#and i clearly dont give a damn about grammar | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lemonietrinket · 4 years

Text

Fragile Like Chandeliers ||| YoungK x Reader

Summary: You meet a truly intriguing man inside an expensive lounge on the job Genre: Small bits of fluff but its weak bc its more sensual, some angst, uhhh??? idk noir, gang Warning(s): very very vague references to injury/death Word Count: 2763 Song(s): Ambience AN: hey anon! sorry this took a little while :(( i also have... no idea if this was what you wanted. and its... also longer than my word limit that i put on my request notice. uh. oops. i tried to put some italian in there (for fake names of things) but i am not fluent and though i researched grammar, there are obviously many nuances to the language that i dont know so i apologise if they sound bad (feel free to correct me!)

fem!reader

~~~

Smooth jazz filtered through the swathes of people, bunched in small bouquets of dazzling jewels and shining gold. The low quartz-tinged lights kept the shadows in the corners, gently swaying to the beat as swept past, silver trays empty.

You were perched quietly at the sidelines, crimson velvet plush beneath your draping onyx dress. Eyes flickering across the chandelier above, you couldn’t help but smile at the memories that arose. The Eiffel Tower had been so beautiful in that moment, reflected in a thousand crystals suspended in mid-collapse before they shattered into their oblivions. Your fingertips traced across the emerald gem between your collarbones, settled comfortably between intricately carved swans. With their heads bowed and wings splayed they reminded you of home, a place you hadn’t set foot in for a long time. The aching rarely reared its head, but this evening it teased at your heartstrings in a way you would never admit to any other.

Well, perhaps maybe one.

As your attentions were briefly piqued at the sight of a man with a bellowing laugh, who strode past you with his arms wide and decorated with cufflinks made of silver knots, you had moved your feet to stand. However, that was when your keen eyes glanced back across the room, only to meet another pair.

They were the eyes of a fox, ablaze with wit and narrowed in curiosity, and they stared you down and enraptured you in seconds. You found yourself glued to your spot and not giving a single damn about it, as the man bid his colleague a farewell and began to make his way towards you.

With a face that only a dream could make, the smile he gave a passerby who greeted him oozed confidence; the single nod of his head that followed knocking his effortlessly curled fringe ever-so-slightly into his eyes. It led him to run his hand through the tousled locks when he faced you again, and had you not been on the job you would have no doubt swooned.

The man was clearly something special—his suit crafted of ambrosia, a clean cut jet besides pristine white, paired with dress shoes that shone as he reached where you were sat.

You peered up at him silently, waiting to hear the voice that fell from those plush lips.

“Good evening,” he greeted.

And boy was it luscious.

You responded in kind, consciously making your eyes bigger as he extended a palm gently towards you. “Might I take you for a dance?”

After a few seconds pretending to mull it over, you let your hand slip into his. He helped you to your feet all while you were too focused on the rough pads of his fingers stroking the back of your palms.

He led the pair of you to the small area sectioned off for dancing near the live band. Passing a few other couples already swinging with the saxophone’s melody, you were captivated by how he effortlessly weaved the two of you to the centre.

All he’d said had been ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ but somehow it had eased anyone in the vicinity and made them move away with no less than a grin and ushered laughter.

He was remarkable. And if it turned out he wasn’t what you were looking for, you would be stunned.

Coming to a stop, he stood broadly before you. With a hand caressing down to your waist before settling there as if it had always meant to be, you entwined your fingers with his other as you felt across his shoulder blade. His sensuality was thrilling, the closeness of your chest to his sending your heartbeat into irregular motion, and you had to admit he was talented.

“So,” he began, voice low and smooth like the late evening wine sipped in candlelight, “what must I call this gorgeous beauty before me?”

Lip unconsciously teasing between your teeth, you simpered. “You first.”

A smirk formed on his lips. “Younghyun.”

“Y/N.”

“Ah, a perfect name for a perfect lady.” He took the lead and you let him, following his slow sways with small steps of your own. “And a perfect voice too—there’s an accent there, if I’m not mistaken?”

“There may be,” you replied coyly, “Italian, born and raised.”

His smile brightened, “I’ve always wanted to visit Italy. The views, the food, the music...” he stopped himself with what could only be described as a sheepish laugh, “sorry, I’m probably preaching to the choir here.”

“It’s fine! I miss all of that quite often nowadays.”

Your grip tightened while your heart lurched. Attempting to keep yourself under control, you hid your disdain behind a smile. How had you let yourself slip up like that? Since when did you wear your feelings on your cheek for a man you only just met?

As the song changed and the tempo quickened, Younghyun twirled you round by your fingers. “So what brings you all this way here, to one of the most exclusive bars in Seoul?”

“Why, do I not look like I fit in?” you enquired.

As he pulled you back to his chest, he stayed quiet for a few moments, his eyes carefully taking in the curve of your cheeks. “I’ll be absolutely honest with you,” he glanced around the room before coming back to look you in the eye, “you’re too good to fit in here.”

“I am?” You were hanging off his words, and despite your rational brain reminding you that he was just smooth talking, the way small butterflies began to send ripples through your chest had you very nearly believing him. It was as if that emerald upon your neck carried no weight at all.

“Of course.” His response was quick, sincere, and slowly the heaviness returned. You could feel it swaying a beat behind your movements together.

“I’m here to get away,” you finally explained, eyes lowering from his and focusing on his bow tie. It was spotless, folded crisply at his collar, and for a split second you wondered if it too pressed at his neck. “I’m a writer but... life can be so restricting, you know? How can I write about lives when I haven’t lived myself?”

The words slipped easily off your tongue, and you felt the tension leave your shoulders. Meanwhile, when you gazed up again, you found his smile tinged with sadness.

“I understand that. Sometimes what you end up in isn’t what you want,” he said.

Confidence filling your veins, you slipped your fingers from his and ran your hands to interlock behind his neck. “I’m so glad you get me,” you whispered in his ear, “no one really does.” Closing the distance, you rested your head against his chest, face turned away from his knowing eyes that seemed to cut into you.

It was only a matter of seconds before Younghyun’s hands both swept to the small of your back, cradling you gently. You pondered upon how he looked at you right then, as your eyes watched the couple beside you. They were in the same position as the two of you, swaying with the dwindling music. When they caught a beam of light as they turned, you saw how old they were, time etching at the corners of their eyes, giving them permanent eye-smiles. The man in question was truly beaming however, at the woman in his arms. He had a knowing glint in his eye, something you simultaneously wished you knew and were happy to not know the context to—without it, after all, they stayed painted in silver. The woman, much shorter and spindly in her old frock—you imagined it was the one she wore at the last wedding she attended—seemed so content, her lips mouthing the words to an unknown song, her feet moving in synchrony with his.

Her eyes were closed, you noted, and once you had done there was no going back. You turned your head the other way, your own gaze remaining wide open.

“Enough about me, what job do you do?” you asked, loud enough to be heard without moving, but it was pointless, as his answer came back as a teasing retort.

“What do you think I do?”

You shifted your head to come face to face with him again. You were so close to his lips it would only take seconds to bridge the gap, and the apprehension hurt. “I don’t know. Something dashing.”

“Oh really? How come?” His smirk had returned, mischief glimmering in his eye much like the chandelier lights did, urging you to say out loud what you only intended to infer.

Cocky bastard, you thought, smile growing as you spoke. “Because someone as handsome as you could only do something dashing. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair.”

As the saxophone picked up behind him, you moved your head to settle upon his shoulder, snickering as he whispered into your ear.

“There it is...!”

You playfully tugged at the hair at his nape to chide him. “Come on, tell me, what’s your job?”

He seemed momentarily distracted, before brushing off your words with a laugh. “Trust me, it’s not as interesting as you think.”

“How could it not be interesting?” you countered, leaning in closer to his neck so that your breath would flutter across his skin there, “you wouldn’t do it otherwise.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” he retorted, swinging you round and pulling you back so your shoulders met his chest, “you’ve only just met me.”

“And sometimes a chance meeting is all it takes,” you uttered, running your fingertips down the backs of his hands at your waist. With your head turned towards him, but your eyes remaining apart, you swayed your hips with his as you continued, “I’ve seen many faces, Younghyun, I think I know people well now. And you have the face of someone who knows so much and yet hasn’t said a word.”

You got no words in direct answer to the ramble of ones you had procured. Instead he spun you back around so that he could take another good look at you, and he drank in your beauty as if he were a dying man. His lips parted to speak hours before he finally did. “How much more do you know about me?” he eased through a coy smile.

“I don’t know,” you hummed, tracing the line of his tie with the back of your finger, “why don’t we find out?”

Your boldness earnt a single laugh, your dance partner silent before he adjusted his grip at your waist. One hand shifted up your back and held you close in an embrace, before he gently lowered you back. You held onto his shoulder as well as his gaze, as he followed you into the dip. With lips millimetres away from yours, you had been certain he would close the gap, and press a kiss where he’d been hinting for the entire night. His eyes fluttered down to the sight of your painted lips, then back up to your curious stare. “Shall we get drinks?”

You beamed. “Sure.”

Lifting you back to your feet, his hand never left the small of your back as he guided you towards the bar, back across the lounge. You stuck close to his side to avoid the clusters of crowds as the grew and punctured the sensual melodies of the band. Tucked by his shoulder, a sense of peace washed over you. When there was a sudden crash of spilled drinks to your right you didn’t even take a glimpse of it in, and instead kept your head low and inclined towards your partner of the night.

You reached the bar in no time, and the only time he left your side was to minutely slip ahead, to pull a bar stool out for you to sit upon.

Sending him a teasing eye roll you giggled at his silent gasp of exaggerated disdain, before he sat beside you. With his body facing you, he leant on an elbow until the bartender came over.

“Sir, madam,” she greeted with a polite smile, “what can I get for you?”

“Bokbunja for me please, and for the lady,” he addressed you with a smile, “drinks on me, what would you like?”

“No, it’s ok, I wouldn’t want to cost you—”

“Oh, Y/N, you could cost me the world and I wouldn’t care,” Younghyun interrupted,

You considered continuing with the humble act, but truth be told you didn’t have the patience for it, and you were pretty sure it wasn’t necessary. If that wasn’t an expression of a hooked man, then you no longer knew what was.

You scoured the towers of intricate bottles behind the bartender, hued amber through to olive and deep magenta. They were oddly beautiful, catching the light not unlike a thousand crystalline shards, muted by their labels written in calligraphic ink.

Making eye contact with the bartender, the corner of your lips easing into a tiny smile while you ordered, “Well, if you’re so sure. Segreto Classico, please.”

The woman’s stare widened, her smile becoming rigid as she glanced at the man at your side. You followed her stare a few moments later, once she’d stepped away with a nod of her head to make the drinks. You languidly drew your eyes up and across Younghyun’s figure. It was as if he was made for tuxedos, his clean cut jacket lining his chest perfectly and accentuating his shoulders. Now that he wasn’t touching you, your hazy thoughts began to playfully contemplate if he was real at all.

You found him frowning at his phone quizzically. “Everything ok?” you asked, leaning upon the counter to try and get a better look at his face.

He did a double take to the bartender and then finally to you, a dispassionate grin covering his lips. “Oh, yeah it’s all good, I’ve just... got to take this call, if that’s alright?”

“Oh, no problem, I’ll be right here waiting for you,” you settled your chin upon your hand at that moment, though he didn’t appear to catch your sultry display as he smiled blankly, before raising his phone to his ear and walking towards the balcony.

You watched him leave, the energy of the room dipping as he melded with the crowds.

You were brought out from your vacant stare and spiralling thoughts by a a sudden clink to your side. Snapping your head over, you found your drink placed by your elbow, the lace design in the glass shimmering in the dim lights. The bartender meanwhile glared at you while she poured the second drink.

“You shouldn’t order that so blatantly,” she scolded, “you know full well that the drink isn’t on the—”

“And you think a member of la Giarda would drink anything else?” you interjected bluntly, taking your glass into your hands and swirling the ice amidst the clear liquid. The mint scent wafted around you and slowly cleared your mind, leading you to recount in your head what had occurred mere moments prior as if weeks had passed.

The bartender shushed you urgently, but her tension didn’t travel across the counter.

“Relax,” you urged with a snicker and knowing look, “no one knows the name here. He hasn’t got a clue. I’ll gather the information without a hitch don’t you worry.”

The woman places the second glass, taller and more simple than yours, in front of the empty bar stool. “You better not blow my cover,” she mumbled sulkily.

“You know I won’t,” you iterated, taking a sip and letting the electrifying taste sink in as you watched where he had disappeared off to.

“Because we’re only going to get one shot at this, so he better be—”

“He’s the right guy,” you snapped.

And just as your glare dwindled, the crowds parted to reveal Younghyun, phone tucked back in his pocket and expression back to life. You caught his eye once again, and in an echo of the first time, you were captivated once again. This time however, in a different way.

As he approached, you felt a jab to your heart, like twisting glass. The newfound clarity had left you open and vulnerable, and here he offered the blow without knowing.

When the chandelier cast dappled lights fraught with shadows and curtailed amber across his handsome face, all you could see was the suspended chandelier shattering to the ground. The shards finally experiencing their fate as time caught up with them.

You didn’t want him to end like that too.

~~~

AN: i took a fair bit of inspiration from noir films, so i apologise if you don’t wear dresses/heels

Masterlist

37 notes · View notes

petty-revenge-stories · 5 years

Text

Skipping the lunch line? Time to make you wait.

On mobile blah blah blah. (Me= dinosaur, dude trying to skip line= DB, his friends= groupees and my friend= F) Sorry for bad spelling and grammar, English is my first language. Roast me.

So quick explanation of how my school cafeteria worked, the cafeteria was in the auditorium and there was this one room that was attach to the cafeteria. This room was where they held all the meals (including the heavenly jamaican beef patties), students had to wait outside one set of doors and had to be let in by the lunch lady. These doors were the only doors that let you in the room.

As we all know lunch lines are crazy long so when I was let out of class I bolted to the cafeteria to be ahead in the line (damn you people with free periods!). Me and my friend were able to meet at the same time and were happy we didn't have to wait too long. These group of girls stop behind us and start fooling around, me and my friend just talk about pokemon cause we are giant dorks.

This mothertrucker comes out of nowhere and stands in front of the girls behind who start literally hugging and hanging off him (ew). So clearly they dont care but the 50 people behind those girls do but they dont say anything because he was in the popular group.

At this time in my life I really didn't care about anything, didn't care if I got made fun of or if I failed a test. I just didn't care about shiz. So we are finally waiting outside the pearly gates of heaven and he is right behind us (me and my friend and slightly giving him judging looks). Until he interrupts me,

DB: hey girl ( all the groupees start to glare)

I ignore him because I thought he was talking to someone else, at this point in school only my 4 friends acknowledged me.

DB: Hey! I'm talking to you! (He tapped me on the shoulder) (groupies glares shift to where he touched me) Me: ... what... DB: Can I go in front of you? Me: naw you can wait (groupies glares intensify) DB: but why? In really hungry and I want to get my food. Me: and? I'm hungry too (groupies look confused at the concept of hunger). DB: yeah but I didn't have breakfast so I'm really hungry. Me: again so? I didn't have breakfast either so I dont really care. (Groupies snap out of their confusion and start glaring again) DB: ugh just let me be first, it's not like you aren't going to go in at the same time as me.

He was right, the lunch lady allowed three people to come in at a time so even if he was in front of me we would all go in at the same time. But if I didn't that I wouldn't be here now would I?

Me: exactly! So why does it matter that I'm first? You already saved time by butting in front of everyone else. Stop talking to me please. (Groupies start to foam around the mouth while looking at me)

My friend has just been standing between us awkwardly though they high fives me after I said that. DB glares at me while him and his groupies loudly say shit about me. Lunch lady allows us in and we have to put are backpacks down in front of the door so we can't steal food or whatever. I always buy the same thing so I get my two spicy beef patties and go to the cash area. He comes right behind me and so I decided I'm gonna have a nice little chat with the lovely lunch lady. She loved talking to me so we ended up wasting 10 mins of his life listening about our cats. I finally pay for my food and grab my back pack while shoving his bag against the door (the groupies gawk at me as I do so) and I leave to go eat. Even though it was such a small thing it made me really happy and confident the rest of the day for being a pretty little shit.

(source) story by (/u/Mimichacha18)

#pettyrevenge #by /u/Mimichacha18 #petty revenge #revenge story #petty revenge stories #revenge stories #last10

161 notes · View notes

romancenerd · 6 years

Text

Kisses Not Intened

*Dont know what to use for a gif so blank for now*

A/N - *I wanted to make at least one more fanfic before the year was over. Very very very extremely long time ago I was asked to write this when i posted a prompt list 9 decades ago and I’ve been lacking in the fanfic department. This was supposed to be a Christmas present but consider this a new year present. So this fanfic is for @nitia95 thank you so much for requesting this i serioisuly enjoyed writing this the fluff and just everything. Like i love Azusa so very much when i got stuck i didn’t want to force it out of me so this is all for you girl happy new year and thank you for being an amazing tumblr friend and big supporter of my blog!*

Also I don’t feel like proof reading or editing in the moment so please ignore grammar and punctuation until i fix it tomorrow also I’m going to change the title I just don’t know what to call it comment below some good titles please and thank you. So I’m going to shut up and let you all read now.

Liz was rapidly running through the streets of new york. Pausing to catch her breath at a crosswalk she checked her watch to see she only had 5 minutes to get to school before she was marked tardy.

She mentally cursed. The power in her building had went off last night and thank God she woke up when she did or she would have missed first period.

Even if it did only leave her 25 minutes to brush her teeth, hair, get dressed, and shove a granola bar and apple in her bag.

She continued running and glanced down to check her watch and collided head on something.

“Why don’t you watch where you're going.” A deep voice called to her.

She shook her head and glanced up at the dark haired stranger meeting his piercing sapphire gaze.

Rolling her eyes she pursed her lips and try to keep her anger in check, and sarcastically replied.

“Oh I'm so sorry! I'll try to watch where I'm going!” Using air quotes. She began to walk away. And at the same time they both made quite comments which they thought would fall upon deaf ears but would not be the case.

“Morron.”

“Asshole.”

Both of them faced each other with nasty looks.

“Do you have a problem with me or something?” Liz said

“No but I'm not the one crashing into people am I?”

“Yeah let's keep acting like it was my fault, I'm not the one walking in the middle of the street with my face glued to a map, so who wasn't really paying attention here.”

“ Well your -.”

“Listen I don't have time to argue with you, some of us have places to be.” Liz interrupted

And with that last statement Liz stormed off in the opposite direction slinging her bag over her shoulder with the stranger staring at the back of her head.

•••••••••••

Liz let out a long sign all while rubbing her eyes. She pushed the hair out of her face and grabbed the stack of textbooks near her and proceeded to her next class.

Professor Goldstein had given her extra work due to her tardiness to class this morning.

It was all that jerks fault this morning. What's his problem, she thought. I mean he was really cute but still he didn’t need to be a jerk about it.

As she walked through the halls of the university she was greeted with smiles and friendly waves. Second period was always her favorite class. Zoology. She loved animals more than anything.

That's why she decided to go to college and pursue a career in veterinary medicine. To help care and heal animals.

•••••••••••

Finally third period had arrived and she made her way to her usual spot in the classroom and waited for class to start she was a little earlier than usual than normal and people had yet to arrive.

Once the class started filling up and the bell rang, Professor Schular made an announcement. Not paying any mind, Liz leaned down and began collection and pulling her books out of her bag. When she popped back up she couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing.

“We have a new transfer student joining us today, I would all like you to welcome Azusa Kuze.” Proffesor Schuler spoke

Whispers and gasps suddenly filled the classroom.

“He’s so hot!”

“I think I'm going faint.”

“That jawline!”

Liz however was stunned and went his gaze meet hers her heart skipped a beat.

“Now.” The professor spoke. “ Where to put you ….”

Please not by me please not by me. Liz spoke over and over again in here head.

“ You can have a seat next to Ms. Hart .”

Liz felt her eyes go wide and her blood boil. She clenched her fist under the desk so hard she was positive they were turning white.

How ever he walked all the way to her table in the back of the room with a smile on his face and sat down.

“Well, well, well we meet again.

There staring at her with a sarcastic smile was none other than the blockhead she ran into earlier.

“It would appear so.” Liz said unamused.

She faced forward and began taking notes trying to completely forgetting his existence.

••••••••••••

Once class was over she got up and immediately collected her belongings.

“Hold on a minute.”

“What?”

“I was wondering if you knew where room B213 would be.”

Liz paused momentarily and swallowed the lump in her throat to speak. He handed her the paper and she saw that she had ever single class with him but her first 2.

Great. She thought

“Well according to this schedule apparently starting now we have every single class together.”

Liz tried as hard as she could to keep from sounding irritated.

He smiled sarcastically. She knew that he was getting a kick out of this.

“So I could just follow you for the day correct?”

She stared at him for the longest time and finally spoke.

“Fine, lets go before were late.”

••••••••••••

Today was a day off from school. Liz found herself in cute and cozy coffee shop 2 blocks from her apartment.

She sat with her legs crossed on a bean bag re-reading her favorite novel for the hundredth time.

Yesterday had been Friday and showing that jerk around while he smirked and teased her at every little thing she did.

She was glad it was the weekend now. Setting her book down and taking a quick sip of tea. She slowly inhaled in and out to calm her nerves.

Getting comfortable again, she grabbed her book and picked up where she left off.

The door to the coffee shop opened letting the crisp slightly chilly air into the room. Trying to ignore any and all distractions as best as she could until.

“Loving you was breathing but that breath disappearing before it filled my lungs.”

Liz suddenly looked up to find Azusa towering above her with a calm expression on his face.

“You know the sun and her flowers.”

Azusa suddenly smirked down at her.

“If were being honest here its it's a favorite of mine.” Azusa said chucking.

“Mine too.”

“Really?”

“Really really.” Liz smiled slightly than smirked.

“So even jerks have good literature taste.”

“Life is full of surprises.” Azusa said sitting down in the bean bag next to her putting his arms behind his head

“Tell me about it.” Liz said with her lips pursed. “So do you have anything better to do than stalk me all day and night.”

“You honestly think I give a damn about what your doing every single moment.”

“Clearly you seem to.” Azusa rolled his eyes at her comment and chuckled.

“Maybe I don't maybe I do, who's to say.” He teased

“You are a serious pain in my ass I swear.” Liz then stood up slamming her book shut and grabbed her coffee and purse.

“Where are you going.”

“To enjoy the rest of my day in peace thank you.”

Liz then left the shop leaving Azusa by himself. He simply stared at the door she walked out of with mixed thoughts. He let out a soft sigh and feel back into the bean bag wondering what in the world he was going to do.

“No no no.” Liz rested her head on the steering wheel as the engine started smoking. She was on her way home from the coffee shop when her car starting acting up and died on her.

Getting out and popping the hood she began to cough from all the smoke.

“This is just perfect what else can go wrong?! “ She screamed when the sky rumbled and a heavy downpour was upon her.

“Great what luck. Closing the hood she sat down and brought he knees to her chest. She was still a good 40 minutes away from home.

After several moments the rain upon her finally stopped even though the sound could still be heard. Lifting her head she was met by black jean’s and a white t shirt. Furthering her gaze upwards she was met with sapphire eyes.

“Get in my car and I'll drive you home.”

“You don -”

“Shut up get in the car and don't argue with me.” Azusa sternly said.

Liz knew he was trying to be nice. Maybe trying to make up for being such an asshole these past couple of weeks. Sliding off the hood she stood underneath the umbrella with him. He pulled her close wrapping his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the passenger side.

She never really looked at him before but up close she could see what the other girls were talking about. Liz wasn't going to like he was handsome. Like some guy from a fairytale or a dream.

After Azusa helped her into the passenger side and closed the door all Liz could think was if this was a fairytale. Azusa coming to her aid like a knight in shining armor. Or perhaps she was at home in bed sleeping through the rain. This is probably a dream she reassured herself.

But if it was then why was Azusa in it? She thought to herself as Azusa got in and began to drive.

“Where do you live?”

“In the Reitz apartments.”

“Really?” He laughed

“Yeah what's so funny.”

“I live 2 buildings over.”

“Seriously?” She grumbled

“Seriously, it's a small world you and I live in.”

“A little too small if you ask me.” Suddenly Azusa bursted into laughter. The way he smiled made her heart flutter.

What's the matter with me she thought. Liz sat in silence for the rest of the ride trying to figure out the strange dream out.

Liz wondered how far her dream would go. How long it would last.

“Were here.”He suddenly announced pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Oh.” She said a little disappointed. “Well thank you for the ride I'll be sure to give you money for gas next time I run into you. It's a small world so you shouldn't have to wait long.”

Azusa snorted and suddenly locked the doors when Liz tried to get out. She curiously looked at him, he dream kept getting stranger by the second.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure I guess.” Liz said settling back into her seat.

They sat in silence for a moment before Azusa blurted out. “Do you hate me?”

Taken by surprise Liz looked up at him to find him staring out the window. It took her a moment to answer but when she did.

“No I don't hate you.” Azusa suddenly turned his head towards hers.

“You don't.��

“No not at all. I think your a sarcastic asshole but who isn’t.” She said smiling.

Liz wondered why her subconscious would create such a dream unless. . .

Liz was pulled out her thoughts when Azusa's face got closer to hers. She suddenly forgot how to think. His face got closer until she could feel his breath on her lips.

Azusa then leaned forward a little as their lips brushed together in a soft and delicate kiss. Her heart seizes up and fluttered from the contact. He slightly pulled away and whispered.

“I'm sorry I didn't intend on kissing you.”

She slowly looked up into his eyes. Realizing this was reality. This was the real Azusa in front of her and that was a real, and that what her heart was telling her was real too.

Looking down and gently brushing her fingers across his cheek and returning to his gaze she whispered.

“I’m sorry I didn't intend on falling in love with you.”

Azusa suddenly smiled. “ Well I did intend on falling in love with you.”

Liz smiled back at him and he leaned forward and kissed her again. Its was slightly more passionate than the first.

The only sounds that could be heard were the drops of rain against the car and the sound of their lips meeting in heated breathless kisses.

#shall we date wizardess heart #wizardess heart fanfiction #wizardess heart #swd #wh #swd wh #shall we date #shall we date: wizardess heart #Azusa Kuze #wizardess heart azusa #fanfiction #otome game #ntt solmare #ntt solomare corp

10 notes · View notes

kirawritesaboutevanstan · 6 years

Text

Hayday and lazy mornings

Authors note: I’ve written a thing (again). I am quite proud of this one, it’s probably my favorite thing I have written so far, which to be fair doesn’t say a lot since I've merely written three things, or at least finished three things. But HEY I AM TRYING HERE and that’s what counts. Right?

Anyways, as always excuse my awful grammar. I really do suck at that. I AM SO SORRY! But any feedback is welcome, just please don’t be mean. I am a sensitive soul.

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: You spend the morning in bed with your boyfriend as he becomes a little needy? He asks an important question. HARD TO EXPLAIN. I suck at this. Please just read it lol.

Word count: Around 3000.

Warnings: Swear words. A few sexual mentions. FLUFF all the fluff! It’s just cute and fluffy and Sebastian being a little needy and adorable.

Interested in reading more of my stories? Well you can find them right here

Want to read my new series? Here’s the link.

TAGLIST IS OPEN for both my permanent and my series. Currently, those are the only taglists I have. Contact me either by an ask or message specifying which one you prefer x

He smiles and laughs sort of like this gif in the story by the way. Just a little information) I DONT OWN ANY OF THE GIFS OR PICTURES IN THIS STORY.

You are laying on your bed on your back in your sleepwear. A pair of panties and a t-shirt.

Your hands resting on your chest, your phone in your hands. You are playing Hay day which happens to be your newest obsession. There is just something just so relaxing, but yet exciting about having your very own little farm. There is always something to do, whether it’s tending to your crops, feeding your animals or sending out shipping orders. You were utterly and utterly addicted.

Just beside you, your boyfriend, Sebastian was laying on his back as well. In only his black briefs and a black t-shirt. His attention focused on something on his phone as well, what you didn't know. That would require for you to look away from your phone and that was not something you were prepared to do just yet.

You were just enjoying a quiet morning finally being together after being apart for 2 months. With him filming Avengers: Infinity war, meant he was away a lot. And if he wasn't on set when he was most likely somewhere else doing god knows what. And with you about to start filming the last season of Game Of Thrones, you being Daenerys Targaryen made you quite a big part of the whole world. That would mean a lot of filming, away from Sebastian. So with both of the busy schedules that didn't give you two a lot of time to spend together.

So this little morning was a welcome one. Even if you weren't really talking to each other, you were just enjoying each other's company. Just knowing that Sebastian was right there next to you made you happy. And that was enough for you for now. Knowing that you would probably end up doing some activity that required no clothing, the idea excited you, but you still didn't want to leave your little relaxed morning bubble just yet. So you continued playing your game.

Sebastian shuffles around on the bed, making the bed shake a little. You were trying to place down a tree and because of his little stunt, you put it the wrong place. You made a little-annoyed huff. His eyes land on your face, a small guilty smile on his cute face. He mumbles a little ‘sorry,’ and you just make a little humming sound as a reply.

He chuckles softly at your focused face. Your eyes and nose squinting at the screen, trying to see it more clearly. He had told you a million times to get new glasses, but you refused. Insisting that you didn't need new glasses. Even though the ones you have are literally stuck together by duct tape. And you are fairly sure that if you removed the tape, they would crumble in your hands, but still, you refused to buy new ones. You could easily afford them, you just didn't want to. The idea of wasting money on such a trivial thing putting you off the idea entirely, although Sebastian had reminded you a million times that you being able to see was not a trivial thing. But a significant thing, but still you couldn't be bothered. What’s wrong with a little squinting? It wasn't that bad. Or so you were trying to convince yourself at least.

You can feel his eyes still on you, but you try to ignore him. Hoping he will look away soon. But he just keeps staring at you.

You hear the click from his phone locking and the clunk of it landing on the bedside table. He turns over facing you now, eyes on your face. You continue trying to ignore him, but he is making it quite tricky. His steel blue eyes burning into your cheeks. After what feels like forever you decide to acknowledge his presence and the constant staring. ‘’You are staring at me’’

You mumble, not looking at him. Your gaze still focused on your game as you harvest and plant new crops.

’Mmm,’’ He hums at you as a response, still not looking away.

‘’Stop it. Stop staring at me, you weirdo.’’

You complain as you start to feel a little jittery under his intense gaze. You shift your body a little.

He laughs softly, that adorable little laugh he does. ‘’You are just so beautiful, I can't seem to help myself’’ He teases you, a smirk planted on his pretty face.

You glance over at him quickly to stick out your tongue at him, before you focus back on your phone. He laughs again, this time louder. You can feel the bed shaking a little from his laughter.

He shuffles closer to you. Moving down to the end of the bed. He climbs on top of your legs, resting his body on top of your lower part. Your legs are being squished a little by the weight of his body, but you don’t mind it. You smile to yourself, as his body settles on top of your legs. You open them up a little to make space for his body, and he makes a appreciate him. He settles in between them, half resting between your legs and half on top of you. His torso resting on the lower half of your body. He pushes your shirt up so that he can rest his cheek on the skin of your belly you giggle as his scruff tickles a little and he grins. He is currently rocking a thick and kind of long beard, just long enough for you to be able to run your fingers through it properly. You loved it when he had a beard, enjoying the feeling of the scruff against your skin when he kissed your lips, your other lips too..

And he loves when your nails scratch his skin, playing with his beard. The sensation does things to him that is not child-friendly. The scruff stinging your skin a little as he snuggles in further. You smile at the little content noise he makes as he finally gets comfortable.

You rest your phone on your chest, as you try to use only one hand to play your game. It made it more difficult, but you just couldn't resist reaching down to stroke his hair. Your nails scratch his scalp gently as your fingers card through his brown locks. He makes a pleased little moan at the sensation of your fingers running through his hair. His brown locks being a perfect length for you to run your fingers through it but also ideal for hair pulling. His hair is always soft and smells like peaches, he has made a habit of stealing your conditioner. And you didn't really mind it to be honest. It made his hair super soft.

(this is how his hair and beard looks)

You absentmindedly continue to run your fingers through his hair as you struggle to play your game one-handed. The task being a lot harder than you imagined.

‘’I was thinking about something’’ He mumbles suddenly, his voice low and soft.

He sounds so comfy and content with the situation.

‘’Hmm?’’ you reply, your focus still on the game.

’Mercy, please.’’

He replies a term that you two used when you wanted the others attention or a timeout from a fight. When mercy is used, you have to shift your attention to the one who claimed it. Or if in a fight, it's a way to get a timeout to think or just breathe. Very useful and he used it a lot. Well, you both did, you had stopped a lot of arguments like that before they turned into a fight.

‘’Hang on’’ He sighed and pressed his mouth to your skin and exhaled loudly. Then he made a little chuckle, which made you a little wary of what he was planning. Before you know it, he blows a raspberry on your skin, making your squeal with surprise and start giggling. He smiled up at you, that gosh darn adorable smile he does. The one where his eyes will squint a little, creating cute little wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. His nose scrunched up a little and his smile wide. His teeth showing a little. God, he is too damn attractive for his own good.

He props himself up on one arm so that it rests on your belly. Trying not to make it constrict your breathing, he holds himself up a little still.

‘’Okay okay, you have my attention you needy dork’’ you tease him, putting down your phone on his side of the bed. He grins at you, pressing one sweet kiss on your soft belly. You reach down with both hands this time and stroke his hair again, starting from the root and tenderly playing with his brown locks between your fingers. His eyes staring into yours. His steel blue eyes staring into your soul making your face flush.

‘’I was thinking’’ He repeats as his hand starts caressing your bare side, his hand leaving trails down your hips. Making you shudder a little, he grins wide at your reaction to his touch. Loving how you react to even his softest touches.

He continues ‘’Well, I was thinking about us really. This might not be the most romantic way of doing it, but I think I prefer it this way.’’ He smiles at you, and you stare at him confusion on your face. He moves up a little so that his whole body is on top of you. You are being squished by him, until he lifts up a little on his arm, removing some of the weight of you. His other hand goes to stroke your cheek, his thumb caressing your cheek. He continues, his voice low but filled with adoration.

‘’I love you with all of my heart, hell I love you with all of the cells in my body. They live and die loving you.’’ you smile at his words, reaching your hand up to caress his cheek as well. Nails gently scratching his scruffy cheek, he smiles wider.

‘’You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. Hell, you are the kindest, sweetest, intelligent, honest, raw, silliest and the just beautiful woman I have ever met. God, I am so in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, annoying you, teasing you, fucking you-’’ you blush at those words, and he grins wider.

‘’-hell even fighting with you. I want all of that, even when you drive me insane and make me so angry that I can't breathe. I still want to kiss your stupid, but gorgeous face.’’ you giggle at his words, and he chuckles. He presses one soft and tender kiss on your lips until he pulls away a little.

His blue orbs staring into your y/e/c.

‘’Y/N, sweetheart. The love of my life and my favorite partner in crime. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife.’’ Your eyes widen at his words. He is proposing? Your mouth agape as you stare at him in disbelief. ‘’Will you marry me my pretty bird?’’

You are so shocked that you can't even move or really think. Is this really happening? Did he just propose to you? In bed? Where is the ring? Not that you needed one, just it's usually how it's done. The guy going down on one knee, saying all the wonderful things and then pulling out a ring. Right? That's the way you usually propose.

But here he is.

His body on top of you, hand stroking your cheek as his beautiful blue eyes stare into yours. You don't even know what to say or do, and he gets a concerned look on his face at your passiveness.

‘’Sweetheart? Are you okay?’’ He asks, his face contorted in worry and a little sadness.

‘’Was it too fast? Do you not want that?’’ He panics a little, and you instantly feel guilty.

Oh no. Shit shit shit, say something anything.

‘’Aren't you supposed to be down on one knee when you propose to someone? With a ring?’’ you tease him, surprised at the words coming out of your mouth.

Wondering where they came from and how they sound so calm when you didn't feel calm. Your mind is racing. He sighs in relief and grins wide as he jumps off of you. He basically bolts it out of the room yelling a ‘stay’ as he disappears.

You sit up and shuffle over to the edge of the bed, your mind still freaking out but excited. Gosh, you’ve imagined those very words coming out of his mouth for so long and now that they are you can't seem to think. You want nothing more than to be his wife.

Fuck.

Wife.

His wife.

You would be Sebastian’s wife.

The thought of making your skin buzz with excitement and you know exactly what to tell him. He appears again and walks over to where you are sitting. He gets down on one knee, and pulls out a little blue velvet box, opening it up. Inside is the most beautiful ring you have ever seen.

The ring itself is quite simple. Gold with an oval opal in the middle, two small diamonds on either side. It's perfect.

‘’So, here I am. On my knee holding up a ring, that I truly hope that you like. It's not as easy as you think picking up a ring.’’ he chuckles before he continues.

‘’So, my love. I know that this was a very alternative way of proposing, but I didn't want to do the whole huge crazy proposal. I know you, and I happen to know how much you have all of that’’ you smile at him.

He knows you so well. You weren't a big hopeless romantic. Not that you didn't enjoy big romantic gestures, you did. But they weren't necessary. You much preferred small but loving gestures. Like a hug while you brush your teeth or a kiss as you cook dinner. Those little things were all you wanted. Just many little reminders of his endearment towards you was all you needed, and god was he good at that. Sebastian was a natural at being sweet and would always make you feel loved and appreciated with little touches or compliments throughout the day.

‘’I just wanted it to be us, nothing fancy or crazy. Just us enjoying our company. And this morning just reminded me why I want to marry you. I want this to be our mornings for the rest of my life, waking up next to you. So my pretty bird, I ask you on my knees. Will you make me the happiest and luckiest man alive, and be my wife?’’ You sniffle, the tears running down your cheeks.

‘’Marry me y/n.’’

He adds, and you fall down on your knees in front of him. Your arms immediately reaching for him. He pulls you into his lap, as he sits on the floor back resting up against the wall. You straddle him as you cup his face between your hands. Your teary eyes staring into his glowing blue ones. He looks a little teary too.

‘’Fuck yes. God. YES! Yes. Of course, I'll marry you.’’

You almost yell out of excitement. He smiles so wide you fear that his cheeks might tear. His lips catch yours, and you hum into him. His arms holding onto so tight, as if he is trying to melt into you. Which you wouldn't mind, you wanted nothing more. Your mouths molds against each other, your tongues dancing with the others. As if they are doing a choreographed ballet dance. Your hands are in his hair, he moans against you when you pull it, trying to get him closer. After a little while, sadly your lungs start screaming for air, so you reluctantly pull away. Sebastian is still grinning, and you match his face. Cheeks flushed, eyes a bit teary but happy.

He pulls out the box again and grabs your hand gently. Holding it between his hands. You look down at him as he picks up the ring and very smoothly slides it over your finger. The fit being perfect, you sniffle again. He looks up at you, his eyes shining and a soft but oh so happy smile on his lips. You look down at your hand and examine the ring closer.

‘’It’s perfect Bass. So beautiful,’’ you whisper, feeling like if you spoke, it would shatter the moment. It's so intimate and just perfect.

‘’Just like you’’ he whispers back, and you pull him into another kiss.

After a while of just kissing and hugging, you pull away a little.

‘’We're getting married’’ you say, and he smiles at you. Kissing your nose.

‘’Yeah we are.’’

‘’God, when are going to get time for that?’’ you say, sounding exhausted already at the planning.

He laughs wholeheartedly and pulls you into an embrace.

‘’Don't worry about that now pretty bird. We will have plenty of time to figure it all out. Let's just enjoy this moment hm?’’ He strokes your cheek again, and you lean into his touch. You nod and rest your forehead against his. We will figure it all out in time. We always do.

Fin x

I really hope you enjoyed this. I am proud of this one. And this is like my dream scenario of someone proposing to me lol, a girl can dream eh?

(Edited 18/6/18)

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fanfiction #fluff

226 notes · View notes

undeadpsycho13 · 7 years

Text

trapped (nowhere to run)

ahem. so first off, im really sorry for being off tumblr for so long. really, i apologise.

also, this is a request from a certain anon, a short fic of jago’s death and how his family reacts. sorry about the lack of writing from the parents perspective, but i thought it would be a little nicer if it was written from the pov of someone who actually cared.

not that his parents dont care. they’re just kinda twisted.

(also this took literally five minutes, because i saw the ask and i was like damn i need to write this, but then i had to go eat dinner and the ending got rushed D: unbeta’d, obv, plz let me know if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes)

Azucena never liked Mondays.

Monday signified a new week. Monday signified a new cycle of suffering. Monday signified the start of studying and working and pain and the end of partying and fun and games. But that wasn’t it, something bad always seemed to happen on Monday.

Today was even worse. She could feel something wrong in the air, something off, worse than it had been when Jago had left with the Alopay girl.

That had been a Monday too.

But while that day had been suffocating, like a choke-hold, one that the poor girl could feel all the way from her small dingy dorm room in America, this one was even worse, a thick fog in the air like a thousand gun barrels aimed at her head, a miniscule squeeze away from complete and utter death. Darkness. Doom.

Something terrible was to happen, she knew it.

They’d always said the Player’s sister had the gift of prophecy, but that was nothing but a myth.

… Or was it?

Something flashed at the edge of her vision. Something dark and consuming and brutally cold and hot at the same time, though how she could feel the temperature even she herself failed to fathom, but she knew it was bad, very, very bad. There’s a bang that only she can hear in her mind’s eye, and she swears she sees a flash of blue flickering somewhere amidst the black, and then the vision clears, leaving Azucena disoriented and reeling from the shock.

Realising she had dropped her groceries, the girl hastened to pick them up, then hurried her way down the street to where her room was situated, remembering suddenly that Anya was still waiting for her.

Anya, she thinks, a small smile gracing her lips. It disappears quickly, when she hears a voice that sounds suspiciously like her mother's ring through her head, It is abominable to like another girl that way, Azucena Tlaloc. You must proudly carry on our bloodline, like a good girl, and get these tainted thoughts out of your mind, you understand?

She sighs at her dashed fantasies and walks up the stairway, to the sixth floor, cursing the broken elevator while swinging the large bags as she rounds the corners.

When she finally reaches the worn wooden door, poor thing barely clinging onto its hinges, she raises her hand to knock on the door, only to be interrupted by the sound of her phone, ringing.

“Azucena,” Mother’s sharp voice rings through the speakers, staticy yet frightening all the same, “Your brother is has lost his Endgame.” Direct, straightforward, emotionless, as if she were telling her to take out the trash.

“What do you mean, Mama?” Azucena asks, clearly uncomprehending.

“I mean he’s dead. He has failed our line, in the worst way possible, death is a fitting punishment for traitors like him.” Juliana says, disinterest evident in her voice, as though informing her daughter of this was nothing but a chore, an obligation, but Azucena pays no heed to that, because her mother lost her at dead.

Dead, because there was no way Jago could be dead, it was not possible, Jago promised before he left that he would come back, she had expected him to waltz back into her life after the Endgame, maybe with an addition of a few more scars, but nothing more than a few more scars, nothing more than signs that he had fought, but in her dreams he had always come back alive, whole, unharmed, there was no way he was gone…

The tears don’t come, because she’s still in denial, but she can feel her knees go weak and collapse, the bag full of groceries clattering loudly to the ground. She doesn’t register any of this, not even when the rough cement scrapes open a wound on her knee that will probably require stitches, not even when she drops the phone onto the ground, her mother still talking, and buries her face into her hands, eyes still dry but starting to feel warm and puffy, not even when the door opens and a stunned Anya is faced with the sight of her roommate on the ground, shoulders heaving, and she rushes over to hug said roommate, asking what’s wrong.

All she can see is the dead look in Jago’s eyes when that British girl–––– Alicia, her name is–––– left, all she can hear is him say with little emotion in his voice, What’s the point in love if it’s going to get taken away, eventually? What’s the point of life if it’s just going to end, after all the struggling? He had turned to Azucena, head tilted, eyes vacant, and said, with more emotion than he’d been able to muster in the entirety of the two weeks since Alicia was shot, I can’t do this any more. Can’t you be Player instead? Kill me, please, don’t make me live in the hell anymore.

And finally, the tears come for Azucena, crying over the death of her brother, dead and gone, not because he was dead, but because he finally got what he wanted.

He’d found solace, but now Azucena was trapped on the other side.

Without her brother.

ugh, not proud of this, kinda hate it, but at least it gives a little back story on jago and his family. also, now i can say i haven’t abandoned tumblr. dont worry, i’ll be back soon.

btw guys, i dont know wut to call this. the title is smthn i thought of in two seconds, and it doesn’t work v well. help me come up with a name, plz

#endgame #jago #alicia #jago tlaloc #oc #azucena tlaloc #juliana tlaloc #jalicia #au

10 notes · View notes

nora-reads-homestuck · 8 years

Text

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again.

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made. TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business.

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

#NRHS #Nora reads Homestuck #Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #Part 66 #Act 6 #A6A1

77 notes · View notes