#and i can’t find the video on my tags so reposting it oof

[leopardom]

jo hotline Jan will forever have me on a chokehold

[nearmidnightannex]

Eurovision 2018! commentary as it happened

Reposting from something done elsewhere. It is very very long, what with the competition lasting, you know, FOUR HOURS, so there is a keep-reading tag below.

No idea who the performers were, but I really liked that second number leading into the beginning and the parade of nations.

Interesting that Ross and Shangela felt the need to explicitly state that they will not be talking over the performers. I'm guessing that they had comments about that in previous years. (Also, totally forgot that Celine Dion got her start with Eurovision. And also somewhat confused, what with her being, you know, Canadian. Then, there are random Americans here this year, and I think Norway’s performer last year was actually from Australia, so.)

I do not remember the Ukranian boy band hosts from last year doing the instructions in English and French. I'm guessing in part because as they stated they were very new to English, so handling both would have been a bit much.

And here we go!

Melovin, Ukraine, "Under the ladder". Had a few problems wandering off key at the start, but then the number went insane and he was fine. Seriously, that ending was kind of nuts for a song that really wasn't all that intense. Didn't like it that much, meself, but we shall see.

Amaia y Alfred, Spain, "Tu Cancion". Surrounded by a sea of phone screens on one side, and a stage of things that aren't phone screens but might as well be on the other. It's actually the sort of very sweet ballad that wouldn't tolerate Eurovision-standard overproduction, so the lack of LED screen probably doesn't hurt them at all. No sense of whether or not it will do well, but the audience (and Ross and Shangela) seem to love them. (Cat Valente on Twitter: "Oof, Spain's only special stage effect was heterosexuality.")

Lea Sirk, Slovenia, "Hvala, ne!". A song and performance with attiTUDE, at the least. And about ninety million more flashing laser lights and spotlights than any song needs; I'm not epileptic, but I literally could not watch the chorus because it hurt. I can't imagine how difficult it was to be in the room.

Ieva Zasimauskaitė, Lithuania, "When we're old". A very very small and sweet ballad. If we didn't have the example of last year's winner, I wouldn't think a song this small would have any chance of making it through. Given that there's no projection screen on stage with her, I'm guessing that the images of couples we see next to her can't be seen in the auditorium, so they're aimed squarely at the juries and viewers, all of whom are watching on television elsewhere. And that staged ending, however hokey, was really sweet.

Cesar Sampson, Austria, "Nobody but you". I like the sound of the song, although I think it may have a shade too much repetition. His pants are ... weird. (People, if I, the fashion-impaired, am wondering why his spandex pants have a crotch at his knees, something is decided ODD.)

Elina Nechayeva, Estonia, "La Forza". Oh, Opera. Or at least operatic. And she gets around the LED screen restriction by wearing her own. Man, that skirt is MAGNIFICENT. It also provides all the motion, which is good, because she can't possibly be able to move without screwing up the screen. (Um ... were those sperm cells zipping around on her dress for a hot minute there?) I do wonder how much the auditorium can see, though; the main seating/standing level is all below stage level, and the balconies are all very far away.

Alexander Rybak, Norway, "That's how you write a song". A previous winner performing again. And again, effects that the audience can't see because they're composited into the camera. And it was fun, I guess, and I suppose that's how you write a song, but ... eh. Whatever.

There is a LOT more direct outreach to the auditorium audience this year than there has been in the past. The Slovenian grrrl group asking them to sing along, the Austrian guy saying  "How are you, Lisbon" in a song that really didn't tolerate it, Norway throwing his jacket into the audience ... I wonder how much this is a reflection of them compensating for the LED effects they don't have.

Claudia Pascoal, Portugal, defending champeeen, "O Jardim". Apparently, Portugal has decided that "small and quirky" is their niche, and they're going to OWN that. That said, the song built a little, in a way that last year's song never did, if only a very little.

And now a bit of business, both literal and figurative, in which the entire world sprints for the bathroom. Plumbing system managers around the world are thinking, "What the ... must be a break in Eurovision."

SuRie, Great Britain, "Storm". A very energetic performance, in which some rando grabbed the mic from her to get political. It was handled expeditiously, to put it mildly. She was able to get the audience back with her pretty quickly. Intrusions aside, the song was ... OK, I guess.

Sanja Ilić & Balkanika, Serbia, "Nova Deca". Cant understand a word, of course, but I like the sound and staging. Also the studmuffinly lead singer who set sail on a shorter version of the SS Kaftanic.

Michael Schulte, Germany, "You let me walk alone". It's a very nice, low-ish key song. Again, very simple staging accompanying effects ... although, judging from the reflections on the stage floor, unless the floor itself was part of the effects, the audience actually could see those. I wonder if management changed its mind about the LED screen ... or if he somehow brought his own with him. (EDIT: judging from later acts, the latter.)

Eugent Bushpepa, Albania, "Mall". Very dynamic. I mostly liked the sound of it, although I could have done with less of the falsetto blasts. Back of his jacket was ... odd. And ... that's it. That's all I got.

Madame Monsieur, France, "Mercy". So ... being able to kinda sorta just a little understand parts of the song are throwing me. Not least because it took me a couple rounds to catch up with the concept of "My name is Mercy", and not "My name is Thank you." Not helped by the fact that they were actually playing on that confusion deliberately. That aside, the song was ... very very French.

Mikolas Josef, Czech Republic, "Lie to me".  It's a fun song -- why is he wearing a backpack? -- but good lord, there's a lot of just standing more or less in place this Eurovision. (Well, OK, until the end of the song, for him. Bopping about with dancers and the occasional backflip off stairs is not “just standing in place”, no.) Also, it would have been helpful to have established the context that the other dancers were standing in light boxes bseside him; it looked on screen like they were somewhere else entirely at first. It's one hell of a dynamic performance, I'll give it that.

Rasmussen, Denmark, "Higher ground". Selected to perform the song because he looks like a viking. Which cannot be denied, really. Also, putting him in all black makes him look simultaneously undead and slightly terrifying. (Cat Valente on Twitter: "The lead singer for #Denmark looks like undead bearded Jared Leto when he hasn't had lunch yet.") The choice to stage with a bunch of long-haired burly trenchcoat-clad guys sorta kinda marching around is ... interesting. The song is sort of monotone; the performance is making a LOT more of it than it is, which is saying something. (And again, the appeal to the audience: "Come on, walk with us!" Which explains the marching.) Not quite sure what the snow effects have to do with anything. (The stagehands and crew for Eurovision must be both very good and feel very put-upon by the end.)

Jessica Malboy, Eurofied Australia, "We got love". It's dynamic, and it's ... fine. Although this is as close to typically Eurvision staging as we've had in a while. She did go badly off on her big glory note near the end, but she had a fair amount of song left to recover with.

And another break for business, and for business. The bit with the Serbian ... whatever he was, was very cute. The bit with Cesar Sampson was also very cute; hope he didn't hurt anything. And the bit with the Portuguese pod was also very cute. Cuteness abounded.

A very brief "in memoriam" bit to the first Eurovision winner, who passed away earlier this year.

Saara Aalto, Finland, "Monsters". Weirdly, I mostly like this song a lot. I think parts of it needed ... something, but I have no idea what. It just felt a bit off in places. (Not helped by the fact that nerves pulled her off key a bit here and there.) But that aside, it was energetic and interestingly staged. No sense of how well it might do.

Equinox, Bulgaria, "Bones". A motley of a group, with random Americans, according to Ross. Staged -- and presented -- as a really stark music video, sort of. Everyone in black. (My, this is a grim Eurovision this year.) That said, the blond woman singer does look as though she apported in from some completely different futuristic video. The song was ... fine, I guess. Can't quite see it going anywhere, though.

DoReDoS, Moldova, "My Lucky Day". Clever staging -- VERY clever staging, fifties doorway farce translated to music. Not that fifties doorway farce would have involved quite so much groping. It was really a lot of fun. It's so relentlessly out of anything even vaguely popular that I have no sense of how well it will do, but if there's any justice, that should be at least a top five finish.

"It's a very good chicken, sir."

Benjamin Ingrosso, Sweden, "Dance you off". And apparently some performers did indeed find their own projection stage solutions. Song is ... fine. (Saying that a lot this year, but that's all I got. It's not awful, it's not outstanding, it's FINE. If he were on the US version of The Voice, he would probably win.)

AWS, Hungary, "Viszlát Nyár". Um ... well. It's ... dynamic. Yes. It is ... that. Also apparently a fire hazard. And the lead screamer was barefoot. And the electric guitarist/bassist (couldn't tell which) decided to use Eurovision's audience as a mosh pit. (I bet the lead screamer can't talk after concerts, if he tries do to whole sets like that.)

Netta, Israel, "Toy". I really do love this song. Even the first few seconds have graduated from "intensely annoying" to "kind of growing on me". (They also sound MUCH better without autotune.) Not quite sure that the HEY light board thing really translated. Other than that, the staging is kind of lunatic, in initially small-scale Eurovision tradition. Oh, hey, sparkle shooters! And then the lighting went utterly insane! And then fire! And smoke! Ah, Eurovision!

Waylon, Netherlands, "Outlaw in 'em". A country song. Huh. I wouldn't expect that to do well at Eurovision -- an American-style country song being, you know, not even vaguely Euro-anything -- but as CW songs go, that was fun. Although you can tell that this was European, because he would have been Strongly Discouraged From That Staging here. The black guys having angry violent fits around the white singer was ... yeah. THAT. (Probably deliberately, given that the lead singer had lived in the US for a while, but still.)

Ryan O'Shaughnessy, Ireland, "Together". Low-key, lovely mid-tempo ballad. And I think he’s also been to Eurovision before, so he was able to keep his falsetto strong and on-key until near the very end. A nice all-male romance portrayed by the dancers on the stage and bridge. (Weirdly, given that the song itself is very clearly about the breakup and not the romance. Reportedly, the semifinal performance was censored in China, and the Eurovision broadcasting team promptly yanked China’s license to broadcast the grand final and blocked them.)

Eleni Foureira, Cyprus, "Fuego". It's fun, but still not seeing how this song is one of the favorites. To repeat myself: It was FINE. Lots of fire effects at the end, which, given the titlte, were rather required.

Ermal Meta e Fabrizio Moro, Italy, "Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente". Lyrics in many languages pretty clearly composited directly to camera -- they must have been in a complete panic when they discovered that they wouldn't have a big LED stage to work with. The song had sort of a nice build that they played with. Beyond that ... it was (say it with me!) FINE.

Honestly, I'm kind of clueless about what to expect. The staging was very low key. Very few of the numbers stood out. At a guess, my picks, vaguely in order, would be:

Israel Finland Moldova Austria Serbia Estonia Ukraine Ireland Cyprus Czech Republic Lithuania Slovenia Spain Portugal Netherlands Norway Sweden Italy Eurofied Australia (Yes, that's right, outside the top ten for the first time) Albania Denmark Bulgaria Hungary France United Kingdom (may do better with sympathy vote for rando invading the stage) Germany

I think the top three that I listed will actually be the top three, but beyond that ... I have no clue. And, to be scruplously accurate, I don't expect Israel to win, although I think they should. I think the geopolitical moment that we're in, which kept Russia out of the final for the first time ever, will also keep Israel from winning.

And now, the interval acts! The first couple singers are really nice. Can't understand a word, but the songs are still lovely.

The skit about the journey to Portugal's win was ... interesting.

And Salvador Sobral himself returns to the stage (sans last year's manbunnage) to sing another "I won't do Eurovision style" song at Eurovision. Which, to be fair, is a very nice sounding lament ... which his movements on stage do not at all match -- I wonder if he usually performs with a guitar or something and just has no idea what to do with himself. Or maybe I'm missing a lot because I don't speak Portuguese. Either way, he just looks odd up there.  ... oh. And now the song acquires tempo as he plays the piano like a drum. (In all seriousness, this is the most Eurovision-style performance I've seen from him; adding in a certain dynamism along with a certain amount of "What is he DOING?") And then he performed his Eurovision-winning song with a person who I guess is his idol. And the audience sort of sang along. (I wish I liked that song more, and I did like it better than last year’s Eurovision performance. Because that was a Moment.)

Interesting that Ross and Shangela, when they picked their top five, had almost NOTHING in common. They both had Israel and Germany in their top five, but nothing else.

And now: the jury vote! And judging from the early vote, the juries are going to be all over the place; Israel, for example, has been in second on one ballot, third on another, out of the top ten on the third and fourth jury ballots, first on the fifth; Cyrprus has a first and a few random other points; France has one first place (...the hell?), and not a single top ten vote anywhere else, and so on. But apparently the pre-competition love for Cyprus was justified; they're doing very well. But countries are bouncing all over the rankings in ways that they haven't the past two years. (Barring a massive televote result, it does seem clear that Eurofied Australia will indeed finish outside the top ten this year.) Unfortunately, Moldova is getting hammered in the jury vote, so they won't finish in the top five. SO UNFAIR!

Halfway through the jury vote, a pause for whatever reason, in which they cover the Eurovision young musicians orchestra very briefly. Israel very narrowly leads Austria and Cyprus. A pattern is emerging, slowly, that if Austria, Germany, Cyprus, Israel or Sweden isn't shown in a particular national jury's top ten, they will usually be the first place vote. Usually. But not always. (Hungary gave their 12 points to Denmark. And again: the hell?)

The green room for Eurovision is MASSIVE. For some reason, I thought all the pods were somewhere front of house. Also, Cesar should forego mentioning his Twitter password methods on international television.

Russia's jury got booed in the auditorium during the jury vote. (I do not have the slightest idea what Shangela was talking about when she said there was a hush in the auditorium.) This may go some to explaining their first-ever shut out from the Grand Final.

Unlike the past two years, at the end of the jury vote, it was utterly unclear which country would win. Last year, Portugal would have needed an unprecedented collapse in the televote to lose (it won the televote, so it didn’t matter); this year, it could easily go to either Austria or Sweden having a roughly equal shot, and Israel, Germany, and even Cyprus (which dropped back to fifth) having a not-unreasonable chance.

And now, the public televote results! Sweden, shockingly, finishes well down the public vote, so now their chances depend on Austria and Israel getting hammered. (Which does not happen.) And the public televote is ... weird. Seriously, how did Hungary do so well? And Austria does not win the televote, or even do particularly well! Serbia does well in the televote! But does not do well enough to matter! Ditto Norway! Moldova did very well in the televote, indicating that some people out there had decent taste!

Weirdly enough, as soon as they announced the fifth highest score, it became apparent that either Israel or Cyprus was going to win, because Austria getting hammered in the televote meant that they couldn't maintain first place. Italy, somehow, miraculously, managed a top three televote result, but finishing third meant that they couldn't win, because they got hammered in the jury vote.

Second place in the televote goes to ... Cyprus!

ISRAEL WINS! ISRAEL WINS! WOO-HOO! 

I only got one of top three (and two of the top six) right (and Germany kind of epically wrong), and it was (sort of) the winner! Woot! And other nonsense noises! (Cat Valente on Twitter: "YES YES YES WEIRD #EUROVISION RETURNS TRIUMPHANT TAKE THAT BLACK SUITS AND EARNEST BALLADS ALIEN CHICKEN MUSIC FOREVER!")

Next year's Eurovision will be in either Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, belike. That should be ... interesting. (I'm guessing probably Tel Aviv ... although one of the announcers did just say Jerusalem. Well. That may be ... fraught.)

While I am glad that Netta won -- I really did think it was the best song and performance -- part of me was secretly wanting Austria to win so that next year we could have Conchita and Cesar co-hosting. But I am really happy about this result.

One of the things I both love and hate about this type of competition. "Hey, Netta, you have just won the biggest competition of your life! Now, get it all together and perform for us! RIGHT NOW! No, you can't take the trophy with you ... Oh, all right, take the trophy. LOOSE THE CONFETTI!"