#and i actually posted this at a reasonable hour!

[missarchive]

Oral fixation with Spencer Reid, he notices reader always has things in her mouth and it turns him on and she ends up cockwarming him under the desk with her mouth

i am 100% picturing this as post prison!reid

cw; +18 minors dni, oral (m. receiving), dom!spencer, cockwarming (mouth), perverted!spencer, cum swallowing, spencer cums twice

Spencer had been watching you all day. His eyes were drawn to you like a magnet, unable to stray for more than a fleeting moment. In a room full of people, you were the only one who held his attention, the only one capable of stealing his focus so completely. At first, he reasoned it was because you were new—fresh faces always intrigued him more than the ones he knew too well. But as the hours passed, he realized there was something else about you, something he couldn’t ignore.

It was your mouth.

You always had something in it.

At first, it was just a pen. You’d tap it absentmindedly against your lips, then roll it slowly between them, almost like a lollipop. He tried not to stare, tried to focus on the meeting, but his gaze kept slipping back to you. The sight sent his mind spiraling, crafting vivid, treacherous scenarios of how your lips might look wrapped around something else—around him. The thought sent a jolt through his system, and he had to fight the heat rising in his cheeks. He was sure you had no idea what you were doing to him.

And then, you actually pulled out a lollipop.

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat as he watched the bright pink candy slide between your lips. The way your tongue flicked against it, the gentle hollowing of your cheeks, the glistening shine of your lips as you pulled it back out—it was all too much. His cock throbbed against the confines of his jeans, a sharp, insistent ache that left him squirming in his seat. He shifted, trying to focus on Hotch’s voice, but the image of you sucking on that lollipop burned into his mind, teasing him, tormenting him.

You didn’t seem to notice at first. You were too engrossed in the meeting, too caught up in the motions of sucking that candy, your gaze flickering between the team and the conversation. But Spencer noticed something else. Every so often, when he managed to pull his eyes away from you, you’d glance up—at him. You’d catch him in the act, then your gaze would dip, slow and deliberate, down his body. When your eyes lingered on his lap, his breath hitched. He knew you could see it, the evidence of what you were doing to him straining against the fabric of his jeans.

He tried to hide it. God, he tried. But every time that lollipop disappeared behind your lips, he felt his resolve crumble. The way your cheeks flushed a deeper red with each passing glance only added to his torment. You had to know. You had to be teasing him, testing his restraint, and it was working. Oh, it was working.

By the time the meeting ended, Spencer was nearly trembling with need. He shot out of his seat as soon as Hotch dismissed them, determined to escape before his control slipped entirely. But then he heard it—that faint scrape of your chair against the floor, the hurried footsteps trailing behind him. His heart raced as he saw you following him, and he didn’t dare to look back.

He didn’t need to.

When he reached the hallway, Spencer spun on his heel and reached for your arm, his grip firm but careful as he tugged you toward his office. His hand lingered on you longer than necessary, his fingers curling slightly around your wrist before he ushered you inside. The door clicked shut behind you, sealing you both in the quiet, charged space.

Your cheeks were still flushed, your breathing uneven as you looked up at him. “What's wrong?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Spencer stepped closer, his presence overwhelming as he backed you against the wall. His hazel eyes burned with an intensity you hadn’t seen before, and the tension in the room crackled like a live wire.

“I think you know exactly what's wrong,” he murmured, his voice low and rough as his gaze dropped to your lips.

You swallowed hard, your eyes flickering down to the undeniable bulge pressing against his jeans. “I’m not sure I do,” you breathed, but the faint smirk tugging at your lips betrayed your words.

Spencer leaned in, his lips hovering just above your ear. “Then let me show you.”

“You’ve been sucking on that lollipop all day,” Spencer murmured, his voice thick with want as he pressed his hips firmly against yours, eliciting a gasp from your lips. “And you’ve been looking at me like that all day. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

You swallowed hard, your throat bobbing as your gaze darted up to meet his. “What am I thinking?” you challenged, your voice soft but unsteady.

Spencer’s hand slid up, his fingers curling firmly around your jaw, tilting your face to his. His eyes bore into yours, hazel and dark with desire. “That you want to suck my cock,” he said, his tone steady, deliberate. “That you want me to fill your mouth and make you forget about that lollipop.”

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours, surprisingly soft and gentle, contrasting the fire simmering beneath his words. His kiss melted away any tension in your body, leaving you pliant and trembling beneath him. When he finally pulled back, his breath ghosted over your lips as he whispered, “You want me to be your lollipop, don’t you?”

A shiver ran down your spine as you stared up at him, your voice barely audible when you answered, “Yes... please.”

Spencer’s lips quirked in a faint, almost shy smile before he stepped back just enough to look at you. “Then kneel,” he instructed, his voice a mix of firm command and quiet anticipation.

Without hesitation, you sank to your knees before him, your eyes locked on the growing bulge in his jeans. He made quick work of his zipper, pushing the fabric down just enough to free himself. Your breath hitched as his cock sprang into view, thick and flushed, and you reached out instinctively. Your fingers wrapped around him, tentative at first, exploring the weight and heat of him.

Spencer groaned softly as your hand began to move, slow, steady strokes up and down his shaft. He leaned forward slightly, his hand resting on the wall behind you as he watched you intently. Your touch was careful, almost reverent, and it made his stomach coil with need.

“Mouth,” he said simply, his tone low and commanding.

You obeyed, parting your lips and leaning in, your tongue darting out to taste him before taking the head into your mouth. Spencer’s head tipped back, a low groan escaping him as the warmth and wetness of your mouth enveloped him.

You began to move, your lips gliding over him as your hand worked in tandem, stroking the length of his shaft while your tongue swirled and flicked against him. The sounds of your effort filled the room—soft, wet, and sinful. Spencer’s hips twitched, instinctively seeking more of the pleasure you were so willingly giving him.

“Deeper,” he murmured, his voice tight with restraint.

You took a steadying breath before pushing further, letting him slide deeper into your mouth. Spencer groaned again, his fingers twitching at his sides as he fought the urge to grab your hair. He didn’t have to wait long before you found a rhythm, your head bobbing in time with the movement of your hand, your eyes fluttering closed as you lost yourself in the task.

Spencer’s breaths grew heavier, and he couldn’t look away, completely mesmerized by the sight of you on your knees, your lips wrapped around him, your eagerness palpable. He could feel his control slipping, the coil of heat in his core tightening with every pass of your mouth.

“Good,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “Just like that.”

Spencer couldn’t help himself. The intoxicating heat of your mouth, the way your lips stretched around him, the faint glimmer of spit trailing down your chin—it was too much. His hips began to move on their own, shallow thrusts at first, testing the limits of what you could take. But when he felt your throat relax, opening up to accommodate him, he couldn’t stop. He started to fuck your mouth, each thrust sending a jolt of pleasure through his body as you swallowed more and more of him.

“Fuck… fuck,” he muttered, his voice breaking as he felt the tight, wet pressure of your throat around his shaft. His hand gripped the edge of the desk behind him, knuckles white as he tried to hold on to the last threads of his composure. But he wasn’t going to last—not like this.

He needed you to stop.

“Stop,” he choked out, though the word sounded more like a plea than a command. But even as he said it, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. He didn’t want you to stop—not when your cheeks were hollowing out so beautifully, your tongue working him over like you were made for this.

You glanced up at him, your eyes dark and glassy with desire. Slowly, you slid your hand to the base of his cock, gripping him firmly to keep him from going any deeper. Spencer let out a shaky breath, his chest rising and falling as the pressure eased just enough for him to keep going.

He began to thrust again, a steady rhythm this time, his cock sliding in and out of your mouth as your hand worked the rest of him. The combination was almost too much, the slick heat of your lips paired with the tight grip of your hand driving him closer to the edge. When his gaze dropped to yours, the sight made his stomach clench.

Your eyes locked onto his, filled with submission and lust, and he could tell how much you loved this—loved being used by him. The way your thighs pressed together, the soft, muffled whimpers you let out as you worked him over, only confirmed it.

“God, you’re so fucking good,” he groaned, his voice low and ragged.

He could feel it building, that tight coil of pleasure deep in his stomach, ready to snap. His thrusts grew more erratic, his breathing more labored as he fought to hold on.

“I’m going to cum,” he warned, his voice barely above a growl.

The sound you made in response—a soft, eager moan vibrating around his cock—was his undoing.

A guttural groan tore from his throat as he came, his hips stuttering against your mouth. Hot, thick spurts spilled down your throat, and he watched in awe as you swallowed it all, your lips still wrapped snugly around him. The sight of you—so obedient, so eager to take everything he gave you—made his head spin.

Spencer felt himself go soft in your mouth, but you didn’t move. You stayed there, your lips still wrapped around him, your tongue flicking gently to gather the last drops of his release. The sensation made him shiver, his body hypersensitive in the aftermath. His chest rose and fell with uneven breaths as he reached out, his fingers threading through your hair with a tenderness that surprised even him.

The soft whimper you let out at his touch sent a jolt of something deeper through him, and he felt you shiver beneath his hand. Slowly, your lips slid off him, leaving him exposed to the cool air.

“Come here,” he murmured, his voice still husky. He reached down to help you to your feet, his hands steadying you as you stood. Once upright, Spencer guided you toward him, sitting back in the chair at his desk and pulling you gently onto his lap.

His hands found the backs of your thighs, fingers gripping firmly as he adjusted you, lifting your legs to drape over his knees. You settled against him with a soft, contented sigh, your body melting into his as though you belonged there.

Spencer wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you close, the warmth of his chest pressing against your back. His lips found your cheek, brushing delicate kisses along the curve of your face. The softness of his touch was in stark contrast to the hunger he’d shown just moments ago, and it made your breath catch.

When you turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his, the world seemed to narrow down to just the two of you. His gaze softened, hazel eyes studying your face as though memorizing every detail.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered, his lips hovering just a breath away from yours.

Your lips parted, your heart pounding as his words lingered in the air, and you couldn’t help but lean into him, drawn to the warmth and quiet intensity he offered.

[verushkak70]

OK wait: hang on here: let me preface this with: I LOATHE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY - actively, vehemently loathe - always have, always will, never voted Republican, never will, wouldn't if they were the last/only party on earth - because, among many, many other horrible things, Republicans (Reagan & Bush Sr) kept the minimum wage at $3.35/hour for over a decade as COL continued to rise, for years, while minimum wage was what I earned

& furthermore Republicans (Reagan again) cut the minimum wage from $3.35/hour to $2.01/hour specifically for jobs that receive tips - & both of these things occurred while I was a waitress, so I (and millions of single mothers; let's remember Harvey Keitel's lines about tipping in the opening scene of Reservoir Dogs rn, k? because he wasn't wrong) literally had my shit wage cut by more than 1/3 simply because it was a job that generally (not always, trust me on that!) got tipped

& let's remember that Jimmy Carter put solar panels on the White House while he was President

& as soon as Reagan won & moved into the WH, that oil-money-funded piece of shit immediately ripped them down

Not to mention that while other countries were mobilizing national(ized) health services to combat HIV/AIDS when it was killing tons of people in the 80s & 90s, the Republicans blamed homosexuals for getting sick & dying, & Republican presidents wouldn't even address it - including the one whose son was semi-openly gay (Reagan again)

Not to mention that literally since the day Roe v Wade came down Republicans were trying to restrict abortion & working to block/overturn Roe v Wade

To sum up: for those & literally a thousand other crucial reasons, I loathe the Republicans & I always & forever will

But let's also be very, very clear: if the Democratic National Committee had not fucked Bernie Sanders over (twice!) & engineered Hillary to be the de facto candidate for 2016, Donald Trump would never have won the first fucking time & we would not be in this deep shit now

Corporate pollsters hired by DNC did what they do: manufactured consent for Hillary when the public clearly wanted Bernie Sanders instead - an Independent, not actually a Democrat - because they already knew he was not compromised like the Democrats already were

Well, they can lie about & statistically manipulate polls, but the proof was at the ballot boxes on election day: whether or not you agreed with it or liked it (& I did not) the majority of people voting did not want Hillary & did not vote for her - so Dump won

& tbf? I wanted Bernie too! Hillary was only ever the lesser of evils imo for a variety of reasons (one of which was that the Clinton administrations were the most corporatized, Republican version of the Democrats yet, plus NAFTA & GATT was on Clinton's watch, which also fucked over the working class of America)

Let's all just stop pretending - this current Democratic Party? Is not Jimmy Carter's Democratic Party & it hasn't been for a very, very long time

& this Democratic party elite was willing to utterly disregard the will of the majority of American voters to install who they thought "deserved" to win, whose "turn" they thought it should be, for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination - with utterly predictable results for anyone paying fucking attention

Yet Nancy fucking Pelosi said that abortion was "kind of fading as an issue" in fucking 2017, while she knew the man in the White House was hell bent on pleasing his evangelical "Christian" base by appointing as many right-wing federal judges as possible - jfc, people! wake the fuck up!

Sure, bitch, maybe for your 40-years-post-menopausal ass, "abortion [was] fading as an issue" - but what about young women? Girls?

Rape & incest victims?

Your fucking Democratic principles? - or lack thereof??

Most of us post-menopausal liberal-to-left bitches still actually care about women's rights for everybody! We know not everyone has the power or money to just fly to a blue state & get yourself/your daughter/your granddaughter/your niece/a rape victim/an incest victim an abortion - or throw money &/or power at a red state doctor & get an abortion coded in the medical record as a medically necessary D&C

In fact 2/3+ of Americans believe the decision should be up to the woman or couple facing the choice

How the fuck could Pelosi even think that - let alone say it out loud to a reporter? This is our Democratic leadership??

How? I'll tell you how: Because she already did not care & had the arrogance to think that broadcasting her not-caring would not matter

So - can I make it any fucking clearer that the national Democratic party - all those career politicians like Pelosi who don't even bother to pay lip service to the party line anymore! - do not fucking care about us & haven't for a long time?

I can't say it any better than Bernie himself did: it should come as no surprise that the party that abandoned working class Americans has been abandoned by working class Americans

They abandoned us first

The Democrats did this to themselves & to us

The lesser of two evils is still evil

Stop blaming the abandoned for being abandoned, & then abandoning their abandoners

Were/are people who fell for this orange asshole's populist, racist, misogynistic bullshit idiots? Yes, yes they are!

Were people manipulated by the active efforts - all over every. Single. FUCKING. social media platform - at targeted election interference from Russia & other countries' intelligence agencies & terror groups? Yes, yes they were

Do Americans struggle mightily with understanding how voting & elections work, with critical thinking, & with maintaining a high index of skepticism?

Yes, they clearly do - but no more, I'd say, than the Brits who voted to shoot themselves in both feet with Brexit (& then asked the reporters who explained the consequences to them, on camera, how they could change their vote); or the rest of the multiple European countries who are similarly sliding into neofascism

All the votes that Bernie Sanders would have gotten in 2016 from the majority of independent voters? Went to Dump

Many votes that Sanders would have gotten in 2016 from Democratic voters, if he'd gotten the nomination, also went to Dump

Because - once more, with feeling - The Democrats abandoned us first

Those who abandoned them after they abandoned us? are not to blame for the current situation

So stop fucking saying that they are

[iri-desky]

iri my dear, you seem to know something about this. what is happening with dream/the dsmp. did they restart or smt? did dream say something stupid again?

im gathering its a mix of both of those but i have no clue if they correlate or idek:

HELLOOO Soda my friend!! Longtime no see!!

Okay so. Tw slurs and grooming mention

So, at one point, on Tommy and Jack's podcast, Shut Up I'm Talking, Tommy offhandedly, jokingly mentioned he didn't like Mizkif. This got Tommy in a little argument with XQC on twt-- it really wasn't anything that bad, they were just firing insults at each other, and it was mostly pretty silly (mainly on Tommy's side. XQC was just being salty but Tommy was handling it like "haha cringe" trying not to provoke too much). And TOTALLY UNPROMPTED. WITHOUT WARNING. MIND YOU THE SITUATION HAD LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. DREAM BARGES INTO THE THREAD AND PROCEEDS TO MAKE A MEME THAT SINGLEHANDEDLY CALLS TOMMY'S ENTIRE FANBASE THE R SLUR.

Literally. Now for obvious reasons people were outraged, and three hours later Dream comes back and claims that he doesn't understand the backlash by revealing in the weirdest way possible he actually doesn't just have adhd, and is also autistic (i add this comment every time I explain this; "uh, go off ig") and therefore can allegedly "reclaim it" (even though that's not how you reclaim slurs, and even then that specific word is so bad that even ND people want to kill it with fire).

Now obviously this set off a chain reaction of events and replies and people going nuts, including an asinine explanation post he made on reddit (now deleted, pictured below).

This went on up until recently, whereupon Tubbo decided to get involved and set up a stream with Dream to talk about it. Dream discussed a variety of things during the stream (here's a post that just outlines all the crap he said in a lighthearted way for your own sanity) but basically, dream victimized himself the whole stream (two or three hours) and basically kept on screwing himself by mentioning more and more insane crap that happened once upon I time?? To defend himself??? One of them actually involved confessing that he allowed p●rn to be shown in a vc involving minors back during smp era. What was he thinking. The most awful part is that he barely even mentioned the event that started this whole thing at all and just redirected all the attention to other things, which, unsurprisingly, just made him look WORSE.

Naturally, Twitter is going ballistic, which includes plenty of the old dsmp members and bloggers weighing in ("happy dsmp reunion everyone").

Friendly reminder that all of this could've been avoided if Dream didn't spontaneously stick his nose into an argument that didn't involve him in any way whatsoever.

TL;DR: yes, Dream said something very, very stupid again and Twitter is going insane. As time goes on and Dream tries to defend himself, he's SOMEHOW making all the moves that just make himself look much, much, MUCH worse.

Hope this helps 👍🏽👍🏽 !!

(I'll be marking this with all the usual tags, so if this helped anyone else understand the situation, feel free to like, reply, or reblog! I'm just happy to help)

[aealzx]

_______________________

Update Post

Prologue | AO3

Previous

_______________________

By the time they had managed to coast around the entire Watchtower it was already well into the afternoon. Hal had created a small device to allow Danny to be heard when he spoke, and had consequently ended up the recipient to Danny’s neigh endless infodumping while they flew. But Bruce’s warning hadn’t gone unneeded, for after several hours he noticed Danny starting to wear down considerably, and realized the kid had probably only lasted this long because of his adrenaline rush from being so excited, combined with the fact they were in zero gravity. Being told that Danny was recovering from an injury had made Hal think he just shouldn’t run Danny through an obstacle course or the like. But watching the lad after the initial excitement had worn off made Hal consider it was more severe than just a dislocated shoulder or something. But it was easy to tell that Danny wasn’t ready to leave space yet, even if it was just to go back inside the Watchtower. So the most recent few hours Hal had actually led them to a nice part of the Watchtower sticking out quite a bit from the rest, giving them a place to ‘sit’ and stargaze. He couldn’t see the lower half of Danny’s face, but Hal hadn’t seen the smile leave his eyes once. And even now as Danny gazed in the distance with half lidded eyes, they were still shining with exhausted joy as he continued to watch everything he’d already seen at least once today already.

Inevitably the only reason Hal ended up interrupting the peaceful moment was because his own stomach loudly informed him they had missed lunch. Danny hadn’t heard it, but still looked over when Hal waved in his line of sight to catch his attention “C’mon kid, let’s go get some food before your appointment with the Flashes,” he prompted, reaching out to offer a hand even though Danny was currently intangible.

Danny gave a noise that was a mix between reluctance and tired understanding as he obediently pushed himself off the Watchtower to follow Hal. He was drifting quite a bit slower than before, but Hal kept pace with him anyway. The others had been able to cover his minimal duties for the day anyway, and they still had at least an hour before their scheduled appointment, so there was no rush. This time, instead of letting Danny phase through the wall or window again Hal was able to coax him into the nearest hatch doors so they could rejoin the others inside the satellite together. Something that Danny didn’t mind at all since he wanted to experience the mechanical side of entering and leaving space, but also because he wasn’t quite sure where they were in relation to the others. He patiently waited in the chamber as Hal sealed the external doors and triggered the pressurization, curiously watching despite remaining quiet. Once the chamber properly pressurized Danny allowed himself to become tangible again as he let his form touch the floor, then promptly swayed and started to sag to the floor with a worn out half whine half groan. Being in a gravitized space and fully tangible caused his brain to fully register the energy he’d spent, and his body felt heavier than usual white his ribs ached. If Hal hadn’t reached out to grab him he probably would have laid down right where he was.

“Woah there, I got you,” Hal assured, mildly startled at Danny’s reaction and quickly looping a hand around him to support him. He then had to quickly adjust his grip when Danny’s ‘tired teenager’ whine shifted into a pained whimper and he hurriedly reached up to push Hal’s limbs away from his ribs. “Sorry, sorry,” Hal apologized quickly, realizing he had accidentally grabbed Danny where his healing injury was. A chest wound huh? No wonder Bruce had said not to push him. That would be a hard wound to avoid straining if he wanted to support the kid, but Hal wasn’t sure Danny would be up for walking on his own. He seemed much more keen on laying on the floor where he was. So Hal just gave in and scooped Danny up in a front piggyback, earning a soft, amused giggle from the lad. At least he wasn’t the kind to fuss about being carried.

It was in that manner that Hal brought Danny back to the others, who had already reconvened in the dining hall. The remains of their own meals were scattered on the table in front of them, mostly empty dishes and half finished drinks other than the second helping Danielle had.

“There they are- awww. Did you wear him out even though B told you not to?” Stephanie greeted, the first to notice the two since she was facing their way. She had to playfully chide Hal after waving, but also quickly pulled her phone out to snap a picture.

“Hey, Batman only said he was recovering from an injury, not at half tank,” Hal shot back with a mild chuckle, not too upset at the teasing and shifting back to the other thought on his mind. “I’ve learned more about space in the past five hours than I ever did in my entire time in Earth schools,” he half laughed and half complained while bringing Danny over to the space on the bench next to Jazz the others cleared by scooting over.

“You and me both!” Duke laughed.

“Be grateful,” Danielle huffed around a mouthful of food.

“Mmmmmhhh…. This made getting blown to another realm and ending up in a coma worth it…,” Danny half mumbled after being passed to his sister, easily looping his arms around and sagging against her instead with a content hum.

The comment made Hal mentally choke, brows raising significantly as he once again had to reconsider what kind of state the lad was in. “Uhhh, guess I’ll hear more about that later,” he commented, baffled. And then he caught Bruce’s narrowed gaze directed his way and shrank back. “Or never. Never is cool too,” he relented, shrugging and hurrying away to find himself something to eat. This was starting to look like a ‘protective Bats’ situation that he did not want to deal with.

Bruce could only grunt in approval of Hal’s choice to not ask anymore questions, and even excuse himself without further motivation. A noise that was somewhat mimicked by Damian, and that earned an amused chuckle from Stephanie.

“Are you hungry?” Jazz asked Danny, absently rubbing his back as he once again used her for support.

“Mmm…,” Danny hummed again, building the effort to form words. “...A little.”

“Want a sandwich? Or something lighter?”

“Just something to drink, honestly,” Danny requested, grimacing a little as the idea of a sandwich made his currently fussy stomach complain. “I feel like garbage right now.”

The comment earned a few mild chuckles, those on Bruce’s team knowing that Danny probably didn’t feel too bad if he was admitting it so easily. “We’ll be done soon,” Bruce assured.

“The realm scan doesn’t take too long. It’s just processing the data after that could take awhile. You guys don’t need to be involved in that part though,” Tim added to reinforce Bruce’s statement.

“Bet you had fun though,” Stephanie chimed in as Cass quietly returned with a coffee cup full of warm miso soup.

“Mhmmmm,” Danny immediately hummed in confirmation, nodding his head and pulling away from Jazz to accept the cup. “A hundred out of ten, would absolutely do this again,” he laughed, using a finger to tug down his mask to allow him to take a drink. The flavor caused him to blink in surprise, looking down at the cup even though its contents were covered. “Oh, this is good. What is it?” he asked, turning his gaze to Cass since she was the one that had brought it.

“Miso,” Cass answered simply, pleased to see that Danny liked it.

“Oh! This is miso!” Danny gasped in recognition. He’d heard of it before, but this was the first time he’d tasted it. “Yeah, I agree, it’s pretty tasty,” he hummed after taking another sip.

“Told you,” Danielle commented, crumpling the paper that her own second sandwich had been in, now finished. “The authentic stuff is way better than the stuff in America though.”

“Maybe we’ll have to plan a trip when we get back,” Sam mentioned, also curious about the soup.

As Danny gave a hum in non committal agreement, not sure he would have the time for a trip overseas, Bruce spoke up after having gotten a message in the comms. “The Flashes are ready a little early. Let’s head over there so we can get this over with.” He sounded a little grumpy, but he was just wanting to get to a more relaxed location that Danny could rest in again. Somewhere where alerts calling for heroics wouldn’t coax him to participate in more than he could handle yet. Especially when Danny’s response was to give a heavy sigh and mild groan at the idea of relocating.

“Mmhhhhhh gimme a minute to will myself to want to stand up,” he requested, making light of his lingering desire to lay down on the floor.

To his surprise Cass simply leaned over to scoop him up off the bench, earning a startled noise as he flailed his legs and free hand for half a second before he realized what was going on. “I said we would carry you if needed,” she reminded, taking just a moment to adjust her grip while Danny remained frozen in mild shock.

“....Are there any of you who can’t carry me like a jug of milk?” Danny ended up asking, now wondering if he even weighed anything at all to the people in this realm. Did Jazz get slung around so easily too? He knew he was the second shortest of the five, but he didn’t think he was that lightweight. But at this point he was thinking even Damian would be able to run around with him.

“You’re incredibly underweight after everything that’s happened. So at the moment, no, I don’t think there is anyone that can’t carry you,” Tim commented with a wry smile that held a layer of concern.

“Mmh… Fair enough,” Danny relented, accepting his fate to be the resident damsel for now and sipping his soup while Cass brought him to follow the others to the designated labs. They weren’t far compared to other labs in the Watchtower, but it still took a few minutes to reach them. And when they did the doors slid open to a pair of new faces they weren’t expecting. Two teens were gathered around one of the tables with a spread of multiple apple pies between them, and before anyone could comment Conner lowered his slice from where he’d been about to take another bite.

“Well hello there,” Conner greeted, smoothly setting his food down and pulling his phone out before coasting over to Jazz and Danielle. “Can I get some big smiles for the camera? That’s it, up here- Wow! Look at you,” he coaxed, expertly squishing in next to Jazz and looping an arm around her shoulders while holding his phone up for a selfie with the girls, giving a well practiced smile.

“Oh- Uh…,” Jazz stammered, completely caught off guard and unsure what to do at all. The smile she gave was polite, but certainly not one of her best.

“Aw yeah! Get my good side,” Danielle cheered, curling her fist in front of herself for a flex even though her jacket hid her biceps.

“Hey! Me too!” Bart called, zipping over to bump against Danielle, his own pie still in his hand and giving the camera a huge smile just as Conner took the picture.

“Hahaa~ Oh this one looks amazing~”Conner practically sang, pulling to the side and tapping at his phone to look at the picture, already selecting the share option. “What’s your number? I’ll send it to both of you, you both look awesome.”

“Oh. Um,” Jazz stammered again, fidgeting sheepishly. “We… actually don’t have phones right now. Still back in the old home dimension, y’know?”

“Wha? For real? Man what a total bum out,” Conner effortlessly sympathized, “Let me give you my number then. Once you get your phone back you can totes hit me up. How about that?”

“Or I could go get it for you,” Bart chimed in, bouncing next to Conner to look over his arm at the photo. “Aw man, I totally have crumbs on my face. Can we take another one?”

“Okay you two,” Tim interrupted, striding forward to start shoving his friends away. “Let’s stop trying to pick up the new girls before their brother tries to fight you,” he chided, nodding his head to where Danny was glaring daggers at them.

“Hey, I don’t mind a little scrap if the lil guy can take a few punches,” Conner chuckled, easily floating out of range for Tim’s swatting.

“If you can even land any, chump,” Danny scoffed, detaching himself from Cass to float between his sisters and the two flirts.

“Dude, you gotta admit, that pickup was pretty smooth,” Tucker commented, mildly impressed.

“Not helping, Tuck,” Sam scolded, narrowing her eyes at Tucker enough to cause him to flinch away and shield himself.

“Okay okay, point taken,” Tucker relented, shying away from Sam as well as holding a hand up to hide himself from Danny’s livid glare.

“Yeah, no. You guys aren’t fighting unless it’s out in the middle of the ocean or something. I don’t wanna clean up the mess,” Duke chimed in, joining Tim in trying to diffuse the situation. They were confident Danny wouldn’t pull the first punch, but Tim wasn’t sure Conner wouldn’t throw a fist just for fun.

“You’re that confident in this guy’s skills, huh?” Conner prodded, jerking his thumb at Danny and more curious than antagonistic now. If Duke didn’t want them sparring even in the designated wreck rooms then they had to be pretty strong. Which made it all the more tempted to have a tussle with them.

“Phantom was a key factor in the defeat of Deathstroke,” Damian supplied, folding his arms and frowning to hide his mutual interest in seeing the outcome of a spar.

“She also matched me in an arm wrestle!” Jon piped up, raising his hand and finally breaking away from having been stealing some pie to float up to Conner.

“Eyyyy little man! Finally decided to greet me huh?” Conner teased, reaching out to ruffle Jon’s hair before they exchanged a series of hand shakes. “Deathstroke and you, huh? Now I’m really curious.”

“You’re the one that ignored me first for some girls,” Jon huffed quietly, not wanting to interrupt Danielle.

“People tend to start being obedient if you threaten to rip out organs,” Danielle commented, joining the two boys in the air. “Can I still have your number? I’d love to have an on call sparring partner.”

“Hey f’real?” Conner questioned, having not expected to get a sparring partner from that exchange. When Danielle nodded he could only laugh. “Aight, dope. Lemme get that paper and write you a love note,” he chuckled, giving Danielle a wink and earning a hiss from Danny that Conner ignored in favor of speeding away to get a paper and pen.

“Why are you two even here?” Tim asked when Conner returned, resting a hand on Danny’s shoulder to calm him. “Don’t take it seriously. He’s just like that.”

“We heard it was ‘visit your family at work day’ today, so we decided to stop by,” Conner explained, jerking a thumb towards Jon and then between himself and Bart. “Then Ma decided to make like seven apple pies, so at that point there was no bailing out. You all better eat some, I’m not carrying them home.”

“Oh, in that case,” Tucker agreed, easily stepping forward to get a piece. All of Bruce’s kids who were there also lined up to grab a piece for themselves, and by that time Barry joined them from the next door room.

“Holding up my guests I see,” Barry teased, but also grabbed his own, second slice of pie.

“Just getting to know them. And sharing pie,” Bart chimed, another piece disappearing into his mouth.

“Well at least they won’t be bored,” Wally chuckled, joining them, and reaching out to ruffle Danny’s hair. “Good to see you up and about.”

“Glad to be out of bed myself,” Danny agreed. “Might have dragged myself out sooner if you guys had mentioned I could come see space in person.”

That earned a laugh from several of the people in the room, even though they knew it wouldn’t have actually made a difference. Surprising Danny had been much more worth it anyway.

“We’ll take you guys one at a time. The first one might be a little longer though. Calibrating can take a bit,” Barry directed to get things moving.

“What do you need me to do?” Jazz asked, volunteering to go first since she wasn’t sure what exactly was going to happen, and didn’t want anything to go wrong with the others.

“Stand there and keep looking gorgeous,” Conner chimed in quickly, earning a chiding swat from Tim. “What? I’m serious. They just have to stand in the middle of the reader, and she’s gorgeous.”

“Well, they can also sit, but he’s not wrong,” Barry chuckled helplessly. “C’mon, it’s right over here. Just try to stay mostly still and I’ll take care of the rest,” he directed, guiding Jazz over to a device that was mostly an open platform with a slightly wide ring at the ready above.

It really was a boring process. They had a stool for Jazz to sit on, and once she was in place the ring dropped to pass over her, then rose, and dropped again to stay somewhat in the middle of her. And then it was a stretch of time of her just patiently waiting as Barry and Wally manipulated the machine to capture as clear of readings as they could. The first participant took the longest, and after they finally got what they could with Jazz they moved through the others. Danielle and Danny went last, with Danielle going before Danny because their readings ended up somewhat mixed. Which Barry and Wally had half expected after talking to Raven about the two of them being claimed by the Liminal Realm as well as their original one.

The whole appointment took a few more hours, but Conner and Bart were more than happy to keep everyone occupied. Having to explain the family relations Conner had mentioned earlier, and correct them that no, Wally and Barry weren’t blood related, but Barry and Bart were. And after Conner made a comment about “We tried the whole dad thing, but it was suuuper awkward. So we’ve settled for being brothers.” about him and Clark, Tim had nudged Conner and Danielle into realizing they were both clones with a very similar heritage. Which got them both laughing and even more on board with keeping in touch. It was something that caused Danny’s opinion of Conner to soften somewhat, and he reluctantly accepted the idea of the guy hanging out with his sisters if it gave Danielle someone to genuinely connect with.

By the time Barry and Wally had gathered as much data as they could, Danny was dozing on the stool. And as soon as they were given the go ahead to take everyone back to the manor Stephanie rushed ahead with a quick ‘My turn!’ and scooped Danny up, earning a sleepy but amused snort from the lad. Now they just had to wait the two to three estimated days for the analysis of the data before they could theoretically be on their way back home. It was both exciting, and nerve wracking to think about.

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This one ended up quite long and a bit summarized at the end because I'm too eager to get to the next parts to want to draw another pic X'D That and I've been extremely distracted by my own original story I'm co authoring with NaBa, as well as certain blue, and black and red hedghogs >3> Trying to be good an actually finish this one before getting fully distracted XD

By request I pulled Conner in for this chapter, and then dragged Bart in with him 'cause they seem to be glued at the hip and I personally really like Bart. Thank you to everyone that info dumped on me about Conner XD He's a delightful lil shet

I hope you guys have enjoyed the super happy chapters while they've lasted XD I think I have like... 5 or 6 key events left

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Tag list: @galaxy-sharks-and-bottled-ships, @starscreamlover, @nerdynonnativenarnian, @dragongoblet, @megacharizardx99

@bellathecatastrophe, @cj-ghostemoji-destielpie, @asexual-insomniac, @wolfeyedwitch, @tkiesai, 

@fanaroff, @raven1508, @nebulainajar, @serasvictoria02, @oliocelottafanfics,

@honeysuckletook, @omniithe-deer, @wolf-under-the-stars, @gingernutcalo, @that-random-fangirl,

@op-sys-chaos, @kirasigncomics, @ehobep, @paranoid-ira, @nomaru666

[vatelixx]

There will be no soft epilogue,

Post-prison (traumatised) Spencer Reid x afab!BAU reader

More angst than smut (i hurt myself in the process, we all suffer), but there’s still copious amounts of both. Explorations of Spencer’s trauma & his anger in relation. Autistic Spencer is a given, even if it’s not touched upon explicitly (its indisputably canon to me).

Warnings: heavy sub spencer (confirmed me classic), corruption kink (idk how i managed to sneak that one in here), possessive undertones (eg, mentions of owning), praise kink, choking, Spencer is so in love it might actually be fatal, lots (lots) of begging, Reader is mean but low-key submissive to him in an emotional sense. They’re both damaged, but its okay, bcos they’ve romanticised it.

w.c: 4.9k

a/n: sorry, my hiatus went on for longer than i initially expected. i was just burnt out and evil. there wasn’t supposed to be smut in this, but i’m clearly the biggest whore around.

────────────

Spencer used to think he knew everything. That there wasn’t a piece of information too obscure, too intricate that his brain, his renowned, academically awarded, brain couldn’t comprehend. Maybe he was naive, or maybe, maybe there was less fault in his logic, and more fault in his decisions. Decisions that tarnished his youth, that slowly tore away at him, year by year, until there was nothing left of him to be remembered by.

Everything hurts tonight. And sure, he’s angry again, angry at himself, at what he experienced, the weight of the job that stifled the soft parts of him, and the weight of who he is now. He can’t look in the mirror anymore, stare back at the waning reflection, the reflection that is supposed to be him. But it’s not. God, it’s not.

He wants to be whole again, untainted, free from resent, the BAU’s fresh meat. Wide-eyed and credulous, trusting himself to always be clean. He wants to go back to the time when his life orbited around chess, halloween, that late hour of night when he could bury himself in academia. When everything felt untouchable and timeless.

Your concern is justifiable. The BAU’s concern is justifiable. And yet, it’s not enough, a string of ‘im here for you’ texts aren’t going to ease the weight of his trauma, nor will any form of pity.

When you show up at his apartment, it’s late. 3AM. There’s no legitimate excuse for your impromptu reason, no vindicable reason that could explain why you’re here. It’s sick to say you ‘had a feeling’, to reduce this to gut instincts, maybe you can get away with that on the field, but not here.

He gave you a key last year. It’s so morbid, to think back. To not look forward. When the door clicks open, there’s misplaced relief; at least he wasn’t cruel enough to change the locks. Even though he is admittedly cruel enough to refuse your calls.

“It’s me,” you say, deftly avoiding a stack of books. “Not an intruder. Well, technically, in a court of law, I could probably be tried as one.” you huff out a sigh, “But that’s unnecessary information. Hopefully.”

Spencer’s head has been pounding for hours, or maybe days, its hard to distinguish the weeks lately. Time is a construct that he can no longer keep accurate track of.

“An intruder wouldn’t announce themselves,” he retorts. Sat on the floor, with his back pressed against the couch, he feels heavy. Sinking. Like there is a part of him that is tethered to the ground, tugging and tugging him lower with every breath.

You remove your jacket, brown leather, scuffed with age and use, draping it over his couch.

He doesn’t look at you, nor the mess that has fermented his apartment. Files and novels and the collection of magazines (monthly subscriptions to Space News, Smithsonian, Science I am) are scattered everywhere, piled in mounds.

“I’m assuming you came to check up on me?” he continues, dropping his face to his knees. “You could’ve saved yourself the drive.”

“Fuck,” you mutter, stumbling into some books, and only because he would once keel over and die at their current mistreatment, you take additional care to place them on a… moderately uncluttered surface. “I’m hiring you a cleaner for christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to me,” he mumbles, raising his head to watch you now — tracking your movements carefully, observing the way you interact with his possessions. Your presence reminds him of before, late nights and movie marathons. His exasperation when you’d ask ‘Why are they fighting? It’s been 10 minutes…’ in relation to Star Wars. It was so domestic, warm. Something real he could keep.

Back when you’d stumble into his apartment at any time of night, and he’d take your abrupt appearance with a grain of salt. When you would waste hours speaking over the TV, providing lazy commentary, profiling characters and his ceaseless string of facts.

He wants to go back to those nights, take me back, he begs. Because he’s still not sure how to exist alongside you anymore.

“Good luck finding a cleaner who will step foot in here.” he continues.

You move to sit down beside him. One knee pulled to your chest, the other outstretched, just narrowly avoiding a chair that has taken a substantial fall.

You laugh. It feels empty. “I’d probably have to threaten them.“

“Threatening minimum wage workers? You’re a good addition to the FBI.”

“Shut up.” you retort, tilting your head back to stare at the ceiling. Everything is heavy tonight. It’s so late that the tangible feels intangible, shadows obscuring the area, diminishing the dim-light that filters through the window.

When you look at him again, he feels like breaking.

Because of course, of course, he’s hyper-aware of your stare. Has been since the moment you walked into his apartment. He’s not oblivious to your observation, scrutinisation, the way you look at him like he might break under your gaze. Or maybe he’s broken already, and you’re just here to mourn over the pieces of everything he once was.

He stares too; following the sharp outline of your profile, the way the shadows play over your features.

He thinks you still look terrifying.

Maybe that’s the worst part. He always loved you. It’s not like it was an immediate reckoning. Something blunt and fast, serrated like the shiv that penetrated his leg in prison. It was slow-burning, born from years of close contact.

It didn’t just transpire one day. You had to work for it, and he had to work harder to deny it.

There’s another attempt at conversation, on your part, and then silence, on his part. It’s stifling, uncharacteristic— no, not uncharacteristic. This is an element to you now. Awkward, strained pauses. Nothing to fill the space, nothing to ease the prevalent emptiness that centres around your dynamic.

It hurts. you’ll both take the pain. Bare it the way you were taught to.

“I came here for me,” your voice interrupts that uneasy silence, “I’m not trying to stage a bullshit intervention, or… or spend the next few hours following you around like a shadow, just in case you do something self-destructive.” You shift, turning your body to face him now. “This is for me. Okay?”

“For you?” He repeats, and the words sound bitter, cynical, tired. No fight left. “How selfish of me to think you were here for my benefit.”

It’s not like you can survive by being soft-hearted. Not in the BAU. You watched aspects of him die, or at least suffocate, year after year, case after case, when the weight of the job caught up to the fragility of his boyish demeanour. He used to sit, cross-legged on tables, rambling to you about books, constellations, the fact that the milky way will inevitably collide with the andromeda galaxy.

Now, he sits on the floor and hurts you.

“I’m always here for your benefit. It’s pretty pathetic. I can only call, or text, so many times before I get the silent message to just fuck off.”

Spencer doesn’t think he’ll be content until he digs his nails into everything he once loved, claw at the mess until it destroys. Destroys, the way he was destroyed. But he can’t find anger when it comes to you.

Parts of him, the old him, will always haunt, he supposes.

“I don’t think you’ve ever received the message to.. ‘fuck off’. Not from me. Just… maybe i’m not the person you knew before.” he looks down at his calloused hands. He hates meeting your gaze. Hates being the cause of your hurt. He feels like heavy baggage. “I— just, maybe, this version isn’t compatible with you anymore.”

I don’t want you to see me like this, he thinks.

“How can you say that?” you scoff. “How can you say that when you haven’t even tried?” The idea that the him now is so disparate to the him before?

Bull-shit.

“Okay Spencer,” you stand up, retrieving your jacket. “Why don’t you pick up the phone and actually, maybe, I don’t know? Call me? When you think we might be ‘compatible’ again? Because it seems like you’re too busy in your own self-deprecating mind-fuck to realise the person I loved is still there. That i’m still here. Even now.”

It hurts when you talk like that. Sharp, assertive, logical. And then he remembers that’s your profession, your job. Because you’re trained to be this way. Trained to break down and analyse, to pick apart the intricacies of the human mind.

He wishes he could be who you want him to be.

He wishes he could go back.

“So you don’t love me anymore?” he asks, standing up to watch you leave. He’s looking at you with these god-awful doe-eyes, like he might crumble under your response.

You could deal with the sharp-cutting words, the ugly parts he’s unsheathed in the aftermath of prison, if there was any indication he still cared. You were built to withstand affliction, it’s written into the BAU’s job description. But this? This feels like retribution.

He’s standing there, so close, so close that you could reach out and touch. Feel warm skin beneath your palms. Bridge the gap, extend an olive branch.

But there’s fear in being rejected. Because if he turns away, recoils from the contact, everything remaining will fall apart.

So, you lean against the closed door. You’re not sure why you came here now, it’s clear you miss something that you can never have back. “It’s hard to love someone who doesn’t even want me around.”

You say it, and he thinks maybe he hates you. He hates how well you can read him, how easily you can say exactly what he needs, when he isn’t ready to hear it.

But he’s just…. so angry, indignant about the hurt he experienced, the pain that was inflicted on him. He was soft and no one protected him, no one tried to preserve that virtue, to take measures, any form of initiative, to prevent him from growing thorns.

He’s dedicated his purpose to helping others. Sacrificing time he’ll never gain back. Putting his own life on hold. And yet, no one could do the same for him.

Instead they, you, the BAU, everyone inbetween, look at him like he’s a martyr. Just another failed creation. Something to sit in the ‘almosts,’ wasted potential, failed hope. He’s never understood Elle more than he does now.

He doesn’t know how to be. “You never loved me the way I love you.”

Faithful to a fault, his devotion has always been an open wound. Something messy and desperate, begging please, please notice me.

“You were always there,” he continues, “you were always present. You cared, you were empathetic, you checked in. But you never loved me the way i love you.”

He can’t hate someone for not loving him back. Sometimes, he wishes it was morally acceptable. To imagine your face as he pulls the trigger, to think of you during target practice. He’s wasted so many years, wishing you saw him as something more than a friend.

Oh, and you’ve been such a good friend. That’s what makes it sick. His best friend, the type that belongs fictionalised, too idealistic for real life. He finally had something good, and he tainted it with his own greedy heart.

You don’t understand. Until you do.

Sometimes its sick to think about him, Spencer Reid. The prodigy who inadvertently stumbled into the grasps of the BAU. Who immolated himself again and again for the ‘greater good’, for the sake of strangers, victims, people he’ll never know.

You watched self-sacrifice become self-annihilation.

Now, you watch the aftermath of it stand before you. “Who says I didn’t? Who says I don’t?” you respond exasperatedly; he’s always been so obstinate, so set in the notion that he will never obtain, keep anything good. The deprivation is sabotaging, lethal.

And how dare you? How dare you say this to him now? How dare you present a slither, just a minuscule indication that years of aching want might’ve been required. A year ago, he would’ve bled himself dry for this confession. Now, he can only mourn for his younger self. The one that didn’t realise he’d get a chance at everything. Because you, for better sake of the word, are everything.

He’s tired. He’s been tired since he was fifteen, no, younger… since he was ten, when he came to the bleak realisation that his whole life would be dedicated to academics, the pursuit of intellectual prowess. He was never a person to people. He was a brain, a textbook, a source of information. Some sort of tool to be wielded until use was no longer required.

And sure, all of it was fine, he could take take take it all, when he was younger. When he was naive, believing that he would only be valuable for his brain, that he could never have more, so he’d have to settle on scraps.

“Don’t— Don’t lie to me. Don’t spare my feelings, just.. because i’m like this. I can take care of myself.”

He wants you to be honest. He wants you to be blunt and harsh and cruel. He can take the hit, the rejection, if it’s the truth. He doesn’t want you to placate him. To make him feel better, to build more lies in order to soften the burn. He can take it. Just like he’s taken everything else over the years.

“No.” you respond.

“No?” he repeats, letting out a sharp breath. “No. Right— because that makes sense.”

“Spencer.” he looks drained when his features soften. “Shut the fuck up and come here.”

He complies, it’s actually embarrassing, obscene, downright pitying, how fast he complies. Just like he did, years prior. When your arms snake around his waist, when you’re touching him after months of abstinence, he melts.

Im sorry, Im sorry, he keeps repeating. Voice muffled, face buried deep into the crook of your neck. He’s not sure why he’s apologising. Maybe for the lack of communication, for being so distant, or maybe it’s just because he’s such a heavy weight to bare, and you’re still here. Still holding him up, taking the strain, pushing through the truculence. He just wants you to love him still.

Your hand cards through dishevelled hair, curls messy and unkept. “Stop apologising. I hate fighting with you.”

“You’ll stay right?” he asks when you draw back. He’s cupping your face now, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. It’s inherently desperate, the way he looks at you. Creased features, parted lips. “Just, like… forever?”

You want to laugh, “No big deal, huh?”

“Just a small insignificant question, really.” there’s a smile. Something contained, forced, an attempt at finding humour in the bleak.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s—“ he stutters, “That’s all you have to say? I ask you to stay forever, and you just say yes.”

“Does that come as a surprise?”

“Yes.”

When you kiss him, there’s ache. Because he’s so weak for you, ruined in every sense. It’s always been this way, ever since he met you. There can be no one else, when you’re around. There can be no one else, point blank period. Moving on has never been an option when you still breathe. His palm cups your jaw, tilting your lips to meet him again, and he wants.

There was always a principle. A set law to never show his want. But he does now.

The kiss deepens, you’ve both grown callouses from the job. He wonders how rough you might be, underneath the pretence of apathy. Stumbling together, his hand grips the back of your head as he tries to swallow your mouth. To find the root of himself, everything that has kept him alive. You, you have kept him alive.

“Don’t go.” he begs. He’s not afraid to plead for it. He’ll reduce himself to humiliation, if it’ll reward him another hour. “Please— please just stay.”

“I already said I would,” you tug him closer, closer in a way that has him sighing.

Later, when you’re guiding him to bed, he lets you undress him, because he doesn’t want to see the bruises. He doesn’t want to see the evidence of what he endured, the lasting remnants.

Instead, he watches you.

Your hands. Your face. The slope of your nose, the way your eyes glance at his body. He tries not to think about what you must see.

He focuses on how your fingertips feel tracing his hips, instead. Focuses on your words, “Do you really think I’d still be here if I didn’t love you? If I wasn’t in love with you…”

This is the confession he’s waited lifetimes for. Excuse his skepticism. “I don’t know. Maybe you just have a saviour complex.”

His body is marred. Mauve bruises lining tired skin. The colour darkens around the hollow bone of his hip. You’ve both endured injuries before, taken the worst of the job. He drags his fingers over your chest, lingering around section 8 of your upper anatomy, a green area to the traditional silhouette target. A few inches below, the bullet you took last year would’ve been fatal.

Spencer was the one to find you. In an abandoned warehouse, applying pressure to the wound. Ripped sleeves, cloth stained crimson, attempting to stem the blood flow.

You can still remember his panicked comments now. The way he checked for a collapsed lung, monitoring each breath, stammering on about tension pneumothorax and probabilities of life. Everything was based on chance, if the bullet avoided major organs. If the bullet curved strategic anatomical structures.

There’s something intimate to the knowledge, the romanticised ideal that you’ve seen the worst of each other.

“You love me,” he repeats, like he needs time to accept that it’s never been one sided. “Well, I love you more, so I win.”

When you kiss his brow, whisper that he’s an idiot, he exhales, pushing into the warmth. His hands are shaky, fumbling as they work to repay the favour, extracting clothes from your frame.

You watch as he drops to his knees, staring up at you with something akin to worship. He knows he will pay for this later. He pays for it all. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, “Are you aware of how long i’ve waited for this?”

He unhooks your panties, coaxes your body to the edge of the bed. Legs draped over his shoulders, his breath is warm, slow, measured contact as he drags his swollen lips along your skin. A trail of kisses, travelling from hipbone to inner thigh.

“You’re the only thing I’ve thought about since I joined the BAU,” he sounds so pained. Like there’s anguish to his undying commitment. “Do you know how impressive that is? Your whole existence has the capacity to just… derail me.”

“Spencer,”

“Yeah,” he sighs, eyes falling shut, “Keep saying my name..”

There’s a litter of fading marks engrained into you now, from his mouth. When he reaches your clit, it takes all of his strained control to not lie you flat against the bed and bury his face.

Instead, there’s measured halos, he flattens his tongue, catching sensitive nerves with wet pressure, your hips push forward, breathless noises stifled by the bite to your bottom lip.

“Feels s’good,” you slur when his movements pick up, praise falling easy from your mouth. “You’re so good.”

He whimpers once, and then once more when your hand finds his head, sinking into tousled auburn hair. When your fingers reach the root and tug him closer until all he can breathe is you.

It’s a directing force, one that abolishes all thoughts beyond you.

He’s not sure he’ll ever recover from this. Because he can’t love easy. He’ll probably spend the next decade reciting each detail of this moment to himself.

You’re splayed out across dishevelled linen, bedding that holds traces of him. Cedar-wood, coffee, that soft press of freshly washed cotton. You pull harder, a litany of moans spilling from parted lips. A mess of sounds and stimulation, he pauses to drag his tongue across the length of your stained inner thigh before pliantly returning to your clit.

“Spence— fuck, just like that..” your back arches off the mattress, hips canting, bucking forward into his mouth to deepen the friction. It’s hedonistic, greedy, the way you push for more, even when he’s demeaned to his knees, giving you everything.

He groans when you take his middle and ring finger. When he can feel tight heat wrapped around his digits. Anatomy has always been his favourite subject, he’s mastered the art of locating erogenous zones. His fingers curve, and you respond irrationally.

Your thighs are gripping his head now, ensuring he remains locked, and Spencer’s not sure suffocation has ever sounded so good. Because his scalp aches from your sharp hands, and you’re pulling hard enough to warrant tears. He whines, in response, stuttering out fractured oh’s with every lap of his tongue.

“Gonna…” you warn, and he pushes your hips down into the mattress and fucks you through the orgasm. The pulse of your clit, drawn into his mouth, and the clench of muscle around his fingers as you burn with pleasure. Synapses in overdrive, stars staining beneath your closed eyes.

In the aftermath, he takes his time to clean up his own mess. To catch his breath, to not to think about his own arousal. How untouched he is, after all this time.

Climbing the length of your body, he presses kisses to your torso, over every part of you that he hasn’t grazed before.

He stops his ascent at the base of your neck, a soft kiss between your breasts and another on each of your nipples.

“I think I win,” he mutters. “Again.”

Simple words. He’s masochistic, desperate to be put back in his place. You’ve never had an issue with that.

You laugh, albeit breathlessly. “Cute that you assume I would ever let you win.”

He moans, fracturing in two, as your hand drags down his skin. He feels like he’s been hard for centuries. Never finding release. His body doesn’t obey, if it’s not you. When your thumb rolls over his tip, collecting pre-cum, he keens. Lying face to face, his forehead presses to your own, meeting your stare with this helpless, flushed look of need.

He’s too touch-starved to be embarrassed. “Please,”

“Shh,” you muffle his begs, smearing his bottom lip with his own pre-cum before pushing the digit into his mouth. “I don’t think you want to win.” he won’t protest truth, “I think you’re trying to bait me into proving you wrong.” the way he squirms, whimpers, breathless to the pleasure. “Such a whore…”

He can’t find fault in that. “Only for you,” he mutters, “Exclusively for you.”

He pushes forward, catching your lips with his own. It’s a messy kiss. Something that resembles younger him. It’s not like he’s garnered excessive experience since then. Sex, bodies, contact has never been his field of expertise.

It doesn’t help that he’s wasted half of his life aching for you.

“Prove me wrong,” he mutters against your mouth, “All the time. Every single day.”

The way your hand wraps around his cock, the long strokes that graze a need he’s never quite reached himself,.. it’s all torturous. There’s nothing soft in his response, because he bucks forward, into the warmth of your hold, whining like he belongs in porn.

“No, no.. please..” he pleads when you draw back. Though any further protests, soft breathless attempts at coercion, are cut short when you straddle his waist. Legs draped, guiding his tip between folds to graze your clit.

Being corrupted, taken, isn’t something he felt he would experience at his age. But, here he is… 

“Slow,” you command, taking him by the inch. It’s a gradual descend, stretching to accommodate his length.

By the time he’s bottomed out, he looks gone. Mouth half-parted, hollow-lidded eyes, debauched expression as he struggles to breathe. “Slow,” he repeats, as if that word has any good over him now. Everything is static beyond his hips, pushing forward to meet the drag of your own.

He feels raw, uncut, exposed in new ways. Ways that only you can coax out of him.

“You feel… so good,” he mutters, breathless, between a jumble of oh oh oh’s. You rock against him, carving pleasure, and it’s so unfair. Because he’s not supposed to be ruined already.

He can only handle the sight of you, draped over him for so long; his hands snake around your waist, using the hold to drag you both up. Leant against the bed frame. A momentary lapse in movement. “Hi.” he says, coy. “Hi, you’re so beautiful..” his lips meet your neck.

There are parts of you that he believed he would never uncover.

You scoff, “You’re going soft on me here.”

“Are you sure? Because from where i’m sat, I’d beg to differ—“ his words are destroyed by the force of your movements.

He feels warm, in ways that are so intrinsic that the feeling could border on religious. Your hips sink against his, and the contact is enough to drive him mad. His hands are tangled in hair, guiding you closer, kissing you again, and again until you’re just breathing into each others mouth.

“I’m always soft for you,” he promises between ragged breaths. When you’re close, he still feels he retains a fracture of what he once was.

“Good,” you grab a fistful of hair, watch as he breaks.

“Oh,” he moans, ripping into his own lip. “Oh— please..” To have you on his lap, wrapped around him, gasping into his collar. Your body is the culmination of every fantasy — the clandestine ones he was content to keep buried indefinitely.

You watch as he cups your face, as he forces your eyes to meet his in the diluted light. ‘Please,’ he says, shameless to the words, meeting your stare head-on. ‘Please please please.’

He begs, straight to your face. “Just have me. I want it so bad…”

He feels possessed. Leashed, built for you alone.

“Yeah? Do you want me to own you?” your words are a dragged whisper against his ear, he thinks he might come from just this. “To know that you’re mine alone?”

“Mhm—“ he breathes out, “Yes, fuck— please.”

You wrap your hand around his neck, pressing your thumb to his throat. He wears your grip like a necklace. “Just like that, huh?” his hips twitch, pushing up to bury his cock deeper into you.

You hold. For a few moments, watching as he struggles against the restriction to his airflow. He’s flushed, whining out “Just like that…” when you release.

“Take it, Spencer.” you retort, watching as he groans, head spilling back against the wall, severing the eye contact. “If you’re going to be good for me, take it.”

“Trying— ‘m trying,” he sobs. The words are fragmented, they get caught in a knot of moans and half-whimpers.

His hands, his deft, long fingers, tremble as they drag across your ribs, as they palm your breasts before hooking around your waist to deepen each push of movement.

There’s a reminder, burning through the back of his mind. Because touch has always entailed pain. Bruises, scarring, a reminder that some people are inherently violent, and no matter how soft you are, you can be ripped apart…

He’s not sure if he’s the victim or the antagoniser. He thinks maybe both.

…but when your fingers lace with his own, he loses himself.

His head falls to your shoulder. “Please, im trying..” to take it, to accept the pleasure, to acknowledge that you’re permanent. Something irreversible, a black hole he’ll bet his life on.

“I know, I know. So good, Spence. Just like that.”

He’s never needed praise more than he does now.

“There we go.., i’ve got you.”

“I’m yours,” he sobs, “You know i’m yours. Only ever been yours.”

When he comes, it’s messy. Ruptured whimpers and the arch of his back; he’s faintly aware of you clenching around him, reaching your own orgasm, but everything feels, and it’s so much. A tangle of stimuli that his tired body has grown used to begging for. He spills deep inside of you, marking himself in crevices.

“Why did we waste so much time?” he asks after. When you’re both flushed, lying naked against his mattress. “You could’ve had me when I was better. You could’ve had that version of—“

“Spencer,” you cut off. “I don’t care. There isn’t ‘versions of you,’ that’s dumb.” he wants to laugh at your bluntness. “There’s just.. you. You before prison. And you after. They’re both the same, you haven’t lost yourself. You’re just… stronger now.”

“I don’t want to be stronger.” he says, leaning forward to kiss you. “Teach me how to be weak again.”

You don’t tell him there’s no going back. That he’ll never retain the innocence of what once was. Instead, you just sigh, hand curved around his jaw as you reciprocate the contact. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah,” you respond, “I promise.”

[angel-dustspo]

Hi there! I recently came across your blog and was truly inspired with your dedication to making the best version of yourself so I decided to make my own daily log too!

I've only done it for 2 days so far but I was wondering...what do you do instead of going on your phone😭? Rn it's holidays for me so my screen time has been really bad and I'm looking for ways to improve it. 🙏

Hiii, thank you so so so much for your kind words, they mean so much to me!!! I'm so glad I was able to inspire you and make you wish to become better everyday, that's the whole point of my blog and I'm so glad I get to help people through it!!

I always say in my posts that my screen time isn't high, but by screen time I only mean how much time I spend on social media. Scrolling is out of the question and I don't do that at all anymore, so it's just chatting what I log on here. But that's not all, because my screen time is high every day too. I use my phone for so many more reasons, and I also end up spending most of my free time on it, it's just that I don't use it for scrolling or wasting my time (mostly, not always). I post on here, I do my school work or research, I watch a movie or a youtube video and all sorts of things like that, and the screen time could add up to 5-7 hours on a school day and like 10 on holidays. Nobody has it all figured out, so please don't pressure yourself into completely not using your phone because it's not going to end well.

To be honest, I don't even know what I do besides using my phone hahah. My main hobby is my blog and that takes a lot of my time usually, but I also do my Duolingo and watch inspiring videos and anything like that, so I'm probably always using it (for doing something productive or helpful).

When I don't use my phone, I mostly do school work bcs I'm in my final year and I have to study a lot for my exams. My favourite hobby is reading, and when I don't have homework to do I can read up to 200 pages a day (like 3-4 hours), but I also love listening to music, painting, playing video games (which I actually do everyday haha), baking and cooking. I also spend a lot of my time doing sport and walking and just that alone can take me multiple hours of a day.

Other ideas are journaling or scrapbooking, cleaning your room, redecorating, writing posts on here, learning an instrument/a language, researching, learning how to crochet, going shopping or thrifting, picking up a type of exercise classes or a sport, hanging out with friends, and again learning how to cook for yourself is such a game changer and everybody should practice that.

I hope you got some new ideas about spending your time now and that I was able to help you! Good luck on your self improvement journey, I know you got this and I'm so extremely proud of you!!!! <333

[cptsdstudyblr]

How to Accommodate Yourself in an Office Environment

If you have mental or physical health issues and work in an office like me, you may not want to disclose your health issues for personal reasons. That doesn't mean there are no accommodations you can use - just that you aren't formally requesting them. Below are some examples:

(1) Take your lunch break. I mean it.

If you work in an office, you almost certainly get a lunch break and you are entitled to take it. If you're not sure, it doesn't hurt to confirm with your manager before you start taking your lunch break.

First of all, taking care of yourself is important and is essentially the point of a lunch break. You should always be eating a real lunch and staying hydrated, and taking an actual lunch break helps immensely with this.

It's also a chance to step away from work, people, etc. It gives you and your brain a break and you can add your choice of (reasonable) activity to help with this. I like to watch TikToks during my lunch break because they're quite brainless, but I know some people prefer to stimulate their brain with something non-work related like reading a book. If you don't want to talk to people, make sure you have headphones on even if you aren't listening to anything.

In most offices, you are allowed to leave for lunch. A lot of people go somewhere to buy lunch and eat there, but you can also pack a lunch and eat it elsewhere. I work a couple of blocks from my city's main park, so I often walk down there and eat outside. This is a wonderful reset for me at lunch.

I find that eating lunch doesn't usually take me my whole hour-long break, so I often will get up and do something else after I eat. I love to take a short walk or run a small errand like going to the post office. My building also has a gym, and I know that some of my coworkers opt to go their at lunchtime.

If your office is like me and a lot of people choose not to take their lunch break, it's still okay to take it. I've had great success telling people something like "I find that around lunchtime my brain gets a little fuzzy, and I really need the break to replenish so I can be at my most productive all afternoon" or even just "I find eating lunch a bit distracting and I'd rather be fully focused while I'm working."

(2) Use headphones as a tool.

At nearly every office, earbud-style headphones are allowed and are widely used. Again, if you're not sure, ask your manager.

You don't have to listen to music. You could listen to anything - white noise, podcasts, audiobooks, meditations, etc. You could even listen to nothing if you just want to dull the sound and keep people from talking to you.

If you struggle with the office noise, invest in good-quality, comfortable, noise-cancelling earbuds. If you use them every day, it's worth the cost.

If you want to wear over-ear headphones, I would recommend asking your manager first. Let them know that you find them more conducive to your working environment and wanted to see if they were okay with you using them. These aren't standardly used in office environments, but you may be able to use them if your manager allows you to.

Good quality over-ear headphones can work a lot like ear defenders, but without looking like ear defenders. But again, ask your manager first!

Note: You don't have to tell your manager details when you ask them stuff - you can be vague and just let them know it would make it easier for you to get your work done. For example, if you want to wear over-ear headphones, you could let them know that you like working in silence and haven't found any earbuds that block enough noise for you. Reasonable managers should not take issue with reasonable requests, even if they ultimately deny them.

(3) Your systems are for you. They are meant to accommodate you.

You do not have to use the same systems as your coworkers. You can set up your organisational systems and processes to work for and accommodate you and how you work.

Don't feel pressured to use a system that other people use if it doesn't work for you. You can always say "I've actually tried that and it just didn't work for me. I'm glad it works for you, though!"

A few notes here: (1) Anything you use should be understandable by someone else if necessary, even if they find it a bit odd. (2) Anything you share with other people should be set up as a team or in a standard way. (3) Don't break procedures to do this - work within the bounds of your company's existing setup.

(4) Bathroom breaks are your friend.

In an office setting, people are unlikely to be paying attention to your bathroom breaks. If you feel overwhelmed or ill or just need a minute, go to the bathroom. It's a place to be alone and take a moment to gather yourself.

Try not to be overly excessive with bathroom breaks (so you don't get in trouble), but you can always use an upset stomach as an excuse once in a while if needed.

(5) Minor headaches can be an excuse.

Most people get minor headaches every now and then for simple reasons such as dehydration or a too-tight hairstyle. As long as you don't have a "headache" so often that you will get yourself in trouble, they're a reasonable excuse for when you're really struggling and can't hide it. For example:

Brain fog or dissociating - sorry, my head hurts and it's making it really hard to focus.

Some other pain - it's still pain, just elsewhere.

And other similar excuses.

Depending on your office environment, you may also be able to use a headache as an excuse to go get some fresh air if you're desperate.

(6) If you get sick days, you are allowed to use them.

(7) Most people have some sort of quirks or issues - and so do you.

"Sorry, I'm a little weird about [thing]. Do you mind if [other thing]?" goes a long way towards getting what you need. An easy example is "Sorry, I'm a little weird with hugs. Do you mind if we shake hands instead? Thanks!"

Also, even people without illnesses experience things sometimes. For example, if something makes you anxious, just let people know you're nervous in the situation. "Sorry, I'm just a little nervous right now." or "Sorry, I'm not a good public speaker." goes a long way. Or if you have a GI condition, it's okay to let people know you have "a sensitive stomach" - some of them will probably understand and it's a normal enough thing to not come off strange. One of my favourites is "Apologies, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Give me a few seconds to collect my thoughts, and I'll get right back to you."

(8) If you have a trusted friend/coworker, confide in them.

You don't have to tell them everything, but it's good to have someone on your side and who will check in with you if needed. My best work friend will also back me up on requests like over-ear headphones by pointing out that she would love the option as well, even if she doesn't actually care.

(9) Take note of what days/times are worse for you and schedule easier tasks during those times if possible.

(10) Learn to politely ask for clarification.

This is a fine line - a lot of people really don't like being asked for clarification. A best practice to avoid pissing people off is to put the blame for needing clarification on you.

For example:

"Apologies, let me make sure I heard you correctly. [Repeat back what you think they said]."

"Sorry, my brain's not working well today! Do you mind repeating that so I can make sure I got it?"

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What was that last part?"

All in all, many accommodations are things you can do for yourself or without disclosing a diagnosis, especially if you have a good manager. Please also take care not to misrepresent yourself as having a disability you don't have. Take care of yourself and set yourself up for success! 🖤

[luxcuriousao3]

Dove (A Zombie!Ghost Story) Chapter Twelve

Summary: “‘rrrreeetttyyyy…” The mangled word came from deep in his chest, rumbling out in a low, gravelly voice. Lelia’s cheeks grew rosy and she bit her lip, trying and failing to hide a smile. Simon’s hand smoothed over her bare shoulder and down her arm to clumsily play with the delicate pearl sleeve. He could break it so easily—could tear the dress off of her in a second and throw her onto the bed, have her naked and vulnerable beneath him. She would be his to claim. His to devour. Word Count: 3692 Warnings: no smut but Ghost has horny thoughts as usual, mentions of past abuse Notes: This chapter is the last one I have pre-written (well, the last one in order I have pre written, i have some later chapters/scenes written to but I need to write the connecting parts still), and the semester starts tomorrow, so I don't know if I will be able to update again next Sunday. I hope to be able to, but it all depends on how difficult this first week is, and if I can figure out what I want to write next lol. I have ideas/plans but I'm struggling with the execution a bit. If any of you guys have ideas/scenes you'd like to see, feel free to comment them, it helps me organize my own thoughts and is very motivating. Oh, and the dress Lelia finds in this chapter is based off of Padme Amidala's nightgown from ROTS lol. I love that dress. All dividers were made by @/sweetmelodygraphics (original post here). The zombie divider indicates the text below is Ghost's POV, the dove divider inidcates Lelia's POV. The combined dove and zombie divider represents a time skip but not a POV change. I still have no beta for this fic so all SPAG and consistency errors are my own, feel free to point them out. Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

AO3 | Masterlist

Nearly a week had passed, and the snowstorm still hadn’t let up.

Ghost scavenged for supplies everyday, clearing more and more of the village as he did. On the fifth day, he found a cottage that was in nearly perfect shape, with an actual working fireplace. He’d given into Lelia’s begging a few nights ago to try and light a fire in the current cottage they were holed up in, unable to stand seeing her shiver constantly, only to find that it had been sealed off. She had been devastated, but hadn’t complained. The only reason he knew she was still freezing was because she couldn’t keep her teeth from chattering all night. She’d tried to muffle the sound by pressing her face into the fur of the teddy bear he’d found for her the day after she’d told him about the one her ex-husband had thrown away—her face had sort of crumpled in on itself when he presented it to her, but she’d hugged him for hours without letting go, and snuggled with it every night since then, so he was sure she liked it—but it didn’t make much of a difference, not with his enhanced hearing.

But in this new cottage, there was even a clawfoot tub that his dove could take a hot bath in, if they warmed some buckets of water on the wood burning stove first. It was perfect, and he couldn’t wait to show her.

It was dark by the time he got back, though, so the move had to wait until morning. Like hell he’d risk her stumbling around outside in the dead of night. Lelia was none too pleased when he woke her up early to brave the cold, but she followed him regardless, muttering under her breath about ‘stupid zombies and their stupid ideas.’ He tried bloody hard not to laugh when he heard her, knowing it’d only piss her off more.

He failed.

Thankfully, it didn’t take too long to get to the new house, though they were both soaking wet by the time they got there, and Lelia was shaking like a leaf from the frigid temperatures. He gestured at the fireplace, silently letting Lelia know it worked. She grinned and rushed over after digging out the matchbook from their supplies and shedding her wet layers, setting about to light the fire, just like he’d taught her. He felt a flush of pride at the sight. His dove was a quick learner.

He stripped his own wet layers before joining her, watching her blow gently on the little flame to coax it higher. The firelight flickered across her delicate features, bathing them in a soft, orange glow.

Fucking hell, he would never get over how beautiful she was.

He grunted in approval when the flames in the hearth began to crackle loudly, and a pleased grin spread across her face. He knew she liked the praise. Made him wonder how she’d react to being lavished with compliments in bed.

Such a good girl for me, Dove, takin’ my cock so well. Look at you, you gorgeous little thing, gonna fuck all the thoughts outta that pretty head of yours, hmm?

Ghost didn’t need to breathe, but he sucked in a rattling breath anyway to clear his head. This was a hunger that he couldn’t satisfy with the flesh of some furry creature. He'd eaten just yesterday—but not before he’d banished himself from the house for a couple days. The blizzard had kept him from being able to hunt before Lelia started looking irresistibly delicious—in a less human way. She’d been loud about her displeasure of having to watch him sit on the stoop of the house like a stray dog, surrounded by snow drifts, white powder covering him in a blanket every morning when he came out of his nightly almost-meditation. But he hadn’t budged, and she hadn’t pushed—though she’d insisted on him joining her in bed last night, layers of blankets between them so she could cuddle up to him.

He hadn’t protested, of course—with a full belly, he’d get as close to Lelia as she let him. She didn’t always want him in the room while she slept, but he no longer took it personally, knowing what he did about her past. Just felt honored when she did pull him close and let sleep steal her away.

Like now, when she laid down on the floor in front of the fire, resting her head in his lap. He didn’t twitch, too well trained to let his surprise show. This was a new position for them. For once, he was glad his cock didn't work. Wouldn’t want to scare her if she woke up to it poking her cheek like an overeager mutt.

He kept his hands planted firmly on the plush rug beneath him—at least until Lelia huffed and grabbed the one closest to her, lacing their fingers together and placing their joined hands on her belly. Simon went very still, but his mind ran wild.

Lelia, no longer skin and bones with a concave stomach, but plump and healthy with a round belly, their child snuggled safely inside her, just below her heart.

Lelia, cradling their baby to her breast as it nursed, a soft, adoring smile on her face as she gazed down at the little bundle of joy in her arms.

Lelia, a toddler in her lap as Simon sat behind her, listening attentively as she taught both of them how to read.

Ghost closed his eyes, trying to rid his mind of the bittersweet images. He never hated that zombies couldn’t sleep more than he did then. If he could, then maybe he'd at least get to live that life in his dreams.

The days settled into a routine, now that he’d found a true place for his dove to nest in and wait out the winter. There was a hiccup when he tried to surprise her with a hot bath one morning, only for her to immediately start sobbing and screaming the second she saw the tub filled up with steaming water. It was worse than the episode with the leather jacket, worse than her panicked state after her nightmare. The terror on her face was closer to that of when he first found her—she’d looked like she thought she was going to die.

It had taken hours to calm her down, and though she hadn’t exactly told him why she’d been so afraid—for as much as his dove liked to talk, she was surprisingly good at keeping secrets—he didn’t need to be a genius to put two and two together. Her wariness of the stream all those weeks ago, her downright fear at the river, and her reaction to the bath… it painted a picture that had him tearing apart his next kill far more viciously than usual, imagining it was the people who hurt her.

Other than that, things were surprisingly calm. The snow storm abated only a couple days after they’d moved into the new cottage, and she could join him again on his daily hunts for supplies. With a more permanent base, he no longer had to say no to the less useful—”They’re not junk, Simon!”— things she wanted to keep. The house was soon filled with little animal figurines, make-up, even small, framed pictures of random people. Lelia liked to think up stories about them. They always ended happily, despite both of them knowing those people had probably died gruesome deaths.

But this… this was new.

A delighted squeal from the room across the hall caught his attention. They had been scavenging for around half the day already, but hadn’t yet turned up more than a single can of soup. Ghost was familiar enough with his dove’s excited noises to know that this one didn’t mean she’d found something useful like food or water, but another pretty thing to add to her rapidly growing collection. Rather than being annoyed, though, he kicked his arse into gear and hustled over to her, wanting to see the happy look on her face for himself.

Except at the threshold of the room, he was met by a shifty Lelia, her hands outstretched to stop him.

“Wait,” she said, as if he wasn’t reeling from embarrassment at being so predictable that she knew he’d come running. Bloody hell, the things she did to him. Had him acting like a school boy with a crush rather than a highly trained soldier. “I want it to be a surprise.”

Simon raised a brow beneath his mask, but backed up into the hallway. Lelia giggled before closing the door in his face. He could hear her moving around in the room, the rustle of fabric, and the soft clack of what sounded like beads.

A moment later, his dove opened the door. Backlit by the weak winter sun streaming in from the window, she was a vision as she stood there wearing a big smile and a dress that made his mouth water.

It wasn’t even all that revealing, but somehow, that just drove him crazier. Pale blue and silky, it left Lelia’s shoulders and collarbones bare, but everything below that was covered. At the center of the neckline sat a swirl of white, glowy metal, so delicate-looking Ghost was sure he’d break it with a single touch. Three strands of pearls were draped over the middle of her upper arms, like useless, sexy sleeves.

“Isn’t it just the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen?” Lelia asked, doing a little twirl for him. He swallowed a hungry growl, but he couldn’t help but reach out to run his fingers over the fabric at the small of her back. His dove jumped, but then went still, looking over her shoulder at him, loose auburn curls spilling tantalizingly over her bare skin as big brown doe eyes gazed at him hopefully. “Do you like it?”

Simon knew he should pull away. Instead, he flattened his palm against the base of her spine as he nodded, staring down at her intensely. He stepped closer, crossing the threshold, and his chest burned with arousal as he remembered the sounds of rustling fabric. She’d been naked just a moment ago, the only thing separating him from her was the thin wood of the door—and he hadn’t even known.

His hand slowly dragged up the length of her back, until it finally met bare skin. Lelia shivered from the chill of his skin, but he could see her nipples were stiff beneath the silk, and her sweet, musky scent filled the air. She liked this. She liked how he touched her. And he knew he could make her feel so fucking good…

“‘rrrreeetttyyyy…”

The mangled word came from deep in his chest, rumbling out in a low, gravelly voice. Lelia’s cheeks grew rosy and she bit her lip, trying and failing to hide a smile. Simon’s hand smoothed over her bare shoulder and down her arm to clumsily play with the delicate pearl sleeve. He could break it so easily—could tear the dress off of her in a second and throw her onto the bed, have her naked and vulnerable beneath him. She would be his to claim. His to devour.

With a grunt, he lowered his hand and stepped away, cock aching even though it didn't so much as twitch in his trousers. Christ, this was the worst fucking case of blue balls he’d ever had, and he couldn't even rub one out to make it better.

He was still half tempted to try.

Lelia’s face fell a little, but she quickly recovered, giving him a sheepish, slightly strained look. She said something about needing to focus on finding supplies, then shut the door in his face. The sounds of her getting undressed reached his ears, and he swiftly walked downstairs so he didn't try to take a peek.

Back at the house, Lelia wiped herself down with a clean rag, a bar of soap, and a bowl of water heated on the stove. There were several layers of towels piled below her on the toilet’s tiled floor, as she couldn’t bear to stand in the tub even if it was empty. She had to work quick, as the air was chilly even with the fireplace lit, as she didn’t want to catch a cold. Even a little case of the sniffles could spell her death in this new world.

Washing her hair was the worst part, and she always saved it for last incase it sent her into a panic. She took a deep breath, screwed her eyes shut, held her head over the sink—not the tub, never the tub—and dumped a second bowl of lukewarm water over it. She kept her lips clenched tightly together as the world went foggy, but when she finally let out a breath, unable to hold it any longer, she began to calm when water didn't suddenly rush into her mouth and fill her lungs.

With shaking hands, she worked a little bit of the rose-scented shampoo she’d found through her locks, careful to conserve as much as she could. Who was to say when they’d stumble upon another bottle? Especially one that made her hair all shiny and soft like this one did.

Lelia sighed and mentally prepared herself for the second rinse. Once it was done, she wrapped her wet hair up in a fluffy towel and dried her body off with another before changing into an oversized set of flannels she’d designated as her sleepwear after finding it a week ago. She was tired of sleeping in dirty clothing. She was tired of wearing dirty, ugly clothing in general—she’d picked up a few new shirts and even a new pair of jeans since she and Simon had truly settled into the village, but none of them were her style. Not until the dress today.

Lelia blushed at the memory. She’d been so excited to find such a stunning piece of clothing—but even more so to model it for Simon.

His reaction had taken her breath away. For some reason, the feeling of his bare, cold skin against her own had made her feel hot all over. And the way he’d looked at her…

It had been similar to the way he looked at her when he hadn’t eaten in too long—but not quite the same. There was something more human to it. She almost thought it might have been lust, but there was no cruel glint in his eyes. Lelia had learned that that always came hand in hand with a man’s desire.

The shameful part was that Lelia would have welcomed it. The aching emptiness inside her got worse everyday. She was anxious most of the time now, even more so than usual. Like she was just waiting for someone to stumble across her and take away her choice again. She thought perhaps that was the crux of it—she couldn’t truly bring herself to believe it would never happen again, and so her body was making her crave it. It was telling her to get it over with and have sex, so at least for once, it would be her choice.

None of that made her feel like any less of a whore, though.

Lelia sighed, moving over to the bedroom door and knocking on it to let Simon know she was done. He always hid himself away in there when she bathed, so she could keep the toilet door open and let in the heat from the fireplace. The first time she’d done it, he’d tried to wait outside, but she hadn’t let him. Just because he didn't feel the cold didn't mean he needed to get soaked through with snow.

A moment later, Simon stood in front of her, eyeing the towel on her head warily. She giggled a little. Simon had found out the hard way that her hair was wrapped up in it—she’d fallen asleep with it on, and he’d tried to pull it off to her, only to wake her up as she yelped in pain. He’d been horrified, but once the instinctual fear left her, she’d just found it funny.

She’d also enjoyed him cradling her in his arms and gently petting her hair for an hour straight, like he was trying to apologize to the very strands themselves.

Lelia took Simon’s hand and led him over to the couch, picking up her poetry book and sitting down on the soft cushions. Simon piled several blankets on top of her before joining her, throwing his arm over the backrest so she could curl up against his side.

She paged through the book before she found the poem she’d been looking for. Reading to Simon had become a part of their daily routine since that first time, and they’d gotten through the little book twice now, including the poems in Russian.

The only ones she hadn’t read to him were her own.

She paused, looking up at Simon. He tilted his head in a silent question. She raised a hand to tap her fingers nervously against her lips, but then spoke.

“Would you… would you want to hear a poem that I wrote?” She asked, voice whisper-quiet. “None of mine are very good, but at least it will be something new…”

Simon let out a grunt of agreement, eyes crinkling a bit at the corners and he leaned in closer to her, eager. Lelia blushed, turning back to the book and then flipping to a new page.

“This one is called Springtime,” she started, but then stopped, embarrassment already creeping up on her. She set the book down and pulled the towel off her head, tossing it on the floor and beginning to fiddle with her damp hair. “It’s stupid, I should just read one of the real poems, you don’t want to hear this drivel—”

Cold fingers gently gripped her chin, turning her to face Simon. Lelia’s heart skipped a beat and she looked up at him with wide eyes. He lightly shook her head, like he was trying to shake some sense into her, before letting go. He pointed at her, then at the book in her lap, and then her again. The message was clear. Read the damn poem.

Lelia had never heard Simon swear, but some of his frustrated growls sounded suspiciously close to curses, so she figured that he would if he could.

“It’s very short,” she continued trying to stall, but when Simon growled at her, she raised her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay! I’ll read.

“Into the abyss of love we dove,” Lelia recited, cheeks already bright red, “headfirst; there was no sun for you are my sun. My love, my vision of springtime.

“I told you it was bad,” Lelia muttered, refusing to look at Simon as she burned hotly with humiliation. She’d written it after watching a particularly sappy romance film, when her head was still full of dreams in which the man she married would cherish her rather than destroy her.

“No. Ss’ggoood,” Simon said. He was getting better at speaking—or maybe Lelia was just getting better at understanding him. “Lll— llliike iit.”

Lelia was quiet for a long moment, picking at her cuticles. Simon shifted next to her, placing a hand on top of hers to halt the anxious habit. She let out a deep breath, taking his hand in hers.

“Do you really think so?” She asked softly as she played with his fingers. They were still cold, but they weren’t nearly as stiff as they used to be. They were almost as quick as hers, nowadays.

“Mmmm,” Simon hummed, the sound throaty and a little off-putting. She knew that meant he was trying to soften the noise for her, and her lips tugged up into a small smile. Simon cupped the back of her head with his free hand, and guided it to rest against his chest as he pet her wet hair. Her breath caught in her throat, and he stilled, but she quickly snuggled into him, not wanting him to stop. “Ss’ggoood, Dddoove.”

“I’ve never shown anyone my poems before,” she admitted in a whisper, staring at where their joined hands rested in his lap. “You’re the first.”

Simon’s petting paused for a moment before starting up again, and Lelia realized that she’d surprised him. She huffed a laugh, wiping away an unwelcome tear. It was just that there was a reason no one had ever heard her poems—no one had ever cared enough about her to want to.

Lelia lifted her head, gazing into Simon’s cloudy eyes. The shadows from the flickering fire almost made it seem like there were swirls of onyx dancing in the white irises. Lelia couldn’t help but think that the color suited him.

“You’re the first person to make me truly happy, too” she confessed, voice soft. “I wish I had met you before—” before the world ended. Before you died. Before I was forced to marry Andrew and a part of me died, “Well. Before everything, I suppose.”

Simon stroked her damp hair, and she could see the skin around his eyes tighten and his jaw quiver, a sign that he wanted to say something but wasn’t able to with his limited words. She just smiled at him, reaching up to cup his cheek, absentmindedly using her flannel to wipe away a bit of drool.

“It’s alright,” she soothed him, before yawning and laying her head on his chest once more. She snuggled even closer to him, so she was half in his lap, the fire in the hearth keeping her warm despite Simon’s lack of body heat. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Simon grunted, frustrated, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her into his lap fully. She let out a pleased sound, letting her eyes flutter shut. She was just on the cusp of sleep when he finally spoke, the words making her smile even as they escaped the grasp of her memory.

“Yyyouu are… eeerr’rryy… thhhiinnng… ttoo… ‘eee…”

[napoleonicanimus]

@serikaizumi (this isn't a personal dig at you, I'm just using your comment to further discussion on this.)

I've heard about this theory a few hours after I drew the art in my OG post; I'm pretty sure I saw the original comment that coined it on Reddit, actually. But honestly I just don't think it holds water.

If she really was Astrotrain's love, you'd think he'd have some sort of reaction to being trapped in her body for millions of years, or, y'know, a slice of Cybertron being dropped on her. Or say anything about her at all.

The whole theory just kind of reeks of someone scrambling their brain to think of a female character to pair up Astrotrain with. AFAIK, there are no female Decepticons in the Cartoon G1 continuity (Nightbird included). The Nemesis also just... doesn't have a personality? Her only appearance as a transforming mech is in Legacy (a toyline) and the only reason she really exists is to be a counterpart to the Arc. If it's safe to assume the Arc doesn't transform, I think it's safe to assume the Nemesis doesn't either. And that Astrotrain is a robot bara.

‘My love?’

[tavolgisvist]

With A Little Help From My Friends

Monday, Sept. 14, 1964: Ringo was first off the plane. He emerged from the darkened doorway of the chartered Lockheed Electra around 4:40 p.m. and stepped into the bright sun, which highlighted his sad eyes, rakish sideburns and, of course, that glorious nose. Even from a distance, he was instantly recognizable. The world’s most famous drummer. The shrieking, which had begun long before the plane stopped, reached new heights. Thousands of teenage girls held back by the Greater Pittsburgh Airport’s snow fences squealed, screamed, shoved closed fists into their mouths, grabbed handfuls of their own hair, wept, and generally fell into fits of hysteria. Behind the crowd, a blond boy of about 12 shimmied up a light pole to see the spectacle: The four young men known throughout the civilized world as the Beatles - John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr - were invading his hometown. Ringo started down the stairway to the tarmac. Behind him stepped John, cool in sunglasses and a flashy blue-and-white polka-dot shirt. Then George and finally Paul, who paused at the top of the stairs to point at something. Ringo kept moving, five steps down, the other Beatles following close behind. Then something came flying through the air. Something red and the size of a fist. Ringo moved instinctively. He ducked, covered his head with his left arm and, less than a second later, sprang back upright as if nothing had happened.

He never paused in his descent, or changed his expression. He simply continued down and then calmly waded into a crowd of reporters, photographers, police officers and guys in work shirts and hard hats. A reporter named Al McDowell from KDKA-TV approached Ringo. “What’s that stuff they were throwing?” McDowell asked. “Looked like a tomato, to me,” Ringo responded, pronouncing it toe-mah-toe in his thick Liverpool accent. “It’s always the same, you got a couple of lunatics in a couple of thousand … .”

(The Beatles in the 'Burgh, 1964, Steve Mellon for Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

The song 'With A Little Help From My Friends' was written specifically for me, but they had one line that I wouldn't sing. It was: 'What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and throw tomatoes at me?' I said, 'There's not a chance in hell am I going to sing rhis line,' because we still had lots of really deep memories of the kids throwing jelly beans and toys on stage; and I thought that if we ever did get out there again, I was not going to be bombarded with tomatoes.

(Ringo Starr, The Beatles Anthology, 2000)

Poking a little fun at Ringo was actually a lof of fun. ‘What would you do if I sang out of tune?’

(Paul McCartney, The Lyric, 2021)

Actually, John and I wrote this song within a vocal range that would cause no problems for Ringo, who had a style of singing different to ours. We tailored it especially for him…

(Paul McCartney, The Lyric, 2021)

…There was an unusually late start for that night’s session because the Beatles had spent the afternoon and early evening overseeing preparations for the upcoming album cover photo shoot. <…> Despite the late hour, all four Beatles were wide awake, excited by the events of the day; I remember them animatedly discussing the set that Peter Blake had built for them and talking about how much they loved their satin Pepper costumes. After hurriedly consumed cups of tea, we finally got to work. The backing track for the new song—initially called “Bad Finger Boogie” for some reason—had a real spark to it, and an inspired Ringo was really smacking his tom-toms… Ten takes were required to get a “keeper”; it was nearly dawn by that time. Richard and I watched an exhausted Ringo begin to trudge up the stairs. That was our signal, as usual, that the session was over, and we began to relax. He was at the halfway point when we heard Paul’s voice call out. “Where are you going, Ring?” he said. Ringo looked surprised. “Home, to bed.” “Nah, let’s do the vocal now.” Ringo looked to the others for support. “But I’m knackered,” he protested. To his dismay, both John and George Harrison were taking Paul’s side. “No, come on back here and do some singing for us,” John said with a grin. <…> Fortunately for all of us, Ringo got his lead vocal done relatively quickly: perhaps the shock tactic of having him sing when he was least expecting it took the nervousness away, or perhaps it was just how supportive everyone was being. All three of his compatriots gathered around him, inches behind the microphone, silently conducting and cheering him on as he gamely tackled his vocal duties. It was a touching show of unity among the four Beatles. The only problem was the song’s last high note, which Ringo had a bit of trouble hitting spot-on. For a while he lobbied to have the tape slowed down just for that one drop-in, and we tried it, but even though it allowed him to sing on pitch, it didn’t match tonally to the rest of the vocal—he sounded a bit silly, almost like one of the Goons. “No, Ring, you’ve got to do it properly,” Paul finally concluded. “It’s okay; just put your mind to it. You can do it,” George Harrison said encouragingly. Even John added some helpful—if decidedly nontechnical—advice: “Just throw yer head back and let ’er rip!” It took a few tries, but Ringo finally hit the note—and held it—without too much wavering. Amid the cheers of his bandmates and a Scotch-and Coke toast, the session finally ended.

(Geoff Emerick, Here There and Everywhere, 2007)

[arliedraws]

I've seen your posts about AI. I also know it's a pretty polarizing topic and what the majority opinion is, especially in regards to art and writing. And being an artist myself, I totally agree that it sucks, like you have to pay attention and all, but.... I hardly dare to say this because I know how emotional the discourse around AI is, especially on a platform like tumblr, which sometimes seems so strong that I don't participate in a discussion about this topic at all because I feel like people here would hound me for it, but I still use different AI software, but not in the way that I use it to create something that I can publish and pretend that I spent hours creating it myself. I think it can be really helpful.

If I need information about something quickly, it's more efficient than spending a lot of time searching different websites for a particular piece of information.

I also like to think of it as a group member when I'm working on projects. That doesn't mean that I get the ideas from it and then just copy them. In the same way that group work is beneficial, you pass the ball to each other with the AI and exchange ideas that you can then develop further. Or it can help you if you're looking for another word to describe something better, like a dictionary. And I still know how to use real dictionaries or do proper research, because I know that AI can make mistakes and you shouldn't believe everything. Just like it is with information from the internet in general. Anyway, now I come to the actual “confession”, which is that I also use it, not to let the AI create the art, but as a tool to help myself creating it. I usually use reference images for drawings to help me get the scene itself or the anatomy correct etc. Andy capture it properly. But sometimes I have a very specific scene in mind and can't find a suitable reference, and it can take me hours to find something that fits. So I like to use AI to create that reference for me, because unfortunately I don't have people modeling for me and personally it helps me extremely to have examples to work from.

Idk where exactly I'm going with this. But since the general opinion on generative ai seems very clear here, I wanted to finally get this off my chest because I always kept my moth shut being afraid of how others might react, even though I think that my methods are still quite legitimate, as I still do the real work myself. Anyway, I'm looking forward to your opinion.

Ahhhh okay, well, thanks for the vulnerability here.

You know my opinion on AI. I’m not going to tell you you’re a terrible person or anything for using it, but I’m also not going to justify your personal decisions. Instead, I invite you to change your perspective.

My opinion is this—and it’s more of a question: why are you creating the art? I’m going to hit a few of your main points and just pose questions because I think this gets to be more philosophical than a cut-and-dry “if you use AI, you are a bad guy.” Because I don’t think that—I also don’t think you should use it.

The reason I don’t blame people for being attracted to using AI is because as human beings, we’re designed to find the most efficient way to do things. Thinking and using creativity is a huge caloric expenditure. Right? Naturally, we’re attracted to ways that things can be done FOR us and reduce our cognitive load. Your brain is working as it was designed! But this is also a really cool way to take away your voice and mold you into someone who cannot think for themself.

(This is also what you’re doing by “confessing” to me. You’re unloading your cognitive/emotional burden so you can keep on doing the thing you know is probably a bit shady.)

First of all, I don’t know you, so I don’t know what your art training is. However, you need to train your brain to start coming up with stuff on your own. I am really sorry, but I don’t buy the “I don’t have enough references.” When there are free resources like Unsplash.com and even just looking at buildings around you, the furniture in your house, etc, you DO have the references. But you need to learn how to use them. This is a tool.

Second thing, if the reference isn’t exactly what you need, then you need to start learning volume and shapes. You need to study anatomy. Eventually, you will be able to look at a reference and understand how perspective works and be able to transform a reference in your head to what you need. OR - start combining references. If I’m doing a full scene, I probably have about 5-6 reference photos I’m working from. This is a tool.

Third, start taking photos of yourself for reference images. If you can’t find what you need, do that. I periodically have to go into my camera roll to delete the god-awful reference poses for myself. This is a tool.

Fourth, start a collection of things that “strike you.” Start a reference blog. Have a folder filled with images that intrigue you. Personally, I take an insane number of photos when I’m traveling. For example, I went to a mansion for a tour and took photos of all the early 20th century objects and rooms so I would have these in my arsenal. This is a tool.

My fundamental question is this—why are you having an algorithm create what’s in your head for you? Why not learn how to do these things instead? Your imagination is so cool. The process of creating is making happy mistakes. What do you think Bob Ross would say to you? When you use AI, you’re just copying. The imaginative part has been done for you. You’re just a tool of the robot.

We do so much to avoid frustration, but frustration is the part of creating. When we can see the skills we need to learn, that’s how we know we’re improving. It means you’re trying, and when you press through that discomfort, that’s when you grow. Stop seeing this as a block to your end goal but as an opportunity to continue your infinite journey as an artist. Celebrate that there are so many beautiful things to learn.

Additionally, please don’t see AI as a group project. A group project indicates that all parties involved consent to participate, and I know most artists do not want their art to be used in this way. Imagine if you learned to do all the things I’ve described above and taken time/years/frustration/love to develop these skills, and someone years later then took your work and said “It’s okay - we ALL contributed to this.” It’s just not true.

The artists you see online don’t simply sit down and draw a bunch of cool stuff without practice. I watch Youtube videos of professionals. I draw a gazillion sketches of just MOUTHS or hands so I can create my own references in my mind. Why would you deprive yourself of this?

Look, I think it comes down to this: if you’re looking for efficiency and ‘getting it done’ quickly, then why are you doing it? Are you enjoying the process? If you aren’t, why are you even doing it?

If you need a robot to imagine something for you, then you don’t actually want to do it.

[xotyx]

tw: necrophilia

Based on this post and this post

Mortician Evan who tries so hard to be a good person and not do anything questionable no matter how much he wants to (very important to me he doesn’t do this out of any sort of goodness of his heart, just a burning desire not to be fired or jailed or made to face the consequences of his own actions in any way) has internalized the process of ‘just preform the autopsy, write up the report, and take care of yourself after’, so when he gets home to see Barty laying on the floor pretending to be dead and is, as usual in any situation even a little bit similar, struck with the desperate urge to fuck him, he automatically compartmentalizes and starts preforming an examination for a good ten minutes (Barty thinks it’s foreplay) before he catches up to what’s actually happening and realizes oh yeah. He can actually. Do things with this one. (He fucks Barty on the floor in the outline Barty made four times, and every time Barty thinks it's over and tries to talk or move, Evan shoves a hand over his mouth or pins him down so he knows to keep acting dead. Evan has the time of his life and Barty’s absolutely useless for three hours following and wants to do it again immediately)

@dairekt-cat you are more or less the only reason this is here, I hope you enjoy it

[kaisturntoshine]

OMG. For any P:EG fans that love Desmond and Eloise's characters, this is a must-read analysis on how they have been established as a pair, as well as their individual characterization.

To offer my own thoughts: I don't think I have ever agreed more with an analysis written on an unfinished piece of media. Desmond and Eloise really do complement each other so well as characters, it's crazy.

I, too, believe Desmond's blackmail should be interperted metaphorically rather than literally; after all, the blackmails are usually deliberately phrased in such a way to harbor distrust between the students.

(As a Greek student in the Humanitarian/ Linguistic course, I especially enjoyed you referring to the rhetorical abilities of Damon, Desmond and Diana as logos, ethos and pathos).

As you mentioned, it is truly interesting how most people name Desmond a killer and Eloise a victim (or survivor), despite them both having Ultimate Talents related to combat. It all circles back to the theme of prejudice and people's preconceived notions of their characters: marksmanship is associated with offense (and by association war and bloodshed), whilst fencing is associated with defense.

But when you actually think about it, who is actually more threatening in the environment of the killing game? Let's ignore Desmond's pacifist nature and imagine that, for one reason or another, he goes in for the kill utilizing his provided weaponry. Once the corpse is discovered and its wounds are identified as, let's say, bullet wounds, wouldn't that essentially give Desmond away as the killer, or at least throw a lot of suspicion his way? After all, that's what happened in this trial with the discovery of the tazer gun. And sure, he could try to cover up the bullet wounds by inflicting another injury on top of them... But then the Tozu tablet would semi-give it away by not listing the victim's injuries AND cause of death outright. Not to mention, post mortem wounds are distinguishable. In conclusion, for the case to not be over in half an hour, Desmond would have to kill in a different way, unrelated to his talent... yet this does not make him any more suspicious than the rest of the cast. And whilst one could point out his athletic nature as him having an advantage over the others... there are at least 2 other characters whose physical prowess poses much more of a threat.

Meanwhile, Eloise's assumed skill-set from being the Ultimate Fencer, as seen by her FTE, is much more suitable for a one-on-one physical confrontation, whether it's on the defensive or offensive end. I share the sentiment that if Eloise does kill someone, it will be in self defense, but that doesn't take away from the fact that her talent is far more suitable for killing in the context of a killing game that Desmond's; taking someone out with a knife or something similar is no easy feat, but it is not as "out there" as someone getting shot with a bow or gun, because wielding a knife is something technically anyone could do it. Yet we shouldn't ignore that Eloise is much more capable of doing it.

It pains me that these two most definitely won't make it out alive of this game together. It also pains me that the death of one of them could indirectly cause the death of the other, though I am rooting for the survival of at least one of them. From my understanding, most people's money is one Eloise, but I think that's because they believe an arc can be made out of her learning to "come out of her shell" and such, even though she appears to be quite comfortable with herself remaining as is and has already shown to be outspoken when need be (plus, I think out of everyone Mark should be the one having that type of arc, but that's a story for another time).

Another popular theory is that Desmond will kill to protect Eloise, but I'm honestly not the biggest fan of this idea. As established before, Eloise's talent is much more suitable for a physical confrontation and she's been shown to be more than capable of defending herself. If anything, realistically she should be the one to protect Desmond in a fight.

I have my personal theories on what I think might happen with the two of them, but that's another post waiting to happen.

That's all to say... I LOVED YOUR ANALYSIS SO MUCH! Especially the part about the animal symbolism!!

The Interweaving of Desmond & Eloise

an analysis on how they have been established as a pair

Collection of all essays so far

At the stage we are currently at, the end of chapter one with around thirteen hours of content to watch and even more outside of direct canon to examine, Desmond and Eloise have established themselves as a pair in a similar vein to Damon and Eva or Mark and Jett. Their pairing feels obviously deliberate and indicative of deeper meaning, which we’ll no doubt see more of as the game proceeds. In this essay I want to cohesively lay out all of my current thoughts on them - developed from TikTok posts I have made (x / x / x) with other newer points from my notes that do not appear in said posts. 

While I personally enjoy their relationship in a romantic context, this is not intended as a ship post, and you are of course free to interpret it how you like. It’s just looking at how they relate to each other as characters and their canon relationship and giving my thoughts on what that means for them! Regardless of how you interpret the context of their relationship, that these two are being set up as close is undeniable.

SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER ONE AHEAD!

Firstly, I want to establish the significance of pairs in Project: Eden’s Garden overall. So much about the game circles back to pairs: the killing game ‘officially’ ending when only two remain, everyone waking up in pairs, Toshiko being the Ultimate Matchmaker, Tozu and Mara being a pair, bunking in pairs, splitting off into pairs… and much of this can be put down to the theming of the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. With everyone’s animal motifs, another Biblical story in Noah’s Ark comes to mind. The point is that the abundance of pairs is both relevant and very deliberate. 

Fundamental design

From the moment we first see them in the train CG, Desmond and Eloise are together. When we first formally meet them, they are the only ones in the courtyard. They are a pair from the beginning in the same way as Mark and Jett and Wolfgang and Grace. 

And, on first looks and first meetings, I’ll begin my thoughts on how they as individual characters relate to each other as foils with their visual designs and names. Being fictional characters, there was an entire design process filled with intent that went into creating them, and I really think Desmond and Eloise were created with the other in mind to make them both contrast and complement each other. 

Their contrasting colour schemes of blue and black VS red and white immediately relate them to one another and put them in proximity of one another. Through their colour schemes they have been designed to be seen next to each other. 

It is also their colour schemes that give instant insight into how they contrast each other in personality. Desmond’s blue suits his cool, composed disposition, his observant nature and how, although he is more reserved, he still integrates with the group and is a primary contributor. Throughout the situation and throughout all the suspicion he endures based on his talent, Desmond remains calm, in part, I think, because he knows he cannot afford to appear angry lest it confirm people’s biases. Considering how prominent that idea of prejudice has been with Desmond so far, I also heavily doubt him being designed as Black is coincidental or without connotations. Especially when you consider just how irrational the suspicion and assumptions placed upon him are. 

(Desmond’s third Free Time Event, talking about how difficult a confined space like the academy is for him) Damon, internally: And yet, that cool demeanour of his never falters - even when talking about his situation. Is this what he means when he talks about discipline…?

Conversely, Eloise’s red speaks to her being more volatile - prone to outbursts of fear, panic and, notably, rage. It is interesting to me that Eloise’s colour scheme is primarily white/grey, with her reds as secondary and, in her clothing, beneath her uniform. But her eyes, the “windows to the soul”, are red. Eloise at first impression seems only timid, and this leads both characters and audience alike to assume that she is weak, and she is also reserved and rather closed off especially in conversation with the likes of Damon. But Eloise has a strong fortitude that manifests later in chapter one as she gains confidence in the setting - standing up to and threatening Grace, leading the accusations towards Grace in the trial, and her Free Time Events most notably. Her red is closed off until triggered. Damon notes that “the most confident she’s ever sounded” is when she’s expressing her belief that the runners of the killing game should receive the death penalty which so starkly contrasts with Desmond’s focus on resolving things peacefully. Similarly to Desmond being Black, I also heavily doubt that Eloise being designed as fat is without connotations regarding this theme.

The meanings of their names push this even more blatantly. Desmond’s name is of Anglo-Saxon origin and means “Great defender” which adds to how spelled out the theme of guarding, protection, defence becomes in his character during chapter one - notably in relation to himself and Eloise. In his blackmail, which I will go into in more detail later, it explicitly says he “guards the only one he trusts”. This defence finds contrast with offence in Eloise’s name being of French and Teutonic origin meaning “Fierce warrior” which speaks to how assertive she becomes when pushed. Her Free Time Events serve as good indication with how she says outright to Damon that she plans to fight back if targeted for murder and expresses anger when he starts “prying into [her] personal life” in an outburst of “It’s none of your f-fucking business!”. Down to their names they present as foils.

Linking to this talk on personalities and first impressions is how these two contrast in how they are perceived by other characters and audience alike - their shared theme of “judging a book by its cover”. 

While Eloise has a talent centred around combat and wielding a blade, she is not nearly suspected the same way Desmond is due to her appearance as pale and soft in conjunction with her timidity, with the decision to make her fat adding to this as well. She is actually afforded first impressions based on personality, where Desmond is instead defined by potential threat in his marksmanship - the first thing Wolfgang ever says to him is, “With all of those weapons, I must ask…you…haven’t killed anyone, have you?”, and Eva’s belief that everyone is out to get her and have marked her as an easy target merges with preconceived notions about Desmond’s character and talent to lead her to assert that telling Desmond about his blackmail could “put [her] in danger”.  Contrasingly, in building up to their confrontation of Grace, Damon perceives Eloise as “bumbling”, “uncoordinated”, and not of “any help in a verbal shutdown”, and he proceeds to be utterly proven wrong - with the use of “uncoordinated” in reference to the Ultimate Fencer giving great indication of his poor judge of character. This contrast, then, makes it notable how they stick together and understand each other in a way others do not. 

(RE his bunking idea: Eloise understands what Desmond’s intentions are while others assume ill of him) Cassidy: I mean - hey, don’t expose us! That’s unfair! Desmond: Hold on, I’m not trying to expose anyone…! Eloise: Um, I think I get what he’s trying to say. Eloise: You just want everyone to be honest with each other…so we can cover all our bases…right? Desmond: Yeah…that’s right… (During the chapter one investigation as Grace guards Wolfgang’s room and denies everyone entry) Desmond: That’s what I tried telling everyone else, but they pretty much gave up. Jett and Mark went to the dining hall, Diana went to the laundry room, and Toshiko and Ingrid went to the courtyard.  Desmond: Eloise and I, though…we’re not gonna let this slide.

When going through their Free Time Events, it becomes clear that Desmond and Eloise even contrast each other when it comes to their backgrounds and honing of their talents. Desmond comes from a notably wealthy family who have a history of Ultimate Marksmen - that talent being as hereditary as literal genetics. From the start, Desmond has been showered in opportunity - he mentions having an expansive field that puts the academy’s courtyard to shame, a personal shooting range, a personal tennis court, and a personal swimming pool. He used to attend competitions on a local and regional scale until he got the opportunity to compete in the Olympics. 

Comparatively, Eloise had no such influence when it came to getting into fencing and simply joined a club and her honing of her talent was defined by a lack of opportunity. She rose through the ranks via forfeits - her opponents were so afraid they point-blank refused to fight her and so she had to take matters of improving into her own hands by practicing alone or with her teacher. Her lack of opportunity stems from how her family is certainly not as well-off as Desmond’s and she comments on giving her prize money to her mother and sisters. This is a point of similarity between the two - they both disregard the money they have earned through their talent for themselves and instead place focus on their families. Desmond cares more about making his parents proud, and Eloise cares more about giving the money to her family. 

Beyond every aspect in how Desmond and Eloise foil each other is how similar thematically they are in a way that allows them to understand and trust one another in a way they don’t seem to lend to anyone else. They understand that the other is perceived by strangers in a way that doesn’t necessarily align with their fully realised selves, Desmond’s calmness soothes Eloise’s volatility, Eloise’s sword takes the front while Desmond’s guns and bows take the rear - they are an inversion of each other and interwoven as a pair.

To finish off with their fundamental designs, official art for Project: Eden’s Garden is, in my opinion, interesting to look at. Desmond and Eloise are depicted next to or interacting in some way with each other in every piece of official art they share which pushes them further as a ‘pair’. It really emphasises how rarely in-game they’re apart - with the only instances of that being during nighttime, every free-time after the first one, and most prominently the Prologue’s investigation. Otherwise, they are always at least in the proximity of each other. I don’t think official art and seeing which characters appear together the most and how exactly they are interacting is insignificant at all - two sets of Halloween official art stand out to me as entwining Desmond and Eloise by their talents. In one, Desmond is dressed as Link from the Legend of Zelda and wielding a blade and, in the other, Eloise is dressed as Artemis from Greek Mythology - the Goddess of the Hunt who was known for her archery, a choice that becomes especially interesting once you remember that Artemis’ fellow archer brother, Apollo, was heavily associated with swans. 

Blackmail, blackmail

“With his weapons at hand, Desmond guards the only one he trusts.”

Since I posted my initial interpretations of this on TikTok, I’ve seen more discussion on it, and I don’t think it is controversial at all to suggest that the “only one” referred to here is Eloise. The only other options, to me, are this “only one” being someone outside of our main cast or Desmond himself. However, I have found myriad evidence that points towards it being Eloise that I’ve spread across different videos on TikTok but can now relay all in one place here. 

First, what is meant by “weapons”? As the Ultimate Marksman, Desmond has access to guns and bows in the literal meaning of that and this is how Eva, Damon and everyone else interprets it. It is also true - Desmond is always depicted with his quiver slung over his back, so he does indeed have his weapons at hand. However, there is another way of looking at this - Desmond’s “weapons” do not have to be literal. 

During chapter one’s trial, Grace admonishes everyone for “trusting Desmond so easily” after he defends himself from accusations based on the taser gun and Damon has the option of commenting on Desmond’s charisma that persuades people to trust him (or… “charm” as he puts it). Desmond’s “weapons” could refer to his rhetoric, especially with how he utilises the angle of ethos in comparison with Damon’s logos and Diana’s pathos - that being, focusing on getting across and defending his character, something that as previously discussed Desmond is exhaustively used to doing. His “guard” could manifest in him coming to this “only one”’s defence in verbal bouts just as much as it can be taken literally, something that we have in fact already seen if you subscribe to the idea of that person being Eloise.

Next, the meaning of “trusts” should be dug into. It is easy to assume that because Desmond behaves cordially with everyone and seems to possess a vested interest in getting everyone out of the killing game and to safety this means he is openly trusting in the way Diana is, but there is a lot once you start looking that proves otherwise. Desmond does not vehemently deny the possibility of murder like Wolfgang or Diana do but instead accepts the reality of their situation and approaches it with the knowledge of murder in his mind. He is against exploring the Alpha Sanctuary due to whatever Tozu has hidden within it, he takes note of the dangers of the pharmacy and what drugs could possibly be used to murder - even saying that “we should all start paying more attention to our food” - and is the one to come up with the bunk buddies idea due to the broken locks. Desmond does not trust that his peers absolutely will not be tempted by murder. Most illuminating is during his second Free Time Event when Damon tries to use the trustworthiness of the other students as a debate topic and Desmond becomes noticeably uneasy and closed off. 

Damon: How about… we debate the trustworthiness of the other students? Desmond: Huh…? What do you mean? Damon: Isn’t it self-explanatory? You and I argue about whether or not the others are trustworthy. Desmond: Uh… I don’t know, dude. I’m not really comfortable with that. Damon: Why? Desmond: W-what do you mean why? I can’t just say my… (own emphasis) Desmond: I mean, I can’t just throw doubt at people for no reason. 

Despite this, he still wants said peers to trust him. His motivation to escape the killing game and prevent murder, I believe, is genuine - however, he remains beneath the veil of hypocrisy in how he expects everyone to trust him without him trusting them. 

So, how does this link to Eloise? 

From the prologue, the theme of Eloise and Desmond being each other’s alibis and backing each other up is established. Wolfgang asks Desmond to keep a shaken Eloise company and he does so for the duration of all the other introductions. When the fake body of Cara is discovered, Eloise insists that she heard no screaming from the courtyard nor did anyone run out, and calls on Desmond to back her up, which he does. This is the first exchange of trust and reliance between them, and it only strengthens during chapter one. 

The first major instance is in relation to Desmond’s idea of sleeping in pairs. Knowing his distrust towards his peers and that he has this one person he has an interest in protecting, it is notable both that he would be the one to raise concerns about the broken locks and that he would proceed to input that, “As the one who suggested the idea, I’d say we just pick our buddies ourselves-”. Desmond wanted to choose his bunk buddy, ostensibly so he would be able to more readily “guard” them, and this, I think, is crucial as evidence that the “only one he trusts” is someone among the class. While he doesn’t respond outwardly negatively to Toshiko’s desire to be in charge of the pairs and Ingrid’s subsequent assertion that they split by gender, this is easily explained by how intent he is on maintaining a calm disposition. 

Eloise’s behaviour in this scene is equally noteworthy. She defends Desmond from accusations that he’s making people vulnerable and that she harkens to ideas of honesty and understanding Desmond’s intentions speaks to a building closeness between them. Much like Desmond, Eloise appears selective with her trust through how focus is repeatedly placed on her as ways to assign bunk-buddies is discussed, combined with how her character profile notes how she is “always ready to make her escape if anyone gets too close to her”, which I believe can be applied in both a literal-in-regards-to-fencing and figurative sense. We can discern from her Free Time Events that Eloise holds her privacy close to her and that she has certain people that she openly does not trust nor like - she doesn’t want to have a decision like who is going to be with her at her most vulnerable just chosen for her. 

Toshiko: Fear not! In all my infinite wisdom and kindness, I shall pair the rest of you! Eloise: Ah… that’s not really necessary… (...) Ingrid: Strangers’ll usually be more comfortable spending the night with the same gender. Eloise: Then… we’re splitting it by gender…? (...) Wolfgang: We won’t have Ms. Kayura’s help, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out. Let’s go. Eloise: … 

Furthermore, it does not feel at all coincidental that the scene directly after Desmond’s blackmail is revealed by Eva sees Grace pressuring Eloise to hand over her blackmail and Desmond attempting to defend Eloise before she reassures him. Eloise’s silence after Grace says that she better not have shown anyone speaks volumes - from the map during Free Time and their alibis for the time of Wolfgang’s murder alike we can explicitly see the amount of time these two have been spending around each other in the courtyard.

Grace: That fencer girl has been giving me the side-eye ever since the blackmail was announced. There’s no other explanation! Grace: Give it! Desmond: H-hey, stop that! Eloise: It’s okay…I’ve got it…

On the morning of Wolfgang’s murder, Desmond and Eloise spent all their time together in that courtyard, paralleling their positioning in the prologue. Just as then, they are each other’s alibis and they are the main one backing the other up. They proceed to stay by the other’s side literally throughout the investigation and figuratively throughout the trial. It is notable that textually Grace and Kai underscore how defensive Eloise and Desmond have been of each other throughout chapter one’s investigation and trial to accuse them of working together - ostensibly, Desmond being the murderer and Eloise his accomplice. When the two of them and Damon confront Grace during the investigation, they are largely backing each other up and adding to each other’s points while Damon chips in on his own - even going as far as to threaten Grace, knowing that she was shot at by Mara before.

Eloise: Um…for us to believe that, we need to see it ourselves… Grace: You think I’m lying? Desmond: There’s a chance you could be, unfortunately.  (...) Eloise: Also, um…couldn’t this be considered breaking the rules…? Eloise: Tozu wants this game to be fair, but… being prevented from searching every room doesn’t seem very fair… Grace: …Even if it isn’t, what are you gonna do? Eloise: … Eloise: I’ll…report it to Tozu. Grace: A-ah? Desmond: Nice idea. What do you say we look for him now? Desmond: If Tozu agrees this is sabotage, he might call Mara to help…

In the trial, when Eloise first accuses Grace, Desmond backs her. When Grace’s innocence is proven and Eloise apologises for accusing her, Desmond continues to press Grace when she shouts at Eloise by insisting she “must know something about [Wolfgang’s] last known whereabouts”. When Desmond brings up the golf clothes and equipment in Wolfgang’s room, Eloise backs him. When Mark accuses Desmond of having access to weapons like the taser gun, Eloise reacts before Desmond does. During the nonstop debate about the taser gun, Eloise brings up her and Desmond’s shared alibi as they were together the whole morning. If the player takes the Pathos Route during the trial, it is Eloise’s voicing of her doubts in voting Diana and wanting to hear her side of the story that then leads into Desmond’s own agreement to hear her out. This series of events, I think, proves a degree of trust that has built between the two that they have not extended to anyone else - even during Eva’s execution and Diana’s speech, the two are depicted together. 

The nature of Desmond’s blackmail combined with how he and Eloise are written in this chapter as consistent supporters of each other and consistently shown together leads me to be rather firm in my belief at the moment that Eloise is this “only one” his blackmail refers to. Their relationship is given as much focus as Damon and Kai and Wolfgang and Grace, which indicates the importance of it and really, really doesn’t bode well for their survival. My personal speculation at this current moment sees Eloise killing in self-defence, in which instance we will see Desmond’s ‘guard’ come to fruition. 

Sharks and swans

It can’t be a P:EG analysis without looking at the characters’ animal motifs - especially with how chapter one confirmed their relevance with the focus on Wolfgang, Eva and Diana in particular!

Desmond’s animal motif is a shark as represented by his shark’s tooth earring and this is immediately notable in tying into the dominating theme of prejudice and “judging a book by its cover” that has presented itself in contrasting ways in his and Eloise’s characters. Desmond being instinctively assumed to be dangerous and a ‘threat’ due to his position as the Ultimate Marksman directly correlates to how sharks are perceived in the media and, by extension, society. One way his shark motif is relevant lies in how it conveys this theme of being misunderstood. 

As previously noted, the first thing Wolfgang ever says to Desmond is an interrogative question about whether or not he has killed someone before, it does not take any amount of mental gymnastics for Eva and Damon to agree Desmond’s blackmail makes him dangerous, and it does not take much convincing for the majority during the trial to agree on his likelihood of murdering Wolfgang due to the taser gun originating from his room. Surely, we are instantly reminded of how sharks are similarly misunderstood as obvious killers due to how they have been negatively sensationalised by the media - leading to a general consensus in society to view them as an inherent threat. 

“Sharks have been vilified in human culture for centuries, and negative attitudes toward sharks continue to pervade mass media, perpetuating stereotypes, often conveying inaccurate information [7–11]. One way the public’s fear of sharks, which resonates deeply and viscerally, manifests itself is a pervasive overestimation of the likelihood of being ‘attacked’” (Andrew Nosal et al, 2016, The Effect of Background Music in Shark Documentaries on Viewers' Perceptions of Sharks, p.2)

Eva asserts that Desmond finding out about her having his blackmail could make her a target and, generally, the other characters are quick to assume ill intention from him. For example, him bringing up how everyone’s locks to their dorms are broken raises accusations of him exposing people and him testing people’s locks sparks similar reaction - with Wolfgang even denying him future agency by saying Desmond should go to him first. 

Desmond’s shark motif combines with how his talent is perceived to beg us as viewers to deconstruct assumptions of him being this ticking time bomb waiting to explode - to pick apart preconceived notions, examine what makes you think that way and why. It is simultaneously fascinating and frustrating to see predictions from fans about how the rest of the game will play out position Desmond as an ‘obvious’ killer due to his marksmanship and because his animal motif is an apex predator painted as a “man-eating monster” by the media, ignoring how his talent has been handled thus far and contributing to the dominating narrative about sharks that does not reflect reality. 

The majority of shark attacks on humans are results of curiosity bites on the shark’s end or mistaking humans for, say, seals. In personifying sharks and acting as if they have the same moral decision making as humans and go out of their way to maim and kill, they have become severely endangered themselves. In an article on shark conservation that analysed how sharks are portrayed in American and Australian media, it was identified that there were “four types of risks from sharks and fourteen types of risks to sharks in the articles” and that “Forty-four percent of the articles mentioned elevated public risk perceptions or fear of sharks” (Bret Muter et al, 2012, Australian and U.S. News Media Portrayal of Sharks and Their Conservation, Conservation Biology, Vol.27, No.1, p.190), which is to say that humans are more of a risk to sharks on the whole than sharks are to humans such as through overfishing, finning and habitat destruction and that this can directly parallel the ‘attacks’ on his character that Desmond has endured so far in the story.

In direct contrast in this respect, there is Eloise and her swan motif represented by her hairpin. The dominating cultural perspective on swans is that they are uniquely beautiful and elegant, they are symbols of purity and aristocracy and are a protected species in many countries including the US, UK and across the whole of the European Union. This places them at the utter opposite end of a general consensus scale to sharks and their features in popular culture reflects this from Hans Christian Andersen’s Ugly Duckling fairy tale to Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake ballet.

Swan Lake is of particular note to me due to its duality of the white and black swan that can be applied to Eloise’s characterisation. Through her white clothing, fencer-defined elegance, and timid demeanour, Eloise brings to mind Odette the white swan - or the Swan Princess - who was cursed to be a swan by day and woman by night and who is revered for her beauty and purity. Contrastingly we have Odile, who impersonates Odette while she is bound to her swan form and is the ‘black swan’ - more conniving and wicked. Traditionally, Odette and Odile are roles performed by the same ballerina and so represent this idea of duality even more. Now, Eloise is neither conniving nor wicked, but she certainly is not the ‘Odette’ that people perceive her as on a surface level, and has assertive and, really, quite aggressive talons that unsheathe when she deems necessary. 

(Eloise’s first Free Time Event, unprovoked) Eloise: If…if you ever try to do something to me… Eloise: …then…I’m going to fight back.  (...) Eloise: Once, I completely overpowered a person using just a pen… Eloise: And, uh…if you don’t believe me… Eloise: …I…can give you a taste of what that person felt. 

Additionally tied to this is the Medieval moralist view on swans as symbolic of hypocrisy. The idea stems from Hugh of Fouilloy’s Aviarium where he asserts that swans’ white plumage concealing their supposedly black flesh is reflective of a sinner who conceals their sins with a faux pious front…this line of thinking of “white = morality, black = immorality” is notoriously flawed and susceptible to challenge, and this specific idea alluding to black flesh even more obviously so. However, as a spiritual Christian belief, it is relevant when considering Project: Eden’s Garden not least because the game’s religious allusions ask us to question the very concept of Eden and how Western institutions use religious imagery - especially in how they distort it and use it for their own narrative. Every image of nature in the academy being artificial highlights this. Thus, this old idea about swans and hypocrisy may be taken into account… it is not so much direct hypocrisy that relates to Eloise, but the theme of appearance not reflecting reality and a warning to “not to be deceived by outward appearances” (Natalie Jayne Goodison, Introducing the Medieval Swan, p.12). Eloise’s character profile outright tells us to “not be deceived” (by her “size”, but this can apply generally). 

And this neatly leads into the fact that swans themselves, despite their innocent and pure iconography, are fierce - especially when it comes to defending themselves or their nests. As Aristotle puts it in his (outdated by over two millennia yet still incredibly interesting) work The History of Animals, “[swans] will repel the attack and get the better of their assailant, but they are never the first to attack” (Trans. D’Arcy Wentworth Thompson, 9.12) and Eloise explicitly references this in her fight against her own underestimation and to combat the perception of her as weak both in form and fortitude. Despite what Damon believes, I refute the idea that Eloise’s volatility makes her emotionally weak because chapter one’s trial proves otherwise as does chapter one’s investigation that instantly sees Eloise disprove Damon’s idea of her. Speaking of Damon, it is interesting how he comes to respect and almost understand Desmond who is misunderstood as a threat by others much like himself, but cannot extend the same to Eloise whom he has no axis of relatability to. 

“Still, it is significant that the administrative and agricultural experts voiced concern that aesthetic, cultural, and sentimental ideas about swans guide the birds’ protection in a strange or illogical way, and the resources expert agreed that the main—if not the only—value associated with continued protection of the whooper is sentimental value.” (Shauna Laurel Jones, 2018, Feathered majesty in the grainfield? Conflict, conservation, and the whooper swan in Iceland, p.39)

Desmond’s shark motif presenting through a shark tooth earring is not merely an aesthetic choice and instead possesses symbolic connotations. It is the choice in his design of a shark tooth earring that allows us to connect indigenous beliefs about sharks to his characterisation, as in indigenous Hawai’ian culture, shark teeth are traditionally worn as protective talismans, and certain species of sharks in indigenous Hawai’ian culture also relate to the concept of ‘aumakua’ where under certain conditions a deceased person is reincarnated as a shark and acts as a “beneficent guardian spirit” (Leighton R. Taylor, 1993, Sharks of Hawai’i: their biology and cultural significance, p.19) towards their family, both of which link to the increasingly potent theme of “guard[ing]” in Desmond’s character. 

Similarly, we find ideas of “guard[ing]” with the swan, especially the idea of being guarded. Most blatant is the fact that swans are a protected species in many particularly Western countries such as the United Kingdom, the United States, France, Denmark, Germany, and Iceland, meaning it is illegal to kill or injure them. In a literary sense, we have the Finnish national epic Kalevala wherein the hero Lemminkäinen is tasked with killing a swan that swims and sings in the Lake of Tuonela that surrounds the underworld, but instead he is killed - not textually because he has attempted to kill a swan, but the context of swans as a protected species and how they are symbolically viewed certainly influences this narrative.

However, as a point of contrast, while sharks can be associated with life in the sense of survival and their integral position in ecosystems, keeping them intact, swans are associated overwhelmingly with death. Firstly examining the former, it is notable to me that Desmond’s animal motif is one heavily concerned with conservation efforts to protect against endangerment and extinction, conditions that are in no small part due to human impact. When one sees apex predator their mind tends to swipe to violence, to these creatures being bloodthirsty, instead of taking it for what it really is: an animal that plays an indispensable role in regulating ecosystems. Already, Desmond has cemented himself as a secondary contributor in trials alongside the likes of Jean, Ulysses and Wenona, and within the group he assumes a position not the extent of leadership like Wolfgang and Jean but certainly as a prominent initiator. Sharks have lived for millions of years and their survival is integral to the smooth management of marine ecosystems, to remove them would cause a disastrous knock-on effect. In tandem, the condition of its ecosystem is integral to the survival of the shark, which raises the aspect of Desmond’s Free Time Events that has him lament the lack of open space in the academy. 

“As apex predators, sharks play an indispensable role in regulating marine populations, maintaining biodiversity, and preserving the health of our oceans (amongst many other parts they play in the tapestry of life that is below the waves). However, despite having roamed our oceans for millions of years, they currently face a myriad threats that of our own doing, including overfishing, habitat degradation, and climate change.” (Melissa Cristina Marquez, 2024, Exploring the Intersection of Indigenous Knowledge and Shark Science)

Turning to the association between swans and death is the ever-omnipresent swan song. The myth that swans are silent their whole lives until just before they die, when they sing their haunting song. Eloise can be interpreted according to this in how “silence” can be applied to her initially reserved and shy nature, with the more she develops across the story akin to the theme of transformation found in many European folktales and, unfortunately as a result, becomes closer to death her development in becoming more openly confident will be her “song”.

My personal speculation at the moment is that Eloise will become the blackened through killing in self-defence - something I find fitting for her characterisation, predicted character arc, fencing talent, and swan motif all in one - and so her swan’s song will manifest as her final plight during her trial before she is inevitably sent to death. Relatedly, the conclusion of Swan Lake sees Odette, the swan princess, and Siegried, the prince, die together. I view Desmond and Eloise’s relationship to end in one of two ways - either one of them kills/is killed and the other kills/is killed the chapter after, or one of them kills/is killed and the other survives. Either way, they cannot both live. 

The silver Swan who living had no note, When death approached unlocked her silent throat; Leaning her breast against the reedy shore, Thus sang her first and last, and sung no more: "Farewell all joys! O death come close mine eyes, More geese than swans now live, more fools than wise." (Unknown author)

And so arrives the final point to wrap this whole essay up in one neat bow: Eloise’s swan motif presents in her unwavering loyalty as a pair with Desmond. This is so unsubtle that it is underscored by Grace and Kai in the chapter one trial, sending accusations of them working together to murder their way. As has been reiterated, the two are seldom not depicted together, react to accusations towards each other with the same intensity were they to be directed at them, and defend each other with a consistency they do not afford any other character, with only Diana coming close in Eloise’s case. Like swans who mate for life, Eloise and Desmond have essentially become pair bonded. This happening so quickly is not necessarily a cause for doubt either in my opinion as that also connects to swans who bond as a pair even before they reach sexual maturity at twenty months despite living for a good two decades, and we know Eloise and Desmond’s time is far shorter than that. 

“Someone has to leave first.  This is a very old story.  There is no other version of this story.” (Richard Siken, War of the Foxes)

With everything we have of them so far, regardless of how Desmond and Eloise’s individual stories play out, they will be in one way or another entwined. 

Thank you for reading, and I would love to know your thoughts!

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

Aristotle, Thompson D. W.,The History of Animals

Goodison N. J., 2023, Introducing the Medieval Swan

Hugh, 1172, Aviarium

Jones S. L., 2018, Feathered majesty in the grainfield? Conflict, conservation, and the whooper swan in Iceland

Lönnrot E., 1835, The Kalewala

Marquez M. C., 2024, Exploring the Intersection of Indigenous Knowledge and Shark Science

Muter B. et al., 2012, Conservation Biology, Australian and U.S. News Media Portrayal of Sharks and Their Conservation, Vol. 27, No. 1

Nosal A. et al., 2016, The Effect of Background Music in Shark Documentaries on Viewers' Perceptions of Sharks

Taylor L. R., 1993, Sharks of Hawai’i: their biology and cultural significance

Tchaikovsky P. I., The Swan Lake Ballet

[sceletaflores]

slippery when wet!

pairing: patrick zweig x fem!reader

summary: “so who fucks better?” he asks bluntly, a bead of sweat dripping down the column of his throat and into the neck of his tank. a shocked laugh bursts from your lips. “what?” you ask, crossing your arms over your chest. “who fucks better?” he repeats slowly, leaning down to meet your eye. “me or art? don’t fucking lie to me and tell me that prissy farmer boy makes you come harder than i do.”

—or: patrick puts you in your place three months later.

word count: 4.3k

contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, swearing, p in v, fighting as foreplay, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y’all!), rough sex, semi-public sex, oral sex (m!receiving), fingering...kinda (fem!receiving), very light spanking, choking, degradation, creampie, throat fucking, mean!reader my beloved, art donaldson is there in spirit, patrick is gay for art, porn with a little plot, no use of y/n.

author’s note: no one can stop me from writing rough sex patrick fics. it's all i think about 24/7, and you guys are no help but like i love it so it's fine. i'm here to serve you and this is clearly what you want so who am i to deny you that? thank you to the beautiful anon who requested this, i hope you don't mind that i changed it from a locker room scene to a bathroom scene but that was just calling to me hehe. okay bye! hope you love it! xoxo mwah.

psst! tftw series masterlist!

You’ve been on the court for at least an hour and a half, running drills and trying to sweat out all of your stress. You were the only one in the building, but it was always less busy during finals week. Most people were camped out in their dorms cramming for fifty question tests or four part lab practicals. 

Art politely declined your invite, too busy studying for his business final on Monday. So you rented a tennis machine and worked on your backhand that way. It was a nice distraction, emptying your head enough that all the anxiety of finals started to melt away as you slid into a steady rhythm with the machine.

The door bangs open with a loud creak behind you, bursting the little bubble of tranquility surrounding you. The back of your head burns with the unmistakable feeling of someone glaring at you.

You hear him before you see him, a loud call of your name followed by heavy footsteps quickly coming towards you. The sound of his voice immediately grates on your nerves, all angry and shouty. You choose to ignore it, focusing on hitting each new ball the machine spits out.

It may have been a couple months since you’ve seen Patrick, but you’d always recognize the familiar way his voice wraps around each syllable in your name.

Three months, to be exact. It’s been three months since your big fight over the phone with Patrick. You blocked his number right after you hung up, so you haven’t spoken to him in just as long. He never tried to reach out, never messaged you on AOL or Facebook. The petty fuck actually went out of his way to unfriend you on both, so you knew he wasn’t exactly torn up about your abrupt split. 

“Hey! I’m talking to you,” Patrick shouts over the loud humming, sounding closer to you than he was before. You pointedly keep ignoring him, eyes fixed stubbornly on the machine. “You deaf or something?” he mocks, stepping up so you can see him in your peripheral vision. You say nothing, swinging your racket harder with each hit.

Patrick scoffs, stomping over to the machine and slamming his hand over the stop button. It makes a loud beeping sound, before shutting off completely. “Jesus Christ, you’re such a fucking baby.” you groan, throwing your head back in annoyance. When you finally turn to glare at him, you’re shocked at the state he’s in.

Patrick’s dressed in a tank and the almost too short shorts he’d usually wear to a match, and he’s dripping sweat. Curly black hair plastered to his forehead with it, his cheeks red and blotchy like he’d been in the sun. You raise your brow, looking at him with a confused expression on your face. “Where the hell did you even come from? How did you know I was here?” 

He walks back over to you, hands balled into fists by his side. “I was at a tournament in Mountain View,” he explains, jerking his head in the vague direction he came from, ”it was so close I thought it’d be wrong of me to not stop by and check up on you.”

You laugh, nodding your head lightly. “Okay, so you flunked out of another tournament and hunted me down like a creepy stalker to what? Yell at me some more? Call me a cunt again?” you step closer, lightly swishing your racket through the air dismissively. “I’m not fucking interested in whatever it is you have to say Patrick, we’re over.”

He smirks but you can see the way his jaw clenches, ticking in anger. “But you’re interested in what Art has to say?”

There it is. You really should have known it would all come back to this eventually.

You sigh, casting your eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. “What’s your point?”

Patrick takes a step closer. “My point is that you’re not fucking stupid, and Art can’t lie to save his goddamn life. You knew exactly what he was doing.” His tone is accusatory, his brows pinched together hard enough to crease his skin. 

Your heart beat picks up in your chest, anger beginning to bubble up inside you. “I didn’t need Art’s help to realize that you’re an arrogant piece of shit and a gigantic waste of my time, you made it easy enough to pick up on all by yourself.”

Patrick laughs, loud and abrasive. “No, you just didn’t care.” he states darkly, shaking his head back and forth a few times. You can feel a few drops of sweat fling from his hair to land on the bare skin of your shoulders as he does. “You’re so easy that you’d spread your legs from him to stroke your own ego. You’re only playing into his whole kicked puppy charade to justify acting like a fucking whore, ‘Poor Art, he’s so sad and pathetic, I’ll let him fuck my slutty pussy to help his raise his self esteem!’.” He mocks, voice pitched up in an exaggerated impression of you.

Your grip tightens on the handle of your racket, knuckles turning white with it. You feel hot all over, anger simmering under your sweaty skin. “You’re seriously trying to lecture me about egos? This has nothing to do with Art! This is about you being a bratty little rich boy who’s never been told ‘no’ before so you can’t handle rejection. It’s fucking embarrassing.”

Patrick nostrils flare, brows pinching together in anger. “Art has nothing to do with this, really? You’re delusional if you actually think that he’s just this saint among men or some shit. He’s not, he’s a fucking snake.”

“Trust me, Art doesn’t have to be a saint to be better than you.” you sneer, voice sharp and unwavering. Your hands are shaking, blind rage racking through your body like thunder. “The only redeeming quality you’ll ever have is dangling between your legs so you better get used to this, because sooner or later everyone will leave you once they see past all your bullshit and realize that you’re nothing more than a worthless loser.”

Patrick’s jaw works furiously, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. You think something like hurt flashes through his eyes, but only for a second. It's gone just as fast, replaced by a mocking smirk that stretches over his lips slowly. He crosses his arms in front of him, shamelessly raking his eyes over your body. You can practically see the gears turning in his head. 

“So who fucks better?” he asks bluntly, a bead of sweat dripping down the column of his throat and into the neck of his tank.

A shocked laugh bursts from your lips before you can stop it. “What?” you ask, arms dropping to your sides limply. The completely one-eighty of his mood sends your head reeling. 

Patrick takes another step closer, invading your personal space. “Who fucks better?” he repeats slowly, leaning down to meet your eye. “Me or Art? Don’t fucking lie to me and tell me that prissy farmer boy makes you come harder than I do.”

You laugh again, shaking your head in disbelief. “God, everything is always a dick measuring contest with you. It’s so pathetic like, seriously–”

“Answer the question.” Patrick demands, cutting you off sharply. He’s practically looming over you now, so close that you can smell him. That natural, manly, musky scent he always has after a game that drives you fucking crazy. 

It reminds you of when he’d come back to your dorm fresh off a match, still in the same clothes and not showered. Pumped full of adrenaline and so pent up, needing something to take his energy out on. You were always that something. He’d fuck your mouth like he’d fuck your pussy, like it was just another hole for him drain his balls into. You’d be face down in his crotch for what seemed like hours, right where his smell was the strongest. Forced to breathe it in so deeply you’d feel high off it, your brain turned to mush every time.

Heat swirls deep in your stomach, you haven’t been this close to Patrick in what seems like forever. You kind of forgot how much he affects you, especially like this. The sex was always better when you’d fight before.

“You’re a child.”

“You still haven’t answered the question.”

You huff, narrowing your eyes at him. There’s a sort of crazed look on his face, his pupils blown out and dark. It makes you pause, it’s the look you’d get right before he’d pounce on you. You’ve seen it enough times to know that something is different about it. He looks needier, more hungry. 

It has some of your anger subsiding, twisted amusement swiftly taking its place. If Patrick wants to ambush you like this, after weeks of radio silence, you might as well use it as a chance to fuck with him.

You smirk, cocking your head to the side slightly. “Art,” you say slowly, taking a small step towards Patrick, “is a better fuck than you ever were.”

Patrick pouts like an honest to God child, sticking out his bottom lip in indignation. “I told you not to lie–”

“I’m not lying,” you say innocently, voice dropping down to a whisper as you lean in even closer. You can see the freckles sprinkled across his nose and cheeks, darker than usual thanks to all the sun he’s been getting. “Last night he ate me out for hours, made me squirt all over his fucking tongue.” 

For the first time since you’ve met him, Patrick Zweig is shocked into silence. His eyes darken, you can’t even see the green anymore, the solid black of his pupils swallowing it entirely. “Bullshit,” he says quietly, clipped and skeptical. His breath fans hotly over your lips, it makes your spine start to tingle.

You smile sweetly, giving a small shrug of your shoulders. “I’ll send you the video.”

Patrick physically reels back, blinking slowly with the realization of what you just said. His lips barely part in surprise, pink and enticing. You revel in it, smirking at him smugly. His eyes flit across your face like he’s trying to figure out if you’re lying or not. You stare back at him unrelenting, all the proof you need is sitting in the video gallery of your pink motorola razr. 

Patrick swallows hard, you watch the way his adam’s apple bobs with it. He shifts his lower body subtly, but you’re too close to not notice it. Your eyes immediately dart down, and you’re almost giddy at what you find. 

He’s hard, the fabric of his shorts stretched over the length of his dick obscenely. You can see the faint outline of the tip pressing against the seam, a wet patch seeping through the gray material around it.

“Oh my god, you’re actually getting off on this!” you laugh wickedly, eyes glued to the lewd tent of his dick. “You’re calling me a whore when you’re the one getting wet just thinking about your best friend's mouth on my pussy. That’s fucking pathetic even for you, Ricky.”

Patrick is silent, breathing heavily through his nose as he stares you down so intensely you can almost feel the heavy weight of his eyes as they bore into you. 

It happens in less than a second, Patrick closing the distance between you and taking your arm in his strong hand so he can force you in the direction of the showers. His grip is tight on your bicep, fingers meanly digging into your skin and forcing you to walk with him. You put up a fight, kicking and scratching but he’s stronger than you. Not letting your slaps to his chest or nails sinking into his arm deter him from dragging you across the court. 

“Let me go asshole!” you snap, trying in vain to yank your arm out of his grip while you stumble over your own feet. “You’re such a fucking psycho!” Patrick ignores you, bursting into the men's showers and marching you into the first stall. He drags you inside, whirling you around to shove your back against the door of it roughly. It knocks the wind out of you for a second, the lock digs into your back hard enough to hurt.

“Art doesn’t have any fucking idea how to deal with a bitch like you.” he grates, fisting a handful of your harshly. “He’s too soft. Too busy letting you lead him around by his dick to try putting you in your fucking place.”

The sting of your scalp only adds to the warmth pulsing in your pussy, sticky arousal dripping wet in your panties. You meet his eyes, all the fire and want swirling in them mirror your own. “Art has a bigger dick than you bitch.” You spit, standing on your tiptoes to lessen the distance of him tugging on your hair. It’s a low blow, immature and basic but you don’t care.

Patrick just hum noncommittally, roughly hooking his fingers into your cheeks and dragging you forward until the tip of your nose is touching his. “Then your throat is still nice and stretched out for me.”

He drops his hands to your shoulders, forcing you onto your knees. You hit the ground with a heavy thud, a dull ache blooms in your knees at the force of it. “Fuck,” you hiss, pulling back instinctively but the hard plastic of the shower door pressing onto the back of your head keeps you pinned in place. Your hands fly up to his legs to try and push him away.

Patrick grips your hair tight, tipping your face up to look at him. You have a perfect view of him pushing his shorts down, letting his hard dick slip out as the fabric stretches taught across his thick thighs. “Open your mouth,” he demands, yanking your head to the side meanly.

“Fuck you,” you snarl, teeth bared in anger as you fight to stand up. Patrick’s strong hand on your shoulder keeps you down while the other starts to idly stroke his dick. He’s just as big as you remember, thick and hard only a few inches away from your face.

The tip all red and weepy when he pulls his foreskin back on each tug, a thick vein running up the side that you want to trace with your tongue.

“Don’t be like that, baby,” he coos softly, rubbing his leaking tip across your bottom lip a couple times, smearing his pre-come around your mouth like lip gloss. “We both know you love it.”

He’s so cocky, so sure of himself that you want to keep denying him. But he’s also right, you can feel your resolve slowly start to crack when he pushes the head between your parted lips. The familiar heady taste of him oozing onto your tongue has you sighing contently, jaw relaxing the tiniest bit almost like a reflex.

The second you give Patrick an inch and he’ll take a mile. 

“There we go,” he mutters sweetly, pulling back slightly and then thrusting forward until your nose is buried in the short curls at the base. 

Your whole body tenses, throat constricting over the length of his dick as your fist his shorts in your hands. As quickly as he thrust in, he pulls out, letting you sharply gasp for air before it’s back and pressing insistently on your tongue. You let him in, forcing your throat to relax as he slides forward to press his hips into your face.

“You’re such a fucking brat,” he bites out, thrusting down your throat roughly. “Pussy’s so greedy it jumped on the next dick that perked up around it.”

You could only whine around Patrick’s dick, mouth too full to do anything but try and work your tongue over the throbbing length of him.

Your throat burns, spit flowing down your chin messily along with his pre-come still steadily leaking from the hot tip of his dick.

His big hands have an iron grip on either side of your head, his balls slap against your chin as he thrusts over and over and over. The back of your skull throbs, knocking into the stall with each pump of his hips.

“Fuck,” he groans, dropping his forehead down to the stall with a small thunk. “You look so good like this,” he breathes, looking down at you through half-lidded eyes, “so fucking pretty with my dick down your throat to shut you up.”

Your pussy aches, so empty that you want to shove your hand down your shorts and stuff yourself full of your own fingers to dull the need. Your thighs glide together slickly, the wetness of your arousal soaking through your clothes.

It gets harder to breathe. Your choked off, spluttering gags start loudly echoing off the tile walls. Your hand slaps Patrick’s thigh a few times, he thrusts hard once more before he finally pulls back, smearing spit all over your tongue and out of your mouth.

“God, that was good baby.” he praises, slapping his dick against your right cheek lewdly. “As much as I want to pump this load down your throat,” he says casually, stroking his spit slick dick lazily, ”I want it in your pussy more.”

“I fucking hate you,” you growl weakly, voice absolutley wrecked. The tears sitting in your waterline blur your vision, you blink them away to see Patrick’s smug smile beaming down at you. 

“Then tell me to stop,” he shrugs, tilting his head to the side condescendingly. You glare up at him, but you don’t say anything. He snorts, brow raising in amusement. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” 

He shoves his shorts the rest of the way down, stepping out of them and hauling you up to your feet. You’re still desperately trying to catch your breath, chest heaving as you cough and gasp.

Patrick rips your shirt over your head, flinging it over the stall along with his own. He turns you by your shoulder, pushing you against the wall as he yanks the shower handle to start the stream.

Water rains down around you, shockingly cold for a few seconds before it finally starts to warm up. Patrick makes quick work of your shorts and panties, yanking them down your legs and off your feet, tossing them in the corner of the stall with a wet thwack.

He kicks your feet further apart, one hand on your shoulder and the other lining his hard dick up with your tight hole, letting the leaking tip press into you with the smallest amount of pressure.

“I know you missed my dick, slut,” he says, bringing his hand down on your ass quickly, kneading the stinging skin roughly. “Art could be the best fuck in the world, he still can’t give it to you like I can.” He pops the head in, groaning quietly before he bullies his thick dick the rest of the way into you.

Your hole shakes around him. Patick is right. Patrick is always right, but you’d never tell him that. You wanted this. You missed this. The burn of Patrick’s dick forcing you open, stretching you so wide your toes curl. Him not giving you even a second to react before he’s pulling back and pounding into you brutally.

You cry out, eyes screwing shut at the sharp sting. You can tell through the haze of you brain that this won’t take long at all, the both of you already so worked up from Patrick fucking your throat. His right hand drops from your shoulder to your hip while his left slides up your torso, sliding along your skin to wrap around the column of your throat firmly. You keen loudly, throwing your head back to give him more room.

“I taught him how to use that fucking dick,” he goads into your ear, grip tightening on your throat. “Did he tell you about that? Huh?” He takes your earlobe between your teeth, biting hard enough to make you squeal into the wall.

The tile digs into your cheek, roughly scraping against your skin every time Patrick fucks back into you. 

You’re hovering over the edge, pussy throbbing with the burning need to come. Your clit pulses, swollen and sensitive but you can’t find the strength to drop your down hand between your thighs.

They’re too busy scrambling for any kind of purchase on the slippery wall of the shower, manicured nails scratching against the tile uselessly.

You gasp for air, fighting to speak up under the intense pressure of his hand, “I could tell,” you choke out, barely audible, “you both fuck like you have something to prove.”

“You think?” he sneers, thrusting harder, your ass stinging each time he slams his hips into you. “Maybe that’s because we do. Maybe that’s because we both like seeing you fucking fall apart like this, seeing you beg for it after you finally stop being a little pissy bitch.” 

Your breath hitches as his other hand drops from your hip, delving between your thighs to slide the calloused pads of his fingertips over your swollen clit.

You moan, thighs clenching together as he rubs fast circles over you. “You like that, don’t you? Being used like a fucking toy.” His hand squeezes just a bit tighter. “Say it. Tell me you love being our little slut.”

The words spill out of your mouth before you can stop them, a mix of desperation and raw honesty, “I love it,” you cry out as loud as you can, “I love being your slut.”

“God, you sound just like him,” Patrick chuckles into your ear, low and sinister. His hold on your throat tightens, cutting off your air entirely. You sputter, hand coming up to clutch his wrist like a vice. Your pulse thunders, hard enough that he can probably feel it against his palm. “Who do you think made him come harder?”

The image alone of Patrick and Art like that sends you flying to the edge. “Ah— Patrick! ” you moan, voice hoarse and strained, “Pat, I’m gonna— fuck—“

“Do it,” he goads, sliding his hand from your clit down to where your pussy is spread open on him. He pushes his thick index finger right up next to his pulsing dick, hooking it inside or you and stretching you that much wider. “Come on my fucking dick like the greedy whore you are.”

You let out a sharp cry as your forehead hits the wall, thighs shaking violently as Patrick’s hips become relentless. Your whole body tensing up as you come so hard your vision blacks out.

You think you’re screaming, but it’s hard to hear anything over the white noise buzzing in your ears. Patrick’s hips don’t stop, fucking your abused pussy into overstimulation as he chases his own orgasm.

His hand drops from your throat to dig into your hip to put more power behind his thrusts. You’re immediately gasping for air, taking in greedy lungfuls of it.

Patrick’s chest is plastered to your back, face buried in your neck as he rambles out more nonsensical obscenities. His dick pulses and twitches in your pussy, so close to filling you up.

An idea pierces through the fog of your brain, an idea so fucking filthy it has your pussy clenching weakly.

You think back to the first night Art fucked you, how he almost came all over Patrick’s pants just because they were his, just because you said his name. How worked up and hard Patrick got when you started talking about Art. 

“When he fucked me for the first time, I was wearing your sweats, the green ones,” your voice is scratchy and quiet, barely audible over the shower’s spray, “he noticed.”

“Fuck– fuck you,” he grates out, hips faltering ever so slightly. “God, gonna come,” his hold on your hip tightens, strong enough that it’ll be sure to bruise.

You keep talking, spurred on by his reaction. “He almost came right there, he wasn’t even inside me yet, just rubbed his dick all over them like he could fucking feel you.”

Patrick gives one final slam of his hips, burying himself as deep as he can in your pussy. His low groans and curses fill the room as he unloads into you, pumping you so full of his come that you can feel each hot splash of it painting the walls of your pussy. 

He slumps down against you, hips twitching as he works through the aftershocks. You can feel his breath puff over the shell of your ear. 

You and Patrick say nothing for a long few minutes, running water the only thing to keep the room from being completely silent. Patrick is still pressed to your back, his chest heaves against your shoulders. You think you’d collapse if his hands weren’t still on your hips, practically holding you up.

You’re the one to break the silence, voice low and wrecked, “Art lasts so much longer than that…”

Patrick snorts against your back. “Fuck you.” he says, biting your shoulder hard and pulling his dick out of you in one swift move. You gasp sharply as his come floods from your puffy, wrecked hole. Thick streams of it dripping down your thighs until the water washes it away to swirl down the drain. 

You turn on unsteady legs, hair plastered to your face with water. Patrick is right there, knees knocking against yours as he shifts the two of you closer to the spray. He looks like a marble statue, water dripping down the tip of his nose and between the hard planes of his abs.

He grins smugly down at you, “I’m staying at a hotel close to campus, unblock my number and I’ll send you my room number,” he wagers, hands sliding up and down the wet skin of your back. “I think you, Art, and I have something we need to work out.”

“Yeah,” you agree, nodding your head with a small grin. “I think we do”

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[bisclavaret]

a day late to my 6 years on t anniversary ✨🏳️‍⚧️ a short comic about looking back

[hinamie]

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