#and i didnt feel like messing with layer modes for long enough to make it look black and Good

[vyrion]

hey anyone heard of this thing called pdsekai?

originals here and here

[eternalshadeart]

I've been doing digital art for almost 2 years now, with little to no practice on actual paper for these 2 years, and that got me thinking did I Lose my touch with traditional art, Haven't picked up an actual paint brush in so long. Its easy to get lost in the vast possibilities that digital painting softwares offer, ranging from hundreds of brush textures, to tools to make your shaky lines smooth, making the perfect circles, filing a solid colour in an instant.

Where you absolutely dont have to wait for your oils or watercolor to dry up before going for the next layer, and most importantly no need to spend dollars on art supplies and if you make any mistake the undo option is always there for you.

It did make painting easier in a way, but it also comes with its own cons, when I started digital painting I felt like I had to learn from scratch how to use the particular software, and had to learn to paint all over again. Tho it catches up quick but still figuering out how to use each tool, how all the functions, brushes, layers, blend modes work. It does take some time.

Nevertheless I ventured from my point, so since I've been painting dgitally for 2 years I figured its time to indulge in some traditional work, touch base and see If im still worthy.

I tried painting a couple of small canvas and got stuck figuring out what to draw, to have the exact outcome planned out because if I decide halfway through coloring my background that I dont like how it looks, I dont have a ctrl Z to help me this time, I'll have to paint over the whole thing and start from scratch. Painting on the canvas directly is a commitment and theres a looming pressure that the outcome should look beautiful and completed, and I already have enough anxiety, not really excited about been anxious about the thing i love.

One warm afternoon I picked up a tiny notebook I had, bought it on a whim last year and it has been sitting on my shelf since then, its a 4"x4" pocket notebook with decent paper quality, perfect to try out the random black gel pen I found lying around. And I got to it, found a cozy warm place and made a small pen sketch of a tree. The texture looked nice, i did mess up a couple timeson the leaves but since its just a disposable paper I didnt worry much on it, just covered it up with more scriblings. It felt pretty good, ad I realised with digital art the one thing I'm missing is customisign how I organise and decorate my work collection.

With digital software all your art is stored as mere .png or .jpg or whichever format you prefer, but thats it, its just a photo album, unlike a sketchbook where you can decorate the cover, add a couple of sticker or notes to it, stick a dried flower you found, or just about anything creative.

The overall feel of a sketchbook is entirely different and I dont have to worry about each page looking like a finished work.

I love painting digitally but painting on a sketchbook is almost nostalgic, so I finally started one.

Got myself a small A6 sketcbook with a pretty floral cover,cut out the pen sketch i did and glued it on the first page, and thus started to fill each page with totally random unrelated paintings.

So anyway this was a lengthy way to tell you how painting on a sketchbook somehow made me improve my art, and felt incredibly amazing, tho I've completed just couple pages, each page looks beatifull in its own way, and i got to try out a couple of pens, and paints that I havnt used in so long.

got to try doing simple portraits, tried to double tap multiple times on the page (stupid muscle memory).

so anyway here are a few pages that I have completed, and if you did read till the end, thanks for bearing with the (rant)?

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Ive always liked Alex we always seemed to grow up together from NYC to Texas to Oklahoma he always seemed to be around

And he was usually pretty nice.

Even if he got on my nerve he always seemed to get me to like him, he's quite easy to talk to with a nice personality

So, he wanted pets and as long as he's not abusive to them then I told him he could. He, too was privileged to be asked what he wanted.

So in his next room he has fish, bunny, hamster, bathroom and a real bed and fluffy pillows.

He said "just a prison room and all the animals that can fit" and he asked for a pony. I was like dude no that's too much. Maybe a stuffed one.

In Jr high his dad was pretty abusive so he stayed at my goose often. I had bunk beds but he would fall asleep in the floor then climb up into his own bed. Or say "dad I'm cold" and shiver in the floor... And not get up. I learned to get up off the opposite end of the bed and turn on the light and tell him to open his eyes and shake his foot otherwise he would grab mu leg and try to fight me while he was asleep. Then i would pull him a blanket down and cover him he would ask me "who are you?"

Id tell him "im your friend from school"

Sometimes he would tell me he didnt go to school or say "school I miss that place" and/or ask if i kidnapped him

I learned to tell him i did kidnap him otherwise he would sleep walk all over and I would find him in the pagan's yard asleep or some other random place in the morning.

Cause in his mind he thought "if I'm not kidnapped I'm free to leave"

And he was but not while sleeping.

And so if i had to tell him he was kidnapped he would ask if he could eat. I learned to tell him, "in the morning" otherwise I would make food he wouldn't eat or he would sleep cook and I would hear him choking and coughing.

Usually we played 20 questions. Sometimes I pretended to be asleep and he would climb in my bed like a little kid "I said who are you?!?!?"

Eventually i learned to say "Sabrina, you're safe for tonight, all the doors and windows are closed and locked, you're free to sleep in the house right where you are" then he would snore deeply until morning.

Sometimes he just showed up at my door, looking like some kind of wreck. "I just need a place to sleep. I don't eat"

But I would make him food and he would eat like he hadn't in days.

Just one of them ruffian kids that wouldn't make you feel sorry for him, you just did.

Whenever I looked at him in Oklahoma somehow he just made me cry. I didn't even remember him and we rarely talked he lived at this party house I sometimes went to down the street from my grammas.

He went down to Lawton a lot. That's where a lot of us got our weed. They all said that was where he was from.

Lawton was a distribution center for Mexican red hair from what I heard. That was all I smoked. Sometimes we had yellow hair...

One time me and Steph drove him to OKC to catch a bus because the fare was cheaper and he didn't have a car. He went to Lawton to "check on stuff"

He wasn't always rich or a jerk.

He is just who he is

So he has a phone now so his live feed will be turned off

As it was explained they only have live feeds for their loved ones because they don't have a phone with internet. He has a Galaxy 9 Note. So its a lot bigger than the others and what he had before. He had requested a large phone and computer as well. And a desk and its in his other room

So some people like Jesse have the ability to tunnel and make new rooms and he has two concrete rooms and 2 bathroom areas. And the one in the new room has a privacy curtain as requested. So he can shit in the nude and not all the guys be looking.

Jesse's hands do not hurt, too much. And he's convinced they're love bites from his demon wife he found on the beach. So he's happier. Yes he did request such a woman. He's quieter as well.

Which I like.

The winds came and destroyed Nathaniel's outdoor cameras with extreme fury at the house. So that was interesting.

My air conditioner was on 60°F and I turned it up to 69° and it was better but it worked attentively better when I turned it up two degrees to 71° I tried various degrees up to 75° but 71° works best.

I also tried "dry mode" which removes humidity from the air which worked well until it began to rain then,it was miserable again.

So meddle with your air conditioner numbers until you feel the best coolest air flow.

And it's good to try it at night ... To find the absolute best.. If it works well when it's cool it will be working as best as possible when it's 105° real feel and it's less frustrating. You just know its the best you got even if it's not good enough

Right now with the rain and humidity it makes it more complicated so it's better right at dusk

Stay hydrated and peaceful.

I know I'm being kind to prisoners whom don't rightly deserve kindness but their punishments are harsh. And what kind of person am I if I'm just mean to everyone?

Well.. If you ask me... Well..

There's this philosophy that being great to people invokes guilt. The feeling they have wronged. Most especially while being punished. They realize they should have treated better when they had their freedom.

It only works while they're incarcerated. Once they obtain their freedom they're like a flesh eating bacteria and go back to their bullshit

So we are very aware of this. So while they are not mistreated and their accomodations are as they wished and some get better over time as it is earned.

They will stay there. I did make contingency for work release but I am told NHRA has not allowed them to be on The schedule which I do appreciate

Nd it is for the safety

Matt Hagan got 2 ten pound bowling balls.

The reason we have low pounds is because our guards -- heavy weights thrown at guards can be very damaging. So a guard can take a 10 pound bowling ball to the gut but not a 30 or 50.

Amd they're bowling balls at 10 or 15 pounds because they're harder to handle these don't have holes. So if they're practising throwing them then they get taken away.

So then when they have weights and they go outside they have to put them on the bed or opposite side of the door along the wall, be handcuffed through the food slot and then they have to stand in the middle of the room and do a count down breathing and stretching session and then they approach the door then they can be foot shackled and the prisoner connects it themself

So you have wrist handcuffs and feet then a chain from both so they can't swing their arms and hit others.

Once connected it needs a key to unlock but it shows trust and cooperation and it's a good exercise

They keep their exercise equipment if they connect their cuffs correct. Its almost impossible not to. And they get shown how.

The guard can do it but it's an attempt to allow independence and recognition of choices and self authority and to say "you got yourself in this situation, take responsibility"

The guard didn't do bad things to have to be there. The prisioner did. The last straw for them to be properly arrested was what they did.

We allowed them 12 years. And they all made "bets" aka promises and so on and so forth. And they failed at being civilized human beings..

Jesse James wrote with shit on the wall and then ate shit the first night.

That is an obvious failure.

Its what he always does tho. But he has to live in it and clean it because he chose to do that and no one is going in his cell

That's his room. There is times that guards will but normally it's not necessary and it won't happen.

Alex will to have help with his animals but that's a little different it's for the animals welfare. Its once per week.

Like for their trash they have to request trash receptacle. They can pick the size or have a large and small and they have to request trash bags. Then they fill and Tie It and show the guard or cameras and then they have to place it 2 foot from the door and then stand on their bed or at the opposite wall and spread 'em arrested style. Arms and legs spread, hands against the wall back to the door. For guard safety. Then the guard gets it and locks the door and let's them know by saying the equivalent of "okay" in the language of the day. If the prisoner doesn't respond, the guard knocks on the door.

Its their room. Their house. Someone is at the door.

Then they say thank you in the language of the day when they respond and remove from their position.

Otherwise they have to be shackled. So this is simpler and easier and allows trust and cooperation and human decency and also the reminder they're in prison.

But most trash is food and so most just put it all back on their tray when the guard comes to collect.

So there's an old fashioned slot so if they tray falls to the hall. There's a basket there that should catch the tray and trash.

If they throw the tray out to make a mess in the hall, the tray of their food is covered with a light non tight layer of saran wrap then shoved through the slot to make it fly and make a mess.

The loose layer of saran is to protect the food... But at the same time it's loose and the point is made. As Well as a mess.

And then betrer behavior occurs.

So it's obvious who is in control but sometimes they wanna try their hand. But I'm a very angry person so my prison personnel puts up with nothing.

They don't question or wonder. What is done to them, they do in return.

They have their rules of humanity but when prisoners go on the wind, the guards blow back.

So if they get hit, 3 guards hit the prisoner. Always. And then rights get taken away. And all kinds of shit happens.

So we try to prevent violence against each other because if a prison riot occurs, my guards will be out of jobs.

So everyone has their own rooms and their wishes and they can ask and get nearly anything

Matt for example got 10 pound weights because he had a large body mass of muscle. And so that is what he worked for and earned. So he gets a 10 pound. And we go up to 15 but Idk i guess he didn't ask for top weights.

But the point is also he can do weights all day long as opposed to just half a day. And he can max the muscles if done properly.

But someone with smaller muscle mass will get a lighter weight

Like I said to protect the guard but also to protect the user of the weightsm too heavy can cause damage.

Going to a smooth bowling ball is cumbersome as opposed to weights with handles which of course is why he didn't get the 15 lb. He needs 2 weeks or so on the lighter ball in case he dropps it on his head or something like that and there is great over the head exercise. So I'm not being dumb.. It could happen.

So we treat them like we would kids

Like with Alex... Some of them never have been. And so they need that.

I know if i was always abused and treated like shit and had one year to live as they do with COVID, id like to be treated humane. I'd like to be treated like i had a mom and dad out there that love me.

I'm an orphan and i have been abused and I'm a good person. But I have been to jail. Arrested for real as an adult. So.

I been there. Just for a little bit. It was for weed and telling a cop he sucked. Some felonies. I went to rehab with Alex and it's all off my record now.

So it wasn't a super bad thing.

But if it had been....

I care about me, and i put myself in some places i could be in. And I try to make them better.

Me? I don't like being touched so having the last part of the cuff system up to me to put on -- it says like 'you know, i dont really want to touch you either.'

Like its a little bit of space around me just being able to do one little clip. A little bit of extra room in a super scary situation, being a girl, alone. Anything could happen... But.. I clip it right I have some argument space like "you can't rape me. I'm a model prisioner. I always clip my cuffs right! I'll tell they will believe me! You'll lose your job!"

So it's a privilege. As well as the acceptance of responsibility. I'm not the guard. But i got me here and im gonna be kept here but I'm safe.

[missjackil]

Miss Jacki’s top 30 SPN Episodes

#1 Who We Are 12x22

For me, this was as close to perfect as an episode can be!! Both Sam girls and Dean girls should have enjoyed this, and it was bibro Heaven!! Hellers probably still talk about it as the worst episode ever or something hehe.  For starters, we have the boys trapped with Toni Bevell in the bunker. Locked in, no electricity, water, and the air is being pumped out, so of course theres pending doom. After trying to reset the machinery with a spell that failed, the bros try bashing down a wall. This was an awesome scene!! Whats not to love about Sam and Dean in single layers, being all strong and macho??  Exhausted, they sit together, dirty, sweaty, and tired. What an absolute beautiful sight!! When the boys sit together talking, you always have my full attention. Theyre feeling a little hopeless. This really could be the end. Sam opens up, maybe he feels more than a little guilty that things got to this point. Of course, its not his fault really, he didnt know the BMOL were brain washing mom, or had plans to exterminate the American Hunters, he just wanted to help make the world a better place. Sam gives a confession, that once he was in, he just followed, because it was easier than leading. Dean nods in agreement. They both probably liked just being told where to go and what to kill much more than telling others what to do.  So now the boys think theyve lost, and its not the “blaze of glory” theyve always imagined... until.... THE GRENADE LAUNCHER!!!  Toni thinks the boys are lunatics, and well... they are :D Big Beautiful and Dumb!!  They couldnt care less that the whole building might fall on their heads, If they go out, theyre going out with a bang, and on their own terms!! The exchange of looks Sam and Dean gave each other was nothing less than priceless. The grenade explodes, Sam instantly goes looking for Dean. Theres a big hole in the wall,, and no Dean, so he must have gotten out!! But oh shit, the hole collapses!! Sam goes into instant panic mode!! DEAN??? DEAN!!???? He can barely see, the air is thin, and he collapses on all 4s as he sucks all the oxygen thats left by hyperventilating. Just then the door opens and Dean walks in with a bloody busted leg and Sams face lights up. Dean greets him with “Hey Lunatic”” and all order in Sam’s life is restored. We fast forward to Jody’s house where Mary is tied up for attacking Jody. Sam calls other hunters to come help them take out the Brits. Atypical of Sam, he has a pretty long speech, but, he finally gets a good tag line. For years, all we had were things like “I lost my shoe” or “Im a whole new level of freak” but now we have “I want you to follow me” it hits me in the feels when I hear him say this. He’s come so far and grown so much in the last 12 yrs, that he can say these words in confidence. Dean was so proud! This lead to one of my favorite brohugs, that tied in a little bit with my 2nd fav episode, Swan Song (which Ill talk about tomorrow) In Swan Song, Dean was letting Sam go to do his quest on his own. Sam told him “If I do this, and triple lindy into that cage, you know Im not coming back” and Dean says “I know” but this time, Dean is sending Sam off on his quest and hugs him, and tells him “You come back” and Sam says “Promise” (ugggh my heart) seal that with a Winchester “I love you” which was “Bitch” “Jerk” and just the pause and the sweet grin on Sams face when Dean said it, you knew he knew Dean just told him he loves him <3 So Sam goes off.... meanwhile, Dean is now trying to talk to mom while in her head. My heart was flipping seeing chubby happy baby Sam, cooing and playing with his blanket. When Dean goes over to see him, he just seemed so happy to show big grown up Dean his blanket!! The only thing that would have made me feelier, is if Dean picked baby Sam up and cuddled him, and maybe kissed his head (but then I woulda just died and couldnt write this so...)

Sams battle with the brits, was a little lack luster, but its ok because Dean’s scene was awesome. He’s laying it out to Mom, this is whats what.... and instead of making it all about him, he made it about Sam. Basically “you left me with a responsibility I couldnt handle and look what it did to Sam???” I was full on sobbing when he told Mom that Sam was posessed by Lucifer, Tortured in Hell and lost his soul. Some of you got angry that Sam wasnt the one to tell her, but hello... this is Sam we’re talking about. Its never his thing to lay his load on someone else. Sometimes, maybe a little with Dean, but he just wouldnt give all this to his mother. But Dean would for him. She needs to know and Sam wont tell her, so Dean will. He tells Mary he hates her... he says it more than once. I feel it, it comes from his gut. Not just a knee jjerk reaction to anger. He IS feeling this. And Dean Winchester has the most open, and honest moment hes had in a long time, maybe in the whole series “I hate you.... and I love you. I cant.. I cant help it... youre my mom” and without a word of lie, Im crying as I write this. I may be 100% in love with Sam, but Dean is my buddy. Hes messed up and too violent sometimes, but he is so full of love it hurts me, and him too aparently. I know he and Sam have felt exactly this for each other a number of times. It reminds me of what Jared said about Sam and Dean at SDCC2017 “Sam and Dean love each other as much as its possible for two people to love each other... even when sometimes they hate each other a little”:True love is huge and confusing and uncontrolable, and everyone does stupid stuff when they love big. If youre one of those people waiting for and expecting a love that wont ever hurt like hell, you wont ever really experience love.  *ehem* where was I? Oh yes.... ok so, Where Sam and Dean both are at this point, is kind of a role reversal, Sam is doing the fighting and Dean is doing the curing. And this is really cool IMO. And I dont know if youve noticed, but they both had to stop being “them” for a second, and be the other instead. Dean has to get mom out of her head, Sam has to finish off the Brits in the US. if Sam were standing were Dean is right now, what would he do? He would forgive mom, and this is what Dean needs to do. If Dean were standing where Sam is, what would he do? He would trust himself, Sam and his friends, and tell the Brits to fuck off... and this is what Sam did. Sam has issues with second guessing and not trusting his own instincts... but this time he becomes Dean and just says “pass” shoots the computer and Jody kills Hess. (Sam shoulda but oh well) Back at the Bunker, Toni is dead YAAAY and now the fight with Ketch, and mom wakes up and kills him (ish) big win for the Winchesters!! But then comes maybe my favorite moment ever. Dean and Mom are talking, and Dean tells her theyre gonna start over and do it right. Mom is worried, “What about Sam? Im scared.... what if he cant forgive me” Sam walks in, the man  that just took out the big bad BMOL is so soft, and so sad “Mom... you dont have to be scared of me”  OMG FUCKING KILL ME!!! Dont be scared of this huge hulk of a man that kills bad guys and monsters every day and scares the hell out of demons... dont be scared Mom because he loves you. Your deal made his life a living hell, but he forgave you a long time ago. You didnt know what would happen, and hes done the same thing himself. He knows as well as anyone what stupid things we might do for love.  Mom hugs Sam and Sam just looks like the biggest teddybear ever. And if thats not enough, Dean comes in “Im glad youre back man” and hugs him too. Sams face while being wrapped in all this love. All for him!! The whole damn series could have ended there and Id be happy!!  This is why Who We Are is my favorite episode ever!!