#and i can't sleep less because anything short of 8 hours gives me such awful headaches and i can't function at all

[wewontbesleeping]

ok i'm done complaining for right now. but lol. i'm mad as hell.

[copperbadge]

I have zero experience with Adderall but I wanted to ask if you feel any, I guess, momentum for accomplishing things even when it wears off? One of my major "tasks I can't force myself to start" is my bedtime routine (washing my face, brushing/flossing my teeth, a couple of other steps), so I don't end up falling asleep in my work clothes with my light on sometime between 8 and 10pm, but obviously I wouldn't still want the Adderall to be fully in effect at that point because, well, I need to sleep. Does the relief of having ability to accomplish things while on Adderall give you any kind of boost even when it's wearing off?

Yeah, the bedtime routine can be rough. I used to have a list of all the steps tacked up on my bathroom mirror, so a) I wouldn't forget any and b) they'd seem more manageable since I only had to do one at a time. Ironically, I found the more elaborate I made the routine the less I needed this, so for the last few years it's like a half-hour performance art piece before I crawl into bed. Bananas.

The short version of the answer is "Yes, but not how you think." Here's the longer version, with a few caveats: I have only been taking Adderall for a month, my diagnosis is inattentive-only and mild to begin with, and drug interactions can vary greatly from person to person, so this is my experience, not a universal constant.

For me, the primary impact of the medication isn't more energy; there is some increased mental clarity, but the biggest effect is that I see a task, I think "I should do that", and then instead of going "I can't, I don't feel like I can" for an hour before managing it, or forgetting to do it, I just...go ahead and do it. Sometimes I'll even see a task, go "I can't, it's so unpleasant, I don't want to" and decide not to do it, then find myself doing it anyway without consciously deciding to. Which is awesome but also quite the trip at first.

The effect wears down after about three hours and wears off completely in about five. After it wears off, I don't retain that "okay but I'll just go ahead and do it" sensibility, but I do have more energy than I would normally have at that point in the day, because I haven't spent the last five hours fighting my own brain. Two doses over the course of a full workday leaves me way more energy than I would normally have at the end of the day. So I eat a better dinner, I do more hobbies, I can read or answer email in the evenings. I can work during the day and write in the evening instead of putting off work during the day so that I can write before I get tired.

So it's not that the drug's still doing something, but that the drug basically gives me the equivalent of a free four-hour nap. On top of that, I feel better about myself overall because I did my work and my chores, so usually nothing awful is looming over my head.

Thinking on it, I was also already living in a way that was optimized for this kind of medication, so this is bonus material but may help you out too. I get up very early -- my normal rising time used to be 3, it's now edging closer to 5 -- which allows me morning time to eat an early breakfast, goof around, and do as I please until it's time to get ready for work around 8am for an 8:30 start. At that point I take my medication on an "empty stomach" (at least two hours after eating) and then go straight into the shower, after which I dress, feed the cats, and fix myself a big jug of icewater to keep at my desk. This is timed out so that right as I'm sitting down, the meds kick in and I can answer email, square away anything left over from yesterday's work, and get a jump on the day.

Because I ate breakfast so early I usually eat a snack around 10am, which means when the Adderall is wearing off around 1pm I can take another one on another "empty stomach" and then have a second snack at 2pm. That all sees me through the end of the workday and I have a handful of evening hours for chores, hobbies, etc after which I go to bed early enough (7pm-9pm generally) that I'm not entirely worn out when it's time to start the evening routine.

It's not a perfect system (evening socializing doesn't really happen, and I never really eat a full meal during daylight hours) but it works pretty well for me, and the Adderall slotted right in there very easily.

In any case if you're looking into medication, good luck! I was shocked at how well the meds work for me, and I hope they work as well for you!

[trikxx]

Hey besties im backkkk😙! Im trying to get another chapter of my Kenma story but I need some time so im just going to write for this one.

Songs for this chapter:

• losin control - russ

• first fuck - 6lack, jhene aiko

( ⚠️this chapter mainly contains smut(degrading & edging)⚠️)

A few days later🧍🏽‍♀️

"Hey y/n are you awake?" Denki says. Y/n groans "now i am." Denki huffs and slowly opens the door and goes in the room. "I made breakfast. But I wanted to talk to you." He says looking at her pinging phone.

"You cant keep ignoring him y/n."

"Why should it matter Denki?"

"You should go and talk to him. No you are going to talk to him cause you can't keep locking yourself in here and not talking about your feelings. You both need to talk to each other and talk it out." Y/n lets his words sink in.

"Denki-"

"No. Get dressed we are are going back so you can talk to him."

Y/n rolls out the bed after Denki leaves the room. 'Why?' Y/n thought to herself as she pulled out some clothes.

Y/n looks at her phone analyzing the messages sent by Shinsou and sees some from Shindo who she occasionally texted only cause he was being annoying.

Hitoshi☄️: y/n. You dont have to come back and stay can we at least just talk.

Hitoshi☄️: nvm take you time.

'That was the last message he sent huh?' Y/n thought

Shindo.: Hey just want to ask if you wanted to hang out today?

Shindo.: You there?

Shindo.: y/nnnnnnnn😃.

Shindo.: are to shleepingggg🙂

*1 missed call from Shindo.*

"Dude." Y/n said making a irritated face. 'Am i about to text him back....yes cause why not. Shinsou can be player why cant I. I mean just a little sum sum to get my mind off that douche Hitoshi.'

Y/n🌸🤍: sorry I was sleep.

Y/n🌸🤍: yea sure we can hang out. What time and where.

Shindo.: Heyyyyy!

Shindo.: Any time is good for me. Maybe at Venice😗?

Y/n🌸🤍: Cool! I'll text you the time when I figure it out.

Shindo.: Do you want me to pick you up?

Y/n🌸🤍: no its ok. I have to do a few things so ill meet you there.

Shindo.: ok see you later then😏.

Y/n🌸🤍: cant wait🤗

'Bitch what the fuck was "cant wait🤗"' y/n thought to herself as she did her hair.

"Falling in love now lossing control now~" y/n sang along with the lyrics 'damn a bitch really in her feels.'  Y/n giggled and went to get her outfit out

Y/n sat back down on the bed. 'Maybe i should take my truck. No Denki wouldn't let me.' Y/n thought

____

"Do we really have to go?" Y/n asked. "Yes." Denki responded bluntly. Y/n rolled her eyes and went back to the room and called Mina.

*incoming call from Y/n😃✨*

Mina picked up her phone and answered quick.

Mina: Hey babes! How are you feeling?

Y/n: Im feeling ok, Denki is making me go talk to him

Mina: I agree with Denki you should talk to Hitoshi before you go and.... ya know... pop ya pussy fa a grand

Y/n: Mina noo

Mina: Im kidding im kidding.... unless..

Y/n: Nope. Thats enough.

Mina: Put ya p*ssy lips on live i give ya a thousand dollas

Y/n: Bye Mina.

Mina: No waittt-

*call ended*

___

Y/n giggles and lays back on the bed. 'I wonder how this is gonna go' . "Lets go y/n im ready." Y/n grabs her phone and keys and follows Denki out the house.

"Can I take my-" "no." Denki said. "Well shit."

"Y/n. You've been ignoring him and sulking for too long. We need y/n back." Denki said keeping his eyes on the rode.

"Can I play some music at least?" Y/n asked "Yea. What ever floats your boat and gets you to talk to Shinsou."

____

"I'm ready." "Ok lets go." He responds. Denki and Y/n walk out to Denki's car and he pulls out the driveway and drives to Y/n and Shinsou's apartment.

"You go in ill wait out here for you." Denki said. "Tch. Ok" y/n said getting out the car.

Y/n walked into the lobby "Hello ms. Y/n." The woman at the desk says. "Hey." Y/n says walking past to the elevator and then pressing 5.

There was many thoughts going through y/n's head.

'Should I actually do this.'

'Why am i here.'

'I should have taken my car any way and went somewhere else'

'Fuck him i should leave'

'Is it my fault?'

"FUCK!" Y/n yelled right before the elevator stopped. There was someone waiting and they looked at her crazy. "Sorry." Y/n said walking past them soon putting her hands in her pockets.

___

Y/n was standing outside the apartment with the key in the door debating if she should go in or not.

Y/n takes the key out the door and turned to walk away. But the door opens "y/n ?" Shinsou says standing in the door way shirt less. His eyes puffy and his eyes looking more restless then usual.

Shinsou runs toward y/n immediately enclosing her in a hug dipping his head into the space between y/n shoulder and neck. "Y/n im sorry! I should have known! I- I wasn't thinking!" Shinsou said. "Please forgive me." He continued pulling away to look y/n in her eyes.

"Y/n?" He said again looking into her teary eyes. Y/n hugs Shinsou tightly. "I missed you." Y/n say crying on to Shinsou's chest. They walk in to the apartment and sit down on the couch.

"Soo what have you been doing Shinsou?" Y/n says looking at Shinsou while he scrambles around to pick up the stuff that was out of place. "I've been..." he stops. "Its ok to tell the truth. Im not gonna judge you Toshi."

Shinsou blushes cause he hadn't heard the nickname in a while. "Well.. crying and trying to get in contact with you." He says. "Sorry I wasn't answering i've kinda been ignoring everybody." Y/n says with a small chuckle while leaning onto Hitoshi's shoulder.

"I missed you y/n." Shinsou says. Y/n lifted her head up and looked at Shinsou he looked back. "You kn-"

⚠️ne noor ne noor mayday mayday⚠️

⚠️smut⚠️

Y/n was cut off by Shinsou's lips crashing into hers. Y/n kissed back and moved closer to him deepening the kiss.

Shinsou grabbed her butt making y/n moan into the kiss. This turned him on more. He pulled y/n on to his lap. Y/n put her arms around his neck and closed the space between them.

___

Yes y/n and Shinsou were best friends but they fucked a little bit here and there. Shinsou had feeling for y/n and he really wanted her but he didn't want to ruin their relationship. Y/n had feelings but she didn't want a relationship because of what happened with Todoroki.

But theres only a matter of time before every ting becomes clear. Right?

___

Shinsou picks up y/n and carries her to her room and laying her on the bed not breaking the kiss. He tugs at the bottom of her shirt and she nods. Shinsou begins to pull y/n's shirt off breaking the kiss. He takes off his sweats and climbs on to the bed hovering over y/n's frame.

"Beautiful little fuck." Shinsou says with a smirk then taking off y/n's shorts.

He tosses the shorts to the floor then dips into y/n's neck immediately finding her sweat spot and starts leaving hickeys and love bites.

Shinsou starts kissing y/n again slowly brushing his fingers down her body stoping at the band of her underwear.

Shinsou begins to rub y/n's clothed clit "ahh~". He smirked and stop and started removing y/n's panties. Shinsou bit his lip at the sight. "So wet already." He said. Shinsou goes back to kissing y/n.

He inserts a finger into y/n. "Shinsou~" y/n moans. She feels Shinsou smirk on her lips as he adds another finger. "Like that? Fucking slut." Shinsou says breaking the kiss and speeding up his pace.

Y/n felt her core tighten up "im gonna cu-" Shinsou abruptly stopped. "What the fuck Shinsou?!" Y/n says. "Aw did I get your hopes up?" "Fuck you." Y/n spat. "Oops- wrong answer." Shinsou said smiling.

"What?" Y/n asks. "Shin- ah~" Shinsou dipped his fingers back into y/n going at a fast pace. "Fuck~"

Y/n relaxed her body knowing she was about to release but Shinsou stopped. "FUCKKKK! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT!" Y/n yells. "So I have to say it don't cum till I say so." Shinsou says.

"Ok." Y/n responds but Shinsou doesn't budge. "Ok what?" He said with a straight face. Y/n held back her smile "ok Shinsou." She said deciding to dance with the devil. "You little fuck." Shinsou said with a smile.

Shinsou puts both of y/n's legs on his shoulders and puts his arms around her legs keeping them in place. He lick a "mmm y/n you taste so good." Y/n threw her head back and slipped her hands into Shinsou's hair.

"Fuck! Ah~" y/n moaned. Shinsou started to go faster "SHIT SHIT SHIT!" Shinsou got harder at the sound of y/n's moans. He couldn't wait any longer. Shinsou wanted to break y/n. He wanted to feel her around him.

"I'm gonna-" "yes princess cum on my face" "cum for me!" Shinsou demanded and Y/n obeyed. "FUCK~"

Shinsou let y/n finish then he kissed her. He then pulled of his boxers and threw them with the rest of their clothes. Y/n sat up on the her elbows as Shinsou started kissing her again. He positioned himself at y/n's entrance.

"I want to hear you beg. Beg for me to fuck you senseless." Shinsou demanded "please" "please what." "Please fuck me!"

"I said beg bitch!"

Y/n let of a quiet groan when Shinsou yelled. He could way all night for her to beg just edging her for hours on in.

"Please fuck me! Ughh~ please!" Y/n whined out. "Good girl~" Shinsou purred as he put his hand on y/n's stomach to feel him self going in count each inch.

"1~"

"2 fuck~"

"3~"

Y/n threw her head back as he went further "cant take it?" Shinsou said voice laced in lust.

"7~"

"8 ughhhh~" he said throwing his head back.

Shinsou pulled y/n closer to him and kissed her neck starting to stroke slowly at a gruesome pace for y/n. "Faster~" y/n moaned out. Shinsou smirked and pulled out. Y/n loudly groaned "stop fucking teasing~" she whined pulling Shinsou back on to the bed and getting on top.

"What do you think your doing." Shinsou says with a smirk. "Something you wouldn't."  Y/n said lowering herself down. Before she could get past tip Shinsou flipped over with him on top and went the way in and started going at a brutal inhuman pace.

"Is this what you wanted, fucking slut!"

____

'Y/n has been in there for a long time' Denki thinks getting out the car. " im gonna go check on them."

Denki walks into the apartment building. "Good evening sir. Is there anything you need help with?" The woman at the desk said.

"Uhh...actually yes do you know which apartment.. Hitoshi Shinsou stays in." "Yes apartment 503." "Thank you" Denki says walking away.

'503. 503. 503.' Denki repeated in his head while in the elevator and while walking to the door. Denki knock on the door but noticed it moved when he made contact. "Bitc- oh its open. Scary~" Denki slowly walks into the apartment. "Damn this is nice."

Denki goes to find Shinsou's room. As he gets closer to what he think is Shinsou's room he hears moans he decides to stop and just listen.

"What are you doing."

"Something you wouldn't."

Denki heard something hit the bed and then a loud whine.

"Is this what you wanted, fucking slut!"

"SHINSOU~"

Denki couldn't bare the screams. "Y/N ARE YO- oh~" "Looks like we have a guest Y/n." Shinsou says looking at Y/n. "You like this y/n?" Be continued with a smirk. "Ah~ please- s-slow down" Y/n whined

[treadmilltreats]

As bad as it is, the pain will fade

Recently while going through some difficult times in my life I realized that yes, I might be in pain now but in time that pain will fade.

I was thinking of the people who were once in my life, people that I loved who are now no longer there.

We all go through losses, we lose someone to death, your parents, God for bid a child, friends and that hole in your heart is deep, that pain is so bad you want to die with them.

You lose a person you love, a marriage, the love of your life and it feels like your heart is breaking into pieces, you can't breathe it hurts so bad.

Your best friend betrays you, the one you thought had your back, the one you spoke to every day and told your deepest, darkest secrets to and now your hurt and broken because of that betrayal.

I know all of these situations as unfortunately I've lost too many people in my life. More than one person should ever have to but it is what it is.

I lost them to death, taken way too soon. I've lost love and never thought I'd ever love again and I've been stabbed in the back by best friends that I would give my life for.

And I can't sugar coat it, it fucking sucks...sorry, that's as real as I can come with it and that is exactly how it feels as well.

You want to crawl up in a ball and pull the covers over your head until the pain goes away. You lose you zest for life, nothing makes you happy. You can't do anything, physically and mentally your on lock down as you can't concentrate on anything but this pain your feeling.

Every breathe you take hurts, your heart hurts, your body even hurts, as it effects all of you. And to make matters worst every where you turn it reminds you of them. A song on the radio, someone who looks like them, Facebook has to throw it in your face every day with remember when...yuggg!!

You can't run from it and your thinking seriously? Just leave me alone I am in enough pain!

You think this pain will literally kill you, it hurts that bad. You try to put on your fake smile and try to do your job and get through your day secretly counting the minutes you can get into your car and cry your eyes out. Running home to climb into your bed and cry yourself to sleep because sleep is the only peace you have. Until even there, they are in your dreams as well and sleep eludes you.

You pray for this pain to go away and ask when will it be over. You never think your going to be whole again and it's too much for you to take.

Then one day, a half of day goes by and you haven't broken down, you haven't thought of them for a few hours. Then it hits you yet again and it's worst then the beginning.

It's like 2 steps forward and 4 backwards....you want to scream.

Everyone is giving you advice which you couldn't care less about but you know they are trying their best to help you. You know there is no help, no magic potion you can take to make you feel better because hell you even Googled that shit, yes, you are that desperate.

Then one day you can breathe without it hurting, you can laugh without faking it and you think hey maybe I am moving on.

This pain may take weeks, it may take months or years even, sorry I can't give you an exact time frame. Every one is different, everyone deals different and there is no "set" time frame for grief.

I still mourn my dad and he's been gone almost 40 years, I still go to pick up the phone to call my mom and she's been gone 8 years. It never gets easier but the pain fades.

One day you will be able to look back and not cry at the drop of a dime. You'll be able to feel again and feel like a real person. You will even fall in love again as long as you don't shut yourself off because the pain made you that afraid.

We all go through pain in our lives and yes, as bad as it sucks it makes us grow, it makes us stronger and we learn lessons from it.

I've learned that life is too short, to live it large every day with no regrets. I've learned that I will still trust people and see the best in them even if I've been betrayed. And I learned that I will love again despite the chance of a brokenheart because life without love is not worth living.

So today my friends, remember you will be hurt, you will lose people you love and you will be brokenhearted but this is life and trust me as bad as it may feel, the pain will fade.

"Be the change you want to see"

  "And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:

The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

***Now available***

My book The blessing in Disguise

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