#and i can't wait to see the covers and remixes in the future
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Six-Song Soundtrack
tagged by @dujour13 Thank you! This was a lot of fun! I listen to a lot of EDM due to hearing loss so a lot of these can be put as 'interpret as you will'. Tagging: @jean-dieu @spyridonya
Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:
An event that defines your character's past
How your character sees themselves
How others view them
Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)
A major fight scene
End credits song
For Yunessa: 1.) Equillus- "Darkness" "Lost again in a bitter heart of darkness. How far this time...? How far?" 2.) Stupendium- "A Pizza the Action" This is a ways into their story. But Yunessa has always been about choices and the freedom to pick them.
So come pick your destiny off of the menu (fate won't wait 'til the Sun comes up) Or be laid to rest in your favourite venue (arcade to arcade, crust to crust) In this amusement park, you are the Superstar We know that you'll go far, but you must choose your path Those neon tubes cast shadows on a truth so dark It's up to you to battle to its putrid heart So savour the taste of your last pepperoni (you've got a party pass to a backstage tour) 'Cause you're taking the stage for one night only (but will dawn chorus be your encore?)
3.) Psylla- "Furor"
4.) Dion Trimmer "Internet boy"
Are you only passing through or are you gonna love me? Are you only passing through or are you gonna love me?
Are you only passing through or (incoming message)
I feel the love I've never felt before I'm fired up now Conceal the words I've never said before I'll say them out loud
Everyone loves everyone You can't turn it off, no Anyone under the gun We close our eyes and let it go
Are you only passing through or are you gonna love me? We close our eyes and let it go Are you only passing through or are you gonna love me? We close our eyes and let it go
I don't wanna be Anywhere but here with you Future memories We can carry on the truth (I found you)
5.) David Hasselhoff- "True Survivor"
Dominoes falling Riot in the streets Baby this time There's no retreat There's no surrender A devil is rising A shadow from the past Feeding the flames with fire On the edge of fury
Out of time Running in and out of time Hear the ticking of the Countdown clocks tonight
Girl, we need some Girl, we need some Action! If we re gonna make it like a true survivor We need some
6.) Wojciech Golczewski- "Summer 1992" Alternative songs below
#1.) Celldweller- "Unshakeable"
Beyond the reaches of our galaxy Three figures watch over us all As suns are rising on a distant planet's shores They are watching and waiting, always orchestrating Celestial covering of humankind Perfectly hovering in space and time A world that turns when they're in control Means we're bound to stand on ground that's unshakeable! Unshakeable! (I am beyond) Unshakeable! They are watching and waiting, always orchestrating Beyond the reaches of mortality Three figures watch over us all As suns are setting on a distant planet's shores They are watching and waiting, always orchestrating
#2.) alternative: SWARM- "The Oncoming storm"
Do you remember who I was before? You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore This constant wave of anxiety inside me Won’t leave me be and it’s screaming That everybody is lying to me Let it rain Open the floodgates Let the waves crash down carry me away Let it rain Let it flood Let it pour Swallowed by the oncoming storm
#3.) Mazare- " "Battlecry"
We're braver than a lion We're steady in our state of mind Keeping our composure Another one breaks the silence Another one shuts the door We're never gonna be the same as we've been before A city burned down to ashes Memories lost in vain It's only gonna make us stronger, as we heal the pain
#4) Alternative, but Lann's point of view,lol. Flight Faculties "Crave you EDM Remix."
Why can't you want me like the other boys do? They stare at me while I stare at you Why can't I keep you safe as my own? One moment I have you the next you are gone Rehearsed steps on an empty stage That boy's got my heart in a silver cage Why can't you want me like the other boys do? They stare at me while I crave you It's true I crave you Crave you It's true I crave you
#5) Toccata- "Overwerk"
#6) Saint Punk "Empty Bed" For an alternative 'bad' story ending for Yunessa.
Your footsteps On the stairs If I listen hard enough They're still there You think I'd Know better by now But I still drink until you're next to me again, baby Yeah, yeah, yeah And I still think that in the morning, I might wake up next to you
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Patrick Stump is also zeroing in on what actually is a very real - but very under-discussed - aspect of brain development between ages ~15-30.
At around age 14 or 15, both from sociological and biological standpoints, it's considered completely healthy and developmentally normal for early-to-mid-teenagers to begin exploring music and forms of expression outside of what their family unit has exposed them to.
Say you grew up in a family that loves its classic bands; Elvis, The Beatles, Beach Boys, Led Zepplin, The Rolling Stones, and what-have-you. If you grew up loving the music your guardians/parents listened to, great! If you hated it? Also fine! All indicative of a pretty normal developmental experience.
Once we enter into those mid-teen years, it's also extremely common and normal to develop a larger interest in listening to and watching the media our friends and peers are interested in. These are wonderful years from a developmental standpoint! You're growing! You're exploring new forms of expression! You're forming preferences and building a sense of independent identity with them; learning what you want to keep cherishing from your nuclear family and childhood, and what you don't. You're developing your individual tastes and doing a great job at growing into your own sense of identity and self. It's a vital part of development.
Cut to around age 20-25. "Guilty pleasures" become a subject whispered about amongst your closest and most trusted of social connections and family. "Ugh, I can't believe how obsessed I was with Fall Out Boy..." you may admonish yourself in front of your friends as you're delving into what you feel are the socially acceptable tunes of your "adult" years (lol, you're not even 26 yet, just wait). As you close in on 30, some of those songs from your teen obsession years start rolling out as "classics". You may hear one of your personal favorite "oldies" in the supermarket - the true death knell of coolness.
But here's the interesting thing: by around age 25, your brain is wiring itself to sense and detect the value of nostalgia, and of impact of your decision-making skills on your long-term future. It's after about age 25 in neurobiology that you start seeing a big spike in the rates of 20-somethings expressing concerns for the future, getting involved in learning about how to Be An Adult, acquire the necessary skills to survive into the foreseeable future (taxes, rent, general self-sufficiency), and even learning to forgive that cringe-based side of yourself that's been a major part of your personality for a few years now.
By the time you turn 30, the 20-somethings and teens out there are remixing the songs you loved when you were 15 as throwback remixes. Music stars that are just hitting the big charts are doing covers of That One Fall Out Boy Song That Got You Every Time It Came On Your iTunes. Most kids you know think it's that artists original track and not a cover. You clench your teeth on that, the shame of admitting your love for Fall Out Boy still a burdensome weight.
You're not quite sure the exact moment it happened, but suddenly, you miss that album. You look up a song or two you remember on Spotify or YouTube. You brace to cringe at your godawful tastes from 15 years in the future.
But you don't end up cringing. In fact, this is the third time you've hit the "replay" option for the whole album. There are new albums that came out after you started to feel the sense that it wasn't cool to listen to them anymore, and now you have a bunch of new stuff to listen to. What? The band is still together? They're still touring and putting out singles?
You can feel that thrumming urge to throw your imagination into the rhythm of the beat, or wiggling your hips to it, rising up like it did when you were 15. You wait for the embarrassment and shame to roll in when one of the younger kids at work catches you jamming to Thnks fr th Mmrs. They ask you what you're listening to. They have no idea it's Fall Out Boy. They've heard of Fall Out Boy, but you realize that it's only because you listened to so much of their stuff when you were 15-19 that you know their sound and beat flow by heart even all those years later, while they only seem to know a couple of their biggest hits. Only you remember the glory of the Ancient Texts.
Now that 20-something group of kids that work with you are bopping their heads to Fall Out Boy songs. Suddenly, you walk in to work one day and they're listening to Panic! At The Disco and The All-American Rejects.
The "guilt" part in "guilty pleasure" finally dissolves. Music is just music now; you either like it, or it's not for you. You Are Free Of The Burdensome Vestiges Of Teenage Music Shame*.
patrick stump, 2006 / 2023
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a lot of the songs that formed the foundation to my deep love for all things dance is hitting that point where it's gone retro and so it's getting sampled/remade and i love it so fucking much
#all of the new spins on some of my favorite melodies#LOVE#and i can't wait to see the covers and remixes in the future#they're gonna be so fucking good#LIKE THAT REMAKE OF LAMOUR TOUJOURS THAT DZEKO & TORRES DID??? and that was a few years back#Falling Apart And Coming Together
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Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics
Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.
The playlist can be found HERE
Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.
For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.
You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).
The playlist contains a lot of the following:
Music from movie and TV soundtracks
Instrumental music
Remixes
Classics and covers of classics
Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.
Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.
Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:
Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)
Fireflies- Owl City
Echoes in Rain- Enya
My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)
Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)
Everytime We Touch- Cascada
1000 Times- Sara Bareilles
Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith
In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt
To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor
She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)
Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie
Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse
Commentary:
The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.
The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.
Leave my door open just a crack
Please take me away from here
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
Please take me away from here
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
***
Wait for the sun
Watching the sky
Black as a crow
Night passes by
Taking the stars
So far away
Everything flows
Here comes another new day
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
***
"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:
Who can you trust, in this place?
And whom can I put my faith?
If you're real, then show me now,
Who you are
The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).
She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day
Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:
Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles
So Easy- Phillip Phillips
Incomplete- James Bay
Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)
I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne
Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath
P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)
It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)
I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer
The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics
Commentary:
The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.
"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.
I don't wanna look down
I don't want us to break up in the clouds
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now
"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.
What you need is a friend to count on
What you got baby you got someone
Who will stay when the rain is fallin'
And won't let it fall on you
P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.
It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.
I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.
Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:
Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
All I Ask- Adele
Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)
I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)
Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew
Constellations- The Oh Hellos
Commentary:
For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.
The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.
All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.
I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left
Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is
If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?
***
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough
Never be enough
***
I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me
I know that your love is gone
I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy
Don't tell me that your love is gone
That your love is gone
"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?
Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:
All of Me- John Legend
(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams
Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)
She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)
Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)
What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)
ivy- Taylor Swift
Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis
Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)
On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter
My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)
The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)
Commentary:
There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.
"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.
"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.
"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.
Losing your head is such a common theme
All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams
Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter
I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter
On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.
Oh, goddamn
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it's been promised to another
Oh, I can't
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I'm covered in you
The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.
"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you
Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs
Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo
Burn With You- Lea Michele
The Bones- Maren Morris
Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt
Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)
Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood
“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.
I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that
***
“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same
When there ain't a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we're facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don't fall when the bones are good
***
“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.
Take me, I'm ready
Go slow but go steady
To a place that we can call our own
I wanna know what feels like home
***
“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.
I wanna love you like the rain on a roof
Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof
I wanna take love to places that love has never been
Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again
And I'll love you again
Oh, and again
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The Ghost Of You
07 - Our Realization
This chapters songs:
New person, same old mistakes: Tame Impala
National Anthem: Lana Del Rey
Blackout Days: Future Islands Remix
I think it might be hell; Clarence James
—
Y.L. Perspective-
Seriously, what was it with tight dresses? All they would do was squeeze the living hell out of you, making every single step you took complete torture. Sure, people looked hot in them, and I wouldn't blame anybody for wanting to show off their looks. But me— me?! No. Especially not to a high school third-year party, where all anybody wants is sex.
"Come on, don't make such a huge deal out of it. You look so beautiful it hurts me." Giki tugs on my arms, attempting to pull me out of the car while the other two band members leaned on it, beginning to grow impatient with my childish behavior.
What I wore consisted of a very light blue colored dress with small ripples down the entire thing that tugged at both my hips and chest and the sleeves were long and oversized to trick the eye. It was small and snug and made my entire body look better than I imagined. Yes, it was a gorgeous dress, but I hadn't ever planned on wearing it. The only reason I ever even bought it was because I loved the way it looked on me— meaning it was never intended for other people to see. Plus, this wasn't even that grand of a party. I mean— yes, there were at least three hundred people inside singing and dancing from what we could hear, and it was quite a humongous house, but still: I didn't get the point of dressing so club-ish.
To my friends' relief, I gain the courage to step out, trying to avoid the couple of people that were glancing over to the new arrivals: us. My hands attempt to pull down the dress, but it simply stays above mid-thigh.
"So, what's there to see here, hm? Are we greeting anybody here, or what?" Toruku questions, locking his car and twisting the watch on his wrist. We begin walking towards the grand house, meanwhile talking silently.
"Pretty much everybody is here, so you guys can just runoff. I'm gonna try and find Miya since she invited me and all."
It wouldn't be any trouble to try and find our friends, since we had quite a few. Being a popular band at your school had to give you a few favors. The only thing was that I was scared of being lonely at this party. I didn't know what would happen, who I would meet, or if I would make mistakes of some kind.
The four of us slide through the crowds outside while muffled music was heard. But the second that Toruku opened the door, so much was happening. Flashing blue and red lights would appear, coloring everybody and their sparkly wardrobe. Many were dancing and shouting at the loud music that blasted through the noise, though I didn't mind very much. The music was almost hypnotizing, and so was the faint smell of marijuana and alcohol.
From my side, Toruku made an expression of excitement. "There's fun stuff!" He yelled, sliding his hands together. "I'll see you guys later!" Is the last we hear of him for a while, before he makes his way between the crowds of teenagers. I nervously crossed my arms, doing the same as him, and starting my way around the house to explore.
Suddenly, a voice calls out to me, sending immediate chills down my spine. "Y/n!" Yelled Kiyoko, as her arms widened for a hug, while a drink in her hand bounced in the cup. "I didn't know you were coming! We could've matched or something!"
"There's no need, you already look so good tonight!" I spoke loudly over the music, looking up and down at Kiyoko. She wore a red spaghetti strap silk dress that fit perfectly on her, but what didn't? "God, you're such a goddess!"
"Don't even, Y/n. I've never seen you so hot-looking before," she laughed, putting a warm hand on my shoulder. "Don't mind me if I act a bit silly right now, I'm tipsy."
I nod. "How about lead me to the drinks so I can be too? I'm getting impatient," I say back, before being led to the kitchen. It's big and grand, just like the rest of the house. In there, there are about two or three jugs of whatever, and a stack of cups as well. People were seen talking and laughing near them.
Kiyoko and I fill two cups of beer— or what I assumed was— and gave them both a bump. "Cheers to our third year, right?" I say, as we down what we have in our cups. The amount of carbonation in the beer is surprising, making my nose scrunch up while it goes down my throat. "Jeez, what's in this, crack?"
"Probably," Kiyoko's obnoxious laugh releases, as she leans against me, giggling over my shoulder. I simply laugh back, baffled by drunk Kiyoko. "Hey, you know who's staring right at you?"
My veins practically freeze. Staring at me? At what?! "Who?!" I silently yell at her, quickly turning my head side to side to spot anybody.
"Koushi. And he's not taking his eyes off of you."
Not even a second after her seductive tone whispers into my ear, I spot the guy, with a drink in his hand and a couple of familiar volleyball players discussing with him. However, he didn't look too cheerful. Instead, he just looked me up and down, and right into my eyes, then taking a long chug of his beer.
I smirk back at Kiyoko, excited at the fact that he had spotted me so quickly. "Do you think he came with anybody? I wanna talk to him but if he's with someone then I'd rather not." I ask the girl, as she moved her feet to the beat of the song playing.
"Hm, I have no idea. Anyway, I gotta go. My date is waiting for me. Bye-bye, stay safe!" Her cheerful aura soon leaves the dim blue room, and I'm left alone in the kitchen, waiting on him to approach me.
The first few seconds I glanced at him, I only got a few of his stares. Each time I would attempt to look away, acting as if I wasn't beating myself up because he wouldn't talk to me. But once he tapped Daichi's shoulder, set the empty cup down, and mumbled something, I knew my wish came true; I wouldn't look like such a loner now.
His footsteps approaching me are the only thing I can make out from the music and nothing else, but that is until his voice catches my attention as if it weren't already all on him. "Hey, Y/n. I didn't know you'd show up today." He says, leaning his hips against the counter. "You look pretty."
"Thanks, you too!" I return the compliment, as the music gets louder. It's not until a few seconds after that I realize what I had just told Sugawara: that he looked pretty. I mean, it wasn't a total bad compliment for a boy. He did, in fact, look very good tonight. He wore a white t and grey button shirt over it, with dark baggy jeans and a few chains and rings, all topped off with his shaggy silver hair.
He smiles at me, reaching for one of the red cups that were stacked upon each other, and filled yet another cup up with beer. "You don't think you'll get a headache tomorrow morning?" I ask him, as his eyes turn to me while he drinks. It sure did seem as if he was using a hell of a lot of cups tonight.
"I think I'm fine. I know how to take my alcohol." He puts down the red cup that was now empty, ahead of tightening his jaw and giving me that same gloomy look he'd given me before. "You do too, don't you?"
'Yeah, I do.' I say internally, nodding. "You look upset. Are you okay?" My voice is shaky and loud, but not loud enough for him to hear, for his eyes rolled back and he leaned closer to my face. "You look a little down. Did something happen?"
He whispers into my ear, "I can't hear you right now. Let's go somewhere else." His hot skin rubs against my cheek, meanwhile, his nose tickles my ear. "Come with me." Sugawara gets a hold of one of my hands, and wraps his fingers in between mine, before leading me out of the kitchen and into a crowd of people, where I was lost in the whirl of shouting people. Every once in a while, he would turn his head, searching for any sign that I was uncomfortable. But I wasn't. Only curiosity was what I was feeling.
Soon after, he brought us two to the front of the house and opened the door. Outside was a few people smoking or trying to have a nice talk without the noise inside. But even if it was muffled, it was still really loud. Sugawara makes a turn towards two empty chairs in the front porch colored a nice light and dark grey with striped patterns. In front of it was a glass coffee table with a few empty and full cups of beer.
Suga set his cup beside the others, and sat on the far left chair, while I sat on the right, waiting for an explanation of why he had brought me out here. It wasn't as if I was angry, but simply wondering. "It's nicer out here. I saw you were pretty uncomfortable all alone, so I thought we could just stay out here for a little," he explained, while the dim porch light bulb hung above his head, making his platinum hair appear gleaming. He wasn't wrong, I was pretty stressed about being alone for measly ten seconds.
"Yeah, you guessed right." I fiddle with my fingers, taking in and off the ring wrapped around one of them. "I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling up for a party tonight. Usually, I'd be the one telling everybody to go so we could enjoy it. So much for wearing something I usually wouldn't, right? If I had known people were gonna start swimming I wouldn't have even come." I huff, leaning over onto my knees. Today was tiring, and being forced to a party wasn't what I expected.
As if he read my mind, he asks, "did something piss you off today? Was it your father? You didn't get to tell me how that went. I don't mean to be intruding on your life or anything, I just wanna know."
I sigh lazily, leaning over to prop my elbows onto my knees as I gazed towards the moon. It was nice today and covered in small clouds. "It's nothing, really. I just got into this argument— this fight with him. He tried taking me somewhere nostalgic and then tried putting on this entire 'good father persona, while I just sat there dreading every moment of it. You have no idea how much torture it was." At the simple description, I can already feel my eyes watering. God, how much would I cry today? How many times would it be until Suga would go at least one hang out without me breaking down in front of him?! "Anyway, I told him how I felt. And all he could say is 'sorry', after what I explained to him. How he didn't deserve to try and boss me around as if he were even there when I self-harmed. Instead, I had to go to some grey-haired boy in the corner of my math class, right?" I giggle, sniffing up any fluids that left my red nose. Thankfully, Sugawara understands and doesn't hold back a cute snort.
"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to have a bad relationship with a father, trust me. And you don't deserve that. From what I know, you're such a strong, beautiful, good person, and although you grew up without them, I think you did a great job finding yourself." Although my eyes are closed, I can still imagine the way he looked at me, and the sweet stare he gave. What I couldn't imagine was his hand pressed on my knee, with his thumb softly massaging it. "You're a great girl, you know. Don't let him ruin your confidence."
As expected, a cheeky smile on his pretty pale face is what I see when I open my eyes, as well as a few fewer students outside of the house. But now that we're mostly alone, I don't bother feeling as if I have to hide from anybody. "Thank you. It means so, so much." My voice wobbles in the cold air, meantime one of his thumbs made its way towards my cheek to wipe the large tears that bounced on my bottom lashes.
"It's no issue. I'm only telling you the truth," he speaks, pulling his hand back into his lap. Soon after, he sat back in his chair, looking up at the sky that painted many glittering stars, and a pale white moon. I do so too, letting every emotion leave my body with each breath. Talking with Sugawara was as if being in heaven, if only for a split second. I wished that it could last at least two, or three, or even an entire minute. "Y/n, do you... do you wanna leave?"
My eyebrows curl at his question. "What do you mean by that?"
Before being able to thoroughly ask him more questions, he quickly clears things up. "I mean I don't wanna be here anymore, and I know you don't either. As you said, 'I'm not in a party mood.' I brought my car, and I'm not drunk. Not tipsy either. Do you just wanna hang out somewhere else?" He looks down at his wrists again, picking at his cuticles while waiting for my response. For a second I think about why I came. It was only so that Miya would trust that Giki brought guests. I'm sure that now she had at least four hundred people in her house she wouldn't mind. And besides that, I didn't know where we would go, or if we would get in trouble.
But in his luck, he was right; I didn't wanna be here.
—
Sugawara and I both agreed I'd meet him at the front door after I said bye to Giki. He brought up a clever idea that I should probably tell at least one of my friends we were leaving, or else they'd grow defensive and act as if I were kidnapped. And so, I'm approved to leave and plan to waste no time getting out of this house.
That is until I encounter what feels like a ghost.
"Y/n," my name is heard from a mouth, sending me to glance to my right. Looking up, there stood Oikawa, someone so distant, yet so familiar. All I could do is stare back at him, blinking a few times to check that I wasn't hallucinating some figure. He was tall, and his build was skinny but muscular, just like when we were kids. Except now, he looked more of a man than a boy. He ran a hand in his brown hair, turning towards me completely instead of a sneaky side stare. I had begged the gods to keep him away from me, but here we were.
Toru had no business being at this party— a Karasuno party— so why was he? Is this to run into me? Or maybe Toruku? So many thoughts ran through my mind, yet all I could do is stand there, staring at him. "W-why are you here?" I hesitate to ask, followed by one of his awkward laughs.
He rubs the back of his head, saying, "I was invited? Why else? I thought I would see you here, but I didn't mind. But if you are, does that mean Toruku is too?" I didn't understand why he wanted to know about us, but I also didn't care. I didn't need to be so stressed about this tonight. "Wow— I can't believe it's you. I thought... I thought you—"
"What, killed myself?"
"N-no! No, of course not. I just thought you moved again. At least that's what you told everybody. Iwa and I had been trying to get a hold of you guys recently because it being our third year. We...we thought it was best to say bye properly, y'know?" Even though his voice is so low, I can still hear him over the blasting music and obnoxious talking. "Listen, I just. I just wanna see how you guys doing. I know you're in a band now. That's cool, right?"
I nod, with an expressionless face. Annoyed, I cross my arms and relax my posture. "Yeah, I guess. I heard you're at a preppy little school now. Isn't that fitting?" An unexpected attitude is heard in my tone, which soon made me feel a bit sorry. But what was I to say? He can't expect to get so close to me after three years. This conversation is useless. I need to go.
Oikawa takes notice of this and has no second thought of grabbing one of my hands, requesting for me to stay. "Please, I wanna talk more. I..I have so much to say. Can I at least have your number?"
I attempt to resist his grip on my fist, but he simply pulls back harder. He must really wanna talk. I say, "I have to go right now. We can talk some other time. Please, just let me go." All of a sudden, another arm is wrapped around my wrist, but not Toru's. Instead, it's Sugawara, giving him the most intimidating stare. Both setters stare at each other for long seconds, before Suga gently slid his hand from my wrist to my hip, as the warmth of his fingers makes my back curl.
"Is everything alright, babe?" He asked, looking down and smiling at me. Ahh, I get it. The old boyfriend-saving trick. He makes sure to give Oikawa a two-faced smile, letting him know he would be able to confront me no longer. Going along with his ploy, I lean on him, grabbing his arm in security. "I'm fine," I mumble, looking anywhere else but towards Oikawa. "Let's just go."
—
Closing the front door that I had walked into just about an hour ago, Sugawara let go of my hand, "Who was that? Why were they so demanding?" He asks, looking at me for a response. Although I try to act toned down, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by everything. But luckily, I'd just for tonight, I could escape from my problems.
"Just an old friend. Thank you, though. I didn't feel like talking with them."
Sugawara and I walk towards the end of the street, where he has said his car was. And once we'd reached it, he pulled open the door for me, and I sat in the passenger seat. It wasn't a big car, but it wasn't small either. Its paint consisted of a darker matte grey, and inside the seats were beige leather. He had two small cans of car freshener; one lavender, the other cherry almond. Hanging from the rearview mirror was a string attached to a small volleyball plush and a necklace. I wasn't sure what the necklace was about, but it wasn't any of my business. Overall, it was a nice car, which I could tell was kept clean.
"Sorry if it's messy, or weird looking. I just got it last year so I'm still kind of beginning to get used to it."
An entire year? Looking over at Suga I say, "if you don't mind me asking, why has it taken so long?" He swallows hard, tapping his fingers on the black leather that covered the steering wheel. "It was my moms. She gave it to me before she passed away." He says, stuttering. It seemed that Suga wasn't very comfortable talking about this subject. "A-And besides that, it took me a little to learn how to drive. I only ever take it when I don't have a ride somewhere. Other than that, it stays at home."
What he said had cleared up some things I was wondering about: why hadn't he taken it to school? But now that I was aware of the situation, I thought it's best to not ask. "Oh. Well, that's okay. There's no need to be ashamed or anything," I tell him, backing up my words with a sweet tone. "I don't take loss very well. Not any better than you did, at least."
"Ha! You have no idea." Surprisingly, a remark leaves his mouth, soon followed by an apology. "Sorry, that came out rude." His low voice cracks at the last word. I felt nothing but sorry for Suga at the moment. Whatever he didn't tell me about in the kitchen was itching his ear this entire time, and I wouldn't go on without knowing what it was.
He licks his soft lips and folds his hands within each other. I assumed it was about some girl, why wouldn't it be? Suga is truly a handsome young man— a man— not a boy. I wouldn't blame any other teenage girl to fall head over heels for him, but I wouldn't be okay with somebody causing him trouble. After what I've heard about Sugawara, he didn't deserve any more dreadful events to occur in his timeline. "What's up with you, Suga? You seem upset today. Well, not upset, more like down. But are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just got in this fight with my dad today about volleyball. He makes it such a big deal, more than before my mom died. I think he just worries I'll end up throwing my life away. But after everything, it feels like that doesn't even matter," he explains, as the engine now roared, and I quickly strapped on my seat belt. "Anyway, where do you wanna go, hm?"
I look out the window, as we begin to pass the house that held so many. But soon we reach the end of the street, and almost all of the noise is gone. If only for a few hours, I can finally relax. "I dunno. I just wanna leave."
"Maybe you wanna get some clothing from your house? I can drive you there, and we can go somewhere else afterward," Sugawara mentions, shifting his vision towards me if only for a second. But I deny it. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere near home right now, or at least home is what they call it. For me, it's simply a hollow shell full of regret.
"No. I don't wanna go home." I turn my head towards Suga, whose eyebrows raised in surprise at my demand. "I don't even care if I'm uncomfortable. I just.. I just don't wanna go home."
"I don't either." He smiles meekly. "Look, I have a t-shirt in the back. But it's only a t-shirt, nothing more"
"That's okay. I snuck pajama shorts under my dress tonight," I giggle, lifting the blue skirt to reveal bright pink cotton shorts with cartoon monkeys and bananas covering them. "So, where to after?"
"I'm not sure. I think I'll just park at this old skatepark I know, and we can just stay there for a while until you decide we wanna go."
"Orr," I make a request. "We could stay there all night. I don't mind sleeping in the trunk or something, that's what makes it an adventure, right?"
Sugawara shrugs, as a smile appears on his face. Soon, we're out of the neighborhood, and out on the main road, where anywhere go is a mystery to me. "I.. I dunno. What if your parents get angry at me? What if you get in trouble?"
"I don't think they will, Suga. They don't care much." Quickly, I begin to unstrap my heels, placing them next to my feet, and take off my seat belt. To his surprise, I instantly climb towards the back seats of his car, getting low immediately after I succeeded. "You said the t-shirt was back here?" I ask him, glancing to the middle seat. Usually, if you pulled it down, there was a compartment that had a shortcut to the trunk. I put two fingers between the small loop the divided the seats and the storage, pulled it back, and pushed a small button that pulled back. Surely, my predictions were correct.
"Hey— be careful back there. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Sugawara says, without any notion that I had done times many times before when I went out with the band. Carefully, I reach my hand into the dark space, feeling and touching on items that might feel like a t-shirt. The only thing that is in reach is a duffel bag, a volleyball, and a box until I catch hold of thick cloth.
Carefully pulling it out of the dark, I observe thoroughly, to discover it's a jacket of some sort. When I cautiously unfold it, I reveal a large hoodie, with big orange letters painted on the front, 'Karasuno.' "Oh, you can just wear that if you'd like. I don't mind, and besides, it's not dirty or anything." Suga turns briefly to glimpse at me who help the sweater, making sure to adjust his eyes back onto the road afterward.
"Haha, just don't look," I chuckle, bowing behind his seat for furthermore privacy, before carefully but hastily pulling the blue dress over my head. Finally, I'm released from its threshold. Then, I take the hood, and slide it over my torso, and pull it down. The size was just perfect for me to lounge in. Once I'm comfortable, I toss the dress into the front seat and make my way there too.
"Thanks, Suga. I didn't wanna be in that all night. Anyway, where are we going again? To a skate park? Great, do you have skateboards?" I asked, digging in my purse for some extra socks. Once I find some, I pull them over my feet, glad that the ache of the heels was almost over with.
"Uh, no. I don't know how to skate. But my friends usually come here a lot, and there's never any security, so if you'd like we can just stay here for a while until you wanna go home." He says, pulling into a small lot with a few small buildings around it. The further he drove went to show that it was a skate park. In fact, one of my favorites. When he finds a spot that isn't too obvious to the main street, he parks his car and rests both hands on his thighs. "It's nice out here, isn't it?"
I agree, nodding whilst staring at the lit-up park that contained many loops and poles for tricks. "Yeah. Listen, thank you for rescuing me from Miya's. I know you probably had better plans than to have to take me here." As the words leave my mouth, I realize how strange it was that we left and decided to hang out for a while. Although Sugawara was a friend, I still had much to learn about him, including his instincts.
"Uhm, Suga?" I utter, avoiding contact with him. But even so, I still sense his stare. After grabbing his attention, I ask, "I don't mean to sound like a loser, but why're you so accepting? Not that it's bad, it's that I haven't really met anyone other than my close friends that actually enjoy spending time with me. You're just.. very flexible. You make time for people, you're helpful, you're caring. I wanna know what makes you that way?"
The question stirs in Suga's mind, bringing about a long silence. For me, I always perceive people to be too careless and flamboyant. Yes, I try to look at both sides of the stories, but I always let people's opinions get to me. It's what makes me so insecure about letting people get to know who I really am. "After everything that happened, I decided that I wasn't who I wanted to be. I'm not saying I completely love who I am, but I try to be a better person. Especially to people that mean a lot to me."
"Oh, yeah. I get it." I say, leaning my head back in the seat. "After everything that happened at the beginning of high school, I decided it was best to pick myself up. I wasn't gonna achieve anything by sitting around and throwing my life away, right? I think I'm just confused because.. well... after being comfortable with who I am, I don't let people get to know me. I just feel like everybody is too judgmental, and I'm gonna seem like I'm still a burnout."
"I get it. But people do change, Y/n. People like us. I guess— time flies so fast. Everyone changes so quickly that in a blink of an eye, your entire perspective of something is completely altered, and everyone you know— or at least used to— they're on a completely different level than what you expected. It feels like you're realizing that it's not as simple as you thought. It's realizing that you'll be somewhere totally different than four years from now. You've gotta have that realization things are never gonna stay the same." As much as I wanted to deny it, Sugawara was right. Even if I'm somebody who's approved by everyone, I'm still my own person, whether they like it or not. How I develop has only to do with me, and no one else. "And besides, you're a very likable person, Y/n. I'm sure you don't have to worry about being enough for other people. You're more than enough."
I couldn't help but chuckle bashfully at his sentence. "Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls you let in your car," I say jokingly, meeting eyes with Sugawara. But he isn't laughing very much, just lightly smiling, and shaking his head 'no'.
Suddenly, one of his hands meets with my cheek, brushing against the peach fuzz that stood upon it. I could do nothing more than stare at him, observing the way his chest rose so fast while doing so."Y/n," he mumbles, making my heart beat faster than light speed itself. His eyes did more than observe every inch of my expression but search for something other than panic. "I'd like for you to know that you're someone so incredibly valuable. You're beautiful and talented and sweet. God, you're so sweet. Don't let anybody tell you you're anything less, which includes yourself."
"Kou," I whimper to him, placing my hand on his, and feeling his thumb slide towards the corner of my lips while feeling him come closer towards me. Any longer I waited for him to touch mine would have resulted in a heart attack.
"What is it?" He whispers, oblivious to the action of parting my lips with his finger, feeling against their softness. What made it even more desirable was the way he stared at them, imitating the way they would move when kissing him. And I did so, impatiently waiting for him to touch them, I demand of him, "Koushi, kiss me already. Please, I want to. I.. I do."
Sugawara rapidly grabs my wrists to make sure I don't squirm and finally takes initiative to press my lips against his. At first, he feels them softly, but once I show the bit of resistance, he soon lets go of one wrist and grabs the back of my neck, bringing it closer to him than ever. Our mouths can barely get rest, inflicting a dangerous amount of sharp intake from our noses. Every second of being gripped in his hold felt so much more heated than I had expected. If I wasn't such a prude, I probably would have gone further as to let him kiss my neck.
The small groans that echoed throughout my throat made the both of us feel just as nervous as before, but still, it made the process of making out more enjoyable. Especially the heat of his mouth, along with the way his tongue grazed mine ever so gently. With the way that Sugawara had kissed me, I couldn't remember a time I had ever kissed someone so meaningfully as this. So passionate, and loving.
So damn long.
—
Hey guys, thank you for making it so far in the chapter. I know it was a long one. Pls remember to note and comment! Love you all <3
- estrxlar
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Hello there!
I'm Light Bearer and this blog will be specifically dedicated to guidance in any problems you might have, be it physical, mental or even spiritual.
My ask box and dms are always open so if any of you want to vent, ask for advice or suggest a topic I should cover, just hit me up! (preferably through asks)
I thought that you might want to get to know me first, so here you go!
Quick info about me:
First of all, if you want to know something about me, just ask. I can't guarantee that I will answer every question, some of them are too personal. For now call me Light Bearer, LB or just Luci. Also I'm a guy, and consider me ageless :D
I am very interested in natural, herbal medicine and research it a lot, but in no sense am I telling you to use it instead of professional care. Use it while also going to the doctor. I am NOT a professional, so take everything with a grain of salt, cuz no method works for everybody.
I myself suffer from a couple of mental illnesses, again, wanna know more? Just ask. I do have a lot of experience with helping people with their mental health issues, I had a lot of friends who always came to me for advice, but I also helped myself a lot.
My hobbies include:
Writing! Oh, yes, writing. Be it poems, books, short stories or even creepypastas. I just love writing and reading.
Music! I listen to music almost 24/7 and I have plans of creating my own or remixes. I even was singing and a part of a couple of choirs, I don't do it now cuz of a one unfortunate event that happened. Maybe I'll get into details in the future.
I'm all about helping people! It's my passion for quite some time now, I first got into very frequently helping people about 6 or 7 years ago,when I was in a mental hospital for the first time. It stuck with me, I love seeing people smile and be happy. It's my soft spot to be honest.
Medicine and biology! As I said I research a lot of it, not only natural, herbal medicine. As for biology, I love knowing how our bodies work, without that knowledge I couldn't be able to help anyone or even myself for that matter. Besides, it's truly fascinating to learn about!
Science, math and chemistry! I may not be that good at math but that will never stop me from loving it and calculating random things. Science, math and chemistry are all intriguing and complicated, which are some qualities that I love.
Astrology, astronomy, ufology - anything to do with space! That's my favorite thing in the whole world. I'm also really interested in alien races, I'm studying about them for almost 10 years now. I was a kid when I first started learning about this stuff. Stuck with me I guess.
Languages! Right now I have about 5 languages I want to learn. I know their alphabets and some basic words, nothing more lol. And one of the languages is Aramaic, which is pretty old. I'm also studying hieroglyphics.
History! I'm a history freak to be honest. I won some competitions a couple of times, which explains why I have so many history books, hehe ^^
Psychology! Same as with biology, I love to know how our entire bodies work, brains included. It's all so interesting! From body language (even animal ones) to manipulation. But don't manipulate! Do that only for good purposes! Nobody likes an asshole!
Witchcraft! All about it ^^ I'm studying in an online academy and practicing. Also I have many, many crystals, rocks, candles and cards! Also books on that matter lol.
So yeah, that's it for now. If you have more questions, feel free to ask! :D
Can't wait to meet y'all :]
Introduction!
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