to fucking cry about it. like what is wrong here.#like WHY can't i get myself to DO. THE THINGS. I LIKE. THAT BRING ME JOY. THE COMMITMENT.#i think i'm also worried like i don't wanna get to the point where like. my blorbos are unrecognizable.#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.#esp if i feel this INTENSE fucking affinity it's like. i get in this weird headspace where can't look directly at it.#i should do ANYTHING else. what is my fucking PROBLEM.#does anybody have a cure. or do i just give up forever.
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the consequences of my actions are upon me
#AUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#<- hasnt been keeping in touch at all with old friends from highschool and now theyre all upset at me and mass DMing me#like#i don't even know what to say#it is my fault and my bad lol augh. just#i don't know#it's complicated#i don't know what to tell them half the time anymore and i should be putting the effort to keep the relationships but#man. i don't know. lol there is no excuse i am just really bad at texting it's not the same since we don't see each other every day anymore#... and one of said friends is the type of friend that always has some negative remark disguised as a joke to say to you#and i don't feel like putting up with that either anymore. but again. ITS A ME PROBLEM 😭#because i havent cut them off or anything. and i don't want to#i just let it linger#also the fact that i moved away i don't know. i straight up cannot see them in person anymore to catch up#so it's all through text#man#i don't know. i seriously think i was born to be a monk lost in the mountains or something#i think it all started because i was not able to go to college immediately after graduating#so i hid in shame from everyone and now i am used to not talking to anybody that knew me back then#out of fear of being judged for being a ''loser''
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hi
#life update nobody asked for lol#I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies#I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow#still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow)#is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr#I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa#downgrading to a flip phone actually#I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER)#I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most#delulu is infact not the solulu#daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey#it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me#if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit#Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand#As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you#The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends#Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that#Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again#But I just wanted to share what's been going on#And I miss you guys a lot#I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart#I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme#Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person#But I hope you all are doing GREAT#Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy#You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything#xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥
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sorry if this is random but I just saw your most recent daily etho (594 I think?) and I wanted to say that I’m blown away by your commitment. your art style has always been lovely and distinctive but the visible evolution in how you render since the beginning of this blog is astonishing. beautiful job, thanks for making me smile whenever I see your posts ❤️
!!!!!Thank you!!!! I'm so glad you like my art. Ive been trying super hard to make my art style recognizable. As for rendering??? I have no clue????? haha. It's been a while sence I've looked back on how I've improved as an artist so maybe it's a little harder for me to see it. It means a lot to know that I my silly drawings can make someone smile :] so thank u so much :D
#as for the dedication I've been considering it#and this is still not set in stone#but once I hit two years I think I'm gonna get a seccond mod#not cause I'm losing interest (far from it)#But because I wanted to finally start working on my comic#and I feel like having another person would help haha#idk tho#i feel like it's going to be such a process to find someone#cause like of course I would want a friend to do it but I don't think my friends are as deranged about etho as I am#and I feel weird making it a public thing cause like this account means a lot to me and I don't want to let just anybody do it#and I'm really bad at letting people down which is why I've been procrastinating on recruiting someone
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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Stealth doesn’t help the trans community. I'm not saying we have to be an activist, wear a t-shirt announcing our trans status, but we have an obligation to help advance the human rights of the trans community we belong to
These viewpoints, while I can appreciate them, tend not to recognize the full scope of why people are stealth in the first place.
If stealth is not right for you, don't be stealth. However, not recognizing the nuances of stealth doesn't help trans people either. You can be an advocate for trans people without being out because you don't need to be out to help the trans community. Additionally, nobody is obligated to know one's trans status. I'm pretty stealth in my real life because I owe nobody that information about my identity. And I do my best to make trans folks one of my primary interests in my life. These two things coexist in my life, and that's why these viewpoints are generally confusing to me. You don't need to be out - or let anybody know about your transness - in order to advance trans rights. Hell, you don't even need to be trans to do that.
Nobody should ever be obligated to be stealth. The expectation that trans people fade away in society is wholly asinine. However, that doesn't mean that stealth inherently is problematic. Stealth is not inherently adverse to trans rights.
#ask#anon#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#i bring up myself because i think it's a relevant example#because i just happen to be stealth. it's pretty nuanced as to why i am but i am also a severely private person#and i don't share my personal information. but i will do my best to advocate for trans people in my real life#i have conversations with cis people all the time about transness for instance#that's what i mean#i can appreciate moving away from stealth as a requirement to living a trans life#i think it's incredibly reductionist to EXPECT that from us#but i also think it's reductionist to say that stealth is inherently bad#some of us (like myself) don't think anybody will be entitled to that part of us#it feels like people think 'if you're stealth you don't WANT us to have rights' and maybe that isn't what anon is saying...#...but people really lose the nuance into stealth and what it is and why people are stealth so that it's easier to sort you feel?#like people assume why we're stealth when it's like... the assumptions are either wrong or sorely lacking as to the reason#i really don't know why this is being asked of me though#i think this is the third or fourth ask about this topic with the same(ish) responses to the whole Stealth Thing#so i'm trying not to assume what anon is trying to say but i also want to recognize that i really don't agree#like what do you propose to somebody like me who already does work with trans rights and who is stealth irl?#do i just come out even though NOBODY in my life needs (or even deserves) to know?#that's what i'm talking about with this topic
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hm I know this seems like I'm just whining to whine and I understand that living with your parents throughout your childhood is the norm but I'm actually so tired of people asking "where are your parents/do you live with your parents/did you come with your parents?" when I meet people like if we are at a event where ppls families are in attendance why can't you just ask if anybody came with me instead of asking about my parents like not everybody has parents or lives with them etc I know it's just a little thing and I'm coming across as bitter and annoyed but I genuinely am, and then it gets even more annoying because then when you tell people you didn't come with your parents they want to know why and in my case I hate having to explain that I was in foster care because explaining something like that isn't something that can be summed up in a sentence like OMFG and it's so fucking annoying to me like just ask if I came with anybody instead of just assuming I came with my parents 😭😭😭
#as i said i know asking ppl about their parents is the norm but i wish ppl would actually think about of ppl#actually have any some ppl have been disowned or have dead parents or just dont want anything to with them anymore#its so annoying i think ppl should start thinking before just assume but this is just a personal thing im not that angry at anybody lol#im more annoyed at ppl wanting to know why i was in foster care because i hate airing out all my business like that#it involves alot of abuse and very traumatic stuff and then i feel bad when i do explain it because i feel like#ive ruined that person's day by telling them about all the stuff that happened to me like omds#the most annoying instance was when i was at work and this girl kept asking me why i dont live with my parents#and she wanted me to explain why i was in foster care and i was just like. its not really any of your business 😭#just know i dont live with my parents and i used to be in foster care in fact you don't need to know if i live with#anybody or not 😭 like why are asking if my parents are together etc LEAVE ME ALONE
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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okay i'm out of evil mode. peace love and a little bit of still-tired on planet earth lol 🧃
#just me hi#slept ! ! ! was it good? hell nah kfshvg#but i slept :D#wasn't allowed to go to bed for a couple hours cuz parents wanted to play a movie. it was good but it put me in a weird headspace lmsfh#//ooou my ear's doing the Thing#you know the thing. the thing it does. loll#ever since that ant was in there that one time (dear lird) when i wake up from laying on it it'll feel like. a bit inflamed on the inside ?#and kinda itchy. not good things but it's likely not going to kill me so ��💥#'it's likely not going to kill me' <- things i likely said while pretending i couldn't see anything for like 3-4 years#oh but yea i'm going to assume it's nothing bc i was also getting phantom feelings and sounds for some weeks that caused panic so i'm not#even going to put weight on it. it's just itchy no biggy Kfshvhf :)#//anyway i think i also had a dream but i do Not remember those well At All lol#i know the last one had oath in it though so that one was cool. don't remember much else but that was sick Lmfsh :3#//Ohh it's rainingggg yippeeee :D <3#don't get much snow but we'll get tons of rain... i miss you michigannnnn <//3#//but anyway the dream thing just reminded me#so this detail may not be important but my oldest brother and i are joked to be twins. there's 2 years and at least a foot of height betwee#us (i am the short). people get our voices mixed up when we talk low and i think that's funny#we were also thick as thieves as kids. not a good thing for anybody else but Yeagh kfshvg#but there was this one time we'd both woken up and were talking abt both having had a dream the night before; giving details and such#and we had the same dream ? it's still kinda odd to this day but we had the Same Exact Dream on the same night. if not odd it's neat! :3#anyway so somewhere in the past year my brother (apollo) got a lunar on his right index finger#i kept forgetting tho and asking if it was a blood bruise (that is my bad boss ✋) and eventually the info stuck in my head#anyway so somewhere in the past two months i also got a lunar on my right index finger. i didn't even notice it until i was tryna wash my#hands and it wouldn't come off lmaoo#now that's going on ig. the timeline-clone theory grows stronger every day Kfhsvhfgsfg#//forgot what else i was going to say i went to go look into the phrase 'thick as thieves' lol#i don't understand how someone heard 'thick' and thought 'yeah. that means close now' kfshd#anyway it's old as you've prolly guessed. the earliest spot it's popped up was a newspaper that printed a letter that was written in 1827#but it mighta been used earlier than that. neat!
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doodle diary 2
#my doodles#diary entry#cw self harm#<- not pictured. just written. i wrote something about self harm maybe not everyone wants to hear about that#but i really can't stop thinking about it sorry. it feels so wrong#that my mum would tell me to stop doing something she does too#and even tried to like sort of guilt trip me out of it#even though its something that makes me feel better..#i know its probably a pain to have a kid like me. i know that and i feel bad#but something still seems so wrong about it#i don't get why people say stuff like this#not even just 'if you stop doing this self destructive thing then i will too'#but also 'if you do this self destructive thing then so will i'#because like really what does that achieve#i guess its your choice. theres not much i can do even if i wouldn't ever want you to do that#but why are you trying to make me feel like its my fault? even if you probably would've done it anyways#bleh#i don't knowww#but#i think i'll do a diary thing like this every sunday#even if i don't actually write much about my week. i can't remember anything i do ever#if anybodys reading this: im sorry and also you're nice and cool and nice and yeah. my fingers are cold i wanna go to bed
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welp . due to "unforeseen" circumstances, imma have to leave my toxic ass household :D
#like lolllll who is surprised#i just didn't think i'd potentially have lesser of a relationship w my sibling bc of it#but it is what it is#idk what it is about male-centered women standing behind their man when they're manipulative violent assholes#but again - how can i really blame a victim like i get it ig ur in a hostage situation yourself babe#anyways. idk where my dad got this bat from but i got it in my room just in case someone wants to put their hands on me again#mind you - my situation is literally so easily solvable but bc these ppl are stubborn ...#like. the entitlement is crazy idk#like u want me to be down in the basement with YOUR kids that u neglect and don't even watch#and get mad when i set ground rules for them to follow? which is cleaning up after themselves???? oh brother#like you would think you'd wanna be down here to monitor ur kids but nooooo#they literally want the room upstairs and it was *decided* before we moved in (i didnt even have a chance jdksks)#and they want it bc they want to be far away from their own kids as possible.... like yalls actions are shitty.#imagine if i did ts to them where I have kids - I have them near you - and I DO NOTHING to parent them . thats a frustrating situation for#anybody i feel like ??#and before we moved - i DID have the upstairs like woopty doo ig nicer ofc and they were STEADYYYY trying to get me out of that room#(mind you - i have lived there since i was 12/13 and they came wayyy after)#like ... r u kidding me lolololol u want authority so bad over a basement ur not even in anymore#like mind u im not trying to overstep and be their parent ? ik im not . im just their auntie#its just so wilddddd to me they dont see how silly this is?#like maybe im wrong ? but having ur kids stay downstairs when ur upstairs was already off to me. like bffr u want them kids out your face#and u tryna pass them off to me and it's not subtle. but then get mad when i say smth abt behavior OH BROTHERRRRR#but anyways. the straw that broke the camels back was the fact this ngga spit on me. AND then put his hands on me. like omg???#i wanna break his shit so bad w this bat but chile....that is not productive and that is not me#but the rage i have omgggg. i wanna cus its like?? fuck you. ur literally an ABUSERRR idgaf about ur feelings btch.#chatter
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