#and i KNOW BETTER but it won't fucking go awayyyyy

[a-pirate]

One of the worst parts of abandoment issues is knowing that nine of the ten times they're triggered you're not being ignored/abandoned and yet you still feel like that.

[cussima]

(kinda fake title so i feel like im writing a column in a romcom)

6 steps to getting the sp that makes you feel like a nervous idiot

(talks sp. accidentally putting people on a pedestal + how i manage it. started as a rant ended up as a master plan)

okay here's the thing:

theres this One man. who i think is cute. i think he's real cute. but i can't take him off a fucking pedestal

this GUY. some 20 smth year old guy. he's tall and funny, cutest eyes ever, and i really like him but he makes me so stupid.

listen to my low concept symptoms:

• i want to listen to the music he likes so he thinks im cool (NOOOOOO an angel just lost its wings)

• i want to dress in a way that's attractive but not too hot so i don't scare him off but not too boring so he doesn't think I am boring but i don't want to go too cute in case he doesn't like that (SISTER RUN AWAYYYYY)

• i get jealous of every pretty/fun/cool woman he sees (WHY WHY WHY THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT)

• i want to know he finds me pretty (an angel just died)

FUCK HIM!!! we all hate that mf (im so getting past this and making him mine)

so heres my plan for that !!🫦

• I'll concentrate on myself.

that's it. This is a me issue and honestly i dont understand why im projecting them into this guy. or what is making me project them onto him. Here's how I concentrate on myself:

• I first accept I feel this way: Accepting my feelings makes me calm down, it makes me feel less desperate for his attention, giving me back my power. I like him that's it. This also helps me see he's just some guy not some impossible god with super powers, he's tied down to all the laws everybody else is to: He's got no more free will than anybody else. (which means I can use things like thought transmission to my favor)

• Going back into myself: Exploring my hobbies and trying out new things! I already like the way that I am and the things that I do. Judging myself from the eyes of someone I've made up in my head is useless. It's also not helpful since I'll be creating a less than ideal version of him.

• Going on about my life and hobbies is also a great way to forget about him lmao, that way he's not the only thing on my mind !! Which is so important because I don't want to step into limmerence territory. (If I already am then damn my bad)

• I'll keep affirming good things about myself obviously. I won't give up my hard work for some man, even better, this will help me get an even better self concept and come out hotter than ever.

• Shadow Work: I don't waaant to do it, but if it comes to it you can't ignore it or rather I don't want to. I don't know what part of me is wounded for me to react like this but I'll take care of it specially since he makes me so freaking nervous 👎

• OBVIOUSLY!! THE MOST OBVIOUS ONE OF THEM ALL!! I'll fulfill myself in my imagination. I'll just imagine my desired version of him (and us 🫦)

I'm really about to do some sort of 6 steps of grieving of this but more like a 6 steps to getting the sp that makes you feel like a nervous idiot.

I'll decide whether or not I want to be in a relationship with him once I get a hold of myself. I will take my time with it because I want to but if in 10 years I have his babies I'll let you all know.