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lilytcyip · 6 years ago

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December 31st, 2018.

1.10 didn’t make it into the pit, drank in aleung’s dorm

1.15 started bullet journaling

1.22 cambridge pkp admittance

1.29 very scenic drive on the way home from school - sun shining on tree branches after rain

2.2 first post on thesoftlyspoken

2.21 cactus catch up with fsyal, aleung, tlim

2.22 peoples day - little moments of fam having dindin together

3.21 succulents diy with ewong; parked car in garage alone for the first time

4.6 lost house key on bus the bus; supportive fam but also wanted help & someone to be there

4.22 sun run; hongdae pocha & soju with ewong

4.28 extreme air park with sis & cousin

5.1 a quiet place w/ fsyal

5.2 brunch w/ cwong, slim, acottle at twisted fork

5.2 baking chocolate cup cakes w/ rjin & painting; watched before i fall

5.3 psyc scaling; nice bed bath & beynd staff

5.16 main street & trafiq w/ ewong

5.16 tap & barrel w/ acao

5.17 meetup with nwu

5.17 bowling w/ fysal & aleung

5.18 neverland w/ rjin

5.20 avery tea w/ the fam

5.21 mott 32 with the fam ; flying away from sis for 3 months

6.7-6.11 kagoshima

6.9 sandbathing at hotel

6.20-7.7 europe trip

6.20 got upgraded to business flying to amsterdam

7.7-8.18 cambridge pkp

7.13 kuda clubbing & shots; littlearlgreys reached 1k

7.21 london w/ beth & bernice; met up with winnie; fortnum & mason tea, regent street shopping

7.28-7.29 liverpool with sherry, beth & bernice

8.4 brighton with the girls, sever sisters cliffs, pride parade, crowded train ride back to london

8.12 london with ber & beth, buckingham palace & f&m afternoon tea

8.17 talks with kristin, naoko & berber over drinks

8.18 berber dropped me off at coach stop & i teared up

8.19 had lady M at the airport alone

8.24 meet on main vegan food & bookstore w/ ewong

8.24 thierry & pc w/ efeng

8.25 aleung’s bday party @ suika & bowling

8.29 class 5 road test; efeng’s bday party & karaoke at forage

10.19 red velvet cupcakes baking w/ cwong, slim, acottle; held jaspter & petted him

10.26 ramen & chapters w/ slim, acottle & cwong

10.28 shopping w/ sis, new uniqlo coat & sweaters, beret

11.11 rose girls night w/ fsyal, nwu, claw, aleung

11.15 walked around & chilled (indian resident schools on campus) w/ acottle - these little moments

11.16 so hyang w/ acao; be careful with driving - almost missed motorist while shoulder checking, very close call

11.20 stepping on crisp fall leaves on my way to psyc 363 in the morning

12.19 girls movie night w/ aleung, fsyal, claw, tlim at fifis house

12.20 aurora w/ rjin & setting up profile on apps

12.21 sushi dinner, chocolate toffee cookies & lemon ricotta pancakes w/ acottle, slim & cwong at cottles house (: also petted dion

12.24 christmas eve dinner with the fam at pan pacific

12.25 seattle enchant & din tai fung with fam (nobody went on their phone during the meal and it made me feel very grateful)

12.25 workout to get fit question; lots of self-love & im very grateful ; had enough self respect to not let any toxicity into my life despite the attention

12.16 boxing day - over the knee steve madden boots

12.27 apple lesson & eggspectation brunch w/ mom (no phone, lots of talking), nail labo after

12.28 worked out w/ ewong

12.28 lunch at home, decor by sis & pics and prettiest cake at home and dindin @ sea harbour

12.29 matcha lava cake baking w/ ewong, boju, princess switch

12.31 eggspectation brunch & rc w/ aleung, lucas, fsyal

12.31 cocoru, snowy village & facetime countdown w/ cyu & efeng

looking back, there were so many opportunities and firsts in 2018 and for me personally, it was one of the years where i grew the most. i did spend my time more wisely in 2018! i did set up schedules by setting up productivity trackers, taking more effective notes, putting more effort into studying. did end up tracking the cups of water i drank but not with the plant tracker anymore ahaha also took on new workout challenges with arms & thighs and overall, in 2018, i focused on improving myself. the most impt milestone this year is definitely starting bullet journalling! its been something that i wanted to do for years and im so glad i discovered amandarachlee’s channel bc her videos are literally what gave me that little push into bullet journalling! bubz inspired me to challenge myself AGAIN ; i was never creative / good with doodling but i always thought learning how to draw titles was kinda stupid when i was younger bc teachers never appreciated the title, only the content - which was very understandable. my creativity / doodling were never validated but little did i know it all happened for a reason and these titles are now helping to me to incorporate the skills i learned into my journal! i always knew writing nicely would be of use one day, i just didn’t know it was meant to be used for bullet journaling and thesoftlyspoken. this also applied to school: as each day passes, my goal is getting more and more clear (: psyc 370 resparked my interest in psyc and everytime im so grateful that i could be there to learn more about our experiences on a neurological level. i know i belong in this program i thought i wouldnt enjoy psyc 300 but it was one of my favourite classes! talking to silvain about dealing with negativity from patients and attending a therapy session for the first time were definitely eye-opening. im more and more sure that therapy is what i want to do and i want to help that are struggling to see the beauty in life and that if we can feel and LIVE more if we just tweak the way we think a little bit. talking to silvain lifted a huge weight off my shoulders bc after a while, you do get used to it and that you learn that people are strong and resilient. you learn that people are strong and that they are capable of being happy and i just want to be a part of the journey for people that need a little more help. starting a bullet journalling also allowed me to realize that art can take on many forms and that i don’t have to be good at doodling to express myself creatively. i cant wait for all the themes /doodles im going to create in 2019! these last couple of days in dec, i was caught up on multiple apps on my phone that i didn’t get to read / be productive as much as i had hoped for. but its okay, i still had a good break and im still so so thankful that i got to spend quality time with family and friends. being on these apps were another good experience; im glad i had enough self-respect to not any toxicity into my life despite the amount of attention i got. i didnt know i had so much self-love in me and im so so thankful <3 i was also surprised and that a lot of my friends offered to be there for the bbt meetup and it just made me feel very loved bc i thought it was too much of a hassle. sister setting up the balloons / cake for my birthday was a beautiful surprise and i felt very very loved.

another big thing was definitely the exchange experience at pkp. those 6 weeks at cambridge, i made lifelong memories and met people that i would never forget. i bonded with hk people for the first time and it really felt like home. when youre alone and you go on solo trips and live independently, you learn so much about yourself. but getting to meet other people from other countries and seeing how our cultural differences influenced our ways of thinking was the most rewarding experience. i really needed to realize that and that we are all biased in our own ways. i was disappointed in myself on the brighton train trip but what i learned from that was that while it may seems like there’s nothing much you can do and that there will be moments when you feel weak and helpless, theres always SOMETHING that you could do for at least 1 person. more importantly, i needed to recognize the power imbalance issue does exist in first-world countries like the UK and that we could all be doing a little more

2018 was a year of discovering how much self-love i had, how much other people loved and cherished me, going on adventures, and that being thankful for all of you have before you ask for more. things you hoped for in 2018 did come true: the exchange / major both turned out okay and there’s no use in worrying about them bc they will all come together, one step at a time.

in 2019, continue to be grateful, patient, present, and dont forget to listen more. heres another year of memories, self-discovery and fun adventures on this journey called life (:

#personal #thoughts #2018 #diary #last post of 2018

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shytiff · 3 years ago

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June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins.

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients.

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning.

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers.

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

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