#and i can't do anything myself cs if i try then i hurt

[deeisace]

.

[systemofwhispers]

tw: vent, mention of sh, caps, swearing

what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't fall asleep, it's 1 am, I need to be up early tomorrow. all because my stupid fucking brain is overthinking. all I keep doing is the wrong thing. saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, acting the wrong way. why can't I just DO WTF IM SUPPOSED TO DO?! IT ISNT THAT FUCKING HARD SO WHY CANT I JUST DO IT??? WHY CANT I JUST BE LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING PERSON. it's either I say the wrong thing with my boyfriend when I'm js trying to help and he gets angry. or I scold my little brothers because MY FUCKING PARENTS ARENT PAYING ATTENTION. AND I GET YELLED AT FOR IT? YOU FUCKING WHORE IM LITERALLY THE ONE WATCHING YOUR KIDS, AND YOU SAY "madi don't yell at the boys, I'm the parent I'll take care of it" SO DO THAT??? DO YOUR FUCKING JOB LIKE YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN YOU HAD THE FOUR OF US??? IM THE OLDEST SURE, BUT IM NOT A FUCKING BABYSITTER!!! i js can't fucking do this. I'm literally sobbing on a fucking pull-out couch rn cs we're on vacation and my head hurts and I can't sleep but my mind just won't shut the fuck up. I haven't done anything to myself in 2 years. I've been clean. but that rubber band is looking rlly fucking nice right ab now, idk. and I know I shouldn't. but I can't think of anything else to take the edge off. idk, I'll probably knock out after I finish crying cs I'll be tired ig. idfk.

[tengenscvmbvdd1]

A man? Or a boy.?

Sukana x black reader.

{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sukana

hear me out now , As a young black female i shouldn't put myself with this, but i cant resist them pretty ass eyes of sukana... yujji and sukana both fine as hell but lets be real now.... Just sukana is more so freaky and yujji is an innocent angel, if anything, i wanted sukana.

But ever since they were able to separate Yujji and Sukana from ones body, i couldnt resist him no more. Super sexy. He didnt look like him regular self like the curse self, He look like an evil twin of yujji. I wouldve never fell for Ryomen Sukana. Never, If it wasnt for his boldness and cockiness.

" Y/n, What are you doing staring at that thing forever?" Maki had asked me, She was close to my arms but not too close to graze the skin, but she was close. " Nothing Maki, nothing i'm just curious." she gave me the most curious snd digusted look ever, "dont fall for him, King of curses, Dont fall for his shenanigans, he'll hurt u."

I look at her so fucking crazy, and i started getting upset, because 1, Dont fucking play w/ it, Anybody would want my big fatass and these hips, And also the fact that i look good asfk in these clothes? Maki b quiet. " Maki. trust he aint hurting nb." I was js annoyed with herrr cs wtffff?

Maki stared off at the midnight glow and sighed pretty hard " Well, im going to call it a night tonight y/n." i replied with " Aigh girl cs im tired as shit."

===================

Whilst me talking the walk back to my dorm, I see sukana and yujji, Gojo talking. I stand for a second, Just sight seeing ( iykwim.) Until Of course, The sourcer had to call me

"Y/N, Y/n Come over hereee for a secondd!!"

God i need to walk fasta, Cause the clothes im wearing?? I can't, Too revealing. I try walking faster away, even tho i'm tall ( IF UR SHORT THAN UR SHORT .) I can't unfortunately outwalk the three, especially not sukana. Sadly but truely the trio somehow caught up.

" Whats up Gojo, What's up Yujji!"

" Hey Y/-"

" Your gonna act like im not here?" I froze, because, it wasnt even the case, i just didnt, well fuck that is was gonna act like i couldn't. " Y/n What are u wearing at this time?! You know perverted boy will be trying to snatch u, And worse curses will yk.." Yujji said to me, Looking me up and down mostly down cause my ass cheeks were poking out these jeans shorts and especially the thong. I and my sister decided to go to the beach and we got back a couple hours ago so here i am.

I try to ignore yujji's comment but sukana ofc big mouthed bitch said, " No seriously." he laughed " Imagine all the shit i'd do."I roll my eyes and a slight blush came across my face, Probably not even noticeable bcs of my melanin glow, But i proceed to say, " Sukana, Please try and be a grown man instead of a lil ass boy, Try nd have sum fucking respect nigga, Cs i respect u and your dumbass."

Sukana didn't say anything, But the look in his eyes said enough, It was a glow almost. But genuinly i was scared, Cs it just slipped out, I've always wanted to be treated right, my pops couldnt do that, So i look for it in every man i've dated or tried to associate with and most have been children. I beg for somebody to treat me right and i look idiotic.

" Goodnight lil ass boy."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Morning time. I get up,shower, Eat, Brush my teeth, Do my hair, skincare and then, i put my lipgloss and lashes on and call it a day. It's about 8 am as of now, And i start studying for an exam, These notes, EXHASTION. I feel overwhelmed as it is y'all. Last thrusday, I was supposed to have a date with this cute Cubano, comes out i got ditched, Of course. I cried in Gojo's and yujji's arms FOR HOURS. But they love me sooooooo it was fine, that they shirts looked like white rags, But guess what, Whole time sukana was over here fucking eyeing me, Looking me up and down, but then again i remember the dress i wore, i had thongs on, pink ofc, and my hair was combed out into an afro and i have lip liner and mascara and gloss on, but i wear lashes now because when i cry they dont smear. I dunno he js hates me when all i want from sukana is to be thrown on the bed and fucked to tears but not by a boy, by a man. Sukana is old as hell, We all know that, I'd think he'd be grown and mature, but he's worse than a 15 year old in heat.

Sukana Pov

" Sukana, Please try and be a grown man instead of a lil ass boy, Try nd have dum fucking respect nigga, Cs i respect u and your dumbass."

What the fuck is going on. A little boy? Really? i'm a grown ass man, I have killed many, And this bitch calls me a lil ass boy? She doesn't even know how i'd handle her and those tight ass jean shorts? She wants to see a man? She wants a man to treat her? I know how to treat women, but Y/n doesnt understand, I'm restraining everything not to pounce on her, i want her, but the fact that she thinks just because i tease her means anything that i hate her? i know she likes me, i just know, and i wanna please her badly but as a curse, i shouldnt interact with her.

But of course, something is now pushing me to knock on her door. I'm not nervous, Too prideful for that, I know my motive right here at her door. Im gonna confront her fucking ass since shit funny and imma show ha ass rn how a man treat a bad bitch cs she think issa joke?

" Hollon shi, I'm changing."

Fuck, She's changing rn, i should just barge in, but i'm better than that. I hear footsteps and running through the house, and i hear the door of her dorm lock, Everything slows down now, I dee her, She doesnt have lashes on, It's mascara, Lipgloss and a pink stanley in her hand, Her hair, Curly, Long, And it's long and down her back.

" Sukana what the fuck are u doing here, Get the fuck on somewhere."

I stare a bit longer until i respond shortly, " Y/n, Let me in the fucking dorm room, right fucking now. We needa talk.."

The clothes. A big ass white tee, Thats off the shoulder, Showing her tatted shoulder, It says, " Curase en salud."

her panties, on the back say, " Fuck hole." that must be printed or sum, but their like bikini panties. Her ass is plumped as fuck.

Y/n's pov

" Y/n, Let me in the fucking dorm room, right fucking now. We needa talk.."

" Sukana, no, Ur fucking crazy get ou- Euhp-."

Sukana pushed passed me and took my waist in his hands, and pushed me close to him and said.

" why tf u call me a lil ass boy hm?" I play a smirk on my face, Trying to shave the fear out of me and the excitement, " I call it how i see it." His eyes were furious, lustful, and passionate. " Let me prove to you, i'm a man y/n, I shouldnt have to prove myself to someone younger than me by so much, but i can prove this to u, that i am a man."

I felt his bulge right on my crotch. Growing really though, I didnt really say nun back, I couldn't, He was squeezing my ass so tight, My tits shining on his chest, because the off the shoulder tee was really low. " Sukana please, Just leave ." I plead, I never actually thought, Sukana ryomen, Would be in my dorm, gripping my ass, and having my tits so bunched together til now, He was just a dumb little cru-

" I was just a dumb little crush?...."

His eyes glowed with the low light, and i tried to not be turnt on by me and him in my dorm, I'm trying to release myself from his grip but genuinely dont want to leave his hands, But i'm fighting him, but he's not budging, At all, I'm sorry maki but imma end up giving it up. Been a virgin til now and msybe it's time to say bye.

" y/n stop fighting it right now, You want it, i want it, You want me to prove to you i can be a man, and imma show you ri now, All them tim's u go crying to gojo, me and yujji, over some lames, i think, if i had a chance at that, m's gonna fuck that shit up, let me fuck it up, let me treat u.

i finally stop fighting, And now i look him dead in his eyes and i say, " U cant handle shit lil boy."

His eyes stopped wondering and looked me dead in the eyes, His eyes blazing with anger, and his mouth agaped, Showing thode terrifying canines.

" fuck that shit."

He dives straight for my lips, no hesitation at all, We're kissing and i havent melted into the kiss until i can feel the hunger behind the kiss, He gripping my ass, Enough to give me a mark. He pulls back, Taking his hand thats free and wipes my swollen lips, and announces, " Too damn beautiful not to get fucked like a slut tonight y/n."

He throws me over his shoulders, And slaps my ass hard, " Aiiii Sukana, put me down ! ." I start punching his back until i feel another hard slap, " AIII OKAY OKAY, I'll stop."

We find my bedroom, Or he finds it, And He throws me on the bed. My shirt lifted, my legs exposed, and my panties on display, i already feel my pussy damped super damped, i want him.

he slowly crawls ontop of me, His knee position at my entrance, and he starts kissing and nibbling my neck, and he's rubbing my sides, I'm not moaning until he finally puts pressure on my clit, " Arghh sukana, please, we cant, i'm Mngh-, Human, and AH ! Curse."

He shakes his head as he makes his way down my chest and starts by taking. a boob and making me nibble and nibble on my nipple, and the moaning is never ending because he's messing with me as of now, Because he'll put pressure on my clit than take it off and kiss my nipple and suck, He starts to grip my waist tighter, And now he's biting and kneeing my pussy and pressuring my waist, I feel a bit overwhelmed m... but since im a virgin, I didn't know this feeling but i hsd a little knowledge of how my pussy works.

" Sukana, m' gonna cum."

" No ur not, Are u fucking serious, You're not even senstive yet, you cum when i say cum."

I stop for a minute to see who he is talkikg about and i say, " Boy who tf are u- ARGH!! MGNH!."

I didn't notice, Sukana put my panties to the side and started Using his fingers, This was new, At least from someone else, It was new, i felt myself start to yell even louder, His fingers were moving at a intense speed, And as my orgasm was coming up, He stopped.

" 'ukana why baby, please let me cum..."

He started lowering himself lower and lower, Until all i can see is his beautiful pink hair. I feel him insert 2 fingers, and 2 on the other hand, And curl them. Y'all i hollered, Loudly.

" AHHHH."

Then a suctioning on my clit, it was his mouth, He was sucking it up. This only lasted a few seconds until, I got senstive and i started closing my legs and when i closed them tight, His head was the only thing in between them.

" Hey baby, lets keep'em opened for me?"

" senstive."

He looked annoyed as i look down and this time, He snaps my legs open with his hands, He strechs my legs wide and continues to suck my pussy raw and tight,, I started tighening around his fingers, Hard, and i started moaning uncontrollably and shaking, My legs ached tho becaude their was sukana, Fuck my clit and pussy so good. " kuna gunna cum..."

" no i stg if u cum, i gonna ruin u... dont fucking cum or i'll leave u here without an orgasm and let me come back and find out u fucked this pretty pink cunt, i swear will fuck everything up around u y/n, Do not fucking cum 'til i say, I know u can do it, you've wanted this, U and ur pretty pink cunt, so take it."

it's been forever since i been told what to do and i listened, Only my mama can geg me to shut up but sukana is handling my shit so well, i cant stop moaning it feels so overwhelming, the next thing i know is sukana stops finger fucking me and he looks at me snd my cunt and he smirks and he sees the mascara falling out of with my tears.

Sukana

My belt and pants. removed. her panties ripped. dick hard.

" be gentle pls.."

" nah, b a lil slut nd take this dick."

I pound inside of her, Fast, She screamed my name, and as i thrust i can feel js how tight her pussy truly is.

Though i am going way to far with it, i can't stand being called a lil ass boy? I'm a grown ass man. I throw my head back a little while beating her shit, i look down to see the lewd scene of the blood trickling down, This doggy style does no justice either but she looks so nice arching for me.

" FUCK!!! 'kuna, 'kuna , 'kuna, I'm cumming, i'm cumming."

nah

" Hell nah, No u not."

I wanna see her squirt, imma hold out for a lil, Making surr her pussy is tight and overstimulated, sentive. She starts shaking under my touch and my cock sliding in and out, but i just watched her with a burning glare to her head. She definitely knows better

She starts struggling a bit to keep up now, Her body is failing her as she falls, My arms not longer securing her.

She falling under my touch...

" ryo... please let 'm cum, i'm beggi- nghn, please."

Her legs suddenly eventually start failling, So i hook my hands under her butt, Turn her around while gripping her ass, Now i got her pinned against the door getting fucked in my hands, Her breath seeming a bit off, Shes been holding it in for a while i assumed. She finally starts tapping my chest like me and her are in a boxing rink and finally she says, " Im fk'in sorry for AGRH!! Calli- Mghn- u a FUCK, Lil boy, Jus' let m' cum."

creampie immediately. She knee as soon as my thighs clenched. I nutted in her. fuck.

" so u sorry now."

"....yes i am."

I grin to myself knowingly. i won.

I started making my way out, When she grabs my arm and says, " Kuna... what does this make us."

" friends?"

she stares at me like im crazy, but ik im not?? " What the fuck, U cant just fuck me crazy and then leave?" Oh but i can baby.

" well then earn my heart lil ass girl ."

[childotkw]

Jordan, please don’t say Riddle won’t recognize that Hadrian is compelled to kill him when he tries to I will absolutely DIE if there relationship goes back to square one or if they are just snippy to each other and go there separate ways with tension. I’m not ready for Hadrian to be upset with Riddle :(. But it would be 100% funnier if Riddle does recognize it’s happening and can’t do anything about it. I stg if Dumbledore try’s to insert himself after this and the order members continue to be blind to it I will riot. Does Hadrian even recognize he’s being compelled? I’m assuming it might just change his brain into thinking very negative things about Riddle and resulting in bitter good-byes while Hadrian focuses on his future in international relations in France living with Raina’s family. Keep up the good work, I’ll be patiently waiting in anticipation for the next chapter <3

I can neither confirm nor deny what will happen in the coming chapters, I can only hope that you all trust me to hurt you in the best possible way 😂

All I will say is that the issues caused by this last-minute interference will not all be solved by the end of CS, and the emotional trauma of what happens will linger.

As for Hadrian, I'm still debating how exactly I want the compulsion to come across in his sections - so I can't really answer the second half of your ask just yet because I don't know myself 😅😅 it'll either be, he is in 'full-control' over himself and it's just his perception of Riddle that's twisted; or he completely shuts-down and becomes the equivalent of a non-verbal puppet carrying out his 'orders'. Both are really fucked up, but I am leaning towards one over the other (won't say which though!)

But thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! 💕💕💕

[s1eepy-0]

vent or whatever

my father makes me want to kill myself so much. Like, why should I try, I'm just a disrespectful little shit. I hate being alive, but I can't say anything about it, because I do it. I say I don't wanna play with the dog today? Disrespectful. I just want to avoid getting sweaty, I have a sweating issue, it hurts, and I can't do anything about it but try to stay dry. All I have to do is be a good kid and get good grades, but I can't even keep those up. I can't keep the As and Bs like I should, instead o get four Cs.

I just don't know if I can do this anymore. 3 weeks into summer, I knew I wouldn't make it long. I just want everything to stop. I hate it here, why can't I just do what they want me to do?? I thought it was okay if I slipped up in school, as long as I tried. Guess that was a lie. See if I come to you with my problems, see if I come to you when I feel like killing myself. See if it'll ever happen. It won't, because I'm just an issue or whatever. I can't think right now, I don't feel good at all

I hate being alive so much, I just. I just want it all to stop. But I pinky promised someone that I wouldn't do anything.

[amzelindistress]

Every time I think wow, I haven't felt this low in a really long time! I end up sinking even lower into my depression. It's getting really, really bad again. Excruciatingly bad. (I haven't reverted to self-harm, tho. Yet.)

I feel so... worthless. hopeless. empty. void. numb.

I'm tired of having to explain why I'm no longer making XX amount, or why I'm not working, or what I'm doing during the days. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but my mom keeps bringing it up and it just makes me feel bad. I was just mentioning today how I am only aiming to make X amount a week right now because CS has been exhausting me and she mentioned how I used to make XX amount. And once again I had to explain (for the umpteenth time) how AI has basically stolen my job/livelihood. (And I know she has ADHD and trouble paying attention/retaining the information I give her and I know she doesn't mean to make me feel bad. But it does. I was doing so well financially and now I'm not. It feels like there's a hole in my stomach and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. (whoever said money doesn't buy happiness was a damn liar.))

I have a lot that I need to do and figure out but it's hard. And honestly, I have... I wouldn't say high support needs, as an autistic person, but they definitely aren't low, either. Medium? I don't know. But I'm not getting the support I need. (ps: I wish I could afford an official diagnosis. I wish I hadn't been failed as a child and had been formerly diagnosed.) I had high hopes when I signed up for the life coach but that was a mistake. It sucks because I don't really have anyone to give me the support/help that I really need. I love my mom but she's not equipped to help me with what I need. I mean, she has ADHD herself and barely passed high school. And I still have to help her with things, too. I just wish I had someone to help me out more. My mom tries. My best friend tries. But it's just not enough.

Finances are so tight right now. Between both me and my mom.

And there's just. So. Fucking. Much. To do. And I don't know how to do half the shit I want to do. And learning is so fucking hard. I need help. Who do I ask for help???

My dad's taking me to Akron on Friday and I'm really dreading the drive because we have to go on an interstate and being in a vehicle with him is really overwhelming. He always stresses me out and gets pissy on the road. Not looking forward to it. Probably won't even be worth the trip tbh. Meeting with my RA but what is she going to do for me? Tell me to lose weight to help my symptoms? Yeah, I already know that. Thanks!

Another thing that's been on my mind lately (although, tbh, I have 2987398472934 things on my mind lately) is my social skills. Or lack thereof. It's so hard for me to connect to anyone or to make friends. Even the group of "friends" I have right now all prefer the company of my best friend. And who wouldn't? She's fun and talkative. And I'm just me. Boring and quiet.

I'm trying to keep my mind busy, too. I'm trying to pick up a new hobby. But it sucks because I have a hard time following along with tutorials. I haven't even been able to get past my fucking Woobles kits because I keep fucking it up somehow and I've no idea how.

I. Literally can't do anything. Wow, wow, wow.

I can't finish my GED. I can't get myself to get my driver's license. I can't get a new job. I can't even pick up a hobby because I'm fucking stupid. I actually hate myself. I really, fucking do.

Right now I'm sucking back tears. You know when you suck them back so hard that your entire face hurts? That's me right now.

Yeah...

[melody-k-hart]

TW: child abuse

I remember when I was younger that I was told every time I would cry that I was only doing it for attention or to get out of a punishment.

Now I only cry in heaving sobs on my bathroom or bedroom floor.

I remember being grounded for getting Cs and told 'you can do better' when I had a B.

Now I stress over Bs, tell myself I'm only worthy if I have As.

I used to panic and cry whenever I spilled a drink, scared and not knowing what to do.

I now know my parents used to laugh and mock me for spilling things when I was younger.

My dad would have never intentionally hit me.

My mom told me when I was little and was playing as he slept, I knew to stay out of range of his arms and I knew to stay quiet as possible.

My mom had to take care of my crippled father and me, always stressed.

I tried to be perfect so I didn't add extra weight. I mean I'm her only kid, her only shot a good child, right?

Every time I got in trouble I was embarrased by myself, I mean I made another mistake, I wasn't the perfect kid.

My mom used to tell everyone under the sun when I got myself in trouble, embarrasing me further.

For so long my mom was strict. Then when my father died and she started dating, found a new husband, I was left alone.

I went through all of middleschool and half of highschool dwindling away and she didn't see.

They caught me cutting once, didn't question how far gone I was at that point, just told me it wasn't healthy and not to do it again.

I just got better at hiding it.

She didn't find out until the damage had already been done, she had neglected how I was feeling for so long.

I know he hurt her but she completely lost sight of me.

After he left she hid. She stayed in this house, in her room, barely going out for over a year.

Now she does nothing for me.

The damage I felt when I had to enroll for college by myself, sitting in the counseler's office, trying to decipher it as to not be a burden to someone else when it was supposed to be my mom helping me.

All of this still weighs on me. From childhood to now, still getting hurt.

I don't think any of my parental figures have ever truely been a parent to me. A part of me hates them. The only one still around is my mother, and honestly? I can't care for anything she says anymore.

So I guess everyone I've talked to is right, you can't trust your parents to raise you right or be decent people, or even do anything for you.

I guess from now on, I'll figure it all out on my own.