#and i can't self destruct now cuz i'm trying to get better. but i can't DRAW EITHER

[ratspider]

would love to not be overwhelmed or tired for 2 seconds so I can DRAW SOMETHING

[hatterladz]

Let's Talk Cuphead's Monster Complex

I've deleted and rewritten this a million times trying to put this neatly and maybe find sources but SCREW IT we ball!

So the thing I think about with Cup's monster complex [what I've deemed his "I'm a bad person" thought process, he is but that's not the point] is how it protects and damages him

Like this guy is out here talking to all his pals pre-Labyrinth and going "You might've destroyed xyz with the intent to kill but I actually killed people and I know your not as bad as me cuz I said so" which CANNOT be good for his mental health, sure it makes everyone else feel better because I don't think they fully process the fact of Cup comparing their wrongs with his and how that's not good

I think we see the point of it being at it's worst within the Labyrinth when he's debating killing himself in order to beat the Devil, which ya under first glance is him debating on ultimatum but it's genuinely suicide ideation we saw there. The idea "better people are better without me" [<-I'll get to this in a second]

This self-destructive pattern is what pulls Cup to the points where he's at now. He's a bad person, being a bad person [aka associated with the mafia] will lead to bad things happening to the people around him which is his fault [his thoughtprocess nobody else's] because it was the result of a chain reaction of his own decisions, so now he's trying to make good decisions to protect the people around him

But he can't leave and those things that are actively still a threat to the people he loves. So then he picks up this idea that he can help them by being a better person but also by utilizing his skills that he's learned from growing up in the mafia. So it's never enough improvement but he's trying, that's what he tells himself.

Because it's how he protected Mugs, do the dirty work, so that Mugs didn't get hurt. Take the hard hits [literally and figuratively] so when he finds other people he cares about, but now holds a higher standard for him as a person, he finds himself at a problem

The easy answer is lean on what he knows, the hard one is learn new things to handle the situation, rely on other's around him and trust them, and that not every bad thing is his fault

And after the Labyrinth, after Mugs took control of the Devil situation [he didn't end up in that position, he took it from his brother], when he's forced to heal and recover, is when he finally starts to internalize some of that, is when he finally actually starts to improve as a person

And this is when we discover one of Cup's greatest fears that was hinted at in the Labyrinth, he's terrified of losing everyone, just like he lost his parents when he was 3, just like he was forced away from Elder Kettle, and more then what he had to deal with as a teen. With the only grounding force being "At least Mugs is with me"

And I don't just mean loss as in physically gone, I mean morally and emotionally as well. You can see this fear with Holly, imagining a future with her. Imagining all the ways he could lose the girl he knows right in front of him.

This is when he falls back into older habits, when he's afraid, then when he's guilty because he just ruined another good thing didn't he? When he's kissed by Fanny and reminded that he's just a crook, he couldn't do something good without there being something else. And then he kills Winky.

Because Cup doesn't like acknowledging his worst feelings. He knows they're there. He just doesn't want to see them.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I don't think there's any tws but do you guys have any advice for just getting better if that makes sense? Like I'm constantly do self destructive stuff and stuff i know isn't good and I know I should try to get better but it feels like deep down I don't actually want to get better, I'm not sure if its cuz getting better seems boring or maybe I'm just not used to it or maybe I don't feel like i deserve to I'm not even sure why I don't want to get better

Hi anon,

I hear you. I can't tell you for sure why you may be doing this but I can explain some reasons why others do this.

I personally struggle with triggering myself on purpose. For me, it's partly because I was gaslit over my trauma a lot. It's hard to let go of my trauma without feeling like I'm invalidating myself. What ends up happening is that one part of me wants to be validated for what I've been through and I engage with it by essentially triggering myself on purpose, exposing myself to things I know are upsetting to me. Another part of it for me is that I sometimes feel like I am not a valid survivor unless I am miserable. I wonder if any of those things resonate for you.

I think another part for some people, myself included, can be that, after we experience a trauma, it sets a certain bar that everything else now falls under. For a lot of trauma survivors, the present can almost be boring because of how safe it is, so they may do things that enable their fight-or-flight to just feel alive.

I don't think this is necessarily a sign that you don't want to get better. I think you may want to feel validated as a trauma survivor, or that you may just be actively processing what happened.

I think it's important to remember that recovery isn't linear. It's not a straight road to healing, there are many bumps and U-turns along the way. As long as you are gentile with yourself during the process, you can recover from this.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[omshant]

Man, I feel like I have not been a good role model at all. Idk how much that matters. The thought actually stresses me out a lot. i blame My Guys. Jk. I believe we all know whose the one to blame. Still, I feel like I'm the worst. Smh. I really don't even like to think about it. I feel awful. Should I forgive myself, beat down on myself, repent, apologize, catastrophize, forget about it, all the above, or something else? Man, I gotta do better. Cuz sometimes I feel like people perceive me. That makes no sense to me. But I feel like maybe it's definitely possible. I guess I really don't want to know. Cuz if I were to find that out, it would really probably freak me out and I would have a lot more questions. Idk tho. I can think of so many reasons there's just no way. The first one being, I can't believe why God would ever do that to me or anyone. The second one would be how? That's impossible. The third would be who? (Just) My Guys, Lil Wayne, all Black lives, my parents/the police and/or the sick and twisted so-called police, or others too? What about Micah? And what about the youth or children/kids? And what about my thoughts? Also, since when? Idk. So I guess it's kind of just this strange or surreal feeling or sensation that comes and goes.. I even had it at like age 5. Kind of. It was different though. I thought I was the only "real" person in the world and the rest of people were like robots or something. It was kind of like their only function was to interact with me somehow and then return to their own planet or self destruct or something. Lol. I really don't know what to think now. I'm trying to not think before I get in trouble again. I often just feel so hopeless and trapped. I know it could be a lot worse; I'm grateful, but also very confused, extremely insecure, lonely, afraid and miserable. Why or how could no one ever help me? Dude, my life has been hell.

[glowzoul]

i think i like leaving things alone better when i can tell myself they're final and out of my hands now. melodrama ramble below the cut dni about it i just wanna vent.

I don't wanna make up i don't wanna wonder and worry again in an understanding in which only i've got something to lose. Sitting here staring at a screen for days waiting and hoping for a change to something proven and communicated to be unobtainable just because of a questionable choice of wording when affirming my suspicion about your inability. Compounding growing fears inside lulls of silence, grappling with a reality where again i'm not much more than an emotionally safe occasional entertainment easily paused and restarted, flawed with inescapable doubts trying too hard to protect your feelings. Tormenting myself questioning the authenticity of those doubts and if they're self serving more than considerate. Is it abandonment when i cut you off so you can do anything without guilt or shame, and i can accept things and move on. is it selfish to not let you be a part of my life to avoid a failure to stay emotionally unattached. Am i lying to you if i avoid the topic. Do i really care about you in this, or am i just cowardly to want to avoid getting hurt and having no one to blame but myself, because you made me understand that you feel no obligations of loyalty naturally and will not be comfortable with conditions i can hold you to and trust you with.

This is bad for me, i'm starting to dissolve the progress i've made again, i was starting to eat again and go for walks every day and talk to people and studying medicine through online courses, it felt fake because i was doing it to work through things, and i'm not normal i didn't have the urge to do these things naturally and was just trying to mimic what normal people do in an attempt to feel better since it works for them. But it felt good to know i was at least trying, that even though it wasn't working that well, i could say i tried. And its slowing down now because we're replaying this game again. I'm doing it to myself and i don't blame you but i can't stop it, and the undeniable cause is my failure to balance an interest in you with my own well-being. as if saying "i'm already compromising my own safety emotionally just talking to you again so who cares about anything else if i'm going to self destruct like that anyway".

so idk how to do this but the brain worms are setting in. I can't stop thinking you're only talking to me again because you're bored or lonely, and now that i responded, again, you're satisfied and content and i have to wrestle with this, alone.

idk if i even wanna post this cuz im 99% sure you have my tumblr. but fuck it i need to vent anyway. hold it together hold it together holdit tnbogether looking like pic related the whole time staring at our dm screen fun fun ufdunlfun funf

[spacemuffinz]

I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I've been autistic all this time and no one told me and I was too blind to notice. Like yeah I had years of trauma and an abusive alcoholic authoritarian narc parent and I was the target of all their hate for the first 10 years of my life and of course I have ptsd but WHY was I the lightning rod??

Cuz. Every personality trait that makes me ~quirky and unique and different and weird and obstinate and picky and whiny is just apparently AUTISM. And I've never had a unique experience in my life.

Picky eater and food cant touch. Abused. Ignored. Teased.. Talked funny and mumbly and too fast. Abused. Ignored. Teased.. Wanna dress in a way that made me comfy. Abused. Teased.. Spun in a circle or paced cuz good mood while watching TV. Abused.. Wanna infodump all the random information I just learned. Abused. Ignored. Teased.. Can't stand wind on my face in a car. Ignored. Teased.. hyper obsess over random whateverness. Ignored. Teased.. Background noises too loud to pay attention. Abused. Teased.. Take things too literally. Abused. Teased.. Don't take things literally enough. Abused. Teased.. laugh too loud. Abused. Teased.. don't laugh at jokes. Teased.. I was called about everything under the sun but a white girl every day. then they tell me to shut up and laugh it's only jokes. Don't be so sensitive all the time.. I had no friends. EEver. I was too obnoxious and weird I guess. And fail at fitting in. They said I had adhd cuz I daydream and have too many thoughts all the time. and maybe bpd. Cuz of meltdowns. Cuz I'd get pissed off and pushed to the point of pure self destruction.

It's like all I did was simply EXIST and I got my ass beat for it. Or made fun of. So why exist.

I was a gifted kid and everyone said I had so much potential and I even graduated early. But then my parents started demanding rent. And nothing ever got better.

Just. I've been physically mentally emotionally spiritually ripped apart since I was old enough to walk. But they thought they were giving me corrective behavior adjustments. But they just made me mask so hard I don't even know who or what the fuck I am.

I learned how to read tones and facial expressions and how to be hyper vigilant and how to read subtext and how to read a room and how to read body language so, I can't be autistic....except ptsd taught me that shit.. and I went and looked into it cuz it was neat. I always feel like an alien in a human zoo and idk how to human like the people do. It always blows up in my face.

And what's fucked up is my lil brother is autistic so it def runs in the family somewhere. But we aren't very much alike and idk any girl autistics. Or anyone who hides it with a misanthropic antisocial life like me. I was to the point the last 10 years I thought I was broken and society didn't want me and I gave up.

But now what

[draganasimpsforjeff]

Hello! May I please have a creepypasta romantic match-up with some nsfw if your comfortable with it? Tysm in advance and I'm in love with your writing, like how is it so good?! Anyways I hope you have a great day/night and tysm once again!

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight (For now might be bi but i'm going with straight)

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back.

I have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting. Sometimes in the middle of the night you can find me just staring at a wall or something because I can't go to sleep.....I have trouble sleeping.....

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything.

Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider.

So for the nsfw part (Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to write for it!)....I'm very shy and i'd like it if someone guided me. But i'm 100% a Bottom and I love praise and maybe a tiny bit of degradation. I also have a big ownership kink like if someone tells me that i'm their's....then I might die. I'm also a sucker for marking like lovebites and hickies? Yes please. But please tease me and edge me because I prefer not having control so someone else being in control is just...lovely. Also pet names! Like Sunshine, Babygirl, Doll....AHHhh I might melt.

-From 🎇Sparkle Anon🎇

Ah thank you so much! LOL I feel like we would be good friends bc of so much similarities, hope.you like this!

But anyways I match you up with-

🥁🥁🥁

Hoodie/Brian

SFW

This man ain't gonna lie you sometimes remind him a female version of his best friend Tim/ Masky but like in a good way (bc of your style and music choice)

Your foolishness is the ultimate thing he loves about you

He is scared to leave you by yourself sometimes since you are a klutz

But luckily he knows just enough about first aid so if you have a deep enough cut or something to that measure he's got you 😉😊

At first he would be scared to initiate conversation bc of your very beautiful but deadly looking "resting bitch face"

But once you started talking to him more he would feel a lot more comfortable coming around and just knew that's your cover around new people

Definitely teases you about your height 🤭 (he's 5'11 in my hc)

Is that type of cliche dude to rest his arm on you or would purchase a step ladder for you

Something could be an inch off your reach and he'll feel the need to tease you about it (all in good fun tho)

Hunny, he definitely gets the whole having difficulties talking about whats bothering as he does it too, he'll just try to figure out other ways to make you express what you're feeling. (Through healthy ways ofc)

He has anxiety too so yeah babe he gets it 😌

Sorry love but he kind of likes spiders soooo he would be that asshole that would pick one up and put it in your hair or shoulder without you noticing. (And now I have to do this don't kill me)

NSFW

Oooo darling ♥

He would love to mark you up

He love to be called his? Good cuz he was going to call you that either way even if you were friends or friends with benefits

What you got between your legs belongs to him

He loves how small you are since he's kind of toned and tall and you're like this little petite thing he can just throw around 😊

He understands if you're shy or don't feel comfortable being in control, he'll take over

Will say though, he'll probably suggest taking some sort of drug or anything to influence your senses so you feel more comfortable in your skin at some point or another

Especially since it's a very rare thing for him to see but he won't push too much

WILL 👏 FUCKING 👏 CALL 👏 YOU 👏 PET NAMES IN FRONT OF ANYONE

He doesn't care who hears or sees it since he would love to be caught ngl.

"I don't know why you're all dressed, doll, those clothes are gonna be in shreds and uses as gags or restraints"

Will take pics of you with his phone and has no shame having a very naked you in some angle displayed as his lock screen

Cockwarms you a lot especially when he's cleaning his guns

You just seem him there all busy taking care of something else and not you while his big ol dick stretches you

🥴🥴🥴 this man would choose to be suffocated between your thighs babe

Often squeezes them and ohohoh if you wear skirts or something showing them be prepared to be teased anywhere anytime

Hell even do it in front of others fuuuck he'd even eat you out while others are in the room.

"You're so tasty babygirl, I could eat you out all day and night"

[the-firebird69]

The Tommy f and Trump will continue doing this stupid noise stuff until they're all done is what we're told by them themselves what they mean is to the last idiot they're going to sit here and bothering her son cuz they want to kidnap him but he says is I don't want to be held in one of your facilities I'll find a way out and kill you all then the next batch of jackass is going to do the same self-destructive thing who is we need armies to wipe these two parties out and it's like a disease so they need to be wiped out fast Mac is just letting it fester because he wants to kidnap him and run away somewhere there's no way to run away to moron and he's another one then. Yes is Mrs ladishs plan for real so we need to take care of these parties that are running around doing this.

There is an explanation and our son says it quite succinctly and quickly and easily this guy Trump has all clones and they're all idiots and they're made very fast and they're not educated and Tommy f is pretty much the same thing you're a little bit more educated but there's really only them and a whole bunch of dummies and my Daddy has lost a ton of people and everybody's opposed to him save this group of three massive groups is still pretty big they're very stupid and nobody is really going after them until now and really the kind of throwing themselves on the fire so don't know any better and the foreigners are going after they suck these people are terrible terrible not educated and horrible noise makers and that's the reason right now there's 450 million ships trying to get through the blockade pretty soon they'll be through and they're not really going to happen they're a lot better than these suckers walk around just hissing and everyone freaking weirdos and they need to go higher up so have died of like half a brain and a Swiss cheese new new braves we notice that a lot of them are idiots really they're not cunning as smart anymore and they're not doing the job here pretty much at all. The information and our son's lines in that facility have attracted more people in history to anyone location and they're all coming here to hit these idiots to keep chatting about it and planning and saying is going to trial and all the stupid s*** and they're all in fighting about it too this is a huge infight going now this place is going to get cleared out once a day we'll be able to get your stuff the solutions presented itself and we have to try and move you too eventually and mid-month and it's coming up in potentially 8 days and we do see that too so it's not funny but they're fighting in the tunnels already and it's not going to be an easy thing it might take longer but you're right from 9:00 to 8 to 15 days from now is probably the window and that's only a week or two quite literally and we don't have any more time we've got him nothing

Thor Freya

We're working on diligently and we're hitting and we had so many and then it's probably not going to be that scientific and that's what he's saying we're saying that's the only thing you can do is follow the cycle and try and hit get it here on a lower dip and we could overpower people and even though they should be doing cuz they're not going to cuz they're sick phone calling for a meeting because it's alarming how many are dumb and it just keep coming in here from other places and they're stupid it's going to be hell to get it to work and he says you're going to have to cordon off temporarily for 15 minutes get it in uncoordinate off and infiltrate and maneuvers like that for it to work it won't be that hard the populace is low when you get it done the only thing to worry about is a big picture and pretty much I think we have a handle on that but I'm not positive so that's to try and do it a few times and see what happens and we have to do that now cuz we haven't even experimented as far as I know and our son is right I'm laying it on the line we can't so we have to go and experiment he's glad that I got on the line Singapore that we do that too and I know what he means you hit a while you come in and you have troops everywhere or infiltrators you get him something and they close back in he has something and you see what the grandiose effect is it's gotten a few gifts but not much money he did win a bunch of money once recently I paid bills and hardly anything happen nobody even finished so it probably full of s*** and it says this it probably will be fine but it's good to check to make sure but this area has a ship and people from other areas are probably not going to come here to go try and grab it it's probably people who are from Florida and or associated with that are coming here to try and grab the ship and clothes for assigned to it and we do see that so when you go somewhere else and this is going to happen the ship leaves they say well you're over here you're not over there and that was the ship over there and those people are them we don't care about them that is all over the world and it divides them from these people and there is a way to use that and we're doing it right now

Nuada Arrianna

We like your idea Moana Ariana and it is pivotal so what we're doing we need to do it today actually if we don't get it done today or tomorrow it has to be attentive all the time and vital and got his wife say we know what to do and Frank Castle hand Castle do new can Blockbuster hear the reasoning and it sound and I'll fix the verbiage and this is like this it might be relatively easy at this point and it will make sense there's a huge force that opposes the East Coast and that's what's trying to launch and the ships all over the world and Max are running those so we figured out something and this giant comment Empire ships that's another issue too they don't want him on the blagship they wouldn't want to comment Empire s***. There's a lot of DC people who want that so they've got opposition and we need to manipulate it correctly we need to do it now we need to do testing

We willing to get it there and willing to do this job but we need to know you're in the back of stuff so going to the meeting of Nevada Ariana and with an open mind and it sounds terrific

Duke Nukem Blockbuster

Finally there's some reasoning that it's forced that he usually figures out it has to be so I'm going to try and get ready for this it's not that bad it really isn't and a lot of other areas with ships Utah is one of them that's like a 500 underneath it it's like the whole area so let's all get together and think about this and strategize and make sure it's right and it's kind of running out of time it's a refueling and when I see is there's a lot of fuel going there and he says there's a ton of it and he thinks it's coming from the warlock and that the processing those ships and taking the fuel that will probably be enough and it is still and they're doing that and they're caught many times

Hera

It's out of the open and I'm exposed so I'm mean and mad

Tommy f

Good well have more club troops here to shoot back at you and you know what every time you get shot it goes right into you it doesn't bounce off

Zues Hera

Sorry to get something my health is not welcome yours needed any of the above and I certainly get something else people know it's me but you don't necessarily know do you

Tommy f

Oh yeah I heard you are not smart anymore

Zues Hera

[uberff]

Chapter 24

Eric


"Mornin'," I mumbled to Deja as I walked into the shop with all of my equipment in my Nike duffle bag.

"Good morning. Issa fresh pot of coffee in the lounge if you need it." she said sweetly and I nodded, going about my business after mumbling a quick 'thank you' with a forced smile.

I wasn't in the mood to crack jokes or sip dirt, I just wanted to take care of my clients for today and head the fuck home.

After the week I've had, offing myself seemed to be the only solution out of it. But, I knew that would make for more problems concerning my loved ones.

I laid out all of my equipment neatly across my desk and mumbled along to Jaded while tryna get this day started. I had all my hair growing out, my weight going up and down, I ain't have the desire to eat no more, and shit just stopped making sense.

I checked out all the boxes on Robyn's checklist, I was the perfect nigga for her. She glowed up through me, man. I wasn't tryna force her into anything, our relationship was so organic, I felt like I was walking on glass to fuckin' please her while she kept breaking mirrors in the meantime, playing hard to get for no fuckin' reason. I mean, I know you been hurt the last three times but I wanted to be her testimony, I wanted to be that E Harmony commercial for her, I wanted to be set apart from those niggas but instead, she placed me right in the box, adjacent to all them fuck niggas.

"Hey, Toby just called and asked to reschedule ya'lls session. Tomorrow night cool?" Deja poked her head into my office and I nodded.

Sighing heavily, I tossed my tattoo gun back on my desk and sunk into my chair. The only shot I had at clearing my mind of this fuck shit was put on hold. I loved what I did, especially when I was going through something, making others feel joy that I could never obtain is what it was all about for me. This girl really got my head fucked up.

After Dej hung up with my client, she came back in and hopped on my chair, across from me and started examining my face. I turned away from her before she could notice anything and dug into my bag for my bottle of Henny. "Ricky." she spun me around and sighed, taking the bottle out of my hands.

"Please talk to me, if it's about what I said the other night-" I put my finger to her lips and mushed her face back. "You 'bout close as shit, ain't you?" I chuckled lowly and she gave me a smile filled with hope.

My happiness was always top on her list. I loved the shit out her gay ass, bro. Forever and always, ever since tenth grade. "Nah, yo carpet munchin' ass ain't got shit to do with this."

"Bitch," she slapped my hand away with a small laugh, and got serious shortly after.

"I'm worried about you, E."

"Don't worry about me, Deja. I'll bounce back."

"Not if you keep tryna handle this by yourself." I twisted my curls with one hand and laid back and let her words sink in.

"I ain't got nobody else. I know I always got you, D. But, reporting shit to you over and over get old."

"I'm willing to listen. You're self-destructing by the week. Each time I see you, it's worse. Talk."

"You know the situation with shawty."

"I do. I also know that you've never been going through such a drought over a girl. That's usually my role."

"How you and Shellz?" I asked and she sucked her teeth. "Fuck how me and her are doing. I don't care about that right now. All I know is that if I lose you, bro-"

"You not gon' lose me, Deja. You and my fam always gon' run through my mind before I think about doing some selfish shit." I kicked her softly when she got to getting teary eyed.

"You hear me?" I asked, still looking up at the ceiling. If I look at D when she crying, I was bound to start crying with her ugly ass. "Yeah," she sniffled and wiped her eyes gently so she wouldn't mess up her beat. "back to you and Robyn."

"Yeah, I loved her, still got love for her. I thought we had something real. I ain't classify her like a basic ass Memphis hoe. I'm hurtin' hard." I said truthfully. It finally felt like someone was removing the bricks from off my chest, one by one.

“I did all this shit just for her to gon' and get pregnant by a nigga she told me ain't built for love, ain't sensitive enough towards her." I wiped my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, E. Come here." she pulled me up and reeled me into her arms just as I finally let my tears fall. "The one time I let my guard down and try this love shit again, man. She gotta fuckin' baby on the way." I sobbed loudly and hugged Deja back.

"She tellin' me all this bullshit about her exes, for what? Making me wait for what? Defending her fuckin' honor for what? Bitch had me lookin' crazy, thinking I was about to start a family with her. I'm happy as all fuck, screaming out my car window on interstates, spreading fake ass news to strangers, thinking of baby names. Nigga, for what!?"

Deja consoled me calmly and wiped my tears which was all cool but, Robyn still fuckin' played me. Played the shit outta me and had me convinced that I was gon' be the nigga to heal her from all the wrong her exes did. I guided her in that direction of her self-worth and she started feelin' herself, treating me like I wasn't the one in corner from the minute her pretty ass walked into my shop. Two days fresh off the plane from NYC.

"Not like it's being brought up or anything, but you know that I'm always gunna be loyal to family, right? Not saying that my friendship with shawty is done because that's sis, but, I'll always be here for you. Whenever." I nodded.

"Now stop all this fuckin' crying before your chocolate ass melt in here, Tyrese." She said and I laughed so fuckin' loud, bro. I was so relieved to have a real one on speed-dial.

"It's still fuckin' with me though, cuz. We grown as fuck, how she still making these baby ass mistakes?"

"You see the way she looks at dude?" Dej asked and I shrugged.

"She loves the fuck outta that rollercoaster of a nigga. Sometimes when you go through hell with someone, you always gon' be curious to know if you ever gon' make it out that bitch with the same person. I'll personally let Shelby's ass burn but this ain't about me. Ya'll just wasn't the ones for one another and you gotta accept that,"

"I'ma try, dawg. This shit is still so fresh."

 Robyn

After hearing a slight noise coming from downstairs, that turned out to be nothing, I've been trying to fall back into my deep slumber but I just couldn't. My baby and I were wide awake, frustrated, and hungry as fuck. I trotted downstairs and turned all of the lights on and went to search for something to eat but, my only options were; ice, mayonnaise, and wheat bread. I groaned aloud and hopped on the counter.

Every place that delivered was closed and I wasn't about to cook at four in the damn morning. I shot a few text messages to Deja, Winter, and Odell and finally gave up on their bum asses when ten minutes went by without replies. I'ma remember this shit when they need me to sew some shit up for them.

I blew air out of my cheeks and went teary-eyed, scrolling through my contacts for some hope. As if I wasn't emotional enough, this pregnancy turned out to make me more of a crybaby than I used to be. Jaylen's new nickname for me was Bubbles, shawty from the Powerpuff Girls.

It fucked me up because I couldn't even fight about it, she was my favorite one. I smiled as I thought about all the hell I put him through, he was still my best friend. The fact that I was about to co-parent with his extra ass always put a smile on my face. We're gunna be bomb ass parents.

I finally shrugged and just decided to call him, I always try to give him his space and not call him first and since he lives about a half hour away, but he always comes to my rescue, even if I do call him last.

"Robyn, the world better be on fuckin' fire, my baby better had climbed out ya walls, or you dead, my nigga. What. the. fuck. could you possibly want at four-thirty in the bitch ass morning?" He groaned in his sleepy voice. I involuntary blushed at the sound of his voice and played with the ends of my hair nervously.

"I'm hungry as fuck, Lenny." he sighed loudly and shuffled around.

"Go cook some shit, Rob, a nigga in here sleep. I just got in the crib like two hours ago."

"I haven't went shopping. I'm barely here."

"Pull up. I got some shit you could cook."

"I'm scared. You know I don't drive at night. Pleaseeee?" He got silent for a second until I heard his light snores in my ear. I sucked my teeth and yelled his name.

"You always have been long-winded as shit. Yo boring ass put me right back to sleep."

"Jay!" I whined and he cursed lowly under his breath.

"You at least have an idea of where you wanna go?"

"No." I mumbled sheepishly. "You choose."

"I AIN'T THE ONE THAT'S FUCKIN' HUNGRY!" He half-yelled and I started to apologize to him through sobs. "Aight, I accept ya apology man. Damn, this pregnancy makin' you act so fuckin' lightskin. I'm coming."

"Thank you." I smiled and wiped my wet face. "Your brat ass already knew I was gon' end up cavin' anyway."

"No." I mumbled while shaking my head yes. Not even on some manipulative shit, Jaylen has been giving me whatever it is that my heart desired. It was all mostly food. "Whatever liar. Gimme twenty minutes. Stay up!"

"Okay." he hung up and I smiled, hopping off the counter and going to lay on the couch while watching Dexter's Laboratory.

*****

I finally decided on Waffle House and took it to-go. It was too cold in there. Jaylen and I just sat in his car and ate with my playlist playing from his Bluetooth.

"Thank you." I grinned while adding sugar to my grits, looking over at him batting my eyelashes. He rolled his eyes and looked at my stomach. "Anything for ya'll, man." I laughed loudly and he smirked at how obnoxious and random it was.

"Why you laughing like that, nigga?"

"Remember the night I only wanted the milk from the Fruity Pebbles and I made you eat-" the more I told the story, the harder I began to laugh.

"Hell yeah, I remember that fuck shit. I can't wait till this shit over and you have my next three babies, I ain't gotta do shit else."

"Bye. No more babies for me." I shook my head and ate my breakfast. I could feel his eyes on me as the car went silent, and I tried my hardest to ignore it. His stares were so intense. Eye contact was a big thing for him; during conversations, sex, even arguments. That's what made me fall for him in the first place, his beautiful ass eyes.

"Is it good?" he finally said and I nodded while snapping my fingers to the throwback Monica song playing. "Want some?" I asked and he nodded. I opened another plastic fork and handed it to him.

We ate together and cracked some more jokes until dawn, I forgot how stressed I've been this week and he was wide awake now as we drove through Memphis, singing along to our favorite songs. His ass never told anyone but he was actually an amazing singer.

I stared at him with so much love in my eyes and he looked over for a split second and started rubbing my stomach. "You good?"

"Yeah. I just-, I'm-"

"Man, I love yo ass more, Rob. Issa big ass elephant in the room everytime we together. Sometimes I be up at night, thinking about you and how much I fuckin' love you. I'm cool right now without the relationship. At least I got you as my Ace. Still my homie, my ride or die."

"Same. You don't miss it though?"

"We toxic. Of course I miss yo kisses and yo fuck game but I ain't with all the extra stress and pressure of tryna be the perfect man right now. I just wanna be the perfect father and yo perfect support system. I don't wanna break your heart again."

I nodded. "I finally know what it feels like to be on the other side of that." I sighed.

"Whatchu mean?"

"Eric."

"Shit, I would've been threw myself off the Hernando Bridge if I was THAT nigga." he smirked. "Nigga lost the best bond ever. Issa W for me, he gotta gon' and transfer that L from Meek Mill's checking." We laughed loudly.

"Stop, I'm going to Hell for laughing." I mumbled, holding my stomach.

"For real. I couldn't imagine being around you everyday, thinking I'm about to start a family with you, only to have it all be a fuckin' pipe dream. Trust me, shit ain't easy tryna live without you. Dreams with you in them don't make reality no easier. Had my hoe ass crying with my pillow, listening to One Wish on full blast every night."

"I'm not the shit like that." I flipped my hair playfully and smiled.

"You is. We all got growing up to do as young adults, but when that glo up hit you and you out here handling shit like a boss. Can't no bitch touch you. Ain't nobody touching you now, I won't let them."

"I love you, Jay Bear." I pecked his cheek repeatedly until he turned his head and snuck a kiss from my lips. I gasped and hit him softly.

"You actin' like you ain't never kiss me before. Like you ain't never taste yaself off these lips. Calm down."

I blushed and sunk into my seat, finishing off my food. "We done, Dora the fuckin' Explorer? Can I go to sleep now? It's almost seven." he yawned and I yawned after him.

“Yeah."

"You sleepin' over, I'm not driving all the way back to East Cutty Bum Fuck right now." I smirked and nodded as he started to drive back to his place.

I fell asleep on his king-sized bed with his big ass dog, Zeus at my feet and he fell asleep on the futon right across from the bed just in case anything happened. Time was healing us and I was content with where I stood with him, a place that I thought I'd never see us standing in. Ya'll know I used to hate his mean ass at the beginning of our journey.

**

I scratched my head as I looked at all of the mess in this house from unpacking. Jaylen wasn’t here right now, so I decided to do him a favor and clean because I didn’t mind.

Making sure that all the boxes were empty before I threw them out, I came across a couple of pictures of the both of us. Pictures that I didn’t even remember taking. The fact that he still has them made me smile wide. Jaylen still cares.

I pulled my phone out, taking a picture of them and sending them to Jaylen.

what you doing with these 🧐 3:37 pm

why you in my shit nigga 3:38 pm

I was cleaning 3:39 pm

you da best 4 that 🏼 just don’t hurt yourself mama & you know how we rockin even when we not rockin. feel me? 3:41 pm

I laughed to myself, tossing my phone on the couch. I wanted to ask him where he was, but I decided to keep cleaning. Jaylen unpacked everything and moved all the new furniture in, but nothing was organized.

To set the mood, I lit up a few candles and turned on some music so time could go by faster.

It was getting mighty toasty in here so I put my hair up in a bun and went to go change in a comfortable maxi dress. Now I was ready to clean.

Between singing along to Whitney’s untouchable vocals, cleaning and organizing every room in this house, I definitely worked up a sweat. When I was done, I smiled at my hard work and grabbed a water bottle before sitting down on the couch and turning on Power. Jaylen was gonna be mad that I started watching it without him, but I’ve been dying to watch it.

“Robby!” I heard Jayla’s voice come from behind me. I turned around to see her running up to the couch. Jayla was just the sweetest little bundle of joy.

“Hey pretty girl! I missed you! What you been up to?” I smiled at her as I sat her down on my lap.

“I made you a bracelet! Look!” She pulled out a beaded bracelet from her pocket with my favorite colors on it. The fact that she remembered was really special to me.

“Jayla girl.. This is cayuuuuuuute! I love it, thank you! I’m never taking it off.”

“Pinky promise?” I laughed, wrapping my pinky around hers as she nodded.

“Man Jayla love the fuck outta you, she ain’t ever made me no bracelet. I’m lowkey jealous.”

“I adore her so much. Your dad ha-“ I stood up and turned around only to be looking at Jaylen and his father. I froze, because I never thought I’d be meeting his dad. Especially now. Jaylen wasn’t his father’s twin but they had similar features. His dad was really handsome though.

“Hi, Mr. Waters-“ I started to say as I held my hand out for him to shake. He paid my hand no mind, pulling me into a warm hug instead. God, his hugs reminded me of my dad’s hugs so much that I had to pull away immediately.

“Call me Jayceon, we family now.” He smiled at me genuinely.

“Nice to meet you Jayceon. I’m Robyn.”

“Oh yea I know, Jayla and this nigga right here don’t ever stop talking about you. This dude always in my ear telling me about how much you mean to h-“

“Aight, that’s enough talking for you old man.” I chuckled to myself, blushing. I was gonna have to pull his dad to the side later on and get him to spill some more tea.

“I gotchu later on Ms. Robyn. Just let me know.” He said referring to the tea he was just spilling. I laughed and nodded as I made my way into the kitchen to prepare some food since more people were here. I heard Boo’d Up playing from my phone and I had to start singing it. This was Jaylen’s song.

“Feeeeeeling! All ova my bodaaaaay!” I sang out loud as I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I would move them, but I was too into this damn song.

“You know how I like itttttt, ain’t gotta tell you what to do.” Jaylen sang in my ear as he rocked us from side to side. I had to snap out of it and stop singing, because it was getting hot in here.

While I stopped, I turned around only to have Jaylen still singing to me. I looked away, because I didn’t wanna smile. My eyes landed on Jayla who was standing there recording us on Jaylen’s phone.

“Cuties!” She ran away with Jaylen’s phone. My mouth formed in the shape of an O.

“How does Jayla know how to record?”

“My nigga 8, she ain’t 8 months.” I put my hand up pretending to back hand him, and he flinched making me laugh. Dude had a smart ass mouth. I bet his mouth got him in hella trouble at school.

“You lucky you pregnant, I’ll tackle yo ass.” I waved him off.

“How many times you got in trouble at school for that mouth of yours?”

“Boy, ion’ even know.”

“Damn shame.”

“My mama told me to speak the fuck up and never hold my tongue for a muhfucka and I’m glad she did. I got a voice, so ima use it.” He had a point, but he didn’t use his voice for the right reasons sometimes.

“Yea and she’s right, but you’re disrespectful with it sometimes.”

“Damn nigga, is you my therapist? I checked outta the center months ago.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“See!”

“I’m deadass. Tryna tell a nigga bout himself and shit. You just like my mama Robyn, I swear to God.” He snaked his arm around my shoulder.

“Is that good or bad?”

“Shit is different. You care for me like my mama did no matter how much shit I put you through.”

“Cause I love your stupid self.” I shrugged as he smiled.

“Y’all might as well kiss already, damn. I’m tryna watch Good Times but y’all over here acting out a scene from The Notebook.” I heard Jaylen’s dad voice causing me to jump. He made it extremely awkward for the both of us.

“Ima go shower.”

“I’m right behind you, cause this nigga mad nosey.” I laughed as his father flared at him while we both made our way to his bedroom.

“Bubba, Jassy’s calling you!” I heard Jayla say as I walked into the master bedroom that was Jaylen’s. I went straight to the bathroom because I didn’t want to hear their conversation. I guess that plan wasn’t so smart, because I could still hear her yelling from the phone all the way in here.

“Why you buggin’ like this?”

“Son, you’re out here on social media boo’d up with your fucking ex!” My eyebrows twisted up in confusion.

“Wait what? What you talking bout?”

“It’s all on ya snap dude!” I cursed to myself, because that’s probably what Jayla was recording.

“Jas, it’s not even like that.” I sighed, cutting on the shower water. This shit was already stressing me out.

I honestly didn’t even know she was his girlfriend now. I felt really bad. I guess this was gonna have to stop. Only time we need to talk is if it has something to do with our baby.

Just as I started to strip, Jaylen walked in and started looking in the pull cabinet. “Hey, could you take me home when I get out?” He turned around with a look of confusion on his face.

“Why? You bored or sumn’? I thought we wa-“

“We’re obviously getting too comfortable, and I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend. You bought this house to raise the baby in, not for us to flirt and play around in.”

“Ion’ got no girlfriend, that’s m-“

“Ok, but you’re serious with her right?” He got quiet.

“Aight, I gotchu.” He said, clenching his jaw before grabbing his bottle of pills and walking out of the bathroom. I swear, every time I felt like our relationship was moving forward and getting healthier, shit would always go wrong.

 Jaylen

“Bout gotdamn time.” I sighed, putting my back up against the wall. Man we done spent the whole damn week putting all of the furniture in my new crib. I was serious about getting this house here in Memphis. Shit was nice as hell.

If I ain’t have a life out back home, I’d definitely move out here. I couldn’t wait to watch our child grow up in this home.

“This shit dope. You might as well move out the condo and stay here bro.” Odell stated, as I took in his words. I felt that, and I actually wanted to, but I would lose hella money. Almost all of my clients are in New York... but I guess if they really fuck with me, I would just have to have my work shipped. I’d have to do some big ass promoting out here though. Ion know shit bout Memphis, but the country ass rappers. They hard though.

“I’m thinking about it.. I love the city though. That’s my home.”

“I feel you, but this a big change for you. You got a new beautiful ass home in a different state, baby on the way, and who knows.. God might have bigger and better opportunities for you out here.” This nigga had a good ass point. I couldn’t argue with that shit.

“Fuck you brah.” I laughed, as he shrugged with a smirk.

“What about you, Mr.Knowitall?”

“What about me?”

“Ankle healed, you been training, season coming up, you got Winter back.. where the ring and the baby at?” He sighed, making me laugh.

“Man, you make it sound so easy. I been tryna propose to her bald headed ass but there’s never time. I can’t remember the last time we actually sat and enjoyed each other’s presence. And you already know the answer to the baby part.”

“Tell her to sit her on the go ass down some where then.” This hoe Winter was always doing some shit and always on the scene whenever she wasn’t at work.

“I do-“

“Nigga, everybody knows you don’t. You probably try, and don’t take this the wrong way but sometimes you let Winter run over you bro. You need to tell her ass wassup.” He stayed quiet, stroking his beard while nodding.

“Hit her up.. right now.”

“She bus-“ I gave him a look and he waved me off, pulling his phone out his pocket.

I watched him click on her name and put her on speaker. It rang for quite some time, and he was about to hang up until we finally heard her voice. “What is it O? I told you not to call me during this time at work. You never li-“ We both started to tune her nagging out while I gave him to look. He nodded and started to speak.

“Nah, YOU never listen. Winter I been trying to spend time with you for the longest but you never wanna hear me out and you always blowing me off for shit. Ion’ give a fuck what you got going on when you get off work. All I know is you better be at my crib at 10 AM when I get back to NY in the morning. No if’s and’s or but’s. You hearing me?” I jumped up from the couch, dapping my nigga cause he finally grew his balls back. I taught my nigga well, man.

“But O-“

“What I say?” He asked, sternly as she sighed and stayed silent for a few seconds. Had that ass shook.

“Ok, I’ll be there..” I pressed the button to hang up as O stood up to his feet popping his collar. This nigga.

“My boy.” I smirked as we did our handshake.

“Aight nigga, now go do the same shit with Rob.” My smirk immediately fell, and I pointed to the door.

“I know you fucking lied.”

“I’m deadass.”

“Ion know what you muhfuckas don’t understand about the word TOXIC. Y’all want us to kill each other? I love that girl to death, I ain’t tryna hurt her again. She look mad happy without me. She making big moves, doing big things with out me and I’m happy for her. I wanna see her happy not constantly crying over me again.”

As much as I love the fuck outta Robyn, hurting her hurt me. Ion wanna jump back into another relationship when I already know I ain’t gone do right by her. We stay at each other necks and I’m just not ready for the stress and headaches again. Plus she pregnant with my child? Man hell nah, we do not need the stress. Robyn been fucking glowing, and I’d like to keep it that way.

“I know you hurt her before, everybody make mistakes. But everybody sees the way y’all look at each other. If you love her so much like you say you do, what the fuck is so hard about keeping her happy?”

I scratched my head.

“I ain’t shit and we both know I ain’t.” I shrugged.

“Talking to you is like talking to a wall, bruh.” He shook his head as he grabbed his things so that he could go to the airport. I ain’t feel like driving at all. I guess I go to Jas’ hotel and chill there for a few. I couldn’t wait to get in her shit.

Send me the addy and room # 7:56 PM

**

“So I got some shit I gotta break down to you.” She stopped eating her ice cream cone, and folded her arms. Sighing, she sat down next to me.

“If it’s bad news, I’m really not trying to hear it. I just got fired from my job over some dumb shit, so I’m really not in the mood for bad news.” She explained, as I started thinking while stroking my goatee. It wasn’t really bad news on my end.

“Just let me tell you. Ion’ want you to have to find some shit out on your own and then you gone be mad at me saying I never told you.” She sat quiet.

“Aight, so.. you know when I told you I could possibly be a father?” She had this uneasy look on her face.

“Yea..” she mumbled, looking down at the floor. I gently grabbed her chin, and made her look at me.

“Well I am.” The eye contact we once had was gone, and she started to look at the floor again, not saying a word.

“Jaylen, I migh-..” She sighed putting her face in her palms. Just as I was about to ask her to keep going, my phone rang. I didn’t answer it, because I wanted to hear what she had to say.

“What you was saying?” I tossed my phone to the side of me. She just shook her head and stood up.

“Never mind, I’ll be in the bathroom.” I sighed, picking my phone up to see who it was that wanted me. It was just Winter, but she was gone have to wait. I wanted to know what Jas was gone say.

I got up, going towards the direction of the bathroom only to see her leaning over the sink. “You good?”

“Could you bring me my sketch pad off of the table?” Jasmine asked as she gave me an uncomfortable look. She kept saying how her body was in pain.

Leaving the bathroom, I jogged in the living room of her suite and looked on the table for her sketch pad. She had a shit load of books on the table, so I was knocking a bunch of shit over. Almost everything ended up on the floor, so I had to look for it even harder now. I ain’t sign up for this shit.

Sighing, I kept looking around for her fuck ass sketch pad until my eyes stopped at a certain group of words.

Terminated Pregnancy Report

I realized that the papers were sticking out of a Manila folder, and the more I looked through them, the more my anger started to build up. Not Jasmine..

“Hey Jaylen, never mind I fo-“ she stopped in her tracks once she seen what was in my hands.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed hoping that God would forgive me for what I was about to do to this girl. I prayed for him to give me some sort of knowledge to help me understand why the fuck this bitch would go behind my back and do some sick shit like this. She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant.

I plopped down on the floor, chuckling bitterly. “What the fuck is this, Jasmine?” She knew she fucked up, because she couldn’t say a damn thing.

“Man talk!” I yelled at her, getting up from my spot on the floor.

“What do you want me to say?!” She inched closer to me as she started to get teary-eyed.

“Man fuck them phony ass tears! Tell me why the fuck you would go behind my back and do some grimy shit like this! My nigga you killed not only one, but both of my fucking babies! You ain’t even let me know you was pregnant Jas, why the fuck would you do that?! Did you think about how I would feel?”

By now, tears were falling down from my face because I was fucking hurt. Twins might’ve been tough to handle right now, but I helped make them so it was only right that I help take care of them. My mama ain’t raise me to be a deadbeat. Ion even come off like that, so I’m still tryna process why Jas would do that shit.

“I-I.. I’m not ready for kids right now, Jaylen. You even said it yourself that you weren’t either.”

“So that give you the right to go and do that shit behind my fucking back?! You ain’t even tell me you was pregnant to begin with! We both was bein’ irresponsible having unprotected sex, so we was just gone have to deal with it!”

“I’m sorry, I didn-“

“Fucking murderer.” I looked at her with so much fucking disgusts. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to grab me, but I backed away from her, looking around for my keys.

“Where are you going?”

“Delete my number, and don’t ever come by my fucking house no more.” I stormed out, slamming her room door behind me. I could hear her screaming my name as I walked off and got onto the elevator but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit.

I was done with that bitch.

Before I flew out here to sign papers for the house and move in, I was spending damn near every day with her, meaning we was fucking damn near every day. Sometimes I’d be so horny that it wouldn’t even cross my mind to use a condom. I was on and off with them bitches. That’s where I fucked up.

She started throwing up at the most random times, and I didn’t pay no mind to it, because her ass got sick real easy. I started to put two and two together and realized she could possibly be pregnant. I asked her, and she told me no so I left it at that. I thought I could trust her, but I guess not.

How could you have it in your heart to kill an innocent child like that? That shit was foul as hell, and I couldn’t even think straight. My vision was getting blurry as hell, so I hope that I could get home as safe as possible.

I tried to take my mind off of this shit and just face the music. Right on time, Drake’s lyrics hit the fuck outta me.

No one to guide me, I'm all alone

No one to cry on

I need shelter from the rain, to ease the pain

Of changing from boy to a man

As I came to a stop light, I had an incoming call from Robyn. I didn’t wanna answer at all, but something could probably be wrong with her.

“W-what you need?” I sniffled as I rubbed my eyes.

“Hey do you wan- oh my God, are you crying?” She asked, concerned. I swear I just wanted to spill every last drop of this fucking tea to Robyn, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I just wanted to go home, smoke a wood, and go to sleep and not wake up, real shit.

“What you need, Robyn? The baby good?” I sighed taking the phone off of my face, forgetting this was a damn FaceTime call.

“Yea um, I just.. wanted to know if you wanted me to come bring you a plate because I cooked your fav...” She smiled innocently, as I shook my head no.

“To be real witchu’, ion’ even got an appetite right now. Ima fuck witchu’ later though.” I hung up before she could even respond.

After Robyn called, it’s like my phone started blowing the fuck up so I just powered my shit off. It took me bout 10 more minutes to reach my crib, and I couldn’t be more relieved to be home. I did some illegal shit to get here in just 10 minutes, but fuck it. Jail is the least of my worries right now.

Going straight to my bedroom, I decided not to smoke because I was way too tired anyways and my bed and pillows were calling my damn name. Swear my head ain’t even touched the pillow for 5 seconds, and I was already asleep. I ain’t ever been so fucking tired and drained in my life.

A few minutes into my deep slumber, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I opened my eyes, only to be met with Robyn sitting down next to me in my bed.

“Man I love you so fucking much, Robyn.” I mumbled, intertwined my fingers with hers, kissing her stomach.

“I love you too Lenny, I’m always here if you need me or wanna talk.” Was all I heard her say before she kissed my forehead, and I fell right back asleep.