#and i definitely won't be able to eat much for a month after surgery

[sheryl-lee]

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hey so i apparently have had a rare idiopathic degenerative joint disease that has been attacking my jaw structure/function since i was a kid. and the only permanent solution for it is upper jaw surgery and a total temporomandibular joint replacement :)))

[jamieroxxartist]

Dani Update: 9.28.23 8:00am EST

I have had some people asking about something that I mentioned in the audio post I made about Dani having trouble with her eyes on top of all of her diverticulitis deal.

Yes, I hadn't posted publicly about that and hadn't mentioned it until that audio post. Not for any particular reason other than all of this has been a lot.

So She started about a month and half ago waking up Every morning with very blurred vision and double vision. This leads to heavy-duty dizziness and nausea. You know real fun stuff to wake up to Every Morning. Now it does settle down and become manageable after awhile, but yeah, still. Anyhow we were Real Worried about this.

I was / am thinking that this was probably a side effect of all these hardcore Antibiotics she has been on for the past couple of months. I mean there's a lot of stuff being pumped into her system.

Anyhow Dani made a good point as well. When you're only eating like 200 / 250 calories a day.. that could absolutely lead to issues.

Folks she's not doing this on purpose. She's on this liquid diet because it's all she can hold down and doesn't send her into problems and painful cramping.

But honestly we were both worried it might be something harsher, a brain problem or some-such. And that was a very worrisome and scary thought.

So an MRI was done of her head and brain last week. And we had a week of intensified worry about this until we saw her neurologist (who is great btw) yesterday…

And her brain is ok! No abnormalities! And everyone agrees that this is most likely a result of the medicine and could definitely be a lack of nutrition deal also. Most likely a bit of both. More tests are scheduled and happening tomorrow. And also a Neurology follow up a few weeks from now, post-surgery of course. We are all hoping after her surgery that things settle down.

Thing is her surgery is happening this coming Monday. She is all set for that. Oh! That was another speed bump on that, last week, same day our cat passed away, we got a call from the hospital because they found that there was a problem with her insurance policy; The surgery was not covered! UghhH! So after us both having a panic attack after hearing just how much this surgery was going to cost (up front prior to surgery mind you) We got with the insurance and were able to get her on a plan that Does / will cover the surgery and possibilities that may come up. It was definitely and up and down day… like a lot of them.

Anyhow she is all set now and we verified everything yesterday after seeing the neurologist and everyone has signed off on it and all the T's are now crossed and i's dotted. And both our blood pressure sure did feel like it was back down to were it should be.

There have been a lot of days filled with little speed bumps. Yesterday she got too many antibiotic doses sent, she'll be in the hospital so won't be getting those at home. And at the prices that this medicine costs we had to make sure we don't get charged for them as we won't be needing them and it was a mistake on the pharmacy's side. Just minutia like that, daily. I get it, there's a lot of spinning gears going and we have a lot of plates in the air with all of this. It's just a lot. And all the hiccups don't seem to let up. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and we are pretty confident it isn't a train heading our way.

But we are handling it and getting the bumps knocked out. And it's not always other people, sometimes we make bonehead moves. Last night we had some premade Mashed Potatoes (me with my dinner, Dani as her dinner) and boy was that a mistake. The dried, powder ones, you know that you rehydrate, well those had been fine. She could eat those without issues (other than Monotony. Even chocolate cake would get old if you had to eat it everyday. (no, she cannot have cake)

Anyhow I think that there must have been some sort of preservative additive or something or other in these pre-made ones in the tub because they did not agree with either of us. Me I can take some Imodium and get through (sorry TMI, I know) but poor Dani cannot. She can't mix anything like that with her medication. So She was in pain and having issues last night. So yeah just another night.

So yes, this is were we are. Doctors appointments (pre-surgical and blood stuff) tomorrow and then the surgery Monday. She (we both are) are really ready to get her fixed and on the mend soon.

And thank you to everyone who has reached out and OMGosh the Go FundMe campaign, we are just blown away. See my audio post. Thanks everybody. Now I had better get back to work.

*note: this pic is of Dani and her pet Albino Ball Python, Ursla Whom she loves very much and has not been able to hold since all this started because we didn't want to risk and weird animal contamination with her PICC lines and such. So Ursula has been hanging out with her Papa, but that is no fun. Mamma is always more fun to hang out with. All Papa does is paint and talk to people on the phone ;) lol

[ma-gic-gay]

There's definitely marks in the flooring by now.

Carly's been pacing the hallway for what seems to be inching closer and closer to infinity each time she checks the time.

In reality, she's only on hour three of pacing and anxiety and picking fights with Sonny and random paperwork being filled out. There's also the fact she has no clue where Josslyn, Michael, Willow, or Wiley are but they're all legal adults or a toddler with a legal adult, so of course she's going to have to trust that everything's okay with them.

Her head snaps up when she hears Trina's voice. "Where's Joss and Cam?"

"They're in the cafeteria," Dante answers, looking up from his phone. "I need something to eat; I'll go with you. Do any of you need anything?"

They all shake their heads, Sonny grumbling something Carly can't quite catch. "What was that, Sonny?"

"I was saying I need a faithful wife," he says, loud enough even Michael and Willow are broken out of their little bubble of marital... Emotions? Attraction? Neither knew what to call whatever they're in.

"Sonny I'm not fighting with you like this," Carly sighs, running a hand through her blonde locks. "When he's in the clear, we can consider a fight."

"Because god forbid that you prioritize our marriage over a single thing that involves Jason Morgan," Sonny shouts back at her.

"Enough! Grow up, Sonny! That's your goddamn best friend in there! On an operating table!" Carly exclaims, voice breaking. "He's been there for you and me through everything, no matter what. Even when neither of us have deserved his friendship. If you're gonna be pissy like this and throwing a tantrum, then leave. I don't want you here when you're like this, or at home."

"Then where the hell do you want me to go, Carly?"

"I don't know, somewhere where I and our children aren't. Anywhere!"

"Mrs. Corinthos, I'm going to take your husband in for questioning now," Chase says calmly, businesslike and everything. It's very formal, though it does cause an eye roll from Michael.

"Thank you," Carly smiles at him softly before Portia comes over. "Do you have any news? How's Jason?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, it was a hell of a shot. But luckily, we were able to remove the bullet and don't foresee any major issues happening with him in the meantime. However, this surgery took a lot out of him. He's going to need to stay in the hospital and when he gets out, nothing too active. There won't be bed rest, but he will be restricted at first. I understand Mr. Morgan has a tendency to not follow precautions or check himself out, but if he doesn't follow these, he could die," Portia explains to them in a medical voice.

The relief can be felt through everyone's loud sighs of relief. Michael and Willow engage in a hug, breathing each other in much to Chase's anger. Sonny softens slightly, though it's doubtful that'll last past lunch. Carly starts crying tears of relief and happiness and all of her emotions at once as she texts Joss and Dante. Every single emotion is coursing through her veins.

Joss and Dante run upstairs with Monica trailing slightly behind them, everyone smiling with relief through their tear stained eyes. "He's going to be okay?" Joss asks again for confirmation and Carly nods.

"Yes, he will be. Provided, of course, he's under very strict supervision and doesn't break out of the hospital," Carly smiles at her daughter and stepson. "Portia, can we see him?"

"One at a time. Be careful, he's still under the anesthetic but he is coming out of it so god knows what he'll say. Don't confuse him or do anything life changing; chances are, he won't remember it," the curly haired woman says. "He's room 3722."

"Thank you," Dante thanks her before hugging his sister and stepmom. "I don't feel like going to a funeral."

They all laugh at that, the energy having changed from a rather somber one (provided you're not Willow or Michael) to a happy one, full of happy tears and laughs in a matter of minutes.

Clapping his hands together, Michael says, "Mom, we all know you're waiting to go in there. Go."

"You sure? I can wait," she offers half-heartedly.

"Do you need to get checked out while we're here? Carly, we'll be fine. After all, I'm very responsible and I'm here so everyone will be well taken care of. And if I accidentally get someone injured, well, Monica's here too," Dante jokes. "Run."

That proves to be all she needs before she walks to his room, entering without so much as a knock to see Elizabeth monitoring his vitals. "Thank god, he made it," she smiles at the blonde.

"Thank god is right," Carly agrees, wiping her tears.

"Well, I've done all the monitoring I need to do, so I'll let you two be alone," the younger says before leaving the hospital room to go back to the nurses station.

Tears she attempted to push aside come back, slightly more powerful. However, she doesn't surrender to the tears as she sits at his bedside, grasping his hand in hers. There's a weird feeling of deja vu associated with this, probably because of how many accidents he gets into.

That's one hell of a bad habit he needs to break.

"Carly?" He asks and a smile appears on her face.

"I'm here."

"What the hell happened to me?"

"You got shot in the parking garage of the Metro Court," she answers calmly, wiping her tears that are spilling out of her eyes. "The gunman is still unknown."

"And you think it's your fault?"

"How couldn't it be my fault? This happened after I told you my feelings and it happened in my parking garage and some people for either my husband's enemy or my husband shot you! I'm pretty sure this is 100% my fault and there's no way to twist the situation so it's not," she says, silent sobs leaving her body as she tries to keep herself from full on breaking down in a hospital room.

"How could it be your fault? Carly, this would've happened even if you didn't tell me. Hell, it probably would've happened hours sooner. Look, Cyrus's people have been trying to take me out for months now. It started with my motorcycle crash and then the Floating Rib and now this. They keep missing," Jason says, trying to comfort her. "Minus the fact I'm in a hospital I'm fine."

"You got shot! That's not fine, that's possible death!"

"I keep missing death," he answers.

"And you narrowly make it out alive! You could've died! You could've been hooked up to a ventilator your whole life, not breathing on your own until I unplugged you! You're in a hospital bed right now recovering from surgery! Not fine!" Carly exclaims.

"You couldn't do anything to stop this."

"Yes, I could," she says, voice barely above a whisper as she breaks into sobs. "I could've done something! I could've gone down there when we heard the sirens instead of sending Olivia down there or hired better security or something! You have gotten me out if every mess I've ever made and I can't even offer you protection in the parking garage! A parking garage! What shooter is thinking that's the best place to shoot someone?"

"It's not your job to save me or prevent me from getting shot. Last I checked you're not bulletproof either," he reminds her gently. "Nothing you could've done would've stopped this. Delayed, sure. Prevented it? Never. They're not gonna stop until they're taken out, their boss dies, or I die."

"Are you trying to tell me pacing the hallway is going to become a regular pastime of mine now?" Carly asks, horrified.

"Not if I can help it, but you've got to remember, it's impossible for you to protect me from all bad things. No matter how hard you try."

"That's true but I could've helped you with this one! This is the time you needed my help and I couldn't because I was inside, in cloud 9. Whether or not you'll let me accept responsibility, it's my fault," the blonde continues, sobbing in between words.

"If you were out there, you could've gotten shot too," he says, dropping his voice several levels. "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if that happened because of an attack on me."

"It's my fault."

"No, it isn't! I got shot because someone got instructions to take me out. They failed, like they keep doing."

"Maybe you're immortal. Then, you couldn't ever die and I could take it off my list of anxieties," she smiles at him as he wipes away her tears.

"It's possible. Promise me one thing: that you'll stop blaming yourself for this," he requests.

"Why couldn't the promise be anything else?"

"Do you honestly want to have gotten shot too? It's pretty painful and I'm not a fan, personally," Jason smiles at her.

"It's not that I wanted to get shot too, it's that I don't want you experiencing this alone," she explains quickly.

"Well I'm not. I've got you and the rest of my family, so I'm okay. I'll make it out alive of the third attempt on my life in a few months."

"You need to stop this madness about assassination attempts. I'm thinking bulletproof clothing, hat, shoes, everything."

"No."

"Then I'm thinking we add some color to your wardrobe."

"No."

"Black isn't the only good color to wear, Jason," Carly sighs dramatically. "You need more variety in your outfits than the blue jean, black t shirt, leather jacket look because while it looks great on you, variety is the spice of life."

"There's variety to the ways people try to kill me."

"Healthy variety that doesn't end you up in the hospital."

"Maybe there's minimal variety in my life."

"Exactly!"

"You're not taking me shopping."

"Damn."

To be continued (possibly)

Oh thank gods he's ok!

[rusticpumpkin-blog]

Beyond Love | Paul Lahote | 1 |

Kathryn Swan was a girl who loved her family but in a matter of seconds, her old life was taken away from her. Broken and permanently scarred she moves in with the only family she has left her uncle Charlie. Now she's faced with changes she didn't even think possible.

A Paul Lahote love story.

(This takes place 2 years after the end of breaking dawn pt 2)

|Previous|----|Next|

Everything is exactly the same way I remember it being 5 years ago, from the way the furniture in the living room was positioned to the stacks of VHS tapes that were under the TV in the entertainment center. It kind of hurt the way that things are so constant here. Like nothing happened. But that was the way it was Bella had warned me about it, nothing here changes, it never does.

It still rains too much, making everything seem dismal even in the house that had dim lights that were probably older than me. I scoffed at the thought because I knew that couldn’t be true… about all of the bulbs in the house anyway.

There were old photos on the wall that seemed to have been recently dusted of Bella, Aunt Renee, and Uncle Charlie hung up probably years and years ago before Rene left and went somewhere sunny. Somewhere like where I came from. Even the bright smiles in most of the photos that I still remembered from my childhood weren’t enough to make the room any lighter but maybe that was just me… it’s been hard lately.  

"Bellas old room?" I sighed as Charlie walked in behind me having some issues with the suitcase he offered to carry for me, it was mostly clothes, a few art supplies but the size of it and the muddy ground that he didn’t want it to touch was what made it difficult.

He nodded out of breath, "I'm goin to order a pizza the drive back took longer than I thought it would." He said sitting the luggage down so I could grab the handle and wheel it towards the stairs.

I nodded pizza sounded good, something quick and easy that doesn’t make awkward dinner table conversations obligatory. "Is there anything that you won't eat?" He asked I could tell that this change was going to be awkward for him, but he was trying harder than he wanted me to realize. So I decided that I'm going to try to make this whole situation as easy as possible, for both of us.

"Not really, sardines but if you want them I can just pick them off." I shrugged as he handed me my other duffel bag and I started up the stairs. "No one eats sardines and enjoys it." He said trying to make a joke and I laughed at it, even though it sucked.

"In the morning we can run out and get things that you might need if you want." He offered. "I'm not a morning person." I muttered shrugging before continuing, "But thanks for the offer, I think I'm good. If I figure anything that I really need I'll let you know." I assured him, he nodded seeming to understand that I just wanted to go to bed and I was thankful for that.

Bella's old room is smaller than the one I had back at home. like everything in this house from the magnates on the fridge to the boots lined on the wall by the front door, everything in here was in the same place too.

I was too tired to think about rearranging anything tonight, I just dropped my bags on the bare bed and pulled out a pair of sweats and a tank top so that i could go do that thing that over the past few months I've grown to hate.

It’s not that I actually dislike showering but I hate the 'avoid the mirror' game. I had to do it because I would get sick every time I saw myself and what I've been reduced to.

While I was in the hospital and the aftermath of the accident, I've lost almost 50 pounds. I was, to be honest at a healthy weight for my height, the greatest shape I've been in in my life. But the way my once vivid icy grey eyes that I once prided myself on as being my best feature were now dim and gaunt, I had dark circles under them, from a mixture of sleepless and nightmare filled nights. I looked just as sick as I felt when I saw the rest of my skin.

The scars were the worst part, they were what made me really want to not look. They made me hate my own skin but being dragged behind a flipped car on the asphalt for about 50 feet will do that too someone. It could definitely be worse, I could be dead too.

Without even realizing it I was doing it again, staring. That's how I know its hard for other people not to, if I cant not look how can I expect anyone else to?

They ranged from a little over 2 inches wide on my left arm and leg to about 10 inches wide on my side and hip, thick slightly raised scars going down the left side of my body. My head wasn't even untouched, most of my left ear is gone. I have a scar going down my jaw and even light places on my cheek the 'lucky' part about those is that they were light, so makeup would help but nothing would ever take them all the way away. Unless I wanted to get surgery which considering how long I spent at the hospital before meant it wasn’t going to happen for a long time, if at all.

My tawny brown hair was the only thing that really hasn't changed all that much. There was a small patch around my ear that no longer grew and a portion around my ear that had to be buzzed off so I could get staples to hold my scalp shut. My hair looked just as dreary as my eyes it made me look unhealthy but being unhealthy meant I was still alive.

I was lucky

After my shower, I knew the pizza was probably here but I was too tired to care about the rumbling in my stomach at this point. I walked to what was now my room across the hall and lay down on the bed. I had every intention of getting up and going to find a pillow and blanket for myself from the hall closet but I was asleep before I had the chance.

…

I sat a week later, at the kitchen table sipping my coffee and scrolling through my social media feed. Even with me gone all of my friends were still able to function as proper 18-year-olds. Having fun and going to parties without me like it wasn't any different. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't hurt that I haven't even gotten any text messages telling me how much they miss me or to check in on me but it is what it is. Things outside of this place change and this is just one of them.

I don't expect to have ‘friends’ until I start working which I don't know how long that's going to be. There are only a few family own businesses in this little town and none of them are hiring right now anyway.

Charlie says that I don't need to worry about working or a job but I do. I don't want to be a financial burden on him after the insurance money stops. If I had been 18 before all this, I wouldn't even have had to move in with him period.

Charlie's been nothing but supportive. In his own awkward way, Bella thinks that its because he's happy that he's not living alone anymore. But I still kinda get the ‘I’m going to be super nice because of the hard time you’ve been having’ vibe off of him.

Speaking of Bella, I haven't got to see her yet. She's went with her own family on a trip to Africa… I think anyway I can't say 100% that I remember what she told me.

My whole life here has been nothing but a haze considering the nightmares have only gotten worse with the change of scenery. More vivid and realistic but it helps me wake up sooner I guess so there's that. I know that Charlie is concerned about them but there's nothing that I can do short of not sleeping at all. Which is what I do if I can help it even if that bothers him too.

"I thought you weren't a morning person." Charlie said walking in and confusing me because I thought he had left for work earlier but he was dressed in a flannel and jeans instead of his police uniform. Thinking about it, since I’ve been here I don’t remember ever seeing him in anything else, it was weird like seeing a teacher in public or something.  

"Couldn't sleep." I muttered shrugging.

"Do you have any plans for today?" He asked knowing full well that I didn't. He just wanted to know if it was ok with me if I got out of the house, which I have yet to do, in a polite way.

"No, whats up?" I asked not looking up from my phone a stale meme looking really interesting all of a sudden.

"A friend of mine is having a barbeque out on the beach in La Push.” He said referring to the Native American reservation that was a 20-minute drive away from here.

"Sounds fun, I love seeing old dudes cook on a grill and argue about football," I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.

"Fireworks and a bonfire, there will be other kids around your age there." He said as if attempting to sell me on the idea, he wasn’t doing a good job, kids my age are assholes. "You remember Jacob Black?" He asked me the name did ring a bell. "I think so," I said remembering a lanky copper skinned boy with pants that were never quite long enough for him but he was always shorter than me. "The kid that you and Bella used to play with." He added attempting to jog my memory.

"That skinny kid?" I scoffed making him bark out a laugh. "Yeah, he's not little anymore." He sighed in a way that made it sound like Jake had gained weight. "Quill and Embry live out there still too?" I asked remembering them too, we’d all been in our own little pack, fighting imaginary sea monsters at the beach (Mostly just clumps of seaweeds that had washed up from high tide).

He nodded. "Alright, I'll be ready in like 2 minutes," I said jogging up stairs.

[dzpenumbra]

11/26/22

Today has been a pretty low-key day. Nothing really went as planned, and it all kinda worked out. So, I guess a kinda... neutral day? After yesterday, I'd call that a huge win!

Me and the cat got up around noon, I got her fed, killed a little time until her med time and got her all set for the day. Then I hit up the general store. After packing up most of my food and shit yesterday, I'm kinda letting myself be okay eating shitty easy pre-made food. It's very alien to me, I've been cooking pretty much every meal for several years now. But it has definitely been saving time, and comfort food is good right now. So I got some mozz sticks and some chicken tenders and some Monsters so I didn't have to make coffee or anything. Not like black coffee and mozz sticks pair very well... but I digress...

I got... my motherfucking raw opal today! And half of my shipment from Amazon, the beeswax (for wooden beads), more really good quality hemp cordage, and more Nag Champa Superhit since I've been running low. But... the opal! It's so pretty, it's... stunning, really. I get why it's so hard to find. The pieces were a bit smaller than I was expecting, but there are three of them. They're gonna take a bit of cleaning up, but I'm really excited to get to those soon. I'm pretty sure they're softer than what I'm used to working with, so they should clean up pretty quick. Very exciting!

I fired up Rimworld and watched some videos while eating. I was planning a later shower, but when I wandered into the living room I got completely distracted and started cracking more quartz rocks I had left over. My justification: I won't be able to do this at my new place. So... I mean... it makes sense. And goddamn is it work. But like... I was just going to smoke and hop in the shower and ended up spending 2 hours on the floor cracking rocks. It payed off, got some good pieces, but this ADD shit can just throw off your whole flow sometimes. =/ So after, I went out and smoked. And then fired up the shower and started sorting the bathroom counter and it hit me - "damn, I really should shave my head again. It's been a while." So I turned off the shower, actually took apart my headclippers and sharpened the blades for the first time ever. Yep. I actually did that. I went "dude, I have diamond sanding pads right over there, just run the blades over them a few times and you'll be good". And boy was it a good call. Got a nice new haircut, then got showered up.

My mom texted, she was checking in after Thanksgiving dinner. My nephew was sick again and he's on antibiotics. This poor kid just can't catch a damn break, he had heart surgery twice in like the first 5 months of his life, it's been really fucking with all of our heads. I can only imagine what it's like for my brother and sister-in-law. Like, my heart goes out to them. He's going to be fine, I'm sure, it's just like... come on! Give the kid a break! I haven't gotten to visit him yet, but I'm moving about 30 minutes away from them so I hope to get to know him very well and reconnect (connect) with my brother and sister-in-law very soon.

I got food all set, started packing up the bathroom cabinets, got most of it done. Just remembered the mirror has a cabinet, I'm going to have to empty that too. God knows what's even in there, I never open the thing. Then the rest of the night was sorting through a plastic set of storage shelves that hasn't been sorted through since... probably around 2000-02. It's been a bit emotional. Very mixed emotions.

I just finished the bottom shelf which was completely full of pieces of Warhammer models. Like to the brim. I was very into Warhammer for a bit, around freshman or sophomore year of highschool. It brought back a very distinct but distant memory. The kind that I remember very clearly that it happened and fleeting details of it, but I think my mom remembers it clearer than I do. I remember exactly when I stopped playing Warhammer, when I stopped making Warhammer models. I had a project for art class, the only art class I took in highschool. As far as I remember it was one of those end-of-the-semester choose your own project things. I was very inspired to do a diorama of different Warhammer figures, but sorta Frankenstein'd together into new creatures. Like an orc warrior with a boar head. I guess they call those kit-bashes. But yeah, I just really felt pulled in by that, inspired, and really excited to be able to share this passion of mine in an artistic environment where it would be appreciated. And I really could've used some more encouragement to paint them, because I really did have a talent with that and no one really nurtured that, or even really acknowledged it. The art teacher failed me, like failed me out of the class. I feel like I'm making this up because stories like this sound too fucking bullshit to be true but for real, I am a professional artist of over 15 years, with a Bachelor's in Acrylic Painting and I failed high school art class. Oop! Here's the kicker! So on my senior year of college, my old highschool art teacher came to work at my college as a part time teacher. Yikes, was that fucking awkward running into her in the hallways...

So that was a pretty tough memory to uncover. And I'm still working through it. I want to keep the kit pieces. They are completely untouched, it was like unearthing a tomb or something. I had an idea to make a mosaic-style piece where it's all the kit pieces but if you stand back really far it makes a really realistic, impressive image, you know? And call it "This Is Not Art".

That led me here. The shelves are now empty, except the one with all the Warhammer kit pieces and I don't really know where to put them, there are a lot. So I guess I'll get to it in the morning.

Not a ton left to do for the move, pack up my electronics, my art stuff, break down my electric drum kit (which I might do right now just to get it over with), finish the bathroom, and... the big one I've been putting off...

Figure out what to do with all my dog's old stuff. That one is really hard.

See... I'm learning this about myself a lot lately, it makes me very different from most others but it's always been part of me. I think I might be an Animist, of sorts. I really don't like throwing things out, it feels wasteful. I can see in my head a vivid picture of the journey this object is taking, through it's perspective. It goes into a bag, into a truck, into a processing center probably, then carted off to a dump where it sits there forever. It's this whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing that I feel like I just compulsively can't get past, like my brain just goes there. So, sorry in advance for the tear-jerk moment, I look at my recently deceased dog's favorite toys. Then I see them in a dump, rotting in a pile of trash. And it makes me cry. It makes me cry a lot. And I don't want that. I don't want that for my dog, and you know what, I don't want that for the toys. I think the toys deserve a better "life" than that. They deserve to bring a dog joy, it's literally what they were made for.

It makes me very upset how wasteful people can be, and how they arrogantly scoff when you bring it up, and peer pressure you to do the same, and all just because they are anxious or picky or too lazy to learn how to fix something. It's upsetting and a bit embarrassing. But I'm not going to get too deep into that. This mentality of trying to honor and preserve the memory and significance of objects is something that means a lot to me, but has made me a bit of a hoarder. It makes moving very difficult. So that's kinda where I've been with it.

I'll see what I can get done tomorrow, I'm still not sure if this is going to be one or two more trips. I will need to figure that out soon, but I luckily have some more packages coming on sunday and monday, so I have a good reason to pace myself and live out of boxes for a while. Plus, the only people I know at the new place - the Manager and her Assistant - are out of the office until Monday, so if I need noob help like "how do I do Doordash at an apartment complex with keyfob entry? Do they need to page me or something?" "Can I get groceries delivered?" "Where's a good place to eat?" "Will you be my friend forever?" You know, normal stuff like that. I'm going to have to wait until Monday for that anyway. So maybe it's better for me to take it slow and make a bunch of noise while I have the freedom to do so, and get back into the moving groove at the beginning of next week. That's kinda my running plan, we'll see how it plays out.