#and i can feel just from the programmed responses that he put so much effort into this

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

First, let me apologise for making people worry. I appreciate all those who reached out and I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to you all.

I have been through a very rough spiral. It was building for months, and I am still not fully okay.

For those who want context, it's under the cut.

I bought a house in May. It's expensive. I wasn't ready financially or in many ways for that step, but my partner convinced me. I told him as much but I was not heard. Alas, I have a mortgage, full time work, astudent loan, and an ongoing school program to contend with. It hasn't been easy and it caught up to me.

At the same time, a person who traumatised me and I have no way of fully extricating from my life, has moved closer. To keep the peace, I have to associate with him to a degree and he pretends that nothing ever happened. To him, it was nothing.

In June, I moved. It was hard and fast paced. I did most of the paperwork etc for the whole process and obv helped with the physical transition as well. I was responsible for deadlines and checklists for not just myself but my partner.

I was plugging holes in a sinking boat.

At the same time, I had obligations to my family. Every weekend if I wasn't dealing with the house and all that goes into it, I was running around to babysit or see family or whathave you.

In July, I pinched a nerve behind my tailbone. I missed a week of work bc my injury but it took longer for my to recover. I am still feeling it today. It was more than physical, but emotional.

I also got three periods that month. Hormonal can't begin to explain how fucked up I've been.

On top of all that, there are underlying issues associated with other trauma and discontent. I'm realising that I have been loyal and tolerant to the point of my own detriment.

I don't want to hurt people how I've been hurt, so I don't speak up. When people tell me something about myself, I let all the doubts planted in my mind from years of abuse convince me that they're right. I can admit my faults but often times I will think that proof of one flaw means everything about me is rotten.

People forget about me or just don't care. Both or either. They don't put the same effort in that I do. I find it hard to connect because years of disregard and neglect have told me that the other side just won't care.

But I'm not just hurt, I'm angry. I'm seeking therapy and trying to figure this out.

It all boiled over after my last post. Nothing I do is enough. For anyone. Not even when it's a hobby. I was frustrated bc the place I use for escape just made me feel like less than.

Obviously, I don't mean everyone or even the majority. I appreciate the discourse and fun and everything here! There are so many awesome people to interact with and I have missed you all, however, my headspace was bad. Very bad. I had thoughts I haven't dealt with in years.

I put my nose down and just went to work. I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I didn't wanna be in the world.

I did some reading, eventually some non-fandom writing, and sometimes, I just stayed alive.

I don't know if I'm really okay but I'm trying.

To those who have been so patient and supportive, you deserve everything. To those who are silent supporters, you do too. And even to those people who send me the most vile hate, you deserve to lift yourself out of the dark space you're stuck in. Hopefully, I can, too.

[thatanimeramenchick]

Yandere Vox x Secretary Reader Pt. 2

Eh, what have you guys done to me. I swear, we Vox fangirls are the thirstiest on the internet right now. Also, officially, I’m making this a three part series, but that’s it. So much for a oneshot. I'll make a title for this series, eventually. Also, if you want to be tagged, please put your age in your bio.

Part One - Part Three

Triggers: Dubcon-y vibes in scenes. Violence and threatening. Read responsibly, stuff is gonna get a little dark this chapter.

Word count: 3,142

---

Vox thought you looked perfect. For once, you were wearing something decent that he bought you instead of one of the plain outfits from before you had moved in. Somehow, you had been convinced to put on actual jewelry and makeup as well. The only flaw you held was the dirty look on your face, which you refused to face towards him directly, and it only got dirtier as you downed more and more wine.

“You know, you could at least attempt to have a good time after all the effort I put into this evening,” he said, “You haven’t even touched your food.”

“Not hungry,” you said, voice ice cold. It always was nowadays.

“If you’re not in the mood for dinner, we could watch a new production I oversaw,” he said, “I think you’d enjoy it.”

You snort at that.

“I’d rather listen to Alastor’s radio program than watch any of the hot trash your production company creates,” you said.

“I’m sorry? What was that?” he said, putting a warning hint into his tone.

“You heard me,” you said, “I’ve gotta say for someone supposedly so modern, you’re still just an old man. Alastor is what? Like twenty years older than you? And you think he’s elderly? You’re practically a decrepit bygone as well. You think anyone gives a shit about cable nowadays? At least Alastor has the decency to make stuff with class and not just forgettable, cheap cash grabs.”

Against his will, he felt a circuit spurt. His hand clenched around the glass and slammed it onto the table, causing you to jump. A small noise left your mouth, as panicked as the look in your eyes was now. You looked like you knew that you had pushed a little more than you probably should have.

“You know what?” he hissed, “You think you can just talk to me like that? Fine. You wanna play rough with me? Well guess what, I’m going to fuck that bad attitude right out of you!”

“Excuse me???”

You didn’t even look scared at that just shocked and baffled, as if that had been the last thing you had expected to hear.

“You heard me!” he grabbed you by your shoulders and shoved you flat onto the couch, “I’m sick of you fighting me. Well, you’re not going to after this.”

“W-wait, Vox, stop-”

He smashed his lips to yours, purposefully being harsh, biting you when you tried to keep your mouth closed. When you attempted to turn your face away, he grabbed your chin rough enough where he knew it would leave a mark before kissing you harder. You pounded your fist against his chest, but he ignored it, straddling you. He eventually used his other hand to grab your wrist and push it into the couch.

He didn’t know when it happened, but at some point in your struggle something shifted in the air. Changed. You had finally stopped fighting, slowly wrapping your arm around his neck, kissing him back. It was heavenly, you finally submitting to him. Yes, yes, yes… He paused to look you in the eyes, to see your timid gaze and red face. There was still a look of anger glazed across your features, but it was fading. He brought his hand up to play at the buttons on your blouse. You looked at each other for a second longer before you initiated a kiss for once, using the arm around his neck to pull him close. Your tongue felt so hot, so right, as if your body was as electric as his own and-

Vox gasped, a spark running through his head. He woke up alone in bed, a literal hot mess. He felt like his head was overheating, running a million miles a minute, despite the fact that he should feel cold from sleep. Mixing this with the slick sweat and fluid he was covered in, it was an uncomfortable feeling. Groping for the robe hanging next to his bed, he climbed out. What a dream. He needed a second to wire down from that before trying to go back to sleep.

He picked up his phone and opened it to check on you. The camera in your room showed you curled up on your mattress, blanket half off your body and arms wrapped around one of your pillows. It pressed into your dozing face, which held a peaceful, relaxed look that he rarely saw now that you had decided to go to war with him. His finger absently stroked your image on the screen.

Why did you have to be so difficult? He didn’t know what had been the powder keg that had kicked off your little rebellion, but whatever it was, all his attempts to nip it in the bud had made you more temperamental. Clearly his irritation with your behavior had seeped into his mind enough to create some… darker fantasies deep in his sleeping subconscious.

He shook his head. It was just a dream. It didn’t mean anything.

Besides, he already had been thinking about what to do next, to give you that little push you needed to be more agreeable.

---

Later that day he scoffed at how ridiculous his own morbid imagination was. The idea of you dressed all pimped up like one of Valentino’s whores. You barely got out of bed nowadays. If he was being honest, your imprisonment had caused your mood to swing between defiant temper tantrums and a hopelessly depressed sloth. Today, you were in the latter mood, still in pajamas that he swore you were wearing two days ago, lying on the couch and mindlessly eating as you watched some random reality show.

“Hello there, beautiful,” he said, trying to sound pleasant, “Looks like you’ve had a relaxing day.”

You glance at him for a second before looking back at the television. The blanket is pulled tighter around you, as if you were trying to hide any inch of yourself from him. Ever since his last attempt at showing his affection had ended in you headbutting him – hard – you had been particularly prickly at even the slightest hint that he might want to touch you.

“What do you want, asshole?” you said, voice lacking emotion.

Charming as always.

“Well, dearest, I was thinking. Now that you’ve had some time to think things over, I was hoping we could finally come to an agreement that would make us both happy,” he said.

“I highly doubt that’s possible,” you said.

He sat beside you, which caused you to curl your legs in tighter. You inch up on the arm a little, as if to sit as far away from him as possible without having to actually put any effort into getting up.

“We both have something that the other person wants, something that could be easily settled with a written contract,” Vox said, “You would like to be allowed to roam around this cesspool of a city and I-”

“Let me guess, it includes a whole paragraph about me never leaving your sight as well as a clause about how often you get to stick yourself in my various orifices?” you grumbled.

“You’re so melodramatic sometimes,” he said, “You always assuming the worst about people, F/N. Makes me wonder if you were double crossed a lot in your previous life.”

You don’t even respond to this, just continue to stare ahead. He’d noticed that lately you’ve been avoiding his gaze. He wasn’t sure how much you had figured out about his abilities, but you seemed to have pieced enough together that the more you avoided his eyes, the less direct influence he had on you at the moment. He was sure that it was one of the many reasons you were so moody lately; you stubbornly refused to be soothed by him. Regardless, whether you were trying to avoid his hypnotic gaze or not, it’s no matter. It’s not like you’re going to be able to avoid the overall influence he has over this city, especially if you spend your free time watching television he’s created.

“It’s rather tame, considering the situation you’re in. Contract or not, it’s not like you’re going to be going anywhere anytime soon,” he continued, “You’re lucky I care for you as much as I do, trying to work with you like this.”

“Hooray for me,” you said.

You really were a brat sometimes. Vox at times wondered if it was because he was too soft on you, and you didn’t realize the amount of actual power he held over you. Either that or you just didn’t care anymore. Whatever. It was all big talk because at the end of the day, you both knew you couldn’t do anything about your situation.

“You already have lots of benefits, which you would retain. Nice apartment, clothes, up to date tech. Besides that, you can come and go regularly, as long as you’re back here within twenty-four from when you last left. You can do whatever you want during that time. You also would be working for me a minimum of forty hours a week, with the occasional granted vacation at my discretion. That’s pretty much it, along with you occasionally being cooperative with my… desires,” he said, “So you’d have plenty of time to yourself. I didn’t put in anything that would force you to do anything too unsavory with me.”

Though he certainly would have liked to be more pushy in that department, he knew going too far could result in the kind of hate fueled relationship Valentino and Angel Dust shared. He honestly didn’t have the energy to have that much drama in his own life. Good night, he could hardly handle the drama that was in his life now. Besides, he was sure you’d come around willingly, even if it took a few centuries.

You glared at him as he finished speaking, as if to say, how generous of you.

From inside his vest, he pulls out the contract and holds it out to you.

“So, we have a deal?” he asked.

You sit up and take the paper, still avoiding his eyes. You seem to be reading it over, though your hold on it is lazy.

“… This still says you can fuck me at least once a week if you want to, or else I’m not allowed to leave the building,” you said, “Did you really think I wasn’t going to notice shit like that?”

He laughed a bit awkwardly.

“I mean, I did say I would like you to be at least a little cooperative,” he said, crossing his legs, “We could wait a little while if you’d like. I mean, you’d still have more freedom than you do now, even with that minuscule restriction. You should know by now that I’m a patient man.”

You stare at it again, forehead wrinkled.

“You know what… I see where you’re coming from,” you said, finally making eye contact, “Tic for tac, eh?”

“That’s a crude way for you to put it,” he said.

You shrug.

“Crude or not, it’s the truth,” you said, a sardonic smirk appearing on your face, “You want me to give a little to get a little.”

Before he could say anything you hold up your hands with more energy than he’s seen you have in days.

“No, no, no! I understand. I’ve been in hell long enough to know how people like you work. I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I’m not stupid! So trust me, I’m being completely serious when I say that I think you should take this lovely contract of yours and shove it up your glowing blue ass!” you ripped it in half on the last word, your smile still present but a nasty look in your eyes.

Vox felt his eye twitch as you continued to smirk at him, tossing the paper at him like you would throw trash across the room. You then lie back down and turn back to the TV, ignoring him again as if the last few minutes hadn’t even happened at all. Though you were attempting to pull your face back into the blank expression of earlier, he could see in your eyes a mixture of emotion, rage, yes, but also a certain smugness. What, did you really think you were tough shit for mouthing off to him like that?

He felt like his head was going to explode. Before he even registered how he was reacting, he had grabbed you by the hair and was pulled you back over.

“Ow! What the hell are you doing, Vox?” you yelled, the smug look gone from your eyes, “You’re hurting me!”

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you? I’m trying to be generous to you because I actually like you, but you know what? I’ve clearly spoiled you rotten already!” he fumed.

He was practically seeing red as he dragged you over, causing you to yelp. You try to kick him, but he only grabs onto your ankle and pulls you closer to him, spinning you around so that you were pressed against the back of the couch, his arms on either side of you. His fingers are still gripping your hair, forcing you to turn your head towards him.

“You know, you’re right, who needs a contract?” he said, “I can do whatever the hell I want with you, and what are you going to do about it?”

Your voice cracked as you attempted to speak, but he didn’t pay any attention to what you were trying to say. He could feel his systems overloading with the amount of rage he was feeling, shouting over you.

“I hope you like the view from up here, because you’re staying here for the rest of your miserable eternal exist. You can work and live here 24/7,” he said, “Anything else we should change in the arrangement? You didn’t like the idea of fucking me once a week? Fine by me. Why not once a day? Twice a day? Every hour? Would you like that better? Huh? Answer me!”

As he finished speaking, he finally heard what you were saying, “-m sorry! I’m sorry, please, stop!

As he heard your pleading, he felt himself being brought back down to earth. While his rage was still present, your begging brought him back to reality, and it was finally registering how upset you were. Hysterical. Terrified. You were sobbing, more afraid of him than he had ever seen you, even on the worst days of your fighting.

“D-d-don’t hurt me. I’m s-sorry, I’m sorry! Please, don’t hurt me!”

He released your hair with a rapid exhale, and you automatically moved your head away from him, arms shielding your face. Shaking, it was sinking in just emotionally distraught you were, as well as the damage he had done to the couch. He hadn’t even noticed he had been digging his claws into the polyester, a row of gnashes beside your head. The situation was completely getting out of control. He pushed himself off of you and turned away. He didn’t even say anything, just left the room and went through the wires to his office. His head was overheating, and he was going to crash at this rate if he didn’t calm down.

Damn it! He hated how out of control you made him feel. It was pathetic. There was only one other person he could think of that made him get near as frustrated as he was feeling with you at the moment. He wasn’t the kind to act out, and here he was acting almost as ridiculous as his business partner did. The only saving grace was that Vox at least tried to keep his infatuation as quiet and private as possible.

It was more than his emotional irregularity though. The fact that he felt this way at all about you was humiliating. Affection, fondness, it was a weakness, and he knew it. Valentino got away with just having simple lust and taking what he wanted, but genuine affection demanded gentleness and tenderness. It was beyond him just not being able to do as he pleased with you, he didn’t want to. He wanted you to come to him willingly. It was the thing holding him back from just hypnotizing you into his arms or using a “love” potion, and now he had probably set any progress towards your affection back significantly.

He rubbed his forehead, which was starting to cool down a little. What was going on up there? He was going to end up doing something rash, something he regretted, if he didn’t get things under control and under control fast. Something needed to be done, but he didn’t know what. Nothing had gone how he had wanted it to. He would need to rethink his approach.

---

You spent a long time shaking on the couch, arms and blanket wrapped around you, crying. You were an idiot. Clearly your brain was turning to mush just sitting around the house all day. Did you actually think you’d be able to get away with speaking like that to an Overlord of Hell?

There had to be a way out of this place. Had to. But the more you thought about it, the more impossible it felt. Even if you did manage to get out of the building in one piece, Vox had this entire city under constant watch. Every corner of Pentagram City was crawling with his tech and media. It would take minutes if not seconds for him to find you and bring you back by force. At this point, maybe you should just sign a contract with the douchebag. Surely, he’d get bored of you eventually, right? Maybe if you got lucky he’d even get killed off one of these days in an extermination, and you’d be off the hook completely.

But how long would that take? Decades? A century or two? What if he never tired of you? Eternal death or not, you didn’t want to spend that much time living and sleeping with some psycho you hated. No. That wasn’t an option. You weren’t going to do that. But what then? You had thought he was going to literally rip your head off just a few minutes ago for telling him no. You were pretty sure things weren’t going to get less volatile around here if you kept rejecting him.

You wiped at your tear soaked face with a tissue and tossed it across the room. It’s light material just sent it floating to the ground though. It looked as pathetic as you felt.

“Damn it,” you cursed, smashing your head into a throw pillow and lying back down, “I hate this fucking place.”

[vettelsvee]

MEETING SERIES | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | ask me anything or let's talk! history series (sebastian vettel series saga)

sebastian vettel x toro rosso intern!reader | based on 2008 f1 season

for more information to the reader: ❥ this series is the first volume of history series, that goes through the story of seb and y/n during their 15 years formula 1 journey ❥ i wouldn't say this first part has exactly a defined trope, but it is a slightly friends to lovers and right person, wrong time and love triangle (or even square) ❥ some parts might include sensitive content. pay attention to trigger warnings at the beginning of each part. ❥ english is not my first language so apologies for any mistakes that you can read here! ❥ DRIVER X OC VERSION AVAILABLE ON WATTPAD SOON

started: SEPTEMBER 3RD 2024 currently status: on going | last updated: september 3rd masterlist under the cut !

taglist: [feel free to tell me so you don't miss anything!]

a/n: i don't have enough words to talk about history series... i absolutely love it, and i hope you do as much as i do because I started writing it in the worst moment of my life. these characters and this story is literally a piece of me, of the most intimate one. hope you like this one and remember, feedback and your comments are truly appreciated <3

SEBASTIAN VETTEL HAD BECOME A RISING STAR, AND NO ONE DOUBTED IT. Since he was a child, the young German had wanted to participate in the highest category of motorsport. With a lot of effort not only on his part but also from his parents, and even with the support of his idol, Michael Schumacher, the boy gradually advanced through the different motorsport categories until he finally secured the much-desired position of test driver for BMW Sauber in 2006. A year later, to his surprise, he was not only part of Formula 1 as the third driver of that team, but also replacing Robert Kubica after his catastrophic accident, and signing his first contract as a driver for the Toro Rosso team from July onwards the following year.

Y/N Y/L/N WAS BECOMING INCREASINGLY AWARE THAT HER DREAMS DID NOT SEEM AS ATTAINABLE AS SHE HAD FIRST BELIEVED. The Austrian saw her life change in the blink of an eye following the death of her mother. As if losing someone as important as the woman who gave her life wasn’t enough, the absence of her father, despite still being present, deeply affected her. The girl, responsible for taking care of her two younger sisters and working wherever she had the chance to so she could to keep her family from falling apart, saw the perfect opportunity to join the motorsport world when her university offered her the chance to apply for an internship program that Scuderia Toro Rosso Formula 1 would launch the following year. Fearful of rejection, but knowing she already had a "no" by default, Y/N decided to apply and was quite surprised to be accepted.

However, the fairy tale Y/N believed she would live at the start of March 2008 was not what she had initially thought. Becoming just another member of the team, but constantly being overlooked; wanting to participate in any opportunity given to her, but never receiving one… instead, the opposite simply because she was a woman and a Mechanical Engineering student. The exception to all of this? Sebastian Vettel, who seemed particularly interested in doing everything possible to ensure that girl was not merely a spectator in that circus… even if it meant putting his personal life, and especially his relationship with his girlfriend, at risk.

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

MEETING MASTERLIST

01. WELCOME TO TORO ROSSO!: y/n arrives to the formula 1 paddock for the first time in her life after being accepted as an intern in the toro rosso internship program and meet not only one, but two german drivers that have quite particular and different interests in her

02. WE CAN BE FRIENDS: toro rosso hosts a welcome party during the malayan gp. y/n feels so bad for going and, for the first time in less than two week being there, she feels like she doesn't belong there... until seb tries to make her feel like home

03. ARE YOU OK?: after having an incident with seb's race engineer and seb not being able to help, y/n goes on a date with nico rosberg and things turn out to be quite different from what she imagined

04. SO... APRIL 27TH?: once again, seb dnfs during the bahrain gp. however, this helps him to think about how can he surprise his favourite girl on the paddock for her upcoming birthday

05. BIRTHDAY SURPRISES: without having not expectations of having a good birthday, seb ends up making y/n the happiest girl on earth when he gives her the most incredible birthday surprise she could have ever asked for... especially the race being held in cataluña, her second home

06. WHO'S Y/N?: seb is announced as a red bull driver for the upcoming 2009 to surprise of everyone but, to surprise of hanna, she finds out who's y/n... sort of

07. YOU'RE BACK!: after disappearing from the paddock for four months straight, y/n is back, surprising seb but, at the same time, her being disappointed at him

08. ARE YOU SURE, SEBASTIAN VETTEL?: y/n knows she doesn't belong to formula 1 world anymore, but the only thing that keeps her going is seb. seb, however, is in some trouble as he didn't only get the first pole position of his career, but also he's feeling confused about y/n, her friend for six months, and hanna, her girlfriend for two years

09. FIRST VICTORY: not giving a shit about getting in some trouble, y/n decides to step up and ends up acting like a race engineer for seb because after all he tried to do for her, she can't see him losing a race once again

10. THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU LIED: seb is so happy about his first victory, but as soon as hanna asks him who's the girl that's next to him in pictures that were taken that same morning, he knows he's in big trouble for hiding her who really is y/n

11. SORRY: y/n is told that by the end of the season she won't be a part of the toro rosso team anymore. seb, as soon as he finds out, and as a future red bull driver for the upcoming season, sets himself the goal of not letting y/n go in every single aspect of his life

12. GOODBYES ARE BITTERSWEET: last race of the season and, also, last time y/n and seb are seeing each other... for now

13. I WANNA BE THERE, WITH YOU: seb comes back home and, as soon as he sees hanna, he knows that things with her won't be the same anymore

14. SHE DESERVES A CHANCE: seb, trying to make up his mind and not to jump on conclusions, has a meeting with red bull with only one goal for him: make them know that y/n is more than worth enough of being a race engineer intern in their team for the upcoming season

15. YOU'LL FIND ME IN THE STARS: y/n receives the best and worst news ever during christmas, not knowing that she's about to go through the worst time of her life and there's nothing she can do about the damage she's gonna suffer from everyone... including seb

[cloudsmateria]

leon kennedy x reader / college au

summary: you and your best friend leon had gone off to university, too busy to see each other for the longest time you'd both been away. you eventually find the time to meet up, getting drunk and acting on some building up feelings :3

warnings: start of a smut, alcohol, not proof read idk its kind of a shit ramble that i didn't put much cohesive effort into but it's quite cute so i posted it

anyway, i’ll probably do the smut in p2

words: 2.7k

It had been a month since you last saw Leon. Ever since you started law school, and he got into his cop training program both of your schedules had been stacked, despite you both still living in the same city the 45-minute commute to each other's homes was too much. As your best friend, you both managed to call each other every other night, confiding about whatever stupid experiences you both had in your new lives.

Tonight, you finally were able to agree on him coming to your apartment tonight, as you finally managed to get all work out of the way to have a fully free weekend off. You didn't realise how excited you were for his arrival until he texted you he was at the door. You sprinted through the halls and threw the door open.

"Leon!" You shout, jumping onto him and wrapping your arms around him.

"Y/n." He smiled, hugging you back.

“I haven’t seen you in way too long.” 

“We saw each other on Facetime last night.” You finally pull away with a smile. 

“You won’t even let me have a moment to be sweet.”

“It weirds me out, you're impossible to take seriously.” He rolls his eyes in response as he walks into your apartment, falling onto your couch, you sit next to him, kicking your legs up and leaning your head against his shoulder. “Did you wanna order takeout?”

“I wanted to go out. Haven’t left my apartment to explore the city since I joined the training academy. But we’ll just stay in here for a few minutes, catch me up, then we can go outside and do dumb shit.”

“Catch you up on what?” You laughed. “You’ve been my virtual therapist for the past month. Let’s talk about you. Show me what you learnt in your training or something, entertain me.”

“You’re right, you’ve talked too much, your voice gives me a headache.” You slap his chest and he lets out a light laugh, grabbing your wrists and pulling you over him to lay on his chest. “Get comfortable first, it’s long.”

“Doubt it.”

“You have it easy. This training is just as physically draining as it is mentally.”

“It shows. You’ve grown a lot since I last saw you.” You say, tracing your finger up his arm that has noticeably grown in size, and he’s already been going gym since he was 15.

He laughs. “You must've missed me bad, I’ve never seen you this nice.”

“What’s the training like?”

“I’m at the top of the class right now but the coaches are fucking evil, 4 people have already left.” He rambles on about the jarring people he’s met and the few friends that he’s made until the story is over and he gets up regretfully as he loses the weight of your body on top of him. You go into your room to change as you are still in pyjamas, getting into a skirt with a baggy sweater you wore a little too much.

“Is that my jumper?” Leon asked as you walked out. “Is it? I've had it for ages." He steps closer and snorts when he gets a closer look, flipping the back to see the label.

"You stole this from me last year."

"You mean I borrowed it indefinitely."

"I could arrest you."

"I'd like to see you try your best, trainee. It looks better on me anyway, finders keepers."

"What if I took it back off you?"

"You'd have to catch me first."

"I'm pretty fast."

"Not as fast as me." You grin before pushing him and sprinting out of your apartment, the sound of his footsteps trailing behind you.

"You think you can lose me?!" He taunted.

"I've done it before!" You shout back, running down the stairs of the apartment complex, and out into the streets, almost losing your breath from how much you were laughing. Suddenly, he sped up to an ungodly speed, picking you up when he caught up and throwing you over his shoulder. "Oh my god! What do they feed you in training?!" You yell, slapping his back.

"Mostly protein." He says, sarcastically.

"Are you gonna put me down or carry me around the city like a caveman?"

"I’ll drop you."

"Don't even joke about that." He laughs.

"Fine, fine, I won't." He puts you down and you both start walking around the city, looking for a corner store to get into.

"Let’s get wasted." You say, pointing to a small corner store.

"You’re so irresponsible." He said, going into the store and coming back out with soda and a bottle of vodka, he popped it open instantly when he came out, taking in a mouthful without wincing, passing it over to you straight after as you both walked down the street.

"I found this nice spot, it's 5 minutes from here."

"You didn't tell me about this when we were on Facetime."

"I was hoping to show you in person, I haven't told anyone else about it." You say, taking a mouthful of the burning liquid, coughing slightly, and passing it back over.

"Well, lead the way."

After a few minutes, you were standing on the roof of an abandoned, bordered car park with a pretty view of the river that ran through the city. You already had a wooden bench up there that you took as someone left it on the side of the road.

"How did you find this?" Leon asks.

"I just went on a walk one day and saw the entrance was bordered up and decided to explore, no-one ever comes up here." You said, leaning against the rails. "How much have we drank?"

"About a quarter of the bottle. Do you want more?" He asked.

"Yeah." He passes it over to you. "Do you remember the time we broke into that abandoned hospital near our high school?"

"And you freaked out when you thought that fake skeleton was real.."

"You're never gonna let that go are you?"

"We had to climb out of the window and I had to catch you before you fell to your death. Of course, I'm not going to let it go, you owe me."

"What do you want then? A drink?”

"I can pay for my own drinks and I just paid for yours." He said signalling to the bottle in your hand.

"You get to continue to enjoy my lovely company, that's all I owe you."

"Good enough." He sighed, taking a swig. The both of you sit around, both of you talking each other's ears off until he makes a suggestion.

"We should play a game."

"What's the game?"

"Truth or dare."

"Yes! I don't remember the last time we played this. Truth."

"Any crushes yet?"

"Honestly, not really. There are some cute guys in my uni but I'm just too busy with work. Truth or Dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you to finish the bottle."

"No problem." He said, finishing the bottle, and dropping it on the ground. You laughed at him, knowing he's going to be out of his mind later.

“You’ve been going to too many parties.” You say, watching in astonishment. “This is definitely some pretence for a future alcohol problem.”

“You’re gonna be the reason for my future alcoholism.”

“To be fair you are the type to become an alcoholic over a girl.”

“You’re that girl. You’re the most annoying thing in my life and I can’t get rid of you.” 

You hit his arm.

“You hit me too. Can’t get worse.” You roll your eyes with a smile.

“Seriously, you got anything going on with any girls?” You ask, feeling a bit of tension rise. He gives you a knowing grin. “Because I love gossip, don’t get any ideas.”

“Yeah, her name is Sienna. Funny girl, might ask her out soon.” You nod, questionably annoyed. “I’m joking. God. You look like you’ve seen a ghost, got something you wanna tell me?”

“The alcohol is just hitting.” You say. “Don’t get so full of yourself. You know I wouldn’t get with you if you were the last man on earth.”

“Yeah, right.” He smiles amusedly, a plan in mind. “Truth or dare, y/n?”

"Dare."

"Kiss me." Your heart stops.

"I'm not kissing you."

"You have to."

“Do I?”

“Never took you for a girl who’d pussy out on a dare.”

You sigh.

"You have some sick satisfaction out of tormenting me." You say, standing up and straddling his thighs. Fuck. You can feel the thick muscles of his shoulders as you rest your hands upon them. 

"You have no idea." You stare at him with a small frown.

"You're so lucky I'm drunk." You lean in slowly, feeling his fingers trace over your skin, sending goosebumps all over your body. You're just a few centimetres away from his lips, your lips parting, your heart thumping, his gaze dropping down to your lips. Suddenly, you hear him quietly laugh as you start to close your eyes.

"I'm not actually going to kiss you." He says.

"What?"

"You don't have to kiss me, it was a joke."

"Oh god." You sigh, faceplanting into his shoulder.

"You're so cute." He snorts, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"I think you’re the one who’s gonna make me an alcoholic." You mumble. 

“Come on, let’s go back to your apartment before you jump off the railings.” He says, letting you get off.

"You're evil." You say once you get to the ground.

"And you're so gullible. How is someone supposed to not take advantage of that?"

"Now you’re showing your true colours, you’re going to regret saying that." You say as menacing as you can, before tripping up from how tipsy you were, just for him to grab the back of your sweater to keep you upright.

"Keep threatening me, I love it."

“Freaky bastard.”

“You have no idea.” He says, grabbing your hand to speed you up for you to trip again, he laughs as you manage to catch yourself. “Do you need me to carry you?”

“No thanks.”

“Too bad because I want to get back in a timely manner.” He says, wrapping his arm around the back of your knees and carrying you off. You weren’t going to complain. 

“Are you not drunk?”

“I’m drunk. I just have more spatial awareness than you.” He carries you the quick 5 minutes to your house. Managing to walk all the way up the stairs with you still in his arms, his stamina was kind of hot, or maybe those were just drunk thoughts. 

He sets you down on your couch, getting you both a glass of water to put on your side table. 

"I didn’t say this but I took some judo classes." You say, just letting whatever dumb shit stumble out your mouth as you take a sip from the glass.

"Did you now?" He says sarcastically.

"We should spar."

"You never fail to surprise me with your stupid ideas." He says while watching you get up. "Are you that confident?"

"You're scared, that's why you're trying to chicken out." He pushes himself up off the couch.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” He says, watching you hype yourself up, jumping up and down.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Come at me then.” He said, fully intending to go easy on you. You quickly try to tackle him onto the floor, wrapping your leg around him to drop him, and to his shock he falls onto his back, leaving him groaning and rubbing his back. “I didn’t think you were being serious.”

“Fuck yeah! Told you you’d regret it!” You shout, jumping up, he grabs your leg and pulls it down making you fall over him, rolling over so that you were pinned down by your wrists.

“How cute, Leon.” You smile, tucking feet underneath him onto his chest and launching off you and getting up. You usually weren’t this successful given you’d only gone to 2 classes, the drunkenness definitely provided you some much-needed confidence. He laughs breathlessly from the rollercoaster you just put him through, resting on his wrists for a second before standing up with you. 

“You wanted me to show you what I learnt in training right?” He says, as you rub your hands together mischievously. You run toward him, him holding both of your hands when you try to push him, pushing against each other as he swipes both your feet from under you and pins you to the floor, his shins pressing on your thighs to make sure you don’t pull the same trick again. Both of you are still breathing heavily from the high of the last round. 

 "You should give up now." He whispers, lacing his fingers in between your own.

"You should know better." You whisper back, smiling. His eyes drop down to your lips, his head fogged as the alcohol in his system starts to kick in more.

"What if I don't?" He leans in, brushing his lips over yours, your stomach fluttering, you were so glad you were drunk. You never would've come up with this idea if you were sober.

"What are you doing, Leon?" 

"Beating you up.”

"You're drunk."

"So are you." He replies, connecting your lips. The kiss is slow and soft. Not how you expected a drunk make-out to be. His lips part and your tongue meet his, the both of you letting out quiet sounds as the kiss gets more heated, his body weight shifting down. His arms wrap around your waist, under your jumper as he stands up with your legs wrapped around him. "We shouldn't be making out on the living room floor." He says and presses his lips against yours again. You were already a little light-headed from the alcohol, his lips trailing down your jawline, your neck, the soft breaths of his breath against your skin, it was almost dizzying. His foot pushes your bedroom door open and he places you down on the bed his lips still all over and his fingers lifting the jumper over your head. He trails his fingers over the waistband of your skirt.

"How much did you miss me?" He breathes against your lips.

"More than anything."

"How much did you miss me, Leon?"

“I was going insane." He whispers, his fingers slipping into your underwear, sliding them off and throwing them across the room. He sits up, taking his shirt off.

"Now that's just the alcohol talking."

"It's not, the time away made me realise something I should've ages ago." He said, leaning back over and kissing you. His hand trailed back down under your skirt, a finger gliding over your slit, a soft moan coming from his lips.

[avidbeader]

I bought and read the first of the "Dead Boy Detectives" comics collections yesterday, because I was curious about what else they'd done to adapt the series for television besides the necessary aging up of the characters. (Kind of hard to portray the idea of ageless ghosts in a live-action program when your main characters are twelve.)

Doing a keep-reading for both spoilers and because I have no idea how long this might get.

One of the first things I noticed with reading "Free Country" was how child-like Edwin and Charles' thought processes were: the constant references to the detective stories they'd read, being a bit too trusting of others at first. The first DBD trade left off a lot of detective references other than Charles imitating 1920s-30s noir stories in his notes. It's amusing to see them snipe at each other in those notes, especially over the next thing that I saw. Comics Charles in the first stories is clearly a boy who was on the brink of discovering teen hormones and seems very stuck there. He is all about the girls and Edwin is very impatient with it. I won't know until I read more if the comics if they move into queer territory (or even let the boys grow mentally as their experience widens), but right now Edwin strikes me less as being gay and from a repressed upbringing and more as simply a boy who has not yet gotten past the stage of seeing romance in general as something grownups do. With the older characters, there is absolutely nothing holding the TV team back from exploring queer relationships and I do think they have done an excellent job so far. Charles at this point seems to be het but absolutely okay with LGBTQ+ people and issues - until it was mentioned that he was defending a Pakistani boy from the bullies in his era, my first assumption was that the other boy might be attacked on the basis of being perceived as queer. I so very much want a second season because it would be all too easy to tip Charles' general protectiveness of Edwin and flashes of jealousy into realizing that maybe his own feelings are a little more than platonic.

Edwin's development is just as excellent. He spends so much time and effort in repressing his feelings, because that was the era he grew up in and decades in Hell didn't give him much time for introspection. He keeps his compliments to Charles about their work but will reassure Charles in a heartbeat that he won't let Death separate them if she catches them. He spends the first part of the season being confronted with the possibility of romantic/sexual feelings coming from Monty or the Cat King and then the Cat King makes the subtext text by flinging the illusion of Charles in Edwin's face. And in what I think is one of the smartest moves in the writing, Edwin tries to talk about what he's feeling with Monty and Monty makes his move. Edwin's response is gentle but determined as he says that these new and terrifying feelings are not for Monty, and while Monty is clearly hurt, they get past it enough to keep talking. I think that experience is part of what makes Edwin brave enough to admit his feelings to Charles (yes, on top of the possibility that things are going to end up in the worst possible way as the demon is chasing them). And because Charles is a good and kind and generous soul who really does put Edwin at the top of people he loves and wants to protect, he says exactly the right things to make sure Edwin knows that he's not mad or put off by the confession.

The other major factor in the comics so far is Crystal. I love the changes to her character as, like our boys, she's older. She's had much more time in the toxic environment her parents created (judging from the brief glimpses we get in the show) to absorb their behaviors. Assuming that the memories she got from David are true (as Edwin said, demons lie and David had plenty of time to make fake memories if that's a thing he can do), then being hit with a giant reset button and dropped in the laps of two good-hearted lads was the absolute best thing that could have happened to her. I'm glad that David is only temporarily interred, as Crystal is getting close to being dangerously overpowered at a storytelling level by the end of the first season. It'll be fascinating to watch the possibilities if we get a second season: the price for getting David out of her life for good being giving up some of this extra power? Learning that she can only achieve that level when her friends are in mortal danger? Giving up that power in exchange for Niko's return? She's not in the comics yet (if she ever appears in them at all), but I fully expect we'll get Niko back in some capacity in a second season. Which means everyone who hasn't watched DBD but read all of this blather anyway....go. Watch. Add to the numbers so Netflix will renew.

[ruvviks]

💝⚠️🌨️💙⚔️🌲⚡️ for nathan hehe <3

nathan asks!

💝 - How much effort do they put into appearances? Do they have a favorite article of clothing?

answered here!

⚠️ - If this oc came with a warning sign, what would it be?

answered here!

🌨️ - If this oc had a day free from all their responsibilities, how would they spend it?

nathan doesn't really handle the concept of free time very well. he feels like he HAS to make himself useful at all times and once he's just sitting around it feels like he's doing something wrong. back at mobius he would end up picking up some paperwork or another work-related task he's been putting off for a while now, just to get that finished; nowadays, he would end up cleaning his apartment a little bit, or going out for a very long walk just to get himself out of the house for a while, or he would end up working on some programming for a personal project

💙 - Describe their bedroom! Is it personalized, unchanged? Messy, neat?

nathan's bedroom is surprisingly empty. he has a very small apartment to begin with, but most of the clutter can be found in the living room / kitchen space, and in his bedroom it would be limited to the old secondhand cupboards that are being held together by duct tape and stacks of books. he never really makes his bed, he needs to be able to just dive straight in at any point of the day; the curtains are always closed but also pretty thin, so they still let through a lot of light during the day. he still hasn't been able to paint the walls an appealing color so they're a kind of yellowed white and the paint is peeling a lot, leaving little bits of it on the floor all along the edges. wouldn't hurt to run a vacuum cleaner through the room every once in a while but he doesn't own one :/

⚔️ - How does this oc handle conflict?

answered here! but this can also be interpreted as combat situations so to elaborate more on that interpretation: in combat, nathan likes to either use stealth or keep his distance. he's very naturally stealthy and is a lot stronger than he looks, so he can very easily tackle an enemy to the ground and stab them when they're down. he likes using a sniper rifle and also has good aim with a regular handgun, and he likes to put a decent amount of distance between himself and his enemies as to not get crowded

🌲 - Do they have a favorite location to hang out in?

nathan just really likes staying at home in his apartment. it's a very very crappy place that desperately needs a whole list of repairs and just a deep clean in general, but it's been his home ever since he moved to krimson city at age 16 and he wouldn't have it any other way. he loves being home and the comfort it gives him :]

⚡ - Does this oc have any unusual or “irrational” fears?

nathan's most irrational fear would be getting stuck in narrow places, not in the regular claustrophobia way but more in the "what if i get stuck in a ventilation shaft and it's very stuffy in there and i won't be able to breathe very well and nobody knows i'm stuck in there and then i die" way. he has this mostly with the idea of vents, or tunnels, underwater cave systems, mineshafts, etc etc despite the fact that he has to go into a vent maybe once during the events of tew2 and he never gets himself in another situation like that

[instantartific]

CLARIFICATION ON MANIPULATED BY KLIFF don't get me wrong most certainly like. B2J was definitely already going for it. But I don't think they would have been NEARLY as successful otherwise, given how much in resources Kliff provided them- we don't get a ton in game but dialogue implies Kliff has a TON of notes taken on all the nsrtists and gave that information to Mayday and Zuke- but a line I always think about is in the briefing before Yinu, actually. An exchange happens that is something to the effect of Mayday saying "Wait, we're going to be fighting a CHILD?" and Kliff responding "Don't underestimate her because she's a kid!! Yinu is just as much an artist and still powerful," and just. I look at this and think about Mayday's morals showing for a second and think about if Kliff hadn't been there, would Mayday have actually taken it that far? She was nice enough to the sayu crew that to go from that to such brazen endangerment... I dunno. I may be reading too much into it but also at the point we're at who isn't. I don't think Mayday or Zuke would have gotten as far as they did without Kliff for better or for worse (and this isn't even getting into the security systems they broke through ALSO likely because of how much help Kliff offered against them- he clearly knew his way around security enough by the end of the game to hijack the robots (albeit with less proficiency than the artists who originally set them up, given the reduced complexity of attack patterns and only one robot in use and hohoho I think about security so much-

A lot of that is really fair, actually! In all honesty, my memory's hazy on the Kliff elements of the game due to skipping some of his dialogue. And I'm putting some efforts into trying to find his exact quotes, but I may have to play through the game again and compose the dialogue myself. My copy of the game is also so bugged that I was never able to complete it so all I know of the ending is from what I was told happened.

That being said: while playing the game, I do remember hearing some of the things he was saying and going "???? is that public knowledge? how do you know that????"

AND I THINK I REMEMBER THE YINU BRIEFING, ACTUALLY. That is a really, really good point. I do actively remember Mayday hesitating now but I really felt like it conflicted with the battle right after.

As for the security... I again never saw the ending, so I am not a good merit as to what happened there. I know vaguely that Kliff hijacked everything and that's why you have to run around and give control of the districts back to the Charters, no?

Something I will say I've thought about the security is that... Kliff takes down the satellite that Nova was overseeing production of, if not made, right? If Nova had to do with the programming or general control of it all: he either oversimplified it so that "even a simpleton" could understand how to work it and bring it down or Kliff figured out how to do it on his own from the ground, not right with it. I feel like that can be a testament to his prowess, too.

You could even argue that him finding May's number is a part of it, actually. The longer I think about Kliff the more I realize how mildly terrifying his skills are, actually.

All that being said, this is somewhat making me want to do an analysis on Kliff as a character and fully dissect the "who's responsible for what" conversation.

[jmenvs3000f23]

Mother Nature? That's my girl! 🌱💗 (U1)

Hey everyone! so having started this nature blog and all, I thought I’d introduce you to a good friend of mine but I’m realizing you might actually already know her? You see, Mother Nature’s friends with pretty much everyone but it’s easy to forget you’re not her only one, cause she often has a way of showing you things that feel like they were created just for you.

For as long as I can remember, my relationship with nature has been my prized possession. Having spent each summer as a child on the beaches of Lake Erie swimming, adding to my shell or rock collections, and often rescuing baby birds and other critters who fell victim to the changing seasons, I always felt like being outside was simply put; fulfilling.

As I grew older, I found myself spending more and more time deliberately looking to nature for entertainment, distractions, and peace- whether it was for a forest walk to look for fauna when I’d be feeling down, or randomly researching new animals or plants I’d previously heard of when I would get bored, nature always had a place for me, my emotions, and interests. Around the transition from elementary school to high school (and likely a consequence of hearing about the horrors of climate change for the first time), I decided I wanted to protect nature. Not yet knowing in what way, but for the first time understanding not everyone shares my sentiment of holding nature in the highest regard.

Now bare with me cause this is one silly story but spoiler! I’m in fourth year zoology and I’ll tell you what, or better yet who, helped me get here. On an anthropology trip to a zoo in 10th grade, I had an assignment involving watching a primate and so I walked into the Gorilla enclosure (because who doesn’t want to be even remotely like Jane Goodall?). Oddly enough there was no one else in there. After almost leaving before making eye contact with a lone gorilla in the enclosure, I went up to the glass and smiled, hoping to somehow translate my appreciation for the opportunity to see him. I’m honestly not sure what I expected but his response? Walking right up to the glass and taking a seat 2 feet away from me, staring at me with what I could only describe as sad eyes. At that point another classmate came in, jokingly saying “oh cool, he’s watching you too” and in that moment which I really didn’t see coming, I just started bawling my eyes out.  Funny enough the gorilla walked away as if he did his job in sharing the sadness, but I think in that moment I just felt so sorry for the ape. We'd spent so much time in other classes learning about deforestation, global warming, etc. etc. and so it was sort of like one of those movie flashback scenes except it was like the life I thought that gorilla should have had. To this day, I still interpret that hour as my eureka moment, where I was told by an intense-eyed gorilla that animal conservation is what I’m meant to do.

Since then, I’ve had the dream of opening an animal sanctuary. To help me one day get there, I've worked at exotic animal outreach programs, was a zookeeper, participated in local conservation efforts in both Toronto and Guelph, and have even been to Madagascar this past summer to practice lemur conservation research. (I also have a ton of lovely pets to share with you but that's for another time!) At this point, it really feels like the passion could only ever grow. It’s my hope that with this blog though, I’ll be broadening my definition of nature to not just immediately go to animals so stay tuned! And go …

:)

*images taken from pinterest

[thebentleyao3]

But I'm a Cheerleader! AU 📣 Part 2/?

also known as "But I'm the All Valley Champ! 🥋" in my notes app, title idea courtesy of my older brother

part 1 can be found here

.

.

.

Johnny hadn't even been at the camp for a full week and everything was already going to shit.

He knew why he needed to be there at True Directions, the brochures had all said it was the best way to fix what was wrong with him, the only way. His mother had made Sid promise not to tell anyone where he was going too, though that hadn't been too hard. Who could stand anyone finding out he had a stepson who was queer?

Missing 3 months of school and karate plus being away from all his and friends wasn't ideal, but he was figured he was just gonna have to tough it out. Most of the kids at True Directions were alright, and he was really starting to warm up to the idea of spending an extended period of time around them.

He was so, so close to getting through the program without anything in the way. Of course something had to go wrong.

Johnny ran shaky hands through his hair, letting out a sigh. He couldn't bring himself to sit with the others during free time after group therapy. He knew that eventually Ali would want to talk to him, and because he hadn’t acted like enough of a coward already, Johnny had hid from her. He'd been curled up behind the house in a secluded area in the garden out back for the past 20 minutes.

What was the point of putting so much effort into keeping people back home from finding out he was gay when the one person he would’ve wanted to find out the least ended up right where he was?

Suddenly, Johnny heard a faint rustling in the bushes. Straightening up and out of his crouch, he looked up to see a familiar brown haired boy, pushing through the shrubbery. Johnny furrowed his brow in confusion as the two stared at eachother.

"Hey, there you are,” Daniel said, grinning at him. “I’ve been looking all over for you, blondie.”

Johnny scooched over to the side, silently making room for Daniel to sit with him. Once he’d set himself down with a comfortable sigh, Johnny spoke. "Why?” He replied, and then like an afterthought, “And I already told you, stop calling me that.”

Daniel shrugged, and with a start Johnny realised he looked kind of shy. "Was worried about you, is all. You seemed kinda," He trailed off.

"What, rattled?" Johnny offered, raising an eyebrow at him.

Daniel let out a soft huff of laughter, "I was actually gonna say freaked out of your mind, but yeah. Rattled works too."

"Right, well," Johnny replied, "You'd probably be a little freaked out of your mind too if you were me."

Daniel shoved him lightly, laughing again. "What's wrong? You know the new girl or something?"

Johnny couldn't help but laugh then too. More than you'd guess, he wanted to say. Instead, his response was soft.

"She was my girlfriend back home," he said, "Technically still is, actually."

The worst part of it all was, sometimes Johnny could make himself think he really did have feelings for Ali. He could talk to her, really talk to her, and she made him want to be a better person, one who didn't have to punch out all his problems.

Sometimes, on those nights where he'd be driving her back to her house, both hands on the wheel so she wouldn't try to take one, he'd look over at her, at her pretty eyes and her bright smile and wonder how he could possibly not love her. He had to be straight if he loved spending time with her so much, right?

But over time it had gotten harder to pretend. He'd stiffen up when she kissed him, instinctively pull away if he thought she was going to try and pull him into a hug. He started dreading seeing her, dreading her easy affection because deep down he knew she didn't deserve this, he was such a liar, she should hate him, he was all wrong and he was going to ruin her with it, he just knew.

Daniel laughed, incredulous. "Are you serious?"

"Sure am. Our 2 year anniversary was back in June." Daniel's expression was so priceless, Johnny almost laughed despite the pit in his stomach. Almost.

Johnny watched as the other boy scoffed in disbelief, head leaning back against the wall.

"You're really something else, Blondie." And yeah, he kinda was, but still.

"It's not like I don't," Johnny could feel his face warming up as he spoke. "I do like Ali okay. So much. She's smart, and she has a killer sense of humour-"

"And she's got just about the greatest tits you've never seen!" Daniel cut in, sparkling. Johnny flushed immediately, opening his mouth to tell the other boy off when Daniel continued, deadpan.

“Look, I don't need you to give me the straight boy speech. You're not gonna fool anybody. Not here."

Johnny shut his mouth, speechless. Funny thing was, the worst part of this whole conversation wasn't even the fact that he was being lectured by some shrimpy loudmouth from New Jersey.

(Seriously, Daniel was tiny. Johnny's hand could probably circle his whole wrist, he could probably lift him all the way off the ground without breaking a sweat if he tried. Johnny wasn't gonna kid himself either. He knew full well what he'd do to him if they'd first met back home and Daniel tried talking to him the way he did at True Directions.)

The worst part was that Johnny couldn't even deny it. He'd never been attracted to Ali, as hard as he always tried. And denying it at the one place where he could be honest about himself was gonna get him nowhere.

"Alright, fine, Larusso!" He flapped his hands in Daniel's direction, as if he could swat him away like a fly. "Lay off me, will you?"

Johnny swallowed thickly. "I get it, I'm an asshole. I just-- I just thought if I pretended hard enough then eventually I wouldn't have to pretend anymore." He said, voice low. "But that's why I'm here now, right? To get better, so I won't be pretending anymore."

The two boys sat in silence for a few beats. As much as Johnny made jabs at the other boy for his constant chatter, the quiet was unnerving.

Finally, Daniel let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes. "Right, well. Good luck with that one."

Johnny furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at the boy. "What are you talking about?"

Daniel huffed out a laugh. "This crap doesn't work, Johnny. You are who you are, man, the only trick is not getting caught.

He brushed off his blue shorts, and started to get up. His tone was the only thing that betrayed any bitterness in his words. A slight edge to them. For not the first time, Johnny wondered what Daniel had done to get sent to camp.

Whatever dark mood Daniel had been in vanished as soon as it came. Once he was up, he grinned brightly down at Johnny, extending a hand to help pull himself up. Johnny accepted it wordlessly, pointedly not thinking about the warmth of his hand in his as he got up. The flowers just behind Daniel were looking real nice at the moment.

"I should. Probably go talk to Ali." Johnny said as they made their way back to the group.

Daniel stayed silent a beat, before hesitantly responding. "I know I gave you a ton of grief about it before but," He tried for a smile. "It'll be okay. She's here too, man, so she can't be too mad at you."

Maybe it sounded dumb, but up until that point Johnny hadn't really thought about what Ali's presence would mean for her feelings about him. He'd been so focused on how much she'd hate him now that she'd found out his secret.

Daniel reached out to him and squeezed his right hand lightly. It was small, and he'd pulled away immediately, but it was enough to fill his chest with warmth. He nodded once, and made his way over to the blonde girl sitting across the garden.

[findingmypeace]

5/3/2023

It’s around 11:15pm and I finally have a moment to dedicate to tumblr. I think it will be easier (ie:not require as much emotional energy) if I just make a quick up date with bullet points.

*Regarding logistics: I am being given two weeks to get everything organized and ready to admit. I do not have a specific admit day yet. I plan to continue working for as long as I can. I was told the estimated length of stay is 30-45 days. My therapist mentioned inpatient stays aren’t usually that long but I talked to someone from admissions and she said that their inpatient program is structured for that length of stay.

*I still haven’t told many people. I’m scared. I told my job since I figured it was best to get that started asap. I also told my brother. He responded exactly how I expected him to (this is a direct quote from his text.): “I love you but I have to tell you that I don’t think you need to go back to treatment. If it hasn’t worked before, why do you think it’ll work now?”

I knew he would respond like that. In fact, it made me realize that part of the reason I fought going to treatment so hard was for that exact type of response. I mean the reason I cut off contact with my parents last year was the cumulation of a life time full of invalidating and cruel comments regarding my mental health and treatment for it.

Anyway, in my defensiveness, I was able to step out of my head for a minute and explain to him that the purpose of this stay is related to treating my medical issues and my health is continuing to get worse. I sent that text around 1pm. Still no response.

The message I have repeatedly gotten from my family throughout my life is that my eating disorder is just me being irresponsible, immature, and a way to escape my responsibilities (aka quit adulting). And that’s just my eating disorder. Going to treatment seems to be (according to them) an even larger representation of those qualities. Quite frankly, I could be on my death bed and they’d probably ask me if I am going to lose my job and how am I going to pay my bills. Evidence of this: Me telling my brother I’m struggling with medical issues and will be staying in a hospital unit to get medically stabilized and him telling me he doesn’t think I need to go since treatment hasn’t worked in the past.

Yeah, why would I want to go back if it’s that kind of feedback I get every time treatment is suggested. Like I said, the level of cruelty in my parent’s statements about this last summer is exactly why I haven’t talked to them since then. I guess I would also add that it the reminder of all that trauma that has been a significant barrier in why I have not wanted to go back. I’d much rather maintain a little bubble where I don’t think about it.

(I swear I plan on only writing a tiny bit and then I end up writing an essay!)

There is actually a lot more I want to say but I’ll just finish with this. Like I mentioned earlier the intensity of how crushing and upsetting this is has quite literally left me feeling paralyzed. I end up just sitting there staring into space because it feel like the act of even moving an inch will put me back in the reality of how horrible things are.

Last thing, lol: I do want to add that I’m feeling a little bit better physically. Not great but better. I made a significant effort to hydrate yesterday morning because I was working a floor shift in the morning and could barely move at the start of the shift. I really didn’t want to end up collapsing or passing out in front of either staff or the clients so I really did make an effort to drink more fluids and it definitely helped.

[oaryra]

By all accounts, I think my parents had a good marriage, maybe it was not perfect but it was good. My dad was a rock, a guide and a provider, everything a husband is supposed to be. He made sure we never lacked anything, if you wanted something reasonable, all you had to do was ask and you got it, but every gift was incentivised, in that you had to promise something in return for getting that gift. It ensured we never took anything for granted. But there was one flaw I only recognised when I got older, my dad shielded us all from the harsh realities of life, so much so, when he passed, our lives as we knew it spiralled out of whack! This unfortunately is the characteristics of every husband, something I think needs to be changed for the sake of not just the children but the wife too. What do I mean? Since the beginning of time, even as a Neanderthal, man has had to go out and fend for his family, whilst his wife was charged with keeping the house, but as time progressed roles began to merge YET man was still shouldered with MOST; if not all of the responsibilities of fending for the family. He would go out in the mornings, navigate through the tough rungs of life, get beaten, insulted, humiliated and disgraced, yet at the end of the day, comes home with a smile on his face and when he gets asked “how was your day?”, he replies with a simple, “It was tough, but thank God for today” and then he goes on about how bad the country is, the rise of price of fuel and other commodities, things which are common knowledge. Rinse, repeat! I need men to break that myth that they are supermen, that they are unbreakable because that is the illusion a lot of women live under. Yes, a lot of women know how hard the economy is, but they just don’t know how hard. Lemme give you a real life example. A woman went to get fuel recently at a fueling station and when her gallon was filled for the amount she paid for, she screamed that she was being cheated to the amusement of other people in the queue. But that is the every day reality of her husband, who feels cheated every time he has to pay triple the price for a litre of fuel! Ducks look so graceful when they glide gracefully across the pond but what we don’t see is the effort its webbed feet is putting in to not just keep it afloat but help it stay afloat and that is how many women see their spouses, they see all his does for the family but not how he does it, they have this inbuilt fantasies of how a man is strong and smart and every other qualities they can dream of but in their fantasies, they never include any flaws as after all it is a fantasy.  And society has programmed men to act this way, show no weaknesses and carry on impeccably in the midst of turmoil, which to me is a huge problem, for what happens when a man is gone? His family crumbles because he is no longer there to shield them. There was this video I saw on X some months ago, it was from a dating game, and the men introduced themselves and one of the guys in the course of introducing himself mentioned he’d lost his best friend recently and became teary eyed, the ladies all awwed and ahhed, gave him a hug BUT when it came to choosing who they wanted to be, EVERY ONE of those ladies picked someone else but the “sensitive” guy because they felt men should not cry or show any emotion that could be misconstrued as weakness. Some women don’t care what their spouses do to put food on the table, as long as the food is there. Lemme give you another illustration, two people John and James, both loving husbands, great providers and doing reasonably well for themselves, their wives, let’s call them Juliet and Jane, both business women like their husbands but there ends their similarities. Whilst Juliet’s business is striving, Jane’s has remained stagnant; it is not like it is doing badly but it is not where it should be, given that she has been in business for a lot longer than Juliet. Juliet chips in when needed and I mean “chips in” as in; pay a carpenter to install a new door, which she ...

[lunarsilkscreen]

NIMBYISM

"Not in my backyard!"-ism

Or, How anti-immigration the same as pro-abortion.

Nimbyism is the propensity for people to value the cash value of their own assets over the any other potential growth. To put it another way; They don't want new people coming in here and wrecking what they've worked so hard to attain.

On the surface this comes off as "I want my family to grow, I don't want other people's families coming here and taking what should be rightfully due to *my* Heirs."

B*, If it gets to crowded, why don't you take your wealth and move to a more rural area? Response; "I shouldn't have to, that's why I grew roots *here*."

Uprooting oneself is an expensive endeavor. Very expensive, and while some people don't want to leave their *small town* some people don't feel welcome in their own home and have to pay to relocate.

What I'm saying is; Relocation is something it takes resources to do. Without resources; relocation is costly and time wasting as you find yourself like a tumbleweed. But worse; because like a tumbleweed; one can never take root to sprout. A tumbleweed is meant to tumble, but a human generally isn't.

So we get back to NIMBYism, when people build up their cities, increase the value of their home and land. And the. Don't sell it, because they don't want to move anyway.

But if they ever need to move, well they can sell it to one of those people who can't afford to move here.

This is done for varying reasons, but it's mostly because of wanting a place for your family to come home to.

"My family should be near me. I don't want other people coming in here and making a mess of things. I don't like change. If we let outsiders in they'll change the rules, and we can't be certain if things'll get better or worse."

In this; they forget that while they're pricing out outsiders; they're *ALSO" pricing out their own children, cousins, and family and friends that they wanted to keep around in the first place.

We talk about the [American Dream] being bogarted by corporations. But in essence; it's being held captivate by those who found it and never woke up. They don't wish to pass it on to the next generation.

And so, we see this prosperity being held by the elderly who are just trying to have enough until they no longer need to worry about the future.

I worry about influencing a future generation to create a mandatory Soylent Green program. But,you know where the vampirism legends come from. The same old story of elderly rulers consuming the flesh of the young to prolong their own life.

And you know; like most people--I can't imagine that being a terrible life. But you can only outrun death for so long before he finally catches up with you.

And I'm lazy, no reason to be both occupied with consuming younger generations AND outrunning death. That's far too much effort for far too little gain.

The world must be allowed to grow and evolve and change. For better or worse, because it's often for the better. And as planetary stewards, we have a hand in guiding that growth, or we can stifle it and watch as evolution gets rid of the problem by itself.

The brambles keep out those that would damage the garden, but if left unchecked; they suffocate the garden for their own growth.

[art-of-manliness]

Odds & Ends: January 19, 2024

Empire of the Summer Moon. There’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t think about the Comanche empire, and it’s all because of this masterful book by S.C. Gwynne. In Empire of the Summer Moon, Gwynne explores the history of the Comanches through the story of Quanah Parker, the last Comanche war chief. Next to Lonesome Dove, this is the book I’ve recommended the most to people. Make sure to listen to our podcast with Gwynne to get a taste of it. All-Weather Waterproof Duckboot. We got snow here in Tulsa last week, so it was time to bust out my go-to boots for wintery weather: the All-Weather Waterproof Duckboot from Huckberry. These boots are a hybrid of a traditional duckboot and a go-anywhere adventure sneaker. They’re 100% waterproof, so they can stand up to any type of foul weather, and they’re really comfy, so you can wear them all day. They’re great for both walking snowy city streets to work and hiking muddy trails with your dog. Plus, they look swell; I always get compliments on them when I’m wearing them while out and about.  Challenger: The Final Flight. This compelling Netflix docuseries delves into what went wrong on January 28, 1986, when the Space Shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds into its flight, killing all seven crew members aboard, including school teacher Christa McAuliffe. If you grew up in the 80s, the archival footage of the Space Shuttle program is nostalgic, but not only is the docuseries an interesting look at an episode in history, it also offers leadership lessons in the need for courage in speaking up and taking accountability. It was particularly interesting to see the differences in how those involved with the decision to launch that day have decided to face, or not, their responsibility and regret.  You Don’t Need to Document Everything. In this stirring call-to-arms, Freya India puts into words the discomfort and annoyance I have with our culture of having to digitally document and share everything. It’s a big reason why I don’t share much on social media anymore. She goes after my least favorite social media genre: couples who share incredibly intimate details of their relationships in an effort to be “relatable.” Trading privacy and intimacy for likes and reach feels gross, man. Some things should be just for you and your spouse. As we learn from the Odyssey, secrets between a couple are one of the secrets of a strong marriage.  Quote of the Week Every evil to which we do not succumb is a benefactor. As the Sandwich Islander believes that the strength and valor of the enemy he kills passes into himself, so we gain the strength of the temptation we resist. —Ralph Waldo Emerson The post Odds & Ends: January 19, 2024 appeared first on The Art of Manliness. http://dlvr.it/T1cSYk

[cutebi-moved]

my birthday was literally like two days ago but i didnt tell the story abt how keone made me a joshua discord bot that was like. so customized to our inside jokes but also full of actual things he said and some other sweet stuff.... it made me so happy i started crying so thats fun

[tojitsukaisen]

Dramatically in love with you.

Toji x reader

genre: flufffff fluff fluff i need more Toji fluff

warnings: none, a tiny little bit suggestive at the end.

notes: hi, this is my first ever fic, i've never really written anything like this, so I hope you like it. let me know in the comments. no i will not apologize for the cringe title. oh yah the reader is a bit oc (ok just me) but i hope it's still relatable. hope you enjoy lovelies

Toji swears he loves you. He loves you so much he puts up with your weird domestic habits. He puts up with the fact that you leave cupboard doors open after you’ve used them as if it doesn’t even occur to you to close them as your mind is already focusing on your next task. He puts up with the fact that he’s bonked his head more than once on those damn things when he steps into the kitchen. He doesn’t say a word when you leave clumps of your hair on the shower walls. He only curses inwardly when steps on yet another fucking bobby pin. He doesn’t consider himself a neat freak; he’s lived, slept, ate and shat in a whole lot worse, so he puts up with a bruise here and a sore toe there. He deals with your high-pitched screams and the fact that he is yet again on jar-duty as he chases a spider through your shared apartment.

Domesticity the way you present it is something foreign to him. While your warm personality sharply contrasts his stoic demeanor, your brazenness is something you two have in common. You don’t hold back on who you are, and he doesn’t really mind the fact that you piss with the bathroom door open sometimes, while continuing some inane story about your day, or that you don’t bother going outside to fart. He honestly loves you and your little quirks and the fact that he gets to call you home. His cute little girlfriend who broke down his walls and managed to sledgehammer through them with your bold moves, your kind eyes, your sharp tongue always followed by a loud laugh, the strokes of your fingers on his calloused hands and his scar-littered body, the morning kisses and the daily effort you put into making sure he feels loved and cared for as well. He swears he will love you until the day he gets dragged into death by the ankles. And beyond that.

He's reminding himself of all these things while fighting the urge to groan, roll his eyes, and throw a pillow at the TV that’s currently displaying a drama series you’re rewatching for the umpteenth time, and with one sharp look from you he’s reminded that he lost that fight.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” you pout at Toji.

“Ya know before ya got here I used to watch actual good shit, right? Something that’s actually fucking interesting. Not this yappy supernatural cry fest.”

“Okay, grandpa. I bet those horse races were real titillating.” You spit back sarcastically.

Toji tsk’s as a response and kicks your feet off the coffee table and reaches for his beer. It never ceases to make you laugh how your 6 feet tall tank of a boyfriend can throw tiny temper tantrums like these. You pause the show and go to retrieve your pillow.

“If it bothers you so much, I can watch it on my laptop, and you can watch the news or some old people program like bingo or some-“

“It’ just..” he interrupts you “I don’t get why she kept that information from him when she knew she was pregnant at the time.” He lectures while pointing his beer at the TV.

“I- what?”

“The chick from the show! I get that he’s an asshole, but you’d think she’d get off ‘er fucking high horse an’ tell him about the pregnancy, definitely knowing she’s cursed or some shit, wasn’t that her? The one who got cursed last season? Or was that the evil twin sister or something? I can’t fucking listen for one more second about how- what?”

You can’t control your giggles as you hop into a squat on the couch next to him and poke his cheek.

“The fuck you laughing at, brat?” he warns.

Your giggles die down a bit before you crawl over to him and he instinctively places his hands around your waist and pulls you into his lap.

“You’re such a cute hypocrite, Toji. My big strong scary man who supposedly only likes serious content” you chuckle.

“ ‘s not my fault you put this shit on every day, it gets in my head”

“Yeah okay. ‘s not like you're actually invested” you grin at him.

He snorts at that. “You’re a fucking headache, y’know that, sweetheart” he sighs while kissing the top of your head.

You lean into him and smile into his broad tobacco scented chest.

“Yeah right back at ya, dollface”.

Oh, he swears he’s going to wipe that smile off your face later that night when he gets his payback in the bedroom. Or the dinner table. Or the couch after just one more episode. So, for now, however..

“Put the damn show back on, so I can at least know how this shit plays out."

You stifle a laugh as you shuffle in his lap so you’re facing the TV and you press play.

He swears he hates these things, he really does. He’s not invested. He’s putting up with your weird habits. Because god, does he love you. And maybe your dumb little drama series as well.

[februaryflowers]

through the night

even in the latest, most tiring moments, you and wonwoo never fail to make each other feel loved

warnings: uses of terms of endearment if that makes you uncomfy

fluff, 1130 words, boyfriend!wonwoo x reader | established relationship au

a/n: sorry but we are taking a break from our scheduled programming of summer fair drabbles for wonwoos birthday 🧎 but i did write most of this before then 😅 oh yeah reader does wear wonwoo’s t-shirt btw 

As Wonwoo pushes open his front door as quietly as he can, he takes in the scene of his apartment. The living area is completely dark, except for the small, warm glow from the lamp near the sofa, sitting on the far end under the window. He then turns his attention to the kitchen, where a few plates sit in the dish rack. While he surveys the room, he spots a pot cover on the island counter. 

Despite Wonwoo being away for most of the day, it’s well lived in. A smile finds its way to his lips. This isn’t just his place. It feels like a proper, dearly loved home. 

Slipping off his shoes, he tip toes towards the bar to pull off the lid, revealing a small dinner. It’s grown lukewarm in the hour or so it’s been out, but Wonwoo appreciates the thought and the effort. 

He puts the noodles in the microwave, setting the timer before making his way to his room. It’s pretty much your room too, with how much you stay over. You practically live at this place, though technically you do have a lease somewhere else in the city. Not that Wonwoo minds your presence here at all, though. It’s quite the opposite, actually.  

The handle is cool to the touch, and as slowly as he can, he pushes it down and the door out, causing the smallest creak to come from the wood.

Moonlight shines through the window and on your skin, illuminating the side of your face squished against his pillow. Maybe a strand of drool is falling from your open mouth as you take deep breaths, exhausted by your long day. 

And then his eyes fall upon your clothing. You’re still wearing the jeans and top from when you left in the morning. He chuckles as he imagines you earlier in the day, plopping down for what was supposed to be a short nap until you probably gave in to your fatigue and passed out on his bed. 

He tries his best to take quiet steps before he sits on the edge of the bed, lightly tracing the shape of your face with his fingers.

“Angel,” he murmurs.

You make some sort of responsive hum as you snuggle your face further in his pillow. An old, faint scent of peach and cucumber meets your nose and causes you to smile, almost like you’re in a pleasant dream. Your favorite thing about Wonwoo’s room, his whole apartment, has to be how even just being in it reminds you of him, makes you happy. Everything is infused with him, his personality, his essence. It’s a constant reminder of the person who brings you joy all the time and it spreads to the deepest nooks and crannies in your brain when you need it most.

“Let’s get you changed into something more comfortable,” he says, coaxing you out of slumber slowly with his smooth voice. 

“Too tired,” you mumble before you hide your face further in the soft pillow to avoid the moonlight, causing your words to get muffled by the fabric. 

While he offers a small smile, he does worry about how uncomfortable sleeping in this outfit all night will be, so he presses his lips to your cheek and whispers a simple “Please?” against your skin.

His breath tickles, causing your lips to curl no matter how hard you try and how much you want to stay in bed, which only makes you whine. 

“I’ll help you, okay?”

You grumble but force yourself up, rubbing your eyes with your palms.

“There’s my angel,” he coos.

He stands to press a kiss to your head and pad over to the dresser, pulling out his most worn t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants you leave in his drawers.

You’re still blinking sleep out of your eyes when he places the folded clothing in front of your slouching figure, kissing the crown of your head as you try to get your brain in a conscious enough state to change.

When you think you can finally see without the blurry film of drowsiness, you shake your head to rid yourself of the last bits of the feeling. With your vision and thoughts finally somewhat clear, you glance up and Wonwoo is gone. He can be so polite sometimes. Even after all these years he still likes to give you your privacy, even when you don’t mind. 

The somewhat worn cloth has the familiar smell of fruit, and the softness of the fabric is already lulling you back into the cozy slumber you’d been in minutes earlier despite your efforts to resist. Wonwoo’s clothes just…remind you of him, like a nice hug both for your whole being, the comforts of belonging, of love, of home, all wrapped up in one thing.

Once you’re changed into his shirt and your bottoms, you creep into the hallway and spot Wonwoo at the counter, munching on his old noodles.

“I’m sorry they got cold,” you whisper as you approach him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face against him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, settling into your touch despite jumping a little at the coldness of your hands seeping through his own pajama shirt.

He eats in silence, with you falling asleep attached to his back and him happy to ease you into dreaming again. With his eyes wandering while he chews, they find your reflections in the oven door.

He can’t seem to stop his lips from curving and smile from blooming when he notices the way the old cotton of his shirt sits on your shoulders. Knowing that you prefer soft t-shirts, especially with his scent, to sleep in, he’d given you his, and he can’t say he doesn’t like it. It’s a nice little reminder that you are his to love and cherish, that you feel the same things towards him.

As he finishes the last bite of his dinner, he places the plate and utensils in the dishwasher. They’re tomorrow’s problem. Right now, he just wants to bring his favorite person to bed and cuddle you until you’re both fast asleep.

Patting your locked hands that rest on his middle, he begins the journey to his room, letting you drag your feet on the wooden boards and use him to move yourself. Regardless, he would never tire of your weight on his back.

Once you’ve returned, he closes the door behind you before helping you into bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin and crawling in next to you.

“Sleep well, love,” he whispers, pressing one last kiss into your cheek. 

“Mm, g‘night.”

What a good night it is. You would dare even say it’s the best kind of night.

a/n: i am no good at sappy notes, so i make no promises on how good this one will be either. i don’t know wonwoo and wonwoo doesn’t know me. but in some of the most volatile, terrifying, stressful and hopeless times of my life, i looked to you, and, while i didn’t think everything would suddenly be okay, at least i felt a little better. and i don’t know just seeing you can make me smile. if i could say anything to you it simply would be thank you. thank you for all the happiness and respites you have given me, whether you know it or not. and i hope that it is paid back to you and then some. i hope you are and will always be happy. whether or not i’m a carat for a long time, i will be grateful for you. 

happy birthday, my dearest. i hope you are having a great birthday filled with love and joy. 

-another carat on the internet