#and i am losing hope that kamik is going to be finished for the end of sokka week. pray for me lol

[babydotcom]

ok i’ve messaged my doc about this but i’m going to put a med update under the cut in case anyone is curious and/or has any thoughts/advice or whatever (0 pressure i’m just babbling here)

okay so in case you don’t know i was diagnosed with pretty severe ADHD a couple of weeks ago and started taking meds for it last friday! i’m on an extended release stimulant that’s supposed to go for about 8-12 hours.

for side effects i had a pretty good headache the first day that went away, trouble getting to sleep that’s getting better every day, and appetite issues and dry mouth that’s slowly getting less severe. i just feel really connected to my body for the first time as well and that’s kind of disorienting, and i felt so Fast that first day but that’s improving as well.

as for effectiveness it was awesome for the first two days! i was focused and able to follow conversations all the way through, and really productive, and had almost no issue with executive function or task switching! and i was in the most fantastic mood for the first time in a long long while, no anxiety and even my depression felt better??? but now, it feels like it’s not even working. i’ve been staring at an open wip document for about 4 hours and doing nothing, and conversations are hard again, and i’ll straight up forget what i’m doing as i’m doing it. like early on i could tell when the meds wore off because it was almost like a switch flipped, but it seems almost like the window of effectiveness just shrunk to the point that i think i had maybe half an hour of the type of focus i had on friday.

i don’t know if my symptoms are worse after the meds stop working or if i’m just more aware of the severity since i had a taste of neurotypicality (which holy fuck i’m jealous that y’all get to feel like that all the time!) but noticing how bad they are is kind of increasing my anxiety again and i feel like i’m cycling on station. like i feel like i’m forgetting something but i’ve run through every list i have, mental and physical, and i just can’t figure it out. responding to messages and stuff is harder too. i think i just need to up my dosage, right? it’s hard finding sensical info online but if it worked really well for a while and is slowly becoming less effective that just means my dose is porbably too small i think??

something else i’m noticing is that my sensory sensitivity is higher since i started medicating? like i had to wear sunglasses in target yesterday bc the lights were too bright which is unusual for me. it’s making me feel more sure of my autism hypothesis? and i’ve read that other disorders can become more apparent when u start treating adhd so that’s what i think is happening....but there’s also the worry that a. maybe i got misdiagnosed with adhd and the meds are actually just tweaking me out and making me feel like i’m experiencing autism symptoms and b. i am actually autistic but i don’t have adhd and i’m taking stimulants for no good reason and finally c. i just have anxiety and nothing else and it’s manifesting in ways that look like autism and adhd. so. idk. maybe that’s just imposter syndome talking but i wish i had more time to sort this shit out before i ship away from my gp and my therapist (who’ll keep me on as a virtual patient bc she’s a saint) and have to feel normal enough to Do School lol