#and i can crochet peoples' presents at the same time so i can pretend i'm being productive

[andtosaturn]

i have a million things to do but i've bravely decided i should rewatch every star trek show in order

[puresunshyne]

Single Mom Things

I've been on a long hiatus from this blog.

Lately, though, Tumblr keeps popping up into my conscious thoughts. I've been working my tail off and keeping my nose to the grindstone since my car broke down last October.

It's been a grueling eight months since. I've spent literal thousands of dollars on rides back and forth to work. I've had people offer to help without me asking them to and then leave me in a worse place than I was in.

Blowing up my phone while I'm at work to tell me that they KNOW I've gotten my tax return back (I actually didn't even file because I haven't been able to afford $50 for an Uber there and back), that they've looked up my tax information (he of course, changed that story when I pressed him about it and acted like I was crazy for questioning him about how he would access something like that (of course during dinner rush at work) and how their grandmother questioned why they would support me by REQUESTING a handmade crocheted scarf as her Christmas present when he could have gotten the same thing off of Amazon for $10. Why on Earth he would think that was a message he should pass along to me, I'll never know. This is in between messages from him telling me how he's hoping to get fired from various jobs and having ex and current girlfriends pay his rent and bills. Meanwhile, I'm the bad guy for not sending him money that I don't even have to feed myself with.

On the other hand, I have someone constantly telling me not to call Ubers because it's so expensive who stands me up multiple times per week after agreeing to pick me up at a certain time (individual days/times, not weekly). That in turn means that I'm forced to call an Uber or Lyft because I actually can't find a ride within an hour of me needing to be at work. Then he gaslights me about how it's not his responsibility to pick me up (after him contacting me to offer) and calls me a bitch for getting upset.

And then there are the ever present men who constantly want details about how I'm struggling so they can pretend to care and try to use those empty messages as a segue into scoring a date with me. Sending me creepy messages about how they would TOTALLY help me, I just need to ASK THEM SPECIFICALLY. Homie, if you wanted to help, you would offer to help. Not tell women that if they jump JUST A LITTLE HIGHER and do this EXACT TRICK JUST RIGHT, then you'll help them. That's incel behavior and makes you seem like you're liable to take advantage of women in any form you can.

Let's not forget the guy who kept telling my daughter and I that he was going to cosign on a house to rent as a roommate situation and then turned around and made a scene in the Chili's parking lot about how he couldn't understand why I don't want to date anyone or why I'm not interested in dating him, WHY won't I explain it to him and WHY won't I give him a chance.

So yesterday, I finally gave up trying to do it by myself (with or without creepy, predatory men trying to put me in terrible situations) and created a Go Fund Me to try and pull together some of the money that I need to get my Jeep fixed.

If you can spare even a dollar or two, I'd be ridiculously grateful. I don't think any of us were meant to do this alone.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (Scott Rand)

LT1 Startalk Interview at the Bristol Hotel 25/01/20

with Petra Stumpf

https://www.lt1.at/sendungen/stars_society/ich-bin-ein-sehr-sexueller-mensch/

https://youtu.be/FAw2HtQQhx0

That was back then, Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst, a diva who won the Eurovision Song Contest for Austria in 2014.

And this is nowadays. Wurst, fetish look and electro pop. With his third album Tom has freed himself. We meet the Upper Austrian in his adoptive home Vienna at the hotel bar in the Bristol next to the Opera. What hasn't changed is that the star is punctual to the minute.

Petra Stumpf: Welcome to LT1 startalk, my guest today - how do I address you Conchita, Tom or Wurst, which do you prefer?

Tom: It's up to you, I use to say at the end of the day it's always Wurst (it's all the same to me). With a certain look I feel more like a woman, whatever that means and in certain looks I am more masculine, whatever that means and at the end of the day I don't care. One cannot generalise, of course for many people their identity is important and how they see themselves. I realize more and more that gender should be completely irrelevant in a society.

P: I was very curious in which look you would turn up today, blond, bald, long hair, short hair, at the moment everything is possible when it comes to you. Does it depend on your current mood or is it calculative if you turn up as a male or female?

T: There are concerts and events where I know I want to wear an evening gown and release my inner Mariah Carey, on other days I have no concept at all and put up what I fancy at the moment. Some things need a certain preparation, when I want to bleach my hair, I can't decide it on the spot and two hours later I'm blond and the story about the bald head was, that I wanted to express - I did't want to express anything with the bald head per se - but I had joined the Opera Ball to advertise the EU elections and when I shaved my head, I hadn't even known yet that I would go to the Opera Ball. In retrospect it had been destiny and was supposed to happen exactly like that and to answer the question, I seldom reflect, sometimes I fancy something but if something else comes up that is more in line, then I change my mind.

P: Your impact on me is that you feel very liberated since this transformation, is that true?

T: I started to reconsider rules I don't even know who made them and to discard them and find out what makes me happy instead of saying: I have to be the president's wife, that's what people expect and what sells, I'm also in the priviliged situation to say, I don't care, I do what I want and feel but during the process I develop and reconsider so many things and I don't know if everyone thinks it's funny, but I always say it's essential to learn how to read and write. It's important for communication, but how needs spelling?

P: Seriously?

T: If I understand what you want to tell me, for example if you write an essay in German full of blooming imagination and there are twists in the story and it's interesting to read, and then you have 5 spelling errors and fail to pass the exam.

P: I agree about that, but it repels me if someone writes to me on Whatsapp and there are 1000 spelling errors. That's awful.

T: It doesn't matter to me, as long as I understand what you mean.

P: Since you say it is Wurst to you, you recorded your new album as Wurst, finest electro pop, it is autobiographic and was a kind of therapy for you, is that true?

T: Yes, the lyrics and music were written by Eva Klampfer, Lylit, an Upper Austrian and it was produced by Albin Janoska, who is the electro guru in this country. In this triad we made this great album. Eva spent many hours with me and learned a lot about me and I often repeat it, I'm not sure if she wanted to know all of it. But when one doesn't write the lyrics oneself, one can only achieve an authentic piece of music when I'm candid and all of these titles are of course metaphors of all the things I experienced and I know what each song is about and considered if I should explain it or write it into the booklet but then I thought, it's nobody's business and I want to keep it to myself and don't want to impose to the audience what to interpret into those songs. I love to make music videos, I can't write songs, but I hear music and see pictures and I can convert that, that's my essential part and I love to do it but with it I already open a world that indicates a certain direction and emotions, but it's too much fun to miss out on it.

P: I have to show the booklet and for example this picture, videos and booklet are very revealing, very erotic with fetish outfits, did it take you a lot of effort, because your parents and your granny see it too.

T: I'm a very sensual person and I'm not shy with my family, they know me so well, they have known me when I still wet my pants. I don't have to pretend what I am and sometimes I think it will not be her favourite topic for my granny in her crochet round but I am what I am and that's the result of their upbringing. My parents have no reason for complaining about my liberalness or that I live my life in the public, I am the person I am because they raised me that way.

P: Did your parents teach you the facts of life or was it your grandmother, sometimes the grandparents do that.

T: Funny that you address this topic. No, it was my aunt, she's awesome and during Christmas one discusses everything. My aunt is responsible or was a good deal involved in my fashion aesthetics. Listen, my aunt took me to the first musical I have ever seen, Rocky Horror Picture Show, imagine I was about - when is one admitted into such a show, I think 12, and I remember my aunt asked me: "Do you know what a virgin is?" and I replied: "My Mum was born in August, so she's a Virgo." and then there was a talk with my mother if she was allowed to explain it to me and she did and then I came into this show as a 12 year old gay boy and was amazed. What, one can do this, this is allowed? And everyone thinks it's awesome, she revealed a whole new world to me and I still remember what she wore, a transparent Woolford body that only covered the breasts in the shape of a lava lamp and Yoko Ono flares with slits at the sides that where overlapping, so when she walked her bare legs were displayed. My aunt is a fashion icon and that's where my liberty comes from, I think nobody was surprised.

P: You don't often come to Upper Austria, where your family is, but on 12th March you will come to the Posthof in Linz because you are on tour with the new songs. This home game in Linz is something special for you?

T: I'm totally looking forward to it. Linz is always special for me. I have a tour, there will be some concerts in Germany, I'll be in Poland and will also be in Austria and Linz is magic, I can't describe it, it's also the audience that likes to experience music and there are people who are not my fans per se, but who are interested in new music. That's so cool, I'm not always that open-minded, I think rock is not my cup of tea, but okay I'm going to listen to it. People in Linz are totally relaxed and I'm looking forward. And it will be different with my live band and it will be awesome.

P: You are a fantastic live performer, I've often seen you and take my hat off to you. Back then in Linz, international fans had come completely dressed in Conchita outfit. How do they deal with the transformation, do they go along with it and come now with short hair?

T: It's exciting you mention this, I love my fans and they are crazy in an affectionate way and travel from everywhere around the world and then sit there and listen to this concert for the 14th time and are still enthusiastic and have fun to ponder, ah there he didn't know the lyrics, he has forgotten them again and that's so cool, because it's simply the truth. Without those fans who come regularly, I wouldn't exist and without them I wouldn't be able to shine in certain situations, because sometimes you come to an event and notice, ah maybe they don't find me that awesome but there are always people present I can rely on and who say I don't care what happens behind my back, I'm here because of you and I celebrate you so much and then it spreads. It's exciting how such a relationship we have after all develops, particularly because of the different look and music and there are many who sighingly say, I want to hear the ballads and I understand that, I also love the ballads, but there's a time for everything.

P:  Variety is that extra something.

T: Absolutely. It's a challenge for me and a whole different vocal field, suddenly it's about voice colours and textures and not how long can I scream this note, and I can hold it for a long time.

P: Will you play none of your ballads on this tour?

T: Not at the moment. I have the occasional concerts with an orchestra, the next ones will be in Sydney and I'm thrilled to go back to Australia after many years, the current situation there is everything else but delightful but I'm very content not to let this orchestra programme die either, because it's so much fun. Also From Vienna With Love I recorded with the symphonic orchestra is a gift for me and then retrieve it a year later and say: I still can do it! That's cool, you know.

P: We are in Vienna today and not in Upper Austria, as you hardly come to us anymore.

T: Don't emphasize it that much, it's like that at the moment, I will come back.

P: On 12th March at the latest he'll be there at the concert. But we are now at the hotel Bristol in Vienna and you also have a special connection to this place.

T: I have a deep attachment to this hotel, one of my all-time favourite photos was taken by Mrs Ziegelböck, who also comes from Upper Austria. There was a fashion photo shoot for Rondo and we are often here and everytime I give interviews we get support from the staff and they provide us with these awesome suites and catering and we are pleased to see each other, there's appreciation and it's such a traditional building, rich in history and I was allowed to work abroad, but when I come back home, I love Austria, I love Vienna so much, in my opinion it's the coolest city in the world.

P: It was ranked the most livably city too. And the most unfriendly one.

T: If you allow to be insulted, I'm above that.

P: I continue with the word rap.

Question: Do you prefer to be man or woman?

T: We already discussed, I don't care.

Question: I can imagine having children one day.

T: That's tough. I've considered how I would raise a child, what values I would convey and what it would mean. But I'm not ready to have children, because I'm so egocentric and have some interhuman deficits. You wanted a short reply. I have no idea.

Question: I like to sleep...

T: For a long period of time and you want something provocative. I sleep in the nude.

Question: What are you not able to do?

T: I'm bad at waiting and I sometimes get bitchy. My friends who work with me know me well enough to know that when I start giving curt replies.

Question: Your favourite place?

T: My apartment, my nest. After a period of travelling a lot, one's own bed is priceless.

Question: I learned most things from...

T: All people I meet. I recognise afterwards when one sits together during the holidays, I have it from you that I always run around half naked.

Question: The inscription on my tombstone should read.

T: I hope I won't have a tombstone. I'll be cremated.

P: But there has also to be a place for the urn. Maybe in someone's cupboard at home.

T: If I want to annoy them I'll write into my will: You have to place me beside your television. I want it to be stagy, get cremated and scatter the ash around.

P: Then one cannot visit you anymore.

T: You don't have to. That's overrated, everyone shall carry me inside their hearts.

P: No grave of honour in Vienna?

T: The dress from the Eurovision inside a showcase is sufficient.

P: Thank you, it was very funny.

T: What a great interview.